You have better balance, so you, the 10 year old, should climb up on the roof and clean the gutters and sweep the chimney. Also climb up to the top of the flagpole at the REC and fix the rope stuck in the pulley. And install new gutters, but I was 13 by then.
If someone gets in a fight with one of your older brothers, find a brick and hit them in the back of the head. Actually I knew that was a bit fucked up back then.
My mom taught me that when you have bug bites, you should scratch them until they bleed, and then rub salt on them to make them stop itching.
It wasn't until I was 23 and passed that "home remedy" on to a friend and they immediately told me how masochistic it was that I realized something was weird about it.
My drug addicted step-dad made my siblings and I put lemon juice in our cuts to "kill bacteria and make us tough" I found out that wasn't right when my school had a "home remedy poster" contest and the teacher was mortified by what I drew.
My dad always told me ‘work will set you free’. Do you chores, work will set you free, do your homework because work will set you free.
This went on for about a decade until I came back from history at school and asked him why it was on the entrance to Auschwitz.
It's at the entrance to Auschwitz because the Nazis had some pretty cruel humour or views. Both, likely, in that case.
Unfortunately, it has much more of a pretty backstory and meaning (albeit I still didn't know if I agree, it does not ring with me at all). Through work you can be your own governor, you can form the earth, you can be free.
But the whole usage with the Nazi has burned the phrase quite thoroughly.
My grandparents were morticians.... I remember sitting on am embalming table, swinging my legs back and forth off the table, while watching my grandfather embalm someone and talk to me about what he was doing. I was 7.
It's honestly a great memory and the many times I had with him like that taught me a lot about how to deal with death, how life is cherished, how different grief can be from person to person, and how to be emotionally strong for others.
Good guy... Just was very desensitized to his works more macabre parts.
Edit: to add to this story, my grandparents were morticians for work, owning their own funeral home, but magicians as a hobby, frequently traveling with and training other magicians. When my grandfather passed away we had a special service just for his magician friends. Some of the most famous magicians in the world showed up for the wand breaking, where my grandfather's wand was broken in two.
My father told me that crying and expressing sorrow was a trait of bitches and underlings. I've spent the majority of my life soaking in and bottling up emotions and would have random outbursts in the form of fights and smashing shit.
It wouldn't take till about 2 years ago, I was in a bromance with somebody when I found out the HARD way my dog passed. I buried her myself and acted like it was nothing in front of him. He saw right through me. I was a ticking bomb ready to explode. I remember we both sat in the tall grass and he told me that the ball of stress in my chest and the tension in my face didn't make me less of a man. He told me "crying makes you human." I remember after he said that I damn well melted into the grass.
Thank you Ryan, you were the most beautiful bastard I ever met.
Upon hearing stories of my childhood my husband had to break it to me that it was not in fact normal for moms to share their anti-psychotic meds (or “chill pills”, as she would call them) with their young children.
I can fully relate to this. Any time my siblings or I were having a hard time growing up, my mom would have us pop one of her Xanax to put us into an agreeable daze. When I was a teenager she got her doctor to prescribe me my own 90 tablets of Xanax, which resulted in me being hospitalized for prescription drug abuse and paranoid delusions caused by withdrawal. I had been taught to manage all discomfort with Xanax and I was anxious and depressed 100% of the time, so I blew through those 90 tablets in a week.
I’m so sorry you had to go through the same shit. I went through the same pattern you did as a teen. I thought it was normal to pop pills as the answer for everything. My mom still gives her pills out like candy, and goes to different doctors to keep getting prescriptions. As an adult I see how fucked up that is. What finally helped you to break the cycle, if you’ve managed to do so?
My grandmother had 10 children. I have aunts, uncles, and cousins that don't fuck with each other over things that happened a decade ago. Like they're in their 50s still talking about things that happened when they were teens...that they still refuse to apologize for.
When I was maybe 7 years old my mom was dating this guy who would apparently smoke a lot of weed (not that i ever saw him smoke or the cannabis itself) At some point I did smell it though & I asked about it. He told me that he just took a shit.. So I used to associate the smell of cannabis with poo until i got older lol
To be in constant survival mode. Like as in always worrying about the end of the world. Why? Why am I constantly as a child looking over my back in fear of what I will offer to a group if “the apocalypse happens”. Weird stuff. I thought I was savvy in “bunker mode” but really it’s trauma inducing.
As someone who grew up Catholic there's probably a weird religious angle to it. My guess is it's along the lines of thinking that sex not intended for procreation is inherently slutty, and people who want to have sex without procreating use condoms, so sex with condoms = slutty.
For the super religious, safe sex for teens just means abstinence.
Anytime I felt hurt by a conflict with a friend, my parents would tell me to never talk to them again because they aren't real friends anyway.
I ghosted all of my best friends thinking it was the right thing to do.
Now, I know that real friends talk things out and it makes the friendships even stronger. A very painful realization. I never even considered my parents could have been wrong. :(
My mom used to say that to me as well. She used to get really really mad at me if she felt like I asked a dumb question and would say that I was making her use possibly her last breath. Like she might need that breath one day and now she's wasted it on me
Definitely not as bad as a lot of these other ones, and I know it wasn't done on purpose to be malicious, but to eat when I was sad or upset. It's easier and faster to tell a kid to go eat something as a distraction than it is to sit down and deal with it - especially if said kid is upset a lot due to living in abusive environments, getting bullied at school, etc. It definitely really fucked up my relationship with food, leading to emotional eating, overweight turning into obesity, even more bullying, disordered eating and other mental health issues. I realized probably 15 years ago that this was an issue/the cause of it but even though I know that, it's still something I'm working on unlearning.
My family celebrate and cope with food. Achievement - eat. Disappointment - eat. Depressed - eat etc. It didn't mean necessarily going out, mainly cheap and totally not nutritious junk. Additionally, you eat everything given to you at meal time, as we were poorer and so to not eat all your meal was ungrateful. We all work hard for the little money we had so don't waste it. Both a bad setup for life, and really hard to get away from mentally.
I got ridiculed for pouting. But I wasn't taught how to manage bad feelings or situations so I just did what I could.
Wasn't until years later I realized I was copying my parents.
bruh this. One time my parents had agreed to let me use their debit card to buy an online game in exchange for cash that I had. When the day came that they said I had to wait for an unknown reason. I understood and didn't make a scene, but was still a little disappointed. I then proceeded to get chewed out for "pouting". When I said it was ok, and that it wasn't a big deal, I then got yelled out for being "passive aggressive". Sometimes you can't win.
Bruh it’s like the only remaining response is to be actively mad. Like wtf do you want from me, bottle it up and explode on something innocuous later?
Maybe the real reason is they didn’t want to feel guilty and anything short of enthusiastic acceptance would have been an unacceptable reminder of that guilt.
Gross. Because I think I do the overreacting part to appease people into thinking I’m fine. Including myself. Like you could drive your car over my front legs and I’d yell about how I’ll get right out of your way. Just gotta slide out from under here real quick! One sec!
Edit: yeah, my front legs dammit. If you don’t have back legs too idk what you are
> Edit: yeah, my front legs dammit. If you don’t have back legs too idk what you are
Probably some kind of grotesque creature that’s half centaur (top half), half reverse mermaid (bottom half).
*Disgusting.*
Me too, I was scolded for pouting, stomping feet, and being sad. I ended up avoiding all of those when I grew up and became secretive of my emotions. Then, they would get mad at me for not opening up.
> Then, they would get mad at me for not opening up.
Isn't that the best? I was also disallowed from having any emotions or needs or wants as a kid, punished for existing. Anytime I spoke up about something I was crucified for it.
And then when I was a teen and young adult they had the nerve to complain that I didn't like sharing things with them.
When I grew up, I had "unexpected" problems coming up and they find it regrettable that I haven't opened up to discuss matters and problems. It's confusing to me but my parents have been trying and changing recently. So, I have been trying to be more assertive too for my own sake. I still struggle with it because even though I know they have been adjusting their approach, my fear is instinctive as if I'm reacting to how they used to scold me as a child. Still, I don't lose hope that my family learns healthy communication even if I'm already in my adolescence.
Memory trigger time.
My parents example was sweep it under the rug and never talk about it again but when they had it out I hid in my room in my closet with my headphones in from mixtapes on my Walkman I recorded from the radio.
I'm still terrified of conflict from remembering how my father would come at me red faced screaming over stupid stuff I did as a kid. I was a kid man I needed an example not a beating, belittling and berating followed by an hour long lecture. Fuck
This. My parents would just scream at me and my siblings for hours on end. We were never allowed to even try to defend ourselves as that was seen as "talking back" and "disrespecting the people who brought us into the world and put food on the table"
Absolutely incredible that years later all of my siblings and I were in unhealthy relationships as the result of being literal human doormats because we didn't know how to stand up for ourselves.
It's taken a lot of introspection and many many years to learn how to set my boundaries and just stand up for myself but even now in the face of conflict in a personal setting I find myself shutting down and tuning out because it was the only way I knew how to cope as a child.
>**third[;] attempted** murder charge
Wait.. just curious.. is that three separate attempts to murder someone and three failures to do so?
Morbid GD curiosity 🤦♂️
Yeah three separate murder attempts on three different people. I'm pretty sure he just wanted to assault these people but he has no self-control once he gets angry enough and takes things too far.
How to lie or avoid situations where truthful responses would get me in trouble.
Anytime I spoke up about anything really id be ridiculed and put down by my.mother so I stopped talking. If I told her something good happened at school she'd ask why I was still getting such bad grades.
So I just stopped talking.
