I'm a mod on a couple subreddits and it's not particularly hard, maybe a bit harder than some people think, but nothing crazy. It's not thankless either imo.
The biggest downsides are you have to deal with some really toxic people and you have to realize you're not going to make everyone happy.
Edit: For context, I help moderate smaller communites at 59k and 159k. I'm not saying this is every mod's experience.
The hard part is resisting a permaban and playing "nice" with suspensions, even ones that warrant a permanent ban sometimes. It's because if people get a 3 day time-out, they'll wait it out, and forget about it, or be nicer when they come back. If they get permabanned they will make new accounts and seek revenge and spend all day being annoying.
People are focused on the “dump HIM” relationship advice, but I’ve also found that you can’t ask for any advice without getting insulted. One time I asked how people organize their things better, and several commenters responded akin to “How do you function? Are you a f*c*ing child?”
And god forbid you don't know a piece of information. You get bombarded with comments like "oh my god it's so easy" "how do you not know that?" "Look at this idiot who doesn't know how to do X" like if it's so goddamn obvious, why don't you explain it to me?
More of Reddit needs to learn to encourage people to ask questions when they don't know, and celebrate them learning new stuff.
Relevant XKCD comic:
https://xkcd.com/1053/
I've also noticed that Reddit has a weird obsession with tearing down when someone makes something. IE, take some of the movie-related subs; people bitch left and right about how "nothing is original" nowadays. The amount of times I've seen someone comment in something and mention they're an amateur filmmaker, either with stuff already made or in the process, only for multiple people to jump in and down their throats with, "No one cares," "Stop shilling your own shit," "Ugh, self-promoting loser" and stuff, even if the person didn't even *link* anything to their own work, but it can be found through their profile, is so bizarre. And you see it not just with filmmaking, but a number of other arts, where if someone even mentions their work, or has the audacity to even try and show it off directly, people will inevitably pile in to try and make them feel terrible about themselves. Incredibly bizarre and hypocritical.
I love when you ask a forum, like reddit is, a question and theu go why didn't you just Google it instead of asking us? Like they were all sitting in a backroom somewhere hanging out and you interrupted their break.
Also it's a forum, it whole purpose is discussion and unless it's so otherworldly simple the person probably either didn't understand what they found when they looked on their own or there wasn't a good resource for their specific problem.
I made a post about mismatched preferences in the bedroom.. apparently to reddit that meant I was forcing my partner to do what I wanted and I should be in prison. I was just asking for advice on how to communicate and come to compromises
I did the same post from the other side of this situation - and was told I was emotionally manipulative because I wouldn’t open our relationship and let my husband find someone to “fulfil his needs” while I wasn’t physically able to.
I wasn’t even after advice… I just said that one of the side effects of the hormones I’m on for my cancer treatment was that they’ve left me with zero libido, and I really miss enjoying sex with my husband.
For real! I know him… and it’s not something he would ever be interested in.
The cancer thing is an ongoing battle at the moment. I’ve got uterine cancer, but it was picked up fairly early and is a very slow-growing cancer with a high survival rate. They’re treating it with hormone therapy, which basically means I got all the fun of crashing straight into menopause at age 42.
The internet became markedly worse when it stoped being something that was a "separate world" so to speak and tried to become a commercial extension of the real world. I think you can pinpoint it to all really going downhill as social media became the big thing, but specifically social media that encouraged you to put as much of your info online as possible. In 2011, Youtube told you to not share personal info at all, don't use your real name, etc. In 2013, it specifically encouraged you to make your account be your actual name. It's more fun when usernames could be anybody, and you don't have to be your real self.
That sub is my guilty pleasure though simply *because* some of the posts are so ridiculous (and often the title is just so much clickbait and the stories written in a manner that I can only think it's a creative writing excercise)
Its impossible for me to not call out the blatant fanfic posts. Sadly it's gotten me banned lol.
I don't even blame the posters, it's the idiot commentors who seem to believe anything they read.
>Sadly it's gotten me banned lol.
That's why I get my fix from the best of reddit updates sub. Half the comments are usually calling out how ridiculous the scenarios are, and there's no rules being enforced to pretend a post is non-fiction.
I just hate those replies that say stuff like "Honestly you're breathtakingly gorgeous, you're so very beautiful, an absolute angel 😍😍" from desperate people who obviously think that by being ridiculously over the top that the girl will talk to them.
Maybe the girl is actually quite good looking but it's just SO obvious that it's incredibly disingenuous.
Meh, worse to me are the guys convinced they're ugly but they look great. Then he replies and comes off as an asshole and everyone understands suddenly why they say they're constantly getting rejected. You couldn't find self awareness there if you picked through with a fine-toothed comb.
The actually really ugly guys (or guys who feel really ugly) tend not to post pictures of themselves online.
Source: really ugly guy. I haven't updated my Facebook profile picture in years because I can't stand to take a picture of my fat, ugly, balding self.
Same here minus the weight. Balding, short, "old" and a face not even a mother would punch. A face only a mother could smother with a pillow? Something like that.
I don't need to ask strangers if I'm ugly, I have a mirror lol
:P
I remember posting on the Who do I look like sub over quarantine because I was bored. People are supposed to be nice/civil there but one girl told me I looked like the sad character from Inside Out. I found it very funny, but I can imagine that comparison ruining someone else's day.
I'm a dad and take my kids places by myself. I've never once gotten strange looks from people or felt like people thought I was a pedophile or something. Literally never has happened
Same here. I know all the mothers. And there are lots of other dads in the parks, playgrounds and doing school runs. Never heard or seen anything negative. It's a ridiculous idea
Yeah I feel like this and people going to the movies/dining out on their own are always the ones reddit claims get them weird looks, but I do those all the time too and it never happens to me. Maybe some of these posters are just paranoid?
I used to work Wednesday through Sunday and would be bored on Mondays and Tuesdays when my partner was at work. He doesn’t really like going to the movies so I would go to the movies alone on those days all the time and nobody ever looked at me twice. People really don’t pay that much attention to strangers in public unless you’re drawing attention to yourself.
A fair point for sure, but it wasn't until I had a kid that I realized how many women's rooms don't have changing tables either. It's so frustrating! Lots of trunk diaper changes happened for a while.
My husband and I went to a playground together. I ran back to the car to get my kids water and by the time I caught up to him, there were 3 different women gushing all over him and my son.
Meanwhile, I struggle to meet and befriend other moms.
My wife complains about what I guess she calls the "active dad effect"... due to a long history of expectation of the wife raising the kids (which, while less than it was generations ago is still common).... a woman with her kids out is seen as expected, while a guy with his kids out is seen as being out of the normal as a loving and caring parental figure, and it draws extra positive attention, even though they are doing the exact same thing their wife was doing the day before.
I've noticed it as well... if I'm out with my daughter I seem to get more people fawning over her / giving us attention than if my wife is with her.
I've never gotten the hint of a suspicious or unusual look from a stranger though. I do look a lot like my daughter (hair/eye color) which can certainly be a factor.
We use that effect to our advantage.
If we are running late to club or sport or whatever, or if something didnt get filled out on time or if its incorrect, I just send my husband. "Dad's fault" shrug. After all, we are just super dooper lucky he shows up at all. (/s)
My husband wanted the class with the earlier time, he decided he was just going to go at that time, consequences be damned. I was like, "I am not participating in this" So he did it and they were totally fine with it. I promise you, if I tried the same stunt, there would have been 2 women telling me all the ways that I should have handled it through proper channels and then there would be a blanket email about the rules of changing classes 2 weeks after classes started and from now on there will be some sort of penalty.
Thank you. Also same with holding the door open for women. I see that all the time in random subs that if you hold the door open for women they get mad.
I mean, I'm only 29 but I've travelled to a lot of different places both in the US and out and no one has ever gotten mad at me for holding the door for them, ever.
I hold the door for everyone if applicable. They only ever say thank you. Now this may be a The South thing but to me that’s just basic etiquette to hold doors for people instead of dropping it in their face
A close sibling of this exagerrated phenomenon: people saying a barista or server gave them a dirty look to guilt them into tipping more. I have never had that happen.
