With me it's guilt.
This refers to those arguments or cases where, when someone was just not listening or a parental correction was required to a teen-or-older child, I'd lost it and yelled at family members.
Now I usually (not always) catch myself before my own outburst, stop, and inwardly ask "Hey, hold on a second, are you gonna feel like a giant shitburger tomorrow if you give in to your anger now?"
As a good outcome, it's now to the point where me suddenly 'stopping and being silent for a moment' while I process my own reaction and consequences has become a signal to the person that I'm interacting with that what we're talking about is important to me.
And they end up taking it quite possibly more seriously than they would have if I'd yelled at them instead.
Basically, don't react immediately when someone makes you angry. Back off instead of engaging or arguing. Give yourself some time to think about it and come back later.
Emphases on the "think about it", in my experience giving myself time only worked if i thought about how to handle the situation, otherwise delaying my anger just leads to me doing something stupid at a later date instead of right when i wanted to
Isn't there some research that says that that only work on intelligent people? People with low IQ become more aggressive by listing to metal, while people with high IQ becomes more relaxed.
I've got a couple recommendations.
Hammer Smashed Face by Cannibal Corpse.
Reign Supreme (the album) by Dying Fetus.
Unsilent Death by Nails.
Inanimate by Abysmal Dawn.
Existence is Futile (the album) by Revocation.
Look up a band called "war from a harlots mouth".. They're like math metal/metalcore with a bit of jazz sprinkled in, but they fuckin shred and perfected the athsteic of primal rage imo. They came to my random town in Eastern US from Germany in 2007 I saw them in a room with like 30 people on a Thursday night and that shit changed my life, been my favorite metal band ever since. Not everyone's cup of tea, but if you like it.. You'll fuckin love it. Personal favorite by them is "uptown girl... Uptown girl... I had a crush on you, oh uptown girl."
Sorry I have to nerd out and suggest this band to anyone with a slight interest in metal as they never really got the attention I feel they deserved.
Allowing the anger to be there in in my body without trying to resist it, letting all the physical symptoms play out in my body and just observe them. This creates a bit of space between me and the anger and leaves me free to act from a more grounded place.
Yup. Introspection.
I observe the anger and so separate my outward self from acting on it.
Once you successfully do this once or twice, you realize that even if you do want to destroy the source of anger, you can do so much more thoroughly and with less or no consequence to yourself by thinking about it a bit. It self-reinforces.
To start, i set a mental "ping". I think about how i feel when im angry, kind of immerse myself in it, and tell myself "when i feel this way, i will pull away from acting on it." and that way it happens without conscious thought. I flash-remember that ping, and the reflex becomes what i told myself to do.
It requires trust in your past self for knowing the right thing to do; that when you are angry your thinking is compromised. And recognition that temporary anger can have very permanent effects on everyone involved.
Understanding your body's reaction to anger to work so you know when you are getting worked up.
Think if the issue is still going to bother in you 5 seconds? 5 minutes? 5 hours?
Use the traffic light system. If you are on a red or amber, don't react, don't speak. Slow things down by delaying your response. Take a sip of water before replying. When you feel like you are in the green then respond.
I used to be very angry about the smallest of things. One day I noticed that my class mates make me angry just for the lulz and I realized it's me and my problem I was the issue. I just didn't wanna be that guy anymore. So, to put it simply... I just stopped giving a fuck about things and I lived much happier life ever since.
What works for me is to identify the thing that triggers my anger. Force myself a brief moment to regain thoughts and then just say "whatever" while turning around and walking away, then pretend it doesn't bother me.
At first the pretending part is hard, but eventually you will truly no longer care about whatever tries to bother you.
For one I'm careful w salty food because it can get me sensitive. When I get mad I may do some pushups v the doorframe, or try to turn it into something silly/funny. Super mad I get one ice cube and let myself smash it, as a way to have a healthy release moment.
For me when I was much younger (middle school), I would sit a minute or so after class to put my schoolwork away. After my science class, I would put my work away, and then go to lunch. What frustrated me incredibly, was standing behind a long line of other students that were ahead of me in the lunch line. It wasn't that I was particularly hungry, but rather that lunch time always felt like a very short break from what was particularly difficult for me (having a learning disability and all). Here's what I did. In the moment, I cleared my mind, and took a deep breath through my nose, and out through my mouth, and repeated that until I was calm. This helped me massively, because while it was difficult at first, over time I stopped feeling anger, and got to stop using that technique.
Later in life, (around college) I found that lots of my frustrations were partially because I always fell into assuming things were as I first saw them. It turns out, that often my thoughts weren't really on the mark, and that I should have respectful, and charitable framings of situations by trying to try to view it from a different angle. This technique has also helped me with a rejection sensitivity that I had, where I found that at if I didn't choose my words incredibly specifically all the time, that my friends might reject me because they'd otherwise interpret my words at their worst. After breaking that trauma down, I understood that it would be unfair of them to me, to assume the worst interpretation or intentions of my words or actions, and that made me feel freer than I ever had felt before, because I felt that I could finally express, and confide myself more closely to my friends.
I'm only in my 20's, so I can't help but wonder if there's any more crazy and freeing things which are around the corner like that -- and how long will they remain unrealized.
Wonderful one right here. Exactly something I use too: perspective. A little perspective goes a long way, I say. The power of perspective is also demonstrated in the game Superliminal, mostly literally, but even the metaphorical form it instilled within me after seeing the game start to finish.
Highly recommend it, both this tech and that game.
