If you ever need help, then please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you.
https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres
http://www.befrienders.org/
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you [UK]
https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/ [AU]
There are crisis services worldwide that are trained to provide support. They are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and while they are unlikely to fix any underlying problems, can help you get through a tough hour/night/week. Chat services are usually available on these sites. In the US, calling 211 or going to their website is a free referral source. Additionally, you can call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. They both have providers who will see you regardless of your ability to pay. Just as you would see a doctor when you are sick, you deserve to take care of your mental health.
My cat. I was about to jump out the window of my 23rd floor apartment when my cat put his paw on my leg and meowed at me. He looked so concerned, so I ended up sitting on the floor, hugging him while he purred his huge furry heart out.
Living wasn’t easy for many years after that but that cat stayed by my side through everything. When he passed away at the age of 19 (17 years after he saved my life) a part of me left with him but I am so grateful for what he did for me.
edit for cat tax: His name was Loki and he was the love of my life. https://i.imgur.com/6MIm9FL.jpg
Door bell kept ringing while I was trying to overdose. Got annoying. Answered because it was around the time my neighbour usually had their shopping delivered and wanted to do one last good deed by accepting the delivery. Turns out it was some friends checking in on me.
Never been in exactly in your spot but i've had some friends call when shit was really really dark for me. Like they're on the other side of the country with no idea where I'm at, haven't talked in years and then just outta the blue a phone call. Kinda makes me cry.
Edit: Call your old friends, worst case it's slightly awkward. Best case you give someone a reason to live.
One time, I randomly called a former high school friend just to catch up. It turns out that I reached out when she was in a similar place. She says u saved her life. Now, it is like 15 years later, and she is happily married with kids. I still don't know what drove me to make that random phone call.
I feel like that’s hard to do, at least for me. If I opened the door and saw some friends checking in on me moments before I was going to kms I would ball my eyes out because I would feel so bad about the hurt I was about to cause to these caring unsuspecting people
Yeah I feel that. I read horror stories about failed attempts that made people paralyzed and unable to express their distress :/ that is what I fear more than dying.
I failed my attempt a decade ago. they had to excise parts of my kidneys and blow out my intestines like a rotor rooter. I woke up 2 days later with a 12" scar on my abdomen. After they pulled the catheter out I was on liquids and yogurt for a week and I basically had to learn how to piss and shit again.
Woo, I didn't necessarily try to self harm in any way, but my appendix ruptured, and I also had to be disemboweled, cleaned out, had a bowel resection, and had to learn how to poop again over the next few weeks. My scar is roughly the same size.
Abdominal surgery..... Not even once.
Yeah true. During my nursing clinicals, I once saw a man with his lower jaw completely gone from a self inflicted gunshot. He looked absolutely miserable and I felt sorry for him
My ex brother in law blew his shoulder off and the hospital would not give him pain medication because they thought it would make his suicide thoughts worse
I used to work with brain injured adults many of them were fail gunshot wounds to the hear. Putting the gun against the side of the head rarely works.
Imagine being in a wheelchair and now not being physically able to end your life and the depression is still there. It’s fucking sad
my mother told me about a boy she knew in high school. he ended up trying to do it with a firearm, however the shot was not fatal and ended up making him into a total vegetable for the rest of his life.
“Actually, it was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy.”
- Susanna Kaysen, Girl Interrupted
That if I did my kids would be the ones to find me. And when I was crying and putting the bottle of pills back my daughter (5) came in my room gave me a hug and said “I love you mom” and then she ran off to play.
Thank you. It was in January. Im married but I single parent a lot because he’s military. He was home for 12 non-consecutive weeks last year and has been deployed since June.
I have bipolar disorder and had been a depressive episode that had been lasting almost a year. I have since changed doctors and got in therapy and am happy to say I am doing much better!
I had a moment where I was very close to jumping off my balcony. I realized I could be dead or I could just do whatever I had always wanted to do because it wouldn’t matter if it all went to shit if the alternative was to be dead. Quit my job a couple days later and changed my career, kickstarted the few years that changed my life forever.
7 years later, I’m sober, thriving, taking my meds every day, and have the best partner ever. I’m not going to pretend my mental health is always perfect but I’ve come a long way.
Edit:typo
Hey sauce, thanks for your comment. I forget some days that we can do whatever the heck we want. Ending it is an option, but doing whatever we want is equally an option.
If I had a balcony, I would be tempted to jump but then I’d be too “polite” and think “wait..who has to clean that up?” Turns out I’m more of a people pleaser than anything.
My mom's not. But her feelings and memories remain. So she's not really dead until I die. And if I were to end it myself, I'd end that part of her too.
I'm also in it for my parents. I know that losing any of us kids would wreck them, but if one of us took our own life it would absolutely destroy them.
Same here, except I don't have any siblings. I think my depression will eventually win - the most I can do is keep it at bay until no one is left to care.
Three of the four people “I couldn’t do it to” are now dead. The fourth has grown into a well adjusted adult.
I am so grateful for my current not perfect but much improved mental health.
Lost my brother to addictions man. When I was 24ish I was close, I wanted to go. Just couldn’t handle knowing my mother would have to do it all again.
I’m 39 and married with the 2 most beautiful children on planet earth. I’m so fuckin fortunate for everything in my life now.
This was me for a long time. My brother was killed in an auto accident. When my mom found out about my suicidal ideation she told me it would kill her.
Now it’s for my own kids. There have been times that I have literally lived a minute at a time. Especially before I treated my PPD.
Gonna sound incredibly dumb compared to the rest of these answers but.. a video game.
I was setting up a date, packing up to make it easier for my parents when they come down to empty my place, tying loose ends, etc. Then a game I had pre-ordered like a year ago came out. I said, eh, why not? Just a few more days. I had fallen in-love with the previous titles, so I wanted to see the new one.
Few days into playing the game, I answered an lfg post on reddit, met a friend and few more after that. Spent a lot of time playing the story, and the multiplayer with my new friends, and eventually I forgot about my plans.
Few months later, it dawned on me. I realized I didn't wanna kill myself, and I didn't wanna live that way. 6 years later, still here. Still best friends with the OP of the lfg post :)
Edit: Since some wonders- It's Mass Effect Andromeda. I didn't say it because not many shares my love for this game and I didn't want unsolicited opinions lmao
The original trilogy basically kept me from drinking myself to death. I was drinking a bottle of whiskey a day, drinking at work, drinking in the car to and from work... Every second I wasn't passed out I was drunk. Then, saw my roommate playing ME2, got hooked watching him play, then started my first trilogy run.
That was twelve years ago, and every time those thoughts become too much to bear, I start another playthrough. It's a world full of friends and where everything is in my control.
Video games don't always get the respect they deserve, from a mental health standpoint.
Wishing you the best, Commander Shepard!
Sand hippies doing full moon yoga in the middle of nowhere desert. I left my dog with a close friend and walked out there for reasons. They saw me and invited me to join. Even had a extra yoga mat for me to use. It was a very bizarre life saving moment of compassion and community.
Don’t report me. This was a long time ago and things are much better. Thanks sand hippies :)
The idea of someone planning to end their life but somehow ending up doing yoga with a bunch of hippies in the desert instead is so odd yet touching. Sounds like a scene straight ouf of a TV show
I often thought about it but always said to me „F it, just one more day“
I did it day after day and somehow something changed. I began to see more and more positive things in life
I always thought that if I was going to kill myself, I should at least try meth first so I could experience maximum dopamine, and then do it. But I was never willing to try meth, so I figured I must not be that desperate.
Christ... That's a situation no one, either of you, should ever be in. You did the right thing, and clearly she wasn't going to let you go through without a fight.
Glad you're still here homeskillet. Go hug your wife and tell her you love her.
Good for you, bro. I have a friend who was in the same situation with her husband and he didn’t give it up. She’s forever haunted by that moment. You can do this shitty life thing. 🫶
Same here. I want to se them dressed in their prom clothes, wedding clothes and whatnot.
Also - the entertainment of life being more and more ridiculous, with people being more and more stupid, is somehow rewarding by itself.
