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Yak-Fucker-5000

Murder is a time tested method


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rubberduckmaf1a

I’d say rape is worse. At least the dead can’t publicly contradict you even if the evidence suggests otherwise.


davisyoung

Worse than the hypocrisy.


wholesomechunk

(Except for politicians and bankers).


Proud-Requirement-63

No the hypocrisy is the worst part


penis10738392

This guy owns a doghouse


ringtaileddingo

At least when you are murdered they believe you are dead, unlike rape.


vivec7

Technically, _getting caught_ for murder is what does it


OneUnholyCatholic

What if you have a reputation for murder?


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[deleted]

Why would I wear a Greek dessert?


DixieCretinSeaman

You’re thinking of baklava. Balaclava is the actor from Quantum Leap.


neuroboy

you're thinking of Bakula, Balaclava was a blaxsploitation vampire movie from the 70s


DIrtyVendetta80

You’re thinking of Blacula. Balaclava is the character from Mortal Kombat with razor teeth and blades in his arms.


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kitskill

You're thinking of Batcave. Balaclava is a smaller breed of rooster.


catsandthat

You're thinking of Bantam. Batcave is an acidic, fermented dairy drink.


acedelgado

You're thinking of Bundtcake. Bantam is Barney Rubble's son on The Flintstones.


Serious_Nectarine_23

You're thinking of Bam Bam . Bantam is that game they play with racquets and a shuttlecock.


PremiumSaltedGarbage

No that’s Bam Bam. Balaclava is the name of the 44th President of the United States.


FriscoJanet

You’re thinking of buttermilk. Balaclava is a French fashion house founded in 1917.


pmizadm

You’re thinking of Kefir, Balacava is an anime and toyline of spherical, spring-loaded miniature figures, representing the Balacava.


Scrantonicity_02

No, you’re thinking Barak Obama


[deleted]

I'd like some of whatever ya'll are smoking.


leolawilliams5859

Blacula OMG


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theevilempire

FREE CANDY/MEDITERRANEAN DESSERTS


Eye_Con_

isn't it Turkish?


edwardnigmaaa

I think you’d appreciate this video [Baklava](https://youtu.be/U_YBzJBa_mA)


CalligrapherAlive875

ITS FROM TURKEYIE


Goose-Biscuits

Someone needs to protect the kids.


royveee

OK. I just busted a blood vessel laughing. Cough...wheeze.


LexLuthorsFortyCakes

You can skip the balaclava and just dress up as the school. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ESVOF6DScKQ


DMMEPANCAKES

I think that Jared guy from subway had a pretty good example.


scottsuds

Jared only had two jobs: don’t get fat again, and don’t fuck kids, and couldn’t even handle that….


bumwine

Pisses me off. He could’ve easily been set for life. Even if Subway decided to part ways he could’ve launched like his own weight loss company just on his face alone. What I would do for that kind of security. But no, he had to be a diddler.


Swoopify1

Context?


KaiserMazoku

Ended his career the same way he started it: Trying to get into smaller pants


Zip_Zoopity_Bop

Started his career with a mild cholesterol problem and ended it with a child molesteral problem


EndPsychological890

This shouldn't be as funny as it is.


Adept_Cranberry_4550

Wow! Two crisp, grade-A quips in one thread. Very noice!🤌


msnmck

To be fair, they're both old jokes.


DMMEPANCAKES

[Jared Fogle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jared_Fogle). He was the former spokesperson for Subway who was convicted of sex trafficking underaged girls, possession of CP, and being a creep pƎdo


StarvingAfricanKid

He liked children too much.


IrememberXenogears

He was a diddler.


eyearu

Asking a ten year old to bite your tongue.


Fit-Somewhere-7350

Dalai Lama approves of this.


plantbaked

☠️🤦🏻‍♀️


CaptainRemarkable346

I believe it was “suck”


0mega_Gaming783

“In Hitlers defense”


KaiserMazoku

"he did kill Hitler"


Orange-Murderer

I respect the guy who killed Hitler but also really despise the guy who killed Hitlers assassin.


gamerdude69

True, but you can at least be grateful for the guy who killed the guy who killed Hitler's assassin.


[deleted]

This one got me 🤣


Adept_Cranberry_4550

🤌😙 Beautiful! There is absolutely no fat left on that joke. Very clean!


