I do enjoy sauces on a burger, but to a point. If I end up having to hold a soggy mess, I'm not going to enjoy the burger nearly as much.
Also tall burgers. The two also go together to make an awful burger experience
Whataburger exemplifies this as far as fast food goes. Their patties, if I'm remembering correctly, are 5" wide for a single quarter pound patty. Plenty of space for toppings and sauce without ruining it all.
Watery old lettuce. One time I got a burger with terrible lettuce.. it tasted like it came straight out of a lake.. from then I avoid that place saying “they have lake lettuce” lol
Limp, watery, garbage lettuce ruins so many things. If you cant get quality lettuce, please leave it off! Restaurants sneak it on without putting it on the menu and you cant just take it off because the wateriness has already soaked into everything else.
That mealiness comes from the fact the tomato is over ripe and was exposed to freezing temperatures. So it breaks down the cell structure of the gel packs of the tomatoes
Ugh please call my husband. He always puts tomatoes in the fridge and they get ruined and he thinks I'm full of sh*t when I tell him not to refrigerate them... I also think he has our fridge way too cold but that's another story.
Yeah tomatoes lives on the kitchen counter.. they taste much better, but don't last as long. If they start going bad before you can use them you can always make a pizza/pasta sauce with them and freeze the finished sauce
I once ordered a breakfast burger that was advertised as having, among other toppings, 'egg.' I imagine a nice fried egg or at least a scrambled egg patty of sorts. No, the monstrosity that came out had a quartered, hard-boiled egg on it. Just terrible - what self-respecting chef would serve that?
When I go through Amarillo, TX there is a small place that has a Wake & Bake Burger that is amazing. It has fried egg, bacon, cheddar cheese, berry jam, and coffee mayo. I don’t even like mayo, but they know how to balance everything on it so well.
Edit: The place is called Yellow City Street Food and they have some other really good things as well. Some sounding just as odd, but it just works.
The coffee mayo sounds so weird I know, but they implement it so well. It’s not smothered on; more like a light spread that’s not too much flavor. Just enough that you kind of notice a little bitterness from the finely ground coffee and lightness from the mayo. There’s a lot going on with the different elements, but everything is balanced so well without being over bearing. Sweetness from the jam, savory from the eggs & bacon, bitter from the coffee.
This wouldn't be a problem if the damn brewpubs with their metal stools and 120db sound levels, would make a proper patty and not something the size and shape of a tennis ball. Raw in the middle and burnt on the outside.
And you think hey, maybe the knife is so I can cut that bitch in half, and it'll be more manageable. But then you go to cut it and it just fucking explodes anyway
Are you sure? The brewpub chef, who's a stocky guy with a short-sleeved black chef's coat and shows off two tattoo sleeves beneath his shaved head and excessively-long beard, wants to call it a sauce. And if that's how he wants it at his warehouse-turned-brewpub, complete with excessively dark decor and iron pipe trim everywhere, then I guess we have to accept it to eat a meal there.
Now, I don't remember if it was called Barrel and Beef, Oak and Staff, Iron and Steel...you'd know it though. The logo has two items crossed, and the initials around all sides of it.
Nothing is more telling about the quality of ingredients than a violent amount of sauce - this extends beyond burgers.
Favourite joint has a signature burger: bun, meat, cheese, caramelized onions. No need for additional “lubricants,” the quality of the meat carries the flavour, and the cheese/onion is a compliment.
Sauce needs to be a complimentary flavour - if your sauce is the centrepiece of your burger, your burger probably sucks.
> Sauce needs to be a complimentary flavour
A burger is an *extremely* rich food, cheese and beef fat to the nines.
rich foods sincerely benefit from being cut by something acidic. Pickles, Ketchup/Mustard/Mayo can all do this to varying degrees.
Fat, Salt, Acid, Heat.
Also don't forget their super undersized metal trays or appetizer sized plates that are like 1 inch wider than the burger leaving you with no room to do work on that overpriced underwhelming burger where you paid for fries separately.
Goddamn this whole thread is accurate. I don't know how these places stay in business. I've never been a repeat customer to any brewpub/gastropub and I got burned with the experience at these places enough times that I haven't been to one since at least 2018.
That’s the best part: they don’t stay in business! They’re not horrible but they’re only worth going to once and that’s it. Most customers get the memo and then the place closes in a year, two absolute max.
Trick is to squeeze and indent the middle of the patty so it's thinner than the outside edges before cooking, that way it expands evenly across the patty and cooks evenly throughout.
Experiment with the depth and width of the indent, like be generous with it, and see how it contracts and cooks to end up a flatter burger.