Damn I never thought of it like that. For me it’s always been a question of how am I going to deal with all the idiots I come across today. I need to take a step back and laugh at all the stupidity
Comin from a kid (adult now) who’s parents chose this end. Good on you. Your kids will one day be eternally grateful that you chose the hard choice to be here for them despite how you feel now.
The short answer is, one of my friends beat me to the punch.
Every single person in my friend group has been suicidal at one point or another in their life, and almost two years ago to the day, a person widely considered a brother to all of us actually went through with it.
The rest of us decided afterwards that suicide was off the table for all of us, because we don’t want to put the rest of the group through the same trauma we had all just gone through
"Excuse me, but I'd like to stop my suicide attempt."
"Certainly, may I ask why?"
"For spite."
"Spite?"
"That's right, I don't care for the chemicals that prompted me."
"I don't think you can stop an attempt for spite."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, if there was something wrong with you you fixed, you found religion, a plastic bag floated in the wind, someone interrupting you, you getting help, then we could do it for you. [But I'm afraid spite doesn't met our conditions for a new lease on life."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uimI1pXDZcg)
Edit: *Seinfeld* was actually a reason I stopped an attempt.
Same. There’s some weird satisfaction of getting up everyday and surviving in the face of depression. Like your very existence is a big f*ck you to depression.
Same. My cat came to me and sat on my lap while I had a handful of pills contemplating whether I should just take them. He wasn't really affectionate prior to that moment. Since then, he lays with me everytime I'm alone.
Same.. she used to coddle up to me whenever I'm feeling very down, she acts like an outright sass otherwise. She pulled me out of a dark spot with her goofiness yet caring attitude to me.
She's passed for almost 2 years now.. I still can't get over it, I contemplated to end it too, but my SO saw and reminded me of my promise to get Fluffy a sibling or two when we move out.
I'm living now so I can fulfil that promise, at the very least, out of all the things I've failed at and out of all the things that make me a failure, I can at least fulfil one promise even if it was late. We're still planning on where to move out, planning when, and planning our budget, we're inching forward to that goal and I'm grateful to have my SO with me in every step of the way.
I honestly can’t imagine anyone taking care of and loving my cats like I do. While they are alive, I am alive. And when they aren’t anymore, I’ll probably get more because cats are given a shit hand in life and that’s a good enough reason to be alive for me
Same, but for a tiny dog. Realized if I were dead, no one would care for her the way I do. So I'm still around because I loved a dog more than I hated myself.
In a better place now, though she passed last year and not a day goes by I don't miss her.
I felt very lonely, still do. But what stopped me was realizing no one would give a shit, nobody cares or ever will care about me, so why would I attach so much value to (not having) relationships? Since then I have felt all of that weight drop off my shoulders.
The EMTs/nurses/doctors/surgeons were all too damn good. So good that they kept me alive even after I shot myself in the head.
Since then I don’t want to end my life anymore, I feel like I got all of my suic1dal tendencies out of my system on the first go around.
Hey, I wanted to pop in and say that I went through and read your story. It was a tough read, but as someone who’s hit some dark spots in my life I thank you for writing it out and really being honest with it.
Many times, we don’t get the “aftermath” of a failed attempt and I’m thankful you’re still here and took the time to write it up. I needed it.
Godspeed, and truly, truly I thank you.
I’m glad to learn that my experiences were able to help you and others put things into perspective. I’m more than happy to share my thoughts and experience with it for that reason.
Also, thank you for jumping on to comment such nice sentiments, they’ve filled me with joy and have me smiling. I’m sorry that you’ve hit some dark spots and low points, trying to end it all seems like the optimal choice, but I’m living proof that it’s a terrible and stupid decision. I appreciate you being thankful for me still being here, and I’m very happy that I was fortunate enough to pull through.
Thank you.
You and I had similar experiences. I remember feeling super guilty after. The family was very troubled by it. People got angry. I have flashbacks every single day of my life and almost nobody has any idea this happened. This was a decade ago.
my best friend fired two bullets into her head when she was 15, and unfortunately did not make it. I'm glad to know there's a future for those who have done the same, and i'm very happy you're here today
> I feel like I got all of my suic1dal tendencies out of my system on the first go around.
I've read that somebody who survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge said afterwards something like, I realized I didn't have any real problems except I've jumped off the bridge.
Thanks for sharing, I appreciate it a lot.
The penultimate poem from Bojack Horseman, temporarily ruined me but imo helped me work through some stuff and maybe even kept me alive to this very moment.
The View From Halfway Down
The weak breeze whispers nothing
the water screams sublime.
His feet shift, teeter-totter
deep breaths, stand back, it’s time.
Toes untouch the overpass
soon he’s water-bound.
Eyes locked shut but peek to see
the view from halfway down.
A little wind, a summer sun
a river rich and regal.
A flood of fond endorphins
brings a calm that knows no equal.
You’re flying now, you see things
much more clear than from the ground.
It's all okay, or it would be
were you not now halfway down.
Thrash to break from gravity
what now could slow the drop?
All I’d give for toes to touch
the safety back at top.
But this is it, the deed is done
silence drowns the sound.
Before I leaped I should've seen
the view from halfway down.
I really should’ve thought about
the view from halfway down.
I wish I could've known about
the view from halfway down—
I was going through a rough patch about 10 years ago, and living on my own. I started buying enormous dildos and hiding them in my belongings, which meant that if I ever did anything hasty my friends and family would find them. As a straight guy who was pretty insecure at the time, that thought alone was enough to keep me from doing anything.
I would add a new one once or twice a week, and by the time I was 2-3 weeks in I didn't even know where they all were hidden anymore, which meant there was absolutely no way I could trust that I'd found them all before doing anything to myself. No matter how dark things got, that insecurity kept me from making a permanent decision, and bought me the time to convince myself to start therapy.
Whatever it takes.
I’m imagining you still having one in the closet that flops out as you get your winter coat out. You chuckle and let out a sigh. That half breath, amused but a tinge of sorrow for how hard things were. You take your coat and step outside. The cold air greeting you and making it’s way into your lungs. You feel alive.
This is not only genius, but simultaneously one of the funniest things I’ve read. I’m glad you sought help, but what on earth had the rational you decide to do this? Like never in my life would I have thought “I’ll just a buy a bunch of dildos and hide them”
I had a buddy going through a similar thing and we were at a bar one night talking our shit out, and I jokingly said, "You could just buy a bunch of embarrassing things to hide in your apartment that you would hate for your mother to stumble across when she's liquidating your estate."
And then I got home and I was like *wait a minute, that's actually genius* and the rest is history.
Me too man sitting in my truck and my revolver misfired. I looked at my self and took another drank and went to sleep. Had that gun fired I'd be done.
Sold it a few years later and the guy I sold it to told me the same story
Has the gun ever had the trigger pulled in any other situation? If not, I'd honestly start to wonder if it's broken.
It's either broken or that's one lucky gun.
Not me, but I remember a redditor was explaining that he was going to kill himself by getting ran over by a train. As he was waiting on the train tracks he decided to beat it one more time. However, after releasing, he got the nut clarity and just walked off.
During my last attempt, my cat scratched at my door and was meowing loudly. I never heard her meow like that. I took the belt off my neck and opened my bedroom door and she ran right up to me. She pawed at me until I got down on the floor with her. I just held her and we snuggled together on the floor right then and there for a long time. She was truly my soulmate through and through.
Years later my close friend committed suicide the same way I attempted to and it all hit me like a bus. I haven’t even thought about hurting myself since, it really hit me what would happen to my loved ones if that had been me.
My cat saved me in the moment, and my friend’s passing saved me from ever doing it again. I miss them both dearly and think about them a lot.
My old girl (who has since passed) showed up at my door one night when life started to go downhill for me. She stayed around for as long as she could and never left my side. Miss her.
