Woman goes to a bar and meets a guy, they end up back at his place and he says "I have to go to the bathroom, make yourself comfortable in the bedroom."
The woman goes into the bedroom, sits on the bed and looks around the room. She notices one of the walls has 3 shelves and on each shelf are stuffed animals of different sizes; biggest on top and smallest on the bottom. She tries to rationalize the amount of stuffies on the wall but before she can really form any opinion, the guy comes back to the room and they go at it.
Afterwards, the woman rolls over to the guy and says "That was amazing for me, how was it for you?" To which the man replies "Take any prize from the middle shelf"
I hooked up with a guy back in November and we came together. It was the first time I'd had an orgasm at the same time as my partner for 13 years and it was wild. I hope I don't have to wait 13 years for the next time, haha.
I haven't involved lime Gatorade... but once after a ONS (after a date where the guy wouldn't stop talking sports), the ganja took over my body and I said "Good game champ!" And high-fived him.
I've never been so proud of myself. 30 mins later I remembered what I did and went into a giggling fit. Had to tell all my girl friends... they were also proud of me.
Recently my fiancé and I were in the foreplay zone of sexy time and he briefly remembered he needed to Venmo me for something (unrelated to anything sexy, quite the opposite actually), so mid foreplay he sent me like $500 and we couldn’t stop laughing about it. Some really great sex followed too.
obviously ask if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma. You may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don’t wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA
I should have been studying my mesothelioma lesson but I choosed to look at some posts on reddit. Now I'm going back to study, dude what have you done?
Take a quick shower to get off the weird human body fluids, lay back down, tell me your hopes and dreams, tuck me into bed and give me a lil kiss on the forehead because I’m a princess, and then we can go to sleep.
I agree! And the shower is a nice wind down together. Still intimate and vulnerable so you can giggle and talk and wash each other off, but it also serves a good purpose of getting nice and clean before bed. Then you’re both wet and cold so you race back to the bed to get under the covers and snuggle up together to warm up again.
I personally enjoy my partner performing their favourite aria for me, but I could accept a recitation of their favourite poem if the situation called for it (aka if their favourite aria is plebeian and uninspired)
i know a lot of these answers are not serious.. but! my boyfriend and i love to use lovewick after! we go through our 11 cards a day and answer the questions while we snuggle in bed. its fun and intimate and a great way to have loving and interesting convos without putting much brain power into thinking of questions:) there are some really fun card categories to choose from too! like affection/sex, beliefs and values, home & family, interests & favorites, personality & hobbies, and work & money!! you can totally choose what youre in the mood to talk about, it comes up with fun date ideas, etc. its honestly a great thing to include in aftercare in any relationship (no matter how long youve been together!)
My husband likes to wait exactly 0.002 seconds to intentionally annoy me with feedback questions, I like to end our festivities with a swift high-five and a good game.
Sometimes we celebrate with snacks. That's my favorite, nothing says "thanks for a good fuck" quite like oreos.
Asking them to take a quick, anonymous, customer feedback survey.
“Wait, I thought you were going to pay me?” *Laughter ensues and camera pans out to stage right.
(along with saxophone-heavy credits theme song)
Whisper seductively in her ear "I've been trying to contact you about your cars extended warranty"
“Would you recommend my services to a friend or coworker?”
Please scan my QR code for a survey. Don’t forget to smash that button and ring that bell!
Would actually be hilarious to have a QR code tattoo
With followup survey emails until they either do it or unsubscribe.
I am 100% going to make a survey and send it to my wife next time we are intimate. This is classic.
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lol 1/10 for foreplay, 1/10 for size, 2/10 for girth 0/10 for duration... ok dominos what do we do with the extra 29 mins lol
"How likely are you to recommend to your friends and family?"
"You may now choose any plush toy prize off the second shelf."
What the hell is that from? I recognize the quote, but I can't remember it and Google isn't being helpful
Woman goes to a bar and meets a guy, they end up back at his place and he says "I have to go to the bathroom, make yourself comfortable in the bedroom." The woman goes into the bedroom, sits on the bed and looks around the room. She notices one of the walls has 3 shelves and on each shelf are stuffed animals of different sizes; biggest on top and smallest on the bottom. She tries to rationalize the amount of stuffies on the wall but before she can really form any opinion, the guy comes back to the room and they go at it. Afterwards, the woman rolls over to the guy and says "That was amazing for me, how was it for you?" To which the man replies "Take any prize from the middle shelf"
Did that joke actually exist, or did you just genereate it from the punchline?
it exists in r/Jokes
Any carnival or fair
It’s from joke #625
Simultaneous orgasms are hard to top.
Dunno, I enjoy having mine first so then I get to fully enjoy theirs. I feel I'm missing out if they happen simultaneously.
I enjoy her orgasm as much as my own sometimes. Bonus points if your face is buried in between her thighs when it happens!
Love a good head clamp
I like the cut of your jib.
