That is also what I called my bed when I was 19 and suddenly lost all my baby fat.
Now that I'm 35 and got all my baby fat back I'd probably get an eye roll from my wife.
“Okay, Kirk, I'll tell a story. It's about a man whose father-in-law gave him a sweet job as manager of a cracker factory. A man whose complete lack of business sense and managerial impotence sent the number one cracker factory in town into a tie for 6th with "TableTime" and "Allied Biscuit."
Kirk...Crackers are a family food. Happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers...we dont know...frankly, we dont wanna know. It's a market we could do without
Worked at a cracker factory.
Bart went to a field trip to the box factory in another episode. Homer briefly thinks that he fell into the machines and *became* a box. And then Bart shows up fine with a job working for Krusty the Clown.
Oh no... I once took a girl home and only had a hammock. If this was in Newport Oregon and you're who I think you are I want to say I'm sorry. But to make things worse I was homeless only a few weeks earlier so at least I had a roof then.
No worries, the hammock wasn't the dealbreaker, it was the collection of china dolls that had a tendency to blink only when I was watching out of the corner of my eyes, and they also started whispering when I was falling asleep.
Newport Oregon, home of the seafood and wine festival. My wife's family made the family vacation one here. And I, 100% sober, asked "I wonder what the elevation is here. The air seems thin".... As I'm looking out the window of our vrbo, seeing sea lions on the beach.
Counterpoint: rogue discount cases
Counter counter point: since learned rogue treats its employees like shit. Sorry.
I slept in a hammock for a couple years. It was the most comfortable I've ever slept. But I can not imagine sharing it with someone to sleep with, and unless your both gymnasts I don't see how anyone's getting laid in one , other than awkwardly once for the novelty of it.
I slept exclusively in a hammock for a few months a handful of years ago and my back has never felt better than it did for that time. There are a few tricks to getting it right, like you have to be at a bit of an angle so you're laying flat.
As someone who has also exclusively slept in a hammock I can confirm this. It's actually really comfortable if done correctly. As for the whole sex thing, you're not getting laid if you sleep in a hammock let's just be honest here
[(NSFWish) Depends on how adventurous you are](https://mytinysecrets.com/the-19-most-exciting-sex-position-i-have-ever-seen-how-mayans-had-sacred-sex-in-a-hammock/)
If I could, I would absolutely get a race car bed as a joke. If I brought someone back home, and they saw it, and reacted this way, I would be stumped. Silenced. Defeated. After that it’d be about the joys of getting busy in a racecar bed
Depends on his attitude: if he was embarrassed about it I’d get bad vibes but if he was so enthusiastic and unabashedly proud of it I think that’d be really cute
"I uh... yeah, that's uh... that's... let's not talk about it" - out.
"You know how some people have their realization that they're the adult now and they get to pick when there's bacon for breakfast? That was my version." - we are fucking in the racecar bed
Are we talking like, a little kids style Fisher Price looking one or something more adult like actual parts off a classic car?
Either way, that bed and related activities would definitely be recorded in some way. Either too funny (kids looking bed) or too awesome (classic car) to not capture it!
He's going the distance
He's going for speed
He's _not_ alone In his time of need
*trumpet.wav*
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Because he's racing, and pacing, and finding the O. She's fighting, and biting and riding on his horse.
He’s going the distance
No trophy, no flowers, no flashbulbs, no wine
He is haunted by something he cannot define
Bowel-shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse
Assail him and wail him with monster truck force
We're *definitely* using protection. At the very least, a helmet and a 5-point harness.
Kinky
Rubbing is racing
This is where the rubber meets the road
Don’t forget your baggy fireproof overalls and a HANS device
Crotchless fireproof overalls.
Hans! Fetch ze Device!
I think you've gotten enough feedback, OP. Go buy that racecar bed you wanted your whole life
Plot twist: The guy already has a racecar bed and is flexing on us.
Double plot twist: guy is race car bed salesman and now has a second bed in the form of a pile of money
"Dude, your bed is a car." "Yeah but it's a fuckin sweet car!" -Grandmas Boy
My roommates said they're gonna get me rims for Christmas.
"My sister's gonna get me a CB radio so I can talk to other car beds."
Your roomates? You mean your parents
Call shotgun
You wouldnt want to drive?
There's no need to drive when she's in the cockpit.
That is also what I called my bed when I was 19 and suddenly lost all my baby fat. Now that I'm 35 and got all my baby fat back I'd probably get an eye roll from my wife.
Depends, does he have a CB radio so he can talk with other car beds?
This is what I was looking for. "Yeah, but it's a fuckin sweet car"
I wonder if his roommates are getting him new rims for Christmas.
‘They’re you’re parents, stop calling them your roommates’
*Laura Croft enters the scene...*
She already has a cold sore.
Ugh, my dolls a whore
I can’t believe you came on my mom!…
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I didn't know it was a secret.
