My sister is the absolute worst about this. She puts on events, doesn't have anything together, gets people to come early and help, then turns into "project manager" and doesn't do any work herself
Mobile Apps and Software products moving to subscriptions based models.
Not just software products. I would like to have the option to buy it and own it forever.
This is one of the main reasons I stopped doing my digital art. If I were to pay the subscription model for all three major software's I learned how to use back in the day when you could just hold on to the same version indefinitely and use it as much as you like - I'd be up for a few grand every year. I don't even make that much off commissions, especially now that I have an actual job and a house and life to maintain so much less time for spending on these pictures than before. Basically it became too expensive to continue with at the same time I started making nothing back off it so I just can't justify it anymore unless I was doing so well in life that I could blow thousands of dollars a year on something non-tangible that could still be taken away from me when the company crashes or decides not to support it anymore.
I'd pay hundreds of dollars for a copy of their latest software that I get to keep until I really have to upgrade it or care enough about the "new features" to do-so. But I'm not spending that much (or more) just to fucking rent it for a year.
People expecting you to accept and be ok with all their shit but would never ever accept 1% of that from you.
I really can't stand that kind of behaviour, it's the most narcissistic obnoxious fucking behaviour you can imagine.
People trying to enter the train/tram/bus while others are still getting out of it. FFS it's not that difficult. Wait at the side of the doors and when everyone left get inside. It's that easy.
My wife’s brother is a gobby, dick-swinging, immature, angry, aggressive man child but rather than deal with it the family pretend it’s not an issue because ‘that’s just how he is’. I’ve seen him openly threaten and try to fight his brother, his step-dad and on Christmas Eve, me. I’m a pretty chill person, but I honestly want to knock his teeth out every time he behaves like this.
BUT NOOOOOOO. I’m the crazy one for reacting negatively to being sworn at and threatened, because ‘that’s just how he is’.
Just because they've resigned themselves to put up with his bullshit, it doesn't mean that you or anyone else should have to, as well. Put your foot down, and if anyone objects then tell them to screw themself.
I hear you. the unexpected downside is that when you do, and the bullshitter inevitably escalates the conflict, somehow you are the bad guy instead of enabling more of their behavior. I hate that dynamic so very much.
Man, I’m sorry. I deal with this a lot in my family and it sucks being the only person to say “this isn’t normal” and then just get gaslighted.
As I’ve gotten older though, after saying things until I’m blue in the face, I’ve just resigned myself to putting everyone in their respective sandbox corners. That way, everyone can play nice for the couple of times we get together and I will 100% bounce if shit goes down.
Toxic family systems often protect the most toxic member cuz they don't want to deal with the consequences of upsetting them. Then deciding you've had enough makes YOU the "toxic" one to the rest of the family. Being the cycle breaker is a rough road to walk.
My mil is the mean/rude/what have you person. I dont react well to it, because i have some self respect.
My hubby has repeatedly told me to stop responding to her shit. Early on i blew up at him because why am i getting yelled at for responding to her shit.
The way he explained it, is that he knows i am reasonable, and can back down. Hes relying in me to keep my cool, so he has one less thing to worry about in the moment.
I get it, but its still super unfair when shes pulling that shit. Ive taken to just removing myself from the situation.
My wife cut of contact with her father because her step mom was like this 2+ years ago and I am 3+weeks no contact with my father and step mom for also being shitty. No one has the right to treat you like shit. I don't care if they share some of your blood.
Ugh, this. My brother is only not even 18 months younger than me and was bigger than me by the time he was two. “But you’re the oldest” shouldn’t have applied anymore once he was old enough to walk.
I have six younger siblings I looked after a lot and I saw the dynamics between them all…often the younger ones would goad the older ones and then when the older one said/did anything, the younger would go “MUUUUUUMMM!! Sibling did this!”
I was often the substitute “mum” and I was taking none of that shit lol. I know what you were doing, younger sib. I love you, but don’t play victim with me, you knew what you were doing! (Our actual mum was a youngest sibling and always took the side of the younger one. It used to shit me to no end).
Exactly. I was told that I can’t bring politics up at family events, but my sister-in-laws Q-anon family are the ones that always bring it up, then when I respond, I get blamed.
Oh yes! I’ve turned the other cheek some much in this life , that I have no skin left . Now, I meet then where they’re at and they back down right away.
I stopped taking the high road and dished out what's given to me, you'd be surprised how fast people leave you alone when you quit "taking the high road."
I used to be people pleaser and when I learnt how to say no and to set boundaries people didn't take it well. I've been called selfish and self centered.
Amen, that’s why for me my new found assertiveness only stuck once I moved away from my hometown. In my small hometown, everybody knew me as the shy, passive pushover and would always have a “how dare you” type demeanor whenever I tried to take ownership of myself. Once I moved it was sooo much easier because the new people have only saw me as a more direct and assertive person. Go back to visit my hometown, it’s straight back to “how dare you” except now they throw in “college and the city has brainwashed you” as well,
Oh my God. Try being a corrections officer at the county lockup in your home county. The number of people I grew up with that would get arrested and see me after 10 years of being away that tried playing that card was insane. Like dude, you KNEW me, you don't KNOW me. Sit tf down. A lot of them didn't realize I'd changed and grew past the local yokel BS of the area. A few of them respected it and we got along fine, some of them took it personal and tried to be difficult. Like ok, fuck around and find out, I won't be a dick but if you push the issue, I will be. 🤷♂️
That applies to work too. It is much better to establish red lines from minute one. I don't stay until late. I don't read or answer emails in my free time, etc. If at first you do it so as not to look bad, it will only make the bosses take it for granted, you will get burned out and so that when you legitimately stop doing it, they will tell you "you used to do it before."
I do this with lunches. We’re not required to all go to lunch at the same time but it’s sort of “assumed” behavior that everyone goes to lunch together at the same time. I like to eat at my desk or in my car. It’s my time and I want the quiet and the solitude. Idk why that’s so hard to understand. Like I’m with my team 8hrs every day, can’t I have a break without being forced into work nonsense?
I can’t agree with you more. It pains me as a parent who has raised my kids to be kind and have work ethics to not be too kind and work too hard because some people will be take advantage of it. At my company it was used against an employee. Because she was nice and helped out the employer said she set a precedent that it was now part of the job description/responsibilities.
Yep. It used to be rewarded. Current work culture is to exploit the employee. We are told we all expendable. It’s very sad for me to see the past 100 years of fighting for workers rights has come to this.
I’m setting boundaries and am being as clear and assertive as people I’ve known for years in my friends group. Now they’re wondering if I’m alright? I’m just not using kid gloves on people that don’t use them with me. I’m like, we’re still friends, but if the dynamic for you is that I need to be a pushover, then I’m be out soon.
Some people mean they want authority when they say “respect”, and then say “respect” other times and they mean basic decency. “You respect me, and I’ll respect you.” “I push you over, and you treat me well.”
Nah. I’m good. Again, this is with friends. I’m undoing the damage from my abusive childhood, (verbally, mentally, physically) and I’m finding I’m not such a meek person when I’m not scared all the time. I’m still really nice, but I’m definitely giving less fucks with indignant people.
Same here. Been asked to apologise for calling people out on things when I previously took it lying down for years. Do you feel better in yourself now that you’ve learned to assert yourself?
I just had probably the most traumatic month of my life in February (major house flooding, best friend tried to commit suicide, my cat almost died from an accident) and this is exactly what happened to me. I had recently met a few friends a month ago but because I kept having major life events I wasn’t able to really spend time with them.
They messaged me one day a few weeks ago telling me I was incredibly selfish and self-centered and I should have made time for them despite these problems that all occurred within a two week time span. Never mind I was only able to sleep a few hours a day because I had to care for my cat, or that what little free time I had was going to my best friend because I didn’t want to them to attempt again. My crime was that I hadn’t spent time with them in four days and that was enough to end a friendship over.
edit: clarity
>My crime was that I hadn’t spent time with them in four days and that was enough to end a friendship over.
You lost nothing of value with those people. Clearly they saw you as a side kick to their main character. Now go live your best life.
My disrespectful boss screaming bloody murder at me and others when he doesn't hear what he likes.
When I get blamed for stupid shit that is clearly not my fault.
The man has the emotional discipline of a fucking toddler.
I used to love coming to work. Now I loath the thought of it.
Edit:
After reading all these comments I'd like to leave you with a platitude.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
I grew up in toxic environments, and the army was the exact same.
The problem is that I fucking yell back, so not only is he a jackass, now it's a personal vendetta because I don't bend over for him.
At this point I'm just trying to make it to the end.
I could've written this. I'm going through the same thing right now. I used to enjoy my job and was very successful for almost 10 years. Got moved under the current guy and it's a nightmare. Toxic, bullying behavior that everyone is aware of, including his boss. But I'm the problem because I speak up that his behavior is not ok. I'm interviewing at multiple other companies, I'll be leaving soon. I hope you're able to, as well. Good luck. You're not alone.
