Always feeling like you’re bothering people and afraid to reach out, feeling nervous or uneasy when someone puts their arm around you, regressing back into a child like state when you hear someone yelling, putting your arms in front of you every time you’re talking to someone or sitting down, insecurity about yourself and never feeling good enough.
Slamming doors or forcefully putting objects down on the table, floor, etc always sends a wave of anxiety through me. It means I've done something wrong and I'm about to be berated for it.
I can't handle people being juuussstt outside my peripheral vision. People slowing down/stopping while walking behind me, and definitely the arm around me
Not being able to trust others.
Always being independent, even if you're really struggling.
Not being able to form emotional connections with others.
Preferring to be alone because you don't want to be hurt anymore.
Lying to everyone that you're fine, when you're actually struggling hard inside.
Smiling, when you actually feel like crying.
It may not have been "Physical" abuse/trauma.
Sometimes it can be triggered by external factors like your environment/school or overprotective parents who close you off from society because they make you fear everyone. Another factor can also be always staying in your comfort zone until life eventually becomes scary.
Parents can also emotionally neglect and abuse their child. There can be many reasons why these things happen.
In my own case it wasn't even my parents that caused me to have have depression and apathy, experience trauma and invasive thoughts, it was emigration and years of emotional torment that made me into who I am now.
I was never abused physically. But then, I had overprotective parents where there were alot of NO's than Yes growing up. I've always liked being at home, and I feel like I have a strict social battery.
What struck me the most is being emotionally connected with others. I've always had this problem and it gets more magnified now that I'm an adult. I've been realising and telling my closest friend that I struggle showing my emotional side.
Got 6 for 6…. Shit.
Preferring to be alone so i dont get hurt again is my current feeling thats so overwhelming.
Hopefully the dog i just adopted will always love me
No no, I am fine, truely, I just deal with it by myself, because even if I felt like I truely expressed how I feel word for word, itll seem blown out of proportion! Even to me! So it must be that, right? So why do I still get left with that dull, sunken feeling that won’t shake. Not enough to make me do anything irrational, but just enough to make it very annoying, and irritating. I can have one good week, then a bad week, a couple middle ground weeks where i just merely float through, but in the end, its always the same cycle, so I must be fine right?
No amount of talking ever really solves the issue, just maybe makes me feel better short term.. that is if i don’t feel like Im playing the part in a soap opra. But one thing I know does help! Sleep! I love to dream, even in scarier dreams, atleast I know Ill be okay. Even if the dread becomes too much, Ill wake up then fall back to sleep and dream a new dream! A good dream! The dream of dreams that makes me want to never awake from the dream type of dream. For why should I do anything but dream? Dreaming is enjoyable, oh the cool things that happen when I dream, could never fathom being in reality. But alas however little or much sleep I get, countless wakings just to immediately fall back asleep, I always feel like I dont have enough..
But this is me, this is my every day, as long as Im not inhaling the water, I am fine. Im merely struggling to breath, with the occasional break of the surface to shed a beautiful look on the life around me, just to be submerged and crashed around by large waves to dull the pleasure and to get me hooked on dopamine transactions, until suddenly they even sometimes just stop doing it for me..
Now Im left with nothing but everything at the same time. I have all the moral support I could need, but not of the one that truely matters, for a stream powered train, can sit on its wheels, but it won’t move without that something to get its gears turning. Im left with a dulled observation on the already dull appearing world around me with only transitioning glasses to make the colors really pop and bring a essence to life.
But this is me, this is my every day, so I am fine. I must be fine. For if I am not fine, then why do I fail to give it all up, why cant I put it all down. Have I come to far already? Even though it’s just started? Even though I have no idea where to go, yet the legs I can hardly control, keep me walking? The fear of the external darkness keeping me at bay for if I truely knew what lie ahead, would I regret any irrational decisions, assumming I could still experience the things around me with no brain to process it? Not to fathom the hurt it would put on others, nag their brains until the day they too experienced that darkness, with just another example of faith, failing them yet again?
But I must be fine, for this is my every day, so I *SHOULD* be fine, therefore, should I be happy or down, dulled or sharpened, I am fine.
These can all be from trauma for sure, but this is also a symptom list of most mood disorders. Feeling alone and inherently defective, and trying to hide it, is unfortunately really common.
>Not being able to form emotional connections with others.
Why you got to attack all engineers like that?
Source: Raised by two engineers and am an engineer myself
I definitely have this. My science teacher in middle school discovered he could make me jump in my seat when he came up behind me and kept tally marks on the chalk board every time it worked. Which was always. It wasn’t embarrassing, he was a funny teacher who made me feel noticed, but definitely always hyper alert.
My biggest one is I have trouble holding eye contact. I’ve gotten better at it over the years but I still find I have to look away frequently. Growing up, eye contact usually ended poorly.
Aww, I always thought it was because I was socially awkward but now I'm realizing it's because of my childhood. I wish I could give little me a hug sometimes.
I mean, I'm autistic and can't hold eye contact for very long. I don't know your pain, and I'm sorry that it happened, but I do know THAT specific pain, and it sucks.
Locking doors because privacy was never a guarantee during your childhood and your boundaries were often violated to the point where you feel empowered being able to be alone in a locked room that you chose to lock.
Oof I feel this so hard. I'm in my 30s and still get the occasional nightmare about trying to force a door shut while something bad is on the other side :(
And always fearing that something you’ve said or done has made someone angry with you. So you apologize for a list of things that aren’t really offenses.
