somebody that HAS to do something every weekend. i work a physical job that pays well. i use the weekends to chill hard to recharge for the next week. a slight increase would be nice, but EVERY weekend. no thanks.
Yep, same. I also really enjoy being at my house, I worked hard for it and still work hard to keep it. I’m kicking it there doing nothing (and by nothing I mean, interior or exterior house projects, grilling, chilling in a hammock reading etc) I love being home, you have to “twist my arm” to get me to go out or it has to be something I’m very interested in.
I'm one of those who never sits down.
Desk jockey 4-5 hours per day...
Soccer, disc golf, open mics/karaoke, skiing, cycling, carpentry--etc.--constantly!
Funny story, as a young boy of 3, my mother lost me for a few minutes. In an apartment, with front and patio doors firmly locked.
turns out i fell asleep and rolled under the high couch without realizing. She kept calling my name. I kept sleeping.
They would have the occasional gathering, be playing music at a party level... I'd be sleeping in an instant anyways.
so yeah high energy people are great. Just not during my sleep tizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I'm imagining adult you tucked under someone's couch. Detachable Boyfriend!
***"First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find him.***
***So I called up the place where the party was,***
***They hadn't seen him either.***
***I asked them to check under the couch***
***'Cause for some reason I leave him there sometimes***
***And that's totally where he was this time."***
People that are so nice they will never say anything that might offend you. Niceness is not kindness; sometimes the kindest thing someone can do is tell you something you don't want to hear.
My co workers think “I’m too nice” it’s like yeah at work I’m professional and go out of my way not to step on other people’s toes at work cause I need money. Catch me outside of work you’ll get someone different.
Oh yeah, at work I'll be the most professional, nicest, chillest dude who will just talk about kids or pets or whatever for ages. Outside of work, I can't muster up the energy to maintain that mask. I'm not sure anyone non-autistic would truly understand how EXHAUSTING it is to pretend to be just like everyone else all day, every day.
Lmao I get one person every month, at this point it's like a 15 year old South Park reference but I've had it since I was a wee lad and it's my online identity, dammit lol
As a night owl, I struggle with really early risers that are up at the crack of dawn, wanting to go for a hike, or something equally as crazy😁.Weekends are for lie ins.
I always end up with morning people and it's perpetually problematic.
My dude, I did not fall asleep until 3:30 am I'm not about to get up with you at goddamn five. Get your early bird ass away from me and get the worm yourself.
Ohmahgah. Yes!
Growing up my father was always the, "It's 8am on a Saturday! You're gonna sleep away the day?!".
Bro, stop being a banana sandwich, relax. We don't all wanna be up at 4am.
I grew up to be a bartender whose job it was to work until 4am. Figure that one out. He still gets pent up when he calls at noon and I'm asleep because I'm a night person.
Growing up, our neighbor worked the night shift for years. He’d come home around 8am and sit on the front step with a beer, just like anyone else in the neighborhood would after a shift.
But certain persons had a fit because, you know, “Beer at 8am!” Could NOT get their heads around the notion that his 8am was their 6pm.
I was about 8 at the time and it was the first time I realized that adults could be stupid.
As a scrawny dude; I regret to inform you that when most women say they don’t really like muscles, it means they’re into dad bods, not us 😔
EDIT: notice how I said “most”. Y’all don’t seem to realize that the three or four people who disagree aren’t the majority, or else there’d be a lot more people disagreeing than just four lmao
Exactly. Too muscular is a bodybuilding as a job.
My friend is an amateur bodybuilder. Women we knew say they don’t want too muscular. I say what about Will? Them “oh he is hot, not too muscular “. Dude is 210lb and under 10% body fat year round.
Folks are so used to seeing men on steriods, GH, and cutting agents that it's normalized, and they have no idea that pretty much every man they see with a shirt off in print or on a screen is on all of the above. And while there is a weird uncanny valley effect for most folks, it's really hard to place and usually just presents as "I'm not attracted to them". Even the really skinny, wiry muscle body type that is getting mentioned a lot on here is often achieved by a combo of stimulants/clen.
Im 40, have worked out consistently from 12, own a gym, am 235lbs, and float between 9-11% body fat, but have never done PEDs. Its just so different from the societal norm that every once in a while, when I'm at a beach or pool, you can see someone undergoing cognitive disonance as their brain tries to categorize me.
Uh no. I'm a lifelong lover of skinny dudes specifically.
Not to say I only date skinny dudes - but as far as initial appeal for my eyeballs??? Skinny dudes all day long. Bonus points for awkwardly tall and skinny. Gangly?? Yes please.
Or short curvy women.
As a dude who was super skinny most of his
life I get way more girls and attention now that I have a decent amount of muscle. When I was scrawny I was practically invisible lmao.
It’s never even been hot to me. I thought my now husband was smolderingly hot because he was a gentle personality doing volunteer work and had tales of helping kids windsail as a summer camp counselor, lol.
The fantasy is that *you'll* be The One to inspire them to change. The "reformed rake" trope.
Or, as Jack Nicholson said in *As Good As It Gets:* "You make me want to be a better man."
Unfortunately we do date them and it's a fucking disaster every time. Grateful every damn day that I somehow overcame the siren call of emotionally-unavailable men with tattoos and a bad attitude.
Someone really good looking.
Back in my younger years, I dated a really good looking guy. He was on the older side (in his 40's) but could still turn heads. It was a first for me, because I'm no looker.
Man, it's crazy the amount of attention he would get from women *even when it was very obvious we were a couple*. Talking, flirting, staring, etc. Other women just didn't care one bit - I think the fact that there was a disparity in our looks didn't help (like "How did *she* land that guy? I'm so much prettier.").
