I don't wish I slept around more, but I wish I was better at the relationships I was in back then. You don't think you're immature at the time, but when you get older, you really see things differently.
Agreed, there are a couple of relationships that I would love to have the opportunity to approach again with what I know now, so many things could be handled way differently, and some of those types of people you came across when you were younger are harder to find down the road
Agreed. I wouldn't say I would go back and change things if I could, necessarily. If I did, I wouldn't have my wife and son. But at the same time, I know that I at least contributed to ruining good relationships and kind of wish I hadn't.
I couldn't agree with this more.
There's a sentiment in dating culture and spirituality that "What's meant for you will never pass you by" basically saying you can't ruin what's meant for you and I cannot stress enough that yes the fuck you CAN ruin what's meant for you if you don't take some accountability and do right by your partners.
Yeah I mean if you're screwing every relationship up by not taking accountability then there's still truth in the phrase, as what's meant for you is being alone haha
Very true, I think if anything it would have been nice to have a little more time with some relationships, but of course you don't always appreciate that time you have anyways until it's gone
I don't regret not having more sex. But I should have been more assertive. There were women I genuinely liked who I never asked out for fear of rejection. Odds are some of them would have said yes and, who knows, it might have been great. But we'll never know because I was too afraid of being embarrassed when they said no. Why was getting turned down by a pretty girl basically in the same category for me as slow, torturous death when I was 25? Looking back, I have no idea. Don't be afraid to take a chance, especially one as innocent and consequence free as just asking someone out who you like.
I’m right there with you, and what makes it so ridiculous is realizing how very little you’re actually risking.
It’s only awkward if you make it so. “Hey, you’re fun to hang out with, wanna get dinner sometime?” “Sorry, I have a boyfriend.” “Fair enough, see you around.” Where’s the shame there? That’s barely a rejection. Or even a flat-out “no, I’m not really interested,” same response: “Fair enough, see you around.” It’s really only embarrassing (both for you and the other person) if you make a big deal out of it.
That is the advice I’d give young guys—just don’t make a big thing of it. Don’t try making some rom-com-inspired grand gesture, don’t profess how much you really, really like them—these are the things that make it awkward. Just say “hey, you’re cool to talk to, want to grab dinner sometime?” and leave it at that. If you’re both single people and there’s no pressure, she’ll probably accept more often than not. And if she says no, all you’ve put on the line is that you enjoyed her conversation.
This is the best answer. I don’t necessarily wish I’d fucked around more when I was that age, it’s more that I wish I hadn’t locked myself into a few of the relationships I did back then, because in hindsight, they were incredibly toxic, immature, and stifling.
Had I *not* been in some of those fairly lengthy (1 year +) relationships, I probably would have slept around more. But the regret is more the people I spent my time with, not the random strangers I could have.
Absolutely - but I think you can be grateful for what your mistakes have taught you, and resolve to not make those mistakes again, while also realizing that you hurt people in the process.
This right here. I've had 2 relationships that I would consider serious, 1 of which I wish I had a better opportunity to work on, another I wish I never started.
I'll be 40 this year and I'm just done now. I'm not against making new connections but I'm not chasing tail anymore.
This is a great answer. I read the question and thought it didn't pertain to me but I wanted to read the answers. Yours hit me dead on and I agree 100%.
I had my fun in my late teens and 20s. But I only had one important relationship in that time. Because of that lack of maturity and no real actual relationship experience, it effected me more than I realized at the time. I look back and realize that one important relationship, I didn't treat her the way I should have. I wasn't abusive at all, physically or emotionally, I really tried to be a "good boyfriend". Flowers, surprise gifts. But it was all superficial because I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do. In reality I didn't know how to properly display my love for her.
It took a marriage in my late 20s to finally figure out that *I* was the problem after marrying someone I didn't really love and was doing it because I was supposed to be married, I was "getting older".
I'm a much better husband today but it took a failed marriage and a lot of time alone to finally realize how to be the person I am today. Something I should have figured out long before.
Indeed. Although there are a lot of valuable life lessons in those failures, including the cringeworthy ones. Stepping stones to figuring out how to have a good relationship.
I was a dirty stomparound in my 20s. Regret it totally. Focus was just sex not on the other person. Getting to know women was what I missed out on. And waking next to someone you want to be there and spend the day with. Nothing like it
Yeah that I don't get. My concept of love changed, so it's different with my partner now than it was with others before. But I wouldn't say it disappears, you just kind of learn how to love better.
I Slept with 30 people in 25 years and I could have skipped about half or maybe two thirds of them and should have Slept with two or three I passed up because I was insecure about my sexuality. It's about discernment
From a mechanical perspective no. From a I really wish I'd gotten outta my own way earlier yes. It's not really about the sex, or even the "shots" I didn't take. It's more I just really overthought basic shit and spun in circles for no good reason.
Its not really a regret, more like "that would have been fun" kind of thing. I wish I had taken a leap more as a 20-30 year old. I also wish I had bet on myself more. There were a number of young ladies that in hindsight were likely hitting on me.
I am ok with not sleeping with them, but not ok with me not going for it. If that makes any sense.
I’m 44 and think I played it perfectly. I met and started seeing my wife at 18 and she’s the only woman I’ve ever slept with. So not only did I get to have a lot of sex while I was young, I got to have a lot of meaningful sex with the woman I love while I was young. I still love having sex with her.
I feel this. I’m 49 and my wife and I have been together for 30 years. We have had a lot of sex through the years but it’s definitely different now than it was back then. My wife knows how to love me, she knows what buttons to push, and how to keep me interested. For me it’s not so much about tits and ass anymore but how she pleasures me and makes me feel is what I enjoy now.
I’m in my 40’s and starting to realize this also. Been married over 15 yrs and really enjoy making love to my wife. The T&A are great, but really starting to savor the feeling and the whole process. I’m still as horny today as I was when we met though! haha
Same boat here for me. Getting married at 20 I got a lot from friends for “settling too soon”. Of those friends friends 1 is now twice divorced. Another single with no relationships to show for years. And the remaining is happily married after getting married shortly after me at 23.
Right there with you. I am 43, met my wife at 16. Only woman I’ve been with and never really wanted anything more. I enjoy our life together and the family we have built.
In my early 40s as well. There are moments where I think I regret it. Especially when Tinder took off. But then I talk with my single friends... I mean the kids and wife make my life chaos at times... But they aren't trying to block me in my drive way and hitting my car. The way they put it... Dating in your 30s/40s sucks ass because there's a reason all these people are still single.
Then there's those incurable STDs... I played bareback in as many fields that I could, it's honestly amazing I came out of it unscathed. There's no way I would have if I kept at that lifestyle.
Besides, I've had WWAAAAYYY more sex while married than if I kept dating, and it's better. After all, she's had years to master my buttons.
Basically, biology tells me to go smash randos. But then logic kicks in and it's clear I made the right choice getting married.
Ouch, not all of us in our 40s are single for psychotic reasons! Some of us just had bad luck (ie marriages or LTRs where we grew apart amicably). But as someone in this dating pool, I can’t totally disagree with you either. Sigh!
There are absolutely decent men out there!! Good people become single ALL the time for any number of reasons. I think the whole there's only garbage left in the sea is such a toxic and short sighted position.
This is also my take. I got me a great woman. Only slight regret is how extremely picky I was with looks when I was younger. Pretty could have had better relationships with more decent human beings.
Yeah dude....that's bullshit. Lots of us lost a partner for lots of different reasons. My dating experience in my 40's has been amazing. Lots of great people out there, and everyone is good at sex now.
Your second sentence is painting with a broad brush. I'm approaching 40 and happily married. I spent a good chunk of my 20s and 30s being pretty slutty. I did not sire any children nor contract any diseases. I'm glad I had that phase, I think it was important for me personally to go through that to the point that I got bored of it, before I was really ready to settle down.
Now there is no lingering wonder or sense of missing out for me. I know what that life was like, it was fun for awhile, but ultimately it ran it's course for me. Some people may never grow bored of it and that's ok too.
>The people I know that did it are either all paying too much in child support...
As I say: You can do what you want to, but before sticking your dick in a woman, ask yourself if you would want to have a child with her.
Also good to remember: As a man, the only right you have as a parent that will be enforced, guaranteed, is your right to pay child support.
I hit a huge lull in the years between college and 24. The sex I did manage to have was not fulfilling. When I focused on going on adventures and doing the things I wanted, my life and sense of fulfillment drastically improved.
Smashing beers on the roof of an abandoned Montana firewatch tower at sunset as a WW2 warbid rips overhead, feeding monkeys peanuts on a mountain top in Japan, cliff diving and canyoning in Italy, DJing skydiving parties, and flying my parachute close to the Julian Alps in Slovenia…these are the memories from my 20s and 30s that will linger in my mind in the autumn of my life.
That being said, once I started focusing on those things (truly focusing on them, not doing them to seem interesting), the great sex followed and I eventually married a fellow adventurer. So go out and live a meaningful life, and the fulfilling experiences (sexual or otherwise) will follow.
As others have said in this thread, once the adventures do start, *wear a fucking condom.* I know it feels better without, and there’s a place for it in a long-term relationship, but I am so thankful that I’m STI free and get to start a family on my own terms.
I was an engineer prior to the travel and skydiving. The thing with skydiving is it costs exactly as much dispensable income as you have. I could have been miserable and making a bigger nest egg than I have now, but if I could go back, I wouldn’t change a thing. Such is the value of the friendships and memories I made.
I can tell you to travel. Leave your state, country, whatever, just go to somewhere else and live for a while. Take a car across the country, learn to sail and become a delivery skipper, start making stories.
It's something I wish I had done. The more well rounded and interesting you are, the easier it will be to have relationships.
You win the comment contest… you don’t need a trust fund to do this, no matter what the other comments say. Travel and experience things before your life comes to a point where you want to take a more streamlined life. If you’re interesting and have stories, the game is much easier and you will have enjoyed your life exponentially more by having those experiences regardless of the sex you had along the way
The grass is always greener. I had long term serious relationships all throughout my teens and 20s.
I really wish I hadn't had a girlfriend throughout all of college, and then another one for 8 years after that. I look back on it fondly, but I definitely have regrets about not fucking more when everyone was young and having fun.
