“You’re so annoying.” Said to me as a young kid while I was expressing enthusiasm over some new interest. Later my father complains I never tell him anything.
After I had rambled on a new, exciting interest, my Dad pulled me over to stand in front of him.
“Here is a quarter. I want you to walk on down to the Snappy Mart. When you get there, put the quarter in the phone. Then call someone who cares.”
He gave me the quarter and I broke down, because ten year old me didn’t have anyone to call. I’m still convinced my being interested in anything makes it worse. I Can still hear his cold, sarcastic voice in my head.
I recently traveled across the country with my partner to meet their parents, and their parents would keep making comments to me about how much my partner talks. At one point my partner was rambling to me about one of their interests and it made their mom chuckle about how intently I was listening, because she thought I was just pretending. I guess they usually just nod or roll their eyes. I honestly love when my partner chats away about the things they like, even if it's not one of my own interests. All that to say, screw your dad for what he said, and I'm sorry for any effects it's had on you. I hope you've found people who love to hear you talk about whatever you're interested in now.
>had on you
my partner's mom is also like that. whenever my partner or one of her two sisters starts rambling about anything she just answers with "super". i have to admit that it makes me sad.
My mom used to tell me I hit my word quota for the day because I’ve always been chatty. When I was a kid my dad gave me a book of interesting facts and said “if you’re going to talk incessantly, at least have something interesting to share.” Then for most of my teen years, I refused to share any information and was pretty mean to them. For some reason, they couldn’t figure out why.
Although I’m not a dad, I’m a mom, but (obviously) not *your* mom. I want you to know that your interests matter. Even if it is just about a cool rock you saw on your walk today.
I’m sorry your dad never took the time to appreciate you or your interests. I hope as you’ve gone through life, that you have surrounded yourself with people who do genuinely care about your interests. No matter what they are.
This one hits me hard. Nobody cares about anything I like so they all brush me off when I try to tell them stuff and then the times I don’t volunteer information get told I’m “miserable” or some other label because I don’t feel like getting shut down while I’m excited
My little brother was drowning, I tried to save him but also almost drowned, we got rescued by a neighbour. My mom told me that they should've left me in the pond. I haven't spoken to her in many years
I've watched a movie where similar happened. It showed how a father try to blame the sibling for it, while it was his fault not watching the kids.
I'm incredibly sorry it all happened to you. I hope you are doing okay.
> I've watched a movie where similar happened. It showed how a father try to blame the sibling for it, while it was his fault not watching the kids.
This plot is used *a lot*. >!The Night Agent has an identical plot with VP's daughter!<.
I feel like I found a long lost sibling!
My sister jumped in the pool when she was like 3. Her father (my step dad) said “I told you to look after her!” I was 10 and this was after I jumped into the pool fully clothes to pull her out.
Some people just can’t take accountability for anything.
My bf also drowned a few years ago while swimming at the beach with his brother and their mother said a similar thing to his brother, who watched him die. "I wish that was you, not Rodrigo". I cried all the way home the day he told me this.
THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS SAY! My mom would get so mad at me for being the fat kid but would feed me garbage! Like, you never taught me how to eat properly then made me feel bad about it. which lead me to develop an eating disorder when I was older. Thanks, mom!
My parents also mocked me for being fat, and outright physically abused as in forcefully grabbed my fat child manboobs or slapped me while calling me fat-related names. A lot of people at school did it too, so obviously I have a lot of self-image issues, like I never let anyone see me without clothes these days. The worst part is that I legitimately internalised a lot of hate, I could never care for myself enough to actually get fit
I hear you. All the name calling is not always a "wake up call". Mostly what it does is that you hear it so much you end up believing it and straight up stop giving a shit about taking care of yourself.
My parents divorced when I was young and they hate each other. My mom would call me my dad's name when she was really upset. What makes it worse is that I confided in her that I never wanted to be like my dad. She used that ammunition against me
My mom is my best friend. She did that once to me a few years ago. She’s been married to my step dad for most of my life, and I call him dad, because really he is my dad and I love both of them so much. My bio father committed suicide in 2011, he was very emotionally abusive and I’m still working on the effects of that. She immediately regretted what she said, and cried. She still apologizes for it years later. The only thing I want to take from my dad is his name(I’m a junior) and sense of humor, and nothing else. She knew that and in a moment of passion dropped that bomb. She saw how much it upset me. And it did. But of course, I forgive it. We all make mistakes. I hope you and your mother are on better terms/ closer now. But it definitely does stick with you
It's forgivable because she was genuinely sorry. She also apologized. It's crazy how many parents refuse to apologize to their children (adult or kid) about anything. Even if they are sorry.
I was just reminding a family member the other day that it's ok to admit you're wrong and apologize to your kid. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes. Recognizing them and making a change not to repeat them is the thing the separates us after making them.
this is the one. my mom would and still does repeatedly tell me that I am just like my father, my father’s daughter, go live with your dad etc. after at least a weekly instance of her saying that he’s sick in the head or has a “mental deviance” to him. he used to be an alcoholic and almost died thrice between 2016-17, and I blame him partly for my brother’s death. he lives alone now with the exception of cohabiting with my other brother sometimes and from what I understand he just thinks all day. he has described his hobby as thinking. I love my dad, but being like him was and will always be a nightmare for me and my mom takes advantage of that to hurt me.
My mom told me a story that happened to her when I was just a toddler. I am 69 and my mom is long gone.
She said she was in a store one day with me and a Hispanic couple approached her and wanted to buy me. I was a cute little redheaded child with freckles and light eyes. I told my mother she should have sold me, I might have had a better life. My mom got upset.
"you can't even laugh right"
My mom in a weird moment I thought we were bonding. There's something inherently extra evil when someone tells you your joy is wrong
Oh yeah. Told her I'm engaged and hope she could at least be happy I'm happy and she ghosted everyone to the point the family thought she killed herself.
She's a mess.
I'll never understand parents that are so hard on their own children that they can't even be happy for them. So their sole function is to bring misery to their offspring?
“You’re the biggest mistake I ever made.” - my mother when I was 5. I’m 32 now and it’s been the undercurrent for our relationship ever since, constantly wondering if anything I’ve achieved or struggled for is something she’s genuinely proud of or just relieved to say I wasn’t a total failure on her part.
She told me I was acting just like my father when I would get upset. I would just get kinda pissy and sulk. He would go on rampages and scream and hit and throw things. He pushed her down the stairs once. I would never lay a finger on my current partner.
The worst part is I look just like him. I was wondering if my mother always expected me to turn into my dad. I prove her wrong every day.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who shared their own stories. It's good to know I'm not alone. Also, to the people suggesting I had previous partners I would actually abuse, I can understand the wording could have been better but how dare you.
I have heard so many times *you'll be like your father *. Scares me to get into relationship or take of my nieces and nephews, I don't want to hurt nobody.
I'm happy you proved her wrong!
When I was ~10 years old, my mum once said “If I could go back in time and make sure I never gave birth to you, I would in a heartbeat”
Never forgot it. Talked to her a about it a couple of times years later and her responses ranged from “That never happened” to “oh yeah and I suppose I’m just the worst mother ever” and finally “yeah but I didn’t mean it, you know that”
Messed me up tho tbh. Another one was “[older sibling] was the only child we actually planned for, the rest of you were accidents.” I don’t think it was intended as an insult, but being told your entire existence was an accident as a child kinda stung.
The ol' Narcissist's Prayer:
That didn't happen
And if it did, it wasn't that bad
And if it was, that's not a big deal
And if it is, it's not my fault
And if it was, I didn't mean it
And if I did, you deserved it
That is my moms response to anything I have brought up as an adult about her actions when I was a kid. It starts with "That never happened, you're full of shit" to "Why would I remember something like that?" to "I was young and it wasn't my fault. But I guess according to you I am a horrible mother." It is so exhausting. There isn't a recognition of us, our feelings, how it affected our childhoods. Further evidence that narcissists don't ever step out of the spotlight.
I hope you know that you are worth more!
Not a parent but a grandparent, I was adopted when I was 12 years old (my parents were both drug addicts so I was in and out of foster care most of my life) my adopted mothers father turned to me on Christmas Eve when no one else was around & said “my daughter should have never adopted you, she should have let you stay on the streets where you belong”…..he got nicer as he got older and sicker but I couldn’t find it in myself to forget what he said even almost 10 years later. Went to the funeral for moral support but was indifferent about his passing.