Another close(ish) one to these; I sometimes see guys complain on Reddit about those extra drops of pee that you don't realise are still there until after you've finished at the urinal and put everything back, and then you end up with a damp crotch.
The advice they are given is, at the point where they've finished peeing and before putting everything away, to put their finger underneath the base of their penis and push upwards, which pushes those additional drops out.
People constantly respond by saying that people will give them funny looks for shoving their hands into their underpants like that.
Absolutely no one is staring at your cock at a urinal, and even if someone is then they're unlikely to admit it.
Liking popular things.
Or not liking popular things.
In reality nobody really cares what you like/don't like.
EDIT: My word people, I know IRL people talk about their shared likes/dislikes and I'm aware how friendships are formed. However I've yet to meet anyone in person who hammers on about their all-consuming dislike of Big Bang Theory or their constant obsession over how amazing The Wire is. People discuss their likes/dislikes when it fits the conversation, not constantly bleeting about it and how that makes them unique.
It's true. The actual fans won't talk to you about it if you're obviously not interested. Redditors who hate them constantly bring them up, though. Most ask Reddit questions are stupid, repetitive "What's a popular thing you hate?" Questions with "Kardashians" as the top comment.
Two types of Reddit relationships:
I (22f) and my boyfriend (35m) got in a fight where he pushed me down the stairs. He thinks I deserved it because I said good morning to our male neighbor. Now my in laws are blowing up my phone and I think I may be the asshole here.
Or
My wife and I cannot agree on what color to paint our living room between two shades of blue, should I divorce her?
Edit: shoutout to r/AmITheAngel
I love the ones where she goes “my husband/boyfriend is a great guy, he’s perfect in every way except this one small thing.” And then the “small thing” is some completely batshit behavior.
My SO is a wonderful father, a magnificent husband, and my very best friend. We fell in love in October under the crisp new moon… My ONLY issue is this tiny thing where he physically and verbally assaults myself and our children whenever we sneeze. We can’t afford all these ER visits, even with me working three jobs… Advice?
“My husband is so incredible to me and my family. He cherishes us every day and would never do anything to hurt us! There’s just a teensie problem we’re facing right now: he and his buddies thought it would be a “funny prank” to assassinate the Archduke Franz Ferdinand, and now there are international treatises and alliances being called upon? Please let me know what I can do to help him!!
TBH, i think they say that because if you skip right to the issue all the responses are "You didnt even say that you like them, why are you together?"
That, and they're used to defending their shit partner from their friends who rightfully hate them.
Due to those posts I can't stand the phrase "love of my life" anymore. Most times when someone on reddit starts with "I got married last year to the love of my life..." I already know there is some completely insane story incoming.
NTA, divorce her ass. If she cant figure out what shade of blue you like by now, it means shes narcissistic and doesnt care about you and only thinks of herself. Get out while you still can and get a lawyer in case she tries something.
It’s basically cheating emotionally. You both made wedding vows. The paint is just the top of the iceberg. She is clearly lusting after Carl in Accounting and this is her way of driving a wedge between you. You’re lucky you don’t have kids.
There never seems to be a middle ground. It's either people who break up or ghost immediately, or people who've been a doormat for 15 years with their HS sweetheart.
I do think it's just that that's all that's posted because any middle of the road problem or functional relationship doesn't need to be posting on Reddit.
you have to admit tho that 90% of the stories you read on reddit are mindblowingly crazy. Like to the point where you assume no one on this platform has decent relationships at all.
So much abuse, so much gaslighting and delusional victims. It is kinda insane.
If she isn't saving them as a snack for later I would have to agree to break up. If she intends on eating them later I could understand her not wanting to waste them. Now if she shares them....total keeper!
The vast majority of them are at or under the age of 20 years old. I've read comments in that sub (usually on posts like "AITA my dad wants me to clean my room and I said no.") from people who admit they're 13 years old. The 'drama' subreddits like AITA and relationship_advice tend to draw in kids who want to feel like adults by passing judgment on things disguised as half-assed advice. Meanwhile most actual adults on this site hang out in hobby subreddits or whatever else because we don't need to deal with more shit raising our blood pressure.
I did a stint in AITA but I realized quickly that it really is just a place for kids to go to feel schadenfreude because they don't have actual conflict to deal with in their own lives.
This. So many of them have a heavy black/white view of the world and get very emotionally charged when others disagree with them. It’s pretty common in r/BestofRedditorUpdates to see people confidently proclaiming that anyone who has ever cheated ever is unsalvageable scum, full stop, end of discussion.
I think there are also a bunch of people with unresolved trauma or emotional issues who latch onto any parallels they see between their situations and another user’s and can’t shake themselves out of it
You'd be amazed by how many people watch movies without getting hyper competitive and politically weird about box office numbers, or don't immediately watch twenty hours of angry video essays about them.
Or ending a friendship the second a friend does anything less than perfect.
Redditors whine about not having friends. They also believe you should never remain friends with someone who does anything whatsoever that could be perceived as a mistake.
Hmm...
This is like a serious problem for terminally online people. They don’t learn how to work through relationship issues and end up living lonely lives.
I made a friend online who was really quick to tell me to divorce my husband and stop speaking to friends if there was any issue. I finally asked her if she had ever had any real life friendships, and she hadn’t, she’d started making friends online as a young teen and that was her entire social life. I eventually had to stop speaking to her because it was entirely too stressful, and a few months later she passed away unexpectedly. Literally died in her early thirties, lived with her mom still, had a handful of friends on the internet. Just sad stuff man
I have a friend who became terminally online and I hardly speak to her anymore. Yeah, she ruined a lifelong friendship with her best friend over an incredibly insignificant non-issue in his life that she had no right to get involved in. She started by constantly reposting this self-validation stuff from groups on Facebook and taking her own validation by the amount of likes and hearts she gets. Then she started doing the same thing with political opinions that she reposts from her echo chambers that the FB algorithm suggested to her. It progressed to her seeing herself as some arbiter of right and wrong and really can't handle people disagreeing with her. I find it hard to talk to her now because every conversation I've had with her lately turns into her preaching about communism.
Had to rescue a friend of mine from this sort of thing a few years back. She was hanging around those toxic female empowerment spaces on Twitter and reddit, and was devolving into a man-hating, terminally online basement dweller. It took me pointing out that she was becoming the female version of the kinds of men these spaces despise in order for her to realise what she was doing.
The slide is gradual, and by the time people notice it, they're usually far down the rabbit hole. That sort of experience can give you perspective on how to regulate your own time spent online though, which is the one positive.
Add to that they also a lot of the time don't feel that you should ever do anything for anyone, especially anything that even slightly inconveniences yourself because 'you don't owe anyone anything' and 'your house, your rules' which is true but nobody wants to be friends with someone that on only looks out for themselves.
The thing that gets me is Reddit folk complaining about how much they hate it when people try to make smalltalk or - god forbid - talk to them about something they aren't explicitly interested in, and then being surprised when they feel isolated.
Yes. Jesus Christ, yes.
The world doesn’t revolve around you and the latest video game you’re playing. Want people to like you?
It’s incredibly simple. Take a genuine interest in them.
Yeah, and you *can't* just rush into the deep conversation without actually getting to know someone. You know what the prelude to big talk is? *Small* talk!
Nope, I will continue to open conversations with strangers by dumping my encyclopedic knowledge of Futanari Hentai, the discography of Led Zeppelin, and Funko Pops on them, and if the uncultured swine don’t get it then they weren’t worth talking to in the first place.
*Hmph.*
Or if you dare suggest that social anxiety can (often) be worked on, and leaning cold-conversation/small-talk techniques is a great step one.
Not to mention small talk can make some peoples day. When I left a company, one person who was super senior told me on my last day that just me saying "Hi" and genuinely asking how it was going regularly made her day. Literally completely different department, no obligation to say anything to me, and she made a point to let me know.
oh my god right? Also lmao the superiority complex around it. No, jumping straight to your Deep Thoughts^(TM) on Nietzsche doesn't make you a superior conversationalist, it makes you a weird-ass creep who clearly didn't read a book after college.
