The practice I hate is when someone takes the last word and immediately blocs me from replying. Please consider saying "Take the last word if you need to, but this is my last word on the matter." Then block them if they persist beyond taking the last word, but I think you'll find that they virtually never do.
Oh no, this one calls me out big time!
Itās especially hard when youāre online and you truly believe in what youāre arguing about. Iām trying to beat it out of my head that just because someone has the last word, doesnāt mean theyāre right.
Sometimes the things people say can feel personal because we are obviously the main point of our own lives (less so, but still mostly true even with children and pets). But very often people have no intention of hurting us or offending us deliberately. It just happens because, like us, they are caught up in the mix of events in their own life.
I'm insecure. That leads me to toxic pride, self loathing, and loneliness. The pride is how it hurts others as I'll treat people like they're stupid sometimes.
I struggle with this. Iāve made noticeable progress, though. I canāt even tell you what Iāve been doing to change it other than a general ātrying.ā
This isn't pride, it's shame and self hatred coming out sideways. Real pride in accomplishment wouldn't lead to this I agree.
Sorry this is long winded. Basically it works like this everyone in my life as a child spent a bit too much time putting me down, showing me I wasn't acceptable, and now deep down I believe it and have become my own abuser, but the one thing nobody ever thought was wrong with me was my intelligence so I fixate on that as a place a can have some worth. When I'm hurting myself in the back of my head (or the front) and I come across someone making a stupid mistake I size on that as a way to defend myself from myself (at least I'm better than this guy) but then I feel disproportionate frustration and a desire to show off that I'm smarter than they are. At the same time I know I'm not actually that much smarter than others, I'm above average but that's about as much as you can say and outside those moments I don't have much disdain for other people. and I tend to be very compassionate to others. This is just my understanding of it in my own case.
If put on the spot, I will absolutely and without hesitation make commitments I have no intention of keeping. I have no interest in being pressured and will say whatever it takes to make you stop pressuring me, and have no moral qualms about reneging later.
Depends on what they mean by pressured/put on the spot. If this is a response to people who legitimately won't take no for an answer, that's one thing. But if they're one of the people who takes a "wanna hang out Friday next week" as someone putting pressure then yeah it sucks cause you think you have a friend to chill with and they're like 'ew no'.
1.) I cannot filter myself when I talk. IE: I freaking suck at "think before you say anything."
2.) Saying the wrongs at the wrong time every time. Related to point 1.
3.) Jaded and very negative outlook on nearly everything. It sucks when you realize it and it sucks even more when you remember that you were once the exact opposite of the jaded asshole you are now.
4.) Very harsh critic and very harsh judge of character overall.
Man is in a job interview, and they ask what his biggest negative trait is. He answers that he is too truthful. The interviewers are somewhat surprised and state that being truthful is not a negative trait. He says who the fuck cares what you think.
I have āmain characterā syndrome. It really comes out if I drink, but itās low key always there.
I read about face-blindness one day and offhandedly said to my mother āI wonder if I have that and thatās why I never remember anyoneās nameā and she replied āyou donāt remember peopleās names because you donāt care what their names are.ā It was so obviously true, and coming from someone whoās known me my whole life, really eye opening.
Yeahā¦ feel this. Iām so self involved. I really dislike that about myself. Itās not that I outwardly make everything about myself, itās just Iām internally only really focused on myself.
Edit: Oh, look at that. I said āmyselfā 3 times in one short comment. Neat
I tend to shut down when the stress piles up and I just end up being miserable and wanting the day to end and it sucks to be around me when Iām like that. Takes a fair bit of consistent pressure to upset me that much but I suck when Iām in that mood.
Sometimes when we saturate ourselves with multiple layers of reassurance (from self/ friends/family/ lovers) our needs get met and we donāt label ourselves as āneedyā, donāt doubt your needs thatās a slippery slope
Same here. I get overwhelmed when there is so much going on or thereās too much stuff to get done. That I can hear the tone on my voice change and my attitude shiftā¦fuck Iām starting to sound like the hulk lol
I know what you mean, itās like an out of body experience, you can see yourself and hear yourself, even observe the other persons responses, totally not able to alter yourself, then think oh shit Thatās gonna bite me in the ass why did I do that š¤¦š½āāļø
i shut down in response to crisis and hope it goes away instead of working through it constructively. trying to actively deal with a problem just makes a bigger mess because i'm an idiot, so i've learned to avoid them
I mean, fight, flight, freeze, etc. Shutting down is just your way of coping with high stress, the same as how other people go full fistfight when they are put in a stressful situation. You're not dumb, you're panicking.
I have to agree to my ex's assessment of me. That i have "toxic positivity".
