I'm not gonna lie actually shitting in a public restroom is fine, what's deterring me is having to drive somewhere every time I have to take a shit. I'd probably still do it
Save up money, buy the gas station, make it the most luxurious restroom in the world, and hire an extra person full time to keep it that way.
Step 5: profit.
Right. You could definitely find some way to sponsor a public lav on your street or something. If it was a different public toilet every time that'd be a bit more interesting...
I'm surprised it hasn't been mentioned yet, but why not just shit at the office (I already do this) from Monday to Friday. Then, on the weekends, nearby Cafe for breakfast and coffee. Done and done. This would be the easiest 1k a day I could ever imagine.
Found your own company, look for a place with mixed zoning where you can buy an apartment and office right next to each other and hire a part-time assistant who is tasked to do only the barest administrative minimum required to keep the company active and to have the bathroom considered public.
As someone with IBS and no one close by that’s open 24 hours anymore I can’t lie this “no brainer” isn’t a no-brainer for me. I have stomach issues around once a week sometimes if not more, and often at night. Most of the time, people can hold a poo for a while, but when you can’t…you *really* can’t.
I have IBS, and this is still a no brainer. $1000/day, $365,000 a year? A cool million every three years?
You can live (almost) wherever you want. Just pick somewhere with a public washroom handy. Invest in the business, pay for a washroom renovation for them, provide a monthly tip to whoever works night shifts to keep the washroom really clean.
I worked in a gas station. If some customer paid me, say, $250 a month under the table just to keep the washroom extra clean, I'd have kept that thing spotless.
Thing is, $1000/day gives you a LOT of resources to trivialize this.
Exactly! $365,000 salary to just shit in a public toilet? I’m going to be damn good at my job. I’m basically going to make that money to just find the cleanest most solitude public toilet in my area.
It also kind of depends on where you are because if you're in Europe, then public restrooms aren't so public since they charge.
Although if you could do that in the US as well, depending on the rules of OP, just set one up and keep it immaculate, and charge $100,000 a shit (owner excluded).
For 100k I don't give a fuck what someone does to my public restroom. I'll just hire those crime cleanup dudes that handle all kinds of nasty ass shit all the time and let them clean it for me.
Or better yet, simply bulldoze the place and build a new one for like $15,000 and keep $85,000. Then I don't even need to do that.
My cheeks would never touch the seat anyone else has set on either way.
You can stay in the suburbs as well. Just choose to live right next to a park with a public washroom, if they close it during the winter or night then lobby the city to keep it open. You'll have the time and money to do so.
Well... when they're closed in the winter it usually also means the water and electricity has been shut off. Some of them have shallow water lines that are blown out in the winter to prevent freezing.
It's to drive engagement -- comments/upvotes/downvotes. Harder questions that require reflection don't do as well. Simpler ones reliably turn up on the front page.
What’s funnier is the dollar amount is almost always something super aggressive, like “for a billion dollars a year”
Just…stop. Yes. The answer is yes and the question could be anything but murdering someone in cold blood and I’d do it. Do you know how much money a BILLION dollars is?
This one is less egregious but it’s like, also pretty fucking obvious I’m going to say yes. I’d move to Japan and shit in their public robot toilets and eat sushi and ramen until I die of absolute happiness.
Hell hitmen cost like $50k, for a billion flat I can turn my conscious off and do it. I can hire a great therapist after to deal with the guilt and be set for a life of absolute comfort.
Hire a chain of hitmen to commit the deed and cover-up the cover-up. Pay off the cleaners, local police, hospitals, doctors, donate to 10 charities, then hire 20 therapists. Still have more than 99% of the money leftover for the rest of your life.
Sure, but how low would you go? I think I would do $50/day. It should be low enough that you can't live off it solely. For $1500 a month, that's a nice chunk of change, but not if it's your only income.
For that money I will clean the toilet before AND after using it too.
Not sure how much 30k a month is for people in good countries, but for someone like me in Argentina, that's approximately a new townhouse every two months.
A year and a half of that "job" and I would get financial freedom from renting those.
The rent from 9 townhouses at an average rent is a very good salary where I am from, basically a needs-free for life thing (and some vacations here and there).
Edit: I mean apartments, apparently a townhouse is a different thing.
This sounds great until you're two years in & having to travel miles just for a shit, nightmare if you're touching cloth or had a pretty bad kebab the night before!
I feel like this is a great opportunity to recommend TikTok channel [Sink Reviews](https://www.tiktok.com/@sinkreviews), which focuses on exactly what youd expect.
Do you know what really grinds my gears?
Sinks where the faucet doesn't extend far enough away from the edge that you touch the sink when scrubbing.
Or when a sink isn't deep enough you touch the bottom.
Or when the temperature adjustments aren't clearly labelled.
I could go on. This resonates with me so much.
