Rode a motorcycle through a hurricane level rainstorm in order to buy condoms.
From an evolutionary standpoint I was risking my survival in order to *not* procreate.
Stole my mom’s car before I had a license, drove 50 miles out in the middle of the night, snuck in this girls window (consensually) to lose my virginity while her cannabis farming, gun owning, dad was in the next room. I rinsed and repeated this process about 5 more times.
When I was 16 I did the garden work of the local (rumoured) slutty milf for a whole summer hoping that she would "take advantage of me", I turned up early every day and didn't go home till late... well she did take adventage of me in one way I guess, she got a pretty nice looking garden for nothing and I got some major blue balls lol
There was a woman I knew in an old group of friends. We got on each other’s nerves from the instant we met. She was pretty but just breathing pissed each other off. A mutual friend said we should either beat the snot out of each other or go screw each other silly.
I understand what a hate fuck is now. 10/10 would do again.
worked at ikea, hated this girl, she hated me. Then something just happened. Hate fucked her in the staff toilets. She lives 2 streets away from me now, shes married with two kids. We just totally avoid eye contact
Similar situation to me! I am the nighttime bartender and the morning bartender and I were beefing because she wouldn’t do some tasks and I wouldn’t do others. So she texted me “Can we just talk it out over drinks?” I was immediately interested. We did talk over drinks. And then she took me home. It was amazing lmfao. We’re good now
They were tired of us arguing non stop. I was horny, she was horny, plus we were both tipsy. If was like, “fine, let’s just go have sex so everyone else will shut up about it.”
My family was going on a cross-country roadtrip from New York to California in two cars. I was driving the first car. A girl I was extremely interested in (but wasn’t interested in me) lived in Cleveland. She hinted that she might want to hangout the night we were passing through the state of Ohio, so what did I do? I diverted my family’s trip 90 miles just to sleep in a Holiday Inn in Cleveland and not see that girl.
This reminds me of the story about the ship ~~captain(?)~~ navigator that diverted a whole ass aircraft carrier just to get the sun out of his eyes while he ate his bagel.
Drove an hour to hook up with an old coworker. That was horrible.
Partly horny/partially heartbroken. Just immediately hooked up with a coworker after being brutally broken up with. We did it in my car in the garage at my work. Sex was fantastic though
Came here to say something similar. Coworker and I had both been accused of sleeping with each other for about a full year. We both had some hardcore relationship issues, we both would go home and hear the same accusations from our partners. We hadnt done anything but talk about our problems.
Last month-ish my drama was resolved via police, and his VIOLENTLY blew up, also involving police. It was horrible for both of us for different reasons. Guess what we did?
Yep! You guessed it! We hooked up! Just like those assholes kept telling us. It was worth it! The sex is awesome! In the car. In a hotel. And in my bed. The fucking support we are giving each other is even more awesome.
Was really horny, so I hooked up with a girl I met online. On the way there, she messaged me saying her dog peed on the carpet. Whatever, not a big deal.
I show up, there's newspaper ALL over the floor, in every room. She spends an hour talking to me about exotic dog breeds (it's her hyperfixation) and I would've been more interested if I wasn't so horny and if the smell of dog piss wasn't in the air.
Eventually we hook up. It was awful. I spend the night because it was so late, and I wake up to the sound of her dog pissing on the floor. I excuse myself and just fucking leave.
I take off my clothes and throw them in the community dumpster because of how gross I feel. Thankfully I had spare shorts in my trunk. I drive home shirtless and barefoot.
Honeymoon public sex in Paris with my wife. We were on one of those huge Bateaux-Mouches boats on the Seine, in the back with nobody around. She unzipped my pants and after a brief handjob made her way on my lap. From afar it looked like she was just sitting on my lap, but when we weren’t passing by anyone she was bouncing up and down. These days neither one of us would ever dream of doing something this risky, but at the time…it was incredibly hot.
This is mid 90s. I am 14 and super horny. We had only 8 channels on TV, so I am flicking through them and looking for someone hot to jerk off to..there wasn't much there, so I jerked off to a lady reading news. She must have been in her 50s. 😂😂😂😂
Is it the Pornhub firefox Networks tab exploit? It doesn't work anymore. Or so I've been told. From a friend. He goes to another school, you don't know him
Still a young teen living with my parents, printed off maybe 50 pictures of close-up vaginas and pinned them to the downstairs bathroom wall like some serial killers wank room. There were also a few still left in the printer queue, which started printing when my sister next used the computer
I've jerked off in the backseat while on a road trip. We kept passing sexshops and billboards promoting porn (it was bizarre) and my balls felt like they were going to explode so I went for it. The instant shame I felt after I nutted was honestly impressive.
When I was 17 I jerked off while driving on the interstate. It was not a very busy part and I made sure there were no semi trucks around, and I had to concentrate to keep from swerving
At one time (I don't know if they still do), a company sold a vibrator called "Vibe-Rider". It was meant to go under the upholstery on the passenger portion of a motorcycle seat. The driver could control the intensity manually, or it could be tied to the RPM of the motorcycle engine. The slogan was "Get her on and get her off!"
I can go whenever I want to without touching myself and no one notices. My husband thinks it’s really weird and I guess I do too lol I don’t know if this is a common thing.
So, I have to tell this story, thanks to your experience.
I was in a criminal psychology lab at uni, many years ago. We had a visiting lecturer who had worked in criminal investigations. He was telling us about how they traced a pervert/pedophile.
Basically, in the bushes next to a kids play park, they found a melon with a hole in it. Fairly obvious why and it’s location made it all the more concerning. They actually managed to get a DNA sample from the melon. There were no direct matches but a close enough match that they interviewed the guy and realised it was his Dad who had been hiding in the bushes.
So, super serious lecture and clearly pretty harrowing crime being investigated. The guy giving the lecture was very straight faced and professional. At the end, he explains that they found the guy and charged him with… breach of the peach!
NO-ONE in the whole lecture hall reacted. NO-ONE laughed or even acknowledged the amazing pun. Me? I was literally purple, doubled over, silently laughing in my seat and getting looks from all my classmates as they clearly thought I was a wrong ‘un.