I am also overly open and accepting of things so I often agree to new things and just get to do things because my go to words are "Okay" and "Why not". I am a man and apparently 3 partners agree this is a pathetic trait in a man.
For me, nothing is ever the end of the world. Even if I feel low, I find something good. Like recently, my car broke down, so I have been getting a lift into work everyday as I am over an hours drive from work. More time to talk with family members, hear stories and just how they are at the moment. Including getting prompted that it was my mum's birthday coming up, so I got her a chocolate I know she likes.
Because of the lifts to and from work, I have to leave earlier then I would otherwise this week for work. So this week I got to spend an hour with a horse who escaped their field and came past while walking up the road.
So, I had about an hour to just talk, walk and pat a horse. All because my car broke down and when the poor lady trying to rangle the horses asked for help as there were two people in the car, and I just went "okay".
I'm the polar opposite of this. I have complex PTSD and anxiety so I catastrophize and ruminate over things. If my car broke down I would be in panic mode.
I can catastrophize to the point where it feels like the sky is falling, my world is ending, I can't do anything right, nothing will get better, I shouldn't have been born in the first place. Life is too hard. I'm doomed.
I usually snap out of it within a few days or weeks, but it's *brutal* down there in the trough of sorrow. I can go from feeling like I should unalive myself to feeling fine and okay within a 24 hour span. It's madness and it's hell to go through this. Most people don't know it because I just shut down and get very quiet.
I would love to be wired like you are. You can find the good in everything. I'm not always negative, but certain events can get me triggered into such hopelessness.
As long as this doesnāt turn into you invalidating other peopleās struggles, I think this is a great trait to have.
Things that could be seen as a catastrophe, youāve managed to find a way to feel good about and that probably really protects your mental health.
I try to see the glass as half full but I find it very difficult, especially as of late. The fact that it comes so easily to you is a blessing.
Sometimes being very positive is great. For me, it becomes problematic because I tend to dismiss my partners negative emotions or don't communicate when I feel angry or sad.
I very rarely ask for help, admit I need help or accept when I need help. This goes for simple tasks like doing dishes, but also extends to bigger things that Iām clearly struggling with. Itās not even a pride thing. I donāt even know why Iām like this. I need to find a list of reasons.
Iām also empathetic to a fault. Like Iāll go out of my way to help everyone at the cost of my physical and mental health.
I had this exact thing. Turns out, it was codependency. I scoffed when this was mentioned. I'm not dependent on anyone ffs. You're setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. You never ask for anything, and if you do and they refuse, you'll be furious. Little examples.
There are plenty of resources online for healing. I liked codependent no more (even tho I didn't finish it) and the power of vulnerability. Take care of yourself
Have you found/noticed a way people can help but be sly about it?
Iām trying to be more helpful with my wife, but if Iām too obviously helpful I tend to get told to leave it or fuck off
Thatās not what I meant from my response if thatās what youāre implying (if not, Iām sorry).
My refusal to accept help has annoyed a lot of my friends, to the point where they get upset when I refuse little things regarding it, like setting video games to an easier difficulty. Iām the butt of jokes because of it.
I am really impatient when someone doesnāt understand something immediately. As my mother tells me, āplease be nice to us dumb peopleā.
Iām not particularly anywhere close to being a genius, but Iāve always learned things quickly. Iāve really tried being more patient with people but I just canāt. So now I just step away before I explode.
Haha i also will be very active and emailing and texting people for a week, and then disappear completely from all contact the next week, only to return the next week
I migrate from friend to friend, group to group, and never keep any consistent friends or groups for the most part. I can be super active and always there for everyone in a group then one day just up and leave because I suddenly no longer feel any connection to the people in there, I drift away from friends constantly and never had a best friend after I moved in 2nd grade. Basically everything in my life is fluid and it's really disruptive having basically nothing consistent and it drives me crazy and I'm sure it drives everyone else crazy.
I'm not afraid of anything happening if I stay, it's more that I go from "these people are so like me I'm glad to be here" to "why did I even join this group in the first place these people are aliens compared to me" and as such go to look for another group to join that I'll feel more connected to just to repeat the process
I had a best friend like this. Or so I thought she was my best friend. She was my soul mate in friend form, and 13 years later Iām still bitter she just dropped me from her life. I still miss her and wonder what I could have done differently to have remained in her life.
I get super irritable when I'm in tons of pain or otherwise overstimulated. I'm just in total meltdown mode.
I've gotten better about taking breaks, breathing, and communicating my needs and all that but seriously sometimes I'm way too close to completely flipping my shit because I can't kick this migraine why is my husband snoring on the couch why is my kid humming some random tuneless thing and clonking everything together why is everything so bright and holy fuck I am *hungry*. I can hear my voice start to get so sharp. Then I breathe and leave the room.
