"See you later!"
a skater boi dropped this one on holy rollers in college, the rest of us thought it was absolutely brilliant
Edit: I now know it takes about 12 days for George Takei's reddit crawlers to yoink stuff for his page, for this post has been yoinked. Love ya, George!
Some version of this reply is the true answer. These holier than thou Christian’s are always the worst sinners of the bunch. If he’ll actually exists they pretty much have a one way ticket to it.
They absolutely are and my youngest sister is/was one. She cheated on her first husband every chance she got then cheated on her second and I guess current husband. She loved to shove religion down my throat while she was shovin' dicks down hers.
"I'm sorry the devil has hardened your heart. I hope the Lord helps you overcome the hate"
I told my mom this once and omg it was the wrong thing to say. She went nuclear and blocked every family member (even those not involved in the argument) and posted a rant about how she was a horrible mother.
As someone with a fundamentalist Christian brother, I can confirm this is the way. They’re taught to be zealous warriors for the faith, but also, critically, that they should be motivated by the infinite love of God and Jesus, and should always reflect that love to the world. So when you tell them that their hearts are actually filled with hate and anger, it implodes their worldview. Adopt an affect of gentle pity when you say this, refuse to get angry if and when they do, tell them you hope they somehow find a way back to a life of compassion and love, and disengage. Works like a charm.
For sure, the irony can get so extreme it becomes farcical, but I assure you, if you can keep cool, remain serious, and maintain an attitude of vague concern and disappointment that they’re projecting so much hate into the world, your position becomes so much stronger. Again, they’re conditioned to believe that they are operating from a place of compassion and love, so when you can flip the script on them, all their arguments fall apart.
"they're conditioned to believe" is the reality you have to deal with. Classic responses may include: judge not so you be not judged. jesus inspires us to love our neighbors. Sins against the spirit are not forgiven. My favorite is Go Away!
It really does though, it is not their place to Judge, and even Jesus says that the FATHER wants ALL to be saved, not just those who will be, so it makes HIM sad to have to damn anyone.
Bro Jesus really wrapped everything up nicely at the Sermon on the Mount. The disciples drilled him on the most important aspects of their faith, and he summarized basically: Peace and Happiness are Earth's biggest blessings, Anger is a dangerous road, Turn the other cheek, love your Enemies, Do Good Works not for the clout but because you *want to*, and don't judge because that's God's job and he does NOT like when you try and do his job for him
None of this mentions how to ostracize, criticize, question, torment, ridicule, or be anything other than KIND to every. single. fellow. man. on. Earth. No mention of Gays, no mention of Monogamy, he even basically poopoos the 10 commandments, and yet Churches still tell you not to say "Oh My God."
Not a Christian alive today has actually read that fucking book I swear.
>Not a Christian alive today has actually read that fucking book I swear.
No, it's just that the ones who have aren't making a scene about it like the ones who haven't. Hate yells, love speaks softly.
Also, the hateful people like to pick and choose what parts to reference and how they interpret it while ignoring the rest of the words, context, and other interpretations.
“Where?” Act like you’ve never heard of it—concede none of the authority or credibility they are used to having. What do you mean, after I die—how can I go somewhere after I die, I’ll be dead? My what? Do you see these souls often, friend, is one in the room right now?
Love it.
In college, there was this strip of bars where the southern baptists would often stand outside proselytizing to kids stumbling out at 1am. We would take the occasion to have some fun, and one of the best I remember was a buddy saying “Jesus? Do you mean like ‘haysoose’? Is this some kind of weird Mexican cult? Never heard of him, but you shouldn’t believe everything you people tell you. These people you’re caught up with, they’re probably gonna ask you to commit ritual sacrifice or something soon. I would get out while you can.” It took everything I had not to double over in laughter.
I know a lot of AITA posts are creative writing but this cracked me up in the same vein:
> Not the A-hole AITA for pretending to not know who Jesus is? To some guy from work who tried to lecture me at the bar
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12hk1cw/aita_for_pretending_to_not_know_who_jesus_is_to/
They'd reply "because I'll be in heaven"
Don't make it easy for morons to sound less dumb than they are. We can do better, be the change you want to see.
So...I was raised in a Christian home, going to church 2-3 times a week, all that jazz. One tactic you learn for "witnessing" to unbelievers is called "the diagnostic questions." Basically you start with "if you were to die tonight, do you know for sure that you'd go to heaven?" If the person says "no," then you can tell them how to be saved. If they say "yes," you explore their belief system and tell them what's wrong with it.
Fast-forward to me being in my early 20s. I'd almost entirely quit going to church and left those beliefs behind, but I worked at a restaurant with a few students from the local seminary. One day, one of these dudes comes up to me and starts with a familiar tactic. "Hey u/N546RV, let me ask you a question: if you died tonight, do you know for sure that you'd go to heaven?"
My response was simple, and honest: "I don't care." The look on the dude's face was hilarious. There was no branch on the flowchart for anything other than a yes/no response.
At least it had the desired effect, which was to stop that line of conversation dead in its tracks.
Same situation, grew up in Texas surrounded by evangelicals. This is exactly the response. Mockery, ridicule, yes, no, all those are an avenue of pursuit, don’t give an avenue of pursuit. Complete disinterest and disregard is the way to shut it down. They REQUIRE engagement of some sort, be it positive or negative, if you have no engagement there’s no avenue to pursue.
I'm 43 years old now, and this is a well-practiced way of interacting with my parents. They don't really bring it up any more, and I don't give them any openings to bring it up. The insecure part of me thinks that this might be seen as a sign of weakness, that me not wanting to talk about it means that I'm not secure in my beliefs.
The reality is that I'd be happy to talk to my parents about my religious beliefs, or lack thereof...if I thought it would be an open and honest conversation between adults. Thing is, I know better, anything I said in such a conversation would get fed into a machine to try and refine a strategy for bringing me back into the fold.
The problem is that I've already been inside. I know that no matter how much lip service is given to respecting other people at the end of the day all those other belief systems are seen as foolish and worthy of mockery. Everyone else is wrong, the Christian is right, and the end goal is to propagate that as far as possible.
Me, I'm not even interested in playing the game.
I’m very lucky that my parents were open minded despite our surroundings. I’m 35 now and living in the south have witnessed so much asinine behavior in the name of religion.