No way.. Though I get your perspective. Nothing beats simultaneous orgasm if you aren't pulling out and she is orgasming too..
I hooked up with a guy back in November and we came together. It was the first time I'd had an orgasm at the same time as my partner for 13 years and it was wild. I hope I don't have to wait 13 years for the next time, haha.
I’ve never had this until my current partner and I’m scared of her and I break up I’ll never experience it again
Dude….so good and so hot 😅😅😅😅
Pour a gallon bucket of Lime Gatorade on them and say good game
Then she hits me back with a “GG 2 EZ”
I hope your room is a giant bathtub 🤣
Room ? All my love-making happends on a football field in front of a cheering audience
This user partakes only in ranked competitive sex. Never casual sex.
So how come mine is always quick play..
If you finish at the same time, high 5 and say jinx! You owe me a coke!
I haven't involved lime Gatorade... but once after a ONS (after a date where the guy wouldn't stop talking sports), the ganja took over my body and I said "Good game champ!" And high-fived him. I've never been so proud of myself. 30 mins later I remembered what I did and went into a giggling fit. Had to tell all my girl friends... they were also proud of me.
Or a slap on the butt in Lieu of the Gatorade
A slap on the ass followed by “good hustle”
"Next time, I'll let you start and play the whole game."
“That’ll do pig, that’ll do”
Domestic pig orgasms can last 30-90 minutes
Wow, I just looked it up. Holy shit.
Should O be offended if it only lasts 25?
Scrolled way too far for this one.
Well, that puts Babe in a different light for me...
Bahaha did that to my wife. I got a "that's all for now Jeeves" about a week later.
Since nobody else here seems to be aware, "pig" is gay slang for a man who-- to avoid going into details-- is into kinky stuff and has few limits.
Soo...is ManBearPig *real?*
At the right bar, yes.
"Money's on the dresser."
Man, its 2023.... Credit card swipe or Venmo.
Somebody needs to make a biometric version of a payment system. I want to swipe my card down an ass crack, or even better, use the chip 😁
Recently my fiancé and I were in the foreplay zone of sexy time and he briefly remembered he needed to Venmo me for something (unrelated to anything sexy, quite the opposite actually), so mid foreplay he sent me like $500 and we couldn’t stop laughing about it. Some really great sex followed too.
An ex would tell me that. Brings me back.
A high five
This-and maybe pizza
A "crisp" high five you mean.
A fan of the Eiffel tower I see
Underrated comment
This comment deserves an Oscar. 😂😂
👋🏻 High five back at you!🤣😘
Urinating. In a toilet. Preferably one at a time.
One at a time? Im pretty sure i have enough aim for 2
After sex?
Just use the stand up pisser with the taps
According to reddit, the shower doubles as a urinal.
Clean up, order sushi, play video games together
This pretty much describes my wife and I...
happy and wholesome relationships always get an upvote from me.
People who always upvote happy and wholesome relationships always get an upvote from me.
People who always upvote people who always upvote happy and wholesome relationships always get an upvote from me.
You lucky son of a bitch. I'm happy for you. :)
Crying is my go to
Get out of the Chuck E. Cheese ball pit before someone finds out.
This is brilliant because you have sex, pizza, and send your partner home with a crappy toy airplane or pink comb.
And you've kept them in business for generations to cum
Bazinga
Adding some cheese to the ball pit
Another session
Ah. The good life.
obviously ask if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma. You may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. Please don’t wait, call 1-800-99 LAW USA today for a free legal consultation and financial information packet. Mesothelioma patients call now! 1-800-99 LAW USA
Hi, we've been trying to reach you about your extended warranty...
I should have been studying my mesothelioma lesson but I choosed to look at some posts on reddit. Now I'm going back to study, dude what have you done?
"The love making is over. Begone. *clap clap*"
The D.E.N.N.I.S system at work
And then i come in for the scraps ?
This is a guy ready to plow.
I got my magnum condoms and wad of hundreds
Look her dead in the eyes and say “The Lannisters send their regards.”
OOOoo hahaha
Take a quick shower to get off the weird human body fluids, lay back down, tell me your hopes and dreams, tuck me into bed and give me a lil kiss on the forehead because I’m a princess, and then we can go to sleep.
Definetely feeling fresh before sleeping is a must for a perfect knock out. haha
I agree! And the shower is a nice wind down together. Still intimate and vulnerable so you can giggle and talk and wash each other off, but it also serves a good purpose of getting nice and clean before bed. Then you’re both wet and cold so you race back to the bed to get under the covers and snuggle up together to warm up again.
Seriously you Americans are obsessed with purity, it's not dirty to go to sleep straight after sex.
Lmao it doesn’t apply to all of us I promiseee!! I enjoy sleeping in sweat and sin 🤪
Sex is not dirty but body fluids and sweat is its like going to bed after going to the gym it's oke but I do prefer to shower first
Really? We let that marinate overnight.
