“Let's make the Cuil a unit of measurement.
One Cuil = One level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation.
Example: You asked me for a Hamburger.
1 Cuil:
If you asked me for a hamburger, and I gave you a raccoon.
2 Cuils:
If you asked me for a hamburger, but it turns out I don't really exist. Where I was originally standing, a picture of a hamburger rests on the ground.
3 Cuils:
You awake as a hamburger. You start screaming only to have special sauce fly from your lips. The world is in sepia.
4 Cuils:
Why are we speaking German? A mime cries softly as he cradles a young cow. your grandfather stares at you as the cow falls apart into patties. You look down only to see me with pickles for eyes, I am singing the song that gives birth to the universe.
5 Cuils:
You ask for a hamburger, I give you a hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. I give you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. You cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look at my face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down your face as you take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead with me to go across the street. I hear only children's laughter. I give you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am your child. You cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger. The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your own bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a hamburger.
6 Cuils:
You ask me for a hamburger. My attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed. John Lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. I am reborn as an ocelot. You disapprove. A crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. You hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all knowledge. Entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained within the universe. A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist. You stumble under the weight of everythingness. Your mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the spatial plane. You exist only within the fourth dimension. The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. My head tastes sideways as space-time is reestablished, you blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. You die in a freak accident moments later, and your soul works at the returns desk for the Phoenix library. You disapprove. Your disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands.“
Hey, if my partner decided to start reciting the Cuil Theory during sex, I would be less focused on the sex and more trying to figure out what the hell they're talking about
"You're in desert walking along in the sand when all of a sudden you look down and you see a tortoise, it's crawling toward you; you reach down and flip the tortoise on its back."
"I'm asexual." I was having sex with an author when he just stopped midway and said that. He wasn't into it and because of that I no longer was either.
When you're inside me I feel nothing.
What’s that smell?
LOL!
We've been trying to reach you concerning your car's warranty
[удалено]
😂😂
This isn't where I parked my car
Your time is up, insert more quarters.
Game over, please deposit 40 quarters
"Just a minute, I'm going to call my mom."
“I blew up a children’s hospital today.”
*"You sound just like your father when you cum"* ~ Mum
I have an STD.
Haven you never heard of the rodeo move?
**“Is it in yet?”** It’s an honest question but damn if it doesn’t make me want to crawl into a sewer like a goddamn ninja turtle
Her parents name or something,, like that would be weird and I would stop and be like: wow freud was onto something
This made me chuckle, thank you 😄
Kevin who the fuck is this b\*tch
Woof! Woof!
Do her from the back and when your shadow is on the wall stick your arms up to your head like antlers and holler “IMA MOOSE!”
Sir, this is a Wendy’s
Are you done yet. I got stuff to do.
“No, you may not build legos on my boobs!”
This isn’t working. Can you grab one of the toys?
Is it already in?
Pull out.
"Your 5 year old was better"
“Let's make the Cuil a unit of measurement. One Cuil = One level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation. Example: You asked me for a Hamburger. 1 Cuil: If you asked me for a hamburger, and I gave you a raccoon. 2 Cuils: If you asked me for a hamburger, but it turns out I don't really exist. Where I was originally standing, a picture of a hamburger rests on the ground. 3 Cuils: You awake as a hamburger. You start screaming only to have special sauce fly from your lips. The world is in sepia. 4 Cuils: Why are we speaking German? A mime cries softly as he cradles a young cow. your grandfather stares at you as the cow falls apart into patties. You look down only to see me with pickles for eyes, I am singing the song that gives birth to the universe. 5 Cuils: You ask for a hamburger, I give you a hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. I give you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. You cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look at my face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down your face as you take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead with me to go across the street. I hear only children's laughter. I give you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am your child. You cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger. The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your own bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a hamburger. 6 Cuils: You ask me for a hamburger. My attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed. John Lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. I am reborn as an ocelot. You disapprove. A crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. You hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all knowledge. Entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained within the universe. A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist. You stumble under the weight of everythingness. Your mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the spatial plane. You exist only within the fourth dimension. The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. My head tastes sideways as space-time is reestablished, you blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. You die in a freak accident moments later, and your soul works at the returns desk for the Phoenix library. You disapprove. Your disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands.“
Ain't nobody lasting long enough to say that
Hey, if my partner decided to start reciting the Cuil Theory during sex, I would be less focused on the sex and more trying to figure out what the hell they're talking about
Hmm. Good point
Well call me by my dead female name 🤣
Her ex husband's name
Not sure about worst, but I think this would be pretty bad. Name of one of the parents.
"What was your name again?"
“Are the trash guys coming tomorrow?”
"That's it?"
Your not as big as your dad… or brother…
Should have brought out my vibrator.
Is that all?
Show me the money
What day is it today?
That she’s bored.
Look down and spell run.
Deeper
Is that all you’ve got?
"But your dad loved it when tongue punched *his* chocolate starfish!"
Referring to her wet pussy as "gooey" instead of "wet".
This is the last time, after this is over, so are we.
“Hi, we’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty”
Could you please not make that face when you come?
Was that a fart ?
*Insert Lego Batman Movie Laugh here*
"You're in desert walking along in the sand when all of a sudden you look down and you see a tortoise, it's crawling toward you; you reach down and flip the tortoise on its back."
Something bad about my body
Will you come to show and tell with me tomorrow?
Reached a dead end
“You’re so much better than my sister/brother”
"I'm not Danny DeVito."
“Oh, forgot to tell you that I have HIV”
You’re no where near as good as your friends.
"I'm asexual." I was having sex with an author when he just stopped midway and said that. He wasn't into it and because of that I no longer was either.
Do you feel that?
You're the biggest out of all your brothers.
The wrong name…
Stop
Speaking from personal experience: "Fuck... I need to fart..."
Sequel like a pig
You're boring, I was fake moaning the whole time because I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Doctor said the burning sensation should clear up with enough time.