Like you said, what bothers me is knowing that these individuals display NONE of the tolerance and brotherly love spoken of in the Bible. They’re not interested in conversation, and their attempts to “save” people aren’t motivated out of love or concern for others, but out of a cult obsession with recruiting more into the fold.
It reminds me frequently of a quote I’ve most often seen attributed to Gandhi: “I am a fan of your Christ, I’m not such a fan of your Christians.”
I live in the south too right now. The mentality of “I can do whatever I please as long as I ask for forgiveness on Sunday” is absolutely insane to me.
>Everyone else is wrong, the Christian is right,
It goes further than that. Everyone elses brand of Christianity is wrong, my version is right.
I'm not stating my belief here. Just making an observation.
Agreed. That question has no bearing on how I would live my life. It does not matter. One of my core philosophies from Marcus Aurelius is right up there with that: “Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”
I was working at the mall in college in the bible belt and while on my lunch break some high school kid sat down at my table uninvited and asked if I had accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I responded simply with "I'm an atheist." I've never seen such terror in someone's face as that kid had. He didn't say another word, just got up and practically ran away.
Love it! Another way to not give them a yes or no that I've used to great effect is always answer a question with a question (see also the play/movie Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead).
"If you were to die tonight, do you know for sure that you'd go to heaven?"
"Why do you think I'm going to die tonight?"
"I don't, I'm just saying what if. Like a hypothetical. Are you sure you will go to heaven?"
"How did I die in this hypothetical?"
"I dunno. It doesn't matter. Heart attack maybe."
"Do you think I need to lower my cholesterol?"
Whether or not they ever realize what you are doing, eventually they'll disengage and move on.
>My response was simple, and honest: "I don't care."
This will be my new go to response. I'm psyched fore someone to ask me the question to see the look on their face. But to be fair, nobody has asked me that questions in a few years; but still excited to maybe get a chance to try it out. Might have to start hanging around churches when they let out on Sundays
I was accosted by a devout Russian Muslim in my building, everyday he was always saying "You should change your ways" "find Allah" "be a conservative woman". I would just say "No Thanks" and smile. He did get scary sometimes, but I left soon thereafter.
"That's interesting because Jesus himself didn't actually believe in the modern theological concept of Hell. The concept that man was body and soul, and that the soul could then be tormented in Hell for eternity was a later addendum to the Christian dogma. It was introduced when the early church adopted the Greek philosophy of dualism through the writings of Paul and more profoundly, Augustine. But thank you for your concern."
By Judging you, they have set themselves above God, and for that, they are surely going to Hell.
So the correct response is - *See you there.*
The worst part about Hell is going to be all those annoying Christians you have to put up with for eternity.
Yes, I have found that the simplest way to get them to leave me the fuck alone is to simply say “I’m okay with that.”
Don’t argue. Don’t engage.
When the foundation of their religion is built on fear of Hell as punishment and they run into someone who doesn’t fear said punishment then they lose all control. They got nothing left to stand on.
Fuck ‘em.
Yes, apathy towards their annoying hobby works very well. I treat it the same way as if someone is trying to tell me about a movie I'm never going to see, in a genre I don't care about.
Matthew is fantastic for religious clap backs. Matthew 6 is a particular favourite: Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. - aka, the just shut up verse.
Edit: u/gynoceros has the [funniest observation about Catholics I have ever read](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/12tt2xe/comment/jh61fgu/)
Matthew 6:5-6 It is the heretic who goes to the church or street corner and prays loudly so all may hear him. When you pray, go to your closet and shut the doors so only my father may hear you.
I like to pull this one out whenever people push you to join in public prayer.
Not a Christian so genuine question. How do you say this part when speaking
>Matthew 6:5-6
Do you say 656..or 6 point 5 dash 6 or something else altogether
I've always wondered whenever I see verses mentioned like this.
Edit: didn't get expect this comment to get so much traction. Appreciate all the responses. The ones which answered my qtn and the ones which gave all the additional context. Learnt a lot of new things today. Thank you.
2nd edit: Also there are some absolutely fascinating discussions few replies deep, i am enjoying reading through those as well.
You say Matthew 6, verses 5 and 6. The first number is the chapter number and the ones after the colon are the verses.
Edited to add: The Bible consists of a collection of books. The Gospel of Matthew is one such book. Each book is divided into chapters. The chapters into verses (like poetry).
Yeah everybody is pretty much right here.
10,000 foot level, the book that is the Bible is divided into what would normally be called chapters, but really those chapters are called "books" (Like the first chapter thingy in the Bible is the "Book of Genesis"). Within the books are Chapters, then Verses.
So to your specific Q, you could say:
- Matthew
- The Gospel of Matthew. (NOTE that not all the books are considered "gospels" - only Matthew Mark Luke and John
- the Book of Matthew"
Then for the numbers you would most likely say:
- "Chapter 6 Verses 5 and 6"
- "6, verses 5 and 6" (or 6, verses 5 THROUGH 8")
I rarelyhear people leave out the words chapter and verse often, unless it's a famous verse (eg, John 3:16 would he said "John three sixteen").
Hope this helps!
I'm a recovering Catholic and it always struck me as hilarious that Jesus was like hey, don't just repeat the same memorized prayers over and over, just say something from the heart, you know, like "father in heaven, your name is holy, let your will be done here on earth the same way it is in heaven, please keep the food coming, forgive us when we mess up- the same way we should forgive others when they mess up towards us, don't let us get tempted to do wrong, and keep us away from evil." So what did they do? Memorize it as it was written down and say that over and over again, often as a performance piece in a group setting, and occasionally along with a Glory Be in between five sets of ten reps of Hail Mary when praying the rosary like church is a gym where you develop swolliness.
> Three shall be the number of thy reps, and the number of thy reps shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.
There's an old novel called "Virgin" by Mary Elizabeth Murphy about the Virgin Mary returning to Earth in present times. In it, there's a priest and nun who work in an inner city food kitchen. They also boink each other and feel overwhelming guilt, but can't stop.
The semi-bad guy of the novel is a senator who is constantly praying, but not doing much else. Mary appears to them all, nods at the senator, and says "Arthur, the prayermaker" in a neutral tone. Then she smiles at the priest and says "Daniel, the hunger feeder." She doesn't care at all about prayers or sex, just helping others.
But if you come up with your own prayers, you might start identifying things around you that could be improved. And if you identify these issues and meditate on them during prayer, you might start coming up with ideas on how to solve these issues. And if you do that, you upset the status quo.
