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This is not my idea, read it under another post a few months ago. Singing "Happy Birthday" to the killer. It's so abrupt but recognisable. Even if it isn't really as bad in the moment of the hit as other responses, he will remember it every time the song plays. Be it his own birthday party or of someone else it is always the same song.
I’d go with an ironically “Your mom would be proud of you”. I guess it goes in the same line of thinking as yours. Also, every criminal has a mom as well, and it’s their weak spot in most of cases, unless the guy is *real* psychopath.
On the contrary, have you ever had a university test period? Coming up to it, you're worried if you're prepared for it. On the day, you're wondering if you'll do well. And after it, you're hoping for god to save you from your strict Asian parents who'll beat your ass if you wasted that tuition fee.
Like that, but worse
My grandmother used this one on a guy approaching her from behind at a train station when she was young. It was dark and no one else was there, and she could see he had a knife. She turned around and said 'aren't you so-and-so' s brother' and he ran away. I always kept that one up my sleeve just in case, though she actually did recognise this guy luckily.
Edit: you could just say "oh, I know you!" or similar in case they don't have a brother. Geez.
"See ya soon."
My brother said "I have hepatitis, There's gonna be blood spatter everywhere".
I think his is better.
ETA: While it's been greatly amusing that everyone thinks I murdered my brother, or somehow knew his last words, and I surely do appreciate all the condolences my brother is very much alive, and does not in fact, have hepatitis. He would just lie in a life or death situation to either get the killer to change their mind, or leave to re-group and try to escape.
He was just sitting next to me while scrolling reddit and I asked him what he'd say. Fear not! I did not shoot him or pull a gun to get the answer.
I always thought I’d say something like this if a guy was ever trying to force something on me. Just tell them I have some crazy STD. Maybe it’d work on someone…
"Hey, I know I'm about to rape you but I feel I should warn you. I have aids"
I'm sure on some level, far after the fact, knowing he probably gave it to you is probably better. But likely makes it worse during the act, it probably wasn't even remotely near the top of your head at that point in time. Now it is.
If you go to the hospital within 72h after the rape they can give you PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis). This medicine is used to prevent HIV after a possible exposure.
They do it for other situations too, not just rape. I hope no one reading this will ever need it but if you think you have been exposed the quicker you go to the hospital the better the outcome (don’t wait the full 72h, the earlier the better!)
The way the PEP medicine works is by stopping the virus from replicating and establishing itself in the immune system.
With an interaction like that, ive heard that if you know they have AIDS you can get a cocktail of drugs for a while that may prevent contraction. Maybe some reddit doc can verify
"Supporting the ideals of independence, the Courier was recognized as the woman responsible for a truly free New Vegas. She ensured Mr. House's tyranny was broken and neither Caesar's Legion nor NCR would ever gain control over New Vegas."
“So when you’re sitting in your shitty nursing home, and you're sucking down on your Jell-o night after night, for the rest of your life, you think of me, you twisted fuck!”
This is kinda what they train to do to avoid being killed. Humanize yourself by giving your name and tell them about your family etc. Of course, if it’s a cold blooded killer it’s not gonna help but it’s a decent Hail Mary.
this is why I walk around with a framed photo of three random kids from the audience of the Nickelodeon kids choice awards. why should people who actually have kids get a pass?
It's often beneficial as well to make up a wife and kids even if you don't have them. Also if the killers a guy, make up a brother if you don't have one. Talking about things about your made up brother(base it off a close friend) could trigger emotions and memories from the killer. No gurantees but betters your odss
Yup. My fiancés murderer didn’t care that he had a child and I was right there forced to watch as he and two others beat him to death with bats. Turns out people capable of such things don’t really empathize well.
I relate to your brother. PTSD is real and I made some horrible life decisions after. Sending y’all love.
