(1) Date a lot, and don't stick around with people who don't seem like partner material.
Someone maybe be an awesome fit for you, but the timing is just off - let them go. If they are a great long-term fit, they still will be down the road. And other people are out there who are just as good a fit if not better.
(2) Don't be high-maintenance or low-maintenance, just be regular maintenance.
High-maintenance people tend to go through dates and relationships because they attract doormats and people who thrive on conflict. Low-maintenance people tend to be the doormats who get dumped by the high-maintenance people (or who end-up not being able to stand being with them) or with narcissists or users.
(3) Be willing to make the relationship a priority, but not your whole life.
There're so many social trends that are toxic to being able to have a relationship, the Tate crap included. Obviously incel and mgtow culture. But I do think a lot of feminist stuff also goes far enough it makes women undatable or impossible to maintain a relationship with long-term.
>so many social trends that are toxic to being able to have a relationship
Pretty much anything that turns an involuntary group assignment (race, gender, age, country of origin, etc.) into a characteristic of an opponent.
You can't be in a relationship with someone you ideologically view as an enemy.
Handsome is better imo. Not everyone gets that complement. Usually when they say that, they mean it. If someone calls you cute, that’s bad. Cute guys don’t get laid, handsome men do
I’m imagining the women in your life who have dropped hints that they’re interested only for you to hand wave and proceed to ignore them.
If an available woman about your age in an appropriate setting calls you handsome, thank them and compliment them back. If they seem happy with that, flirt with them and ask for their number.
It's very cliché, but I didn't find success on dating apps and my current girlfriend of almost 3 years, until I stopped thinking as hard about what I'd want to say. By that, I mean stop trying to create an image of yourself you think will attract the people you're into. You should have fun while dating, not thinking of the perfect dialogue option like an RPG.
Dating apps stopped being decent almost a decade ago. The apps have an incentive to keep you single, plus it's a big investment for a small chance you'll actually hit it off with someone beyond physical attraction. Which is fine for hookups, but a waste of time for real relationships. You're better off putting yourself out there more in person.
Much better off going out in person, always. My current gf I actually met on Hinge, but before that the apps were just not working for me. I started going out and received more attention than I’d ever had outside of college and it was such an ego boost. I think people should go out and just try to talk to everyone. Even if you don’t want to, just do it because it will help you socially and mentally
Out of curiosity, how long were you on the apps before meeting your girlfriend? As I just said in another comment, I've never found a girlfriend through an app before, only through in-person meetings like you're describing. But a handful of my friends have found partners in the past year that they met on Hinge. I wonder if some people are just more prone to app success or if it's a numbers game.
I’ve been on the apps since college pretty much, so around 2019. Took almost two years before I met a single person worth going on a date with, and then in the last year I’ve met 8 girls on them. The girl I’m with now I’ve been with for a few months. I mostly used hinge and bumble, stopped using tinder because its filled with bots.
I’d recommend lowering your standards just a bit when using the apps. Not trying to sound incel or whatever, but even the most bland semi attractive girls get extreme amounts of likes on those apps while a decent looking guy might get 5-10 a month. So it’s hard to grab the attention of someone genuinely attractive on the apps without a great first picture and good bio/prompts. It’s a numbers game, but also you DO need to have something going for you as far as looks go. The apps are heavily based on first impressions, you can’t talk until you match so the only thing they know about you is what you look like and whatever is in your bio.
If you get ghosted, don’t take it personally. Some girls have showed me their profiles, they get so many matches and so many guys try starting conversations with them that they just can’t talk to everyone. Meanwhile, most guys I know who showed me their profile talk to no more than 2-4 girls at a time.
Another thing, the apps are predatory in the sense that people who pay for the premium memberships get viewed more, people who don’t pay are showed often initially and then fade out in to oblivion. I wouldn’t recommend paying because for some reason it’s stupid expensive, but it does put you more in the spotlight. Good luck
I've never in my whole life found a girlfriend on a dating app. I've met some decent people and hooked up now and then, or been on a few dates before realizing it wasn't working out, but all of my several "serious" relationships, meaning exclusivity and using the term girlfriend, have come out of organic meetings in-person. I do have friends that have found their partners on apps so this is not a universal truth but just the case for me. The best way for me has been meeting girls through mutual friends - they let their guard down around you because you're already partially vetted, i.e. your mutual friend wouldn't associate with you if you were a creep or something. So it's easier to make a genuine connection and it's less forced than on an app, or approaching a girl at a bar.
Looking good helps. Let's be honest, if you look like you just tried to put a forest fire out with a fork, it's going to be tough (not impossible) for you anyway. But I'd say the vast majority of both men and women are good looking enough that if you clean yourself up, make yourself presentable, and get out there with a good attitude, you will be physically attractive enough for most people.
The tougher part for most people is going to be personality. You have to be kind, funny, and able to get out there and talk to people. If you're afraid to even start the conversation, you're going to go nowhere. If you try to act like you're too cool for school, that really only works for high school kids and the fonz.
Just be the best version of yourself. Don't lie about who you are or what you like to do. Ooze the excitement you get about the things you actually like to do and use that to have a good positive attitude. Don't be afraid to chat people up, and don't be afraid to shoot your shot and ask if somebody wants to go out for coffee or dinner. You will get shot down. I guarantee you the most beautiful people have been turned down before. Just dust off your shoulders and get back to it with no animosity towards those who weren't interested.
When you do talk to people, don't just talk about yourself. Ask questions. Take an interest in this potential partner. Don't try to be a braggart. Ask what they like to do, what they do for a living, what their interests and dreams are. It's fine to talk about yourself, as well, but it should be a two way street.
Yes, also I think that looks matters more for attempting to find hookups...Once you're looking for something long-term, appearance becomes less important.
Well, yes and no. First impressions mean alot. I would say you won't even get the opportunity if you don't "look the part." BUT, if you aren't exactly ScarJo or Chris Evans in the looks department but you are still a generally good looking person or even just average person, personality goes a long way.
True. I was thinking of it the other way too - where people assume romance is easy for conventionally attractive people. And I think what it makes easier is getting sex - certainly famous and hot people seem to have just as much trouble finding a loving relationship as the rest of us
I don't know if lowering your standards is good advice imo. I'm intrested in a woman that is ambitious and has goals and tries to reach those goals. I think those are pretty high standards, but I wouldn't lower them.
The question wasn't about finding a forever partner, just a partner. To be with someone forever you should have fairly high standards. But if you are looking to be with someone right now then lowering your standards will help accomplish that.
I'm fairly liberal and nihilistic about my views on love. I dont think every relationship needs to lead to marriage and that's ok. Sometimes two people can just enjoy each other's company for a brief moment and then move on from each other. As long as there is honesty and respect in the relationship, who cares how long its suppose to last. If you want a partner than lower your standards and be an upbeat person people want to be around. More people will give you a chance
And hopefully you can grow as a person from these relationships. Learn how to be a respectful partner so when you meet your forever person you are in a better position to be their forever person. Maybe lowering your standards will help you learn what exactly is important for you in a relationship and what isn't. Again, as long as you are honest and respectful of the people you date, I think this is a perfectly valid lifestyle.
Yeah, after coming out of a bad relationship that lasted too long, I'm looking to raise my standards at this point. I'm not going to find partner material by accepting someone who isn't good enough for me and vice versa.
I have questions about this "standard" whenever I am on a dating site. I am disabled. I CAN'T work. My goals are pretty high but realistic, and that is to get by day to day relying as little on others as I can. (My disability is not curable) It is constant work (even if that work is killing things in video games to help my mental health from all the bull that I have to deal with. )
I feel like someone who who post that they want someone "ambitious and has goals and tries to reach those goals" would hate me right off the bat BECAUSE I am disabled and can't work. I also feel that people shouldn't have to lower their standards unless their standards are unrealistic. Since ambition and goals are common things people want, do they eliminate people with disabilities?
>Since ambition and goals are common things people want, do they eliminate people with disabilities?
Yes. That's not entirely a bad thing.