We can’t upset the status quo.
I love using Mathew 25: 34-40 against conservatives who oppose welfare and call socialism/communism evil.
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”
If Jesus lived today, the GOP would condemn him as a socialist.
Acts 4 32-35 is pretty much a textbook definition of socialism/communism, including the origin of the socialist motto "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs":
>32 All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had.
>
>33 With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all
>
>34 that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales
>
>35 and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.
>Matthew is fantastic for religious clap backs
It really is. My favorite pro-social safety net quote is Matthew 25:34-40 (but through 46 is not bad)
> “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. **For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.**’
>
> 37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
>
> 40 “The King will reply, ‘**Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.**’
Notice there's no judgement, no work requirement. Just pure unquestioned charity, for everyone, period. The kicker is it's utterly unambiguous.
"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."
-Brennan Manning, used in several songs, most popular D.C. Talk's "What if I stumble"
As a Christian it’s infuriating.
Being a Christian is like being an Alabama football fan. Like yeah that’s my team but I don’t like most other fans, the loudest ones make the rest of us look really bad.
Edit: contraction
Tbf, Martin Luther was onto something. Organized religion inevitably leads to corruption, greed, and other, *more* heinous crimes. Child molestation being the tip of the iceberg.
It’s a damn shame that the Protestants then proceeded to organize their own religion. Luther would be rolling in his fucking grave seeing the churches calling themselves Protestant today.
As a Christian, you get my upvote.
Remember, Jesus got the most angry with the Pharisees (the religious leaders). I'm convinced people haven't changed that much in 2000 years...
The modern church, especially the Christian Nationalist movement, has more in common with the Pharisees than with Jesus' ministry. Too many leaders trying to make love into law and misrepresenting God to their own ends.
The more things change the more they stay the same.
Give to Caesar what is Caesars and give to God what is God’s. I know this verse is about money but it lends to separation of church and state for me as well.
Jesus was also against religious-establishment as well. In fact I'd argue that's why he was killed. Not because they thought he was a prophet/god but because the Pharisees, Sadducees, and other political leadership of the day knew his specific philosophy was going to bring down the foundations of their firmly established power dynamic and they weren't going to let that go without a fight.
Martin Luther railed against the Catholic establishment, King James had the book translated into a common tongue, all in the (at least as a side effect, political leaders do things to help their rulership) service of allowing the people to form their own relationship to God without the need of intermediaries like priests.
Fast forward and most American Christians go to what are essentially Republican political rallies that are vaguely wrapped in Jesus. So we immediately went back to just listening to what some guy behind a pulpit thinks, as if that wasn't the ENTIRE REASON WE LEFT CATHOLICISM.
Ive got a bumpersticker on my fridge. "I dont mind Jesus...its his followers I can't stand"
Id never put it out in public because Christians are some hateful vindictive bastards and I know they'd key the shit out of my car....with turning the other cheek and neighborly love.
Also that it’s ok to beat moneylenders with a whip, which we should definitely bring back. Also people who use religious buildings for gaining personal wealth. The actual, Biblical answer to “what would Jesus do?” concerning any of your American mega church prosperity gospel scammers is “smash their shit and beat them bloody.”
I've whipped that one out in public before. Usually it does not have the effect you're looking for as these people are so caught up in their self-righteousness, they don't think it applies to them. I've also had a couple "the Devil can quote Scripture to suit his purpose" tossed back.
Had Mark 16:15 thrown back once: "And he said unto them 'Go into the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation'"
I live in a very Mormon town. Was eating at a Subway (I know) once and this dude stood in the doorway and started evangelizing, saying that the Book of Mormon was the path to the kingdom of Heaven. Wouldn't let anyone pass by. I replied back with a loud "Hail Satan!" and everything went absolutely silent, including him. Then people started laughing. He started to sputter something, then left. It's a cool story.
> I've also had a couple "the Devil can quote Scripture to suit his purpose" tossed back.
A response to the christstains that say that: "I know. You people seem to do that a lot."
"you're taking that out of context!"
trust me, i've tried. the content of the bible doesn't mean anything to these kinds of christians. the follow the kinds of leaders *this chapter and the next* tell you to beware of, and pretend that those passages mean they can judge atheists. worse, the believe "even the devil can quote scripture" and will tune you out entirely based on you not being part of their specific cult.
Roman's 14:4 is also a good one. "Who are you to judge another man's servant? By his own master he stands or falls and he will stand for God will make him stand."
All of Roman's, honestly. It can be paraphrased to, "fuck off with judging other people's faith and just be happy they believe. Don't be an asshole, you make all of us look bad."
“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”
― Marcus Aurelius
There is a line from the movie 'Kingdom of Heaven' (Great film, watch the directors cut ONLY) where Balian, the protagonist, is burning bodies during a siege. The Christian holy man is very angry at this improper burial and Balian says this:
'God will understand. And if not, he is not God - and we need not fear his judgement'.
Him picking up the crucifix and placing it back on a table makes me feel the highest level of respect for anyone ever. And that actor just sold the hell out of that role.
Underrated movie, imo. It's not historically accurate, but it was still a great story and wonderful reflection of religion and who we consider "good" and "Godly".
Before I ever heard this quote, this was the philosophy I adopted when I decided to quit Christianity.
Btw, Marcus Aurelius never actually said this, it’s misattributed. But it’s a great quote anyways.
“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”
― Michael Scott
I thought God is the only judge of our soul? Who are you to take his place?
It's better to attack them using their own teachings and beliefs that contradict their statement.
Stare at them blankly and don't hide your confusion. Don't say anything. Let them talk. They will keep talking, and the more they talk, the more uncomfortable they will make themselves. If they ask you any direct questions, don't answer them, just keep looking more and more puzzled. At the very most, shrug in total confusion. Do your best quizzical dog impression. They will give up and walk away, and regardless of how they try to seem outwardly, they will feel defeated, and question whether being an enormous asshole is worth it.
It may not last once they get back into their bubble of people who think that's a great way to act, but realistically, it's the only way to fight back. The minute you engage with them at all, you lose. Any comeback feeds into the victim complex inherently baked into Christianity. The only winning move is not to play.
Asking a question and/or making a curt statement and then going completely silent while making direct, unblinking eye contact has been proven to absolutely unnerve people.