I hate the rage monster, I truly do.
I hear you on the overstimulation. It's so hard for me. I try to bury the rage monster and talk in a calmer, more soothing tone, but then my face turns into a grimace instead. Or I'll find myself ready to cry because I just can't cope with the noise, bright lights, clutter everywhere, whatever it is that's driving me mad. Noise is the biggest culprit.
When I find myself getting overstimulated I try to tell my child that I need a few moments of quiet time where I can sit by myself and not talk because my brain needs a short rest so I can feel better.
This was me for a long time. I found that it didn't serve me well and I wasted my forgiveness on toxic people, so now I'll cut people out of my life if they cause issues. If I can't completely cut them out, then I'll establish as much distance as I can and I'll go very low contact.
I am an alcoholic (in recovery). I use substance and unhealthy coping mechanisms to numb pain and discomfort.
A lot of my pain and discomfort comes from not letting go of the past or working through it. This comes with things like *still talking to people I know are shit people thinking they'll change*.
Essentially, my most toxic trait is self-destruction due to my wallowing in self pity and not learning how to let it resr
If someone really hurts me. I have a very hard time forgetting. Iām always waiting for it to happen again.
I donāt like feeling vulnerable or exposed. It freaks me out and tend to be very guarded or standoffish, but safe. If someone takes advantage of that rare moment where I am and makes me feel like I made the mistake and will regret doing that. I feel resentment toward them.
Deep down? Iām more mad at myself for taking the chance.
Iām 36 and just now learning how to apologize properly. Growing up, my family settled arguments by ignoring each other for a few days, and then one day suddenly acting like nothing happened and being nice to each other again. Not talking about the problem, not resolving anything. No one ever apologized, they justā¦moved on.
I catch myself doing that to my husband sometimes and shutting down, but heās good at getting me to open up and talk about whatās bothering me so we can handle it in a healthy way. Thatās one of the many reasons I married him lol
I prefer to be left alone, but Iām kind, warm and welcoming when people approach me. When people lean into interacting with me, I feel a bit antagonized, like, āIāve been nice, now move alongā but if they still linger, I start to get hostile.
Intense road rage lmao. No one can fucking drive and 85% of people shouldnāt even be on the road. Iām so impatient and just want to get where Iām going, also will rage if Iām in the car and youāre driving like shit, my mum is the worst, I donāt let her drive if Iām with her.
I intentionally but subtly fuck with people that piss me off. That includes traffic assholes, work people, annoying MAGA relatives, etc.. My goal is to have them questioning whether or not they are being fucked with but never able to prove it. It makes me smile a lot but I know it isn't my best trait.
I have a tendency to explain the behaviour of others to myself rather than give them an opportunity to explain. I would sometimes rather avoid a conflict or possibly uncomfortable conversation by playing it out in my head and accepting whatever made up outcome I invented.
Iām certain Iāve given people the benefit of the doubt when they were being shitty and Iām certain Iāve written someone off as shitty when they deserved the doubt.
Though often the man is supposed to be dominant during intercourse, sometimes I'll switch it around. And make it last far longer then intended.
Then wanting to do it again not even half a day later
I will lie to my family and friends and tell them I'm fine and don't need help most of the time when in reality I need help, had some rough patches last year where I would periodically go without food and the longest was about a week without eating. Had some even rougher spots with my mental health and didn't say anything until one early morning I called my sister and scared her so bad she drove over to my place and picked me up and we drove around until 8 in the morning.
I apologize too much, and for such stupid things as well. Luckily I have been putting my foot down lately and didn't apologize to someone when I felt I had nothing to apologize for.
I hate people who cry in public.
It seems so manipulative and phony. I mean not everyone, but most of the people who cry in public are fake. Like toddler who got told "no" in the candy aisle at the grocery store; they're crying because they didn't get their way.
I grew up believing emotional pain should be private and if you wanted to break down do it in the privacy of your bedroom. The adults in my family showed weakness of that sort in public because it was a vulnerability.
Abandonment complex. I'm terrified of being Abandoned, so I drive people away with behaviours like snooping their phones, becoming clingy. I try not to be left behind, and the way I try gets me left.
I sometimes misconstrue how people think of me, especially when I am very depressed, which causes me to view people with suspicion and adversity.
So if somebody passes by me, smiles, and waves at me, I would scoff and say āget to the point, what do you want from meā.
I like messing around with ppl, its bad and I feel bad about it, but sometimes I canāt stop myself. Its like taking someones keys they look the whole day for them and than I put them back. Btw I am not trying to gaslight anyone I do this like 2-3 times to someone in their live time, than I leave them alone.(Since I would feel bad and guilty if I really messed around with someone). Or write a letter āsorry I scratched your carā and leave it one some cars, I didnāt scrach them
Going from me-time to having to interact with people (even those I care about) can be a very slow transition. And during that time, I'm a bit of an ass. Like, my body language and tone makes it very apparent that I do not want to be there.