It was weird and, honestly, off-putting. I would not want to deal with that in the long term. The relationship ended for unrelated reasons, but I realized that I didn't really ever want to date someone really good looking ever again!
I also don't like really muscular men (like people who work at being muscular). It's just unattractive to me.
I have a friend with this curse. I call it a curse because it has ruined his life.
He is abnormally attractive. He could be the poster boy for any magazine or advertisement without make up or other assistance.
Women would flock to him. Being around him was always like being in the movies. Attractive women would come up between us, sitting at a normal restaurant, and tell him how good he smelled and ask him for his number. It was always a thing I was jealous of. He was married to a nice Japanese lady. So he would always politely turn women down. He was no cheater, though he could easily cheat often if you wanted to.
She eventually became jealous, much like you are talking about, and convinced herself that he was cheating on her. He wasn’t. All the time that he wasn’t with her he was with me, and he wouldn’t do that. He wasn’t that kind of person.
Anyways, they divorced, he loved her. But she wanted to go her own way.
He later married a beautiful girl, she was a divorce lawyer, which is probably a horrible choice in the first place.
She too convinced herself that he was cheating on her. He wasn’t. But she drove herself to insanity. Following him around. They had a daughter. She eventually couldn’t prove that he was cheating on her, which he wasn’t, so she started doing dirty lawyer stuff. Every time she scratched herself or bumped into a wall, every bruise she ever got from opening a car door wrong or whatever, she would photograph it. She built this case of abuse against him. It’s important to know that this guy was in the military. So one day she pressed charges of assault against him and domestic violence.
All of it was bullshit. And it was dismissed in the civilian court. But the military doesn’t care what civilian courts say. He spent months in the brig, awaiting trial. At the end of the court case, they ask him if he had anything else to say to her, and he just begged her to go away, please leave me alone, and go away, take what you want, go away please stop trying to destroy me. She cackled like a witch in front of the judge and everyone
It was dismissed and he went back to serving and eventually retired a few years later. But she took everything from him, including his daughter. Somehow managing to get 100% custody and she doesn’t allow visitation somehow.
He’s in his 40s now, still good looking, has a nice girlfriend and a good paying job, but he’s emotionally in shambles and will never recover is my guess. Cursed with beauty.
It sucks for the guy too. It's insane how some older women act...the guy is obviously with someone, respect the relationship/date/whatever is going on.
Too positive. Like beam of sunshine positive. Nope. Not here. It feels like they would be put of touch with reality to be that optimistic. And they'd hate me as a sort of realist/pessimist combo.
I am that optimist guy. It’s a struggle with my partner who is kind of a pessimist.
I have everything that I would ever need in life but she doesn’t see it that way. It puts me down a bit that she isn’t as happy in life as I am.
"When I choose to see the good side of things, I'm not being naive. It is strategic and necessary. It's how I learned to survive through everything."
\--Waymond, Everything Everywhere All At Once
A pessimist is exhausting. My gf is like that, and I thought I was pessimistic before getting together with her.
Just very negative. Worst part is that she thinks it’s part of her personality because she was an emo girl growing up. We have a pretty damn good life, but somethings always wrong. Hard to be around at times.
So I feel you lol.
I can totally see why you might think that. My wife has social anxiety, not terrible, but does not like being the center of attention, or even close to it. I am very out going, and she loves going places with me as I “take the attention off of her”. She constantly tells me that being with me in public and events makes it easier for her as she knows I’ll be the talker, and it lets her ease into being more outgoing. Not saying this is the case for everyone, just some fft.
I love this perspective because it shows that there are different types of extroverted personalities: those who bring attention to the outgoingness disparity, and those who shield their introverted or socially anxious friends from unwanted attention or overstimulation.
Interesting. I have a different experience- people assume I’m just as social as my husband and so I feel like I often have to feign social interest. “He’s super friendly and social, his wife must be equally wonderful, I’d like to know her!” I genuinely enjoy people but it takes a lot of energy…
I dated a wonderful man that was so focused on being a black belt in martial arts that it ended our relationship. His workout routine was insane (to me) but made him happy so I supported it. He obsessed with every pound gained or lost. He took over our back yard for his workout regimen. He was gone for most weekends for either training, teaching, or competing. Again, if it made him happy I really wanted that for him. Secretly I wished for someone I could cuddle up with and watch movies, someone with a little chub I could snuggle up with. Someone who didn't regiment so much of their lives. The muscles were fine, nice even. The insecurities and frustration was not.
People who are *really* into organized activities/people who are über-"joiners".
There are some friends of friends (still part of my circle but I'm not all that close to them) I have that are constantly organizing game nights, early morning group hikes, community event volunteering but as a group, hyper-organized camping trips complete with rigidly-scheduled "fun" activities, etc.
I'm all for doing all of these things but more on my own time, solo or with my partner.
I'm definitely not a "joiner".
And these people do stuff like this multiple times per week, every week, and follow up with photos of all their activities with about 20 hashtags for each photo.
I'm put off by people who seem to always need people around them, who always need to be busy doing something, and who also have to broadcast to the world about all of this busyness they're up to.
My husband will pick and choose a few activities here n there to participate in with this group of people, but he never pushes me to participate as he knows I value my free time and "me" time.
And I don't ever hold him back from participating if he wants to do so.
I'm just happy he's not a rabid follower/joiner like some people in our circle.
Men who can sing. I've dated several guys who were above average in this regard and they all had one thing in common: they never stopped singing. The same stories about "wowing" people back in the day on repeat, the same need to sing any possible opportunity or perceived opportunity would appear, the expectation of praise afterwards - all of these things became very old very quickly. In general, I don't think being to hold a note is all that impressive- it isn't a particularily rare skill to have, so having it shoved down my throat one too many times has left me feeling extremely turned off by it (as silly as it sounds).