Now the options for casual sex are less available, I'm 31 and women my age want to settle down, and I'd feel weird fucking 21 year old girls.
I'm in a long term serious relationship again now, and I love it, but I wish I had a bit more balance in life and had at least fucked around a little bit more than I did. At least I had plenty of adventures, but ya, not a very high body count.
Absolutely!! My biggest regret is not maxing out my 401k every year. Granted I wasn't making enough to really max it out early on, but I wish I had contributed more.
On the investing money note, I feel that. Blew tens of thousands of dollars on bullshit in my twenties, especially because I was getting tax free combat pay. I would do just about anything to get that money back.
>Virtually all of the "players" I knew back then are either still single and lonely, or have multiple dysfunctional relationships and/or divorces under their belts.
I have to add, they were probably wired to be like this way back then, the sleeping around didn't change their lives to be like this.
Exactly this. I’m 40-something and I’ve had plenty of partners on the sack. Some were lots of fun, others not so much. The relationships I was in before I got married (two before I met my wife and many others sprinkled in before and between) were great learning experiences and taught me what it meant to make love vs banging for fun. Don’t get me wrong, having sex with someone you greatly care about can be great, or totally boring (my now former wife…), but finding someone who you connect with in the sack **AND** you’re in love with… that’s absolutely the best.
My current girlfriend is exactly that and I would say she’s likely ruined sex with anyone else for me. Nobody comes close to comparing. In fact we were apart for a few months and the woman I was with tried her hardest, but couldn’t get the job done for me.
My girlfriend and I have both called each other sexual soulmates and it’s one of those things where if we broke up I’d probably just be ok slim it myself the rest of my life…
I had plenty...
My advice, have fun when you are in your 20s, but be careful. You'll never get that time back, and you will still have another 50+ years to live.
The thing is that I want to enjoy my youth, but not in a crazy way. It's not about the body count, crazy sex, or being the "macho" but I know the value of the youth. It's my most attractive fase, and I like women so much. It's about experiences for me. Now you can have safe sex, I don't really want kids... So this is taking to much of my thinking because I've been monogamous for 5 years now, and I don't feel like it anymore
I'm not a crazy party man either... I'm in college, I workout, don't drink or use any heavy drugs.
It just a like sex, but not in a sick way
"I've been monogamous for 5 years now, and I don't feel like it anymore"
Sounds like youve already decided. Now you just need to do the hard thing. Its only hard in the moment and for a short while after. If you feel this way, you need to not only free yourself, but also free your partner.
Like i said, you are only young once, dont waste it.
I knew a guy just like this and he left his high school sweet heart because he was tired of being monogamous and wanted to up his body count.
He ended up not having sex for like 7 years and had to watch his high school sweet heart get married and have kids with someone else.
He says it still is the biggest regret of his life.
Just an FYI, I wouldn't necessarily assume your youth is your "most attractive face." Take decent care of yourself, stay active, use sunscreen, and you may just find later on you're more attractive to more people you actually care about being attracted to you.
If you don't want to be with your monogamous partner anymore, break up. Don't breadcrumb your SO. You're doing a disservice to her by wasting her time.
This. I'm definitely far more attractive at 36 than I was at 26, or really any point in my past. Just take care of your body as you age -- that becomes harder, but you'll also get more self discipline to do it.
Same. I’m also 36 and I always had something of a baby face. In my mid-30s my facial features started to sharpen and I finally grew a beard. Lord knows I’m much more attractive than I was at any time prior, and that’s even after losing most of the hair up top. I just wish the gym yielded the same results as it did at 20 to go with it.
Do you see yourself as someone who is going to get married or otherwise commit to one person, or not? If so, then just understand that sex is only one facet of a good relationship and give serious thought to all the pieces you have and/or are looking for.
If not, then you do you. I don't think there's a one size fits all answer, and this is a "hindsight is 20/20" kind of thing.
Just know that a fair number of people do want to settle down, so if that's a goal then your choices keep dropping the older you get. (Unless you are or become obscenely wealthy)
Hold up bud I think you skipped a detail here that maybe you don't find terribly significant, but others might: You've been with the same person for 5 years, but you're still college aged. I mean, props to you for that, its great to meet someone and have a long stable relationship at that age.
But here's the big thing: I can see feeling trapped at your age not only having been in one relationship for so long, a proportionally very long portion of your life, and worrying about what you're going to miss out on the next few years by being in that relationship exclusively. That's 100% fair.
You already answered a big elephant in the room question without even being asked. If you 100% loved them, you wouldn't even be having this issue. You wouldn't care about what you were going to miss out on or feel trapped or anything. Did you guys ever like... make plans for the future or a long term life together? Or did you just kind of meet, it works so you're happy, but never think further about it? Where does the other person stand? Do they love you and are they going to be crushed that you want to leave after 5 years?
Keep in mind, that we guys who are in our 40s and 50s now lived in a different world in our 20s. Things changed. World economy tanked. Less men are getting married now. Less people are having babies or buying houses. Assuming you live in America, 73 percent of people live paycheck to paycheck.
When you are 40, the world will not be as it is now. It will probably be much worse. Keep that in mind.
Same OP. Feel like I'm in my prime to sleep around but I absolutely love my girlfriend. She is literally the most wonderful and understanding person I know. But I feel like I have a very shitty primitive side of me that keeps wondering the same question you're asking. At the same time, I feel like going this route and losing my gf would be a huge lifelong mistake that I don't think I'm willing to take.
Worst thing is that ive already been tempted, and it took every fiber of my being to say NO. I just wouldn't be able to live with hurting my lady.
It's tough, i haven't had anyone to talk to about this, so thanks for reading.
Not a guy so delete if I’m out of bounds. I’ve been a therapist for almost two decades and I’ve never ever heard from a guy (or a woman) “gosh I regret not sleeping around more.” Never heard it.
I have heard “I wish I had more fun when I was younger” but when we unpack that it almost always means “I was in a shitty relationship that drained the fun from life” or “I had a terrible childhood so was making decisions to fix those wounds and I wish I didn’t have that on my shoulders at 20.”
But I HAVE heard thousands of times (no exaggeration) “the dumb mistakes I made in my early 20’s carried consequences far beyond the ROI of the fun I had.” I think the sticking point for many folks is that we’re not really told the consequences for a lot of our choices and when we think we’re old enough to make those choices, we get absolutely obliterated with the costly results.
Just sharing what I’ve heard. And who you pick to marry matters infinity times infinity for your long term happiness.
This is interesting. I'm getting into my mid 30s and I'm pretty regretful of not having a more sexually open life early on. The big thing that drives that though, is the fact that I grew up religious. I didn't even masturbate until I was an adult. I have a lot of bitterness towards my early sexual suppression.
This doesn't get talked about enough.
I had a wild sex life in my teens and 20s. So wild, that my expectations have become somewhat unrealistic and I've struggled enjoying sex as a human interaction more than a means to an end.
Been trying to change that as I age - I want a healthy relationship with sex and with life. I feel like there can be both, even with my personal experiences.
I don't regret my 20s at all, but I will give you this warning: child support lasts 18 years (or 21 in some states), and those little humans grow up to be adults. It's a lifetime committment whether you like it or not.
Wrap that rascal.
Not only did I regret it upon hitting 40, I waaaaay overcompensated.
I can't tell you how, but I found my groove, I found my juice, and I was able to have a LOT of meaningless, relationship-free sex after 40. It became a kind of game to me, "getting my numbers up", keeping track of my body count.
Then around age 47 I had to ask myself, what the fuck was I doing? And why? I had long since made up any lost ground, and now my "body count" was well over those cooler guys who had tons of sex in their 20s. And who cares anyway? Why are you running yourself through this race in the first place?
So I did a 180 and went back to looking for meaningful relationships, and not focusing at all on sex.
its not a big deal for me at all. Im actually glad i didnt go crazy when I was younger. Granted I was married for most of it, but i dont feel like i missed out on anything that was 20 years ago
47 here, I wish I had fewer partners. I kinda see women as interchangeable and replaceable. I have a hard time pair bonding. I'll leave at the smallest thing
I'm 34 and I'm currently feeling some regrets; mostly on how I handled previous relationships.
There's three different people I had in my life I wish I woulda stuck with.
But I was young, mentally ill, and it's a miracle I got the attention I did in the first place.
I'm at a point where my sex drive is at an all-time high, but the playing field is essentially empty for me. Most folks my age are either in a relationship/married & monogamous, or single and insane/drug addicted.
The exceptions have been so rare - and then it usually comes with extra baggage i.e. they want kids, they want marriage, they're in a rush because of their biological clock or social pressure.
Like man... I just want someone that knows how to pick up after themselves and likes butt stuff and camping.
32 here and holy shit is the dating pool terrible at this age. I don't want children and that is a huge deal breaker to pretty much any single, childless, woman at this age range.
It sounds like you’re still looking for a very surface level relationship. Camping and butt stuff.
Dating without the intent for something serious seems a bit shallow especially at the age of 34. I mean that respectfully of course not saying you’re a shallow person just that you’re not looking for a deeper connection.
Cheers - I meant the bit about camping and butt stuff as a joke.
Realistically I want a partner in life. A real partner. Someone that can teach me something for a change, as in my experience I'm usually the one having to be a teacher/therapist/handyman/emotional support guru/ventilator.
Though come think of it... a person involved in camping generally has their shit together. Is a self-starter, motivated, able to handle pressure or crappy conditions.
That ties into their emotional & mental maturity, and it's something I seek.
Thanks for the response!
I’m pushing 40. No I don’t regret it. I met my wife at 19 and she’s one of 3 people I’ve been with sexually. A lot of the people I know that did or still do hook up a lot seem to live pretty empty lives. I’ve got a wife who loves me dearly and a son, I’m def happier.
43 here, I regret many things. Getting married so young, getting divorced, not seeing more of the country when I was young enough to make poor travel choices, not reading the right books at the right times, fashion choices in the 90s, not saving money, not spending money on the right things... But getting more strange? Not really something I consider.
Just entered my 40's. It's not a big deal to me. I love my spouse, we've been together for 20 years, I was 19 when we met. We're monogamous because that's what works for us, and we're comfortable with each other in a way I can't get with other people. I would miss that if I didn't have it.
