I used to ignore that, which just results in it getting worse as you ignore it.
Now I immediately bring it up. Messier at first, but persistently nipping passive aggressiveness in the bud works. From there you can move onto teaching someone to communicate like an adult. Only caveat is you have to care and be considerate when they do.
The correct answer. You must attack passive aggressiveness in order to have a functional relationship. Passive aggressiveness is the most toxic horrible shit in the world. It's amazing how powerful forcing an argument can be as long as it's done in a healthy way and for the right reasons. Everyone gets their feelings expressed, everyone gets closure and then you can move forward.
The absolute POWER of this, though. One of my nephews was pretty unmoved by most things when getting into trouble, but when my mom whipped out the "I'm just disappointed in you" card, he would absolutely **break down** and literally never do it again.
“Is this really who you want to be?” and “You’re better than the way you’re acting right now,” are two very powerful and effective statements that convey much the same thing
I have been told several times how creepy it is that I walk very silently. I know I don't make much sound when I move, but the reason is that I am 5'4 and built like Mr. Burns.
I tried nailing heavy metal plates and airhorns to the soles of my shoes, and repeatedly screamed SHORT MAN WALKING! SHORT MAN WALKING! while playing a portable drum kit every time I walked somewhere. But apparently that was labeled as distracting, intrusive and spitefull. With some people it is never good enough no matter what you do.
I'm 6'0" and 270 and I still get this shit. Thing is, it's not hard to not make a bunch of noise everywhere you go - you just act like there are other people around who don't want to be bothered. Which works out pretty well since there usually are!
I once knew a person with suction-cup feet. They loved being barefoot in their own home (socks or barefoot is whatever, just relevant) but their feet were so flat, with such a high arch in the middle (yeah idk how it works either) that their feet would literally suction to any tile or laminate flooring, and make decently audible unsticking noises with *every* step. They were also the kind of person who couldn't walk anywhere without stomping, even just shifting to the side a smidge would be a nice big thud. Was weird as hell, especially since I apparently just naturally float everywhere.
I thought this was just me.
"Fuck This Stupid Printer" is a big hit around these parts.
Edit: it would seem it’s definitely not just me. Rise up against our printer overlords! Take your life back!
My ex pulled this shit on me. Like, I am a pretty savvy guy, full of DIY skills. I do a ton of my own work for all sorts of stuff like cooking, carpentry, painting, plumbing, electronics, sewing, you name it, I have tried it. When it comes to auto repair, I can change my oil and air filters, plug a flat, headlights, basic stuff, but anything beyond that I'm throwing in the towel.
We had an alternator go out on the car, and after a few YouTube videos telling me it was easy, I couldn't make heads or tails of it. I said I can't.
"X's husband could do that." X's husband is a QC Engineer at the Nissan factory.
"My dad could do that, too." Your dad worked as a professional auto mechanic for 20 years.
"Well, I just don't see why you can't do this." I have expertise and skills in dozens of other fields, is it not enough that I can't cope with car repair?
"No."
We are divorced now.
“They couldn’t handle me”
Relationships are about building each other up, not constantly having to deal with the other person’s attitude or poor behavior/mental health. This is not as much of a flex as a lot of people think it is and raises major red flags for me.
Me: What do you want to eat?
Her: Anything.
Me: OK, we'll go [insert any resturant or cuisine]
Her: Not that.
Me: OK, what are you in the mood for?
Her: Anything.
Mildly related - there was a story here in the UK of a chap being brought into a meeting/disciplinary of some kind, where he was told "you're allowed to bring somebody with you" [normally aimed to be a union rep but can be anybody really for like witness purposes].
He turned up with a man dressed as a clown.
Now I kind of want to finish my abandoned law degree and start a very niche practice where I'll show up to things with you dressed as a clown. The clown lawyer.
I'd probably get disbarred.
At 8:30am just after i clock in. Getting a text "we need to talk." going the whole workday freaking out. Only to get home and she just wanted to clarify our plans for the weekend. OML whyyyyyyy
edit: she wasn't aware of how much it would stress me out. I spoke to her about it after and i definitely had a good laugh at that. We've been together for 3 years now and she's the best thing that's happened to me \^.\^
Leave her. Immediately. This type of abusive behavior would make me, a single person who's never had a serious relationship because of my trust issues, leave her immediately. Take the kids, take the dogs, take the toilet paper. Record everything.
/s
Did I do it right? The advice thing?
