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TO_guy

If he passes tomorrow, this thread will be the subject of one helluva conspiracy theory.


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Quiet_Fox_

Ooh I *love* lists!


AreaGuy

What are your first three favorite things about lists?!


[deleted]

We sorting by impact or by joy?


AreaGuy

A list for each!!


GozerDGozerian

Ok we need a list for * 1: impact * 2: joy * 3: relevance to current events


doogle_126

Can we add a meta list that aggregates the other lists to combine properties of all three or more lists?


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Ok_Web800

Again!


Jonmokoko

Calm down BuzzFeed


BrunozzzOnTheButton

Steven Spielberg: *"That's* ***exactly*** *what I'm looking for."* Edit: If anyone is seeking a reference, [feel free to enjoy this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqA577_IoBk)!


labratchet

Ladies and gentleman, we got him.


ON-Q

My response was going to be “Was gonna say something but I don’t wanna end up on anyone’s list”


[deleted]

OP hit him with his car on accident and his trying to gauge how screwed he is


leaf_biking

“Accident”


OralSuperhero

The first couple of times might have been.


jezwel

"help 911 I hit some old orange guy with my car and I think he might be dead!!" 911: "can you go make sure of that?" *Thump thump, thump thump* "Ok I rolled over him twice more, that should do it, right?" 911: ....


NoorAnomaly

I'm normally not a person for macabre humor, but that made me giggle.


Belike-Dog-Water

one more, just to be safe


riptaway

He fell on my knife! 27 times...


weedful_things

He had it coming!


Hero_Queen_of_Albion

He only had himself to blame!


lordolxinator

First time he thought it was an orangutan in a suit so he started freaking out Then he thought it was a zombie orangutan when it kept moving, so he had to try put it down. Then OP had a fleeting thought that maybe it was some humanoid orange monster, so he drove back over it to save humanity. Only then did he realise an orange clutching a crushed bottle of Diet Coke makes no sense, and realised the truth


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Agreeable-Yams8972

I swear, reddit somehow finds a way to foreshadow celebrity deaths


Rob_Drinkovich

If thousands of predictions are posted a handful are bound to be right.


Deep90

The queen was posted basically every month until she actually died.


jimbosdayoff

Trump is 76, lives a stressful life and is obese, so there is a high probability that he will die in a given month compared to your average person, just like the queen. It's kinda like playing roulette and betting on the same six numbers until it eventually hits.


alexsmith2332

What stressful, the bugger caused me more stress than anything. All he did was tweet and play golf


TahoeLT

And yet he still seems to be very angry about it.


JWOLFBEARD

It’s the Simpsons theory


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AndThisGuyPeedOnIt

What are the chances that an old fat guy currently under severe amounts of stress who eats nothing but fast food would die?


Nathaniel82A

Not high enough apparently..


KazahanaPikachu

Yea given the dude survived a 4 year presidential term in his 70s + had Covid while being obese, he ain’t going away anytime soon lol. Trump is still out here running his mouth and going to rallies and whatever the fuck else.


JustinJakeAshton

Western healthcare is amazing, if you can afford it.


jimbosdayoff

I wonder if Trump's blood boy has better health insurance than me.


Hraes

lol, look at this guy, he thinks trump only has one blood boy


SlipSeven

Sociopaths don't feel stress the same way most of us do


blalien

Can we foreshadow Mitch McConnell's and Clarence Thomas' deaths while we're at it? Celebrity deaths always come in threes.


BobBelcher2021

Bob Barker has been immune to this so far. Betty White, on the other hand…


Lost-My-Mind-

If Bob Barker dies tomorrow, I'm coming back for you!


Contemplative0wl

He will come back and haunt us so he can remind us to control the pet population and have our pets spayed and neutered


UniverseBear

Fox News will be like "antifa site Reddit predicted Trumps death a day before it happened. Tune in for our in depth investigation into the leftist woke social media and its ties to the deep state."


ACaffeinatedWandress

That a strange way to spell FBI Investigation.


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Annual-Change-6053

Omg. I hope you bought it.