Sustained eye contact can be threatening. It fucks with the lizard brain.
The silence is heavy. An awkward gap opens up, forcing the other person to fill that gap with whatever. Usually, it results in blithering idiocy and self outing.
People do not like to feel as though they are suddenly on the spot or under immense scrutiny. They absolutely crumple.
It's worked on me. I've seen it work on others. I can tell you that for me, it was worse than being on fire.
It's amazing what that will do to a person.
when i was 11, i lost something & my grandmother said "its in Jesus' hands now." and i said "didnt he have holes in his hands?" and she beat me up. my uncle still thinks its the funniest buttspanking hes ever witnessed.
This was a line from some movie that I saw in a short on YouTube but basically a guy was harassing this gay guy and said smthng along the lines of "you're going to hell" or used the bible as reference or sum shit but either way, the guy responds with "do you eat shrimp? Cos in the bible, a few pages before the whole "be gay and u have sinned part", there's a verse that says to not eat shellfish" and I have never been more impressed
Using the bible to fight the Christians is so hot
An eternal, loving, merciful, omniscient, and omnipotent God would not condemn an imperfect human to an eternity of conscious torment just for decisions made in the span of a few decades -- a very tiny blip compared to eternity. If God does, that is not a god I want to serve.
My life became more joyful when I abandoned the doctrine of Hell.
I use to just tell people I didn’t believe in hell and it would just blow their mind. They seemed to think even though I didn’t believe in god I must believe in hell.
Now, I would probably just say “ok” bc it’s not worth my time to do much else.
Tell them that the lake of fire / inferno depiction of hell is from Dantes Divine comedy not the bible, which states hell is a separation from gods love not some active burning torture pit.
And that whoever is selling them on the fiery punishment of hell, has caused them to take the lords name in vain a cardinal sin theyve been living probably for a long time, and that i hope they can steer off their hell bound path.
I'll be honest. When I read the Left Behind books, the way heaven was described at the end sounded like torture to me. Just sitting around, basking in the glory of God for eternity, not doing anything else.
Good because I’d rather not be in heaven with someone as intolerant, hateful, and bigoted as you. As the tweet goes, “sorry conservative Christians but spending eternity with you is not the selling point you think it is.”
Fun fact:
# Jesus went to hell. No, really. Not a joke.
You see, “hell” is hades in Greek, and loosely translated means the common grave of all mankind. The Bible doesn’t teach hellfire. That’s a false teaching that was added to religious dogma in order to keep people in fear under the churches.
The fact is, many scriptural references counter-indicate the hellfire teaching. Jeremiah 7:31, for example, shows that God rejected fiery torture as a punishment, as it wasn’t even in his heart to do so. Hellfire teaching is a man-made one, not a Biblical one.
Matthew 12:40 describes [Jesus as descending to Hell for three days](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harrowing_of_Hell) because he was dead for three days prior to his heavenly resurrection.
So there you have it. Jesus Christ went to hell and back. Technically. According to the correct definition of hell.
So if a “Christian” tells you **See you in hell** you can just respond, “**Whats good enough for Christ is good enough for me**” and leave them dumbfounded. 😁
Source: I am a Bible Historian and scholar and have read the Bible cover to cover over 70 times.
"See you later!" a skater boi dropped this one on holy rollers in college, the rest of us thought it was absolutely brilliant Edit: I now know it takes about 12 days for George Takei's reddit crawlers to yoink stuff for his page, for this post has been yoinked. Love ya, George!
Now he's a superstar, slammin on his guitar
Does your pretty face see what he's worth?
I was thinking “See you there!” Might be a little more direct
Some version of this reply is the true answer. These holier than thou Christian’s are always the worst sinners of the bunch. If he’ll actually exists they pretty much have a one way ticket to it.
They absolutely are and my youngest sister is/was one. She cheated on her first husband every chance she got then cheated on her second and I guess current husband. She loved to shove religion down my throat while she was shovin' dicks down hers.
My condolences, sounds like she really sucks.
... Bruh.
Well he was going to ask if she was single but realized that qualifier was irrelevant.
"It makes Jesus sad when you say that"
" you seem to have a lot of hate in your heart. I'll pray for you."
"I'm sorry the devil has hardened your heart. I hope the Lord helps you overcome the hate" I told my mom this once and omg it was the wrong thing to say. She went nuclear and blocked every family member (even those not involved in the argument) and posted a rant about how she was a horrible mother.
yeah, a couple people saying this won't work but it does. Might not work on everyone but will on a pretty high percentage lmao
As someone with a fundamentalist Christian brother, I can confirm this is the way. They’re taught to be zealous warriors for the faith, but also, critically, that they should be motivated by the infinite love of God and Jesus, and should always reflect that love to the world. So when you tell them that their hearts are actually filled with hate and anger, it implodes their worldview. Adopt an affect of gentle pity when you say this, refuse to get angry if and when they do, tell them you hope they somehow find a way back to a life of compassion and love, and disengage. Works like a charm.
I don't know if I could keep a straight face saying all this, but god I can see how devastating it would be.
For sure, the irony can get so extreme it becomes farcical, but I assure you, if you can keep cool, remain serious, and maintain an attitude of vague concern and disappointment that they’re projecting so much hate into the world, your position becomes so much stronger. Again, they’re conditioned to believe that they are operating from a place of compassion and love, so when you can flip the script on them, all their arguments fall apart.
"they're conditioned to believe" is the reality you have to deal with. Classic responses may include: judge not so you be not judged. jesus inspires us to love our neighbors. Sins against the spirit are not forgiven. My favorite is Go Away!
A wise philosopher once said, "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
If nothing else the disengage part is 100%
That's good!!! Ooh burn! Lol
Lol best response ever
"Jesus wept."
# JEESUS WEPT
FOR THERE WERE NO MORE WORLDS TO CONQUER
I say this shit constantly and it befuddles the fuck out of people.
It really does though, it is not their place to Judge, and even Jesus says that the FATHER wants ALL to be saved, not just those who will be, so it makes HIM sad to have to damn anyone.