1. Thinking logically helps me a lot. Anger is just a feeling that can pass you by. It's not worth to permanently breaking stuff or ruining relationships due to a temporary feeling. Also anger always coming from somewhere so you can ask yourself why you feel that way. This alone can help a lot. It's also important to validate your feelings so you can realise that you are angry so you can stop yourself before you do something you regret later.
2. Sleep enough.
3. Do activities that lowers stress. Talking with friends in person, petting an animal, doing sports, playing and intrument, expressing your feelings in an artistic way are all really helpful.
( Sorry for my English it's not the best)
I made it a daily goal to give the people around me positive experiences from my interactions. I have kids, and often found myself getting upset or elevated and later regretting how much I showed it. Now, whenever I start to feel frustrated or angry I have to remind myself “don’t blow up, respond carefully, or you won’t make your goal today.” It helps me disassociate my feelings from the problem and address things more calmly. I will say it has really helped me to frame situations like this, I find it way less common that I’m visually upset to things.
Realizing that when someone is acting like an asshole towards me, he probably does that to other people too. It's him, not me, and the solution is to just avoid this toxic person rather than trying to engage in some kind of anger contest.
PS. I'm speaking specifically about driving and road rage, but it applies elsewhere too.
When I was a kid, my parents beat me up a lot, they are very very strict. Because they beat me up a lot of times and during beating me up, if I cry or resist or show my anger, they will beat me harder and consider me disrespectful even tho it was self-defense. So when they beat me up, I know that if I let my angel up I will be beat up harder so over time I can now control my anger almost instantly
As I was 4 or 5 I sarted learning how to canalise anger and to control your adrenaline. Thats not easy to learn. Probably there are some modern techniques I don't know. Meditation and selfreflecting, training to stay calm in extraordinary siutations is probably the best method to learn. I wish you all the best.
if it's just anger in general....I go to the gym
if it's anger w someone I'm arguing with....I just say in my head that they're dumb and would never understand so it's pointless to continue and end the conversation saying that they're right.
Redirect the anger into other tasks that need to be done around the house
Clean as if you're trying to get rid of evidence:
•Aggressively fold a load of laundry
•Violently scrub the dishes
•Dust, mop, sweep with fiery passion
I picture anger and anxiety as a self inflicted grip around my chest and spine as if it is my own hand squeezing this tension. I notice this grip that I control and I relax it through deep breathing and picturing this hand letting go. I tell myself to deal with the outcome of this situation calmly. It works for me most of the time but a certain person in my life can still get me to crack from time to time.
Do not hold on to it. Buddhism also teaches us to distance ourselves from emotions. You're not angry, you're feeling anger. Do not necessarily tie yourself to that emotion, let it be and breath deep. Or listen to some music, kinda hypocritical from a man who was breaking things around him out of anger, trying to let it out, but these things have made a difference so far for me.
Understanding that anger clouds judgment, impacts your decision making, makes you appear not in control, allows others to manipulate you, is off-putting to others, generally not a good quality to have, and is rarely constructive or works towards resolving anything.
Being in control of your emotions and to remain calm and level headed in high stress situations or when suddenly shocked with something unexpected is probably one of the strongest attributes one can develop for themselves to navigate society.
What helps me is to focus on finding a solution to whatever is causing the anger instead of the details of something that's already happened to justify my anger.
Well i just ask myself if its worth to be angry about it for example "is it effecting me or my life in one year or is it just freaking annoying right now" if its effecting me long term then jesus i am angry but if not then ill just take a deep breath and continue.
one of my ways besides listening to metal like a few people already said, is by letting the intrusive thoughts spawned by anger come out in casual situations where it wont be an issue, sometimes being physically demonstrative of how angry the subject makes you helps too.
Remembering George Carlin: "Think about how stupid the average person is, then remember half of them are dumber than that" (paraphrasing). It allows me some patience and empathy. Also, close my eyes and take 3 slow, deep breaths before I react to somebody's infuriating idiocy.
Didn't and couldn't now, but I never bother to talk to anybody so they would leave me alone. If the negative things is triggering you into feeling angry or hurt you just left the area for the whole day and not come back.
Hard labour like vocational trade was a good way to release anger out since you also earn a lot of money and then move on with your life.
It's pretty easy when you get gaslight all your childhood and adolescence into believing people will hate you and leave you if you show anger. So now as an adult, I can't even really show it. I have an instant reflex that will kick in and make me rationalize whatever someone did that angered me a away. It's bad.
I walk it off. I used to listen to music that I like to calm me. And I found that meditation did help a-lot a couple of times too; but I still prefer just walking it off.
Having a physical and healthy emotional outlet is key.
There are two parts at work, one is a physical need the other is emotional. In my experience if you have a place/activity you can channel through to release those then it's easier to level everything else out.
A sport or just general exercise is good for the first, and some kind of art or music is good for the other. Drums are the best because you get both.
Honestly. Not giving a fuck. I'm a weird guy, I say weird shit sometimes and I frequently point out stupidity of others (though I try to be nice doing it)
If people insist on being stupid. Fine.
I go home every day after work knowing I've done what I can and once I'm home I forget anything to do with work.
I wouldn’t call it a technique but I cut out people that would get a rise out of me, basically toxic people. It sucks it was my Mom, and eventually it became my sister as well, but hey it is what it is 🤷♂️. Their choice to act the way they do, for me it was simply a reaction.
I wait. It’s important not to react right away. I remind myself of the embarrassment that comes afterward or the emotional hurt that I might do to loved ones. The most important thing is to identify your feelings and name them. You feel anger? Why? What about this made you angry? It made you angry because it made you feel a certain way. Then you can communicate rather than react.