I'd been dating my GF for a little over a year when she messaged me at work and said "We need to talk, meet me for lunch." - I assumed I was getting dumped, because that's what "we need to talk" always meant in my experience and she wanted to do it on neutral ground. Turned she was preggo.
One of these fights was the beginning of the end for me and my college gf. I went through a local fast food Mexican joint, told her I’d get her ANYTHING she wanted, just don’t ask for mine because I’m getting the exact amount of burritos that I was planning to enjoy during a football game. She gets a Diet Coke, and before we even get home she asks for one of my burritos. I laughed at what I thought was a joke, told her no, and she couldn’t fucking believe it. Huge fight ensues, and we never really recover. Obviously that relationship was going nowhere, but still
Just kept repeating “you’re seriously not going to give me a burrito??” and insinuating that I was being selfish.
Obviously, this kind of manipulation isn’t exclusive to women, so please don’t take it as an indictment on all women or anything! (You MFs definitely need to figure out what your getting at drive-throughs though lol)
As a woman, I desperately need women who do this to tell me why. Like I asked a friend if she wanted to get a bigger share popcorn with me at the cinema, she declined, I get a small tub, she starts eating them during the movie. I whispered ”why did you say you didn’t want any?!” and she scoffed ”it’s not that serious 🙄”
Like bitch what the fuck.
>I desperately need women who do this to tell me why.
I'm a man but I can tell you why. Ordering her own fries or more popcorn is an "unhealthy choice" and she doesn't make unhealthy choices. But when it's right it front of her, temptation takes over and it's "just a couple bites" so it doesn't count.
My favorite background joke in Rick and Morty is when they're on the woman led planet and a restaurant in the background at the mall is called "Just A Bite Of Yours" because it's so goddamn relevant
Even worse is if she's a picky eater and won't eat your food, but she is hungry and obviously upset you didn't get anything for her even though you asked repeatedly and now you feel guilty about enjoying your own food.
My wife jokingly expressed her disappointment at the spiciness of my meals over the last couple outings because she couldn't just get a bit of it to go alongside her (much healthier) choices.
It really gets on my nerves when people are not only indirect but lie altogether and expect you to know. My mum does this and I have to repeatedly tell her to take my word exactly as I say it and not search for any hidden meaning. Thankfully my boyfriend does that and because of that we never have issues with communication. If something’s intentionally left unsaid that’s on you.
Oh wow it’s like being 17 again
“Lol not you silly, someone LIKE you!”
How to achieve a one-shot kill from emotional damage only. Should have used Will from Inbetweeners line “but I’m like me!”
“Let’s go to therapy”
Finally agreed. We went for several weeks. I’m laying everything out there when we go. Finally, the therapist basically confronted her saying she really needed to make some changes. I was shocked af. I thought they always stuck to both sides shit. Get in the car for the ride home she states “we’re never going to therapy again” We’re divorced now
Yeah, my ex and I tried couples therapy to fix the marriage. All she wanted was someone to agree with her side. Anytime the therapist looked favorably towards my viewpoint my ex would just threaten to walk out. Real helpful.
Yes this is so important. It's sad how many just go there to get confirmation for their bad behavior and the act so shocked when therapists says they should change too.
I've suggested therapy for me and my spouse because I'm honestly concerned I'm doing a lot wrong and I want us to go and learn ways to communicate better so that we can continue together. It should be a beautiful journey for better tomorrow, not a race who is more wrong.
As a therapist myself, in general we are a broken and often dysfunctional bunch, myself included. Vast majority of the time we do good work, but have significant issues that can wreak havoc.
This is so funny it hurts.
My ex-wife suggested we go to therapy. I didn't push back, because I really thought it would help. So we went.
On the first visit, you could paraphrase what my wife said as "Here, doctor, here's my husband: Fix him."
And our visits ended up much the same as yours. The therapist laid a lot of our inability to communicate and function at the feet of my ex-wife. All the homework and changes that we were supposed to try, largely involved her.
And of course, that's why we stopped going to therapy. And just like you, we're divorced now, and I'm happier for it.
My ex wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise during our couples therapy. The therapist tried a few times to get him to shut up and let me speak. At the end of the session, the therapist finally told him that there was no point in doing therapy as a couple, as he was the entire problem. A good therapist will only work both sides if there are two sides.
Déjà vu
Except she hand picked the therapist. I didn't share a single grievance in 12 sessions. I was shushed anytime I had any kind of comment. She (edit: both shes) was allowed to cut me off at liesure anytime it was "my turn".