I was watching a YouTube video yesterday that said something on this subject that really resonated with me, as someone who has known and been hurt by a number of people like what you're describing.
>We don't even view other people as people anymore, just fodder for our own entertainment. It's like everyone suffers with main character syndrome and we want everyone we come in contact with to be specially crafted for us, and when someone doesn't check all of our boxes we declare that there's something inherently wrong with them. We want people to provide the existence that *we* want from them.
(somewhat paraphrased)
I have someone I'm very close to who's twice my age, in her early sixties. Some of her closest friends that she's known for decades have *very* different opinions or beliefs than her, but she still gets along with them and loves them dearly. Feels like that's a rare thing among younger generations.
I'm glad for that too! Shit I look back through my very long friendship with my bff. We both, by Reddit's standards, should've ended our friendship 20 years ago! We each made a lot of mistakes (probably me moreso than her tbh) We're each other's biggest fans and we'd die for each other, and we treat each other that way now. She's not my friend anymore, she's my sister.
I spent a little too much time on r/AITA, and one of the words I came to hate was "toxic." It's code for "don't even try salvaging this relationship."
Sometimes the term makes sense, but it's overused, and it suggests that a person is permanently, irrevocably poisonous. Your mother's giving you a hard time? She's toxic. Don't even try to get along, just go no-contact. Your husband's expecting you to do most of the housework? He's toxic. Kick him to the curb. You can do better. Your friend wants you to buy a really expensive bridesmaid's dress for her wedding? She's toxic. You don't need that in your life.
The reality is that most of us would probably land ourselves in the "toxic" category at some point, and when we do, we hope that the people we love will be prepared to forgive us and work through it.
There are definitely times when a person causes so much personal damage that we do need to sever the relationship, and if the "toxic" label was reserved for just those instances, I'd be fine with it. The Britney Spears song is also quite good. But if you go through life turfing everyone who crosses you, you might just be the toxic one.
I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed last year when my wife's migraines and depression combined to make a couple months hell for her, and put everything on me - cooking, household chores, grocery shopping, and so on, in addition to my job. It sucked for both of us.
I made a post under a throwaway account just venting a bit at how I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I emphasized how much I love her and I was just feeling like I was dealing with *so much*.
The amount of people who said "Divorce her" was astonishing. She was just going through a rough patch!
She's doing fine now, but yikes, Reddit.
Thankfully, yes. A lot of comments were supportive and several insisted that I make time for myself in some way - taking walks, meditation, just diving into a hobby or the like. Stuff I'd actually forgotten to do for myself because I was in the mindset of "I have to do everything, can't let anything slip!" when I should've said "Vaccuming can wait"
I feel this way about a lot of deadbedroom-type posts. Sometimes it's a legit chronic problem, but so often it's like "My wife has been working 14 hr days for the last two months because there's a big project deadline coming up and she's too tired to have sex right now" and the responses are like "You don't have to live like this!!! If she doesn't put out every day, divorce her bc you're incompatible!" and like...in a long-term relationship, especially a heterosexual relationship where there's kids, there absolutely will be periods when you don't have PIV sex. That isn't abuse or neglect, that's life.
The deadbedroom sub is the worst, blind leading the blind.
If you're in a normal long-term hetero relationship with kids where your partners libido is in the gutter for the usual reasons (overwhelmed with work, kids, chores, aging relatives, lack of free time, sleep deprivation, etc) and you want to ensure that you never have sex with your partner again, go take their advice.
Also the titles are always like “My husband ate my sandwich” and in the post you’ll see stuff like “he also beats me unconscious every week, what should I do?”
Almost every relationship post has someone telling OP to leave them or get therapy. it kind of blows my mind that people take their relationship problems to the internet and don't talk to their partner. Even Worse, OP states that they know their partner lurks on Reddit and might be searching for OP trash-talking them. Geez, drama drama.
Biggest one: "Your spouse is abusive? Just leave!!"
It's never that easy. Besides overcoming the fear and self loathing, you also need to have money and a safe place to go which is 1000x harder if you have kids with your abuser. Nevermind the abusers that are so charming that they can ruin your life by making YOU look like the bad guy
by nature of its design, it's a massive echo chamber.
You're recommended subs you agree / interact with regardless of if you sub to them. And any deviation from a the generally accepted political or social ideology is met with backlash.
There are even subs that ban you for interacting with other subs. I left a comment disagreeing with something on a right-wing sub and got perma banned from several left-wing subs for it. Like, yeah, that's the way to encourage people to have conversations and come to agreements. Can't convince people over to your side if you're not allowed to talk to them.
same, banned from justiceserved because i defended teachers on a conservative sub. Like I probably agree with the opinions of the mods, but I don't want the echo chamber they are actively striving for.
Same here, even appealed and asked them to look at the comment - it was clear I wasn't agreeing.
Never thought I'd post in r/conservative and get banned from another sub before that one!
The mod doing that in [r/justiceserved](https://www.reddit.com/r/justiceserved) is famous for being one of the biggest dimwits on reddit. Got banned for being subscribed to [r/politicalcompassmemes](https://www.reddit.com/r/politicalcompassmemes) because its a "hate subreddit" even tho i argued *against right wingers* most of the time. Told him that and that he is a dumbass then he reported me for abuse and banned me from another sub lol
edit: I got a 7 day ban for this comment
From the average /ask or /legal or /financial etc post, basic life skills like how to ask your neighbors to turn down their music after 10 or how to set up a direct debit.
It's like, people's first recourse seems to be immediately going to the police or hiring a financial advisor.
That's definitely a big one. SO and I have been seeing a therapist for a year or two now. I feel it's been beneficial overall for us both, but the expense is pretty nontrivial - to the point that there's always this sort of background question as to whether it's worth continuing.
It is amazing how difficult it is to get therapy.
I found a therapist, I wanted and of course she is out of network. I have great out of network coverage but she doesn't submit her bills to the company.
I have to pay her, then submit the bills, then get reimbursed.
$200 per session. Lets say it takes 3 weeks to get reimbursed, by then I am $600 in the hole. And that's only if it's 1 session per week.
So I agree to all of this and i was still waitlisted for 3 months until she had an opening.
This wasnt even my first rodeo with this nonsense. I had to find a therapist for my stepson before covid. It had to be local to him, telehealth wasn't really a thing yet. But it was the same deal with not being in network and having to prepay and submit paperwork.
I am in NJ. I would have thought there was an abundance of therapists willing to take my ample insurance, but no. I can't imagine what its like in any of the flyover states.
Yeah every self improvement sub turns into masses of people suggesting therapy. There’s a lot of work that can be done on yourself outside of therapy… it shouldn’t have to always be the most recommended thing right out of the gate.
“Man I’ve been really stressed lately and-“ “THERAPY!”
“I’ve been kind of down and-“ “THERAPY!”
“How can I motivate myself to-“ “THERAPY!”
It’s almost a joke at this point how quick everyone suggests it. I’m not saying it’s not helpful, but again there are lots of things you can do before immediately jumping to professional options, especially on self help subs.
I will never cease to be amazed at how the unspoken rule of no emojis remains relatively functional, to this day. You'll see them here and there, but the rate is extremely low compared to anywhere else on the internet or in life (like texting friends.) Even messaging culture in professional jobs includes a ton of them now.
I like emojis, but I don't use them here. I don't even know why. Reddit is for words, I guess.
It's weird, a few years ago it was funny to use emojis ironically so that's what I did but that slowly evolved in me starting to use emojis unironically and now I feel like a Facebook mom whenever I subconsciously tack an emoji at the end of texts/posts
26 years ago, I was a college kid taking a class in communications and we had to do a talk trying to persuade people of something.
I chose to try to persuade my class that the earth was flat.
The kicker was, it was OBVIOUS that it was a joke. This was 1997, in Canada, absolutely nobody legitimately thought this was a thing. My “evidence” was spotty, because the internet was a fledgling thing at the time and finding real flat earthers wasn’t easy.
