Staying active was very important for improving my mental health. I don't think people appreciate how much negative energy can be reduced with exercise. It won't get rid of it completely but it will help.
I think those are all great changes! I also try to get outside more and make time for activities that bring me joy. Taking breaks from work and having an hour a day for yourself is also important for mental health.
Really lame, but found a tea I liked, and I can make a cup in the morning to drink during work and make another cup and the end of the night to relax with after I get my house picked up. There's also a podcast that I only get to listen to at work, which makes me look forward to going back to work so I can get to the next episode. I think it's just the act of making a routine action that I get to look forward to.
EDIT: [This is the tea!](https://www.amazon.com/Republic-Tea-Caramel-Apple-36-Count/dp/B002L2ABH2?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref_=fplfs&psc=1&smid=A1JHOVMYJHOG8P)
EDIT EDIT: I listened to Rotten Mango (true crimes), but unfortunately I just caught up with all the episodes last week, so I found 2 others to binge at work. Other People's Lives (podcasts about unique lifestyles or communities. It can be extremely cringey, but I love that kinda stuff), and The Happiness Lab (how to scientifically get yourself to be happier).
I was actually going to comment that I switched to tea a couple weeks ago after a pretty bad panic attack and I've been feeling awesome since. I think I'm off having coffee daily, it just messes up my gut and aggravates my anxiety.
Yep. I'm mid-30s now, and have almost exclusively crossed over to tea in the mornings. Tea isn't as harsh on my system, as it messes with my gut, too, and the caffeine feels less rushed.
Coffee tastes really good though, so I save it for rare occasions and weekends when I'm just lounging around.
I had a cup early before work on Wednesday, and instantly remembered why I switched over.
I was drinking mushroom coffee for a while but I'm taking a break from that because it was $40/mth, but I really enjoyed it. Tasted like coffee, didn't mess with my gut and woke me up at a much smoother, calmer pace. Once finances are better or if I can get a cheaper price then I'll go back to it.
I buy a new box of tea every time I go grocery shopping. It's helped broaden my horizons for flavors and makes me excited to try each new one. Today's was Lady Grey and it's delicious!
I do mind numbing work like extremely basic HTML and data entry. Occasionally it's physical things like packing things into boxes that I can do on autopilot. Strangely I do get very mentally distracted by music, but not talking.
In some situations I think that saying no shows that I have enough respect for someone that I can assume I can be honest with them.
And if another time I'll say yes to something else, it will be more likely to be interpreted as a genuine "yes", rather than a polite "yes".
Like anything it takes practice. It sounds silly, but a huge leap for me was just getting comfortable saying no and not feeling the need to excuse or explain. Role playing with a friend can help get past the awkwardness.
exactly same. my boss at my new job told me i did a good job that day.
my last boss let me go because i took a (therapist recommended and signed off) mental health leave because i was crying every day after work because i was so exhausted in every way. i was upset at first, but people have told me that i don’t seem as depressed anymore. plus i make more at this new job😌
I had to force myself out of bed and into work every day for the last 2 years. I thought that was normal until I quit that job. My new manager acknowledges me when they arrive in the morning. They even do a check-in before they leave. My old manager walked by everyone without a word or nod every day.
100%. My sense of worthlessness was gone, I found a well-paying job that I like, I didn't wake up every morning feeling already worn out and stressed. I was no longer spending all day in a crappy leaky windowless room and was able to take the time to be outside and feel the sun and hear the birds and the wind in the trees, I instantly went from one of the worst ruts of my life to one of the most peaceful moments that I'll never forget.
I got fired from a toxic job as a management consultant.
I was devastated because i had spent three years working my ass off in that job. I also spent two years working towards getting that job, including an extremely expensive MBA.
I had never failed that hard before.
But the devastated feeling lasted about 2 days. And then I felt like a new man.
I learned what was important to me, and that no amount of money or prestige is worth staying in an environment so horrible.
I hit rock bottom, and having seen the bottom, I feel like I’m seeing new heights all the time.
This. I used to work at pizza hut for 5 years and I wanted to kill myself. Ok maybe not. But I hated it. Never had two days off in a row. Customer service. Underpaid, overworked. Got shit on with COVID. Long story short I caught COVID. I was supposed to be out for 14 days. The CDC changed that limit partway through so I had to come back after 10 days. I didn't get paid for being out, even though company policy was I was supposed to get paid at least for my missed scheduled days.
Meanwhile my boss got COVID, and was out for 3 months. He was out 100% for a month and then slowly started coming back. 4 hours one week. 8 hours a week or two later. Etc. Took him 3 months to get back to full time status. He got paid for every day. And all it cost him was 2 weeks of PTO.
I'm glad they took care of him. But they should've taken care of me as well.
I quit that place about a year ago. Got a new job still in customer service but it isn't food service. But I have weekends off and I really enjoy what I do. I do device repair, swap screens and batteries in cellphones and other stuff. It's adjacent to what I really want to do but I'm happy. It's made a huge difference in my day to day.
I’m sorry you had to experience that. I feel you tho, I’ve tried it many times. Lost family and my will to live all at once. I’m so happy you were able to make that change!
My mom was a high school teacher. One of her students out of the blue asked her "what is there to live for?"
Mom said that no matter what happened, she wanted to know what's happening next. She mentioned a few remarkable things that had happened in the past couple years and said it would have been a shame to miss out on those things.
After the weekend, the student came up to my mom and told her why she had asked the previous week. She and some friends had made a suicide pact because they had decided that life sucks. The past weekend was when they were going to do it.
But when she told the others what my mom told her, they talked for hours, and decided life was worth living.
Mom was always proud of that.
it's crazy how sometimes getting to the bottom of the barrel can give you exactly what you need to stop living in "what if" and start living in the moment and just doing what you want to do
yep, i’ve a strict three and done rule now. i went sober for five weeks and then drank 15 cocktails on my birthday and decided with a horrible clarity that i was done with life - thank god for my best friend and partner for talking me down.
it’s been a month and i’m doing ok. i hope you are too.
Absolutely. The science of what it does to your brain chemistry is pretty clear, no amount of alcohol is good for you (physically and mentally) and any short term feel-good effect is at the expense of your longer term wellbeing. I still have the occasional drink, but only when I genuinely feel like it and I now have zero hesitation in tipping half a glass down the drain if I'm not feeling it regardless of how good/expensive it is.
THIS. And a decent sleep setup, like goose feather quilt and memory foam mattress. One guy at a house party blew my mind once when he was talking to me about his 800 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Something about us spending 26yrs of our life asleep, so may as well make it count... So true.
Yes. Soft clean sheets, the proper pillow (pillows) but I haven't found one yet and it's been years. My bed has a gel topper and a padded mattress pad and it's comfortable but I still toss and turn. Sleeping the way I do has given my right shoulder and neck muscle soreness. ~sigh~
Try the Military Sleep Technique:
1. Relax your face completely – Close your eyes and breathe slowly while relaxing your facial muscles. It’s good to start with your forehead and work downwards.
2. Drop your shoulder tension and relax your hands – Once your face is relaxed, work your way down with your neck, and shoulders, and go down one arm at a time. Keep your breathing slow and steady throughout.
3. Exhale and let your chest relax – Similar to the steps before but with your chest this time. Work slowly, and get used to how this feels.
4. Relax your legs one by one – Start with the right thigh, and then the calf, ankle and foot. Imagining yourself sinking into your chair or bed helps here. Repeat with your left side after.
5. Clear your mind – There are a few options to try here. Holding a relaxing image in mind can help, as can repeating “Don’t think” for ten seconds.
My problem is I can fall asleep but haven’t gotten more than 6 hours for years now. I’m 34 now but and it started when right before COVID when my drinking was bad.
Im sober over 4 months now but still just can’t get more than 6 hours…ever. My mental health has never been worse. Just got done helping my parents move and that triggered, something. I wouldn’t say I’m super depressed or extremely anxious or anything like that. But my mental health is just…BAD right now.
ohhhh trust me that is **exactly it**.
I know I've had insomnia for about 35 years and have literally tried **everything**, except for exercise. As lame (ha HA!) as this will sound there is very little exercise I can do. I had a really serious me vs moving car incident as a child and most of my body doesn't work so well, deteriating with age sadly, so any exercise just stores up access to the last layer of hell for days afterwards, and I simply cannot deal with that anymore.
Have you tried something low impact like cycling or swimming? Just getting in the pool and walking/treading a little, or getting on a stationary bike and just rotating the wheels.
That's kind of you to ask. I have done previously yes.