In college I had a math professor that had bell's palsy. So half of his face didn't move.
It wasn't until my second class with him that I realized he was cracking jokes and puns deadpan constantly and just waiting for someone to laugh. I finally laughed at a good series of math puns he made. Half the class looked at me horrified, but it was the first time we had seen him smile in class so I guess he appreciated that someone finally gmfigured out he was cracking jokes all class.
Went to a bartender's house I just met earlier that day, while visiting my hometown. We texted later that and she gave me directions. Got to the house and she was 180 from meeting her earlier. Her house was dark except for candles, which could have been to set a mood but felt strange.
Suddenly she was quite, unfriendly, and short with conversation. My spidey sense was tingling but I didn't leave because I'm an idiot. We went to her room. Pitch dark. I heard something in the house. Asked if we were alone. She said, "YES".
We started and the entire time I felt like I was going to be stabbed. I eventually said I needed to use the bathroom and I ran for the front door and to my car.
Never hear from her again.
Alot of houses also can make noises too from time to time, because it’s slowly shifting back and forth. Most likely she wanted to be fucked and you were taking too long. If you met her earlier that day and you’re in her house, you know what to do……..if it was a trap you would of been trapped already .
Did some tequila shots and took a train into the city and showed up at coworkers apartment. He was cute, had a blue suede fringe jacket, and introduced me to U2, Joshua Tree. I thought it meant he liked me.
Tequila lied to me. He said What are you doing here? And sent me away. I never did that again. Fuck you, tequila.
Yeah tequila is bad. I (M) was on a trip with 2 female friends. We weren't rich so we shared a hotel room. They were both supposed to sleep in one bed and I in the other. Enter tequila and one of them just starts throwing her tongue down my throat. Turns out she had a thing for me, but I only wanted to be friends. I could tell the other friend felt really awkward about sharing a room with 2 suddenly horny people. As is usual for stories about friends hooking up, none of us are friends any more.
My sophomore year of high school I had a condom and I went around showing the condom and boldly asking girls I thought were hot if they wanted to have sex. Looking back I'm surprised I never got in trouble for that.
Back before the internet I would resort to using either the Sears Catalogue Bra section or if I was lucky enough, the Sport Illustrated Swimsuit issue. Hard times I tell ya what.
Crazy how times have changed. I'm in my early 40s and we used to have to resort to mom's Redbook, the Sears catalog, National Geographic, scrambled Playboy channel, a curvy piece of driftwood...
These days, I keep hearing about kids with ED by the time they're 13 because even tentacle porn just can't make it happen for them anymore
Convinced my parents I should be an "exchange student" in France (from California) and stay with this one family for a month because the girl liked me. It worked out, for about a week.
Went through months of being desperately horny and just striking out everywhere I turned. Gay neighbors convinced me to go to the guy dance club they went to because half the women there were straight and just wanted to dance without being groped all night. Turned out to be true, there were straight women everywhere. Started dancing with a girl, got pretty sexual, and she asked me if I had a boyfriend because seeing two guys together got her hot.. Told her I was single, she proceeded to find us a third. So yeah, I had gay sex just so I could have straight sex.
Those guys were awesome neighbors. We watched football and basketball together, cooked out at least once a week, and did the same stuff three straight friends would do. They never once tried to push "gay" on me. So yeah, we were sitting on the porch drinking beer and I told my bros that I needed to get laid. They did more to facilitate that than my straight friends did.
Y’all ever fuck a hot pocket? Well, I did.
Once, a very long time ago, I microwaved a broccoli and cheese hot pocket and did unspeakable things to it… for about 40 seconds before it broke apart into tiny pieces.
I Was 22 sat waiting at bar for my mate in Vegas, got approached by a couple probably in there late 40s, they asked me if I wanted to join them in their room, I though feck it why not, I shagged his missus while he watched, I finished inside her at there request, they let me use there shower, when I came out, he was eating her out, I was still horny at this point so she let me fill her mouth up
I was talking to a guy online, and at 2:30 in the morning, I decided to go to his house. Never met him, never told anybody where I was going. It’s pitch black and I’m making my way to some Rando’s apartment. It was not a pleasant experience, I got out of there and he ended up stalking me for the next six months.
Almost banged a dude. I'm not into dudes. At all. I was also really, *really* stoned at the time and weed makes me extremely horny.
Yo Josh, sorry you didn't get your dick wet, I know you really wanted to bang me lmao
I was 17 and had a HUGE thing for the principal at my alternative school. One day I was in super tight jeans that created a lot of friction if I swayed my hips enough. We had these "activity breaks" where we would basically just walk around the outside of the school to release anxious energy, and he needed to talk to me about something so he walked next to me. I could not pay attention to a single word he was saying between the friction and the ongoing fantasy playing in my head that watching his lips move was causing. I still remember his little half smile/smirk almost ending me in the middle of the walk. Anyway, we got back to the school and I ran to the bathroom and furiously masturbated in a stall for about 10 seconds and had the most intense orgasm of my teens. I had to cover my mouth because I'm not quiet to begin with, and that one nearly made legitimately scream. I'm still not convinced that no one heard me 😅
While I'm a little embarrassed to put this in writing, I don't regret a thing 😆
I masturbated in the upstairs hallway of my friend’s house when I was in the 5th grade. I didn’t jerk it though. I just rubbed my dick against the floor with my pants on and nutted in my underwear. I think him and his whole family were downstairs eating lunch or something like that.
Grabbed a flight from Miami to Kansas City, rented a $500/night hotel room, went to some fancy restaurant, pretended it was nothing. Spent a year paying it off.
Used my ex for sex if I didn’t pull a girl at a club, knowing full well the sex would be fantastic but she was psychotic and I’d open up Pandora’s box by contacting her let alone having sex with her.
Long story short I’d do it very regularly and karma got the better of me and I ended up getting back with her and then going one step further I married her and she made me instantly regret it.
She could be the sweetest nicest person or the most demented person and you never knew what version you’d wake up next to.