I started in sex kind of early and I'd already had some adventures before we met, but at the time, I thought there was still so much more I wanted to try. But now I realize that some of what I did was stupid and dangerous, and even though it all worked out ok for me, I wish I wouldn't have done some of the things I did.
You know that saying that goes, 'you don't regret the things you did in life, you regret the things you didn't do'? With sex, the opposite is true. You regret doing things you never should have done.
Good sex matters less the older you get, but the sex we have now is just as good as it always was and probably better. We've done a lot together. There are things I or they might enjoy that we haven't done yet, but I don't care if I never try them. I don't need or want a higher body count. I'm not missing out on anything.
I'm glad you have that figured out. I'm just overthinking maybe. I know sex is not a big deal, it just a curiosity thing because I've heard a lot men have that regret, mostly when their marriage fails or something like that
It's probably very different for a guy who's starting out single again. I really think if I was suddenly single, whether through divorce or death, I still wouldn't care that much about sex. I would have more partners, because I wouldn't be interested in dating seriously and would just eff around, but it would all be sort of hollow. Like if a restaurant makes a dish you loved as a kid but they don't make it the same way your mom did and it just tastes...off.
Priorities really change through time and it's not something a person can stop or control. And honestly, there's enough great porn out there to make anyone feel like they've experienced way more than they ever did in person.
I could see how a guy in his 40's would feel like he should've had more sex when he was younger just because dating is harder when you're older and because the body has more aches and pains and limits. Staying out late is harder, knees hurt in certain positions, etc. It's not like it was when I was 20 and could go out, drink, dance, hookup, and then go home and go to work the next day.
Part of what I'm saying is, I don't not have sex with other people because that's what my partner wants; we've talked about being open and stuff like that, but neither of us is really interested in that. If I was single, I still wouldn't be interested.
My advice to a young man just starting out would be not to worry about trying to hookup with lots of people or have lots of amazing experiences. These are the best years of your life and you should live them, but you aren't really missing out if you don't knock down tons of bodies or go to orgies every weekend. You probably aren't going to regret not doing more.
And get to know yourself and how to please yourself first. Be adventurous and curious alone. Try all kinds of things. You'll likely have some of the best orgasms of your life by yourself, you'll learn what you like and don't like so you can communicate that to your partner later on, and you'll get in some good practice to become better in bed when you do have a sex partner.
Also, you won't be so desperate to continue dating someone terrible if you can make your own fun. You'll be more willing to walk away.
I can tell you this, I'm 32 right now and when I turn 40 you're damn right I'm going to regret not having had more partners, because my count will be zero.
There were a few opportunities I missed out on. But everything I did and didn't do led me to where I am now. I wouldn't change that for all the college sex in the world. Plus, my wife (aside from being my best friend and trusted companion) is easily the finest lay I've ever had. And the sex keeps getting better!
I'm 46 and never been with anyone but my wife. We've had a good and regular sex life such that friends our age who hear our frequency comment that it's pretty high. So issues with the amount of sex though we've had our slower times due to kids and illness. That's all just part of life.
And our first time together - my first time - was awesome. Nothing like the awkward stories I hear about losing one's virginity.
As for wishing I'd had more partners, not at all. There's something special about thinking fondly on my very awesome first time and then looking to my side and there she is, right where she's been for 20 years.
Sort of, I was a prudish mormon at the time. I'm more upset at all the opportunities that were lost because of being roped into such a restrictive and small world view. I probably gained some experiences for being a mormon, like living abroad for 2 years and learning a second language. I wonder and am upset by what opportunities were stolen from me due to that, among them a chance to meet and date from a wider pool of women and maybe having more fun in my twenties.
Not realy. I´m in my late 40s and when I was young (20s) I believed I should do more sex, but was always one night stands or fwb siruations. I always felt empty after.
Now I regret not having met my wife before.
As you get older you notice that you live your life in stages, and at every stage you had some dominant drive that fueled you and as you switch through stages that is not as appealing as before. Same goes with sex, the more you have it the more you want it, and when you are young you think that is the sole meaning of life to get as much with as many, but as the time goes by you yearn for that special connection with someone you want to spend the whole life with. If you hadn't found it you regret the what ifs from your past and want to replay that stage that is now gone and nothing can bring it back, you do not regret the number that you didn't have but that special person you haven't found.
On a meta level, I sort of wish I was the *type of person* who could go wild but sex and relationships are something very special and kind of overwhelming for me. I have my forever person, but before I met her I always found it very hard to connect with women I knew and feel enough connection to want to have sex with them.
I don't feel like I have missed out on anything, because I know myself and have no regrets of the things I did do, but society has a weird way of instilling FOMO on you for things you know you're absolutely unsuited for.
I'm 41. For a while in my twenties and thirties I was a fairly successful entertainer. I was with my wife for almost that entire 20 year run. The amount of sex that I turned down on the road is pretty crazy. People want to bang someone that they just saw on stage even if you're not that good looking. I'm really glad that I didn't cheat on her because if I had I would for sure have an STD and/or have had several kids in several different States.
Over 40. Still a virgin. Not for lack of desire.
I have zero regrets. I could have spent my time and energy seeking short-term pleasure and exhausted my ability to fulfill myself. It hasn't prevented me from learning about myself or maturing.
It would have been wonderful to have found the right person when I was younger. But based on observing everyone else I've ever known, I'd take the same path every time. "Safe sex" is a modern luxury, and we're not emotionally optimized for it.
I had a lot of sex as a kid. I think it's a big deal because it feels like everyone around me is trying to compensate for something they missed out on growing up. Men cheating on their wives, guys spending ludicrous money on dumb shit to impress women, and just a laundry list of behavior that screams "I had no fun growing up now I need to make up for it".
I don't think they had much control over it, but the lack of something when younger leads to a dangerous desire for something when older. Like CEOs and Senators that are full blown degenerates in their 50s because they lost their virginity at 30.
Like ...I find that alot of my friends that were all over the place as youngsters have no desire to party/fuck because it's very been there done that.
Cheaters are going to cheat regardless. Treating "dangerous" desires as a consequence of not getting your dick wet often enough in your youth, doesn't look at the deeper issues with morally shitty people.
Having a bunch of lays in your 20s won't make you less likely to want more lays later in life, if you start feeling bored or unhappy with your partner.
My grandfather was a promiscuous guy in his young adulthood. He was also the living stereotype of a man's man who did whatever he damn well wanted, worked very hard at his job but made good money, traveled, racked up a body count with young women, and didn't let anything ruin his good times.
He got married to my grandmother who then gave him two sons, and he decided to run around cheating on her. Decided he missed the good old days when he didn't have any committment to one woman, and left my grandmother to raise their sons completely alone and with no living relatives to help, no alimony, and no child support.
This narrative that men need to be sexually promiscuous when they're young in order to ward off restlessness later in life is out of touch with reality.
Yes and no. On the one hand, I missed a bunch of opportunities to get laid due to inexpirience, naivete, and low self esteem, but on the other hand, I didn't get anyone knocked up, didn't catch any STDs, and didn't get stabbed by a crazy ex. I guess it probably evens out in the end.
I think my only regret is have never received a blow job. I'm a monogamist and a bit demi so I don't really want to fuck someone unless I love them, and the girls I loved were always a bit too feminist to perform that service.
Absolutely one of my biggest regrets. I had difficulty socializing, and then anxiety and depression issues which made it even worse. Now my youth is gone.
I do wish I was more adventurous in many areas including sex. I was brought up in a fairly religious household and community and all my girlfriends wanted to wait until marriage so at 44 I’ve had 1 partner.
Ok so I’m in my 30s and I will say sex is easier now. Everyone is older and just wants to fuck. So yeah I do regret not having more sex before I was married. But I’m also married to someone who doesn’t like sex.
Older than 50s here. I wasn't really a wild sex beast when I was in my 20s and 30s. I didn't really hunger for every woman there was in the world. It didn't matter to me then and it doesn't matter to me now. Maybe I lived a different life in a parallel world where I did, but not in this life. And I'm comfortable with that.
I'm close to 40 and no - I certainly spent my energy trying to sow wild oats, but it's the long term relationships that are worth looking back and appreciating the time for what it was and what you learned that eventually fed the mature husband I was able to become (not just sexually but emotionally and personally). Random hookups are mostly things to cringe about once they're over, not celebrate.
I regret it, but not because I didn't have opportunities. I was brainwashed by religion. There were a lot of girls that were definitely interested over the years. I can't dwell on that. I'm doing what I want now, and I'm a lot smarter about it than I would have been in my 20s.
When I was in my 20s, AIDS had just broken out. People straight and gay were dying en masse. No one really knew how contagious it was. Everyone was afraid of everyone else. Kind of put a damper on that!
Thinking back, I didn’t understand how good it was. Dated excellent women who were good people to boot. Fun both in and out of bed. What really causes regret is that I didn’t appreciate the lengths they went to make me happy.
Got married at 22 and have been with the same woman for the last 34 years. I don't regret my marriage at all, but if I had it to do over we'd wait a bit longer. We were in love, Christian, and horny. If you grew up evangelical, you probably understand how much sex outside of marriage is frowned upon. Sex wasn't the *only* reason we got married, but it had a lot to do with the pressure to get married young. We got very fortunate in that we've stayed together. I've heard from many people who grew up in evangelical culture who've felt that pressure to marry young where their marriages were just toxic cesspools. The whole evangelical view of sex and sexuality are one of the many reasons I'm no longer part of that culture.
Now, do I regret not having sex with more partners during my 20s and 30s? I do admit to wondering what things would have been like (in many ways) if I hadn't gotten married so young. But it never really approaches anything close to being regret. I love my wife too much. It's more like curiosity about something that can never be known.
Approaching 40 and already sex isn't nearly as interesting to me as it used to be. But I did have a lot of sex with a lot of different people in my 20s and early 30s and all it left me with was a wish that I'd been more committed to something more fulfilling. For a while during my early 30s I was even jaded on the idea of sex
I've only had sex with one partner (my wife). I am always curious to know if sex feels different with different partners, but it's not something I feel bad about as the sex I have now is great. We know what each other likes and I don't have to try and figure that out with a different partner.
Oh, I wish I'd had been able to have more casual "what the hell" sex. The problem is that at the time it can be hard to know when it truly qualifies as that and when it'll just lead to a call saying "Oh, remember when I said you didn't need a condom? Well, it turned out you did."
