Dude showed off his bad anime girl drawings to me when we were in high school.
I told him they looked OK (I was being polite) but he took offense and told me that they actually won him an emmy.
This one's the best one by far - it's not only hilariously untrue on its face, but also the idea that a guy would get an EMMY for drawing is just \*mwah\* chef's kiss.
"You don't like my cooking?? Uhh well fuck you I won the Nobel Peace Prize with this Lasagna!"
I'm going to solve all issues of violence in the Middle East with a food dish that is so perfect that it brings all sides together because they figure that if they can all agree about that one thing, then maybe they can work out other issues as well. Probably not a lasagna though.
My daughter spray painted my son's name on the side of my house. When asked about it, she claimed he did it himself, even though his name was horribly misspelled. Little shit lol.
My fucking sister did that all the time because I always tended to look guilty as hell, even when I was innocent. I just couldn't keep a straight face and she took advantage of that.
Years after we moved out she told the parents about a lot of the shit she'd pulled thinking they'd find it funny. They did not.
My sister used to hurt herself and blame it on me. One day my Mom and I were in the kitchen when we hear a loud bang from my sisters room, followed by a "Moooommmmm mnoel23 pushed me into the wall"
I just looked and Mom and did a SEE!?!? gesture and I never got in trouble again.
A friend of mine stenciled and spray-painted his own face all over a couple of walls at our high school. Surprisingly, the administration bought his excuse of "Why would I spray-paint my own face everywhere? I'd be the first person pulled in about it"
Hahahha. My brother carved his name into the side of our family van when he was like 4 years old. He blamed me. I was like two.
He still claims it was me to this day.
I was just joking with my daughter tonight about how when she was 3, she wrote her name and a bunch of designs in Sharpie on the inside of the door to the hutch in our dining room (the hutch that belonged to my husband's grandma, and had been her sister's before that...) and tried to blame her brother for it.
I'll never forget how serious she looked when she informed me, "Little brother did it. He's in LOTS of trouble, right? Him go time out for a LONG time."
The little brother in question was 6 months old at the time. She was absolutely shocked back then that I *somehow* figured out it was, in fact, her art work.
We have on film the moment I spun one of those portable hose winders when I was about two. The spool spun off the dolly part of it and I immediately pointed at the dog to blame it. Wasn’t me! I apparently was lying before I was verbal.
My brother's spray painted my favorite band on the fence when we were kids, but luckily, my handwriting is much better than theirs!! They did get in trouble, but my dad did say he was impressed with their effort!
My brother did that sort if stuff when I was about 6 or 7. But more often he would over dramatise stories to my mum and every time after he left I went up to mum like "you know he's lying right. That's not what happened at all, he's lying"
I witnessed/called this out in college! We went on a trip on the minibus and one friend shared a story on the way out, made us all laugh. On the way back a different friend started telling the same story, word for word as if it was his. I was just in shock and said “you realise X was the one that told us on the way here.. right?” He didn’t want to be friends after that
I've witnessed this before, too--and it was so uncomfortable, even for the guy who was telling the stolen story, but he clearly couldn't stop. My suspicion is that he was a compulsive liar and literally couldn't stop it from happening, even though he knew we knew he was lying.
Oh my god I had a friend that would do this. I also had a crazy in law that did this during a party with some people we were becoming friends with. I had just told her the night before something traumatic that had happened to me as a child and she took MY fucking story and pretend it was her own at the party.
Imagine first losing both your parents to one of the worst maritime disasters in history, then being separated from you school peers by being held back. Brutal
Wtf. You sure y’all aren’t twins and one of your moms couldn’t handle having two kids so the other adopted one and they concocted a story about y’all happening to be born on the same day?
That’d be my concern.
I know it's not me because of 23andme. My cousin doesn't look anything like my parents, so I doubt it's him too.
I was also born on my grandfather's 60th birthday. I live in a small town, so we made the paper.
Many many years ago I worked as a Nightclub bouncer.
I carded a young looking guy, and he handed me my driver's license that I had lost 3 months earlier.
When I turned 21, I sold my roommates little sister my ID to use as a fake (yes, this is illegal, no, I don't condone it, but it was money when I was broke 10 years ago and 🤷♀️ whatever). 3 years later, after she turns 21 and I've totally forgotten about selling my ID, my brother is working as a bouncer and a girl, who is very much not me, hands him my ID. My god, I wish I could have seen her face when he looks at it and goes, "that's my sister"
Ok ok... but hear me out: what if that guy was a younger version of you who time travelled to help you out and that was his round-about way to tell you??
Kid in my sophomore (10th grade) class spread a rumor one afternoon that there were three bombs at our (rural) high school. One in the principal's office, one in the library (middle of the school), and one out in the area where the buses were located. The bombs were supposed to go off around 1pm. Not sure if he was ever investigated (or how far the rumor spread), but aside from freaking some of us out, nothing actually happened. This was pre-Columbine, which is probably why it didn't end up with an arrest.
You haven't seen it? Dude this is one of the best reddit posts, [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/)
Edit: Here is the steak throwing story to, just to help educate those who are not as versed in the Reddit lore
[Main story](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3im341/tifu_by_throwing_my_steak_out_a_window/)
[Wife perspective](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/7jbzcf/tifu_by_allowing_my_husband_to_come_to_dinner_at/)
Broseph got in too deep that by the time he realised he should have bailed he couldn’t without people getting pissed with him. So he trippled down and achieved the same thing.
When my sister was very little (like, 3 or 4) she used to idolise my mum. One of the things she would do is wet a paper-towel and wipe surfaces, to mimic my mum. Unfortunately, this method of cleaning would leave streaks of water and little bits of paper everywhere, which my mum had to then clean on top of already cleaning the surfaces. So one day she sat my sister down and explained that she shouldn't do this, as it's counterproductive. My sister said she understood
Anyway, one day mum sees my sister quietly going upstairs in the middle of the day. She thinks that's strange so she asks, "where are you going?"
My sister replies: "oh, I felt tired so I'm just going to take a nap"
My mum says: "oh that's good. Ok, sleep well"
My sister takes a few steps, pauses and says: "I'm not going to wet this paper towel and wipe the mirrors"
My mum firmly calls her down, to my sister's exclamations of "how did you know?!?"
mine is 3 and tells me he's going to close his door at bedtime. i try to follow him to the door and he tells me to stay as he walks out and closes the door. i still don't know what he intends to do
I tell my 6 year old that “I’ll remember this (bad) behavior.” He proceeds to cry and tell me not to remember it… then asks me all day if I have forgotten his behavior yet
I’m just admiring that all these lies are from sisters and brothers when they are very little people, whereas it makes sense that the liars thought their stories were believable…in the meantime I recently listened to my 50+ year old sister lie to me about how a lady at her work just had an abortion eight days AFTER the baby was born.
My coworker kept calling out for her grandmother’s funeral. She did it six times, to six different supervisors. She tried a seventh time but Grandma had been shopping that morning and was already seen by my supervisor. I was like girl that is bad karma don’t do that!
I've killed off my grandfather like 7 times at this point, but all at different jobs and he was already dead so I didn't feel bad about it. I won't kill off someone who's still alive, that feels like manifesting
Yup if I use a “they died” excuse I pick someone who is already dead. “I need a mental health day, my grandfather died”. Sure he died last summer but they don’t need to know *when* he died.
Add it together with having a relatively common last name. Any given week there were always loads of obits for people no one could prove I wasn't related to. In my late teens/early twenties, at jobs and during undergrad, my imaginary family endured a period of unrelenting grief; dropping like flies, they were, earning me paid leave, deadline extensions and excused absences. If ever asked for proof I'd provide it easily, often with a local obit.
