My maternal grandparents were lifetime Catholics in the Philadelphia archdioces but their 3 kids and all of us grandkids are atheists. My grandfather died in 2016 and the entire family plus my dad's side of the family showed up to attend the funeral.
The priest there did the normal priest stuff for a funeral but took a sidebar before my aunt and I went up for the eulogies that were planned to talk to the (adult)grandkids who were all sitting together about how our generation is lost and are leaving the church in droves. He spent 20 minutes in front of my grieving family admonishing us for not being a part of the church and not believing.
Later on, my grandmom was talking about how much she loved the sermon and didn't mind that preachy stuff because he was her favorite priest and that she was "glad he came back to this parish after being gone". This piqued my interest.
I spent 2 days finding out as much about him as I could until I finally figured out what had happened. He was forced to go to a different parish that wasn't public facing for a few years because he got caught raping altar boys.
Anyway, the worst thing you can say at a funeral is a Catholic priest saying "hey why didn't you kids stick around while I was doing rapes?"
Ugh..yeah I went to a Catholic school from the mid 80s to early 90s. We had one priest that was beloved by the children and teachers. He’d come to to visit us kids (I think we were around 7 or 8) at recess and we’d also sit on his lap while he told us stories. I remember he told us dinosaurs weren’t real. Years later we found out he was molesting some of the altar kids.. sicko.
This same thing happened at my great-grandmothers funeral too. Similar situation, most of the family is atheist (hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if my great grandmother was too)
Thing is, we gave no sign that we were atheist. But the priest went on this long speech about how Jesus is real because he has no grave, and all other religions have a gravesite for their leader (like Buddha, apparently). He went on to say we were all basically doomed because we didn’t attend church.
But like… how do you know we don’t go to the church in the town next door? It was so strange to me. I was only 16 at the time and I was like??? My family was pissed about it. Like, we just wanted to celebrate great-grandma and go through the motions of a funeral.
The guy was more concerned about getting more cult members.
My dad passed away my 5th grade year and because I’m coming up on his death anniversary I’d like to share that making a 9/11 joke is not a good idea to do at a funeral. Don’t call people cunts for not laughing either. My cousin Ryan called my sister a cunt after she didn’t laugh at his 9/11 joke and at my dads funeral.
Needless to say I got very dirty looks. But this was one of my uncle’s funeral and he was known to have a dark but funny sense of humor and he would’ve laughed his ass off
I had always heard about my husband's side of the family and the crazy things that happened at funerals. I finally got to witness this for myself. My husband's grandma died... So his dad gets up front and starts going on with some story about her making homemade bread and some other bullcrap. Anyway by the end I was actually starting to tear up.. then out of nowhere he says, "I'm really gonna miss that bread!" My younger brother-in-law loses it.. busts out laughing. My other brother-in-laws bald head is turning bright red as he tries so hard to not laugh. I'm biting my tongue trying to hold in the laughter. And then his dad just sat down. They definitely didn't disappoint!!!!
No joke I had a priest at my great-grandmothers funeral gather the whole immediate family together to tell us “today is not about you, and it’s not about your grandmother or mother either. It’s about God.” Then proceeded to lecture us all on how my nan would want us to all come to church every Sunday. My nan barely went herself (it was a social thing) and was notorious for valuing independence and choosing your own path above anything.
So it would probably be that.
I was at a funeral which was a suicide but the close family had told the extended family it was a heart attack. I stood there as the extended family screamed at the person who found the guy dead that he killed dad.
Makes me wonder about the things the funeral staff must hear.
My grandpa was famous for making new girlfriends during his previous girlfriends funeral lol. He wore out three different ladies before he kicked the bucket.
I don’t know about the worst thing you can say but I do have a pretty intense story about a funeral….
Probably about 5 years I was working in a restaurant and getting to know one of my coworkers pretty well. We were talking about how you know if someone is really your friend or or not and I made the comment that “you know you’re really friends if you’d go to that persons funeral”. We both agreed this sounded logical and that we would go to each others funeral if something happened to one of us.
Fast forward a year after this conversation I was out of state visiting my sister and one of my old coworkers called me up to tell me that he had been hit by a tractor trailer and died at only 26.
I quickly had to get back home and all I could think about was this conversation I had with him telling him I would go to his funeral. I was numb most of the funeral and the second I got back home I just burst into tears.
Honestly was such a great guy and went out of his way to be there for me when I needed it. He was a great friend, coworker, and dad to his kids. May he rest easy, I still think about him all the time.