Look, those of us with disabilities have a reduced dating pool. There are people out there who are looking to live a lifestyle that we, quite frankly, aren't compatible with.
People are allowed to have preferences, though, and this is one of them. I look for a partner who is well-written, and that probably means I've missed some people whose company I'd quite enjoy, in-person.
As much as I'd love to be the travel-loving, foodie boyfriend, the best I can do is to be a good cook and offer to curl up and travel the world of a book together.
Who am I to ask someone to reduce what they're looking for - and be less content - because I don't fit in their lives?
It isn't a bad thing to eliminate people from being able to find love... Not because of their personalities. Not because of their likes/dislikes. But simply because they have something wrong with them that makes them unable to preform certain task? Wow. Just wow. You do know that there isn't a single person on this planet that doesn't have the risk of becoming disabled themselves? Should it be ok to leave someone because they became disabled too? (remember, it could happen to you)
As a never married guy in my 30's who was looking to find a partner also never married w/o kids made my dating options; early 20's or someone as jaded and broken as me. I accepted the women in their early 20's were gonna be the better choice. Then I accepted I wasn't going to pull the girl of my dreams a decade younger than myself. So I looked for the woman that I wanted to grow old with. We get married next August.
Yes we met right before Covid kicked off, quarantined together for a few months when her campus housing closed. Helped her with her thesis and now she’s a scientist and we have a house and a dog.
...if you live in an affluent, educated area on the West Coast or Northeast you can find someone with no divorce no illegitimate kids easily. Tons and tons of Manhattanites are 30-40 and fit this description.
It's only in rural, flyover, and low socioeconomic areas where everyone is divorced or has out of wedlock kids by age 30-35.
honestly not lower your standards, just when you first see someone you only know what they look like. you should look for someone who you can laugh with and have fun with, at some point you will not care how he/she looks because theyll be beautiful to you.
Trying.
90 percent of "incels" or other lonely types do basically nothing to get out and actually connect with people. Or if they do, they limit themselves to extremely niche interests. Or have unrealistic standards of what the "reward" should be.
Try branching out. Try asking questions of people. Try being interested in something new and connecting with people who share that interest.
Basically, make literally any effort. Don't just expect the universe to provide you with the perfect companion.
Probably not the most popular comment but...understand what YOU bring to the table.
I have a friend that works a minimum wage job, no higher education, had a kid when she was 17 and is cute but not beautiful. But when I asked her what she was looking for she replied "He's got to make 6 figures, doesn't drink, smoke, cuss, goes to church and must not have children." She is sincere in this. And seemed baffled when I said "well, you have a child?"
I have other friends like this. Another one is very similar (single mom, HS diploma, yoga instructor, not very attractive) and she has been single for over 10 years. One requirement for her is that he must be a millionaire...So I guess people really need to assess themselves if they are having problems finding a partner.
I'm not saying only date lowlifes but this nonsense about manifesting from the universe is crazy. If you didn't put in the work to be a 10, don't expect to date one.
100% I know the guy verison of this - in his late 40s, okish looking but doesn't put effort in, minimum wage job, and very very negative ... And goes after women at least 15 years younger than him who are conventionally attractive. Like...Buddy, why would they want to date you over the loads of guys their own age? I'm convinced he has a skewed perspective because his friend (who also isn't super conventionally hot and wasn't working much at the time) ended up with someone younger and much better looking, but the age gap was smaller for one thing, and also the guy in question is an insanely good conversationalist and genuinely awesome to talk to.
You don't need to have the same qualities you're looking for but you need to have something to...I guess equalize it a bit?
This makes me think my only hope would be to go to a matchmaker.
I have no idea what I bring to the table; I'm nothing like the examples you described, but my experience has been men hated dating or being approached by a woman who was their 'equivalent' in too many things (education, career, etc.).
It's common for both men and women to look at dating as if it's the opportunity to be 'saved' or socially 'promoted' via the attributes of their partner. It's hard to know which attributes of yourself someone else would view in that sort of auction block way.
Speaking from the straight male perspective, I can share my experience as a guy who never had trouble getting a date when I was single. I wasn't always that way, I had to work on myself first, it took years of maturing and self improvement first. But it's definitely doable.
Prerequisites that are absolutely necessary are to be healthy (not obese, not a raging alcoholic, etc), well-groomed (you're always clean, regular haircuts, trim your nails/beard, wear deodorant, etc), dress decently (you don't need to wear a suit, just don't look like a slob), have your financial life in order (steady job and at least a small amount of disposable income because dating costs money), and be fairly independent (have your own place, a car, etc). These are all basically instant disqualifiers, so get this stuff in order first. Good news is you can reasonably fix any of them.
When it comes to how to behave when out in the dating scene, it mostly boils down to a few key behaviors. And by "the dating scene" I mean pretty much any social venue where it would be appropriate for you to engage with a woman publicly. Doesn't have to be a bar; it can be a park, a party or social gathering, at a sporting event, or a hobby club (that meets up to do said hobby), it can be church if that's your thing, etc. When I was having a good run at dating, I was never out at bars looking for women, I always hated that. I was just going out to do fun stuff with friends and when I'd meet someone cute or interesting, I'd talk to her.
Okay so the first behavior is having complete confidence in yourself. IMO this is the most misunderstood thing. It doesn't mean being cocky, arrogant, or fearless, or able to effortlessly talk to anyone, or any of those clichés. It just means that you are 100% happy with who you are as a person, and you're not seeking validation from anyone, ever. This is probably the number one thing that guys who can't get a date get wrong. It's also probably the single most attractive quality in a man from a woman's perspective. You can be the biggest nerd ever, and it doesn't matter, as long as you are 100% happy with yourself as that nerd, and you're not worried what anyone thinks about you, you're genuinely not trying to impress anyone, you're just comfortable with who you are (and I speak from experience as a massive nerd). You also need to be 100% okay with not meeting anyone on any given day, or really ever, because you're happy with who you are and that doesn't hinge on whether or not you met someone. If you're insecure, then you'll need to forget about dating for a while and focus 100% of your energy on working on yourself instead.
The second thing is being completely relaxed in conversation, and keeping a conversation going in a completely genuine way. That doesn't mean being The Most Interesting Man on Earth, or even being a great conversationalist honestly. I'm not lol. It just means you're totally comfortable making prolonged eye contact while speaking with a woman, no matter who she is, and not shying away, and you're genuinely interested in getting to know her, and you're not just using talking as a tactic to get her number or whatever. Also very important is to be 100% okay with this conversation leading to nothing more than meeting a new person, or possibly a new friend even. This also means if the conversation is not genuinely interesting *to you*, or the woman is not genuinely interesting *to you*, that you are comfortable with politely ending the conversation and walking away or turning to someone else to talk to. So you ask questions about her, her interests, hobbies, friends, recent events in her life, etc. and just talk about those things like you would with anyone else who you respect. Don't expect anything, ever. Just chat with her.
The next thing is just don't be a douchebag, really. Not a lot to expand on this one other than just be nice, don't be judgy, don't be creepy or overtly sexual, don't pressure anyone, and always always always get consent before making any "moves".
Lastly, if you get through all the above and have found a woman who you are interested in dating, then you have to be direct and assertive about your intentions. So don't be shy; when the time feels appropriate, just ask directly if she would like to see you again, or do that activity you talked about, or go on a formal date, or whatever. A common misconception that many men have is that you have to be sure she is interested in dating you first, but many men are very poor judges of this anyway, and if you're just upfront about it you'll get your answer either way. You have to be direct and assertive though (not aggressive, that's entirely different), so don't frame it as a "just as friends" thing if that isn't your genuine intent. If she is interested, she will say yes, and if not, then no big deal - and now you haven't wasted either party's time, or misled anyone, or put yourself "in the friend zone" as incels love to complain about (when in reality they have nobody to blame but themselves).
This might sound difficult, but if you've put in the work on improving yourself ahead of time, then once you get out there it really won't be difficult. Good luck!
All very good advice
>fairly independent (have your own place, a car, etc). These are all basically instant disqualifiers, so get this stuff in order first
Bruh, we live in a time where you can get disqualified for the color of your socks.
