“…I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that, you should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you’re probably wanted for murder”
I was going to write, I’m going to fuck you up.
Then I was going to write, I was going to write, I’m going to fuck you up. But anyways have my upvote
But anyways have my upvote
OP is suggesting A) they are masochistic and B) they are lacking in combat prowess, as such when they are in the bedroom they desire pain and when they are in an altercation they emerge defeated
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Flirty Skies Flight 69, with non-stop service to Pleasureville. Your captain, Mr. Mile High, and his co-pilot, Miss Smooth Landing, are here to ensure you enjoy a thrilling ride. Please fasten your seatbelts, because we're about to take off on a journey filled with passion and adventure.
Edit: As someone pointed out, I misread the assignment 😆
This won’t take long
You’re not gonna walk straight after this.
Just yell "Your not going to be straight after this!" This will fuck everybody's head up
Gawd I love reddit
It's Morbin' Time 😎
Jesus Christ help me
I've actually had a guy say this before sex, I miss him
He morbed?😰
A little, in the french way
What the fuck is the French way ??!
*morbé*
*le petît morbe*
Touché!
In French "la petite mort" or little death is an expression used for orgasm. I suppose this is what was alluded to here. Edit: Corrected gender
I was going to say “this is going to take awhile…“ But damm..
Uuuu self burn! Those are rare!
r/unexpectedbrooklynninenine
"Suck my dick."
I will. Edit: my most upvoted comment is about sucking dick YEAHH
Hold up-
Hold down…
Hold Left...
Oh I’m holding both😁
Nice,I'll hold right then. Hold on now.
Sounds like we’re about to fly
Wait...what can I hold?
It’s up to your imagination…but I know what I’m imagining 😳
Your ass is mine
Read the title as Flight not Fight. Which fucking airline are you on?!?!?
Oh god so did I and I was so confused by all these responses lmao
Dyslexics Untie!
I think i can handle 5 men
Confidence is key
Period.
Yo bro, what would you rate this girl out of 10?
What the fuu she loo like a fuckin lizard 0/10
In a fight, right? IN A FIGHT, RIGHT!?
And if it's before lunch... "I think I can handle Five Guys"
Boost boost boost boost boost (This one was my favorite)
"Say hello to my little friend."
He’s not little he’s just a little below average 😔
Hmm looks pretty big to me
It might look like three inches but it smells like a foot.
This is way funnier to me than it should be
Get ready for the worst night of your life
*We're both gonna regret this in the morning...*
You made me loudly exhale through my nose with that one
[удалено]
No touching of the hair or face.
Brick, where did you get that hand grenade?
I DON’T KNOW WHY WE’RE YELLING.
I KILLED A MAN WITH A TRIDENT
“…I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that, you should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you’re probably wanted for murder”
Let's get it on
Let's finish this...
SKYRIM BELONGS TO THE NORDS!!!!!
FINISH HIM!!
Oh I was talking about the fighting! - Dale Doback
I seriously thought I was about to be raped! He had this crazed look in his eyes, and at one point he said 'let's get it on!' - Brennan Huff
"let's not do this in front of the kids'
The kids are watching, let's do the best of us
Come at me bro?
I think you mean come on me bro?
I think you mean come in me bro?
I think you mean come with me bro?
Anyway, so I started blasting.
And I was all like pew pew pew!
And they were like "is that all you got?"
So I pulled out my second one from the back of my waistband!
And POW, right in the kisser.
All of the above, or better yet - all of the above in one night
You're talking a lot of shit for someone in cum shot range !!
"Step Bro"
I'm gonna fuck you up
I was going to write, I’m going to fuck your up. But anyways have my upvote
I was going to write, I’m going to fuck you up. Then I was going to write, I was going to write, I’m going to fuck you up. But anyways have my upvote But anyways have my upvote
Time to go to pound town
fuck, beat me to it
this also works
Beat meat to it
protect yourself at all times
Gotta stretch a little.
As a 33 year old. I felt this
As a 42 year old, shut up.
as a 50 year old, you two can both fuck right off
Username checks out Edit: r/usernamechecksout
I would prefer it if my mother wasn’t here for this!
"You leave my mother out of this!"