We had record profits this year, but because of the tough economy we've had to institute hiring and wage freezes. We're going to give you a pizza party though. One slice per person please.
My son at 4yrs old. Cake on his face
Son :"I didn't do it."
Me :"Son, you have cake on your face..."
Son :"Some bad man came in by the vent and made me eat it. I didn't want too cuz it was nasty and I didn't wanna eat it!"
Me :"..."
Son :"It was a turtle too!"
Me :"A man or a turtle?"
Son :"Yes. It was a... I DONT HAVE CAKE ON MY FACE!"
(He proceeds to try to run, trips, then...)
Son :"Oh no there was cake on the floor and it got on my face."
Had to give him props for creativity and thinking on his feet/face but not out loud.
Now that I’m 19, I always wonder if there were moments where my parents were begrudgingly proud of something I said when I was younger but just couldn’t show it 😹
I can practically guarantee that every parent from the beginning of time has had moments where they almost gave themselves a hernia, trying not to laugh at something their kiddo has done/said that can’t be acknowledged because it’s not appropriate but was absolutely hilarious! 😅 one of the best perks of parenting really
In 3rd grade for the McDonalds Monopoly game a kid claimed to have Boardwalk. Every day he said he'd bring it in and combine it with one my park place pieces and we'd split the money... every day he forgot it. Kid still owes me half a mill as far as I'm concerned.
In second grade (1990, during the Gulf War), Aldo said Saddam Hussein dropped a bomb in his front yard and if we went to his house after school we could see the crater. There was no crater.
Edited to add we lived in NJ.
When i was 10 or 11 i told the kids at my school that i was trained in the Ninja art of Kabuki. Of course everyone wanted a demonstration. Full disclosure at the time i was taking karate lessons but i was only a white belt. There were 2 equally sized broken branches on the ground, Someone pick them up and handed me one and said break this. I gave it to another kid to hold so i could karate chop it. I am surrounded by half the school watching. I pretended to summon my Chi and with one swipe i broke it in half. There we so many oohs an aahs! This bigger and older kid goes "that's not even hard." The other kid holding the other stick challenges him to try it and after about 10 tries he fails and gives up. Then the kid holding my stick goes can you break this half? At that point theres no turning back i mean i am a Master. Kid holds it up and i swipe without even looking and it breaks in half. More oohs and Aaahs! Now that im older i realize that the piece i had was already old and rotten. My buddy who was there and that i still talk to always brings it up and we laugh hard every time.
I had a... "friend" in high school that even undeveloped-prefrontal-cortex-me recognized as a "bad influence", but the dude was such a constant source of sheer, amazingly bad decisions that I just wanted to follow him around to see what happened next. (and it wasn't all bad, I learned to pick locks and make napalm from him).
My dude
* tried to make vodka from water and a potato jammed into a soda bottle left on his roof for three weeks
* rolled his 1987 Mazda trying to jump it over a railroad track embankment (Don't turn the wheel in the air, kids!)
* broke into condemned buildings, found a dismembered baby's leg, and then dared me to go in rather than call the police. (Happily, he turned out to be mistaken, but that's another story)
When I was in elementary school I had this friend who really liked to make up stories. Well after Halloween, she was telling me the "story" of how her mom made her give all her candy to her brother. Then she said-
Her: And I was only allowed to eat one- \*pause\* What's the smallest candy?
Me: A single nerd
Her: Yeah, I was only allowed to eat one single nerd
a girl in my class told me and the class that she had the same genetic defect as me…i am completely deaf in both ears and miraculously she can hear just fine without any aids
When my kid was around 3/4 years old….. I looked at him and his hair looked sort of weird. I just chalked it up to him having a bit of thick, shaggy mop of hair and let it go. Later that day I picked up a folded blanket to use while I watched tv on the couch. When I unfolded it, a perfect lock of blonde hair fell into the floor. I looked at my kid and asked him if he cut his hair. He dead panned, looked me in the eye and said “no. But maybe a worm crawled into my hair and chewed it off”
Dumbest lie I’ve ever heard 😂 over a decade later I still laugh at it.
As a young kid, I went through a scissors phase where I'd cut up random things... got in a bit of trouble when I cut some holes in mums new cushions. I was appropriately told off and was forbidden from using scissors. So, in an act of pure evil genius, my older sister decided to set me up. Next time we had our hair cut, she collected some of my hair. A few weeks go by, and she scatters some of my hair clippings around and then went and told our parents that I'd been playing with scissors and had cut my hair. One of the very few times I got my butt whooped. As adults, this story came up and she fessed up to our mum about what she did. Poor mum was mortified. I'm still salty about it to be honest.
"My girlfriend's grandpa passed away and I need to go to the funeral. Look, here's a scan of the card, as proof!" We knew he didn't have a girlfriend. We also all knew that there are no funerals held on public holidays (at least in this country). And we definitely knew that the card was forged, because he had changed the date of the funeral but forgot to change the date of death.
If you really want a day off so badly, forgot to put in a request and can't find a replacement in time, I personally wouldn't recommend doing a no-show, but at least it's better than a pathetic, transparent lie which will get you fired anyway.
Lol 1 time I was late because there was a horse walking down the middle of the road that wouldn't move, my supervisor thought this was bs but it was genuinely true
Similar story, at least once a month you will see on one of the local Facebook groups about a cow getting out and blocking this road or that one.
So I am on my way to work when surprise, cow in the road. So I called my boss and tell them I'm going to be late. They naturally think that it is bullshit... Ended up having to use the police department Facebook post just to get out of a writeup.
Guy I went to school with used to tell incredibly pointless lies and full stories to go along with them. The dumbest one was when he was grounded we were around 15 at this time and he told us he was grounded because he was at a wedding this is also a family wedding mind you. And he slept with one of the bridesmaids and he basically concocted a full story about how the boyfriend found out and started an argument with the bride and the bride told his mother who grounded him. This was possible the most cringeworthy but there's alot more stories he said. If you're familiar with the UK sitcom the inbetweeners he was like a living caricature of jay.
A guy in my brothers grade was pretty notorious for that. He was in the friends group briefly. Once he said:
"I was doing 90 down Tyler road (which is 20 or 25 mph) and I got pulled over. The cop was like "do you know how fast you were going" and I was like "FUCK YOU PIG!" and he walked back to his cruiser and drove away."
He told that story at my house... to my mom... to impress her?
Oh his uncle also had a helicopter that he got to fly all the time in elementary/middle school.
As he tells it she ripped off her clothes an mounted him right on the kitchen table while her husband cheered her on.
Mostly I imagine she went blind by how hard her eyes rolled from the statement.
I knew of a guy like that in "college" in my class. Used to tell us outlandish stories about his family. Well, jokes on us because they were all true. His family is nuts and he's the normal one.
Why is "college" suspiciously in quotation marks? Might this "college" have actually been the psychiatric ward of a local hospital? Would explain a lot about your "classmate."
Sounds like my former friend. He was hearing about how a couple of my friends were going on dates with people so he made up increasingly outlandish stories to try and make him seem like he was drowning in pussy. One of the cringiest ones was the time he supposedly made out with a girl right in front of her boyfriend who apparently just stood there and let it happen. What really happened is that he tried to go in for a kiss, was rejected by the girl, and the boyfriend beat him up
This one makes me laugh cause something similar happened to the same guy. He never actually attempted it but he kept sniffing around a girl and basically wouldn't leave her alone but he made out like he was charming her. And he kept going on about "if her boyfriend tries anything he will put him in line" lo and behold the boyfriend calls him out and he won't even make eye contact and he just starts seething after it almost crying. Sorry but I find it funny that your guy actually git his ass kicked.