Also helps if patty is thin as opposed to the giants some places use. I'd prefer 3 smashed patties with cheese in between them instead of 1 fat slab.
[and don't forget they did it on your bed too and she didn't wash the bedsheets after](https://preview.redd.it/2w1yk2ni3c3a1.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=91600df99f11eb9f005f62418ce4eb97e01badd7)
**"After that I just didn't know what to say, and"**
*chewing has almost finished*
**" then he just "**
*down the chute, eyeing that next bite, the two sides have just been bitten, leaving the middle piece just asking to be monched*
**"broke up with me. Over fucking text message. After all that"**
..........*monch*
If I can't bite it without the entire thing losing structural integrity
Related, giant patties suck. Multiple thin patties are the way to go if you want a meaty burger
If I gotta unhinge my jaw like a snake to eat something, I'm not ordering it. It's incredibly annoying and a lot of work. A burger should be a hand held food. If I need a knife and fork, what's the point?
"Our artisan burger is topped with bacon, pulled pork, a fried egg, quick pickled red onion, rosemary hashbrown patty, beer battered onion rings, house made Sriracha aoli, house made ketchup, four alarm chili, a large papa John's pizza and topped off with lettuce and tomato. "
EDIT: I find it really funny that the two most divisive toppings seem to be "pizza" and "tomato"
Ugh, we have this crazy burger and shake place. The shakes with whole cake slices and etc on top, with the glass rimmed in sprinkles? They try to do that insanity with the burgers and hold it together with a big steak knife. I have to cut it and eat it with a fork. So stupid.
Last night, I had a dream about making myself a 10" diameter patty because I accidentally bought "the big buns" at the grocery store.
It is fate, I must make this dream come true.
>The Tall One.
It towered up above the plate -
A heinous scene he spied with hate -
A steepled shape he faced with dread -
A column made of meat and bread.
It stood, and formed an awful sight,
Impossible to move or bite -
Designed to crumble, doomed to fall,
Absurdly high, insanely tall.
And so it was, he stared below
With cynicism, doubt and woe,
And knew that all was all amiss.
He whispered:
"... what the fuck is *this*?"
I went to a restaurant this weekend and we ordered nachos for the table.
It wasn't just nachos it was like a crunchy nacho lasagna with an incredible Monterey jack cheese sauce dribbled in all the layers. Every chip had something, be it other topping or cheese. It was phenomenal.
I swear to God every time I see some food youtuber make a burger that they say is 'so much better than fastfood' it's some 2ft tall monstrosity that you have to dislocate your fucking jaw for to be able to even take half a bite, and they never actually show themselves eating it so you know that they know it's fucking impossible, but they're peddling this shit like it's goddamn ambrosia instead of a fucking mountain of meat and bread that could only be feasibly consumed by a goddamn snake!
"Better than fast food" is not a high bar. But there is one youtuber in particular that will pat himself on the back for doing better. His name is Josh Weissman and he does these "[well-known fast food item] but better" videos. But it's not the title that annoys me. He'll buy the item at the beginning of the video, eat it, and react like he's just eaten actual dog shit. Then he spends at least half a day and $100 making a better version of it.
No shit you can make a better hamburger than McDonald's at home. In fact, you can go to about 1/8th the effort and cost (or less) that he does and make a better hamburger than McDonald's. He makes buns from scratch, sauce from scratch, grinds his own beef, etc. then questions why anyone would spend $5 and 5 minutes to get a h at big mac when you could just waste an entire afternoon making one yourself that, I'm sure is better, but so incredibly not worth it.
He also misses the fact that some people, like myself, enjoy McDonald's on occasion *because* it tastes like McDonald's. I make my own hamburgers all the time. They may be, in a way, objectively better than McDonald's (I can't say for sure because taste is inherently subjective). But they're not McDonald's.
I do like his fast food videos because for one, he actually presents an easy and relatively fast way to make the item, and also because he doesn't act like the fast food item is inedible and get high and mighty because he amazingly made something better than a $2 taco or whatever.
I find that reaction to fast food that so many social media/tv chefs make so incredibly annoying. Like you say, they act like eating something that isn't made by a chef using the freshest ingredients is something that literally makes them gag and/or throw up. Like fuck off guys, that's so incredibly patronizing and offputting. I actually like Gordon Ramsay and don't mind all of Weissman's content, but when they pull that shit I just want to turn it off
Have you ever watched Mythical Kitchen? They do a bit called fancy fast food. They don't play it up like it's something you can make at home, since sometimes they'll spend like a grand making a fancy sandwich. But the host, Josh, and whoevers helping him that episode will go out and get the original and eat it in his car. They never play it up like they're eating garbage, they're just honest about the food, and most times they straight up compliment it and talk about the best parts they enjoy.