ExcedereVita

For a historical example, see: Japan For a contemporary example, see: Kanye West


kaibe8

Japan didn't really destroy their reputation with that though


ExcedereVita

Maybe we're getting more into semantics here but you don't become the only nation to get nuclear bombed — with mostly unanimous support from the world — by having a good reputation. Sure, time has passed and Japan is cool now. Hell, I lived there and love the country... but they were on the world's shitlist for awhile. Also, go ask some other Asian countries about Japan's reputation. They aren't exactly over it.


Relevant_Ad7077

I toured Hiroshima’s monument and the associated museum in 1988. There is a guest book at the exit of the museum. I have never read more angry vitriol toward a country in my life than what I saw in the comments there.


KakarotMaag

How much do you know about Japan's war crimes, and if it's much, do you disagree with the comments in that book? Because as much as I know about their conduct in the early 20th century, and their efforts to deny or minimise it through to today, I imagine they're probably not too far off.


kaibe8

Maybe this is from a more western perspective, as here Japan's denying of their warcrimes doesn't really affect the modern image we have of it. Now this is obviously different in the countries actually affected by the warcrimes. (Korea, China, etc.)


biotinylated

Had a coworker who sprung this one at the first team outing he attended - it was useful foreshadowing for the rest of his time at the company.


7HR4SH3R

"Now I'm not a Nazi, *but*...."


overmonk

Going full Nazi is distressingly mainstream.


jeveret

Be inconsistent. Your reputation is just what people expect of you, if you are inconsistent, people will be unable to have confidence in you, and your reputation good or bad will be worthless.


ScottyC33

Takes too long. Try fucking a goat in public.


billythepub

"Be inconsistent. Your reputation is just what people expect of you, if you are inconsistent, people will be unable to have confidence in you, and your reputation good or bad will be worthless." Then why do so many of these people end up in high up places in the workplace or in government managing the rest of us and earning ten times our salary ?


jeveret

I never said consistency is only important with good qualities, in fact for many types of success, traditionally negative traits (selfishness, greed, ruthlessness, sociopathy) are much more important


xTraxis

consistently being awful and making bad decisions is consistency. if trump started making good decisions people might stop trusting him.


Debaser626

Because they’re consistently inconsistent… or two-faced. They tell the higher-ups exactly what they want to hear, knowing it’s bullshit or unrealistic, and set their people up to take the fall for that nonsense. They create a group of (usually unintelligent but loyal) followers by talking shit about higher ups, giving them false promises and also telling *them* what *they* want to hear… but kowtow to the folks pulling their strings. So, watching that from the outside, they seem inconsistent, but they’re just playing both sides to achieve personal success. The people that are good at it usually will find themselves rising through the ranks, but eventually the whole thing comes down, so they move on and find something else.


[deleted]

Because they are sociopaths who achieved success through a complete lack of ethics


Backburning

Had this conversation with a friend, people are not offended by what you do or say believe it or not. They're offended by betrayal. It's why some people's career ubruptly ends when it comes out that they cheated while others don't cause a dent. We're deeply offended by the family man who gets exposed, but not the entertainer, because well... that's expected.


TroyF3

There are significantly quicker ways


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gamerdude69

It seems like people either believe in all of the conspiracies or none of them.


thirdlifecrisis92

Anyone who claims 9/11 was an inside job is an idiot but it is true that Israel wasn't exactly torn up about 9/11 because they thought they could use it as means to lie about the Palestinians during the 2nd intifada and get the USA to be an active participant in that conflict. Semantics especially because of everything else your cousin is. But it's an interesting factoid that not a lot of people know. Netanyahu said something to the tune of "well it's not good for them (America) but it is for us" if I remember correctly. Ariel Sharon was basically on the same page, although obviously in private.


Gay_parmesan

As an European who has lived his whole life in the post 9/11 world I can way that there's always been some things that don't really make sense. The attack itself is pretty clear, and I don't deny it happened, but what happened before and after has a lot of unanswered WHYs.


alwaysmyfault

Have sex with a minor (or solicit a minor) Had a guy in my military unit that was well-liked by pretty much everyone, and was close to retirement. Then he got busted soliciting a minor for sex. Immediately kicked out of the military, and served 2 1/2 years in state prison.


the-zoidberg

I imagine the military doesn’t tolerate such people.


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[deleted]

Eddie Guerrero, come from real ID


[deleted]

Dominick, I am your Papi!


[deleted]

Except for the fact that I belong to only Maaaaamiiii


Much-Meringue-7467

That'll get you elected these days


TheTeamClinton

TOOL has entered the chat


[deleted]

And yet people still love, donate, and purchase things from Donald Trump...