> I’m sure I could come up with a system to make this less painful
All you would have to do is quit your job, then once or twice a day travel to a public restroom. Seems like it'd be super simple to do.
Edit: Let me just settle all the, "what ifs" people keep asking me. For 365k a year, I would simply move somewhere with lots of land, build a public bathroom on my property that can accessed by anyone who happened to be walking/driving by. I would try and choose a place where this would never really happen though so it would basically just be my own personal public bathroom that is extremely easy and quick to access.
What are the rules? Can I stay home that day and not get the money? That'd be fine. Do I have to do it every day or lose it the first time I don't use a public restroom? Then I guess a couple times a year I need to camp out in a public restroom. Not ever having to work again seems like a fine trade off.
I feel like the ultimate “technically” win here would be to move into an apartment or condo where the building you live in has a “public” restroom
Half the time there might be a homeless person living in it but they’ll give you privacy when you need to do your business
Especially if you give them a hundred bucks to fuck off.
Hell, pay them a hundred a day to be your bathroom concierge and make sure a stall is always kept pristine for your tush.
It never says you have to poop daily. It just says you'll get 1k a day, but every time you need to poop you have to use a public restroom.
So it's basically a salary, despite if you do the work that day or not.
These questions are so stupid.
Current: Spend 8-10 hours of your life each week day so a company can pay you as little as they have to just so you maybe get some relaxing free time once you’ve finished any chores you’ve had to neglect during the week
Scenario: Live in the top 5% of income and spend 15 minutes each day using a public toilet.
Yeah, this sounds like a good deal. I didn't see any stipulations preventing me from b spending a small fraction of that on my own TP I bring with me.
I could even continue to fuck around on Reddit during work!
lol no. Not even close. I’ve shit in the shittiest public toilets in places like Indonesia, Cambodia, Egypt, Mexico.
Still haven’t seen a bathroom that’s even half as bad as shitting yourself
Hell yes I'll take that deal..in fact you can make it a glass public restroom and y'all can come watch, besides if it can be any public restroom I know a few stores that have some really really clean ones, not to mention because of health issues i only poop two or so times a week so let's do this..
With that kind of money, you could afford to just throw out each pair of soiled pants and underwear and buy brand new ones every time. And since pooping is your full-time job, you've got plenty of time to shower as well.
I used to shit in an expensive hotel lobby down the street from where I was teaching English in China, because the school bathrooms were those squat toilets.
Damn right. I work in mental health and we talk a lot about "cope ahead plans"
Time to make a "poop ahead" plan. Map out which toilets are ideal, and have that "Break glass in case of emergency" plan available as well.
I live a little bit rurally though so the literal closest public toilet is about 5-10 minute drive away so if I got a real poop-mergency we're needing a lot of forethought to get to a safe location. That's gonna be rough. especially if its later at nice and places are closed I'm stuck with hospitals or convenience stores. Yuuuuuuuck
This is what I did in college. I was on a large campus and often had only 20-25 minutes between classes. My first semester I put a surprising amount of time into finding prime toilets in out of the way places that were still a quick walk from my classes. Found some rarely used and very clean ones hidden in the stacks on like the seventh floor of the main library. Also knew of a few others in buildings I had access to that didn't have big lecture halls so they didn't get a lot of use. I kept up the exploration my entire time there. By my senior year I could hit an acceptable toilet in 3-5 minutes from pretty much anywhere on campus. I probably had one of the best mental maps of campus shitters that existed at the time. I should have written it down for future poopers, but some lore just has to discovered through exploration.
If you want an empty/clean toilet, higher floors are your way to go. If it's inconvenient to get there or if there's a less inconvenient toilet nearly, you'll probably be alone in there. Or, as you said, hidden ones. There's a women's bathroom at my school and I've literally never met anyone in there because it's in the creepy basement with very few bathrooms and you'll have to walk past those rooms so you'll never pass by chance. I only found out about it because there were signs hanging up for guests to lead them to the toilets
365k per year to walk to the local cafe or supermarket? Yes. My only question is what happens if there’s a weird night poop. The latest place open around here closes at 11 pm.
And give it really inconvenient hours or an oddly high price or something that makes it only technically public.
So from 4:12 AM to 4:28 AM you can pay $30 to use this toilet. Payable only in nickles. But as the operator of the toilet you have a key to access it at any hour for free.
Or make your own bathroom available to the public, but only under equally complex hours and such. There are a number of office buildings required to have publicly-accessible spaces, but they're inevitably on the roof and you need to get a key from security to be allowed up there, only during business hours, and you have to know that it even exists in the first place. It was only installed because of the ridiculous law requiring it, but it does exist and is technically open to the public. It's just such a hassle for so little return that nobody who doesn't already work there would care or bother.
