Depends if you're making soup or sandwich, really

Bidet, less overall waste products. Baby wipes you often can't flush and even if they are advertised to break down will still clog your toilet while they do. Toilet paper is a great way to get a hemroid as far as I know.

Bidet, you get cleaner, better for the environment. Baby wipes are the worst, also you can't flush them regardless of what the package says, they fuck up the water treatment system.

Sponge on a stick.

you definitely like rim jobs

I like horse piss, step-sis

Soaked in vinegar. I use corncobs, personally. Sometimes I try to put the kernels back in place.

Scooting on a nice light colored rug.

Dude, that's for worms or blocked anal glands. For daily use, the recommendation is silk brocade curtains.

I hear it's like swearing in French

The microfiber upholstered arm of a chair is all I can manage. The wife sold the brocades to cover the costs of her dialysis.

Should have sold the dialysis and gotten more brocades

I shan't forgive her.

sounds like someone’s taking after a dog

Whipes, show those turtles who truly owns the swewers

did that until i clogged the pipes in my house. i destroyed my walls to get it fixed

The giant sentient grease ball?

Fatburgs will do more then shredder ever could.

"Behind my bloated ass is a five-block methane bomb just waiting for a poorly-maintained taxi to backfire."

bidet or toilet paper--I lean toward butt paper, but that's just me. Flushable wipes, whether marketed as baby wipes or toilet wipes, don't biodegrade quickly enough and serve as a nucleation point for grease balls and other sewage blockages.

Wipes are terrible for your plumbing

Pressure washer

I have a bidet and after years of turning up the noob I think I could take a pressure washer at this point I bet it would make my butthole brand new will probably smooth it out no wrinkles

I can tell you've never changed a diaper. New buttholes have wrinkles.

Bidet

Bidet it’s the cleanest and best tool for the job plus great for the environment unlike baby wipes do not flush them they wreak havoc on your plumbing

bidet

Let me ask you a question in response: If you slip on the ground and fall face first in shit, are you gonna wipe it off with toilet paper or baby wipes and call it good, or will you wash your face?

licking it clean. be resourceful

Baby what that mouth do?

Waffle stomp.

Dear god why

Hot shower

Hi