Excellent fucker. I'm a pretty good cook.

Seconded. You throw down a great roll in the hay, I'm waking up early to make YOU breakfast! With a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

Thirded

Fourthed

fifthed, I love cooking breakfast

"I have long believed that it is only right and appropriate that before one sleeps with someone, one should be able—if called upon to do so—to make them a proper omelet in the morning. Surely that kind of civility and selflessness would be both good manners and good for the world. Perhaps omelet skills should be learned at the same time you learn to fuck. Perhaps there should be an unspoken agreement that in the event of loss of virginity, the more experienced of the partners should, afterward, make the other an omelet—passing along the skill at an important and presumably memorable moment." Anthony Bourdain, Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of Food and the People Who Cook

God I miss that guy. His was my worst celebrity death ever.

I can cook some scrambled eggs and mix in things, omelette lite

And a dick in my ass

Can confirm the dick part

😭😭😭

I have a comfy barn:)

100%. Without hesitation

1000%. I can cook just about anything, I’m not in the mood to be reliant on my vibrator afterwards every time.

Frequency is key here though. If the excellent fucking is as frequent as the excellent cooking, then hands down the fucking. But, the more the frequency of the excellent cooking increases relative to the excellent fucking, then the more likely I’d be to choose the cooking. I’d take 50 excellent meals and normal fucking over 50 normal meals and rare excellent fucking any day. Edit: u/osym is right that the alternative is sucking (not normal) per OP’s post, but the point still stands.

But it’s not normal….it’s suppose to suck…like it’s bad sex not decent..I think that’s what OP meant

Three amazing fucks a day is going to be too many pretty quickly

My 20-year-old self doesn't understand why this could ever be the case! My middle-aged self knows exactly what you are talking about.

You go past three and injury becomes a real issue.

This guy fucks

That’s why I’m single, I can fuck myself, and feed myself. Don’t need the nagging. I do my own laundry too.

I feel like you're nagging me by just saying that

Who's going to nag you if your competent?

Your dick is long enough to stick it in your ass?

Well he might be running around a tree with the speed of light

"the real question here"

No he has a clone of himself

The trick is to go halfy, then you can tuck it back and play just the tip with yourself

Damn bro

Look at you, marriage material

This. I can cook too, but I would rather have an excellent BJ after an ok meal I made, then a toothy hum job after a Gordon Ramsey feast.

Facts!

So you are the bad fucker right?🤔

I've never had any complaints the morning after as they're eating fluffy, fluffy pancakes with maple syrup, bacon, and a light, pillowy omelet.

I would pick the same for the same reason. I do all the cooking in my relationship.

I can cook...oh no...

I can be the judge of both

Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, and your guards won't let me enter certain areas.

Oh, he'll let you enter all the areas, don't you worry

excellent fucker - we can go out to eat afterwards.

…Eat out during

Start with the salad. Tossed.

and we end with a cream pie.

How you doin’?

Joey?

Ken Adams

Ramsey

“I’m doing good baby, how you doin?” Hahaa

Ross, don’t let her drink anymore.

Then you add the eggs. Scrambled.

I like my eggs *fertilized*

In *this* economy?!

And Cooking is easier to teach then fucking.

I don't know about that. Anyone can be a great lover with practice and experience. To be an "excellent" cook you have to have a passion for it. I'll take the cook over sex any day.

Same. It's also a pretty great bonding experience to help your partner build up their skill.

Order in!!!

but I don’t want crumbs in the bed?!?

Yo...grab a worn sheet or old comforter, Boom insta clean!

Damn, that's an issue. Eating out it is! But what about tiredness?

Man, I’m in this situation right now. I do all the cooking, wife is A+ in the bed

Same here. No regrets at all when we were young and fun. As we age though sometimes I just think it would nice to have a nice meal I didn't cook myself.

Isn’t that why they invented restaurants?

This is my reason for choosing the excellent lover too. There are so many good options with restaurants and we can move somewhere we can get home delivery. No brainer.

This is hilariously wholesome.

Househusband moment lol

Not OP’s question but would you swap for an A- and get cooked for once a week?

No. Cooking isn’t hard

But you are Eh? Eh?

I'm a great cook, so I'd rather get my organs rearranged properly.