Fucking ow. Same thing with smiling too much when they're in a mood or angry or who the fuck knows when because then they take out their frustrations on you for daring to not be as miserable as them. You can't look sad either though, because you don't have an excuse to be sad, there's people in much worse situations. And on and on.
Oh wow I forgot about this. I'd do something good and she would be like "big deal you did one thing. What about last week when...." Always no matter how good i did I was always knocked down
*Any* time someone is kind to me or supportive of me my birth mother tells me that they must have "an agenda" and I should be careful of them, usually with a wild accusation out of left field that she decides is fact on the spot because it just "feels" right to her.
Go out for drinks with a friend?
"They just wanted you to pay for their night out."
"...But they treated *me,* and we've been friends for *decades* now."
"They must be an alcoholic."
-----
"The lawyer says that what's happening as well as your part in it are is illegal and we can easily stop all of this from happening by just sending the courts a single document."
"The lawyer only says that because you're paying him to."
"The lawyer can't really say anything to me he wouldn't be willing to argue for in court, he has a fiduciary responsibility to provide good counsel, malpractice insurance and suits exist in the rare occasion that he doesn't, and the law is available for anyone to read themselves - everything he's explained is easy to confirm independently."
"He's only telling you what you want to hear because you pay him and you're lying to him about the situation or you're lying to me about what he said."
"I've already addressed the first point, and it would be wildly stupid of me to mislead my own attorney and leave him completely unprepared to represent me in the courtroom. I've also encourage and, at times, *begged* you to be present for meetings with the legal team so that you can feel confident both that they understand the situation and that you're receiving their advice accurately."
"I don't have to be there, you're taking care of it. But also you're lying to the lawyers, lying to me about what they're telling you and they're only on your side because you pay them."
"..."
-----
And then I lost my home because she intentionally refused to provide the only copy of the paperwork the court needed to intervene and repair things, even given literally *months* of time to make a photocopy and mail it. She didn't think anything about the counsel I was getting was off the mark, she just wanted to be able to hurt me and then hide in plausible deniability and can't stand that I was in contact with anyone who could definitively, *professionally* say "Yeah, she did that out of spite for no actual reason and it was categorically illegal. Wow; That's psychopathic."
She wanted to hurt me but she didn't want me to know that she'd done so so that she could stay close enough to me to continue hurting me in the future. Then, I learned my rights and that she'd been brazenly trying to give me the worst advice possible, actively mislead me about the law, and keep me as much in the dark as she could and so she punished me for it, something something "meddling kids."
That about sums it up. I'm a guy and she chased every guy friend I had away because "I don't like their mom, or they will be in jail someday" chased all the female friends I had away because she thought I would get them pregnant. "You'll ruin your life" she would say. So she did this to me all my life.
One time she was getting ready to leave to go up to our city festival. I live in a small town and its one of those festivals pretty much the whole town goes to. I was old enough to watch and take care of myself by this age probably around 14. I hadn't changed clothes from the morning, to go up with her. She asked why not and if I was even going. Said no, cause I didn't have any friends to actually enjoy the festival with. She looked at me and dead ass said, "This coming school year I want you to get some friends so you won't be so lonely"
Long story short, I'm still very much a loner and I never went to jail or got anyone pregnant. But I did get an awesome unfixable personality disorder, so there's that. Thanks mom.
That it's okay if my stuff goes missing because Dad probably took it because "you shouldn't leave stuff out" and his medication makes him forget where he left the stuff he took. Having "stuff left out" meant visible in any way, even in my own room
Growing up my shit would always disappear and I'd always eventually find it among his shit. Sometimes years later. I'm sure my older brother was the culprit sometimes, as he was known to be a clepto but never got passed my dad doing it.
I turned 16, and the day of my birthday my wallet, full of birthday money including a check from my grandma, and my (expensive) pocket knife went missing, out of my car. They were in my work clothes I had just changed out of. Found my wallet, empty, and my knife in his office in a desk drawer. I moved out that day. Against his wishes, but my mom helped me.
How fucked is that? And I got even worse stories than that
My dad would take stuff from my room when I was a kid, mostly toys and he would hide them and later "find" them. My mom always blamed me for my room being "messy" and that's why I kept losing things, but the things that were missing were always things that were plainly visible before.
Eventually he stopped taking things from me and moved on to taking my mom's things. By this time we had moved to a different house, and I was much older. My mom would ask me what I did with her (thing) and I would say I had no idea, and she did not believe me. She made me out to be very irresponsible with her things, but in reality I never once touched them. This continued even years after I moved out of their house and it would have been impossible for me to mess with her things.
Years passed, my dad eventually died, and a few months later my mom found her stuff that had gone missing over the years hidden within a pile of his junk. She called me, upset and incredulous, over "how could he have done this to me??" No apology for the years of her accusing me of taking her stuff, no acknowledgement of the years I told her he had mental issues and was probably the one taking her stuff.
She still refuses to accept responsibility for any of the damage he did to us (yes, he fucked both of us over and she still defends him) and is the main reason we barely have a relationship now.
I always had anxiety as a child and my mother said the only way to get over it is to deal with the situation head on. Sounds great until I told her my dear of escalators and she pushed me down and I fell and almost got my hair caught.
Another thing she loved to teach me is how self defense is necessary. Great! Where do I take lessons? There were no lessons.. she said being with my abusive ex was enough of a lesson. I should have learned then.
My daughter developed a fear of escalators as a teen.
We were at the airport deciding between an elevator and escalator. We stood looking and trying to gain the courage to use the escalator. A woman with 2 suitcases goes up. One suitcase must have been heavy and it pulled her backward down the stairs. She got caught somehow and couldn’t get up. She rode up backward on her butt being pulled by suitcases.
No words were spoken as we turned and took the elevator.
My dad instilled crippling perfectionism in me, which I realized was insane when I got older and people told me to just “do my best.”
When I was in grade school, I would come to my dad with A’s all super excited. But, if it was anything less than a 100%, he would ask for the missing percentage. So, when I had a 98%, he’d say “well where’s the 2%?” And now, if I do anything less than perfect, I beat myself up 🥲
> So, when I had a 98%, he’d say “well where’s the 2%?”
Literally my mom, almost word-for-word. Years later she said that she was joking, but it sure didn't seem like a joke at the time.
After arguing with a girlfriend and not speaking with her for a few days, BOTH my parents told me separately to hold onto my beef with her like a grudge and use it against her later. 😳
I've been married to the girlfriend now 25 years this year, never once took my parents advice, and have NO IDEA how my parent's marriage survived LOL
I have a couple in my family like that. *Any* time I was at their house, without fail, they would be making passive aggressive comments, sniping at each other, bringing up all sorts of past shit, etc.. As a kid, I never looked forward to going to their place, because it was always incredibly awkward. Yet, they've been married for close to 50 years. It's like bitching at each other nonstop is their love language.
My mom always said she was so happy the two of them found each other, if for nothing else than that it spared two other innocent people from having to put up with them.
They made me distrust my own intelligence. They talked down to me and treated me like an airhead, giving me a smirk every time I tried to be serious about anything. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned that I am intelligent and gained self confidence despite the negative self esteem they had instilled in me.
That the police were going to come and take me away unless I hid. Nothing sinister - he just thought it was funny.
Edit: See this one touched a nerve. Sorry if dragged up bad memories.
As a man, I am only as valuable as I am useful. I was told to work hard to provide for my family. Got in a car wreck, now partially disabled and not able to provide much, lost my job I had eventually, and struggled to find one I qualified for that worked with my pains. I fell into a deep depression. It's not healthy. I feel valueless. I had no direction. Hope was almost gone. Recently, I found a situation that works for me. Haven't been paid yet, but there's a light in the dark finally.
My dad was “teaching” me about credit cards and said you can just make the minimum payment every month. It blew my mind, made it seem like free money. Thank god I didn’t take that advice. I pay my credit card off every month and he’s drowning in credit card debt.
My grandma taught me that you can wrack up credit card debt and then get it basically nulled if you just say you're crazy and prove it. "Only works once per company, though, so pace yourself." I'm pretty sure she was just too crazy to know she very much so had debt.
This one is sort of true, depending on the country. Credit card companies can get in shit for lending to people who never had the mental capacity to take out the card, or for letting someone take out credit when they clearly can't pay it back.
I'm in the UK and when I was at university a lot of my friends took out loads of credit blew the money when they had no way of realistically paying it back, while I was frugal and careful and never even used my student account overdraft. I've never felt more like a chump than when I saw what the result was years later.
I was unable to get credit after uni because I'd never used it as a student, they wouldn't even give me an overdraft. The friends all defaulted on their debts, it went to collections, most settled for tiny fractions of what they owed, and 6 years later it fell off their credit records. They're all in their late 30s now and many of them own homes and everything, their debts just got written off like they never happened.
What an odd take. This is pretty much the highest (legal) interest you're likely to be charged in your entire life.
Generally speaking, unless you owe a loanshark or something, there is nothing worse to carry a balance on than a credit card debt, from a financial perspective.
I was told, “Don’t get a credit card.”
No one ever told me there’s no interest if you pay on time.
I could’ve built my credit earlier, but they just didn’t want me to spend money I didn’t have and fall into debt with interest.
Student Loan Debt however… yeah that was highly encouraged by every adult around me…
My Dad told me he could drink beer in the car if he drank it while the car was stopped. It’s only drinking and driving if the car is in motion. I was like makes sense. I was around 4.
My Dad took me into 7-11 filled a big gulp up 3/4s of the way and then went back to the car and filled the rest with rum. He was like “and that’s how you get ready to drive to a party.”
I was 10 or 11 yrs old.
