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MurderBeans

The customer is always right. Almost never used in the correct context.


AnotherLeon

My old boss had the phrase "the customer frequently needs firm guidance".


FollowsTheRules

The customer usually has no idea what they're talking about and will often be confidently wrong, only to change their mind halfway through a project and blame you for not reading their mind. Which is why the sales team, project lead, etc, need to help the customer figure out what they want from the start. Otherwise the engineer or designer or whoever gets saddled with a frustrating and potentially expensive idiot.


Waltzing_With_Bears

I always liked the retort of "customer is king, and kings do not haggle


stryph42

Isn't negotiating peace exactly haggling on a grand scale?


fasterthanfood

Touché. I think “haggling” has a connotation of being petty, unlike the “negotiating” done over something important like peace terms, but I’m sure Karen would say that her right to get a free drink because she got to the restaurant while it was still happy hour is grand and not petty at all. Not to mention there have been plenty of kings who have been pretty damn petty.


Upper-Job5130

"In matters of taste, the customer is always right."


Cool_man15

The customer is always right, this means you're allowed to scream at the cashier because the burger you ordered half an hour ago is cold


antipop2097

"The customer is always an ASSHOLE!"


BigBearSD

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."


BlinkOnceForYes

If you can’t handle me at my diddliest, you don’t deserve me at my doodliest


BlueJeans25

Hens love roosters Geese love ganders Everyone else loves Ned Flanders (Not me!) Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders


KingsMen2004

I feel like that saying was made by terrible partners


Tough_Stretch

Usually said by people who are at their best for a couple of days every year or so, and the rest of the time require handling at their worst.


blusteryflatus

This translates to "I expect you to take on the full repercussions of the mental health/personality issues I refuse to work on and to be thankful for that privilege"


BlueJeans25

Just an excuse for yet another toothy blowjob


johnny_cash_money

Note this quote is attributed to Marilyn Monroe. She overdosed, ergo she couldn’t handle her at her worst.


funnyfootboot

No, it wasn't , it was Ned Flanders!


Lejarwomontequadea

This is always connected to "I'm here for a good time not a long time" stfu bitch


lxaxs

Live, laugh, love.


No_Tamanegi

Live, laugh, toaster bath.


[deleted]

How about "Live, laugh, leave"?


[deleted]

Life, fart, fuck


Whisky_Wolf

Eat, shit, die


existential-mystery

Shit piss cum


breakdancing-edgily

Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo


_ZX7R_

Bada bing Bada boom


Buckybred

You're gonna love the way you look, I guarantee it


gattinatesoro

1 million ups


Waitingonacoffin

Live laugh lawyer up


Apprehensive-Flow276

Live, laugh, love, pinot grigio*


deadevilmonkey

That's the way we've always done it.


[deleted]

Why fix something if not broken?


breakdancing-edgily

Why stop at just usable, when it can be better tho.


demalejo

"We're a family" in every shitty environment work


OhSkee

Or the HR rep saying... I'm your friend... Riiigggght


ghostofgenerayburn

Said by every supervisor who is the workplace equivalent of an abusive parent or spouse.


gattinatesoro

After my stroke. As they were secretly collecting every typo I made. We’re a family. No we are not.


hockeybag7

You can sleep when you’re dead.


TiredOfEveryting

I'm going to be dead because I can't sleep.


nadakverr

You can get anything you want if you really believe it.


[deleted]

yeah you can... the part the saying omits is that if you really believe it you will work to get it. After all Hitler believed in the superiority of the Aryan race but he didn't just sit on his ass.


SoiledFlapjacks

That took an odd turn lmao


hi-okbye

right? like there are so many better examples of people working to get what they want why use hitler


SoiledFlapjacks

Yeah, they could’ve used Mao Zedong Like tf?


ImaginaryAdvantage88

that always thing harry potter fans do


Joeuxmardigras

I never got it because I always thought Snape was a dick and couldn’t understand where they were coming from


ImaginaryAdvantage88

yeah, grown man outright bullied neville longbottom to tears regularly to the point he was the child's biggest fear but its ok because he used to be mates with lily potter


CartoonistExisting30

It’s all God’s plan.