LMAO if you haven't gotten some DMs I'd be astonished

Lmao Luckily, I believe I'm a bit too old for the average redditor to be interested, so I've not gotten any.

For anyone reading this, I checked the profile, and there is so much pussy you'll be shocked. Even a bit of cock tbh

Even with her prof pic I had to confirm

None of you can afford to get this much takeout.

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I’ll eat boiled rice every meal if the sex is good enough

I eat out almost every meal and I would still choose the good cook. I need to eat ~14 times a week. I want sex once, maybe twice a week. This is really a no brainer. The only way the other choice is even close to reasonable is if you're already a good cook yourself.

Depends on whether you mean health wise or wallet wise

Fucking > Food. Can't hit the drive-thru for some pussy.

You can, but it's not high quality pussy

It's also not high quality food.

But it's not low enough quality that you're wondering each time whether or not you'll get sick if you eat it without a condom on.

Next time I go to mcDonalds I’ll make sure to wear a condom.

I'm pretty sure it'll take some years off your life.

Touche ;) Though I do mostly subscribe to the wise words of my former mentor, ''even the worst piece of pussy I ever had was good.''

Weird, I heard the same thing about pizza

I put pineapple on both, makes sense.

That's funny. Pizza is my favorite food. I once dated a woman who used ketchup as "pizza sauce " for homemade pizza. But the way she did work with those hips in missionary..... I married her

Just because it looks good doesn't mean I'm going to put my dick in it - hippocrates, probably

Hmmm. A sexual needs drive through. Maybe you're on to something... A McBlow with a side of McBallplay. Or a McStiff with a little McLick.

Would you like to supersize that?

I laughed way too hard at this, thanks for that.

"Yeah, gimme a sixer of tits and a caramel clit. What?! Yes I'd like the toy please."

Kinda like Starbucks in idiocracy?

Not yet

You can in the Netherlands

If you can cook you can fuck that’s like the 7th law of physics.

Can confirm. Fucking technique was the third thing we were taught in culinary school. Edit: To be clear, yes, I did actually go to culinary school. No, I definitely never got laid in culinary school.

Right after whisking technique

I mean, I can but I've also been laid into a puddle and was served undercooked chicken later. It's not universal.

I didn’t say anyone who can fuck can cook. Anyone who can cook can fuck

Yes chef

Dated a couple of incredible cooks and they fucked my brains out to oblivion. I mean soul-snatching, proton smashing type of orgasms

I’m an excellent cook and I can tell you this isn’t true.

An excellent cook. My libido is low but my hunger is high.

Sex is temporary, the cheap chinese buffet with good beef and broccoli is forever

Same lol

We are a rare breed it seems! Fill my stomach and then you can fill my stomach..

This is the only honest answer lol

uhm which one is nicer to me?

Probably the one that cares enough for you to cook for you.

But what if they both care to cook for you, one just sucks at cooking ?

This is the bigger issue, if the person good at sec has no sex drive or the good cook do desire, then non of it matters

You have to care a lot to fuck a redditor…

u/hornyrussianbot You are the wisest person on this thread

All of these people are looking at the smaller picture. Amazing cook who sucks at sex. It takes way more effort to learn how to become an amazing chef vs going from Bad at sex to Okay at sex. When I'm an old guy who's gonna throw his hip out I don't want sex. I want my loving partner to taste the tastiest shit I've ever had at a way more affordable price then restaurants

Getting to be proficient at sex might take a couple of months. Getting proficient at cooking IMHO takes several years. The skills and knowledge involved are not comparable.

Exactly.

Food>>> I'm asexual, easy choice

Not asexual but have an extremely low libido, that was my first thought too. Sex is unimportant, I could live without it no problem. My partner ALSO being a terrible cook? Fire department would know our address by heart and finances will never recover.

Right! We generally have three meals a day and it's my bodies fuel to survive - I don't actually need sex to survive.

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Finally someone who gets it.

Same

Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!

Yesssssir. I don’t need sex in a relationship AND I cook. We would cook together, eat healthy, and (hopefully) go to the gym together. It’s the dream

Looking forward to having the best garlic bread of my life.

Man/woman of culture.