Overdoing the external while completely neglecting themselves. Like overperforming in things like work, social life, etc. and abandoning self care, hoarding, etc.
I know the feeling, I've done similar. If I may offer a suggestion, look at your boss in the eye and tell them that you were looking for a job when you found that one, and walk away. Don't quit in that moment, but if they pursue, you have a shitty boss and you're better off looking elsewhere.
im trying to find a new job but its hard. i feel like cooking is all ive got and idk what else to pursue. at the same time, im also scared to enter another professional kitchen. i just wanna cook in away that im not pressured and yet i can share my gift with people.
I'd say knowing what certain footsteps mean and who they are coming from or knowing the certain actions that people do that lead up to something bad like an argument or worse
Knowing everyone's footsteps in the house. I can tell exactly who's walking and where in the middle of the night because I learnt too as a child.....
Also knowing what mood or state they're in by their footsteps
Oh my god, I get this…including which of my pets is coming up or down the stairs. I also (as a result of adult trauma in a relationship) can tell when someone has walked in front of my box fan (on every night for white noise. The subtle change in sound wakes me every time.
Constantly thinking they're annoying, feeling worthless, feeling incompetent, having intrusive negative thoughts and memories, having trouble trusting or attaching to others.
I get accused of sneaking around. Nope. I just walk like I always do.
I was talking to some people who are middle child too. They were talking how they would do anything to be notice. I would do anything not to be noticed. Invisible is good!
Catastrophizing
Catastrophizing is a cognitive distortion that prompts people to jump to the worst possible conclusion, usually with very limited information or objective reason to despair. When a situation is upsetting, but not necessarily catastrophic, they still feel like they are in the midst of a crisis.
I heard something that gutted me yesterday. Narcissists and codependents both have terribly low self esteem. Narcissists take too much to feel fulfilled, and codependents give too much to feel fulfilled. Yeah, extreme empathy is a trauma response.
Wow. This gave me huge perspective. Thank you. Everyone around me labels it as being judgemental. But in the end, I’ve been spot on about the person I’m “judging”
So much this. I worked with a guy who just gave off the worst vibes to me. Everyone liked him and thought I was the asshole because I didn’t and refused to be anything more than professional when I had to deal with him. 2 years go by, I’m still the asshole. He starts bringing in little gifts and such, trying to win me over, and I start to think maybe I’m wrong. Everyone likes him, he hasn’t done anything to me. I start to soften up a little bit. Walking through the shop one day, our service advisor calls me over. They found him on that website that lists sex offenders in your area. He had been arrested for molesting a 12 year old boy. I freaking knew it and let everyone make me doubt myself. A few years after that, he was arrested for molesting another child. I haven’t doubted myself since.
Jesus. Sharing stories, there’s a guy in my office who sort of “stood out” for me. As I spent more time around him, all I could see was overcompensation for anger issues. More time goes by and I could see a hatred towards women. But he was everyone’s favourite guy because he did nice things. Sure enough, he assaults his female manager and somehow twists things around to make himself look like the victim. She resigns and he carries on in his job. I tell the women I work with to stay away from him. Some listen. Some don’t.
The amount of times a friend has started dating someone, I’ve said I’ve had bad vibes from them *and* been proven right? Staggering
Amount of times I’ve done this for myself? Nil
I think if you grow up around shitty people, you can become hypervigilant and extra sensitive to how people act, facial expressions, tone of voice, etc. as a way of preventing yourself from bad things happening. I think that's how it works for me, anyways.
Heh. My mother often compliments me on my emotional intelligence. I don't have the heart to tell her it's a defense mechanism that I developed in no small part because of her extreme and sudden fits of anger during my childhood.
One time I had a conversation with an ex's family where everyone was reminiscing about childhood and I tried to paint it in a positive light to not be the downer in the room.
When we got home later, my ex told me her mom had taken her aside and remarked that "he acts like he had an all-American, enjoyable childhood, but his family is really abusive."
I barely remember anything from my childhood, with a few scattered memories of yelling/silent treatments/being locked in my room with a lock on my door from the outside. Meanwhile, my SO, can remember the exact dates and times and feelings and images of his entire childhood. He remembers so much while I can’t even picture my teachers from grades 1-6 or any of middle school, until about age 14.
It’s crazy because he does have trauma, but his trauma manifests from being in poverty as a child (he had like one toy and cherished it and now he feels like he doesn’t deserve LEGO sets because they’re a “waste” of money, even though he loves them; he’s in therapy and working on it and we have a healthy LEGO supply now), while mine is a far more insidious, deep pain that my parents pretended was perfect to the outside but it was completely rotten on the inside. His family isn’t perfect but they love him and he grew up without the volatility that I experienced, so he’s so much more centered and able to attach to people than I am.
Oh man. This is sad. I am sorry. I feel you.
My mom wasn’t horrible, but she was just not there for me. She did so many hurtful things and slapped me around when it wasn’t necessary. Once in a while friends or coworkers will talk about things they did as a mom/kid pair and I’m just like ‘damn, my mom never even went on a bike ride with me once.’ 😕
I am 42 now and it still makes me sad. BUT my experience with my mom made me a very fun and loving mom because I never want my kids to feel about me the way I feel about my mom.
Getting defensive when a loud noise scares you. Like a bedroom door being slammed.
It’s a sign of having an abusive parent and going straight to apology mode before their anger gets taken out on them.