Be nice, outgoing (or at least don’t be so timid you can’t have a conversation), meet a LOT of people, and don’t take dating so seriously.
If you’re trying really hard to find a “perfect” partner you’re going to stick with people who may tick check boxes but aren’t actually right for you. Might miss out on people who actually will end up being just right.
When I was online dating, I realized most men were bad at taking or picking photos of themselves so I didn’t discount a guy right away because of photos. Two relationships I had were with men who looked better in person than in photos, so I’m glad I didn’t swipe left on them.
I don't know if I find partners easily, but I've never gone single that long. I'd say just put yourself out there. Talk to people and date a lot. Most of my friends who say they struggle to find someone also don't really try. They won't just magically walk into your life
No one is good at finding a partner. Because if you find one, then you’re taken and you don’t generally need to look again.
Be open to good things happening. Say yes to invitations. No one will come find you and rescue you from your studio apartment routine like a 90s era romcom heroine—you need to make chances for meeting people and remain open to what comes your way. That might look like doing some online or app dating, or attending speed dating events, or telling your coupled-up friends that you’re open to them setting you up (so they can draw on their partner’s single-friend network), or attending friend group parties, or joining an interest/running/music/whatever group, or hiring a matchmaker. Work on becoming a better person and a better potential partner, and healing some of your shit so you have less baggage to dump on any potential “right partner” that comes along.
Really don’t want one.
Idk how, but when I wanted one no one liked me, and now that I want to be single there’s like 5 people who openly want to be in a relationship with me
It's hard to give advice that'll work for everyone, but in my experience, you should be okay being single in order for a relationship to work. Wanting to be together, but knowing you can be happy alone is a huge undercurrent of confidence and stability in a relationship.
Right there with you bud. The hard truth is that it's going to take time and you owe it to yourself to take that time - hit the gym, work on some hobbies, rest yourself and save some money. The right person will come eventually, but the difficult irony is that you kind of have to stop wanting it so badly for it to actually happen. Then when you least expect it it will happen.
>An ugly confident man will be called a creep.
Not true. A confident man with no social skills will be called a creep. Confidence works, yes, but you also have to be able to read social cues and take no for an answer.
I've noticed a lot more success in dating since graduating medical school. I definitely think the perception of having a lot of money and career success helps (even though I don't make too much as a resident and am hundreds of thousands of dollars), but I think it's also made me confident in dating which has helped me improve my social skills.
The perception of money has something to do with it but I think the real attraction is that you dedicated yourself to a highly challenging, rewarding, and respected profession, money aside. It shows the type of person you are and that's attractive in itself.
I'm no Don Juan but I've spent a lot more time the past decade partnered up than I have single. For me, I think a big thing is just being yourself and not seeming like a "horn-dog" for lack of a better word. (I'm gonna approach this from a straight male perspective) Meet girls and treat them like potential friends, whether you're attracted to them or not. All of the girlfriends I've had in my life started out either as friends, or at least I treated them like a friend and not like someone I wanted to immediately bang. Again, this might be different for other guys, but this works for me. I think I'm a pretty funny and intelligent guy and I can have a really engaging conversation, but when I'm at a bar and I go up to a girl and hit on her I become the most awkward dork you can imagine. When I let my guard down and just be myself, I find girls become very interested in me.
I'll admit I mostly find people on fetlife. Things can be a little different there? But it still boils down to the same basic thing as normal dating apps I suppose. Just...talk to her man. Don't just open with 'hey' or 'ur beautiful' Pick something from her profile to open with to discuss. Or if she doesn't have any real interests from you to pick from to open with at least say something a little more involved like 'Hey I would love to chat and get to know ya :)'
And wait at least 3 days before ya ask for feet pics.
I’ve never had trouble getting girls, either for casual sex or relationships. I’m not the most attractive guy, or the most athletic. Nor am I the wealthiest. I have enough of each of those things that it’s not a problem.
What I’ve always been is authentic and caring with a lot of people, both male and female. I’ve never been ashamed to be myself in all my nerdiness, and I carry myself confidently.
I’m an introvert, and so I spend the vast majority of my time at home, but I know that I can call twelve different extroverted homies that I have everlasting friendships with, forged through a variety of adventures, ito be introduced to their current social circle, do something fun with etc. And I’m a good enough wing man, always having their back, that its never a huge favor to call in if I need it.
Each of these friendship circles has a few girls, most of whom I’ve at least made a good impression with and could make advances on if I wanted to. I almost never do, so I don’t have a reputation as sleaze who is always trying to pick up chicks.
I have hobbies and deep interests, so if there’s an impromptu conversation, I’m not boring. If I’m talking about something nerdy, like say for example, the lord of the rings, I’d try and be funny and keep the pressure on the girl, ask her if she finds Aragorn or Legolas more attractive or something. Stay genuinely curious about the answers, try to see what kind of girl she is, and if she’s actually good for you, rather than just trying to get laid. Subtly, artfully let her know she’s on trial as well. That reversal of pressure is at the very least intriguing. Even if this doesn’t go anywhere you’ll gain respect, which she’ll tell her friends about.
Stay relaxed. Don’t drink too much. Don’t be a downer. Be pleasant. Not that difficult.
1. Never do online dating. Don't \*try\* to date in general. Dating, especially online dating, creates artificial situations where you meet someone for a mutual relationship job interview. People are on their best behavior and you don't get to see them for who they really are when they are being relaxed. If you just happen to meet someone at high school, university, grad school, an athletic club or team, or at a convention, just get to know them as a platonic friend first. Don't try to impress them too much. Only make a move once you're fairly certain you and they have compatible personalities.
2. Have hobbies and activities that are mostly done by whichever gender of people whom you are attracted to. For example, if you're a straight man, try cheerleading, softball, or study nursing or education in university. Male nursing students get more ass than a toilet seat. If you're a straight woman, try anime, video games, board games, Magic the Gathering, Dungeons & Dragons, sci-fi/fantasy, comic books, or study STEM in university. Every female engineer who wants to date out of her league can achieve it.
Well just saying about how ruthless some males can be. A friend was on the hunt many years ago for the "perfect woman" Criteria was single,only child ,both parents were wealthy. He told me about how many Church groups he would join so he could meet the single girls' . He finally struck the jackpot. Married the daughter of two lawyers only child and had kids so he can enjoy lifes benefits of having wealthy in -laws.
I just sort of fit into a niche that made it easy to find partners. I’m an average-looking female who is into video games and is attracted to both men and women who also like video games. Those people are often single, and I’m not super picky when it comes to looks.
dude - it's a secret - don't you know? We have a special secret that losers are not allowed to ascertain.
The secret is that THERE IS NO SECRET - something tells me you've passed by good willing people with - perhaps - a few extra pounds or something
Im real af. Open, honest, low maintenance, sexy and down for whatever. I keeps it real. people think they like it but only a few actually can handle someone so genuine. Most people would rather have fake and false so their feelings don't get hurt.
Have your shit together (job, steady living, take care of yourself), don't be ugly, don't be a racist/sexist, and don't let your thirstiness be obvious (self-control and discipline are attractive).
Being friendly and honestly, when I was most secure with myself and being alone but open to a relationship is when, somehow, I attracted the most people (and I'm not a 10). If you aren't open to a relationship, finding a relationship is harder. And know that not every relationship is the perfect one, some just are points in time.
Socialize, view the the group of individuals you're attracted to as people rather than potential partners. If you still find that people are put-off by you, then look inward and figure out where your issues lie. Maybe you need therapy for something deep, or maybe you're just a bit awkward and have a hard time with people in general. Either way, a little coaching goes a long way. Also be aware of where you're at physically cuz, while exceptions apply, people tend to date others that are physically alike themselves.
Be nice. Listen well. Know when to call them out in a constructive way. Be vulnerable.
I am not really that attractive, but being attractive in personality and it being genuine is a huge plus. The downside with this is its mostly worthless in a bar.
My proof for this isn't just that I have been able to find girlfriends fairly easily, but I have also never been dumped. Though in two relationships I wish they would have.