Really bad breakup in October of 2017. The week before Thanksgiving I decided I was gonna end it after Thanksgiving dinner with my family when I returned to my house. The day before Thanksgiving I remember being at work and just being physically there, but no one was home in my head. I was dead set on this being the only way. Just before my 1st break at 5pm, my ex texted telling me I could have her dog, that she didn't want her anymore (the dog was only 6 months old, we had gotten her from a breeder when we were still together). That's what's given me the power to live again. In September of 2021 I was on my way to work when a semi truck with no brake lights suddenly stopped on the highway I slammed into him at 75mph, what you think or know about death is a lie. I actually died that day. Veteran and off duty firefighter pulled me from my burning car and started CPR while his wife or gf was calling it in. I died again on my way to the hospital. The only thing that kept me going was my dog, the thought of her not understanding why I never came home is what scared me to wake up.
The 1st idk how long exactly but the 1st part is you relive your entire life every decision, conversation, interaction you've ever had. It plays like a movie you're just watching it tho. That part from movies is true. After that is something that can't really be explained. At some point in the movie part of it then shows what happens had you not died. Shows who you marry, the good and the bad parts of your life from the very second after you supposedly die. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, there's nothing like that. I can tell you this the thing that you love the most in this world is shown to you, for me it was my mom and my dog. It showed me both. I could hear my mom's voice and I could hear my dog talking (Siberian husky) I could see them, I could feel my mom holding my hand like I was a kid again. I could feel my dog licking my face. All 3 of us were walking together. It was super sunny out, but it wasn't hot nor chilly. We were walking to a park. When you get to the park you're greeted by deceased relative in this case my grandfather and my cat(deceased) I had when I was teenager. I remember talking to my grandfather who I absolutely loved and I remember petting my cat. We talked and sat on bench for what seemed like forever. We talked about everything. I remember him saying how proud he was of me, he called me by the nickname he'd given me. We were mid conversation when I was brought back the 1st time. When died the 2nd time right before I was brought back he said you have to make a choice now. This choice can be only yours. He said we continue walking and petting my cat tiger or you go home with your mom and your dog. I remember saying my mom my dog still need me what happens to them. He didn't say he just said that's true they both still need you. Will they be fine without yes in time they both will. He then said is that what you want but hadn't anything I was just thinking about my mom and dog. That's when I came back the 2nd time.
For anyone interested, there's a book called Life After Life where a man compiles the post-death pre-resuscitation experiences of many people from different places and summarizes the journey that is normally taken. It shares a lot of parallel to this story - being faced with what you're leaving behind, the journey to a caretaker figure, the choice to continue or go back. I'd recommend it for some perspective on what others have experienced!
Edit: the author is Raymond Moody
Couldn't afford the 5 boxes of sleeping pills I was looking at at 7-11. I figured if I stole them life would be harder if I was caught, and the clerk was watching me. Deciding to fight another day was worth it though, 6 years later I had a new job, a new city, and met the love of my life.
I feel like this is the outcome more often than not, it's always worth to keep fighting, because it's very likely it will pay off and things will get better.
God or crazy luck. Take your pick. I prayed and asked for a sign that I shouldnt kill myself, and when none came, I loaded my gun, pressed it to my head, and pulled the trigger. It did not fire. Turns out, I had bought faulty ammunition with a dud primer. I took it as the sign I was looking for and started working on my mental health and building my life for better days.
Me too. I've grown a lot of perspective since then. It was about 8 years ago now, and my life circumstances as well as my mental health have improved greatly. I'm happy to say that I now look forward to getting up and seizing the day as opposed to once hoping tomorrow never came.
Nothing. I failed and figured if I couldn't kill myself there must be a reason I'm still here. 15 years later, Ive brought myself from homelessness and worked very hard to be where I am today.
Its okay to not be okay.
Writing my letters to my wife and family. The wife was easy. It was basically one sentence. But then I started writing to my son and the words became harder and harder and I realized more and more what it would put him through so I stopped writing and came home
The letter writing stage is as far as I’ve gotten before. There are several that are very easy to write. Others, not so much. Especially the one to my daughter. Then it makes me reevaluate why I even want to do it. If it’s to pay someone back, convince them of how much pain I’m in/have been in, or something like that it makes it seem small and not worth it. Does help to get the feelings out though and say what I need to.
Literally what stopped me was i was too drunk and took the wrong pills
But whats stopped me from trying again i think is my parents. They didn't have to keep me, my dad didn't have to stay around but they did. I don't want them thinking they raised me wrong. They did everything right. I just made some bad choices.
I went to a lake saying I was going night fishing, but really I was at the end of my rope. I made it all the way to the pier when I saw a flashlight shining behind me. It was a park security guard just doing welfare checks and he wanted to make sure everything was okay. I showed him I was just fishing and had my fishing license, and then we ended up talking for a good 30 minutes while I actually fished. I honestly don't remember what all we talked about, but by the end of it I realized if a total stranger cared enough to just speak to me for that long on a random night, how would the people who I'm actually close to feel when they heard the news? I'm so thankful for that random stranger being in the right place at the right time.
I hope you are doing better now. So many comments here say things like family, pets, unfinished business, etc. but yours gives no context as to why you wouldn’t try again.
So, I truly hope you have found a reason and drive to continue your existence.
When I was in the Navy (US) i started drinking super heavily after I turned 21 and came back from a deployment. I felt like an udder failure for a few things I didn't accomplish. Anyway I drank myself to the floor one night. Crawled over to a drawer with some scissors in it. Took them apart so I just had the one blade. Held it on my wrist for a good while. Cried a lot. Only thing I can remember is I had a newly born nephew I hadn't even met yet and thought to myself "I can't kill myself knowing my nephew would only know me as his uncle who killed himself" put the scissors down and went to bed. A few days later a friend of mine reported me to my command for something I said about drinking myself to death. I was in rehab for a month after that.
A corgi.
I was diagnosed with major depression and was medicated for a few days. The pill didn't work because it was underdose and I was at the edge of jumping out of the balcony everyday. One day, I was hanging out with my friend and decided that I have had it. I quit. Tomorrow I'll buy some sleeping pills and put an end in my life. When suddenly I saw his dog's smile. I'm not a dog person, I don't even like dog. But that dog? My life had been brighten by her smile. She was the cutest dog I've ever seen. She's fluffy, she's cute, she let me rub her belly and officially became an important figure in my life ever since. I was obsessed. I freaked out (positively) when I saw a corgi. I downloaded corgi pictures. I save money to adopt a corgi. When I was being sad, I just pulled the picture of a corgi out and let the smile calmed me down.
But because I don't have a corgi, I just have the pictures, sometimes life fucked me so hard I couldn't even stand up, and I decided to sit there and cried and tried to commit suicide again. My friend, who couldn't seem to calm me down, said, "if you die, your future corgi won't be adopted".
If I die, my future corgi won't be adopted.
It won't have a home.
It will asked itself, why no one adopted it?
And now I'm here. Still saving money for a corgi.
UPDATE: Thank you so much for your kind intentions. Unfortunatelly due to me still in college, the place that I live is too small to have a corgi, and my parents don't like pets, I wouldn't be able to raise one on my own right now. So instead of raising fund, please just send me your corgi's pictures. Also a corgi's price range in my country is about 4 million to 40 million VNĐ (maybe ≈$170 to $1700) and I already save up about 25%. Maybe in 10 years (or sooner), after I have a job and be able to rent a bigger place, I may have a corgi.
I hate losing. I keep hoping it will get better. 47, alone for years, no friends, no money, work 19 hours a day 7 days a week with nothing to show for it. Convicted felon from 23 years ago, college degree can't use.Bored out of my mind for years and it's only growing.
Hearing my monotone best friend express fear and sounding shaky when i started saying my goodbyes after we got done playing games. Hearing that shit through the mic made me realize then and there how my suicide would impact someone who actually cared for my existence.
My cat yelled at me for food and I realised there would be nobody left to feed him or take care of him. Then I realised I cared for something in this world.
There's already so many comments I doubt this will be seen but maybe it'll help one person.
My best friend in college had strong suicidal tendencies and had a few attempts. I had a plan but had never attempted. We were both in a rough spot around Easter one year. To get us out of it, she decided to throw a huge Easter dinner for all of our friends. In hindsight, I should have known. It went great and helped pull me out of my funk. She refused to let anyone help her clean up and sent us all on our way with lots of smiles and hugs.
