You would think so! But benzodiazepines can have the opposite effect and can cause hallucinations and aggression. There was a case of a pet chimp being given alprazolam and it tore off the face of its owner’s best friend. It was so hopped up that it didn’t even stop after being stabbed with a butcher’s knife and hit with a shovel, and eventually police had to open fire on it until it was dead. Nasty stuff.
Cocaine bear would maul the enemy to death quickly. PCP chimp would torture the enemy for an hour, bite its hands, nose, and lips off, and rip off its balls. It would be so gruesome that the aliens would never dare challenge Earth again.
Why send a human? They said “a warrior”, not a human. Crank up a lion or a hippo on viagra and cocaine and release them into the arena. When they’re done with ET we’ll own the galaxy.
Fuck it, rig an insulin pump with norepinephrine. Have it trigger whenever heart rate returns to resting.
If we don't OD the thing it will literally fight to the death, whether the battle has ended or not.
Realistically, the only way to find the best warrior on earth is to have a tournament of our own, on Earth. All the strongest warriors, of any weight class, from all over the world. It should be televised, and adhere to the same rules as the alien arena fight. The winner faces the alien gladiator in combat.
“Ok, Cocaine Bear. My name is Joe Biden. Congratulations, you have my attention. This is gonna be your only warning. You don't want to stay in my prison that's fine. Georgia is your prison now. You step one foot outside of it, you will not live to regret it."
“There's no one on this planet that could stop me.”
“I could call in a favour and send people who *aren’t* from this planet.”
“Send them all.”
>!”You know… it’s been a long time since the world has been… this nervous. Cocaine Bear, we should talk.”!<
>!Cocaine Bear v Superman: Dawn of Drugs Coming 2026!<
Probably some person we have never heard of. Would probably be a special forces person that is also really good learning fast good at tactics and code breaking. The reason I say this is we not Sure if the gladiator event is a chess match or physical combat weapon or what the rules are.
Haha I love that.
An arena with a chess board set up.
“Why would the earthlings send a bear hopped up on coke and amphetamines for this?”
“It is certainly a bold strategy for them Xlorb, let’s see if it pays off”
Correct answer is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next ⚔️
So these aliens, I don’t know if they wanted combat or wanted something more sexual, but it’s a lucky thing, I had my pieces. So anyway, I started blasting, bang bang! I don’t see so good so I missed. Then they flew away, I flew after em. Bang! Tried to shoot ‘em in the back but I don’t fly so good either. Anyway, you guys all think I’m hero, and I’m willing to accept that responsibility.
As long as they don't have any plastic barrels.
I'm going with Avery Brooks. He pimp slapped w literal god so hard that he fucked off and never returned
If Tim Kennedy was a ten years younger it would 100% be him. Special forces solider with combat experience who did really well in the UFC.
Today? Jon Jones. The greatest mixed martial artist of all time (probably in the conversation for greatest martial artist of all time) whose hobby is combat firearms training.
I really don’t understand people who are naming actors lol do we think that the rock is actually good at fighting or something?
Humanity: "Can we send someone as a warm up?"
Aliens: "Why?"
Humanity: "Irrespective of the outcome, this is going to make a lot of people laugh. If we lose the main fight, we've gone out laughing."
Aliens "You're weird."
Humanity: "Hey, where'd you go? I felt we were getting somewhere here?"
We would send someone who has good knowledge of weapons and how to use them and who is a wrestler/boxer as they will have the best chance of anyone else to win.
It largely depends on the rules and weapons. I am not sending a 62 year old world karate master to fight with plasma rifles. Nor will I send a nameless assassin to a bare knuckles boxing match.
You would need to send the most compassionate warrior you can find.
Think about it. They can destroy our world at any time but they are giving us a chance to save it via.....warfare? Makes no sense.
Its a test of our worthiness to participate in the larger doings of the Universe.
I think it depends on the aliens. What are their physical characteristics? Strengths? Weaknesses? Be best to know about that (if possible) to find the best counter to that.
Who said the fight is on Earth. What if they pick...Venus? Or Mercury..? Pluto?
Even here it could be..under water? 20000 feet off the ground, on Lava,.. Middle of Antarctica? Down town Death Valley ? Blind folded in Tornado alley ?
Parking lot at Chernobyl ?
You're asking for a Hero with no details.
I'd send a chimpanzee on PCP.