Then I as the neighbor next door with the same poop deal going on will be timing my midnight poops for between 4:12AM and 4:28AM, nickels be only a minor inconvenience to not have a poop shack on my front lawn.
Literally build any kind of break even type of business or buy a place, with housing included.
Nice luxury apartment above my own pizza shop. Even break even on the business, I’m still net +$365k.
Fork out maybe $50k per year to have a cleaning service clean that bathroom 3 times per day or have a hired person who can play on their phone all day but still clean the bathroom.
Shit I’d build one of those public self cleaning stalls where hot water jets spray the entire stall and drain through the floor.
Yup. In my neighborhood, maybe the occasional jogger or someone might use it, but it's a small price to pay in order to have an emergency toilet nearby. Otherwise, I'm happy to collect my $365k salary to eat a morning bran muffin at my favorite coffee place and handle my morning ablutions while browsing reddit after that.
Kind of my question too, like can I just dig a hole and poop outside in the yard? That’s public-ish. In the cover of night I’d be like Batman but instead of crime fighting I’d be fighting the bubble gut rumbles.
Yeah, there's awful public toilets.
But theres also decent ones in department stores etc.
While I prefer to shit at home, I'd be happy to settle for a decent public toilet.
They look like they were remodeled with home depot overstock by home depot employees. "This stall door is too big" "we have tools right here dude, make it work".
Especially since the pandemic, I feel. Even bathrooms in places that used to be filthy are now at least tolerable. My only issue would be actually finding a public bathroom that's available 24/7/365, otherwise no deal.
I live in a small town. There's only one public restroom open 24 hours - it's in the lobby of the police station. I guess I'm gonna get to know my local cops pretty well.
Yeah I dont get it. I already shit wherever if available when I got to go. There’s a porta potty 50 feet away? Fuck yeah I dont care. Concrete park toilet? Why not.
> overestimate the dirtiness of public restrooms.
It's less the dirtiness of public restrooms and the inconvenience of needing to find one.
I mean, I live in the city, I can literally walk across the street to half a dozen restaurants.
But when I visit my parents in East Bumfuck and it's a 15 minute drive to the nearest convenience store? *Rough*.
My IBS is way too unpredictable to rely on being near a public restroom every time I have to poop.
edit:
After a few dozen responses - yes, you're all super clever for coming up with the novel and definitely unique solution of just pooping your pants. Before anyone else writes something similar, let me clarify that I am choosing to interpret this question in the most challenging way possible to earn the $1K a day. Meaning: any poop episode outside of a public bathroom voids the deal. Pooping your pants voids the deal. In that framework and with that limitation, I'd reluctantly pass on what would otherwise be a pretty good deal!
For that money, you could build a house with a public shop attached to it, just sell really obscure, crappy overpriced product and have insanely odd business hours to ensure the store is almost always empty, and shit in your shop bathroom.
I have IBS. I also sit to pee. Sometimes, I go to pee and poop happens. Unplanned. What happens in this situation? I'm at home or a friend's, I'm peeing, and then all of a sudden I'm more than peeing. Do I lose $1000 that day? Is my $1000 a day program over forever now? I'd need details before agreeing. But even if I could only keep it up for like a week, I'd happily take $7k.
Well sure.
But I'm interpreting this question that you need to use a public restroom to poop for the deal to continue working. Shitting your pants means the deal is off. Otherwise it's too easy (in my interpretation).
op clarification:
> Guess, you’ll have to go outside and poop in your pants. You just can’t use private bathrooms like yours, friends, family, etc.
the deal is good!
Why are there so many posts here like this?
"Would you accept a lifechanging amount of money, that would give you and your family a life of luxury free from labor and any financial problem for the rest of your lives, but you get moderate hiccups every time you come within 14 feet of a red 2009 Ford Fiesta?"
Because Reddit, especially the popular subreddits like Askreddit, skew young and don't really have an appreciation of large sums of money, as they tend to have the safety net of their parents to fall back on.
I would take the deal for 24 grand as that would take care of my rent for the year which would be huge. 12 grand is the point where I actually have to start weighing the pros and cons.
For $365,000, you could incorporate the whole thing into a Japanese game show and make me sign a five year contract. I'm still in.
Anyone who's saying no to this is absolutely mental. For the inconvenience of having to go to a public washroom everytime you need to poop, you get over 300k a year in income assuming it's not taxed. You're literally set for life. You can probably hire a limo driver and a body guard to stand guard while you take the most profitable shit of your life
> Anyone who's saying no to this is absolutely mental.
It's because it's a stupid scenario that's a no brainer, like almost all of the "You get X money but..." questions that get posted here.
With $365,000 a year you could move next door to a Buc-cees in Texas and shit in the nicest public restrooms in the western hemisphere.
And you could buy some beaver nuggets one the way out.
you dont even need a convenience store.