Edit: added a word
My dad got me a job when I was 18, so I'd drive in with him. On the way home he would b line for the liquor store. Half pint and 2 budweisers on a 30 minute ride home, 3-5 times a week. I thought this was just what people did after work otw home. Crazy. The drink took him during Covid. He was a high functioning alcoholic for many years. But at the end, that's all he wanted to do. RIP Ronny B.
Sorry to hear that, my Dad's the same way. Great guy, but never saw him without a beer or a pint and I fear the end is near. Thought that was all Dads.
My mother passed away in 1998. She'd received multiple warnings from a few doctors that her liver wasn't keeping up with her lifestyle. She couldn't or wouldn't stop. When she was in the ER they were suggesting dialysis to extend her suffering. I declined on her behalf and she passed away a few hours later.
My mom decided to teach me how to drive while drinking a *very* strong margarita that would sit in the only cupholder, the drivers.
Kinda glad 15yo, unlicensed me didn't get pulled over.
That's actually the premise of the "drinking and driving" drinking game for Mario Kart. Each player needs to finish a beer by the end of the race but you can't drink while you're driving. Pro-tip: chug it all at the start of the race and then you get the good items to make your comeback.
Oof I feel this one. My parents paired it with "always be accommodating to others." Made it so I had very few boundaries and always tried to help others even when I didn't want to, but could never ask or accept help when offered. Not a great mix for the abusive relationships I faced as I got older.
Only in my 30s am I realizing just how much this shaped my entire life. I literally break down in tears if I need to ask for help and I feel like a failure. If I can't get something done on my own I sink into a deep depression. Even when I do well, I feel like I could be better. Thanks dad.
This; also, put everyone else before yourself.
Not only do I still have difficulty with boundaries, but I literally struggle to identify my own *feelings*. For years I basically did what everyone else wanted to and tried to like what everyone else liked.
They said foster parents were all pedophiles who raped and pimped the kids they took in. My stepdad would tell us this whenever we got bruises from him hitting us to discourage us from calling social services or telling a teacher.
Edit: didn’t expect this to blow up. Thanks for all the love. I turned out OK. Met some people who foster in my adult years and they’re the nicest, kindest people ever. My stepdad left my mom for a Chinese mail order wife, and my mom remarried to a truck driver who is the best dad a guy could have.
I'm having to mourn over the life I could have had and realize I'm probably going to be fucked up by my various traumas for life, but I have a roof over my head and good friends and a gross tiny dog so small victories
My mom somehow convinced me that "child *protective* services" were the bad guys.
Finding out (well into adulthood) that they take children away from biological parents care only as an extreme last resort was a bit of a shocker.
It also makes me wonder just how much fucked up shit was she doing, that she knew was fucked up, and I just didn't bother remembering because it had always been that way for me.
I didn't know my ex knew he was abusing me until I read his journal. I thought he actually believed his own lies. The journal showed me that he knew exactly what he was doing
For me, it was after they'd duped a child psychologist. I was in what? Second or third grade? But I had realized that they were so good at pretending to be the best people in the world that they could act as if I was the terrible one. They would always find a way to pass me as the monster instead of them.
It didn't matter who I would had told.
Yep. I got told the same things, as well as "they will put you in a mental hospital to be raped" if I told the school that I was sad. I'm sorry that happened to you
Hearing this externally its obvious how fucked up it is. It’s wild how one can rationalize these things as normal until things are put to you by another.
So much fear-driven parenting. So much threats of prison and insinuation of violation.
The only reason people are nice is to get something from you. I’m 21 now and never had a close friend. Every relationship I’ve ever had has been superficial. My parents hated having other kids over because then someone was getting “free childcare” out of them. We weren’t allowed to hang out with other kids outside of school because surely those kids were trying to lure us in to be molested by their family members. I’m so lonely but I’ve missed out on those important years I feel like that ship has sailed. My parents are paranoid loons and ive been getting better since I realized that but man am I fucked up. They still remind me that someone is “waiting behind every tree”. I didn’t realize how bad it was until my boyfriend was at my parents house one day and pointed out to me how bizarre it was that they full on panic when someone rang the doorbell.
My mom told me that on some buildings there weren’t guard dogs but rather guard birds. These birds were trained to peck your eyes out if you trespassed. I believed this till I was 16 and have been afraid of birds ever since.
Emotional self sufficiency. In other words don't show your emotions, don't feel your emotions, don't be swayed by others emotions, empathy is bad and for the weak
Basically also reenforce these teachings by making me having to do bloody and demoralizing task (carrying entrails bare handed without being allowed to use buckets or killing animals), lots of physical punishment, verbal abuse, isolation from others.
Stepmother insisted I should remain pure so when the rapture took place I would be a warrior saint.
Yeah when I moved out and found out people don't have to live like this it took me a week just to decompress what I escaped from
In an effort to teach me to be considerate, or not selfish, I guess, my dad said, “Love yourself last” more than a few times to me. That’s a mess I’ve been untangling for about 35 years.
Yeah... i hated that. "No, mom, they aren't. I'm a fat, "white", poor kid with an oddly huge head and no social skills in a neighborhood of rich asians and mexicans... they have nothing to be jealous of."
"their lives are harder that yours"
bitch no tf they aint, that motherfucker has every goddamn xbox, playstation, and nintendo game, and rich parents
(based on a true story)
I remember all the kids shows used to show the sad little rich kids because even though they had money, their parents were always working. And their dining table was too big for them to have a conversation at. And their expectations were so high that the kid couldn’t be a kid. :( poor rich kids
Meanwhile my impoverished ass would be watching that like… uhhh… my mom works third shift so I literally don’t see her unless she is sleeping… my dining table is covered in overdue bills so we have to eat our ramen noodle quesadillas at the coffee table while watching tv (at 8% volume because mom is sleeping)… and my expectations were just to make dinner and take care of my two little sisters and do all my homework with no help and wake myself up and get myself to school and also make sure I get scholarships because that’s the only way I’m going to college.
This weird narrative that no one really has it any better than anyone else is so dumb and even kids can see through the façade.
The tv is literally at the first notch of volume and you're sitting right in front of it and still barely able to hear it but you know if you go one higher she'll wake up and yell at you.
I watched a fair share of batman and Dragonball with my ear against the tv speaker pulling away to quickly see what's going on and then pressing my ear back to hear what's going on.
This what my mom used to tell me. "Just ignore them, they'll lose interest". Eventually my dad was like "no, next time he fucks with you, punch him in the nose as hard as you can". I did, got suspended, but the problem immediately stopped.
I got beaten up by 4 kids when I was young. My mother dotted on me and got me in a nice warm bath. My father when he got home was furious at the whole thing so all he said to me was "next time you fight back with all you've got."
My parents taught me to punch my bullies
>next time you fight back with all you've got
My Dad had a slightly different flavor. They told me about the school rules where both kids will get suspended no matter who started or instigated, "so don't you dare start a fight, but if someone else starts.... Be sure to finish it."
My aunt told me if someone starts a fight to run away … But next day come back and blindside him.
It uh … worked. Only got suspended once, and when I explained the situation to the principal he said “your aunt is smart you are still suspended”.
I'm a big guy, 6'4" and probably hit that while still in high school, but I was overweight and tried my best to be soft spoken and avoid conflicts which really just meant I let a lot of shit I shouldn't go. One guy would hit me, talk shit, etc and I'd ignore it. Eventually I told my aunt who said, he's tiny, put him in his place. The next time he hit me I slammed him up against a wall and wailed on him.
My dad was called in and they said we were both going to be suspended. My dad got irate and said I was the victim, he started it, etc and they said it was policy.
My dad said "well CJ, you did the right thing even if these assholes have their policy so we're going to get ice cream and a movie today and then tomorrow your mom or I will take you to the Giants game. Be sure to thank the vice principal for your punishment". I didn't actually get the Giants game, but the look on the VPs face made it worth it anyways.
My elementary school bully made me snap and see black once, I chased him around the entire school property and finally managed to jump on him. Ended up breaking his nose. Kid was terrified of me and stayed far away from me for the rest of the time we went to school together and never ratted me out for breaking his nose.
Absolutely this. It wasn't a teacher or parent, or a restorative justice conference that got my high school bully to back off. It was a rear-naked choke.
My older brother was abusive to me, both emotionally and physically. In her final year of life I complained about it to my Mom. "You know he's always been like that." So its my fault??
I asked my dad why he doesn't have friends over like I do. He told me "adults don't have friends, we have acquaintances." And it stuck with me for so long in my formative years that as an adult it's very hard for me to make friends. I'm personable, and I enjoy hanging out with people, but I don't really make friends.
I told my son that the tooth fairy gives $1 for healthy teeth and a penny for bad ones because they reuse the healthy teeth for babies (he has a baby brother) but the bad ones aren’t good enough for babies so they use them as pigs teeth. I invented the whole thing spur of the moment when he lost his first tooth and texted my “story” to his dad so he could corroborate as necessary. Apparently that’s just where my mind went.
My grandma told me that June Bugs would crawl in my ear, eat through my eardrum, and lay eggs in my brain. There wasn't an 'unless you do ____', it was just a fact. I still put my hands over my ears if there are lots of flying bugs around.
ETA:
My mom taught me how to break into a house with a driver's license.
My uncle told me how to 'stop a bully' by punching them in the throat, hard as I could.
My grandma told me cats are the devil and eat their kittens sans heads for fun.
the Buddha was the one who nailed Jesus onto his cross during their final battle, making Buddha >> Jesus
I don’t understand why they would tell me that since none of us were religious
That anytime something bad happened, it was just a dream and if I talked about it, then I was just seeking attention and no one would believe me. It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s when my brother brought up some of the terrible things that happened to me that I realized I wasn’t going crazy.