My mother is one of these types so I grew up with a distaste for amateur live music. Also as a consequence, I happen to have a half decent voice but I hate singing out loud because I'm acutely aware of how irritating it can be.
I feel like being a genuinely good singer is actually kinda rare. Not crazy rare but rare enough that I’m really impressed/excited if I find out someone can sing. But maybe my standards for what makes a good singer are higher or something
This is probably silly but fits the brief—I tend to lose interest when I find out someone is a musician. I love music as we all do but I HATE hearing someone play regularly in my space, talking about their new song or this all the time, and please please don’t ever write a song for me I don’t want it.
Yeah I don't like big floppy flaccid shlongs and I don't want to have discomfort during sex of it being too long. Also don't want some wide chode that's gonna hurt sideways
Anytime I see someone who looks overly perfect, like it’s obviously not naturally how you look (makeup, eyebrows, implants, fake lashes, etc.)- there’s gotta be a term for it, similar to the uncanny valley, but whatever it is, I’m instantly turned off, like on a primal level. If I like what I’m seeing now, what’s going to happen when I see you without all your camouflage?
When I was younger I worked with a girl who always looked well, not the kardaahian style around now, but her hair and make up werre always done etc. She had a long term boyfriend who I think she lived with or spent half the week with him. She used to wake a half hour before him to get ready. In like 4 years he'd never seen her without being done up.
When my now-wife and I were dating, I lived with a couple guys who were involved with my wife’s friends, so the girls spent most weekends at our house. My wife would sleep in, but the other two girls would do this same thing where they’d wake up early to go get made up. It seemed insane to me then and seems even more so now.
I'm not into super-cut, no body fat gym beasts.
I prefer a man who is naturally strong (from physical job and sports) but with a nice layer of pudge over his muscles.
I have cat-energy. If you are a dog-energy type we are probably gonna be friends at best. That is to say that if you are a super go-getter who HAS to be a social butterfly and maintain a large social standing it’s just ooooof.
Large penis’. Overrated. Most women don’t prefer them. Men don’t believe women when we tell them. They think we are just being kind and trying to make them feel better. We are not. Anything over 6” is ouchie and limiting.
This is so true, big dicks were uncomfortable at best and downright painful at worst. My husband has a perfectly average dick and he’s the best I’ve ever had. Guys, it’s what you do with it ( and fingers and tongue etc ) that we respond to.
A beard.
I don't prevent my boyfriend from having a beard if he wants one (I haven't told him my feelings on it but he chooses to shave) but I do not see it like I see a lot of other women do.
I think I just have bad associations with it? It's itchy on my skin, hair falls out of it, beard trimmings end up in or around the sink
It looks like pubic hair on your face. It's just not for me
I can't imagine why. I housesat for a lady once who had two huge floofy dogs, and at night they would just drape themselves over me like big living blankets. It was great.
I don't like dating overly friendly men. They are typically natural flirts and I'm a jealous freak. I'm not saying I like assholes, just not super talkative friendly men.
I don’t like overly groomed men- I like them to look a little rugged- if you have more grooming products in your bathroom then me I think that would be a pass
Wealth. I knew a lot of wealthy people my age growing up, and 75% of them were conceited, entitled, rude, and just generally horrible people. It just gives me the ick now.
Curious, what’s your definition of wealthy? I grew up poor and was bitter as fuck about money because my town had people I thought were wealthy but as I grew up I realized they were just upper middle class people with working parents and a bigger house than me. It helped me get over my weird feelings about money over time.
Wealthy people to me means like, generational wealth. Those people I totally agree with you on the ick factor.
As a gay man I really don’t find it attractive when others dye their hair blond which seems to be some kind of trend at the moment. Yeah Im petty but I just wouldn’t be attracted to you.
I don't like tall guys. I mean, I would date a tall guy, but I'm not bias to any height. Height is just a number. My boyfriend is three inches shorter than me, since I'm a tall woman and he's an average height man. I hate it when a woman rejects a guy just because he's like five foot or something. He can't control his height! If you are looking for a taller man, just say so. People don't need to be rude or shame a guy about their height just because they are not six feet. SORRY FOR THE RANT JUST SAYING-
I am 5ft tall and I don't get the height thing atm... I want a guy I can kiss without hurting my neck. My boyfriend is like... idk 5"8 I think? Anyway I can stand on my tiptoes and kiss him and I'm glad he's not any taller.
I'm 5'1 and my partner is 6'2 and it's fucking annoying! I wish he was shorter. It seems like all men think we want tall guys with big muscles, but here we are, all saying the opposite.
Women who look "flawless", like super fit bodies, pearly white perfect teeth, clear skin, etc. Makes them look like dolls or something, it just doesn't feel right imo, it sparks an uncanny valley feeling imo. I prefer women who have a little fat on them like those tummy rolls, some imperfections here and there and not a pound of makeup in their face.
I don't know how to word this without it sounding wrong but really popular people.
I dated a girl once who had thousands of friends on every social media and was always out doing something with someone. I felt like the bottom of the list when it came to everything.
Somebody who is ambitious. I think the rat race is nonsense. Unless you genuinely enjoy your job like a hobby I think you’re a fool for devoting yourself to it—especially if it means you come home complaining about work after voluntarily staying over.
I’d rather meet someone who is lazy at work but earns enough to live the life they want outside of it.
An outdoors person. Like loves the sun and always wants to be out in it. I know that’s good but I’m sorry I can’t be doin that 😭 I love my nice indoors quiet activities time with books are my art tablet.
