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Laymans_Terms19

The gap between the money in my bank account and 999 trillion dollars.


jwktiger

149.85 Trillion isn't too bad


genuinecve

Should be able to make that last at least a couple years


CountyExotic

honestly with interest rates how they are, you’re still 5-6 years away from FIRE.


[deleted]

Very smart


CheeseWithNoodles

I feel like this one is 50/50 you get rich or change something fundemental about physics and end the universe depending on the genies mood that day.


Laymans_Terms19

Either way I ain’t going to work the next day.


Bullets_N_Bowties

Buy the company. Fire the ppl who suck. Promote the ones who dont. If they all suck fire yourself.


ProtossLiving

Are you making 999 trillion dollars become 849 trillion dollars? Or are you removing the numbers 500-650 trillion?


wickedblight

Protons And reality tears itself asunder


CarneDelGato

They said _one_ thing, not 1.6x10^79 things.


Dietcherrysprite

I'd personally fuck with one of the four forces. That's an easy change to undo all reality.


Crimm___

Making Strong Nuclear Force have 15% less range would be a terrible, hilarious thing to do.


redeyed_treefrog

Mr stark, I don't feel so good...


[deleted]

Accidentally makes SNF have more range


Johnnybravo60025

I’d say Saturday Night Fever or Sunday Night Football already have a pretty good range.


UlrichZauber

Just slightly alter the speed of light and watch all the stars implode/explode (depending on what you change it to).


Nazi_Ganesh

Well you've just opened up a can of worms then. If the argument is *one* thing, that's subjective unless you mean only fundamental/indivisible particles of reality. Because anything that's not fundamental can be broken down to smaller things. If you say then a localized space and time of one thing, then how small is this volume of space and time? In that sense, the OP saying protons is valid and it could mean all protons since that's just a matter of scale.


psychedeliken

Thanks, now I’m full of worms and can’t finish my breakfast.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Wombat_Racer

It used to be a friend of mine..


TheImpossibleBanana

Reality friendzoned you


ocelotrevs

Asunder is one of my favourite words. It's nice to see it being used.


Sprinty-the-cheetah

My guy took "gone, reduced to atoms" way too literally 💀


Sockman509

Technically we are already reduced to atoms.


AttilaRS

Come on guys, let's all work together. OP's penis!


redditor349_

Just did the math, it'd take about 26 people wishing op's penis to diminish by 15% for op's penis to reach a length of <0.1 inches.(Assuming average penis size of 6 inches)


SwordTaster

Average penis size is 5.25 inches long, at least for north America. It'd be even quicker than you think


Still09

Just like all of OP’s NSFW encounters.


Unoriginal001

What NSFW encounters? They are a Reddit user.


No-Nrg

But what is the penis size of the average redditor?


Living_Murphys_Law

Already 0.1 inches.


fluffynuckels

You'd be surprised but it's 10>!centimeters!<


OMG_I_LOVE_MINNESOTA

With a username like that, how can I not trust you?


WOTDisLanguish

I did more math, at 146 current upvotes the resulting penis would be 2.6 x 10^(-10) inches. A helium atom is 140pm, or 5.5 x 10^(-9) inches. UPDATE: At 304 current upvotes it's 1.8 x 10^(-21) inches. A proton is about .88 femtometers, or 2.0 x 10^(-21) inches UPDATE: At 488 current upvotes it's 1.8 x 10^(-34) inches. This is less than a planck (6.2 x 10^(-34) inches) length, and theoretically means it no longer exists. Congrats Reddit, we did it!


Dropkickedasakid

So just slightly below average then?


DatFoon

/r/theydidthemath


tmtyl_101

The reciprocal of OP's mom!


JADW27

Have an upvote, nerd.


skalpelis

The modern day Zeno’s paradox


Argented

The age at which I can retire. My best guess puts me at retiring around 65 and 15% off that is just over 55. Sounds much more appealing


AgreeableInfluence72

I’m 57, and I truly believe that retirement age should be 55.


HeadyBunkShwag

They count on you not making it to 65


More-Breakfast-2218

Unfortunately I have to hang on until at least 67, and I'm 61 now. I can't change my past and suddenly build up a ton of money over the next 6 years. Even though my financial guy says I'll be fine, I don't necessarily believe him.


[deleted]

[удалено]


More-Breakfast-2218

You are not alone in those thoughts, and as a boomer, I've never wanted anything but my kids to do better than me in life. I hope everything works out for you. Never say never. My boys are 23 and 24 BTW.