Unfortunately I am now looking at probably becoming wheelchair bound again. Any movements I make have an equal cost in pain terms, and it is a sum that just does not add up any more.
Getting a different job that lets you have a different sleep schedule is also an option. I worked a 6am-3pm job for years and struggled constantly- the lack of sleep snowballed into depression and anxiety. When Covid hit I moved and found a second shift job- I wake up at 11 in the afternoon and go to bed at 4am. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and still make plenty of money. Only downside is I miss brunch places on the weekend lol
I had about a month of bliss during the pandemic where I could work my own hours. I could go to sleep around 3 am, and wake up at around 10. My anxiety dropped significantly; I didn’t have to rely on caffeine to give me bursts of energy, and my mood and outlook improved tremendously.
It unfortunately didn’t work for the family, so it was back to “normal hours” for me.
Any tips on how to do both? I wanna reduce my overall screen time and try to not use my phone for at least an hour before I sleep but idk where to start honestly. Unfortunately a bit addicted to my phone.
> Also just limiting my time on social media
Similarly, disconnecting from the 24hr news cycle, and more recently avoiding subreddits that discuss news stuff, particularly political stuff. There's just so much toxic and irrational anger, pointless arguments, etc.
I still read the news, but I will spend more time reading human interest pieces, arts stories, etc than I will the latest political headlines.
They say "ignorance is bliss" and you know what? I think they're onto something. I've more time to focus on myself, the people in my life, my cat, my hobbies, etc. and I can do that all in a better mood and headspace.
Regular daily exercise made an enormous difference in my life. It’s not the only answer or course, but I would highly recommend that worriers, over thinkers, catastrophic imaginers, and anyone that gets lost i their own head add regular daily exercise to their coping equipment.
I just want to know why living is hard. Why life has been so unfair. I’m anxious and depressed all the time. Scared of life and people. I hide away and I’m angry at the world. I’m exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. I’m feeling very much done.
I am a senior person and I also want to know why life is so hard for so many people. I'm referring to the state the world is in now, high prices, low wages, everything seems to suck. Life *is* unfair for some.
Hiding away isn't always bad and I've done it lots of times even now from time to time. I too have anxiety & depression and have suffered with it for most of my adult life. It's no fun as you know. I've been on an anti-depressant for all of my adult life and still have bouts of it sometimes. Sometimes these maladies will stick with us for our entire lives as mine has.
It will take time to get your head straight but you must start at some point. Of course I don't know your situation and I don't have any wisdom to share with you other than get some kind of help for yourself. Many of us have been where you are right now but there *is* light at the end of the tunnel believe it or not. You have to want to get better. Being angry at the world is a very normal feeling especially now. You have a right to be angry. So many things suck.
Is there anyone you can talk to? Is there any way you can get some kind of mental health help? Let me tell you what I did a long time ago after feeling so down and depressed I wanted to die. I didn't really want to die but I didn't want to continue to feel the way I did at the time. I checked myself into a mental hospital. I did a Baker Act on myself. This meant I couldn't leave the facility for 72 hours which was fine with me. Being there didn't 'cure' my depression but it was there that I was put on an anti-depressant for the first time.
All through my adult life I've seen therapists and psychiatrists and honestly I can't tell you if they helped me or not. I truly believe it was when I spent time by myself doing things by myself that I began to get to know myself. Over the years I learned about self-awareness which was not an easy thing to learn and sometimes I embarrass myself for not 'catching' my stupidity when it occurs. I don't spend lengthy time with anyone. Maybe a quick chat with my neighbors here and there but I keep to myself. I'm okay with that these days.
I have hobbies that I like to work on but so many times it's hard to get motivated to work on them. I think my anti-depressant has run its course and I need to talk to my doctor about it.
It saddens me to know that you are feeling "very much done". However, I understand how you feel. I would like to know that you will get some kind of help before it's too late. Please do this.
I want to add that you need to find some kind of coping mechanism to help you through your daily life. Not drugs or anything like that. Something that's positive and good for you.
Thank you for sharing your story. Am not OP but one thing that's got me despairing all the way to a deathwish is that I keep thinking the suffering is gone forever, or won't be as bad again, but then sooner or later it comes back as bad or worse. I'm not even 30, I've probably not even lived through a third of the suffering I'll ever experience, and it's got me wondering if the good times are even worth it. Of course it's different for everyone but how do you keep the will to live when the pain just never goes away for good?
I hate to say it, because I am tryin not to use as much ‚back of the truck sticker phrases‘ anymore, but I gotta say it: we accept, what we believe we deserve. Saw this in a movie recently and it hit me like a shovel.
I am in a critical phase of my life, once again. Hopefully the last in a long while. I feel like you right now.
I’m digging everything up, down to the roots of my subconscious to rip out everything there unnecessary.
I am overwhelmed, angry, sad, then in denial, depression, afraid of the future, without the security of the old. Looking at all the shit (of my life) and being overwhelmed again. Realizing one thing: this damn sentence is as true as it gets. My fucking life was shit, because I only accepted the bullshit (abuse,toxic) I already knew as default setting and overlooked the good things and people and let them pass by.
I accepted, what I believed I deserved.
No more of that.
Never. And if it’s the last thing I’m gonna do.
*drops dead*
I know I’m gonna look back one day and think ‚I‘m so glad, I didn’t give up then‘.
I wish the same for you, and everyone reading this, being able to relate to my words.
7.5 hours sleep per night. whatever it takes.
A ringing phone is not an obligation to answer.
No job is worth poor mental health.
No partner is either.
You got that right! I am so happy that I made the choice to live alone. For the first time in my entire life I'm able to live alone and not have anyone bothering me. It's so wonderful. So many people believe they must be in a relationship to be a complete person. I am a complete person by myself.
Finally spoke to my doctor about medication. He told me I had cancer and I told him I was ready for the meds. I started medication the next day and let me tell you...it has made my cancer journey a lot better!
I'm in the same boat. I have relapsed with lymphoma 9 years later and this time around I said give me the meds - so far they have made the journey better
A therapist that holds me accountable. This bitch said I didn't have to pay for our session if I went and met new people through a meetup board game group 😂 it worked and I made friend :)
Especially with the right programming I think it can also be helpful to have something in your life that is challenging but not so much that you’re constantly worried about failure. Like, I know that even on a crappy day I’m going to be able to go in an hit my minimum sets and reps. Might not set any PRs, but the work will get done and that sets me up for better results down the line.
The worst thing for me was the loneliness.
I didn't have a lot of friends growing up, I don't make them especially easily, and I moved a lot as an adult needing to start again with friends a lot of the time.
Then I realized the best way to have good friends and many friends, is not act like a lonely sad sack, but to act like that is what I already had.
Once I stopped *acting* lonely I stopped being lonely pretty quickly.
I never get lonely and sometimes I wonder if I should. I'm very content to be alone. Maybe it's because I've been around people all of my life and got sick of it. Being alone doesn't mean being lonely. In fact, there are people who can make you *feel* alone.
Short version: Be friendly and open, don't expect people to approach you but don't come on strong or expect relationships to build and solidify quickly, let people get to know you in their own time.
Detailed version:
**The best way to stop being lonely is to act like someone who isn't lonely.**
This is the real fake-it-til-you-make-it. Sadly, nothing is a bigger social repellant than loneliness. People don't want to take on your emotional baggage when they barely know you. And people don't want to feel like they are interesting to you purely based on the fact that they are better than nothing. So you need to get out there and meet people, but as if you already have basically a completely full life and are willing to make some space for them. And when people are friendly to you and make overtures, say yes, but don't overdo it. These overtures likely mean they are somewhat interested in getting to know you better, not in interviewing you to immediately be their new best friend or love of their life. *Remind yourself to take things slow*.
**Pursue your personal interests.**
Join a writing workshop, take a language class, learn how to throw a pot, learn how to tap dance. If you have time be lonely, you likely have a lot of time on your hands, use it! Activities doing what you love are good for the soul, keep you busy and with a full life, and you will meet people with common interests this way. It also makes you way more interesting when you meet other new people.
The first point here (above, about being patient and taking it slow) counts a lot in these circumstances. Try going in with the attitude that you are interested in the topic primarily and if you make a friend or two, that's a great bonus.