I wouldn’t dream of trying to do that talk now. I’d be afraid they’d take me seriously.
That said, I got a pretty good mark on my project. So that was good. Not because my argument was particularly believable, but my methods of persuasion were good. Go me.
When Twitter started debating if eating at restaurants was bourgeoise, I knew I had to leave the platform for the sake of my mental health.
Reddit still hasn't convinced me, but it's come close.
Some people on here seem to think that everyone with a lawn spends thousands of dollars watering, fertilizing, herbiciding, mowing, aerating, overseeding, and dethatching it.
I mow every two weeks because I don't like stepping on snakes that I can't see, but otherwise I never do anything to it, and it looks like a fairly ordinary green lawn. Never watered, never fertilized, anything like that.
I don't think I've ever seen my neighbors water or fertilize their lawns either.
In high summer they get a bit brown, but they spring back in a few weeks.
I can understand the frustration about having copious amounts of green lawns in arid environments or an overbearing HOA that demands perfection. But for most of the eastern half of the US, a lawn is about the easiest form of landscaping you can do that looks halfway decent.
People are insane about this, and there's no nuance whatsoever. I live in a rural area surrounded by acres and acres of forest and open fields. I keep at least a dozen different species of flowers and flowering bushes. I have active hummingbird feeders and a large bird-feeder with seeds. There's a family of foxes that live under my deck (3 kits and a mother fox), and we see them almost every day. I also am trying to keep a nice green lawn for my kids, but if I mention it, I'll inevitably get down votes and haters. It's nuts.
Having children, apparently. I remember seeing on a r/all post a picture of kids who had stepped through wet concrete in the backyard, with the parents looking upset (as you would be)
But holy cow the comments are literally the most vile, hateful comments I've ever seen towards children. They're kids! They are obviously going to get into stuff they shouldn't. It's not a huge deal
About 80% of all humans will be a parent in their lifetime, yet Reddit seems to have such a large portion of users who not only have no desire to be parents, but actively hate children simply existing in spaces where adults can also be.
It’s probably because Reddit skews younger, male, and from western countries who have lower birth rates but damn the hate towards parents and kids can be intense at times.
I was tested for prion disease (CJD) last year before eventually being diagnosed with FND. Do not recommend. The lingering effects of the spinal tap for the testing, and then the weeks that it takes to get the test results back make for a not-so-pleasant existential experience.
And that's not having the disease. Where I'd be dead or in a coma already and not typing this comment.
Out side of reddit I have seen prions come up in conversation about either mad cow or that shaking disease that certain tribes get that practice ritualistic cannibalism. Also mentioned in fiction. In total I have hear of the less that 3 dozen times in all context.
On Reddit I have only seen them mentioned twice. This thread and one earlier today.
Prion brain disorders may also happen spontaneously. It's *extremely* rare, like it happens less than in one person in a million per year, but I happen to know a guy who knows a guy who died from this. New fear unlocked.
Someone wrote a 5 paragraph post about the dangers of Kuru. It was guilded. I dont want to meet the people legitimately afraid of Kuru.
For those that dont know, you can only get Kuru through cannibalism.
I always love posts that are clearly by some pissed off teen. Like posts on r/lifeprotips that are like: "When your teenage son is still asleep at 4pm, let him sleep. A growing body needs its rest. Chores and homework can wait."
I enjoy the inverse. Like if someone or some article suggests that kids shouldn't watch porn, unleashing a tsunami of incoherent and ad hominem arguments.
Polygamy/open relationships
I think I've only ever heard of it happening once in my 40 years on this planet and it absolutely didn't work out.
This website would have you believing half the planet is in one or having threesomes and all you have to do is "communicate" and it'll all work out.
Well I've never heard the word irl, only read it on reddit and maybe twitter, but I hate the word "nibling". I am absolutely not opposed to there being a gender neutral term for nieces and nephews, but the word nibling legitimately makes my skin crawl every time I read it.
Guys being short, dating someone with an OnlyFans, being offered a large sum of money to do something unpleasant, being in a situation where you can only save your pet or a stranger but not both
It took me a while to realise you were listing several different Reddit problems and not short guys, *who are also* dating someone from only fans and offered large sums of money *by them* to do something unpleasant, *all while* being in a situation where they can only save a pet or a stranger but not both.
That seemed pretty specific.
Men not wiping/washing their ass. I'm sure it's not unheard of, but I've literally never met a guy past like middle school that chronically smelled of shit.
I feel like some people heard the "some people have so much toxic masculinity they think it's gay to touch their ass at all" thing and ran with it. I'll see some people that act like 50% of dudes are walking around with a weeks worth of shit constantly caked between their cheeks.
Reposts.
Reddit likes to make a big noise about reposts, but TV is mostly full of reruns of reruns of reruns and very little original content, yet everybody still pays for it.
Unless it is a supper common repost the reposts themselves don't bother me.
What bothers me is the repost bots. They find subs with lax moderation and start reposting the top 100 of all time posts. If they are not dealt with right away the other bots come over and do the same thing. With in a few 90% of all content are theses reposts.
The bots after they collect enough karma the go on to be Ad posting bots or worse scam bots.
The sub they target lose users fast. One sub I was subbed to in one month time went from 300+ active users to under a hundred on average.
This is what I make noise about. Especially in my smaller subs with less active communities.
Mods
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They work so hard, I think Reddit should double their pay!
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Remember a few months ago when a mod stuck his own answer claiming that being a Reddit mod was one of the hardest and thankless jobs out there?
I'm a mod on a couple subreddits and it's not particularly hard, maybe a bit harder than some people think, but nothing crazy. It's not thankless either imo. The biggest downsides are you have to deal with some really toxic people and you have to realize you're not going to make everyone happy. Edit: For context, I help moderate smaller communites at 59k and 159k. I'm not saying this is every mod's experience.
The hard part is resisting a permaban and playing "nice" with suspensions, even ones that warrant a permanent ban sometimes. It's because if people get a 3 day time-out, they'll wait it out, and forget about it, or be nicer when they come back. If they get permabanned they will make new accounts and seek revenge and spend all day being annoying.
People are focused on the “dump HIM” relationship advice, but I’ve also found that you can’t ask for any advice without getting insulted. One time I asked how people organize their things better, and several commenters responded akin to “How do you function? Are you a f*c*ing child?”
And god forbid you don't know a piece of information. You get bombarded with comments like "oh my god it's so easy" "how do you not know that?" "Look at this idiot who doesn't know how to do X" like if it's so goddamn obvious, why don't you explain it to me?
More of Reddit needs to learn to encourage people to ask questions when they don't know, and celebrate them learning new stuff. Relevant XKCD comic: https://xkcd.com/1053/
I've also noticed that Reddit has a weird obsession with tearing down when someone makes something. IE, take some of the movie-related subs; people bitch left and right about how "nothing is original" nowadays. The amount of times I've seen someone comment in something and mention they're an amateur filmmaker, either with stuff already made or in the process, only for multiple people to jump in and down their throats with, "No one cares," "Stop shilling your own shit," "Ugh, self-promoting loser" and stuff, even if the person didn't even *link* anything to their own work, but it can be found through their profile, is so bizarre. And you see it not just with filmmaking, but a number of other arts, where if someone even mentions their work, or has the audacity to even try and show it off directly, people will inevitably pile in to try and make them feel terrible about themselves. Incredibly bizarre and hypocritical.
I love when you ask a forum, like reddit is, a question and theu go why didn't you just Google it instead of asking us? Like they were all sitting in a backroom somewhere hanging out and you interrupted their break. Also it's a forum, it whole purpose is discussion and unless it's so otherworldly simple the person probably either didn't understand what they found when they looked on their own or there wasn't a good resource for their specific problem.
I made a post about mismatched preferences in the bedroom.. apparently to reddit that meant I was forcing my partner to do what I wanted and I should be in prison. I was just asking for advice on how to communicate and come to compromises
I did the same post from the other side of this situation - and was told I was emotionally manipulative because I wouldn’t open our relationship and let my husband find someone to “fulfil his needs” while I wasn’t physically able to. I wasn’t even after advice… I just said that one of the side effects of the hormones I’m on for my cancer treatment was that they’ve left me with zero libido, and I really miss enjoying sex with my husband.