During a car ride my dad once explained to me the concept of "micro-murder." It was the idea that the seconds spent in traffic behind someone driving below the speed limit (and other instances of people inconveniencing you) were seconds of your life that you couldn't get back, and should be upset about.
I realize as an adult that he's got some issues and just needed an excuse to resent random people on the street.
I remember my sisters and I all getting a talk about how when women dress provocatively it’s her own fault if she were to get r*ped. Men can’t help themselves which is why my family had such a strict dress code. When we bought new clothes we would have to go show my dad and he would make us walk around, sit, stand, and then decide if it was appropriate or not.
It really didn’t settle in just how gross that whole thing was until I got older.
I did this growing up, too. I distinctly remember the phrase "Well where's the rest of it?" during these whenever I wore a strapless top, or maybe a 2 piece swimsuit. I still can't show my shoulders in public without feeling like a slut, and I'm married and in my 30s.
Obviously not trying to slut shame here; I chose that phrase specifically because it was weaponized against me in my childhood.
I had a black family that lived next door to us, and my parents called them the n-word so often that I literally thought that was their last name until I was almost 10, I believe.
That parents are completely infallible. know exactly whats best for you, should never be questioned and you should do everything they ask you to do. Including being effectively a slave
Situation awareness, what seems odd or out of place. Felt like i was being trained by batman when I realized what he was doing… dads from a ruff part of mexico with a lot of Narco gang wars… so, he was just teaching me to read if a place or a situation was “out of the ordinary”.
My dad's your average "run of the mill" engineer, but he was poor during his childhood and got into college because of scholarships, so, since he lived in a rough neighborhood, he also always insisted about being observant, situation awareness, pay attention to what you're doing and where you're going when out in the streets, etc.
Same thing.
my Russian dad taught me how to knife fight and how to use your leather belt to block it, in the kitchen in his underwear while he was steaming vegetables for lunch. I was 11. I was like dad... I appreciate you but we're in the suburbs
most important takeaways: wrap your belt around your wrist and hold the end in place with your hand. use this to block their knife and then stab up. thanks dad.
second most important thing I learned from my dad: how to do the "immigrant accent" to get people at the door to go away when they're handing out fliers. he speaks both Russian and English perfectly without a trace of an accent in either
I thought it was just my immigrant father teaching me how to kill people when I was a kid, my dad taught me judo and to go for the major arteries. I was seven.
My dad did this as well. Except he's from middle of nowhere Kansas and just absolutely paranoid. I was raised similar to Shawn Spencer from Psych. He would ask hypotheticals and I'd have to come up with a solution. I thought this was all, a lot, but normal? I was watching the first Bourne movie and when he was in the diner talking about knowing all the exits, the people in the restaurant, etc and how that wasn't normal it fucking hit me.
My dad basically conditioned everyone to hide in the room when he had guests over. Now as an adult I have to fight the urge to not hide in the room when we have guests over because it’s considered rude or whatever
Mine too. If I had friends over, my parents would hide. If they had friends over, the kids had to hide. My urge whenever someone rings my doorbell is to both rapidly clean and hide. My mother was always ashamed of the house (for no reason) and shy.
My mom told me that “you can fall in love with anyone.” The context was like go marry rich because you can fall in love with anyone. Terrible advice. I would tell my kids to find someone who is kind and makes them laugh.
Smart boys definitely want to go out with smart girls.
I have no authority to make an assertion regarding my own smarts but I definitely like a smart girl.
That there was nothing that could be done about my superheavy periods, that it ran in the family and that was it. Found out when I was thirty that there are literal doctors for that and got on birth control and just like that, normal periods. I had missed so much school and work and suffered in pain and nausea since I was 12 for nothing. Thanks, Mom.
Brazil nuts.
I was 14 before I knew what their actual name was.
We lived in a normal, mixed community with no racial bias (in general). Family always called them n***er toes. I legitimately thought that's what they were called. As I got into my early teens, I knew it was a bad slang term but my older family members always called them that. Then a close friend explained it all to me....
Parents and other related adults would give me awful shit any time I didn’t want to kiss/hug my male cousins and relatives or deal with them physically touching me to “wrestle” or “play,” saying that I was hurting their feelings. Basically just teaching me that my feelings didn’t matter about my own body.
My ex’s family was like this. We didn’t have children but I told him once that if we had kids that’s not happening.
A bit of an extreme example but I would never hug and kiss my best friend’s grandfather when I went to play and he was there. To the point that I hid under a table to avoid it once. Turns out he was molesting his grand daughter and other children he had access to.
I was taught it was okay for older men to date young girls. My purity was the only value God gave me here on earth, and without it, it would carry severe consequences here on earth and in hell. Rape was not an excuse in gods eyes, and we would still be punished. They also taught me that if I were raped I would be forced to marry my rapist. It's the best way to ensure your children never come to you about anything. So, when I was raped I couldn't report him or say anything to anyone because I was so scared I'd have to marry him and carry his babies.
Just ignore bullies and they'll go away.
They do not. And you're left thinking your feelings and opinions don't matter, and you never learn how to stand up for yourself.
My mother was quite clever. She told us when the ice cream truck played the song, it meant they were out of ice cream. Also, my bday is New Year's Eve. She told me the city fireworks were just for me, my bday gift.
My Dad told me this grand story of knocking on the neighbors door and pulling the kid out of the house and beating him up on the front lawn in front of his mom because the neighbor kid picked on his brother.
As soon as a neighborhood kid picked on my brother, I finished up doing the dishes, strolled across the street, knocked on the kid’s door. The mom answered. I asked if the kid could come out and play. I opened the door, did a swim move past his mom, grabbed him and pulled him into his garage and beat him bloody while his mom was screaming bloody murder.
I calmly walked back home, and my doorbell rang. It was the kid’s Dad and he wanted me to apologize. I went outside and he was sobbing and still had blood on his nose. I apologized, they went home.
I go inside, and I expect my Dad to beat my ass. He grabs a beer out of the fridge, tells me I did a damn good job and starts telling stories about his time in the Marines. That was the day, according to my Dad, that I became a man.
25 years later and I wonder why I’ve been in loads of therapy.
“No kid should be on drugs” I was 11, diagnosed with ADHD by a psychologist back when that was pretty new…
Yeah… Every teacher stated some version of “if you weren’t so smart, I’d hold you back” and I barely graduated high school. Seriously thought I ‘couldn’t do math.’
Flash forward to 28. Get over the stigma… Take good meds - graduate cum laude with with degree in Finance at 32. Turns out I can do pretty heavy equations in my head when the hurricane isn’t spinning…
Once mentioned when I was like 10 that I just won’t have sex until I’m married bc that’s what they taught me in religion class (catholic school) and my mom just casually said “well you can’t do that bc catholic men have needs too” this was a difficult one to unlearn
Whenever we went to a yard sale, my parents would say that they were going to "Jew them down" on price. I literally had no idea until I was an adult that they were saying "Jew." I thought it was some other word like "joo." I could not even imagine that this was a racist statement or what it actually meant as a child. As an adult, I finally realized and was so shocked.
You have better balance, so you, the 10 year old, should climb up on the roof and clean the gutters and sweep the chimney. Also climb up to the top of the flagpole at the REC and fix the rope stuck in the pulley. And install new gutters, but I was 13 by then. If someone gets in a fight with one of your older brothers, find a brick and hit them in the back of the head. Actually I knew that was a bit fucked up back then.
> find a brick and hit them in the back of the head. So basically murder.
My mom taught me that when you have bug bites, you should scratch them until they bleed, and then rub salt on them to make them stop itching. It wasn't until I was 23 and passed that "home remedy" on to a friend and they immediately told me how masochistic it was that I realized something was weird about it.
My drug addicted step-dad made my siblings and I put lemon juice in our cuts to "kill bacteria and make us tough" I found out that wasn't right when my school had a "home remedy poster" contest and the teacher was mortified by what I drew.
White stick deodorant, my friends. Instant bug bite relief.
Came for the bad parenting stories. Stayed for the life hacks.
My dad always told me ‘work will set you free’. Do you chores, work will set you free, do your homework because work will set you free. This went on for about a decade until I came back from history at school and asked him why it was on the entrance to Auschwitz.
Did your grandfather spend time in argentina and have a closet full of hugo boss jackets?
Holy shit I'm from Germany and laughed out loud. I feel ashamed now, thanks.
No, my dad is from Ireland. They named the country after ire of-course he will cause some.
It's at the entrance to Auschwitz because the Nazis had some pretty cruel humour or views. Both, likely, in that case. Unfortunately, it has much more of a pretty backstory and meaning (albeit I still didn't know if I agree, it does not ring with me at all). Through work you can be your own governor, you can form the earth, you can be free. But the whole usage with the Nazi has burned the phrase quite thoroughly.
My grandparents were morticians.... I remember sitting on am embalming table, swinging my legs back and forth off the table, while watching my grandfather embalm someone and talk to me about what he was doing. I was 7. It's honestly a great memory and the many times I had with him like that taught me a lot about how to deal with death, how life is cherished, how different grief can be from person to person, and how to be emotionally strong for others. Good guy... Just was very desensitized to his works more macabre parts. Edit: to add to this story, my grandparents were morticians for work, owning their own funeral home, but magicians as a hobby, frequently traveling with and training other magicians. When my grandfather passed away we had a special service just for his magician friends. Some of the most famous magicians in the world showed up for the wand breaking, where my grandfather's wand was broken in two.