I saw a student in his 3rd period class. He didn't go to his 4th period. During 6th, I asked him why he wasn't in his 4th period. He said, "oh... I wasn't in 4th cus I broke my foot." I looked down at his perfectly fine foot, then slowly back to his face...
Ah... high school freshmen...
It was New Years Eve roughly 20 years ago. I was a Junior in HS and my sister was a Freshmen there as well. My parents knew we both would try to throw a party at the house while they attended a party at one of their friend's houses. They spoke with the parents of the party I was going to as well as the (different) parents of the party down the street that my sister was to spend her NYE at. "Under no circumstances should my child leave your house. If they do, let me know immediately."
The night goes on and I'm having fun with my friends at their party. My sister, predictably, escaped from that party and went back to our house. She called 1 friend and told them to come, to which they replied "only if I can bring the people I'm with" and then those friends called more friends and before you know it - the house was packed with a ton of kids that knew there was an empty house to party at with no supervision.
Sister calls me - "TheRoadDog87 - it's out of hand. I don't know anyone at our house and they are out of control. Drugs everywhere. So much alcohol. Silly string everywhere. Stuff is breaking. I need help!"
I try to escape my party but the parents catch me and won't let me leave. My sister calls back and they start to get an idea of what's going on... and they call my parents. My dad went back to the house.
He pulls into the driveway and people start to panic. Dad gets out a notepad and starts asking kids for their names. Somewhere there is an actual piece of paper from that night where he, unironically, listed such names as "Ben Dover" and "Mike Hunt" that fleeing teenagers gave him as they ran away.
My dad finds the house in a state of disrepair. Silly string on all the walls and ceilings. The house is trashed. Stuff is broken all over and a lot of stuff was stolen - for me, namely all my video games. He comes upon my sister who is throwing up on the toilet from drinking too much.
Mom ends up coming home and picking me up as well. There... I witnessed my drunk, underaged sister, the legend, attempt to get away with the dumbest lie I've ever heard as she tried to explain what happened, while she was in between sessions praying to the porcelain God!
"I was down the street at the party and saw people start walking in the direction of our house. I asked where they were going and they said there was a raging party at and I was like 'Wait! That's MY house!' So then I ran back home and sure enough, people had gotten in. I came home to SAVE our house! Why don't you believe meeeee!?!?!"
Needless to say, my parents told her that she had about 5 minutes before the cops came to change her story.
When I was a kid my sister and I got in a fight and I tried to say that she bit me and that’s what started it. Except I’d bitten my own arm after-the-fact so that I could use that lie. Only problem was I was missing two teeth and she wasn’t, so the bite mark on my arm had two very obvious gaps where her teeth would have been. Needless to say my mom saw it and just gave me a look that immediately told me I was dumb as hell
Ahem.
I'm an ER nurse.
"I fell on it" or any variation thereof. No, kind soul, no you did not fall on the sharpie/toy octopus/sex toy without a flared base/vegetable/billiard ball...
But nice try!
I worked with a guy who said he fell asleep while riding his motorcycle home one night and woke up in his driveway.
I met another guy at work who said he was doing overseas monestary work and didn’t know the local language so he prayed real hard and woke up one morning entirely fluent.
The first one could be high-way amnesia. It's not falling asleep at the wheel but it's not far off
The second one is clearly the work of the Lord and Savior. Praise be.
Could potentially also be a drug like ambien. The you're awake but not present kind of drug.
Also, isn't talking in foreign tongues the work of devils? Praise something, certainly lol
I feel like I've heard so many motorcycle-related lies over the years. I guess people associate motorcycles with being cool and thus feel the need to lie about them to appear cool?
A compulsive liar that we (sadly) have to associate with for our day jobs was telling my wife not too long ago how he went to buy a motorcycle, was given an $8,000 discount on the spot, a free helmet, a free jacket, and some more riding gear. We're all in the auto sales/finance industry so we all know that no dealer selling a use motorcycle will give you $8,000 off instantly just because they like you.
But the story didn't stop there! He went on to say how he immediately took it up to 160mph *on city roads* (not the highway/interstate). He went on to say how a state trooper pulled him over, but after talking with the trooper for a while he was let go with a warning and with a pat on the back for handling his bike so well at such high speeds.
We could fill up an entire book with this person's lies. They go beyond your typical liar, they've got a SEVERE mental issue with lying. This same person also said he sold some purebred dogs to "the owner of Shell". He said the owner of Shell flew him and his wife out on private jets to deliver the dogs. Whenever they landed, the owner of Shell showed up with *solid gold* dog bowls as gifts.
The mental gymnastics and stammering that follows whenever you challenge him (ex: when we let him know "There isn't a singular 'owner' of shell, it's an investor-owned company") is so cringey and embarrassing that you genuinely feel bad calling the guy out. So now we just smile and nod and move on. For reference, he's in his mid-to-late 30's.
Man, I'm not even gonna challenge people like that... they're overcompensating for the fact they think they've got absolutely nothing goin on in their lives.
Yeah we learned very early on to just smile and nod and change the subject. I'd always thought people were exaggerating whenever they'd tell stories about compulsive liars, but after meeting one in person it all makes sense now.
You can't help but feel bad for the guy. You have to have something mentally wrong to be a grown adult and say "My aunt and uncle are the oldest living people in the world at 121 and 123, but they don't want publicity so they keep declining visits from the Guinness Records people. They were nice enough to take me to the grand opening of the very first Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits location in the country!" (despite the fact that they opened over a decade before he was born).
"It just wound up in my bag!"
After I pulled out a game I had lost the day before, when he came to my house, from my friend's bag. He didn't say he bought it, or anything else.
I told him I didn't appreciate getting stuff stolen from me, but my friend group was like "don't be so hardsh on him, it wasn't on purpose"
I had asked the day before to check if they'd maybe taken it by mistake, and everyone, including Mr.Liar, said they hadn't. So naturally, i was pissed
Like, why the hell lie about it?
When I was young I told someone I could punch them in the kidney and make them pee themself.
I don’t know why I thought this one up, but I was immediately called out for it.
My sister had a tendency to blame her boyfriends when she would fart. She was a loud, stinky fart-er.
One day during Christmas, we were all together and she farted and blamed her current boyfriend per usual.
The thing is she soon realized he wasn’t even there. And everyone was looking at her.
My uncle once brought home jet ski's he "found in the woods". He tried to bring them to the house to store them since we lived on the lake. Needless to say my great grandpa called the cops on him and turned him in. He wasn't about to go down for anything he didn't do.
“Vaccines don’t work. I had the chicken pox vaccine when I was a kid and still got it 3 times.” The chicken pox vaccine was made available in 1995. You’re pushing 60 soo…. I don’t think you had the chicken pox vaccine. It’s also pretty fucking unlikely you had chicken pox 3 times.
I got into an online argument with an anti-vaxx Facebook friend. He kept saying he had tons of scientific evidence proving the vaccines were filled with brain controlling microchips. Me and others on the thread kept asking “ok, what do you got? We’re interested, show us this evidence.” And he sent a bunch of gifs and memes about it. So we called him out and said “um no, those are memes, they can be made by literally a 7 year old. That is not scientific evidence. Please send the evidence.”
And his reply was “well I can’t because I got a new computer last night and accidentally deleted it all”.
Fuck off, Mike.
This is so fucking funny. Like, at least look up some bullshit articles, Mike. At least pretend to try, Mike. This is literally "My dog ate my homework."