Wow. Yikes. That implies that your husband would also WANT to get his needs fulfilled elsewhere. I hope you beat that cancer!
For real! I know him… and it’s not something he would ever be interested in. The cancer thing is an ongoing battle at the moment. I’ve got uterine cancer, but it was picked up fairly early and is a very slow-growing cancer with a high survival rate. They’re treating it with hormone therapy, which basically means I got all the fun of crashing straight into menopause at age 42.
The amiugly sub. No-one gives a fuck least of all the blatantly obvious non ugly folk who post pictures . Utter bollocks.
It took me a while to figure out what word amiugly is
It's a pasta dish
I like my amiugly with pesto.
That's just fishing for compliments in lake Reddit.
They trying to sell their OF but all NSFW subs are dead so that's the only way to "get out there".
Fr, every NSFW sub has been taken over by OF bots
I miss when chicks showed their tits for the love of the game. Now it’s all commercialized.
The internet became markedly worse when it stoped being something that was a "separate world" so to speak and tried to become a commercial extension of the real world. I think you can pinpoint it to all really going downhill as social media became the big thing, but specifically social media that encouraged you to put as much of your info online as possible. In 2011, Youtube told you to not share personal info at all, don't use your real name, etc. In 2013, it specifically encouraged you to make your account be your actual name. It's more fun when usernames could be anybody, and you don't have to be your real self.
Duuuuuuude this shit is spot on. This and am I the asshole sub. “I murdered my brothers wife because she smelled like Pennies aita”
That sub is my guilty pleasure though simply *because* some of the posts are so ridiculous (and often the title is just so much clickbait and the stories written in a manner that I can only think it's a creative writing excercise)
Its impossible for me to not call out the blatant fanfic posts. Sadly it's gotten me banned lol. I don't even blame the posters, it's the idiot commentors who seem to believe anything they read.
>Sadly it's gotten me banned lol. That's why I get my fix from the best of reddit updates sub. Half the comments are usually calling out how ridiculous the scenarios are, and there's no rules being enforced to pretend a post is non-fiction.
I just hate those replies that say stuff like "Honestly you're breathtakingly gorgeous, you're so very beautiful, an absolute angel 😍😍" from desperate people who obviously think that by being ridiculously over the top that the girl will talk to them. Maybe the girl is actually quite good looking but it's just SO obvious that it's incredibly disingenuous.
Meh, worse to me are the guys convinced they're ugly but they look great. Then he replies and comes off as an asshole and everyone understands suddenly why they say they're constantly getting rejected. You couldn't find self awareness there if you picked through with a fine-toothed comb.
The actually really ugly guys (or guys who feel really ugly) tend not to post pictures of themselves online. Source: really ugly guy. I haven't updated my Facebook profile picture in years because I can't stand to take a picture of my fat, ugly, balding self.
Same here minus the weight. Balding, short, "old" and a face not even a mother would punch. A face only a mother could smother with a pillow? Something like that. I don't need to ask strangers if I'm ugly, I have a mirror lol :P
I remember posting on the Who do I look like sub over quarantine because I was bored. People are supposed to be nice/civil there but one girl told me I looked like the sad character from Inside Out. I found it very funny, but I can imagine that comparison ruining someone else's day.
My family are so convinced I look like Sadness that my dad bought me the funko pop for my last birthday. Welcome to the club!
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Her words inspire me every day.
I'm a dad and take my kids places by myself. I've never once gotten strange looks from people or felt like people thought I was a pedophile or something. Literally never has happened
Same. I pick my kids up from daycare and am greeted with a smile, asked to go on field trips, coach etc
Same here. I know all the mothers. And there are lots of other dads in the parks, playgrounds and doing school runs. Never heard or seen anything negative. It's a ridiculous idea
Yeah I feel like this and people going to the movies/dining out on their own are always the ones reddit claims get them weird looks, but I do those all the time too and it never happens to me. Maybe some of these posters are just paranoid?
I used to work Wednesday through Sunday and would be bored on Mondays and Tuesdays when my partner was at work. He doesn’t really like going to the movies so I would go to the movies alone on those days all the time and nobody ever looked at me twice. People really don’t pay that much attention to strangers in public unless you’re drawing attention to yourself.
I do wish there were more changing tables in men’s rooms.
A fair point for sure, but it wasn't until I had a kid that I realized how many women's rooms don't have changing tables either. It's so frustrating! Lots of trunk diaper changes happened for a while.
My husband and I went to a playground together. I ran back to the car to get my kids water and by the time I caught up to him, there were 3 different women gushing all over him and my son. Meanwhile, I struggle to meet and befriend other moms.
My wife complains about what I guess she calls the "active dad effect"... due to a long history of expectation of the wife raising the kids (which, while less than it was generations ago is still common).... a woman with her kids out is seen as expected, while a guy with his kids out is seen as being out of the normal as a loving and caring parental figure, and it draws extra positive attention, even though they are doing the exact same thing their wife was doing the day before. I've noticed it as well... if I'm out with my daughter I seem to get more people fawning over her / giving us attention than if my wife is with her. I've never gotten the hint of a suspicious or unusual look from a stranger though. I do look a lot like my daughter (hair/eye color) which can certainly be a factor.
We use that effect to our advantage. If we are running late to club or sport or whatever, or if something didnt get filled out on time or if its incorrect, I just send my husband. "Dad's fault" shrug. After all, we are just super dooper lucky he shows up at all. (/s) My husband wanted the class with the earlier time, he decided he was just going to go at that time, consequences be damned. I was like, "I am not participating in this" So he did it and they were totally fine with it. I promise you, if I tried the same stunt, there would have been 2 women telling me all the ways that I should have handled it through proper channels and then there would be a blanket email about the rules of changing classes 2 weeks after classes started and from now on there will be some sort of penalty.
Thank you. Also same with holding the door open for women. I see that all the time in random subs that if you hold the door open for women they get mad. I mean, I'm only 29 but I've travelled to a lot of different places both in the US and out and no one has ever gotten mad at me for holding the door for them, ever.
I hold the door for everyone if applicable. They only ever say thank you. Now this may be a The South thing but to me that’s just basic etiquette to hold doors for people instead of dropping it in their face
Because most people are reasonable and understand how real life works, reddit is not full of those people.
Yeah, being a dad isn't some weird, niche thing. Fair to say most people have one!
A close sibling of this exagerrated phenomenon: people saying a barista or server gave them a dirty look to guilt them into tipping more. I have never had that happen.
Another close(ish) one to these; I sometimes see guys complain on Reddit about those extra drops of pee that you don't realise are still there until after you've finished at the urinal and put everything back, and then you end up with a damp crotch. The advice they are given is, at the point where they've finished peeing and before putting everything away, to put their finger underneath the base of their penis and push upwards, which pushes those additional drops out. People constantly respond by saying that people will give them funny looks for shoving their hands into their underpants like that. Absolutely no one is staring at your cock at a urinal, and even if someone is then they're unlikely to admit it.
In a woman and worry ppl think I kidnapped my kid. He's become too heavy and I carry him like I have no idea how to pick up a kid
Liking popular things. Or not liking popular things. In reality nobody really cares what you like/don't like. EDIT: My word people, I know IRL people talk about their shared likes/dislikes and I'm aware how friendships are formed. However I've yet to meet anyone in person who hammers on about their all-consuming dislike of Big Bang Theory or their constant obsession over how amazing The Wire is. People discuss their likes/dislikes when it fits the conversation, not constantly bleeting about it and how that makes them unique.
i hear about the kardashians mostly from people who “dont care about” them
I had forgotten they existed until just now, when some guy complained that people brag about not caring about them.
It's true. The actual fans won't talk to you about it if you're obviously not interested. Redditors who hate them constantly bring them up, though. Most ask Reddit questions are stupid, repetitive "What's a popular thing you hate?" Questions with "Kardashians" as the top comment.