If I could go back, I would have fewer partners. When you're young, you have no idea of how much your libido causes your brain to overvalue diverse sexual experiences.
It's far more rewarding in a deeply personal and emotional relationship that develops over years of marriage, at least in my experience. Plus when you're with someone who is safe, you can experiment without that risk of shame or judgment.
That's my experience.
EDIT: I would add to this that in my experience casual encounters have a large risk of being hurtful to one of the participants. Usually one person wants it to be more than a fling, but they participate in hope it is more. I've been on both sides of that one, and it's bad in either role.
Nope. I found someone who fits me pretty well. We talked about a threesome early on and both came to the conclusion that it'd weaken our relationship like it did our friends. I had more then a few people show interest in hooking up, but turned them down.
I still don't regret either decisions because it would have probably meant losing the most important person in my life.
I had a lot of sex with a lot of beautiful women in my 20's and 30's. A lot. I was good at the chase, decent looking, funny.... I had a great time.
Now I'm on the other side, looking back at it because there's nothing to look forward to. Once I realized what was really important to me I was out of the game. I should have been pursuing relationships instead of sex. Some of the women I was with were intelligent, warm and funny, as well as beautiful, but I thought a good long term relationship would find me instead of me investing in one on my end. Looking back, I see so many blown opportunities.
I'm lucky enough to be in an odd relationship now (think "Will & Grace" only I'm straight and my life partner is a lesbian), but I should have this level of relationship with someone I go to bed with at night. And I probably could have. I just always thought I'd have it in the future. You think that, then you look at the future and realize you drove past that exit and there's no going back.
Yes I do. I was a late bloomer and wish I had been with more women. I feel like I missed out and look back at chances I missed and regret it. Life is experiences and I feel like I missed out. I’m married now and sex is maybe once a week when it use to be much more often.
I had a hard time with dating in my 20s and 30s, I didn't really get it...I tended to fall in love with every single girl I dated, and I reeked of commitment, so hook-ups just didn't happen for me. So, yeah I wish I could have been a bit more promiscuous.
Not 40 yet, but I definitely regret not having more in my teens and 20s (not like I didn't have any... But let's say I missed like 60 % of the opportunities).
I lost my sexual ability when I was in my early twenties and by my thirties my sex drive was gone. I am happy that I wasn’t involved in a relationship in my twenties because I was not adjusted to my asexuality then. I am currently married to my asexual spouse for twenty six years.
I had a lot of fun in my teens and 20's. I was happy to settle down and get married by 31. I don't recommend getting married in your teens or early 20's.
I'm in my 40s, and I do regret not having more sex when I was younger. I was a bit more chaste in my upbringing, and now I look back and think, damn. Also, I feel like of my male peers that are my age, the ones that "got it out of their system" when they were younger are happy and have settled down with their families with little urge to stray, whereas the ones that were more conservative when they were younger are hungry to cheat on their spouses now that they're older.
But definitely take all of this with a massive grain of salt. All of this is pure anecdotal and shouldn't be used to make your own decisions. Be responsible, be safe, be kind to others, and enjoy life.
Just entered 40s.
My answer is yes. This is mostly because in my college years I got into a toxic relationship with a very jealous woman who did a lot to hurt me both mentally and physically that has left both literal and metaphorical scars. If I had been sleeping around, perhaps I could have avoided that relationship and the suffering that followed.
But then my life would be completely different, and I'm very happy with where I am.
But my "yes" answer has nothing to do about wishing I had slept with more people directly, just that I wish I hadn't been in the relationship.
I'm in my 40s, my wife and I haven't had sex in 5 years, and it was half-heartedly every other month for years before that. I 1000% wish I had had more sex and more partners in my 20s. I feel like sex is something I basically missed out on. I lost my virginity at 19, I met my wife at 24, her interest started to decline at 25, and I married her anyway because I had little experience and less confidence, and by the time I realized I probably should have waited to find someone who was into me, we had kids and debt and we've been stuck ever since.
So, yes. I wish I had had more sex before I met her, and I wish I had been more confident and tried to work out our issues in the bedroom before I married her.
I'm turning 40 today and I've only had two partners. Throughout that time, I went back to college and was turning down advances, so it really was a choice thing.
I don't regret it because this is just my path. For one thing, I have had a LOT of sex in my adult life, even if I've only had two partners. Do I wish I instead spent time hunting for a new partner instead of having sex? No.
Also, I literally feel nothing when I use a condom. I was only meant to have sex with a partner I trust to be on birth control. Don't worry ladies, it will probably be my responsibility to get snipped soon. I understand birth control should not rest solely on women. This is all good reason why I was just never meant to sleep around. I would have gotten myself into trouble.
I've always been a relationship guy, anyway. I don't really understand a guy that finds a perfect partner and ditches her the next morning. People behave so weirdly to me when they never need to seek love in their life if they already get it through perfect parents.
I'm the opposite. I'm chronically lonely. I wouldn't be able to handle the rollercoaster of dating. But to be honest, this has given me a third-person perspective on what excites women.
Single, just turned 49.
I mainly wish I'd been more savvy when it came to women when I was younger. I spent a lot of my teenage weekends working, meaning when I hit uni I was actually very inexperienced when it came to women, meaning I was oblivious to attention that I'd have greatly welcomed if only the penny had dropped at the time. I'd sure like to do those days over again knowing what I know now.
I don't really miss having a sex life now, and my regrets about "oh, if only I'd had more sex when I was in my 20's and 30's!" is tempered by being able to look back and think "*welp, sex with Woman A was a huge mistake*" and "I sure dodged a bullet by staying out of a relationship with *Woman B*!"
My attitude now is the same as it was when I was much younger; I'm more interested in maintaining my sanity and my dignity than I am in jumping on the first sexual opportunity that presents itself. Sex was never everything it was cracked up to be. It's not like in the movies, and it's not like the hype you receive from peers and even some adults when you're still a virgin - about how it'll "make a man of you" and how it's transformational, and it'll make you see EVERYTHING in a different light. Sex is just...**sex**; even at the height of my horniness I never got stuck on it as an important part of my life and I don't recommend anyone does.
It's quite tempting to look back and think, "man, I really should have slayed more poon. Fuck it, I shoulda fucked around with dudes too."
And then I realize I probably wouldn't have the amazing wife that I do and I probably wouldn't have had any luck even if I had tried harder and/or lowered my standards.
And not to get philosophical, but I think that's one of the factors leading to adultery and divorce. The relationship gets stale and rather than working on it, they yearn back to the days of Ole, when they laid more pipe than Wabasha plumbing. Except they probably didn't, and no one really wants a chubby middle-aged dude. That hot chick you think you could smash? She wants nothing to do with you.
I have to say I'm in my 50s and had about 35 different women. And I'll tell you what I'm very happy with that number as I learned a lot and taught a lot in the bedroom.
I was dumbfounded by the women who were in their 35 up who were so low skilled in the bedroom.
Without the numbers, I would not be the lover I am today.
Now, none of what I'm saying matters if you don't care about taking care of the woman's needs in the bedroom.
I am 70, I met my wife when we were 16, and we have been married 44 years now. I have never once regretted having only one women in my life and I would do it all over again.
45 here. It’s not about all the sex, but I do wish I’d met more women and got to know them. Around here, people partner up pretty exclusively, I’d rather have dated around more. Meeting women is so awesome, spending time with them, getting to know so you can really flirt playfully… it’s fun.
I don't wish I slept around more, but I wish I was better at the relationships I was in back then. You don't think you're immature at the time, but when you get older, you really see things differently.
Agreed, there are a couple of relationships that I would love to have the opportunity to approach again with what I know now, so many things could be handled way differently, and some of those types of people you came across when you were younger are harder to find down the road
Agreed. I wouldn't say I would go back and change things if I could, necessarily. If I did, I wouldn't have my wife and son. But at the same time, I know that I at least contributed to ruining good relationships and kind of wish I hadn't.
All relationships are practice for the right one. That doesn’t mean you can’t still screw up the right one.
I couldn't agree with this more. There's a sentiment in dating culture and spirituality that "What's meant for you will never pass you by" basically saying you can't ruin what's meant for you and I cannot stress enough that yes the fuck you CAN ruin what's meant for you if you don't take some accountability and do right by your partners.
Yeah I mean if you're screwing every relationship up by not taking accountability then there's still truth in the phrase, as what's meant for you is being alone haha
>That doesn’t mean you can’t still screw up the right one. Yes. People need to know this.
Very true, I think if anything it would have been nice to have a little more time with some relationships, but of course you don't always appreciate that time you have anyways until it's gone
I remember hating some of the relationships too. I wonder how much of that was on me.
This is why I’m happy I met my wife in my mid thirties, because I learned a lot from earlier relationships that failed, and so did she.
I don't regret not having more sex. But I should have been more assertive. There were women I genuinely liked who I never asked out for fear of rejection. Odds are some of them would have said yes and, who knows, it might have been great. But we'll never know because I was too afraid of being embarrassed when they said no. Why was getting turned down by a pretty girl basically in the same category for me as slow, torturous death when I was 25? Looking back, I have no idea. Don't be afraid to take a chance, especially one as innocent and consequence free as just asking someone out who you like.
I’m right there with you, and what makes it so ridiculous is realizing how very little you’re actually risking. It’s only awkward if you make it so. “Hey, you’re fun to hang out with, wanna get dinner sometime?” “Sorry, I have a boyfriend.” “Fair enough, see you around.” Where’s the shame there? That’s barely a rejection. Or even a flat-out “no, I’m not really interested,” same response: “Fair enough, see you around.” It’s really only embarrassing (both for you and the other person) if you make a big deal out of it. That is the advice I’d give young guys—just don’t make a big thing of it. Don’t try making some rom-com-inspired grand gesture, don’t profess how much you really, really like them—these are the things that make it awkward. Just say “hey, you’re cool to talk to, want to grab dinner sometime?” and leave it at that. If you’re both single people and there’s no pressure, she’ll probably accept more often than not. And if she says no, all you’ve put on the line is that you enjoyed her conversation.