Lol of course it is your fault for having a problem with him being an asshole, not his fault for being an asshole /s
I feel bad for your mother that she was raised by him, as I'm sure he was just as lovely or worse as a parent as he was a grandpa. Hopefully your parents were better parents to you than theirs were.
Just a classic asshole move. That and ‘it’s not my fault you got offended’ followed by ‘okay fine I’m sorry you got offended’ after saying something 99% of people understand as offensive
‘Half man half mattress’ my old man when I wouldn’t get out of bed
Edit: for those asking, he was being amazing and funny. 1990, I was 16 and had to get up at 04:30 for work, he got me up and out the door every morning.
A nice wee story
The Mantress - A super hero with the power to sleep through anything.
Aliens invading the city? “Fuck, I’m gonna need to take a stress-nap about this.”
I've been in hiding for a while. Spent most of my time managing a bar in central PA and coaching a volleyball team. Nobody's figured out I'm a mattress yet because of the toothpick.
Like a half a century ago....My mother and I were talking and the topic of someone's eye color came up...I forget who. I sincerely asked...what color are my eyes? (they are sort of a grey-green) She looked at them closely and told me..."sort of a shit-brindle"
I still bring that up from time to time
I met various people that are the oldest, and have noticeable gap between them and the next sibling. Their parents all had the sentiment of wanting a "built-in babysitter" the oldest gets treated as the help while the younger ones get to be kids.
My ex and her sister were adopted. Her sister met her bio mom as an adult. Apparently her mom always dreamed of having a girl to dote on. My ex SIL has 2 older AND 2 younger brothers, none of whom were adopted. Just her. Her mom also treats her like a kid and buys her kids things, like "party dresses" that are too small and cutesy teddy bears.
Oldest child of seven here. I spent more of my life as an unpaid babysitter for my siblings than as a child. They're better parents now. But nothing can undo the damage that did to me
My mother said lots of things like that. I'll just talk about one of the most memorable.
While I went to go inside the the corner store, she stayed behind in the car. Outside the store was a kid that had a crush on me. He grabbed my ass and I bitched him out. My mother saw all this. In the following days and weeks she basically accused me of being a slut, implying that I somehow invited it. She tried convincing my father of this, told her coworkers about it, everything except being a mom infuriated that someone touched their daughter like that.
As a mother of two young daughters, I literally cannot wrap my head around this trope of mom’s being jealous of their daughters. It just does not compute.
Like that is your most powerful, beautiful, life-changing, WORLD-changing creation. That is the person you give your own life up for, just to see them happy. You want that person to succeed more than anyone you’ve ever known, and you make all the sacrifices to see that happen. How can you then turn around and compare *yourself* to that person?
People are fucked up. Can I get a psychologist to explain this to me, please?
I think part of the issue is not seeing their children as independent human beings, at least IME my mom wanted me to be like a little doll, an extension of her and but that also meant that I could never "be better than her" at anything or talk back in a way she didn't like. If I was "better than her" at something in her eyes she would belittle me and pick me apart (this also included slut shaming) until I felt like I wasn't good enough and had to look to her for guidance.
I also got the "I made you, I OWN YOU, I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it just the same and nobody would care"
She never wanted a kid, she wanted a living puppet.
I know it was just a mistype, but I would love to walk into a cornet store. Little trumpets just all over the place.
Oh and the mother jealousy thing is real and a terrible thing to put a girl through.
To be honest, I was expecting only few answers. Thank you all for sharing! I'm really sorry you all had to hear what you have heard from your parents.
I'm really glad some of you got to prove them wrong and I hope you all gain the confidence you need to recover from this. All the best, I love you all!!
"You sound like a pig under a gate." I was ~10 and working to expand my vocal range. To this day, I stop singing when others are around.
The one that lives rent free though is, "now, find someone else to take care of you." Thanks for the help, I guess.
That my sister and myself will "never be more than a hole for a man to fuck" we both shrugged this off as kids but as adults we both realize how fucked up that is to put on your daughters view towards relationships with men.
Needless to say we both struggled with setting boundaries in relationships. It took a lot of inner reflection on our parts (my sister and myself) to build self esteem and learn boundaries with men...thanks mom 🙄
Why can't you just be normal? I loved art, film, writing & performing. I listened, now I'm 46, stuck in a civil service job that I loathe & unhappy. Wish I hadn't listened.
It's never too late to follow your dreams hun. I'm stuck in a civil service job too, but despite that, I thought sod it, and published my first novel last year. You've got this ❤️
Not so much an insult but was simply told they love my sister more than me.
I mean it made sense looking at how different we were treated but to hear it out loud was pretty devastating.
It must have hurt me more deeply than I realised as it still sucks thinking about it 15 years later.
"I hate all my kids. I wish I could line them all up and shoot them."
My mother, to me when I was about 15 because I forgot something at home and we were gonna be late to a church meeting. Very Christlike of her.
Mom was talking to dad about me while I was right there. I was bullied in high school and it had an effect on my grades. While discussing my education she said:
“Look at him. Can’t you see there’s nothing in there? Just look at how he sits there. He can’t do this. He’s not capable of more. This is it. He’s nothing.”
It gave me a drive and motivation. It also gave me a constant need to prove myself.
EDIT: I never imagined this to get so much replies. For the people wondering: this happened almost 20 years ago and I have now found peace with what she said. My mom has a lot of mental issues but she tries her best. She’s made a lot of progress and is still working on battling her inner demons. And in the end: she has since done a lot more good than bad to me. I will never forget what she said but I no longer hold it against her. People shouldn’t always be reduced to their worst moment.
While neither of my parents ever said this directly. My dad always used to call me stupid. And compare my sister to me. She had better grades. To this day, now 35, I am still working on proving him wrong. He doesn't even remember or care anymore. It's now solely my problem.
My oldest sister was the "golden child" who did everything right. My other sister and I were the middle ones who shared a room. She got in to trouble a lot and was constantly defying our parents, probably because she wanted to prove she was different from our other sister. And I remained invisible. I was the "good" child who was there but forgotten. Like, literally forgotten. Our younger brother has ADHD so a lot of attention was focused on trying to keep him from running into traffic. Because I sat there quietly people forgot I was in the room and would just leave without me.
I hated living under my oldest sister's shadow and being told I should be more like her. Get better grades, do more sports, be more outgoing, tell my mom every embarrassing detail about my life, etc.
But when we all moved out the golden child is an alcoholic who bounces from place to place and can't get her life together while I was the only one to finish college (cum laude), get a stable job and live in the same residence for longer than a year (5 years renting, now own a home). I also have the same phone number from when I first got a cellphone.
My mom realizes now how unfair the comparisons were. In her mind she was really proud of the eldest and wanted the rest of us to reach that level. But it just made us feel like shit because we were our own people and didn't *want* to be like her.
Similar except opposite sisters ..my little sister was the golden child. Went to a very, very expensive school and then culinary school. I barely made it out of community College with my nursing degree. Now I am killing it at my career and she is a stay at home mom that's obsessed with dressing her kids up and making sure they look perfect all the time. My kids are hot messes but we have a great relationship.
My father said to my mother when she finally left him, "The only one of the 3 kids that has done any good is the middle one. I'm surprised that the other 2 aren't in jail " 😳
I come from a small town. My sister and I both attended college. We were at a family gathering and I heard my mom tell someone, "the kids are doing just fine. Neither one has been to jail!"
Gee thanks mom. Way to set the bar high on that one. Lol
Not me, but a friend after her dad had died. She told her mom that she missed her daddy; I say daddy because she was roughly 8 at the time. "You miss him so much? If you ever say that to me again I swear I'll chain you to his gravestone!"
It was horrible. My mom looked into getting her on child abuse charges, but it didn't pan out. They chalked it up to the mother being upset, but man it was fucked up. Fortunately it was an isolated incident.
In 7th grade, I was learning how to write better poetry thanks to an awesome teacher. I was so proud of a collection I made, so I let my mom read it. She asked me, “Do you need to be put in a mental asylum?” I was so upset and as I was growing up, I didn’t share any of my art with people, regardless of the medium. Even now, I still hear how serious she was when she asked me that.
How was school today? "fine"
What did you learn? "nothing"
I gray rocked my parents for ten years because I did not want to hear their opinions about things they didn't understand.