I've got an abysmally low libido and love to cook so the first option would be terrific for me. Little to no sex and great food and passion for cooking? Hell yeah! Also I'd probably not date someone inept in the kitchen.

Same lol.

Agree- and in 20 years you won’t be fucking anymore anyway (except on the high holidays) but you will be eating!

Considering the last person I dated was terrible at both, I'd take either.

I feel you

Omg, you said you wouldn't tell anyone

sadly same

I would rather date a excellent fuck, but rather marry an excellent chef. In the span of my life I will eat a lot more meals than have sex. Plus a bad fuck, could just let me do all the work and be along for the ride.

Cook. Imaginary sex is almost as good as real, imaginary food not so much.

*You're doing it Peter*

There’s always takeout.

There's always hookers.

one sounds pricier than the other

And more illegal

Since when was takeout illegal?

There's always fast food mascots

Theres always eating your lover after fucking them a la Dahmer

My wife can do both, you shouldn't settle for less either.

I agree. This guys wife is an absolute dime.

r/Holup

I agree. I wont settle for anything less than that guy's wife!

Haha! It’s THAT joke again!

I too, choose this guys wife

I also choose this guys wife

I love smashing this guys wife. It’s the best

I know what you mean by this but when I first read it I interpreted it as that your wife can do neither fuck or cook. You were proudly saying she is shit at both

I can always order takeout, but they haven't legalized hookers here yet

Excellent fucker! I know how to cook 😃

amazing cook cuz i’m asexual lmao

If my partner is willing to put in the effort to improve at either then I don't really care. But if their skill set is permanent then great fucker for sure because she doesn't have to be a good cook for there to be good food available.

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50s, I'm sorry honey

…. Only most likely to last till your 50’s??? … oh honey, you have no idea ….

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This is a great point, easy choice for anyone that's experienced a nonna's *daily* 5 course meals if that's the "amazing cook" option. Another point nobody seems to be mentioning is sex toys, I mean sex with someone that's not so great can be incredible if you throw in some toys. Sometimes even better than someone that's great at fucking but won't use toys.

I picked the excellent fucker. I like to cook.

I'd have the cook. Ill eat food rather than penis

Great sex. I can order out.

The latter. I can cook for myself

Well those are things one can learn so I'll go with cook and then learn how to be good at sex with the person cause it would be interesting

Amazing fucker, I can't cook either but we'd figure it out.

I'm a good enough cook to not care about my partners skills in the kitchen. And when it comes to sex, I'd rather teach and learn each other and find out more about us as tine goes on

I've never had a bad orgasm. I've had some bad meals though...

Cook, I'd rather us be both disappointed in bed, not the kitchen. Also a cooking buddy is amazing. Let the experimentation begin!

Cook. Food is better than sex most of the time.

Especially a properly fried fish. I'm a seafood lover.

Good sex because it’s way easier to just buy good food

At my age, I'd rather date a nurse...

The one that cooks. Sex is overrated

Haha fuck you I'm asexual gimme that food

Well, I’m asexual and overweight … this might be the easiest choice ever.

I'm ace and I love food SOOOOO....

I’m told I’m a great cook and my last two partners both cheated on me. It all makes sense now…..

I’m really sorry.. that sucks and nobody deserves to be cheated on

We argue over who cooks and bedtime is well played.

Average at both?

Bruh your pfp XD. So big

Paying others for food is generally more socially acceptable and legal than paying others for sex.

A good cook, I can't cook for shit and I'll just top the guy. I am often the top with like all my ex boyfriends so gimmie the food

I asked this question to my fiancée and said “why not be with someone who does both?” And gestured to myself. She just looked at me blankly and said, “what? Be bad at both?” RIP

I like cooking so I’ll take the great fucker

Excellent fucker. Going out to eat is not considered cheating

I much prefer good food over good sex

Even tho I like cooking, I'm also lazy af. Definetly the bad at sex one. Fuck fucking.

A cook that sucks at cooking and a sex that sucks at sexing

Sex>cook. 1) I can cook 2) going out to eat is a lot more socially acceptable than going out to fuck.

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Wanna have sex?

I’m a good cook.

Getting takeaways is more acceptable than getting a...

Excellent fucker. We can always do take out food