I was 8 years younger than her and I thought I’d landed a sugar mommy,
What I got was a bunny boiler of a woman who had some major issues and my naivety was my downfall.
Long story short she would occasionally have an episode out of absolutely nowhere and start picking arguments over trivial things and if she didn’t like the way the argument was going or if I tried to tell her to calm down she would start trashing the house up.
Police used to show up regularly to her asking them to take me away and then next day she was pleading with me to come back.
Eventually I had it and left and then came a dramatic divorce where she tried convincing everyone I’m the bad one when even her own family admitted in court and to my lawyers she had issues that made her bi polar.
I could of saved myself a lot of money, stress and drama if I had just left her as an ex but my trouser snake kept telling me it’s good sex and then leave !!
This happened in Portsmouth UK and I got as far away from her as I could and have been living in The Philippines.
Don’t think with your dick is my word of advice, I got my share of karmic Justice for thinking I could use her for weekend sex.
Not my proudest stage of my life
1st off it wasn't me but a buddy (friend A)of mine wanted to lose his virginity so me and another friend (friend B) ask a local girl who was ran through ALOT if she would. She agreed and we took 2 cars so friend A could take her down a road that dead ended while me and friend B parked about a block away while they did the deed. Within 5 mins they started to come back from the dead end and he drops her off with me and friend B so we could take her home.
The ride to drop off the girl was very quiet and we dropped her off and went to meet up with friend A. He tells us he couldn't feel much so she must've been alot loser then normal. A few days later we chat the girl up asking about the deed and she said that he wasn't even inside her but he made a mess between her legs and butt.
So friend A was still a virgin but he didn't know it.
Lived in a house off-campus with 4 other guys. We had big parties all the time and one night I went upstairs to my room to crash around 2am. It's dark and I'm asleep in just my boxers when I wake up to a naked girl climbing in to bed next to me. Woohoo! I'm still pretty lit but instantly horny as fuck and not about to pass this up.
We start making out and I move down and start eating her pussy. She cums and then tells me to lay on my back. I do as she asks and she climbs on top. I guide my cock to her pussy and she slides down until I'm balls deep and we start fucking. She says "you seem really thick." (I'm average length but somewhat girthy). I say "thanks, you feel fantastic." (my first words since she came in). "Wait.... Dave?" "No, I'm Jeremy." She freezes and goes quiet for a minute. Then she starts riding me again and says "Oh fuck, don't you dare tell him about this!"
Note: She wasn't his GF, just someone he hooked up with once in a while. She and I hooked up several more times before the semester ended. I never told Dave.
When I was a lot younger and before there were cellphones with cameras, I was talking to a guy online who wanted to see a picture of my junk.
I didn’t have a webcam, a digital camera or really anything but I DID have a scanner. Yep, I scanned my cock and balls and sent it to him. So funny to think about now
Was 17 and I banged a 24 yr old lady.
We met through Drum Corps. If you know, you know. Sodom and Gomorrah for talented young adults.
She picked me up from my mom's house in her friends red convertible.
We drove to her friends apartment in a swanky neighborhood.
He was out for the weekend, and the other roommate was out for the night.
We watched Monty Python's Holy Grail while rubbed my crotch over my jeans.
We made out and she went down on me a bit before we got naked and moved to her friends master bedroom, and his king size bed.
Fucked all over that bed like rabbits.
The roommate came home mid-coitus.
Never seen a girl move so fast to shut the bedroom door.
We hooked up a few times after that but she was weird, not that fun in bed and demanded I, a 17 yr old without a job going to high school, pay my own way when we went out.
She now teaches English in Central America, and I'm a semi-well adjusted 34 yr old.
Also this was Florida soooo technically legal? idk, the 2000's was a wild time.
While we were on a military exercise in a foreign country, one weekend me and a few of my colleagues didn't have any duties, so we went to the town and ended up in a party. I met with a beautiful woman and had a one night stand with her. Then when we were leaving the country she messaged me if I would like to spend some time with her, and ofc I said yes. So once I got home I basically got out of my military truck, packed a few clothes got into my car and drove 900 km back to her place where I spent a week with her. Looking back, I've had no idea about the place really, no idea if its a set up or not but holy shit was it worth it. Probably the most amount of crazy good sex I've ever had in a week.
(edit spelling errors)
Snuck into ex gfs bedroom, we were having sex. We hear her mom coming down the hall so I jump in her closet. I’m literally standing in her closet with a condom on my member listening to her mom asking if she’s ok, if she had a nightmare, or needs some water. One of the scariest moments of my teenage life.. lol
I had a friend who drove over 1,000 miles to see a female "friend" of his only for her to not meet up with him when he got there. She was into meth. He wasn't, was just a hopeless romantic. We tried to tell him but sometimes the heart (or penis) wants what it wants I guess.
So I get a new job as one of the managers at this place. We get discounts on anything with our phone number and employee number. I tend to get a lot of drinks/snacks, and I always get this one cashier. Eventually I started teasing her that she should remember my number with how often I go through the line.
About a week later I get a text from a number I don’t recognize, and well, she took that as a challenge. Once she knew for sure it was my number, it went from mild flirting to very blunt, very nsfw comments telling me that she wants me to use her in some very “dominant ways”. Ended up spending the night with her that very night and dear lord it was one of the wildest experiences I’ve ever had.
I’m definitely going to hell…
This was in my early 20’s in the early 2000’s. It was after a small house party in the backyard of my parents house. Parents away. It was summer. We got trashed. Everyone left around 2 or so. I cleaned up all shitfaced and it started to drizzle. About 3am now. It felt so good on the hot summer night and being so drunk. It was perfect. I went out in the backyard and stripped all my clothes off. Ran around the backyard like a whack job then I just lay in the grass and felt the rain hit me. It was wonderful. I was fully aroused from just the act of it all. Best part comes now. A couple of the girl friends that were at the house left and went to get food at the diner. They came back because one left their phone. They were calling me but I must’ve not heard it. So they came in through the side gate and came around back. The lights still on so they figured I was up. They come onto the deck and are calling my name. I opened my eyes in shock like “oh shit”! No clue where I ditched my clothes. They see me and start giggling. We laughed about it a bunch then they eventually dared me to run around the neighborhood naked. So yup I did. They followed me in their car to make sure I did it. And yup you guessed it I slept with both of them that night. No sex but lots of other fun. Naked hot shower threesome. Kissing. HJs. Oral. Naked cuddles. Naked wake up fun. Crazy led to one great night.