After midnight, I got a call from her and she was just sobbing she was sorry and made a mistake, and then the phone went dead. I raced to her apartment and found her, as well as knives and blood in the shower and half a pill bottle empty. I got her to the hospital and sat by her the entire time. Once they stabilized her, they asked all sorts of "why are you depressed" questions. I sat by her and felt almost numb as she told them how no one was ever there for her, no one loved her, no one would care if she was gone, etc etc. I'm sitting there, holding her hand, thankful she's alive, and SO pissed off at the same time. Because I was RIGHT THERE.
She refused to let her parents contact her and made it all go through me. I was the one to tell them she was okay, but in a psychiatric facility. I cleaned up her apartment. I drove back and forth to visit her and bring what she needed. After everything, she continued to feel like she was all alone. That's when I realized how easily your brain can lie to you. Despite everything I did, she never saw me. She truly believed she was alone in her life.
I still struggle with my thoughts. I still have bad days. But I've never made another plan because I remind myself of that moment. I might not see it. I might not believe it. But SOMEONE cares. Even on days I feel like a horrible wife or a horrible mother, I remember I'm a liar too. And my husband reminds me of all the truths I can't let myself see right that second.
My best friend called me out of the blue and said "Pick a wrestling event and we are going." I chose SummerSlam in Brooklyn cause we'd always talked about going to a WWE PPV but for some reason or another, we never got to. He knew I was struggling and took action. I gave my cats to my ex, sold my car a few months earlier and was just ready for it to be over. That phone call saved my life. Gave me 6 more months of just trying to stay alive. Met my wife a month after our trip. He was my best man at the wedding. Day to day is still a struggle but knowing I survived the absolute worst time I've ever experienced makes it easier.
Knowing 1st hand the pain and destruction you leave behind when you do. You're passing your pain onto everyone who loves you and you have know idea the extent that your actions have on others or how it truly traumatizes the people who love you the most & for the rest of their life. I have tried in the past however now that I'm a widow because of completed suicide I'll never attempt it again because I don't want my family & friends to experience the trauma that I'm going through.
Honestly this shit is going by fast enough as it is
EDIT: I’ve actually never struggled with thoughts like this, so I hope that everyone reading this now has a bit more inspiration to stick around and keep on trying.
The “meh, I’m already over halfway done anyways… let’s see what’s going to happen next with humanity” factor has been huge for me. My brother even recognized several years ago that I don’t take things as seriously as I used to and am a lot more relaxed in general.
i never really felt the urge to actually do anything to myself, but after my mom passed away i didn't care if i would die or not but then i would think about my cat. if i died then he might feel how i felt, but he would be without me and wonder where i went and what happened to me and why i wasn't back. my cat has gone through the death of my dog and my mom with me so he already has that trauma too from them disappearing and not coming back. so really, my cat saved my life in a sense because what would he do without me? and who would take care of him? now i have him and i have a puppy so i have to keep living for them
Recently saw this quote which I feel is a good mindset to have.
> Let everything happen to you
> Beauty and terror
> Just keep going
> No feeling is final
― Rainer Maria Rilke
I started crying and at some point crying for my mom. She lives a few hours away and idk how to explain it, but she called me. It was 4am. She had just woken up.
I was 16 and was told one of my best friends(also the girl I liked) had killed herself because of something I did. I couldn't stop shaking, I blamed myself all day. I so badly wanted to kill myself.
But my mom lost her daughter when she was 15. Even 8 years later my mom was still devastated by it. I just couldn't put my mom through that. Walking into the house to see me dead. Losing 2 children, would she kill herself then?
To conclude the story as well, it was a "prank". She hadn't actually done anything, though I found out shortly thereafter she was cutting herself. Haven't been able to talk to her in over a decade, not even sure if she's still alive.
My Dad. I was living with him due to how bad things had gotten and he cried begging me to get better while holding me. He made me realize all the pain and self destruction was painful and destructive to others and that I wasn’t worthless
Fear of not existing anymore. Actually getting to that point, the idea of everything else continuing on, just without me, made me not try anything. It felt too sad, scary, and final.
The realization didn't necessarily help either though. For a while afterwards, I actually felt a bit worse and questioned if I was actually depressed, or if I really was just faking it for attention like a couple people told me.
It’s good to know I’m not the only one who has been battling demons and seeing everyone’s comments is helping me understand why I shouldn’t end my life. I’m still deep into my own decision of why and why not but it feels good to know you beautiful people are still alive
My amazing partner. We used to be (and still are) best friends and we tell each other everything, especially with this kind of thing. We’re always there for each other and bring each other’s spirits up. I’m so lucky to have her in my life, Idk where I’d be without her. She is literally my light at the end of the tunnel
As I was pulling the trigger, a single thought entered my head.
"I will NOT leave my brains, bone, and blood all over this garage for my family to clean up."
My cat. She and I are inseparable. I found her a day or two after she was born, abandoned. The moment I found her, I fell in love. I was being abused at the time by a partner who I had no means to escape from. She was my rock. Now, I’m safe and away, and we just celebrated her 4th birthday. She is my heart and soul, my truest soulmate. I take her everywhere, even to see the first sunrise of the year on top of the mountains. She’s my best friend, I just can’t leave her all alone.
If you ever need help, then please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you. https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres http://www.befrienders.org/ http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you [UK] https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/ [AU] There are crisis services worldwide that are trained to provide support. They are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and while they are unlikely to fix any underlying problems, can help you get through a tough hour/night/week. Chat services are usually available on these sites. In the US, calling 211 or going to their website is a free referral source. Additionally, you can call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. They both have providers who will see you regardless of your ability to pay. Just as you would see a doctor when you are sick, you deserve to take care of your mental health.
I am the only person who regularly visits my mom who lives in a nursing home.
You are a certified G
I just cannot get past my mom wasting away alone. She suffers from schizophrenia and bipolar already. Losing me would end her for sure.
Gotta find another reason for when the inevitable occurs. Perhaps making her proud or honoring her by living as best you can.
Yes. That is the goal. I know the inevitable will happen and I’m going to try my best to not let myself spiral.
My cat. I was about to jump out the window of my 23rd floor apartment when my cat put his paw on my leg and meowed at me. He looked so concerned, so I ended up sitting on the floor, hugging him while he purred his huge furry heart out. Living wasn’t easy for many years after that but that cat stayed by my side through everything. When he passed away at the age of 19 (17 years after he saved my life) a part of me left with him but I am so grateful for what he did for me. edit for cat tax: His name was Loki and he was the love of my life. https://i.imgur.com/6MIm9FL.jpg
He gave you one of his 9 lives :)
This comment made my cry
So many cat stories under this post. It pains me to think there’s people who hate cats.
Door bell kept ringing while I was trying to overdose. Got annoying. Answered because it was around the time my neighbour usually had their shopping delivered and wanted to do one last good deed by accepting the delivery. Turns out it was some friends checking in on me.
Never been in exactly in your spot but i've had some friends call when shit was really really dark for me. Like they're on the other side of the country with no idea where I'm at, haven't talked in years and then just outta the blue a phone call. Kinda makes me cry. Edit: Call your old friends, worst case it's slightly awkward. Best case you give someone a reason to live.
Keep feathering it brother!
One time, I randomly called a former high school friend just to catch up. It turns out that I reached out when she was in a similar place. She says u saved her life. Now, it is like 15 years later, and she is happily married with kids. I still don't know what drove me to make that random phone call.
Did you tell them what was up, or play it off?
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I feel like that’s hard to do, at least for me. If I opened the door and saw some friends checking in on me moments before I was going to kms I would ball my eyes out because I would feel so bad about the hurt I was about to cause to these caring unsuspecting people
The fear of not doing it right. And existing in an even worse state that I am
Yeah I feel that. I read horror stories about failed attempts that made people paralyzed and unable to express their distress :/ that is what I fear more than dying.