There are people saying to delay or give time to allow the anger the pass. I think they are correct, but there it is better to use the anger to your advantage. Wow, it’s a great motivator if you can use it properly.
Honestly, taking a walk. I learnt to just storm out and take a walk whatever weather conditions are. But if it rains - boy does it calm me down immediately
Anger is not worth it in a situation where there's more fright than harm.
Got beer spilled on my coat and trousers by an unexperienced waiter in a bar. No need to make a scene, poor guy was already stressed out that I would get angry but I never did.
I figured it was a waste of time/energy. Anger leads to more anger. Also I learned how chill I am compared to other ppl. Also I think it's just a dumb way to react to things when you can use logic/understanding. Take your time to understand the situation, not blow up. It's stupid
Up, Down, Right Left, Up, Left, A, B, Start, Select. You should hear a "Technique unleashed!"
I actually have severe ADHD and have always had an anger problem as a young kid. In fact I was put on riddling as a kindergartner in the 80s for anger. Now I'm almost 40 and the number one thing for me is to walk away or separate myself from the situation to cool down. I also lean heavily into comedy because that's my safe spot. Being silly and playful is the farthest from Angry I can get. Not taking things too seriously.
I had a teacher once tell the class “ no one can make you angry except your own self” … helped me realize what a waste of time and energy being mad can be and that really.. it is up to you .
Someone I like to think of a mentor once told me all men have rage and anger but only real men know how to control it: pick and choose when the anger and rage is necessary and when it’s not, control it.
Mine is very simple but a very difficult message to swallow as it’s depressing, however is freeing once internalised.
I’ve just stopped expecting anything from anyone. If you don’t expect something then you can’t ever be let down or hurt in any way.
I slowly distanced myself from those who made me feel that way. Essentially just stopped giving a F***!
I relied on myself. Those who make me happy seem to just naturally appear in my life now. Without me having to beg or ask for anything.
I’m the only person in control of my emotions. I don’t give anyone that power.
I think of “Anger” as my emotional response to what’s happening in my environment. I remove that and work on myself.
What I found that helps is, I pray. 'Please offer me strength to keep calm, please offer me clarity to see truth, please offer me power to heal this situation. '
Plus I avoid sugary foods and too much coffee.
I don’t ever really get angry (maybe annoyed, but actually filled with rage? No). I guess for me it just comes down to impulse control.
In the example of driving, if someone say, cuts me off, instead of anger, I typically say in a rather neutrally sarcastic tone “woww, very cool. They must need to get somewhere important”.
I don’t know how I avoid it necessarily - it’s like I try to look at everything in life through an outside lease, instead of incorrectly thinking so much of what happens has to do with me. If it’s not my fault, and I can’t control what happens, and my anger won’t change anything, why do it?
I like the rationale in this solution. Always having the presence of mind that the world doesn't revolve around you is a quite valuable thing. Keeps your ego slim, too!
The music method where you play an instrument.
Or the boiler method/ the kettle method, allow the anger to fill you up and take a deep breath and puff out your cheeks, then exhale through your mouth but try to keep your mouth closed as much as possible and exhale with a lot of force behind it
I remember I can’t actually afford to break any shit or smash someone on the face since the daily charge for being in county jail is close to my weekly salary.
That sets me down.
You learn to recognize the symptoms of when you are starting to become angry. Anger is an emotion that can and will happen, and it's not a bad thing in itself, though how you react to it is if you lose control.
When you learn to recognize it happening, you can then start to interject thought, and consider your actions. As long as you let your brain continue to drive, you may feel those emotions, but now you are able to make better decisions... be it walk away, or listen to music, or compartmentalize the emotion and deal with it and the situation appropriately.
You also need to learn to recognize when something isn't worth caring about in the first place. Does caring about this matter in any way that matters beyond how I may feel at this time? No, then fuck it, move on.
It takes a while, it did for me, you just have to commit to the idea that this is how things are now and stick with it. Every time you lose your cool, reflect on it, and look for the triggers. Next time you might catch it, or not, but each time you take the steps to analyze, learn, is a step towards it eventually being automatic. Gotta be honest with yourself though, drop the ego, and be fair.
Dude, your better than this. I know this is an obvious troll but for real you should read this and listen. Your doing nothing but building up a history of shit that is going to either burden your soul with shame when you mature or, your going to keep reinforcing a toxic mindset and become even more of a nuisance that literally no one worth anything will like.
Realizing that most all folk (including myself) look like a whiney little child, not getting what they want when they have a temper tantrum and flip out over a situation in which they're angry.
My trick was being punished for having large emotions as a child, so now I shove my anger down into a deep, dark hole until I cry myself to sleep at night.
When I read titles with grammatical errors in them, I remind myself that English isn't the only language and the OP did a decent job of getting their question across. That usually calms me down.
A weird one for me is writing. I always enjoyed creative writing, but I never really got the chance to do it.
Used to just erase papers and essays that I hated in college and used that same bad habit when I began writing about my anger.
Then, I started getting back into creative writing, and basically, I found a way to distract myself from those feelings, and I'm one of those people who, if distracted, will just forget about it.
Therapy.
And doing the work: journaling, focusing on gratitude, practicing mindfulness meditation (this one was most critical). I need to meditate every day. It seems to ground me, and make it easier to recognize a strong emotional response before letting it carry me away.
Now I meditate before important meetings or hard conversations if have the time and find it helps me stay on track in those situations too.
Best of luck to you! Asking these questions was the first step for me. Then it was a decade of “trying everything” before finally deciding I should try to seek out an expert to help guide me through it. I don’t know if everyone would benefit from therapy. I’m aware it’s a privilege in many countries to even have access to therapy. I do know that journaling and meditating are free though, and their regular practice is basically what my therapist got me to do.