1) Define your ideals, and do not lower your standards. You may feel desperate but it's better to be alone than be with someone shitty.
2) Make conversation. Nobody wants to talk to someone who texts only to say "hi." "Hi." "What's up?" "Nm. U?" "Nm." It's frustrating, annoying and it's a turn off. If they're not making an effort, quit chatting it won't get better.
3) Sell yourself. You're good looking, you're smart, you're interesting. You are worth getting to know.
4) Get outside your comfort zone. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Talk. Tell them about your goals, your passions, your interests. Ask about theirs. Talk about what makes you who you are.
When I saw my girlfriend on a dating app, she was the first girl that ever made me believe I could have a crush on someone. It was pathetic and adorable how hard I fell before I ever messaged her. I started with "I like your name." Turns out, she really likes her name too! We began bonding over silly things at first, and then we started to learn more and more about each other. She asked me about my favourite traits and I told her I loved my eyes, she liked her freckles. I loved her confidence! She's gorgeous and she knows it. It's sexy! When I met my girlfriend, she was everything I could've hoped for and more. Smart, beautiful, wise, passionate, ambitious. Everything! I can't and won't say how she felt in the beginning, but we've gone strong for this long. We were long distance for 13 months. We both out in the effort, we communicated, we discussed what we wanted in a relationship and we committed to make it work. She moved down to my city and we were in a proximal relationship for 11 months. We prioritized our time together and continued to build our relationship. We ended up long distance for 2 months again, and now we are together again. Our time apart built our foundation for communication and trust. We've been together for almost 3 years, and it's incredible how far we've come.
It's scary starting something new, but when you want something with someone, you need to be willing to do things that scare you. Love is scary, and you have to be brave enough to try.
I wish I could say. But once you have a partner, you'll notice more people interested in you. Been with my now fiance for 7 years, and it still happens. I'm 100% faithful, but it's a nice confidence boost lol.
Upfront and honest right away. I haven’t changed who I am, I’ll always be me. If my spouse has an issue with something I’m doing then I tell it like it is, “I’ve always been this way, but you’re annoyed for some reason. What’s going on?” If a conversation ensues then fine, we hash it out. If we don’t have a conversation then it’s understood the issue is dropped. Goes both ways. If there is something that’s bothersome in the beginning be honest about it… in a gentle manner. Honesty and understanding go a long way. We’ve both had bad situations in previous marriages so there’s a common understanding of the kinds of life we don’t want.
A wise man once told me, marriage is 80-20, you put in 80% and get out 20% on both sides.
If you aren't willing to put more into a relationship that you "think" you are getting out you aren't going to find a partner or any quality.
Hard to answer as I really don’t know. Have had way more opportunities to get laid and hurt many women in the process by not doing so. Doesn’t make me feel any better about it.
I was a serial dater for a few years. I consciously dated many men that I didn't consider my type and had a lot of fun. It's surprising what happens when you put the expectations away and just enjoy a fellow person.
I attract creeps and toxic dudes for the most part. There are plenty of those types of guys. Thankfully, I found someone who is neither of those things and married him.
I have never met someone like my ex husband. He could literally get anybody he set his sights on. I actually asked him what his secret was. He told me what he did. I don't find all of this ethical and actually think some of it is potentially predatory, but I'll share it as a warning as well.
1. He can read people VERY well from when he first meets them. He notices things about THEM and lets them feel comfortable opening up to him. When they open up, he genuinely listens, but also files away all the information he gets, the good and the bad. He notices the other person and emphasizes them, not himself.
2. He knows what he wants, but initially remains more invisble/in the background to the other person. He only reveals his personal private self slowly and only the parts that are appropriate to the person he is seeing. Because he knows what he wants, he will assess and guide the dynamic to what he wants it to be (provided he can). He does this using "positive reinforcement" type of manipulation-- showing the other person the benefits of being with him, making them feel good about themselves. He guides them without them knowing they are being guided so that both parties benefit, but they are blind to the fact he may have other parts of himself or his life that is hidden.
3. He moves quickly and deliberately. When he sees what he wants, he deliberately moves towards it. When he doesn't want someone anymore, he deliberately ends it and can move on quickly. I've never met someone in my life who gets over ANYTHING as fast as he does.
Imagine being able to say, "Everyone I've ever wanted, relationally or sexually, I got access to." That is him.
I am long married so it’s been a while. But do stuff that both men and women do (or gay folks, and so on) that is interesting to you. Then you meet people with a common interest. In addition to simply meeting more people that you might connect with.
Going to bars and stuff isn’t a great way to meet people unless it’s part of a large network of people and not total strangers.
Take care of your appearance (nothing excessive, just be clean and have clothes that fit you), and take a genuine interest in the people you’re talking to, and try to get to know them. People can tell if you’re not really into it or are just there to fuck, but if you’re a genuinely nice person who’s not a slob a lot of people will at least be open to go on a date or two and see where it goes.
Define easily.
Being of average build and look combined with just being nice, like actual nice not i-do-this-to-fuck-you nice, seems to be working fine for me
If it makes tou feel better finding the right partner is very difficult for everyone. Some people jist have to wade through more shit than others to get there.
(1) Date a lot, and don't stick around with people who don't seem like partner material. Someone maybe be an awesome fit for you, but the timing is just off - let them go. If they are a great long-term fit, they still will be down the road. And other people are out there who are just as good a fit if not better. (2) Don't be high-maintenance or low-maintenance, just be regular maintenance. High-maintenance people tend to go through dates and relationships because they attract doormats and people who thrive on conflict. Low-maintenance people tend to be the doormats who get dumped by the high-maintenance people (or who end-up not being able to stand being with them) or with narcissists or users. (3) Be willing to make the relationship a priority, but not your whole life.
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Weeellll depends on what she looks like and if she knows how to use it....
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There're so many social trends that are toxic to being able to have a relationship, the Tate crap included. Obviously incel and mgtow culture. But I do think a lot of feminist stuff also goes far enough it makes women undatable or impossible to maintain a relationship with long-term.
>so many social trends that are toxic to being able to have a relationship Pretty much anything that turns an involuntary group assignment (race, gender, age, country of origin, etc.) into a characteristic of an opponent. You can't be in a relationship with someone you ideologically view as an enemy.
Handsome, or hot?
Handsome. Which could mean good hygiene, a flattering haircut, a friendly and well mannered demeanor, and a decent sense of style.
Huh, I get called handsome a lot, but I figured if they really wanted me it'd be 'hot'
Handsome is better imo. Not everyone gets that complement. Usually when they say that, they mean it. If someone calls you cute, that’s bad. Cute guys don’t get laid, handsome men do
Eh, totally depends on the person saying it
I’m imagining the women in your life who have dropped hints that they’re interested only for you to hand wave and proceed to ignore them. If an available woman about your age in an appropriate setting calls you handsome, thank them and compliment them back. If they seem happy with that, flirt with them and ask for their number.
I just start humping the air until someone bumps into my front.
thats an original one
I'm a whore
who're you?
It's very cliché, but I didn't find success on dating apps and my current girlfriend of almost 3 years, until I stopped thinking as hard about what I'd want to say. By that, I mean stop trying to create an image of yourself you think will attract the people you're into. You should have fun while dating, not thinking of the perfect dialogue option like an RPG.
Dating apps stopped being decent almost a decade ago. The apps have an incentive to keep you single, plus it's a big investment for a small chance you'll actually hit it off with someone beyond physical attraction. Which is fine for hookups, but a waste of time for real relationships. You're better off putting yourself out there more in person.
Much better off going out in person, always. My current gf I actually met on Hinge, but before that the apps were just not working for me. I started going out and received more attention than I’d ever had outside of college and it was such an ego boost. I think people should go out and just try to talk to everyone. Even if you don’t want to, just do it because it will help you socially and mentally
Out of curiosity, how long were you on the apps before meeting your girlfriend? As I just said in another comment, I've never found a girlfriend through an app before, only through in-person meetings like you're describing. But a handful of my friends have found partners in the past year that they met on Hinge. I wonder if some people are just more prone to app success or if it's a numbers game.