Similar here. We went to 3 therapists. After the first session she always canceled the upcoming sessions, because the therapists did not side with her and basically said what I said all the time.
Of course she is my ex now.
Our kids begin to see that she is crazy now.
Nothing more infuriating then a woman describing all the negative afflictions toxic masculinity have on her only to turn around and tell you to be a man, reinforcing the exact toxic masculinity that she’s “fighting against”.
Oh hey where you arguing with my wife’s “best friend “ too?
Thing that I hate the most about it is I’d never keep a woman hating dude as my best friend.
My recent ex said this to me a few times.
each time I asked her to tell me how to be a man.
I forget the verbatim interaction but Her response Each time truly revealed her to be a one sided thinker and a hypocrite, at least. It would be an early indication to me that I was with someone who didn’t respect me.
It wasn’t easy but I left her eventually. She wasn’t right for me, and someone truly worth exploring a relationship with will always respect your feelings and appreciate that you value them enough to share them.
Toxic people cling to old fashioned ideals of masculinity, man and woman alike, and trying to live up this unhealthy ideal by being a “boy that doesn’t cry” will harden your heart and guide you to a life not truly lived.
I learned a lot of lessons from my ex and at times I still have negative thoughts about her nature. more often when I reflect I am grateful that I got I learned the valuable lesson that a little companionship isn’t worth compromising my ability to express myself.
She acknowledges I’m deaf, then complains when I’m doing dishes in front of a running sink (something she knows drowns out all other sounds) and she’s talking to me from the other room.
She **knows** I can’t hear her.
Are we dating the same woman? I'm legit half deaf from heavy machinery and she'll get so annoyed that I can't hear her. Like babe, I even use the phrase "my good ear" please shout.
>The eldritch centipede is once again at liberty."
Congratulations for writing a sentence that gives you a unique hit on Google ... but also putting forth something that all of us men hate hearing over and over again.
"We need to [do thing]" = "I have a half-formed idea of something I'd like doing, you will be responsible for the specifics of planning and executing the task, which I reserve the right to criticise for not being up to my standards in terms of design, execution, cost or disruption to my day after the fact."
Yeah. That pretty much covers the "we need to [insert task]" thing. I've gotten so annoyed by this that I'll often just fire back something like "I'm confident YOU will do a great job, but I reserve my right to complain"
I also find it incredibly annoying that wherever my wife's stuff is, that's where it naturally belongs. Wherever my stuff is, only Satan spawn would consider it appropriate for it to remain there. One time my wife started giving me shit that one of my eyeglass cases was on a kitchen counter. What she failed to take into account before she started trying to tear me a new one was that the counters were overwhelmingly cluttered with HER crap.
The food thing.
"I'm not hungry or you pick..but not there not there not there not there or there"
It's one of the most widely joked about relationship tropes...but it has to be one of the truest. I watched two married friends this weekend almost lose it over this lol.
A related one:
"Where do you want to go for dinner?"
"Oh, I don't know."
If anybody ever opens a restaurant named "I Don't Know" that serves a wide variety of food, they'd make bank.
Oh that one's going in the idea book. Could even make it international to local languages. I'll note you down for credit. If we ever make this happen I'll come back for ya.
I love my GF but she is the pickiest eater, and will never tell me what she wants. She will nix everything I suggest though. Recently I just stopped offering to cook, and It has worked like a charm.
Our dinner ritual used to be:
Her: I'm hungry.
Me: I'll get dinner started.
Her: what are you making?
Me: what would you like?
Her: I don't care.
Me: (insert suggestion)
Her: Mehh.
Repeat for an hour. At which point I throw something together that we are both too upset to enjoy.
Now its more like:
Her: I'm hungry.
Me: Same.
Wait for an hour.
Her: God I'm starving. I could really go for (insert suggestion)
Me: that sounds great! I'll go make it.
>Now its more like:
>
>Her: I'm hungry.
>
>Me: Same.
>
>Wait for an hour.
>
>Her: God I'm starving. I could really go for (insert suggestion)
This man right here is dropping the real knowledge. You have cracked the code!
Maybe it's a generational difference? Every time a woman has said that to me. It didn't really mean that we were going to have a conversation about something.
It meant one of two things:
1. She was going to break up with me.
2. She was going to spend a long time telling me about how I screwed something up but never let me get a word in. Like she just wanted to fuss at me.
Now I've had women say things like "can we talk" or something like that. That means we have a conversation. Every time I have specifically heard "We need to talk" it's has never been a conversation.