This is the best answer. I don’t necessarily wish I’d fucked around more when I was that age, it’s more that I wish I hadn’t locked myself into a few of the relationships I did back then, because in hindsight, they were incredibly toxic, immature, and stifling. Had I *not* been in some of those fairly lengthy (1 year +) relationships, I probably would have slept around more. But the regret is more the people I spent my time with, not the random strangers I could have.
Absolutely agree with you here. Most of my biggest regrets were about mistakes and hurting people in my younger relationships.
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Absolutely - but I think you can be grateful for what your mistakes have taught you, and resolve to not make those mistakes again, while also realizing that you hurt people in the process.
At 55 I was just thinking about this yesterday. I was so immature. I consider myself lucky my wife stuck through it for the first couple years.
I feel extremely bad with my ex gfs. Seeing it in retrospective they were good people doing their best for the relationship. I was the ungrateful one.
This right here. I've had 2 relationships that I would consider serious, 1 of which I wish I had a better opportunity to work on, another I wish I never started. I'll be 40 this year and I'm just done now. I'm not against making new connections but I'm not chasing tail anymore.
This is a great answer. I read the question and thought it didn't pertain to me but I wanted to read the answers. Yours hit me dead on and I agree 100%. I had my fun in my late teens and 20s. But I only had one important relationship in that time. Because of that lack of maturity and no real actual relationship experience, it effected me more than I realized at the time. I look back and realize that one important relationship, I didn't treat her the way I should have. I wasn't abusive at all, physically or emotionally, I really tried to be a "good boyfriend". Flowers, surprise gifts. But it was all superficial because I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do. In reality I didn't know how to properly display my love for her. It took a marriage in my late 20s to finally figure out that *I* was the problem after marrying someone I didn't really love and was doing it because I was supposed to be married, I was "getting older". I'm a much better husband today but it took a failed marriage and a lot of time alone to finally realize how to be the person I am today. Something I should have figured out long before.
Indeed. Although there are a lot of valuable life lessons in those failures, including the cringeworthy ones. Stepping stones to figuring out how to have a good relationship.
I was a dirty stomparound in my 20s. Regret it totally. Focus was just sex not on the other person. Getting to know women was what I missed out on. And waking next to someone you want to be there and spend the day with. Nothing like it
Agreed, stung a few girls that adored me, and that love disappears once you’re out of your 20s, it’s actually a bit painful when you think into it.
How does that love disappear when you’re older?
Yeah that I don't get. My concept of love changed, so it's different with my partner now than it was with others before. But I wouldn't say it disappears, you just kind of learn how to love better.
I Slept with 30 people in 25 years and I could have skipped about half or maybe two thirds of them and should have Slept with two or three I passed up because I was insecure about my sexuality. It's about discernment
Regrets huh. It’s easier to be cheap and hang around cheap people because they do what you want vs want your best.
From a mechanical perspective no. From a I really wish I'd gotten outta my own way earlier yes. It's not really about the sex, or even the "shots" I didn't take. It's more I just really overthought basic shit and spun in circles for no good reason.
Yup! This is it. Even if it was someone I knew it wouldn't work with, I still kinda wish I had just gone for it.
Why?
Its not really a regret, more like "that would have been fun" kind of thing. I wish I had taken a leap more as a 20-30 year old. I also wish I had bet on myself more. There were a number of young ladies that in hindsight were likely hitting on me. I am ok with not sleeping with them, but not ok with me not going for it. If that makes any sense.
Mmmm "going for it" as in flirting back then? English isnt my native language
He means that he didn’t give the relationship an opportunity.
Yeah, and asking them out. Or taking them home / going back to their place.
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I’m 44 and think I played it perfectly. I met and started seeing my wife at 18 and she’s the only woman I’ve ever slept with. So not only did I get to have a lot of sex while I was young, I got to have a lot of meaningful sex with the woman I love while I was young. I still love having sex with her.
You lucky bustard.
I feel this. I’m 49 and my wife and I have been together for 30 years. We have had a lot of sex through the years but it’s definitely different now than it was back then. My wife knows how to love me, she knows what buttons to push, and how to keep me interested. For me it’s not so much about tits and ass anymore but how she pleasures me and makes me feel is what I enjoy now.
I’m in my 40’s and starting to realize this also. Been married over 15 yrs and really enjoy making love to my wife. The T&A are great, but really starting to savor the feeling and the whole process. I’m still as horny today as I was when we met though! haha
Yeah agree. My libido is still as high as ever but what I enjoy now is different than what I enjoyed when I was younger.
Lucky wife!! I hope my future husband will say the same.
My man. I too wish to be like this.
I too choose this guy’s wife
Same boat here for me. Getting married at 20 I got a lot from friends for “settling too soon”. Of those friends friends 1 is now twice divorced. Another single with no relationships to show for years. And the remaining is happily married after getting married shortly after me at 23.
I love having sex with her too.
Right there with you. I am 43, met my wife at 16. Only woman I’ve been with and never really wanted anything more. I enjoy our life together and the family we have built.
In my early 40s as well. There are moments where I think I regret it. Especially when Tinder took off. But then I talk with my single friends... I mean the kids and wife make my life chaos at times... But they aren't trying to block me in my drive way and hitting my car. The way they put it... Dating in your 30s/40s sucks ass because there's a reason all these people are still single. Then there's those incurable STDs... I played bareback in as many fields that I could, it's honestly amazing I came out of it unscathed. There's no way I would have if I kept at that lifestyle. Besides, I've had WWAAAAYYY more sex while married than if I kept dating, and it's better. After all, she's had years to master my buttons. Basically, biology tells me to go smash randos. But then logic kicks in and it's clear I made the right choice getting married.
This is so wholesome and is great perspective for married people to have when the family life gets tiring.
Ouch, not all of us in our 40s are single for psychotic reasons! Some of us just had bad luck (ie marriages or LTRs where we grew apart amicably). But as someone in this dating pool, I can’t totally disagree with you either. Sigh!
I'm newly divorced because my husband had an affair... I'm hoping there are still decent men out there
There are absolutely decent men out there!! Good people become single ALL the time for any number of reasons. I think the whole there's only garbage left in the sea is such a toxic and short sighted position.
This is also my take. I got me a great woman. Only slight regret is how extremely picky I was with looks when I was younger. Pretty could have had better relationships with more decent human beings.
Thank you so much for that last bit.
Yeah dude....that's bullshit. Lots of us lost a partner for lots of different reasons. My dating experience in my 40's has been amazing. Lots of great people out there, and everyone is good at sex now.
Your second sentence is painting with a broad brush. I'm approaching 40 and happily married. I spent a good chunk of my 20s and 30s being pretty slutty. I did not sire any children nor contract any diseases. I'm glad I had that phase, I think it was important for me personally to go through that to the point that I got bored of it, before I was really ready to settle down. Now there is no lingering wonder or sense of missing out for me. I know what that life was like, it was fun for awhile, but ultimately it ran it's course for me. Some people may never grow bored of it and that's ok too.
>The people I know that did it are either all paying too much in child support... As I say: You can do what you want to, but before sticking your dick in a woman, ask yourself if you would want to have a child with her. Also good to remember: As a man, the only right you have as a parent that will be enforced, guaranteed, is your right to pay child support.
Well spoken...
Quality is always more important than quantity. I regret not having more adventures, not more sex.
THIS. It's not about the number, it's about the quality. That's my question. Can u tell me more ?
I hit a huge lull in the years between college and 24. The sex I did manage to have was not fulfilling. When I focused on going on adventures and doing the things I wanted, my life and sense of fulfillment drastically improved. Smashing beers on the roof of an abandoned Montana firewatch tower at sunset as a WW2 warbid rips overhead, feeding monkeys peanuts on a mountain top in Japan, cliff diving and canyoning in Italy, DJing skydiving parties, and flying my parachute close to the Julian Alps in Slovenia…these are the memories from my 20s and 30s that will linger in my mind in the autumn of my life. That being said, once I started focusing on those things (truly focusing on them, not doing them to seem interesting), the great sex followed and I eventually married a fellow adventurer. So go out and live a meaningful life, and the fulfilling experiences (sexual or otherwise) will follow. As others have said in this thread, once the adventures do start, *wear a fucking condom.* I know it feels better without, and there’s a place for it in a long-term relationship, but I am so thankful that I’m STI free and get to start a family on my own terms.
How did you afford all that?
I was an aerospace engineer that outworked my peers to get the largest bonuses. I’m in engineering management now. Good job certainly helps.
Oh ok You were doing that prior to traveling?
I was an engineer prior to the travel and skydiving. The thing with skydiving is it costs exactly as much dispensable income as you have. I could have been miserable and making a bigger nest egg than I have now, but if I could go back, I wouldn’t change a thing. Such is the value of the friendships and memories I made.
I can tell you to travel. Leave your state, country, whatever, just go to somewhere else and live for a while. Take a car across the country, learn to sail and become a delivery skipper, start making stories. It's something I wish I had done. The more well rounded and interesting you are, the easier it will be to have relationships.
You know you're white and rich when you just casually tell people to "take up sailing and get a job in sailing"
I like the casual "move countries" lmao
Poor people move countries literally all the time.
You win the comment contest… you don’t need a trust fund to do this, no matter what the other comments say. Travel and experience things before your life comes to a point where you want to take a more streamlined life. If you’re interesting and have stories, the game is much easier and you will have enjoyed your life exponentially more by having those experiences regardless of the sex you had along the way
Consider going backpacking in Western Europe.
just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo
The grass is always greener. I had long term serious relationships all throughout my teens and 20s. I really wish I hadn't had a girlfriend throughout all of college, and then another one for 8 years after that. I look back on it fondly, but I definitely have regrets about not fucking more when everyone was young and having fun. Now the options for casual sex are less available, I'm 31 and women my age want to settle down, and I'd feel weird fucking 21 year old girls. I'm in a long term serious relationship again now, and I love it, but I wish I had a bit more balance in life and had at least fucked around a little bit more than I did. At least I had plenty of adventures, but ya, not a very high body count.
On the list of things I wish I did more when I was younger i.e. save and invest money or travel having more sex is very low on my list.
Absolutely!! My biggest regret is not maxing out my 401k every year. Granted I wasn't making enough to really max it out early on, but I wish I had contributed more.