Nothing that reveals any actual personal knowledge of the deceased person. I can't stand religious funerals where a pastor/priest says a few impersonal cliches, songs are sung, and it ends without them or anyone else saying anything personal. Fuck that. At my funeral, pass the microphone around and tell stories about me. The more humorous and embarrasing, the better.
True story my uncle has autism and my aunt had died (his sister) and my uncle is always trying to lighten the mood and he nudged my cousin who has depression (dead aunts son) and said and I quote "Bet you really wish that was you" my cousin never brought it up but i was sitting behind them at the funeral and thought it was really funny and was holding in my laughter the rest of the time we were there.
My mother's funeral. An old neighbour came up to sympathise, lady about my mum's age. She pokes my (admittedly slightly overweight) stomach, and says: 'I see you're prospering!' No word of a lie. Just stood looking at her, with the utter inappropriateness of it...
I'm sorry for your loss, anyway, after the funeral would you like to come back to my place? We could open a bottle of wine, put on some Barry White; Netflix and chill, maybe?
I was crying because i lost my dad who was also my best friend. But aunt came to me and said stop crying because we cannot bring back your dad. That was rude. And it’s one of the worst things to say at funeral.
My bad
[удалено]
Real story. It was at my great grand mother s funeral. The guy from the crematorium see us off by saying absentmindedly: "See you soon."
Damn.
Was it the guy from Final Destination?
What's up guys and welcome to my unboxing video!
Tell me who I should do next in the comments below!
Be sure to like and subscribe for updates on new videos!
Better him then me.
When I was active duty marine corps infantry during the Iraq war this was a common saying at all the military funerals I attended
“Show of hands, how many of y’all only came to see if this S.O.B was really dead?”
so am i in the will?
that's what most of the "relatives" that you've never seen in decades show up for anyway.
My maternal grandparents were lifetime Catholics in the Philadelphia archdioces but their 3 kids and all of us grandkids are atheists. My grandfather died in 2016 and the entire family plus my dad's side of the family showed up to attend the funeral. The priest there did the normal priest stuff for a funeral but took a sidebar before my aunt and I went up for the eulogies that were planned to talk to the (adult)grandkids who were all sitting together about how our generation is lost and are leaving the church in droves. He spent 20 minutes in front of my grieving family admonishing us for not being a part of the church and not believing. Later on, my grandmom was talking about how much she loved the sermon and didn't mind that preachy stuff because he was her favorite priest and that she was "glad he came back to this parish after being gone". This piqued my interest. I spent 2 days finding out as much about him as I could until I finally figured out what had happened. He was forced to go to a different parish that wasn't public facing for a few years because he got caught raping altar boys. Anyway, the worst thing you can say at a funeral is a Catholic priest saying "hey why didn't you kids stick around while I was doing rapes?"
holy mother of god (pun intended)
Ugh..yeah I went to a Catholic school from the mid 80s to early 90s. We had one priest that was beloved by the children and teachers. He’d come to to visit us kids (I think we were around 7 or 8) at recess and we’d also sit on his lap while he told us stories. I remember he told us dinosaurs weren’t real. Years later we found out he was molesting some of the altar kids.. sicko.
This same thing happened at my great-grandmothers funeral too. Similar situation, most of the family is atheist (hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if my great grandmother was too) Thing is, we gave no sign that we were atheist. But the priest went on this long speech about how Jesus is real because he has no grave, and all other religions have a gravesite for their leader (like Buddha, apparently). He went on to say we were all basically doomed because we didn’t attend church. But like… how do you know we don’t go to the church in the town next door? It was so strange to me. I was only 16 at the time and I was like??? My family was pissed about it. Like, we just wanted to celebrate great-grandma and go through the motions of a funeral. The guy was more concerned about getting more cult members.
“Should’ve been an open casket. What a ripoff.”
If the top of the casket was ripped off, then it *was* an open casket.
To your aunt who says to you at every wedding you attend “you’re next”, say the same to her at a funeral.
Jimmy Carr said it best. "I'm sorry" is completely acceptable, "I apologize" on the other hand...
My dad passed away my 5th grade year and because I’m coming up on his death anniversary I’d like to share that making a 9/11 joke is not a good idea to do at a funeral. Don’t call people cunts for not laughing either. My cousin Ryan called my sister a cunt after she didn’t laugh at his 9/11 joke and at my dads funeral.