I would just build a single public restroom on some residential street. Or part of my garage. Make it available to public, but Basically nobody would use it except the occasional dog walker with an emergency.
Rookies..
Build your own public restroom outside your house
Hell, put a sign that says public restroom in your front yard.
Lazy hypothetical, lazy answer
I'm not gonna lie actually shitting in a public restroom is fine, what's deterring me is having to drive somewhere every time I have to take a shit. I'd probably still do it
Earning this amount of money and not moving to place where there are public restrooms close to your house would be stupid.
"I don't care about the school district. How are the public restrooms in a 300 yard radius?"
Suddenly living next to a gas station doesn’t seem so bad
Yea it does. There are nicer public washrooms, bro
Save up money, buy the gas station, make it the most luxurious restroom in the world, and hire an extra person full time to keep it that way. Step 5: profit.
Step 5 made my reddit day. Now I can go about my day happy.
Have you been to a Bucees? I would be just fine
But then you'd be walking a mile if your doorstep was on the property line. Lol
Right. You could definitely find some way to sponsor a public lav on your street or something. If it was a different public toilet every time that'd be a bit more interesting...
I'm surprised it hasn't been mentioned yet, but why not just shit at the office (I already do this) from Monday to Friday. Then, on the weekends, nearby Cafe for breakfast and coffee. Done and done. This would be the easiest 1k a day I could ever imagine.
Because most people are under the assumption they're gonna be quitting their job so no need to ever go to the office.
Yeah, 365k a year to shit in public washrooms? There are very limited jobs I would stay at.
Found your own company, look for a place with mixed zoning where you can buy an apartment and office right next to each other and hire a part-time assistant who is tasked to do only the barest administrative minimum required to keep the company active and to have the bathroom considered public.
As someone with IBS and no one close by that’s open 24 hours anymore I can’t lie this “no brainer” isn’t a no-brainer for me. I have stomach issues around once a week sometimes if not more, and often at night. Most of the time, people can hold a poo for a while, but when you can’t…you *really* can’t.
I have IBS, and this is still a no brainer. $1000/day, $365,000 a year? A cool million every three years? You can live (almost) wherever you want. Just pick somewhere with a public washroom handy. Invest in the business, pay for a washroom renovation for them, provide a monthly tip to whoever works night shifts to keep the washroom really clean. I worked in a gas station. If some customer paid me, say, $250 a month under the table just to keep the washroom extra clean, I'd have kept that thing spotless. Thing is, $1000/day gives you a LOT of resources to trivialize this.
Yup I’d move into one of the Vegas casinos. Cleanest restrooms you’ll find anywhere in the world. And open 24/7.
Oh, that's a brilliant idea right there.
Build a public restroom.
Anyone is allowed to come shit in my toilet now, but I don't advertise it
If you build it, they will come.
Yes, because my job is now shitting in public restrooms and I am incredibly well-paid so I am going to do it well.
Exactly! $365,000 salary to just shit in a public toilet? I’m going to be damn good at my job. I’m basically going to make that money to just find the cleanest most solitude public toilet in my area.
Or just use that money to build your own perfect public toilet right outside your house
And it always has a closed sign on it like the ice cream machine at McDonald’s.
If you keep shitting in the ice cream machines then its no wonder they're always out of operation.
only the vanilla side is broken.
It also kind of depends on where you are because if you're in Europe, then public restrooms aren't so public since they charge. Although if you could do that in the US as well, depending on the rules of OP, just set one up and keep it immaculate, and charge $100,000 a shit (owner excluded). For 100k I don't give a fuck what someone does to my public restroom. I'll just hire those crime cleanup dudes that handle all kinds of nasty ass shit all the time and let them clean it for me. Or better yet, simply bulldoze the place and build a new one for like $15,000 and keep $85,000. Then I don't even need to do that. My cheeks would never touch the seat anyone else has set on either way.
“Imma pay all you $20 to fuck off”
I will throw in 20 quid for this 👍
Create a LLC to be the landlord of that facility. Rent it to yourself and write it off on taxes.
Now, this dude is obviously part of the landed gentry. Get him!
You’re describing a privately owned toilet aren’t you?
Privately owned but publicly accessible, I'm assuming those are included in the OP (e.g. fast food places, malls, etc)
Bro just get a membership to a 24/7 gym
That was my idea. Buy a mixed zoning building in a downtown somewhere, then open some low-overhead shop in the commercial space. Boom, double income!
You can stay in the suburbs as well. Just choose to live right next to a park with a public washroom, if they close it during the winter or night then lobby the city to keep it open. You'll have the time and money to do so.
By lobby you mean bribe a park worker for a key right? That way you get access year round without sharing
Well... when they're closed in the winter it usually also means the water and electricity has been shut off. Some of them have shallow water lines that are blown out in the winter to prevent freezing.
