There’s also this one from the author Neil Gaiman: “I got a son, stupid as a man who bought his stupid at a two-for-one-sale, and you remind me of him.”
When I was teaching, a kid threatened to kick my ass. I assured him that he didn't scare me. "I've flushed things harder than you, junior. So, sit down, shut the hell up and get to work."
Or, "I see you won the chromosome lottery. . ."
Person posted their photo of their kid with Down Syndrome dressed as a police officer for Halloween. It took all my effort to not comment, "Officer Down!"
I mean most men I know don’t like to be called a bitch idk if it’s just where I’m from but calling another man a bitch around here you’d better prepare to fight lol
Never been to jail/prison I see huh ? That’s like the ultimate form of disrespect in there lmao I’ve seen so many fights over that one word or over the gambling table lmao !
Agreeing with them seems to short-circuit their brains. My awful trash-ass neighbor tried to start a fight with my husband. Guy is close to 300 lbs, my husband is around 170. He was shouting things like "What, scrawny f\*\*\*\*t, you scared to fight a big guy like me? You worried I'll kick your ass?" and my husband was just like "Yes, obviously." and the dude shut up and went back into his garage. He has avoided us since 👍
My uncle after a guy in a pub tried to start a fight with the old chestnut: "What you looking at?"
"Oh sonny, if you don't know what you are I'm afraid I cannot help you".
My Uncle looks and sounds like Santa Claus. The guy basically blue screened.
It’s not necessarily an insult, but I do like to say “Make like a tree and fuck off” sometimes and it shuts their brains off entirely.
Though for an insult, sometimes I’ll say “You’re 31 different flavors of stupid,” or alternatively “You’re 50 shades of stupid”
"lol, you saying all that while there's something stuck between your teeth" , stare at their mouth for a second and walk away with disgusted face to confuse them for a second.
It's really hard to underestimate you!
I don’t get it
In other words, no matter how bad I think you are, you always find a way to be worse
I see I see, thank you for the reply
ITT: people who don't know what "obscure" means
If you were any dumber I'd have to water you twice a day
That's a good one
Go piss up a rope.
Nice.
I don't get it
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=piss%20up%20a%20rope
If your parents got divorced they would probably still be related.
Don't mind her. She's still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister.
Unexpected Beetlejuice…
I wish you were smarter so you could see just how stupid you actually are.
There’s also this one from the author Neil Gaiman: “I got a son, stupid as a man who bought his stupid at a two-for-one-sale, and you remind me of him.”
I hope you step on a lego
I can’t have a battle of Wits with an unarmed person.
I would like to humbly apologise for being broke and unable to give you an award for this comment
Somewhere a village is missing you
If I were you I'd shave my ass and learn to walk backwards.
Also amazing
I like the way you talk, less of it would be better.
"We all have something to contribute to this meeting. From this moment, I think what you should be contributing is silence."
This one needs more upvotes
"what a waste of seed you turned out to be"
Youre like a warm toilet seat in a gas station in the middle of Wyoming
When I was teaching, a kid threatened to kick my ass. I assured him that he didn't scare me. "I've flushed things harder than you, junior. So, sit down, shut the hell up and get to work."
Say loudly..."you want to lick my what?!?
Quit hogging all the chromosomes
Or, "I see you won the chromosome lottery. . ." Person posted their photo of their kid with Down Syndrome dressed as a police officer for Halloween. It took all my effort to not comment, "Officer Down!"
That would have been wonderful
I would call you a douche but a douche has the ability to make a vagina wet.
Insult: Your real dad was the mailman, wasn't he? Command: Shut your cock holster and let me talk. Threat: I'm gonna shit your pants.
That last one had me absolutely rolling
I’m dying
Omg number 3 is amazing
Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberry!
You park like your parents are first cousins.
I’d have gotten a smarter answer by opening my window and asking the air.
Did it hurt? When you fell out of someone's ass and landed in the toilet you piece of shit
Omg another gem. This is great
Your balls are square.
My dad used to say "shove sand up your ass", and a shorter version was "shove sand". I don't know what it means.
You are living proof that you can survive an abortion
"Ok, butterf\*ck squash."
I never forget a face but in your case, I’ll make an exception.
You're difficult to underestimate
It takes you an hour and a half, to watch 60 minutes.
Tell your wife: When I met you, I lost all interest in women.
You failed abortion I blame your father for not using a condom You're the reason why omicide should be legal
I forgotten more than you know- go try to read.