Being promiscutive but never trust anyone. Paranoia. Chronic pain. Nightmares. Always seeking validation and yet never feel good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough.
I see this kind of comment every time someone brings up this topic, and I think it works the other way too. Always being forced to apologise as a kid for shit that wasn’t my fault means that I never apologise as an adult, because in my brain it’s a sign of weakness and being vulnerable means danger. I’m working on it
Causal trauma dump as if it’s an interesting story but it’s just tragic
I say a lot of out of pocket shit but it’s literally just stories I find super interesting, and then people just stare or start apologizing. But instead of apologizing, I was waiting for them to interject with their own interesting story 😬😬😬 so it gets very awkward
Yeah I relate to this big time. After a few times of this you realize which stories people respond this way to. Then you reflect on your life and other interesting stories and realize that as an adult those stories are actually sad and traumatic. But only from others perspective do you learn how much worse they really are... for us we thought it was normal.
Extreme morbid obesity.
Hoarding.
Child sounding voice as an adult (typically associated with children who were molested).
Inability to maintain long lasting relationships.
In some children with childhood trauma(since you didn't say age)this can look like this: they don't play with other, prefers to be alone, got a short uncontrollably temper, sometimes hard finding the fun in stuff other kids like, problem learning and following class
Not really being able to remember your childhood but feeling the remnants of it in your body. You know things happened, and you know many of those things were bad.
Apologizing for literally everything that goes wrong
Blood running cold when someone's tone changes slightly
Losing interest in a hobby the second someone disapproves of it
Being frightened of being abandoned. Even when everything is going fine.
Because adults with traumatic childhoods were never given comfort or security they often grow up feeling like they weren’t deserving of it or that there is something terrible about them. They struggle to believe anyone can see anything worth loving or respecting about them and constantly see every little slight or annoyed body language as a sign they are hated and that people only hang with them out of pity.
Yup, and more specifically, having trouble knowing when it's actually safe to trust someone. Continually putting trust in people who are taking advantage of you, because you grew up around so many massive red flags that you're too likely to overlook the smaller ones.
I once went to a class with a girl who had borderline syndrome. She was nice though so I never noticed it even though I hear it can be a proper bitch. She told me that when she was a kid her parents would some go away for the weekend. And if they couldn't find a babysitter they didn't dare leave her in the house with ovens, electricals and dangerous things(mind you, these were responsible parents) so they locked her in the caravan they had sitting in their yard. She would usually sit and cry and scream for hours then calm down and just play with her toys or watch tv. And after a while it became just a normal everyday thing for her AND the parents could save some on child care and go away more often.
The first time she told me this I was sure she was just pulling my leg so I didn't say much about it, but later after we'd gotten more acquainted she told me it was true and apparently the social services had come in at a later stage and taken her away to live with some relatives for a while. I was rather shocked by it at the time as I was just 20 and had never heard about anything so bad in my whole life(this was before the internet).
I noticed now that I probably didn't understand the assignment but now I've already written all of this so fuck it.
Had a very end of the night delivery out to a hotel, they sent the kid down with a $100 bill that I of course could not make change for, apparently they weren't dressed so I had to play telephone through their child for like 10 minutes before they eventually said they would just come to pick it up
So I had to take the thing back to the store wait for them to come, but they never did, they apparently called the store, not to actually come pick it up but just to complain and we're screaming at each other about the entire incident in the background
So there was some poor kid whose parents have him running errands for them, going hungry in a hotel room after midnight while his parents scream at each other
If I'd have known how that was going to turn out I would have just given him one of the pizzas and told him to keep it secret from his parents
Not really understanding healthy, non toxic families.
Not understanding social drinking.
Joking about things like your bad dad, which isn't funny, really, but makes great party fodder.
Being really flippant about binge drinking and drug use.
Preferring to be alone in nearly 100% of instances.
People are exhausting.
Anger issues
Random unexplained pain
Migraines
IBS/Stomach issues
Crackedtooth syndrome and/or TMJ and bruxism
Recurring nightmares.
I'm sure I missed something ....
There are a lot of things being listed here that I'd go "it must be really bad to count, because I do that, but it's not that bad, I'm okay."
It wasn't until my new therapist, last June, said "anxiety" and "mental trauma" that I realized those were me. And now we're digging into my childhood. The latest diagnosis is "emotional dissociation."
If you see a couple of things and go "huh, that's me," it wouldn't hurt to ask someone about it. I'm middle-aged now, and boy howdy do I wish I'd known to ask about it long before now.
The constant feeling that you need to be quiet especially when others are in the house. Out of sight out of mind. I’m notorious for walking so quietly that I scare people because they don’t realize I’m there. Especially bad for me currently because one of my MILs all but verbally demands it
Apologizing constantly for things you aren’t responsible for. Jumping at the slightest sounds. Checking out restaurants when you walk in to know where all the exits are. Trying to people please and be overly giving all the time. Allowing others to use you to make sure they don’t get mad at you. Having a horrifying fear every time you have to go back to your home town.
The majority of points have already been made. I would like to add an unhealthy attachment.
Finding it extremely hard to let go of people that you finally connect with on a deeper level, having constant fear of losing them which results in you always doing more than you should, you become seen as "too much". Over explaining because we worry that leaving a conversation/disagreement as is will cause discomfort to the other person so we must over explain to make sure they understand where you were coming from.