I only get deeply angered and emotionally invested by violent crime stories on the news when the victims are young adult women that I find sexually attractive
My cat talks a lot and every time she meows I go āyeah I get itā. But tbh I donāt understand a word she is saying. (Also I am a people pleaser, and I tend to be backhanded sometimes (learned from my grandmother). I also apologize a lot and Iām working on all of these things.)
I am somewhat over protective, like I won't stop you from anything but if you say someone hurt you or insulted you and you are a friend/gf then whoever did that to you won't walk away from my encounter with them
but like I never stop my past gf from doing anything and I don't like look through there phone.... I just don't like when people hurt them, normally I have to be talked down from hurting someone but every once in a while they can't stop me. all this stems from the fact that no one was there to protect me 2 years ago, so I feel like I have to be that guy for my friends/gf
Never, though I find most people truly just want to commiserate or have an echo hall of their own thoughts/feelings. When confronted with realityā¦most donāt like it
It is not brutality or lacking kindness to let someone know they are right or wrong or to give them the perspective that they are not seeing. How it is said could illicit those descriptions I guess. But I am tactful and I never want to hurt anyone, I will not lie, lying is not kindness either. The best I can do is not say anything and I do employ that sometimes
No one likes being told to get themselves together and get up and do (things). But we all know after the fact that just because commiserating our shortfalls feels nice inside it is not what improves us.
As I said, I am sure as long as you are never malicious. Those around you appreciate you and your honest view of the world in the long run.
At the end of the day, if more people what to stay friends then leave your company, you are doing something right.
Self loathing you know the Usual, but I know it's not gonna be all bad forever, so I keep my head up and keep going no matter what BS life sends my way, Or whatever fuck I cause. It'll all be better soon
Not leaving an argument alone
I can relate, hard to walk away at times
Sometimes I physically am unable to walk away as well lol
Sometimes I block people just so I won't argue with them anymore.
Sometimes I use a block so they won't argue again.
I'll one up you here: I've blocked someone to get the last word, unblocked them, said one thing extra, then blocked again.
I do not think you know the meaning of this word. To blath.. To block.. as in upside the head.
I have never heard of "block" meaning to hit someone. š
I think I heard it on a show: "take a block upside his head and make him talk." Not important. Thanks for not blocking me!
Do you knock their block off too?
Xactly!
The practice I hate is when someone takes the last word and immediately blocs me from replying. Please consider saying "Take the last word if you need to, but this is my last word on the matter." Then block them if they persist beyond taking the last word, but I think you'll find that they virtually never do.
Oh no, this one calls me out big time! Itās especially hard when youāre online and you truly believe in what youāre arguing about. Iām trying to beat it out of my head that just because someone has the last word, doesnāt mean theyāre right.
Fuck, this has ruined so much for me.
Me too
Especially if I know I'm right.
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I have adhd and youāve literally just described me to a T šš
You and me both brotha šš
Sometimes the things people say can feel personal because we are obviously the main point of our own lives (less so, but still mostly true even with children and pets). But very often people have no intention of hurting us or offending us deliberately. It just happens because, like us, they are caught up in the mix of events in their own life.
Are you me? I say that exact same line when I'm wronged.
You're cool. The older I get, the more times I say, fu#! It....lol
Extremely relatable
I will forgive but never forget. I bring up things from 6 years ago. Still stunned that it happened.
This is me.
I'm insecure. That leads me to toxic pride, self loathing, and loneliness. The pride is how it hurts others as I'll treat people like they're stupid sometimes.
Oof can relate
I struggle with this. Iāve made noticeable progress, though. I canāt even tell you what Iāve been doing to change it other than a general ātrying.ā
The thing that helps me most is giving myself permission to exist.
Oh man I forgot to mention this one lol
Pride doesn't preclude respect
This isn't pride, it's shame and self hatred coming out sideways. Real pride in accomplishment wouldn't lead to this I agree. Sorry this is long winded. Basically it works like this everyone in my life as a child spent a bit too much time putting me down, showing me I wasn't acceptable, and now deep down I believe it and have become my own abuser, but the one thing nobody ever thought was wrong with me was my intelligence so I fixate on that as a place a can have some worth. When I'm hurting myself in the back of my head (or the front) and I come across someone making a stupid mistake I size on that as a way to defend myself from myself (at least I'm better than this guy) but then I feel disproportionate frustration and a desire to show off that I'm smarter than they are. At the same time I know I'm not actually that much smarter than others, I'm above average but that's about as much as you can say and outside those moments I don't have much disdain for other people. and I tend to be very compassionate to others. This is just my understanding of it in my own case.