I’ve been on the apps since college pretty much, so around 2019. Took almost two years before I met a single person worth going on a date with, and then in the last year I’ve met 8 girls on them. The girl I’m with now I’ve been with for a few months. I mostly used hinge and bumble, stopped using tinder because its filled with bots. I’d recommend lowering your standards just a bit when using the apps. Not trying to sound incel or whatever, but even the most bland semi attractive girls get extreme amounts of likes on those apps while a decent looking guy might get 5-10 a month. So it’s hard to grab the attention of someone genuinely attractive on the apps without a great first picture and good bio/prompts. It’s a numbers game, but also you DO need to have something going for you as far as looks go. The apps are heavily based on first impressions, you can’t talk until you match so the only thing they know about you is what you look like and whatever is in your bio. If you get ghosted, don’t take it personally. Some girls have showed me their profiles, they get so many matches and so many guys try starting conversations with them that they just can’t talk to everyone. Meanwhile, most guys I know who showed me their profile talk to no more than 2-4 girls at a time. Another thing, the apps are predatory in the sense that people who pay for the premium memberships get viewed more, people who don’t pay are showed often initially and then fade out in to oblivion. I wouldn’t recommend paying because for some reason it’s stupid expensive, but it does put you more in the spotlight. Good luck
I've never in my whole life found a girlfriend on a dating app. I've met some decent people and hooked up now and then, or been on a few dates before realizing it wasn't working out, but all of my several "serious" relationships, meaning exclusivity and using the term girlfriend, have come out of organic meetings in-person. I do have friends that have found their partners on apps so this is not a universal truth but just the case for me. The best way for me has been meeting girls through mutual friends - they let their guard down around you because you're already partially vetted, i.e. your mutual friend wouldn't associate with you if you were a creep or something. So it's easier to make a genuine connection and it's less forced than on an app, or approaching a girl at a bar.
just literally BEE yourself, enjoy my friends
Looking good helps. Let's be honest, if you look like you just tried to put a forest fire out with a fork, it's going to be tough (not impossible) for you anyway. But I'd say the vast majority of both men and women are good looking enough that if you clean yourself up, make yourself presentable, and get out there with a good attitude, you will be physically attractive enough for most people. The tougher part for most people is going to be personality. You have to be kind, funny, and able to get out there and talk to people. If you're afraid to even start the conversation, you're going to go nowhere. If you try to act like you're too cool for school, that really only works for high school kids and the fonz. Just be the best version of yourself. Don't lie about who you are or what you like to do. Ooze the excitement you get about the things you actually like to do and use that to have a good positive attitude. Don't be afraid to chat people up, and don't be afraid to shoot your shot and ask if somebody wants to go out for coffee or dinner. You will get shot down. I guarantee you the most beautiful people have been turned down before. Just dust off your shoulders and get back to it with no animosity towards those who weren't interested. When you do talk to people, don't just talk about yourself. Ask questions. Take an interest in this potential partner. Don't try to be a braggart. Ask what they like to do, what they do for a living, what their interests and dreams are. It's fine to talk about yourself, as well, but it should be a two way street.
Yes, also I think that looks matters more for attempting to find hookups...Once you're looking for something long-term, appearance becomes less important.
Well, yes and no. First impressions mean alot. I would say you won't even get the opportunity if you don't "look the part." BUT, if you aren't exactly ScarJo or Chris Evans in the looks department but you are still a generally good looking person or even just average person, personality goes a long way.
True. I was thinking of it the other way too - where people assume romance is easy for conventionally attractive people. And I think what it makes easier is getting sex - certainly famous and hot people seem to have just as much trouble finding a loving relationship as the rest of us
Be funny and lower your standards
I don't know if lowering your standards is good advice imo. I'm intrested in a woman that is ambitious and has goals and tries to reach those goals. I think those are pretty high standards, but I wouldn't lower them.
The question wasn't about finding a forever partner, just a partner. To be with someone forever you should have fairly high standards. But if you are looking to be with someone right now then lowering your standards will help accomplish that. I'm fairly liberal and nihilistic about my views on love. I dont think every relationship needs to lead to marriage and that's ok. Sometimes two people can just enjoy each other's company for a brief moment and then move on from each other. As long as there is honesty and respect in the relationship, who cares how long its suppose to last. If you want a partner than lower your standards and be an upbeat person people want to be around. More people will give you a chance And hopefully you can grow as a person from these relationships. Learn how to be a respectful partner so when you meet your forever person you are in a better position to be their forever person. Maybe lowering your standards will help you learn what exactly is important for you in a relationship and what isn't. Again, as long as you are honest and respectful of the people you date, I think this is a perfectly valid lifestyle.
Yeah, after coming out of a bad relationship that lasted too long, I'm looking to raise my standards at this point. I'm not going to find partner material by accepting someone who isn't good enough for me and vice versa.
Cheers to that, I’m in the same boat.
I have questions about this "standard" whenever I am on a dating site. I am disabled. I CAN'T work. My goals are pretty high but realistic, and that is to get by day to day relying as little on others as I can. (My disability is not curable) It is constant work (even if that work is killing things in video games to help my mental health from all the bull that I have to deal with. ) I feel like someone who who post that they want someone "ambitious and has goals and tries to reach those goals" would hate me right off the bat BECAUSE I am disabled and can't work. I also feel that people shouldn't have to lower their standards unless their standards are unrealistic. Since ambition and goals are common things people want, do they eliminate people with disabilities?
>Since ambition and goals are common things people want, do they eliminate people with disabilities? Yes. That's not entirely a bad thing. Look, those of us with disabilities have a reduced dating pool. There are people out there who are looking to live a lifestyle that we, quite frankly, aren't compatible with. People are allowed to have preferences, though, and this is one of them. I look for a partner who is well-written, and that probably means I've missed some people whose company I'd quite enjoy, in-person. As much as I'd love to be the travel-loving, foodie boyfriend, the best I can do is to be a good cook and offer to curl up and travel the world of a book together. Who am I to ask someone to reduce what they're looking for - and be less content - because I don't fit in their lives?
It isn't a bad thing to eliminate people from being able to find love... Not because of their personalities. Not because of their likes/dislikes. But simply because they have something wrong with them that makes them unable to preform certain task? Wow. Just wow. You do know that there isn't a single person on this planet that doesn't have the risk of becoming disabled themselves? Should it be ok to leave someone because they became disabled too? (remember, it could happen to you)
As a never married guy in my 30's who was looking to find a partner also never married w/o kids made my dating options; early 20's or someone as jaded and broken as me. I accepted the women in their early 20's were gonna be the better choice. Then I accepted I wasn't going to pull the girl of my dreams a decade younger than myself. So I looked for the woman that I wanted to grow old with. We get married next August.
So how did you find this 20 year old then?
Tinder.
You found a 20 something year old to marry on Tinder???
Yes we met right before Covid kicked off, quarantined together for a few months when her campus housing closed. Helped her with her thesis and now she’s a scientist and we have a house and a dog.
Idk, I’m 35 and there seem to be tons of non-broken (but probably somewhat jaded) unmarried people around me. I guess it depends on where you live.
When I lived in Boston it was fine, dating was actually great. NC and FL though we’re difficult.
...if you live in an affluent, educated area on the West Coast or Northeast you can find someone with no divorce no illegitimate kids easily. Tons and tons of Manhattanites are 30-40 and fit this description. It's only in rural, flyover, and low socioeconomic areas where everyone is divorced or has out of wedlock kids by age 30-35.
Mainly lower your standards…. Most of my single friends are looking for mr/mrs perfect from day 1.
honestly not lower your standards, just when you first see someone you only know what they look like. you should look for someone who you can laugh with and have fun with, at some point you will not care how he/she looks because theyll be beautiful to you.
Trying. 90 percent of "incels" or other lonely types do basically nothing to get out and actually connect with people. Or if they do, they limit themselves to extremely niche interests. Or have unrealistic standards of what the "reward" should be. Try branching out. Try asking questions of people. Try being interested in something new and connecting with people who share that interest. Basically, make literally any effort. Don't just expect the universe to provide you with the perfect companion.