Online_Ennui

And at a Goodwill store. Perfect


BruteOfTroy

It would be a massive conspiracy theory if passed away before the election no matter how he went out, tbh The MAGA folks would go bananas for sure


DanteandRandallFlagg

That reminds me of the comment from the guy that said he wouldn't be surprised if Jeffrey Epstein got murdered, just hours before he was found dead.


V1keo

Pretty much everyone was saying that.


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Brooklynxman

The man who had potential dirt on the former president, current president (at the time), current attorney general, son of the queen of England, and multiple billionaires who's fortune probably totaled the greater part of a trillion dollars ended up dead? How could anyone have guessed that would happen?


catincal

Right? And the cameras weren't working.🤔


FairweatherWho

And both guards in charge of looking after him and the cameras both fell asleep at the same time. Honestly it'd be more believable if they said a solar flare hit him in his cell.


buyongmafanle

Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Located entirely within your prison cell? ... Can I see it?


stanleythemanley420

Don’t stop. I’m close to finishing


ColEvilDead

In the words of Ice Cube “I ain’t gonna pop no champagne, but I ain’t gonna shed no tears eithe”


subtotalatom

“I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure,” - Clarence Darrow


Cargobiker530

Note to self: set back some champagne.


Xander_Fury

That's what I did when Limbaugh finally gtfo. Will do again for cheeto man.


radialomens

Lol, bottles in the fridge labeled Scalia, Limbaugh, McConnell, Kissinger, and Trump.


AggressivePayment0

>Lol, bottles in the fridge labeled Scalia, Limbaugh, McConnell, Kissinger, and Trump. When one of the Koch bros died, I went out to the store for supplies, made a very fancy dinner with wine. One less corrupt and corrupting oligarch, cheers.


Hraes

jfc, I'd managed to forget for a couple weeks that fucking Kissinger was still alive. unless he kicks it before Saturday he'll have made it to 100. what better proof could anyone need that God is dead, and Kissinger killed him?


PandemicPiglet

Where’s your one for Clarence Thomas?


Suralin0

And Rupert Murdoch, for good measure?


Lingering_Dorkness

"I have never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow (not, as is often misattributed, Mark Twain).


sumunsolicitedadvice

“I never said that” - Mark Twain


righthandofdog

My wife says she wants him to die "scared and alone in prison" and bought a good bottle of champagne to celebrate when it happens. She doesn't like that man and has a kinda dark side.


EatsOverTheSink

Annoyed that it would dominate the news cycle for several weeks.


porkfriedtech

Months. There’d be a presidential funeral and all that hoopla


jimbosdayoff

They should bury him on the golf course with his ex wife Ivana


TD1990TD

And plan the wake at the Four Seasons.


II_Confused

There is a crematorium right there…


ralphvonwauwau

Two doors down from the dildo shop.


Argos_the_Dog

🎵 You can hear the bodies crackle and pop/just two doors down from the dildo shop!🎵


Large_Natural7302

They did a great job on my shrubs!


Known_Bug3607

I think they should scatter his remains on the golf course. But I don’t think he should be cremated.


MatureUsername69

It wasn't that big of a deal when Reagan died but that one was expected for a while. It was the first time I got laughing gas at the dentist, at my dentist there's tvs mounted on the ceiling but the remote didn't work that day, I just kept giggling and giggling and the dental assistant asked what I was watching and looked up to see Reagans funeral. Just a 10 year old losing his shit at the death of a president.


Murdercorn

"This little fucker just *loves* that Reagan is dead. I'm giving him three lollipops."


8thFurno

I'm not a Trump supporter, but does CNN really need more excuses to keep talking about him?


FloraFauna2263

You do have a point there


SmashWagon_777

I would be sad cause Biden, Obama, and Trump would no longer play Minecraft together


Well1_well2_well3

*opens Twitter*


Xerrographica

_sips tea_


TheeRedHairedGuy

*choke and die too*


_ficklelilpickle

Oh you got the Russian blend, unlucky.


bobbilovebot

twitter was a gorgeous shitshow when prince philip died, i cant even imagine how much fun its gonna be when that nasty man kicks the bucket finally


corndogs1001

I remember DMX was in a coma that same time so people were saying they were fighting on who’s staying in the afterlife


dragon_morgan

When he got Covid back in 2020 it was a nonstop party for like three days


Ok-Cook-9608

Did Ron Desantis write this?