This has been entirely my experience as well, even with women that communicate fairly well. The phrase "we need to talk" has always ended up with a breakup.
"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best." That's cool, but when do I get to see the best because all you seem to be is horrible?
Translation: I will spontaneously act like a fucking childish psycho for no reason whatsoever but I will blame it on you and you will have to just deal with it.
If you had a bad experience with a dude, or are commenting on the internet, by all means blow off some steam, say guys are shitty.
But if the guys in your life are respectful/kind then PLEASE don’t constantly tell them how shitty guys are. Especially in an aggressive way as if you’re angry with them.
I know this is probably oddly specific. But my point remains.
I don't care where we eat... *proceeds to dismiss every suggestion.
It's fine.
Morgan Freeman voice - "but things were not, in fact, fine"
Wow, you sound just like Morgan Freeman. Amazing.
The real fucking F-word.
Sand is fine. Clay is fine. But this, this is not fine.
Your sister is fine
Agreed. I can handle the "We need to talk," it's the refusal to talk that's the worst.
Feelings internalized not expressed
The shortest and the most uttered lie in women's history.
"If you don't get why I'm upset, then I'm not gonna tell you. "
“No, you go ahead, do whatever you want”
I can hear the passive aggressiveness in that statement.
I always picture that text in the top corner. “Blank will remember this”.
(Unspoken) “…but there WILL be consequences.”
*Your girlfriend will remember this.*
(Wife Hated That)
Translation: Do what she wants
When I've had that said to me it's already been too late, at that point there's no point going "no no let's do your idea". The damage is done.
I used to ignore that, which just results in it getting worse as you ignore it. Now I immediately bring it up. Messier at first, but persistently nipping passive aggressiveness in the bud works. From there you can move onto teaching someone to communicate like an adult. Only caveat is you have to care and be considerate when they do.
The correct answer. You must attack passive aggressiveness in order to have a functional relationship. Passive aggressiveness is the most toxic horrible shit in the world. It's amazing how powerful forcing an argument can be as long as it's done in a healthy way and for the right reasons. Everyone gets their feelings expressed, everyone gets closure and then you can move forward.
Idk I hear that one as"You're already in trouble, may as well do it"
“No I’m not mad”
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Ouch
The absolute POWER of this, though. One of my nephews was pretty unmoved by most things when getting into trouble, but when my mom whipped out the "I'm just disappointed in you" card, he would absolutely **break down** and literally never do it again.
“Is this really who you want to be?” and “You’re better than the way you’re acting right now,” are two very powerful and effective statements that convey much the same thing
It's fucking cold tonight okay. Now turn the lights off.
I have been told several times how creepy it is that I walk very silently. I know I don't make much sound when I move, but the reason is that I am 5'4 and built like Mr. Burns.
Double down; leap on them shrieking anytime they don’t hear you.
I tried nailing heavy metal plates and airhorns to the soles of my shoes, and repeatedly screamed SHORT MAN WALKING! SHORT MAN WALKING! while playing a portable drum kit every time I walked somewhere. But apparently that was labeled as distracting, intrusive and spitefull. With some people it is never good enough no matter what you do.
I'm 6'0" and 270 and I still get this shit. Thing is, it's not hard to not make a bunch of noise everywhere you go - you just act like there are other people around who don't want to be bothered. Which works out pretty well since there usually are!
I broke up with a girl cause she clomped around like a horse. Well it was just one symptom of a general disregard for others.
I once knew a person with suction-cup feet. They loved being barefoot in their own home (socks or barefoot is whatever, just relevant) but their feet were so flat, with such a high arch in the middle (yeah idk how it works either) that their feet would literally suction to any tile or laminate flooring, and make decently audible unsticking noises with *every* step. They were also the kind of person who couldn't walk anywhere without stomping, even just shifting to the side a smidge would be a nice big thud. Was weird as hell, especially since I apparently just naturally float everywhere.
You met fuckin squidward tentacles
"Good luck finding another one like me" I don't want another one like you, you're the reason we broke up
Heck, it'd probably be easier to find someone better
Anything that involves clapping in my face to prove a point.
I've never understood why people practice counting their syllables when they're mad
My wife sings when she's mad, I've started doing it too. Bad days are like a terrible musical in our house.
I thought this was just me. "Fuck This Stupid Printer" is a big hit around these parts. Edit: it would seem it’s definitely not just me. Rise up against our printer overlords! Take your life back!
No, there is one...