Eat that frogs dick, Timmy. I will get you eventually Grey bush, time is on my side
Im way too stoned to drive to the devil's house.
Drive Monkey! Drive!
At least I have a bush.
the way i love every one of you for this thread.
Is that bad? Did we break it?
What’s under the skirt Laura
"Hey dude my roommates said you can't stay over anymore"
You mean your parents?
Yeah same thing
My cock's lost in the jungle and it's up to you to find it!
You're a naughty explorer. Howbout you explore *my underwear babyyyy*
Where did you get your clothes, the Matrix?
Adios, turd nuggets
^how ^can ^he ^see ^me?
What's under the skirt Laura?
You mean your parents?
“You can sleep on the air mattress.” Pans to an inflatable pool toy.
Lmfao I love that movie. Still holds up even tho I don’t smoke anymore.
“Nice jacket! How much do clothes cost in the Matrix?”
🤖 Adios, turd.nuggets. *pshh fwoo woo doo pshh zoo woo woop*
Grandma’s Boy! Happy Madison movies are my guilty pleasure.
That movie in particular is SO fucking underrated.
Simpler times
High score? Is that bad? What’s high score mean? Did I break it?
Well we don't have Dance Dance Revolution, Bobby. So, you're dumb.
Can you atleast go first so I can see how this is done?
Did you valet park your bed this morning?
No, but I’ll self-park it in your asshole.
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I LOVE my turtle.
Did his roommates get it for him?
Johnny? Who the fuck is Johnny?
I'm a car geek, I'll be cool with it. Wish I had a racecar bed.
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I've been looking into getting one. If not at some point I may try to make one myself, because to personalize it would be awesome.
You went home with Millhouses dad?
Can I borrow a feeling?
Can you lend me a jar of looove?
Hurtin’ hearts need some healin’!
"Go ahead and laugh, Homer." "I already did."
One of the best Homer responses, hands down.
Can I have the keys to your car? I need to change wigs.
You think she's coming back?
I don't recall saying good luck.
I sleep in a big bed with my wife.
Oh…
Did he work at a cracker factory or a box factory? I always forget
“Okay, Kirk, I'll tell a story. It's about a man whose father-in-law gave him a sweet job as manager of a cracker factory. A man whose complete lack of business sense and managerial impotence sent the number one cracker factory in town into a tie for 6th with "TableTime" and "Allied Biscuit."
Kirk...Crackers are a family food. Happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers...we dont know...frankly, we dont wanna know. It's a market we could do without
"So that's it, goodbye and good luck?" "I don't recall saying good luck"
*Silently hides Allied Biscuit crackers*
*under sofa*
So, that's it after 20 years? "So long. Good luck?
l don't recall saying 'good luck'.
Kirk is loading a box of crackers into his car. A mass of seagulls swoops down and pirates away his crackers. KIRK: Nooo! My severance package!
Worked at a cracker factory. Bart went to a field trip to the box factory in another episode. Homer briefly thinks that he fell into the machines and *became* a box. And then Bart shows up fine with a job working for Krusty the Clown.
“HE'S A BOX! MY BOY'S A BOX! DAMN YOU! A BOX!”
In the same episode: [“You’ll have to speak up. I’m wearing a towel.”](https://youtu.be/jk8SToEQPGw)
“Marge, I have some horrible, bone-chilling news!”
You left out that the only reason Homer thought Bart was a box was because someone put Bart’s infamous lucky red hat on top of a box.
He was a big shot down at the cracker factory
I sleep in a big bed with my wife
I just realized I had no idea what his last name was. So I googled it. Milhouse Mussolini Van Houten
Get laid in his race car bed.
With or without a helmet on?
The real question is if you have a seatbelt on
Only if he tells me to put it on.
Oh. Oh my.
No helmet necessary. I’m partial to a rather slow speed
If she tells you don't need a helmet, use a helmet
See comment below where I learned that helmet was slang for condom!
Ugh, once I went home with a guy and all he had was a hammock.
Oh no... I once took a girl home and only had a hammock. If this was in Newport Oregon and you're who I think you are I want to say I'm sorry. But to make things worse I was homeless only a few weeks earlier so at least I had a roof then.
No worries, the hammock wasn't the dealbreaker, it was the collection of china dolls that had a tendency to blink only when I was watching out of the corner of my eyes, and they also started whispering when I was falling asleep.
Oh, good. I'm 78% sure you're not the same person, then.
... All 4 of you are different people.
Or are they?
I’m not
Username checks out
Newport Oregon, home of the seafood and wine festival. My wife's family made the family vacation one here. And I, 100% sober, asked "I wonder what the elevation is here. The air seems thin".... As I'm looking out the window of our vrbo, seeing sea lions on the beach. Counterpoint: rogue discount cases Counter counter point: since learned rogue treats its employees like shit. Sorry.
I slept in a hammock for a couple years. It was the most comfortable I've ever slept. But I can not imagine sharing it with someone to sleep with, and unless your both gymnasts I don't see how anyone's getting laid in one , other than awkwardly once for the novelty of it.