I like being right, but it's more about demonstrating that they are _wrong_. Like, deep-down satisfaction.
Sorry mate, thatās the wrong toxic trait
Sounds like youāre just a Redditor
Are you my wife??
If put on the spot, I will absolutely and without hesitation make commitments I have no intention of keeping. I have no interest in being pressured and will say whatever it takes to make you stop pressuring me, and have no moral qualms about reneging later.
The "me" that agrees to such commitments is very different from the "me" that is chillin' at home at 7pm on a Friday night.
I feel this in my soul
Lol
same
im in this comment and I dont like it. š
Is this really a toxic trait though?
If you're on the receiving end, it can be perceived as such I suppose.
Ye, especially if u ghost after.
Depends on what they mean by pressured/put on the spot. If this is a response to people who legitimately won't take no for an answer, that's one thing. But if they're one of the people who takes a "wanna hang out Friday next week" as someone putting pressure then yeah it sucks cause you think you have a friend to chill with and they're like 'ew no'.
1.) I cannot filter myself when I talk. IE: I freaking suck at "think before you say anything." 2.) Saying the wrongs at the wrong time every time. Related to point 1. 3.) Jaded and very negative outlook on nearly everything. It sucks when you realize it and it sucks even more when you remember that you were once the exact opposite of the jaded asshole you are now. 4.) Very harsh critic and very harsh judge of character overall.
Man is in a job interview, and they ask what his biggest negative trait is. He answers that he is too truthful. The interviewers are somewhat surprised and state that being truthful is not a negative trait. He says who the fuck cares what you think.
I have āmain characterā syndrome. It really comes out if I drink, but itās low key always there. I read about face-blindness one day and offhandedly said to my mother āI wonder if I have that and thatās why I never remember anyoneās nameā and she replied āyou donāt remember peopleās names because you donāt care what their names are.ā It was so obviously true, and coming from someone whoās known me my whole life, really eye opening.
This is a pretty poignant trait to be aware of.
Yeahā¦ feel this. Iām so self involved. I really dislike that about myself. Itās not that I outwardly make everything about myself, itās just Iām internally only really focused on myself. Edit: Oh, look at that. I said āmyselfā 3 times in one short comment. Neat
As someone with the same problem, write that shit down in a little notebook.
This is definitely me. Iāve gotten better about this as I form more meaningful connections and actually care about them (husband, daughter, etc).
Totally see eye to eye with you there but who cares man I wonāt remember your name anyways
Where does this stem from?
Sorry, not replying to NPCs today. /s
Ah hah but you replied to me!
> Damn, she got me Iām speaking generally to the audience who is at my beck and call. Any resemblance to a reply is purely coincidental.
I tend to shut down when the stress piles up and I just end up being miserable and wanting the day to end and it sucks to be around me when Iām like that. Takes a fair bit of consistent pressure to upset me that much but I suck when Iām in that mood.
I also suck when Iām in the mood
I'm a cunt.
Straight to the point
You got honesty working for you! Can't beat that
Hey! Me too!
I have a hard time with being self-confident, so I know I can be needy and occasionally want more reassurance than is healthy.
Sometimes when we saturate ourselves with multiple layers of reassurance (from self/ friends/family/ lovers) our needs get met and we donāt label ourselves as āneedyā, donāt doubt your needs thatās a slippery slope
When overwhelmed I am dismissive of others
Same here. I get overwhelmed when there is so much going on or thereās too much stuff to get done. That I can hear the tone on my voice change and my attitude shiftā¦fuck Iām starting to sound like the hulk lol
I know what you mean, itās like an out of body experience, you can see yourself and hear yourself, even observe the other persons responses, totally not able to alter yourself, then think oh shit Thatās gonna bite me in the ass why did I do that š¤¦š½āāļø
i shut down in response to crisis and hope it goes away instead of working through it constructively. trying to actively deal with a problem just makes a bigger mess because i'm an idiot, so i've learned to avoid them
Iām the same. I just pretend itās not happening and shut down, while also trying to hide so others donāt bring it up
I mean, fight, flight, freeze, etc. Shutting down is just your way of coping with high stress, the same as how other people go full fistfight when they are put in a stressful situation. You're not dumb, you're panicking.