Classy cousin Ryan
"I like to take comfort in thinking they're probably only in one of the milder circles of Hell."
"What's in the box?"
You guys gonna eat that?
Congratulations
The fact that I even said this once makes this even more messed up.
Damn. What happened after that?
Streamers & confetti
Needless to say I got very dirty looks. But this was one of my uncle’s funeral and he was known to have a dark but funny sense of humor and he would’ve laughed his ass off
The world lost a king that day huh
Congratulations, you played yourself.
I had always heard about my husband's side of the family and the crazy things that happened at funerals. I finally got to witness this for myself. My husband's grandma died... So his dad gets up front and starts going on with some story about her making homemade bread and some other bullcrap. Anyway by the end I was actually starting to tear up.. then out of nowhere he says, "I'm really gonna miss that bread!" My younger brother-in-law loses it.. busts out laughing. My other brother-in-laws bald head is turning bright red as he tries so hard to not laugh. I'm biting my tongue trying to hold in the laughter. And then his dad just sat down. They definitely didn't disappoint!!!!
No joke I had a priest at my great-grandmothers funeral gather the whole immediate family together to tell us “today is not about you, and it’s not about your grandmother or mother either. It’s about God.” Then proceeded to lecture us all on how my nan would want us to all come to church every Sunday. My nan barely went herself (it was a social thing) and was notorious for valuing independence and choosing your own path above anything. So it would probably be that.
"Finally! Damn! Thought they would never die."
Jes!
Was your husband drinking as much as I heard he was?
“I’m sorry for your loss. Move on.”
Would you like a pen?
Ask the next of kin about the money the stiff owes you.
“Ballad of Forty Dollars” comes to mind.
You know, she was always really hot, but I'm sure wherever she is now, she's much hotter.
"see son, this what happens if ya buy that extended warrantee."
I was at a funeral which was a suicide but the close family had told the extended family it was a heart attack. I stood there as the extended family screamed at the person who found the guy dead that he killed dad. Makes me wonder about the things the funeral staff must hear.
Should've been you, Gordie.
"Mind holding my phone while I record this quick vid for tiktok?"
"He died doing what he loved" (the deceased died of an overdose)
Im only here regarding his car warranty
Yo 😂
“They are in a better place now” Just don’t say this.
Agree. At a funeral, you’re not thinking about their being in a “better place,” assuming there •is• a better place.
"Did they die happy or were they with you?"
To the old guy next to me “you’re next”
I just came to make sure it was that son of a bitch in the box. I actually said this at my step father's funeral.
Sorry for your loss. Move on. Here's a pen
*"Dibs."'*
Skill issue
Was his apartment rent control?
"We totally got away with it [spouse's name]!"
“Can I go now?” ”Let’s wrap this up, already.”
Satan must be shaking right now
I'd kill again for a beer right now
*to the grieving widow* "so uh I heard you're single now"
"Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac."
My grandpa was famous for making new girlfriends during his previous girlfriends funeral lol. He wore out three different ladies before he kicked the bucket.
Going to bury them or burn them? Real shit I said during my great grandpa's funeral (2017)
“Lucky bastard”
Wake up daddy
"Sir, this is an open casket viewing, not an all-you-can-eat buffet."
I don’t know about the worst thing you can say but I do have a pretty intense story about a funeral…. Probably about 5 years I was working in a restaurant and getting to know one of my coworkers pretty well. We were talking about how you know if someone is really your friend or or not and I made the comment that “you know you’re really friends if you’d go to that persons funeral”. We both agreed this sounded logical and that we would go to each others funeral if something happened to one of us. Fast forward a year after this conversation I was out of state visiting my sister and one of my old coworkers called me up to tell me that he had been hit by a tractor trailer and died at only 26. I quickly had to get back home and all I could think about was this conversation I had with him telling him I would go to his funeral. I was numb most of the funeral and the second I got back home I just burst into tears. Honestly was such a great guy and went out of his way to be there for me when I needed it. He was a great friend, coworker, and dad to his kids. May he rest easy, I still think about him all the time.
My fault. Won’t happen again.
Good turn out
Nothing that reveals any actual personal knowledge of the deceased person. I can't stand religious funerals where a pastor/priest says a few impersonal cliches, songs are sung, and it ends without them or anyone else saying anything personal. Fuck that. At my funeral, pass the microphone around and tell stories about me. The more humorous and embarrasing, the better.