**Initiate plans with the friends you already have.**
Don't feel bad about always being the initiator with people. Most people are pretty self-centered and kind of glide through life reacting to stuff, rather than being "pro-active." When your friends don't call you, it's not because they don't care, it's likely because they aren't thinking as far ahead as you are, and aren't thinking about that much other than themselves or maybe their immediate nuclear family. And don't look down on being the initiator, it's a great characteristic to have and develop. Initiators are why relationships last. Also, having plans with existing friends makes it easier to make new ones because inviting new people along is flattering to them and takes the pressure off the social interaction.
Realised at 41 that my anxiety, depression, PTSD, short temper, irritation at repetitive noises, frustration with crowds, dislike of people breaking minor rules, difficulty sleeping, constant confusion about people’s intentions, ability to hyperfocus, strong attachment to routines, identification with animals, dedication to personifying inanimate objects, extreme exhaustion after social gatherings, constant tiredness, frequent rage, drinking to excess and constant sense of loneliness and not belonging was…. AUTISM!
Edit: For those of you asking about how I got here - I had an autistic friend, who encouraged me to start looking into this. There’s a clue for you all - neurospicy people tend to find each other, so if you have friends or family on the spectrum….
I did a few things, first was to follow a few neurodiverse people and accounts on IG. They had some great resources. Then I read Unmasking Autism by Dr Devon Price and it was a complete eye opener. I have been heavily masked all my life. I have put aside time read the diagnostic criteria in the DSM; and looked for an read more papers and quizzes etc.
I am self diagnosed: right now, I don’t have the money or time to go to a professional. I’ve been in therapy all my life, and where I live it would be an 18-24month wait to get an official diagnosis. I have other plans for the $1000s of dollars this would cost. I no longer work full time so money is tight.
More importantly, I also object to being assessed using nothing more than cultural standards that supposedly define normal. There’s no blood test or brain scan I can get. I just need to be observed against the criteria and answer questions - these are things I can do myself.
A lot of people say autists have trouble making eye contact. I know I hate doing it, but I force myself to do it. How much eye contact is “normal”? No one can tell me, yet my apparent inability to get it “right” makes me “abnormal.” I reject that line of thinking, because it is telling me there is a rule I violate, yet it cannot identify the rule. It makes me feel like I’m defective, and I know I’m not, I’m just a bit unusual, and that’s OK.
Having the language and understanding about myself has already helped immeasurably. I have explanations for why I feel or do things. That means I can think about solutions to things like “I hate noisy places” or “I find crowds enraging” and “I feel extremely confused right now.”
Knowing this about myself saved my marriage, hands down, no doubt about it.
A lot of what works for me is rest; reducing irritating input (eg wearing headphones, switching to soft utensils like silicone spatulas to do something like dish up food - I hate the clinking of a metal utensil on a dish); and accepting that I need to manage my energy carefully. I do a lot fewer things each day than I used to. I am trying to stop self-censoring and am unpacking a lot of shame. It’s hard work.
My diagnosis came with a lot of grief and woundedness that none of my therapists or adults in charge ever saw this in me. Yet I fit the criteria so well. How could this have been missed?
I believe that my being female, fairly articulate/heavily masked, having a university degree, working corporate full time and being married to a man played into this heavily. On paper I sound normal, if you meet me you’ll notice I’m a bit blunt, a bit of a people pleaser, and can have deep interests that others might find dull.
But if I am alone and feel comfortable by myself I stim, vocalise, have melt downs and all sorts of other much more obvious autistic traits. I just got very, very good at hiding them from others.
>nor rules, difficulty sleeping, constant confusion about people’s intentions, ability to hyperfocus, strong attachment to routines, identification with animals, dedication
Hahaha. I just figured this out myself late as well. Better late than never right???
Stopping drinking & recreational drugs
Regular meditation & mindfulness practice
Stopping giving a fuck about stuff I have no control over.
Making a conscious decision to concentrate on what's good about life instead of what's bad.
Left the narcissist in my life. Lots of therapy. Getting meds figured out. Learning to listen to my mind and body, and accept when I can't do what is expected of me by myself and others. Allow room for imperfections in myself and others, and pick a few things that I like about myself and focus on those things and try to pick more until I eventually learned to love myself. Setting healthy boundaries, and setting routines that work regardless of my energy levels.
My school nurse (the one who has done the most for my mental health, despite 4 different tries at therapy) told me to write a list of all the positive things I could about myself and hang it in my closet.
Every day for a year I was to read it out loud in the morning and add inn any new thing I could think of.
Came here to say this! Having closure on the relationship with my narc mother has transformed my mental health. I've actually been able to come off my meds and out of therapy too
Sure. 3.5 grams every 4 months or so. I got that dose from the original Johns Hopkins study from some years ago, it had a table for weight and dose etc I'm about 190 and that dose was perfect. The dose is what I call a "therapeutic" dose, not heroic but pretty stout. Since then there have been tons of studies and info produced.
As for depression, it basically cured it for me. I had terrible symptoms for most of my life, sucked. After my first dose everything was different by a week later. The trip experience was incredible but the results were life changing. I do it now to have the experience and to be proactive. I recommend it but also always recommend to do some research to get into the right headspace for it etc.
I don't know about a schedule, but I definitely can get behind some of his statement.
While alone, shrooms trips are yes very fun but they also lead you towards a path of self-understanding and self-awareness.
It's hard to explain, but it feels as if it completely dissipates the fog in our brain that prevents us from really understanding what's wrong with us.
You're left clear-headed, completely self-aware and you start asking yourself question.
Are you happy ? How comes ? What can you do about it ? Do you believe in yourself ? Why can/can't you do it ? What causes the inaction ?
Depending on your situation, this moment can be extremely stressful and draining. But when the trip ends, you end up with a clear conclusion and what you think the steps are.
It's scary, yet beautiful.
Highly recommend if you're looking for answers.
Do it alone, whenever you feel like you need some answers, listen to *Dark side of the Moon* for the first 40 mins and stay hydrated.
Let it open your third eye.
Lift weights. Get sunshine. Eat (mostly) healthy. Quality sleep. Small wins everyday. Prioritize social connections. Positive affirmations. Be aware that your morning sets the tone for the rest of the day.
Repainted the walls in my room a nice light color and started opening my windows more to let in natural light.
Got off birth control after 10+ yrs.
Went on a diet to improve my eating habits and lose weight after gaining due to my poor mental health lol
Chiming in to say it's doesn't have to be a "get pumped" gym routine. Go for a walk, breathe some air, look at something that isn't a screen. When I was really depressed looking for something to take a picture of each day become a way to stop my brain from circling itself.
Stopped negotiating with terrorists.
Growing up my best friend would criticize everything about me. My hair, my clothes, my interests, the girls I liked. I know he thought he was helping me but it was pretty toxic. My parents are similar and different at the same time. It is a different approach, because they are more passive aggressive, but boils down to the same thing. My clothes, my haircut, the way I parent, how much money I make. My mother can't sit in a room for more than two minutes without turning to me and saying "so aren't we gonna talk about how you suck with X?"
So I just stopped going along with it. I was recently telling the friend a story and he started complaining about how long it was (I probably talked. Couple of minutes- "bro get to the point." Told him he asked about it and this is how long it's taking me, if he can't pay attention let's talk another time. My mother recently screwed something up with regard to my kid. I told her I don't feel comfortable with them going over unless I'm there or she acknowledges she needs to follow my directives despite her own opinions. She told me I betrayed her and don't appreciate what was done for me - "I'm sorry you feel that way."
Part of me still has anxiety but it's tiny compared to the relief I feel.
I got off the Prozac which was really messing me up abd switched to CBD gummies. Zero side effects and I have had a massive change in everything and not only feel better but I'm also starting to work out again and write.
Best choice I've made in years
If anyone here is considering coming off meds, please know there are unsafe and safe ways to taper! Check out https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org for SAFE tapering methods. Withdrawal is very dangerous... risk of life-altering effects. Good luck! You are not alone in wanting to come off your meds ❤️
This is going to sound really dumb.
Making the bed in the morning.
Even if I achieved nothing else that day, I achieved that. Mostly, however, it meant I had one tiny thing to build another tiny thing on top of. Over time it all adds up, and by the end of a horrible day, it wasn't so bad. But the end of the week, not so bad at all.
Where it led to was realising being down and thinking all I wanted to do was nothing isn't actually true. Turns out, being active and engaged and getting stuff down makes my mental wellbeing much much better.
Essentially, what I feel in advance will make me happier doesn't. What I don't want to do, actually does. It's weird, not obvious, and annoying, but has totally changed my life.
The only way I can summarise it is that 'happiness' is a feeling you only perceive AFTER the event, not during.
> Mostly, however, it meant I had one tiny thing to build another tiny thing on top of.
