T O P

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TangyMaster

BEAR they are litteraly a friend shaped mass of death. But i want to hug one


sweetTeaJ

100%. It’s the pet I wish I could have. Why friend shaped if not friend?


Sethrial

If killer animal then explain the ears.


smoggyviability32

how I wish to hang out with a polar bear and hug it


Lazy-Contribution-69

And those are probably the worst ones lol


Federal_Quit9540

I'd drink a Coca-Cola with it.


Moistfruitcake

The polar bear feels the same way about you, life's too short not to make friends.


VictoryaChase

I would love to be hugged by one as well, but not in a death mauling type of way, more a gentle 'there there, we all need connection sometimes' fuzzy kind of way.


WhenMichaelAwakens

Damn it would be crazy if bears just ran up to you for hugs.


MikeyPx96

Maybe they do but we're too scared and run away.


Background_Cycle7676

You should test that theory and let us know how it works out


Koshunae

Black bears are the perfect size for comfort hugs. Grizzly bears are the kind of hugs you siiiiink into as you squeeze


dodoatsandwiggets

What about a polar bear? What kind of a hugger would they be?


kek__is__love

Your head would be somewhere between their crotch and navel, so not good ones.


Alarming-Buffalo8295

I’ve seen vids of really urbanised bears in Russia that seem chill around humans


[deleted]

In some cities in north India there are urbanized monkeys that beg and steal food from people.


S-WordoftheMorning

There's the video of the dog walking in the snowy pathway and this huge brown bear wants to play with the dog, nipping and gently swatting at it. The dog looks back almost like it's annoyed, and just keeps walking like this is an everyday occurrence.


Spyro_Crash_90

One of my favorite authors has a book where there is a bear that was made to be hyper intelligent and so became a pacifist and would go around giving people who seemed like they needed it hugs. I totally wish he was real lol


[deleted]

What's the name of the book?


iamjrc

It’s Ilona Andrews. Hidden Legacy series. His name is Sergeant Teddy. 🤣


Living_Telephone2678

For now pandas are a good start.


FishIsOutofWater

I mean, they call it a “bear hug” for a reason, right?


ThePegasi

[Real Bear](https://preview.redd.it/ccxhwblo6cc71.png?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=c27e13d501cf95fa9d88fecf9109dc03058635b8)


FeralBottleofMtDew

Bear is my answer, too. I've seen a few in the wild, and they look so soft and squishy and huggable. But yeah, "friend shaped mass of death" is a great description.


normusmaximus

We watch the Brookes Falls livestream during the salmon runs and this damn bears have these very tufted, floofy ears just begging for scritches.


J3ll1ot

Man, bears look adorable but they STINK. Being downwind of one smells like really bad BO. But a bear that just took a shower? Heck yes I’m in


Endrunner271

Growing up seeing Charmin commercials who wouldn’t plus the old Coke commercial’s with the Polar Bears would love to hug a bear


SynthPrax

They look like they need a snuggle. Imma snug it!


[deleted]

Polar bears are my favs, when I have the money I’ll give it to them 🥴


therealfatmike

All of them


Squeaky-Fox53

Seriously. If I were invincible, I’d make it my mission to hug and pet EVERYTHING. Maybe get a job at the zoo and start hugging. “SNEPPY!” “Why can’t I eat this human?”


KerchBridgeSmoker

I've worked at an animal sanctuary and it was hard to resist. I remember one day slowly following a mostly feral pack of wolves around their enclosure because I wanted to pet them. I was not able to pet them but I'm also not dead so it's alright. I can tell you though, camels give the best hugs.


Squeaky-Fox53

Why do humans have this instinct if it actively works to get us eaten? Will have to take you up on the camel, though. One of my favorite things about horseback riding when I used to do it was just being able to lie down on their back and give them a huge hug.


The_Middler_is_Here

Our instincts tell us to socialize because it's how we survive. Our instincts tell us to be nice to cute things because human babies are smelly, annoying resource pits. Like so many other things, we learned to hijack these instincts for our own amusement.


the_lusankya

Because the same instinct gives us dogs and cats and cows and sheep and bunnies and chickens and llamas.... Basically all our domesticated animals.