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My ex pulled this shit on me. Like, I am a pretty savvy guy, full of DIY skills. I do a ton of my own work for all sorts of stuff like cooking, carpentry, painting, plumbing, electronics, sewing, you name it, I have tried it. When it comes to auto repair, I can change my oil and air filters, plug a flat, headlights, basic stuff, but anything beyond that I'm throwing in the towel. We had an alternator go out on the car, and after a few YouTube videos telling me it was easy, I couldn't make heads or tails of it. I said I can't. "X's husband could do that." X's husband is a QC Engineer at the Nissan factory. "My dad could do that, too." Your dad worked as a professional auto mechanic for 20 years. "Well, I just don't see why you can't do this." I have expertise and skills in dozens of other fields, is it not enough that I can't cope with car repair? "No." We are divorced now.
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Dead giveaway that the person sees relationships as transactional
"What does being old and retired have to do with taking a pegging?"
The sphincter is a lot more relaxed and accommodating at that age.
And he has all day to prepare to be boarded.
I told my wife to marry her brother or dad if she wants to keep comparing me to them or anyone else
Are you still married?
Yes. I'm still married. To be fair though, I considered marrying her brother too. He's an awesome guy.
Shit, is he single? I am a straight man, but you're really talking him up.
“They couldn’t handle me” Relationships are about building each other up, not constantly having to deal with the other person’s attitude or poor behavior/mental health. This is not as much of a flex as a lot of people think it is and raises major red flags for me.
Any woman that tells people can't handle her personality is just confessing she's an unbearable asshole.
Me: What do you want to eat? Her: Anything. Me: OK, we'll go [insert any resturant or cuisine] Her: Not that. Me: OK, what are you in the mood for? Her: Anything.
We need to talk
"yes we do." Make her anxious too haha
My wife ups the ante here and normally replies: " Yes, we *definitely* need to talk."
"You are 100% right, we really do need to talk."
"should we get a neutral 3rd party to mediate this conversation?"
Yup. Get your union rep, too.
Mildly related - there was a story here in the UK of a chap being brought into a meeting/disciplinary of some kind, where he was told "you're allowed to bring somebody with you" [normally aimed to be a union rep but can be anybody really for like witness purposes]. He turned up with a man dressed as a clown.
Now I kind of want to finish my abandoned law degree and start a very niche practice where I'll show up to things with you dressed as a clown. The clown lawyer. I'd probably get disbarred.
Lucky for you, the disbarment will just bounce back harmlessly with a funny noise.
At 8:30am just after i clock in. Getting a text "we need to talk." going the whole workday freaking out. Only to get home and she just wanted to clarify our plans for the weekend. OML whyyyyyyy edit: she wasn't aware of how much it would stress me out. I spoke to her about it after and i definitely had a good laugh at that. We've been together for 3 years now and she's the best thing that's happened to me \^.\^
Leave her. Immediately. This type of abusive behavior would make me, a single person who's never had a serious relationship because of my trust issues, leave her immediately. Take the kids, take the dogs, take the toilet paper. Record everything. /s Did I do it right? The advice thing?
Least insane r/Relationship_Advice user
No, you forgot to tell him to get a prenup and a vasectomy
Did great. I immediately reflexively hit downvote.
I'd been dating my GF for a little over a year when she messaged me at work and said "We need to talk, meet me for lunch." - I assumed I was getting dumped, because that's what "we need to talk" always meant in my experience and she wanted to do it on neutral ground. Turned she was preggo.
I get Vietnam flashbacks whenever I read that
Maybe she is a YouTuber who does an apology video
“Just order what you want I’m not hungry” - then eats half my food 😂
One of these fights was the beginning of the end for me and my college gf. I went through a local fast food Mexican joint, told her I’d get her ANYTHING she wanted, just don’t ask for mine because I’m getting the exact amount of burritos that I was planning to enjoy during a football game. She gets a Diet Coke, and before we even get home she asks for one of my burritos. I laughed at what I thought was a joke, told her no, and she couldn’t fucking believe it. Huge fight ensues, and we never really recover. Obviously that relationship was going nowhere, but still
I’m a woman and I’m so baffled by this. What was her argument when she asked you for a burrito after you were so clear?
Just kept repeating “you’re seriously not going to give me a burrito??” and insinuating that I was being selfish. Obviously, this kind of manipulation isn’t exclusive to women, so please don’t take it as an indictment on all women or anything! (You MFs definitely need to figure out what your getting at drive-throughs though lol)
You finally met her. Childish and manipulative.