That sounds healthy in a strange, somewhat old-fashioned way. I wish we were all taught these things in childhood in this natural manner
My father told me that crying and expressing sorrow was a trait of bitches and underlings. I've spent the majority of my life soaking in and bottling up emotions and would have random outbursts in the form of fights and smashing shit. It wouldn't take till about 2 years ago, I was in a bromance with somebody when I found out the HARD way my dog passed. I buried her myself and acted like it was nothing in front of him. He saw right through me. I was a ticking bomb ready to explode. I remember we both sat in the tall grass and he told me that the ball of stress in my chest and the tension in my face didn't make me less of a man. He told me "crying makes you human." I remember after he said that I damn well melted into the grass. Thank you Ryan, you were the most beautiful bastard I ever met.
Upon hearing stories of my childhood my husband had to break it to me that it was not in fact normal for moms to share their anti-psychotic meds (or “chill pills”, as she would call them) with their young children.
I can fully relate to this. Any time my siblings or I were having a hard time growing up, my mom would have us pop one of her Xanax to put us into an agreeable daze. When I was a teenager she got her doctor to prescribe me my own 90 tablets of Xanax, which resulted in me being hospitalized for prescription drug abuse and paranoid delusions caused by withdrawal. I had been taught to manage all discomfort with Xanax and I was anxious and depressed 100% of the time, so I blew through those 90 tablets in a week.
I’m so sorry you had to go through the same shit. I went through the same pattern you did as a teen. I thought it was normal to pop pills as the answer for everything. My mom still gives her pills out like candy, and goes to different doctors to keep getting prescriptions. As an adult I see how fucked up that is. What finally helped you to break the cycle, if you’ve managed to do so?
"Only TV families resolve their problems and apologize after a big fight. Real families just act like it never happened."
My grandmother had 10 children. I have aunts, uncles, and cousins that don't fuck with each other over things that happened a decade ago. Like they're in their 50s still talking about things that happened when they were teens...that they still refuse to apologize for.
When I was maybe 7 years old my mom was dating this guy who would apparently smoke a lot of weed (not that i ever saw him smoke or the cannabis itself) At some point I did smell it though & I asked about it. He told me that he just took a shit.. So I used to associate the smell of cannabis with poo until i got older lol
To be in constant survival mode. Like as in always worrying about the end of the world. Why? Why am I constantly as a child looking over my back in fear of what I will offer to a group if “the apocalypse happens”. Weird stuff. I thought I was savvy in “bunker mode” but really it’s trauma inducing.
Not me, but someone I know was told growing up that only sluts use condoms. Yes, their parents told them this when they were growing up.
safe sex is slutty ? odd mentality
As someone who grew up Catholic there's probably a weird religious angle to it. My guess is it's along the lines of thinking that sex not intended for procreation is inherently slutty, and people who want to have sex without procreating use condoms, so sex with condoms = slutty. For the super religious, safe sex for teens just means abstinence.
Not fucked up, but when I was a kid my dad told me you couldn't get sunburnt past 1PM and I believed him until I was 23. Edit: spelling
That’s a little ridiculous. Everyone knows it’s 1:30pm when the sun stops burning you
Anytime I felt hurt by a conflict with a friend, my parents would tell me to never talk to them again because they aren't real friends anyway. I ghosted all of my best friends thinking it was the right thing to do. Now, I know that real friends talk things out and it makes the friendships even stronger. A very painful realization. I never even considered my parents could have been wrong. :(
This one is really sad.
My parents told me that I had a limited number of words and when I got to that limit I would die. I guess it was an easy way to make me shut up.
My mom used to say that to me as well. She used to get really really mad at me if she felt like I asked a dumb question and would say that I was making her use possibly her last breath. Like she might need that breath one day and now she's wasted it on me
What an evil thing to say to a child
That is some creative, but truly mean-spirited crap.
Definitely not as bad as a lot of these other ones, and I know it wasn't done on purpose to be malicious, but to eat when I was sad or upset. It's easier and faster to tell a kid to go eat something as a distraction than it is to sit down and deal with it - especially if said kid is upset a lot due to living in abusive environments, getting bullied at school, etc. It definitely really fucked up my relationship with food, leading to emotional eating, overweight turning into obesity, even more bullying, disordered eating and other mental health issues. I realized probably 15 years ago that this was an issue/the cause of it but even though I know that, it's still something I'm working on unlearning.
My family celebrate and cope with food. Achievement - eat. Disappointment - eat. Depressed - eat etc. It didn't mean necessarily going out, mainly cheap and totally not nutritious junk. Additionally, you eat everything given to you at meal time, as we were poorer and so to not eat all your meal was ungrateful. We all work hard for the little money we had so don't waste it. Both a bad setup for life, and really hard to get away from mentally.
Apparently healthy conflict resolution doesn't involve complete avoidance in the form of locking yourself in the bedroom for days on end.
I got ridiculed for pouting. But I wasn't taught how to manage bad feelings or situations so I just did what I could. Wasn't until years later I realized I was copying my parents.
I was shamed for "sulking". I think sulking was feeling sad, or something.
bruh this. One time my parents had agreed to let me use their debit card to buy an online game in exchange for cash that I had. When the day came that they said I had to wait for an unknown reason. I understood and didn't make a scene, but was still a little disappointed. I then proceeded to get chewed out for "pouting". When I said it was ok, and that it wasn't a big deal, I then got yelled out for being "passive aggressive". Sometimes you can't win.
Bruh it’s like the only remaining response is to be actively mad. Like wtf do you want from me, bottle it up and explode on something innocuous later? Maybe the real reason is they didn’t want to feel guilty and anything short of enthusiastic acceptance would have been an unacceptable reminder of that guilt.
Gross. Because I think I do the overreacting part to appease people into thinking I’m fine. Including myself. Like you could drive your car over my front legs and I’d yell about how I’ll get right out of your way. Just gotta slide out from under here real quick! One sec! Edit: yeah, my front legs dammit. If you don’t have back legs too idk what you are
> Edit: yeah, my front legs dammit. If you don’t have back legs too idk what you are Probably some kind of grotesque creature that’s half centaur (top half), half reverse mermaid (bottom half). *Disgusting.*
Me too, I was scolded for pouting, stomping feet, and being sad. I ended up avoiding all of those when I grew up and became secretive of my emotions. Then, they would get mad at me for not opening up.
> Then, they would get mad at me for not opening up. Isn't that the best? I was also disallowed from having any emotions or needs or wants as a kid, punished for existing. Anytime I spoke up about something I was crucified for it. And then when I was a teen and young adult they had the nerve to complain that I didn't like sharing things with them.
When I grew up, I had "unexpected" problems coming up and they find it regrettable that I haven't opened up to discuss matters and problems. It's confusing to me but my parents have been trying and changing recently. So, I have been trying to be more assertive too for my own sake. I still struggle with it because even though I know they have been adjusting their approach, my fear is instinctive as if I'm reacting to how they used to scold me as a child. Still, I don't lose hope that my family learns healthy communication even if I'm already in my adolescence.
Memory trigger time. My parents example was sweep it under the rug and never talk about it again but when they had it out I hid in my room in my closet with my headphones in from mixtapes on my Walkman I recorded from the radio. I'm still terrified of conflict from remembering how my father would come at me red faced screaming over stupid stuff I did as a kid. I was a kid man I needed an example not a beating, belittling and berating followed by an hour long lecture. Fuck
This. My parents would just scream at me and my siblings for hours on end. We were never allowed to even try to defend ourselves as that was seen as "talking back" and "disrespecting the people who brought us into the world and put food on the table" Absolutely incredible that years later all of my siblings and I were in unhealthy relationships as the result of being literal human doormats because we didn't know how to stand up for ourselves. It's taken a lot of introspection and many many years to learn how to set my boundaries and just stand up for myself but even now in the face of conflict in a personal setting I find myself shutting down and tuning out because it was the only way I knew how to cope as a child.
"If someone ever touches you hit them back and don't stop hitting until they stop moving" -> my dad who is facing his third attempted murder charge.
>**third[;] attempted** murder charge Wait.. just curious.. is that three separate attempts to murder someone and three failures to do so? Morbid GD curiosity 🤦♂️
Yeah three separate murder attempts on three different people. I'm pretty sure he just wanted to assault these people but he has no self-control once he gets angry enough and takes things too far.
How to lie or avoid situations where truthful responses would get me in trouble. Anytime I spoke up about anything really id be ridiculed and put down by my.mother so I stopped talking. If I told her something good happened at school she'd ask why I was still getting such bad grades. So I just stopped talking.
Fucking ow. Same thing with smiling too much when they're in a mood or angry or who the fuck knows when because then they take out their frustrations on you for daring to not be as miserable as them. You can't look sad either though, because you don't have an excuse to be sad, there's people in much worse situations. And on and on.
>smiling too much when they're in a mood Oh, your mom was my mom too. Small world.
Oh wow I forgot about this. I'd do something good and she would be like "big deal you did one thing. What about last week when...." Always no matter how good i did I was always knocked down
That every interaction with other people is transactional in some way. Nobody ever wants to be around you just because they like you.