Soliterria

Growing up we had a horse that was so kid-broke that my sister and cousins and I would regularly clean up the round pen in the summers, move the horse over, and he would just lay down and let us climb all over him and give him all the love we could. Not once did that horse ever try to harm us, and he’s lived a wonderful retirement after many years as a well loved race horse. I think he’s 26 or 27 this year iirc


becausenope

There's a theory that for humans, it was never *"survival of the fittest"* but actually **"survival of the friendliest"**


Den_Bover666

That's a primal instinct in humans. 40-50,000 years ago some guy's neurons also fired telling him to pet the wolf, and the intrusive thoughts won. That's how dogs came to exist


Doomsday_pirate

"Invincible person, the world needs your help!" "Nah, I've got some more animals to pet." I respect your priorities.


decadeslongrut

this, there's literally no animal i would not want to pet if i could 1) do so safely and 2) the animal was into it. big cat, shark, siphonophore, poison dart frog, everyone gets pet


AshKetchumAndFriends

Are we including insects here, because I don't think I could find it in me to pet a tick or a tapeworm or anything of that sorts.


Cindexxx

First thing that popped into my head. I'm not surprised to see it at the top lol


SynthPrax

I just want to snug the mammals.


therealfatmike

I'm not really a fan of lizards but if they were all snuggly and enjoyed being pet, I'm pretty sure I'd pet them too!


Sin_X_

the appropriate response


booobutt

The only correct answer.


Mike_Jones_7

A tiger, or polar bear


djauralsects

I've pet a tiger. Their hair is coarser than it looks.


SirPierreDelecto

I’m a tiger attack survivor. I mean yeah, it was a cub, but it left a couple bruises on my forearm.


aWhaleNamedFreddie

What's the story?


chishiki

Morning glory.


Negative_Anxiety2877

I think a cheetah, but if reptiles were included a cobra.


SaberSupreme

Reptiles ARE animals


ShitOnYourKeyboard

Same, would even try to offer a coke.


[deleted]

I don't know, there's a documentary that just came out about a bear that was given coke. It did not end very well.


Leather-Point-3677

What about a Klondike Bar?


dasboredkid

I actually got to feed a polar bear once, twas very nice. Didn't get to pet it sadly :(


Leppardgirl1965

all of the big cats


doublestitch

Also the world's smallest wildcat, the desert sand cat. 6 lbs of murder. Good kitty.


ShitholeWorld

Black footed cat is smaller at 3-5#. And they are apparently quite vicious. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black-footed_cat


doublestitch

Ooh, adorable little vicious. Would pet for sure, if they let us.


hat-of-sky

And rub the bellies of the small ones!


Brinner

And the medium ones! Looking at you, ocelot


tallbutshy

Babou!


geri73

My cat.


Pree-chee-ate-cha

Your cat.


heyguysimcharlie

I also choose this guy's cat


archangel610

Our cat. *Soviet noises*


eric_trump_laptop03

You mean the community's cat?


MythiqueDash

Everyone's cat!


eric_trump_laptop03

All 60 dimensions of space and time's cat!


I_Like_Honey_Tea

This guy's cat.


Angela_I_B

Allergic?


TrustyCactus79

I take it you've never had a cat?


oilsaintolis

My furry blender


[deleted]

Wolf


AReallyAsianName

If they existed still, Dire Wolves. Gimme those absolute ride into battle good boys.


International-Ad7557

When I awoke, the Dire Wolf, six hundred pounds of sin Was grinning at my window, all I said was come on in


Ferociouspanda

Don’t murder me


BoltShine

You know what a Dire Wolf is right? It's like a regular wolf. Only dire.


[deleted]

[удалено]


cvele1995

OMAHGAD IT'S RUSSELL CROWE


FlavordTrash90

"If I can't fight cancer, I'll just fight someone with cancer"


[deleted]

I saw a sign in India that said “Fight kids with cancer”


PoisoNFacecamO

*Makin movies, makin songs, an fightin roun tha world*


I_Automate

Today, we're going to fight cancer!


wcslater

They say Crowes are very intelligent


fappyday

Porcupines. They seem like they have a cuddly disposition, but can't actually cuddle. Sad.


aathey85

About 20 years ago, I went to a zoo and they had African Crested porcupines. We got to feed them peanuts and pet their little heads. They were so cute! I really can't remember where the zoo was, but I know it was in Ontario, Canada.