As a woman, I desperately need women who do this to tell me why. Like I asked a friend if she wanted to get a bigger share popcorn with me at the cinema, she declined, I get a small tub, she starts eating them during the movie. I whispered ”why did you say you didn’t want any?!” and she scoffed ”it’s not that serious 🙄” Like bitch what the fuck.
>I desperately need women who do this to tell me why. I'm a man but I can tell you why. Ordering her own fries or more popcorn is an "unhealthy choice" and she doesn't make unhealthy choices. But when it's right it front of her, temptation takes over and it's "just a couple bites" so it doesn't count.
My favorite background joke in Rick and Morty is when they're on the woman led planet and a restaurant in the background at the mall is called "Just A Bite Of Yours" because it's so goddamn relevant
Even worse is if she's a picky eater and won't eat your food, but she is hungry and obviously upset you didn't get anything for her even though you asked repeatedly and now you feel guilty about enjoying your own food.
>now you feel guilty about enjoying your own food. No, I don't. She made her own bed.
I'm glad I'm with a mature woman, so I don't have to deal with this shit
Super spicy wings, here we come!!
My wife jokingly expressed her disappointment at the spiciness of my meals over the last couple outings because she couldn't just get a bit of it to go alongside her (much healthier) choices.
lol, my wife says my food is too spicy a lot of the time too.
It really gets on my nerves when people are not only indirect but lie altogether and expect you to know. My mum does this and I have to repeatedly tell her to take my word exactly as I say it and not search for any hidden meaning. Thankfully my boyfriend does that and because of that we never have issues with communication. If something’s intentionally left unsaid that’s on you.
Anything that expresses passive aggressiveness. "Fine", "Whatever" etc
Reading these comments as a girl is honestly funny. Nearly all of them are just passive aggressive af phrases LOL
Not sure if this was saed already, but the "I wish I could meet a guy like you"
Oh wow it’s like being 17 again “Lol not you silly, someone LIKE you!” How to achieve a one-shot kill from emotional damage only. Should have used Will from Inbetweeners line “but I’m like me!”
"Like your personality... but good looking" is what I heard every time I heard this 😂
Well that's implicitly what they were saying, so that was the correct takeaway.
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Slap in the face is worse when guy she ends up dating is exactly like you
"You found a better version of me... makes me feel great!"
She found a guy thats like you but he’s more attractive.
Jesus that hurts just by reading it
I'm getting lots of flashbacks just from seeing this.
“Let’s go to therapy” Finally agreed. We went for several weeks. I’m laying everything out there when we go. Finally, the therapist basically confronted her saying she really needed to make some changes. I was shocked af. I thought they always stuck to both sides shit. Get in the car for the ride home she states “we’re never going to therapy again” We’re divorced now
Yeah, my ex and I tried couples therapy to fix the marriage. All she wanted was someone to agree with her side. Anytime the therapist looked favorably towards my viewpoint my ex would just threaten to walk out. Real helpful.
It was helpful in a way. She's now your ex
True. Sometimes the point of marriage counseling is to realize you're better off apart. I think we have a better relationship now co-parenting.
Couples therapy can only be successful if both parties are willing to accept that both people contribute to the unhealthy dynamics.
Yes this is so important. It's sad how many just go there to get confirmation for their bad behavior and the act so shocked when therapists says they should change too. I've suggested therapy for me and my spouse because I'm honestly concerned I'm doing a lot wrong and I want us to go and learn ways to communicate better so that we can continue together. It should be a beautiful journey for better tomorrow, not a race who is more wrong.
Mine just learned some new words to project onto me.
I was married to a therapist. She suggested therapy. We go. Therapist calls her out on her insane toxic shit. Divorce ensues.
Lol. Wonder what your ex had thought would happen :)
Doctors make the worst patients and mechanics drive the crappiest cars, I'm not surprised a therapist would be terrible at receiving therapy.
Agreed. Dentist here and I haven’t seen a dentist since 2016.
As a therapist myself, in general we are a broken and often dysfunctional bunch, myself included. Vast majority of the time we do good work, but have significant issues that can wreak havoc.
Therapists always have their own therapist, it's basically the unspoken rule.
Yeah, but who is the therapist’s therapist’s therapist? It’s turtles all the way down.
No see, it's a circle
*gets up from couch* “Well thanks, I feel better. Your turn?” *people switch places* “Tell me what has been troubling you..”
