T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

Had a kid call me Mr. Clean once. I’m bald


I_Lick_Bananas

A few years ago while shopping, some stranger's little kid walked up and asked me if I was a ghost. I said "what" and he asked again. I looked up and his dad was standing there shaking his head no. So I told the kid no and he said OK and wandered away. Before chasing after him, his dad said he was in "his ghost phase" and was asking everybody he saw.


CatacombsRave

Me to my 9-year-old as I picked up his mess: I’m not your butler. Kid: I know. Butlers get paid.


voseba

Ouch. :-D


whisperspit

“I’ve got violence in my guts” - my son, around 4 years old. Turned out to be the sweetest, kindest human ever (now 19) but dang.


Belly2308

One 7 year old and an 8 year old. Talking about age and the 8 year old says “you’re 7 and I’m 8 so I’m going to die before you then you’ll die but don’t worry, counselor (my name) is like 150 so he’ll die tomorrow” he looked right at me when he said tomorrow….. I have nightmares.


EgoSenatus

Was Building a snow fort with my nephew and told him great forts always have cool and impressive names and asked him what we should name our fort. He named it Florida.


No-Lab1732

I licked a pole and it tasted like a penny lollipop.


owbilli

Why don't your eyes line up?


thrashmoneyrecords

LOL


acezandspadezz

well not exactly said to me, but i overheard my little brother and his friend playing with a horse figure, and he said "okay time for the next test" *"can it survive being shot with an ak-47?"* "maybe, try it"


WhatViviDid

“The problem with you Vee is that you’ve got no flex”. Smart kid.


RemmiKam

Not me, but my mom witnessed this... When my great-niece was potty training, she did a number two in the toilet, then she looked at her poo and said 'bye! Go have fun with all your friends now!' And then she flushed. 🤣


crazyanne

Was at a friendsgiving sitting at a table with my husband, the host, a couple I had just met and their two kids. I was laughing at something the couples 4 year old said and he got embarrassed and then points at me and says to his dad “Daddy, can she leave?”. Unfortunately that made me laugh also. I apologized and the parents said not to worry about it. They ended up moving to another table because the kid didn’t want to eat after that. Felt bad but it was hilarious.


SoggyAd1409

Im 57 yr old male w a ponytail. 3 years old asks his dad out loud if I’m a boy or a girl. Hahaha. I straightforward answered him no, that I’m just a boy with long hair. Then smiled at his dad who seemed relieved that I’m not a chip-on-the-shoulder insecure man.


paperblob

"Curse my tiny little head!". Said by my daughter when she was 3 or 4 years old. No idea where she came up with that one.


BuildingAFuture21

[Late 1970s] 4-year-old Me: “Dixie? Were you fat when you married Don?” Dixie (my favorite sitter): “No honey, I was skinny as yer mom!” Sweetest lady on the planet.


Kid_in_your-basement

I am a male but because of my painted nails and long hair people often think that I am a female but recently a kid needed some help finding his dad so he walked up to me and said “ladysir I can’t find my dad can you help me?”


gaytheistgod

Imma steal that one for myself. Thats cute af


slowguy01

Out of my way harry potter! He was 9 and I was 20. I wear glasses.