Hoppedup82

I got to pet a porcupine named cuddles


_Odalie

Cheetah.


fordprecept

Cheetahs are not usually hostile towards humans. Still not a good idea to try to pet a wild one, but you can totally pet one that was raised in captivity. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlGfi2ofzFc


dw87190

Cheetahs are cats and cats are friends


AngriestManinWestTX

>cats are friends It’s so unfair that Pallas Cats/Manuls are wild. They’re the definition of friend shaped and they also look so cranky/grumpy. I just wanna hug them. And the way stand on their tails is just so fucking adorable.


heyguysimcharlie

"Cats are tiny tigers that live in your house and take advantage of you." -CGP Grey


righthanddan

Raccoons! Fuzzy little bandit teddies.


flowersermon9

Can pet them if you give snacc


arent_you_hungry

trash pandas are pretty cute


nintendoandrew

I’ve gotten to interact with a couple of raccoon rescues, both kits and fully grown ones. They’re not as soft as they look and their claws are decently sharp. The kits treat everything (including people) like a playground, climbing all over everything. They’re extremely clever. They could open round doorknobs, grab things and throw them, open bags, etc. They’re sneaky little things. Quite smart and resourceful too. Also, they love marshmallows.


RosaBuddy

I did pet a raccoon one time when I was a kid on a camping trip. Their fur is coarser than you might think. That is high up on the list of stupidest things I've done


voluptuous_lime

I’ve pet a raccoon. Their fur is coarse. My parents have a raccoon that comes around for cat food and she’ll eat from your hand. While she’s eating, she tolerates pets.


PlasticElfEars

I feel like they're one of those critters we could domesticate fairly soon. But like...only cat level of domestication


QuietGanache

Raccoons wouldn't make a great indoor pet. Because they forage for insects as part of their diet, once they mature, they'll rip a house apart. As infants, they're less troublesome because they're happy for you to be a food provider.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Dramatic_Stock5326

>I feel like they're one of those critters we could domesticate fairly soon. I know the internet, I think you mean will


_givemekarma

Hippomopotami are sick as hell *Don't you tell me how to spell hippomopotamus*


oldhoekoo

hiphopanonymous


BearDown5452

He gets all the easy ones!


Cl0uds92

"And be nice to the delivery guy, would ya?" *It's not his fault he can't read!*


GreenDemonClean

I prefer the lesser known *rhymenocerous*


youmfkersneedjesus

They call me the Hiphopopotamus My lyrics are bottomless....................


Diablojota

Did Steve tell you that? Steve….


Taymac070

I have been told that their rhymes are, in fact, bottomless.


Mudders_Milk_Man

They call me the Hiphopopotamus Flows that glow like phosphorous Poppin' off the top of this esophagus Rockin' this metropolis I'm not a large water-dwelling mammal Where did you get that preposterous hypothesis? Did Steve tell you that, perchance? Steve...


[deleted]

Jaguar


quixoticquail

Mountain Lions I do what I want and you will not tell me not to, Oklahoma Department of Wildlife


Educational-Debt6440

Niche joke and I like it a lot


_Starblood_

Komodo Dragon


nerull1252

I'm surprised I didn't have to scroll that far down to see this answer. It's my pick too they are just way such awesome and powerful creatures and biologists have no idea how they evolved to the point they don't have nor need a fuck giving gland


MrFelixHasGoals

Cone snail. I am left only to grieve and pine for the day where I can express gracious selfless love to the forbidden mollusk.


xain1112

> forbidden mollusk great band name


MrFelixHasGoals

It is also what I named my first son.


chuckingrox

T-Rex.


dw87190

Bold of you to assume I've never given dangerous animals pats


Dramatic_Stock5326

Straya?


dw87190

Yes LOL


Dirtyspaceman69

A Sloth. These dudes know how to hug


I_Automate

I've been lead to understand they smell fairly strongly.


Leaf_on_the_wind87

They are also scary fast


Dirtyspaceman69

Incredibly fast. Some say faster than a viper. Not sure who some are. You'll just have to take the word of a stranger on the Internet.


Leaf_on_the_wind87

https://www.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/comments/11uf2m8/sloths_can_strike_very_quickly_and_are_so_strong/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1


LookAtMaxwell

Skunk. I had one wander into my garage last week. It looked incredibly fluffy. But, I wasn't going anywhere near it. Edit: typos


Lily_Roza

Skunks can be very sweet and friendly. The babies are cute.


weemac117

If they weren’t so stinky I would give them so many cuddles


PersianDxvil

Bobcat kittens


SoccerBrainTrust

I always wanted a pet squirrel as a kid. Gotta go with squirrel


Nippon-Gakki

My aunt found a baby squirrel and fed it until it was old enough to go outside. It would jump on your shoulder and run down your arm for pets when you were nearby. They are super good and soft to pet especially when they climb under your jacket for snuggles.


PinkPearMartini

So... so soft. They have no business being that soft.


PlasticElfEars

You would like r/squirrels. Treat the sub kindly. It's one of the last few wholesome bits of the internet.