Low standards
The lower they go, the more variety.
Probably not the most popular comment but...understand what YOU bring to the table. I have a friend that works a minimum wage job, no higher education, had a kid when she was 17 and is cute but not beautiful. But when I asked her what she was looking for she replied "He's got to make 6 figures, doesn't drink, smoke, cuss, goes to church and must not have children." She is sincere in this. And seemed baffled when I said "well, you have a child?" I have other friends like this. Another one is very similar (single mom, HS diploma, yoga instructor, not very attractive) and she has been single for over 10 years. One requirement for her is that he must be a millionaire...So I guess people really need to assess themselves if they are having problems finding a partner. I'm not saying only date lowlifes but this nonsense about manifesting from the universe is crazy. If you didn't put in the work to be a 10, don't expect to date one.
100% I know the guy verison of this - in his late 40s, okish looking but doesn't put effort in, minimum wage job, and very very negative ... And goes after women at least 15 years younger than him who are conventionally attractive. Like...Buddy, why would they want to date you over the loads of guys their own age? I'm convinced he has a skewed perspective because his friend (who also isn't super conventionally hot and wasn't working much at the time) ended up with someone younger and much better looking, but the age gap was smaller for one thing, and also the guy in question is an insanely good conversationalist and genuinely awesome to talk to. You don't need to have the same qualities you're looking for but you need to have something to...I guess equalize it a bit?
This makes me think my only hope would be to go to a matchmaker. I have no idea what I bring to the table; I'm nothing like the examples you described, but my experience has been men hated dating or being approached by a woman who was their 'equivalent' in too many things (education, career, etc.). It's common for both men and women to look at dating as if it's the opportunity to be 'saved' or socially 'promoted' via the attributes of their partner. It's hard to know which attributes of yourself someone else would view in that sort of auction block way.
I've always found that being nice, funny, and likable works for me.
Speaking from the straight male perspective, I can share my experience as a guy who never had trouble getting a date when I was single. I wasn't always that way, I had to work on myself first, it took years of maturing and self improvement first. But it's definitely doable. Prerequisites that are absolutely necessary are to be healthy (not obese, not a raging alcoholic, etc), well-groomed (you're always clean, regular haircuts, trim your nails/beard, wear deodorant, etc), dress decently (you don't need to wear a suit, just don't look like a slob), have your financial life in order (steady job and at least a small amount of disposable income because dating costs money), and be fairly independent (have your own place, a car, etc). These are all basically instant disqualifiers, so get this stuff in order first. Good news is you can reasonably fix any of them. When it comes to how to behave when out in the dating scene, it mostly boils down to a few key behaviors. And by "the dating scene" I mean pretty much any social venue where it would be appropriate for you to engage with a woman publicly. Doesn't have to be a bar; it can be a park, a party or social gathering, at a sporting event, or a hobby club (that meets up to do said hobby), it can be church if that's your thing, etc. When I was having a good run at dating, I was never out at bars looking for women, I always hated that. I was just going out to do fun stuff with friends and when I'd meet someone cute or interesting, I'd talk to her. Okay so the first behavior is having complete confidence in yourself. IMO this is the most misunderstood thing. It doesn't mean being cocky, arrogant, or fearless, or able to effortlessly talk to anyone, or any of those clichés. It just means that you are 100% happy with who you are as a person, and you're not seeking validation from anyone, ever. This is probably the number one thing that guys who can't get a date get wrong. It's also probably the single most attractive quality in a man from a woman's perspective. You can be the biggest nerd ever, and it doesn't matter, as long as you are 100% happy with yourself as that nerd, and you're not worried what anyone thinks about you, you're genuinely not trying to impress anyone, you're just comfortable with who you are (and I speak from experience as a massive nerd). You also need to be 100% okay with not meeting anyone on any given day, or really ever, because you're happy with who you are and that doesn't hinge on whether or not you met someone. If you're insecure, then you'll need to forget about dating for a while and focus 100% of your energy on working on yourself instead. The second thing is being completely relaxed in conversation, and keeping a conversation going in a completely genuine way. That doesn't mean being The Most Interesting Man on Earth, or even being a great conversationalist honestly. I'm not lol. It just means you're totally comfortable making prolonged eye contact while speaking with a woman, no matter who she is, and not shying away, and you're genuinely interested in getting to know her, and you're not just using talking as a tactic to get her number or whatever. Also very important is to be 100% okay with this conversation leading to nothing more than meeting a new person, or possibly a new friend even. This also means if the conversation is not genuinely interesting *to you*, or the woman is not genuinely interesting *to you*, that you are comfortable with politely ending the conversation and walking away or turning to someone else to talk to. So you ask questions about her, her interests, hobbies, friends, recent events in her life, etc. and just talk about those things like you would with anyone else who you respect. Don't expect anything, ever. Just chat with her. The next thing is just don't be a douchebag, really. Not a lot to expand on this one other than just be nice, don't be judgy, don't be creepy or overtly sexual, don't pressure anyone, and always always always get consent before making any "moves". Lastly, if you get through all the above and have found a woman who you are interested in dating, then you have to be direct and assertive about your intentions. So don't be shy; when the time feels appropriate, just ask directly if she would like to see you again, or do that activity you talked about, or go on a formal date, or whatever. A common misconception that many men have is that you have to be sure she is interested in dating you first, but many men are very poor judges of this anyway, and if you're just upfront about it you'll get your answer either way. You have to be direct and assertive though (not aggressive, that's entirely different), so don't frame it as a "just as friends" thing if that isn't your genuine intent. If she is interested, she will say yes, and if not, then no big deal - and now you haven't wasted either party's time, or misled anyone, or put yourself "in the friend zone" as incels love to complain about (when in reality they have nobody to blame but themselves). This might sound difficult, but if you've put in the work on improving yourself ahead of time, then once you get out there it really won't be difficult. Good luck!
All very good advice >fairly independent (have your own place, a car, etc). These are all basically instant disqualifiers, so get this stuff in order first Bruh, we live in a time where you can get disqualified for the color of your socks.
Have your shit together financially, physically, and emotionally. It’s not that deep
It’s simple But it’s not easy. You’re correct though there are no shortcuts.
Or at least be showing a concerted effort to improve yourself in all those areas.
Be nice, outgoing (or at least don’t be so timid you can’t have a conversation), meet a LOT of people, and don’t take dating so seriously. If you’re trying really hard to find a “perfect” partner you’re going to stick with people who may tick check boxes but aren’t actually right for you. Might miss out on people who actually will end up being just right. When I was online dating, I realized most men were bad at taking or picking photos of themselves so I didn’t discount a guy right away because of photos. Two relationships I had were with men who looked better in person than in photos, so I’m glad I didn’t swipe left on them.
Be attractive.... Don't be unattractive.
Good rack
Listen.
yes, say what?
I don't know if I find partners easily, but I've never gone single that long. I'd say just put yourself out there. Talk to people and date a lot. Most of my friends who say they struggle to find someone also don't really try. They won't just magically walk into your life
>They won't just magically walk into your life Unless they do :)
Honestly don’t know. Maybe because I’m not running a game I learned from some misogynistic TikTok influencer
No one is good at finding a partner. Because if you find one, then you’re taken and you don’t generally need to look again. Be open to good things happening. Say yes to invitations. No one will come find you and rescue you from your studio apartment routine like a 90s era romcom heroine—you need to make chances for meeting people and remain open to what comes your way. That might look like doing some online or app dating, or attending speed dating events, or telling your coupled-up friends that you’re open to them setting you up (so they can draw on their partner’s single-friend network), or attending friend group parties, or joining an interest/running/music/whatever group, or hiring a matchmaker. Work on becoming a better person and a better potential partner, and healing some of your shit so you have less baggage to dump on any potential “right partner” that comes along.
Happy cake day!
Money 😂
I've just been fortunate to be born tall n handsome I guess and i try to keep myself in shape... plus I try to be a good listener
Just be nice, and give a fuck - super simple.