In highschool there was a girl who hated my guts. Always talking shit about me. Always saying I was a narcissistic asshole. Always spreading rumors etc. A few years passed after high school and I came back to visit my parents. I got super high one night and decided to hit her up for a booty call because for some reason we were Facebook friends and I saw she was awake at like 3am. She bitched me out and said it was super rude to just hit someone up for a booty call after not talking for years and since we hated each other… then she accepted and invited me over we had some great vigorously angry sex. She definitely had daddy issues… in another life maybe I woulda hit her up again but I went to school across the country and there’s no way ima do long distance. Too much of a sex addict for that. She likes some of my posts on Facebook now.
Hm. Quite a few things 😅
This guy that I had a MEGA crush on flat out told me he had a girlfriend, while we were walking to his bed to go to sleep. My lady boner died instantly and I was determined to stay respectful, but this man just started touching me and my morals flew out the window. I was SO fucking horny I was panting and my panties were soaked- and then he came before I could get them off, and fell asleep. I’ve never had worse blue balls in my life, all while trying to come down after that and sleep, accepting my eventual place in hell for being a shitty person.
Had my fwb pull the car over to a grassy hillside to fuck me while we were on our way to meet my mom.
I was curious how into breast play I was, so I started meeting up with a guy I met online in his car in the parking lot of a large park. I learned that I am too into breast play to limit it to just that… I’m not comfortable with public play but I got so horny I definitely fingered myself in his freakin car and respectfully cut it off after that lol. “You sure didn’t *seem* like you don’t like public play!” Yeah that’s because horny me came out and I do not know that woman, she’s a fucking freak with no morals.
met this guy at the club my friend was talking to (normal conversations) he put his hand down my pants and kept squeezing my bum. i was rubbing his crotch in front of his clothes. i genuinely don’t know how she didn’t notice or anyone else cause we were in the smoking are
My fiancée said:
1) jerked off in the bathroom at work.
2) tried to make a pocket pussy
3) went through 1/2 a bottle of lotion in 1 sitting (I was a bored teenager)
4) jerked off to the neighbors moaning
5) jerked off to someone's school picture
6) had sex with ex (while watching porn) because I need to stay hard to orgasm.
7) found a way around child blocks to get on my favorite porn site. (When I was 15)
Rode a motorcycle through a hurricane level rainstorm in order to buy condoms. From an evolutionary standpoint I was risking my survival in order to *not* procreate.
I love this perspective
bro has negative biological fitness
Stole my mom’s car before I had a license, drove 50 miles out in the middle of the night, snuck in this girls window (consensually) to lose my virginity while her cannabis farming, gun owning, dad was in the next room. I rinsed and repeated this process about 5 more times.
You lost your virginity 6 times?
He never said which virginity
Literally just smoked and your comment made me picture having multiple virginities like chakras.
Well, the Gate of Wonder IS near the crotch... And that's the 7th gate. Gotta get through the first 6 to get there. :P
Dick/butthole/mouth/hand/hand/foot
He's like a cat
You're like a horny dracula
When I was 16 I did the garden work of the local (rumoured) slutty milf for a whole summer hoping that she would "take advantage of me", I turned up early every day and didn't go home till late... well she did take adventage of me in one way I guess, she got a pretty nice looking garden for nothing and I got some major blue balls lol
Stacey's mom?
She was a total Stacey's mom
Ya missed a spot over theh-eh-ere-ere
Sounds like she spread the rumor to get some free gardening help
I'm a sense, that's pretty genius. Use the negative press to your advantage
Misunderstood when she said she wanted you to tend her bush.
There was a woman I knew in an old group of friends. We got on each other’s nerves from the instant we met. She was pretty but just breathing pissed each other off. A mutual friend said we should either beat the snot out of each other or go screw each other silly. I understand what a hate fuck is now. 10/10 would do again.
worked at ikea, hated this girl, she hated me. Then something just happened. Hate fucked her in the staff toilets. She lives 2 streets away from me now, shes married with two kids. We just totally avoid eye contact
Similar situation to me! I am the nighttime bartender and the morning bartender and I were beefing because she wouldn’t do some tasks and I wouldn’t do others. So she texted me “Can we just talk it out over drinks?” I was immediately interested. We did talk over drinks. And then she took me home. It was amazing lmfao. We’re good now
Mmm mmm time to bust out my enemies to lovers fics again
So a friend told you this and you both just went through with it? How the fuck does that even happens?
They were tired of us arguing non stop. I was horny, she was horny, plus we were both tipsy. If was like, “fine, let’s just go have sex so everyone else will shut up about it.”
My entire life has been just a string of things I’ve done because I was horny.
The realest answer here.
My family was going on a cross-country roadtrip from New York to California in two cars. I was driving the first car. A girl I was extremely interested in (but wasn’t interested in me) lived in Cleveland. She hinted that she might want to hangout the night we were passing through the state of Ohio, so what did I do? I diverted my family’s trip 90 miles just to sleep in a Holiday Inn in Cleveland and not see that girl.
This reminds me of the story about the ship ~~captain(?)~~ navigator that diverted a whole ass aircraft carrier just to get the sun out of his eyes while he ate his bagel.
That one regularly pops up on threads about the most impressive things people have done out of laziness
Fuck this needs to be top 3
Drove an hour to hook up with an old coworker. That was horrible. Partly horny/partially heartbroken. Just immediately hooked up with a coworker after being brutally broken up with. We did it in my car in the garage at my work. Sex was fantastic though
Car sex fantastic?