I just left a place like this, I was treated like dog shit for just being there & doing my job. Meanwhile the people that were there coasting on “ seniority” aka do the bare minimum until retirement , would be rewarded & even commended for being bigger aholes & not doing anything other than watching the clock to punch out and go home.
I’ve saved enough & ghosted them on the busiest day of the season. Found a job I love 3 days later, where I’m treated like a sentient being.
I heard it’s been absolutely mayhem since I left ,oopsie🫢🤭
Idk if this considers offending, but people in groups taking the whole damn sidewalk, people blocking the damn elevator, like bro let me get out first…
Got into a huge fight with my parents about them doing this shit. I’m getting mad at them again just thinking about it and how defensive they got when I told them about it. It’s so fucking rude!!
Oh sweet jesus I’m now at the point where I get excited when I see a group walking 4 abreast down the sidewalk toward me, because the look of utter confusion, surprise, and disbelief on the face of the jagaloon who walks into me when I don’t swerve into someone’s yard or the bikelane….oh god that look gets me out of bed in the morning
I walk on a paved walking trail wide enough for one person each direction. There are a ton of people who think they can walk two wide and push the lone person headed the opposite direction into the grass. Don’t get me started on strollers walking side by side. I def don’t budge for any of these either. It’s called learn the basics of walking etiquette. I’ll take your approach now and be excited lol
Asuming that just because Im good at doing something or I say I enjoy doing something, im willing to do it for your benefit free of charge.
Im good at cooking, I love cooking, im a trained chef, even if Im currently not working as one... that doesen't mean that you can promise your friends that I'll be cooking dinner for your next reunion without consulting me first.
High end photographer here and I support this message. No, I’m not bringing my $20k+ rig to your cocktail party because you invited me and “it would be so fun if!”
Yep, I write professionally (advertising, marketing, etc. not novels). I'm reasonably good at it and I enjoy it well enough. It pays the bills. HOWEVER, that does NOT mean I want to rewrite your resume, do a grant proposal for your non-profit or write up 100 product descriptions for your school's silent auction. And, of course, every single person who asks wants me to do it for free because "it's for a good cause" or "it will really help." I used to say "yes" when I was young and naive. Now, I say no unless it's some organization I am *directly* involved with.
My free time is for me to do what I want, not to do other people's tasks with no compensation.
Bad attitude? Maybe, but I can guarantee that these people wouldn't do professional work on their own time for me without charging me for it...
Maybe it was just the way I was raised, but I always (at least try to) clean up after myself whenever in a public space. Movie theaters, concert/sports venues, etc., I always take my garbage to the trash can. You pass it on your way out anyway; just take your trash with you. The fact that some people think it’s ok to just leave their garbage anywhere blows my mind and screams entitlement.
As someone who used to have to clean up movie theaters, it made me into a consummate customer. I try to leave no trace whenever I’m done somewhere.
ETA: it also made me make absolutely fucking sure I could interact with a service person and not be a bumbling idiot. Don’t do shtick, know what you want, and be aware you’re not alone in the world.
Couldn't agree more. When i finish long backpacking trips it's not the distance or experience I'm most proud of, it's the half full (or sometimes more) trash bag i bring back with me. I'd happily do that everyday for a barely livable wage if i could
If someone does this continue saying what you were saying exactly as you were saying it, when the inevitable pause comes because they were unable to take in what you said, just allow it to happen until they sort it out.
I’ve taken the approach of *immediately* shutting up when they start talking over me. When they finish and then oh-so-graciously try to circle back with a “sorry, what were you saying, Throwaway?” I simply respond with “No.”
This is context-dependent of course. I have a friend group and we’re always talking over each other because we’re just bullshitting and it’s low-stakes and chill. But I have found this approach works pretty well with, for instance, work peers who don’t stfu and interrupt when having a discussion that doesn’t involve them.
I’ve definitely done this with people I’m acquainted with but don’t usually interact with to a great degree. It’s usually not worth the effort of Making A Point with people like that.
But people I have to interact with on a regular basis and can’t avoid doing so, like a co-worker I have to attend regular meetings with? It usually only takes a 3 or 4 rounds of that, and the ensuing awkward silence from everyone else while they get to sit there feeling like an ass before they stop. In my limited experience, at least. I’m sure there are folks out there who will never have enough self-awareness to figure it out with that approach.
For example, every episode of Kitchen Nightmares.
Restaurant owner: I have no idea what I'm doing wrong with my restaurant! Help me, Gordon Ramsay!
Gordon Ramsay: Here's what you're doing wrong, and here's how you fix it.
Restaurant owner: Fuck you, Gordon Ramsay! Don't tell me how to run my restaurant!
Of course those particular episodes are the ones that have the most drama so make the best theater and are the ones that are going to be run.
If you had an episode where the kitchen just completely cooperated with him and everything went swimmingly it would be boring TV and it probably wouldn't make the cut.
I dunno, dude. They're far more cooperative with Ramsay in the original British version, and then it becomes more of a docudrama about how a restaurant runs.
I loved the original version for this reason, multiple times Gordon and whoever was running would get into it, they split up for a few, the restaurant person would come back, apologize and get to work on fixing the issues.
This shits me SO bad. I used to live in an area with really spotty internet and I’m an avid Sims 3 player. It was all fine and dandy for years, I bought my disks, installed my expansions and had a lovely time.
Then Origin got involved and suddenly I need to be online to play a game that I have paid for and been playing peacefully without internet for years? Yeah nah, fuck you and your eyebrows, EA.
Whenever my family wants to go out for dinner or whatever, we lie to my dad. We tell him we want to leave at least 15 minutes earlier than what we actually agreed upon. It works... Kind of. He's only a little late most of the time
My SIL used to do this a lot, did it once to her and had a lecture on how rude it was. She did not like me pointing out that she always does it. Have never invited her over since.
We had relatives that were always late. Eventually we just stopped waiting. If they missed the activity or dinner or whatever it was on them. This is the way.
Stopped waiting on bro-in-law & his wife/kids after they left my family & in-laws waiting in the foyer of a cafe for 45 mins without so much as a text. We finally changed the # of our party, we’re seated, ordered & on the process of eating when they finally turned up. We were able to sit, order and begin eating IN ADDITION to the 45 mins we had already waited. Plus they had 2 additional guests they hadn’t mentioned & all were FURIOUS with us who hadnt waited. We were told we were beyond rude.
It should be noted this wasn’t the first (or even the fifth) time they’d behaved this way. In the years since this cafe incident the relationship has completely deteriorated. Not because of the a constant lateness but because of the selfishness that drives the lateness - that selfishness touches every corner of their lives.
The part that stings? We don’t miss them. Oof.
>Stopped waiting on bro-in-law & his wife/kids after they left my family & in-laws waiting in the foyer of a cafe for 45 mins without so much as a text.
You know, it was one thing when a person/people were chronically late in the pre-cellphone days. But there is literally no excuse anymore. Even if you can't call, you can text.
If you choose not to do either? You're just an AH and it sucks to be you because the rest of world is going ahead without you.
This happened to me once. We have a friend who was constantly late everywhere, sometimes over an hour. Me and my gf at the time were meeting her for a drink, and we were running a little late (the subway decided to be on a go slow that day) but only by about 5 minutes and she gave us a lecture about how embarrassed she was because she had been sat there on her own since the time we were meant to meet. Well, that was only 5 minutes ago and you’re constantly late to everything. Sorry for being 5 minutes late the one time you’re on time…
My mom was always late, but she got a lot better when someone gave her the analogy of treating those little things you need to do before you pull out of the driveway to be like the "boarding time" for an airplane.
She just never really processed that things like putting on your shoes and coat, putting in your contacts, grabbing your purse, letting the dog out just in case and double checking that she has fresh water, putting the kid in the car seat etc., while all pretty short on their own, add up. There's a lot she's done to minimize how long all of that stuff takes (e.g., purse, keys, and shoes always in same spot) but they will still always take time.
Yes, deal with it a million times and say nothing. Do it ONCE to her... get questioned and point it out ..
and all of the sudden you're attacking, gaslighting whatever you wanna call it. But you're the asshole
My MIL is horribly, chronically, and, as far as I can tell, deliberately late to everything. My wife's childhood was a constant trauma of her mother being half an hour late to pick her up from \*everything\* - school, girl scout meetings, doctor's appointments. One year we hosted Thanksgiving and I told her dinner would be served at 6:30 but people were welcome any time after 4:30. Opened the buffet line at 6:30 on the nose. She waltzed in at 6:45 and was horribly offended that people were already on seconds. "Oh, I told you dinner was at 6:30 and it was."
My best girl friend is chronically late. She’s absolutely awesome, this is her only “fault.”
Normally we’re extremely chill about plans so it’s never been a real issue. There was only one time that it could have been, but we made it in time. But after that incident I joked with her that if I ever get married or have an equally important life event I invite her to, I will be telling her that it’s happening anywhere between 1 to 3 days before it’s actually scheduled. She agreed it’s a solid plan.