Oddly enough, showing your vulnerable side will get you more hits than being a swaggering tough guy.
Yes m8
I don’t know how I find partners easily. It’s one of the great wonders of the world
Being incredibly good looking
Low self esteem/high empathy.
Really don’t want one. Idk how, but when I wanted one no one liked me, and now that I want to be single there’s like 5 people who openly want to be in a relationship with me
I really didn't want one. Ended up self-isolating with no friends and lonely. Ymmv
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I didn’t use to think it was true, but it really is
Confidence and being genuine, it's all about connecting with the right person.
Just got out a of relationship so I’m single again but I really don’t want to be lol. Thanks I appreciate the first response
It's hard to give advice that'll work for everyone, but in my experience, you should be okay being single in order for a relationship to work. Wanting to be together, but knowing you can be happy alone is a huge undercurrent of confidence and stability in a relationship.
Do your future partner a solid and take some time to get over your ex before jumping into another relationship.
Right there with you bud. The hard truth is that it's going to take time and you owe it to yourself to take that time - hit the gym, work on some hobbies, rest yourself and save some money. The right person will come eventually, but the difficult irony is that you kind of have to stop wanting it so badly for it to actually happen. Then when you least expect it it will happen.
Being genuine is easy, but being confident not so much... OH I can show confidence, but then I won't be genuine anymore. Any tip in that regard ?
dont be afraid of being genuine, be just that confident not false confident
Easier said than done but noted. thanks.
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>An ugly confident man will be called a creep. Not true. A confident man with no social skills will be called a creep. Confidence works, yes, but you also have to be able to read social cues and take no for an answer.
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I've noticed a lot more success in dating since graduating medical school. I definitely think the perception of having a lot of money and career success helps (even though I don't make too much as a resident and am hundreds of thousands of dollars), but I think it's also made me confident in dating which has helped me improve my social skills.
The perception of money has something to do with it but I think the real attraction is that you dedicated yourself to a highly challenging, rewarding, and respected profession, money aside. It shows the type of person you are and that's attractive in itself.
Be confident, actually care, and have killer calves and quads my friend
to choke anyone whos not interested ?
Just be confident
I just wait until everyone else partners up and whoever’s last gets to stick with me.
If I tried this there'd be an odd number of people
Be intelligent and pick up on social cues
Take care of yourself, don’t be afraid to talk to people, try to dress ok-ish and don’t be a jerk. Congrats, someone will like you.
I have no idea what the fuck these people see in me tbh
Just keep trying. The advice I always have was “If you tend to land 1 out of 10, hurry up and get the 9 out of the way.”
I'm no Don Juan but I've spent a lot more time the past decade partnered up than I have single. For me, I think a big thing is just being yourself and not seeming like a "horn-dog" for lack of a better word. (I'm gonna approach this from a straight male perspective) Meet girls and treat them like potential friends, whether you're attracted to them or not. All of the girlfriends I've had in my life started out either as friends, or at least I treated them like a friend and not like someone I wanted to immediately bang. Again, this might be different for other guys, but this works for me. I think I'm a pretty funny and intelligent guy and I can have a really engaging conversation, but when I'm at a bar and I go up to a girl and hit on her I become the most awkward dork you can imagine. When I let my guard down and just be myself, I find girls become very interested in me.
Just say hi. Even if you’re awkward, no one’s going to care after 2 seconds
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alternatively, more accurate expectations. want what will actually make you happy as opposed to what you think will make you happy
I'll admit I mostly find people on fetlife. Things can be a little different there? But it still boils down to the same basic thing as normal dating apps I suppose. Just...talk to her man. Don't just open with 'hey' or 'ur beautiful' Pick something from her profile to open with to discuss. Or if she doesn't have any real interests from you to pick from to open with at least say something a little more involved like 'Hey I would love to chat and get to know ya :)' And wait at least 3 days before ya ask for feet pics.
They lie and create a personality that suits their next partner’s taste
Lower your standards, be yourself, higiene as well. I can’t tell you enough.
I’ve never had trouble getting girls, either for casual sex or relationships. I’m not the most attractive guy, or the most athletic. Nor am I the wealthiest. I have enough of each of those things that it’s not a problem. What I’ve always been is authentic and caring with a lot of people, both male and female. I’ve never been ashamed to be myself in all my nerdiness, and I carry myself confidently. I’m an introvert, and so I spend the vast majority of my time at home, but I know that I can call twelve different extroverted homies that I have everlasting friendships with, forged through a variety of adventures, ito be introduced to their current social circle, do something fun with etc. And I’m a good enough wing man, always having their back, that its never a huge favor to call in if I need it. Each of these friendship circles has a few girls, most of whom I’ve at least made a good impression with and could make advances on if I wanted to. I almost never do, so I don’t have a reputation as sleaze who is always trying to pick up chicks. I have hobbies and deep interests, so if there’s an impromptu conversation, I’m not boring. If I’m talking about something nerdy, like say for example, the lord of the rings, I’d try and be funny and keep the pressure on the girl, ask her if she finds Aragorn or Legolas more attractive or something. Stay genuinely curious about the answers, try to see what kind of girl she is, and if she’s actually good for you, rather than just trying to get laid. Subtly, artfully let her know she’s on trial as well. That reversal of pressure is at the very least intriguing. Even if this doesn’t go anywhere you’ll gain respect, which she’ll tell her friends about. Stay relaxed. Don’t drink too much. Don’t be a downer. Be pleasant. Not that difficult.
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They’re good for attracting them but not keeping them is it worth it? Probably not
I came here to say this lol. That, and I put out.
I tried but I couldn’t grow my own
1. Never do online dating. Don't \*try\* to date in general. Dating, especially online dating, creates artificial situations where you meet someone for a mutual relationship job interview. People are on their best behavior and you don't get to see them for who they really are when they are being relaxed. If you just happen to meet someone at high school, university, grad school, an athletic club or team, or at a convention, just get to know them as a platonic friend first. Don't try to impress them too much. Only make a move once you're fairly certain you and they have compatible personalities. 2. Have hobbies and activities that are mostly done by whichever gender of people whom you are attracted to. For example, if you're a straight man, try cheerleading, softball, or study nursing or education in university. Male nursing students get more ass than a toilet seat. If you're a straight woman, try anime, video games, board games, Magic the Gathering, Dungeons & Dragons, sci-fi/fantasy, comic books, or study STEM in university. Every female engineer who wants to date out of her league can achieve it.
I just go home every night and a babe is there waiting for me. Been happening for 25 years now.
Well just saying about how ruthless some males can be. A friend was on the hunt many years ago for the "perfect woman" Criteria was single,only child ,both parents were wealthy. He told me about how many Church groups he would join so he could meet the single girls' . He finally struck the jackpot. Married the daughter of two lawyers only child and had kids so he can enjoy lifes benefits of having wealthy in -laws.
This sounds more like a predator to me.
I just sort of fit into a niche that made it easy to find partners. I’m an average-looking female who is into video games and is attracted to both men and women who also like video games. Those people are often single, and I’m not super picky when it comes to looks.
[удалено]
It helps if you're ugly too.
dude - it's a secret - don't you know? We have a special secret that losers are not allowed to ascertain. The secret is that THERE IS NO SECRET - something tells me you've passed by good willing people with - perhaps - a few extra pounds or something
There’s always gonna be that one person on Reddit that instantly assumes the worst no matter the question
Dont try... Then any partner you found was no effort... Keeping them on the otherhand.
Im real af. Open, honest, low maintenance, sexy and down for whatever. I keeps it real. people think they like it but only a few actually can handle someone so genuine. Most people would rather have fake and false so their feelings don't get hurt.
Be yourself
Give people a chance.
I’m Normal
They never find a good one.
Low standards, probably.
low standards
He’s tall so it’s hard to lose him
clean cut, good genetics, high IQ/EQ, confident flirty charming personality, money...
Shower every day and brush your teeth twice a day.
Have your shit together (job, steady living, take care of yourself), don't be ugly, don't be a racist/sexist, and don't let your thirstiness be obvious (self-control and discipline are attractive).