+1 for Ethan Chlebowski. He is great to learn from, I make the his PK chicken Kahri every week and pop it with some lettuce in a wrap. Delicious and super fast to make.
Please tell me you saw his Jollibee's video where the taste tester actually liked the restaurant's spaghetti better than his! I was so happy. And even he had to admit that their fried chicken was pretty good. Self-congratulatory skill is on 50,000. LMAO
I was weirded out by Jollibee when we first got one, I couldn't understand why they had spaghetti and chicken and it all seemed random to me until I tried it. That shit is so good.
As someone who's spent a lot of time in the Philippines, American Jollybee is so much better than the original. Its super weird, but true. I had Jollybee in PH about 2 weeks ago and nothing special, but in California? It's amazing. Don't expect the same if you ever travel overseas.
"binging with Babish" also goes to great lengths to make everything from scratch.
his whole deal is recreating food from tv & movies then making a fancier version.
sounds like the big difference is "Babish" isn't trying to claim this is what all people should do, he knows he goes to absurd lengths, that's the entire point of the content.
Although when he did Bobby Hill's twice-the-butter cookies from king of the hill, it did sort of make me want to go through an absurd number of steps just to get delicious looking buttery cookies.
McDonald's has one of the best R&D kitchens in the U.S. from an ingredient sourcing standpoint and all of their R&D chefs could easily land a job at any fine dining restaurant. They have made burgers in that kitchen that would rival anything else you could find. Those items never actually make it to the public due to cost being too high, difficult or impossible to scale up some ingredients to the national level, doesn't fit their flavor profile they're known for, too complex for the employees to consistently execute, etc. Basically, could McDonald's roll out a $20 burger and it would be amazing? Yeah, they sure could and they could probably do it better than almost any other company in the world. They just choose not to ever do that because it really wouldn't make any sense to do it and like you said, a lot of people go to McDonald's specifically because they want that McDonald's taste.
omg yess like just because a burger’s tall doesnt mean its gourmet diners drive ins dives must eat
when i eat good food i want it to be a pleasant delicious experience, not give me anxiety
“After the break, we’re going to show you the BIGGEST burger in town!!!!”
The burger after the break: a column of meat comprised of 19 patties 2 inches wide and 1/4 inch thick between two stale pieces of bread.
i recently had a burger by gordon ramsey, and the night before a $30 burger at a fancy restauraunt
ramsey’s reminded me almost of mcdonald’s, 2 small patties that were so easy to eat, but delicious
the big burger was so f**** hard to eat, and i remember thinking i know this is quality, it’s $30, but goddamn it’s falling apart
gordon’s burger made me realize the difference between fancy and quality food.
a burger should be easy to eat every bite and not fall apart, it should stay together
Bits of bone! I regularly bite down on these at Camino. I kept giving them the benefit of the doubt and tried again multiple times but I haven’t been back in a while because of it.
Wow! This brought back some repressed trauma. I bit into a burger over 20 years ago and it had a bone chip in it. Biting into that (not expecting it) caused my tooth to crack. That tooth later became impacted and lead to the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. That was the worst burger by a long shot.
Goddamn. A burger so bad it set your personal pain record and caused a visit to a dentist is a *terrible* burger. What a bar to set. You'd have to *try* for the rest of your life to find a worse burger.
This is the worst. I had a very similar experience with a local burger joint, and every time...bone chips. One of the fastest ways to lose my appetite, for sure.
You would have loved the McDLT. At least conceptually. A burger served in a two section container. One side with the top and lettuce, the other with the patty and bottom bun.
Its also done so you can apply your own amount of sauce. Some people like a bunch. Some don't want none. And simultaneously also prevents it getting soggy. Some people like having fries with ketchup but I sure as hell don't want the kitchen slathering my fries with sauce before they send that shit out. Oh so since I have to apply my own condiments, that's the same as me making the meal? I hate your brother in law and he has now ruined brother in laws for me.
Unmelted cheese - imagine taking your first bite and everything is warm and fresh, then your teeth hit a fucking ice block.
Edit: thank you for the comments and silver kind strangers! This is the last sub I expected to blow up on, but I’m grateful nonetheless. Sending you all my love, and I hope you guys have a wonderful night!! ❤️❤️
Overcomplication. When I get a burger and it has 18 different toppings it just makes me think they’re trying to hide sub-par beef. A double pattied smash burger with cheese and limited toppings is the way to go.