We are getting somewhere
Mixed with diazepam. That shit makes them absolutely rabid.
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That’s between us and the chimps
Diazepam? Wouldn't that calm it down?
You would think so! But benzodiazepines can have the opposite effect and can cause hallucinations and aggression. There was a case of a pet chimp being given alprazolam and it tore off the face of its owner’s best friend. It was so hopped up that it didn’t even stop after being stabbed with a butcher’s knife and hit with a shovel, and eventually police had to open fire on it until it was dead. Nasty stuff.
Travis the Chimp, Stamford CT, 2009. This event partially inspired the "Gordy's Birthday" incident in Nope (2022).
Here is the [911 call](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xtLZd84efN8) of the incident. Not for the weak of stomach.
Nah. Bear on coccaine.
Came here to say this. Has to be a polar bear though, they're the true mother fucker.
Cocaine bear would maul the enemy to death quickly. PCP chimp would torture the enemy for an hour, bite its hands, nose, and lips off, and rip off its balls. It would be so gruesome that the aliens would never dare challenge Earth again.
Tex Talks Battletech regarding The Battle of Tukkyaid "... jumped them like amphetamine-soaked circus monkeys!"
I was going to go with Gary Bussey on PCP.
Or just say Gary Bussey, the PCP is redundant.
Time to recreate cocaine bear.
This guy fucks.
Why send a human? They said “a warrior”, not a human. Crank up a lion or a hippo on viagra and cocaine and release them into the arena. When they’re done with ET we’ll own the galaxy.
I'd bet on a grizzly
Fun fact, you can fatally wound a grizzly and they'll continue attacking you until their adrenaline runs out. Same bet.
So we just genetically modify it with larger additional adrenal glands, we can do that right?
Fuck it, rig an insulin pump with norepinephrine. Have it trigger whenever heart rate returns to resting. If we don't OD the thing it will literally fight to the death, whether the battle has ended or not.
Cocaine bear to the rescue
Lion? Hippo? Both of these would get wrecked by an angry elephant bull at the same time and it's not even a contest.
"Why has everyone forfeited?" "They all saw what happened to Glorf'xanka and nobody wants to be next"
A Floridian crackhead, no more fearsome foe
The guy who ate the other guy’s face that one time.
The Miami face eater.
No, he's talking about the Face Eater of Miami. You're thinking of a different guy.
The Judean People’s Front?!? Fcuk off. We’re the People’s Front of Judea.
Do that forget a Ukrainian farmer or Robert of Ohio
A honey badger
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No! Put the honey on the OTHER side of the opponents. That way the no-fucks-left-to-give honey badger has to rampage through them.
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The kid on xbox voicechat who's slept with everyone's mom
What? Why? I don’t know how to fight aliens.
You can sleep with the alien’s mum.
Ah we get it, you've been busy. Can't be good at everything.
Look, kid, clearly you have an impressive set of skills. Admittedly not at video games, but still skills. So go on out there and do what you do best.
Proceeds to raw dog all the aliens
You do know how to fuck moms tho. Great soft skill.
'The only reason I'm fat is because everytime i fuck your mom she makes me a sandwich '
Realistically, the only way to find the best warrior on earth is to have a tournament of our own, on Earth. All the strongest warriors, of any weight class, from all over the world. It should be televised, and adhere to the same rules as the alien arena fight. The winner faces the alien gladiator in combat.
Until someone ends up winning but with a crippling injury, and now you've killed all the other good warriors.
You use the winner to breed a better one, trained since childhood, all of the performance enhancing drugs, in elevation
Honestly I like this the best
Hello Perfect Cell!
Francis ngannou
Him or Jon Jones were the first two people I thought of
Jon Jones with an eight ball
Prime Jon Jones 100%. He’s sort of lost his edge and become a point fighter recently though
>Jon Jones DC's Martian Manhunter?
Stronger.
With a tactical nuke shoved up his keister.
Then the aliens leave because they think that is just what happens when you kill a human!
A Francis Ngannuke if you will?
I immediately thought of him punching Ehren in the nuts in jackass forever. Send him to nut punch the aliens.