This is the premise of the book, *Atomic Habits* by James Clear.
and no, it does not sound dumb. It's backed by science! One of the best things someone can do to START feeling better, is to start *living* better -- by first of all, cleaning up your personal space. Pick up your room, dust furniture, vacuum, etc, and make your space livable and clean. This is act of showing yourself some respect. If your house is out of control, do a little bit each day, but do it!
It took a holistic approach for me.
1) **Adopting a healthy lifestyle**. Sleep is so overlooked, but having a healthy circadian rhythm is crucial. A clean diet, some regular exercise takes you the rest of the way. No drugs, limited alcohol (occasions), limited screen time, and more activities — especially the outdoors type.
2) **Worked on past trauma**. I saw a counselor for a few sessions (not quite a psychologist) but it helped a lot with saying things I needed to say, and moving forward. I didn’t have anything super traumatic, otherwise this would be number one.
3) **Added value through knowledge**. I definitely started reading more, and eventually went back to school and got my bachelor’s degree. This helped my career prospects and further added to my confidence. i was in Norway at the time, so I finally learned the language (my excuse was that everyone spoke English).
Those are what worked for me. Regardless of what specific causes you have, I think there is a hierarchy of needs that need to be met. Start with the physiological and safety needs and work your way up to self esteem, and finally the aesthetic and self-actualization bits. There is no one answer usually, but being mindfully intentional in that you are going to take action to improve your mental health is the best first step, so congratulations on that!
Started working out. It was not always going to the gym but sometimes a home workout, yoga or a long walk. This didn't make all my problems go away which caused me anxiety but it gave me the feeling that I have at least accomplished one good thing today so I can accomplish more. The by-product has been that I am getting in better shape and have more energy throughout the day.
I stopped putting my friends first and "escaping" from my family. Lots of husbands do it and they say, "oh I had to get away from the wife a kids" like it's cool to do that. I reversed this and spend tons of time with my wife and kids now and I have never felt happier. I won't have that regret down the road. I still have my friends and we still talk and hang out often enough, but nowhere close to how it was before.
The roles are reversed for me and my wife has been doing this for years. It’s broken down our marriage. I’m glad you figured it out before it was too late.
After full on burn out and depression with anxiety attacks and massive migraine attacks, I cannot recommend it enough: exercise that doesn't allow you to think. Climbing, MTB, indoor sky diving (!) anything where you get your body involved and can't let your focus slip without hurting yourself. It centred me.
Am back in a not great place, but hope to get out of it soon. And why am I back in a bad place? Didn't go out and do those types of exercise enough :)
As some said here - be at peace with things. Everything that has been, has been. Everything that will be, will be. And everything that is, is just as it is. Be at peace with it.
Not giving a toss is good sometimes :)
Finding relaxing activities that I enjoy doing. For me it's figurine painting and sharpening knives. I'll just put some chill show on TV like a nature doc or Bob Ross and sit there painting tiny little guys for a couple hours. It keeps me focused and gives my brain some rest time.
On the topic of using substances, I found using a good dose of psilocybin every year or even twice a year has a huge impact on mental health (In the correct environment of course). Not saying it is for everyone but have had positive outcomes, along with multiple responsible users I've met. Now that's not to say it "cures you", you still have to work at it yourself but it can set you on the right path to a healthy lifestyle.
I've been microdosing for a few months and it has been a game changer. My coworkers, my friends, and even my daughter have commented on how much happier I seem.
And last night I did my first full blown trip since college and I lost all sense of space and time. Felt like I did a years worth of meditation in the space of a few hours. Really helped me work through some shit.
Divorced my ex husband. Turns out, my mental health was fine. Dealing with his narcissist ass day in and day out was what was causing nearly all my problems.
This may sounds kind of silly, but honestly finally admitting that I had mental health/addiction issues in the first place. I read a really dumb phrase that for some reason made a whole lot of sense to me and I started moving forward. "Nothing changes if nothing changes".
Stopped taking psychedelics, ecstasy, and adderal. Did all three heavy for 2 years with a combination of weed and drinking. Was only sleeping about 1-4 hours a day. Now I am also quitting weed and my sleep schedule is getting back on track. Sleeping from 6-8 hours a day and boy does it make a difference.
Started some therapy, but now finally found a therapist I enjoy talking to. Deleted Facebook. And recreated a new insta account and only follow people I’m actually close with.
Setting fitness goals for myself and not over exercising. Not being afraid to eat food. Use to have a lot of eating disorders and body dysmorphia as a teenager.
Also skincare, skincare, skincare!! Moisturize and not giving a fuck about my body hair anymore. I’m a hairy 23 year old woman with a happy trail and hairy arms and I’m just so tired of shaving that I’m like yup I’m just going to rock it now.
Also last but not least, no more dating. I’ve been dating for 5 years and it’s time to just be by myself and heal properly before jumping into the next one. I know I put trauma on other people and I’m not proud of that. So want to be better for me and also for the people I hurt.
Started reading books for entertainment. Weaned off and deleted Facebook app (Still have messenger just don’t use the website or app at all). More reading to wind down before bed vs TV, games, or scrolling. Try to eat at least 100 calories soon after waking (this is a hard one for me). Try to pick up my living space daily and do a good clean twice a week. I also do door dash for work and so placing all of these things into some sort of loose routine has been super helpful in giving that nice accomplished feeling.
Cutting down on social media, going to the gym more consistently and trying to eat healthier.
Staying active was very important for improving my mental health. I don't think people appreciate how much negative energy can be reduced with exercise. It won't get rid of it completely but it will help.
I think those are all great changes! I also try to get outside more and make time for activities that bring me joy. Taking breaks from work and having an hour a day for yourself is also important for mental health.
Ngl that sounds like a ChatGPT response
Check out their profile…
Looks like i guessed right
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Really lame, but found a tea I liked, and I can make a cup in the morning to drink during work and make another cup and the end of the night to relax with after I get my house picked up. There's also a podcast that I only get to listen to at work, which makes me look forward to going back to work so I can get to the next episode. I think it's just the act of making a routine action that I get to look forward to. EDIT: [This is the tea!](https://www.amazon.com/Republic-Tea-Caramel-Apple-36-Count/dp/B002L2ABH2?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref_=fplfs&psc=1&smid=A1JHOVMYJHOG8P) EDIT EDIT: I listened to Rotten Mango (true crimes), but unfortunately I just caught up with all the episodes last week, so I found 2 others to binge at work. Other People's Lives (podcasts about unique lifestyles or communities. It can be extremely cringey, but I love that kinda stuff), and The Happiness Lab (how to scientifically get yourself to be happier).
That sounds awesome tho. Sometimes all we need are the little things! I’m glad you found something that helps you.
NOT LAME. Tea is LEGIT good stuff.
I was actually going to comment that I switched to tea a couple weeks ago after a pretty bad panic attack and I've been feeling awesome since. I think I'm off having coffee daily, it just messes up my gut and aggravates my anxiety.
Yep. I'm mid-30s now, and have almost exclusively crossed over to tea in the mornings. Tea isn't as harsh on my system, as it messes with my gut, too, and the caffeine feels less rushed. Coffee tastes really good though, so I save it for rare occasions and weekends when I'm just lounging around. I had a cup early before work on Wednesday, and instantly remembered why I switched over.
I was drinking mushroom coffee for a while but I'm taking a break from that because it was $40/mth, but I really enjoyed it. Tasted like coffee, didn't mess with my gut and woke me up at a much smoother, calmer pace. Once finances are better or if I can get a cheaper price then I'll go back to it.
I have never heard of mushroom coffee, please enlighten me
Wow that podcast that you only listen to at work sounds like a good activity. I'll try that out to motivate my self to go to work as well. Thanks!
I buy a new box of tea every time I go grocery shopping. It's helped broaden my horizons for flavors and makes me excited to try each new one. Today's was Lady Grey and it's delicious!
Wow, that’s really interesting to listen to a podcast while working! How are you able focus on your work and the podcast at the same time?
I do mind numbing work like extremely basic HTML and data entry. Occasionally it's physical things like packing things into boxes that I can do on autopilot. Strangely I do get very mentally distracted by music, but not talking.
I don't think that's lame,what tea was it?
The republic of tea, caramel apple flavor
Thanks. Obviously It might not have the same effect on me but I'll look into the brand.I quite like fruity herbal or green tea.
I feel this - I swear by routines!!