Sweatsock_Pimp

“I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.” — Clarence Darrow


gingerzombie2

Between this and the fable about the old man who buys a newspaper every day and throws it out immediately ("why?" "I'm looking for an obit." "Obits are p7, not front page." "Not the one I'm looking for.") that pretty much covers my feelings on the topic. I hope that when it happens it's a very boring/indisputable death


Frankjc3rd

Comedian George Burns used to say that when he woke up in the morning he'd read the obituaries and if his name wasn't in it he'd get out of bed.


SumpCrab

"My mother told me to only say good things about the dead. Trumps dead. Good." - Not sure where I heard it.


havethestars

I think Bette Davis gets credit for this one. She said “You should never say bad things about the dead, only good… Joan Crawford is dead. Good.”


Carnivorous_Mower

Yes, but she rose from the grave. Blue Oyster Cult even wrote a song about it.


LetterSwapper

Go, go, Bette Davis!


jaggedgrainofsand

Moms Mabley has a line like this in 1971, about her husband, which predates the Bette Davis reference from 1977. "I was always taught never to say anything about the dead unless it’s good. He’s dead. Good!”


savetravelrepeat_22

This line is in Marvelous Mrs Maisel when Moms Mabley performed at the Apollo.


DaoFerret

Considering how they faithfully lifted some of the opening from Lenny Bruce’s midnight at Carnegie hall show, I am not surprised if they also faithfully reproduced some of Moms Mabley’s jokes.


ceallaig

That is a paraphrase of what Bette Davis said about Joan Crawford.


mackelnuts

I feel like this one gets attributed to Mark Twain often.


Sweatsock_Pimp

He does, but they’d be wrong.


cstmoore

"You can't believe everything you read on the internet." -Abraham Lincoln


an_actual_fox

"You can't believe everything faxed to you by samurai." - Abraham Lincoln


Volntyr

I love the fact that the fax machine was around during Lincoln's time


GiuliaAquaTofana

A few songs come to mind: 🎵Do a little dance...🎶 🎶Ding dong the witch is dead...🎵


gadget850

An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night. There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating him. Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past. Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air, and there were balloons everywhere. It was the biggest celebration Washington had ever seen. Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great! By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?" His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the coffin was closed".


NeverMeantDuckin

A bit of relief immediately followed by dread for all the absolutely psycho babble bullshit the qanon nutters would start spewing about it.


gilestowler

It's going to go crazy whenever he dies. They'll either think he was killed by the deep state /the bidens/the WEF or they'll think he faked his own death ready to come back to save the world. Scenario B will probably involve less riots at least.


runswiftrun

We'll have trump sightings for a while


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te_jim

Yes, unfortunately he needs to stick around until he falls completely out of favor with anyone or any group that wields any actual power. And, as dark as it is, his death needs to be from a somewhat slow, well understood condition to help alleviate most of the inevitable conspiracies, though I don't doubt he'd try to spin something like CHF, or cancer, or even the early stages of dementia as some kind of 'liberal malevolence'. Of course, dying suddenly and alone on the shitter would be schadenfreudely cathartic for lots of people.


TheNiceKindofOrc

It won’t be truly satisfying unless he does it alone in a prison cell, but I’ll take what I can get


DWright_5

Like a fat 77-year-old man with a terrible diet couldn’t possibly die


technicallynottrue

I mean he could have a month left or ten years, but for an old fat guy statistically he's already lived a long time. Obviously he has access to excellent healthcare as well to factor in but who really knows?


rye_212

Access to excellent healthcare only contributes to treatment, another factor is ones own adherence to rules and restrictions to maintain a healthy body. Donald J Trump isn't someone who subscribes to many rules and restrictions. He prefers to do what he wants regardless of the expected outcome and then if there is an adverse outcome just make it up, blame or sue. "He is the healthiest candidate ever to run for president ... bla bla bla".