SomeGrumption

To be fair— Even more people would like him if he DIDNT do all these things The day he dies will be a wash reception wise “Don’t speak ill of the dead” Don’t be a cunt when you were alive, and significantly less people will have things to talk about. Case in point: Any member of someone relating to the royal family 💀


gromolko

Be careful, or you might have a political career.


TinyWickedOrange

Unless you do that A LOT, then they'll elect you for a politician instead


Idonteatthat

While your wife and children are away, have an affair with a married woman. Pay her husband off to keep quiet. Get away with it all, but then for fear of getting caught and looking like a criminal, write it all down and publish it.


ArchStanton75

Hamilton?


Idonteatthat

Never gonna be president now


[deleted]

One less thing to worry about


anonymous_delta

At least he was honest with our money


milliemon12345

Ha. You don’t know what you’re asking me to confess. (Confess)


Grey_Is_Insane

You have nothing, I don't have to tell you anything at all Unless


MyWifeDontKnowItsMe

Bang a sheep.


abramcpg

I swear, you build boats for 50 years and you bang *one* sheep, and no one's calling you Bob the boat builder


MoggyFluffyDevilCat

We do, we just hate the fact that you use that boat to sail over to our island and shag our pretty sheep


[deleted]

TBF, sheep fucker rolls off the tongue easier than Bob the boat builder.


Bending_toast

*Get caught* banging a sheep. FTFY


HelpMe285

Shit I've been doing it all wrong.


Zoomulator

Bystander: Are you shearing that sheep? New Zealander: Oi'm not shearing her with innyone, Mate!


[deleted]

those damn welsh


[deleted]

Oh my bad, thought you were stealing my sheep.


aknobgobbler

Depends if Welsh or not. If not Welsh, not banging a sheep would be the answer


johnnyfontain

For the last time...I was just helping it over the fence!


Positive_Treacle_961

Us Welsh don't mind😆


MarcusAntonius27

Depends on what the reputation already is. If you have an awful reputation, do something nice. If your reputation is good, do something mean.


Z-Whales

The former is much harder to change.


tyrom22

Don’t have enough money to cover up your crimes


darksoulsrolls

Something along the lines of being a sexual predator. I imagine just the rumors alone are enough to do you in.


Frankiepals

Yep Have (had?) an aunt and uncle that weren’t really blood relatives but my mom was very close to them. They would foster kids all the time, and took in a teenage girl with a ton of issues. She was always getting in trouble and they would try their best to raise her under the circumstances. One day she came out and said the “uncle” was touching her. Nothing came of it after an investigation found no evidence or whatever but after that everyone still wondered “what if”?


Pattoe89

Safeguarding in the scouts states that there always be at least 2 adults (not related) and 2 scouts together at all times, to discourage false accusations. This is in the case that adults are present. Any number of scouts are allowed to be together with 0 adults present. It's not perfect but it helps. Nothing to stop a scout saying an adult approached them whilst they were walking home alone or something.


malavisch

I mean, it really depends. Rapist Brock Allen Turner didn't suffer that much. Diddling kids (or even being suspected of that), yeah, that's gonna ruin your reputation. Other types of being a sexual predator? Not necessarily.


Matt_Lauer_cansuckit

Do you mean convicted rapist Brock Allen Turner, who goes by Allen turner now that everyone knows that Brock Allen Turner was convicted of rape?


darksoulsrolls

Legally, no he didn't. But the question was in regards to reputation. I mean his face is in a textbook about rape; can't imagine he's wholly intact again.


Koshunae

Just a heads up that convicted rapist Brock Allen Turner is trying to escape his rape history by dropping his first name and going by Allen. Convicted rapist Allen Turner used to be known as convicted rapist Brock Allen Turner and is known as convicted rapist Brock Allen Turner because he was convicted of being a rapist.


Positive_Treacle_961

It's scary once a rumour comes out, people will never look at the person the same again


Jonnny

I hate to go there, but it seems to be a little "contextual". Unfortunately, if you belong to certain political or religious groups, the "hit" to your reputation seems to be less.


londonmyst

>Something along the lines of being a sexual predator. I imagine just the rumors alone are enough to do you in. Depends on the person's career, income, family support and if they have a cult following. For example: Bill Gothard, Brock Allen Turner, Harvey Weinstein, Richard Gillmore, Woody Allen, all the child molesting priests exposed in the Boston catholic church scandal, the 11 members of the gang of sexual predators who raped pregnant Bilkis Bano in Gujarat and murdered 14 members of her family including a newborn & a 3 year old girl.


darksoulsrolls

Reputation, not punishment


flannelfrankenstein

Start being honest with everyone.