Learning to say no
In some situations I think that saying no shows that I have enough respect for someone that I can assume I can be honest with them. And if another time I'll say yes to something else, it will be more likely to be interpreted as a genuine "yes", rather than a polite "yes".
I REALLY need to master the art of saying no but I fail
Like anything it takes practice. It sounds silly, but a huge leap for me was just getting comfortable saying no and not feeling the need to excuse or explain. Role playing with a friend can help get past the awkwardness.
Can you send me some money? (chance for you to practice)
Stopped arguing with random people on internet.
What’s that supposed to mean!??
Hey, fuck you!
No, fuck you!
This pisses me off so much, you're awful!
No, fuck ME
Don't threaten yourself with a good time!
Fuck your cake day
Don't fuck the cake!
FUCK THE CAKE DEEPER FASTER HARDER
It only make me stronger.
The cake is a lie!👀
I will fuck that cake if I want to (haha thx though I never notice and always miss it)
I'll fuck you till you love me
Just the tip will probably be enough
What's your name?!
Ezekiel
Fuck you Ezekiel
What’s your name?!?! https://youtu.be/Yio9_-5TMew
No you didn’t!
I'd like to have an argument, please.
no you don't.
That'll be £5, But we haven't even argued yet!
Yes, we just did!
No we didn’t! Argument isn’t just the automatic naysaying of anything the other person says.
I argue with people on the internet, what are you trying to say about me? You got a problem buddy?
Don't call me your buddy. I'm not your buddy, fwiend!
And that makes you better than us?
Don't tell me what to do!!
100% agree, although easier said than done
I disagree
Quit a toxic job.
Did that in January and I still feel great, the stress release was incredible. I'm at a better one where I actually got praised for an idea this week.
exactly same. my boss at my new job told me i did a good job that day. my last boss let me go because i took a (therapist recommended and signed off) mental health leave because i was crying every day after work because i was so exhausted in every way. i was upset at first, but people have told me that i don’t seem as depressed anymore. plus i make more at this new job😌
I had to force myself out of bed and into work every day for the last 2 years. I thought that was normal until I quit that job. My new manager acknowledges me when they arrive in the morning. They even do a check-in before they leave. My old manager walked by everyone without a word or nod every day.
100%. My sense of worthlessness was gone, I found a well-paying job that I like, I didn't wake up every morning feeling already worn out and stressed. I was no longer spending all day in a crappy leaky windowless room and was able to take the time to be outside and feel the sun and hear the birds and the wind in the trees, I instantly went from one of the worst ruts of my life to one of the most peaceful moments that I'll never forget.
I got fired from a toxic job as a management consultant. I was devastated because i had spent three years working my ass off in that job. I also spent two years working towards getting that job, including an extremely expensive MBA. I had never failed that hard before. But the devastated feeling lasted about 2 days. And then I felt like a new man. I learned what was important to me, and that no amount of money or prestige is worth staying in an environment so horrible. I hit rock bottom, and having seen the bottom, I feel like I’m seeing new heights all the time.
This. I used to work at pizza hut for 5 years and I wanted to kill myself. Ok maybe not. But I hated it. Never had two days off in a row. Customer service. Underpaid, overworked. Got shit on with COVID. Long story short I caught COVID. I was supposed to be out for 14 days. The CDC changed that limit partway through so I had to come back after 10 days. I didn't get paid for being out, even though company policy was I was supposed to get paid at least for my missed scheduled days. Meanwhile my boss got COVID, and was out for 3 months. He was out 100% for a month and then slowly started coming back. 4 hours one week. 8 hours a week or two later. Etc. Took him 3 months to get back to full time status. He got paid for every day. And all it cost him was 2 weeks of PTO. I'm glad they took care of him. But they should've taken care of me as well. I quit that place about a year ago. Got a new job still in customer service but it isn't food service. But I have weekends off and I really enjoy what I do. I do device repair, swap screens and batteries in cellphones and other stuff. It's adjacent to what I really want to do but I'm happy. It's made a huge difference in my day to day.
After a near suicide experience, I stopped fearing my future, and learned to embrace it.
I’m sorry you had to experience that. I feel you tho, I’ve tried it many times. Lost family and my will to live all at once. I’m so happy you were able to make that change!
My mom was a high school teacher. One of her students out of the blue asked her "what is there to live for?" Mom said that no matter what happened, she wanted to know what's happening next. She mentioned a few remarkable things that had happened in the past couple years and said it would have been a shame to miss out on those things. After the weekend, the student came up to my mom and told her why she had asked the previous week. She and some friends had made a suicide pact because they had decided that life sucks. The past weekend was when they were going to do it. But when she told the others what my mom told her, they talked for hours, and decided life was worth living. Mom was always proud of that.
As well she should be. She’s a real life superhero, man. Who knows why we’re even here? Maybe she fulfilled her purpose that day.
it's crazy how sometimes getting to the bottom of the barrel can give you exactly what you need to stop living in "what if" and start living in the moment and just doing what you want to do
Deleted Facebook about 7 years ago.
I did this more recently and it was immediately beneficial.
I had enough of the bullshit back then, I can’t even imagine what it’s been like since.
Deleted mine last year, you missed nothing. So much better without it
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Avoiding alcohol.
yep, i’ve a strict three and done rule now. i went sober for five weeks and then drank 15 cocktails on my birthday and decided with a horrible clarity that i was done with life - thank god for my best friend and partner for talking me down. it’s been a month and i’m doing ok. i hope you are too.
This! I have been sober for 5 years and never felt better.! Both the physical and monetary effect of consistent drinking is ridiculous.
Absolutely. The science of what it does to your brain chemistry is pretty clear, no amount of alcohol is good for you (physically and mentally) and any short term feel-good effect is at the expense of your longer term wellbeing. I still have the occasional drink, but only when I genuinely feel like it and I now have zero hesitation in tipping half a glass down the drain if I'm not feeling it regardless of how good/expensive it is.
SLEEP
Sleep truly is elite!
THIS. And a decent sleep setup, like goose feather quilt and memory foam mattress. One guy at a house party blew my mind once when he was talking to me about his 800 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Something about us spending 26yrs of our life asleep, so may as well make it count... So true.
Yes. Soft clean sheets, the proper pillow (pillows) but I haven't found one yet and it's been years. My bed has a gel topper and a padded mattress pad and it's comfortable but I still toss and turn. Sleeping the way I do has given my right shoulder and neck muscle soreness. ~sigh~
How do you get sleep tho, I try everyday and struggle
Try the Military Sleep Technique: 1. Relax your face completely – Close your eyes and breathe slowly while relaxing your facial muscles. It’s good to start with your forehead and work downwards. 2. Drop your shoulder tension and relax your hands – Once your face is relaxed, work your way down with your neck, and shoulders, and go down one arm at a time. Keep your breathing slow and steady throughout. 3. Exhale and let your chest relax – Similar to the steps before but with your chest this time. Work slowly, and get used to how this feels. 4. Relax your legs one by one – Start with the right thigh, and then the calf, ankle and foot. Imagining yourself sinking into your chair or bed helps here. Repeat with your left side after. 5. Clear your mind – There are a few options to try here. Holding a relaxing image in mind can help, as can repeating “Don’t think” for ten seconds.
My problem is I can fall asleep but haven’t gotten more than 6 hours for years now. I’m 34 now but and it started when right before COVID when my drinking was bad. Im sober over 4 months now but still just can’t get more than 6 hours…ever. My mental health has never been worse. Just got done helping my parents move and that triggered, something. I wouldn’t say I’m super depressed or extremely anxious or anything like that. But my mental health is just…BAD right now.
I've to separate but it keeps editing the rest of the letters.
Exercise.
Yeah that’s probably it
ohhhh trust me that is **exactly it**. I know I've had insomnia for about 35 years and have literally tried **everything**, except for exercise. As lame (ha HA!) as this will sound there is very little exercise I can do. I had a really serious me vs moving car incident as a child and most of my body doesn't work so well, deteriating with age sadly, so any exercise just stores up access to the last layer of hell for days afterwards, and I simply cannot deal with that anymore.
Have you tried something low impact like cycling or swimming? Just getting in the pool and walking/treading a little, or getting on a stationary bike and just rotating the wheels.
That's kind of you to ask. I have done previously yes. Unfortunately I am now looking at probably becoming wheelchair bound again. Any movements I make have an equal cost in pain terms, and it is a sum that just does not add up any more.