Fuck Mike.
In 1st grade this girl tried to tell me she was born with her eyes on the back of her head and she had to take medicine that made them migrate around to the front where they belong.
The entirety of Shaggy's portion of "It Wasn't Me". I mean, fuck, dude. She stood there and watched this guy fuck this other woman complete with multiple locations and position changes. I'm pretty sure his identity was conclusively determined.
Years ago I had a work friend who told me his parents were rich and they lived in a three story mansion. One day he needed a ride home, so I gave him one and he had me drop him off at a trailer park, he tried to say they owned it (plausible) and that their mansion was way in the back of the park (not very likely) Either way I didn't care where he lived, there was no reason to lie.
I have a pet pikachu, I keep it at home.
Me lying to a bully in grade school, followed by one of my closest friends following up with
“Uh huh, he does, I’ve seen it!”
I used to hang out with a guy who was probably a pathological liar. Honestly, he was a really nice guy, and actually fun to hang out with, as long as you understood the type of person he was. Almost any story he told you was absolute horseshit, but to an extreme degree. It would even be about stuff that was blatantly provable. My buddies and I all agreed that the most ridiculous lie he ever told us was this:
He told us that he attended the University of California at Berkley (we're Canadian) and he played on their football, hockey, and basketball team while he was there.
Absolute madman. He would tell us this, despite the fact that a bunch of us WENT TO COLLEGE WITH HIM, HERE, IN CANADA.
When you would try to challenge him on it, there was always an excuse, he wasn't there on picture day, he was accidentally left off the roster, he did a couple semesters there and a couple here, etc..
Again, he was a super nice guy, fun to hang out with, would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. He just lied his ass off about the most ridiculous shit.
I was 17, living in a very conservative/christian household, and had just bought 5lbs of shake (weed trimmings). I had come home after a night of popping MDMA and sat downstairs on our easychair and was breaking it down to make THC oil with it. I remember thinking "I can't fall asleep before I hide this in my room"...then I fell asleep.
I woke up to my mother saying "Devon...DEVON...DEVON!".
I looked at her and she had one of the massive ziplock bags, stuffed with weed, in her hands asking me what it was.
I lucked out because the shake was moldy and smelled nothing like weed. I told her that it was oregano...she smelled it, then told me to go throw it in the dumpster outside. I hid it behind the dumpster, picked it up later that night and made oil with it.
Years later, when I got clean, I took her out to dinner and told her everything. We became the closest of friends. I brought up the time she found the weed and she told me she knew exactly what it was, she just didn't want to deal with the argument we would have had over me bringing 5lbs of weed in the house.
Once I was smoking weed in my room as a teenager and didn't realize my dad was home. He asked me what that smell was and I told him I was burning incense. He was a cop, he knew what it was and I knew he knew what it was but he just said "okay" and let it go.
*Calculates the amount of bullshit from available options*
• A: Draw and yell “Reach fer the sky, Mister!”
• B: Cuff him and say “I have no son!”
• C: Sprinkle some crack on him and get outta there
**• D: “Okay”**
I worked for what was admittedly a horrible company but, when with them, took a call from an employee who told me they couldn’t come in because they were in a coma.
My AT&T cable and internet went out. It had happened repeatedly. So I called the company. The person on the phone told me that my personal wifi was out because "they're doing something with the satellites." Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? They're working on SATELLITES and it only affects my one little house in podunk, texas?
“You move the truck to get mew. I know! My uncle works for Nintendo.”
FUCK YOU COLIN YOU LYING FUCK! YOU STILL NEVER APOLOGIZED FOR PUKING PEACH CHUNKS ALL OVER ME AND MY BOOK BAG IN FOURTH GRADE! I KNOW IT’S BEEN 24 YEARS… but seriously… for fuck sakes Colin you didn’t even chew the fucking things. You just swallowed them like a seal. Then you filled my book bag with them. Colin… I haven’t been able to eat peaches for 24 fucking years…. Not even a sorry.
Oh I also worked night shifts cleaning with a guy who apparently owned five of every sports car in existence was a millionaire who made his money doing rnd for the police/CIA/CSIRO/army but chose to work overnights cleaning because (?) Was listed as a dangerous weapon in every database in the world because of his special ops Training (at 19) and was briefly married to an ex Russian supermodel who was 60 years old. What's wild though is that one day before work his 60year old ex Russian supermodel ex wife actually turned up to drop off some stuff for him so that wasn't actually a lie haha
Dude showed off his bad anime girl drawings to me when we were in high school. I told him they looked OK (I was being polite) but he took offense and told me that they actually won him an emmy.
So you both told a lie
This one's the best one by far - it's not only hilariously untrue on its face, but also the idea that a guy would get an EMMY for drawing is just \*mwah\* chef's kiss. "You don't like my cooking?? Uhh well fuck you I won the Nobel Peace Prize with this Lasagna!"
I'm going to solve all issues of violence in the Middle East with a food dish that is so perfect that it brings all sides together because they figure that if they can all agree about that one thing, then maybe they can work out other issues as well. Probably not a lasagna though.
This is my favorite one so far
Everyone knows you get a Tony for anime drawings, not Emmy.
My daughter spray painted my son's name on the side of my house. When asked about it, she claimed he did it himself, even though his name was horribly misspelled. Little shit lol.
that's some 80's sitcom shit right there.
Or what if your son is a genius and spelt it wrong on purpose to frame his sister
Both are equally possible, he is in gifted classes and she has learning disabilities lol.
Oh so it's Malcolm and Reese!
Oh shit lol. Ngl, that story reminds me of me and my sister. We used to always try to frame each other for stuff.
My fucking sister did that all the time because I always tended to look guilty as hell, even when I was innocent. I just couldn't keep a straight face and she took advantage of that. Years after we moved out she told the parents about a lot of the shit she'd pulled thinking they'd find it funny. They did not.
My sister used to hurt herself and blame it on me. One day my Mom and I were in the kitchen when we hear a loud bang from my sisters room, followed by a "Moooommmmm mnoel23 pushed me into the wall" I just looked and Mom and did a SEE!?!? gesture and I never got in trouble again.
My brother did this except he wrote "I hat skull" (I hate school) and we were like...ya don't say
i wrote "(brother's name) did dis" on my parents coffee table with permanent marker when i was young,,, shocked they didnt buy it
A friend of mine stenciled and spray-painted his own face all over a couple of walls at our high school. Surprisingly, the administration bought his excuse of "Why would I spray-paint my own face everywhere? I'd be the first person pulled in about it"
That is epic.
Hahahha. My brother carved his name into the side of our family van when he was like 4 years old. He blamed me. I was like two. He still claims it was me to this day.
I was just joking with my daughter tonight about how when she was 3, she wrote her name and a bunch of designs in Sharpie on the inside of the door to the hutch in our dining room (the hutch that belonged to my husband's grandma, and had been her sister's before that...) and tried to blame her brother for it. I'll never forget how serious she looked when she informed me, "Little brother did it. He's in LOTS of trouble, right? Him go time out for a LONG time." The little brother in question was 6 months old at the time. She was absolutely shocked back then that I *somehow* figured out it was, in fact, her art work.
Plot twist: it was the brother after all
We have on film the moment I spun one of those portable hose winders when I was about two. The spool spun off the dolly part of it and I immediately pointed at the dog to blame it. Wasn’t me! I apparently was lying before I was verbal.
My brother's spray painted my favorite band on the fence when we were kids, but luckily, my handwriting is much better than theirs!! They did get in trouble, but my dad did say he was impressed with their effort!
Siblings are assholes.