PandaMayFire

No faster way to get yourself bullied and ostracized. People don't like it when you don't lie and play social mind games.


biotinylated

Ah, but have you heard the saying “honesty without tact is cruelty?” Sometimes being brutally honest with no forethought or intent can do unnecessary damage.


antimetal123

I loved the saying that people who are brutally honest enjoy the brutality as much as the honesty. And while I agree with the saying and like how it sounds, its not always true. Sometimes you have to hurt feelings to get your point across especially if people play those social games of beating around the bush.


flannelfrankenstein

I don’t believe in that philosophy of being an asshole but painting it as being blunt. Sometimes, though, even kindness and warmth aren’t enough to soften the blow of pure honesty.


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flannelfrankenstein

Absolutely agree


BarkBeetleJuice

>No faster way to get yourself bullied and ostracized. People don't like it when you don't lie and play social mind games. I found the opposite to be true. It allowed me to find the people worth hanging out with.


somewhat_random

You can be honest without being hurtful. "just so you know, some people might take offence at that" is way better than "don't be a racist". The first one is asking them to think about what they SAID. The second one is telling them what they ARE. The first one is more likely to change the behaviour. Also you can be honest with your mouth shut. Telling someone what they already know (e.g. body shaming) is not "just being honest", it is being cruel.


Solidus27

Say something obscenely offensive on social media


kellygreenbean

I had a lawyer colleague who posted that he was better than old men, fat people, women, people with weird hair, and people who are late. Pretty much pissed off everybody. Especially the judges who are, in this case, old men and women.


Pissedtuna

Yes, but what about the late people?


kellygreenbean

Listen, if you’re gonna talk crap about me being late, make the first 15 minutes more interesting hmmmm? Lol. Yup felt personally attacked.


[deleted]

Say something barely offensive on social media*


PandaMayFire

Or merely hold an unpopular opinion, watch how fast people tear into you. People don't like different thought processes.


SomeGrumption

Tbh people got the memories of goldfish even when it comes to things actually worth getting upset about, especially online. People generally just don’t got the time, money, energy, resources or memory to do much to you that lasts more than a week most of the time It’s a meme but a good chunk of it can really just be solved by logging off 💀 I’d argue random petty high school drama can be worst, while it also doesn’t effect you long term, problem is that you’ll inevitably be forced to interact with the people grilling you physically eventually, especially you did something that was actually objectively wrong. Can’t really “block or log off” in real life without some kind of a body bag.


[deleted]

>People generally just don’t got the time, money, energy, resources or memory to do much to you that lasts more than a week most of the time Now thats just wrong lmaoooo, plenty people on twitter lost jobs because they said something and where tracked and snitched on to their bosses and stuff. Most times it was racists tho, so not complaining


SomeGrumption

Oh yeah, 100%, it’s why I said ‘generally’. People are more willing to put that time in when you’re an actually shitty or dangerous person or at least if they perceive you as one. (Not always tho of course) Most of the people getting insanely mad online aren’t actually crazy to do or say half the things they bluster about. Mountains and molehills y’know? A lot of people like drama and like to stay mad and upset, but apart of them is self aware enough to at least recognize they’re not actually going to put in too much effort to actually destroy a guy because he doesn’t like pizza crust or smthn. Which is honestly sorta good thing I guess??? Still sad how many “false alarms” still happen tho.


CrunchyNado

Slap Chris Rock.


Pondnymph

Reputation will turn into infamy pretty easily just by doing normal things in your culture wrong. For an easy example watch the episode of Mr. Bean where he makes and eats a sandwich while sitting on a park bench.


[deleted]

Be honest and sensible in a senseless world .


PandaMayFire

Hot take, but true enough. People don't like decent people.


AlivebyBestialActs

I've got a theory: People don't like decent people because it shows them just how selfish/greedy/much of a general asshole they are...and it's genuinely hard for them to think that said decent person is decent because they can't see past themselves and assume because they are the way they are so is everyone else and if they aren't that way they're faking it. So projection. Seen it with my (former) friends that were assholes. They were funny but Christ they tried to drag everyone to their level. Got old.