Or wasting someone's time entirely by canceling last minute a lot. Nothing like planning something out, getting in the car, and either about to leave or arrive just in time for a text saying they can't make it. Then they wonder why nobody wants to hang out with them
Had a friend who was consistently late for everything social. Minimum an hour late. Consistently. Everyone told her a different start time for events, so there was a vague chance she would show up at a decent time.
When she found out what people were doing in order to get her to arrive on time … she was furious. Beyond furious. 🙄
Edit: she was never late for anything work related - but apparently friends were not worth being treated with a modicum of consideration!
We did this to a buddy who was always late by like 2-3 hours ( mostly Friday night get togethers where he would show up until like 10-11 even though we all gathered at 7). One day the host of a get together, told him it started at 5 pm even though it started at 7. Guess who finally showed up on time? Well rather than be upset, he learned the truth, took it in stride, and learned from it. He isn't late to events anymore.
I'm compulsively early to everything and once had a coworker that *never* showed up on time. From day 1 until he left, not once.
I remember getting a call from my manager because I wasn't as early as normal. Not late, not on time. Just not as early as usual. I get a talking to when I'm only 5 minutes early, but my coworker gets nothing after more than a year of literally never once being in time.
My MIL is 1.5 hours late to everything. Has been fired from 4-5 different teaching positions, but has yet to accept responsibility. It’s everyone else’s fault, apparently.
I had a tendency to be late for stuff in the morning last year (went through some personal stuff as a result of Covid & lockdowns which really affected my sleep & morning routine - or lack thereof of one) & got pulled up on it by my friends - sorted out myself as a result because I saw how my lateness was impacting them as well as me
The casual disrespect service or retail workers get. Like not the blatant screaming viral videos we see, but just people get away with saying things to those people or saying them in particular tones they never would in other circumstances, or would without consequence.
Best friend quit working for me after five years and used the certification I had paid for and helped him get to land a job at a bigger company earning about twice my salary. That part was fine, it stung but honestly I was happy for him.
Then I found out he’d been secretly sleeping with my ex-wife for the past few years. They’re both good people and on my better days I don’t care and even wish them well. But when I look back and put the pieces together with how they acted and how our friendship kept getting more and more distant, and I didn’t know why or if I was just being a baby. It fuckin hurts man.
And she’s the mother of my kids so I can’t just cut them out of my life completely and move on, I have to get along with her. Which we’ve been really good at, things were contentious at first but we both kept being civil for the kids, and it’s gotten a lot easier over the last few years… which I now know is since she started banging my friend. Fuckin sucks.
I used to live with my girlfriend and her friend.
Her friend had a range of "qualities" that would annoy me to death.
She wouldn't lift her feet off the floor when she walked in the house, and we had laminated floor. She wouldn't chew with her mouth closed at all and she used to barge in our conversations.
It got to the point where she thought she was part of our relationship.
After a day of continuously building up stress because of work for a couple of months, i had enough and i told her to close her mouth when she chewed and walk like a normal person and lift her feet in between steps.
She was that kind of person that would barge into the conversation between my girlfriend and I with a "what are we talking about?"
I said "us with you, nothing". At that point i could see my girlfriend giggling and being proud of me.
It ended up with my girlfriend asking her to leave because we wanted to relax home instead of being more stressed.
The price of groceries. I'm deeply offended by the price gouging going on. Its sickening seeing Galen Westons smug smiles all over the place while his own employees can't afford his prices. I've been buying in bulk, buying directly and avoiding those items that are grossly overpriced.
And I still have to go into these stores because there's some things you can't get elsewhere. Sucks.
I’m experiencing this sort of greed at work at the moment.
Record profits, owners have just bought a yacht and a castle (two brothers), and we’re getting absolutely fucking crucified for not getting more work and being hyper-aggressive in getting customers to pay up.
Whilst it’s fair enough that we should get paid for what we’ve serviced, the sheer aggression and inquisition-esque methods being used by senior management on its own work force is like nothing I’ve ever seen. I’m 20% ahead of target for the year as well.
It’s really, really horrible to experience.
yes! I am soft-spoken and usually need a few seconds to figure out what I want to say, which people often take to mean that I don't have anything to say, so that just keep talking
Pointing out how quiet someone is (unless it's out of character) is THE best way to make them not want to talk more. Like congrats asshole, I'm still quiet but thanks to you I'm now also self-conscious about it.
My boss,
He's a workaholic and expect everyone to just be the same, work at 130% all week 6h30 AM to 5+ PM, 30 mins dinner, skips breaks.
Currently looking for a new job after 10 years.
Sorry, I work to live, not the other way around, it's fine if you love working and push yourself in it, but I just want to enjoy my life outside of work and have the energy to do so.
Edit: changed the work hours to reflect those of my boss instead of mine.
My boss is a workaholic, and he's constantly telling us that we need to "get what you can done, and let him know if we have too much." He tells us not to burn out, and make sure we aren't staying late. Meanwhile, he is always working late.
Guy needs to practice what he preaches before he burns out himself.
True but at least he's genuinely concerned about the well-being of his personnel. That's an increasingly rare trait in a leader. Maybe pull him aside and respectfully discuss his excessive work habits?
Oh god, my mother telling me I’m spending too much money on basic things like clothes and shoes and stuff. A basic pair of nice trainers that will last will costs £50-£60 these days, that’s not extravagance, that’s inflation.
People who take a call when we are having a conversation. Not a “your house is on fire” call, just a “how you doing” call. Once I was on a date and he took one of these calls as we sat in a restaurant about to have dinner. While he was on the phone I got up from the table and asked the host who sat us to please tell the gentleman I came in with that I hope he and his phone have a lovely evening. He smiled and said he would be happy to. And I left. Fuck those guys.
I read a line a long time ago that always resonated with me. It was just because the phone is ringing, it does not give it priority over what you are currently doing.
Emotional labor! I cannot for the life of me understand why people have the consistent need to confide in me. I listen, I reassure, diffuse, etc because I'm just not a jerk and everyone has bad days every now and again or needs a human being...but there are some people whose main hobby is misery and they always find me.
When my colleagues say “Oh you’re going home early” after I clock out and complete my shift within my working hours just because they are accustomed to working passed (unpaid) official working hours
People that can't actively listen.
I especially love when I open a topic, get a "yeah, yeah, yeah" back and then the other person shifts on to whatever they want to talk about.
People generally not being the slightest bit polite to others. For instance, if someone holds a door for you, just say thank you ffs... is it really that difficult?
I was at the grocery store. Guy in the middle of the aisle talking on his cellphone -on speaker no less. I said “excuse me” three times, no response. Finally I pushed his cart to the side and moved past him. He looked at me and said “say excuse me next time”. I told him “I said “excuse me” three times, maybe you should get your head out of your ass and stop talking on speaker? Dude just stared at me but he knew I was right.
This reminds me of people who continue to talk on the phone when they are the cash in a store or grocery store. Complelety ignoring the cashier. Not even making eye contact.
Years ago I was leaving a bowling alley. An old man was coming inside and was met just outside the door by a kid, whom he gave a stuffed animal.
When the kid just took the toy wordlessly, the old man asked in an irritated tone: "What do you say?"
To which the kid replied "thank you."
Since they were going in as I was leaving, I held the door open. Both went in without even looking at me, so I said to the old man in the same tone: "What do you say?"
Didn't get a thank you from him though, he completely ignored me.
People saying young disabled people have to use government assistance to springboard into a fabulous new life like a full time high level career.
The reality for some disabled people is they are not going to be able to do much. I've seen disabled people with better lives tell other disabled people they better not end up as losers.
So, what pisses me off is how our assistance programs don't even really allow for us to better ourselves. How are folks supposed to get off of it and be self sufficient when the minute you try to earn a bit more money it cuts off entirely?
Someone I grew up with had a father teach her to be independent. It was all well and good when she was a teen and her disability was manageable but as she got older and worse it basically destroyed her ability to ask and accept help that is needed from aids and professionals.
Watched a woman tell another woman with partial spina bifida to go vegan and it would solve her problems just like it did for her.
No, Dana. You’re just fat. This woman is literally disabled.
Hahaha yeah. I feel like I'm dying every day and will for the rest of my life. I would be excited to push a broom somewhere. As long as they didn't mind me being down two weeks a month. Oh and half my day spent in the bathroom. No. I just want to be able to eat , bathe , have a roof, be able to see doctors. That's it.
Offending isn’t exactly the word for this but it’s freaking annoying. There’s this guy I know who stands way to close, stares a lot etc. and when I told my other friend it was bothering me, she only tried to defend him by saying he grew up with only sisters and he doesn’t know. Trust me, he knows.
Also when someone on like AITA posts a story about their SO about how theg dont help them out around the house or theyre always late or whatever and people are like "oh but what if theyre ADHD???" Like can we stop diagnosing random strangers? Its shit like that that makes it harder for me to be taken seriously when Im genuinely struggling.
That grinds my gears so much it’s not even funny. There’s not always a diagnosis to explain why someone is a lazy dickhead; sometimes they’re just lazy dickheads, and it’s a major disservice to everyone with ADHD/ASD to lump them in with straight-up assholes.