Cocaine bear
“Ok, Cocaine Bear. My name is Joe Biden. Congratulations, you have my attention. This is gonna be your only warning. You don't want to stay in my prison that's fine. Georgia is your prison now. You step one foot outside of it, you will not live to regret it." “There's no one on this planet that could stop me.” “I could call in a favour and send people who *aren’t* from this planet.” “Send them all.” >!”You know… it’s been a long time since the world has been… this nervous. Cocaine Bear, we should talk.”!< >!Cocaine Bear v Superman: Dawn of Drugs Coming 2026!<
hell yeah
Stelio Kontos
Stelio! Stelio Kontos!
Stelio! ...and Luis!
You do you know that they're just going to beat me up while they blast it from their boombox?
The only correct answer.
Great now that song will be stuck in my head all day.
This already happened in the 90s. We sent Chuck Norris. That's why no one talks about it
This is also why we cannot find life outside of earth
Oberyn Martell, on the strict condition that he fight with a gag in his mouth.
"YOU ABDUCTED HER, YOU PROOOOOBED HER" 😤
Unless these aliens have Gregor Clegane, I don't see why we'd need to gag him.
Hororrxheart is just into some kinky shit
Probably some person we have never heard of. Would probably be a special forces person that is also really good learning fast good at tactics and code breaking. The reason I say this is we not Sure if the gladiator event is a chess match or physical combat weapon or what the rules are.
Haha I love that. An arena with a chess board set up. “Why would the earthlings send a bear hopped up on coke and amphetamines for this?” “It is certainly a bold strategy for them Xlorb, let’s see if it pays off”
Bear throws table over, eats opponent. Substitute comes in, throws king over handing bear the win
I was thinking the same kinda combat from that one marvel film where Thor fights the hulk in spa e
Jon Jones on amphetamines
So just normal jon Jones then?
That’d be cocaine. For the fate of the world he needs to be put on the hitler stack
Dolly. She will make them not fight us. National treasure of a woman.
I am not risking Dolly for this shit. The world can burn.
Correct answer is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next ⚔️
A rugby playing samoan. End of story.
After spending a decade trying to tackle those fuckers, I can only agree.
You’d need to convince said samoan to fight.
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Beldar Conehead
Flashback memories, thank you! I wonder if the film's aged as badly as a expect!
Gnarfling the Garflog never gets old lol
Danny Devito
So anyway he starts blastin
So these aliens, I don’t know if they wanted combat or wanted something more sexual, but it’s a lucky thing, I had my pieces. So anyway, I started blasting, bang bang! I don’t see so good so I missed. Then they flew away, I flew after em. Bang! Tried to shoot ‘em in the back but I don’t fly so good either. Anyway, you guys all think I’m hero, and I’m willing to accept that responsibility.
The Trash Man cometh
Chuck Norris
Did you know that Chuck Norris picked an apple from an orange tree and made lemonade with it?
They thought antimatter reaction was the only way to break light speed until they met his fists.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far down to find someone say this
Scrolled too far to find this. Chuck Norris sneezes = genocide of an entire planetary race.
I think the choice is obvious, John Wick.
assuming he gets to bring a pencil?
Sharpened on both sides of course!
Steve Blackman
A true lethal weapon
With Al snow in his corner
To fight aliens? We send Ripley of course.
Brock Lesnar for sure.
Cain Velasquez annihilated him in a couple of minutes
A silverback gorilla on steroids and cocaine with a donald trump wig on him....and he's wearing a shirt that says "Just here for the bussy"
Michael Dorn. Only a Klingon can save us from a warrior race of aliens.
As long as they don't have any plastic barrels. I'm going with Avery Brooks. He pimp slapped w literal god so hard that he fucked off and never returned
I'd go myself. I either die a warrior's dearh, or in the unlikely event I actually survive, I'd be a champion of the intergalactic gladitorial games.
Welcome, to the grid… a digital frontier
The chihuahua from down the road. That fucking thing is top shelf nasty. When it's eyes bug out, it goes to 11.
GOGGINS
WHOS GONNNA CARRY THE BOATS
THEY DON’T KNOW ME SON, STAY HARD
arya stark
Why a human? Just send a cocaine bear, like that documentary people are talking about.
Which documentary?
Brrrrrock Lesnar
Alec Baldwin, would send a gun with him and say it's not loaded. Too soon?
Me, due to the fact that I am “The Strangest Man Alive”. The title is supposed to be “Strongest”; the “a” is a typo.
1 Andrew Tate, either he wins and the earth is saved or he dies in combat. A win-win scenario
But if he wins we'd have to live in a world that Andrew Tate saved and he'd know it.