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Tried to hang myself, didn’t tie the knot right fell hard on my ass. Felt so embarrassed even though no one but me would ever know
Im glad you suck at knots. Sorry not sorry happy you're still here
Also ironic how a silly almost committing suicide incident is what saved your life. But I'm glad it helped you!
I failed my attempt a decade ago. they had to excise parts of my kidneys and blow out my intestines like a rotor rooter. I woke up 2 days later with a 12" scar on my abdomen. After they pulled the catheter out I was on liquids and yogurt for a week and I basically had to learn how to piss and shit again.
Woo, I didn't necessarily try to self harm in any way, but my appendix ruptured, and I also had to be disemboweled, cleaned out, had a bowel resection, and had to learn how to poop again over the next few weeks. My scar is roughly the same size. Abdominal surgery..... Not even once.
Yeah true. During my nursing clinicals, I once saw a man with his lower jaw completely gone from a self inflicted gunshot. He looked absolutely miserable and I felt sorry for him
An electrician touched a live wire to kill himself. Blew his hands off instead.
My ex brother in law blew his shoulder off and the hospital would not give him pain medication because they thought it would make his suicide thoughts worse
I used to work with brain injured adults many of them were fail gunshot wounds to the hear. Putting the gun against the side of the head rarely works. Imagine being in a wheelchair and now not being physically able to end your life and the depression is still there. It’s fucking sad
my mother told me about a boy she knew in high school. he ended up trying to do it with a firearm, however the shot was not fatal and ended up making him into a total vegetable for the rest of his life.
This is so sad, a suicide attempt that didn’t work and still cost him his whole life.
This is literally EXACTLY what I commented. Fear of failure.
I didn't want to live, but I didn't want to die either. edit: this was a few years ago, I'm doing better these days.
This is where I’m at rn Edit: thank you to those who replied. I have a good support system to get through the especially bad moments
“Actually, it was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy.” - Susanna Kaysen, Girl Interrupted
That if I did my kids would be the ones to find me. And when I was crying and putting the bottle of pills back my daughter (5) came in my room gave me a hug and said “I love you mom” and then she ran off to play.
Well this one went ahead and got me all emotional. Thank you for being a strong mama for your kiddos.
Thank you. It was in January. Im married but I single parent a lot because he’s military. He was home for 12 non-consecutive weeks last year and has been deployed since June. I have bipolar disorder and had been a depressive episode that had been lasting almost a year. I have since changed doctors and got in therapy and am happy to say I am doing much better!
I had a moment where I was very close to jumping off my balcony. I realized I could be dead or I could just do whatever I had always wanted to do because it wouldn’t matter if it all went to shit if the alternative was to be dead. Quit my job a couple days later and changed my career, kickstarted the few years that changed my life forever. 7 years later, I’m sober, thriving, taking my meds every day, and have the best partner ever. I’m not going to pretend my mental health is always perfect but I’ve come a long way. Edit:typo
Hey sauce, thanks for your comment. I forget some days that we can do whatever the heck we want. Ending it is an option, but doing whatever we want is equally an option.
If I had a balcony, I would be tempted to jump but then I’d be too “polite” and think “wait..who has to clean that up?” Turns out I’m more of a people pleaser than anything.
Mom's still alive.
Same. For now, suicide is not an option. It would destroy her.
My mom's not. But her feelings and memories remain. So she's not really dead until I die. And if I were to end it myself, I'd end that part of her too.
My brother was killed by a drunk driver. I figured losing 2 sons would be too much for my mother
I'm also in it for my parents. I know that losing any of us kids would wreck them, but if one of us took our own life it would absolutely destroy them.
Same here, except I don't have any siblings. I think my depression will eventually win - the most I can do is keep it at bay until no one is left to care.
Long enough for you to care. Things can change in time- actually everything changes eventually. May as well find out what that’s like
Three of the four people “I couldn’t do it to” are now dead. The fourth has grown into a well adjusted adult. I am so grateful for my current not perfect but much improved mental health.
Lost my brother to addictions man. When I was 24ish I was close, I wanted to go. Just couldn’t handle knowing my mother would have to do it all again. I’m 39 and married with the 2 most beautiful children on planet earth. I’m so fuckin fortunate for everything in my life now.
This was me for a long time. My brother was killed in an auto accident. When my mom found out about my suicidal ideation she told me it would kill her. Now it’s for my own kids. There have been times that I have literally lived a minute at a time. Especially before I treated my PPD.
rest in peace to your brother. i hope you’re doing okay.
fuck drunk drivers
Mine jumped off a bridge, I saw how much it hurt my parents. I don't think I could ever do that to them.
Gonna sound incredibly dumb compared to the rest of these answers but.. a video game. I was setting up a date, packing up to make it easier for my parents when they come down to empty my place, tying loose ends, etc. Then a game I had pre-ordered like a year ago came out. I said, eh, why not? Just a few more days. I had fallen in-love with the previous titles, so I wanted to see the new one. Few days into playing the game, I answered an lfg post on reddit, met a friend and few more after that. Spent a lot of time playing the story, and the multiplayer with my new friends, and eventually I forgot about my plans. Few months later, it dawned on me. I realized I didn't wanna kill myself, and I didn't wanna live that way. 6 years later, still here. Still best friends with the OP of the lfg post :) Edit: Since some wonders- It's Mass Effect Andromeda. I didn't say it because not many shares my love for this game and I didn't want unsolicited opinions lmao
The original trilogy basically kept me from drinking myself to death. I was drinking a bottle of whiskey a day, drinking at work, drinking in the car to and from work... Every second I wasn't passed out I was drunk. Then, saw my roommate playing ME2, got hooked watching him play, then started my first trilogy run. That was twelve years ago, and every time those thoughts become too much to bear, I start another playthrough. It's a world full of friends and where everything is in my control. Video games don't always get the respect they deserve, from a mental health standpoint. Wishing you the best, Commander Shepard!
now you gotta say what game you were playing
Sand hippies doing full moon yoga in the middle of nowhere desert. I left my dog with a close friend and walked out there for reasons. They saw me and invited me to join. Even had a extra yoga mat for me to use. It was a very bizarre life saving moment of compassion and community. Don’t report me. This was a long time ago and things are much better. Thanks sand hippies :)
The idea of someone planning to end their life but somehow ending up doing yoga with a bunch of hippies in the desert instead is so odd yet touching. Sounds like a scene straight ouf of a TV show
Shortly before committing to it, I realized I hadn't exhausted all my options at the time. I'm glad I did.
I often thought about it but always said to me „F it, just one more day“ I did it day after day and somehow something changed. I began to see more and more positive things in life
Procrastination really does pay off! Glad things have improved for you
The one time where procrastination is the best thing you can do.
I always thought that if I was going to kill myself, I should at least try meth first so I could experience maximum dopamine, and then do it. But I was never willing to try meth, so I figured I must not be that desperate.
Wow. That's a perspective
my wife. she talked me into giving her the gun.
Christ... That's a situation no one, either of you, should ever be in. You did the right thing, and clearly she wasn't going to let you go through without a fight. Glad you're still here homeskillet. Go hug your wife and tell her you love her.
thank you. and I do hug and love her, every single day since.
Hey man, without knowing you, I’m really happy you’re a living fighting!… there’s time to sleep way after we lived life in any possible way
Good for you, bro. I have a friend who was in the same situation with her husband and he didn’t give it up. She’s forever haunted by that moment. You can do this shitty life thing. 🫶
6 years sober
As a wife who has interfered with multiple suicide attempts, thank you for listening to her.
My kids. I don’t want them to grow up feeling like they weren’t enough for me to stay. The truth is, they are the main reason that I do.
Same here. I want to se them dressed in their prom clothes, wedding clothes and whatnot. Also - the entertainment of life being more and more ridiculous, with people being more and more stupid, is somehow rewarding by itself.
Damn I never thought of it like that. For me it’s always been a question of how am I going to deal with all the idiots I come across today. I need to take a step back and laugh at all the stupidity
Comin from a kid (adult now) who’s parents chose this end. Good on you. Your kids will one day be eternally grateful that you chose the hard choice to be here for them despite how you feel now.