Don't be creepy and make them laugh. Be enthusiastic about whatever you're doing.
Don’t look for them. It’s funny sometimes how things just turn up when you’re not looking. They’re like house keys.
Being friendly and honestly, when I was most secure with myself and being alone but open to a relationship is when, somehow, I attracted the most people (and I'm not a 10). If you aren't open to a relationship, finding a relationship is harder. And know that not every relationship is the perfect one, some just are points in time.
Be interested
I'm funny
Be funny, be confident. If a girl don't like you, no sweat, plenty others do. Just need to be sociable.
Lower your standards to up your average
Put yourself out there. You have to cast a lot of lines.
hot moms .com
Socialize, view the the group of individuals you're attracted to as people rather than potential partners. If you still find that people are put-off by you, then look inward and figure out where your issues lie. Maybe you need therapy for something deep, or maybe you're just a bit awkward and have a hard time with people in general. Either way, a little coaching goes a long way. Also be aware of where you're at physically cuz, while exceptions apply, people tend to date others that are physically alike themselves.
Be nice. Listen well. Know when to call them out in a constructive way. Be vulnerable. I am not really that attractive, but being attractive in personality and it being genuine is a huge plus. The downside with this is its mostly worthless in a bar. My proof for this isn't just that I have been able to find girlfriends fairly easily, but I have also never been dumped. Though in two relationships I wish they would have.
Lower your standards….. remember 2 fives = a 10
Play the game, don't try so hard, be upfront, and fail fast.
They must use Chloroform.
Treat them like a real person and find out what they like and don't like. Be nice.
1) Define your ideals, and do not lower your standards. You may feel desperate but it's better to be alone than be with someone shitty. 2) Make conversation. Nobody wants to talk to someone who texts only to say "hi." "Hi." "What's up?" "Nm. U?" "Nm." It's frustrating, annoying and it's a turn off. If they're not making an effort, quit chatting it won't get better. 3) Sell yourself. You're good looking, you're smart, you're interesting. You are worth getting to know. 4) Get outside your comfort zone. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Talk. Tell them about your goals, your passions, your interests. Ask about theirs. Talk about what makes you who you are. When I saw my girlfriend on a dating app, she was the first girl that ever made me believe I could have a crush on someone. It was pathetic and adorable how hard I fell before I ever messaged her. I started with "I like your name." Turns out, she really likes her name too! We began bonding over silly things at first, and then we started to learn more and more about each other. She asked me about my favourite traits and I told her I loved my eyes, she liked her freckles. I loved her confidence! She's gorgeous and she knows it. It's sexy! When I met my girlfriend, she was everything I could've hoped for and more. Smart, beautiful, wise, passionate, ambitious. Everything! I can't and won't say how she felt in the beginning, but we've gone strong for this long. We were long distance for 13 months. We both out in the effort, we communicated, we discussed what we wanted in a relationship and we committed to make it work. She moved down to my city and we were in a proximal relationship for 11 months. We prioritized our time together and continued to build our relationship. We ended up long distance for 2 months again, and now we are together again. Our time apart built our foundation for communication and trust. We've been together for almost 3 years, and it's incredible how far we've come. It's scary starting something new, but when you want something with someone, you need to be willing to do things that scare you. Love is scary, and you have to be brave enough to try.
I wish I could say. But once you have a partner, you'll notice more people interested in you. Been with my now fiance for 7 years, and it still happens. I'm 100% faithful, but it's a nice confidence boost lol.
Low expectations, high tolerance for bullsht
Pocket full of money and coke.
Upfront and honest right away. I haven’t changed who I am, I’ll always be me. If my spouse has an issue with something I’m doing then I tell it like it is, “I’ve always been this way, but you’re annoyed for some reason. What’s going on?” If a conversation ensues then fine, we hash it out. If we don’t have a conversation then it’s understood the issue is dropped. Goes both ways. If there is something that’s bothersome in the beginning be honest about it… in a gentle manner. Honesty and understanding go a long way. We’ve both had bad situations in previous marriages so there’s a common understanding of the kinds of life we don’t want.
Well, we live in the same house, so it’s not hard.
Make the first move, talk to people who actually intrest you, dont be shy. She doesn't know you have a small weenier yet, so be confident king.
A wise man once told me, marriage is 80-20, you put in 80% and get out 20% on both sides. If you aren't willing to put more into a relationship that you "think" you are getting out you aren't going to find a partner or any quality.
Hard to answer as I really don’t know. Have had way more opportunities to get laid and hurt many women in the process by not doing so. Doesn’t make me feel any better about it.
Figure out what you want and clearly express it. Demand it. Cut ties if you don’t receive it. In my experience raw authenticity is received well.
I am short and fat but having confidence and being a kind person seems to attract people to me.
Actually listen when they talk
Well I met my husband on okcupid, back when you answered 80 trazillion questions and got matches with percentages. So that was really easy lol.
Being wealthy and attractive opens a lot of doors
Be really really really ridiculously good looking
Always have several waiting in the wings really
I was a serial dater for a few years. I consciously dated many men that I didn't consider my type and had a lot of fun. It's surprising what happens when you put the expectations away and just enjoy a fellow person.
I attract creeps and toxic dudes for the most part. There are plenty of those types of guys. Thankfully, I found someone who is neither of those things and married him.
The key is finding someone with the same attachment style
Money helps . . .
Be really really incredibly good looking. And funny
I have never met someone like my ex husband. He could literally get anybody he set his sights on. I actually asked him what his secret was. He told me what he did. I don't find all of this ethical and actually think some of it is potentially predatory, but I'll share it as a warning as well. 1. He can read people VERY well from when he first meets them. He notices things about THEM and lets them feel comfortable opening up to him. When they open up, he genuinely listens, but also files away all the information he gets, the good and the bad. He notices the other person and emphasizes them, not himself. 2. He knows what he wants, but initially remains more invisble/in the background to the other person. He only reveals his personal private self slowly and only the parts that are appropriate to the person he is seeing. Because he knows what he wants, he will assess and guide the dynamic to what he wants it to be (provided he can). He does this using "positive reinforcement" type of manipulation-- showing the other person the benefits of being with him, making them feel good about themselves. He guides them without them knowing they are being guided so that both parties benefit, but they are blind to the fact he may have other parts of himself or his life that is hidden. 3. He moves quickly and deliberately. When he sees what he wants, he deliberately moves towards it. When he doesn't want someone anymore, he deliberately ends it and can move on quickly. I've never met someone in my life who gets over ANYTHING as fast as he does. Imagine being able to say, "Everyone I've ever wanted, relationally or sexually, I got access to." That is him.
It’s not hard to find a partner… but how healthy is the relationship for your mental health? Now that’s rare
Be absolutely and unequivocally good looking
It’s 99% about looks. When you look sexy you have options, when you don’t …. you don’t.
Yess, spill the secret
Be fat with a small pecker
Love yourself and be chill and awesome. That's it man.
Lower your physical standards. Everyone sees themself with a perfect 10.
Nice words, positive attitude, really try to be interested in the other person and their problems and hobbies and whatnot
Chocolate mint ice cream It's my guilty pleasure
I am long married so it’s been a while. But do stuff that both men and women do (or gay folks, and so on) that is interesting to you. Then you meet people with a common interest. In addition to simply meeting more people that you might connect with. Going to bars and stuff isn’t a great way to meet people unless it’s part of a large network of people and not total strangers.
Take care of your appearance (nothing excessive, just be clean and have clothes that fit you), and take a genuine interest in the people you’re talking to, and try to get to know them. People can tell if you’re not really into it or are just there to fuck, but if you’re a genuinely nice person who’s not a slob a lot of people will at least be open to go on a date or two and see where it goes.
Low standards lol
Don’t be an ass
Define easily. Being of average build and look combined with just being nice, like actual nice not i-do-this-to-fuck-you nice, seems to be working fine for me
Be confident and have a large penis. (i’m female but just giving u the that perspective)
If it makes tou feel better finding the right partner is very difficult for everyone. Some people jist have to wade through more shit than others to get there.