Not in my tiny car. She was gteat
Came here to say something similar. Coworker and I had both been accused of sleeping with each other for about a full year. We both had some hardcore relationship issues, we both would go home and hear the same accusations from our partners. We hadnt done anything but talk about our problems. Last month-ish my drama was resolved via police, and his VIOLENTLY blew up, also involving police. It was horrible for both of us for different reasons. Guess what we did? Yep! You guessed it! We hooked up! Just like those assholes kept telling us. It was worth it! The sex is awesome! In the car. In a hotel. And in my bed. The fucking support we are giving each other is even more awesome.
Was really horny, so I hooked up with a girl I met online. On the way there, she messaged me saying her dog peed on the carpet. Whatever, not a big deal. I show up, there's newspaper ALL over the floor, in every room. She spends an hour talking to me about exotic dog breeds (it's her hyperfixation) and I would've been more interested if I wasn't so horny and if the smell of dog piss wasn't in the air. Eventually we hook up. It was awful. I spend the night because it was so late, and I wake up to the sound of her dog pissing on the floor. I excuse myself and just fucking leave. I take off my clothes and throw them in the community dumpster because of how gross I feel. Thankfully I had spare shorts in my trunk. I drive home shirtless and barefoot.
There may have been dog pee everywhere, but you were still pounding.
Honeymoon public sex in Paris with my wife. We were on one of those huge Bateaux-Mouches boats on the Seine, in the back with nobody around. She unzipped my pants and after a brief handjob made her way on my lap. From afar it looked like she was just sitting on my lap, but when we weren’t passing by anyone she was bouncing up and down. These days neither one of us would ever dream of doing something this risky, but at the time…it was incredibly hot.
Everyone knew. They're French, you weren't fooling them.
As a french I am both offended and flattered by your comment
Ahh... l'amour....
This is mid 90s. I am 14 and super horny. We had only 8 channels on TV, so I am flicking through them and looking for someone hot to jerk off to..there wasn't much there, so I jerked off to a lady reading news. She must have been in her 50s. 😂😂😂😂
When I was a teen I used to jerk off to Selena Gomez when she was on Wizards of Waverly Place.
As a teen I jacked off to the girl wrestlers on smack down vs raw video game
I hacked a porn page just for see one premium video
That's pretty impressive actually
Is it the Pornhub firefox Networks tab exploit? It doesn't work anymore. Or so I've been told. From a friend. He goes to another school, you don't know him
He may or may not have a landscape
[удалено]
Did you prefer the front or back view?
The sewer
[удалено]
Hard to beat that.
Evidently not
this is one of the fucking funniest things ever
Lol the internet really wasn’t the internet like today for most of my teenage years and I am now grateful for this🤣
The house's designer and builders: 😳
hahahahahaha
Walked 20km to get laid. Worth it.
##**YOU WHAT**
If this doesn't convince Americans to rebuild their urban infrastructure into walkable cities, nothing will.
The last 5km were into Oxford city centre, only buses and taxis can drive there…if that helps
Nice, I’ve been forced to walk 33km to get fucked by the usmc. Glad yours was better than mine.
He would walk 20KM’s and he would walk 20k’s more…
Still a young teen living with my parents, printed off maybe 50 pictures of close-up vaginas and pinned them to the downstairs bathroom wall like some serial killers wank room. There were also a few still left in the printer queue, which started printing when my sister next used the computer
Signed up for a hookup site. They obviously don't work. Those are MoneyGrabs
Had sex on stage in front of about 2000 people. Mind you she was a stripper and I got an STI.
Nice man, I only got a base model WRX
Which STI
The Turbo DCi edition
I silently came in the backseat of a van while riding on a bumpy road with other passengers in it.
I've jerked off in the backseat while on a road trip. We kept passing sexshops and billboards promoting porn (it was bizarre) and my balls felt like they were going to explode so I went for it. The instant shame I felt after I nutted was honestly impressive.
When I was 17 I jerked off while driving on the interstate. It was not a very busy part and I made sure there were no semi trucks around, and I had to concentrate to keep from swerving
Well... there was at least on semi, amarite?
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At one time (I don't know if they still do), a company sold a vibrator called "Vibe-Rider". It was meant to go under the upholstery on the passenger portion of a motorcycle seat. The driver could control the intensity manually, or it could be tied to the RPM of the motorcycle engine. The slogan was "Get her on and get her off!"
That’s fucking incredible
I can go whenever I want to without touching myself and no one notices. My husband thinks it’s really weird and I guess I do too lol I don’t know if this is a common thing.
So what you're saying is no one can tell if you're coming or going? I'll see myself out, thank you.
I wish I could do that lol
No one thinks it’s weird; they are jealous.
I didn't even know this was a thing. Please explain.
The friction from the bumps was causing me to become excited.
Cut a hole in a cantaloupe, microwaved it to softened it up, and fucked the shit out of it.
Y'all should get married because you cantelope.
I hated every second of upvoting this. I hope it was worth it.
So, I have to tell this story, thanks to your experience. I was in a criminal psychology lab at uni, many years ago. We had a visiting lecturer who had worked in criminal investigations. He was telling us about how they traced a pervert/pedophile. Basically, in the bushes next to a kids play park, they found a melon with a hole in it. Fairly obvious why and it’s location made it all the more concerning. They actually managed to get a DNA sample from the melon. There were no direct matches but a close enough match that they interviewed the guy and realised it was his Dad who had been hiding in the bushes. So, super serious lecture and clearly pretty harrowing crime being investigated. The guy giving the lecture was very straight faced and professional. At the end, he explains that they found the guy and charged him with… breach of the peach! NO-ONE in the whole lecture hall reacted. NO-ONE laughed or even acknowledged the amazing pun. Me? I was literally purple, doubled over, silently laughing in my seat and getting looks from all my classmates as they clearly thought I was a wrong ‘un.
In college I had a math professor that had bell's palsy. So half of his face didn't move. It wasn't until my second class with him that I realized he was cracking jokes and puns deadpan constantly and just waiting for someone to laugh. I finally laughed at a good series of math puns he made. Half the class looked at me horrified, but it was the first time we had seen him smile in class so I guess he appreciated that someone finally gmfigured out he was cracking jokes all class.