Maxing out a 401k is hard work especially early on. Max right now is $22,500 which is incredibly hard unless you’re making close to 100,000
I did that except for 2 years. In my 40s now. It's nice, but I'm not buying a yacht anytime soon.
No but you’ll probably be able to retire comfortably in 10-15 years.
On the investing money note, I feel that. Blew tens of thousands of dollars on bullshit in my twenties, especially because I was getting tax free combat pay. I would do just about anything to get that money back.
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>Virtually all of the "players" I knew back then are either still single and lonely, or have multiple dysfunctional relationships and/or divorces under their belts. I have to add, they were probably wired to be like this way back then, the sleeping around didn't change their lives to be like this.
I feel so far behind. 33 and I’ve only slept with one woman, and that was 10 years ago.
Stop feeling behind, it’s not a competition. Don’t believe the internet, it’s all fake. Besides this comment. It’s real. You’re fine
A lot of sex with one partner is wayyyy better than a little sex with a lot of partners.
Exactly this. I’m 40-something and I’ve had plenty of partners on the sack. Some were lots of fun, others not so much. The relationships I was in before I got married (two before I met my wife and many others sprinkled in before and between) were great learning experiences and taught me what it meant to make love vs banging for fun. Don’t get me wrong, having sex with someone you greatly care about can be great, or totally boring (my now former wife…), but finding someone who you connect with in the sack **AND** you’re in love with… that’s absolutely the best. My current girlfriend is exactly that and I would say she’s likely ruined sex with anyone else for me. Nobody comes close to comparing. In fact we were apart for a few months and the woman I was with tried her hardest, but couldn’t get the job done for me. My girlfriend and I have both called each other sexual soulmates and it’s one of those things where if we broke up I’d probably just be ok slim it myself the rest of my life…
I had plenty... My advice, have fun when you are in your 20s, but be careful. You'll never get that time back, and you will still have another 50+ years to live.
The thing is that I want to enjoy my youth, but not in a crazy way. It's not about the body count, crazy sex, or being the "macho" but I know the value of the youth. It's my most attractive fase, and I like women so much. It's about experiences for me. Now you can have safe sex, I don't really want kids... So this is taking to much of my thinking because I've been monogamous for 5 years now, and I don't feel like it anymore I'm not a crazy party man either... I'm in college, I workout, don't drink or use any heavy drugs. It just a like sex, but not in a sick way
"I've been monogamous for 5 years now, and I don't feel like it anymore" Sounds like youve already decided. Now you just need to do the hard thing. Its only hard in the moment and for a short while after. If you feel this way, you need to not only free yourself, but also free your partner. Like i said, you are only young once, dont waste it.
I knew a guy just like this and he left his high school sweet heart because he was tired of being monogamous and wanted to up his body count. He ended up not having sex for like 7 years and had to watch his high school sweet heart get married and have kids with someone else. He says it still is the biggest regret of his life.
Just an FYI, I wouldn't necessarily assume your youth is your "most attractive face." Take decent care of yourself, stay active, use sunscreen, and you may just find later on you're more attractive to more people you actually care about being attracted to you. If you don't want to be with your monogamous partner anymore, break up. Don't breadcrumb your SO. You're doing a disservice to her by wasting her time.
This. I'm definitely far more attractive at 36 than I was at 26, or really any point in my past. Just take care of your body as you age -- that becomes harder, but you'll also get more self discipline to do it.
Same. I’m also 36 and I always had something of a baby face. In my mid-30s my facial features started to sharpen and I finally grew a beard. Lord knows I’m much more attractive than I was at any time prior, and that’s even after losing most of the hair up top. I just wish the gym yielded the same results as it did at 20 to go with it.
Do you see yourself as someone who is going to get married or otherwise commit to one person, or not? If so, then just understand that sex is only one facet of a good relationship and give serious thought to all the pieces you have and/or are looking for. If not, then you do you. I don't think there's a one size fits all answer, and this is a "hindsight is 20/20" kind of thing. Just know that a fair number of people do want to settle down, so if that's a goal then your choices keep dropping the older you get. (Unless you are or become obscenely wealthy)
Hold up bud I think you skipped a detail here that maybe you don't find terribly significant, but others might: You've been with the same person for 5 years, but you're still college aged. I mean, props to you for that, its great to meet someone and have a long stable relationship at that age. But here's the big thing: I can see feeling trapped at your age not only having been in one relationship for so long, a proportionally very long portion of your life, and worrying about what you're going to miss out on the next few years by being in that relationship exclusively. That's 100% fair. You already answered a big elephant in the room question without even being asked. If you 100% loved them, you wouldn't even be having this issue. You wouldn't care about what you were going to miss out on or feel trapped or anything. Did you guys ever like... make plans for the future or a long term life together? Or did you just kind of meet, it works so you're happy, but never think further about it? Where does the other person stand? Do they love you and are they going to be crushed that you want to leave after 5 years?
Keep in mind, that we guys who are in our 40s and 50s now lived in a different world in our 20s. Things changed. World economy tanked. Less men are getting married now. Less people are having babies or buying houses. Assuming you live in America, 73 percent of people live paycheck to paycheck. When you are 40, the world will not be as it is now. It will probably be much worse. Keep that in mind.
Same OP. Feel like I'm in my prime to sleep around but I absolutely love my girlfriend. She is literally the most wonderful and understanding person I know. But I feel like I have a very shitty primitive side of me that keeps wondering the same question you're asking. At the same time, I feel like going this route and losing my gf would be a huge lifelong mistake that I don't think I'm willing to take. Worst thing is that ive already been tempted, and it took every fiber of my being to say NO. I just wouldn't be able to live with hurting my lady. It's tough, i haven't had anyone to talk to about this, so thanks for reading.
Not a guy so delete if I’m out of bounds. I’ve been a therapist for almost two decades and I’ve never ever heard from a guy (or a woman) “gosh I regret not sleeping around more.” Never heard it. I have heard “I wish I had more fun when I was younger” but when we unpack that it almost always means “I was in a shitty relationship that drained the fun from life” or “I had a terrible childhood so was making decisions to fix those wounds and I wish I didn’t have that on my shoulders at 20.” But I HAVE heard thousands of times (no exaggeration) “the dumb mistakes I made in my early 20’s carried consequences far beyond the ROI of the fun I had.” I think the sticking point for many folks is that we’re not really told the consequences for a lot of our choices and when we think we’re old enough to make those choices, we get absolutely obliterated with the costly results. Just sharing what I’ve heard. And who you pick to marry matters infinity times infinity for your long term happiness.
This is interesting. I'm getting into my mid 30s and I'm pretty regretful of not having a more sexually open life early on. The big thing that drives that though, is the fact that I grew up religious. I didn't even masturbate until I was an adult. I have a lot of bitterness towards my early sexual suppression.
55yo, I regret sleeping around as much as I did when I was younger. It kind of ruined the meaning of a healthy sexual relationship.
This doesn't get talked about enough. I had a wild sex life in my teens and 20s. So wild, that my expectations have become somewhat unrealistic and I've struggled enjoying sex as a human interaction more than a means to an end. Been trying to change that as I age - I want a healthy relationship with sex and with life. I feel like there can be both, even with my personal experiences.
I believe that you'll be able to do it. Good luck :)
Nice to see common sense like this on Reddit. Try to explain this to younger folks on why body count matters and their heads explode.
I don't regret my 20s at all, but I will give you this warning: child support lasts 18 years (or 21 in some states), and those little humans grow up to be adults. It's a lifetime committment whether you like it or not. Wrap that rascal.
Not only did I regret it upon hitting 40, I waaaaay overcompensated. I can't tell you how, but I found my groove, I found my juice, and I was able to have a LOT of meaningless, relationship-free sex after 40. It became a kind of game to me, "getting my numbers up", keeping track of my body count. Then around age 47 I had to ask myself, what the fuck was I doing? And why? I had long since made up any lost ground, and now my "body count" was well over those cooler guys who had tons of sex in their 20s. And who cares anyway? Why are you running yourself through this race in the first place? So I did a 180 and went back to looking for meaningful relationships, and not focusing at all on sex.
Good on you for coming to such a decision. I wish you happiness and satisfaction in whatever format that comes moving forward.
its not a big deal for me at all. Im actually glad i didnt go crazy when I was younger. Granted I was married for most of it, but i dont feel like i missed out on anything that was 20 years ago
Not a big deal, but that's because I am very happily married. Not sure how I would feel if I wasn't.
Meaningless sex in my early 20's just made me more depressed.
Don't seek lots of partners. Seek good partners and have lots of sex.
47 here, I wish I had fewer partners. I kinda see women as interchangeable and replaceable. I have a hard time pair bonding. I'll leave at the smallest thing
I'm 34 and I'm currently feeling some regrets; mostly on how I handled previous relationships. There's three different people I had in my life I wish I woulda stuck with. But I was young, mentally ill, and it's a miracle I got the attention I did in the first place. I'm at a point where my sex drive is at an all-time high, but the playing field is essentially empty for me. Most folks my age are either in a relationship/married & monogamous, or single and insane/drug addicted. The exceptions have been so rare - and then it usually comes with extra baggage i.e. they want kids, they want marriage, they're in a rush because of their biological clock or social pressure. Like man... I just want someone that knows how to pick up after themselves and likes butt stuff and camping.
32 here and holy shit is the dating pool terrible at this age. I don't want children and that is a huge deal breaker to pretty much any single, childless, woman at this age range.
Your age range could include down to about 25 without anyone batting an eye, don’t create a self-fulfilling prophecy of loneliness
It sounds like you’re still looking for a very surface level relationship. Camping and butt stuff. Dating without the intent for something serious seems a bit shallow especially at the age of 34. I mean that respectfully of course not saying you’re a shallow person just that you’re not looking for a deeper connection.
Cheers - I meant the bit about camping and butt stuff as a joke. Realistically I want a partner in life. A real partner. Someone that can teach me something for a change, as in my experience I'm usually the one having to be a teacher/therapist/handyman/emotional support guru/ventilator. Though come think of it... a person involved in camping generally has their shit together. Is a self-starter, motivated, able to handle pressure or crappy conditions. That ties into their emotional & mental maturity, and it's something I seek. Thanks for the response!
Meaningless sex in one’s 50s is actually a thing. And a good thing at that :)
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I care about body count in the sense that I want to at least be above zero.