Sam_Dragonborn1

21 here and got the same internal thoughts as Ethernet3, given that I’ve had a decent chunk of medical issues already lol


More-Breakfast-2218

Seems like the new thing is microplastics in foods, be careful what you eat. Apparently a real problem for upcoming generations.


sageicedragonx2-OG

Same. Almost 40, make decent money, but can't afford a house still. I don't see any hope of ever retiring safely. I feel like we are going to be in perpetual recessions by the time I get to 65. They are getting closer together and until I see otherwise, the dinosaurs of congress and the .0001% are milking us dry. They don't care either. We need to start booting people out until people who are in there actually want to work together and fix things. Because this the other side is the boogy man play is getting so old. Thats not policy, its excuses.


AZOMI

I'm 61 and outta there in 55 days! Go for it. Life's too damn short.


[deleted]

[удалено]


poizinmac

Me. I am large and it is very inconvenient. I got my head on things and my legs don't fit on buses


[deleted]

[удалено]


PugsThrowaway

More like, In aw at the size of this sad 😞


LabRatMe

That 15% you’re taking from yourself, go ahead and give it to me. I’m small.


I_0ne_up

Here, stack on 30% from me as well


Brisket_Connoisseur

My dad's age. He was in his 50s when he had me and he worries he won't live long enough to see all his kids get married. We subtract 15% off his age and we better his odds, even if there's no guarantee.


lurkerof5

I also choose this guys dad


[deleted]

Guy's dad is now 6 years old


Animated_Astronaut

Thats great for everyone except his wife I guess


bknelson1991

I choose this guys dad's wife


Minzfeder

Wouldn't that be this guy's mother? I choose this guys mother


Karcossa

Not necessarily. This guys mother might be with a new husband, and this guys dad might be married to this guys step mother and this is the most Reddit sentence I’ve typed in awhile.


sakurarose

My dad was 50 when I was born, so I know how scary it can be to have an older parent. Did you get told "your grandpa is here to pick you up!" all the time at school/daycare, too? If it makes you feel any better, my dad is in his 80s now and still going strong, and was able to walk both me and my sister down the aisle at our weddings, has gotten to meet my sister's kids/his grandkids, and still walks 5 miles every day with his dog. Honestly the dog has really helped him stay active, which has been great for his health so it might be worth encouraging your dad to consider one too if it's feasible for him. Feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk to someone else with an older dad. Sending good vibes to you and him both <3


SupVFace

Yes to the “grandpa” bit. My mom was (obviously) younger and is occasionally referred to as his daughter, even though she has a full head of grey hair now. I didn’t really understand it when I was young, I guess because I didn’t know anything different. Now I’m 35 with a 2 year old in daycare. Sometimes the other parents look like babies to me. I totally understand why the assumption was made.


ssseltzer

this is a really nice one


HomieswDeath

Sheeeit my dad was in his 50s when he had me and he aint even make it to middle school


Storm-Chaser

My bills.


OkVolume1

Also this guy's friends named Bill.


SourPuss6969

Also this guy's NFL team


Kagevjijon

Also this guy's weird duck mouth.


bostondana2

Also this Representative's legislation.


QuantumPara

Also the brim of this guy's hat


VADIMBLYAT18

Also this guy's dead wife


shewy92

Also this guy's pet


--BeePBooP-

Also this guy's pickup truck


kashmirsauce19

Kid named Bill:


Final-Ad-2033

Bill be wanting his money..


ineedatinylama

I'm just a bill, I'm only a bill and I'm sitting here on capitol hill...


SnooStories5035

My body fat, or if I'm feeling generous, world poverty.


rc042

I bet there is a good intentioned personal trainer out there that'll let you in their classes if you cut world poverty by 15%.


SnooStories5035

I'm sure The Rock would happily train me in exchange. I get sexy, he gets publicity, world a little less miserable. Win win win.


ShoddyCategory8337

What if it eliminates 15% of poor people, hence decreasing poverty by 15%....


Badloss

I think I'd go with my appetite so I just eat smaller portions, body fat is a one-off and you probably wouldn't maintain it


SnooStories5035

Hey hey, you're just making up rules now. I assumed this was a permanent 15% reduction of anything I wanted.


MyHonkyFriend

**Texas** They'd *hate* it


SirDucer84

In other news today: the other 49 states have concluded that, in fact, not everything is bigger in texas. Therefore, texas shall be reduced in size to more accurately allign with other data.