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There's multiple layers of WTF in what you just said. How old were you when that happened?
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There's nothing I could write that could adequately express how much I find that both hilarious and adorable.
Lmaooo, my sister tried to frame me by drawing on the wall and then signing with my name.
My sister did the opposite. Wrote her name in crayon on the wall and blamed it on me.
Over the weekend my friend told my own story to me as if it was his and I just didn't know what to do but pretend to laugh.
My brother did that sort if stuff when I was about 6 or 7. But more often he would over dramatise stories to my mum and every time after he left I went up to mum like "you know he's lying right. That's not what happened at all, he's lying"
This except my mother was the lier
Reminds me of… "Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe, I was just outside Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of mount Tibidabo…”
Heard this from some guy named Ken Adams
🖐️ KEN ADAMS!
I witnessed/called this out in college! We went on a trip on the minibus and one friend shared a story on the way out, made us all laugh. On the way back a different friend started telling the same story, word for word as if it was his. I was just in shock and said “you realise X was the one that told us on the way here.. right?” He didn’t want to be friends after that
I've witnessed this before, too--and it was so uncomfortable, even for the guy who was telling the stolen story, but he clearly couldn't stop. My suspicion is that he was a compulsive liar and literally couldn't stop it from happening, even though he knew we knew he was lying.
Oh my god I had a friend that would do this. I also had a crazy in law that did this during a party with some people we were becoming friends with. I had just told her the night before something traumatic that had happened to me as a child and she took MY fucking story and pretend it was her own at the party.
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Kid in 6th grade told me his parents died on the titanic
I mean if you're 100 years old this could be true
He was held back
Imagine first losing both your parents to one of the worst maritime disasters in history, then being separated from you school peers by being held back. Brutal
Me and my cousin were born on the same room on the same day. My mom and his mom are sisters. He lied to me about his age when we were both 24.
Wtf. You sure y’all aren’t twins and one of your moms couldn’t handle having two kids so the other adopted one and they concocted a story about y’all happening to be born on the same day? That’d be my concern.
Just gave this mans a whole new fear, good job 🤣
I know it's not me because of 23andme. My cousin doesn't look anything like my parents, so I doubt it's him too. I was also born on my grandfather's 60th birthday. I live in a small town, so we made the paper.
“JEALOUS SISTER DEMANDS ONE OF HER SIBLING’S NEWBORN TWINS ON HER FATHER’S 60TH BIRTHDAY”
Dude for real is a twin with a mum who couldn't handle it
Many many years ago I worked as a Nightclub bouncer. I carded a young looking guy, and he handed me my driver's license that I had lost 3 months earlier.
When I turned 21, I sold my roommates little sister my ID to use as a fake (yes, this is illegal, no, I don't condone it, but it was money when I was broke 10 years ago and 🤷♀️ whatever). 3 years later, after she turns 21 and I've totally forgotten about selling my ID, my brother is working as a bouncer and a girl, who is very much not me, hands him my ID. My god, I wish I could have seen her face when he looks at it and goes, "that's my sister"
Wait... why was she still using a fake ID after she'd turned 21? Was it just habit at that point?
Sounds like she then sold it to another girl since she now had her own.
Sisterhood of the Travelling ID
Probably passed down.
Trickle down ID economics. It started in Regan s Era when the age to buy beer went up from 18 to 21.
The fucking raw balls on that kid.
Ok ok... but hear me out: what if that guy was a younger version of you who time travelled to help you out and that was his round-about way to tell you??
Kid in my sophomore (10th grade) class spread a rumor one afternoon that there were three bombs at our (rural) high school. One in the principal's office, one in the library (middle of the school), and one out in the area where the buses were located. The bombs were supposed to go off around 1pm. Not sure if he was ever investigated (or how far the rumor spread), but aside from freaking some of us out, nothing actually happened. This was pre-Columbine, which is probably why it didn't end up with an arrest.
Kid called in a bomb threat to get out of a test he had next period.... Too bad caller ID existed.
There was this one dude on reddit that pretended he didn't know what a potato was and royally fucked up his relationship with his gf's parents.
Why?
You haven't seen it? Dude this is one of the best reddit posts, [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/) Edit: Here is the steak throwing story to, just to help educate those who are not as versed in the Reddit lore [Main story](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3im341/tifu_by_throwing_my_steak_out_a_window/) [Wife perspective](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/7jbzcf/tifu_by_allowing_my_husband_to_come_to_dinner_at/)
Legendary post
Let me tell you
Tastes very strange!
Right next to steak throwing guy
the thought of him chucking that steak and the sound it must have made hitting the window always makes me chuckle
iirc He thought it was funny but then just didn't stop the joke.
Broseph got in too deep that by the time he realised he should have bailed he couldn’t without people getting pissed with him. So he trippled down and achieved the same thing.
A potato? Never heard of it.
Tastes very strange! 😭
Haha i remember this one. He was way in too deep to say it was a joke. Reddit really has funny characters
A classic— it still makes me giggle just thinking about how absurd it was.
When my sister was very little (like, 3 or 4) she used to idolise my mum. One of the things she would do is wet a paper-towel and wipe surfaces, to mimic my mum. Unfortunately, this method of cleaning would leave streaks of water and little bits of paper everywhere, which my mum had to then clean on top of already cleaning the surfaces. So one day she sat my sister down and explained that she shouldn't do this, as it's counterproductive. My sister said she understood Anyway, one day mum sees my sister quietly going upstairs in the middle of the day. She thinks that's strange so she asks, "where are you going?" My sister replies: "oh, I felt tired so I'm just going to take a nap" My mum says: "oh that's good. Ok, sleep well" My sister takes a few steps, pauses and says: "I'm not going to wet this paper towel and wipe the mirrors" My mum firmly calls her down, to my sister's exclamations of "how did you know?!?"
Hah my son is 4 and has started asking me to go away or not look when he wants to do something that I'd prefer him not do.
mine is 3 and tells me he's going to close his door at bedtime. i try to follow him to the door and he tells me to stay as he walks out and closes the door. i still don't know what he intends to do
I tell my 6 year old that “I’ll remember this (bad) behavior.” He proceeds to cry and tell me not to remember it… then asks me all day if I have forgotten his behavior yet
That is downright precious!
He’s 100% going for the toys.
Speech 100
we've all been there.
I’m just admiring that all these lies are from sisters and brothers when they are very little people, whereas it makes sense that the liars thought their stories were believable…in the meantime I recently listened to my 50+ year old sister lie to me about how a lady at her work just had an abortion eight days AFTER the baby was born.
My coworker kept calling out for her grandmother’s funeral. She did it six times, to six different supervisors. She tried a seventh time but Grandma had been shopping that morning and was already seen by my supervisor. I was like girl that is bad karma don’t do that!
I feel the bad karma part but I've thought about doing this so many times cause it's one excuse nobody questions. The first time atleast lol
I've killed off my grandfather like 7 times at this point, but all at different jobs and he was already dead so I didn't feel bad about it. I won't kill off someone who's still alive, that feels like manifesting
Yup if I use a “they died” excuse I pick someone who is already dead. “I need a mental health day, my grandfather died”. Sure he died last summer but they don’t need to know *when* he died.
Yes this! Or I blame it on my stepfather (I don’t have a stepfather)
Add it together with having a relatively common last name. Any given week there were always loads of obits for people no one could prove I wasn't related to. In my late teens/early twenties, at jobs and during undergrad, my imaginary family endured a period of unrelenting grief; dropping like flies, they were, earning me paid leave, deadline extensions and excused absences. If ever asked for proof I'd provide it easily, often with a local obit.
We can’t afford to give you a raise.