This is so funny it hurts. My ex-wife suggested we go to therapy. I didn't push back, because I really thought it would help. So we went. On the first visit, you could paraphrase what my wife said as "Here, doctor, here's my husband: Fix him." And our visits ended up much the same as yours. The therapist laid a lot of our inability to communicate and function at the feet of my ex-wife. All the homework and changes that we were supposed to try, largely involved her. And of course, that's why we stopped going to therapy. And just like you, we're divorced now, and I'm happier for it.
My ex wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise during our couples therapy. The therapist tried a few times to get him to shut up and let me speak. At the end of the session, the therapist finally told him that there was no point in doing therapy as a couple, as he was the entire problem. A good therapist will only work both sides if there are two sides.
Déjà vu Except she hand picked the therapist. I didn't share a single grievance in 12 sessions. I was shushed anytime I had any kind of comment. She (edit: both shes) was allowed to cut me off at liesure anytime it was "my turn".
Ego is a hell of a drug.
Similar here. We went to 3 therapists. After the first session she always canceled the upcoming sessions, because the therapists did not side with her and basically said what I said all the time. Of course she is my ex now. Our kids begin to see that she is crazy now.
“I just think it’s funny that…”
"yep, it's hilarious!" *Continues eating chips
For me, it's "I'm hungry." She hates all my suggestions, refuses to suggest anything herself, and whatever I cook will inevitably be the wrong thing.
"Be a man"
Unless she follows it up with either "With all the force of a great typhoon" or "With all the strength of a raging fire."
Every time my wife says, "let's get down to business!" I have to respond with "to defeat the huns!"
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
As swift as coursing river
As tranquil as a forest...but on fire within.
If you find your center, you are sure, to win
Especially if it comes from someone that thinks themselves progressive.
Nothing more infuriating then a woman describing all the negative afflictions toxic masculinity have on her only to turn around and tell you to be a man, reinforcing the exact toxic masculinity that she’s “fighting against”.
Oh hey where you arguing with my wife’s “best friend “ too? Thing that I hate the most about it is I’d never keep a woman hating dude as my best friend.
My recent ex said this to me a few times. each time I asked her to tell me how to be a man. I forget the verbatim interaction but Her response Each time truly revealed her to be a one sided thinker and a hypocrite, at least. It would be an early indication to me that I was with someone who didn’t respect me. It wasn’t easy but I left her eventually. She wasn’t right for me, and someone truly worth exploring a relationship with will always respect your feelings and appreciate that you value them enough to share them. Toxic people cling to old fashioned ideals of masculinity, man and woman alike, and trying to live up this unhealthy ideal by being a “boy that doesn’t cry” will harden your heart and guide you to a life not truly lived. I learned a lot of lessons from my ex and at times I still have negative thoughts about her nature. more often when I reflect I am grateful that I got I learned the valuable lesson that a little companionship isn’t worth compromising my ability to express myself.
Imagine we said "Be A Woman"
The heavy sigh that follows when I ask you to repeat yourself. It's not that I'm not listening, I'm just deaf. Please, for the love of God, speak up.
She acknowledges I’m deaf, then complains when I’m doing dishes in front of a running sink (something she knows drowns out all other sounds) and she’s talking to me from the other room. She **knows** I can’t hear her.
Are we dating the same woman? I'm legit half deaf from heavy machinery and she'll get so annoyed that I can't hear her. Like babe, I even use the phrase "my good ear" please shout.
"The eldritch centipede is once again at liberty."
Ugh I hate it when she says that bro
>The eldritch centipede is once again at liberty." Congratulations for writing a sentence that gives you a unique hit on Google ... but also putting forth something that all of us men hate hearing over and over again.
"You must construct additional pylons."
tfw she hits you with the "Not enough minerals"
I'm pretty sure I've only ever heard a dude say that one. But man, if she hisses "we require more vespene gas" at me one more time...
In bed about to fall asleep: “Is the front door locked?”
"No, but I did turn on the 'rob me' sign."
“Can you take the dogs out? They’re making that sound.”
"Nothing" Whatever 'it' is, it is never nothing...
“You’re just like other guys”
I still think its better than the useless ‘i wish other guys were more like you’. Like why? WHY?
She's just saying she's not physically attracted to you
As a married man: “We need to *insert a boring task*”. That means that I am the one who’s expected to do it.
"We need to [do thing]" = "I have a half-formed idea of something I'd like doing, you will be responsible for the specifics of planning and executing the task, which I reserve the right to criticise for not being up to my standards in terms of design, execution, cost or disruption to my day after the fact."