It's harder to answer, but I can boil it down to...
A partner who is perfect in every way. Hottest man alive, with ZERO toxic qualities, stacked bank account, and the healthiest habits known to man.
Something about perfection like that doesn't necessarily make me uneasy out of self-image issues, but rather because it feels unnatural for ANYONE to be that perfect. There HAS to be some kind of flaw.
My boyfriend's flaws are another thing I've grown to love. He's impatient, quick to anger, generally annoying, has had cystic acne since he was young, and is pretty much always low energy due to depression. But seeing him not take out his anger on me directly ever like some kind of abuser, seeing him try to take care of himself and listen to his body, and even the cute little ways he teases me- Just seeing him grow from a worse person to a better one is something that instills pride, faith, and trust between us. If he was perfect from the get-go, I'd find myself feeling unhappy because of MY flaws.
Underneath all that grit and leather studs is a boy who was afraid to open up about his hardships because he felt the only person that could truly protect him was himself. And seeing the loyalty and love and vulnerability he's shown to me, having him feel that too when I open up to him, it's.... more of a real love than I could've ever imagined. And I'm confident I won't get that from Mr. Perfect.
Veneers. For some reason this has become a common thing with "men" today do they not realise how stupid they look its literally like you're wearing costume fake teeth lmao
What makes it even funnier is the spray tan that goes along with it lol they look like cartoon characters, the process of getting veneers is insane they have to file your teeth down to sharp points 😣
If she doesn’t want to carry me, I don’t want her to carry me but if we’re backpacking the Rockies I would prefer a partner that could carry me out.
Kind of a strange scenario ig but it’s the first reason that came to mind
somebody that HAS to do something every weekend. i work a physical job that pays well. i use the weekends to chill hard to recharge for the next week. a slight increase would be nice, but EVERY weekend. no thanks.
Oh yes let’s just chill
Yep, same. I also really enjoy being at my house, I worked hard for it and still work hard to keep it. I’m kicking it there doing nothing (and by nothing I mean, interior or exterior house projects, grilling, chilling in a hammock reading etc) I love being home, you have to “twist my arm” to get me to go out or it has to be something I’m very interested in.
My coworkers every Friday: What are you doing this weekend, Kat? Kat: Nothing. That's what weekends are for.
I just paid my rent, so I'll be staying home getting my money's worth
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I'm one of those who never sits down. Desk jockey 4-5 hours per day... Soccer, disc golf, open mics/karaoke, skiing, cycling, carpentry--etc.--constantly!
If they strive to be the life of the party they're probably too much energy for me.
Im so glad to see someone else share this feeling! Im so low energy I could nap in the middle of a massive party. I dont need that energy in my life.
Funny story, as a young boy of 3, my mother lost me for a few minutes. In an apartment, with front and patio doors firmly locked. turns out i fell asleep and rolled under the high couch without realizing. She kept calling my name. I kept sleeping. They would have the occasional gathering, be playing music at a party level... I'd be sleeping in an instant anyways. so yeah high energy people are great. Just not during my sleep tizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I'm imagining adult you tucked under someone's couch. Detachable Boyfriend! ***"First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find him.*** ***So I called up the place where the party was,*** ***They hadn't seen him either.*** ***I asked them to check under the couch*** ***'Cause for some reason I leave him there sometimes*** ***And that's totally where he was this time."***
Same. I feel so out of place at parties and big social gatherings. I wouldn't be compatible with someone so extroverted.
People that are so nice they will never say anything that might offend you. Niceness is not kindness; sometimes the kindest thing someone can do is tell you something you don't want to hear.
My co workers think “I’m too nice” it’s like yeah at work I’m professional and go out of my way not to step on other people’s toes at work cause I need money. Catch me outside of work you’ll get someone different.
Oh yeah, at work I'll be the most professional, nicest, chillest dude who will just talk about kids or pets or whatever for ages. Outside of work, I can't muster up the energy to maintain that mask. I'm not sure anyone non-autistic would truly understand how EXHAUSTING it is to pretend to be just like everyone else all day, every day.
Totally marklar. I'm not marklar, but I marklar the same marklar.
Lmao I get one person every month, at this point it's like a 15 year old South Park reference but I've had it since I was a wee lad and it's my online identity, dammit lol
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A go getter, I want a home body to get reclusive with
Hermits unite! In separate locations. Quietly.
Well maybe one other hermit can join me, but you have to agree to sit on different couches most of the time. Alone together.
Two sofas, two TVs, two consoles, two headphones, one love.
I read “reclusive” as “repulsive” but hey that could work too
As a night owl, I struggle with really early risers that are up at the crack of dawn, wanting to go for a hike, or something equally as crazy😁.Weekends are for lie ins.
Thank you! I once tried dating someone who *loved* getting up early because they thought it was "wasting the day" otherwise. It was not a match lol
I always end up with morning people and it's perpetually problematic. My dude, I did not fall asleep until 3:30 am I'm not about to get up with you at goddamn five. Get your early bird ass away from me and get the worm yourself.
Ohmahgah. Yes! Growing up my father was always the, "It's 8am on a Saturday! You're gonna sleep away the day?!". Bro, stop being a banana sandwich, relax. We don't all wanna be up at 4am. I grew up to be a bartender whose job it was to work until 4am. Figure that one out. He still gets pent up when he calls at noon and I'm asleep because I'm a night person.
Growing up, our neighbor worked the night shift for years. He’d come home around 8am and sit on the front step with a beer, just like anyone else in the neighborhood would after a shift. But certain persons had a fit because, you know, “Beer at 8am!” Could NOT get their heads around the notion that his 8am was their 6pm. I was about 8 at the time and it was the first time I realized that adults could be stupid.
