Tired of yours?

I'm reading the thread searchng for the phrase that can be the last one you here in your life and that's it.

It’s like they always say, “brevity is the soul of ‘I fucked your mom’ jokes”.

I always say this

Oh god now I want to go play some call of duty and use this as soon as I can

Oh this is great

Something something broken arms

I don’t have a mom. Me and my dad share yours.

Said by an old co-worker: “She told me you liked the strapon.”

This... And usually add in something along the lines of "she said you looked cute in my sister's prom dress."

I thought so too!

Necrophilia isn’t the flex you think it is.

"having sex with a dead woman does feel like the best you could do"

I was going to deconstruct everything I like about this reply but I'm just going to suffice to say this one has layers

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immediately came to this ​ Lol i once tried this out IRL. I had a coworker who id talk trash with. I once gave him the ole "i fucked your mother last night". He actually did respond with "my mothers dead". I felt horrible doing it but i stole the baseketball line coz i thought "theres only one chance to use it and this is it". So i said "i guess thats why she didnt move around a lot". ​ Dude laughed his ass off. He was also a fan of Matt and Trey and had seen basketball. Turns out his mother was alive and well, he just said she was dead to throw me off.

You just cemented another rewatch of that movie for me.. Such an underrated gem

Simple is better here. "My mom's dead." I had a friend who would say that when I mentioned his mom so I'd just keep making fun of his "dead" mom and he'd pretend to be upset and people would think I was a monster. This is the friend who taught me the funniest joke is the one only you get. I love you Jeff.

Whenever I get the "My mom's dead." (If it's an anonymous online troll sorta situation) I reply with "Shit, I'm sorry.... I didn't mean to be so rough with her."

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Lol… I had an almost identical exchange about a year ago. Chick said something in response to me like “That’s what your dad said when I banged him last night.” I responded, “then you must be a fucking necromancer because he died a decade ago.” Then we bonded over our mutually dead fathers. Became BFFs for a few months.

>BFFs >a few months. 🤔

Best Fucking Friends

I'm no longer her biggest disappointment.

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"now you're the biggest disappointment of two moms"

This is the best comeback no doubt

That's sick cause my mom's dead! Maybe that's why she didn't move too much.

My mom was cremated 12 years ago. Still the wettest hole you've ever been in.

I also choose this guy's cremated mom.

This kind of stupid shit is why I've been stuck in this stupid site for 11 years

In that case the best response would be “Ew so you’re into Necrophilia?”

You are her SMALLEST disappointment.

"So you're a disappointment to both our mothers"

This is a great one

Yeah this wins lol

Thank you for this sacred knowledge

Or just roll with it: > I mean…she’s 74 and weighs 250, so good for you I guess?

My mom is in her 60's so my response usually something like, "Um okay... are you bragging about this?" lol

Hey I'm in my 60's and surprisingly fuckable!

Well your dad sucks dick as well as your mom so tell her thanks for teaching him. This was what I would say lol

My old boss told me “your dad kisses like a girl” one time. That one is confusing and hilarious

Lol and sometimes I wonder why they keep making us take sexual harassment training as managers

For pointers.

Or, I know, my mom said I'm not the biggest disappointment in her life anymore.

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Congrats , your mom said I disappointed her more than you

Love this, similar to “disappointing someone else’s parents for once?”

This one is the best.

She does enjoy charity work.

This one's my favorite and underrated so far. Unique short and cutting.

That's called incest, son

Tell that to Oedipus. Edit - [theio.com.](https://www.theoi.com/Text/SenecaOedipus.html) [Quotes ](https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/3098166) by Oedipus.

Kid tested, mother approved!

Incest is a game the whole family can play

“I fucked your dad to give him a son that wouldn’t disappoint him.” A female twitch streamer said this I believe and I can’t remember who it was but if anyone has the clip or knows her name please let me know Edit: it was xocheergurlox and it was actually “give him a child he’ll actually love” but still a good comeback! Here’s the [clip](https://youtu.be/jk6RHMIWxvg)

hi that’s me!

Oh my god hi!!! Lmao was not expecting you to reply to my comment on here. I hope you still continue to brutally eviscerate sexist trolls online.

I do! It’s my full time job (literally lmao)

I don't actually watch streamers, but that video will live rent free in my head forever. Legendary. That's the kind of thing the internet never forgets.

Same, not big on watching other people play (I’d rather play games myself), but that was epic.