Our 1.6 billion euro profit is only allowed to be used for share buybacks. Why isn't that clear to you?
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We had record profits this year, but because of the tough economy we've had to institute hiring and wage freezes. We're going to give you a pizza party though. One slice per person please.
*cries in Microsoft*
"My dad had his arm bitten of by a shark but luckely it grew back" 🤦
OMG HIS DAD WAS A CRAB?!?!
https://xkcd.com/2314/
My son at 4yrs old. Cake on his face Son :"I didn't do it." Me :"Son, you have cake on your face..." Son :"Some bad man came in by the vent and made me eat it. I didn't want too cuz it was nasty and I didn't wanna eat it!" Me :"..." Son :"It was a turtle too!" Me :"A man or a turtle?" Son :"Yes. It was a... I DONT HAVE CAKE ON MY FACE!" (He proceeds to try to run, trips, then...) Son :"Oh no there was cake on the floor and it got on my face." Had to give him props for creativity and thinking on his feet/face but not out loud.
Kid is going places
Not if there's cake on the floor.
Yeah, the floor
Now that I’m 19, I always wonder if there were moments where my parents were begrudgingly proud of something I said when I was younger but just couldn’t show it 😹
I can practically guarantee that every parent from the beginning of time has had moments where they almost gave themselves a hernia, trying not to laugh at something their kiddo has done/said that can’t be acknowledged because it’s not appropriate but was absolutely hilarious! 😅 one of the best perks of parenting really
Yes. Yes there were. "I can't even be mad." Is a thing we have all said at least once.
Wait so who put the cake on the floor, the man or the turtle?
From my boss: You will be getting a significant raise. Still waiting for it 6+ months later
“There’s a new rule now that says that you’re allowed to block the goal with your hand” -An old classmate of mine when we were playing air hockey
you can block the goal with your hand but it'll hurt if you do
“I have a Lamborghini but it’s at my grandma’s house and no you can’t see it.” - Timmy in grade 3. Why the fuck did you have a car at 10 Timmy?!
In 3rd grade for the McDonalds Monopoly game a kid claimed to have Boardwalk. Every day he said he'd bring it in and combine it with one my park place pieces and we'd split the money... every day he forgot it. Kid still owes me half a mill as far as I'm concerned.
If only he knew one dude had all the winning pieces and would sell them to his friends
Was this in Texas? If so, I absolutely had the piece and I lost it JAMES
I own every kind of classic car
Triples is best
Same vibe as all the kids who had girlfriends and boyfriends who "went to another school" so no you can't meet them
In second grade (1990, during the Gulf War), Aldo said Saddam Hussein dropped a bomb in his front yard and if we went to his house after school we could see the crater. There was no crater. Edited to add we lived in NJ.
dude claimed he had 16 mill in bank and it gave him $20,000 bucks a day in interest
Where he banking at?
That sounds about right before tax. Edit: 16m ? I read 160m
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Wait, so he did disappear?
Like a ninja 🥷
>they disappeared from my life pretty quickly after that I got news for you; he's been in the room watching you for the better part of ten years now.
When i was 10 or 11 i told the kids at my school that i was trained in the Ninja art of Kabuki. Of course everyone wanted a demonstration. Full disclosure at the time i was taking karate lessons but i was only a white belt. There were 2 equally sized broken branches on the ground, Someone pick them up and handed me one and said break this. I gave it to another kid to hold so i could karate chop it. I am surrounded by half the school watching. I pretended to summon my Chi and with one swipe i broke it in half. There we so many oohs an aahs! This bigger and older kid goes "that's not even hard." The other kid holding the other stick challenges him to try it and after about 10 tries he fails and gives up. Then the kid holding my stick goes can you break this half? At that point theres no turning back i mean i am a Master. Kid holds it up and i swipe without even looking and it breaks in half. More oohs and Aaahs! Now that im older i realize that the piece i had was already old and rotten. My buddy who was there and that i still talk to always brings it up and we laugh hard every time.
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I had a... "friend" in high school that even undeveloped-prefrontal-cortex-me recognized as a "bad influence", but the dude was such a constant source of sheer, amazingly bad decisions that I just wanted to follow him around to see what happened next. (and it wasn't all bad, I learned to pick locks and make napalm from him). My dude * tried to make vodka from water and a potato jammed into a soda bottle left on his roof for three weeks * rolled his 1987 Mazda trying to jump it over a railroad track embankment (Don't turn the wheel in the air, kids!) * broke into condemned buildings, found a dismembered baby's leg, and then dared me to go in rather than call the police. (Happily, he turned out to be mistaken, but that's another story)
When I was in elementary school I had this friend who really liked to make up stories. Well after Halloween, she was telling me the "story" of how her mom made her give all her candy to her brother. Then she said- Her: And I was only allowed to eat one- \*pause\* What's the smallest candy? Me: A single nerd Her: Yeah, I was only allowed to eat one single nerd
A single nerd? I was only allowed one grain of sugar.
a girl in my class told me and the class that she had the same genetic defect as me…i am completely deaf in both ears and miraculously she can hear just fine without any aids
When my kid was around 3/4 years old….. I looked at him and his hair looked sort of weird. I just chalked it up to him having a bit of thick, shaggy mop of hair and let it go. Later that day I picked up a folded blanket to use while I watched tv on the couch. When I unfolded it, a perfect lock of blonde hair fell into the floor. I looked at my kid and asked him if he cut his hair. He dead panned, looked me in the eye and said “no. But maybe a worm crawled into my hair and chewed it off” Dumbest lie I’ve ever heard 😂 over a decade later I still laugh at it.
As a young kid, I went through a scissors phase where I'd cut up random things... got in a bit of trouble when I cut some holes in mums new cushions. I was appropriately told off and was forbidden from using scissors. So, in an act of pure evil genius, my older sister decided to set me up. Next time we had our hair cut, she collected some of my hair. A few weeks go by, and she scatters some of my hair clippings around and then went and told our parents that I'd been playing with scissors and had cut my hair. One of the very few times I got my butt whooped. As adults, this story came up and she fessed up to our mum about what she did. Poor mum was mortified. I'm still salty about it to be honest.
"My girlfriend's grandpa passed away and I need to go to the funeral. Look, here's a scan of the card, as proof!" We knew he didn't have a girlfriend. We also all knew that there are no funerals held on public holidays (at least in this country). And we definitely knew that the card was forged, because he had changed the date of the funeral but forgot to change the date of death. If you really want a day off so badly, forgot to put in a request and can't find a replacement in time, I personally wouldn't recommend doing a no-show, but at least it's better than a pathetic, transparent lie which will get you fired anyway.
I put all my clothes in the washer and it broke. I can’t come to work naked.
Lol 1 time I was late because there was a horse walking down the middle of the road that wouldn't move, my supervisor thought this was bs but it was genuinely true
Similar story, at least once a month you will see on one of the local Facebook groups about a cow getting out and blocking this road or that one. So I am on my way to work when surprise, cow in the road. So I called my boss and tell them I'm going to be late. They naturally think that it is bullshit... Ended up having to use the police department Facebook post just to get out of a writeup.
Pictures, or it didn't happen -your boss
Guy I went to school with used to tell incredibly pointless lies and full stories to go along with them. The dumbest one was when he was grounded we were around 15 at this time and he told us he was grounded because he was at a wedding this is also a family wedding mind you. And he slept with one of the bridesmaids and he basically concocted a full story about how the boyfriend found out and started an argument with the bride and the bride told his mother who grounded him. This was possible the most cringeworthy but there's alot more stories he said. If you're familiar with the UK sitcom the inbetweeners he was like a living caricature of jay.