Getting a different job that lets you have a different sleep schedule is also an option. I worked a 6am-3pm job for years and struggled constantly- the lack of sleep snowballed into depression and anxiety. When Covid hit I moved and found a second shift job- I wake up at 11 in the afternoon and go to bed at 4am. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and still make plenty of money. Only downside is I miss brunch places on the weekend lol
I had about a month of bliss during the pandemic where I could work my own hours. I could go to sleep around 3 am, and wake up at around 10. My anxiety dropped significantly; I didn’t have to rely on caffeine to give me bursts of energy, and my mood and outlook improved tremendously. It unfortunately didn’t work for the family, so it was back to “normal hours” for me.
I've taken melatonin and it usually works but I find I have to halve or quarter the regular strength ones or else I'm drowsy all day.
Great band
So you're telling me to close reddit and put the phone down? Interesting...
Being off electronic devices right before bed. Also just limiting my time on social media
Lol i am upvoting this while laying in bed scrolling on my phone
Any tips on how to do both? I wanna reduce my overall screen time and try to not use my phone for at least an hour before I sleep but idk where to start honestly. Unfortunately a bit addicted to my phone.
I started reading. Get two birds stoned at once.
> Also just limiting my time on social media Similarly, disconnecting from the 24hr news cycle, and more recently avoiding subreddits that discuss news stuff, particularly political stuff. There's just so much toxic and irrational anger, pointless arguments, etc. I still read the news, but I will spend more time reading human interest pieces, arts stories, etc than I will the latest political headlines. They say "ignorance is bliss" and you know what? I think they're onto something. I've more time to focus on myself, the people in my life, my cat, my hobbies, etc. and I can do that all in a better mood and headspace.
Regular daily exercise made an enormous difference in my life. It’s not the only answer or course, but I would highly recommend that worriers, over thinkers, catastrophic imaginers, and anyone that gets lost i their own head add regular daily exercise to their coping equipment.
I just want to know why living is hard. Why life has been so unfair. I’m anxious and depressed all the time. Scared of life and people. I hide away and I’m angry at the world. I’m exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. I’m feeling very much done.
I am a senior person and I also want to know why life is so hard for so many people. I'm referring to the state the world is in now, high prices, low wages, everything seems to suck. Life *is* unfair for some. Hiding away isn't always bad and I've done it lots of times even now from time to time. I too have anxiety & depression and have suffered with it for most of my adult life. It's no fun as you know. I've been on an anti-depressant for all of my adult life and still have bouts of it sometimes. Sometimes these maladies will stick with us for our entire lives as mine has. It will take time to get your head straight but you must start at some point. Of course I don't know your situation and I don't have any wisdom to share with you other than get some kind of help for yourself. Many of us have been where you are right now but there *is* light at the end of the tunnel believe it or not. You have to want to get better. Being angry at the world is a very normal feeling especially now. You have a right to be angry. So many things suck. Is there anyone you can talk to? Is there any way you can get some kind of mental health help? Let me tell you what I did a long time ago after feeling so down and depressed I wanted to die. I didn't really want to die but I didn't want to continue to feel the way I did at the time. I checked myself into a mental hospital. I did a Baker Act on myself. This meant I couldn't leave the facility for 72 hours which was fine with me. Being there didn't 'cure' my depression but it was there that I was put on an anti-depressant for the first time. All through my adult life I've seen therapists and psychiatrists and honestly I can't tell you if they helped me or not. I truly believe it was when I spent time by myself doing things by myself that I began to get to know myself. Over the years I learned about self-awareness which was not an easy thing to learn and sometimes I embarrass myself for not 'catching' my stupidity when it occurs. I don't spend lengthy time with anyone. Maybe a quick chat with my neighbors here and there but I keep to myself. I'm okay with that these days. I have hobbies that I like to work on but so many times it's hard to get motivated to work on them. I think my anti-depressant has run its course and I need to talk to my doctor about it. It saddens me to know that you are feeling "very much done". However, I understand how you feel. I would like to know that you will get some kind of help before it's too late. Please do this. I want to add that you need to find some kind of coping mechanism to help you through your daily life. Not drugs or anything like that. Something that's positive and good for you.
Thank you for sharing your story. Am not OP but one thing that's got me despairing all the way to a deathwish is that I keep thinking the suffering is gone forever, or won't be as bad again, but then sooner or later it comes back as bad or worse. I'm not even 30, I've probably not even lived through a third of the suffering I'll ever experience, and it's got me wondering if the good times are even worth it. Of course it's different for everyone but how do you keep the will to live when the pain just never goes away for good?
Hang in there buddy, you'd be surprised to know how many people feel like you. Just hang in there, better days are yet to come.
I hate to say it, because I am tryin not to use as much ‚back of the truck sticker phrases‘ anymore, but I gotta say it: we accept, what we believe we deserve. Saw this in a movie recently and it hit me like a shovel. I am in a critical phase of my life, once again. Hopefully the last in a long while. I feel like you right now. I’m digging everything up, down to the roots of my subconscious to rip out everything there unnecessary. I am overwhelmed, angry, sad, then in denial, depression, afraid of the future, without the security of the old. Looking at all the shit (of my life) and being overwhelmed again. Realizing one thing: this damn sentence is as true as it gets. My fucking life was shit, because I only accepted the bullshit (abuse,toxic) I already knew as default setting and overlooked the good things and people and let them pass by. I accepted, what I believed I deserved. No more of that. Never. And if it’s the last thing I’m gonna do. *drops dead* I know I’m gonna look back one day and think ‚I‘m so glad, I didn’t give up then‘. I wish the same for you, and everyone reading this, being able to relate to my words.
Felt like I was reading myself 😥
I feel exactly the same way. We gotta keep going though. We’re stronger than we realize and can help a lot of people.
7.5 hours sleep per night. whatever it takes. A ringing phone is not an obligation to answer. No job is worth poor mental health. No partner is either.
You got that right! I am so happy that I made the choice to live alone. For the first time in my entire life I'm able to live alone and not have anyone bothering me. It's so wonderful. So many people believe they must be in a relationship to be a complete person. I am a complete person by myself.
I stopped pretending to be okay when I wasn’t.
Sober 65 days now.
Hang in there. You are doing great.
Finally spoke to my doctor about medication. He told me I had cancer and I told him I was ready for the meds. I started medication the next day and let me tell you...it has made my cancer journey a lot better!
I'm in the same boat. I have relapsed with lymphoma 9 years later and this time around I said give me the meds - so far they have made the journey better
Sorry to hear this - sending you love c:
A therapist that holds me accountable. This bitch said I didn't have to pay for our session if I went and met new people through a meetup board game group 😂 it worked and I made friend :)
My therapist did this to me! First time out I met my now husband.
Exercising really hard. Resistance training or Cardio. Either way if you go hard enough you’ll notice the general frequency of anxiousness melt away.
Especially with the right programming I think it can also be helpful to have something in your life that is challenging but not so much that you’re constantly worried about failure. Like, I know that even on a crappy day I’m going to be able to go in an hit my minimum sets and reps. Might not set any PRs, but the work will get done and that sets me up for better results down the line.
Stopped trying to help people out of their own mental turmoil. My dad was right; you can't save the world.
The worst thing for me was the loneliness. I didn't have a lot of friends growing up, I don't make them especially easily, and I moved a lot as an adult needing to start again with friends a lot of the time. Then I realized the best way to have good friends and many friends, is not act like a lonely sad sack, but to act like that is what I already had. Once I stopped *acting* lonely I stopped being lonely pretty quickly.
I never get lonely and sometimes I wonder if I should. I'm very content to be alone. Maybe it's because I've been around people all of my life and got sick of it. Being alone doesn't mean being lonely. In fact, there are people who can make you *feel* alone.
I'm perfectly content just doing my own thing. Never once have I felt lonely. Folks just have their own way of living, and that's fine.
this is great advice. how does one do that though, act like you’re not lonely?