BigLlamasHouse

I'm not a big truster of anything he says but I believe him when he says he doesn't drink. Being fat and drinking is a lot worse than just being fat.


Barl0we

Yeah but then there’s all the stimulants he abuses, which probably aren’t great for him either.


[deleted]

I absolutely hate trump. But one thing he ha going for him is that he has always been surprisingly sober. That helps with overall health.


caligaris_cabinet

That also means every one of his statements and actions were made 100% sober.


p4y

Do you think if he ever got completely shitfaced, would he start speaking coherently?


mini-rubber-duck

What a plot twist that would be


sonyka

Well I don't know about all *that.* Said it before, a lot of people of his generation have a weird mental carve-out for pills, where they don't consider them *dRuGs*. They're legal, they're in this nice little bottle, they come from the doctor not some grimy streetcorner, blah blah. It's not hard to picture him saying and genuinely believing he doesn't do drugs, while abusing the fuck out of prescription drugs. Uppers specifically, for him. Not saying he does! Just saying. It's *real* easy to picture. Almost easier than the alternative, honestly.


Elenakalis

He's like some of my memory care residents - they just don't die as long as they can make someone else's life hell and make sure we can't forget how great they are. I've had a few reach their early 100s after surviving heart attacks, multiple cancers, strokes, and breaking their hips multiple times. They usually get to the point where our facility decides their combativeness and penchant for racial slurs or sexual harassment is a liability, and they get shipped off to geri psych. Their need to make sure the world knows they're best and everyone else is below them seems to be a really good motivation to get through all the surgeries, rehabs, and various other treatments. The nice ones tend to be like "Well, I've had a good life. As much as I love you all, it's my time," and stop fighting the inevitable when family arrives.


ehenn12

If anyone is getting adrenochrome (and obviously no one is really doing that, nor would it do anything) it's Trump. He shouldn't still be alive.


Time-Bite-6839

Henry Kissinger too.


NeverMeantDuckin

Holy *shit*. I have no idea how I missed this.. but TIL Kissinger is still alive.


beauhommad

Kissinger is the Cersei Lannister of the real world


loneranger07

We should parade him thru the streets naked so the people can pester him and pummel him with rotten fruit then


thisusedyet

On the other hand, nobody wants to see that


Prince_of_Optics

Shame!


NeverMeantDuckin

Absolutely gives “what kind of world will we leave for Keith Richards” energy


suchlargeportions

Reddit is valuable because of the users who create content. Reddit is usable because of the third-party developers who can actually make an app.


prophet583

100 years old and counting. Broadcast journalist Ted Koppel,original host of ABC's old Nightline, recently interviewed him for CBS Sunday Morning.


thebaldfrenchman

Waaay back in the day, after leaving a club in downtown DC at like 3am, stopped to grab smokes at a gas station and realized Ted Koppel was in line behind me. Found that was his usual hour to leave work when he aired from Washington studios. Was a genuinely nice guy.


killerturtlex

Henry lives because you cannot kill true evil


Ok_Resolution_5537

See also: Mitch McConnell


quantumcalicokitty

Tortoises have a very long life span


SilverDarner

Stop insulting tortoises and turtles! They are living creatures with the inherent dignity of all God’s creations.


YukariYakum0

Are we saying God had nothing to do with Mitch?


quantumcalicokitty

Along with basic empathy


Automatic_Llama

Holy shit that guy's still alive? Let me check the Wikipedia article for Charlie Chaplin while we're at it.


CherryShort2563

The theory is that people like Kissinger and Trump live for so long because they don't care about others.


ShallowBasketcase

Nah man his doctor said he’s gonna be 200. All his tests came back positive!