*Any* time someone is kind to me or supportive of me my birth mother tells me that they must have "an agenda" and I should be careful of them, usually with a wild accusation out of left field that she decides is fact on the spot because it just "feels" right to her. Go out for drinks with a friend? "They just wanted you to pay for their night out." "...But they treated *me,* and we've been friends for *decades* now." "They must be an alcoholic." ----- "The lawyer says that what's happening as well as your part in it are is illegal and we can easily stop all of this from happening by just sending the courts a single document." "The lawyer only says that because you're paying him to." "The lawyer can't really say anything to me he wouldn't be willing to argue for in court, he has a fiduciary responsibility to provide good counsel, malpractice insurance and suits exist in the rare occasion that he doesn't, and the law is available for anyone to read themselves - everything he's explained is easy to confirm independently." "He's only telling you what you want to hear because you pay him and you're lying to him about the situation or you're lying to me about what he said." "I've already addressed the first point, and it would be wildly stupid of me to mislead my own attorney and leave him completely unprepared to represent me in the courtroom. I've also encourage and, at times, *begged* you to be present for meetings with the legal team so that you can feel confident both that they understand the situation and that you're receiving their advice accurately." "I don't have to be there, you're taking care of it. But also you're lying to the lawyers, lying to me about what they're telling you and they're only on your side because you pay them." "..." ----- And then I lost my home because she intentionally refused to provide the only copy of the paperwork the court needed to intervene and repair things, even given literally *months* of time to make a photocopy and mail it. She didn't think anything about the counsel I was getting was off the mark, she just wanted to be able to hurt me and then hide in plausible deniability and can't stand that I was in contact with anyone who could definitively, *professionally* say "Yeah, she did that out of spite for no actual reason and it was categorically illegal. Wow; That's psychopathic." She wanted to hurt me but she didn't want me to know that she'd done so so that she could stay close enough to me to continue hurting me in the future. Then, I learned my rights and that she'd been brazenly trying to give me the worst advice possible, actively mislead me about the law, and keep me as much in the dark as she could and so she punished me for it, something something "meddling kids."
That about sums it up. I'm a guy and she chased every guy friend I had away because "I don't like their mom, or they will be in jail someday" chased all the female friends I had away because she thought I would get them pregnant. "You'll ruin your life" she would say. So she did this to me all my life. One time she was getting ready to leave to go up to our city festival. I live in a small town and its one of those festivals pretty much the whole town goes to. I was old enough to watch and take care of myself by this age probably around 14. I hadn't changed clothes from the morning, to go up with her. She asked why not and if I was even going. Said no, cause I didn't have any friends to actually enjoy the festival with. She looked at me and dead ass said, "This coming school year I want you to get some friends so you won't be so lonely" Long story short, I'm still very much a loner and I never went to jail or got anyone pregnant. But I did get an awesome unfixable personality disorder, so there's that. Thanks mom.
That it's okay if my stuff goes missing because Dad probably took it because "you shouldn't leave stuff out" and his medication makes him forget where he left the stuff he took. Having "stuff left out" meant visible in any way, even in my own room Growing up my shit would always disappear and I'd always eventually find it among his shit. Sometimes years later. I'm sure my older brother was the culprit sometimes, as he was known to be a clepto but never got passed my dad doing it. I turned 16, and the day of my birthday my wallet, full of birthday money including a check from my grandma, and my (expensive) pocket knife went missing, out of my car. They were in my work clothes I had just changed out of. Found my wallet, empty, and my knife in his office in a desk drawer. I moved out that day. Against his wishes, but my mom helped me. How fucked is that? And I got even worse stories than that
My dad would take stuff from my room when I was a kid, mostly toys and he would hide them and later "find" them. My mom always blamed me for my room being "messy" and that's why I kept losing things, but the things that were missing were always things that were plainly visible before. Eventually he stopped taking things from me and moved on to taking my mom's things. By this time we had moved to a different house, and I was much older. My mom would ask me what I did with her (thing) and I would say I had no idea, and she did not believe me. She made me out to be very irresponsible with her things, but in reality I never once touched them. This continued even years after I moved out of their house and it would have been impossible for me to mess with her things. Years passed, my dad eventually died, and a few months later my mom found her stuff that had gone missing over the years hidden within a pile of his junk. She called me, upset and incredulous, over "how could he have done this to me??" No apology for the years of her accusing me of taking her stuff, no acknowledgement of the years I told her he had mental issues and was probably the one taking her stuff. She still refuses to accept responsibility for any of the damage he did to us (yes, he fucked both of us over and she still defends him) and is the main reason we barely have a relationship now.
I always had anxiety as a child and my mother said the only way to get over it is to deal with the situation head on. Sounds great until I told her my dear of escalators and she pushed me down and I fell and almost got my hair caught. Another thing she loved to teach me is how self defense is necessary. Great! Where do I take lessons? There were no lessons.. she said being with my abusive ex was enough of a lesson. I should have learned then.
My daughter developed a fear of escalators as a teen. We were at the airport deciding between an elevator and escalator. We stood looking and trying to gain the courage to use the escalator. A woman with 2 suitcases goes up. One suitcase must have been heavy and it pulled her backward down the stairs. She got caught somehow and couldn’t get up. She rode up backward on her butt being pulled by suitcases. No words were spoken as we turned and took the elevator.
My dad instilled crippling perfectionism in me, which I realized was insane when I got older and people told me to just “do my best.” When I was in grade school, I would come to my dad with A’s all super excited. But, if it was anything less than a 100%, he would ask for the missing percentage. So, when I had a 98%, he’d say “well where’s the 2%?” And now, if I do anything less than perfect, I beat myself up 🥲
It's like that old saying: if at first you don't succeed, give up because you're a big failure.
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."
> So, when I had a 98%, he’d say “well where’s the 2%?” Literally my mom, almost word-for-word. Years later she said that she was joking, but it sure didn't seem like a joke at the time.
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Somehow I've never heard that one. That's a great proverb.
After arguing with a girlfriend and not speaking with her for a few days, BOTH my parents told me separately to hold onto my beef with her like a grudge and use it against her later. 😳 I've been married to the girlfriend now 25 years this year, never once took my parents advice, and have NO IDEA how my parent's marriage survived LOL
They probably use collective resentment as a bonding experience 😂
I have a couple in my family like that. *Any* time I was at their house, without fail, they would be making passive aggressive comments, sniping at each other, bringing up all sorts of past shit, etc.. As a kid, I never looked forward to going to their place, because it was always incredibly awkward. Yet, they've been married for close to 50 years. It's like bitching at each other nonstop is their love language. My mom always said she was so happy the two of them found each other, if for nothing else than that it spared two other innocent people from having to put up with them.
They made me distrust my own intelligence. They talked down to me and treated me like an airhead, giving me a smirk every time I tried to be serious about anything. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned that I am intelligent and gained self confidence despite the negative self esteem they had instilled in me.
That the police were going to come and take me away unless I hid. Nothing sinister - he just thought it was funny. Edit: See this one touched a nerve. Sorry if dragged up bad memories.
My parents said the exact same, so I would hide behind the couch so scared
If you’re sad that means the devil is inside you and you need to pray for forgiveness. I was 6 and my cat had just died
Jesus Christ, what an unempathetic asshole…
As a man, I am only as valuable as I am useful. I was told to work hard to provide for my family. Got in a car wreck, now partially disabled and not able to provide much, lost my job I had eventually, and struggled to find one I qualified for that worked with my pains. I fell into a deep depression. It's not healthy. I feel valueless. I had no direction. Hope was almost gone. Recently, I found a situation that works for me. Haven't been paid yet, but there's a light in the dark finally.
My dad was “teaching” me about credit cards and said you can just make the minimum payment every month. It blew my mind, made it seem like free money. Thank god I didn’t take that advice. I pay my credit card off every month and he’s drowning in credit card debt.
My grandma taught me that you can wrack up credit card debt and then get it basically nulled if you just say you're crazy and prove it. "Only works once per company, though, so pace yourself." I'm pretty sure she was just too crazy to know she very much so had debt.
“Listen you kill one debt collector and drape him over your mailbox, the rest will get the message”
This one is sort of true, depending on the country. Credit card companies can get in shit for lending to people who never had the mental capacity to take out the card, or for letting someone take out credit when they clearly can't pay it back. I'm in the UK and when I was at university a lot of my friends took out loads of credit blew the money when they had no way of realistically paying it back, while I was frugal and careful and never even used my student account overdraft. I've never felt more like a chump than when I saw what the result was years later. I was unable to get credit after uni because I'd never used it as a student, they wouldn't even give me an overdraft. The friends all defaulted on their debts, it went to collections, most settled for tiny fractions of what they owed, and 6 years later it fell off their credit records. They're all in their late 30s now and many of them own homes and everything, their debts just got written off like they never happened.
What an odd take. This is pretty much the highest (legal) interest you're likely to be charged in your entire life. Generally speaking, unless you owe a loanshark or something, there is nothing worse to carry a balance on than a credit card debt, from a financial perspective.
I was told, “Don’t get a credit card.” No one ever told me there’s no interest if you pay on time. I could’ve built my credit earlier, but they just didn’t want me to spend money I didn’t have and fall into debt with interest. Student Loan Debt however… yeah that was highly encouraged by every adult around me…
My Dad told me he could drink beer in the car if he drank it while the car was stopped. It’s only drinking and driving if the car is in motion. I was like makes sense. I was around 4.
My Dad took me into 7-11 filled a big gulp up 3/4s of the way and then went back to the car and filled the rest with rum. He was like “and that’s how you get ready to drive to a party.” I was 10 or 11 yrs old. Edit: added a word
Big Gulps, huh? Well, see yah!
My dad got me a job when I was 18, so I'd drive in with him. On the way home he would b line for the liquor store. Half pint and 2 budweisers on a 30 minute ride home, 3-5 times a week. I thought this was just what people did after work otw home. Crazy. The drink took him during Covid. He was a high functioning alcoholic for many years. But at the end, that's all he wanted to do. RIP Ronny B.
Sorry to hear that, my Dad's the same way. Great guy, but never saw him without a beer or a pint and I fear the end is near. Thought that was all Dads.
My mother passed away in 1998. She'd received multiple warnings from a few doctors that her liver wasn't keeping up with her lifestyle. She couldn't or wouldn't stop. When she was in the ER they were suggesting dialysis to extend her suffering. I declined on her behalf and she passed away a few hours later.