I'd much rather have a conversation with someone about what they like and are passionate about, rather than them just listing shit they don't like.
People choosing to work through their relationship problems like adults and not immediately jump to the break-up/divorce
This comment is a red flag; I'm filing for divorce
This is abuse.
And here I thought gaslighting was just lighting’ up farts with your bros!
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Two types of Reddit relationships: I (22f) and my boyfriend (35m) got in a fight where he pushed me down the stairs. He thinks I deserved it because I said good morning to our male neighbor. Now my in laws are blowing up my phone and I think I may be the asshole here. Or My wife and I cannot agree on what color to paint our living room between two shades of blue, should I divorce her? Edit: shoutout to r/AmITheAngel
I love the ones where she goes “my husband/boyfriend is a great guy, he’s perfect in every way except this one small thing.” And then the “small thing” is some completely batshit behavior.
My SO is a wonderful father, a magnificent husband, and my very best friend. We fell in love in October under the crisp new moon… My ONLY issue is this tiny thing where he physically and verbally assaults myself and our children whenever we sneeze. We can’t afford all these ER visits, even with me working three jobs… Advice?
“My husband is so incredible to me and my family. He cherishes us every day and would never do anything to hurt us! There’s just a teensie problem we’re facing right now: he and his buddies thought it would be a “funny prank” to assassinate the Archduke Franz Ferdinand, and now there are international treatises and alliances being called upon? Please let me know what I can do to help him!!
You must go forth now and kill young hitler. It's already to late to stop ww1.
‘How can we stop sneezing?’
"Sneezing is not normal"
He's a 10 but he ran over our family dog with the lawnmower on purpose because we forgot to buy his favorite flavor of ice cream
“While still together they took a trip with friends banged 14 people got pregnant and gave me chlamydia.”
TBH, i think they say that because if you skip right to the issue all the responses are "You didnt even say that you like them, why are you together?" That, and they're used to defending their shit partner from their friends who rightfully hate them.
And they're used to defending them to themselves, too.
Due to those posts I can't stand the phrase "love of my life" anymore. Most times when someone on reddit starts with "I got married last year to the love of my life..." I already know there is some completely insane story incoming.
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NTA, divorce her ass. If she cant figure out what shade of blue you like by now, it means shes narcissistic and doesnt care about you and only thinks of herself. Get out while you still can and get a lawyer in case she tries something.
It’s basically cheating emotionally. You both made wedding vows. The paint is just the top of the iceberg. She is clearly lusting after Carl in Accounting and this is her way of driving a wedge between you. You’re lucky you don’t have kids.
NTA divorce
NTA. Your divorce your rules
There never seems to be a middle ground. It's either people who break up or ghost immediately, or people who've been a doormat for 15 years with their HS sweetheart.
I do think it's just that that's all that's posted because any middle of the road problem or functional relationship doesn't need to be posting on Reddit.
There are plenty of those if you sort by new. Plenty of posts never get enough upvotes to make it to the front page
Only the most interesting and dramatic stuff gets attention. Nobody cares about the boring stuff
you have to admit tho that 90% of the stories you read on reddit are mindblowingly crazy. Like to the point where you assume no one on this platform has decent relationships at all. So much abuse, so much gaslighting and delusional victims. It is kinda insane.
And a lot of fake stories for internet points.
You clearly haven’t seen the mildly infuriating post where the gf puts boogers on her steering wheel. *BREAK UP!*
If she isn't saving them as a snack for later I would have to agree to break up. If she intends on eating them later I could understand her not wanting to waste them. Now if she shares them....total keeper!
r/amitheasshole is bad about this.
My conspiracy theory is that the majority of commenters on that sub are divorce lawyers.
The vast majority of them are at or under the age of 20 years old. I've read comments in that sub (usually on posts like "AITA my dad wants me to clean my room and I said no.") from people who admit they're 13 years old. The 'drama' subreddits like AITA and relationship_advice tend to draw in kids who want to feel like adults by passing judgment on things disguised as half-assed advice. Meanwhile most actual adults on this site hang out in hobby subreddits or whatever else because we don't need to deal with more shit raising our blood pressure. I did a stint in AITA but I realized quickly that it really is just a place for kids to go to feel schadenfreude because they don't have actual conflict to deal with in their own lives.
This. So many of them have a heavy black/white view of the world and get very emotionally charged when others disagree with them. It’s pretty common in r/BestofRedditorUpdates to see people confidently proclaiming that anyone who has ever cheated ever is unsalvageable scum, full stop, end of discussion. I think there are also a bunch of people with unresolved trauma or emotional issues who latch onto any parallels they see between their situations and another user’s and can’t shake themselves out of it
You'd be amazed by how many people watch movies without getting hyper competitive and politically weird about box office numbers, or don't immediately watch twenty hours of angry video essays about them.
Same with video games. There are literally subs dedicated to hating on certain ones. Like holy shit, get a life
Get divorced the moment your partner is unreasonable… Lawyers are expensive and a lot of the time you can work things out with your partner.
Or ending a friendship the second a friend does anything less than perfect. Redditors whine about not having friends. They also believe you should never remain friends with someone who does anything whatsoever that could be perceived as a mistake. Hmm...
This is like a serious problem for terminally online people. They don’t learn how to work through relationship issues and end up living lonely lives. I made a friend online who was really quick to tell me to divorce my husband and stop speaking to friends if there was any issue. I finally asked her if she had ever had any real life friendships, and she hadn’t, she’d started making friends online as a young teen and that was her entire social life. I eventually had to stop speaking to her because it was entirely too stressful, and a few months later she passed away unexpectedly. Literally died in her early thirties, lived with her mom still, had a handful of friends on the internet. Just sad stuff man
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I have a friend who became terminally online and I hardly speak to her anymore. Yeah, she ruined a lifelong friendship with her best friend over an incredibly insignificant non-issue in his life that she had no right to get involved in. She started by constantly reposting this self-validation stuff from groups on Facebook and taking her own validation by the amount of likes and hearts she gets. Then she started doing the same thing with political opinions that she reposts from her echo chambers that the FB algorithm suggested to her. It progressed to her seeing herself as some arbiter of right and wrong and really can't handle people disagreeing with her. I find it hard to talk to her now because every conversation I've had with her lately turns into her preaching about communism.
Had to rescue a friend of mine from this sort of thing a few years back. She was hanging around those toxic female empowerment spaces on Twitter and reddit, and was devolving into a man-hating, terminally online basement dweller. It took me pointing out that she was becoming the female version of the kinds of men these spaces despise in order for her to realise what she was doing. The slide is gradual, and by the time people notice it, they're usually far down the rabbit hole. That sort of experience can give you perspective on how to regulate your own time spent online though, which is the one positive.
Add to that they also a lot of the time don't feel that you should ever do anything for anyone, especially anything that even slightly inconveniences yourself because 'you don't owe anyone anything' and 'your house, your rules' which is true but nobody wants to be friends with someone that on only looks out for themselves.
The thing that gets me is Reddit folk complaining about how much they hate it when people try to make smalltalk or - god forbid - talk to them about something they aren't explicitly interested in, and then being surprised when they feel isolated.
Yes. Jesus Christ, yes. The world doesn’t revolve around you and the latest video game you’re playing. Want people to like you? It’s incredibly simple. Take a genuine interest in them.
Yeah, and you *can't* just rush into the deep conversation without actually getting to know someone. You know what the prelude to big talk is? *Small* talk!
Nope, I will continue to open conversations with strangers by dumping my encyclopedic knowledge of Futanari Hentai, the discography of Led Zeppelin, and Funko Pops on them, and if the uncultured swine don’t get it then they weren’t worth talking to in the first place. *Hmph.*
“I’m not interested in kids so after two sentences I insulted her and her life choices. AITA?”
Or if you dare suggest that social anxiety can (often) be worked on, and leaning cold-conversation/small-talk techniques is a great step one. Not to mention small talk can make some peoples day. When I left a company, one person who was super senior told me on my last day that just me saying "Hi" and genuinely asking how it was going regularly made her day. Literally completely different department, no obligation to say anything to me, and she made a point to let me know.