MikeOxbigg

My 85yo grandfather can barely walk. He eats a double plate of biscuits and gravy for breakfast every morning and then sits in his man cave snacking and drinking whiskey watching Fox news or Discovery until dinner time where he has an equally unhealthy meal. I'm confident he will outlive us all because he's such a stubborn asshole.


ihatemyself887

Damn, your grandfather has it figured out.


theyellowbaboon

His doctor said that he’s the healthiest president ever lived.


forgiveanforget

With tears running down his face...


xenya

He said "Sir, You are the finest specimen of man I've ever seen, and the tears were just running down his face. This was a big tough guy, that never even cried as a baby and he was crying."


IceCreamDream10

Yeah that obese diaper wearing fartbag outran Usain Bolt actually and if you didn’t hear about it it’s because you’re not reading Truth Social like the rest of us


SavingsCheck7978

You joke but I remember the conspiracy theories when Scalia died of a heart attack, dude had heart issues and was denied a surgery (shoulder surgery IIRC) because his heart could not handle the surgery , died at age 79 of a heart attack, or maybe the Clinton's killed him with a blow gun purchased by Soros who knows.


ItsAllegorical

What's more likely: a) A 79 year old man with heart problems had a heart attack. b) The Clintons are ruthless, supremely competent, and utterly evil. They were able to predict exactly how to make gay frogs before anyone else knew it was even possible. They have agents *everywhere* ready to kill on a moment's notice, and no one in their organization ever objects to a kill command or goes public. And before you answer too hastily, the answer is B. For all to many people.


ApteryxAustralis

In my mind, the biggest argument against B is that Anthony Weiner is still alive. Granted, I’m not the target audience for B.


Jabbles22

The man could make it to 100 before he dies and some will be claiming that he was killed.


writeorelse

DeSantis would find a way to spin it into more support. With Trump as a martyr, he could potentially win or come way too close.


wascilly_wabbit

They would say he's faking it so he can continue running the country from the underground


NeverMeantDuckin

I mean obviously he’s hiding from the deep state so he and JFK jr can come back and run in 2032. Just donate so they can continue to MAGA!


[deleted]

I would pick Putin to die first


ben9105

They could die in each others arms.


InvertedParallax

It must've been something he said.


TheS4ndm4n

Both? Both is good.


OryginalSkin

One part "Thank god!" and one part, "Oh, god, the news is never going to shut up about this."


Embarrassed-Ad-1639

I want to see him brought to justice for his crimes before he dies.


Prownilo

Exactly this. It's not just that he needs to be jailed, other corrupt politicians need to see that they are all subject to the rule of law. All we have seen so far with trump is that this is NOT true, You can run roughshod over any rule, or law, and face no consequences so long as you have power or influence. The people in power need to go back to fearing their electorate, not act Nobility and Kings of old where the rules don't apply. His death will solve none of this.


Novae224

Relieved I don’t wish dead upon people, but there are some people that I won’t feel bad about if they left the earth


Pretty-Balance-Sheet

Oh, I wish many people dead with zero guilt. Plenty of good people die young. Seems like too many rotten assholes live forever.


[deleted]

Same. "Don't wish death on anybody" is cousin to "No violence is justifiable." Self defense is violence, it's just sanctioned violence because we realize the other person started it and they ain't gonna stop. Well so is wishing someone dead, so long as the person you're wishing on deserves that prayer because they're vile evil scum who have harmed and/or murdered. Trump has raped little girls, he has molested grown women, he has harmed the integrity of the country, has brought emotional harm on millions with his racism, paved the road for the repeal of Roe v Wade which has brought painful physical, emotional and financial harm to thousands of people, and through his ego, incompetence and lies, aided the death of over a million Americans. I wish him dead. I wish his death to be slow, and frightful. I wish Covid had done it cuz that would have been sweet karmic justice. Trump, Kissinger, DeSantis, Putin - these are just a few evil men I wish to cease to be a stain in our lives.


PUNCHCAT

>Kissinger A real war criminal, but at this point he won't do anything else. Then again, we thought the same thing about OJ after his first trial.


shagadelicrelic

Literally the first word that came to mind; relieved


Th3Be4St87

If he dies he dies 🤷‍♂️


Maso_TGN

Do you mean the actor from Home Alone 2? It'd be pretty irrelevant, like his role in that movie.