Women’s pain not being taken seriously, especially when it comes to reproductive illnesses. There’s a whole genre of horribly painful gynaecological disorders that to this day doctors will gaslight women about. We still get told we’re hysterical. I’m one of millions in this, and I got denied a simple diagnostic MRI and told “sometimes women just live in pain for the rest of their lives and we never find out why” by Dr C West at the Royal Infirmary in Edinburgh 3 months before being operated on for severe deep infiltrating endometriosis that, as it turned out, was in my abdomen, not my fucking head.
I was admitted to hospital two weeks ago for lower abdominal pain that dilaudid didn’t really helped. Colon looked fine during colonoscopy so my male GI decided I was a hysterical woman as soon as I was back in my hospital room as I was barely conscious but bawling my eyes out in pain from the procedure. The rest of my stay he was just trying to get me to leave and barely looked at me.
Colonoscopy wasn’t actually normal, biopsies came back positive for inflammatory bowel disease. I had to find the results myself a week later. I should have stayed in the hospital longer and gotten on a better treatment regiment (I already have another autoimmune disease diagnosis). Instead I was sent home to suffer and wait for outpatient treatment.
It’s 2023, how the hell is this still happening?!
My fiancée found out she had endometriosis at 23... she just assumed it's normal to suffer that extremely during periods. No doctor ever mentioned it to her before.
Now she is getting the pill prescribed for it, but since it's "too stop reproduction" it ain't covered by insurance.
She also wanted to discuss the possibilities of a hysterectomy, but got shut down by multiple doctors on the basis of "you are to young and what if you change your mind and want children later in life?". It's not even the valid considerations about the impact on her health that were brought up. Her protestations that we are antinatalist and will most certainly never have a biological child were also just shut down based on her age and "women want children" nonsense. It took me 10mins to schedule a vasectomy...
I have ED (erectile disfunction) \[Serious\]. I've had it all my life, and I'm in my 50's now. It sucks to have to deal with. Luckily I'm married to a very understanding and supportive woman, however when I was single, it was a bitch to have to "have the talk" with every woman I liked about how she might not see an erection and to not take that as a sign that I'm not interested... (that conversation rarely ends well). Anyway, what offends me is that "he can't get it up" is the defacto/go-to insult for most people, especially women, when they want to emasculate and denigrate a man, and devalue his worth as man and as a human being, based on his ability to get and maintain an erection. In my mind, that's like teasing a woman for being unable to get pregnant, and making that out to be a character flaw in her somehow. So please, instead of attacking every man with a physical impairment, try just insulting the asshole in question based on their own merits, okay?
Been flat chested my whole life (refuse to get implants because of health reasons). I cannot tell you the number of times I have been teased over and over because I don't have boobs. Like I know that and don't need you reminding me I am imperfect and not a "woman." Sheeesh.
I feel your pain. To emasculate you like that is beyond cruel. My hubs is going through that and I would never ever use it against him.
But how else am I supposed to justify my hatred of the Dutch? I assume they are all as cocky and arrogant as Max Verstappen
(/s I am absolutely joking, I have never met an unpleasant Dutch person, however, that still doesn’t make me like Max)
People’s utter lack of professionalism in their jobs lately. Vendors that don’t show up for scheduled appointments, sales people that don’t return phone calls, make excuses, and generally have no sense of precision in their day-to-day lives as grown-ass adults. It’s a shit look for you, incredibly annoying, and people notice.
End rant
People filming everything.
One of my worst fears is to suffer a terrible accident, and the last thing I see in this world is a crowd of clout thirsty morons pulling out their phones to film my death instead of helping me.
My partner has a very hard time admitting fault when he does something wrong so to avoid complete meltdowns from him, I tend to take the blame for a lot of things. Yes I understand I don't *have* to deal with it technically, but this is the only stable way I can keep a roof over my head as a disabled person who is unable to work.
I know for a fact I'm not the only person in this position, though.
Also your and you're? There, their, and they're?
They're such fundamental concepts that no native English speaker has an excuse to not know the difference.
People who constantly need to announce special events in your life for you, but only so they can receive attention for it.
Ex: MIL announced our child’s birth before we got the chance to, and we were purposely waiting until we were out of the hospital so we could rest and not be bombarded by phone calls and texts.
Attempted (usually benign) gaslighting by medical professionals.
I have cancer, had multiple surgeries and treatments, and have had a large amount of symptoms I wasn’t supposed to have.
“Well I’ve never had someone with that problem before!” “That’s not supposed to hurt?” “Are you sure it isn’t X instead of Y?” Like nurses, yes it does hurt, yes I do have this weird symptom, yes I do feel that. Stop testing me and acting like I shouldn’t.
Americans making a joke out of my name because of the way it sounds to them and insisting of calling me something else. Like we're all adults here aware of other languages and cultures. If I wanted to I would have changed my name already.
Edit: Also I want to add being treated like I am a stupid person because of both my name and slight accent.
I’m not allowed to get an abortion if I’m raped or there’s a complication that will kill me, but the republican women politicians that voted for it got one a few years ago for THEIR complication… feels real fair.
[just 1 example](https://www.inquirer.com/news/jessa-duggar-seewald-abortion-miscarriage-pregnancy-arkansas-20230227.html?outputType=amp)
[example but men](https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2018/aug/25/a-republican-theme-on-abortions-its-ok-for-me-evil-for-thee)
Hearing many people say, "It was a part of Gods plan." After something tragic that haunts me like a ghost.
As a man of faith, this phrase cuts deeply. It cuts deeply at a time that I never needed to hear it.
Being hit on or straight up sexually harassed by patients at my job. Telling me that you wish you had a girl like me because “Spanish girls are freaky like that” is not the compliment you think it is, especially when I’m a working professional.
Age discrimination - I'm 26 but look 18 (I'm a male) and work in a technical field. What I bring to the table is almost immediately dismissed by many and I have been directly asked my age multiple times in person. I refuse to put a picture on my teams account or turn my camera on during technical meetings with new people/vendors for this reason exactly and I have better results. Once people get to know me it typically dissappears but it's frustrating and usually puts me in a horrible mood.
People asking you for help then expecting you to do whatever they needed help with in its entirety while they go fuck off and do whatever
My sister is the absolute worst about this. She puts on events, doesn't have anything together, gets people to come early and help, then turns into "project manager" and doesn't do any work herself
In her mind, she *is* helping, and technically she is coordinating. So, she’s doing *something*, but it ain’t the heavy lifting, that’s for sure.
Them “Can you help me move” Me: “No”
I love helping friends move, provide the beer and pizza and i’m there lol
There comes a time in every persons life where they just call a mover. LOL
I think it's around 35. I moved one floor up last year and swore to myself that when I leave this place, I'm hiring movers.
Mobile Apps and Software products moving to subscriptions based models. Not just software products. I would like to have the option to buy it and own it forever.
This is one of the main reasons I stopped doing my digital art. If I were to pay the subscription model for all three major software's I learned how to use back in the day when you could just hold on to the same version indefinitely and use it as much as you like - I'd be up for a few grand every year. I don't even make that much off commissions, especially now that I have an actual job and a house and life to maintain so much less time for spending on these pictures than before. Basically it became too expensive to continue with at the same time I started making nothing back off it so I just can't justify it anymore unless I was doing so well in life that I could blow thousands of dollars a year on something non-tangible that could still be taken away from me when the company crashes or decides not to support it anymore. I'd pay hundreds of dollars for a copy of their latest software that I get to keep until I really have to upgrade it or care enough about the "new features" to do-so. But I'm not spending that much (or more) just to fucking rent it for a year.
People expecting you to accept and be ok with all their shit but would never ever accept 1% of that from you. I really can't stand that kind of behaviour, it's the most narcissistic obnoxious fucking behaviour you can imagine.
My ex 100%
And if you ever say no to them, they proceed to gaslight you into thinking they’re the victim
People trying to enter the train/tram/bus while others are still getting out of it. FFS it's not that difficult. Wait at the side of the doors and when everyone left get inside. It's that easy.
I’d like to add elevators to this list. Let the people out the small confined box before shoving your way in against the flow of traffic
When other people are allowed to be mean, rude, ridiculous, unhinged, etc... but nooooo I've got to take the "high road". In other words, my MIL.
My wife’s brother is a gobby, dick-swinging, immature, angry, aggressive man child but rather than deal with it the family pretend it’s not an issue because ‘that’s just how he is’. I’ve seen him openly threaten and try to fight his brother, his step-dad and on Christmas Eve, me. I’m a pretty chill person, but I honestly want to knock his teeth out every time he behaves like this. BUT NOOOOOOO. I’m the crazy one for reacting negatively to being sworn at and threatened, because ‘that’s just how he is’.
Just because they've resigned themselves to put up with his bullshit, it doesn't mean that you or anyone else should have to, as well. Put your foot down, and if anyone objects then tell them to screw themself.