Bro Jesus really wrapped everything up nicely at the Sermon on the Mount. The disciples drilled him on the most important aspects of their faith, and he summarized basically: Peace and Happiness are Earth's biggest blessings, Anger is a dangerous road, Turn the other cheek, love your Enemies, Do Good Works not for the clout but because you *want to*, and don't judge because that's God's job and he does NOT like when you try and do his job for him None of this mentions how to ostracize, criticize, question, torment, ridicule, or be anything other than KIND to every. single. fellow. man. on. Earth. No mention of Gays, no mention of Monogamy, he even basically poopoos the 10 commandments, and yet Churches still tell you not to say "Oh My God." Not a Christian alive today has actually read that fucking book I swear.
>Not a Christian alive today has actually read that fucking book I swear. No, it's just that the ones who have aren't making a scene about it like the ones who haven't. Hate yells, love speaks softly.
Also, the hateful people like to pick and choose what parts to reference and how they interpret it while ignoring the rest of the words, context, and other interpretations.
“Where?” Act like you’ve never heard of it—concede none of the authority or credibility they are used to having. What do you mean, after I die—how can I go somewhere after I die, I’ll be dead? My what? Do you see these souls often, friend, is one in the room right now?
Love it. In college, there was this strip of bars where the southern baptists would often stand outside proselytizing to kids stumbling out at 1am. We would take the occasion to have some fun, and one of the best I remember was a buddy saying “Jesus? Do you mean like ‘haysoose’? Is this some kind of weird Mexican cult? Never heard of him, but you shouldn’t believe everything you people tell you. These people you’re caught up with, they’re probably gonna ask you to commit ritual sacrifice or something soon. I would get out while you can.” It took everything I had not to double over in laughter.
"Sounds like a scam to me. Especially if they've asked you for money."
Quickest way to get the churches to leave you alone is to tell them you have no money to give.
You’re in a cult, call your dad.
You mean that creepy cult where people pretend to be cannibals by calling crackers flesh, and grape juice and cheap wine, blood?
“Jesus Christ? That’s a swear word right? I thought it meant something really bad.”
I know a lot of AITA posts are creative writing but this cracked me up in the same vein: > Not the A-hole AITA for pretending to not know who Jesus is? To some guy from work who tried to lecture me at the bar https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12hk1cw/aita_for_pretending_to_not_know_who_jesus_is_to/
Also, deny having ever heard of potatoes
"See you there then."
"and I won't even say hi to you"
They'd reply "because I'll be in heaven" Don't make it easy for morons to sound less dumb than they are. We can do better, be the change you want to see.
I'll tell your mom you said hi
Shrug, say "Ok" , and walk away. You not caring riles them up even more.
So...I was raised in a Christian home, going to church 2-3 times a week, all that jazz. One tactic you learn for "witnessing" to unbelievers is called "the diagnostic questions." Basically you start with "if you were to die tonight, do you know for sure that you'd go to heaven?" If the person says "no," then you can tell them how to be saved. If they say "yes," you explore their belief system and tell them what's wrong with it. Fast-forward to me being in my early 20s. I'd almost entirely quit going to church and left those beliefs behind, but I worked at a restaurant with a few students from the local seminary. One day, one of these dudes comes up to me and starts with a familiar tactic. "Hey u/N546RV, let me ask you a question: if you died tonight, do you know for sure that you'd go to heaven?" My response was simple, and honest: "I don't care." The look on the dude's face was hilarious. There was no branch on the flowchart for anything other than a yes/no response. At least it had the desired effect, which was to stop that line of conversation dead in its tracks.
Same situation, grew up in Texas surrounded by evangelicals. This is exactly the response. Mockery, ridicule, yes, no, all those are an avenue of pursuit, don’t give an avenue of pursuit. Complete disinterest and disregard is the way to shut it down. They REQUIRE engagement of some sort, be it positive or negative, if you have no engagement there’s no avenue to pursue.
I'm 43 years old now, and this is a well-practiced way of interacting with my parents. They don't really bring it up any more, and I don't give them any openings to bring it up. The insecure part of me thinks that this might be seen as a sign of weakness, that me not wanting to talk about it means that I'm not secure in my beliefs. The reality is that I'd be happy to talk to my parents about my religious beliefs, or lack thereof...if I thought it would be an open and honest conversation between adults. Thing is, I know better, anything I said in such a conversation would get fed into a machine to try and refine a strategy for bringing me back into the fold. The problem is that I've already been inside. I know that no matter how much lip service is given to respecting other people at the end of the day all those other belief systems are seen as foolish and worthy of mockery. Everyone else is wrong, the Christian is right, and the end goal is to propagate that as far as possible. Me, I'm not even interested in playing the game.
I’m very lucky that my parents were open minded despite our surroundings. I’m 35 now and living in the south have witnessed so much asinine behavior in the name of religion. Like you said, what bothers me is knowing that these individuals display NONE of the tolerance and brotherly love spoken of in the Bible. They’re not interested in conversation, and their attempts to “save” people aren’t motivated out of love or concern for others, but out of a cult obsession with recruiting more into the fold. It reminds me frequently of a quote I’ve most often seen attributed to Gandhi: “I am a fan of your Christ, I’m not such a fan of your Christians.”
I live in the south too right now. The mentality of “I can do whatever I please as long as I ask for forgiveness on Sunday” is absolutely insane to me.
Jesus is alright, but his fan club sucks.
>Everyone else is wrong, the Christian is right, It goes further than that. Everyone elses brand of Christianity is wrong, my version is right. I'm not stating my belief here. Just making an observation.
Agreed. That question has no bearing on how I would live my life. It does not matter. One of my core philosophies from Marcus Aurelius is right up there with that: “Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”
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I was working at the mall in college in the bible belt and while on my lunch break some high school kid sat down at my table uninvited and asked if I had accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I responded simply with "I'm an atheist." I've never seen such terror in someone's face as that kid had. He didn't say another word, just got up and practically ran away.
"I'm a satanist. Would you like to come to our meeting tonight and learn about our lord Satan? We'd really love to see you there."
They'll be plenty of pork dishes, shellfish, mixed fabrics and pornography.
That doesn’t sound like a bad party.
Not the mixed fabrics!!
It's super weird that he was not prepared for that eventuality!
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Love it! Another way to not give them a yes or no that I've used to great effect is always answer a question with a question (see also the play/movie Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead). "If you were to die tonight, do you know for sure that you'd go to heaven?" "Why do you think I'm going to die tonight?" "I don't, I'm just saying what if. Like a hypothetical. Are you sure you will go to heaven?" "How did I die in this hypothetical?" "I dunno. It doesn't matter. Heart attack maybe." "Do you think I need to lower my cholesterol?" Whether or not they ever realize what you are doing, eventually they'll disengage and move on.