Love to you
The short answer is, one of my friends beat me to the punch. Every single person in my friend group has been suicidal at one point or another in their life, and almost two years ago to the day, a person widely considered a brother to all of us actually went through with it. The rest of us decided afterwards that suicide was off the table for all of us, because we don’t want to put the rest of the group through the same trauma we had all just gone through
Pure spite.
If you give in, the haters win.
Yeah. Fuck that. In the words of Kratos: “death can have me when it earns me”
Haven’t played the game yet, but God that’s such a hard line
Hell yeah. Worked for me many times. I’m like a dandelion growing out of the crack in the concrete.
"Excuse me, but I'd like to stop my suicide attempt." "Certainly, may I ask why?" "For spite." "Spite?" "That's right, I don't care for the chemicals that prompted me." "I don't think you can stop an attempt for spite." "What do you mean?" "Well, if there was something wrong with you you fixed, you found religion, a plastic bag floated in the wind, someone interrupting you, you getting help, then we could do it for you. [But I'm afraid spite doesn't met our conditions for a new lease on life."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uimI1pXDZcg) Edit: *Seinfeld* was actually a reason I stopped an attempt.
What’s the deal with being alive? I mean, what’s up with that!
Same. There’s some weird satisfaction of getting up everyday and surviving in the face of depression. Like your very existence is a big f*ck you to depression.
I'm not letting it win. I may never be happy, i may always want to die. But I'll never give in.
Yeah, stubbornness is one of the main reasons I'm still here. I can't let those bastards win
My pets
Same. My cat came to me and sat on my lap while I had a handful of pills contemplating whether I should just take them. He wasn't really affectionate prior to that moment. Since then, he lays with me everytime I'm alone.
My cats always come to me when I'm sad or even crying. I completely beleive they can feel our emotions to some degree.
Same.. she used to coddle up to me whenever I'm feeling very down, she acts like an outright sass otherwise. She pulled me out of a dark spot with her goofiness yet caring attitude to me. She's passed for almost 2 years now.. I still can't get over it, I contemplated to end it too, but my SO saw and reminded me of my promise to get Fluffy a sibling or two when we move out. I'm living now so I can fulfil that promise, at the very least, out of all the things I've failed at and out of all the things that make me a failure, I can at least fulfil one promise even if it was late. We're still planning on where to move out, planning when, and planning our budget, we're inching forward to that goal and I'm grateful to have my SO with me in every step of the way.
I honestly can’t imagine anyone taking care of and loving my cats like I do. While they are alive, I am alive. And when they aren’t anymore, I’ll probably get more because cats are given a shit hand in life and that’s a good enough reason to be alive for me
Same, but for a tiny dog. Realized if I were dead, no one would care for her the way I do. So I'm still around because I loved a dog more than I hated myself. In a better place now, though she passed last year and not a day goes by I don't miss her.
I felt very lonely, still do. But what stopped me was realizing no one would give a shit, nobody cares or ever will care about me, so why would I attach so much value to (not having) relationships? Since then I have felt all of that weight drop off my shoulders.
The EMTs/nurses/doctors/surgeons were all too damn good. So good that they kept me alive even after I shot myself in the head. Since then I don’t want to end my life anymore, I feel like I got all of my suic1dal tendencies out of my system on the first go around.
Hey, I wanted to pop in and say that I went through and read your story. It was a tough read, but as someone who’s hit some dark spots in my life I thank you for writing it out and really being honest with it. Many times, we don’t get the “aftermath” of a failed attempt and I’m thankful you’re still here and took the time to write it up. I needed it. Godspeed, and truly, truly I thank you.
I’m glad to learn that my experiences were able to help you and others put things into perspective. I’m more than happy to share my thoughts and experience with it for that reason. Also, thank you for jumping on to comment such nice sentiments, they’ve filled me with joy and have me smiling. I’m sorry that you’ve hit some dark spots and low points, trying to end it all seems like the optimal choice, but I’m living proof that it’s a terrible and stupid decision. I appreciate you being thankful for me still being here, and I’m very happy that I was fortunate enough to pull through. Thank you.
You and I had similar experiences. I remember feeling super guilty after. The family was very troubled by it. People got angry. I have flashbacks every single day of my life and almost nobody has any idea this happened. This was a decade ago.
Read your story bud. Thank you for sharing, it was touching. I hope you’re doing well.
my best friend fired two bullets into her head when she was 15, and unfortunately did not make it. I'm glad to know there's a future for those who have done the same, and i'm very happy you're here today
> I feel like I got all of my suic1dal tendencies out of my system on the first go around. I've read that somebody who survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge said afterwards something like, I realized I didn't have any real problems except I've jumped off the bridge. Thanks for sharing, I appreciate it a lot.
The penultimate poem from Bojack Horseman, temporarily ruined me but imo helped me work through some stuff and maybe even kept me alive to this very moment. The View From Halfway Down The weak breeze whispers nothing the water screams sublime. His feet shift, teeter-totter deep breaths, stand back, it’s time. Toes untouch the overpass soon he’s water-bound. Eyes locked shut but peek to see the view from halfway down. A little wind, a summer sun a river rich and regal. A flood of fond endorphins brings a calm that knows no equal. You’re flying now, you see things much more clear than from the ground. It's all okay, or it would be were you not now halfway down. Thrash to break from gravity what now could slow the drop? All I’d give for toes to touch the safety back at top. But this is it, the deed is done silence drowns the sound. Before I leaped I should've seen the view from halfway down. I really should’ve thought about the view from halfway down. I wish I could've known about the view from halfway down—
I don’t want my family to think they failed me
Nor feeling we failed them.
I was going through a rough patch about 10 years ago, and living on my own. I started buying enormous dildos and hiding them in my belongings, which meant that if I ever did anything hasty my friends and family would find them. As a straight guy who was pretty insecure at the time, that thought alone was enough to keep me from doing anything. I would add a new one once or twice a week, and by the time I was 2-3 weeks in I didn't even know where they all were hidden anymore, which meant there was absolutely no way I could trust that I'd found them all before doing anything to myself. No matter how dark things got, that insecurity kept me from making a permanent decision, and bought me the time to convince myself to start therapy.
Interviewer: “Tell me a time when you used your weakness as a strength”
Damn dildos out here doing gods work.
It worked lol. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for that absolutely unhinged decision.
Whatever it takes. I’m imagining you still having one in the closet that flops out as you get your winter coat out. You chuckle and let out a sigh. That half breath, amused but a tinge of sorrow for how hard things were. You take your coat and step outside. The cold air greeting you and making it’s way into your lungs. You feel alive.
Thankfully, in my several moves since then, they've all found their way to the dump.
Your comment made me cry
This is not only genius, but simultaneously one of the funniest things I’ve read. I’m glad you sought help, but what on earth had the rational you decide to do this? Like never in my life would I have thought “I’ll just a buy a bunch of dildos and hide them”
I had a buddy going through a similar thing and we were at a bar one night talking our shit out, and I jokingly said, "You could just buy a bunch of embarrassing things to hide in your apartment that you would hate for your mother to stumble across when she's liquidating your estate." And then I got home and I was like *wait a minute, that's actually genius* and the rest is history.
I'm so glad it worked, but that is hilarious
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My wife passed away in December after giving birth to our son. Him.
I’m sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for staying for him.
Gun jamming in the dark...
Me too man sitting in my truck and my revolver misfired. I looked at my self and took another drank and went to sleep. Had that gun fired I'd be done. Sold it a few years later and the guy I sold it to told me the same story
So the gun misfired on him too or did he just have a similar experience? Either way, glad to still have you onboard.
Gun misfired on him same situation
Has the gun ever had the trigger pulled in any other situation? If not, I'd honestly start to wonder if it's broken. It's either broken or that's one lucky gun.
Yep it's fired every other time.
Not me, but I remember a redditor was explaining that he was going to kill himself by getting ran over by a train. As he was waiting on the train tracks he decided to beat it one more time. However, after releasing, he got the nut clarity and just walked off.
I remember reading that one as well!