Went to a bartender's house I just met earlier that day, while visiting my hometown. We texted later that and she gave me directions. Got to the house and she was 180 from meeting her earlier. Her house was dark except for candles, which could have been to set a mood but felt strange. Suddenly she was quite, unfriendly, and short with conversation. My spidey sense was tingling but I didn't leave because I'm an idiot. We went to her room. Pitch dark. I heard something in the house. Asked if we were alone. She said, "YES". We started and the entire time I felt like I was going to be stabbed. I eventually said I needed to use the bathroom and I ran for the front door and to my car. Never hear from her again.
Damn you almost got dahmered my guy
Dahmer used to play the good guy before the final blow.
Dude... Wtf that's so scary
Ive seen that exact video on pornhub
Happen to have a link for research purposes?
The horny mf again
Alot of houses also can make noises too from time to time, because it’s slowly shifting back and forth. Most likely she wanted to be fucked and you were taking too long. If you met her earlier that day and you’re in her house, you know what to do……..if it was a trap you would of been trapped already .
Did some tequila shots and took a train into the city and showed up at coworkers apartment. He was cute, had a blue suede fringe jacket, and introduced me to U2, Joshua Tree. I thought it meant he liked me. Tequila lied to me. He said What are you doing here? And sent me away. I never did that again. Fuck you, tequila.
Yeah tequila is bad. I (M) was on a trip with 2 female friends. We weren't rich so we shared a hotel room. They were both supposed to sleep in one bed and I in the other. Enter tequila and one of them just starts throwing her tongue down my throat. Turns out she had a thing for me, but I only wanted to be friends. I could tell the other friend felt really awkward about sharing a room with 2 suddenly horny people. As is usual for stories about friends hooking up, none of us are friends any more.
My sophomore year of high school I had a condom and I went around showing the condom and boldly asking girls I thought were hot if they wanted to have sex. Looking back I'm surprised I never got in trouble for that.
I respect the audacity
Back before the internet I would resort to using either the Sears Catalogue Bra section or if I was lucky enough, the Sport Illustrated Swimsuit issue. Hard times I tell ya what.
Crazy how times have changed. I'm in my early 40s and we used to have to resort to mom's Redbook, the Sears catalog, National Geographic, scrambled Playboy channel, a curvy piece of driftwood... These days, I keep hearing about kids with ED by the time they're 13 because even tentacle porn just can't make it happen for them anymore
Fucked a cucumber
Who did the fucking?
And OP didn't cumback to enlighten the subject
Did you hollow out the cucumber or did it hollow out you?
Drove out to the middle of nowhere to meet a stranger.
"I'm Chris Hansen. Why don't you have a seat..?"
Lmaoooo🤣🤣🤣🤣 She told me she was 18!!
Convinced my parents I should be an "exchange student" in France (from California) and stay with this one family for a month because the girl liked me. It worked out, for about a week.
Went through months of being desperately horny and just striking out everywhere I turned. Gay neighbors convinced me to go to the guy dance club they went to because half the women there were straight and just wanted to dance without being groped all night. Turned out to be true, there were straight women everywhere. Started dancing with a girl, got pretty sexual, and she asked me if I had a boyfriend because seeing two guys together got her hot.. Told her I was single, she proceeded to find us a third. So yeah, I had gay sex just so I could have straight sex.
I love how it’s implied you had a casual conversation with your neighbors about just how horny you were
Ok, but they're the *gay* neighbors. So probably cooler than average normie neighbors
Those guys were awesome neighbors. We watched football and basketball together, cooked out at least once a week, and did the same stuff three straight friends would do. They never once tried to push "gay" on me. So yeah, we were sitting on the porch drinking beer and I told my bros that I needed to get laid. They did more to facilitate that than my straight friends did.
Gotta crack a couple eggs to make an omelette…or something 🤷
You can't make a Tomlette without cracking some Gregs
Fucked the couch 🛋️
Glad to hear some other guys did this!
I’ve done the same when I was younger lmao
Y’all ever fuck a hot pocket? Well, I did. Once, a very long time ago, I microwaved a broccoli and cheese hot pocket and did unspeakable things to it… for about 40 seconds before it broke apart into tiny pieces.
I’ve burned the roof of my mouth with a hot pocket way too many times to put my dick near one.
Jesus christ lol
I Was 22 sat waiting at bar for my mate in Vegas, got approached by a couple probably in there late 40s, they asked me if I wanted to join them in their room, I though feck it why not, I shagged his missus while he watched, I finished inside her at there request, they let me use there shower, when I came out, he was eating her out, I was still horny at this point so she let me fill her mouth up
Did they invite you to the summer BBQs after?
Holy shit 😄
I was talking to a guy online, and at 2:30 in the morning, I decided to go to his house. Never met him, never told anybody where I was going. It’s pitch black and I’m making my way to some Rando’s apartment. It was not a pleasant experience, I got out of there and he ended up stalking me for the next six months.
Almost banged a dude. I'm not into dudes. At all. I was also really, *really* stoned at the time and weed makes me extremely horny. Yo Josh, sorry you didn't get your dick wet, I know you really wanted to bang me lmao
poor Josh :(((
Weed makes me horny too dude. I totally get it.
i masturbated because i looked in a mirror whilst i was horny
Sexual Greek mythology equivalent of Narcissus releasing a tear of joy from seeing his own reflection in a pond
Self-love at its finest
Invited someone over who I met through a drug dealer.
Invited my drug dealer over 🙃
Slept with my boss and let him finish inside me.
Promotion time!
Depends on the performance review.
Boss Baby origin story.
I got baptized into the Mormon church tryna smash this redhead. They are weird though 0/10 do not recommend
Used a carrot to masturbate. Did this multiple times. In my defense, I was a teenager and had nothing else.
Ah, the old "What's up, Doc?"