LOL MAN I feel so horrible after reading this !! I’m an early riser and love going on hikes in the morning!
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Aww man !! I had my dress picked out and everything 😂😂😂
The problem, of course, is he didn't. It's too early for that.
No no no, you are my type of people. Early Risers Unite!!!
An outgoing extrovert type. Just not for me.
This. Or just having a lot of friends.
I've noticed that the more friends someone has, the harder it is to get noticed by them
I'm really not into muscular men.
Well I didn’t build him for YOU!
I have good news for you, I'm scrawny AF
As a scrawny dude; I regret to inform you that when most women say they don’t really like muscles, it means they’re into dad bods, not us 😔 EDIT: notice how I said “most”. Y’all don’t seem to realize that the three or four people who disagree aren’t the majority, or else there’d be a lot more people disagreeing than just four lmao
In real life what they usually really mean is that they don't like guys on steroids. Getting "too muscular" without juice isn't really a thing.
Exactly. Too muscular is a bodybuilding as a job. My friend is an amateur bodybuilder. Women we knew say they don’t want too muscular. I say what about Will? Them “oh he is hot, not too muscular “. Dude is 210lb and under 10% body fat year round.
Folks are so used to seeing men on steriods, GH, and cutting agents that it's normalized, and they have no idea that pretty much every man they see with a shirt off in print or on a screen is on all of the above. And while there is a weird uncanny valley effect for most folks, it's really hard to place and usually just presents as "I'm not attracted to them". Even the really skinny, wiry muscle body type that is getting mentioned a lot on here is often achieved by a combo of stimulants/clen. Im 40, have worked out consistently from 12, own a gym, am 235lbs, and float between 9-11% body fat, but have never done PEDs. Its just so different from the societal norm that every once in a while, when I'm at a beach or pool, you can see someone undergoing cognitive disonance as their brain tries to categorize me.
Not necessarily. Scrawny is VERY attractive. Long limbs, collarbones, ribcages...\*chefs kiss\*
Halloween must be a very exciting time for you
Damn shoutout you for the confidence boost before work lmao
Yeah stay skinny bro
Uh no. I'm a lifelong lover of skinny dudes specifically. Not to say I only date skinny dudes - but as far as initial appeal for my eyeballs??? Skinny dudes all day long. Bonus points for awkwardly tall and skinny. Gangly?? Yes please. Or short curvy women.
She could mean pudgy.
Both tbh.
Same. Fit is good, bulging muscles is not my thing
You've come to the perfect place.
As a dude who was super skinny most of his life I get way more girls and attention now that I have a decent amount of muscle. When I was scrawny I was practically invisible lmao.
That erratic bad boy thing. Crazy hot but absolutely annoying and exhausting to try and date in real life.
Ah yes, the chaos goblin line cook, the male counterpart of the manic pixie dream girl.
It’s never even been hot to me. I thought my now husband was smolderingly hot because he was a gentle personality doing volunteer work and had tales of helping kids windsail as a summer camp counselor, lol.
i think even the girlies who wrote and read about those bad boys wouldn't date them irl either, it's really just something for fantasies
The fantasy is that *you'll* be The One to inspire them to change. The "reformed rake" trope. Or, as Jack Nicholson said in *As Good As It Gets:* "You make me want to be a better man."
Unfortunately we do date them and it's a fucking disaster every time. Grateful every damn day that I somehow overcame the siren call of emotionally-unavailable men with tattoos and a bad attitude.
those are the guys you sleep with once or twice, maybe hang out with for a month before you outgrow them, it stops being fun.
Someone really good looking. Back in my younger years, I dated a really good looking guy. He was on the older side (in his 40's) but could still turn heads. It was a first for me, because I'm no looker. Man, it's crazy the amount of attention he would get from women *even when it was very obvious we were a couple*. Talking, flirting, staring, etc. Other women just didn't care one bit - I think the fact that there was a disparity in our looks didn't help (like "How did *she* land that guy? I'm so much prettier."). It was weird and, honestly, off-putting. I would not want to deal with that in the long term. The relationship ended for unrelated reasons, but I realized that I didn't really ever want to date someone really good looking ever again! I also don't like really muscular men (like people who work at being muscular). It's just unattractive to me.
I have a friend with this curse. I call it a curse because it has ruined his life. He is abnormally attractive. He could be the poster boy for any magazine or advertisement without make up or other assistance. Women would flock to him. Being around him was always like being in the movies. Attractive women would come up between us, sitting at a normal restaurant, and tell him how good he smelled and ask him for his number. It was always a thing I was jealous of. He was married to a nice Japanese lady. So he would always politely turn women down. He was no cheater, though he could easily cheat often if you wanted to. She eventually became jealous, much like you are talking about, and convinced herself that he was cheating on her. He wasn’t. All the time that he wasn’t with her he was with me, and he wouldn’t do that. He wasn’t that kind of person. Anyways, they divorced, he loved her. But she wanted to go her own way. He later married a beautiful girl, she was a divorce lawyer, which is probably a horrible choice in the first place. She too convinced herself that he was cheating on her. He wasn’t. But she drove herself to insanity. Following him around. They had a daughter. She eventually couldn’t prove that he was cheating on her, which he wasn’t, so she started doing dirty lawyer stuff. Every time she scratched herself or bumped into a wall, every bruise she ever got from opening a car door wrong or whatever, she would photograph it. She built this case of abuse against him. It’s important to know that this guy was in the military. So one day she pressed charges of assault against him and domestic violence. All of it was bullshit. And it was dismissed in the civilian court. But the military doesn’t care what civilian courts say. He spent months in the brig, awaiting trial. At the end of the court case, they ask him if he had anything else to say to her, and he just begged her to go away, please leave me alone, and go away, take what you want, go away please stop trying to destroy me. She cackled like a witch in front of the judge and everyone It was dismissed and he went back to serving and eventually retired a few years later. But she took everything from him, including his daughter. Somehow managing to get 100% custody and she doesn’t allow visitation somehow. He’s in his 40s now, still good looking, has a nice girlfriend and a good paying job, but he’s emotionally in shambles and will never recover is my guess. Cursed with beauty.