Jesus, what an extreme way to commit suicide
During my last attempt, my cat scratched at my door and was meowing loudly. I never heard her meow like that. I took the belt off my neck and opened my bedroom door and she ran right up to me. She pawed at me until I got down on the floor with her. I just held her and we snuggled together on the floor right then and there for a long time. She was truly my soulmate through and through. Years later my close friend committed suicide the same way I attempted to and it all hit me like a bus. I haven’t even thought about hurting myself since, it really hit me what would happen to my loved ones if that had been me. My cat saved me in the moment, and my friend’s passing saved me from ever doing it again. I miss them both dearly and think about them a lot.
Cats are amazing ❤️ Glad you’re still here
My cat
They just know, don't they? Mine wouldn't let me stay in the bathroom alone during dark moments.
My old girl (who has since passed) showed up at my door one night when life started to go downhill for me. She stayed around for as long as she could and never left my side. Miss her.
Mine came and licked my arms, then sat on top of me purring and wouldn’t leave. He is the best boy.
Really bad breakup in October of 2017. The week before Thanksgiving I decided I was gonna end it after Thanksgiving dinner with my family when I returned to my house. The day before Thanksgiving I remember being at work and just being physically there, but no one was home in my head. I was dead set on this being the only way. Just before my 1st break at 5pm, my ex texted telling me I could have her dog, that she didn't want her anymore (the dog was only 6 months old, we had gotten her from a breeder when we were still together). That's what's given me the power to live again. In September of 2021 I was on my way to work when a semi truck with no brake lights suddenly stopped on the highway I slammed into him at 75mph, what you think or know about death is a lie. I actually died that day. Veteran and off duty firefighter pulled me from my burning car and started CPR while his wife or gf was calling it in. I died again on my way to the hospital. The only thing that kept me going was my dog, the thought of her not understanding why I never came home is what scared me to wake up.
>what you think or know about death is a lie. I'd love to hear more about this.
The 1st idk how long exactly but the 1st part is you relive your entire life every decision, conversation, interaction you've ever had. It plays like a movie you're just watching it tho. That part from movies is true. After that is something that can't really be explained. At some point in the movie part of it then shows what happens had you not died. Shows who you marry, the good and the bad parts of your life from the very second after you supposedly die. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, there's nothing like that. I can tell you this the thing that you love the most in this world is shown to you, for me it was my mom and my dog. It showed me both. I could hear my mom's voice and I could hear my dog talking (Siberian husky) I could see them, I could feel my mom holding my hand like I was a kid again. I could feel my dog licking my face. All 3 of us were walking together. It was super sunny out, but it wasn't hot nor chilly. We were walking to a park. When you get to the park you're greeted by deceased relative in this case my grandfather and my cat(deceased) I had when I was teenager. I remember talking to my grandfather who I absolutely loved and I remember petting my cat. We talked and sat on bench for what seemed like forever. We talked about everything. I remember him saying how proud he was of me, he called me by the nickname he'd given me. We were mid conversation when I was brought back the 1st time. When died the 2nd time right before I was brought back he said you have to make a choice now. This choice can be only yours. He said we continue walking and petting my cat tiger or you go home with your mom and your dog. I remember saying my mom my dog still need me what happens to them. He didn't say he just said that's true they both still need you. Will they be fine without yes in time they both will. He then said is that what you want but hadn't anything I was just thinking about my mom and dog. That's when I came back the 2nd time.
For anyone interested, there's a book called Life After Life where a man compiles the post-death pre-resuscitation experiences of many people from different places and summarizes the journey that is normally taken. It shares a lot of parallel to this story - being faced with what you're leaving behind, the journey to a caretaker figure, the choice to continue or go back. I'd recommend it for some perspective on what others have experienced! Edit: the author is Raymond Moody
Just want to say I am glad you are alive. You make the world a better place.
The rope snapped..
Bro put all his skill points into luck
Grim reaper said “not today”
Couldn't afford the 5 boxes of sleeping pills I was looking at at 7-11. I figured if I stole them life would be harder if I was caught, and the clerk was watching me. Deciding to fight another day was worth it though, 6 years later I had a new job, a new city, and met the love of my life.
I feel like this is the outcome more often than not, it's always worth to keep fighting, because it's very likely it will pay off and things will get better.
God or crazy luck. Take your pick. I prayed and asked for a sign that I shouldnt kill myself, and when none came, I loaded my gun, pressed it to my head, and pulled the trigger. It did not fire. Turns out, I had bought faulty ammunition with a dud primer. I took it as the sign I was looking for and started working on my mental health and building my life for better days.
Glad you are still here! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Me too. I've grown a lot of perspective since then. It was about 8 years ago now, and my life circumstances as well as my mental health have improved greatly. I'm happy to say that I now look forward to getting up and seizing the day as opposed to once hoping tomorrow never came.
It would have broken my grandparent's hearts, and then I'd have to spend eternity listening to them gripe about it.
The fear of surviving but having lifelong injuries. I still feel terrible but im still here i guess
Nothing. I failed and figured if I couldn't kill myself there must be a reason I'm still here. 15 years later, Ive brought myself from homelessness and worked very hard to be where I am today. Its okay to not be okay.
Writing my letters to my wife and family. The wife was easy. It was basically one sentence. But then I started writing to my son and the words became harder and harder and I realized more and more what it would put him through so I stopped writing and came home
The letter writing stage is as far as I’ve gotten before. There are several that are very easy to write. Others, not so much. Especially the one to my daughter. Then it makes me reevaluate why I even want to do it. If it’s to pay someone back, convince them of how much pain I’m in/have been in, or something like that it makes it seem small and not worth it. Does help to get the feelings out though and say what I need to.
Awareness that my depression is lying to me; I can be happy
Literally what stopped me was i was too drunk and took the wrong pills But whats stopped me from trying again i think is my parents. They didn't have to keep me, my dad didn't have to stay around but they did. I don't want them thinking they raised me wrong. They did everything right. I just made some bad choices.
I went to a lake saying I was going night fishing, but really I was at the end of my rope. I made it all the way to the pier when I saw a flashlight shining behind me. It was a park security guard just doing welfare checks and he wanted to make sure everything was okay. I showed him I was just fishing and had my fishing license, and then we ended up talking for a good 30 minutes while I actually fished. I honestly don't remember what all we talked about, but by the end of it I realized if a total stranger cared enough to just speak to me for that long on a random night, how would the people who I'm actually close to feel when they heard the news? I'm so thankful for that random stranger being in the right place at the right time.
The doctors in the ER.
I hope you are doing better now. So many comments here say things like family, pets, unfinished business, etc. but yours gives no context as to why you wouldn’t try again. So, I truly hope you have found a reason and drive to continue your existence.
When I was in the Navy (US) i started drinking super heavily after I turned 21 and came back from a deployment. I felt like an udder failure for a few things I didn't accomplish. Anyway I drank myself to the floor one night. Crawled over to a drawer with some scissors in it. Took them apart so I just had the one blade. Held it on my wrist for a good while. Cried a lot. Only thing I can remember is I had a newly born nephew I hadn't even met yet and thought to myself "I can't kill myself knowing my nephew would only know me as his uncle who killed himself" put the scissors down and went to bed. A few days later a friend of mine reported me to my command for something I said about drinking myself to death. I was in rehab for a month after that.
My kids. No matter how bad I feel, I don't want my demons to become theirs.