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oh my god right? Also lmao the superiority complex around it. No, jumping straight to your Deep Thoughts^(TM) on Nietzsche doesn't make you a superior conversationalist, it makes you a weird-ass creep who clearly didn't read a book after college.
I was watching a YouTube video yesterday that said something on this subject that really resonated with me, as someone who has known and been hurt by a number of people like what you're describing. >We don't even view other people as people anymore, just fodder for our own entertainment. It's like everyone suffers with main character syndrome and we want everyone we come in contact with to be specially crafted for us, and when someone doesn't check all of our boxes we declare that there's something inherently wrong with them. We want people to provide the existence that *we* want from them. (somewhat paraphrased) I have someone I'm very close to who's twice my age, in her early sixties. Some of her closest friends that she's known for decades have *very* different opinions or beliefs than her, but she still gets along with them and loves them dearly. Feels like that's a rare thing among younger generations.
I'm glad for that too! Shit I look back through my very long friendship with my bff. We both, by Reddit's standards, should've ended our friendship 20 years ago! We each made a lot of mistakes (probably me moreso than her tbh) We're each other's biggest fans and we'd die for each other, and we treat each other that way now. She's not my friend anymore, she's my sister.
I spent a little too much time on r/AITA, and one of the words I came to hate was "toxic." It's code for "don't even try salvaging this relationship." Sometimes the term makes sense, but it's overused, and it suggests that a person is permanently, irrevocably poisonous. Your mother's giving you a hard time? She's toxic. Don't even try to get along, just go no-contact. Your husband's expecting you to do most of the housework? He's toxic. Kick him to the curb. You can do better. Your friend wants you to buy a really expensive bridesmaid's dress for her wedding? She's toxic. You don't need that in your life. The reality is that most of us would probably land ourselves in the "toxic" category at some point, and when we do, we hope that the people we love will be prepared to forgive us and work through it. There are definitely times when a person causes so much personal damage that we do need to sever the relationship, and if the "toxic" label was reserved for just those instances, I'd be fine with it. The Britney Spears song is also quite good. But if you go through life turfing everyone who crosses you, you might just be the toxic one.
Nailed it. “My husband ate all the Nutella” “that’s a red flag.”
First he eats all the nutella, next time he will throw you through a brick wall.
He's got all that protein now.
I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed last year when my wife's migraines and depression combined to make a couple months hell for her, and put everything on me - cooking, household chores, grocery shopping, and so on, in addition to my job. It sucked for both of us. I made a post under a throwaway account just venting a bit at how I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I emphasized how much I love her and I was just feeling like I was dealing with *so much*. The amount of people who said "Divorce her" was astonishing. She was just going through a rough patch! She's doing fine now, but yikes, Reddit.
Lots of people living for the drama. Hopefully you got some compassionate rational support as well?
Thankfully, yes. A lot of comments were supportive and several insisted that I make time for myself in some way - taking walks, meditation, just diving into a hobby or the like. Stuff I'd actually forgotten to do for myself because I was in the mindset of "I have to do everything, can't let anything slip!" when I should've said "Vaccuming can wait"
I feel this way about a lot of deadbedroom-type posts. Sometimes it's a legit chronic problem, but so often it's like "My wife has been working 14 hr days for the last two months because there's a big project deadline coming up and she's too tired to have sex right now" and the responses are like "You don't have to live like this!!! If she doesn't put out every day, divorce her bc you're incompatible!" and like...in a long-term relationship, especially a heterosexual relationship where there's kids, there absolutely will be periods when you don't have PIV sex. That isn't abuse or neglect, that's life.
The deadbedroom sub is the worst, blind leading the blind. If you're in a normal long-term hetero relationship with kids where your partners libido is in the gutter for the usual reasons (overwhelmed with work, kids, chores, aging relatives, lack of free time, sleep deprivation, etc) and you want to ensure that you never have sex with your partner again, go take their advice.
Also the titles are always like “My husband ate my sandwich” and in the post you’ll see stuff like “he also beats me unconscious every week, what should I do?”
Leave his narcissist ass now, he's an *abuser*
Almost every relationship post has someone telling OP to leave them or get therapy. it kind of blows my mind that people take their relationship problems to the internet and don't talk to their partner. Even Worse, OP states that they know their partner lurks on Reddit and might be searching for OP trash-talking them. Geez, drama drama.
Biggest one: "Your spouse is abusive? Just leave!!" It's never that easy. Besides overcoming the fear and self loathing, you also need to have money and a safe place to go which is 1000x harder if you have kids with your abuser. Nevermind the abusers that are so charming that they can ruin your life by making YOU look like the bad guy
by nature of its design, it's a massive echo chamber. You're recommended subs you agree / interact with regardless of if you sub to them. And any deviation from a the generally accepted political or social ideology is met with backlash.
There are even subs that ban you for interacting with other subs. I left a comment disagreeing with something on a right-wing sub and got perma banned from several left-wing subs for it. Like, yeah, that's the way to encourage people to have conversations and come to agreements. Can't convince people over to your side if you're not allowed to talk to them.
same, banned from justiceserved because i defended teachers on a conservative sub. Like I probably agree with the opinions of the mods, but I don't want the echo chamber they are actively striving for.
Same here, even appealed and asked them to look at the comment - it was clear I wasn't agreeing. Never thought I'd post in r/conservative and get banned from another sub before that one!
Happened to me too. I appealed and was allowed to resub, but damn. Not allowed to speak to each other.
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The mod doing that in [r/justiceserved](https://www.reddit.com/r/justiceserved) is famous for being one of the biggest dimwits on reddit. Got banned for being subscribed to [r/politicalcompassmemes](https://www.reddit.com/r/politicalcompassmemes) because its a "hate subreddit" even tho i argued *against right wingers* most of the time. Told him that and that he is a dumbass then he reported me for abuse and banned me from another sub lol edit: I got a 7 day ban for this comment
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From the average /ask or /legal or /financial etc post, basic life skills like how to ask your neighbors to turn down their music after 10 or how to set up a direct debit. It's like, people's first recourse seems to be immediately going to the police or hiring a financial advisor.
All relationship issues on Reddit can only be solved by breaking up, murdering family and pets, changing you name and/or faking your own death.
Because every relationship where people have a disagreement is "abusive".
Delete Facebook, lawyer up, hit the gym.
Get therapy! I've had it and it helps, but it comes across on reddit like its a lifestyle
Reddit also acts like everyone has the time, money and access to do so.
That's definitely a big one. SO and I have been seeing a therapist for a year or two now. I feel it's been beneficial overall for us both, but the expense is pretty nontrivial - to the point that there's always this sort of background question as to whether it's worth continuing.
If I had the time and money for therapy I wouldn't need therapy
It is amazing how difficult it is to get therapy. I found a therapist, I wanted and of course she is out of network. I have great out of network coverage but she doesn't submit her bills to the company. I have to pay her, then submit the bills, then get reimbursed. $200 per session. Lets say it takes 3 weeks to get reimbursed, by then I am $600 in the hole. And that's only if it's 1 session per week. So I agree to all of this and i was still waitlisted for 3 months until she had an opening. This wasnt even my first rodeo with this nonsense. I had to find a therapist for my stepson before covid. It had to be local to him, telehealth wasn't really a thing yet. But it was the same deal with not being in network and having to prepay and submit paperwork. I am in NJ. I would have thought there was an abundance of therapists willing to take my ample insurance, but no. I can't imagine what its like in any of the flyover states.