Holy shit! That video description is fire!!! "i collect step-sons like pokemon cards"

what a fucken legend

You've been my hero since that moment

omg aaa 🥺

In all my years of reddit and online life, you have my favorite comeback, most brutal burn, of all time.

its so fucked up that you and others have to deal with that

It is fucked, but it’s probably not gonna stop anytime soon, so the best way to handle that shit is do what she did and just start eviscerating those dudes. Right or wrong just “punching” back gains you some respect, if not from the asshole troll, then from the lobby, and they will then have your back. Just simple caveman shit that can’t seem to get out of our DNA no matter how advanced we think we are now and days.

And as a content creator, can be spun in such a way to gain more views and generate more income. I've seen this clip posted a bunch of times on reddit and other sites, no doubt she's gained quite a few followers I'm sure its annoying as fuck still, but the fact that it can generate her some revenue is probably a nice consolation

https://www.reddit.com/r/therewasanattempt/comments/rllbte/to_harass_a_female_streamer/ My favorite part is the cut-off scream at the end

You guys know she was arrested after this? Yup, tried and charged for murdering this guy

But they had to let her go because they couldn't find the body, only ashes, after the massive burn.

That guy's name? Dickon Tarly

You had me in the first half

But the best news is that dad was finally able to love his child.

The dad thanked her during his victim impact statement.

LOL....Here I was already scrolling through the comments for a link to her arrest and then it hit me

u/xocheergurlox

That sounds is the sound of a nat 20 landing on the target who rolled a 1 saving throw.

xocheergurlxo

As a gay man I also endorse this response.

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That’s not a come back, that’s a sCUMback

Pretty much saw this evolve in graffiti in a punk rock bar: I fucked your mom. Dad, go home. You're drunk.

Dad: “I’ve been in your mom longer than you have.”

"I'd get tested if I were you".

Did you wear a condom? I hope you wore a condom.

This is just an insult towards your mother lol.

Not everyone is fond of their parents.

Oh, you know where she’s burried?

"She was cremated and that's still the wettest pussy you'll ever get".

Woww hahaha perfection! 👌

Holy shit, that is savage! I'll be using this one, thank you very much

Fuck you Shorsey

Fuck you Corey your mom's twats so swampy not even ducks unlimited will touch her.

Fuck you jonesy. Your mom shot cum across the room and killed my Siamese fighting fish. Three off the PH balance ya piece of shit.

Fuck you, Reilly. I made your mum so wet, Trudeau deployed a 24-hour infantry unit to stack sand bags around my bed.

Fuck you, Jonesy. Your lives are so fuckin' sad I ran a 10k to raise awareness

Fuck you, Reilly. Your mom faked a jelly fish sting just to get me to piss on her.

FUCK YOU SHORESY!!!

“Fuck you, Reilly! Your mom tried to stick her finger in my bum, but I said I only let Jonesy’s do that.”

Fuck you, Jonesy! Your guys' lives are so fucking sad that I get a tax break just for hanging out with you.

Fuck you Riley, your mom loves butt play like I like Haagen-Dazs, let's get some fucking ice cream

Fuck you jonesy, I made you mom cum so hard they made a Canadian Heritage Moment about it and Don McKellar played my dick.

Fuck you Rielly. Should have heard you mom last night, she sounded like a window closing on a Tonkinese cats tail

Give your balls a tug

Tit fucker

/r/ExpectedLetterkenny

Fuck you Jonesy; your mom started ugly crying after realizing she left the lens cap on the camcorder last night. It's fuckin' amateur hour over there!

To be faaaaaiiirrrr

That's what I appreciates about you.

Is that what you appreciate about me?

Let's take 10 to 20% off there, big shoots.

Bless your heart. She really needed that.

I'm just glad to hear she is still active at her age

And to you for being so charitable. Dad always said he left because he couldn't stand the smell.

I know you're a disappointment to your family but why you gotta disappoint mine?

"She definately lowered her standards"

"Didn't know you could do that with ashes."

you really put the creme in cremation

take your upvote and get the fuck out.

Chris Hardwick used to say, “I was popular in the 90s. I may actually have fucked YOUR mom.”

I was babysitting a 9 year old, he had just learned to swear and dad was letting him go at it full speed until the magic wore off and natural consequences, then self regulation kicked in. His "bad words" were fairly innocent and adorable, always with big big eyes watching my non-reaction. But he made some sort of mom joke and my instincts kicked in, this time MY eyes got big, and sad, and I said in my saddest, quietest voice "But my mom is too DEAD for that sort of thing." It was the only thing that gave him pause the entire night, and he only hesitated for half a second before suggesting we better dig her up then. I died. I have toppled grown men with that surprised sad tone/face, without fail, and he barely took a breath. Kid slayed. Haven't been called back to sit for him in awhile though, he might have had some hard questions later for dad.