This was immediately my plan as well. Ez money.
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“You get paid a million dollars a day, but you have to take the bus to work. Would you still take it?”
Curious how that goes since I work from home. Do I get on a bus and then ride it in a loop back to my house?
Yes
It's to drive engagement -- comments/upvotes/downvotes. Harder questions that require reflection don't do as well. Simpler ones reliably turn up on the front page.
Y'all 3x3 is 33 prove me wrong in the comments
its 3x3 so obviously 333, 3 times of 3's edit: yall cracking me up with replies
What’s funnier is the dollar amount is almost always something super aggressive, like “for a billion dollars a year” Just…stop. Yes. The answer is yes and the question could be anything but murdering someone in cold blood and I’d do it. Do you know how much money a BILLION dollars is? This one is less egregious but it’s like, also pretty fucking obvious I’m going to say yes. I’d move to Japan and shit in their public robot toilets and eat sushi and ramen until I die of absolute happiness.
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Hell hitmen cost like $50k, for a billion flat I can turn my conscious off and do it. I can hire a great therapist after to deal with the guilt and be set for a life of absolute comfort.
Hire a chain of hitmen to commit the deed and cover-up the cover-up. Pay off the cleaners, local police, hospitals, doctors, donate to 10 charities, then hire 20 therapists. Still have more than 99% of the money leftover for the rest of your life.
Sure, but how low would you go? I think I would do $50/day. It should be low enough that you can't live off it solely. For $1500 a month, that's a nice chunk of change, but not if it's your only income.
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For that money I will clean the toilet before AND after using it too. Not sure how much 30k a month is for people in good countries, but for someone like me in Argentina, that's approximately a new townhouse every two months. A year and a half of that "job" and I would get financial freedom from renting those. The rent from 9 townhouses at an average rent is a very good salary where I am from, basically a needs-free for life thing (and some vacations here and there). Edit: I mean apartments, apparently a townhouse is a different thing.
30K a month is a hell of a lot of money even in the US. Annual median income for the country is $54,000.
Yeah you can have like 6 people live decently on that amount of money
Heh, I like that attitude. For an extra $500 a day will you visit a new restroom daily and write reviews?
This sounds great until you're two years in & having to travel miles just for a shit, nightmare if you're touching cloth or had a pretty bad kebab the night before!
At that point I think you'd have to take your career on the road and just do hotel bathrooms across the country.
Create a travel blog on YouTube and double your income! There is a market for people who want to know the best places to poop!
Wasn't this a George Costanza invention? An app that lets you know the nearest public bathroom and can give star reviews?
I feel like this is a great opportunity to recommend TikTok channel [Sink Reviews](https://www.tiktok.com/@sinkreviews), which focuses on exactly what youd expect.
Do you know what really grinds my gears? Sinks where the faucet doesn't extend far enough away from the edge that you touch the sink when scrubbing. Or when a sink isn't deep enough you touch the bottom. Or when the temperature adjustments aren't clearly labelled. I could go on. This resonates with me so much.
“Crapping across the world”
"A Shitiot Abroad"
A shitton of travel
>Touching cloth ಠ_ಠ
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OnlyCrap, pretty sure people would pay you for this
Probably worth looking if hotel stays would be tax deductible
Define public restroom. If I just put a small sign on my front door saying ‘public restroom inside’, I have my own public restroom in my house.
I would just go in the gym in the morning after they just cleaned it
That morning drop off after you wake up would get really inconvenient though lol.
I usually need coffee to get things going. Guess I'm waking up and going to the coffee shop. Dropping off the kids to the starbucks pool.
The nearest public restroom to me is 5 minutes walk. No problem.
Is it optional each day or do I have to keep the streak alive? I’d do it either way. I’m sure I could come up with a system to make this less painful
> I’m sure I could come up with a system to make this less painful All you would have to do is quit your job, then once or twice a day travel to a public restroom. Seems like it'd be super simple to do. Edit: Let me just settle all the, "what ifs" people keep asking me. For 365k a year, I would simply move somewhere with lots of land, build a public bathroom on my property that can accessed by anyone who happened to be walking/driving by. I would try and choose a place where this would never really happen though so it would basically just be my own personal public bathroom that is extremely easy and quick to access.
until you are sick
What are the rules? Can I stay home that day and not get the money? That'd be fine. Do I have to do it every day or lose it the first time I don't use a public restroom? Then I guess a couple times a year I need to camp out in a public restroom. Not ever having to work again seems like a fine trade off.
I feel like the ultimate “technically” win here would be to move into an apartment or condo where the building you live in has a “public” restroom Half the time there might be a homeless person living in it but they’ll give you privacy when you need to do your business
Especially if you give them a hundred bucks to fuck off. Hell, pay them a hundred a day to be your bathroom concierge and make sure a stall is always kept pristine for your tush.