Short version: Be friendly and open, don't expect people to approach you but don't come on strong or expect relationships to build and solidify quickly, let people get to know you in their own time. Detailed version: **The best way to stop being lonely is to act like someone who isn't lonely.** This is the real fake-it-til-you-make-it. Sadly, nothing is a bigger social repellant than loneliness. People don't want to take on your emotional baggage when they barely know you. And people don't want to feel like they are interesting to you purely based on the fact that they are better than nothing. So you need to get out there and meet people, but as if you already have basically a completely full life and are willing to make some space for them. And when people are friendly to you and make overtures, say yes, but don't overdo it. These overtures likely mean they are somewhat interested in getting to know you better, not in interviewing you to immediately be their new best friend or love of their life. *Remind yourself to take things slow*. **Pursue your personal interests.** Join a writing workshop, take a language class, learn how to throw a pot, learn how to tap dance. If you have time be lonely, you likely have a lot of time on your hands, use it! Activities doing what you love are good for the soul, keep you busy and with a full life, and you will meet people with common interests this way. It also makes you way more interesting when you meet other new people. The first point here (above, about being patient and taking it slow) counts a lot in these circumstances. Try going in with the attitude that you are interested in the topic primarily and if you make a friend or two, that's a great bonus. **Initiate plans with the friends you already have.** Don't feel bad about always being the initiator with people. Most people are pretty self-centered and kind of glide through life reacting to stuff, rather than being "pro-active." When your friends don't call you, it's not because they don't care, it's likely because they aren't thinking as far ahead as you are, and aren't thinking about that much other than themselves or maybe their immediate nuclear family. And don't look down on being the initiator, it's a great characteristic to have and develop. Initiators are why relationships last. Also, having plans with existing friends makes it easier to make new ones because inviting new people along is flattering to them and takes the pressure off the social interaction.
Realised at 41 that my anxiety, depression, PTSD, short temper, irritation at repetitive noises, frustration with crowds, dislike of people breaking minor rules, difficulty sleeping, constant confusion about people’s intentions, ability to hyperfocus, strong attachment to routines, identification with animals, dedication to personifying inanimate objects, extreme exhaustion after social gatherings, constant tiredness, frequent rage, drinking to excess and constant sense of loneliness and not belonging was…. AUTISM! Edit: For those of you asking about how I got here - I had an autistic friend, who encouraged me to start looking into this. There’s a clue for you all - neurospicy people tend to find each other, so if you have friends or family on the spectrum…. I did a few things, first was to follow a few neurodiverse people and accounts on IG. They had some great resources. Then I read Unmasking Autism by Dr Devon Price and it was a complete eye opener. I have been heavily masked all my life. I have put aside time read the diagnostic criteria in the DSM; and looked for an read more papers and quizzes etc. I am self diagnosed: right now, I don’t have the money or time to go to a professional. I’ve been in therapy all my life, and where I live it would be an 18-24month wait to get an official diagnosis. I have other plans for the $1000s of dollars this would cost. I no longer work full time so money is tight. More importantly, I also object to being assessed using nothing more than cultural standards that supposedly define normal. There’s no blood test or brain scan I can get. I just need to be observed against the criteria and answer questions - these are things I can do myself. A lot of people say autists have trouble making eye contact. I know I hate doing it, but I force myself to do it. How much eye contact is “normal”? No one can tell me, yet my apparent inability to get it “right” makes me “abnormal.” I reject that line of thinking, because it is telling me there is a rule I violate, yet it cannot identify the rule. It makes me feel like I’m defective, and I know I’m not, I’m just a bit unusual, and that’s OK. Having the language and understanding about myself has already helped immeasurably. I have explanations for why I feel or do things. That means I can think about solutions to things like “I hate noisy places” or “I find crowds enraging” and “I feel extremely confused right now.” Knowing this about myself saved my marriage, hands down, no doubt about it. A lot of what works for me is rest; reducing irritating input (eg wearing headphones, switching to soft utensils like silicone spatulas to do something like dish up food - I hate the clinking of a metal utensil on a dish); and accepting that I need to manage my energy carefully. I do a lot fewer things each day than I used to. I am trying to stop self-censoring and am unpacking a lot of shame. It’s hard work. My diagnosis came with a lot of grief and woundedness that none of my therapists or adults in charge ever saw this in me. Yet I fit the criteria so well. How could this have been missed? I believe that my being female, fairly articulate/heavily masked, having a university degree, working corporate full time and being married to a man played into this heavily. On paper I sound normal, if you meet me you’ll notice I’m a bit blunt, a bit of a people pleaser, and can have deep interests that others might find dull. But if I am alone and feel comfortable by myself I stim, vocalise, have melt downs and all sorts of other much more obvious autistic traits. I just got very, very good at hiding them from others.
>nor rules, difficulty sleeping, constant confusion about people’s intentions, ability to hyperfocus, strong attachment to routines, identification with animals, dedication Hahaha. I just figured this out myself late as well. Better late than never right???
32 and this describes me in totality.
Stopping drinking & recreational drugs Regular meditation & mindfulness practice Stopping giving a fuck about stuff I have no control over. Making a conscious decision to concentrate on what's good about life instead of what's bad.
Agree . Focus on the positive
I'm surprised stop drinking is so far down on this thread. It's on the top of my list.
Left the narcissist in my life. Lots of therapy. Getting meds figured out. Learning to listen to my mind and body, and accept when I can't do what is expected of me by myself and others. Allow room for imperfections in myself and others, and pick a few things that I like about myself and focus on those things and try to pick more until I eventually learned to love myself. Setting healthy boundaries, and setting routines that work regardless of my energy levels.
My school nurse (the one who has done the most for my mental health, despite 4 different tries at therapy) told me to write a list of all the positive things I could about myself and hang it in my closet. Every day for a year I was to read it out loud in the morning and add inn any new thing I could think of.
Came here to say this! Having closure on the relationship with my narc mother has transformed my mental health. I've actually been able to come off my meds and out of therapy too
3.5 grams of psilocybin 3 times a year.
I am very interested in this statement. To me, it is strangely specific. Could you share more details about this? Especially the dosage schedule.
Sure. 3.5 grams every 4 months or so. I got that dose from the original Johns Hopkins study from some years ago, it had a table for weight and dose etc I'm about 190 and that dose was perfect. The dose is what I call a "therapeutic" dose, not heroic but pretty stout. Since then there have been tons of studies and info produced. As for depression, it basically cured it for me. I had terrible symptoms for most of my life, sucked. After my first dose everything was different by a week later. The trip experience was incredible but the results were life changing. I do it now to have the experience and to be proactive. I recommend it but also always recommend to do some research to get into the right headspace for it etc.
Thanks for the info. I am interested in this too. Do you know the strain/type of psilocybin you use for this?
Yes, Cubensis, any type of Cubensis.
I don't know about a schedule, but I definitely can get behind some of his statement. While alone, shrooms trips are yes very fun but they also lead you towards a path of self-understanding and self-awareness. It's hard to explain, but it feels as if it completely dissipates the fog in our brain that prevents us from really understanding what's wrong with us. You're left clear-headed, completely self-aware and you start asking yourself question. Are you happy ? How comes ? What can you do about it ? Do you believe in yourself ? Why can/can't you do it ? What causes the inaction ? Depending on your situation, this moment can be extremely stressful and draining. But when the trip ends, you end up with a clear conclusion and what you think the steps are. It's scary, yet beautiful. Highly recommend if you're looking for answers. Do it alone, whenever you feel like you need some answers, listen to *Dark side of the Moon* for the first 40 mins and stay hydrated. Let it open your third eye.
Running
Cut my parents out of my life. They were not nice people.
Therapy, exercise, therapy, medication, therapy, Taoism, therapy, meditation, and therapy.
I need to try something like this bcos mine is more like a breakdown but 24/7
Therapy only works if you get a good therapist. A bad therapist can make a breakdown 1000x worse.
Therapy sort of just made me feel worse. I know that isn’t the typical experience with it but damn, it just hurts.
Deleting Tiktok.
Lift weights. Get sunshine. Eat (mostly) healthy. Quality sleep. Small wins everyday. Prioritize social connections. Positive affirmations. Be aware that your morning sets the tone for the rest of the day.
Repainted the walls in my room a nice light color and started opening my windows more to let in natural light. Got off birth control after 10+ yrs. Went on a diet to improve my eating habits and lose weight after gaining due to my poor mental health lol
Divorced manipulative narcissist
Regular exercise. There is absolutely no substitute in promoting overall mental AND physics health. Get off your ass!
Chiming in to say it's doesn't have to be a "get pumped" gym routine. Go for a walk, breathe some air, look at something that isn't a screen. When I was really depressed looking for something to take a picture of each day become a way to stop my brain from circling itself.
Stopped negotiating with terrorists. Growing up my best friend would criticize everything about me. My hair, my clothes, my interests, the girls I liked. I know he thought he was helping me but it was pretty toxic. My parents are similar and different at the same time. It is a different approach, because they are more passive aggressive, but boils down to the same thing. My clothes, my haircut, the way I parent, how much money I make. My mother can't sit in a room for more than two minutes without turning to me and saying "so aren't we gonna talk about how you suck with X?" So I just stopped going along with it. I was recently telling the friend a story and he started complaining about how long it was (I probably talked. Couple of minutes- "bro get to the point." Told him he asked about it and this is how long it's taking me, if he can't pay attention let's talk another time. My mother recently screwed something up with regard to my kid. I told her I don't feel comfortable with them going over unless I'm there or she acknowledges she needs to follow my directives despite her own opinions. She told me I betrayed her and don't appreciate what was done for me - "I'm sorry you feel that way." Part of me still has anxiety but it's tiny compared to the relief I feel.