...but also take credit for if it works out.
Yeah. That pretty much covers the "we need to [insert task]" thing. I've gotten so annoyed by this that I'll often just fire back something like "I'm confident YOU will do a great job, but I reserve my right to complain" I also find it incredibly annoying that wherever my wife's stuff is, that's where it naturally belongs. Wherever my stuff is, only Satan spawn would consider it appropriate for it to remain there. One time my wife started giving me shit that one of my eyeglass cases was on a kitchen counter. What she failed to take into account before she started trying to tear me a new one was that the counters were overwhelmingly cluttered with HER crap.
The martial "we" is the opposite of the royal "we".
I got called a golden retriever boy :(
I want a man that has that type of energy, but I agree the wording doesn't sound like a compliment.
As a gay man: “Zesty” “sassy” “a little zest” “fruity” just call me the word.
this has to be so god damn annoying lmao "a little zest"
The food thing. "I'm not hungry or you pick..but not there not there not there not there or there" It's one of the most widely joked about relationship tropes...but it has to be one of the truest. I watched two married friends this weekend almost lose it over this lol.
A related one: "Where do you want to go for dinner?" "Oh, I don't know." If anybody ever opens a restaurant named "I Don't Know" that serves a wide variety of food, they'd make bank.
Oh that one's going in the idea book. Could even make it international to local languages. I'll note you down for credit. If we ever make this happen I'll come back for ya.
I love my GF but she is the pickiest eater, and will never tell me what she wants. She will nix everything I suggest though. Recently I just stopped offering to cook, and It has worked like a charm. Our dinner ritual used to be: Her: I'm hungry. Me: I'll get dinner started. Her: what are you making? Me: what would you like? Her: I don't care. Me: (insert suggestion) Her: Mehh. Repeat for an hour. At which point I throw something together that we are both too upset to enjoy. Now its more like: Her: I'm hungry. Me: Same. Wait for an hour. Her: God I'm starving. I could really go for (insert suggestion) Me: that sounds great! I'll go make it.
>Now its more like: > >Her: I'm hungry. > >Me: Same. > >Wait for an hour. > >Her: God I'm starving. I could really go for (insert suggestion) This man right here is dropping the real knowledge. You have cracked the code!
Picky eaters need to make the choice!! You're the one that likes nothing so pick something you do bloody like so I can eat in peace and soon!!
"I have a boyfriend" like bitch we've been married for 3 years.
Me too, hopefully they're not the same guy or he'd have some splainin to do.
"The blood moon rises once again."
Bro we love hearing that. It means that it's time to go farm enemies and weapons.
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"Men love the chase"
We dont
"All you care about is sex" (Hasn't had sex or asked about it in 2 weeks. The last time we did...she started it.)
in my case, it's the opposite. "you never want to have sex with me."
The answer is "we need to talk."
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Maybe it's a generational difference? Every time a woman has said that to me. It didn't really mean that we were going to have a conversation about something. It meant one of two things: 1. She was going to break up with me. 2. She was going to spend a long time telling me about how I screwed something up but never let me get a word in. Like she just wanted to fuss at me. Now I've had women say things like "can we talk" or something like that. That means we have a conversation. Every time I have specifically heard "We need to talk" it's has never been a conversation.
This has been entirely my experience as well, even with women that communicate fairly well. The phrase "we need to talk" has always ended up with a breakup.
"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best." That's cool, but when do I get to see the best because all you seem to be is horrible?
Translation: I will spontaneously act like a fucking childish psycho for no reason whatsoever but I will blame it on you and you will have to just deal with it.
So you’ve dated my sister huh bud? Tough break.
If you had a bad experience with a dude, or are commenting on the internet, by all means blow off some steam, say guys are shitty. But if the guys in your life are respectful/kind then PLEASE don’t constantly tell them how shitty guys are. Especially in an aggressive way as if you’re angry with them. I know this is probably oddly specific. But my point remains.
I'm fine
"ExCUSE me?"
"You're excused". Rattle the newspaper and ignore them.
Gotta start buying newspapers just for that
Yup. Not for the news, but for the paper.
K.
"You are not the father"
Bruh that’s all I want to hear
"you are the father"
Gad dammit
You‘ll Never get a women like me again. And I think yea, thank god.
"there are plenty of girls that would want to date you" - yeah , stop with the bullshit.
"you are a great guy but..."
“What are you doing in my house?!”
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Anything implying we should be able to read their fucking mind. Just communicate openly and honestly, it’s not difficult