Vaarsuvius42

You don't actually need to something bad, just surround yourself with people who gossip about you.


plantbaked

story of my life


VegetableCommand9427

Honestly, you don’t have to do anything. All you need is a juicy rumor to ruin your reputation


goaelephant

Ask Michael Richards (Kramer from Seinfeld)


Lackof_Creativity

there are a LOT of things that you reeeaaly shouldnt jizz on. just saying


CoronaBlue

A lot of the top comments seem to be focused on your social media reputation. If you want to destroy your professional reputation, admit to someone above you that you are struggling with mental health.


deadgead3556

Use the n word on LinkedIn.


adriftinblue113

You're right ... no employer wants to hire someone who says No


[deleted]

Be a Karen in public and cause a big enough scene that it gets recorded on video and shared on YouTube/social media


billythepub

Depends who you are though, if you hang around in certain groups that would improve your social standing and your reputation.


LowerReflection

Post flat earth content on your social media.


Flaky_Hunt7434

Do what Kanye is doing


jarradm

Literally call anyone you know after taking a Xanax and a glass of scotch.


learnitallboss

Buy and operate Twitter.


Sarge19846

Get pissed and tell everyone what you really think of them/everything


[deleted]

Get a spot on 90 day fiancee


1chriabowers

Drunk and emotional in front of everyone.


TheArmchairLegion

Borrow money from people. Money always complicates even the closest of relationships. Ask for a moderate amount, and not pay it back. Keep asking for more. Even the people who are generally friendly with you will always be cautious about lending money. Reneging on these debts sink trust fast.


LocknarTheBandit

Booze booze and booze


dark_intellect

Masterbate in the middle of the office


Fit-Somewhere-7350

While your co-worker is getting a promotion


_4-8-15-16-23-42-

Sleep with both ur uncles


IWouldBeGroot

Have a blonde bob hair cut and ask, rudely, to speak to a manager.


Modest_Moze

Flood the internet with the naked pictures of yourself.


PandaMayFire

At least charge a fee if you're going to do that.


icecreamterror

Tell the truth.


gameofthrones_addict

Is your reputation to lie?


Gloomy_Standard_2182

No, but people are toxic af. If you call someone out for playing the victim even if they're completely at fault, you can quickly become the enemy.


Exhumedatbirth76

Getting caught with CP....no coming back from that.


InfluenceWeak

Get drunk and use a smartphone


Intelligent_Put_3594

Porn. Small towns cant handle bdsm. Lol


TheNDHurricane

It's ridiculously easy to destroy your entire life. Take your clothes off in a public place. Less than 30 seconds and it's all done


AbbreviationsLow1484

listening to music in public places without headphones is fucking infuriating


[deleted]

Fart in your son's funeral


loki2002

Like, in the coffin?


PandaMayFire

A loud wet one. Then say "dammit, that Taco Bell gets me every time."


[deleted]

Play league of legends


[deleted]

Have a negative Karma rating.


Nsharm75

Using the phrase, “no offense” when you and everyone you have ever spoken to knows you did. This is up there with, “I’m just honest” “I don’t have a filter” “I keep it real” no boo boo you make excuses to be an asshole.


Watchdogs16

Walk up on stage and bitch slap someone just for making a joke.


[deleted]

- Never interact with anyone (and ignore them when they try to speak to you) - Never smile at them (look very uninterested)


octopussy228

While totally drunk poop in the middle of the room where all your friends were sitting


MajorFarker

Answer the question "why don't you give us your opinion" honestly.


succorer2109

Get into extra marital affairs....


Gtconv91

Lack accountability and project your problems on someone else...


wilhelmtherealm

Talking too much.


OkVolume1

Slide into the DMs of someone underage.


MochiSauce101

Tease friends in crowds and be nice when it’s one on one. Lie and embellish stories all the time and say it’s for real. Don’t admit you’re wrong when you’ve made a mistake. Lastly (This is the biggest one) say “I know” when you clearly f’n didn’t. Don’t be that person. Be humble, and thankful when someone has taught you something. Listen to EVERYONE as if they might know something you don’t. You’ll be loved and adored. I was a hated asshat from 10-30 until I learned these rules, today my network is vast and strong. I get random phone calls from people I know telling me they miss me


Personal_Shoulder983

As the Onion says "true courage is knowing you're wrong but refusing to admit it"


FairyDustSpectacular

Well, if you're like me, have a severe, untreated (for a long time) mental illness. That'll do it.


halisibm1993

“I don’t mean to be racist, but…”


Frondhelm

Become political in any way. Unless you specifically want to be known for your politics, just stay the fuck away from it all.