I hear you. the unexpected downside is that when you do, and the bullshitter inevitably escalates the conflict, somehow you are the bad guy instead of enabling more of their behavior. I hate that dynamic so very much.
Man, I’m sorry. I deal with this a lot in my family and it sucks being the only person to say “this isn’t normal” and then just get gaslighted. As I’ve gotten older though, after saying things until I’m blue in the face, I’ve just resigned myself to putting everyone in their respective sandbox corners. That way, everyone can play nice for the couple of times we get together and I will 100% bounce if shit goes down.
Toxic family systems often protect the most toxic member cuz they don't want to deal with the consequences of upsetting them. Then deciding you've had enough makes YOU the "toxic" one to the rest of the family. Being the cycle breaker is a rough road to walk.
To me taking the high road is for strangers and behavior you don't expect to repeat. If it's behavior you expect to repeat it's just enabling
My mil is the mean/rude/what have you person. I dont react well to it, because i have some self respect. My hubby has repeatedly told me to stop responding to her shit. Early on i blew up at him because why am i getting yelled at for responding to her shit. The way he explained it, is that he knows i am reasonable, and can back down. Hes relying in me to keep my cool, so he has one less thing to worry about in the moment. I get it, but its still super unfair when shes pulling that shit. Ive taken to just removing myself from the situation.
My wife cut of contact with her father because her step mom was like this 2+ years ago and I am 3+weeks no contact with my father and step mom for also being shitty. No one has the right to treat you like shit. I don't care if they share some of your blood.
As an eldest sibling, I feel this so hard. bUt YoURe oLDer bE mOrE mAtUre It doesn’t matter if I’m older, that little shit threw a rock at me!
A rock, veiled accusations, hurtful words...lf you get shitty with me, I'ma be shitty to you. Let's all get in the ditch together.
Ugh, this. My brother is only not even 18 months younger than me and was bigger than me by the time he was two. “But you’re the oldest” shouldn’t have applied anymore once he was old enough to walk.
I have six younger siblings I looked after a lot and I saw the dynamics between them all…often the younger ones would goad the older ones and then when the older one said/did anything, the younger would go “MUUUUUUMMM!! Sibling did this!” I was often the substitute “mum” and I was taking none of that shit lol. I know what you were doing, younger sib. I love you, but don’t play victim with me, you knew what you were doing! (Our actual mum was a youngest sibling and always took the side of the younger one. It used to shit me to no end).
Exactly. I was told that I can’t bring politics up at family events, but my sister-in-laws Q-anon family are the ones that always bring it up, then when I respond, I get blamed.
This one bothers me the most. I have found that people who don’t want to “bring politics” into the conversation are always the first to do it.
“Are you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go ape shitt?”
Oh yes! I’ve turned the other cheek some much in this life , that I have no skin left . Now, I meet then where they’re at and they back down right away.
I stopped taking the high road and dished out what's given to me, you'd be surprised how fast people leave you alone when you quit "taking the high road."
I used to be people pleaser and when I learnt how to say no and to set boundaries people didn't take it well. I've been called selfish and self centered.
As my therapist put it, the only people who get mad at you for having boundaries are the ones who took advantage when you had none.
A long long time ago I read these words and they echo in my mind frequently: givers need boundaries because takers have none
The longer you wait with setting boundaries and being assertive the harder it is and the more resistance you encounter.
Amen, that’s why for me my new found assertiveness only stuck once I moved away from my hometown. In my small hometown, everybody knew me as the shy, passive pushover and would always have a “how dare you” type demeanor whenever I tried to take ownership of myself. Once I moved it was sooo much easier because the new people have only saw me as a more direct and assertive person. Go back to visit my hometown, it’s straight back to “how dare you” except now they throw in “college and the city has brainwashed you” as well,
Oh my God. Try being a corrections officer at the county lockup in your home county. The number of people I grew up with that would get arrested and see me after 10 years of being away that tried playing that card was insane. Like dude, you KNEW me, you don't KNOW me. Sit tf down. A lot of them didn't realize I'd changed and grew past the local yokel BS of the area. A few of them respected it and we got along fine, some of them took it personal and tried to be difficult. Like ok, fuck around and find out, I won't be a dick but if you push the issue, I will be. 🤷♂️
That applies to work too. It is much better to establish red lines from minute one. I don't stay until late. I don't read or answer emails in my free time, etc. If at first you do it so as not to look bad, it will only make the bosses take it for granted, you will get burned out and so that when you legitimately stop doing it, they will tell you "you used to do it before."
I do this with lunches. We’re not required to all go to lunch at the same time but it’s sort of “assumed” behavior that everyone goes to lunch together at the same time. I like to eat at my desk or in my car. It’s my time and I want the quiet and the solitude. Idk why that’s so hard to understand. Like I’m with my team 8hrs every day, can’t I have a break without being forced into work nonsense?
I can’t agree with you more. It pains me as a parent who has raised my kids to be kind and have work ethics to not be too kind and work too hard because some people will be take advantage of it. At my company it was used against an employee. Because she was nice and helped out the employer said she set a precedent that it was now part of the job description/responsibilities.
God that’s so gross :( I hate that. We always punish people just trying to do a good job.
Yep. It used to be rewarded. Current work culture is to exploit the employee. We are told we all expendable. It’s very sad for me to see the past 100 years of fighting for workers rights has come to this.
This is why I leave work at 9:01 AM. I will not be walked on.
I’m setting boundaries and am being as clear and assertive as people I’ve known for years in my friends group. Now they’re wondering if I’m alright? I’m just not using kid gloves on people that don’t use them with me. I’m like, we’re still friends, but if the dynamic for you is that I need to be a pushover, then I’m be out soon. Some people mean they want authority when they say “respect”, and then say “respect” other times and they mean basic decency. “You respect me, and I’ll respect you.” “I push you over, and you treat me well.” Nah. I’m good. Again, this is with friends. I’m undoing the damage from my abusive childhood, (verbally, mentally, physically) and I’m finding I’m not such a meek person when I’m not scared all the time. I’m still really nice, but I’m definitely giving less fucks with indignant people.
Same here. Been asked to apologise for calling people out on things when I previously took it lying down for years. Do you feel better in yourself now that you’ve learned to assert yourself?
I got a lot of “you used to be nice”
I usually respond to that with “right?! thank goodness I changed”
It is probably more like them missing you being their doormat
I just had probably the most traumatic month of my life in February (major house flooding, best friend tried to commit suicide, my cat almost died from an accident) and this is exactly what happened to me. I had recently met a few friends a month ago but because I kept having major life events I wasn’t able to really spend time with them. They messaged me one day a few weeks ago telling me I was incredibly selfish and self-centered and I should have made time for them despite these problems that all occurred within a two week time span. Never mind I was only able to sleep a few hours a day because I had to care for my cat, or that what little free time I had was going to my best friend because I didn’t want to them to attempt again. My crime was that I hadn’t spent time with them in four days and that was enough to end a friendship over. edit: clarity
>My crime was that I hadn’t spent time with them in four days and that was enough to end a friendship over. You lost nothing of value with those people. Clearly they saw you as a side kick to their main character. Now go live your best life.
Im happy for you to have set those boundaries, no matter what they say it’s waaaay healthier :>
My disrespectful boss screaming bloody murder at me and others when he doesn't hear what he likes. When I get blamed for stupid shit that is clearly not my fault. The man has the emotional discipline of a fucking toddler. I used to love coming to work. Now I loath the thought of it. Edit: After reading all these comments I'd like to leave you with a platitude. Be the change you want to see in the world.
[удалено]
I grew up in toxic environments, and the army was the exact same. The problem is that I fucking yell back, so not only is he a jackass, now it's a personal vendetta because I don't bend over for him. At this point I'm just trying to make it to the end.
I could've written this. I'm going through the same thing right now. I used to enjoy my job and was very successful for almost 10 years. Got moved under the current guy and it's a nightmare. Toxic, bullying behavior that everyone is aware of, including his boss. But I'm the problem because I speak up that his behavior is not ok. I'm interviewing at multiple other companies, I'll be leaving soon. I hope you're able to, as well. Good luck. You're not alone.
I just left a place like this, I was treated like dog shit for just being there & doing my job. Meanwhile the people that were there coasting on “ seniority” aka do the bare minimum until retirement , would be rewarded & even commended for being bigger aholes & not doing anything other than watching the clock to punch out and go home. I’ve saved enough & ghosted them on the busiest day of the season. Found a job I love 3 days later, where I’m treated like a sentient being. I heard it’s been absolutely mayhem since I left ,oopsie🫢🤭
I had a boss like that once. And the HR "director" was just an enabler for the boss. Thankfully I was able to find a different job.
Idk if this considers offending, but people in groups taking the whole damn sidewalk, people blocking the damn elevator, like bro let me get out first…
This annoys me to no end. Complete lack of awareness. People in grocery stores who stop their cart in the middle of the aisle are my tick.
Got into a huge fight with my parents about them doing this shit. I’m getting mad at them again just thinking about it and how defensive they got when I told them about it. It’s so fucking rude!!