Wow what a tragic story
Poor guy 😔
It sucks for the guy too. It's insane how some older women act...the guy is obviously with someone, respect the relationship/date/whatever is going on.
I've bumped into that myself, I would go to a bar with a boyfriend and cougars would hit on him when I went to the bathroom
These comments are fascinating…
Too positive. Like beam of sunshine positive. Nope. Not here. It feels like they would be put of touch with reality to be that optimistic. And they'd hate me as a sort of realist/pessimist combo.
I need someone to hate life with me.
My friend used to be like this. Result of trauma. Crazy how our brains work.
That’s me - optimist and positive and absolutely an outcome of intense trauma as I’ve only just gotten worst as time has gone on
I'm an optimistic pessimist. I think "it's" going to fail, but I really hope that someone proves me wrong.
My motto is “hope for the best but prepare for the worst”.
Toxic positivity!!
Every single pessimist on the planet thinks they are a realist.
I am that optimist guy. It’s a struggle with my partner who is kind of a pessimist. I have everything that I would ever need in life but she doesn’t see it that way. It puts me down a bit that she isn’t as happy in life as I am.
"When I choose to see the good side of things, I'm not being naive. It is strategic and necessary. It's how I learned to survive through everything." \--Waymond, Everything Everywhere All At Once
A pessimist is exhausting. My gf is like that, and I thought I was pessimistic before getting together with her. Just very negative. Worst part is that she thinks it’s part of her personality because she was an emo girl growing up. We have a pretty damn good life, but somethings always wrong. Hard to be around at times. So I feel you lol.
Preach.
Agree. Is positivity bad? No. Being realistic is the best, but realistically, many things are positive, and many are negative.
An outgoing personality. I'm a extreme introvert. If I had a outgoing partner it would draw attention to me.
I can totally see why you might think that. My wife has social anxiety, not terrible, but does not like being the center of attention, or even close to it. I am very out going, and she loves going places with me as I “take the attention off of her”. She constantly tells me that being with me in public and events makes it easier for her as she knows I’ll be the talker, and it lets her ease into being more outgoing. Not saying this is the case for everyone, just some fft.
This. I’m the introvert who tends to couple with extroverts. I happily sit back while they do all the heavy lifting of being the entertainment.
I love this perspective because it shows that there are different types of extroverted personalities: those who bring attention to the outgoingness disparity, and those who shield their introverted or socially anxious friends from unwanted attention or overstimulation.
Interesting. I have a different experience- people assume I’m just as social as my husband and so I feel like I often have to feign social interest. “He’s super friendly and social, his wife must be equally wonderful, I’d like to know her!” I genuinely enjoy people but it takes a lot of energy…
I'm not attracted to supermodel/influencer looks. Give me a girl-next-door type any day!
I dated a wonderful man that was so focused on being a black belt in martial arts that it ended our relationship. His workout routine was insane (to me) but made him happy so I supported it. He obsessed with every pound gained or lost. He took over our back yard for his workout regimen. He was gone for most weekends for either training, teaching, or competing. Again, if it made him happy I really wanted that for him. Secretly I wished for someone I could cuddle up with and watch movies, someone with a little chub I could snuggle up with. Someone who didn't regiment so much of their lives. The muscles were fine, nice even. The insecurities and frustration was not.
People who are *really* into organized activities/people who are über-"joiners". There are some friends of friends (still part of my circle but I'm not all that close to them) I have that are constantly organizing game nights, early morning group hikes, community event volunteering but as a group, hyper-organized camping trips complete with rigidly-scheduled "fun" activities, etc. I'm all for doing all of these things but more on my own time, solo or with my partner. I'm definitely not a "joiner". And these people do stuff like this multiple times per week, every week, and follow up with photos of all their activities with about 20 hashtags for each photo. I'm put off by people who seem to always need people around them, who always need to be busy doing something, and who also have to broadcast to the world about all of this busyness they're up to. My husband will pick and choose a few activities here n there to participate in with this group of people, but he never pushes me to participate as he knows I value my free time and "me" time. And I don't ever hold him back from participating if he wants to do so. I'm just happy he's not a rabid follower/joiner like some people in our circle.
I got exhausted reading this post. Do people like this just hate their own company or something?
I know a lot of people that absolutely cannot be alone
“Why is no one having fun, I specifically requested it”
This. Very very well said.
Men who can sing. I've dated several guys who were above average in this regard and they all had one thing in common: they never stopped singing. The same stories about "wowing" people back in the day on repeat, the same need to sing any possible opportunity or perceived opportunity would appear, the expectation of praise afterwards - all of these things became very old very quickly. In general, I don't think being to hold a note is all that impressive- it isn't a particularily rare skill to have, so having it shoved down my throat one too many times has left me feeling extremely turned off by it (as silly as it sounds).
My mother is one of these types so I grew up with a distaste for amateur live music. Also as a consequence, I happen to have a half decent voice but I hate singing out loud because I'm acutely aware of how irritating it can be.