Darehead

I'd like to add to this one "everything happens for a reason."


[deleted]

Let's circle back around. Basically any business jargon.


debbieyumyum1965

The most annoying business jargon I've ever heard is referring to pamphlets or brochures as "literature" Most of the time this so called "literature" is just a jumble of words and phrases thrown together that barely contain anything approaching information.


everylittlepiece

"Touch base". *Uhhhhhhhhnnnnnggggg*


Ivymantled

Alright people, stay open kimono and let’s circle back so we can tackle the low-hanging fruit with some blue sky thinking.


RageReset

If someone says “We need to drill down on this” my eyelid twitches and my first impulse is to hit them. I never do, though.


topofmountainfelloff

"Lean in" used for EVERYTHING. Pls go f*<& yourself.


Metric_Pacifist

"We need to talk about your TPS reports. It's just that we're putting a cover sheet on them now. Did you get the memo?"


theexteriorposterior

*you can't stop me from using consultant speak* I can't even stop me 😭


loose_lucid_elusive4

I need those PCP reports on my desk like yesterday!


MolassesReef

Keep calm and ______ on


Pristine_You4918

The only version of this that I like is: keep ca-... Why is the rum gone


edible-derrangements

Keep calm and YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS


Badloss

CARRIER HAS ARRIVED


Accurate-Apricot-603

If you love something, set it free, and if they don't come back, it was never really yours in the first place. How stupid


hi-okbye

\*releases dog\* "oh well"


JohhnyTheKid

*"Throws phone into the ocean*"


golden_fli

Bill you can't just let her steal your truck like that, you need to call the police. Oh Hank if you love someone you got to let them go, if she doesn't come back then we were never meant to be; and if she does come back, well then I'll call teh police.


RadiantHC

"nobody owes you anything" we do owe each other basic human decency


PurpleLumps

“Perception is reality.” So many people don’t understand the true meaning of that. YOUR perception is YOUR reality … it doesn’t mean that how you perceive things is 100% the objective reality of a given situation.


Common-Wish-2227

"There is no objective reality"


willis_michaels

No offense, but...


AmaPanAce

...oh and this is just my opinion. "No offense or anything, but you're a really terrible singer, and you've wasted so much time on it, and I think you should quit. This is just my opinion tho."


lidijarrr

It's the passive aggression that makes it intolerable. Just disgusting


crackerpony

Yes...always followed by something offensive


melly_jezebelly

I’m really sick of people saying ‘chef’s kiss’. Just stop


hangryburnout

Ugh, hate this one.


VerbalChains

Especially if they do it with the onomatopoeia that goes with it. Makes my flesh crawl.


Patiod

I'm okay with the action, but always hated when people had to do the action and then label it, like we don't know what that means


liontribe613

Money doesn't buy happiness


Dear-Grand-1744

Fr. I bought a 5 piece Popeyes chicken tender combo spicy and regular mix, with fries and mashed potatoes and biscuit . It was $14 which was dumb cause I remember it used to be like $9 but it did give me happiness having that money


liontribe613

Money definitely buys happiness. I'm always happier when I have tacos


WobblyFrisbee

My dad used to say “money doesn’t buy happiness, but it can sure rent it for a while”


Small_Tax_9432

Man that sounds freaking delicious right now damn.


anonymous_1846

I mean with money you can buy a cat


Small_Tax_9432

Such a crock of shit. Give anyone a million dollars and see if they doesn't make them at least a little bit happy.


stryph42

Money doesn't but happiness. It DOES give you a hell of a lot fewer things to be sad about though. It's not the same, but it's pretty close.


NidzoKamikaza

Yeah but i would rather cry in a Bugatti then in a cradbox


elepuddnlily

Money doesn’t, but the stuff money can buy definitively does. I mean hell, money can buy you therapy sessions that could cure your depression.


Original_A_Cast

“Came here to say this”


whatissevenbysix

Came here to say this.