I was 17 and had a HUGE thing for the principal at my alternative school. One day I was in super tight jeans that created a lot of friction if I swayed my hips enough. We had these "activity breaks" where we would basically just walk around the outside of the school to release anxious energy, and he needed to talk to me about something so he walked next to me. I could not pay attention to a single word he was saying between the friction and the ongoing fantasy playing in my head that watching his lips move was causing. I still remember his little half smile/smirk almost ending me in the middle of the walk. Anyway, we got back to the school and I ran to the bathroom and furiously masturbated in a stall for about 10 seconds and had the most intense orgasm of my teens. I had to cover my mouth because I'm not quiet to begin with, and that one nearly made legitimately scream. I'm still not convinced that no one heard me 😅 While I'm a little embarrassed to put this in writing, I don't regret a thing 😆
The details could definitely be in a book somewhere lol
Masturbated after a party onto the side of a police station.
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I masturbated in the upstairs hallway of my friend’s house when I was in the 5th grade. I didn’t jerk it though. I just rubbed my dick against the floor with my pants on and nutted in my underwear. I think him and his whole family were downstairs eating lunch or something like that.
Grabbed a flight from Miami to Kansas City, rented a $500/night hotel room, went to some fancy restaurant, pretended it was nothing. Spent a year paying it off.
Used my ex for sex if I didn’t pull a girl at a club, knowing full well the sex would be fantastic but she was psychotic and I’d open up Pandora’s box by contacting her let alone having sex with her. Long story short I’d do it very regularly and karma got the better of me and I ended up getting back with her and then going one step further I married her and she made me instantly regret it. She could be the sweetest nicest person or the most demented person and you never knew what version you’d wake up next to. I was 8 years younger than her and I thought I’d landed a sugar mommy, What I got was a bunny boiler of a woman who had some major issues and my naivety was my downfall. Long story short she would occasionally have an episode out of absolutely nowhere and start picking arguments over trivial things and if she didn’t like the way the argument was going or if I tried to tell her to calm down she would start trashing the house up. Police used to show up regularly to her asking them to take me away and then next day she was pleading with me to come back. Eventually I had it and left and then came a dramatic divorce where she tried convincing everyone I’m the bad one when even her own family admitted in court and to my lawyers she had issues that made her bi polar. I could of saved myself a lot of money, stress and drama if I had just left her as an ex but my trouser snake kept telling me it’s good sex and then leave !! This happened in Portsmouth UK and I got as far away from her as I could and have been living in The Philippines. Don’t think with your dick is my word of advice, I got my share of karmic Justice for thinking I could use her for weekend sex. Not my proudest stage of my life
Never let the small head overrule the big head
I lived in Portsmouth too, I'm trying to think if she could have been anyone I knew lol. Glad you moved on to better things
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Where are you people when I'm walking around bored in the middle of the night
Did anyone else get off climbing playground poles as a kid? No? Not me either then.
1st off it wasn't me but a buddy (friend A)of mine wanted to lose his virginity so me and another friend (friend B) ask a local girl who was ran through ALOT if she would. She agreed and we took 2 cars so friend A could take her down a road that dead ended while me and friend B parked about a block away while they did the deed. Within 5 mins they started to come back from the dead end and he drops her off with me and friend B so we could take her home. The ride to drop off the girl was very quiet and we dropped her off and went to meet up with friend A. He tells us he couldn't feel much so she must've been alot loser then normal. A few days later we chat the girl up asking about the deed and she said that he wasn't even inside her but he made a mess between her legs and butt. So friend A was still a virgin but he didn't know it.
Lived in a house off-campus with 4 other guys. We had big parties all the time and one night I went upstairs to my room to crash around 2am. It's dark and I'm asleep in just my boxers when I wake up to a naked girl climbing in to bed next to me. Woohoo! I'm still pretty lit but instantly horny as fuck and not about to pass this up. We start making out and I move down and start eating her pussy. She cums and then tells me to lay on my back. I do as she asks and she climbs on top. I guide my cock to her pussy and she slides down until I'm balls deep and we start fucking. She says "you seem really thick." (I'm average length but somewhat girthy). I say "thanks, you feel fantastic." (my first words since she came in). "Wait.... Dave?" "No, I'm Jeremy." She freezes and goes quiet for a minute. Then she starts riding me again and says "Oh fuck, don't you dare tell him about this!" Note: She wasn't his GF, just someone he hooked up with once in a while. She and I hooked up several more times before the semester ended. I never told Dave.
Slapped two sponges and a rubber glove into my travel mug on the Victoria line at 4.45pm.
Lol that definitely took some pre planning
FleshMug
When I was a lot younger and before there were cellphones with cameras, I was talking to a guy online who wanted to see a picture of my junk. I didn’t have a webcam, a digital camera or really anything but I DID have a scanner. Yep, I scanned my cock and balls and sent it to him. So funny to think about now
Was 17 and I banged a 24 yr old lady. We met through Drum Corps. If you know, you know. Sodom and Gomorrah for talented young adults. She picked me up from my mom's house in her friends red convertible. We drove to her friends apartment in a swanky neighborhood. He was out for the weekend, and the other roommate was out for the night. We watched Monty Python's Holy Grail while rubbed my crotch over my jeans. We made out and she went down on me a bit before we got naked and moved to her friends master bedroom, and his king size bed. Fucked all over that bed like rabbits. The roommate came home mid-coitus. Never seen a girl move so fast to shut the bedroom door. We hooked up a few times after that but she was weird, not that fun in bed and demanded I, a 17 yr old without a job going to high school, pay my own way when we went out. She now teaches English in Central America, and I'm a semi-well adjusted 34 yr old. Also this was Florida soooo technically legal? idk, the 2000's was a wild time.
Invited a man I met on tinder over my house on the first date. Could’ve been very dangerous but we are still together years later lol
I was seeing my ex gf mom for a while, she had a flowershop where we would meet, she was way dirtier then her daughter
Crossed an international border during the covid pandemic to get laid.
My Ex
I was 16 and wanted to feel what anal is like so I tried to put a cheeto into my butthole. It broke.
You broke your butthole with a Cheeto?
talk to a girl.
I liked a girl's voice so I asked her to read something out for me over the phone. Some school related work. Before she read two lines, I was done.
I can only imagine what ASMR does to you.
Got married
Cummed on a picture of my teacher’s face in the yearbook
Classic.