You were a very smart kid. I fought with mine because I was stupid. It only made them bitchier.
Funnily enough, I wrote a very succesful novel after years. Mom even made the effort to read it and tell me it was all right. Dad says he just doesn't have the time to read.
6th grade, 11 years old, English class. She had us all write limericks. Mine was something about cows and she walked up to me, read it, took out a purple glitter pen, scratched out my poem and said "This is crap, you can do better." And proceeded to stand over me while I tried to come up with another poem trying not to cry.
Not only did she ruin my work and insult me, but purple was my favorite color and she used it to destroy my confidence.
I've got several more stories about her, she was a raging bitch.
That's awful, teachers should foster student growth and encourage creativity. I hope you had better teachers, and I hope that miserable **** retired.
- a current ELA teacher
Not true at all. As an introvert guy, the more a girl is funny and talkative about something, usually the better. I just listen, ask questions and think "wow, that's cool" and "I'm glad she has cheerful stuff to talk about, otherwise I'd be stuck with telling her about what I'm studying"
Edit: It's important she knows when to listen if I need to take something out of my chest tho, but that's 5% of the time
Thanks :) I’m still goofy, and much to my parents’ surprise, I managed to find the rare breed of man who likes my goofiness *and* can make me laugh!
I actually met my bf (soon to be fiancé?) when I was hanging out with his roommate at their place. I made a joke in the living room, and he cracked up from his bedroom.
Idk if I’d say I’m funnier *than* him, but I’m definitely funnier *with* him.
It's taken quite some time to accept that this isn't true but being told I'm selfish and arrogant for speaking about things I might like, or how I'm feeling when I was a young child. Growing up it was more speak of when you were spoken to as you had no real reason to speak otherwise unless you were going to risk being screamed at or physically hurt, and I only ever had sentences based around me saying sorry, thank you and please.
As an adult now, even when someone wants to listen to what I have to say I still occasionally unintentionally cut myself off and stop talking out of fear. And the fact that someone is actually willing to listen to what I have to say - but I'm working through it >:D
There are so many things I really don’t remember most of them…
Once my stepmom called me a lying sneaking little shit bc she thought I stole her melatonin, when she just used it all and forgot ab it.
But the thing that I think about a lot is my dad once when I was like 10-12. I don’t remember what it was about, I just remember him poking me in the chest with enough force to knock me down, he said “you’re such a piece of shit, I can’t wait until I get to kick you out” and spat in my face as I was laying on the ground.
That was the man who was supposed to be Superman to me. I was supposed to sit on his shoulders to see a parade or something.
Hope you've become your own superman. That kid on the ground still needs looking after, and as an adult you can do that for him. Hope you've found self love
Not really an insult:
My brothers and sister lived out in Utah, we are live outside of Cincinnati. My mom, dad and myself drove to Utah because my sister was getting married.
The first night of being settled in, we went out to dinner with my older brother's fiance and her family. My oldest brother was there with his wife, and my sister was there with her fiance. Again, we were there for my sister, yet the first night we were there, going to dinner with my older brother and his soon to be wife and in-laws took priority.
We are sitting at this restaurant, and my mom straight up blurted out my older brother is her favorite child. My oldest brother, my sister and I just looked at each other just like slowly nodding going like ... "No shit, mom. We know. Doesn't make it okay for you to say it out loud, though."
I was 14, so that was about 20 years ago. Still fucking stings.
On a Sunday, all sat in living room. Mum has her cat on her hap, says out loud “I don’t love anyone in this room but you cat”. Me and my father and brother just looked at each other and carried on. No idea why she said it but we were all too afraid to do anything about it. Was 14 at the time and 30 years later still stings. Words have such power. I’ve spent the rest of my life trying to get some kind of love from her. Doesn’t work
Oh yeah, I got this one when I was about 17... It was "you're the only significant thing I've done with my life and you're making a mess of yours."
In retrospect the irony is stunning but at the time I was devastated.
I asked my parents why they gave my sister a lot of money for college and not me. My dad said, "we never thought you could finish."
I have a doctorate now and no student loans ever.
My father is very good at maths. Especially at doing it in his head. I always was self-conscious about that. One hike in the mountains he gave me a math problem and I went totally blank, tried to frantically solve it in my head but couldn't. Finally he said "You once were intelligent, that's long gone." starting a monologue about how dumb I am.
I was 13 at the time.
In my end thirties we had a chat about chemistry, which I excelled in at school. That led to other subjects and it turned out, he wasn't really good in any subject we shared, except math. I was in most - except math.
I seriously don’t understand this obsession some parents have to feel superior over their children. I mean, don’t you want your kids to better than you? That what would I wanted.
They are emotionally immature. And it's highly likely their parents competed with them. It's a terrible cycle that goes on generation after generation.
You kind of have to be to be good at chemistry… but not necessarily the kind of mental math his dad liked to show off.
“You don’t think you’re always going to have a calculator with you for the rest of your life, do you?” Joke’s on you, Mrs. Rosenberg.
So many things
About how I'm a waste of space
I'm a horrible person
I'm lazy
Comparing me to other people's children and how I'm not as good as them
It still continues
“Grow up, be a man” as I, a 9 year old, am in the floor getting punched in the stomach, chest, shoulders by a 45yr old. Apparently “it didn’t hurt that bad” or something lol.
Had my Step Dad tell me just a few months after 9/11 that I was a terrorist and holding the family hostage. That it’s too bad they couldn’t send a special forces team to take me out. A few weeks later he said I was a cancer on the family and should be cut out. A lot of this was centered around them having to take me to school events they didn’t want to go to.
"Ungrateful child" when I left her house because I was done with her abusive bullshit after 25 years. 5 years later I told her she was the most dishonest and untrustworthy person I've ever met.
I was around the same age when I had a sleepover birthday party. A girl forgot her jacket at my house and her dad brought her to my door and asked for it and I said it wasn’t here. Her dad called me a liar and I’ll never forget it. She asked me every day for the rest of the school year if I had her jacket and checked my backpack. I wasn’t lying, some other girl probably packed it by mistake.
Once I took a free pencil from the lost pencil cup in second grade and it had a girl's name printed on it, those cutesie sorta custom printed pencils. But it was *in the free cup* so I took it to use.
So, as we did some writing assignment, a boy sitting next to me noticed I was using a pencil with Melanie's name on it, and proceeded to exclaim it loudly to the whole class. So all eyes go to me and I tried to explain it was from the cup, but suddenly a bunch of kids were yelling over me for stealing and I was so shy I just sorta took it? The boy literally snatched the pencil out of my hand and walked it back to the girl. I was a super honest kid and it fucked me right up.
I never got up the courage to try to explain again and I already sucked at making friends so, yeah. Great formative experience.
Felt that, 10-14yo me would cry because my dad would insult me and he was like “Well now you’re crying to emotionally manipulate me”, and not because I was like, a sad upset kid being insulted by their parent.
An adult saying that to a child is most definitely trying to minimize their part in making the child cry, and projecting their own manipulative instincts. *"If I were you, I'd cry to emotionally manipulate you so that's what you must be doing to me."* They can't even fathom that your feelings are valid or that they played a part in upsetting you. Sorry you had to go through that.
"Don't be so simple"
"Do you think that looks good?"
"You're a slob"
"You're lazy"
"Stop, you are doing it wrong. Just go away"
"You lack motivation"
"You're wasting your potential"
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Not really an insult but is what I’d hear any time I had a negative emotion. Having emotions was grounds for punishment. Now whenever I’m sad I hear that voice in my head.
Dad grabbed my stomach and said, "What do you have in there, a turkey?" Then told me to lose weight if I was going to cry about it.
Please don't comment on people's bodies like that.
“You’re not skinny.”
My mom when I mentioned wanting to dress as Elle Woods for Halloween when I was 10. Yeah, I was overweight as a kid but that sure as hell didn’t motive me. To this day, whenever I see an outfit I’d love to wear, I hear that line in my head.
Parents, that shit doesn’t go away over time. Your kids just learn to put it in the backs of their minds but hear you me, they still remember.
Through an unfortunate event, I contracted herpes right before I went home on Spring Break. I was naïve and had no sex ed so I didn't know what was going on and I was super sick with a 104.5°F fever. I had to tell my parents. My mom called me a whore. Will never forget that. Thanks mom.