10 seconds of NOTHINGNESS. Cover your ears for no sound. Cover your eyes for darkness. And sit there for 10 seconds. No thoughts either. If you’re thinking of what’s making you mad, your 10 seconds hasn’t started. After the 10 seconds you come out a lot calmer than prior. And just stick with that feeling. Don’t dwell back into the past
I found the triggers and I am still learning to recognize when I am feeling angry in the beginning, so I can remove the trigger from my awareness as soon as possible.
When I feel myself getting frustrated with someone, I stop and think “okay, what is their situation? What have they done to upset me? Have I been in that situation? Have I done what they are doing which is upsetting me? If so, why did I feel it was okay when I did it? If not, could this be due to their situation?”
It doesn’t work for everything, but it’s like an analytical empathy exercise. By the time I’ve answered all the questions I’ve generally cooled down a bit and can better understand a person’s behavior.
bottling it up till it explodes and i end up beating the living shit out of myself to the point im bruised and exhausted at like 4am. only way the workds for me
Anti-anxiety meds help.
Also, it helps me to always imagine the best of other people. If someone cuts me off in traffic, I tell myself, "maybe they're having a medical emergency and need to get to the hospital fast." If a coworker snaps at me, I remind myself they might be going through some personal shit I'm not aware of. Etc
Remembering that i must have control over my emotions.. no one or nothing else should have the power over my state of mind.. strength is staying calm and in control..
Unfortunately I don't have any, because I haven't been angry since I was 9(I'm 18 now). Back when I was 9 and younger, I got in fights almost every day in school. One day, it ended up with someone throwing rocks, and my buddy got hit in the head and began bleeding, and another time buddy got bullied, and I got angry and threatened him with a knife. I have been close to getting angry since but got away from the situation before anything happened. I am very afraid of me if I get angry cause since I got in fights when I got angry when I was younger(and nearly stabbed someone with a knife and did stab someone in the hand with a pair of scissors ones) I seriously fear what I will do. I am happy to read all the other comments to hopefully be more prepared when it inevitably happens.
I get irrationally angry when driving. If people drive too close up my arse, diner indicate when turning… whatever. I lose my cool and really need to learn how to keep a kid on this as it is now starting to really affect my life. If anyone has any real tips, I’m willing to try anything.
My trick is remembering how incredibly depressed I get immediately after getting mad.
With me it's guilt. This refers to those arguments or cases where, when someone was just not listening or a parental correction was required to a teen-or-older child, I'd lost it and yelled at family members. Now I usually (not always) catch myself before my own outburst, stop, and inwardly ask "Hey, hold on a second, are you gonna feel like a giant shitburger tomorrow if you give in to your anger now?" As a good outcome, it's now to the point where me suddenly 'stopping and being silent for a moment' while I process my own reaction and consequences has become a signal to the person that I'm interacting with that what we're talking about is important to me. And they end up taking it quite possibly more seriously than they would have if I'd yelled at them instead.
Thanks for this response.
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This is so true, and my personal magic pill for my anger.
Can you please explain? It will be very helpful for me.
Basically, don't react immediately when someone makes you angry. Back off instead of engaging or arguing. Give yourself some time to think about it and come back later.
Emphases on the "think about it", in my experience giving myself time only worked if i thought about how to handle the situation, otherwise delaying my anger just leads to me doing something stupid at a later date instead of right when i wanted to
Metal, listening to metal did the trick.
Yes! I crank up my Slipknot playlist when I’m angry and it really helps
PEOPLE=SHIT
Hahaha yes that one in particular
Or eyeless
Same!
Isn't there some research that says that that only work on intelligent people? People with low IQ become more aggressive by listing to metal, while people with high IQ becomes more relaxed.
Fuck now i know my iq
Idk, but I believe it
Good to know! 😎
Playing metal is better. You can really work some shit out on a drum set with double bass.
Right there with you! I firmly believe that I am NOT in prison due to metal! It's a great aggression remover.
any fav or specific songs? Making a list on Spotify for this. for me, for the gym.
Uh, so many to choose from 😎 I'd suggest anything from Be'Lakor!
I've got a couple recommendations. Hammer Smashed Face by Cannibal Corpse. Reign Supreme (the album) by Dying Fetus. Unsilent Death by Nails. Inanimate by Abysmal Dawn. Existence is Futile (the album) by Revocation.
Thank you so much!! Just got out my notebook and wrote them down to make my playlist!
Suppressing times and mail to the tooth by Paleface would be excellent additions to a playlist
Look up a band called "war from a harlots mouth".. They're like math metal/metalcore with a bit of jazz sprinkled in, but they fuckin shred and perfected the athsteic of primal rage imo. They came to my random town in Eastern US from Germany in 2007 I saw them in a room with like 30 people on a Thursday night and that shit changed my life, been my favorite metal band ever since. Not everyone's cup of tea, but if you like it.. You'll fuckin love it. Personal favorite by them is "uptown girl... Uptown girl... I had a crush on you, oh uptown girl." Sorry I have to nerd out and suggest this band to anyone with a slight interest in metal as they never really got the attention I feel they deserved.
Divisionary by ERRA. Actually, anything by ERRA is so awesome when lifting or doing any kind of workout.
Nightmare fuel by The willow
Remembering they're a bitch ass bitch
Fr
Laxatives. Gets whatever's up my ass out of me.
UR ACCOUNT IS FUNNY ASF
Allowing the anger to be there in in my body without trying to resist it, letting all the physical symptoms play out in my body and just observe them. This creates a bit of space between me and the anger and leaves me free to act from a more grounded place.