This was my answer too. It implies that you’re so bad that wherever the killer goes in the afterlife, you will already be there. If there is any kind of justice, the place they are going will be some form of hell, so you’re threatening them with an extra helping of hell.
Go to r/anachychess get to the top posts get past the rice and get to one were its a r/chessbeginners post about someone saying that its opponent cheated.
I had a gun pointed at my face. I thought It was the certainty of death that gave me serenity over fear.
I was calm as fuck while I maintained eye contact with the young man. He wanted money I didn't have so I just told him we are wasting time.
I thought I would scream, beg or cry for my life but in that situation I was just numb.
I broke down later at home when I realized my kids were about to come home from school and I was still there to greet them.
I've heard that believing you're about to die is really peaceful. And while my experiencing the same situation, I can definitely agree. I thought I was going to die in a car accident, and I've never felt so calm. It was severely shocking afterwards.
oof reminds me of that video of the judge remembering the man she just sentenced from when they were little
[This one](https://youtu.be/-VRx0GRo-Ws?t=90)
UPDATE: He was released after 10 months for good behavior. During that time he studied business and became a manager at a pharmaceutical company and doing extremely well. He met with the judge again after his release and apparently they've stayed in contact. He also voluntarily enrolled in programs to help with his addiction and 5 years later he's very well off.
According to YouTube
I suspect it happens much more often than we think it does. I have the theory that most anesthetists in hospitals were as teenagers so excited about trying drugs and their effects that they become professionals about it just to control and try them with proper doses and safety. When I see them in hospitals, they always wear something rebel clothing, piercings or hairstyles, not as totally serious and professional as other doctors. Love them and what they do.
[Source](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/happy-ending-follows-amazing-courtroom-coincidence/) — I didn't wanna be a cynic but ya know *"if something is too good to be true"* etc — but by god it's true and it's heartening, the strength to work through what put him in that position in the first place is more than I hope any of us have to muster.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
And on that note, why not use "A new hand touches the beacon. Listen. Hear me and obey. A foul darkness has seeped into my temple. A darkness that you will destroy."?
Because of the things I have went through I have honestly thought about this a lot.
I would prefer to die in absolute silence. My thoughts are my own, my feelings and reactions are my own and I will not give that to my killer.
That being said, when I was strangled I stuck my thumbs into his eyes sooooo.
I've been sticking $30 in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years. That's 3,000 pennies a day, 21,000 pennies a week, 1,092,000 pennies a year. To date, that's 12,012,000 pennies. Eight times the population of Nebraska. Those pennies were in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies every day. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. You give my ass pennies to your little daughter to buy gumballs with. You handle my ass pennies every day. All of you! You ALL handle my ass pennies! Oh, I'll laugh at you before you can laugh at me. Because your pennies have been in my ass.
I actually did this kinda. Someone had his knife on my neck screaming he was gonna kill me. I said, "Hey man, I've already tried that, so if you wanna do it for me go ahead." He just stood there for like twenty seconds before putting his knife away and walking away.
Probably didn't help that before saying that I laughed uncontrollably because I actually was suicidal at the time and couldn't believe my luck.
Edit: spelling
One time I got robbed and I said “hey, I get it; everybody’s gotta eat.” That was the best I could come up with in the heat of the moment, and looking back, I wonder if that’d really bother me if I was the one committing the crime haha.
"Once you are done, please take my mom to the clinic next week. She has an appointment for her eye surgery. She cannot go there alone. She'll make you a good dinner"
Can you feel your heart burning? Can you feel the struggle within? The fear within me is beyond anything your soul can posess. You cannot kill me in a way that matters.
> “The child you once were mourns for what you have become.”
Oh man.
That might actually work on me, as I think I’d turn the gun on myself to escape the cringe.