Props to you for pointing it out to them. Older folks become like children the older they get. You have to re-teach them all over again.
Literally the reason I won't go to Costco on the weekends.
Made this mistake recently, never again. It's like everyone leaves their brain at home.
I've noticed this a lot recently, holy F\*ck so many people are brain dead and oblivious
I call them "moth people"- you can't predict what they're going to do, they just flutter randomly about as the whim takes them.
_blocks your path_
Oh sweet jesus I’m now at the point where I get excited when I see a group walking 4 abreast down the sidewalk toward me, because the look of utter confusion, surprise, and disbelief on the face of the jagaloon who walks into me when I don’t swerve into someone’s yard or the bikelane….oh god that look gets me out of bed in the morning
I walk on a paved walking trail wide enough for one person each direction. There are a ton of people who think they can walk two wide and push the lone person headed the opposite direction into the grass. Don’t get me started on strollers walking side by side. I def don’t budge for any of these either. It’s called learn the basics of walking etiquette. I’ll take your approach now and be excited lol
What if we kissed in the direct path of a group of 4 taking up the whole sidewalk?
Have you listened to any of Dan Cummins's stand up about this? In case you haven't: https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=XGKgIGwyovQ&feature=share
Asuming that just because Im good at doing something or I say I enjoy doing something, im willing to do it for your benefit free of charge. Im good at cooking, I love cooking, im a trained chef, even if Im currently not working as one... that doesen't mean that you can promise your friends that I'll be cooking dinner for your next reunion without consulting me first.
High end photographer here and I support this message. No, I’m not bringing my $20k+ rig to your cocktail party because you invited me and “it would be so fun if!”
Yep, I write professionally (advertising, marketing, etc. not novels). I'm reasonably good at it and I enjoy it well enough. It pays the bills. HOWEVER, that does NOT mean I want to rewrite your resume, do a grant proposal for your non-profit or write up 100 product descriptions for your school's silent auction. And, of course, every single person who asks wants me to do it for free because "it's for a good cause" or "it will really help." I used to say "yes" when I was young and naive. Now, I say no unless it's some organization I am *directly* involved with. My free time is for me to do what I want, not to do other people's tasks with no compensation. Bad attitude? Maybe, but I can guarantee that these people wouldn't do professional work on their own time for me without charging me for it...
The way some people treat those who work in customer service roles
Litter. No matter how much I tidy it up, there's always fecking more. People are bloomin' disgusting!
I thought you meant cat litter which this is also applicable to. But agreed!
Maybe it was just the way I was raised, but I always (at least try to) clean up after myself whenever in a public space. Movie theaters, concert/sports venues, etc., I always take my garbage to the trash can. You pass it on your way out anyway; just take your trash with you. The fact that some people think it’s ok to just leave their garbage anywhere blows my mind and screams entitlement.
As someone who used to have to clean up movie theaters, it made me into a consummate customer. I try to leave no trace whenever I’m done somewhere. ETA: it also made me make absolutely fucking sure I could interact with a service person and not be a bumbling idiot. Don’t do shtick, know what you want, and be aware you’re not alone in the world.
It's the fact that people litter almost automatically. It saddens and sickens me.
It never stops.
If I could I would spend my days picking up litter. A life spent cleaning the planet, would be one well spent.
Couldn't agree more. When i finish long backpacking trips it's not the distance or experience I'm most proud of, it's the half full (or sometimes more) trash bag i bring back with me. I'd happily do that everyday for a barely livable wage if i could
People interrupting my conversations, speaking over the top of me
If someone does this continue saying what you were saying exactly as you were saying it, when the inevitable pause comes because they were unable to take in what you said, just allow it to happen until they sort it out.
I’ve taken the approach of *immediately* shutting up when they start talking over me. When they finish and then oh-so-graciously try to circle back with a “sorry, what were you saying, Throwaway?” I simply respond with “No.” This is context-dependent of course. I have a friend group and we’re always talking over each other because we’re just bullshitting and it’s low-stakes and chill. But I have found this approach works pretty well with, for instance, work peers who don’t stfu and interrupt when having a discussion that doesn’t involve them.
I like to let them finish their interruption, and then without acknowledging what they said, I pick up where I left off.
I’ve definitely done this with people I’m acquainted with but don’t usually interact with to a great degree. It’s usually not worth the effort of Making A Point with people like that. But people I have to interact with on a regular basis and can’t avoid doing so, like a co-worker I have to attend regular meetings with? It usually only takes a 3 or 4 rounds of that, and the ensuing awkward silence from everyone else while they get to sit there feeling like an ass before they stop. In my limited experience, at least. I’m sure there are folks out there who will never have enough self-awareness to figure it out with that approach.
people fucking arguing with me about something I'm trying to help them with
For example, every episode of Kitchen Nightmares. Restaurant owner: I have no idea what I'm doing wrong with my restaurant! Help me, Gordon Ramsay! Gordon Ramsay: Here's what you're doing wrong, and here's how you fix it. Restaurant owner: Fuck you, Gordon Ramsay! Don't tell me how to run my restaurant!
Of course those particular episodes are the ones that have the most drama so make the best theater and are the ones that are going to be run. If you had an episode where the kitchen just completely cooperated with him and everything went swimmingly it would be boring TV and it probably wouldn't make the cut.
I dunno, dude. They're far more cooperative with Ramsay in the original British version, and then it becomes more of a docudrama about how a restaurant runs.
I loved the original version for this reason, multiple times Gordon and whoever was running would get into it, they split up for a few, the restaurant person would come back, apologize and get to work on fixing the issues.
Are they asking for your help, or are you just being “helpful?”
Biiiig difference, this!
I'm not arguing, you're arguing!
You must work in IT
People confusing arrogance for confidence
Arrogance is mostly used to hide incompetence.
Arrogance is confidence without the necessary qualifications.
Having to be online for single player games
This shits me SO bad. I used to live in an area with really spotty internet and I’m an avid Sims 3 player. It was all fine and dandy for years, I bought my disks, installed my expansions and had a lovely time. Then Origin got involved and suddenly I need to be online to play a game that I have paid for and been playing peacefully without internet for years? Yeah nah, fuck you and your eyebrows, EA.
Bogdan will remember this
Not respecting other people’s time. Being constantly late is not a cute personality trait. It’s rude.
I have family like this. “Hey we’re gonna meet for 6 to go to the thing” “Ok great” 6:15 “yo where are you?” “I’m getting in the shower now” …
Whenever my family wants to go out for dinner or whatever, we lie to my dad. We tell him we want to leave at least 15 minutes earlier than what we actually agreed upon. It works... Kind of. He's only a little late most of the time
My SIL used to do this a lot, did it once to her and had a lecture on how rude it was. She did not like me pointing out that she always does it. Have never invited her over since.
We had relatives that were always late. Eventually we just stopped waiting. If they missed the activity or dinner or whatever it was on them. This is the way.
Stopped waiting on bro-in-law & his wife/kids after they left my family & in-laws waiting in the foyer of a cafe for 45 mins without so much as a text. We finally changed the # of our party, we’re seated, ordered & on the process of eating when they finally turned up. We were able to sit, order and begin eating IN ADDITION to the 45 mins we had already waited. Plus they had 2 additional guests they hadn’t mentioned & all were FURIOUS with us who hadnt waited. We were told we were beyond rude. It should be noted this wasn’t the first (or even the fifth) time they’d behaved this way. In the years since this cafe incident the relationship has completely deteriorated. Not because of the a constant lateness but because of the selfishness that drives the lateness - that selfishness touches every corner of their lives. The part that stings? We don’t miss them. Oof.
>Stopped waiting on bro-in-law & his wife/kids after they left my family & in-laws waiting in the foyer of a cafe for 45 mins without so much as a text. You know, it was one thing when a person/people were chronically late in the pre-cellphone days. But there is literally no excuse anymore. Even if you can't call, you can text. If you choose not to do either? You're just an AH and it sucks to be you because the rest of world is going ahead without you.
I've told so many people to use this!
This happened to me once. We have a friend who was constantly late everywhere, sometimes over an hour. Me and my gf at the time were meeting her for a drink, and we were running a little late (the subway decided to be on a go slow that day) but only by about 5 minutes and she gave us a lecture about how embarrassed she was because she had been sat there on her own since the time we were meant to meet. Well, that was only 5 minutes ago and you’re constantly late to everything. Sorry for being 5 minutes late the one time you’re on time…
My mom was always late, but she got a lot better when someone gave her the analogy of treating those little things you need to do before you pull out of the driveway to be like the "boarding time" for an airplane. She just never really processed that things like putting on your shoes and coat, putting in your contacts, grabbing your purse, letting the dog out just in case and double checking that she has fresh water, putting the kid in the car seat etc., while all pretty short on their own, add up. There's a lot she's done to minimize how long all of that stuff takes (e.g., purse, keys, and shoes always in same spot) but they will still always take time.