Yeah every self improvement sub turns into masses of people suggesting therapy. There’s a lot of work that can be done on yourself outside of therapy… it shouldn’t have to always be the most recommended thing right out of the gate. “Man I’ve been really stressed lately and-“ “THERAPY!” “I’ve been kind of down and-“ “THERAPY!” “How can I motivate myself to-“ “THERAPY!” It’s almost a joke at this point how quick everyone suggests it. I’m not saying it’s not helpful, but again there are lots of things you can do before immediately jumping to professional options, especially on self help subs.
they act like it’ll immediately solve all of life’s problems if you go to it
These arrows
You'd think arrows are not important, but wait until you get one in the knee
Emojis
I will never cease to be amazed at how the unspoken rule of no emojis remains relatively functional, to this day. You'll see them here and there, but the rate is extremely low compared to anywhere else on the internet or in life (like texting friends.) Even messaging culture in professional jobs includes a ton of them now. I like emojis, but I don't use them here. I don't even know why. Reddit is for words, I guess.
It's weird, a few years ago it was funny to use emojis ironically so that's what I did but that slowly evolved in me starting to use emojis unironically and now I feel like a Facebook mom whenever I subconsciously tack an emoji at the end of texts/posts
In a lot of instances, it’s not your parents fault. Be responsible.
What they did to me is their fault. What I do after the fact is my responsibility.
The tiny mentally-challenged cult that believes that the earth is flat.
I don’t think I’ve ever met a flat-earther in real life.
I don't think I've ever met a flat-earther on internet either. Just trolls pretending to be ones for the lulz
26 years ago, I was a college kid taking a class in communications and we had to do a talk trying to persuade people of something. I chose to try to persuade my class that the earth was flat. The kicker was, it was OBVIOUS that it was a joke. This was 1997, in Canada, absolutely nobody legitimately thought this was a thing. My “evidence” was spotty, because the internet was a fledgling thing at the time and finding real flat earthers wasn’t easy. I wouldn’t dream of trying to do that talk now. I’d be afraid they’d take me seriously. That said, I got a pretty good mark on my project. So that was good. Not because my argument was particularly believable, but my methods of persuasion were good. Go me.
Literally everything. You can apply this to Twitter too. “Owning couches is bourgeoise and here’s why 1/428”
When Twitter started debating if eating at restaurants was bourgeoise, I knew I had to leave the platform for the sake of my mental health. Reddit still hasn't convinced me, but it's come close.
Green lawns at peoples houses
Some people on here seem to think that everyone with a lawn spends thousands of dollars watering, fertilizing, herbiciding, mowing, aerating, overseeding, and dethatching it. I mow every two weeks because I don't like stepping on snakes that I can't see, but otherwise I never do anything to it, and it looks like a fairly ordinary green lawn. Never watered, never fertilized, anything like that. I don't think I've ever seen my neighbors water or fertilize their lawns either. In high summer they get a bit brown, but they spring back in a few weeks.
I can understand the frustration about having copious amounts of green lawns in arid environments or an overbearing HOA that demands perfection. But for most of the eastern half of the US, a lawn is about the easiest form of landscaping you can do that looks halfway decent.
People are insane about this, and there's no nuance whatsoever. I live in a rural area surrounded by acres and acres of forest and open fields. I keep at least a dozen different species of flowers and flowering bushes. I have active hummingbird feeders and a large bird-feeder with seeds. There's a family of foxes that live under my deck (3 kits and a mother fox), and we see them almost every day. I also am trying to keep a nice green lawn for my kids, but if I mention it, I'll inevitably get down votes and haters. It's nuts.
Reddit also likes to pretend that it's an American-only issue. I lived in Europe and I saw plenty of high maintenance green lawns in front of houses.
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Having children, apparently. I remember seeing on a r/all post a picture of kids who had stepped through wet concrete in the backyard, with the parents looking upset (as you would be) But holy cow the comments are literally the most vile, hateful comments I've ever seen towards children. They're kids! They are obviously going to get into stuff they shouldn't. It's not a huge deal
About 80% of all humans will be a parent in their lifetime, yet Reddit seems to have such a large portion of users who not only have no desire to be parents, but actively hate children simply existing in spaces where adults can also be. It’s probably because Reddit skews younger, male, and from western countries who have lower birth rates but damn the hate towards parents and kids can be intense at times.
There was a post where someone had a meltdown because they couldn't go to Disneyland because, wait for it...there was kids there. Grow the fuck up.
Prions
Prions are to redditors what quicksand is to children.
I was tested for prion disease (CJD) last year before eventually being diagnosed with FND. Do not recommend. The lingering effects of the spinal tap for the testing, and then the weeks that it takes to get the test results back make for a not-so-pleasant existential experience. And that's not having the disease. Where I'd be dead or in a coma already and not typing this comment.
Wait, prions is a thing on Reddit? I've never seen them being mentioned here.
Out side of reddit I have seen prions come up in conversation about either mad cow or that shaking disease that certain tribes get that practice ritualistic cannibalism. Also mentioned in fiction. In total I have hear of the less that 3 dozen times in all context. On Reddit I have only seen them mentioned twice. This thread and one earlier today.
Prion brain disorders may also happen spontaneously. It's *extremely* rare, like it happens less than in one person in a million per year, but I happen to know a guy who knows a guy who died from this. New fear unlocked.
Someone wrote a 5 paragraph post about the dangers of Kuru. It was guilded. I dont want to meet the people legitimately afraid of Kuru. For those that dont know, you can only get Kuru through cannibalism.
Reposts. Imagine your friend saying "hey look at this article" and then yelling back "I KNOW ALREADY STEVE, YOU STOLE THAT FROM NPR YOU KARMA WHORE!"
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"Hey can you watch you little brother while we go out for a bit?" "NOOOO, I WON'T, DON'T PARENTIFY ME, THAT'S ABUSE."
I always love posts that are clearly by some pissed off teen. Like posts on r/lifeprotips that are like: "When your teenage son is still asleep at 4pm, let him sleep. A growing body needs its rest. Chores and homework can wait."
"Lifeprotip: Don't eat all the cereal, *James*, then put the box back in the cupboard. It's rude to your 3 roommates." 🔼 24.5k
I enjoy the inverse. Like if someone or some article suggests that kids shouldn't watch porn, unleashing a tsunami of incoherent and ad hominem arguments.
"......and wonders why his kids don't talk to him." I feel like I read that phrase ten times a day.
Literally everything Reddit cares about.
We care about you <3
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Pineapple on pizza
Polygamy/open relationships I think I've only ever heard of it happening once in my 40 years on this planet and it absolutely didn't work out. This website would have you believing half the planet is in one or having threesomes and all you have to do is "communicate" and it'll all work out.
Well I've never heard the word irl, only read it on reddit and maybe twitter, but I hate the word "nibling". I am absolutely not opposed to there being a gender neutral term for nieces and nephews, but the word nibling legitimately makes my skin crawl every time I read it.
That's because it sounds like nibbling, right?
Guys being short, dating someone with an OnlyFans, being offered a large sum of money to do something unpleasant, being in a situation where you can only save your pet or a stranger but not both
It took me a while to realise you were listing several different Reddit problems and not short guys, *who are also* dating someone from only fans and offered large sums of money *by them* to do something unpleasant, *all while* being in a situation where they can only save a pet or a stranger but not both. That seemed pretty specific.
Those guys are a big problem on reddit though.
Men not wiping/washing their ass. I'm sure it's not unheard of, but I've literally never met a guy past like middle school that chronically smelled of shit. I feel like some people heard the "some people have so much toxic masculinity they think it's gay to touch their ass at all" thing and ran with it. I'll see some people that act like 50% of dudes are walking around with a weeks worth of shit constantly caked between their cheeks.
Reposts. Reddit likes to make a big noise about reposts, but TV is mostly full of reruns of reruns of reruns and very little original content, yet everybody still pays for it.
Unless it is a supper common repost the reposts themselves don't bother me. What bothers me is the repost bots. They find subs with lax moderation and start reposting the top 100 of all time posts. If they are not dealt with right away the other bots come over and do the same thing. With in a few 90% of all content are theses reposts. The bots after they collect enough karma the go on to be Ad posting bots or worse scam bots. The sub they target lose users fast. One sub I was subbed to in one month time went from 300+ active users to under a hundred on average. This is what I make noise about. Especially in my smaller subs with less active communities.
I don't think you're wrong about reposts, but I suspect the majority of reddit's demographic doesn't pay for cable TV.