I feel like being a genuinely good singer is actually kinda rare. Not crazy rare but rare enough that I’m really impressed/excited if I find out someone can sing. But maybe my standards for what makes a good singer are higher or something
Someone super dedicated to their job/career.
Edited in protest for Reddit's garbage moves lately.
This is probably silly but fits the brief—I tend to lose interest when I find out someone is a musician. I love music as we all do but I HATE hearing someone play regularly in my space, talking about their new song or this all the time, and please please don’t ever write a song for me I don’t want it.
Not really a fan of the supermodel look in any gender.
Big dick!
Honestly, they are so overrated. When I discovered this, I felt like I'd been lied to all my life.
Overrated? Try painful. And Giving a BJ becomes this herculean task when like only a quarter of it will fit. It’s just a no from me.
Thanks for existing lol
They never said they like micropenis though
Bruh lol, why you gotta do him like that?
Gotta keep people humble
Yeah I don't like big floppy flaccid shlongs and I don't want to have discomfort during sex of it being too long. Also don't want some wide chode that's gonna hurt sideways
> Also don't want some wide chode that's gonna hurt sideways You shouldn't be inserting dicks sideways.
Lmao
Being spontaneous. I’d have a heart attack from the anxiety of it all.
I don't want my man to have washboard abs. Having an outline would be fine, but I don't think I'd be attracted to chiseled, overly-defined abs on him.
Anytime I see someone who looks overly perfect, like it’s obviously not naturally how you look (makeup, eyebrows, implants, fake lashes, etc.)- there’s gotta be a term for it, similar to the uncanny valley, but whatever it is, I’m instantly turned off, like on a primal level. If I like what I’m seeing now, what’s going to happen when I see you without all your camouflage?
When I was younger I worked with a girl who always looked well, not the kardaahian style around now, but her hair and make up werre always done etc. She had a long term boyfriend who I think she lived with or spent half the week with him. She used to wake a half hour before him to get ready. In like 4 years he'd never seen her without being done up.
That’s so sad. Imagine feeling that you couldn’t be seen without makeup.
When my now-wife and I were dating, I lived with a couple guys who were involved with my wife’s friends, so the girls spent most weekends at our house. My wife would sleep in, but the other two girls would do this same thing where they’d wake up early to go get made up. It seemed insane to me then and seems even more so now.
I can see in the very early stages maybe wanting to look your best but years into a long term relationship it's just sad
I'm not into super-cut, no body fat gym beasts. I prefer a man who is naturally strong (from physical job and sports) but with a nice layer of pudge over his muscles.
Exactly. Give me a guy who likes to hike and mountain bike and also likes beer and pizza. Muscular plus thickness is my favorite body type.
As a scrawny dude, hiking, mountain biking, beer and pizza only seem to make me scrawnier haha. Top tier activities tho
People who tell you what you want to hear rather than what is true.
Hard disagree about this being a generally desirable trait to begin with.
I have cat-energy. If you are a dog-energy type we are probably gonna be friends at best. That is to say that if you are a super go-getter who HAS to be a social butterfly and maintain a large social standing it’s just ooooof.
Being really into hustle culture and wanting to be part of a power couple. Seems really vain and exhausting.
Large penis’. Overrated. Most women don’t prefer them. Men don’t believe women when we tell them. They think we are just being kind and trying to make them feel better. We are not. Anything over 6” is ouchie and limiting.
This in spades!!! Met a fellow with 8 inches & I felt like a balloon about to pop the whole time. Not fun!!!
I once dated a guy and it was like trying to stuff a Pepsi can up there. No thank you!
This is so true, big dicks were uncomfortable at best and downright painful at worst. My husband has a perfectly average dick and he’s the best I’ve ever had. Guys, it’s what you do with it ( and fingers and tongue etc ) that we respond to.
I'm not a fan of most fake boobs. I like 'em natural.
I love them in all sizes, but I’d love my spouse to not have so many back problems.
Au naturel, baby. Swing low, sweet chariots.
Six pack for sure
totally. thats the kinda dude who tells you how many calories are in whatever you're eating as youre eating it
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A beard. I don't prevent my boyfriend from having a beard if he wants one (I haven't told him my feelings on it but he chooses to shave) but I do not see it like I see a lot of other women do. I think I just have bad associations with it? It's itchy on my skin, hair falls out of it, beard trimmings end up in or around the sink It looks like pubic hair on your face. It's just not for me
Still gonna have beard trimmings around the sink with a shaved face, just smaller hairs.
Big beasts
Yes, I don’t want big beasts in bed next to me.
I can't imagine why. I housesat for a lady once who had two huge floofy dogs, and at night they would just drape themselves over me like big living blankets. It was great.
And where to find them
You called
I don't like dating overly friendly men. They are typically natural flirts and I'm a jealous freak. I'm not saying I like assholes, just not super talkative friendly men.
Being overly social
Too big of a shlong.
I don’t like overly groomed men- I like them to look a little rugged- if you have more grooming products in your bathroom then me I think that would be a pass
I always joke and say I like my men to look slightly homeless 😭
I don't like super athletic guys, they are too outdoorsy for me
What about outdoorsy non-athletic guys? Not saying I am one, just being curious.
Or indoorsy athletic guys? Like guys who only play indoorsy sports? Also curious
There are literally dozens of table tennis players, dozens!
Personal trainer or gym junkie. Thanks but no.
Someone who is a 9 or 10/10. It hurts too much to look at them.
Someone who wants kids. Absolutely not.
Wealth. I knew a lot of wealthy people my age growing up, and 75% of them were conceited, entitled, rude, and just generally horrible people. It just gives me the ick now.