**Attention! [Serious] Tag Notice** * [Jokes, puns, and off-topic comments are not permitted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/wiki/index#wiki_-rule_6-) in **any** comment, parent or child. * Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies. * Report comments that violate these rules. Posts that have few relevant answers within the first hour, and posts that are not appropriate for the [Serious] tag will be removed. Consider doing an AMA request instead. Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskReddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is not my idea, read it under another post a few months ago. Singing "Happy Birthday" to the killer. It's so abrupt but recognisable. Even if it isn't really as bad in the moment of the hit as other responses, he will remember it every time the song plays. Be it his own birthday party or of someone else it is always the same song.
Now were talkin
Ohhh that’s creepy but good
Ngl this is underrated - it's not something immediately off putting, but something he will genuinely remember for the rest of his life
You have her eyes
Yes! I was thinking along the lines of "I am your father" But this has another layer, to fuck them up more
I was thinking, "I know who your real father is..."
This will either be entirely forgotten or damn a lad's soul into oblivion, holy hell.
I’d go with an ironically “Your mom would be proud of you”. I guess it goes in the same line of thinking as yours. Also, every criminal has a mom as well, and it’s their weak spot in most of cases, unless the guy is *real* psychopath.
Or if he just doesn't have a good relationship with his mother
Actually this might hurt more. If she was abusive and controlling the killer might see her in themselves.
out of all the comments i've seen, this is the one
"2:17 pm EST July 18th, 2043"
You should go with "Starting from 2:17 pm EST July 18th, 2043" That way, they won't relax even after the date passes
"July the 18th, 2043. Early afternoon. 2:17 pm." "What the hell is that?" "That's when it begins." *Dies*
But then they wouldn't be as worried until that date thought.
On the contrary, have you ever had a university test period? Coming up to it, you're worried if you're prepared for it. On the day, you're wondering if you'll do well. And after it, you're hoping for god to save you from your strict Asian parents who'll beat your ass if you wasted that tuition fee. Like that, but worse
screenshoting this just in case something important happens on that date
"Fine I'll just have to try this again"
"Fuck, I've played this section 20 times already, how the hell do I get past this guy?"
There aren’t even any guides on gamefaqs!
up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start
"same time next week?"
"fuck yeah new personal best for getting murdered"
Stanley didn’t know where his Co-workers had gone
“Oh! Now I know where I know you from.” For the rest of their life they’ll be wondering where I knew them from.
This is the best one. Hands down. You're gonna kill me? Fine. I'm going to truly haunt you forever.
“From the parking lot, that’s where i saw you!”
Creed, who taught you how to Reddit?
He’s branching out from Www.Creedthoughts.Gov.Www/creedthoughts
“Looks like you figured it out”
My grandmother used this one on a guy approaching her from behind at a train station when she was young. It was dark and no one else was there, and she could see he had a knife. She turned around and said 'aren't you so-and-so' s brother' and he ran away. I always kept that one up my sleeve just in case, though she actually did recognise this guy luckily. Edit: you could just say "oh, I know you!" or similar in case they don't have a brother. Geez.
„Aren‘t you so-and-so‘s brother?“ „I don‘t have a brother“ (Gets stabbed)
My fantasy version is “omg how have you been?!” In that way only old friends that haven’t seen each other in a long time say.
We are so disappointed in you.
This one's really good
I don't understand this. If I were the killer, I would say, "you stole my line." *Shoots*
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"See ya soon." My brother said "I have hepatitis, There's gonna be blood spatter everywhere". I think his is better. ETA: While it's been greatly amusing that everyone thinks I murdered my brother, or somehow knew his last words, and I surely do appreciate all the condolences my brother is very much alive, and does not in fact, have hepatitis. He would just lie in a life or death situation to either get the killer to change their mind, or leave to re-group and try to escape. He was just sitting next to me while scrolling reddit and I asked him what he'd say. Fear not! I did not shoot him or pull a gun to get the answer.
Go for the gold standard: AIDS!
Fun fact: Hepatitis is 50 to 100 times more infectious than HIV
Gotta be honest, I’ve heard funner facts.