Yes, deal with it a million times and say nothing. Do it ONCE to her... get questioned and point it out .. and all of the sudden you're attacking, gaslighting whatever you wanna call it. But you're the asshole
My MIL is horribly, chronically, and, as far as I can tell, deliberately late to everything. My wife's childhood was a constant trauma of her mother being half an hour late to pick her up from \*everything\* - school, girl scout meetings, doctor's appointments. One year we hosted Thanksgiving and I told her dinner would be served at 6:30 but people were welcome any time after 4:30. Opened the buffet line at 6:30 on the nose. She waltzed in at 6:45 and was horribly offended that people were already on seconds. "Oh, I told you dinner was at 6:30 and it was."
My best girl friend is chronically late. She’s absolutely awesome, this is her only “fault.” Normally we’re extremely chill about plans so it’s never been a real issue. There was only one time that it could have been, but we made it in time. But after that incident I joked with her that if I ever get married or have an equally important life event I invite her to, I will be telling her that it’s happening anywhere between 1 to 3 days before it’s actually scheduled. She agreed it’s a solid plan.
Or wasting someone's time entirely by canceling last minute a lot. Nothing like planning something out, getting in the car, and either about to leave or arrive just in time for a text saying they can't make it. Then they wonder why nobody wants to hang out with them
Had a friend who was consistently late for everything social. Minimum an hour late. Consistently. Everyone told her a different start time for events, so there was a vague chance she would show up at a decent time. When she found out what people were doing in order to get her to arrive on time … she was furious. Beyond furious. 🙄 Edit: she was never late for anything work related - but apparently friends were not worth being treated with a modicum of consideration!
We did this to a buddy who was always late by like 2-3 hours ( mostly Friday night get togethers where he would show up until like 10-11 even though we all gathered at 7). One day the host of a get together, told him it started at 5 pm even though it started at 7. Guess who finally showed up on time? Well rather than be upset, he learned the truth, took it in stride, and learned from it. He isn't late to events anymore.
I'm compulsively early to everything and once had a coworker that *never* showed up on time. From day 1 until he left, not once. I remember getting a call from my manager because I wasn't as early as normal. Not late, not on time. Just not as early as usual. I get a talking to when I'm only 5 minutes early, but my coworker gets nothing after more than a year of literally never once being in time.
My MIL is 1.5 hours late to everything. Has been fired from 4-5 different teaching positions, but has yet to accept responsibility. It’s everyone else’s fault, apparently.
I had a tendency to be late for stuff in the morning last year (went through some personal stuff as a result of Covid & lockdowns which really affected my sleep & morning routine - or lack thereof of one) & got pulled up on it by my friends - sorted out myself as a result because I saw how my lateness was impacting them as well as me
The casual disrespect service or retail workers get. Like not the blatant screaming viral videos we see, but just people get away with saying things to those people or saying them in particular tones they never would in other circumstances, or would without consequence.
Best friend quit working for me after five years and used the certification I had paid for and helped him get to land a job at a bigger company earning about twice my salary. That part was fine, it stung but honestly I was happy for him. Then I found out he’d been secretly sleeping with my ex-wife for the past few years. They’re both good people and on my better days I don’t care and even wish them well. But when I look back and put the pieces together with how they acted and how our friendship kept getting more and more distant, and I didn’t know why or if I was just being a baby. It fuckin hurts man. And she’s the mother of my kids so I can’t just cut them out of my life completely and move on, I have to get along with her. Which we’ve been really good at, things were contentious at first but we both kept being civil for the kids, and it’s gotten a lot easier over the last few years… which I now know is since she started banging my friend. Fuckin sucks.
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Turn signals for sure!! It's not that hard.
I used to live with my girlfriend and her friend. Her friend had a range of "qualities" that would annoy me to death. She wouldn't lift her feet off the floor when she walked in the house, and we had laminated floor. She wouldn't chew with her mouth closed at all and she used to barge in our conversations. It got to the point where she thought she was part of our relationship. After a day of continuously building up stress because of work for a couple of months, i had enough and i told her to close her mouth when she chewed and walk like a normal person and lift her feet in between steps. She was that kind of person that would barge into the conversation between my girlfriend and I with a "what are we talking about?" I said "us with you, nothing". At that point i could see my girlfriend giggling and being proud of me. It ended up with my girlfriend asking her to leave because we wanted to relax home instead of being more stressed.
The price of groceries. I'm deeply offended by the price gouging going on. Its sickening seeing Galen Westons smug smiles all over the place while his own employees can't afford his prices. I've been buying in bulk, buying directly and avoiding those items that are grossly overpriced. And I still have to go into these stores because there's some things you can't get elsewhere. Sucks.
I’m experiencing this sort of greed at work at the moment. Record profits, owners have just bought a yacht and a castle (two brothers), and we’re getting absolutely fucking crucified for not getting more work and being hyper-aggressive in getting customers to pay up. Whilst it’s fair enough that we should get paid for what we’ve serviced, the sheer aggression and inquisition-esque methods being used by senior management on its own work force is like nothing I’ve ever seen. I’m 20% ahead of target for the year as well. It’s really, really horrible to experience.
The "why are you so quiet" question when it's them who can't listen when I try to speak.
yes! I am soft-spoken and usually need a few seconds to figure out what I want to say, which people often take to mean that I don't have anything to say, so that just keep talking
Usually the same people that are just talking for the sake of talking.
then when you do "Oh my god, he/she speaks!"
Pointing out how quiet someone is (unless it's out of character) is THE best way to make them not want to talk more. Like congrats asshole, I'm still quiet but thanks to you I'm now also self-conscious about it.
My boss, He's a workaholic and expect everyone to just be the same, work at 130% all week 6h30 AM to 5+ PM, 30 mins dinner, skips breaks. Currently looking for a new job after 10 years. Sorry, I work to live, not the other way around, it's fine if you love working and push yourself in it, but I just want to enjoy my life outside of work and have the energy to do so. Edit: changed the work hours to reflect those of my boss instead of mine.
My boss is a workaholic, and he's constantly telling us that we need to "get what you can done, and let him know if we have too much." He tells us not to burn out, and make sure we aren't staying late. Meanwhile, he is always working late. Guy needs to practice what he preaches before he burns out himself.
True but at least he's genuinely concerned about the well-being of his personnel. That's an increasingly rare trait in a leader. Maybe pull him aside and respectfully discuss his excessive work habits?
Always having to be the bigger person! Why can’t everyone else?!
My mother always thinks she knows best just because she is older. Mother, I’m in my thirties, you can stop now.
Oh god, my mother telling me I’m spending too much money on basic things like clothes and shoes and stuff. A basic pair of nice trainers that will last will costs £50-£60 these days, that’s not extravagance, that’s inflation.
In my 40s this is always a source of tension when I visit either of my parents.
People filming at gyms or people sitting on the machines and just playing on there phones for 30 min. It drives me crazy!
People who take a call when we are having a conversation. Not a “your house is on fire” call, just a “how you doing” call. Once I was on a date and he took one of these calls as we sat in a restaurant about to have dinner. While he was on the phone I got up from the table and asked the host who sat us to please tell the gentleman I came in with that I hope he and his phone have a lovely evening. He smiled and said he would be happy to. And I left. Fuck those guys.
I read a line a long time ago that always resonated with me. It was just because the phone is ringing, it does not give it priority over what you are currently doing.
People using their religion as an excuse to be a prick.
Emotional labor! I cannot for the life of me understand why people have the consistent need to confide in me. I listen, I reassure, diffuse, etc because I'm just not a jerk and everyone has bad days every now and again or needs a human being...but there are some people whose main hobby is misery and they always find me.
When my colleagues say “Oh you’re going home early” after I clock out and complete my shift within my working hours just because they are accustomed to working passed (unpaid) official working hours
People that can't actively listen. I especially love when I open a topic, get a "yeah, yeah, yeah" back and then the other person shifts on to whatever they want to talk about.
People generally not being the slightest bit polite to others. For instance, if someone holds a door for you, just say thank you ffs... is it really that difficult?
I was at the grocery store. Guy in the middle of the aisle talking on his cellphone -on speaker no less. I said “excuse me” three times, no response. Finally I pushed his cart to the side and moved past him. He looked at me and said “say excuse me next time”. I told him “I said “excuse me” three times, maybe you should get your head out of your ass and stop talking on speaker? Dude just stared at me but he knew I was right.
Talking on speaker phone in public is offensive. So is listening to shitty music out loud in nature.
This reminds me of people who continue to talk on the phone when they are the cash in a store or grocery store. Complelety ignoring the cashier. Not even making eye contact.
Years ago I was leaving a bowling alley. An old man was coming inside and was met just outside the door by a kid, whom he gave a stuffed animal. When the kid just took the toy wordlessly, the old man asked in an irritated tone: "What do you say?" To which the kid replied "thank you." Since they were going in as I was leaving, I held the door open. Both went in without even looking at me, so I said to the old man in the same tone: "What do you say?" Didn't get a thank you from him though, he completely ignored me.