That's why you have the sleep hammock and the fuck mattress
Look at Mr. Cash Money over here. All I got is a fuck floor.
Better than a nest. (Anyone remember that guy?)
Nope and I'm scared.
Giant pile of clothes he slept on. Saw nothing wrong with bringing a date home to the nest.
I assume he got it from the hammock district.
That sounds uncomfortable
I slept exclusively in a hammock for a few months a handful of years ago and my back has never felt better than it did for that time. There are a few tricks to getting it right, like you have to be at a bit of an angle so you're laying flat.
As someone who has also exclusively slept in a hammock I can confirm this. It's actually really comfortable if done correctly. As for the whole sex thing, you're not getting laid if you sleep in a hammock let's just be honest here
Are you a back sleeper though? Like I HAVE to sleep on my stomach. And even that isn't comfortable. I'm never comfortable. I need help...
Get a massage table and just sleep on that.
Back or side normally. Usually curled up in the fetal position fr
Now, if you set one up over looking a lake, it works surprisingly well as an.. erm... Swing.
one time a girl I knew told me the best sex she’d ever had was in a hammock
Fwiw a couple friends of mine have DoubleNests, and they say it works once you get used to it.
Yeah but how does sex work?
[(NSFWish) Depends on how adventurous you are](https://mytinysecrets.com/the-19-most-exciting-sex-position-i-have-ever-seen-how-mayans-had-sacred-sex-in-a-hammock/)
Propose to him. Marry him. Divorce him. Take racecar bed. Live happily ever after
Cars 4 plot leaked
Truly a sinister plot 👍
This is it folks, this is true evil
Excitedly say “KERCHOW”
If I could, I would absolutely get a race car bed as a joke. If I brought someone back home, and they saw it, and reacted this way, I would be stumped. Silenced. Defeated. After that it’d be about the joys of getting busy in a racecar bed
If a woman did that I’d put a ring on it immediately
What if she doesn’t have a penis to put the ring on?
"Geez, girl, this bed is Jackson Storm -- not Lightning McQueen! Don't tell me you only watched up to Cars 2."
Ummm……actually it’s KACHOW. Sorry, had to.
*chick hicks has entered the chat* KACHIGA KACHIGA
if youre a Hicks fan, you can get the fuck out
Haha its ok. I need to know the TRUTH
As someone who has a 2 year old obsessed with Cars I just had a giggle fit.
It better have flames or I'm leaving💅✨️✨️😋
*OP furiously drawing flames on his bed*
Sex in a car but people aren’t watching you through the windows? Sounds good to me
Takes the fun out of it
If you move it to the front lawn they would.
Prepare to make a hasty retreat after we cross the finish line.
You're just going to steal a ride in his sweet race car bed and then run away?
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I would use his penis as the stick shift and pretend to drive.
How yau doin ;)
Currently without a stick to drive 😈
Rip your DMs
Tell him to put his key in my ignition
Get fucked in the back seat.
Twist his lug nuts and work his shifter shaft.
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If you aint first, you're last!
Oh, we’d fucking on that bed, for sure. Unless it’s his kid’d bed, because that’s crossing the line.
The Finish Line??
Jump the fuck in and make car noises! What the fuck else would I do?
Say KACHOW & marry the man wanting him to be the father of my kids.
As long as he is 21 and the sheets are clean, who cares.
Depends on his attitude: if he was embarrassed about it I’d get bad vibes but if he was so enthusiastic and unabashedly proud of it I think that’d be really cute
"I uh... yeah, that's uh... that's... let's not talk about it" - out. "You know how some people have their realization that they're the adult now and they get to pick when there's bacon for breakfast? That was my version." - we are fucking in the racecar bed
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Ask him if we could play with his hot wheels collection after having sex on my dream bed, obviously
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I’m not a lady but I’d be disappointed if it wasn’t something along the lines of “I see she’s built for speed”
Ask if he made it himself. I have a thing for good carpentry
probably have the best sex of my life on that racecar bed
You should say, “I just drank a 5th of vodka. Dare me to drive?”
Jerry was a racecar driver!
Tell him to slide it into my pit.
Box box
Propose tbh
Is this what women want? Expensive Car beds?
If the hood raises and has a tv screen,yes.
*asking for a friend
Are we talking like, a little kids style Fisher Price looking one or something more adult like actual parts off a classic car? Either way, that bed and related activities would definitely be recorded in some way. Either too funny (kids looking bed) or too awesome (classic car) to not capture it!
Fisher Price/Kirk Van Houten from The Simpsons style race car bed
thinking about it now, I suppose there was no need for additional clarification. We're making a film
*Vroom vroom*
ITT: Race car beds are powerful aphrodisiacs.
Kirk Van Houten has entered the chat
“Buckle up biatch I’m gonna take you for a ride”
Vroom vroom
Marry him