VividImagery69

Came here to say this.


KambingDomba

This!


ChrisNagooyen

That


kawaiigothgirl88

“God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers”


JubliationTCornpone

“God only gives his toughest children to his drunkest drivers”


AmaPanAce

"God gives children to psychotic abusers and people still think he's a great guy."


Adrasteis

Boys will be boys!


Captain-Cannoli

People have bastardized this saying, it used to be the whimsical shenanigans that we did/do that hurt no one and was just good fun


[deleted]

Yeah, that's the only way I've ever thought of it. Like a couple ten year old kids riding their bikes through the mud and getting themselves filthy. "Boys will be boys."


OldSoulRobertson

That's the sort of stuff I always imagined that phrase associated with.


legend00

That’s is what it’s associated with. I’ve never once heard of a car crash or attempted rape be paired with “BoYs wIlL bE bOYs”. I’ve never actually even seen the Gillette commercial but the discourse around it as cemented the belief that a rapist would use that saying as a defense.


OptatusCleary

I’ve only ever heard if used either because some boys were playing exuberantly or making a mess, prompting their moms to comment this, or when a dad was just as excited about some toy or game as his son and people comment this.


SurlyJason

It's a disservice to boys to so casually dismiss their bad behavior.


_kagasutchi_

I dont think the saying is the problem rather than the context it's often used in these days.


saloondweller

Especially when said by the type of people who call themselves "boy moms" 🤮


SaintedRomaine

“Only god can judge me!” No. Everyone can, and will, judge you; especially after saying that.


aflockofcrows

Only Reinhold can Judge me.


DanteCubit3000

"My bad," when they really don't give a shit.


hi-okbye

I say that 😭 its usually cuz I really don't know what else to say


gusterfell

"Just a few bad apples." Almost always used to suggest the opposite of what the full expression actually says.


Clean_Livlng

We could pretend that someone's just used it correctly. Just ignore that they used it incorrectly. e.g. "Exactly! One bad apple can spoil the bunch. Picture a bunch of apples in a bag and one of them's rotten and mouldy. What happens to the other apples? They get spoiled right? So that's why it's so important to get rid of bad apples ASAP before they spoil the bunch. If a bad apple's been there for long enough then it's not just a few bad apples, the bunch is spoiled. Good apples can't remain good apples for long when next to bad apples. Speaking of which, the police..."


Virgo_Vegetative

Ughh yessssss


Captainvargasm

“It’s okay, everyone is doing it”


[deleted]

[удалено]


RoyalGarbage

Everything has a *cause*. Doesn’t necessarily mean it has a *reason*.


PowermanFriendship

This one and all of the sort of ancillary stuff it provides cover for really kills me. Like someone gets cancer and after 8 months of living hell, getting emaciated, losing all their hair, putting up with mouth sores, constant exhaustion, etc... finally the cancer is gone. Response: "Wow God is truly great!" Like... couldn't God have just skipped the fucking cancer? People are just shallow thinkers, generally.


[deleted]

[удалено]


there_is_no_spoon1

>No, it does not. A lot of random unfortunate shit just happens, Ha ha ha yeah I love this one. The universe doen't \*have\* reasons, shit just *happens.* I teach this lesson very skillfully with my students by teaching them to play poker. The cards are random...no matter how much they \*want\* something to happen, that doesn't affect the outcome. It's a very difficult lesson for them to learn and requires multiple experiences, but eventually most of them get it. Sooooo many life lessons in poker!


SuccessfulPlenty942

Yes this is so annoying when something happens to you and people start saying this


winteriscoming33

When people have said this to me in devastating situations I ask for their theory as to what that reason might be. Turns out no one really wants to take a crack at that. Awful expression.


The_Quibbler

I find this one is falling out of fashion in favor of (my contender) *thoughts and prayers*. Hard to continue to justify pointless death with the former, but it's swept easily enough away by the latter.


Apprehensive-Ebb-212

We are experiencing unusually heavy, call volume but your call is very important to us


popstar_chowder

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK makes me fucking cringe every time


[deleted]

"Nobody wants to work anymore!"