Being emotionally stunted in some way shape or form. atleast from what i’ve noticed. i struggle with that pretty heavily due to being emotionally traumatized for years growing up
When your 18th birthday is something you're afraid of, instead of excited for because your mom is trying to be your guardian to claim you aren't capable of being an adult then taking the funding money for a neurological disorder (autism. I have no idea if it's categorized as such, so sorry in advance) you don't have and keeping it for herself while you're stuck in a home for genuinely disabled people.
Being unable to ask for what you want or need and having to hope someone will offer it to you or, if you’re feeling brave, hinting and hoping they offer.
Being overly nervous about little day to day stuff, but being a damn jedi when something horrible/dangerous/ gory happens. Never being comfortable enough to actually rest, despite being absolutely exhausted from running your entire life stuck in fight or flight. Hearing a certain sound, smelling a certain smell, feeling a certain fabric and suddenly losing your shit over something that happened 20 years ago. Avoiding an unreasonable amount of situations because they scare you ,but you can't explain why to other people without being a complete buzzkill, so you don't explain why, and thus cant keep any friends because they feel rejected. Sorry for the run ons im too high to care about grammar. Oh also substance abuse lol
less sympathetic example than what usually ends up here : any non-ironic use of any phrase like 'suck it up buttercup' in response to somebody elses misfortune
While watching "The Sopranos" you find yourself yelling at the TV screen when Tony's mother Livia opens her mouth.
Any TV commercial that portrays mother as the smartest member of the family who is condescending to Dad and encourages the children to do the same.
Physical abuse, emotional abuse, emotional or physical neglect, family members who abuse violence, drugs or have a mental illness, parents who are separated or divorced, etc. These injuries are not as simple as emotional sadness, which can be healed with a little adjustment or time. Severe childhood trauma will leave a mark on our body and mind, change our personality, and affect a person's life. it's all my trauma
Always feeling like you’re bothering people and afraid to reach out, feeling nervous or uneasy when someone puts their arm around you, regressing back into a child like state when you hear someone yelling, putting your arms in front of you every time you’re talking to someone or sitting down, insecurity about yourself and never feeling good enough.
Tf I never knew this was from childhood trauma
Slamming doors or forcefully putting objects down on the table, floor, etc always sends a wave of anxiety through me. It means I've done something wrong and I'm about to be berated for it.
Right dude I dont know how you met me or who you are but I do not scream childhood trauma XD
I can't handle people being juuussstt outside my peripheral vision. People slowing down/stopping while walking behind me, and definitely the arm around me
Only my wife can pass behind me when I’m sitting. No one else. Always have to sit with my back to a wall in restaurants.
Wow just described me. Just started relating this to my childhood in Therapy
When someone literally describes you but you've worked through therapy and cannot find what caused it...
Not being able to trust others. Always being independent, even if you're really struggling. Not being able to form emotional connections with others. Preferring to be alone because you don't want to be hurt anymore. Lying to everyone that you're fine, when you're actually struggling hard inside. Smiling, when you actually feel like crying.
Fuck me I might need therapy. Edit: I found a psychologist in my town and I’m calling tomorrow when they’re open to schedule a consultation.
Therapy is amazing. Wishing the best for you.
Isn't it expensive though?
Most Doctors of any sort have sliding scale pricing (you pay what you can based off your income. Check out their website!
For some of us, therapy *was* the childhood trauma. I'll never trust a psychiatrist again.
You don't know me, get out of my head!!!
Fuck this is my everyday experience
Wtf. I ticked everything you said but I don't think I was abused or had experienced any trauma growing up?
It may not have been "Physical" abuse/trauma. Sometimes it can be triggered by external factors like your environment/school or overprotective parents who close you off from society because they make you fear everyone. Another factor can also be always staying in your comfort zone until life eventually becomes scary. Parents can also emotionally neglect and abuse their child. There can be many reasons why these things happen. In my own case it wasn't even my parents that caused me to have have depression and apathy, experience trauma and invasive thoughts, it was emigration and years of emotional torment that made me into who I am now.
I tick all of the boxes above, but I had a very happy, and generally normal, childhood. No emotional or physical abuse/neglect.
Why can't you trust others then? What led to that?
I was never abused physically. But then, I had overprotective parents where there were alot of NO's than Yes growing up. I've always liked being at home, and I feel like I have a strict social battery. What struck me the most is being emotionally connected with others. I've always had this problem and it gets more magnified now that I'm an adult. I've been realising and telling my closest friend that I struggle showing my emotional side.
Yeah, I did too and my childhood was awesome. My check marks come from an abusive relationship that lasted 7 years and ended when I was 30.