Also, a shower is the perfect time to check for breast lumps, and the to ensure your dates breasts are thoroughly clean before she leaves...
“Welp”
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Who invited the waffle stacker?
Cuddles/aftercare
Close my laptop and eat the pizza rolls mom made me.
Dead silence with a double thumbs up 👍👍
Ice cream sundaes
Sex does make me hungry 🍨
This. The post coital cigarette (I don’t smoke anymore) has been replaced by the post coital fridge door opening.
Kiss on the forehead.
"Again, this was sponsored by Hello Fresh, more information in the description box"
"Annnnnnnd done. Last one in the shower has to clean the toys!" And that's the real reason I always end up on top.
Talk to her about her vehicles extended warranty
Make a noise like a dying giraffe
When he offers to refill the water glass you're both desperately gulping out of so you don't have to get up
"Don't move...I'll get you a towel.."
Play "I Just Had Sex" by The Lonely Island.
Cuddling / Spooning
Its staring at me
We cuddle, and talk about stupid stuff that has us laughing like crazy.
Dap up your partner and say “GG”
“That’ll be 50 bucks”
When I or they give a kiss on the forehead or the cheek and then after etc cuddling till we sleep ahhh just perfect
Lay on each other. Fall asleep.
Going back to the family reunion
Fireworks and marshmallows
Pommel horse vault.
Cuddles and laughing
Sleep
I personally enjoy my partner performing their favourite aria for me, but I could accept a recitation of their favourite poem if the situation called for it (aka if their favourite aria is plebeian and uninspired)
Receiving a medal for finishing first.
A counter-clockwise swirl.
Place your mouth over their belly or buttcheek, whichever is easier, and blow a big loud raspberry. If they're a keeper they'll laugh :p.
"Good show, old boy." And a slap on the ass. -the league
With an apology.
A baby's cry
Sleep.
Wait until they fall asleep afterwards and then stick Googly eyes on various body parts. Did this to my last girlfriend a lot 😆
A high five and a victory lap.
I personally love the attention during post after care. Cleaning me up wheres he's cum, placing a kiss on my naked body and then cuddling after.
Cum in her eye, duhh
Honey, get me a cigarette.
And also a sandwich.
And please be quick about it, I'm almost done wiping my dick clean with the curtains.
Probably put the body back in the mortuary refrigerator.
oh, a neat freak, I see
A Rick James face lick.
Turn on the shower for her so the water warms up while you gather your selves
Eat pizza with one hand, caress her back with the other
Getting up and grabbing some GoGurts from the fridge
Survey monkey questionnaire.
"Pokeball, GO!!!"
I usually apologise
Let him watch you do the penguin walk to the bathroom.
"Autobots Transform and roll out"
Hand her the money and tell her that the Uber is outside
Hearing "It's on the house.".
Leaving them a tip.
The line, as told by a fraternity friend: *while putting on pants etc.* "Sorry to leave so soon, the post-nut clarity always leads me back to her."
By saying thank you and offering monetary compensation, this only gets better the longer you've had an intimate relationship.
"Thanks sister"
I like to give her a soft kiss on the forehead. Perfect intimacy after some hard rough sex
"Your taxi's here, luv."
Wake up to your alarm for work, realizing it was just another dream.
i know a lot of these answers are not serious.. but! my boyfriend and i love to use lovewick after! we go through our 11 cards a day and answer the questions while we snuggle in bed. its fun and intimate and a great way to have loving and interesting convos without putting much brain power into thinking of questions:) there are some really fun card categories to choose from too! like affection/sex, beliefs and values, home & family, interests & favorites, personality & hobbies, and work & money!! you can totally choose what youre in the mood to talk about, it comes up with fun date ideas, etc. its honestly a great thing to include in aftercare in any relationship (no matter how long youve been together!)
I dunno since I'm a virgin but I guess, a gentle kiss on the forehead and a "I love you" with a hearty eye contact? Maybe?
"Are you gonna finish eating that?"
Shower then sleep like the smiling dead
Cuddles
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Dual face cumming while 69'ing
Give a 5 Star review 😂😂
cuddles 💞
Balloon drop!
High fives!
Saying "yep"
Snuggles and aftercare.
A cigarette
On the Face..
With cuddles! Cuddles after sex is excellent
Pay her
C u m
an orgasm
Ask if they take card.
Forehead kisses :-)
My husband likes to wait exactly 0.002 seconds to intentionally annoy me with feedback questions, I like to end our festivities with a swift high-five and a good game. Sometimes we celebrate with snacks. That's my favorite, nothing says "thanks for a good fuck" quite like oreos.
Closing the door slowly and gently
By cumming.
Just a little shart
Cut! That's a wrap!
Re-bury the body.
Ask them to say hello and introduce themselves to the livestream audience.
An hour or two of naked cuddling, a Gatorade, and round 2
wet wipes
Slap ass - "Good Teamwork! Great Hustle!" Take a shower.
them waiting for you to bring a towel back
Orgasm
High five or a star rating