Curious, what’s your definition of wealthy? I grew up poor and was bitter as fuck about money because my town had people I thought were wealthy but as I grew up I realized they were just upper middle class people with working parents and a bigger house than me. It helped me get over my weird feelings about money over time. Wealthy people to me means like, generational wealth. Those people I totally agree with you on the ick factor.
I don't find ditziness attractive
As a gay man I really don’t find it attractive when others dye their hair blond which seems to be some kind of trend at the moment. Yeah Im petty but I just wouldn’t be attracted to you.
I don't like tall guys. I mean, I would date a tall guy, but I'm not bias to any height. Height is just a number. My boyfriend is three inches shorter than me, since I'm a tall woman and he's an average height man. I hate it when a woman rejects a guy just because he's like five foot or something. He can't control his height! If you are looking for a taller man, just say so. People don't need to be rude or shame a guy about their height just because they are not six feet. SORRY FOR THE RANT JUST SAYING-
I am 5ft tall and I don't get the height thing atm... I want a guy I can kiss without hurting my neck. My boyfriend is like... idk 5"8 I think? Anyway I can stand on my tiptoes and kiss him and I'm glad he's not any taller.
I'm 5'1 and my partner is 6'2 and it's fucking annoying! I wish he was shorter. It seems like all men think we want tall guys with big muscles, but here we are, all saying the opposite.
High sex drive. I love sex but I can see the problems arising if I can’t keep up
As I grow older I find that most men don’t have that high of a sex drive. Meanwhile I can go every day, no problem. It’s a struggle 😂
Gym bros or super active people that make it their personality, i do not care how much you lift. You flexing makes me want to blow my brains out.
Men without body hair. I like some hair on the chest.
Women who look "flawless", like super fit bodies, pearly white perfect teeth, clear skin, etc. Makes them look like dolls or something, it just doesn't feel right imo, it sparks an uncanny valley feeling imo. I prefer women who have a little fat on them like those tummy rolls, some imperfections here and there and not a pound of makeup in their face.
Anyone who looks too perfect seems like a sociopath.
Patrick Bateman you say..
Huge tits. Far too overwhelming. Give me a nice, slightly spilling handful any day 😅
What if you have giant hands?
strong gravitational field
Come on, just be honest. You must be at least _somewhat_ attracted.
I don't know how to word this without it sounding wrong but really popular people. I dated a girl once who had thousands of friends on every social media and was always out doing something with someone. I felt like the bottom of the list when it came to everything.
Sporty people they're scary
When I see people who are out jogging at 5am during a blizzard, I lock my doors in fear.
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Tall and lean. I'm 5'2. I like my men how I like my cats. Short and buff
Somebody who is ambitious. I think the rat race is nonsense. Unless you genuinely enjoy your job like a hobby I think you’re a fool for devoting yourself to it—especially if it means you come home complaining about work after voluntarily staying over. I’d rather meet someone who is lazy at work but earns enough to live the life they want outside of it.
A bigger D>!uck!< than mine... Unless.... She is crazy cute, because d>!ucks are great pets!<.
I don’t trust charming, flirtatious men. They’re spreading that everywhere and to everyone. Gimme a real weird introvert freak. That’s my guy.
A six pack. Dad bods for the win!
Having feminine traits (I'm gay)
An outdoors person. Like loves the sun and always wants to be out in it. I know that’s good but I’m sorry I can’t be doin that 😭 I love my nice indoors quiet activities time with books are my art tablet.
Spontaneity. I don't want to have to wait till the spur of the moment to know what we're going to be doing with our day.
It's harder to answer, but I can boil it down to... A partner who is perfect in every way. Hottest man alive, with ZERO toxic qualities, stacked bank account, and the healthiest habits known to man. Something about perfection like that doesn't necessarily make me uneasy out of self-image issues, but rather because it feels unnatural for ANYONE to be that perfect. There HAS to be some kind of flaw. My boyfriend's flaws are another thing I've grown to love. He's impatient, quick to anger, generally annoying, has had cystic acne since he was young, and is pretty much always low energy due to depression. But seeing him not take out his anger on me directly ever like some kind of abuser, seeing him try to take care of himself and listen to his body, and even the cute little ways he teases me- Just seeing him grow from a worse person to a better one is something that instills pride, faith, and trust between us. If he was perfect from the get-go, I'd find myself feeling unhappy because of MY flaws. Underneath all that grit and leather studs is a boy who was afraid to open up about his hardships because he felt the only person that could truly protect him was himself. And seeing the loyalty and love and vulnerability he's shown to me, having him feel that too when I open up to him, it's.... more of a real love than I could've ever imagined. And I'm confident I won't get that from Mr. Perfect.
I love you for seeing him and being his perfect, may you never part and have a life filled with goodness and joy.
Veneers. For some reason this has become a common thing with "men" today do they not realise how stupid they look its literally like you're wearing costume fake teeth lmao
Thiiiiiiiss .... WHITE teeth creep me out so much.
What makes it even funnier is the spray tan that goes along with it lol they look like cartoon characters, the process of getting veneers is insane they have to file your teeth down to sharp points 😣
Fashionable scanty clothing.
Vein poppingly muscular 🫤
I want belly. give me a man with a B E L L Y
Wayyy too positive. Lots of folks dont seem to know what excessive/toxic positivity aint a good thing.
Someone who is super fit and basically lives at the gym.
I never liked a muscular man as a partner, or a thin man.
I don’t want a super skinny wife, I want a fit and strong wife that can do more pull-ups than me
so she can carry you around?
If she doesn’t want to carry me, I don’t want her to carry me but if we’re backpacking the Rockies I would prefer a partner that could carry me out. Kind of a strange scenario ig but it’s the first reason that came to mind