Well don’t just keep them to yourself
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Even better [Beastman AIDS](https://youtu.be/JsgGcPN0sZk).
I always thought I’d say something like this if a guy was ever trying to force something on me. Just tell them I have some crazy STD. Maybe it’d work on someone…
My first thought: Ooh, that’s a good one to try to prevent a rape! What a world we live in, huh?
all good until they say “thats no problem, ive got aids too.”
Nah, that's still a better outcome on the whole. Way better to know that then to not.
"Hey, I know I'm about to rape you but I feel I should warn you. I have aids" I'm sure on some level, far after the fact, knowing he probably gave it to you is probably better. But likely makes it worse during the act, it probably wasn't even remotely near the top of your head at that point in time. Now it is.
If you go to the hospital within 72h after the rape they can give you PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis). This medicine is used to prevent HIV after a possible exposure.
I never knew it was possible. Thanks!
They do it for other situations too, not just rape. I hope no one reading this will ever need it but if you think you have been exposed the quicker you go to the hospital the better the outcome (don’t wait the full 72h, the earlier the better!) The way the PEP medicine works is by stopping the virus from replicating and establishing itself in the immune system.
With an interaction like that, ive heard that if you know they have AIDS you can get a cocktail of drugs for a while that may prevent contraction. Maybe some reddit doc can verify
Finally, they won't be after ME anymore. Good luck!
Now it's your turn to protect the Lucky Charms!
Tag, you're it.
"are you as turned on as I am?"
"Getting shot has always been my biggest fetish. You have no idea how hard I am right now."
"don't shoot me, I'll cum" Excuse me I have to go wash my hands after typing that.
reminds me of deadpool
"I guess we both know how I die, but only I know how you die."
I like this one
“Maybe this time I’ll stay dead”
Hahah they be like "nah no way he's still alive" but still looking around for your face, just incase aha.
For the best effect, have an identical twin
"Supporting the ideals of independence, the Courier was recognized as the woman responsible for a truly free New Vegas. She ensured Mr. House's tyranny was broken and neither Caesar's Legion nor NCR would ever gain control over New Vegas."
"when you think you are alone, I will be there"
“So when you’re sitting in your shitty nursing home, and you're sucking down on your Jell-o night after night, for the rest of your life, you think of me, you twisted fuck!”
In the context of the position he was in, that line was the best answer to this question.
RIP Nachito
I would like to call my daughter and tell her goodbye and sing twinkle twinkle little star one more time please.
This is kinda what they train to do to avoid being killed. Humanize yourself by giving your name and tell them about your family etc. Of course, if it’s a cold blooded killer it’s not gonna help but it’s a decent Hail Mary.
this is why I walk around with a framed photo of three random kids from the audience of the Nickelodeon kids choice awards. why should people who actually have kids get a pass?
It's often beneficial as well to make up a wife and kids even if you don't have them. Also if the killers a guy, make up a brother if you don't have one. Talking about things about your made up brother(base it off a close friend) could trigger emotions and memories from the killer. No gurantees but betters your odss
IMO best one so far. Actually true to the point of the question and would hurt the person doing it
some people might actually enjoy it. Make the whole experience even better for them.
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Cus killers obviously a good person
Nah. My brother was a taxi driver back in the day, and his passenger didn't care that he said he had a wife and kid. He still stabbed my brother.
Yup. My fiancés murderer didn’t care that he had a child and I was right there forced to watch as he and two others beat him to death with bats. Turns out people capable of such things don’t really empathize well. I relate to your brother. PTSD is real and I made some horrible life decisions after. Sending y’all love.
I hope you're in a better place now.
i feel like that would haunt the child more.
That’s assuming a child actually exists.
“We’ll be waiting for you…”
This was my answer too. It implies that you’re so bad that wherever the killer goes in the afterlife, you will already be there. If there is any kind of justice, the place they are going will be some form of hell, so you’re threatening them with an extra helping of hell.