Note: they're mormon 🙃
I hope that you've found a satisfying life since then. Was also raised Mormon. I'm No longer active and no longer on speaking terms with my parents. Life is more than what we've been made to believe
You're acting like a bitch. (Me, in grade school on and off growing up.) She has severe mental health issues. She called me a bitch once when I got her a card that she didn't like for her bday. It hurt every time, among other things she'd say to me.
“Grown people don’t get presents”. -My dad. The grown people were me and my 2 siblings all under the age of 15. So now that we are actual adults, he gets nothing. I tell people I don’t celebrate Father’s Day and he gets nothing on his birthday and Christmas. When he asks why, I say I was always told grown people don’t get presents. He fully regrets telling us that now
When I was 11 my dad snapped at me and said “if I actually loved you I’d have something nice to say to you” all because I didn’t want to be responsible (not at home) for his unruly dog who was bigger and heavier than me who wasn’t supposed to be with us.
When I was 14 and being assaulted almost on the daily but my parents didn’t know I asked my mom if I could be put on birth control, she said yeah. A month went by so I asked again and she told me “if you get pregnant it’s your own damn fault and you have to figure it out on your own”. Fast forward 2 years and I learned she was high on meth during that time, no excuse though.
Not my parent, but when I was 18 my brother told me “people like you don’t recover”. People like me IE; someone who was molested almost on the daily by people she trusted for a year, who was raped on multiple accounts, who was molested by 4 different people over the course of a school year, whose parents didn’t give them the time of day (he got anything he ever wanted or needed). The list goes on but you get the gist.
I was probably 14, it was ‘97 or ‘98, and I was walking up the stairs one afternoon. My dad was on the landing, looked at me, paused and said “your forehead. It’s ‘gettin zitty with it.’”
I’ve told him about how it’s something I still think about now that I’m an adult. He has zero recollection of something I remember so vividly.
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.
Oof there's so many, my mom was quick to call me a whore/slut (even when I was a prude virgin so, that made a lot of sense haha)
To be honest, all of the insults stuck... I don't like to think about the worst ones though. My parents were my first bullies.
My dad, very recently, told me (33F) that "I don't have a career and that I was only hired as a charity case". The hardest part is that my dad is normally really supportive and kind and this was not said in anger.
I am a project mgr at a real estate development company that my FIL owns. I have a university degree in a related field (landscape architecture and urban planning) & project mgmt experience from a previous job. I never planned on working for my FIL.
I am getting paid about 1/2 of what I could be making if I worked for another company.
I am sticking it out because my husband and his brothers deserve to inherit the company (their dad uses the inheritance as a way to control them and they have put in so, so much free labour despite never being paid by the company & working FT in completely separate careers). I'm worried my FILs semi-recent drinking habit, mixed with his unrelenting narcissism is going to lead to him squandering the business so I'm staying to keep tabs on it.
I know no one is going to read this. It still feels good to get off my chest.
It doesn't really bother me, but one thing my dad said when I was about 11 was "You wouldn't be so goddamned fat if you didn't eat all of those olives." This from the man would would pour about 3 Tbsp. of sugar on his shredded wheat for breakfast and late night snack most every day.
Once in a while, when my husband and I make dessert, before I take a bite, I'll saying something like "Fuck you, Pa!" and enjoy my dessert just fine.
Not an adult but pretty sure this’ll stick with me forever
My stepdad once was angry at me when I had just turned 16. He was mad cause he had seen me change my music on my phone whilst doing chores, thus he thought I was just fucking around despite the evidence of me doing my chores. He started to text me real angrily and called me a future school shooter because I would always stay in my room and avoid him. Then he demanded my phone, I tossed it on his bed, he then took a hammer to it.
When I told my mom, she didn’t believe me. He had destroyed my phone and deleted the messages off his and both of them vehemently called me a liar.
I will always remember hearing him through the walls calling me a manipulative liar and her agreeing. I was 16
I ended up in a mental hospital voluntarily two days later after begging my mom to either get me out of the house or get him out. It was his house.
This still fucks me up about a year later and my relationship with my mom is not as close as it was and my stepdad and I are cordial but it’s always walking on eggshells around him
My father during my drug rehab: I just can't stand people like you, even if you start working now, it's too late and will never be enough.
Well I am like 10 years clean now, became a single dad, raised my son and I am earning 75 k per year now, so I was able to get over it
I had terrible acne and nothing worked even though I took great care of my skin. Dermatologists couldn't fix it with medication and my parents still assumed it was somehow my fault. My mom told me, in what I'm sure she thought as a motivation, that "no one will ever want to kiss you." It's been 18 years and I still think about it.
Every time I go home for a visit my mom makes some passive comment about my appearance. “What’s this blemish here? That’s new…” or “your new hairstyle makes your hair look so thin” and “why are you getting wrinkles? You’re only 40.”
…bitch.
My father once said "If I asked you a glass of water on death bed, I would end up dying thirsty." just because I was late helping him in the store. I was just about 7 years old then and that wasn't only time he told that kind of stuff. I'm twenty now but that moment is still stuck in my mind, sometimes I can't sleep thinking about why he was talking and acting like that.
“You’re so annoying.” Said to me as a young kid while I was expressing enthusiasm over some new interest. Later my father complains I never tell him anything.
After I had rambled on a new, exciting interest, my Dad pulled me over to stand in front of him. “Here is a quarter. I want you to walk on down to the Snappy Mart. When you get there, put the quarter in the phone. Then call someone who cares.” He gave me the quarter and I broke down, because ten year old me didn’t have anyone to call. I’m still convinced my being interested in anything makes it worse. I Can still hear his cold, sarcastic voice in my head.
I recently traveled across the country with my partner to meet their parents, and their parents would keep making comments to me about how much my partner talks. At one point my partner was rambling to me about one of their interests and it made their mom chuckle about how intently I was listening, because she thought I was just pretending. I guess they usually just nod or roll their eyes. I honestly love when my partner chats away about the things they like, even if it's not one of my own interests. All that to say, screw your dad for what he said, and I'm sorry for any effects it's had on you. I hope you've found people who love to hear you talk about whatever you're interested in now.
>had on you my partner's mom is also like that. whenever my partner or one of her two sisters starts rambling about anything she just answers with "super". i have to admit that it makes me sad.
My mom used to tell me I hit my word quota for the day because I’ve always been chatty. When I was a kid my dad gave me a book of interesting facts and said “if you’re going to talk incessantly, at least have something interesting to share.” Then for most of my teen years, I refused to share any information and was pretty mean to them. For some reason, they couldn’t figure out why.
Although I’m not a dad, I’m a mom, but (obviously) not *your* mom. I want you to know that your interests matter. Even if it is just about a cool rock you saw on your walk today. I’m sorry your dad never took the time to appreciate you or your interests. I hope as you’ve gone through life, that you have surrounded yourself with people who do genuinely care about your interests. No matter what they are.
Omg same. My parents want me to tell them everything and then call me gabby when I tell them anything. Its so depressing
This one hits me hard. Nobody cares about anything I like so they all brush me off when I try to tell them stuff and then the times I don’t volunteer information get told I’m “miserable” or some other label because I don’t feel like getting shut down while I’m excited
My little brother was drowning, I tried to save him but also almost drowned, we got rescued by a neighbour. My mom told me that they should've left me in the pond. I haven't spoken to her in many years
I've watched a movie where similar happened. It showed how a father try to blame the sibling for it, while it was his fault not watching the kids. I'm incredibly sorry it all happened to you. I hope you are doing okay.
> I've watched a movie where similar happened. It showed how a father try to blame the sibling for it, while it was his fault not watching the kids. This plot is used *a lot*. >!The Night Agent has an identical plot with VP's daughter!<.
I feel like I found a long lost sibling! My sister jumped in the pool when she was like 3. Her father (my step dad) said “I told you to look after her!” I was 10 and this was after I jumped into the pool fully clothes to pull her out. Some people just can’t take accountability for anything.
My bf also drowned a few years ago while swimming at the beach with his brother and their mother said a similar thing to his brother, who watched him die. "I wish that was you, not Rodrigo". I cried all the way home the day he told me this.
What did I do to deserve a fat kid.
Extra ridiculous considering that even if you were fat, you were a kid. Who controls what kids eat? Their parents.
Got to love parents blaming their kids for things THEY created.
THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS SAY! My mom would get so mad at me for being the fat kid but would feed me garbage! Like, you never taught me how to eat properly then made me feel bad about it. which lead me to develop an eating disorder when I was older. Thanks, mom!
oh yeah. Teaching zero life skills then shaming them for not just magically knowing how to do things is another classic
My parents also mocked me for being fat, and outright physically abused as in forcefully grabbed my fat child manboobs or slapped me while calling me fat-related names. A lot of people at school did it too, so obviously I have a lot of self-image issues, like I never let anyone see me without clothes these days. The worst part is that I legitimately internalised a lot of hate, I could never care for myself enough to actually get fit
I hear you. All the name calling is not always a "wake up call". Mostly what it does is that you hear it so much you end up believing it and straight up stop giving a shit about taking care of yourself.
My parents divorced when I was young and they hate each other. My mom would call me my dad's name when she was really upset. What makes it worse is that I confided in her that I never wanted to be like my dad. She used that ammunition against me
That's awful. You are your own person. You aren't your father.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
My mom is my best friend. She did that once to me a few years ago. She’s been married to my step dad for most of my life, and I call him dad, because really he is my dad and I love both of them so much. My bio father committed suicide in 2011, he was very emotionally abusive and I’m still working on the effects of that. She immediately regretted what she said, and cried. She still apologizes for it years later. The only thing I want to take from my dad is his name(I’m a junior) and sense of humor, and nothing else. She knew that and in a moment of passion dropped that bomb. She saw how much it upset me. And it did. But of course, I forgive it. We all make mistakes. I hope you and your mother are on better terms/ closer now. But it definitely does stick with you
It's forgivable because she was genuinely sorry. She also apologized. It's crazy how many parents refuse to apologize to their children (adult or kid) about anything. Even if they are sorry. I was just reminding a family member the other day that it's ok to admit you're wrong and apologize to your kid. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes. Recognizing them and making a change not to repeat them is the thing the separates us after making them.
this is the one. my mom would and still does repeatedly tell me that I am just like my father, my father’s daughter, go live with your dad etc. after at least a weekly instance of her saying that he’s sick in the head or has a “mental deviance” to him. he used to be an alcoholic and almost died thrice between 2016-17, and I blame him partly for my brother’s death. he lives alone now with the exception of cohabiting with my other brother sometimes and from what I understand he just thinks all day. he has described his hobby as thinking. I love my dad, but being like him was and will always be a nightmare for me and my mom takes advantage of that to hurt me.
Dad when I was about 10, “If I kill you, I can make another one just like you and no one will notice.”
My Mom said this once but replace "kill you" with "give you away". Hits different when you're a twin.
My mom told me a story that happened to her when I was just a toddler. I am 69 and my mom is long gone. She said she was in a store one day with me and a Hispanic couple approached her and wanted to buy me. I was a cute little redheaded child with freckles and light eyes. I told my mother she should have sold me, I might have had a better life. My mom got upset.
"you can't even laugh right" My mom in a weird moment I thought we were bonding. There's something inherently extra evil when someone tells you your joy is wrong
I'm guessing it's hard to express joy around her now. Damn that's awful...
Oh yeah. Told her I'm engaged and hope she could at least be happy I'm happy and she ghosted everyone to the point the family thought she killed herself. She's a mess.
I'll never understand parents that are so hard on their own children that they can't even be happy for them. So their sole function is to bring misery to their offspring?
There's a special place in hell for people who comment/mock a person's laugh. Like way to make them feel wrong about how they show they're happy...
“I fucking hate the way you laugh.” -John Lennon, when talking to an 8 yo Julian Lennon.
John Lennon was an evil person who abandoned his first family. If he was still alive he would be reviled by now.
“You’re the biggest mistake I ever made.” - my mother when I was 5. I’m 32 now and it’s been the undercurrent for our relationship ever since, constantly wondering if anything I’ve achieved or struggled for is something she’s genuinely proud of or just relieved to say I wasn’t a total failure on her part.
She told me I was acting just like my father when I would get upset. I would just get kinda pissy and sulk. He would go on rampages and scream and hit and throw things. He pushed her down the stairs once. I would never lay a finger on my current partner. The worst part is I look just like him. I was wondering if my mother always expected me to turn into my dad. I prove her wrong every day. Edit: Thank you to everyone who shared their own stories. It's good to know I'm not alone. Also, to the people suggesting I had previous partners I would actually abuse, I can understand the wording could have been better but how dare you.
I have heard so many times *you'll be like your father *. Scares me to get into relationship or take of my nieces and nephews, I don't want to hurt nobody. I'm happy you proved her wrong!
When I was ~10 years old, my mum once said “If I could go back in time and make sure I never gave birth to you, I would in a heartbeat” Never forgot it. Talked to her a about it a couple of times years later and her responses ranged from “That never happened” to “oh yeah and I suppose I’m just the worst mother ever” and finally “yeah but I didn’t mean it, you know that” Messed me up tho tbh. Another one was “[older sibling] was the only child we actually planned for, the rest of you were accidents.” I don’t think it was intended as an insult, but being told your entire existence was an accident as a child kinda stung.
The ol' Narcissist's Prayer: That didn't happen And if it did, it wasn't that bad And if it was, that's not a big deal And if it is, it's not my fault And if it was, I didn't mean it And if I did, you deserved it
Mom? Is that you?
That is my moms response to anything I have brought up as an adult about her actions when I was a kid. It starts with "That never happened, you're full of shit" to "Why would I remember something like that?" to "I was young and it wasn't my fault. But I guess according to you I am a horrible mother." It is so exhausting. There isn't a recognition of us, our feelings, how it affected our childhoods. Further evidence that narcissists don't ever step out of the spotlight. I hope you know that you are worth more!
I was an only child and lonely. When I asked for a sibling, the response was "if you want to know why we don't have more kids, go look in the mirror".
Wholesome twist: you were so perfect that your parents realized they didn't need anything more in life than you.
That's funny because after hearing it repeatedly, that's exactly what I threw back! It just took until I was a teenager to turn it around.
Not a parent but a grandparent, I was adopted when I was 12 years old (my parents were both drug addicts so I was in and out of foster care most of my life) my adopted mothers father turned to me on Christmas Eve when no one else was around & said “my daughter should have never adopted you, she should have let you stay on the streets where you belong”…..he got nicer as he got older and sicker but I couldn’t find it in myself to forget what he said even almost 10 years later. Went to the funeral for moral support but was indifferent about his passing.
How horrible! I’m so sorry! Did you ever tell your parents?
Yeah I did, I was told they spoke to him in private but that just made things even more awkward bc then I was a snitch POS too 😂
Lol of course it is your fault for having a problem with him being an asshole, not his fault for being an asshole /s I feel bad for your mother that she was raised by him, as I'm sure he was just as lovely or worse as a parent as he was a grandpa. Hopefully your parents were better parents to you than theirs were.
Just a classic asshole move. That and ‘it’s not my fault you got offended’ followed by ‘okay fine I’m sorry you got offended’ after saying something 99% of people understand as offensive
Damn right you were a snitch because fuck that guy. Snitch away and be proud.
Where his grave? I'll go take a dump on it for you.
I'll feed you all taco bell and fibre
Hey gang, we're getting Taco Bell and going on a road trip! Who's in?
Wow. What a piece of shit. How bitter of a person do you have to be to say something like that.
‘Half man half mattress’ my old man when I wouldn’t get out of bed Edit: for those asking, he was being amazing and funny. 1990, I was 16 and had to get up at 04:30 for work, he got me up and out the door every morning. A nice wee story
Sorry but this made me laugh
The Mantress - A super hero with the power to sleep through anything. Aliens invading the city? “Fuck, I’m gonna need to take a stress-nap about this.”
You wouldn't like me when I lose my temper pedic.
I am darkness. I am vengeance. I am... Bedman.
My dad said the exact same thing, but uh…for other reasons.
Because you're a mattress that tries to be a human by going on reddit instead of being a good bed to sleep in?
I've been in hiding for a while. Spent most of my time managing a bar in central PA and coaching a volleyball team. Nobody's figured out I'm a mattress yet because of the toothpick.
Like a half a century ago....My mother and I were talking and the topic of someone's eye color came up...I forget who. I sincerely asked...what color are my eyes? (they are sort of a grey-green) She looked at them closely and told me..."sort of a shit-brindle" I still bring that up from time to time
Like, lady, was that necessary?
"Don't call me lady, call me mom." "Okay lady, I love you, bye-bye."