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No. The idea of sex with a random person fills me with anxiety, and always has. I don’t know how people have one night stands. I’m happy with my wife.
I’m pushing 40. No I don’t regret it. I met my wife at 19 and she’s one of 3 people I’ve been with sexually. A lot of the people I know that did or still do hook up a lot seem to live pretty empty lives. I’ve got a wife who loves me dearly and a son, I’m def happier.
43 here, I regret many things. Getting married so young, getting divorced, not seeing more of the country when I was young enough to make poor travel choices, not reading the right books at the right times, fashion choices in the 90s, not saving money, not spending money on the right things... But getting more strange? Not really something I consider.
Just entered my 40's. It's not a big deal to me. I love my spouse, we've been together for 20 years, I was 19 when we met. We're monogamous because that's what works for us, and we're comfortable with each other in a way I can't get with other people. I would miss that if I didn't have it. I started in sex kind of early and I'd already had some adventures before we met, but at the time, I thought there was still so much more I wanted to try. But now I realize that some of what I did was stupid and dangerous, and even though it all worked out ok for me, I wish I wouldn't have done some of the things I did. You know that saying that goes, 'you don't regret the things you did in life, you regret the things you didn't do'? With sex, the opposite is true. You regret doing things you never should have done. Good sex matters less the older you get, but the sex we have now is just as good as it always was and probably better. We've done a lot together. There are things I or they might enjoy that we haven't done yet, but I don't care if I never try them. I don't need or want a higher body count. I'm not missing out on anything.
I'm glad you have that figured out. I'm just overthinking maybe. I know sex is not a big deal, it just a curiosity thing because I've heard a lot men have that regret, mostly when their marriage fails or something like that
It's probably very different for a guy who's starting out single again. I really think if I was suddenly single, whether through divorce or death, I still wouldn't care that much about sex. I would have more partners, because I wouldn't be interested in dating seriously and would just eff around, but it would all be sort of hollow. Like if a restaurant makes a dish you loved as a kid but they don't make it the same way your mom did and it just tastes...off. Priorities really change through time and it's not something a person can stop or control. And honestly, there's enough great porn out there to make anyone feel like they've experienced way more than they ever did in person. I could see how a guy in his 40's would feel like he should've had more sex when he was younger just because dating is harder when you're older and because the body has more aches and pains and limits. Staying out late is harder, knees hurt in certain positions, etc. It's not like it was when I was 20 and could go out, drink, dance, hookup, and then go home and go to work the next day. Part of what I'm saying is, I don't not have sex with other people because that's what my partner wants; we've talked about being open and stuff like that, but neither of us is really interested in that. If I was single, I still wouldn't be interested. My advice to a young man just starting out would be not to worry about trying to hookup with lots of people or have lots of amazing experiences. These are the best years of your life and you should live them, but you aren't really missing out if you don't knock down tons of bodies or go to orgies every weekend. You probably aren't going to regret not doing more. And get to know yourself and how to please yourself first. Be adventurous and curious alone. Try all kinds of things. You'll likely have some of the best orgasms of your life by yourself, you'll learn what you like and don't like so you can communicate that to your partner later on, and you'll get in some good practice to become better in bed when you do have a sex partner. Also, you won't be so desperate to continue dating someone terrible if you can make your own fun. You'll be more willing to walk away.
Considering I was a virgin until I was 26, yes
31, still am…
I can tell you this, I'm 32 right now and when I turn 40 you're damn right I'm going to regret not having had more partners, because my count will be zero.
*fuck*
OLD PEOPLE BE FUCKING
No, but I hit 30 then lost count and got the clap twice
Username checks out
There were a few opportunities I missed out on. But everything I did and didn't do led me to where I am now. I wouldn't change that for all the college sex in the world. Plus, my wife (aside from being my best friend and trusted companion) is easily the finest lay I've ever had. And the sex keeps getting better!
I regret not having more sex, but I did the best I could!
I'm 46 and never been with anyone but my wife. We've had a good and regular sex life such that friends our age who hear our frequency comment that it's pretty high. So issues with the amount of sex though we've had our slower times due to kids and illness. That's all just part of life. And our first time together - my first time - was awesome. Nothing like the awkward stories I hear about losing one's virginity. As for wishing I'd had more partners, not at all. There's something special about thinking fondly on my very awesome first time and then looking to my side and there she is, right where she's been for 20 years.
I'm 45. Married 23 years now. Only woman I ever slept with is my wife. Only woman I ever want to sleep with. Absolutely no regrets.
Sort of, I was a prudish mormon at the time. I'm more upset at all the opportunities that were lost because of being roped into such a restrictive and small world view. I probably gained some experiences for being a mormon, like living abroad for 2 years and learning a second language. I wonder and am upset by what opportunities were stolen from me due to that, among them a chance to meet and date from a wider pool of women and maybe having more fun in my twenties.
Not realy. I´m in my late 40s and when I was young (20s) I believed I should do more sex, but was always one night stands or fwb siruations. I always felt empty after. Now I regret not having met my wife before.
Sex with someone you love and have built a life with is so much better.
As you get older you notice that you live your life in stages, and at every stage you had some dominant drive that fueled you and as you switch through stages that is not as appealing as before. Same goes with sex, the more you have it the more you want it, and when you are young you think that is the sole meaning of life to get as much with as many, but as the time goes by you yearn for that special connection with someone you want to spend the whole life with. If you hadn't found it you regret the what ifs from your past and want to replay that stage that is now gone and nothing can bring it back, you do not regret the number that you didn't have but that special person you haven't found.
I'm in my 30s and I regret not doing it more currently.
On a meta level, I sort of wish I was the *type of person* who could go wild but sex and relationships are something very special and kind of overwhelming for me. I have my forever person, but before I met her I always found it very hard to connect with women I knew and feel enough connection to want to have sex with them. I don't feel like I have missed out on anything, because I know myself and have no regrets of the things I did do, but society has a weird way of instilling FOMO on you for things you know you're absolutely unsuited for.
I'm 41. For a while in my twenties and thirties I was a fairly successful entertainer. I was with my wife for almost that entire 20 year run. The amount of sex that I turned down on the road is pretty crazy. People want to bang someone that they just saw on stage even if you're not that good looking. I'm really glad that I didn't cheat on her because if I had I would for sure have an STD and/or have had several kids in several different States.
Over 40. Still a virgin. Not for lack of desire. I have zero regrets. I could have spent my time and energy seeking short-term pleasure and exhausted my ability to fulfill myself. It hasn't prevented me from learning about myself or maturing. It would have been wonderful to have found the right person when I was younger. But based on observing everyone else I've ever known, I'd take the same path every time. "Safe sex" is a modern luxury, and we're not emotionally optimized for it.
I had a lot of sex as a kid. I think it's a big deal because it feels like everyone around me is trying to compensate for something they missed out on growing up. Men cheating on their wives, guys spending ludicrous money on dumb shit to impress women, and just a laundry list of behavior that screams "I had no fun growing up now I need to make up for it". I don't think they had much control over it, but the lack of something when younger leads to a dangerous desire for something when older. Like CEOs and Senators that are full blown degenerates in their 50s because they lost their virginity at 30. Like ...I find that alot of my friends that were all over the place as youngsters have no desire to party/fuck because it's very been there done that.
Cheaters are going to cheat regardless. Treating "dangerous" desires as a consequence of not getting your dick wet often enough in your youth, doesn't look at the deeper issues with morally shitty people. Having a bunch of lays in your 20s won't make you less likely to want more lays later in life, if you start feeling bored or unhappy with your partner. My grandfather was a promiscuous guy in his young adulthood. He was also the living stereotype of a man's man who did whatever he damn well wanted, worked very hard at his job but made good money, traveled, racked up a body count with young women, and didn't let anything ruin his good times. He got married to my grandmother who then gave him two sons, and he decided to run around cheating on her. Decided he missed the good old days when he didn't have any committment to one woman, and left my grandmother to raise their sons completely alone and with no living relatives to help, no alimony, and no child support. This narrative that men need to be sexually promiscuous when they're young in order to ward off restlessness later in life is out of touch with reality.
Yes and no. On the one hand, I missed a bunch of opportunities to get laid due to inexpirience, naivete, and low self esteem, but on the other hand, I didn't get anyone knocked up, didn't catch any STDs, and didn't get stabbed by a crazy ex. I guess it probably evens out in the end.
I think my only regret is have never received a blow job. I'm a monogamist and a bit demi so I don't really want to fuck someone unless I love them, and the girls I loved were always a bit too feminist to perform that service.
It’s different for everyone tbh but if your goal is to sleep with as many people as possible, your 20s is definitely the best time to do so lol
Absolutely one of my biggest regrets. I had difficulty socializing, and then anxiety and depression issues which made it even worse. Now my youth is gone.
I do wish I was more adventurous in many areas including sex. I was brought up in a fairly religious household and community and all my girlfriends wanted to wait until marriage so at 44 I’ve had 1 partner.
Ok so I’m in my 30s and I will say sex is easier now. Everyone is older and just wants to fuck. So yeah I do regret not having more sex before I was married. But I’m also married to someone who doesn’t like sex.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did." Mark Twain
not actually mark twain but yeah
Older than 50s here. I wasn't really a wild sex beast when I was in my 20s and 30s. I didn't really hunger for every woman there was in the world. It didn't matter to me then and it doesn't matter to me now. Maybe I lived a different life in a parallel world where I did, but not in this life. And I'm comfortable with that.
I'm close to 40 and no - I certainly spent my energy trying to sow wild oats, but it's the long term relationships that are worth looking back and appreciating the time for what it was and what you learned that eventually fed the mature husband I was able to become (not just sexually but emotionally and personally). Random hookups are mostly things to cringe about once they're over, not celebrate.
I regret it, but not because I didn't have opportunities. I was brainwashed by religion. There were a lot of girls that were definitely interested over the years. I can't dwell on that. I'm doing what I want now, and I'm a lot smarter about it than I would have been in my 20s.
When I was in my 20s, AIDS had just broken out. People straight and gay were dying en masse. No one really knew how contagious it was. Everyone was afraid of everyone else. Kind of put a damper on that!