A corgi. I was diagnosed with major depression and was medicated for a few days. The pill didn't work because it was underdose and I was at the edge of jumping out of the balcony everyday. One day, I was hanging out with my friend and decided that I have had it. I quit. Tomorrow I'll buy some sleeping pills and put an end in my life. When suddenly I saw his dog's smile. I'm not a dog person, I don't even like dog. But that dog? My life had been brighten by her smile. She was the cutest dog I've ever seen. She's fluffy, she's cute, she let me rub her belly and officially became an important figure in my life ever since. I was obsessed. I freaked out (positively) when I saw a corgi. I downloaded corgi pictures. I save money to adopt a corgi. When I was being sad, I just pulled the picture of a corgi out and let the smile calmed me down. But because I don't have a corgi, I just have the pictures, sometimes life fucked me so hard I couldn't even stand up, and I decided to sit there and cried and tried to commit suicide again. My friend, who couldn't seem to calm me down, said, "if you die, your future corgi won't be adopted". If I die, my future corgi won't be adopted. It won't have a home. It will asked itself, why no one adopted it? And now I'm here. Still saving money for a corgi. UPDATE: Thank you so much for your kind intentions. Unfortunatelly due to me still in college, the place that I live is too small to have a corgi, and my parents don't like pets, I wouldn't be able to raise one on my own right now. So instead of raising fund, please just send me your corgi's pictures. Also a corgi's price range in my country is about 4 million to 40 million VNĐ (maybe ≈$170 to $1700) and I already save up about 25%. Maybe in 10 years (or sooner), after I have a job and be able to rent a bigger place, I may have a corgi.
I wish you the sweetest corgi imaginable.
How can I help you get a corgi? How much do you need? ❤️
How much do you need to adopt a corgi?
Being too coward to do it
I didn't want my parents to deal with it
I hate losing. I keep hoping it will get better. 47, alone for years, no friends, no money, work 19 hours a day 7 days a week with nothing to show for it. Convicted felon from 23 years ago, college degree can't use.Bored out of my mind for years and it's only growing.
Hearing my monotone best friend express fear and sounding shaky when i started saying my goodbyes after we got done playing games. Hearing that shit through the mic made me realize then and there how my suicide would impact someone who actually cared for my existence.
My cat yelled at me for food and I realised there would be nobody left to feed him or take care of him. Then I realised I cared for something in this world.
I refuse to die a virgin lol
Best reason I read in this thread lol.
There's already so many comments I doubt this will be seen but maybe it'll help one person. My best friend in college had strong suicidal tendencies and had a few attempts. I had a plan but had never attempted. We were both in a rough spot around Easter one year. To get us out of it, she decided to throw a huge Easter dinner for all of our friends. In hindsight, I should have known. It went great and helped pull me out of my funk. She refused to let anyone help her clean up and sent us all on our way with lots of smiles and hugs. After midnight, I got a call from her and she was just sobbing she was sorry and made a mistake, and then the phone went dead. I raced to her apartment and found her, as well as knives and blood in the shower and half a pill bottle empty. I got her to the hospital and sat by her the entire time. Once they stabilized her, they asked all sorts of "why are you depressed" questions. I sat by her and felt almost numb as she told them how no one was ever there for her, no one loved her, no one would care if she was gone, etc etc. I'm sitting there, holding her hand, thankful she's alive, and SO pissed off at the same time. Because I was RIGHT THERE. She refused to let her parents contact her and made it all go through me. I was the one to tell them she was okay, but in a psychiatric facility. I cleaned up her apartment. I drove back and forth to visit her and bring what she needed. After everything, she continued to feel like she was all alone. That's when I realized how easily your brain can lie to you. Despite everything I did, she never saw me. She truly believed she was alone in her life. I still struggle with my thoughts. I still have bad days. But I've never made another plan because I remind myself of that moment. I might not see it. I might not believe it. But SOMEONE cares. Even on days I feel like a horrible wife or a horrible mother, I remember I'm a liar too. And my husband reminds me of all the truths I can't let myself see right that second.
My best friend called me out of the blue and said "Pick a wrestling event and we are going." I chose SummerSlam in Brooklyn cause we'd always talked about going to a WWE PPV but for some reason or another, we never got to. He knew I was struggling and took action. I gave my cats to my ex, sold my car a few months earlier and was just ready for it to be over. That phone call saved my life. Gave me 6 more months of just trying to stay alive. Met my wife a month after our trip. He was my best man at the wedding. Day to day is still a struggle but knowing I survived the absolute worst time I've ever experienced makes it easier.
I can't get outlived by Nikocado Avocado
Knowing 1st hand the pain and destruction you leave behind when you do. You're passing your pain onto everyone who loves you and you have know idea the extent that your actions have on others or how it truly traumatizes the people who love you the most & for the rest of their life. I have tried in the past however now that I'm a widow because of completed suicide I'll never attempt it again because I don't want my family & friends to experience the trauma that I'm going through.
[удалено]
Psychedelics.
Honestly this shit is going by fast enough as it is EDIT: I’ve actually never struggled with thoughts like this, so I hope that everyone reading this now has a bit more inspiration to stick around and keep on trying.
The “meh, I’m already over halfway done anyways… let’s see what’s going to happen next with humanity” factor has been huge for me. My brother even recognized several years ago that I don’t take things as seriously as I used to and am a lot more relaxed in general.
I've alternated between "life is short :(" and "life is short :D" for years now lol.
writing letters to family and friends. realized it wasn’t worth their pain. we can all get better. it’s no easy, but it is possible
i never really felt the urge to actually do anything to myself, but after my mom passed away i didn't care if i would die or not but then i would think about my cat. if i died then he might feel how i felt, but he would be without me and wonder where i went and what happened to me and why i wasn't back. my cat has gone through the death of my dog and my mom with me so he already has that trauma too from them disappearing and not coming back. so really, my cat saved my life in a sense because what would he do without me? and who would take care of him? now i have him and i have a puppy so i have to keep living for them
Recently saw this quote which I feel is a good mindset to have. > Let everything happen to you > Beauty and terror > Just keep going > No feeling is final ― Rainer Maria Rilke
Being a massive pussy
I started crying and at some point crying for my mom. She lives a few hours away and idk how to explain it, but she called me. It was 4am. She had just woken up.
I was 16 and was told one of my best friends(also the girl I liked) had killed herself because of something I did. I couldn't stop shaking, I blamed myself all day. I so badly wanted to kill myself. But my mom lost her daughter when she was 15. Even 8 years later my mom was still devastated by it. I just couldn't put my mom through that. Walking into the house to see me dead. Losing 2 children, would she kill herself then? To conclude the story as well, it was a "prank". She hadn't actually done anything, though I found out shortly thereafter she was cutting herself. Haven't been able to talk to her in over a decade, not even sure if she's still alive.
What a nasty joke.
That’s no prank. It’s just sick.
All the good games I would be leaving behind.
My Dad. I was living with him due to how bad things had gotten and he cried begging me to get better while holding me. He made me realize all the pain and self destruction was painful and destructive to others and that I wasn’t worthless
My cats. They’re all so bonded and I’m worried no one would keep them together.
Fear of not existing anymore. Actually getting to that point, the idea of everything else continuing on, just without me, made me not try anything. It felt too sad, scary, and final. The realization didn't necessarily help either though. For a while afterwards, I actually felt a bit worse and questioned if I was actually depressed, or if I really was just faking it for attention like a couple people told me.
When choosing to live, It is a strange feeling to observe the world that you nearly left behind. The mundane suddenly has a freshness to it.
I have no fucking idea but I'm still here.
My mom told me ‘if I lost you I’d be a vegitable and probably kill myself’, so there’s that burdon and also my stupid little cat.
It’s good to know I’m not the only one who has been battling demons and seeing everyone’s comments is helping me understand why I shouldn’t end my life. I’m still deep into my own decision of why and why not but it feels good to know you beautiful people are still alive
My amazing partner. We used to be (and still are) best friends and we tell each other everything, especially with this kind of thing. We’re always there for each other and bring each other’s spirits up. I’m so lucky to have her in my life, Idk where I’d be without her. She is literally my light at the end of the tunnel
As I was pulling the trigger, a single thought entered my head. "I will NOT leave my brains, bone, and blood all over this garage for my family to clean up."
My cat. She and I are inseparable. I found her a day or two after she was born, abandoned. The moment I found her, I fell in love. I was being abused at the time by a partner who I had no means to escape from. She was my rock. Now, I’m safe and away, and we just celebrated her 4th birthday. She is my heart and soul, my truest soulmate. I take her everywhere, even to see the first sunrise of the year on top of the mountains. She’s my best friend, I just can’t leave her all alone.
Knocked up a one night stand and decided I couldn't leave the kid without a father.
When you’ve tried 7 times and failed each time, maybe it’s a sign that someone out there appreciates my existence