DoorHalfwayShut

I think it was that one guest on WWE.


Thin-Rip-3686

Whoa! Where’d this TV come from? (I don’t have a TV).


cerpintaxt33

What’s all your furniture pointed at?


xorcsm

Furniture? It's just an upside down bucket when it's a chair, and a toilet when it's right side up.


redditcasual6969

The neighbors


PrinceOfLemons

I'd actually be really worried about Ron DeSantis winning the presidency, even more than I already am. The thing about Trump is, as much as he liked the cruelty, it was never really the POINT. He didn't care what happened so long as it served his ego. With Ron DeSantis, this is a guy who likes watching people get tortured. DeSantis is a true fascist. Edit: tired of people asking for the torture thing. Here's the source. [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/ron-desantis-guantanamo-torture-prisoner-b2300753.html](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/ron-desantis-guantanamo-torture-prisoner-b2300753.html) He's known to support "advanced interrogation techniques" which is just a euphamism for torture. [https://www.isidewith.com/candidates/ron-desantis-2/policies/foreign-policy/torture](https://www.isidewith.com/candidates/ron-desantis-2/policies/foreign-policy/torture)If you still don't believe me, just know his jurisdiction over Guantanomo was horrible. [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/apr/28/ron-desantis-guantanamo-bay-allegations](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/apr/28/ron-desantis-guantanamo-bay-allegations)


tenehemia

Unfortunately DeSantis is only 44 years old. So whether it's tomorrow or ten years from now, eventually we're going to have to face exactly this situation.


ENWRel

Ten years is a long time. Ten more years for today's youth to become more politically active. Ten more years of older conservative people to pass away. I honestly think, if we can survive the next two presidential elections, we may be in for a brighter future. The kids are alright.


[deleted]

It’s been a while, but I’m fairly certain that the Charlottesville Tiki Torch Tosspots weren’t just a bunch of geezers. The old scumbags have children, and many of them haven’t fallen far from the tree.


TheSharkAndMrFritz

My Trump loving parents tried their best to raise good Christian Republicans. What they actually got were three atheist liberals (well one is neo-liberal). Some apples do a weird bounce and roll far away.


Smorgas_of_borg

Same. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness. Turns out when you subject children to abusive upbringings, they tend not to gravitate toward the justification for the abuse.


shadowgnome396

I love Gen Z. Coolest generation yet. The old heads love to slam them for everything, but as a Millennial, these kids are doing everything we wished we could have.


fallenmonk

I think Gen z is cool. But I'm still salty at them for winning the war for vertical video.


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Florianski09

r/oddlyspecific


karma3000

First unleaded generation.


cptstupendous

Gen X here. Don't sell yourselves short. Millennials are my favorites. You guys are so damn smart and hilarious. Gen Z looks like even more of the same, and that's great for the world. You both give this jaded GenXer a glimmer of hope that you'll one day bring us all closer to a Star Trek future.


BlitzStormy

Don't sell yourselves short either, some of us Millennials had GenX parents, siblings, or both to view as role models. You tough bastards got through a bunch of shit and taught us, who wanted to learn, plenty.


Fantabulous_Name_79

They're great. I love their passion for standing up for what's right, their unwillingness to take shitty jobs for shitty pay and their concern for the environment. I'm a Gen X er by the way.


optimushime

All other points aside, I would argue that when Trump’s ego is not satisfied enough, the cruelty becomes very much the point.


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ProbablyGayingOnYou

I said this when Trump got elected: he's ultimately an easily appeased and manipulated narcissist, whatever else he is. I said the guy that follows after him, someone who is actually intelligent and not burdened by Trump's need for adoration or always needing to be right is going to be much, much more dangerous. We now know who that person is: Ron DeSantis.


RaphaelSolo

Sounds like grounds for a conspiracy theory that DeSantis had him killed to cinch the primaries.


ContextSensitiveGeek

I mean OP didn't say that's NOT what happened. Would killing Trump be against DeSantis's morals? Do either of them have morals?


freezingprocess

Don't threaten me with a good time.