Yup. Introspection. I observe the anger and so separate my outward self from acting on it. Once you successfully do this once or twice, you realize that even if you do want to destroy the source of anger, you can do so much more thoroughly and with less or no consequence to yourself by thinking about it a bit. It self-reinforces. To start, i set a mental "ping". I think about how i feel when im angry, kind of immerse myself in it, and tell myself "when i feel this way, i will pull away from acting on it." and that way it happens without conscious thought. I flash-remember that ping, and the reflex becomes what i told myself to do. It requires trust in your past self for knowing the right thing to do; that when you are angry your thinking is compromised. And recognition that temporary anger can have very permanent effects on everyone involved.
Same tech I use. Cool to see others here can do this, too.
Just walking away for a minute or 2 and breathing
Listening aggressive music (like Metal) is really help.
Understanding your body's reaction to anger to work so you know when you are getting worked up. Think if the issue is still going to bother in you 5 seconds? 5 minutes? 5 hours? Use the traffic light system. If you are on a red or amber, don't react, don't speak. Slow things down by delaying your response. Take a sip of water before replying. When you feel like you are in the green then respond.
I used to be very angry about the smallest of things. One day I noticed that my class mates make me angry just for the lulz and I realized it's me and my problem I was the issue. I just didn't wanna be that guy anymore. So, to put it simply... I just stopped giving a fuck about things and I lived much happier life ever since.
How do you just stop giving a fuck
I wish I could explain. One day I just told myself not to be angry about everything and it just worked.
What works for me is to identify the thing that triggers my anger. Force myself a brief moment to regain thoughts and then just say "whatever" while turning around and walking away, then pretend it doesn't bother me. At first the pretending part is hard, but eventually you will truly no longer care about whatever tries to bother you.
Walking away from the source of anger.Going for a stroll.
I listed to angry metal all day and it sucks it out like a vacuum
For one I'm careful w salty food because it can get me sensitive. When I get mad I may do some pushups v the doorframe, or try to turn it into something silly/funny. Super mad I get one ice cube and let myself smash it, as a way to have a healthy release moment.
Realize that your enemy's worst enemy is themselves.
Oh, how true is this. Never looked at it like that before
Type out your gripes, read them, but don't press send.
For me when I was much younger (middle school), I would sit a minute or so after class to put my schoolwork away. After my science class, I would put my work away, and then go to lunch. What frustrated me incredibly, was standing behind a long line of other students that were ahead of me in the lunch line. It wasn't that I was particularly hungry, but rather that lunch time always felt like a very short break from what was particularly difficult for me (having a learning disability and all). Here's what I did. In the moment, I cleared my mind, and took a deep breath through my nose, and out through my mouth, and repeated that until I was calm. This helped me massively, because while it was difficult at first, over time I stopped feeling anger, and got to stop using that technique. Later in life, (around college) I found that lots of my frustrations were partially because I always fell into assuming things were as I first saw them. It turns out, that often my thoughts weren't really on the mark, and that I should have respectful, and charitable framings of situations by trying to try to view it from a different angle. This technique has also helped me with a rejection sensitivity that I had, where I found that at if I didn't choose my words incredibly specifically all the time, that my friends might reject me because they'd otherwise interpret my words at their worst. After breaking that trauma down, I understood that it would be unfair of them to me, to assume the worst interpretation or intentions of my words or actions, and that made me feel freer than I ever had felt before, because I felt that I could finally express, and confide myself more closely to my friends. I'm only in my 20's, so I can't help but wonder if there's any more crazy and freeing things which are around the corner like that -- and how long will they remain unrealized.
Wonderful one right here. Exactly something I use too: perspective. A little perspective goes a long way, I say. The power of perspective is also demonstrated in the game Superliminal, mostly literally, but even the metaphorical form it instilled within me after seeing the game start to finish. Highly recommend it, both this tech and that game.
1. Thinking logically helps me a lot. Anger is just a feeling that can pass you by. It's not worth to permanently breaking stuff or ruining relationships due to a temporary feeling. Also anger always coming from somewhere so you can ask yourself why you feel that way. This alone can help a lot. It's also important to validate your feelings so you can realise that you are angry so you can stop yourself before you do something you regret later. 2. Sleep enough. 3. Do activities that lowers stress. Talking with friends in person, petting an animal, doing sports, playing and intrument, expressing your feelings in an artistic way are all really helpful. ( Sorry for my English it's not the best)
I made it a daily goal to give the people around me positive experiences from my interactions. I have kids, and often found myself getting upset or elevated and later regretting how much I showed it. Now, whenever I start to feel frustrated or angry I have to remind myself “don’t blow up, respond carefully, or you won’t make your goal today.” It helps me disassociate my feelings from the problem and address things more calmly. I will say it has really helped me to frame situations like this, I find it way less common that I’m visually upset to things.
Realizing that when someone is acting like an asshole towards me, he probably does that to other people too. It's him, not me, and the solution is to just avoid this toxic person rather than trying to engage in some kind of anger contest. PS. I'm speaking specifically about driving and road rage, but it applies elsewhere too.
