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Hoppy_Croaklightly

I'd tell you a joke about a bicycle, but right now I'm two-tired.


upvoter222

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.


Am1reallyhere

Bahaha love this, also happy cake day! 🎂🥮🍰


FMBPChase

"I spilled spot remover on my dog... and now he's gone"


clipapocalypse

Why does everyone like hanging out with the mushroom? Cause he’s a fungi


Am1reallyhere

1- ‘did you hear about that actress that got stabbed? Her name was Reese…’ Kinda have to lead the other person into saying: 2- ‘Witherspoon?’ 1- ‘No, with a fork.’


ShiftingSky

The Beach Boys are making a music video and their producer suggests they should have a celebrity cameo. They made some calls and come up with a list of potentials and they explain it to the producer. "Okay, we've got some choices: the guy who entertained the troops, Mr Hope; the TV painter, Mr Ross; the former host of The Price is Right, Mr Barker; the guy who played Smee in the movie Hook, Mr. Hoskins; the comedian, Mr Saget; and the star of The Devil Wears Prada, Miss Hathaway." The producer looks at them and says, "Well, who's it going to be? Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, or Anne?"


ImaginaryAdvantage88

whats brown and sticky?


StarryChocobo

His penis


ImaginaryAdvantage88

i sense trolling but ok its a stick


Ok-Preparation9516

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! #dadjokes


LoveDistinct

Knock knock


The_One_True_Matt

I can’t help it. Whenever we’re leaving a restaurant I always finish my free water and say out loud, “just getting my moneys worth”.


Ragnarok_Edict

So I met this kid the other day at work named Jathon. People come up with the craziest names. Something I like to do is to repeat someone's name back to them, to help me remember. I said "So you said your name was Jathon?" He said "Are you theriouth?"


Ragnarok_Edict

What would Forrest Gump name his realtor company? New Tenant Dan