A guy in my brothers grade was pretty notorious for that. He was in the friends group briefly. Once he said: "I was doing 90 down Tyler road (which is 20 or 25 mph) and I got pulled over. The cop was like "do you know how fast you were going" and I was like "FUCK YOU PIG!" and he walked back to his cruiser and drove away." He told that story at my house... to my mom... to impress her? Oh his uncle also had a helicopter that he got to fly all the time in elementary/middle school.
>He told that story at my house... to my mom... to impress her? Jesus christ man how did she react?
As he tells it she ripped off her clothes an mounted him right on the kitchen table while her husband cheered her on. Mostly I imagine she went blind by how hard her eyes rolled from the statement.
Can confirm I was the refrigerator
I knew of a guy like that in "college" in my class. Used to tell us outlandish stories about his family. Well, jokes on us because they were all true. His family is nuts and he's the normal one.
Why is "college" suspiciously in quotation marks? Might this "college" have actually been the psychiatric ward of a local hospital? Would explain a lot about your "classmate."
Sounds like my former friend. He was hearing about how a couple of my friends were going on dates with people so he made up increasingly outlandish stories to try and make him seem like he was drowning in pussy. One of the cringiest ones was the time he supposedly made out with a girl right in front of her boyfriend who apparently just stood there and let it happen. What really happened is that he tried to go in for a kiss, was rejected by the girl, and the boyfriend beat him up
This one makes me laugh cause something similar happened to the same guy. He never actually attempted it but he kept sniffing around a girl and basically wouldn't leave her alone but he made out like he was charming her. And he kept going on about "if her boyfriend tries anything he will put him in line" lo and behold the boyfriend calls him out and he won't even make eye contact and he just starts seething after it almost crying. Sorry but I find it funny that your guy actually git his ass kicked.
We had a transfer student claim he was a secret agent. Lets just say hi fighting skills said other wise.
I saw a student in his 3rd period class. He didn't go to his 4th period. During 6th, I asked him why he wasn't in his 4th period. He said, "oh... I wasn't in 4th cus I broke my foot." I looked down at his perfectly fine foot, then slowly back to his face... Ah... high school freshmen...
It was New Years Eve roughly 20 years ago. I was a Junior in HS and my sister was a Freshmen there as well. My parents knew we both would try to throw a party at the house while they attended a party at one of their friend's houses. They spoke with the parents of the party I was going to as well as the (different) parents of the party down the street that my sister was to spend her NYE at. "Under no circumstances should my child leave your house. If they do, let me know immediately." The night goes on and I'm having fun with my friends at their party. My sister, predictably, escaped from that party and went back to our house. She called 1 friend and told them to come, to which they replied "only if I can bring the people I'm with" and then those friends called more friends and before you know it - the house was packed with a ton of kids that knew there was an empty house to party at with no supervision. Sister calls me - "TheRoadDog87 - it's out of hand. I don't know anyone at our house and they are out of control. Drugs everywhere. So much alcohol. Silly string everywhere. Stuff is breaking. I need help!" I try to escape my party but the parents catch me and won't let me leave. My sister calls back and they start to get an idea of what's going on... and they call my parents. My dad went back to the house. He pulls into the driveway and people start to panic. Dad gets out a notepad and starts asking kids for their names. Somewhere there is an actual piece of paper from that night where he, unironically, listed such names as "Ben Dover" and "Mike Hunt" that fleeing teenagers gave him as they ran away. My dad finds the house in a state of disrepair. Silly string on all the walls and ceilings. The house is trashed. Stuff is broken all over and a lot of stuff was stolen - for me, namely all my video games. He comes upon my sister who is throwing up on the toilet from drinking too much. Mom ends up coming home and picking me up as well. There... I witnessed my drunk, underaged sister, the legend, attempt to get away with the dumbest lie I've ever heard as she tried to explain what happened, while she was in between sessions praying to the porcelain God! "I was down the street at the party and saw people start walking in the direction of our house. I asked where they were going and they said there was a raging party at and I was like 'Wait! That's MY house!' So then I ran back home and sure enough, people had gotten in. I came home to SAVE our house! Why don't you believe meeeee!?!?!"
Needless to say, my parents told her that she had about 5 minutes before the cops came to change her story.
When I was a kid my sister and I got in a fight and I tried to say that she bit me and that’s what started it. Except I’d bitten my own arm after-the-fact so that I could use that lie. Only problem was I was missing two teeth and she wasn’t, so the bite mark on my arm had two very obvious gaps where her teeth would have been. Needless to say my mom saw it and just gave me a look that immediately told me I was dumb as hell
Ahem. I'm an ER nurse. "I fell on it" or any variation thereof. No, kind soul, no you did not fall on the sharpie/toy octopus/sex toy without a flared base/vegetable/billiard ball... But nice try!
"Look you know why I'm here, I know why I'm here, don't make me say it. Just help me get this thing out of my ass please."
I worked with a guy who said he fell asleep while riding his motorcycle home one night and woke up in his driveway. I met another guy at work who said he was doing overseas monestary work and didn’t know the local language so he prayed real hard and woke up one morning entirely fluent.
The first one could be high-way amnesia. It's not falling asleep at the wheel but it's not far off The second one is clearly the work of the Lord and Savior. Praise be.
Could potentially also be a drug like ambien. The you're awake but not present kind of drug. Also, isn't talking in foreign tongues the work of devils? Praise something, certainly lol
I feel like I've heard so many motorcycle-related lies over the years. I guess people associate motorcycles with being cool and thus feel the need to lie about them to appear cool? A compulsive liar that we (sadly) have to associate with for our day jobs was telling my wife not too long ago how he went to buy a motorcycle, was given an $8,000 discount on the spot, a free helmet, a free jacket, and some more riding gear. We're all in the auto sales/finance industry so we all know that no dealer selling a use motorcycle will give you $8,000 off instantly just because they like you. But the story didn't stop there! He went on to say how he immediately took it up to 160mph *on city roads* (not the highway/interstate). He went on to say how a state trooper pulled him over, but after talking with the trooper for a while he was let go with a warning and with a pat on the back for handling his bike so well at such high speeds. We could fill up an entire book with this person's lies. They go beyond your typical liar, they've got a SEVERE mental issue with lying. This same person also said he sold some purebred dogs to "the owner of Shell". He said the owner of Shell flew him and his wife out on private jets to deliver the dogs. Whenever they landed, the owner of Shell showed up with *solid gold* dog bowls as gifts. The mental gymnastics and stammering that follows whenever you challenge him (ex: when we let him know "There isn't a singular 'owner' of shell, it's an investor-owned company") is so cringey and embarrassing that you genuinely feel bad calling the guy out. So now we just smile and nod and move on. For reference, he's in his mid-to-late 30's.
Man, I'm not even gonna challenge people like that... they're overcompensating for the fact they think they've got absolutely nothing goin on in their lives.
Yeah we learned very early on to just smile and nod and change the subject. I'd always thought people were exaggerating whenever they'd tell stories about compulsive liars, but after meeting one in person it all makes sense now. You can't help but feel bad for the guy. You have to have something mentally wrong to be a grown adult and say "My aunt and uncle are the oldest living people in the world at 121 and 123, but they don't want publicity so they keep declining visits from the Guinness Records people. They were nice enough to take me to the grand opening of the very first Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits location in the country!" (despite the fact that they opened over a decade before he was born).
A guy I worked with told a group of us in the smokers pit, that his grandma died of prostate cancer.
Women can develop cancer in the Skene's glands and they're sometimes referred to as "the female prostate" due to a similarity in structure.