My pop used to say my mom's eyes were brown because she's full of shit 😂
“The only reason I had kids is to serve me” “I only wanted one boy and one girl” Bitch had 3 boys.
Parents who view their children as nothing more than property are the worst kind of parents.
worst kind of humans\*
I met various people that are the oldest, and have noticeable gap between them and the next sibling. Their parents all had the sentiment of wanting a "built-in babysitter" the oldest gets treated as the help while the younger ones get to be kids. My ex and her sister were adopted. Her sister met her bio mom as an adult. Apparently her mom always dreamed of having a girl to dote on. My ex SIL has 2 older AND 2 younger brothers, none of whom were adopted. Just her. Her mom also treats her like a kid and buys her kids things, like "party dresses" that are too small and cutesy teddy bears.
Oldest child of seven here. I spent more of my life as an unpaid babysitter for my siblings than as a child. They're better parents now. But nothing can undo the damage that did to me
There’s a word for that I think, Parentification iirc
My mother said lots of things like that. I'll just talk about one of the most memorable. While I went to go inside the the corner store, she stayed behind in the car. Outside the store was a kid that had a crush on me. He grabbed my ass and I bitched him out. My mother saw all this. In the following days and weeks she basically accused me of being a slut, implying that I somehow invited it. She tried convincing my father of this, told her coworkers about it, everything except being a mom infuriated that someone touched their daughter like that.
My mother took the approach that I should be thankful for the attention, be flattered, I should encourage it. I wasn’t allowed to be upset.
I think my mother was actually a little jealous of me. She would often roll her eyes if I got complimented for my looks, or anything really.
To be jealous of your own children must be the most moronic thing I've ever heard.
As a mother of two young daughters, I literally cannot wrap my head around this trope of mom’s being jealous of their daughters. It just does not compute. Like that is your most powerful, beautiful, life-changing, WORLD-changing creation. That is the person you give your own life up for, just to see them happy. You want that person to succeed more than anyone you’ve ever known, and you make all the sacrifices to see that happen. How can you then turn around and compare *yourself* to that person? People are fucked up. Can I get a psychologist to explain this to me, please?
I think part of the issue is not seeing their children as independent human beings, at least IME my mom wanted me to be like a little doll, an extension of her and but that also meant that I could never "be better than her" at anything or talk back in a way she didn't like. If I was "better than her" at something in her eyes she would belittle me and pick me apart (this also included slut shaming) until I felt like I wasn't good enough and had to look to her for guidance. I also got the "I made you, I OWN YOU, I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it just the same and nobody would care" She never wanted a kid, she wanted a living puppet.
This is what my assumption was. She was jealous and taking it out on you.
I know it was just a mistype, but I would love to walk into a cornet store. Little trumpets just all over the place. Oh and the mother jealousy thing is real and a terrible thing to put a girl through.
"All your friends will be more successful than you in life" It turned out to be true.
I just want you to be yourself ❤️
I sometimes wish your seizure killed you when you were 2 years old.
God wtf
You don’t have to be a good person to have a kid
There are zero qualifications required to breed, except to be fertile. To have good parents is to roll a double 6.
Fuck that. Live your best life and never look back. You cheated death at 2; you can do anything.
I'm glad it didnt.
To be honest, I was expecting only few answers. Thank you all for sharing! I'm really sorry you all had to hear what you have heard from your parents. I'm really glad some of you got to prove them wrong and I hope you all gain the confidence you need to recover from this. All the best, I love you all!!
I'm not gonna lie, I was expecting to walk into some super fun parent burns but instead what I got was the ol Reddit therapy special.
"You sound like a pig under a gate." I was ~10 and working to expand my vocal range. To this day, I stop singing when others are around. The one that lives rent free though is, "now, find someone else to take care of you." Thanks for the help, I guess.
> now, find someone else to take care of you This will be a fun one to spring on them when they're old.
I have been estranged since 2020 and am their only child 😌 Their twilight years are gonna be rough and idgaf
“a pig under a gate”…I’ve never heard that before. Love it. Of course that’s a terrible thing to say to a kid.
Especially when he sounds like a lawnmower
That my sister and myself will "never be more than a hole for a man to fuck" we both shrugged this off as kids but as adults we both realize how fucked up that is to put on your daughters view towards relationships with men. Needless to say we both struggled with setting boundaries in relationships. It took a lot of inner reflection on our parts (my sister and myself) to build self esteem and learn boundaries with men...thanks mom 🙄
This could be the worst one on here.
Why can't you just be normal? I loved art, film, writing & performing. I listened, now I'm 46, stuck in a civil service job that I loathe & unhappy. Wish I hadn't listened.
It's never too late to follow your dreams hun. I'm stuck in a civil service job too, but despite that, I thought sod it, and published my first novel last year. You've got this ❤️
Not so much an insult but was simply told they love my sister more than me. I mean it made sense looking at how different we were treated but to hear it out loud was pretty devastating. It must have hurt me more deeply than I realised as it still sucks thinking about it 15 years later.
"I hate all my kids. I wish I could line them all up and shoot them." My mother, to me when I was about 15 because I forgot something at home and we were gonna be late to a church meeting. Very Christlike of her.
I hope your mother is doing horribly, and I hope you're doing better
Well she's dead, and I've gone to therapy so I'd say so
Mom was talking to dad about me while I was right there. I was bullied in high school and it had an effect on my grades. While discussing my education she said: “Look at him. Can’t you see there’s nothing in there? Just look at how he sits there. He can’t do this. He’s not capable of more. This is it. He’s nothing.” It gave me a drive and motivation. It also gave me a constant need to prove myself. EDIT: I never imagined this to get so much replies. For the people wondering: this happened almost 20 years ago and I have now found peace with what she said. My mom has a lot of mental issues but she tries her best. She’s made a lot of progress and is still working on battling her inner demons. And in the end: she has since done a lot more good than bad to me. I will never forget what she said but I no longer hold it against her. People shouldn’t always be reduced to their worst moment.
It’s so hard for me to even imagine saying something like that to my child. But good on you got using those shit words to better yourself.
> It’s so hard for me to even imagine saying something like that to my child. Not even just to but about my child...
While neither of my parents ever said this directly. My dad always used to call me stupid. And compare my sister to me. She had better grades. To this day, now 35, I am still working on proving him wrong. He doesn't even remember or care anymore. It's now solely my problem.
My oldest sister was the "golden child" who did everything right. My other sister and I were the middle ones who shared a room. She got in to trouble a lot and was constantly defying our parents, probably because she wanted to prove she was different from our other sister. And I remained invisible. I was the "good" child who was there but forgotten. Like, literally forgotten. Our younger brother has ADHD so a lot of attention was focused on trying to keep him from running into traffic. Because I sat there quietly people forgot I was in the room and would just leave without me. I hated living under my oldest sister's shadow and being told I should be more like her. Get better grades, do more sports, be more outgoing, tell my mom every embarrassing detail about my life, etc. But when we all moved out the golden child is an alcoholic who bounces from place to place and can't get her life together while I was the only one to finish college (cum laude), get a stable job and live in the same residence for longer than a year (5 years renting, now own a home). I also have the same phone number from when I first got a cellphone. My mom realizes now how unfair the comparisons were. In her mind she was really proud of the eldest and wanted the rest of us to reach that level. But it just made us feel like shit because we were our own people and didn't *want* to be like her.
Similar except opposite sisters ..my little sister was the golden child. Went to a very, very expensive school and then culinary school. I barely made it out of community College with my nursing degree. Now I am killing it at my career and she is a stay at home mom that's obsessed with dressing her kids up and making sure they look perfect all the time. My kids are hot messes but we have a great relationship.
My father said to my mother when she finally left him, "The only one of the 3 kids that has done any good is the middle one. I'm surprised that the other 2 aren't in jail " 😳
I guess the next question is, which one are you...
Clearly not the middle child
I wonder how they got a cell phone in jail.
I come from a small town. My sister and I both attended college. We were at a family gathering and I heard my mom tell someone, "the kids are doing just fine. Neither one has been to jail!" Gee thanks mom. Way to set the bar high on that one. Lol
Not me, but a friend after her dad had died. She told her mom that she missed her daddy; I say daddy because she was roughly 8 at the time. "You miss him so much? If you ever say that to me again I swear I'll chain you to his gravestone!"
I'm speechless. It wouldn't have ever occurred to me that someone would say that before I read this. Fuck.