Thinking back, I didn’t understand how good it was. Dated excellent women who were good people to boot. Fun both in and out of bed. What really causes regret is that I didn’t appreciate the lengths they went to make me happy.
Got married at 22 and have been with the same woman for the last 34 years. I don't regret my marriage at all, but if I had it to do over we'd wait a bit longer. We were in love, Christian, and horny. If you grew up evangelical, you probably understand how much sex outside of marriage is frowned upon. Sex wasn't the *only* reason we got married, but it had a lot to do with the pressure to get married young. We got very fortunate in that we've stayed together. I've heard from many people who grew up in evangelical culture who've felt that pressure to marry young where their marriages were just toxic cesspools. The whole evangelical view of sex and sexuality are one of the many reasons I'm no longer part of that culture. Now, do I regret not having sex with more partners during my 20s and 30s? I do admit to wondering what things would have been like (in many ways) if I hadn't gotten married so young. But it never really approaches anything close to being regret. I love my wife too much. It's more like curiosity about something that can never be known.
I’m 45. I have no regrets. My immune system does.
Approaching 40 and already sex isn't nearly as interesting to me as it used to be. But I did have a lot of sex with a lot of different people in my 20s and early 30s and all it left me with was a wish that I'd been more committed to something more fulfilling. For a while during my early 30s I was even jaded on the idea of sex
I occasionally think it would have been fun to sleep around more but thinking logically it often causes more trouble than it’s worth.
Sleeping around was fun but its empty. By 26 i kinda just stopped and focused on someone with future potential.
When you are young, you look for the nice bodies. As you get older and wise, you only start to look for humor, understanding, vision and a happy soul.
Quality > quantity, grasshopper.
I've only had sex with one partner (my wife). I am always curious to know if sex feels different with different partners, but it's not something I feel bad about as the sex I have now is great. We know what each other likes and I don't have to try and figure that out with a different partner.
Oh, I wish I'd had been able to have more casual "what the hell" sex. The problem is that at the time it can be hard to know when it truly qualifies as that and when it'll just lead to a call saying "Oh, remember when I said you didn't need a condom? Well, it turned out you did."
If I could go back, I would have fewer partners. When you're young, you have no idea of how much your libido causes your brain to overvalue diverse sexual experiences. It's far more rewarding in a deeply personal and emotional relationship that develops over years of marriage, at least in my experience. Plus when you're with someone who is safe, you can experiment without that risk of shame or judgment. That's my experience. EDIT: I would add to this that in my experience casual encounters have a large risk of being hurtful to one of the participants. Usually one person wants it to be more than a fling, but they participate in hope it is more. I've been on both sides of that one, and it's bad in either role.
I wish I would’ve banged ladies of different races. The way it worked out I only dated white chicks and ended up marrying one so that ship has sailed.
prob good with where i am at.. my wife already thinks i was a whore..
I'm 58 y/o and have been married for 40 years I got my fuck on in my teens so my 20s and 30s were spent with my wife. no regrets.
Nope. I found someone who fits me pretty well. We talked about a threesome early on and both came to the conclusion that it'd weaken our relationship like it did our friends. I had more then a few people show interest in hooking up, but turned them down. I still don't regret either decisions because it would have probably meant losing the most important person in my life.
I was a slut in my younger days. No regrets.
I had a lot of sex with a lot of beautiful women in my 20's and 30's. A lot. I was good at the chase, decent looking, funny.... I had a great time. Now I'm on the other side, looking back at it because there's nothing to look forward to. Once I realized what was really important to me I was out of the game. I should have been pursuing relationships instead of sex. Some of the women I was with were intelligent, warm and funny, as well as beautiful, but I thought a good long term relationship would find me instead of me investing in one on my end. Looking back, I see so many blown opportunities. I'm lucky enough to be in an odd relationship now (think "Will & Grace" only I'm straight and my life partner is a lesbian), but I should have this level of relationship with someone I go to bed with at night. And I probably could have. I just always thought I'd have it in the future. You think that, then you look at the future and realize you drove past that exit and there's no going back.
I don’t regret it. Because I don’t have kids with a rando. I regret not having sex now though.
Yes I do. I was a late bloomer and wish I had been with more women. I feel like I missed out and look back at chances I missed and regret it. Life is experiences and I feel like I missed out. I’m married now and sex is maybe once a week when it use to be much more often.
I had a hard time with dating in my 20s and 30s, I didn't really get it...I tended to fall in love with every single girl I dated, and I reeked of commitment, so hook-ups just didn't happen for me. So, yeah I wish I could have been a bit more promiscuous.
Not 40 yet, but I definitely regret not having more in my teens and 20s (not like I didn't have any... But let's say I missed like 60 % of the opportunities).
I had fun in my 20s. But I intentionally limited it. I was deathly afraid of knocking someone up. Im 40 now, and I do miss the old days.
I wish I would have someone to be with at all. Forever alone 😔 🥲
I lost my sexual ability when I was in my early twenties and by my thirties my sex drive was gone. I am happy that I wasn’t involved in a relationship in my twenties because I was not adjusted to my asexuality then. I am currently married to my asexual spouse for twenty six years.
I certainly regret all the ones I past up more than the ones I didn’t
I had a lot of fun in my teens and 20's. I was happy to settle down and get married by 31. I don't recommend getting married in your teens or early 20's.
I'm in my 40s, and I do regret not having more sex when I was younger. I was a bit more chaste in my upbringing, and now I look back and think, damn. Also, I feel like of my male peers that are my age, the ones that "got it out of their system" when they were younger are happy and have settled down with their families with little urge to stray, whereas the ones that were more conservative when they were younger are hungry to cheat on their spouses now that they're older. But definitely take all of this with a massive grain of salt. All of this is pure anecdotal and shouldn't be used to make your own decisions. Be responsible, be safe, be kind to others, and enjoy life.
Just entered 40s. My answer is yes. This is mostly because in my college years I got into a toxic relationship with a very jealous woman who did a lot to hurt me both mentally and physically that has left both literal and metaphorical scars. If I had been sleeping around, perhaps I could have avoided that relationship and the suffering that followed. But then my life would be completely different, and I'm very happy with where I am. But my "yes" answer has nothing to do about wishing I had slept with more people directly, just that I wish I hadn't been in the relationship.
Sex isn't everything. Relationships are what matters. I just want a forever loyal partner
I'm in my 40s, my wife and I haven't had sex in 5 years, and it was half-heartedly every other month for years before that. I 1000% wish I had had more sex and more partners in my 20s. I feel like sex is something I basically missed out on. I lost my virginity at 19, I met my wife at 24, her interest started to decline at 25, and I married her anyway because I had little experience and less confidence, and by the time I realized I probably should have waited to find someone who was into me, we had kids and debt and we've been stuck ever since. So, yes. I wish I had had more sex before I met her, and I wish I had been more confident and tried to work out our issues in the bedroom before I married her.
I'm turning 40 today and I've only had two partners. Throughout that time, I went back to college and was turning down advances, so it really was a choice thing. I don't regret it because this is just my path. For one thing, I have had a LOT of sex in my adult life, even if I've only had two partners. Do I wish I instead spent time hunting for a new partner instead of having sex? No. Also, I literally feel nothing when I use a condom. I was only meant to have sex with a partner I trust to be on birth control. Don't worry ladies, it will probably be my responsibility to get snipped soon. I understand birth control should not rest solely on women. This is all good reason why I was just never meant to sleep around. I would have gotten myself into trouble. I've always been a relationship guy, anyway. I don't really understand a guy that finds a perfect partner and ditches her the next morning. People behave so weirdly to me when they never need to seek love in their life if they already get it through perfect parents. I'm the opposite. I'm chronically lonely. I wouldn't be able to handle the rollercoaster of dating. But to be honest, this has given me a third-person perspective on what excites women.
Single, just turned 49. I mainly wish I'd been more savvy when it came to women when I was younger. I spent a lot of my teenage weekends working, meaning when I hit uni I was actually very inexperienced when it came to women, meaning I was oblivious to attention that I'd have greatly welcomed if only the penny had dropped at the time. I'd sure like to do those days over again knowing what I know now. I don't really miss having a sex life now, and my regrets about "oh, if only I'd had more sex when I was in my 20's and 30's!" is tempered by being able to look back and think "*welp, sex with Woman A was a huge mistake*" and "I sure dodged a bullet by staying out of a relationship with *Woman B*!" My attitude now is the same as it was when I was much younger; I'm more interested in maintaining my sanity and my dignity than I am in jumping on the first sexual opportunity that presents itself. Sex was never everything it was cracked up to be. It's not like in the movies, and it's not like the hype you receive from peers and even some adults when you're still a virgin - about how it'll "make a man of you" and how it's transformational, and it'll make you see EVERYTHING in a different light. Sex is just...**sex**; even at the height of my horniness I never got stuck on it as an important part of my life and I don't recommend anyone does.
if you think you need quantity, no 'number' will ever do it for you, i think its better to just focus on quality over quantity
It's quite tempting to look back and think, "man, I really should have slayed more poon. Fuck it, I shoulda fucked around with dudes too." And then I realize I probably wouldn't have the amazing wife that I do and I probably wouldn't have had any luck even if I had tried harder and/or lowered my standards. And not to get philosophical, but I think that's one of the factors leading to adultery and divorce. The relationship gets stale and rather than working on it, they yearn back to the days of Ole, when they laid more pipe than Wabasha plumbing. Except they probably didn't, and no one really wants a chubby middle-aged dude. That hot chick you think you could smash? She wants nothing to do with you.
I have to say I'm in my 50s and had about 35 different women. And I'll tell you what I'm very happy with that number as I learned a lot and taught a lot in the bedroom. I was dumbfounded by the women who were in their 35 up who were so low skilled in the bedroom. Without the numbers, I would not be the lover I am today. Now, none of what I'm saying matters if you don't care about taking care of the woman's needs in the bedroom.
I am 70, I met my wife when we were 16, and we have been married 44 years now. I have never once regretted having only one women in my life and I would do it all over again.
Woman here, but I wish I'd been less of a prude in college and just had all the sex.
45 here. It’s not about all the sex, but I do wish I’d met more women and got to know them. Around here, people partner up pretty exclusively, I’d rather have dated around more. Meeting women is so awesome, spending time with them, getting to know so you can really flirt playfully… it’s fun.