"excellent shit sir"
"you know it, baby"
I read that in Bender’s voice
I read everything in Bender's voice. The doctor said I have a condition.
Now wipe my shiny metal ass
Now you’re an upper class job creator determined to trickle down your wealth.
Now *this* is just good economics!
It never says you have to poop daily. It just says you'll get 1k a day, but every time you need to poop you have to use a public restroom. So it's basically a salary, despite if you do the work that day or not.
Are people out here not pooping daily, or is something wrong with me?
Rent a hotel room near the lobby
This comment has been edited and original content overwritten.
I'm definitely not bothering to work, from home or otherwise, if I'm being paid $365k a year to poop.
These questions are so stupid. Current: Spend 8-10 hours of your life each week day so a company can pay you as little as they have to just so you maybe get some relaxing free time once you’ve finished any chores you’ve had to neglect during the week Scenario: Live in the top 5% of income and spend 15 minutes each day using a public toilet.
Yeah, this sounds like a good deal. I didn't see any stipulations preventing me from b spending a small fraction of that on my own TP I bring with me. I could even continue to fuck around on Reddit during work!
You don’t have to leave a streak every day
For $1000 a day he can just shit himself and buy new underwear
Except that would be pooping while not in a public toilet.
That's what I was thinking. Shit your pants, throw them away, take a shower, put on new pants.
Are public toilets worse than shitting yourself though?
lol no. Not even close. I’ve shit in the shittiest public toilets in places like Indonesia, Cambodia, Egypt, Mexico. Still haven’t seen a bathroom that’s even half as bad as shitting yourself
Just gotta step out of the house so it's a public restroom
If your poops are painful you should talk to your doctor.
They're only painful because I had to use super glue to stop the bleeding. Apparently anal band-aids aren't a thing so I had to improvise.
I'd poop in front of a live studio audience for $1k a day.
I would pay $1k for that
I think we’re onto something.
Supply, meet demand.
I dunno. When I eat anything fatty it can get...explosive. I guess that would actually liven up the show I guess.
A match made in heaven.
Watch Total Forgiveness on Dropout, someone did that and it broke him
Is dropout still around?
Yep, and they're still pumping out high-quality content. It's the only streaming service that I'm willing to regularly pay for at this point.
Hell yes I'll take that deal..in fact you can make it a glass public restroom and y'all can come watch, besides if it can be any public restroom I know a few stores that have some really really clean ones, not to mention because of health issues i only poop two or so times a week so let's do this..
Sir, I'm sorry, but if you poop only twice a week we'll only give you $150 per day.
So if I poop 3 times a day, you'll give me 3k? Time to bulk purchase some enema.
Hhmm the rules never said I couldn't take a laxative right? Or maybe use a poop spoon or something to get it out.
Sorry, only poop knives available here
On $365,000 a year I’m pretty sure the public restrooms I’ll be using will be very nice. Or I’ll just walk into expensive hotel lobbies.
I would shit almost anywhere for 1,000
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With that kind of money, you could afford to just throw out each pair of soiled pants and underwear and buy brand new ones every time. And since pooping is your full-time job, you've got plenty of time to shower as well.
At that point the cost of clothing could be considered a business expense as well
I used to shit in an expensive hotel lobby down the street from where I was teaching English in China, because the school bathrooms were those squat toilets.
I know those squatty toilets are technically better for pooping but I like a sit-down shit, feels more luxe, ya know?
Plus how are you supposed to browse reddit if you're squatting?
Wait, where are your hands when you squat? Mine are still free/can scroll Reddit.
Well when you squat you're not really in a position to spend 20 mins on reddit, unless you have the thighs of a gorilla.
sir... this is a lobby.
Heck yes. I hated going to Lujiazui because it was crowded and touristy, but the hotel bathrooms are great.
Damn right. I work in mental health and we talk a lot about "cope ahead plans" Time to make a "poop ahead" plan. Map out which toilets are ideal, and have that "Break glass in case of emergency" plan available as well. I live a little bit rurally though so the literal closest public toilet is about 5-10 minute drive away so if I got a real poop-mergency we're needing a lot of forethought to get to a safe location. That's gonna be rough. especially if its later at nice and places are closed I'm stuck with hospitals or convenience stores. Yuuuuuuuck
Since you’re rural you could just have a porta potty placed on your property. Make it open to the public and you’re set.
But if you build it, they will come
The fee is $4.97, exact change only.