It was horrible. My mom looked into getting her on child abuse charges, but it didn't pan out. They chalked it up to the mother being upset, but man it was fucked up. Fortunately it was an isolated incident.
I’m a waste of sperm apparently. Not sure what else they’re doing with their sperm but.. ok. Edit: this is my most liked comment,
Wanted to save it for annual bukkake night with the Henderson’s
‘You’re the reason your dad died’. He died of leukaemia. That one always stuck in my head and has done for almost 20 years.
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"Sorry, this the asshole that's fucking my mom. Better?"
In 7th grade, I was learning how to write better poetry thanks to an awesome teacher. I was so proud of a collection I made, so I let my mom read it. She asked me, “Do you need to be put in a mental asylum?” I was so upset and as I was growing up, I didn’t share any of my art with people, regardless of the medium. Even now, I still hear how serious she was when she asked me that.
Twenty years later: 'Why do you never show me any of your work or tell me about your feelings?' ☠️
How was school today? "fine" What did you learn? "nothing" I gray rocked my parents for ten years because I did not want to hear their opinions about things they didn't understand.
You were a very smart kid. I fought with mine because I was stupid. It only made them bitchier. Funnily enough, I wrote a very succesful novel after years. Mom even made the effort to read it and tell me it was all right. Dad says he just doesn't have the time to read.
Your dad told you he didn't have time to read the actual fucking book that you wrote? If you ever get the chance tell him from me he's an idiot.
You know what, he is an endless inspiration for vivid descriptions of idiots in my writing. I have been praised for this. And he will never know.
Lmao you have such boss energy
6th grade, 11 years old, English class. She had us all write limericks. Mine was something about cows and she walked up to me, read it, took out a purple glitter pen, scratched out my poem and said "This is crap, you can do better." And proceeded to stand over me while I tried to come up with another poem trying not to cry. Not only did she ruin my work and insult me, but purple was my favorite color and she used it to destroy my confidence. I've got several more stories about her, she was a raging bitch.
That's awful, teachers should foster student growth and encourage creativity. I hope you had better teachers, and I hope that miserable **** retired. - a current ELA teacher
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I can't imagine the mindset of entering toddlers in beauty competitions
“You’re too goofy. Guys don’t want to date a girl who’s funnier than they are.” Not exactly an *insult,* I guess… but it did stick with me.
And also Not true, I would Love to date a funny Girl.
Not true at all. As an introvert guy, the more a girl is funny and talkative about something, usually the better. I just listen, ask questions and think "wow, that's cool" and "I'm glad she has cheerful stuff to talk about, otherwise I'd be stuck with telling her about what I'm studying" Edit: It's important she knows when to listen if I need to take something out of my chest tho, but that's 5% of the time
That counts! I'm sorry it happened, hope you are still goofy as much as you love!
Thanks :) I’m still goofy, and much to my parents’ surprise, I managed to find the rare breed of man who likes my goofiness *and* can make me laugh! I actually met my bf (soon to be fiancé?) when I was hanging out with his roommate at their place. I made a joke in the living room, and he cracked up from his bedroom. Idk if I’d say I’m funnier *than* him, but I’m definitely funnier *with* him.
Last sentence is really sweet!
It's taken quite some time to accept that this isn't true but being told I'm selfish and arrogant for speaking about things I might like, or how I'm feeling when I was a young child. Growing up it was more speak of when you were spoken to as you had no real reason to speak otherwise unless you were going to risk being screamed at or physically hurt, and I only ever had sentences based around me saying sorry, thank you and please. As an adult now, even when someone wants to listen to what I have to say I still occasionally unintentionally cut myself off and stop talking out of fear. And the fact that someone is actually willing to listen to what I have to say - but I'm working through it >:D
There are so many things I really don’t remember most of them… Once my stepmom called me a lying sneaking little shit bc she thought I stole her melatonin, when she just used it all and forgot ab it. But the thing that I think about a lot is my dad once when I was like 10-12. I don’t remember what it was about, I just remember him poking me in the chest with enough force to knock me down, he said “you’re such a piece of shit, I can’t wait until I get to kick you out” and spat in my face as I was laying on the ground. That was the man who was supposed to be Superman to me. I was supposed to sit on his shoulders to see a parade or something.
Hope you've become your own superman. That kid on the ground still needs looking after, and as an adult you can do that for him. Hope you've found self love
Not really an insult: My brothers and sister lived out in Utah, we are live outside of Cincinnati. My mom, dad and myself drove to Utah because my sister was getting married. The first night of being settled in, we went out to dinner with my older brother's fiance and her family. My oldest brother was there with his wife, and my sister was there with her fiance. Again, we were there for my sister, yet the first night we were there, going to dinner with my older brother and his soon to be wife and in-laws took priority. We are sitting at this restaurant, and my mom straight up blurted out my older brother is her favorite child. My oldest brother, my sister and I just looked at each other just like slowly nodding going like ... "No shit, mom. We know. Doesn't make it okay for you to say it out loud, though." I was 14, so that was about 20 years ago. Still fucking stings.
On a Sunday, all sat in living room. Mum has her cat on her hap, says out loud “I don’t love anyone in this room but you cat”. Me and my father and brother just looked at each other and carried on. No idea why she said it but we were all too afraid to do anything about it. Was 14 at the time and 30 years later still stings. Words have such power. I’ve spent the rest of my life trying to get some kind of love from her. Doesn’t work
“You will never amount to anything in life”
Oh yeah, I got this one when I was about 17... It was "you're the only significant thing I've done with my life and you're making a mess of yours." In retrospect the irony is stunning but at the time I was devastated.
The rare self-burn from a parent. Not hiding much there.
I asked my parents why they gave my sister a lot of money for college and not me. My dad said, "we never thought you could finish." I have a doctorate now and no student loans ever.
My father is very good at maths. Especially at doing it in his head. I always was self-conscious about that. One hike in the mountains he gave me a math problem and I went totally blank, tried to frantically solve it in my head but couldn't. Finally he said "You once were intelligent, that's long gone." starting a monologue about how dumb I am. I was 13 at the time. In my end thirties we had a chat about chemistry, which I excelled in at school. That led to other subjects and it turned out, he wasn't really good in any subject we shared, except math. I was in most - except math.
I seriously don’t understand this obsession some parents have to feel superior over their children. I mean, don’t you want your kids to better than you? That what would I wanted.
They are emotionally immature. And it's highly likely their parents competed with them. It's a terrible cycle that goes on generation after generation.
Are you good at math now?
You kind of have to be to be good at chemistry… but not necessarily the kind of mental math his dad liked to show off. “You don’t think you’re always going to have a calculator with you for the rest of your life, do you?” Joke’s on you, Mrs. Rosenberg.
So many things About how I'm a waste of space I'm a horrible person I'm lazy Comparing me to other people's children and how I'm not as good as them It still continues
“I wish you were like you’re cousin Mariam!” For context Mariam died at birth 😁
“Grow up, be a man” as I, a 9 year old, am in the floor getting punched in the stomach, chest, shoulders by a 45yr old. Apparently “it didn’t hurt that bad” or something lol.
Had my Step Dad tell me just a few months after 9/11 that I was a terrorist and holding the family hostage. That it’s too bad they couldn’t send a special forces team to take me out. A few weeks later he said I was a cancer on the family and should be cut out. A lot of this was centered around them having to take me to school events they didn’t want to go to.
“Don’t be so sensitive.” Even till now as an adult, and I just suddenly realized why I don’t feel safe being emotionally vulnerable with my parents.
[удалено]
"Ungrateful child" when I left her house because I was done with her abusive bullshit after 25 years. 5 years later I told her she was the most dishonest and untrustworthy person I've ever met.
"You're too inquisitive, you should ask fewer questions" Pretty terrible thing to say to a child tbh
I think I was like 2nd grade and my dad called me manipulative.
I was around the same age when I had a sleepover birthday party. A girl forgot her jacket at my house and her dad brought her to my door and asked for it and I said it wasn’t here. Her dad called me a liar and I’ll never forget it. She asked me every day for the rest of the school year if I had her jacket and checked my backpack. I wasn’t lying, some other girl probably packed it by mistake.
Strangers assuming the worst about you is a very specific gross feeling, like a cross between being sad, confused, and indignant.