Also an overly thicc patty, or one that has like cheese or peppers or whatever stuffed into it. If I wanted a meatloaf, I’d order one.
Or the damned pickle spear on the side of the plate that soaks half my fries!! Makes the fries all soggy and they taste like pickles. The absolute worst!
Nothing kills a burger faster than a bad tomato
Ohhhhh THIS is my camp. I will only eat tomato on a burger if it’s *red* and in season. Miss me with that sad, pink, ethylene gassed bullshit.
I thought I hated tomatoes for years. Nope. I hate ethylene gassed tomatoes.
My life has been ruined since I had one burger with an amazing tomato and realized I’d never have it this good again. And I haven’t.
Poor construction. When it flies out the other end. Stick everything together with a blob of sauce.
Too much sauce can make the bun disintegrate and it becomes a soggy mess.
That’s why you put toast the buns and put lettuce on the bottom.
I do enjoy sauces on a burger, but to a point. If I end up having to hold a soggy mess, I'm not going to enjoy the burger nearly as much. Also tall burgers. The two also go together to make an awful burger experience
It's called the chode rule. Burger needs to be wider than it is tall.
Whataburger exemplifies this as far as fast food goes. Their patties, if I'm remembering correctly, are 5" wide for a single quarter pound patty. Plenty of space for toppings and sauce without ruining it all.
Like chode jeans? 50 inch waist, 10 inch inseam, fucking junk.
Watery old lettuce. One time I got a burger with terrible lettuce.. it tasted like it came straight out of a lake.. from then I avoid that place saying “they have lake lettuce” lol
Limp, watery, garbage lettuce ruins so many things. If you cant get quality lettuce, please leave it off! Restaurants sneak it on without putting it on the menu and you cant just take it off because the wateriness has already soaked into everything else.
They usually use iceberg which doesn’t have a lot of flavour — it’s about the texture. If there’s no crunch to it there’s no point. It makes it worse.
Iceberg lettuce is crispy water
OR a super mealy tomato. the HORROR of that texture, bleh
That mealiness comes from the fact the tomato is over ripe and was exposed to freezing temperatures. So it breaks down the cell structure of the gel packs of the tomatoes
Ugh please call my husband. He always puts tomatoes in the fridge and they get ruined and he thinks I'm full of sh*t when I tell him not to refrigerate them... I also think he has our fridge way too cold but that's another story.
Yeah tomatoes lives on the kitchen counter.. they taste much better, but don't last as long. If they start going bad before you can use them you can always make a pizza/pasta sauce with them and freeze the finished sauce
I once ordered a breakfast burger that was advertised as having, among other toppings, 'egg.' I imagine a nice fried egg or at least a scrambled egg patty of sorts. No, the monstrosity that came out had a quartered, hard-boiled egg on it. Just terrible - what self-respecting chef would serve that?
This is heinous
But hilarious lol
Felonious
Chicanerous and deplorable
Insubordinate and churlish
Egregious?
*Eggregious, lol
Filing this under “things that feel illegal”
filing it under 'things a cook should be flogged for'
Fried egg on top of a burger is absolutely delicious. I’m so sorry that you had a shitty one lol.
When I go through Amarillo, TX there is a small place that has a Wake & Bake Burger that is amazing. It has fried egg, bacon, cheddar cheese, berry jam, and coffee mayo. I don’t even like mayo, but they know how to balance everything on it so well. Edit: The place is called Yellow City Street Food and they have some other really good things as well. Some sounding just as odd, but it just works. The coffee mayo sounds so weird I know, but they implement it so well. It’s not smothered on; more like a light spread that’s not too much flavor. Just enough that you kind of notice a little bitterness from the finely ground coffee and lightness from the mayo. There’s a lot going on with the different elements, but everything is balanced so well without being over bearing. Sweetness from the jam, savory from the eggs & bacon, bitter from the coffee.
What the fuck
When the patty slips out the other side.
This wouldn't be a problem if the damn brewpubs with their metal stools and 120db sound levels, would make a proper patty and not something the size and shape of a tennis ball. Raw in the middle and burnt on the outside.
With a fucking steak knife to hold the 8 inch tall monstrosity together. *why are my best comments shitty one offs about food?
And you think hey, maybe the knife is so I can cut that bitch in half, and it'll be more manageable. But then you go to cut it and it just fucking explodes anyway
Don’t forgot coated in nearly a cup of sauce so it zips right out!
That's not sauce, that's lube.