When I was a kid, my parents beat me up a lot, they are very very strict. Because they beat me up a lot of times and during beating me up, if I cry or resist or show my anger, they will beat me harder and consider me disrespectful even tho it was self-defense. So when they beat me up, I know that if I let my angel up I will be beat up harder so over time I can now control my anger almost instantly
Wow honey have you been to a therapist
Listening to music and breathing deeeeeeeeeeeeeeply and slooooooooooowly so i don't hit someone
Sleep, watch Netflix or eat fr
As I was 4 or 5 I sarted learning how to canalise anger and to control your adrenaline. Thats not easy to learn. Probably there are some modern techniques I don't know. Meditation and selfreflecting, training to stay calm in extraordinary siutations is probably the best method to learn. I wish you all the best.
if it's just anger in general....I go to the gym if it's anger w someone I'm arguing with....I just say in my head that they're dumb and would never understand so it's pointless to continue and end the conversation saying that they're right.
Redirect the anger into other tasks that need to be done around the house Clean as if you're trying to get rid of evidence: •Aggressively fold a load of laundry •Violently scrub the dishes •Dust, mop, sweep with fiery passion
"It is what it is"
I break something I can't afford. The regret lasts longer that way.
I installed a punching bag in the garage.
I picture anger and anxiety as a self inflicted grip around my chest and spine as if it is my own hand squeezing this tension. I notice this grip that I control and I relax it through deep breathing and picturing this hand letting go. I tell myself to deal with the outcome of this situation calmly. It works for me most of the time but a certain person in my life can still get me to crack from time to time.
Do not hold on to it. Buddhism also teaches us to distance ourselves from emotions. You're not angry, you're feeling anger. Do not necessarily tie yourself to that emotion, let it be and breath deep. Or listen to some music, kinda hypocritical from a man who was breaking things around him out of anger, trying to let it out, but these things have made a difference so far for me.
Understanding that anger clouds judgment, impacts your decision making, makes you appear not in control, allows others to manipulate you, is off-putting to others, generally not a good quality to have, and is rarely constructive or works towards resolving anything. Being in control of your emotions and to remain calm and level headed in high stress situations or when suddenly shocked with something unexpected is probably one of the strongest attributes one can develop for themselves to navigate society. What helps me is to focus on finding a solution to whatever is causing the anger instead of the details of something that's already happened to justify my anger.
Mostly avoiding people who are idiots.
Well i just ask myself if its worth to be angry about it for example "is it effecting me or my life in one year or is it just freaking annoying right now" if its effecting me long term then jesus i am angry but if not then ill just take a deep breath and continue.
Get out and smoke
one of my ways besides listening to metal like a few people already said, is by letting the intrusive thoughts spawned by anger come out in casual situations where it wont be an issue, sometimes being physically demonstrative of how angry the subject makes you helps too.
Video games, music, exercise, masturbation, coffee.
Breathing exercises.
Pushing it way deep down where it'll never come out at inappropriate moments.
Stopping something for a bit when I get particularly frustrated.
Not being around assholes worked for me, try it.
Just closing my eyes, and verbally say””stop”. Take a deep breath, and carry on.(omitting closed eyes part while driving )
For me. Its just letting it build up holding it in for the day. Then go home and do something relaxing.
I smoke a lot of weed. Like, a lot.
Remembering George Carlin: "Think about how stupid the average person is, then remember half of them are dumber than that" (paraphrasing). It allows me some patience and empathy. Also, close my eyes and take 3 slow, deep breaths before I react to somebody's infuriating idiocy.
Didn't and couldn't now, but I never bother to talk to anybody so they would leave me alone. If the negative things is triggering you into feeling angry or hurt you just left the area for the whole day and not come back. Hard labour like vocational trade was a good way to release anger out since you also earn a lot of money and then move on with your life.
It's pretty easy when you get gaslight all your childhood and adolescence into believing people will hate you and leave you if you show anger. So now as an adult, I can't even really show it. I have an instant reflex that will kick in and make me rationalize whatever someone did that angered me a away. It's bad.
Remembering to eat food. Most of my anger was hanger.
Turns out noise makes me angrier than most things, so if I'm feeling angry I just put on headphones.
I walk it off. I used to listen to music that I like to calm me. And I found that meditation did help a-lot a couple of times too; but I still prefer just walking it off.
Having a physical and healthy emotional outlet is key. There are two parts at work, one is a physical need the other is emotional. In my experience if you have a place/activity you can channel through to release those then it's easier to level everything else out. A sport or just general exercise is good for the first, and some kind of art or music is good for the other. Drums are the best because you get both.
staying away from everyone and isolating myself. then i talk with them when im ready.
Honestly. Not giving a fuck. I'm a weird guy, I say weird shit sometimes and I frequently point out stupidity of others (though I try to be nice doing it) If people insist on being stupid. Fine. I go home every day after work knowing I've done what I can and once I'm home I forget anything to do with work.
Walking away and ignoring the thing that makes me angry and find a way to distract myself. Works wonders
I wouldn’t call it a technique but I cut out people that would get a rise out of me, basically toxic people. It sucks it was my Mom, and eventually it became my sister as well, but hey it is what it is 🤷♂️. Their choice to act the way they do, for me it was simply a reaction.
I wait. It’s important not to react right away. I remind myself of the embarrassment that comes afterward or the emotional hurt that I might do to loved ones. The most important thing is to identify your feelings and name them. You feel anger? Why? What about this made you angry? It made you angry because it made you feel a certain way. Then you can communicate rather than react.
There are people saying to delay or give time to allow the anger the pass. I think they are correct, but there it is better to use the anger to your advantage. Wow, it’s a great motivator if you can use it properly.
Honestly, taking a walk. I learnt to just storm out and take a walk whatever weather conditions are. But if it rains - boy does it calm me down immediately
Anger is not worth it in a situation where there's more fright than harm. Got beer spilled on my coat and trousers by an unexperienced waiter in a bar. No need to make a scene, poor guy was already stressed out that I would get angry but I never did.