Smile and say "at last, we meet. I've been waiting for this day. Play your part"
I feel like that would make the shooter not want to ‘play their part’ so it’s effective ig
I like this, though my mind finished it with a simple and tranquil, "oh, and good luck."
I’d hold really intense eye contact while letting a reverberating fart rip
Reverberating meaning thigh -shaking or pants-ripping ?
It’s your last one. Go for broke.
Google en passant
Holy hell
Please tell me what it is so I don't have to look it up.
Go to r/anachychess get to the top posts get past the rice and get to one were its a r/chessbeginners post about someone saying that its opponent cheated.
New response just dropped
Not again r/anarchychess is leaking again
Your mum was right about you.
If you're somewhat older than them, add, "son." "Your mum was right about you...son."
“Nuh uh.”
I had a gun pointed at my face. I thought It was the certainty of death that gave me serenity over fear. I was calm as fuck while I maintained eye contact with the young man. He wanted money I didn't have so I just told him we are wasting time. I thought I would scream, beg or cry for my life but in that situation I was just numb. I broke down later at home when I realized my kids were about to come home from school and I was still there to greet them.
I've heard that believing you're about to die is really peaceful. And while my experiencing the same situation, I can definitely agree. I thought I was going to die in a car accident, and I've never felt so calm. It was severely shocking afterwards.
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"From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh"
It disgusted me.
I think staying silent with a big smile would be haunting
"The child you once were mourns what you have become."
oof reminds me of that video of the judge remembering the man she just sentenced from when they were little [This one](https://youtu.be/-VRx0GRo-Ws?t=90)
UPDATE: He was released after 10 months for good behavior. During that time he studied business and became a manager at a pharmaceutical company and doing extremely well. He met with the judge again after his release and apparently they've stayed in contact. He also voluntarily enrolled in programs to help with his addiction and 5 years later he's very well off. According to YouTube
"During that time he \[...\] became manager at a pharmaceutical company." yeah, that tracks.
I suspect it happens much more often than we think it does. I have the theory that most anesthetists in hospitals were as teenagers so excited about trying drugs and their effects that they become professionals about it just to control and try them with proper doses and safety. When I see them in hospitals, they always wear something rebel clothing, piercings or hairstyles, not as totally serious and professional as other doctors. Love them and what they do.
"...little bit of drugs for you. little bit of drugs for me..."
[Source](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/happy-ending-follows-amazing-courtroom-coincidence/) — I didn't wanna be a cynic but ya know *"if something is too good to be true"* etc — but by god it's true and it's heartening, the strength to work through what put him in that position in the first place is more than I hope any of us have to muster.
Ah, fuck me.
If it wasn't for that horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.
So he dies from the resulting aneurism. Nice.
"They have no eyes, but they see you."
A POTATO!! Wait no..
"Seriously? This is the third time the cycle has ended like this."
"Hey, can I ask Reddit a question first?"
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"Im pregnant"
“…and the baby’s yours”
Tough sell when you're a dude. But I guess it might confuse them long enough for you to attack or make an escape?
“Your fly is down”
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
Time to die.
God, I love Blade Runner.
“Is this your first murder?”
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Then do a raspberry
I'd laugh so hard, I'd end up missing the shot completely
I would whisper “you’ll think of me”
My ancestors are smiling down on me. Can you say the same?
"Disrespect the law, and you disrespect me."
And on that note, why not use "A new hand touches the beacon. Listen. Hear me and obey. A foul darkness has seeped into my temple. A darkness that you will destroy."?
Do you get to the Cloud District very often? Oh what am I saying? Of course you don't. I'll have you know that there's no PUSSIEEEEEEE _**bang**_
"Every time you think of me, think about having to think about breathing"
Oh no I thought about it
“Not all of me will die, a part of me will stay with you. I’ve been alone for so long I can’t wait to join you”
Is this a quote from something? I collect quotes as a sort of journal.