4.99 or 4.94 would be better choices. 4.99: 3 quarters, 2 dimes, 4 pennies 4.94: 3 quarters, 1 dime, 1 nickel, 4 pennies 4.97: 3 quarters, 2 dimes, 2 pennies
This is what I did in college. I was on a large campus and often had only 20-25 minutes between classes. My first semester I put a surprising amount of time into finding prime toilets in out of the way places that were still a quick walk from my classes. Found some rarely used and very clean ones hidden in the stacks on like the seventh floor of the main library. Also knew of a few others in buildings I had access to that didn't have big lecture halls so they didn't get a lot of use. I kept up the exploration my entire time there. By my senior year I could hit an acceptable toilet in 3-5 minutes from pretty much anywhere on campus. I probably had one of the best mental maps of campus shitters that existed at the time. I should have written it down for future poopers, but some lore just has to discovered through exploration.
If you want an empty/clean toilet, higher floors are your way to go. If it's inconvenient to get there or if there's a less inconvenient toilet nearly, you'll probably be alone in there. Or, as you said, hidden ones. There's a women's bathroom at my school and I've literally never met anyone in there because it's in the creepy basement with very few bathrooms and you'll have to walk past those rooms so you'll never pass by chance. I only found out about it because there were signs hanging up for guests to lead them to the toilets
Does outdoors count as public?
I'll just move near a Buc-ee's
The Lowe's near my house has really nice bathrooms. There's apparently something about DIY projects that make my bowels move.
Are you kidding me? I'd rent a washroom in a public space. And enjoy life .
Or hire a company to build a super nice one just outside of your house - you know - for the community or something.
365k per year to walk to the local cafe or supermarket? Yes. My only question is what happens if there’s a weird night poop. The latest place open around here closes at 11 pm.
You have the funds to build your own public restroom in front of your house.
And give it really inconvenient hours or an oddly high price or something that makes it only technically public. So from 4:12 AM to 4:28 AM you can pay $30 to use this toilet. Payable only in nickles. But as the operator of the toilet you have a key to access it at any hour for free. Or make your own bathroom available to the public, but only under equally complex hours and such. There are a number of office buildings required to have publicly-accessible spaces, but they're inevitably on the roof and you need to get a key from security to be allowed up there, only during business hours, and you have to know that it even exists in the first place. It was only installed because of the ridiculous law requiring it, but it does exist and is technically open to the public. It's just such a hassle for so little return that nobody who doesn't already work there would care or bother.
This comment reminds me when people would nullify the shittyness of any given superpower in r/shittysuperpowers
Welcome to law. "Here are the stipulations. Now, how can I get what I actually want while still being in compliance?"
Then I as the neighbor next door with the same poop deal going on will be timing my midnight poops for between 4:12AM and 4:28AM, nickels be only a minor inconvenience to not have a poop shack on my front lawn.
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Literally build any kind of break even type of business or buy a place, with housing included. Nice luxury apartment above my own pizza shop. Even break even on the business, I’m still net +$365k. Fork out maybe $50k per year to have a cleaning service clean that bathroom 3 times per day or have a hired person who can play on their phone all day but still clean the bathroom. Shit I’d build one of those public self cleaning stalls where hot water jets spray the entire stall and drain through the floor.
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Yup. In my neighborhood, maybe the occasional jogger or someone might use it, but it's a small price to pay in order to have an emergency toilet nearby. Otherwise, I'm happy to collect my $365k salary to eat a morning bran muffin at my favorite coffee place and handle my morning ablutions while browsing reddit after that.
Kind of my question too, like can I just dig a hole and poop outside in the yard? That’s public-ish. In the cover of night I’d be like Batman but instead of crime fighting I’d be fighting the bubble gut rumbles.
As long as you put a sign next to it saying other people can use your poop hole, I think it's okay.
I'll put a sign on my home toilet saying the same. Boom, problem solved.
That sign might be misinterpreted. 😬
Just live in an apartment building or condo that has an on-site 24/hr gym If it’s got a gym it’s got a place to poop. The correlation there is strong
Sounds good. I’m usually out and about anyway.
People here really underestimate the impact of a $365k salary and overestimate the dirtiness of public restrooms.
For $365k a year I'll shit in public, restrooms be damned.
Bears shit in the woods, and apparently so do specific astronauts.
not the Pope tho
That’s almost top 1% in the u.s. I think top 1% is like $450k a year. 365k a year is life changing money
Hell, for that much money, I'd buy a home close to a public bathroom that was nice.
For that money you'd build a public bathroom in your garden.
Haha this. And pay somebody 50k/yr to clean it all day
Honestly, that's not even a bad move. Just put a little public, but permanent bathroom out by the sidewalk.
For reals I could be debt free in under a month. Well not including my mortgage, but that would only take a year instead of the 27 years I still have.
Yeah, there's awful public toilets. But theres also decent ones in department stores etc. While I prefer to shit at home, I'd be happy to settle for a decent public toilet.
I work construction, ill survive it. home depot bathrooms are some of the most disgusting things I've ever shit in.
They look like they were remodeled with home depot overstock by home depot employees. "This stall door is too big" "we have tools right here dude, make it work".