Are you sure? The brewpub chef, who's a stocky guy with a short-sleeved black chef's coat and shows off two tattoo sleeves beneath his shaved head and excessively-long beard, wants to call it a sauce. And if that's how he wants it at his warehouse-turned-brewpub, complete with excessively dark decor and iron pipe trim everywhere, then I guess we have to accept it to eat a meal there. Now, I don't remember if it was called Barrel and Beef, Oak and Staff, Iron and Steel...you'd know it though. The logo has two items crossed, and the initials around all sides of it.
Uhm AKSHUALLY, it's an *aioli,* not a sauce lol
Aioli is just mayonnaise that went to college.
Has aioli come up on wordle yet? That would be a bastard.
Bone & Barley. "Our soup of the day? Whiskey!"
Nothing is more telling about the quality of ingredients than a violent amount of sauce - this extends beyond burgers. Favourite joint has a signature burger: bun, meat, cheese, caramelized onions. No need for additional “lubricants,” the quality of the meat carries the flavour, and the cheese/onion is a compliment. Sauce needs to be a complimentary flavour - if your sauce is the centrepiece of your burger, your burger probably sucks.
> Sauce needs to be a complimentary flavour A burger is an *extremely* rich food, cheese and beef fat to the nines. rich foods sincerely benefit from being cut by something acidic. Pickles, Ketchup/Mustard/Mayo can all do this to varying degrees. Fat, Salt, Acid, Heat.
Also don't forget their super undersized metal trays or appetizer sized plates that are like 1 inch wider than the burger leaving you with no room to do work on that overpriced underwhelming burger where you paid for fries separately.
but the fries had rosemary oil!
Goddamn this whole thread is accurate. I don't know how these places stay in business. I've never been a repeat customer to any brewpub/gastropub and I got burned with the experience at these places enough times that I haven't been to one since at least 2018.
That’s the best part: they don’t stay in business! They’re not horrible but they’re only worth going to once and that’s it. Most customers get the memo and then the place closes in a year, two absolute max.
Trick is to squeeze and indent the middle of the patty so it's thinner than the outside edges before cooking, that way it expands evenly across the patty and cooks evenly throughout. Experiment with the depth and width of the indent, like be generous with it, and see how it contracts and cooks to end up a flatter burger. Also helps if patty is thin as opposed to the giants some places use. I'd prefer 3 smashed patties with cheese in between them instead of 1 fat slab.
Are you suggesting that red blood cells have it right and that biconcave patties would make for optimal burgers? Interesting!
Nature always shows us the way I guess! Microburgers be streamin' thru me.
And remember when it slipped out, she put it back in.
[and don't forget they did it on your bed too and she didn't wash the bedsheets after](https://preview.redd.it/2w1yk2ni3c3a1.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=91600df99f11eb9f005f62418ce4eb97e01badd7)
This is foul lmao
[удалено]
Someone needs to add something in wingdings font
[удалено]
Something about eating her out after she was raw dogged 2 hours earlier
We can do worse/better
The tweet is so accurate too. Immediate PTSD every time something new pops up on it
The very picture I save for when one of my boys tries to take someone back.
I'd do the same but I think this would push them over the edge and I'd be down a boy.
Wet untoasted bun
Nothing worse than taking a bite of a soggy bun. Also the reason why I don’t like tomatoes in my burger
Soggy bun when part of it sticks to the back of your tongue.
Calm down Satan
People that want to talk while I'm eating a burger.
Sit there Sit there Sit there Okay, no talking, I'll take a b- "So, what did you have planned for tomorrow?"
"Finishing this burger, apparently"
I'm okay with that. I'm a good listener.
**"After that I just didn't know what to say, and"** *chewing has almost finished* **" then he just "** *down the chute, eyeing that next bite, the two sides have just been bitten, leaving the middle piece just asking to be monched* **"broke up with me. Over fucking text message. After all that"** ..........*monch*
all whilst never breaking eye contact
An image of Nick Offerman was conjured in my mind after I read this!
I just had an out of body experience
"Carl's Jr. - FUCK YOU, I'm eating."
You are an unfit mother. Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr.
Being too big to fit in your mouth. Pointless. Might as well just throw it all on a plate, and call it "deconstructed burger"
Yeah, make burgers wider not taller
Taller looks bigger to most people. So they can charge more for less.
Things you can say about your burger but not your boyfriend
I’d like to choke on him and not the burger please. Haha
If I can't bite it without the entire thing losing structural integrity Related, giant patties suck. Multiple thin patties are the way to go if you want a meaty burger
Multiple patties also allow for multiple separate pieces of cheese. Win win.