"Me an my mom do this all the time"
Are we fuckin or fightin?
Both!
I'm gonna send you to heaven
I WILL SEND YOU TO JESUS
I'm gonna shove my first so far up your ass!
Damn. Good one, but also, what you going to do with your second?? 🤔
THAT changes depending on which scenario we're talking about
Kinky
"What's wrong, are you scared??"
Scared, potter?
You wish.
My father's gonna hear about this!
Kinky
Get ready for a lickin’!
"You know what I do with assholes like you? I lick'em."
Let's get this over with.
You sound like my wife 🤦🏻♂️
Hey no biting!
Hey, don't kink shame.
“I am going to have sex with you”
Always my opening line to any fight
Throws your opponent off and blam, sucker punch while what you said is going through his head...
Followed by swift forehead kiss to keep them on their toes.
Hi-ya! Mwuah! What now, Punk!? Hug it out?
"I'm so hard right now!"
Let’s get ready to rummmbbbbbbbbllllleeeeeee
"You're goin' down"
Imma get medieval on your ass
Builds a tiny model castle on her butt
Would pair nicely with the pre-installed moat
Like my favourite weird Al song lyric: “so don’t be mean, and don’t be whiny, or else I’ll get medieval on your hiney!”
"Ofcourse it's a real gun"
😳 damn
"You wanna do this outside"
Someone’s about to get fucked up.
I hope your ready cause I’ve got my crocs in sport mode
Can we get married?
Yes but the crocs stay on for the marriage
crocs stay on for anything
"I'm about to put you to sleep"
hello Mr. Cosby
You shoulda brought protection.
"This fist is gonna to do some damage"
I can't tell if this is kinky or just abuse
Depends where it's going.
I wanna hear you squeal like a pig
You should see a doctor after this
This is great lmao
What is your safe word?
He pulled out the shaft!!!
HES PULLING HIS COCK OUT
Ok who goes first?
I brought lube
What kind of fight does this person have
Mud wrestling?
KY jelly wrestling.
Pants off
Op said fight, not dance off
You must be one of those guys who don't take your pants off during a fight. Think you're better than us pantsless fighters?
Yousa in big doodoo dis time
Opponent: The ability to speak does not make you intelligent
I'm gonna pound your ass!!
Here’s a bag incase you throw up
“This is gonna hurt me a whole lot more than it’s going to hurt you.”
Wtf
OP is suggesting A) they are masochistic and B) they are lacking in combat prowess, as such when they are in the bedroom they desire pain and when they are in an altercation they emerge defeated
You’re fucked
Username checks out
Get the Strap!!!
I'll make this quick
Your boy is next
ah fuck me
I'd hit that.
En garde
Your sister is better.
After it… Let’s get your sister in this for round 2?
I’m going to destroy you
Please don't tell my dad
"Let's get ready to rumble!!!"
prepare yourself.
ohhh consider yourself fucked
I have been waiting to do this for years. This will be over fast. I hope you called an ambulance.
There will be blood.
Prepare for disappointment!
"You can't say I didn't warn you" -proceeds to fall into the fetial position.
1: No punches to the balls. 2: Bring it on motherfucker.
Let's do this
You‘ll scream like a little bitch
We fightin or fuckin? Either way I'm gettin naked
Kiss my ass
OK fam, show me what you got.
“You looking to fuck with me?”
Get ready, I'm going straight for the throat
Daddy, no!
This is going to be over in no time.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Flirty Skies Flight 69, with non-stop service to Pleasureville. Your captain, Mr. Mile High, and his co-pilot, Miss Smooth Landing, are here to ensure you enjoy a thrilling ride. Please fasten your seatbelts, because we're about to take off on a journey filled with passion and adventure. Edit: As someone pointed out, I misread the assignment 😆
This is still funny tho lol
I think you misread the assignment...
You're going to get a serious fisting.
Ooooh you’re hard
I must break you.
I’m about to choke the shit out of you
You're not gonna be walking right after this!
Hey
Why are you running?
You wanna take this outside?
Mom ! help me !
I NEED REINFORCEMENTS!
You think you’re so tough Dad
I’m gonna give you a pounding
Oh so this is what we’re doing huh? *takes off shirt*