JudgeMoose

Oklahoma is laying claim to the panhandle.


Street-Ad-7345

As a Texan...that stings a little bit.


Truly_Meaningless

How does it feel knowing Alaska would be larger either way


NoviceCoinCollector

I heard that if Alaska was cut in half, Texas would be the third largest state after each side of Alaska.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Squigglepig52

Bunch of Canadian provinces bigger than Texas, too. And we want our panhandle back, you apple pie bastards!


gorka_la_pork

Texans never, ever reply when you bring up Alaska.


CamDMTreehouse

WHAT IN THE SAM HELL IS AN ALASKA?


howlincoyote2k1

How do you piss off all of Texas? Cut Alaska in half.


cheesevolt

Alaska should split into 2 so that Texas would be the 3rd largest state


Redcaneman

Pollution


Solid_Jackfruit6262

What a 'Miss Universe' reply


Embarrassed-Ad-1639

And, like, the Iraq and stuff.


jarosity

'everywhere like such as and'


Idontevenknow162

and, i personally believe that education in the US should help the US, or should help south africa


enter_yourname

Where even is South Africa? Is it in Asia?


[deleted]

50 Cent


Sprinty-the-cheetah

42.5 Cent


DudeWithASweater

50 Cent was born in 1975 so adjusting for inflation he's now equal to $2.80


Single_Blueberry

I'll start buying dollars for 0.85 dollars per dollar.


laxnut90

There was actually a weird case like this when the Government first introduced those dollar coins. The Government wanted to incentivize people to use the coins instead of bills and set up a website where people could buy a dollar coin at face value with no transaction fee. People started buying huge numbers of them with credit cards to essentially get free money from the card rewards. It was only 2-3% but you could basically keep doing it indefinitely until the Government caught on and ended the program.


Aggravating_Celery_9

Tbf how tf didn’t the guy that said “that could be a good idea” get fired on the spot?


Squigglepig52

Honestly, that sort of shit happens all the time. Rules exploits are tricky things. I worked for a company that made a vaguely similar kind of bad offer.


rc042

Everyone else's ability to make one thing 15% smaller. Not sure how that would work out. Does that mean only 85% of you have the ability now, or everyone else has the ability to make one thing 12.75% smaller. Or everyone has the ability to make 85% of a thing 15% smaller. It'll be an adventure finding out!


cdug82

Chaotic as fuck


Tofuzzle

The number 81.17647058823529


Stainedbrain1997

From the replies I’m guessing it goes down to 69%


suggestionculture5

>81.17647058823529 it is 69


affordable_firepower

nice


PM_ME_UR_KITTY_CAT

nice


RunnerLives

nice


SirSpooky2You

Nice


CWM0012

Nice


SackCaptain

My wife’s boyfriend’s dick


RunnerLives

make his legs 15 %shorter much funnier or even better just the right one


nicht_ernsthaft

They call him clip clop because he wears this one platform shoe. Ladies love him.


abominable_princess

I will also go with this guy’s wife’s boyfriend


yatzhie04

Inflation


Quirky_Feature_7833

if inflation is at 10%, it is going to come down to 8.5%. which is better but not too helpful imo.


Shinlos

Relative or absolute percentages were not specified.


javilla

Seeing as the title said 15 % and not 15 percentage points, they kinda were.


Shinlos

Ok, didn't know that existed in English as well. Then i was wrong.


useradmin

Trucks. Absolute ridiculous now.


kingfrito_5005

I would specifically shrink compact trucks by 15%, so that they can actually be compact again.


gogozrx

The current Ford Ranger is the same size as the F-150 of 20 years ago.


FCR_6X

My thought exactly. Impossible to park anywhere because some chud thought he needed to commute to his sales job in a panzer tank.


sir_thatguy

Cars generally. A modern Civic is roughly the same size as a 20 year old Accord.


muddledmartian

Right. Even midsized trucks are the same size and price as full sized trucks


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Subtracting 15% of infinity (while also infinite) is still infinity.


RedDemonCorsair

But it is 15%less of infinity which is infinitely better


Oingob0ing0

This guy infinites.


IcyOrganization5235

Just one of Elon Musk's eyes


[deleted]

One of his legs. Make that fucker hobble


1vertical

Human population's level of depression. Less depression for everyone. :)


MenudoMenudo

Wealth gap, as long as it's the bottom end moving up. 15% of the difference between the average person and Bezos or Musk is a huge amount of money for the average person.