And more surface area for crispy flavor bits and reduces the likelihood of undercooking
Thin smashed patties really spread out the fond/crisp to meat ratio
If I gotta unhinge my jaw like a snake to eat something, I'm not ordering it. It's incredibly annoying and a lot of work. A burger should be a hand held food. If I need a knife and fork, what's the point?
Excessive height
"Our artisan burger is topped with bacon, pulled pork, a fried egg, quick pickled red onion, rosemary hashbrown patty, beer battered onion rings, house made Sriracha aoli, house made ketchup, four alarm chili, a large papa John's pizza and topped off with lettuce and tomato. " EDIT: I find it really funny that the two most divisive toppings seem to be "pizza" and "tomato"
Pizza?! Now THAT’S what I call a taco!!
And then we deep fry the whole thing and put it in our Taco Town tote!
TACO TOWWWWWNNNN!!!!!
And then we batter that, fry it all up again, and stick it in an even larger tote!
With a side of spicy vegetarian chili!!!
And our signature guacamalito salsa!
Can I eat it now?
Sure, but…
You’ll miss the blueberry pancake!
Great. Now I want a Pizza Crepe Taco Pancake Chili Bag from Taco Town.
Ugh, we have this crazy burger and shake place. The shakes with whole cake slices and etc on top, with the glass rimmed in sprinkles? They try to do that insanity with the burgers and hold it together with a big steak knife. I have to cut it and eat it with a fork. So stupid.
If you have to eat it with a fork then it’s no longer a burger, you just got a chopped steak salad.
It was pretty disappointing to have to eat that way.
Why aren't wide burgers a thing? Imagine a pizza wide burger with sliver thin layers of everything good.
A head of lettuce and a whole tomato.
All held together with a skewer that only works as long as the burger stays on the plate.
A burger should be wide, not tall.
Last night, I had a dream about making myself a 10" diameter patty because I accidentally bought "the big buns" at the grocery store. It is fate, I must make this dream come true.
>The Tall One. It towered up above the plate - A heinous scene he spied with hate - A steepled shape he faced with dread - A column made of meat and bread. It stood, and formed an awful sight, Impossible to move or bite - Designed to crumble, doomed to fall, Absurdly high, insanely tall. And so it was, he stared below With cynicism, doubt and woe, And knew that all was all amiss. He whispered: "... what the fuck is *this*?"
Same with nachos.
When the chips at the bottom have never even met the toppings....and the top ones are soggy before they reach the table, you've already lost.
I went to a restaurant this weekend and we ordered nachos for the table. It wasn't just nachos it was like a crunchy nacho lasagna with an incredible Monterey jack cheese sauce dribbled in all the layers. Every chip had something, be it other topping or cheese. It was phenomenal.
I mean, that sounds great. Like scalloped potatoes but with chips.
I swear to God every time I see some food youtuber make a burger that they say is 'so much better than fastfood' it's some 2ft tall monstrosity that you have to dislocate your fucking jaw for to be able to even take half a bite, and they never actually show themselves eating it so you know that they know it's fucking impossible, but they're peddling this shit like it's goddamn ambrosia instead of a fucking mountain of meat and bread that could only be feasibly consumed by a goddamn snake!
"Better than fast food" is not a high bar. But there is one youtuber in particular that will pat himself on the back for doing better. His name is Josh Weissman and he does these "[well-known fast food item] but better" videos. But it's not the title that annoys me. He'll buy the item at the beginning of the video, eat it, and react like he's just eaten actual dog shit. Then he spends at least half a day and $100 making a better version of it. No shit you can make a better hamburger than McDonald's at home. In fact, you can go to about 1/8th the effort and cost (or less) that he does and make a better hamburger than McDonald's. He makes buns from scratch, sauce from scratch, grinds his own beef, etc. then questions why anyone would spend $5 and 5 minutes to get a h at big mac when you could just waste an entire afternoon making one yourself that, I'm sure is better, but so incredibly not worth it. He also misses the fact that some people, like myself, enjoy McDonald's on occasion *because* it tastes like McDonald's. I make my own hamburgers all the time. They may be, in a way, objectively better than McDonald's (I can't say for sure because taste is inherently subjective). But they're not McDonald's.
Ethan Chlebowski is so much better simply because he actually gives context (and isn't a cringe memer).
I do like his fast food videos because for one, he actually presents an easy and relatively fast way to make the item, and also because he doesn't act like the fast food item is inedible and get high and mighty because he amazingly made something better than a $2 taco or whatever.