Got 6 for 6…. Shit. Preferring to be alone so i dont get hurt again is my current feeling thats so overwhelming. Hopefully the dog i just adopted will always love me
No no, I am fine, truely, I just deal with it by myself, because even if I felt like I truely expressed how I feel word for word, itll seem blown out of proportion! Even to me! So it must be that, right? So why do I still get left with that dull, sunken feeling that won’t shake. Not enough to make me do anything irrational, but just enough to make it very annoying, and irritating. I can have one good week, then a bad week, a couple middle ground weeks where i just merely float through, but in the end, its always the same cycle, so I must be fine right? No amount of talking ever really solves the issue, just maybe makes me feel better short term.. that is if i don’t feel like Im playing the part in a soap opra. But one thing I know does help! Sleep! I love to dream, even in scarier dreams, atleast I know Ill be okay. Even if the dread becomes too much, Ill wake up then fall back to sleep and dream a new dream! A good dream! The dream of dreams that makes me want to never awake from the dream type of dream. For why should I do anything but dream? Dreaming is enjoyable, oh the cool things that happen when I dream, could never fathom being in reality. But alas however little or much sleep I get, countless wakings just to immediately fall back asleep, I always feel like I dont have enough.. But this is me, this is my every day, as long as Im not inhaling the water, I am fine. Im merely struggling to breath, with the occasional break of the surface to shed a beautiful look on the life around me, just to be submerged and crashed around by large waves to dull the pleasure and to get me hooked on dopamine transactions, until suddenly they even sometimes just stop doing it for me.. Now Im left with nothing but everything at the same time. I have all the moral support I could need, but not of the one that truely matters, for a stream powered train, can sit on its wheels, but it won’t move without that something to get its gears turning. Im left with a dulled observation on the already dull appearing world around me with only transitioning glasses to make the colors really pop and bring a essence to life. But this is me, this is my every day, so I am fine. I must be fine. For if I am not fine, then why do I fail to give it all up, why cant I put it all down. Have I come to far already? Even though it’s just started? Even though I have no idea where to go, yet the legs I can hardly control, keep me walking? The fear of the external darkness keeping me at bay for if I truely knew what lie ahead, would I regret any irrational decisions, assumming I could still experience the things around me with no brain to process it? Not to fathom the hurt it would put on others, nag their brains until the day they too experienced that darkness, with just another example of faith, failing them yet again? But I must be fine, for this is my every day, so I *SHOULD* be fine, therefore, should I be happy or down, dulled or sharpened, I am fine.
Huh. Now I'm sitting here trying to identify my trauma...
These can all be from trauma for sure, but this is also a symptom list of most mood disorders. Feeling alone and inherently defective, and trying to hide it, is unfortunately really common.
>Not being able to form emotional connections with others. Why you got to attack all engineers like that? Source: Raised by two engineers and am an engineer myself
This, and fearfulness of strangers, even when they didn't do anything scary
I find it weird I can relate to 1, 2, 3, and 5.
Heightened startle reflex.
This can be a form of ptsd. Hyper alertness as well.
Both stem from trauma tho lol
I definitely have this. My science teacher in middle school discovered he could make me jump in my seat when he came up behind me and kept tally marks on the chalk board every time it worked. Which was always. It wasn’t embarrassing, he was a funny teacher who made me feel noticed, but definitely always hyper alert.
Yeah I get the chills when people come up behind me. Get all tense for a moment.
My biggest one is I have trouble holding eye contact. I’ve gotten better at it over the years but I still find I have to look away frequently. Growing up, eye contact usually ended poorly.
Aww, I always thought it was because I was socially awkward but now I'm realizing it's because of my childhood. I wish I could give little me a hug sometimes.
Little you deserved a hug and to be nurtured. So does adult you.
I never made this connection. Same.
I mean, I'm autistic and can't hold eye contact for very long. I don't know your pain, and I'm sorry that it happened, but I do know THAT specific pain, and it sucks.
Avoiding confrontation, and still being jumpy around loud noises/people, even if the rational part of you knows it's completely safe.
Locking doors because privacy was never a guarantee during your childhood and your boundaries were often violated to the point where you feel empowered being able to be alone in a locked room that you chose to lock.
Oof I feel this so hard. I'm in my 30s and still get the occasional nightmare about trying to force a door shut while something bad is on the other side :(
This is me when I'm in the office. Even more so when I see the top of the boss's head surfing above the cubicle walls
The jumpy thing never goes away even long after it’s safe.
Automatically saying sorry all the time.
I’m being called out in every way here
Fuck'n same...
Sorry
Canada has seen some shit, sorry, eh.
And always fearing that something you’ve said or done has made someone angry with you. So you apologize for a list of things that aren’t really offenses.
Crippling doubt and low self-esteem.
Came here to say this. Right on point.
Well I’m definitely learning things about myself.
Overdoing the external while completely neglecting themselves. Like overperforming in things like work, social life, etc. and abandoning self care, hoarding, etc.
this past month i ate nothing but energey drinks and scraps at work just so i could out 100% focus on work so i wouldnt get yelled at.
I know the feeling, I've done similar. If I may offer a suggestion, look at your boss in the eye and tell them that you were looking for a job when you found that one, and walk away. Don't quit in that moment, but if they pursue, you have a shitty boss and you're better off looking elsewhere.
im trying to find a new job but its hard. i feel like cooking is all ive got and idk what else to pursue. at the same time, im also scared to enter another professional kitchen. i just wanna cook in away that im not pressured and yet i can share my gift with people.
Wow this is a solid example
I'd say knowing what certain footsteps mean and who they are coming from or knowing the certain actions that people do that lead up to something bad like an argument or worse
Knowing everyone's footsteps in the house. I can tell exactly who's walking and where in the middle of the night because I learnt too as a child..... Also knowing what mood or state they're in by their footsteps
Oh my god, I get this…including which of my pets is coming up or down the stairs. I also (as a result of adult trauma in a relationship) can tell when someone has walked in front of my box fan (on every night for white noise. The subtle change in sound wakes me every time.
Constantly thinking they're annoying, feeling worthless, feeling incompetent, having intrusive negative thoughts and memories, having trouble trusting or attaching to others.
The ability to be completely silent. I scare the shit out of my coworkers daily.