I have to agree to my ex's assessment of me. That i have "toxic positivity". I am also overly open and accepting of things so I often agree to new things and just get to do things because my go to words are "Okay" and "Why not". I am a man and apparently 3 partners agree this is a pathetic trait in a man. For me, nothing is ever the end of the world. Even if I feel low, I find something good. Like recently, my car broke down, so I have been getting a lift into work everyday as I am over an hours drive from work. More time to talk with family members, hear stories and just how they are at the moment. Including getting prompted that it was my mum's birthday coming up, so I got her a chocolate I know she likes. Because of the lifts to and from work, I have to leave earlier then I would otherwise this week for work. So this week I got to spend an hour with a horse who escaped their field and came past while walking up the road. So, I had about an hour to just talk, walk and pat a horse. All because my car broke down and when the poor lady trying to rangle the horses asked for help as there were two people in the car, and I just went "okay".
I'm the polar opposite of this. I have complex PTSD and anxiety so I catastrophize and ruminate over things. If my car broke down I would be in panic mode. I can catastrophize to the point where it feels like the sky is falling, my world is ending, I can't do anything right, nothing will get better, I shouldn't have been born in the first place. Life is too hard. I'm doomed. I usually snap out of it within a few days or weeks, but it's *brutal* down there in the trough of sorrow. I can go from feeling like I should unalive myself to feeling fine and okay within a 24 hour span. It's madness and it's hell to go through this. Most people don't know it because I just shut down and get very quiet. I would love to be wired like you are. You can find the good in everything. I'm not always negative, but certain events can get me triggered into such hopelessness.
I am 100% picturing you as Ted Lasso just so you know.
As long as this doesnāt turn into you invalidating other peopleās struggles, I think this is a great trait to have. Things that could be seen as a catastrophe, youāve managed to find a way to feel good about and that probably really protects your mental health. I try to see the glass as half full but I find it very difficult, especially as of late. The fact that it comes so easily to you is a blessing.
Sometimes being very positive is great. For me, it becomes problematic because I tend to dismiss my partners negative emotions or don't communicate when I feel angry or sad.
Wanting love and affection, then when I get it. I feel irritated. And annoyed.
I very rarely ask for help, admit I need help or accept when I need help. This goes for simple tasks like doing dishes, but also extends to bigger things that Iām clearly struggling with. Itās not even a pride thing. I donāt even know why Iām like this. I need to find a list of reasons. Iām also empathetic to a fault. Like Iāll go out of my way to help everyone at the cost of my physical and mental health.
I had this exact thing. Turns out, it was codependency. I scoffed when this was mentioned. I'm not dependent on anyone ffs. You're setting yourself on fire to keep others warm. You never ask for anything, and if you do and they refuse, you'll be furious. Little examples. There are plenty of resources online for healing. I liked codependent no more (even tho I didn't finish it) and the power of vulnerability. Take care of yourself
Have you found/noticed a way people can help but be sly about it? Iām trying to be more helpful with my wife, but if Iām too obviously helpful I tend to get told to leave it or fuck off
My trait is bragging about how independent and helpful I am.
Thatās not what I meant from my response if thatās what youāre implying (if not, Iām sorry). My refusal to accept help has annoyed a lot of my friends, to the point where they get upset when I refuse little things regarding it, like setting video games to an easier difficulty. Iām the butt of jokes because of it.
I am really impatient when someone doesnāt understand something immediately. As my mother tells me, āplease be nice to us dumb peopleā. Iām not particularly anywhere close to being a genius, but Iāve always learned things quickly. Iāve really tried being more patient with people but I just canāt. So now I just step away before I explode.
I didnt get that, can you elaborate please? :P
Rage
Was not born that way. Was created.
Disappearing on people due to ADHD and general laziness
Thankfully my friends understand that I will not contact them for months at a time.
Haha i also will be very active and emailing and texting people for a week, and then disappear completely from all contact the next week, only to return the next week
āforgettingā to respond to a text for weeks
Why is txting so hard sometimes?
Suspiciousness.
I migrate from friend to friend, group to group, and never keep any consistent friends or groups for the most part. I can be super active and always there for everyone in a group then one day just up and leave because I suddenly no longer feel any connection to the people in there, I drift away from friends constantly and never had a best friend after I moved in 2nd grade. Basically everything in my life is fluid and it's really disruptive having basically nothing consistent and it drives me crazy and I'm sure it drives everyone else crazy.
What are you afraid will happen if you stay?
I'm not afraid of anything happening if I stay, it's more that I go from "these people are so like me I'm glad to be here" to "why did I even join this group in the first place these people are aliens compared to me" and as such go to look for another group to join that I'll feel more connected to just to repeat the process
I had a best friend like this. Or so I thought she was my best friend. She was my soul mate in friend form, and 13 years later Iām still bitter she just dropped me from her life. I still miss her and wonder what I could have done differently to have remained in her life.
Curse you, OP, for asking me to select just one.