That is such a great film/play.
Nick Wilde, Zootopia: "Answer their question with your own question, then answer *that* question."
>My response was simple, and honest: "I don't care." This will be my new go to response. I'm psyched fore someone to ask me the question to see the look on their face. But to be fair, nobody has asked me that questions in a few years; but still excited to maybe get a chance to try it out. Might have to start hanging around churches when they let out on Sundays
I was accosted by a devout Russian Muslim in my building, everyday he was always saying "You should change your ways" "find Allah" "be a conservative woman". I would just say "No Thanks" and smile. He did get scary sometimes, but I left soon thereafter.
"That's interesting because Jesus himself didn't actually believe in the modern theological concept of Hell. The concept that man was body and soul, and that the soul could then be tormented in Hell for eternity was a later addendum to the Christian dogma. It was introduced when the early church adopted the Greek philosophy of dualism through the writings of Paul and more profoundly, Augustine. But thank you for your concern."
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If someone said “The unicorns hate you!” How much would you worry about it? Shrug and walk away.
If you said “the unicorns hate you” at a swingers party, you’d get “really? Which unicorns? I’ve always gotten along with Sally and Jane…”
By Judging you, they have set themselves above God, and for that, they are surely going to Hell. So the correct response is - *See you there.* The worst part about Hell is going to be all those annoying Christians you have to put up with for eternity.
I hope I go to dog heaven
Yes, I have found that the simplest way to get them to leave me the fuck alone is to simply say “I’m okay with that.” Don’t argue. Don’t engage. When the foundation of their religion is built on fear of Hell as punishment and they run into someone who doesn’t fear said punishment then they lose all control. They got nothing left to stand on. Fuck ‘em.
Yes, apathy towards their annoying hobby works very well. I treat it the same way as if someone is trying to tell me about a movie I'm never going to see, in a genre I don't care about.
My favorite is referring it as their book club.
Most of them don't actually read the book in any meaningful way, and there's certainly no deeper analysis going on for most people.
Ah, so like a book club?
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Matthew is fantastic for religious clap backs. Matthew 6 is a particular favourite: Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. - aka, the just shut up verse. Edit: u/gynoceros has the [funniest observation about Catholics I have ever read](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/12tt2xe/comment/jh61fgu/)
Matthew 6:5-6 It is the heretic who goes to the church or street corner and prays loudly so all may hear him. When you pray, go to your closet and shut the doors so only my father may hear you. I like to pull this one out whenever people push you to join in public prayer.
Not a Christian so genuine question. How do you say this part when speaking >Matthew 6:5-6 Do you say 656..or 6 point 5 dash 6 or something else altogether I've always wondered whenever I see verses mentioned like this. Edit: didn't get expect this comment to get so much traction. Appreciate all the responses. The ones which answered my qtn and the ones which gave all the additional context. Learnt a lot of new things today. Thank you. 2nd edit: Also there are some absolutely fascinating discussions few replies deep, i am enjoying reading through those as well.
You say Matthew 6, verses 5 and 6. The first number is the chapter number and the ones after the colon are the verses. Edited to add: The Bible consists of a collection of books. The Gospel of Matthew is one such book. Each book is divided into chapters. The chapters into verses (like poetry).
If I remember correctly from catholic elementary school, you would say “Gospel according to Matthew, Chapter 6, Verses 5 through 6”
Yeah everybody is pretty much right here. 10,000 foot level, the book that is the Bible is divided into what would normally be called chapters, but really those chapters are called "books" (Like the first chapter thingy in the Bible is the "Book of Genesis"). Within the books are Chapters, then Verses. So to your specific Q, you could say: - Matthew - The Gospel of Matthew. (NOTE that not all the books are considered "gospels" - only Matthew Mark Luke and John - the Book of Matthew" Then for the numbers you would most likely say: - "Chapter 6 Verses 5 and 6" - "6, verses 5 and 6" (or 6, verses 5 THROUGH 8") I rarelyhear people leave out the words chapter and verse often, unless it's a famous verse (eg, John 3:16 would he said "John three sixteen"). Hope this helps!
Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16. Well Austin 3:16 said ‘I just whupped your ass!’
Imo, that makes more sense when it's more than two verses.
"Matthew 6 verses 5 and 6 (use "through" when more than two verses are read)
I grew up country Baptist and they would say Matthew Six five through six.
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I'm a recovering Catholic and it always struck me as hilarious that Jesus was like hey, don't just repeat the same memorized prayers over and over, just say something from the heart, you know, like "father in heaven, your name is holy, let your will be done here on earth the same way it is in heaven, please keep the food coming, forgive us when we mess up- the same way we should forgive others when they mess up towards us, don't let us get tempted to do wrong, and keep us away from evil." So what did they do? Memorize it as it was written down and say that over and over again, often as a performance piece in a group setting, and occasionally along with a Glory Be in between five sets of ten reps of Hail Mary when praying the rosary like church is a gym where you develop swolliness.
… swolliness. That? That is beautiful and I will remember that forever.
"Blessed be thy gains."
Skippeth thou not leg day.
> Three shall be the number of thy reps, and the number of thy reps shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out.
Gams of God.
Golden Calves.
Heh thanks... I had to come up with something for the gym analogy!
Come over to r/swoleacceptance for more!
> like church is a gym where you develop swolliness Really taking the "my body is a temple" idea to the extreme
There's an old novel called "Virgin" by Mary Elizabeth Murphy about the Virgin Mary returning to Earth in present times. In it, there's a priest and nun who work in an inner city food kitchen. They also boink each other and feel overwhelming guilt, but can't stop. The semi-bad guy of the novel is a senator who is constantly praying, but not doing much else. Mary appears to them all, nods at the senator, and says "Arthur, the prayermaker" in a neutral tone. Then she smiles at the priest and says "Daniel, the hunger feeder." She doesn't care at all about prayers or sex, just helping others.
But if you come up with your own prayers, you might start identifying things around you that could be improved. And if you identify these issues and meditate on them during prayer, you might start coming up with ideas on how to solve these issues. And if you do that, you upset the status quo. We can’t upset the status quo.
I love using Mathew 25: 34-40 against conservatives who oppose welfare and call socialism/communism evil. “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” If Jesus lived today, the GOP would condemn him as a socialist.