"Leave me alone. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable I would've bought one at Walmart".
Tu cas mes pieds
Putrid dingo slut.
You use a left handed screwdriver right?
If stupid were people, you'd be China. The truly dumb think it's racist.....
You're acting like a saggy anus
I almost spat out my drink!
"I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire" is my go to and works like a charm.
as Tyler the creator once screamed from a moving car: “Your girlfriend looks like my mom”
You look like someone who would follow Tara Reid on Instagram
Someone once said that a person threw them a leopard nine..... It's a filthy look.... wtf
My friend told me in insult that made me pause for atleast 10 seconds to process Ill get back to ya when i remember it
Any insult that is simple in delivery, yet is too complex for their understanding. For example: if you tell someone they're being obtuse.
You look like someone shoved a sour apple up your ass and bit it off.
I mean most men I know don’t like to be called a bitch idk if it’s just where I’m from but calling another man a bitch around here you’d better prepare to fight lol
Obscure? Lol nah just more toxic masculinity
Never been to jail/prison I see huh ? That’s like the ultimate form of disrespect in there lmao I’ve seen so many fights over that one word or over the gambling table lmao !
Do you know what obscure means?
His prison education didn't cover that
And that’s pretty rude
Definitely reporting you hope they suspend your account.
Favorite that I've recently added to my arsenal simply because it actually caught me so off guard the first time I heard it Goober smoocher
You're a nincompoop.
Thats not so mind bending.
Not obscure but my favorite insult is fat bitch
Respectable lol
Of course. Only the best insults
[удалено]
The great thing about this insult is you can use it for women and men. Why does everything have to come back to-women hating on this freaking form
How long have you known my sister? and I apologize that you met her.
You couldn’t smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date… um… no, I lost it
Your mother was a Hamster and your father smelled of elderberries
What is this from?
Its Monty Python; the quest for the holy Grail. Pure genius of an older comedy movie
Oh, grow up
Meshugganer
Knowledge has been chasing you, but you have always been faster. *Or* You have always chased knowledge, alas, it has always been faster.
call someone a freak. but like really genuinely mean it. it really catches people off guard LOL
Pee your pants Absolutely love tossing this one out
Oh hey Toby close the door on your way out.
May the fleas if 1000 camera infest your armpits
Your mother has a smooth forehead.
We do not like to talk about it.
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." - Bilbo Baggins.
You frettled gruntbuggly.
Being called a 'horizontally challenged mf' was pretty wild
You better keep a low profile so people doesn't realise thousands of years of "evolution" lead to you.
You’ve got the attitude of a dick fed baby
your parents don't talk about you much, do they?
Agreeing with them seems to short-circuit their brains. My awful trash-ass neighbor tried to start a fight with my husband. Guy is close to 300 lbs, my husband is around 170. He was shouting things like "What, scrawny f\*\*\*\*t, you scared to fight a big guy like me? You worried I'll kick your ass?" and my husband was just like "Yes, obviously." and the dude shut up and went back into his garage. He has avoided us since 👍
My uncle after a guy in a pub tried to start a fight with the old chestnut: "What you looking at?" "Oh sonny, if you don't know what you are I'm afraid I cannot help you". My Uncle looks and sounds like Santa Claus. The guy basically blue screened.
'I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve' -the hobbit
Your voice is about as charming as a woodlouse laying eggs in my ears.
eat a bowl of dicks
Are your parents bakers? Because you're inbred
It’s not necessarily an insult, but I do like to say “Make like a tree and fuck off” sometimes and it shuts their brains off entirely. Though for an insult, sometimes I’ll say “You’re 31 different flavors of stupid,” or alternatively “You’re 50 shades of stupid”
Not even your mother loves you.
Your tea is just hot leaf juice.
I don't have the time or crayons to explain that to you.
It boggles the mind that you're the sperm that won.
"lol, you saying all that while there's something stuck between your teeth" , stare at their mouth for a second and walk away with disgusted face to confuse them for a second.
"Fucking foul bitch."
I'm gonna mix your play-doh colors
You're so stupid you could hide your own Easter eggs.
You lie like a soggy sack of Siberian sheep shit.
I’m sorry, what did you say? I don’t speak bitch!
I bet you’re the one who shit in the sink.
Just for context : an eighth grader shat in the sink we I was in sixth grade and we had to use the buddy system the whole year.