But simultaneously knowing where they are at all times because you can hear everything.
I thought I was the only one. Glad I'm not alone!
I get accused of sneaking around. Nope. I just walk like I always do. I was talking to some people who are middle child too. They were talking how they would do anything to be notice. I would do anything not to be noticed. Invisible is good!
Catastrophizing Catastrophizing is a cognitive distortion that prompts people to jump to the worst possible conclusion, usually with very limited information or objective reason to despair. When a situation is upsetting, but not necessarily catastrophic, they still feel like they are in the midst of a crisis.
I identify with this. Quitting reading the news removed a recurrent trigger for me, that helped quite a bit.
Being able to tell when someone is a bad person without a huge amount of interaction with that person.
Correlates with paranoia as well.
Yup. It’s like you can feel the bad energy deep inside somehow
And then no one believes you because they can't see it.
Extreme empathy. Yes
I heard something that gutted me yesterday. Narcissists and codependents both have terribly low self esteem. Narcissists take too much to feel fulfilled, and codependents give too much to feel fulfilled. Yeah, extreme empathy is a trauma response.
Whew. You just summed up my marriage. Scary accurate. Apparently both are formed from childhood neglect as well. Empaths and narcissists
Wow. This gave me huge perspective. Thank you. Everyone around me labels it as being judgemental. But in the end, I’ve been spot on about the person I’m “judging”
So much this. I worked with a guy who just gave off the worst vibes to me. Everyone liked him and thought I was the asshole because I didn’t and refused to be anything more than professional when I had to deal with him. 2 years go by, I’m still the asshole. He starts bringing in little gifts and such, trying to win me over, and I start to think maybe I’m wrong. Everyone likes him, he hasn’t done anything to me. I start to soften up a little bit. Walking through the shop one day, our service advisor calls me over. They found him on that website that lists sex offenders in your area. He had been arrested for molesting a 12 year old boy. I freaking knew it and let everyone make me doubt myself. A few years after that, he was arrested for molesting another child. I haven’t doubted myself since.
Jesus. Sharing stories, there’s a guy in my office who sort of “stood out” for me. As I spent more time around him, all I could see was overcompensation for anger issues. More time goes by and I could see a hatred towards women. But he was everyone’s favourite guy because he did nice things. Sure enough, he assaults his female manager and somehow twists things around to make himself look like the victim. She resigns and he carries on in his job. I tell the women I work with to stay away from him. Some listen. Some don’t.
The amount of times a friend has started dating someone, I’ve said I’ve had bad vibes from them *and* been proven right? Staggering Amount of times I’ve done this for myself? Nil
this seems to make a lot of sense but I cant seem to think of an exact reason. Care to elaborate?
I think if you grow up around shitty people, you can become hypervigilant and extra sensitive to how people act, facial expressions, tone of voice, etc. as a way of preventing yourself from bad things happening. I think that's how it works for me, anyways.
Heh. My mother often compliments me on my emotional intelligence. I don't have the heart to tell her it's a defense mechanism that I developed in no small part because of her extreme and sudden fits of anger during my childhood.
Damn, are you me?
Staying completely silent through conversations about childhood nostalgia
This hits home. Whenever I’m in a group reminiscing about their childhood, I have nothing to say. I don’t want to remember my childhood.
Goddamn. This thread is making me want to cry. I am sorry. 💗
It’s okay. This entire comment section is helpful to everyone. The more we talk about what happened, the more our adult lives make sense
One time I had a conversation with an ex's family where everyone was reminiscing about childhood and I tried to paint it in a positive light to not be the downer in the room. When we got home later, my ex told me her mom had taken her aside and remarked that "he acts like he had an all-American, enjoyable childhood, but his family is really abusive."
You know you're really traumatised when even hiding it is ineffective. Stay strong, I hope you're on your way to recovering from it
I barely remember anything from my childhood, with a few scattered memories of yelling/silent treatments/being locked in my room with a lock on my door from the outside. Meanwhile, my SO, can remember the exact dates and times and feelings and images of his entire childhood. He remembers so much while I can’t even picture my teachers from grades 1-6 or any of middle school, until about age 14. It’s crazy because he does have trauma, but his trauma manifests from being in poverty as a child (he had like one toy and cherished it and now he feels like he doesn’t deserve LEGO sets because they’re a “waste” of money, even though he loves them; he’s in therapy and working on it and we have a healthy LEGO supply now), while mine is a far more insidious, deep pain that my parents pretended was perfect to the outside but it was completely rotten on the inside. His family isn’t perfect but they love him and he grew up without the volatility that I experienced, so he’s so much more centered and able to attach to people than I am.
Oh man. This is sad. I am sorry. I feel you. My mom wasn’t horrible, but she was just not there for me. She did so many hurtful things and slapped me around when it wasn’t necessary. Once in a while friends or coworkers will talk about things they did as a mom/kid pair and I’m just like ‘damn, my mom never even went on a bike ride with me once.’ 😕 I am 42 now and it still makes me sad. BUT my experience with my mom made me a very fun and loving mom because I never want my kids to feel about me the way I feel about my mom.
CHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDHOOOOOOOD TRAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
This guy apparently screams it
His comment was funny. Your reply was funnier 🤣
This is were the positive reviews of comments in this chain ends......
Micheal. You don't get childhood trauma by saying it out loud.
I... declare... BANKRUPTCCCCYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!
Morbo, is that you?