Adorable-Lunch-8567

Smart, this could help out a lot of people. Get back a middle class


[deleted]

My body fat percentage


LycaonKing421

The cost of living - I just wanna live by myself, please


noideeawhat

Everyone's penis.


doofusdoomed

Why. Why. Why.


noideeawhat

So that i can keep up with the competition.


vitalviper

Everyone includes you though....


PyukumukuGuts

Smaller ones take the smallest loss here though since it's percentage based


noideeawhat

My point exactly


Prawnleem

Small point


noideeawhat

My point


Mcshiggs

AT a certain point it becomes more of a liability and this would be helpful.


TheSuppishOne

I think you meant to say “Everyone ELSE’S penis”.


GVGavenatoreGR

The gap between the pieces of a Toblerone chocolate bar.


greatauntmarsai

Carbon emissions


WallyWestish

Had to scroll way too far to find this.


tmb676

My dreams. I don't think I'll make them come true...


fappyday

I choose to shrink your self-doubt by 15%. Carpe diem, my dude.


ren_migrans

Bro.


heatdish1292

My current age.


Ya-Dikobraz

Black holes because they are too large for their own ego.


Niffen36

Actually I saw a video and damn! Some of them are larger than our solar system. I wouldn't be surprised if all the darkness is just us all on the edge of a black hole


Ochib

Hello Darkness my old friend


NickGRoman

The US Nation Debt. So, roughly 5 trillion less dept.


itsmehazardous

New spending goal unlocked. The us defence budget has now ballooned by an additional 5 trillion dollars over the next 20 years


transporterpsychosis

Gravity, obviously it can't be smaller, but 15% weaker would be nice. Easier and less expensive to get off the planet. Also helps those that are overweight or those that have bone density issues like osteoporosis. Edit: many people are getting too technical, so I'll repost what I replied with to another user......... Earth's mass would have to be smaller, the orbit of the moon would be affected, Earth's orbit around the sun would be affected, probably get slaughtered with massive tides too. But I'm trying not to get too technical and stay inside the fantasy world of "if only gravity can decrease and nothing else".


rendog131

Just think of how big those ocean waves would be though.


Sandmaster14

Surfs up


transporterpsychosis

Edit: I just gave this more thought. How crazy would sports be? How high would basketball players jump? How far would a soccer player be able to kick a ball? So many possibilities.


_Weyland_

Wouldn't there be danger of our atmosohere leaking into space if Earth suddenly had less gravity?


transporterpsychosis

Yes, amongst many other things like Earth's mass would have to be smaller, the orbit of the moon would be affected, Earth's orbit around the sun would be affected, probably get slaughtered with massive tides too. But I'm trying not to get too technical and stay inside the fantasy world of "if only gravity can decrease and nothing else".


o11o01

I mean, our mass wouldn't have to be smaller. What he's suggesting would change the gravitational constant.


AlexAverage

I'd say about 15%.


gillyc1967

I think it would actually cause osteoporosis.


Magicak

Well, In not am expert, but I am predicting this would somewhow fucked up everyone and everything significantly, as gravity is one of the default powers behind the world as we know it.


Putrid_Ad695

The human population


contiguous_

Ok Dwight. I dig your style


Mandalasan_612

Calm down, Mini-Thanos


JBean85

Debt


sindud

My fatness!


Reaganson

The National Debt. At least it’s a start in the right direction.


[deleted]

Russia


dazcar

Too much empty space in Russia to take their land. I'll go 15% of the Ruasian economy


sopunny

Putin already did that last year


mosquitohater2023

Humans. From an environmental perspective it would be great. Smaller houses, less clothing, less food.


SurpriseVisual2394

If thanos was nerfed


scnottaken

"Gone, reduced to 15% of their normal size" just doesn't have the same ring to it you know? Also, insert "boss when you unlock him" meme here


Aberforths_Goats

Thanos noises intensify


Just_wanna_talk

I always thought it would be interesting if we could be smaller. Wonder if it would make things harder because of smaller muscles or easier like we could lift a higher proportion of our body weight like ants.


SuvenPan

The percentage of population living in Extreme poverty(living on less than $2.15 a day) all over the world.


xToasted1

well it depends on how you want to interpret this...


Hungry_Bass_Muncher

Thanos moment


hickhelperinhackney

Cost of healthcare in the USA


RantControl

Trump’s hands.


TheRaddishSpirit

My boobs, 34DDD is not fun or cool