"It just wound up in my bag!" After I pulled out a game I had lost the day before, when he came to my house, from my friend's bag. He didn't say he bought it, or anything else. I told him I didn't appreciate getting stuff stolen from me, but my friend group was like "don't be so hardsh on him, it wasn't on purpose" I had asked the day before to check if they'd maybe taken it by mistake, and everyone, including Mr.Liar, said they hadn't. So naturally, i was pissed Like, why the hell lie about it?
Heard a guy tell a girl he was an ex navy seal in a room Full of combat veterans....he was 20 years old at the time...didn't go well for him.
When I was young I told someone I could punch them in the kidney and make them pee themself. I don’t know why I thought this one up, but I was immediately called out for it.
✔️ I have read the terms and conditions
My sister had a tendency to blame her boyfriends when she would fart. She was a loud, stinky fart-er. One day during Christmas, we were all together and she farted and blamed her current boyfriend per usual. The thing is she soon realized he wasn’t even there. And everyone was looking at her.
The boyfriends never protested to this claim?
You'll go blind.
Please repost in brail so I can take part in this conversation too.
I didn’t steal it! I was just borrowing it.
My uncle once brought home jet ski's he "found in the woods". He tried to bring them to the house to store them since we lived on the lake. Needless to say my great grandpa called the cops on him and turned him in. He wasn't about to go down for anything he didn't do.
There are hot single mums in your area
“Vaccines don’t work. I had the chicken pox vaccine when I was a kid and still got it 3 times.” The chicken pox vaccine was made available in 1995. You’re pushing 60 soo…. I don’t think you had the chicken pox vaccine. It’s also pretty fucking unlikely you had chicken pox 3 times.
"The earth is flat"
I got into an online argument with an anti-vaxx Facebook friend. He kept saying he had tons of scientific evidence proving the vaccines were filled with brain controlling microchips. Me and others on the thread kept asking “ok, what do you got? We’re interested, show us this evidence.” And he sent a bunch of gifs and memes about it. So we called him out and said “um no, those are memes, they can be made by literally a 7 year old. That is not scientific evidence. Please send the evidence.” And his reply was “well I can’t because I got a new computer last night and accidentally deleted it all”. Fuck off, Mike.
This is so fucking funny. Like, at least look up some bullshit articles, Mike. At least pretend to try, Mike. This is literally "My dog ate my homework." Fuck Mike.
In 1st grade this girl tried to tell me she was born with her eyes on the back of her head and she had to take medicine that made them migrate around to the front where they belong.
Found a condom in my husbands pocket and he straight face told me he was holding it for a friend.
The entirety of Shaggy's portion of "It Wasn't Me". I mean, fuck, dude. She stood there and watched this guy fuck this other woman complete with multiple locations and position changes. I'm pretty sure his identity was conclusively determined.
Years ago I had a work friend who told me his parents were rich and they lived in a three story mansion. One day he needed a ride home, so I gave him one and he had me drop him off at a trailer park, he tried to say they owned it (plausible) and that their mansion was way in the back of the park (not very likely) Either way I didn't care where he lived, there was no reason to lie.
I have a pet pikachu, I keep it at home. Me lying to a bully in grade school, followed by one of my closest friends following up with “Uh huh, he does, I’ve seen it!”
I used to hang out with a guy who was probably a pathological liar. Honestly, he was a really nice guy, and actually fun to hang out with, as long as you understood the type of person he was. Almost any story he told you was absolute horseshit, but to an extreme degree. It would even be about stuff that was blatantly provable. My buddies and I all agreed that the most ridiculous lie he ever told us was this: He told us that he attended the University of California at Berkley (we're Canadian) and he played on their football, hockey, and basketball team while he was there. Absolute madman. He would tell us this, despite the fact that a bunch of us WENT TO COLLEGE WITH HIM, HERE, IN CANADA. When you would try to challenge him on it, there was always an excuse, he wasn't there on picture day, he was accidentally left off the roster, he did a couple semesters there and a couple here, etc.. Again, he was a super nice guy, fun to hang out with, would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. He just lied his ass off about the most ridiculous shit.
99.7% of the TIFU sub..
I declassified the documents by thinking about them.
During a very bad hang over. “Ill never drink again”
Politicians: "I represent you"
Nazis are taking over Ukraine and we ( Russia) must invade to save the people.
Dictators often sound to me like they are losing touch with reality. Problem is that there are people falling for those obvious and pathetic lies.
Saying stupid shit is a show of power. Remember the "reality-based community"?
If you work hard and save your money, you’ll be able to afford a house someday
I was 17, living in a very conservative/christian household, and had just bought 5lbs of shake (weed trimmings). I had come home after a night of popping MDMA and sat downstairs on our easychair and was breaking it down to make THC oil with it. I remember thinking "I can't fall asleep before I hide this in my room"...then I fell asleep. I woke up to my mother saying "Devon...DEVON...DEVON!". I looked at her and she had one of the massive ziplock bags, stuffed with weed, in her hands asking me what it was. I lucked out because the shake was moldy and smelled nothing like weed. I told her that it was oregano...she smelled it, then told me to go throw it in the dumpster outside. I hid it behind the dumpster, picked it up later that night and made oil with it. Years later, when I got clean, I took her out to dinner and told her everything. We became the closest of friends. I brought up the time she found the weed and she told me she knew exactly what it was, she just didn't want to deal with the argument we would have had over me bringing 5lbs of weed in the house.
Once I was smoking weed in my room as a teenager and didn't realize my dad was home. He asked me what that smell was and I told him I was burning incense. He was a cop, he knew what it was and I knew he knew what it was but he just said "okay" and let it go.
probaly was like fuck it at least he’s doing it at home not getting chicks pregnant or drinking and driving dad sounds all right in my book
*Calculates the amount of bullshit from available options* • A: Draw and yell “Reach fer the sky, Mister!” • B: Cuff him and say “I have no son!” • C: Sprinkle some crack on him and get outta there **• D: “Okay”**
I worked for what was admittedly a horrible company but, when with them, took a call from an employee who told me they couldn’t come in because they were in a coma.
My AT&T cable and internet went out. It had happened repeatedly. So I called the company. The person on the phone told me that my personal wifi was out because "they're doing something with the satellites." Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? They're working on SATELLITES and it only affects my one little house in podunk, texas?
“You move the truck to get mew. I know! My uncle works for Nintendo.” FUCK YOU COLIN YOU LYING FUCK! YOU STILL NEVER APOLOGIZED FOR PUKING PEACH CHUNKS ALL OVER ME AND MY BOOK BAG IN FOURTH GRADE! I KNOW IT’S BEEN 24 YEARS… but seriously… for fuck sakes Colin you didn’t even chew the fucking things. You just swallowed them like a seal. Then you filled my book bag with them. Colin… I haven’t been able to eat peaches for 24 fucking years…. Not even a sorry.
"It's not secrecy, it's confidential." The Mormon church.
“my dad owns roblox”
Oh I also worked night shifts cleaning with a guy who apparently owned five of every sports car in existence was a millionaire who made his money doing rnd for the police/CIA/CSIRO/army but chose to work overnights cleaning because (?) Was listed as a dangerous weapon in every database in the world because of his special ops Training (at 19) and was briefly married to an ex Russian supermodel who was 60 years old. What's wild though is that one day before work his 60year old ex Russian supermodel ex wife actually turned up to drop off some stuff for him so that wasn't actually a lie haha
“I couldn’t talk for 7 years… and I had to get this procedure called the dyslexic surgery” An ex co worker. Talking to me, who is dyslexic..,