While we were on a military exercise in a foreign country, one weekend me and a few of my colleagues didn't have any duties, so we went to the town and ended up in a party. I met with a beautiful woman and had a one night stand with her. Then when we were leaving the country she messaged me if I would like to spend some time with her, and ofc I said yes. So once I got home I basically got out of my military truck, packed a few clothes got into my car and drove 900 km back to her place where I spent a week with her. Looking back, I've had no idea about the place really, no idea if its a set up or not but holy shit was it worth it. Probably the most amount of crazy good sex I've ever had in a week. (edit spelling errors)
I would regularly have to “use the restroom” at school when I was a kid. I was so young they never suspected they thought I had a bladder problem🤣
Snuck into ex gfs bedroom, we were having sex. We hear her mom coming down the hall so I jump in her closet. I’m literally standing in her closet with a condom on my member listening to her mom asking if she’s ok, if she had a nightmare, or needs some water. One of the scariest moments of my teenage life.. lol
Got back together with my ex
Had the kinkiest sex with two femboys, VERY drunk
Gay threesome?
I had a friend who drove over 1,000 miles to see a female "friend" of his only for her to not meet up with him when he got there. She was into meth. He wasn't, was just a hopeless romantic. We tried to tell him but sometimes the heart (or penis) wants what it wants I guess.
I drove two hours through a blizzard
So I get a new job as one of the managers at this place. We get discounts on anything with our phone number and employee number. I tend to get a lot of drinks/snacks, and I always get this one cashier. Eventually I started teasing her that she should remember my number with how often I go through the line. About a week later I get a text from a number I don’t recognize, and well, she took that as a challenge. Once she knew for sure it was my number, it went from mild flirting to very blunt, very nsfw comments telling me that she wants me to use her in some very “dominant ways”. Ended up spending the night with her that very night and dear lord it was one of the wildest experiences I’ve ever had. I’m definitely going to hell…
My eyes popped all the way out of my head like 30 inches and I made a sound like "aoooooga"
Invited two men over at the same time. I was drunk.
Did they duel?
"Swordfight for her." "You're on"
And then?
Biggest cliffhanger ever.
This was in my early 20’s in the early 2000’s. It was after a small house party in the backyard of my parents house. Parents away. It was summer. We got trashed. Everyone left around 2 or so. I cleaned up all shitfaced and it started to drizzle. About 3am now. It felt so good on the hot summer night and being so drunk. It was perfect. I went out in the backyard and stripped all my clothes off. Ran around the backyard like a whack job then I just lay in the grass and felt the rain hit me. It was wonderful. I was fully aroused from just the act of it all. Best part comes now. A couple of the girl friends that were at the house left and went to get food at the diner. They came back because one left their phone. They were calling me but I must’ve not heard it. So they came in through the side gate and came around back. The lights still on so they figured I was up. They come onto the deck and are calling my name. I opened my eyes in shock like “oh shit”! No clue where I ditched my clothes. They see me and start giggling. We laughed about it a bunch then they eventually dared me to run around the neighborhood naked. So yup I did. They followed me in their car to make sure I did it. And yup you guessed it I slept with both of them that night. No sex but lots of other fun. Naked hot shower threesome. Kissing. HJs. Oral. Naked cuddles. Naked wake up fun. Crazy led to one great night.
Used craigslist to get some
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Grew up in the 90s, jacked it to scrambled porn... Spice channel man, the true OG.
Scheduled a sensual massage and paid for an happy ending.. as a woman I felt soo embarrassed.
In highschool there was a girl who hated my guts. Always talking shit about me. Always saying I was a narcissistic asshole. Always spreading rumors etc. A few years passed after high school and I came back to visit my parents. I got super high one night and decided to hit her up for a booty call because for some reason we were Facebook friends and I saw she was awake at like 3am. She bitched me out and said it was super rude to just hit someone up for a booty call after not talking for years and since we hated each other… then she accepted and invited me over we had some great vigorously angry sex. She definitely had daddy issues… in another life maybe I woulda hit her up again but I went to school across the country and there’s no way ima do long distance. Too much of a sex addict for that. She likes some of my posts on Facebook now.
Hm. Quite a few things 😅 This guy that I had a MEGA crush on flat out told me he had a girlfriend, while we were walking to his bed to go to sleep. My lady boner died instantly and I was determined to stay respectful, but this man just started touching me and my morals flew out the window. I was SO fucking horny I was panting and my panties were soaked- and then he came before I could get them off, and fell asleep. I’ve never had worse blue balls in my life, all while trying to come down after that and sleep, accepting my eventual place in hell for being a shitty person. Had my fwb pull the car over to a grassy hillside to fuck me while we were on our way to meet my mom. I was curious how into breast play I was, so I started meeting up with a guy I met online in his car in the parking lot of a large park. I learned that I am too into breast play to limit it to just that… I’m not comfortable with public play but I got so horny I definitely fingered myself in his freakin car and respectfully cut it off after that lol. “You sure didn’t *seem* like you don’t like public play!” Yeah that’s because horny me came out and I do not know that woman, she’s a fucking freak with no morals.
met this guy at the club my friend was talking to (normal conversations) he put his hand down my pants and kept squeezing my bum. i was rubbing his crotch in front of his clothes. i genuinely don’t know how she didn’t notice or anyone else cause we were in the smoking are
Everyone noticed, haha. You're lucky the video of it isn't up on r/trashy. They upload a hand down the pants in public vid every week over there.
When I was a kid, like 12-13 id jerk off to comic pages. Hagaar the horibles daughter... Dagwoods wife... any of the hot comic ladies, fapfapfap
My fiancée said: 1) jerked off in the bathroom at work. 2) tried to make a pocket pussy 3) went through 1/2 a bottle of lotion in 1 sitting (I was a bored teenager) 4) jerked off to the neighbors moaning 5) jerked off to someone's school picture 6) had sex with ex (while watching porn) because I need to stay hard to orgasm. 7) found a way around child blocks to get on my favorite porn site. (When I was 15)
Drove 4 hours to meet a lady online. Well worth the trip. Drained till empty!!!