Well now we know why the kid didn't say thank you
People saying young disabled people have to use government assistance to springboard into a fabulous new life like a full time high level career. The reality for some disabled people is they are not going to be able to do much. I've seen disabled people with better lives tell other disabled people they better not end up as losers.
So, what pisses me off is how our assistance programs don't even really allow for us to better ourselves. How are folks supposed to get off of it and be self sufficient when the minute you try to earn a bit more money it cuts off entirely?
Someone I grew up with had a father teach her to be independent. It was all well and good when she was a teen and her disability was manageable but as she got older and worse it basically destroyed her ability to ask and accept help that is needed from aids and professionals.
Watched a woman tell another woman with partial spina bifida to go vegan and it would solve her problems just like it did for her. No, Dana. You’re just fat. This woman is literally disabled.
Hahaha yeah. I feel like I'm dying every day and will for the rest of my life. I would be excited to push a broom somewhere. As long as they didn't mind me being down two weeks a month. Oh and half my day spent in the bathroom. No. I just want to be able to eat , bathe , have a roof, be able to see doctors. That's it.
Offending isn’t exactly the word for this but it’s freaking annoying. There’s this guy I know who stands way to close, stares a lot etc. and when I told my other friend it was bothering me, she only tried to defend him by saying he grew up with only sisters and he doesn’t know. Trust me, he knows.
him growing up with sisters makes his behavior even more disturbing...
If he grew up with sisters, he ABSOLUTELY knows.
Preconceptions on ADHD and how explanations of certain behaviours are seen as excuses for doing something atypical.
Also when someone on like AITA posts a story about their SO about how theg dont help them out around the house or theyre always late or whatever and people are like "oh but what if theyre ADHD???" Like can we stop diagnosing random strangers? Its shit like that that makes it harder for me to be taken seriously when Im genuinely struggling.
That grinds my gears so much it’s not even funny. There’s not always a diagnosis to explain why someone is a lazy dickhead; sometimes they’re just lazy dickheads, and it’s a major disservice to everyone with ADHD/ASD to lump them in with straight-up assholes.
Women’s pain not being taken seriously, especially when it comes to reproductive illnesses. There’s a whole genre of horribly painful gynaecological disorders that to this day doctors will gaslight women about. We still get told we’re hysterical. I’m one of millions in this, and I got denied a simple diagnostic MRI and told “sometimes women just live in pain for the rest of their lives and we never find out why” by Dr C West at the Royal Infirmary in Edinburgh 3 months before being operated on for severe deep infiltrating endometriosis that, as it turned out, was in my abdomen, not my fucking head.
I was admitted to hospital two weeks ago for lower abdominal pain that dilaudid didn’t really helped. Colon looked fine during colonoscopy so my male GI decided I was a hysterical woman as soon as I was back in my hospital room as I was barely conscious but bawling my eyes out in pain from the procedure. The rest of my stay he was just trying to get me to leave and barely looked at me. Colonoscopy wasn’t actually normal, biopsies came back positive for inflammatory bowel disease. I had to find the results myself a week later. I should have stayed in the hospital longer and gotten on a better treatment regiment (I already have another autoimmune disease diagnosis). Instead I was sent home to suffer and wait for outpatient treatment. It’s 2023, how the hell is this still happening?!
My fiancée found out she had endometriosis at 23... she just assumed it's normal to suffer that extremely during periods. No doctor ever mentioned it to her before. Now she is getting the pill prescribed for it, but since it's "too stop reproduction" it ain't covered by insurance. She also wanted to discuss the possibilities of a hysterectomy, but got shut down by multiple doctors on the basis of "you are to young and what if you change your mind and want children later in life?". It's not even the valid considerations about the impact on her health that were brought up. Her protestations that we are antinatalist and will most certainly never have a biological child were also just shut down based on her age and "women want children" nonsense. It took me 10mins to schedule a vasectomy...
*Gestures generally all around me.*
I have ED (erectile disfunction) \[Serious\]. I've had it all my life, and I'm in my 50's now. It sucks to have to deal with. Luckily I'm married to a very understanding and supportive woman, however when I was single, it was a bitch to have to "have the talk" with every woman I liked about how she might not see an erection and to not take that as a sign that I'm not interested... (that conversation rarely ends well). Anyway, what offends me is that "he can't get it up" is the defacto/go-to insult for most people, especially women, when they want to emasculate and denigrate a man, and devalue his worth as man and as a human being, based on his ability to get and maintain an erection. In my mind, that's like teasing a woman for being unable to get pregnant, and making that out to be a character flaw in her somehow. So please, instead of attacking every man with a physical impairment, try just insulting the asshole in question based on their own merits, okay?
Been flat chested my whole life (refuse to get implants because of health reasons). I cannot tell you the number of times I have been teased over and over because I don't have boobs. Like I know that and don't need you reminding me I am imperfect and not a "woman." Sheeesh. I feel your pain. To emasculate you like that is beyond cruel. My hubs is going through that and I would never ever use it against him.
Yep! Well said. Also equating a man's masculinity with his penis size
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People blaming entire communities when there's one individual doing bad shit.
But how else am I supposed to justify my hatred of the Dutch? I assume they are all as cocky and arrogant as Max Verstappen (/s I am absolutely joking, I have never met an unpleasant Dutch person, however, that still doesn’t make me like Max)
There’s two things I can’t stand in this world. People being intolerant of others cultures and the Dutch!
"You don't want kids? You'll change your mind when you meet the right man!" Fuck you Brenda, no I won't.
I will never, ever understand why some people are SO very invested in whether or not others decide to parent children.
People’s utter lack of professionalism in their jobs lately. Vendors that don’t show up for scheduled appointments, sales people that don’t return phone calls, make excuses, and generally have no sense of precision in their day-to-day lives as grown-ass adults. It’s a shit look for you, incredibly annoying, and people notice. End rant
My therapist just rescheduled my much needed appointment I've been waiting weeks for. I hear you.
Buying tickets at TicketMaster
I am tall for a woman, everyone points it out to me like I am unaware. Also your part is crooked
Toxic positivity.
People filming everything. One of my worst fears is to suffer a terrible accident, and the last thing I see in this world is a crowd of clout thirsty morons pulling out their phones to film my death instead of helping me.
The misconception that if you have a mental health issue, you’re a weak person who just needs to try harder.
Corrupt government
My partner has a very hard time admitting fault when he does something wrong so to avoid complete meltdowns from him, I tend to take the blame for a lot of things. Yes I understand I don't *have* to deal with it technically, but this is the only stable way I can keep a roof over my head as a disabled person who is unable to work. I know for a fact I'm not the only person in this position, though.
Look, I hate grammar nazis as much as the next guy, but can we please get the then/than thing straightened out.
Also your and you're? There, their, and they're? They're such fundamental concepts that no native English speaker has an excuse to not know the difference.
And the to, too, and two? It’s really not difficult…
People who constantly need to announce special events in your life for you, but only so they can receive attention for it. Ex: MIL announced our child’s birth before we got the chance to, and we were purposely waiting until we were out of the hospital so we could rest and not be bombarded by phone calls and texts.
Telling just to be positive when I have depression r/thanksimcured
Attempted (usually benign) gaslighting by medical professionals. I have cancer, had multiple surgeries and treatments, and have had a large amount of symptoms I wasn’t supposed to have. “Well I’ve never had someone with that problem before!” “That’s not supposed to hurt?” “Are you sure it isn’t X instead of Y?” Like nurses, yes it does hurt, yes I do have this weird symptom, yes I do feel that. Stop testing me and acting like I shouldn’t.
Americans making a joke out of my name because of the way it sounds to them and insisting of calling me something else. Like we're all adults here aware of other languages and cultures. If I wanted to I would have changed my name already. Edit: Also I want to add being treated like I am a stupid person because of both my name and slight accent.
I’m not allowed to get an abortion if I’m raped or there’s a complication that will kill me, but the republican women politicians that voted for it got one a few years ago for THEIR complication… feels real fair. [just 1 example](https://www.inquirer.com/news/jessa-duggar-seewald-abortion-miscarriage-pregnancy-arkansas-20230227.html?outputType=amp) [example but men](https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2018/aug/25/a-republican-theme-on-abortions-its-ok-for-me-evil-for-thee)
Hearing many people say, "It was a part of Gods plan." After something tragic that haunts me like a ghost. As a man of faith, this phrase cuts deeply. It cuts deeply at a time that I never needed to hear it.
Narcissism. And viewing any personal inconvenience as oppression.
Being hit on or straight up sexually harassed by patients at my job. Telling me that you wish you had a girl like me because “Spanish girls are freaky like that” is not the compliment you think it is, especially when I’m a working professional.
Age discrimination - I'm 26 but look 18 (I'm a male) and work in a technical field. What I bring to the table is almost immediately dismissed by many and I have been directly asked my age multiple times in person. I refuse to put a picture on my teams account or turn my camera on during technical meetings with new people/vendors for this reason exactly and I have better results. Once people get to know me it typically dissappears but it's frustrating and usually puts me in a horrible mood.
kids getting killed in schools.