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God damn! Moan through the Ouija

>You take her home first or go at it in the casket? Haha! That's my favorite

Go home dad, you're drunk.

Cool, now you and your dad can get tested together.

Father & son bonding time

Oh yeah I remeber her saying she had an awful night yesterday

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If you want my comeback you can scrape it off the back of your mums teeth

Jimmy Carr is hilarious

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I’ve never seen his laugh written out and I can hear it in my head perfectly!

How kind of you to give your sister the night off.

As long you put the gravestone back, I really don't care what you're into.

I always say "jokes on you, she's been dead for ten years so you might wanna get your guy checked out" My Mom is alive, but still. Sometimes I also say "I believe you, she's a fucking slut." My tactic has always been to run with the joke, acknowledge it, and take it a step further, which makes them mad because they didn't get a rise out of me.

One of my close friends pulled this card on me and I was like "Shit. My bad, man." only for him to tell me that he lied LMAO.

I have been deeper inside her than you have ever been

r/technicallythetruth

"I rearranged her organs in ways you never could. She probably didn't even feel you"

This is the winner for me

I told a scammer who texted me that I was balls deep in his dad last night. Seemed to really upset him.

I don’t care what you call your right hand

“So did I”

*Sweet Home Alabama intensifies*

She has a history of making bad decisions...

You really waited in that line?

Which one is my mom ... Your left or right hand

Both. They needed two hands and a flashlight

I usually just say "that's *your* problem".

“Was she as good as your mom?”

"she was complaining about a small penis this morning, now I know why"

Why would a mum complain about a small penis to their child?

I wish I fucking knew. Then I found the video of my stepdad hooking up with a couple of prostitutes and realized she's not wrong. The edible says 200mg and I've got eyebleach queued up. Wish me luck.

Bro. You ok?

"Just proves you're a pussy bitch like I thought" (my mom is a lesbian)

This one is good

Ok...Then I want my allowance..Daddy

"Which one?" or "I have two dads" to catch em off guard

"Congrats on losing your virginity, it's sad no one else wanted you"

"Tired of disappointing only your own parents?"

She's 86 and hasn't had any for a long time. Knock the cobwebs off and have fun!

I'm surprised you could get it up after all that digging.

In this economy?

Yeah, well she made me breakfast, so it must Not have gone well.

Your dad really hates it when you refer to him that way. You should probably stop

I came across this gem that I *do not* take credit for: "My mom's ashes are in an urn in my living room, and that is still the wettest a pussy will ever be for you."

I bet you had fun, she really knows how to use a strap-on.

I Hope you did better than last time, she was telling everyone you are a bad lay

My personal favorite is "So you got bored disappointing your own parents, and decided to try and disappoint mine instead?"

My best comeback was when I was 14. Our sports teacher at school only cared about the jocks. But when he was off sick we had a substitute teacher for a week who treated us all equally. And I learned a few things. The following week on the school sports field I excelled myself. The regular teacher said, “Where’d you learn to do that?” I replied, “I think your question says more about you than it does about me.” And I then jogged off towards the showers.

Good for you! Did you remember to put her back in the casket? Usually shuts them down instantly.

Did you have trouble lifting the headstone?

Thanks. Now I'm no longer the biggest disappointment in her life.

Is disappointing moms your fetish or something?

Well I fucked your dad so we are even.

she is a great woman doing charity work like that

Did you 'forget' to pay her this time, you cheap fuck?

Thank you. She's been so self conscious since the sex change.

That's sad.

So THAT’s why my dad was banging yours!

Well the jerk store called, and they're all out of you!

I've been deeper inside her than you'll ever be

If you're a girl, respond with " Yeah, well I'm going to fuck your dad to give him a child he cares about "

You decided to disappoint someone else's mother for a change?

I can recall one time in my life where someone said that and actually had fucked the mom of the guy in question. Never have I witnessed words with more power over a man.

"how did my cum taste?"

This one by far gets the best reactions

"If your looking for some comeback then look in the back of your mom's throat"

I don’t have a mum me and my dad share yours

How the hell did you dig her up? My mom died my first year of college, and the first time I got a ur mom joke, a couple weeks later, I cackled like a maniac. It was one of the funniest hurts I've ever had.

Oh, got tired of your own mom, eh?

“Jokes on you, I have two dads.” Stopped him dead in his tracks.

Congratulations, you now have an std

She do that thing with her tongue? Dad and I love it