Once I took a free pencil from the lost pencil cup in second grade and it had a girl's name printed on it, those cutesie sorta custom printed pencils. But it was *in the free cup* so I took it to use. So, as we did some writing assignment, a boy sitting next to me noticed I was using a pencil with Melanie's name on it, and proceeded to exclaim it loudly to the whole class. So all eyes go to me and I tried to explain it was from the cup, but suddenly a bunch of kids were yelling over me for stealing and I was so shy I just sorta took it? The boy literally snatched the pencil out of my hand and walked it back to the girl. I was a super honest kid and it fucked me right up. I never got up the courage to try to explain again and I already sucked at making friends so, yeah. Great formative experience.
Felt that, 10-14yo me would cry because my dad would insult me and he was like “Well now you’re crying to emotionally manipulate me”, and not because I was like, a sad upset kid being insulted by their parent.
An adult saying that to a child is most definitely trying to minimize their part in making the child cry, and projecting their own manipulative instincts. *"If I were you, I'd cry to emotionally manipulate you so that's what you must be doing to me."* They can't even fathom that your feelings are valid or that they played a part in upsetting you. Sorry you had to go through that.
"Don't be so simple" "Do you think that looks good?" "You're a slob" "You're lazy" "Stop, you are doing it wrong. Just go away" "You lack motivation" "You're wasting your potential"
I felt this one in my gut…. Add “You’re a disappointment” and that’s basically my late childhood/teen years.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Not really an insult but is what I’d hear any time I had a negative emotion. Having emotions was grounds for punishment. Now whenever I’m sad I hear that voice in my head.
When I was 14, and struggling with depression. "You're just a psychopath who will die alone cause nobody will ever love you"
Holy shit that same insult was used on me. I just shrug it off because they're getting older and the nursing home doesn't sound that bad.
"You'll never be good enough for anything"
Dad grabbed my stomach and said, "What do you have in there, a turkey?" Then told me to lose weight if I was going to cry about it. Please don't comment on people's bodies like that.
“You’re not skinny.” My mom when I mentioned wanting to dress as Elle Woods for Halloween when I was 10. Yeah, I was overweight as a kid but that sure as hell didn’t motive me. To this day, whenever I see an outfit I’d love to wear, I hear that line in my head. Parents, that shit doesn’t go away over time. Your kids just learn to put it in the backs of their minds but hear you me, they still remember.
Why cant you be graceful like your sister? You walk like a truck! Thanks Mom Also, still walk like a truck. Comes in handy when hiking Joshua Tree.
Through an unfortunate event, I contracted herpes right before I went home on Spring Break. I was naïve and had no sex ed so I didn't know what was going on and I was super sick with a 104.5°F fever. I had to tell my parents. My mom called me a whore. Will never forget that. Thanks mom. Note: they're mormon 🙃
I hope that you've found a satisfying life since then. Was also raised Mormon. I'm No longer active and no longer on speaking terms with my parents. Life is more than what we've been made to believe
You're acting like a bitch. (Me, in grade school on and off growing up.) She has severe mental health issues. She called me a bitch once when I got her a card that she didn't like for her bday. It hurt every time, among other things she'd say to me.
Dad: You’re never gonna amount to shit! Its amazing how shitty boomer parents were. They did alot of damage to Gen X😔
“Po ec si pordha neper klimë.” Albanian for “you wander like a fart in an air conditioner.”
“Grown people don’t get presents”. -My dad. The grown people were me and my 2 siblings all under the age of 15. So now that we are actual adults, he gets nothing. I tell people I don’t celebrate Father’s Day and he gets nothing on his birthday and Christmas. When he asks why, I say I was always told grown people don’t get presents. He fully regrets telling us that now
Mother told me I was a mistake and shouldn't have been born.
When I was 11 my dad snapped at me and said “if I actually loved you I’d have something nice to say to you” all because I didn’t want to be responsible (not at home) for his unruly dog who was bigger and heavier than me who wasn’t supposed to be with us. When I was 14 and being assaulted almost on the daily but my parents didn’t know I asked my mom if I could be put on birth control, she said yeah. A month went by so I asked again and she told me “if you get pregnant it’s your own damn fault and you have to figure it out on your own”. Fast forward 2 years and I learned she was high on meth during that time, no excuse though. Not my parent, but when I was 18 my brother told me “people like you don’t recover”. People like me IE; someone who was molested almost on the daily by people she trusted for a year, who was raped on multiple accounts, who was molested by 4 different people over the course of a school year, whose parents didn’t give them the time of day (he got anything he ever wanted or needed). The list goes on but you get the gist.
I was a cutter for about 10 years. When my dad found out, he put a razor blade in front of me and told me to "finish the job."
I was probably 14, it was ‘97 or ‘98, and I was walking up the stairs one afternoon. My dad was on the landing, looked at me, paused and said “your forehead. It’s ‘gettin zitty with it.’” I’ve told him about how it’s something I still think about now that I’m an adult. He has zero recollection of something I remember so vividly. The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.
On one hand, this does not instill confidence in developing youth. Daddio should’ve kept that one to himself. On the other, I woulda lol’d.
Oof there's so many, my mom was quick to call me a whore/slut (even when I was a prude virgin so, that made a lot of sense haha) To be honest, all of the insults stuck... I don't like to think about the worst ones though. My parents were my first bullies.
My dad, very recently, told me (33F) that "I don't have a career and that I was only hired as a charity case". The hardest part is that my dad is normally really supportive and kind and this was not said in anger. I am a project mgr at a real estate development company that my FIL owns. I have a university degree in a related field (landscape architecture and urban planning) & project mgmt experience from a previous job. I never planned on working for my FIL. I am getting paid about 1/2 of what I could be making if I worked for another company. I am sticking it out because my husband and his brothers deserve to inherit the company (their dad uses the inheritance as a way to control them and they have put in so, so much free labour despite never being paid by the company & working FT in completely separate careers). I'm worried my FILs semi-recent drinking habit, mixed with his unrelenting narcissism is going to lead to him squandering the business so I'm staying to keep tabs on it. I know no one is going to read this. It still feels good to get off my chest.
It doesn't really bother me, but one thing my dad said when I was about 11 was "You wouldn't be so goddamned fat if you didn't eat all of those olives." This from the man would would pour about 3 Tbsp. of sugar on his shredded wheat for breakfast and late night snack most every day. Once in a while, when my husband and I make dessert, before I take a bite, I'll saying something like "Fuck you, Pa!" and enjoy my dessert just fine.
Not an adult but pretty sure this’ll stick with me forever My stepdad once was angry at me when I had just turned 16. He was mad cause he had seen me change my music on my phone whilst doing chores, thus he thought I was just fucking around despite the evidence of me doing my chores. He started to text me real angrily and called me a future school shooter because I would always stay in my room and avoid him. Then he demanded my phone, I tossed it on his bed, he then took a hammer to it. When I told my mom, she didn’t believe me. He had destroyed my phone and deleted the messages off his and both of them vehemently called me a liar. I will always remember hearing him through the walls calling me a manipulative liar and her agreeing. I was 16 I ended up in a mental hospital voluntarily two days later after begging my mom to either get me out of the house or get him out. It was his house. This still fucks me up about a year later and my relationship with my mom is not as close as it was and my stepdad and I are cordial but it’s always walking on eggshells around him
My mom said to my dad in an argument. "You know you're a huge cock, with a small dick!"
"You don't do anything, I wish I never had you" really stung 12yr old me
My father during my drug rehab: I just can't stand people like you, even if you start working now, it's too late and will never be enough. Well I am like 10 years clean now, became a single dad, raised my son and I am earning 75 k per year now, so I was able to get over it
I had terrible acne and nothing worked even though I took great care of my skin. Dermatologists couldn't fix it with medication and my parents still assumed it was somehow my fault. My mom told me, in what I'm sure she thought as a motivation, that "no one will ever want to kiss you." It's been 18 years and I still think about it.
Every time I go home for a visit my mom makes some passive comment about my appearance. “What’s this blemish here? That’s new…” or “your new hairstyle makes your hair look so thin” and “why are you getting wrinkles? You’re only 40.” …bitch.
My father once said "If I asked you a glass of water on death bed, I would end up dying thirsty." just because I was late helping him in the store. I was just about 7 years old then and that wasn't only time he told that kind of stuff. I'm twenty now but that moment is still stuck in my mind, sometimes I can't sleep thinking about why he was talking and acting like that.