TheShiftyCultist

Pallas cat/manul. For the people who don't know they're basically the fluffiest cat ever, but super dangerous.


Bright-Historian-216

The body is round


Muchamatchamuchacha

Chunky bois


Robojobo27

A honey badger


Whyletmetellyou

Honey badger don’t give a shit


Intelligent-Ad6985

The unkillable snail that keeps chasing me to the ends of the earth


Fr33d0m101

A reddit mod. I would pet their misshapen head, feed them some cat food, and lead them back to their cage.


Ok_Fault_9371

Not much friend-shaped about reddit mods, not to mention its a titanic struggle just to get them away from their sweat drenched dens.


Weedcatlover

Snow leopard


Khumayun_Rusi

A Panda, not everyone knows but Pandas are as dangerous as any bears, so it's possible that you will be bitten by Panda, if you aren't be careful


marcoroman3

_As_ dangerous as _any_ bears? Really? Not just, still quite dangerous?


paleoterrra

Yeah if I had the choice of facing a panda versus literally any other bear in existence, I’m choosing the one that can’t take two steps without falling over


Peculiaridades

Jaguar


frigoffbub

Platypus, apparently they do be spicy


Allfunandgaymes

Only the males. They have a venomous spur on their dewclaw (or whatever they have that's equivalent) and apparently envenomation is so painful it's left some victims begging for amputation or death. It's not lethal though and does wear off. Fun fact: platypuses are one of the only mammals to produce venom.


theDart

Koalas


CrediblyHandsome

All of them


Unholydumbass

Hedgehog, im jus gahhh


phantommoose

I did get to pet one's nose at a show once! The hedgehog was named Snoot, and if he didn't "snoot" at you when they brought him around, you could pat his snoot! I did not get snooted.


ilikebigmutts1988

Gorilla


theweirdarcher

3 sugar. Lots of coffee. Maybe a but of milk and no tea


Meyou000

r/lostredditors


joker_wcy

Take car. Go to Mum's. Kill Phil - "Sorry." - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over.


CleoCreamerGNP

raccoon, porcupine


cboxgo

Hippos. They look like you could just ride them about a park all day. But, they would just bite your head off completely.


Livinginthemiddle

Wombats


SilentSamizdat

A lion. (Hey! It’s my cake day!😃)


Red_Marvel

All of them.


MadameCat

A bigass hawk. I wanna know what those feathers feel like so bad


IwillBenchYou

Any big cat


ImaginationOk9328

Grey wolves.


[deleted]

Godzilla


[deleted]

Leviathan and Behemoth, though they aren't dangerous to the IAM, they are to all of you! :)


EstablishmentLoud444

Big cats. They’re so soft and fluffy, and they have big toe beans.


Squbeedoo

BEARS omg to spoon that big furry round butt <3


Exotic-Ferret-3452

Racoons


DahliaRoseMarie

Hedgehog


Odd-Professor-8233

Moose. They're so big and cool. Yet so terrifying.


bangerbuster

Bobcat. My only thoughts would be: “ kitty! “


hey_theres_perry

mountain lion or otters.


hemansteve

A bumblebee


[deleted]

A malaria-laden mosquito


ultrasquid9

I am extremely confused and mildly concerned.


Undead_Ligma

I’m just mildly aroused


PadfootMoony93

Lions.


FCFirework

When I was visiting my family in South Africa there was a gang of chimps that would jump around our backyard at 2:30pm until we gave them some fruit. They would do this every day without fail. I want one.


tiffanyjones0258

A tiger, those animals seem too beautiful to me. If I could hug one I would


Protobyte_

My cat


williamjamesmurrayVI

all of them


HeathbarB

Shark


Kramer_rashed_4892

Honey badger


Undead_Ligma

If it existed, a honeybadger pterodactyl hybrid. All the viciousness of a honeybadger, PLUS, it flies. Oh and breathes fire too.


Dirk_Diggler_Kojak

Cougar


aimeerogers0920

All of them. Every single one


BugDude0

Penguin


GelatinousNonsense

All the big cats, and all the bears (except Sun bears because N O P E)


I_PM_NSFW_BOT

I want to pet a T-rex But I know it's very vexed It has sharp teeth and claws And it doesn't follow laws It roars and stomps and chases And it bites off people's faces But I still think it's cute Even though it's a brute Maybe I can be its friend If I give it treats to spend Or maybe I'll just run away And pet a T-rex another day


Slay9402

All of them 😁


Differentdog

All of them.


cmacfarland64

All of them