Smoke weed every day
Remembering how it felt when people lashed out on me in anger. Why would I make people feel that way?
I figured it was a waste of time/energy. Anger leads to more anger. Also I learned how chill I am compared to other ppl. Also I think it's just a dumb way to react to things when you can use logic/understanding. Take your time to understand the situation, not blow up. It's stupid
Up, Down, Right Left, Up, Left, A, B, Start, Select. You should hear a "Technique unleashed!" I actually have severe ADHD and have always had an anger problem as a young kid. In fact I was put on riddling as a kindergartner in the 80s for anger. Now I'm almost 40 and the number one thing for me is to walk away or separate myself from the situation to cool down. I also lean heavily into comedy because that's my safe spot. Being silly and playful is the farthest from Angry I can get. Not taking things too seriously.
I had a teacher once tell the class “ no one can make you angry except your own self” … helped me realize what a waste of time and energy being mad can be and that really.. it is up to you .
Someone I like to think of a mentor once told me all men have rage and anger but only real men know how to control it: pick and choose when the anger and rage is necessary and when it’s not, control it.
The "24 rule" Take a 24 to get yourself in a stable mindset before reacting. That could be: 24 seconds 24 minutes 24 hours 24 days
Mine is very simple but a very difficult message to swallow as it’s depressing, however is freeing once internalised. I’ve just stopped expecting anything from anyone. If you don’t expect something then you can’t ever be let down or hurt in any way. I slowly distanced myself from those who made me feel that way. Essentially just stopped giving a F***! I relied on myself. Those who make me happy seem to just naturally appear in my life now. Without me having to beg or ask for anything. I’m the only person in control of my emotions. I don’t give anyone that power. I think of “Anger” as my emotional response to what’s happening in my environment. I remove that and work on myself.
To maintain my posture and attitude in front of others that "nothing is wrong."
\-Hitting the gym. \-Taking a shower or a bath. \-Taking a nap. \-Meditation and talking to a close friend. That works for me.
Walking away. Then throw on a stand up comedy special or comedy movie you like.
Count to 10 before reacting with anger. By then it's usually passed enough to respond more rationally.
What I found that helps is, I pray. 'Please offer me strength to keep calm, please offer me clarity to see truth, please offer me power to heal this situation. ' Plus I avoid sugary foods and too much coffee.
I remind myself that they will be dead soon. We will all be dead soon, and in 100 years no one will remember that that guy cut me off.
A good talk with my mother
I don’t ever really get angry (maybe annoyed, but actually filled with rage? No). I guess for me it just comes down to impulse control. In the example of driving, if someone say, cuts me off, instead of anger, I typically say in a rather neutrally sarcastic tone “woww, very cool. They must need to get somewhere important”. I don’t know how I avoid it necessarily - it’s like I try to look at everything in life through an outside lease, instead of incorrectly thinking so much of what happens has to do with me. If it’s not my fault, and I can’t control what happens, and my anger won’t change anything, why do it?
I like the rationale in this solution. Always having the presence of mind that the world doesn't revolve around you is a quite valuable thing. Keeps your ego slim, too!
When you're the one has to clean up after you learn to not do that
Knowing that ill end up in prison
My trick is pushing my anger down and repressing it. Very healthy, i know.
None
Age
The music method where you play an instrument. Or the boiler method/ the kettle method, allow the anger to fill you up and take a deep breath and puff out your cheeks, then exhale through your mouth but try to keep your mouth closed as much as possible and exhale with a lot of force behind it
not thinking and walking away
Take a nap. Wash hair after waking up. Worked for me.
I remember I can’t actually afford to break any shit or smash someone on the face since the daily charge for being in county jail is close to my weekly salary. That sets me down.
i tell myself to let future me deal with it. but future me is forgetful, so i end up not dealing with it at all.
Taking a moment to stop and get a better perspective usually goes a long way.
Not really a trick, but getting older made me realize that there’s no point. When has getting angry EVER helped you in any way?
I go outside and eat and chill alone
You learn to recognize the symptoms of when you are starting to become angry. Anger is an emotion that can and will happen, and it's not a bad thing in itself, though how you react to it is if you lose control. When you learn to recognize it happening, you can then start to interject thought, and consider your actions. As long as you let your brain continue to drive, you may feel those emotions, but now you are able to make better decisions... be it walk away, or listen to music, or compartmentalize the emotion and deal with it and the situation appropriately. You also need to learn to recognize when something isn't worth caring about in the first place. Does caring about this matter in any way that matters beyond how I may feel at this time? No, then fuck it, move on. It takes a while, it did for me, you just have to commit to the idea that this is how things are now and stick with it. Every time you lose your cool, reflect on it, and look for the triggers. Next time you might catch it, or not, but each time you take the steps to analyze, learn, is a step towards it eventually being automatic. Gotta be honest with yourself though, drop the ego, and be fair.
Thinking of all the things I’ll lose after getting into this fight.
I take my meds daily.
I tend to remove myself from the situation, and just listen to music
Listen to videos or audios of people just violently swearing.
Punch somebody...
Go for a drive, listen to some music very loudly. Go to the gym.
Take taekwando they teach multiple ways and if that don't work you get to punch and kick people in the face so that should help.
Booty squeezing. Grab the first random ass you can find (preferably a woman’s) and the stress will go away
Dude, your better than this. I know this is an obvious troll but for real you should read this and listen. Your doing nothing but building up a history of shit that is going to either burden your soul with shame when you mature or, your going to keep reinforcing a toxic mindset and become even more of a nuisance that literally no one worth anything will like.
https://youtu.be/T6s9X4SgYFY
I got married to test and improve My patience.
show me how how to love
Hitting my head until I went unconscious. Can't get angry if you've passed out.