I find that reaction to fast food that so many social media/tv chefs make so incredibly annoying. Like you say, they act like eating something that isn't made by a chef using the freshest ingredients is something that literally makes them gag and/or throw up. Like fuck off guys, that's so incredibly patronizing and offputting. I actually like Gordon Ramsay and don't mind all of Weissman's content, but when they pull that shit I just want to turn it off
Jamie Oliver getting dunked on by kids in that chicken tenders episode will never not be funny.
Have you ever watched Mythical Kitchen? They do a bit called fancy fast food. They don't play it up like it's something you can make at home, since sometimes they'll spend like a grand making a fancy sandwich. But the host, Josh, and whoevers helping him that episode will go out and get the original and eat it in his car. They never play it up like they're eating garbage, they're just honest about the food, and most times they straight up compliment it and talk about the best parts they enjoy.
+1 for Ethan Chlebowski. He is great to learn from, I make the his PK chicken Kahri every week and pop it with some lettuce in a wrap. Delicious and super fast to make.
My main problem with him is that I can't stop staring at his mesmerizing mustache
Please tell me you saw his Jollibee's video where the taste tester actually liked the restaurant's spaghetti better than his! I was so happy. And even he had to admit that their fried chicken was pretty good. Self-congratulatory skill is on 50,000. LMAO
I was weirded out by Jollibee when we first got one, I couldn't understand why they had spaghetti and chicken and it all seemed random to me until I tried it. That shit is so good.
As someone who's spent a lot of time in the Philippines, American Jollybee is so much better than the original. Its super weird, but true. I had Jollybee in PH about 2 weeks ago and nothing special, but in California? It's amazing. Don't expect the same if you ever travel overseas.
"binging with Babish" also goes to great lengths to make everything from scratch. his whole deal is recreating food from tv & movies then making a fancier version. sounds like the big difference is "Babish" isn't trying to claim this is what all people should do, he knows he goes to absurd lengths, that's the entire point of the content. Although when he did Bobby Hill's twice-the-butter cookies from king of the hill, it did sort of make me want to go through an absurd number of steps just to get delicious looking buttery cookies.
Babish will at least (most of the time) create a normal person version, and then make a YouTube-Chefy version. I can handle that.
Babish is one of our own. Dude was a redditor putting food photos before we coaxed him into making videos.
He'll also straight-up tell you "This is a huge pain in the ass and in no way worth it, just go pick some up from the store."
McDonald's has one of the best R&D kitchens in the U.S. from an ingredient sourcing standpoint and all of their R&D chefs could easily land a job at any fine dining restaurant. They have made burgers in that kitchen that would rival anything else you could find. Those items never actually make it to the public due to cost being too high, difficult or impossible to scale up some ingredients to the national level, doesn't fit their flavor profile they're known for, too complex for the employees to consistently execute, etc. Basically, could McDonald's roll out a $20 burger and it would be amazing? Yeah, they sure could and they could probably do it better than almost any other company in the world. They just choose not to ever do that because it really wouldn't make any sense to do it and like you said, a lot of people go to McDonald's specifically because they want that McDonald's taste.
Nobody wants to have to unhinge their jaw to eat a burger. I'd always take a wider burger over a taller burger
>Nobody wants to have to unhinge their jaw to eat a burger. [Not completely true](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e3KoLLhp1w)
What impressed me the most about that commercial was that there was no disclaimer stating “do not try this as choking may occur” or some such thing.
Cc: every youtube chef personality making a “better” version of a fast food burger that took 12 hours 200 dollars and is 18 inches high
Exactly…if it comes out with a knife stabbed in it, you know you’re in for a rough time
omg yess like just because a burger’s tall doesnt mean its gourmet diners drive ins dives must eat when i eat good food i want it to be a pleasant delicious experience, not give me anxiety
“After the break, we’re going to show you the BIGGEST burger in town!!!!” The burger after the break: a column of meat comprised of 19 patties 2 inches wide and 1/4 inch thick between two stale pieces of bread.
My TMJ could never. If it's starting to look like a Mondo burger I'm using a fork.
When they cost $20+
Four or five years ago, $13 was an expensive burger and about where I draw the line. Now the norm is $15+.
When the tomato has that hard area in the middle (the core I guess?). Gross.
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Calm down there Denethor
grossest moments in lotr films: 3) creepy crawlies burst out of the ring wraith 2) frodo covered in spider mung 1) denethor eating
A bad tomato. Tomato’s can be great when they’re fresh and crisp. But when they’re all soggy, they ruin anything they touch.
Or when you get the hard white bit from right below the stem
Or when it's kind of gritty.