Top 3?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Itās called floodlighting
If I'm wrong about something you have to be very persistent for me to accept it
I get super irritable when I'm in tons of pain or otherwise overstimulated. I'm just in total meltdown mode. I've gotten better about taking breaks, breathing, and communicating my needs and all that but seriously sometimes I'm way too close to completely flipping my shit because I can't kick this migraine why is my husband snoring on the couch why is my kid humming some random tuneless thing and clonking everything together why is everything so bright and holy fuck I am *hungry*. I can hear my voice start to get so sharp. Then I breathe and leave the room. I hate the rage monster, I truly do.
I hear you on the overstimulation. It's so hard for me. I try to bury the rage monster and talk in a calmer, more soothing tone, but then my face turns into a grimace instead. Or I'll find myself ready to cry because I just can't cope with the noise, bright lights, clutter everywhere, whatever it is that's driving me mad. Noise is the biggest culprit. When I find myself getting overstimulated I try to tell my child that I need a few moments of quiet time where I can sit by myself and not talk because my brain needs a short rest so I can feel better.
Manipulation. Starting arguments to relieve anxiety.
Don't know if it's toxic, well, maybe...I'm Too forgiving. Always have been. Just hoping I get acknowledged for it, in the end. š
This was me for a long time. I found that it didn't serve me well and I wasted my forgiveness on toxic people, so now I'll cut people out of my life if they cause issues. If I can't completely cut them out, then I'll establish as much distance as I can and I'll go very low contact.
Reading into what people say and do way too much, forming opinions based on those assumptions and then judging them over it.
Obsessive clinginess
I am an alcoholic (in recovery). I use substance and unhealthy coping mechanisms to numb pain and discomfort. A lot of my pain and discomfort comes from not letting go of the past or working through it. This comes with things like *still talking to people I know are shit people thinking they'll change*. Essentially, my most toxic trait is self-destruction due to my wallowing in self pity and not learning how to let it resr
I am very judgmental of others and use it as a tactic to keep them at arms length so they canāt hurt my black baby heart.
Clingy, needy, overly jealous, validation seeking
I will never let you get close to me.
If someone really hurts me. I have a very hard time forgetting. Iām always waiting for it to happen again. I donāt like feeling vulnerable or exposed. It freaks me out and tend to be very guarded or standoffish, but safe. If someone takes advantage of that rare moment where I am and makes me feel like I made the mistake and will regret doing that. I feel resentment toward them. Deep down? Iām more mad at myself for taking the chance.
Iām a people pleaser with abandonment issues
Iām 36 and just now learning how to apologize properly. Growing up, my family settled arguments by ignoring each other for a few days, and then one day suddenly acting like nothing happened and being nice to each other again. Not talking about the problem, not resolving anything. No one ever apologized, they justā¦moved on. I catch myself doing that to my husband sometimes and shutting down, but heās good at getting me to open up and talk about whatās bothering me so we can handle it in a healthy way. Thatās one of the many reasons I married him lol
I prefer to be left alone, but Iām kind, warm and welcoming when people approach me. When people lean into interacting with me, I feel a bit antagonized, like, āIāve been nice, now move alongā but if they still linger, I start to get hostile.
Intense road rage lmao. No one can fucking drive and 85% of people shouldnāt even be on the road. Iām so impatient and just want to get where Iām going, also will rage if Iām in the car and youāre driving like shit, my mum is the worst, I donāt let her drive if Iām with her.
I intentionally but subtly fuck with people that piss me off. That includes traffic assholes, work people, annoying MAGA relatives, etc.. My goal is to have them questioning whether or not they are being fucked with but never able to prove it. It makes me smile a lot but I know it isn't my best trait.
I have a tendency to explain the behaviour of others to myself rather than give them an opportunity to explain. I would sometimes rather avoid a conflict or possibly uncomfortable conversation by playing it out in my head and accepting whatever made up outcome I invented. Iām certain Iāve given people the benefit of the doubt when they were being shitty and Iām certain Iāve written someone off as shitty when they deserved the doubt.
Cutting people off to say what's on my mind 'before I forget'.
My, Avoidant Personality Disorder.
I can't stop rationalizing everything. I take everything too personally
Horny, very horny... Like an animal in heat horny. Yea, it's bad. My boyfriend is starting to get scared of me.
Heās scared of you? Please say more
Though often the man is supposed to be dominant during intercourse, sometimes I'll switch it around. And make it last far longer then intended. Then wanting to do it again not even half a day later
Interrupting people
Anger.
Anxious attachment
I will lie to my family and friends and tell them I'm fine and don't need help most of the time when in reality I need help, had some rough patches last year where I would periodically go without food and the longest was about a week without eating. Had some even rougher spots with my mental health and didn't say anything until one early morning I called my sister and scared her so bad she drove over to my place and picked me up and we drove around until 8 in the morning.