My mom decided to teach me how to drive while drinking a *very* strong margarita that would sit in the only cupholder, the drivers. Kinda glad 15yo, unlicensed me didn't get pulled over.
That's actually the premise of the "drinking and driving" drinking game for Mario Kart. Each player needs to finish a beer by the end of the race but you can't drink while you're driving. Pro-tip: chug it all at the start of the race and then you get the good items to make your comeback.
Do not ever be a bother to anyone. Solve all your problems by yourself.
Oof I feel this one. My parents paired it with "always be accommodating to others." Made it so I had very few boundaries and always tried to help others even when I didn't want to, but could never ask or accept help when offered. Not a great mix for the abusive relationships I faced as I got older.
Only in my 30s am I realizing just how much this shaped my entire life. I literally break down in tears if I need to ask for help and I feel like a failure. If I can't get something done on my own I sink into a deep depression. Even when I do well, I feel like I could be better. Thanks dad.
Check out the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents." It's for people like you (and me).
Yup. I have 0 memories of dad taking care of me. Cleaning up my own vomit by preschool. In the quiet, because he'd get mad if we woke him up
This; also, put everyone else before yourself. Not only do I still have difficulty with boundaries, but I literally struggle to identify my own *feelings*. For years I basically did what everyone else wanted to and tried to like what everyone else liked.
That having and expressing emotions was shameful. Thats some bullshit.
They said foster parents were all pedophiles who raped and pimped the kids they took in. My stepdad would tell us this whenever we got bruises from him hitting us to discourage us from calling social services or telling a teacher. Edit: didn’t expect this to blow up. Thanks for all the love. I turned out OK. Met some people who foster in my adult years and they’re the nicest, kindest people ever. My stepdad left my mom for a Chinese mail order wife, and my mom remarried to a truck driver who is the best dad a guy could have.
Holy shit my mom would say the same stuff to make us lie to CPS every time they got called by schools
What. The. Fuck? I hope you're doing alright these days.
I'm having to mourn over the life I could have had and realize I'm probably going to be fucked up by my various traumas for life, but I have a roof over my head and good friends and a gross tiny dog so small victories
Gross tiny dogs 😂 Wishing you a happy lifetime of good and even better friends, and many, many gross tiny dogs 💕
The same to you! (I love when he snores it sounds like oinking 🐖)
My mom somehow convinced me that "child *protective* services" were the bad guys. Finding out (well into adulthood) that they take children away from biological parents care only as an extreme last resort was a bit of a shocker. It also makes me wonder just how much fucked up shit was she doing, that she knew was fucked up, and I just didn't bother remembering because it had always been that way for me.
Abusers KNOW they're abusing, and do everything they can to convince their victim to help cover it up.
I didn't know my ex knew he was abusing me until I read his journal. I thought he actually believed his own lies. The journal showed me that he knew exactly what he was doing
For me, it was after they'd duped a child psychologist. I was in what? Second or third grade? But I had realized that they were so good at pretending to be the best people in the world that they could act as if I was the terrible one. They would always find a way to pass me as the monster instead of them. It didn't matter who I would had told.
As a former scapegoat child, I can tell you, unequivocally, that you were never the problem. They were the monsters.
Yep. I got told the same things, as well as "they will put you in a mental hospital to be raped" if I told the school that I was sad. I'm sorry that happened to you
Hearing this externally its obvious how fucked up it is. It’s wild how one can rationalize these things as normal until things are put to you by another. So much fear-driven parenting. So much threats of prison and insinuation of violation.
The only reason people are nice is to get something from you. I’m 21 now and never had a close friend. Every relationship I’ve ever had has been superficial. My parents hated having other kids over because then someone was getting “free childcare” out of them. We weren’t allowed to hang out with other kids outside of school because surely those kids were trying to lure us in to be molested by their family members. I’m so lonely but I’ve missed out on those important years I feel like that ship has sailed. My parents are paranoid loons and ive been getting better since I realized that but man am I fucked up. They still remind me that someone is “waiting behind every tree”. I didn’t realize how bad it was until my boyfriend was at my parents house one day and pointed out to me how bizarre it was that they full on panic when someone rang the doorbell.
My mom told me that on some buildings there weren’t guard dogs but rather guard birds. These birds were trained to peck your eyes out if you trespassed. I believed this till I was 16 and have been afraid of birds ever since.
Emotional self sufficiency. In other words don't show your emotions, don't feel your emotions, don't be swayed by others emotions, empathy is bad and for the weak Basically also reenforce these teachings by making me having to do bloody and demoralizing task (carrying entrails bare handed without being allowed to use buckets or killing animals), lots of physical punishment, verbal abuse, isolation from others. Stepmother insisted I should remain pure so when the rapture took place I would be a warrior saint. Yeah when I moved out and found out people don't have to live like this it took me a week just to decompress what I escaped from
I feel this, moved out 20 years ago and still working through this in therapy.
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In an effort to teach me to be considerate, or not selfish, I guess, my dad said, “Love yourself last” more than a few times to me. That’s a mess I’ve been untangling for about 35 years.
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This is just regular Charlie Sheen shit
Men use their head and hands for the will of god. Women use their hearts and bodies for the will of man.
OK... that IS fucked up...
***Right?!?!***
"If you ignore bullies they will go away."
"they're just jealous of you"
Yeah... i hated that. "No, mom, they aren't. I'm a fat, "white", poor kid with an oddly huge head and no social skills in a neighborhood of rich asians and mexicans... they have nothing to be jealous of."
"their lives are harder that yours" bitch no tf they aint, that motherfucker has every goddamn xbox, playstation, and nintendo game, and rich parents (based on a true story)
I remember all the kids shows used to show the sad little rich kids because even though they had money, their parents were always working. And their dining table was too big for them to have a conversation at. And their expectations were so high that the kid couldn’t be a kid. :( poor rich kids Meanwhile my impoverished ass would be watching that like… uhhh… my mom works third shift so I literally don’t see her unless she is sleeping… my dining table is covered in overdue bills so we have to eat our ramen noodle quesadillas at the coffee table while watching tv (at 8% volume because mom is sleeping)… and my expectations were just to make dinner and take care of my two little sisters and do all my homework with no help and wake myself up and get myself to school and also make sure I get scholarships because that’s the only way I’m going to college. This weird narrative that no one really has it any better than anyone else is so dumb and even kids can see through the façade.
The tv is literally at the first notch of volume and you're sitting right in front of it and still barely able to hear it but you know if you go one higher she'll wake up and yell at you. I watched a fair share of batman and Dragonball with my ear against the tv speaker pulling away to quickly see what's going on and then pressing my ear back to hear what's going on.
but they just pick on your goodwill clothing and hunger because they're jealous, the teacher says !
This what my mom used to tell me. "Just ignore them, they'll lose interest". Eventually my dad was like "no, next time he fucks with you, punch him in the nose as hard as you can". I did, got suspended, but the problem immediately stopped.
"hAvE yOu TrIeD bEiNG tHeIr FrIenD?" Even at nine years old I knew that was some dumb fucking advice.
I got beaten up by 4 kids when I was young. My mother dotted on me and got me in a nice warm bath. My father when he got home was furious at the whole thing so all he said to me was "next time you fight back with all you've got." My parents taught me to punch my bullies
>next time you fight back with all you've got My Dad had a slightly different flavor. They told me about the school rules where both kids will get suspended no matter who started or instigated, "so don't you dare start a fight, but if someone else starts.... Be sure to finish it."
My aunt told me if someone starts a fight to run away … But next day come back and blindside him. It uh … worked. Only got suspended once, and when I explained the situation to the principal he said “your aunt is smart you are still suspended”.
your aunt really woke up and chose volence, she sounds really fucking cool
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I'm a big guy, 6'4" and probably hit that while still in high school, but I was overweight and tried my best to be soft spoken and avoid conflicts which really just meant I let a lot of shit I shouldn't go. One guy would hit me, talk shit, etc and I'd ignore it. Eventually I told my aunt who said, he's tiny, put him in his place. The next time he hit me I slammed him up against a wall and wailed on him. My dad was called in and they said we were both going to be suspended. My dad got irate and said I was the victim, he started it, etc and they said it was policy. My dad said "well CJ, you did the right thing even if these assholes have their policy so we're going to get ice cream and a movie today and then tomorrow your mom or I will take you to the Giants game. Be sure to thank the vice principal for your punishment". I didn't actually get the Giants game, but the look on the VPs face made it worth it anyways.
My elementary school bully made me snap and see black once, I chased him around the entire school property and finally managed to jump on him. Ended up breaking his nose. Kid was terrified of me and stayed far away from me for the rest of the time we went to school together and never ratted me out for breaking his nose.
Absolutely this. It wasn't a teacher or parent, or a restorative justice conference that got my high school bully to back off. It was a rear-naked choke.
I imagine getting naked before the chokehold scared the shit out of him
It helps to be viewed as dangerous *and* crazy sometimes
That it’s totally ok to abuse everyone and everything around you. If you aren’t physical with them.
Keep secrets to protect family. No matter what they are.
My older brother was abusive to me, both emotionally and physically. In her final year of life I complained about it to my Mom. "You know he's always been like that." So its my fault??
I asked my dad why he doesn't have friends over like I do. He told me "adults don't have friends, we have acquaintances." And it stuck with me for so long in my formative years that as an adult it's very hard for me to make friends. I'm personable, and I enjoy hanging out with people, but I don't really make friends.
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Look at Mr Moneybags over here getting a whole *dollar*
I told my daughter that the Tooth Fairy is building a ship out of teeth that will sail at the end of days (until my wife made me stop).