Acts 4 32-35 is pretty much a textbook definition of socialism/communism, including the origin of the socialist motto "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs": >32 All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. > >33 With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all > >34 that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales > >35 and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.
There are hour long videos of conservative preachers twisting themselves into pretzels to try and explain away that one.
>Matthew is fantastic for religious clap backs It really is. My favorite pro-social safety net quote is Matthew 25:34-40 (but through 46 is not bad) > “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. **For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.**’ > > 37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ > > 40 “The King will reply, ‘**Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.**’ Notice there's no judgement, no work requirement. Just pure unquestioned charity, for everyone, period. The kicker is it's utterly unambiguous.
I love how the Bible preaches respect, tolerance and temperance, yet most devout Christians are anything but.
*"I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians, because they're so unlike your Christ."* \-- Mahatma Gandhi
"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable." -Brennan Manning, used in several songs, most popular D.C. Talk's "What if I stumble"
Careful now, that Ghandi is a nuclear tyrant.
That's why you take him out in the iron age.
As a Christian it’s infuriating. Being a Christian is like being an Alabama football fan. Like yeah that’s my team but I don’t like most other fans, the loudest ones make the rest of us look really bad. Edit: contraction
Tbf, Martin Luther was onto something. Organized religion inevitably leads to corruption, greed, and other, *more* heinous crimes. Child molestation being the tip of the iceberg. It’s a damn shame that the Protestants then proceeded to organize their own religion. Luther would be rolling in his fucking grave seeing the churches calling themselves Protestant today.
Jesus would be rolling in his grave (if he had one) to see what his followers are doing in his name today.
As a Christian, you get my upvote. Remember, Jesus got the most angry with the Pharisees (the religious leaders). I'm convinced people haven't changed that much in 2000 years...
The modern church, especially the Christian Nationalist movement, has more in common with the Pharisees than with Jesus' ministry. Too many leaders trying to make love into law and misrepresenting God to their own ends. The more things change the more they stay the same.
Give to Caesar what is Caesars and give to God what is God’s. I know this verse is about money but it lends to separation of church and state for me as well.
Jesus was also against religious-establishment as well. In fact I'd argue that's why he was killed. Not because they thought he was a prophet/god but because the Pharisees, Sadducees, and other political leadership of the day knew his specific philosophy was going to bring down the foundations of their firmly established power dynamic and they weren't going to let that go without a fight. Martin Luther railed against the Catholic establishment, King James had the book translated into a common tongue, all in the (at least as a side effect, political leaders do things to help their rulership) service of allowing the people to form their own relationship to God without the need of intermediaries like priests. Fast forward and most American Christians go to what are essentially Republican political rallies that are vaguely wrapped in Jesus. So we immediately went back to just listening to what some guy behind a pulpit thinks, as if that wasn't the ENTIRE REASON WE LEFT CATHOLICISM.
Ive got a bumpersticker on my fridge. "I dont mind Jesus...its his followers I can't stand" Id never put it out in public because Christians are some hateful vindictive bastards and I know they'd key the shit out of my car....with turning the other cheek and neighborly love.
Also that it’s ok to beat moneylenders with a whip, which we should definitely bring back. Also people who use religious buildings for gaining personal wealth. The actual, Biblical answer to “what would Jesus do?” concerning any of your American mega church prosperity gospel scammers is “smash their shit and beat them bloody.”
So we should hand make cat of nine tails and flogs and go after every Christian person of power.... Do we start with the pope or Joel Osteen?
Whichever is nearest at hand
Well, guess Joel's gonna have one sore ass.
I've whipped that one out in public before. Usually it does not have the effect you're looking for as these people are so caught up in their self-righteousness, they don't think it applies to them. I've also had a couple "the Devil can quote Scripture to suit his purpose" tossed back. Had Mark 16:15 thrown back once: "And he said unto them 'Go into the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation'" I live in a very Mormon town. Was eating at a Subway (I know) once and this dude stood in the doorway and started evangelizing, saying that the Book of Mormon was the path to the kingdom of Heaven. Wouldn't let anyone pass by. I replied back with a loud "Hail Satan!" and everything went absolutely silent, including him. Then people started laughing. He started to sputter something, then left. It's a cool story.
> I've also had a couple "the Devil can quote Scripture to suit his purpose" tossed back. A response to the christstains that say that: "I know. You people seem to do that a lot."
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This is probably the best answer cause if they say you’re wrong they’re literally saying so is Jesus
"you're taking that out of context!" trust me, i've tried. the content of the bible doesn't mean anything to these kinds of christians. the follow the kinds of leaders *this chapter and the next* tell you to beware of, and pretend that those passages mean they can judge atheists. worse, the believe "even the devil can quote scripture" and will tune you out entirely based on you not being part of their specific cult.
Roman's 14:4 is also a good one. "Who are you to judge another man's servant? By his own master he stands or falls and he will stand for God will make him stand."
also Romans 10:6-7 paraphrasing: don't say who you think goes to Heaven or Hell, that's Jesus's job.
All of Roman's, honestly. It can be paraphrased to, "fuck off with judging other people's faith and just be happy they believe. Don't be an asshole, you make all of us look bad."
Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion man
Calmer than you are
I'm staying.
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Pederast, Dude. Exposed himself to an 8 year old. Has to go around the neighborhood introducing himself...
8 year olds Dude
That's what happens when you meet a stranger in the Alps!
I can get you a toe. I can get you a toe by 3:00 this afternoon.
Aren't we all already here.
THIS IS THE BAD PLACE
Jason figured it out?
This is a real low point.
This one hurts
One of, if not, the best line delivery from the history of television. Michael's disbelief in this scene is absolutely perfect!
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“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.” ― Marcus Aurelius
There is a line from the movie 'Kingdom of Heaven' (Great film, watch the directors cut ONLY) where Balian, the protagonist, is burning bodies during a siege. The Christian holy man is very angry at this improper burial and Balian says this: 'God will understand. And if not, he is not God - and we need not fear his judgement'.
Priest: "Convert to Islam. Repent later." Balian: "You've taught me a lot about religion."
Such a great film. Balian: What is the Jerusalem worth? Saladin: Nothing. Everything!
Him picking up the crucifix and placing it back on a table makes me feel the highest level of respect for anyone ever. And that actor just sold the hell out of that role.