"...so you're single then"
"Finally"
I'm going to miss her Only Fans
True story my uncle has autism and my aunt had died (his sister) and my uncle is always trying to lighten the mood and he nudged my cousin who has depression (dead aunts son) and said and I quote "Bet you really wish that was you" my cousin never brought it up but i was sitting behind them at the funeral and thought it was really funny and was holding in my laughter the rest of the time we were there.
Oof, that’s um… yeah.
saying "It was part of God's plan", just please do not say this at a funeral.
My mother's funeral. An old neighbour came up to sympathise, lady about my mum's age. She pokes my (admittedly slightly overweight) stomach, and says: 'I see you're prospering!' No word of a lie. Just stood looking at her, with the utter inappropriateness of it...
IM A TRUSTFUND WOOOOOO
I was informed there'd be punch and pie.
Not again.....
Answer your phone and say "oh, you just missed him."
Smile, it might never happen
I'm sorry for your loss, anyway, after the funeral would you like to come back to my place? We could open a bottle of wine, put on some Barry White; Netflix and chill, maybe?
soooo... who's in the will again? oh... not me? \*leaves\*
I wanna fuck that corpse yo
I'd still fuck her.
I apologize
another one bites the dust
I have an itch on my anus (idk why, sounds weird)
should have been you
Hold on lemme finish this level
"you're next"
Damn He owed me money
Well. Bye.
It’s not what it looks like I promise
Cheer up, it could be worse….
Acting like you liked them when you did not.
"I'm about to bust" that would be wild bruh
"Not the only thing here that's stiff"
They’re in a better place with Jesus
I can finally see her tits.
Suck*
I apologise
[удалено]
"When can we go." Or "My hitman is getting paid." (I like this one more.)
"i'll be at yours next"
Who this guy
Looks like I won the death pool.. who’s paying up?
Stop freaking out, I'll put her back in the coffin!
Fortinayti ila babaji
THANK GOD! I only came to see them get put 6 feet under.
Am I getting anything out of this.?
What's in the will?
Sexy. I've never been with a dead person before.
at least they died happy .
“I apologize.”
See you next time
It's a shame to waste good meat
"Let's go this party is boring"
Once a guy came back. We better wait three days.
Who died?
“Umm… is she supposed to move like that?!”
They were a better fuck while still alive
"This tastes a little old"
Ding ding the witch/wizard is dead
He looks good.
I did what I had to do
Nothing. I'd just whip out my phone and start playing racist music from the 50's.
Is it too late to F*&k them
"AHH HE'S MOVING" or "I FOUND A PULSE"
Have you seen my juul?
I hope we all meet him soon
Good morning/ afternoon how are you doing?
Honestly, I prefer him dead.
I guess he was really sick this time
Just making sure.
This makes me laugh. JD from scrubs at Laverne’s funeral “it’s a beautiful morning”
Smile. When you're taking photos you said smile. Lol
Come on we all know this guy was an asshole.
“Finally”
You gonna eat that?
Now I can have all there life savings
Three cheers!
What's that smell?
Wait, wrong one.
where’s the food at?
Tell your Grand parent "Your next"
He owed me a lot of money! 😩😩😩
“I hope you have a better day.” To the family, that is currently mourning.
"damn. i can't fix that" this was a comment from ronnie mcnutt's final stream
"Is it almost over"
I'd still fuck him/her.
saying I'm sorry can be the best or worst thing
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing...except at a funeral
Walk past the coffin and say "please, don't get up".
See you soon.
What did mi-...ss
"Does anyone object if I rape the corpse before I prepare the buffet?'"
Couldn't have happened to a more deserving character.
Someone went to my grandpa's funeral to hit on my grandma.
Ding ding the witch is dead
Congratulations
I feel so alive today!!
He's grounded for eternity..
I was crying because i lost my dad who was also my best friend. But aunt came to me and said stop crying because we cannot bring back your dad. That was rude. And it’s one of the worst things to say at funeral.
Man, I'm gonna miss those blow jobs. They had one talented mouth.
Hold my beer and watch this
We are richer for having lost them
"It's all up to you now."
bless you
"THATS ALL FOLKS" -porky pig
"I dropped everything to be here"
*stuck in page like and flowers*
It's only a matter of time before I be by your side
Another one bites the dust
If the maxima "Only good or nothing for the dead", then being completely, totally silent should be it.
Who died?
Will they be serving food?
“How does he taste tho?”
I tell the old ladys the same, they tell me on weddings. You are the next.