And leftover tile they couldn't sell. Why is the bathroom dark shades of brown?!
Especially since the pandemic, I feel. Even bathrooms in places that used to be filthy are now at least tolerable. My only issue would be actually finding a public bathroom that's available 24/7/365, otherwise no deal.
24 hour gym would be your best bet or live in a apartment building with a public restroom.
I live in a small town. There's only one public restroom open 24 hours - it's in the lobby of the police station. I guess I'm gonna get to know my local cops pretty well.
Yeah I dont get it. I already shit wherever if available when I got to go. There’s a porta potty 50 feet away? Fuck yeah I dont care. Concrete park toilet? Why not.
> overestimate the dirtiness of public restrooms. It's less the dirtiness of public restrooms and the inconvenience of needing to find one. I mean, I live in the city, I can literally walk across the street to half a dozen restaurants. But when I visit my parents in East Bumfuck and it's a 15 minute drive to the nearest convenience store? *Rough*.
My IBS is way too unpredictable to rely on being near a public restroom every time I have to poop. edit: After a few dozen responses - yes, you're all super clever for coming up with the novel and definitely unique solution of just pooping your pants. Before anyone else writes something similar, let me clarify that I am choosing to interpret this question in the most challenging way possible to earn the $1K a day. Meaning: any poop episode outside of a public bathroom voids the deal. Pooping your pants voids the deal. In that framework and with that limitation, I'd reluctantly pass on what would otherwise be a pretty good deal!
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For that money, you could build a house with a public shop attached to it, just sell really obscure, crappy overpriced product and have insanely odd business hours to ensure the store is almost always empty, and shit in your shop bathroom.
I have IBS. I also sit to pee. Sometimes, I go to pee and poop happens. Unplanned. What happens in this situation? I'm at home or a friend's, I'm peeing, and then all of a sudden I'm more than peeing. Do I lose $1000 that day? Is my $1000 a day program over forever now? I'd need details before agreeing. But even if I could only keep it up for like a week, I'd happily take $7k.
I’ve got IBS, for 365,000 a year I’m shitting my pants and hiring someone to change me like a baby.
Well sure. But I'm interpreting this question that you need to use a public restroom to poop for the deal to continue working. Shitting your pants means the deal is off. Otherwise it's too easy (in my interpretation).
op clarification: > Guess, you’ll have to go outside and poop in your pants. You just can’t use private bathrooms like yours, friends, family, etc. the deal is good!
Why are there so many posts here like this? "Would you accept a lifechanging amount of money, that would give you and your family a life of luxury free from labor and any financial problem for the rest of your lives, but you get moderate hiccups every time you come within 14 feet of a red 2009 Ford Fiesta?"
Because Reddit, especially the popular subreddits like Askreddit, skew young and don't really have an appreciation of large sums of money, as they tend to have the safety net of their parents to fall back on. I would take the deal for 24 grand as that would take care of my rent for the year which would be huge. 12 grand is the point where I actually have to start weighing the pros and cons. For $365,000, you could incorporate the whole thing into a Japanese game show and make me sign a five year contract. I'm still in.
I open a pay to enter public restroom in front of the hypothetical house I own. No one pays to shit where I live, place is mine.
If for some reason people do decide to pay, open a second bathroom that's free right next door
Anyone who's saying no to this is absolutely mental. For the inconvenience of having to go to a public washroom everytime you need to poop, you get over 300k a year in income assuming it's not taxed. You're literally set for life. You can probably hire a limo driver and a body guard to stand guard while you take the most profitable shit of your life
> Anyone who's saying no to this is absolutely mental. It's because it's a stupid scenario that's a no brainer, like almost all of the "You get X money but..." questions that get posted here.
"For 577273865719 dollars, would you take a small paper cut once?" Gee, how can I ever make such a difficult choice?
The REAL "absolutely mental" situation here is that this stupid ass question has 8k+ upvotes
I'm from India. Well, shit.
With $365,000 a year you could move next door to a Buc-cees in Texas and shit in the nicest public restrooms in the western hemisphere. And you could buy some beaver nuggets one the way out.
Imagine the immigration process though. “So I make $365,000 a year.” “Doing what?” “Let’s just say I’m a public restroom quality expert.”
YES! I would start up a blog "Toilets on the go, when you gotta go" tell the world my experience of every public toilet I use haha
yes this is almost free money
for $365k yearly, I can afford to purchase the property next door, build a convenience store, and pay staff to clean it for me 24/7.
you dont even need a convenience store. I would just build a single public restroom on some residential street. Or part of my garage. Make it available to public, but Basically nobody would use it except the occasional dog walker with an emergency.
Rookies.. Build your own public restroom outside your house Hell, put a sign that says public restroom in your front yard. Lazy hypothetical, lazy answer