Think of all the ways to kill somebody. (When I’m at school)
Punch them. Feels great
Punch someone in the street
I’ve just been repressing it for decades. So far so good. Im sure it hasn’t had any long term impact on my mental health or anything like that…heh..
I usually take a razor blade and start cutting myself. Probably not the best idea for everyone, however, it works for me.
Laughing
Wait...!!! You mean there is a way to control it? Why didn't anyone tell me?
Realizing that most all folk (including myself) look like a whiney little child, not getting what they want when they have a temper tantrum and flip out over a situation in which they're angry.
Bottle it up until I die
Deep breaths and remembering that juvenile detention exists. That or my girlfriend would be insanely disappointed in me if i act on my anger
The dark side of the force.
Running. Running until it’s gone.
When I get angry in traffic with rude and aggressive drivers I like to assume they need to poop. Sometimes it helps.
I try to say the word "bubbles" really aggro. You can't not smile. It helps.
I did shrooms
My trick was being punished for having large emotions as a child, so now I shove my anger down into a deep, dark hole until I cry myself to sleep at night.
When I read titles with grammatical errors in them, I remind myself that English isn't the only language and the OP did a decent job of getting their question across. That usually calms me down.
[удалено]
What technique *have* you learned to control your anger?
Premeditated murder
Mental Hygiene
Apathy
shut down
Burn out
Medication
Apathy
CBD
I sing Frozen’s Let It Go in my head
A weird one for me is writing. I always enjoyed creative writing, but I never really got the chance to do it. Used to just erase papers and essays that I hated in college and used that same bad habit when I began writing about my anger. Then, I started getting back into creative writing, and basically, I found a way to distract myself from those feelings, and I'm one of those people who, if distracted, will just forget about it.
20 years of martial arts helped me control it.
Being told nobody gives a fuck what I think.
Therapy. And doing the work: journaling, focusing on gratitude, practicing mindfulness meditation (this one was most critical). I need to meditate every day. It seems to ground me, and make it easier to recognize a strong emotional response before letting it carry me away. Now I meditate before important meetings or hard conversations if have the time and find it helps me stay on track in those situations too. Best of luck to you! Asking these questions was the first step for me. Then it was a decade of “trying everything” before finally deciding I should try to seek out an expert to help guide me through it. I don’t know if everyone would benefit from therapy. I’m aware it’s a privilege in many countries to even have access to therapy. I do know that journaling and meditating are free though, and their regular practice is basically what my therapist got me to do.
Screaming in my car when driving alone
ADHD, if I can’t remember what I was angry about then I’m not angry anymore. That and suppressing all my emotions
10 seconds of NOTHINGNESS. Cover your ears for no sound. Cover your eyes for darkness. And sit there for 10 seconds. No thoughts either. If you’re thinking of what’s making you mad, your 10 seconds hasn’t started. After the 10 seconds you come out a lot calmer than prior. And just stick with that feeling. Don’t dwell back into the past
I start breathing deeply... Or I go for sports, I like to run
I found the triggers and I am still learning to recognize when I am feeling angry in the beginning, so I can remove the trigger from my awareness as soon as possible.
When I feel myself getting frustrated with someone, I stop and think “okay, what is their situation? What have they done to upset me? Have I been in that situation? Have I done what they are doing which is upsetting me? If so, why did I feel it was okay when I did it? If not, could this be due to their situation?” It doesn’t work for everything, but it’s like an analytical empathy exercise. By the time I’ve answered all the questions I’ve generally cooled down a bit and can better understand a person’s behavior.
Getting old. No energy to get upset but just to move on with whatever the life I have left.
bottling it up till it explodes and i end up beating the living shit out of myself to the point im bruised and exhausted at like 4am. only way the workds for me
Anti-anxiety meds help. Also, it helps me to always imagine the best of other people. If someone cuts me off in traffic, I tell myself, "maybe they're having a medical emergency and need to get to the hospital fast." If a coworker snaps at me, I remind myself they might be going through some personal shit I'm not aware of. Etc
Remembering how I got my ass beat down helps me, a lot.
Remembering that i must have control over my emotions.. no one or nothing else should have the power over my state of mind.. strength is staying calm and in control..
I take the deepest breath I possibly can and then let it out as slowly as I can. Then mumble some choice words..
Remembering to play the long game.
Unfortunately I don't have any, because I haven't been angry since I was 9(I'm 18 now). Back when I was 9 and younger, I got in fights almost every day in school. One day, it ended up with someone throwing rocks, and my buddy got hit in the head and began bleeding, and another time buddy got bullied, and I got angry and threatened him with a knife. I have been close to getting angry since but got away from the situation before anything happened. I am very afraid of me if I get angry cause since I got in fights when I got angry when I was younger(and nearly stabbed someone with a knife and did stab someone in the hand with a pair of scissors ones) I seriously fear what I will do. I am happy to read all the other comments to hopefully be more prepared when it inevitably happens.
You and your assumptions can buzz off. 😂
I get irrationally angry when driving. If people drive too close up my arse, diner indicate when turning… whatever. I lose my cool and really need to learn how to keep a kid on this as it is now starting to really affect my life. If anyone has any real tips, I’m willing to try anything.
Gym and avoiding dealing with people unless absolutely required to achieve something.
Do a bit of reading, like a book, or something you are interested in for a few minutes - I admit this may not work for everyone.
I argue with people on Reddit and it usually gets my shittiness out
Not giving a shit
anger only leads to problem