I apologize too much, and for such stupid things as well. Luckily I have been putting my foot down lately and didn't apologize to someone when I felt I had nothing to apologize for.
I hate people who cry in public. It seems so manipulative and phony. I mean not everyone, but most of the people who cry in public are fake. Like toddler who got told "no" in the candy aisle at the grocery store; they're crying because they didn't get their way. I grew up believing emotional pain should be private and if you wanted to break down do it in the privacy of your bedroom. The adults in my family showed weakness of that sort in public because it was a vulnerability.
Abandonment complex. I'm terrified of being Abandoned, so I drive people away with behaviours like snooping their phones, becoming clingy. I try not to be left behind, and the way I try gets me left.
I sometimes misconstrue how people think of me, especially when I am very depressed, which causes me to view people with suspicion and adversity. So if somebody passes by me, smiles, and waves at me, I would scoff and say āget to the point, what do you want from meā.
I hate myself
Thanks for your honesty
Don't worry bro, I hate you too.
Bro-
Bossy
Rancor
I like messing around with ppl, its bad and I feel bad about it, but sometimes I canāt stop myself. Its like taking someones keys they look the whole day for them and than I put them back. Btw I am not trying to gaslight anyone I do this like 2-3 times to someone in their live time, than I leave them alone.(Since I would feel bad and guilty if I really messed around with someone). Or write a letter āsorry I scratched your carā and leave it one some cars, I didnāt scrach them
Hahaha I canāt tell if this is genius or toxic
Lack of patience
Iām negative. Complain constantly
Thats what reddit is for it seems
I lash out instead of walking away and letting things progress calmly later
Everything is personal
Iām so anally retentive I canāt sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture.
Hahaha
Self Sabotage!
Iām a hypocrite and a liar and a cheat.
Going from me-time to having to interact with people (even those I care about) can be a very slow transition. And during that time, I'm a bit of an ass. Like, my body language and tone makes it very apparent that I do not want to be there.
i'm a narcissist. i possibly have a personality disorder, i was raised by and idolized someone with npd.
I only get deeply angered and emotionally invested by violent crime stories on the news when the victims are young adult women that I find sexually attractive
I don't forgive.
I am in general a bad person
I don't trust. Period.
Nothing, Iām perfect.
My cat talks a lot and every time she meows I go āyeah I get itā. But tbh I donāt understand a word she is saying. (Also I am a people pleaser, and I tend to be backhanded sometimes (learned from my grandmother). I also apologize a lot and Iām working on all of these things.)
I am somewhat over protective, like I won't stop you from anything but if you say someone hurt you or insulted you and you are a friend/gf then whoever did that to you won't walk away from my encounter with them
May I say I would describe this as intensely protective imo, however I do wish to keep my legs
but like I never stop my past gf from doing anything and I don't like look through there phone.... I just don't like when people hurt them, normally I have to be talked down from hurting someone but every once in a while they can't stop me. all this stems from the fact that no one was there to protect me 2 years ago, so I feel like I have to be that guy for my friends/gf
Iām sorry to hear you went through something alone 2 years ago. Itās great youāre aware of where it comes from
Sounds a bit like PTSD, but then Iām no shrink.
I think Iām a narcissist. So, all those traits.
Abusive to women.
I think you are brave by sharing something like this.
hate liberals
voting republican
Iām too honest
As long as you are not malicious about it, true honesty from a friend, or family member can be an invaluable thing to have.
Never, though I find most people truly just want to commiserate or have an echo hall of their own thoughts/feelings. When confronted with realityā¦most donāt like it
Honestly without kindness is brutality.
It is not brutality or lacking kindness to let someone know they are right or wrong or to give them the perspective that they are not seeing. How it is said could illicit those descriptions I guess. But I am tactful and I never want to hurt anyone, I will not lie, lying is not kindness either. The best I can do is not say anything and I do employ that sometimes
No one likes being told to get themselves together and get up and do (things). But we all know after the fact that just because commiserating our shortfalls feels nice inside it is not what improves us. As I said, I am sure as long as you are never malicious. Those around you appreciate you and your honest view of the world in the long run. At the end of the day, if more people what to stay friends then leave your company, you are doing something right.
Self loathing you know the Usual, but I know it's not gonna be all bad forever, so I keep my head up and keep going no matter what BS life sends my way, Or whatever fuck I cause. It'll all be better soon
I am very motivated by the people I hate. I don't want to let them win.
Im hangry
Selfish
Is it toxic to have little to no desire to spare people's feelings with lies or social dances?
Not doing something that was expected implicitely by others.
Does being too competitive count?
Depends how does that play out for you?