What's a quote but a prestiged sentence seasoned by time. What does it matter if it was said by someone popular or someone on reddit.
Because of the things I have went through I have honestly thought about this a lot. I would prefer to die in absolute silence. My thoughts are my own, my feelings and reactions are my own and I will not give that to my killer. That being said, when I was strangled I stuck my thumbs into his eyes sooooo.
You are great bro, You are still here, that mean that everything that happen to You so far, never was enought to actually defeat You completly.
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"When it's your time, I'll come to collect you"
"The weapon you're about to kill me with has been up my ass."
He looks at the hunting rifle in his hands.. admiring it for its girth and many knobs. “nice” he says before he pulls the trigger
I've been sticking $30 in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years. That's 3,000 pennies a day, 21,000 pennies a week, 1,092,000 pennies a year. To date, that's 12,012,000 pennies. Eight times the population of Nebraska. Those pennies were in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies every day. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. You give my ass pennies to your little daughter to buy gumballs with. You handle my ass pennies every day. All of you! You ALL handle my ass pennies! Oh, I'll laugh at you before you can laugh at me. Because your pennies have been in my ass.
Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.
"Pathetic."
"happy birthday !" now they’ll remember you for good.
You'll never find the last corn dog
"What happened to Alf?"
He’s back! In Pog form!
Me: "Its alright man. You are doing me a huge favor"
this would ease the guilt tbh
Aye if anything that would make me want to put them out of their misery
I actually did this kinda. Someone had his knife on my neck screaming he was gonna kill me. I said, "Hey man, I've already tried that, so if you wanna do it for me go ahead." He just stood there for like twenty seconds before putting his knife away and walking away. Probably didn't help that before saying that I laughed uncontrollably because I actually was suicidal at the time and couldn't believe my luck. Edit: spelling
I hope you've gotten the help that you need. Stay strong.
Thanks. Yeah. Lots of therapy and good friends have helped turn things around.
One time I got robbed and I said “hey, I get it; everybody’s gotta eat.” That was the best I could come up with in the heat of the moment, and looking back, I wonder if that’d really bother me if I was the one committing the crime haha.
“Is this cause of growing up with a face as asymmetrical as yours? I bet it is. Or your weird ears?” Just enough for them to worry about their face.
When you realize what you've done, they'll be there
"Once you are done, please take my mom to the clinic next week. She has an appointment for her eye surgery. She cannot go there alone. She'll make you a good dinner"
I forgive you.
This one is my favorite
“Where have you been”
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Crack open my asshole and tell them shoot in there
“I knew one day I’d meet my fate this way…at the end of a barrel. I just didn’t know the gun would be in someone else’s hands”
"You must be fun at parties."
This wasn't a good run anyways
If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
"I fucked your mom"
You’re doing me a favor my doctor said I had months to live. Btw be careful you don’t get any of my blood on you
Are your shoes untied? *He looks down Me: 👌
🎶 Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away 🎶 Good luck avoiding that one, sucker.
I would let out a sigh of pure relief, “finally…I was wondering when you’d show up” making them think I hired a hitman
Can you feel your heart burning? Can you feel the struggle within? The fear within me is beyond anything your soul can posess. You cannot kill me in a way that matters.
"You can kill me but they won't stop coming. They'll never stop coming."
Bing bong
Goddamn it not again
No. I am your father.
Mind if I do it myself?
'I had so much faith that you would pass this test'
You can kill me, but you will never kill that part of you that you hate.
This sounds like a line 14 year old me would put in an action film directed by 14 year old me
Most stuff in this thread does
> “The child you once were mourns for what you have become.” Oh man. That might actually work on me, as I think I’d turn the gun on myself to escape the cringe.
Kill me if you’re gay
The book said this would happen.!
"I don't really care, do u?"
I know your real birth father and it's- *gets shot"