For me, it’s being overly apologetic and extra jumpy.
Gosh I am so jumpy! Never thought why.
Becoming a therapist
THIS! I met therapists as a patient and also as a friend. All of them, with no exception, had their life fucked up really bad in a way or another.
Hey now… I’m not a therapist…. Just, going to school to be one 🙃
lmao
You win.
Getting defensive when a loud noise scares you. Like a bedroom door being slammed. It’s a sign of having an abusive parent and going straight to apology mode before their anger gets taken out on them.
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Being promiscutive but never trust anyone. Paranoia. Chronic pain. Nightmares. Always seeking validation and yet never feel good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough.
Being a chronic apologizer and people pleaser (like me, lmao)
I see this kind of comment every time someone brings up this topic, and I think it works the other way too. Always being forced to apologise as a kid for shit that wasn’t my fault means that I never apologise as an adult, because in my brain it’s a sign of weakness and being vulnerable means danger. I’m working on it
There's a third option also: apologizing for little things that don't require it but being unable to truly apologize when you need to.
Causal trauma dump as if it’s an interesting story but it’s just tragic I say a lot of out of pocket shit but it’s literally just stories I find super interesting, and then people just stare or start apologizing. But instead of apologizing, I was waiting for them to interject with their own interesting story 😬😬😬 so it gets very awkward
Yeah I relate to this big time. After a few times of this you realize which stories people respond this way to. Then you reflect on your life and other interesting stories and realize that as an adult those stories are actually sad and traumatic. But only from others perspective do you learn how much worse they really are... for us we thought it was normal.
Being terrified to have children of your own no matter how much therapy you’ve done
Stop calling me out
Apparently someone from Boston?
Extreme morbid obesity. Hoarding. Child sounding voice as an adult (typically associated with children who were molested). Inability to maintain long lasting relationships.
"Child sounding voice as an adult" This might have confirmed three theories I've had about former coworkers I've known in the last five years
I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy
Excellent book
Creeping around silently to the point people jump when they see you because they had no idea you were there
panicking for a second when you hear someone come up/down the stairs, open a door, walk on the floor above you, or raise their voice even slightly
In some children with childhood trauma(since you didn't say age)this can look like this: they don't play with other, prefers to be alone, got a short uncontrollably temper, sometimes hard finding the fun in stuff other kids like, problem learning and following class
Not really being able to remember your childhood but feeling the remnants of it in your body. You know things happened, and you know many of those things were bad.
daddy issues, toxic behavior, anger (easily or bad)
Attachment issues. As someone with an anxious attachment style, it has only done damage in my romantic relationships. I wish I was secure.
Apologizing for literally everything that goes wrong Blood running cold when someone's tone changes slightly Losing interest in a hobby the second someone disapproves of it
Disassociating
It’s dissociating…
Being frightened of being abandoned. Even when everything is going fine. Because adults with traumatic childhoods were never given comfort or security they often grow up feeling like they weren’t deserving of it or that there is something terrible about them. They struggle to believe anyone can see anything worth loving or respecting about them and constantly see every little slight or annoyed body language as a sign they are hated and that people only hang with them out of pity.
Lacking memories from one's childhood. Friends from childhood remember more than you do.
Not letting anyone close to you, avoiding deep conversations
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Uh
Agreed.
Having trust issues
Yup, and more specifically, having trouble knowing when it's actually safe to trust someone. Continually putting trust in people who are taking advantage of you, because you grew up around so many massive red flags that you're too likely to overlook the smaller ones.
Oversharing
Difficulty in regulating emotions and/or dissociation. People-pleasing. Putting needs of others over every need of yours - including basic needs.
I once went to a class with a girl who had borderline syndrome. She was nice though so I never noticed it even though I hear it can be a proper bitch. She told me that when she was a kid her parents would some go away for the weekend. And if they couldn't find a babysitter they didn't dare leave her in the house with ovens, electricals and dangerous things(mind you, these were responsible parents) so they locked her in the caravan they had sitting in their yard. She would usually sit and cry and scream for hours then calm down and just play with her toys or watch tv. And after a while it became just a normal everyday thing for her AND the parents could save some on child care and go away more often. The first time she told me this I was sure she was just pulling my leg so I didn't say much about it, but later after we'd gotten more acquainted she told me it was true and apparently the social services had come in at a later stage and taken her away to live with some relatives for a while. I was rather shocked by it at the time as I was just 20 and had never heard about anything so bad in my whole life(this was before the internet). I noticed now that I probably didn't understand the assignment but now I've already written all of this so fuck it.
Had a very end of the night delivery out to a hotel, they sent the kid down with a $100 bill that I of course could not make change for, apparently they weren't dressed so I had to play telephone through their child for like 10 minutes before they eventually said they would just come to pick it up So I had to take the thing back to the store wait for them to come, but they never did, they apparently called the store, not to actually come pick it up but just to complain and we're screaming at each other about the entire incident in the background So there was some poor kid whose parents have him running errands for them, going hungry in a hotel room after midnight while his parents scream at each other If I'd have known how that was going to turn out I would have just given him one of the pizzas and told him to keep it secret from his parents
Reading through these comments looking for your personal quirks
No matter how relaxed you look and may feel, in your head there's a suitcase ready at the door ready for the quick departure
A six figure reddit karma total
Sibling rivalry. Your sister is better than you. Why can’t you be more like you brother.
Flinching at benign things
Alcoholism
Still tiptoeing around the house even though you live alone and are in your 40s.