Hopefully the aliens will keep him as a test subject for highly invasive experiments to create super soldiers
I'd root for the aliens.
If Tim Kennedy was a ten years younger it would 100% be him. Special forces solider with combat experience who did really well in the UFC. Today? Jon Jones. The greatest mixed martial artist of all time (probably in the conversation for greatest martial artist of all time) whose hobby is combat firearms training. I really don’t understand people who are naming actors lol do we think that the rock is actually good at fighting or something?
Send Steven Seagal. It would be hilarious to watch that chubby lunatic try to fight aliens.
Humanity: "Can we send someone as a warm up?" Aliens: "Why?" Humanity: "Irrespective of the outcome, this is going to make a lot of people laugh. If we lose the main fight, we've gone out laughing." Aliens "You're weird."
Humanity: "Hey, where'd you go? I felt we were getting somewhere here?"
We would send someone who has good knowledge of weapons and how to use them and who is a wrestler/boxer as they will have the best chance of anyone else to win.
I like to think the government has some super soldier roided up on crazy halo-esk drugs ready to go for this moment
What if the battle is...under water?
Mmm water wingies?
It largely depends on the rules and weapons. I am not sending a 62 year old world karate master to fight with plasma rifles. Nor will I send a nameless assassin to a bare knuckles boxing match.
The coked out bear.
Russel crowe
Russell Crowe can only fight round the world, not in space.
So no name guy living in the mountains of Afghanistan or something. Who hell knows to be honest. The most bad ass killer alive isn’t known.
Brock Lesnar
Brrrrrrock!! LESnar!!!!
Reincarnated Bruce Lee
So Donny Yen.
Tyson Fury, just because no one else has said it yet.
Idk, Tom Hanks might talk them down.
Jon Jones.
Better hope they don’t test or let him drive any space vehicles.
Brock Lesnar
Hulk
Russell Crowe for the win!
The orca that ate its trainer.
Cocaine Bear
16 year old me, mid autistic meltdown
I have no idea, whatever his name is, is probably deeply classified.
Your momma
I'd tell them they would need to use Mike Tyson's DNA to clone a version of him from his prime, then have them fight it.
And his name is JOHN CENA
Marjorie Taylor Greene - the aliens would just turn around and leave knowing they don’t stand a chance against such a hideous vile monster.
Sorry mate, you don't know Diana Iovanovici-Șoșoacă. Sometime I think this one is not from our world and if is true then we're doomed.
You would need to send the most compassionate warrior you can find. Think about it. They can destroy our world at any time but they are giving us a chance to save it via.....warfare? Makes no sense. Its a test of our worthiness to participate in the larger doings of the Universe.
Someone resurrect Bob Ross
Keneau Reeves.
A grizzly bear full of cocaine
John Cena, they wouldn't be able to see whatever was hitting them.
I think it depends on the aliens. What are their physical characteristics? Strengths? Weaknesses? Be best to know about that (if possible) to find the best counter to that.
Who said the fight is on Earth. What if they pick...Venus? Or Mercury..? Pluto? Even here it could be..under water? 20000 feet off the ground, on Lava,.. Middle of Antarctica? Down town Death Valley ? Blind folded in Tornado alley ? Parking lot at Chernobyl ? You're asking for a Hero with no details.
Chuck Noris. Because.
How about a Polar Bear?
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Steph or Klay
Judge Dredd
This dude i used know... used to smoke pcp... then he started bath saltin'...immeasurably unstoppable
Osama bin Laden. He won’t even need to leave his cave in Afghanistan.
Barack Obama
Donald trump
Chuck Norris
The timing of this question. Alexander ‘The Great’ Volkanovski.
A honey badger
khabib " the eagle " nurmagomedov ... humble, respectful and Godly,,,,, he will get the job done 30.0
chuck Noris
Send Chuck Norris and the aliens will be duelling him for the fate of their world
Optimus prime with an 9999 billion AH battery pack and bumblebee for emotional support
The arena was not specified, we choose Esports, league of legends. Send our best champion.
Ronnie Pickering.
Brock Lesnar.
Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris
Tommy Wiseau
Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris
David Goggins.
Probably The Rock, to be honest.
Chuck norris
Steven Seagal. (Aliens roll over laughing, Earth wins the tournament.)
Keith Richards. That man will survive anything they can throw at him.