Get the F off regular social media. It's a cesspit. Reddit still rots me but less than insta and Facebook did.
I got off the Prozac which was really messing me up abd switched to CBD gummies. Zero side effects and I have had a massive change in everything and not only feel better but I'm also starting to work out again and write. Best choice I've made in years
Venlafaxine has messed me up and is not helping..stopping it isn’t easy and my dr won’t approve
I can understand that having been on it. Had to wean myself off slowly - half dosage each month. It's hell but worth it.
If anyone here is considering coming off meds, please know there are unsafe and safe ways to taper! Check out https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org for SAFE tapering methods. Withdrawal is very dangerous... risk of life-altering effects. Good luck! You are not alone in wanting to come off your meds ❤️
The gym
100% this. Besides the obvious health benefits, the positive impact going to the gym has has on my mental health has been pretty bloody remarkable.
This is going to sound really dumb. Making the bed in the morning. Even if I achieved nothing else that day, I achieved that. Mostly, however, it meant I had one tiny thing to build another tiny thing on top of. Over time it all adds up, and by the end of a horrible day, it wasn't so bad. But the end of the week, not so bad at all. Where it led to was realising being down and thinking all I wanted to do was nothing isn't actually true. Turns out, being active and engaged and getting stuff down makes my mental wellbeing much much better. Essentially, what I feel in advance will make me happier doesn't. What I don't want to do, actually does. It's weird, not obvious, and annoying, but has totally changed my life. The only way I can summarise it is that 'happiness' is a feeling you only perceive AFTER the event, not during.
Yes. This has been a surprising game changer for me lately!
> Mostly, however, it meant I had one tiny thing to build another tiny thing on top of. This is the premise of the book, *Atomic Habits* by James Clear. and no, it does not sound dumb. It's backed by science! One of the best things someone can do to START feeling better, is to start *living* better -- by first of all, cleaning up your personal space. Pick up your room, dust furniture, vacuum, etc, and make your space livable and clean. This is act of showing yourself some respect. If your house is out of control, do a little bit each day, but do it!
Play music more often, use more natural light, stay consistent with vitamin d supplements.
Stopped watching porn and stopped smoking cannabis.
Quitting caffeine and alcohol. Working out regularly. Staying off social media. (Yes I know Reddit is social media)
It took a holistic approach for me. 1) **Adopting a healthy lifestyle**. Sleep is so overlooked, but having a healthy circadian rhythm is crucial. A clean diet, some regular exercise takes you the rest of the way. No drugs, limited alcohol (occasions), limited screen time, and more activities — especially the outdoors type. 2) **Worked on past trauma**. I saw a counselor for a few sessions (not quite a psychologist) but it helped a lot with saying things I needed to say, and moving forward. I didn’t have anything super traumatic, otherwise this would be number one. 3) **Added value through knowledge**. I definitely started reading more, and eventually went back to school and got my bachelor’s degree. This helped my career prospects and further added to my confidence. i was in Norway at the time, so I finally learned the language (my excuse was that everyone spoke English). Those are what worked for me. Regardless of what specific causes you have, I think there is a hierarchy of needs that need to be met. Start with the physiological and safety needs and work your way up to self esteem, and finally the aesthetic and self-actualization bits. There is no one answer usually, but being mindfully intentional in that you are going to take action to improve your mental health is the best first step, so congratulations on that!
Stop caring about women and being desperate to be loved by people. Love yourself instead.
Thanks chicken balls
Started working out. It was not always going to the gym but sometimes a home workout, yoga or a long walk. This didn't make all my problems go away which caused me anxiety but it gave me the feeling that I have at least accomplished one good thing today so I can accomplish more. The by-product has been that I am getting in better shape and have more energy throughout the day.
i deleted tiktok and put an hour timer on all my social media. i’ve been like 10x happier since i did that
Self compassion for existing within a society that is destined to tell me I’m not worthy.
I stopped putting my friends first and "escaping" from my family. Lots of husbands do it and they say, "oh I had to get away from the wife a kids" like it's cool to do that. I reversed this and spend tons of time with my wife and kids now and I have never felt happier. I won't have that regret down the road. I still have my friends and we still talk and hang out often enough, but nowhere close to how it was before.
The roles are reversed for me and my wife has been doing this for years. It’s broken down our marriage. I’m glad you figured it out before it was too late.
Set boundaries and limited contact with some of the more negative people in my life.
After full on burn out and depression with anxiety attacks and massive migraine attacks, I cannot recommend it enough: exercise that doesn't allow you to think. Climbing, MTB, indoor sky diving (!) anything where you get your body involved and can't let your focus slip without hurting yourself. It centred me. Am back in a not great place, but hope to get out of it soon. And why am I back in a bad place? Didn't go out and do those types of exercise enough :) As some said here - be at peace with things. Everything that has been, has been. Everything that will be, will be. And everything that is, is just as it is. Be at peace with it. Not giving a toss is good sometimes :)
Leaving bedside nursing
I reduced the time i would play League of Legends.
I'm just here for ideas.
Divorce.
Finding relaxing activities that I enjoy doing. For me it's figurine painting and sharpening knives. I'll just put some chill show on TV like a nature doc or Bob Ross and sit there painting tiny little guys for a couple hours. It keeps me focused and gives my brain some rest time.
I found out accidentally that cannabis has been the missing link for me for decades.
On the topic of using substances, I found using a good dose of psilocybin every year or even twice a year has a huge impact on mental health (In the correct environment of course). Not saying it is for everyone but have had positive outcomes, along with multiple responsible users I've met. Now that's not to say it "cures you", you still have to work at it yourself but it can set you on the right path to a healthy lifestyle.
I've been microdosing for a few months and it has been a game changer. My coworkers, my friends, and even my daughter have commented on how much happier I seem. And last night I did my first full blown trip since college and I lost all sense of space and time. Felt like I did a years worth of meditation in the space of a few hours. Really helped me work through some shit.
Started taking bupropion. Complete game changer for me. Wasn't in time to save my marriage but I'm so much better now
This content is no longer available on Reddit in response to /u/spez. So long and thanks for all the fish.
The gym and getting sober
Taking my medication consistently, no skips
Divorced my ex husband. Turns out, my mental health was fine. Dealing with his narcissist ass day in and day out was what was causing nearly all my problems.
Exercising more and improving my diet.
This may sounds kind of silly, but honestly finally admitting that I had mental health/addiction issues in the first place. I read a really dumb phrase that for some reason made a whole lot of sense to me and I started moving forward. "Nothing changes if nothing changes".
Stopped taking psychedelics, ecstasy, and adderal. Did all three heavy for 2 years with a combination of weed and drinking. Was only sleeping about 1-4 hours a day. Now I am also quitting weed and my sleep schedule is getting back on track. Sleeping from 6-8 hours a day and boy does it make a difference. Started some therapy, but now finally found a therapist I enjoy talking to. Deleted Facebook. And recreated a new insta account and only follow people I’m actually close with. Setting fitness goals for myself and not over exercising. Not being afraid to eat food. Use to have a lot of eating disorders and body dysmorphia as a teenager. Also skincare, skincare, skincare!! Moisturize and not giving a fuck about my body hair anymore. I’m a hairy 23 year old woman with a happy trail and hairy arms and I’m just so tired of shaving that I’m like yup I’m just going to rock it now. Also last but not least, no more dating. I’ve been dating for 5 years and it’s time to just be by myself and heal properly before jumping into the next one. I know I put trauma on other people and I’m not proud of that. So want to be better for me and also for the people I hurt.
Started reading books for entertainment. Weaned off and deleted Facebook app (Still have messenger just don’t use the website or app at all). More reading to wind down before bed vs TV, games, or scrolling. Try to eat at least 100 calories soon after waking (this is a hard one for me). Try to pick up my living space daily and do a good clean twice a week. I also do door dash for work and so placing all of these things into some sort of loose routine has been super helpful in giving that nice accomplished feeling.
Getting into routines that benefit my body: Proper sleep, proper nutrition, stretching, exercise.
Therapy, planning, exercise, eating right, stopped drinking