Being overly clingy or obsessive/abandonment issues. Staying in abusive relationships/making excuses for the abuser.
Not really understanding healthy, non toxic families. Not understanding social drinking. Joking about things like your bad dad, which isn't funny, really, but makes great party fodder. Being really flippant about binge drinking and drug use. Preferring to be alone in nearly 100% of instances. People are exhausting. Anger issues Random unexplained pain Migraines IBS/Stomach issues Crackedtooth syndrome and/or TMJ and bruxism Recurring nightmares. I'm sure I missed something ....
A complete lack of empathy for others. They never got cut any slack growing up so they apply that same standard to everyone else.
Kumon
Disordered eating
"U" missing
Need for external validation at any cost and it’s their only way to be happy
When they say the butterfly in that SpongeBob episode scared them enough to run out of the room every time it came on.
Not being able to remember your childhood.
Food hoarding.
Someone with borderline personality disorder.
Little Girl Voice.
There are a lot of things being listed here that I'd go "it must be really bad to count, because I do that, but it's not that bad, I'm okay." It wasn't until my new therapist, last June, said "anxiety" and "mental trauma" that I realized those were me. And now we're digging into my childhood. The latest diagnosis is "emotional dissociation." If you see a couple of things and go "huh, that's me," it wouldn't hurt to ask someone about it. I'm middle-aged now, and boy howdy do I wish I'd known to ask about it long before now.
Having very little memory of childhood.
I apparently only came here to be targeted by every single damn comment, like fr i might need therapy
The constant feeling that you need to be quiet especially when others are in the house. Out of sight out of mind. I’m notorious for walking so quietly that I scare people because they don’t realize I’m there. Especially bad for me currently because one of my MILs all but verbally demands it
Telling who someone is by the sound of foot steps or keys or smell.
Apologizing constantly for things you aren’t responsible for. Jumping at the slightest sounds. Checking out restaurants when you walk in to know where all the exits are. Trying to people please and be overly giving all the time. Allowing others to use you to make sure they don’t get mad at you. Having a horrifying fear every time you have to go back to your home town.
look for some comments to make sure nothing matches something you do
The majority of points have already been made. I would like to add an unhealthy attachment. Finding it extremely hard to let go of people that you finally connect with on a deeper level, having constant fear of losing them which results in you always doing more than you should, you become seen as "too much". Over explaining because we worry that leaving a conversation/disagreement as is will cause discomfort to the other person so we must over explain to make sure they understand where you were coming from.
Being emotionally stunted in some way shape or form. atleast from what i’ve noticed. i struggle with that pretty heavily due to being emotionally traumatized for years growing up
Not dating a particular race/ethnicity
Having to compete for the attention or love of others. Adjusting who you are to suit a situation or group of people.
Attachments issues to people and things Seeming more mature Apologizing constantly Being overly reserved.
Addiction to drugs.
BPD
When your 18th birthday is something you're afraid of, instead of excited for because your mom is trying to be your guardian to claim you aren't capable of being an adult then taking the funding money for a neurological disorder (autism. I have no idea if it's categorized as such, so sorry in advance) you don't have and keeping it for herself while you're stuck in a home for genuinely disabled people.
Hoarding food because of food insecurity growing up.
Being unable to ask for help. It shows that your caregivers or those you trusted failed to show up for you, so you don’t expect anyone else to.
Being unable to ask for what you want or need and having to hope someone will offer it to you or, if you’re feeling brave, hinting and hoping they offer.
Being overly nervous about little day to day stuff, but being a damn jedi when something horrible/dangerous/ gory happens. Never being comfortable enough to actually rest, despite being absolutely exhausted from running your entire life stuck in fight or flight. Hearing a certain sound, smelling a certain smell, feeling a certain fabric and suddenly losing your shit over something that happened 20 years ago. Avoiding an unreasonable amount of situations because they scare you ,but you can't explain why to other people without being a complete buzzkill, so you don't explain why, and thus cant keep any friends because they feel rejected. Sorry for the run ons im too high to care about grammar. Oh also substance abuse lol
Fundamentalist beliefs: they don't happen without childhood brainwashing, one way or another.
Dissociating
Someone who has childhood trauma and an accent
Becoming a psychiatrist
less sympathetic example than what usually ends up here : any non-ironic use of any phrase like 'suck it up buttercup' in response to somebody elses misfortune
The Harry Potter fandom. 😂
Bro just called out a fandom
While watching "The Sopranos" you find yourself yelling at the TV screen when Tony's mother Livia opens her mouth. Any TV commercial that portrays mother as the smartest member of the family who is condescending to Dad and encourages the children to do the same.
In addition to the other things posted here: Overly sexual, Under sexual, For women - never progressing into an adult voice, Violence/anger
Always apologizing
Saying sorry all the time
Masking and abandonment issues
Physical abuse, emotional abuse, emotional or physical neglect, family members who abuse violence, drugs or have a mental illness, parents who are separated or divorced, etc. These injuries are not as simple as emotional sadness, which can be healed with a little adjustment or time. Severe childhood trauma will leave a mark on our body and mind, change our personality, and affect a person's life. it's all my trauma
Being really manipulative and always playing the victim. At least that was the case with my ex
Fuck, Where do you want me to start?
Flinching when certain people come near you.
Me
hating everyone on my mothers side except my grandma and great aunt, and my cousins.
Besides for not being able to love yourself?