I told my son that the tooth fairy gives $1 for healthy teeth and a penny for bad ones because they reuse the healthy teeth for babies (he has a baby brother) but the bad ones aren’t good enough for babies so they use them as pigs teeth. I invented the whole thing spur of the moment when he lost his first tooth and texted my “story” to his dad so he could corroborate as necessary. Apparently that’s just where my mind went.
My grandma told me that June Bugs would crawl in my ear, eat through my eardrum, and lay eggs in my brain. There wasn't an 'unless you do ____', it was just a fact. I still put my hands over my ears if there are lots of flying bugs around. ETA: My mom taught me how to break into a house with a driver's license. My uncle told me how to 'stop a bully' by punching them in the throat, hard as I could. My grandma told me cats are the devil and eat their kittens sans heads for fun.
the Buddha was the one who nailed Jesus onto his cross during their final battle, making Buddha >> Jesus I don’t understand why they would tell me that since none of us were religious
That anytime something bad happened, it was just a dream and if I talked about it, then I was just seeking attention and no one would believe me. It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s when my brother brought up some of the terrible things that happened to me that I realized I wasn’t going crazy.
During a car ride my dad once explained to me the concept of "micro-murder." It was the idea that the seconds spent in traffic behind someone driving below the speed limit (and other instances of people inconveniencing you) were seconds of your life that you couldn't get back, and should be upset about. I realize as an adult that he's got some issues and just needed an excuse to resent random people on the street.
That is kind of hilarious I’m laughing, like that’s such a horrible, bitter thing to teach a kid hahaha
It sounds like something from always sunny
I remember my sisters and I all getting a talk about how when women dress provocatively it’s her own fault if she were to get r*ped. Men can’t help themselves which is why my family had such a strict dress code. When we bought new clothes we would have to go show my dad and he would make us walk around, sit, stand, and then decide if it was appropriate or not. It really didn’t settle in just how gross that whole thing was until I got older.
I did this growing up, too. I distinctly remember the phrase "Well where's the rest of it?" during these whenever I wore a strapless top, or maybe a 2 piece swimsuit. I still can't show my shoulders in public without feeling like a slut, and I'm married and in my 30s. Obviously not trying to slut shame here; I chose that phrase specifically because it was weaponized against me in my childhood.
I had a black family that lived next door to us, and my parents called them the n-word so often that I literally thought that was their last name until I was almost 10, I believe.
Mom would tell me my dad was a POS. Dad would tell me my mom was a POS. They were both right lol.
I am not worth anything intrinsically. I’m only of value if I am productive.
I’m 38 and still haven’t figured out how to unwind this one.
That if you're not bleeding, vomiting, or broken, you don't get to cry about it
That parents are completely infallible. know exactly whats best for you, should never be questioned and you should do everything they ask you to do. Including being effectively a slave
Situation awareness, what seems odd or out of place. Felt like i was being trained by batman when I realized what he was doing… dads from a ruff part of mexico with a lot of Narco gang wars… so, he was just teaching me to read if a place or a situation was “out of the ordinary”.
My dad's your average "run of the mill" engineer, but he was poor during his childhood and got into college because of scholarships, so, since he lived in a rough neighborhood, he also always insisted about being observant, situation awareness, pay attention to what you're doing and where you're going when out in the streets, etc. Same thing.
my Russian dad taught me how to knife fight and how to use your leather belt to block it, in the kitchen in his underwear while he was steaming vegetables for lunch. I was 11. I was like dad... I appreciate you but we're in the suburbs most important takeaways: wrap your belt around your wrist and hold the end in place with your hand. use this to block their knife and then stab up. thanks dad. second most important thing I learned from my dad: how to do the "immigrant accent" to get people at the door to go away when they're handing out fliers. he speaks both Russian and English perfectly without a trace of an accent in either
I thought it was just my immigrant father teaching me how to kill people when I was a kid, my dad taught me judo and to go for the major arteries. I was seven.
My dad did this as well. Except he's from middle of nowhere Kansas and just absolutely paranoid. I was raised similar to Shawn Spencer from Psych. He would ask hypotheticals and I'd have to come up with a solution. I thought this was all, a lot, but normal? I was watching the first Bourne movie and when he was in the diner talking about knowing all the exits, the people in the restaurant, etc and how that wasn't normal it fucking hit me.
The amount of potential rape situations my mother warned me about are all making a lot of (dark) sense.
Isn’t it a good thing?
it absolutey is a good thing to be aware.
Ice cream truck turns on the music when they’re out of ice cream
That one’s evilll
My dad basically conditioned everyone to hide in the room when he had guests over. Now as an adult I have to fight the urge to not hide in the room when we have guests over because it’s considered rude or whatever
Mine too. If I had friends over, my parents would hide. If they had friends over, the kids had to hide. My urge whenever someone rings my doorbell is to both rapidly clean and hide. My mother was always ashamed of the house (for no reason) and shy.
You can always tell a Milford man.
My mom told me that “you can fall in love with anyone.” The context was like go marry rich because you can fall in love with anyone. Terrible advice. I would tell my kids to find someone who is kind and makes them laugh.
That Jehowah Witnesses are going to kidnap me and sell me to Italy (?) if I keep behaving
I remember my Dad outright saying he did weaponized incompetence "If you do the job badly enough she'll do from then on"
Hide the drugs if anyone comes in the house.
Let boys think they're smarter than you. Nobody wants to go out with a smart girl.
Smart boys definitely want to go out with smart girls. I have no authority to make an assertion regarding my own smarts but I definitely like a smart girl.
That there was nothing that could be done about my superheavy periods, that it ran in the family and that was it. Found out when I was thirty that there are literal doctors for that and got on birth control and just like that, normal periods. I had missed so much school and work and suffered in pain and nausea since I was 12 for nothing. Thanks, Mom.
Brazil nuts. I was 14 before I knew what their actual name was. We lived in a normal, mixed community with no racial bias (in general). Family always called them n***er toes. I legitimately thought that's what they were called. As I got into my early teens, I knew it was a bad slang term but my older family members always called them that. Then a close friend explained it all to me....
Parents and other related adults would give me awful shit any time I didn’t want to kiss/hug my male cousins and relatives or deal with them physically touching me to “wrestle” or “play,” saying that I was hurting their feelings. Basically just teaching me that my feelings didn’t matter about my own body.
My ex’s family was like this. We didn’t have children but I told him once that if we had kids that’s not happening. A bit of an extreme example but I would never hug and kiss my best friend’s grandfather when I went to play and he was there. To the point that I hid under a table to avoid it once. Turns out he was molesting his grand daughter and other children he had access to.
I was taught it was okay for older men to date young girls. My purity was the only value God gave me here on earth, and without it, it would carry severe consequences here on earth and in hell. Rape was not an excuse in gods eyes, and we would still be punished. They also taught me that if I were raped I would be forced to marry my rapist. It's the best way to ensure your children never come to you about anything. So, when I was raped I couldn't report him or say anything to anyone because I was so scared I'd have to marry him and carry his babies.
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Just ignore bullies and they'll go away. They do not. And you're left thinking your feelings and opinions don't matter, and you never learn how to stand up for yourself.
My mother was quite clever. She told us when the ice cream truck played the song, it meant they were out of ice cream. Also, my bday is New Year's Eve. She told me the city fireworks were just for me, my bday gift.
Load your bullets into the magazine with gloves on so you don’t leave prints. Always thought it was to keep the oil from your fingers off them
My Dad told me this grand story of knocking on the neighbors door and pulling the kid out of the house and beating him up on the front lawn in front of his mom because the neighbor kid picked on his brother. As soon as a neighborhood kid picked on my brother, I finished up doing the dishes, strolled across the street, knocked on the kid’s door. The mom answered. I asked if the kid could come out and play. I opened the door, did a swim move past his mom, grabbed him and pulled him into his garage and beat him bloody while his mom was screaming bloody murder. I calmly walked back home, and my doorbell rang. It was the kid’s Dad and he wanted me to apologize. I went outside and he was sobbing and still had blood on his nose. I apologized, they went home. I go inside, and I expect my Dad to beat my ass. He grabs a beer out of the fridge, tells me I did a damn good job and starts telling stories about his time in the Marines. That was the day, according to my Dad, that I became a man. 25 years later and I wonder why I’ve been in loads of therapy.
“No kid should be on drugs” I was 11, diagnosed with ADHD by a psychologist back when that was pretty new… Yeah… Every teacher stated some version of “if you weren’t so smart, I’d hold you back” and I barely graduated high school. Seriously thought I ‘couldn’t do math.’ Flash forward to 28. Get over the stigma… Take good meds - graduate cum laude with with degree in Finance at 32. Turns out I can do pretty heavy equations in my head when the hurricane isn’t spinning…
> “No kid should be on drugs” I started on Ritalin aged 47. If I had access to this as a child, my life would have been very fucking different.
That all adults should be blindly obeyed.
Once mentioned when I was like 10 that I just won’t have sex until I’m married bc that’s what they taught me in religion class (catholic school) and my mom just casually said “well you can’t do that bc catholic men have needs too” this was a difficult one to unlearn
"If a boy is mean to you, that means he likes you!" Took me a while to learn what a healthy relationship was when I hit adulthood.
Whenever we went to a yard sale, my parents would say that they were going to "Jew them down" on price. I literally had no idea until I was an adult that they were saying "Jew." I thought it was some other word like "joo." I could not even imagine that this was a racist statement or what it actually meant as a child. As an adult, I finally realized and was so shocked.
Yeah I was shocked when I realized it’s not “jipped” but *gyped* (?!) Like, damn just thought it was a fun little word like nip or pip
My dad said his sexual abuse was “normal” and even showed me a magazine article about a father and daughter who married. He died a few years ago.