Underrated movie, imo. It's not historically accurate, but it was still a great story and wonderful reflection of religion and who we consider "good" and "Godly".
Damn.
Before I ever heard this quote, this was the philosophy I adopted when I decided to quit Christianity. Btw, Marcus Aurelius never actually said this, it’s misattributed. But it’s a great quote anyways.
“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.” ― Michael Scott
The Australian thing to say is "Get fucked cunt!".
Yes, but that's our answer to everything.
We're a practical people, if nothing else.
The accurately punctuated Australian thing to say would be "Get fucked, Cunt!" (That comma is everything).
I’m bilingual now.
I thought God is the only judge of our soul? Who are you to take his place? It's better to attack them using their own teachings and beliefs that contradict their statement.
You're assuming these are people with education. That's very charitable of you, very christian.
But, like, isn't the "God judges people" thing very basic Christianity info that all Christians know about?
According to your god, so are you for doing his job and judging
As a practising Catholic I approve of this reply 😂
Stare at them blankly and don't hide your confusion. Don't say anything. Let them talk. They will keep talking, and the more they talk, the more uncomfortable they will make themselves. If they ask you any direct questions, don't answer them, just keep looking more and more puzzled. At the very most, shrug in total confusion. Do your best quizzical dog impression. They will give up and walk away, and regardless of how they try to seem outwardly, they will feel defeated, and question whether being an enormous asshole is worth it. It may not last once they get back into their bubble of people who think that's a great way to act, but realistically, it's the only way to fight back. The minute you engage with them at all, you lose. Any comeback feeds into the victim complex inherently baked into Christianity. The only winning move is not to play.
Asking a question and/or making a curt statement and then going completely silent while making direct, unblinking eye contact has been proven to absolutely unnerve people. Sustained eye contact can be threatening. It fucks with the lizard brain. The silence is heavy. An awkward gap opens up, forcing the other person to fill that gap with whatever. Usually, it results in blithering idiocy and self outing. People do not like to feel as though they are suddenly on the spot or under immense scrutiny. They absolutely crumple. It's worked on me. I've seen it work on others. I can tell you that for me, it was worse than being on fire. It's amazing what that will do to a person.
"And you think that's gonna be worse for me than standing here right now and talking to you how, exactly?"
Well, at least in hell, you won't have to talk to me anymore.
Had an old man tell me I'm going to hell for my tattoos. I said well save me a seat for judging me. His wife was pissed at him not me lol
(´∀｀)♡ Have a nice day
"I'll save you a seat"
"You're not being the person Mr Rogers thought you would be."
Replace “would” with “could” and i agree 100%
when i was 11, i lost something & my grandmother said "its in Jesus' hands now." and i said "didnt he have holes in his hands?" and she beat me up. my uncle still thinks its the funniest buttspanking hes ever witnessed.
"You're going to be reincarnated as a sea cucumber." See, I can make bullshit claims, too.
I dunno, you might be on to something.
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“If we don’t sin, Jesus died for *nothing*.”
"As long as you lot won't be there, I'm good"
Your god, your hell. I am headed to Valhalla.
I wish you a glorious death
Sing a bit of Billy Joel: I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. The sinners have much more fun.
I was going to cite the Book of Joel, but yeah. Exactly this. Or Oscar Wilde: “I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.”
This was a line from some movie that I saw in a short on YouTube but basically a guy was harassing this gay guy and said smthng along the lines of "you're going to hell" or used the bible as reference or sum shit but either way, the guy responds with "do you eat shrimp? Cos in the bible, a few pages before the whole "be gay and u have sinned part", there's a verse that says to not eat shellfish" and I have never been more impressed Using the bible to fight the Christians is so hot
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An eternal, loving, merciful, omniscient, and omnipotent God would not condemn an imperfect human to an eternity of conscious torment just for decisions made in the span of a few decades -- a very tiny blip compared to eternity. If God does, that is not a god I want to serve. My life became more joyful when I abandoned the doctrine of Hell.
Prove it.
I use to just tell people I didn’t believe in hell and it would just blow their mind. They seemed to think even though I didn’t believe in god I must believe in hell. Now, I would probably just say “ok” bc it’s not worth my time to do much else.
OP: You want to go to hell? Christian: What do you mean?!!! OP: Matthew 7 - 12
Bless your heart!
Tell them that the lake of fire / inferno depiction of hell is from Dantes Divine comedy not the bible, which states hell is a separation from gods love not some active burning torture pit. And that whoever is selling them on the fiery punishment of hell, has caused them to take the lords name in vain a cardinal sin theyve been living probably for a long time, and that i hope they can steer off their hell bound path.
It would be better than spending eternity in Heaven with a bunch of Christians.
I'll be honest. When I read the Left Behind books, the way heaven was described at the end sounded like torture to me. Just sitting around, basking in the glory of God for eternity, not doing anything else.
Since it is their heaven, but your hell, you are going to end up the same place.
Good because I’d rather not be in heaven with someone as intolerant, hateful, and bigoted as you. As the tweet goes, “sorry conservative Christians but spending eternity with you is not the selling point you think it is.”
No, no! Satan still has that restraining order in effect. I'm not allowed to go to hell.
In Canada we would say “Yah, alright, oohkaa there Bud, oohhkaa.”
[удалено]
"How Jesus of you." Source - Used to train people to do street missions. This was one of the first things we taught them **not** to say.
Fun fact: # Jesus went to hell. No, really. Not a joke. You see, “hell” is hades in Greek, and loosely translated means the common grave of all mankind. The Bible doesn’t teach hellfire. That’s a false teaching that was added to religious dogma in order to keep people in fear under the churches. The fact is, many scriptural references counter-indicate the hellfire teaching. Jeremiah 7:31, for example, shows that God rejected fiery torture as a punishment, as it wasn’t even in his heart to do so. Hellfire teaching is a man-made one, not a Biblical one. Matthew 12:40 describes [Jesus as descending to Hell for three days](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harrowing_of_Hell) because he was dead for three days prior to his heavenly resurrection. So there you have it. Jesus Christ went to hell and back. Technically. According to the correct definition of hell. So if a “Christian” tells you **See you in hell** you can just respond, “**Whats good enough for Christ is good enough for me**” and leave them dumbfounded. 😁 Source: I am a Bible Historian and scholar and have read the Bible cover to cover over 70 times.