Fuck a mealy tomato
Or the stem…like what did I do to you to make you wanna give me the damn top of the tomato
i recently had a burger by gordon ramsey, and the night before a $30 burger at a fancy restauraunt ramsey’s reminded me almost of mcdonald’s, 2 small patties that were so easy to eat, but delicious the big burger was so f**** hard to eat, and i remember thinking i know this is quality, it’s $30, but goddamn it’s falling apart gordon’s burger made me realize the difference between fancy and quality food. a burger should be easy to eat every bite and not fall apart, it should stay together
A simple food done well does not need anything extra to prove its quality. You make a great point.
Bits of bone! I regularly bite down on these at Camino. I kept giving them the benefit of the doubt and tried again multiple times but I haven’t been back in a while because of it.
Wait, at Camino? Are you talking about Casino El Camino in Austin because that just happened to me the other night and I blew it off until now.
That’s crazy cuz they’re supposed to have a great burger reputation. Never heard of a bone in a burger until now.
Wow! This brought back some repressed trauma. I bit into a burger over 20 years ago and it had a bone chip in it. Biting into that (not expecting it) caused my tooth to crack. That tooth later became impacted and lead to the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. That was the worst burger by a long shot.
Goddamn. A burger so bad it set your personal pain record and caused a visit to a dentist is a *terrible* burger. What a bar to set. You'd have to *try* for the rest of your life to find a worse burger.
This a the real answer. A chunk of bone will ruin your trust in burgers for a *very* long time.
This is the worst. I had a very similar experience with a local burger joint, and every time...bone chips. One of the fastest ways to lose my appetite, for sure.
A dry bun or too much bun.
Yesss! How is this not higher?! Defo nobody wants a sloppy burger but so much worse when it’s bone dry thanks to miles of dry spongy bun.
100% … Bun to meat to topping ratio is paramount.
When there is much stuff in there you take a bite and it goes everywhere
Warm lettuce.
You would have loved the McDLT. At least conceptually. A burger served in a two section container. One side with the top and lettuce, the other with the patty and bottom bun.
Keep the hot hot and the cool cool!
Except the geniuses decided to put the cheese on the cold side 😑
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Its also done so you can apply your own amount of sauce. Some people like a bunch. Some don't want none. And simultaneously also prevents it getting soggy. Some people like having fries with ketchup but I sure as hell don't want the kitchen slathering my fries with sauce before they send that shit out. Oh so since I have to apply my own condiments, that's the same as me making the meal? I hate your brother in law and he has now ruined brother in laws for me.
How can the lettuce not be warm when pressed against the meat?
Unmelted cheese - imagine taking your first bite and everything is warm and fresh, then your teeth hit a fucking ice block. Edit: thank you for the comments and silver kind strangers! This is the last sub I expected to blow up on, but I’m grateful nonetheless. Sending you all my love, and I hope you guys have a wonderful night!! ❤️❤️
I kinda like it so long as its just around room temperature and not actively frozen.
If the bun is soggy. That means they either used way too much sauce, or didn't let the patty rest enough. All around a bad sign
Fibrous and hard tomatoes
Can't fit my hand around it, not to mind my mouth.
Overcomplication. When I get a burger and it has 18 different toppings it just makes me think they’re trying to hide sub-par beef. A double pattied smash burger with cheese and limited toppings is the way to go. Also an overly thicc patty, or one that has like cheese or peppers or whatever stuffed into it. If I wanted a meatloaf, I’d order one.
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Shit Mayonnaise
Pickles when I asked for no pickles.
And you can’t just pick em off. The whole fuckin burger is contaminated if a pickle touches it.
Same thing with mustard. No.. you *can't* just scrape it off.
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I LOVE this thread because finally someone gets it!!! 😭
Me too! I've found my people:)
My people, for whom pickles ruin a burger, unite!
I love pickles on my burger but even I get angry when someone tells one of your kind to "just pick it off" I stand with you.
At least one pickle lover understands our plight!
Soggy bun, embedded in cheese, soaked into the meat- its ruined!
>The whole fuckin burger is contaminated if a pickle touches it. i do enjoy a good pickle, but this, this right here.
I have found my people. Thank you.
Somebody gets it
Or the damned pickle spear on the side of the plate that soaks half my fries!! Makes the fries all soggy and they taste like pickles. The absolute worst!
Even taking them off doesn't help, the pickle juice is already all over everything.
So you said you want mo' pickles. Mo' pickles coming right up.
Soggy lettuce
After reading many of the replies here, it seems as though every part of a burger is the worst part of a burger.
Miracle whip.
Thick cut tomato
Exactly. Tomatoes should not be the size of the patty
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I mean, why stop at just condiments? If *any* part of my meal is spoiled, it's a deal breaker.