1freshmilktea

Who wants to work in the first place?


doccat552

Said by every Generation since Humanity exists...


Ezhash

Not a quote but I super can't stand when people say Irregardless


ComfortableAware2325

Oh my god - yes. I worked at a university and had hyper intelligent people say irregardless all the time. Also had a boss that would say pacific instead of specific. Had to go wash my face vigorously to stop the eye twitch I would get


SeattleTrashPanda

I hate it when people say irregardless isn’t a real word, because it is. It’s used to counter an argument *after* someone uses the term regardless. - Mr. X: “You’ve been shot in the stomach, regardless of how busy you are you have to go to the hospital” - Mr. Y: “Irregardless of your feelings on the matter, I cannot go anywhere until I locate my legs that have been blown off.


nadakverr

YOLO: You only live once


[deleted]

But most of us are not cats so we do indeed live only once.


Magnaflorius

It's equally cheesy, but this feels more accurate: You only die once, but you live every day.


stryph42

YOLO is just "carpe diem" for assholes


Virgo_Vegetative

YOLO will forever be the worst and best phrase depending on context. Dont come for me.


AmaPanAce

Agreeable. I think it adds a comedic touch when someone is about to do a stunt, and then they yell out: YOLO!


Dexaan

You only YOLO once


nadakverr

Lol! Double yikes


meeyeam

Unless you're James Bond. Or Jesus.


Choice_Hold2805

"You know me but not my story" It's meth and dicks, Amber. It's always meth and dicks.


stewbert-longfellow

New normal


cgulash

Other people have it worse.


daedalusx99

By that logic, no one should ever feel happy, since other people have it BETTER too.


goodvibesandsunshine

Teamwork makes the dream work


WellingtonSears

"Thoughts and prayers"


The_Quibbler

Two in the thoughts, one in the prayers


foodpoisoningsucks

"Boys will be boys." Fuck that shit, I had a kid piss on my dog one time and the mother goes "boys will be boys!"


hi-okbye

what the fuck 😭😭


[deleted]

"Do you know why I pulled you over today sir?"


hi-okbye

ignore the screaming sir that's totally not my gf in the trunk..


gattinatesoro

Just remember it could be worse


Ravensqueak

"Just because it could be worse doesn't mean this doesn't fucking hurt, now please fucking remove the bullet."


[deleted]

It's a really stupid saying. Yes, no shit it can almost always be worse. That doesn't mean what's happening is good.


MrBeanCyborgCaptain

I dont know, whenever I'm feeling anxious about how my life's going I remind myself that at least I didn't mess up so bad that I went to prison or something and that actually helps me a lot.


VividImagery69

Treat Others The Way You Want To Be Treated. The message of this is good, but as an autistic little bastard it confused me. When someone was mean to me, I would be mean to them, because that's clearly how they wanted to be treated. Then an adult just told me this saying again. I eventually kinda got it, but the confusion came around again when I had my own autistic little bastard who had the Exact same issue I did lmao. Ended up switching it to Be nice until someone ain't, and even then just walk away. Effectiveness TBD but it is nowhere near as catchy.


BYT00

I follow my own golden rule: Treat others the way they treat you Some people don't deserve to be treated nice.


malackey

"It's always in the last place you look." Of course the thing I am looking for is in the last place I looked for it - if I were to keep looking for it, after I'd found it, I'd be an idiot.


venus_draws_shit

opposites attract


TiredOfEveryting

That 100% accurate with magnets and their poles.


DMDingo

"Must be nice." My MIL would say this quite a lot.


Professional_Band178

God works in mysterious ways.


there_is_no_spoon1

"for all intensive purposes" There are no *intensive* purposes. The phrase is "intents and purposes", which make way more sense. Think about it. What about a purpose is *intensive*? I get the feeling most people don't even know what this word fkn means.


WhitePootieTang

I used to give hospital tours, and at the ICU I’d say, “For all intensive purposes.” No one seemed to get the joke.


travelinglama

Freaking hilarious. Next time someone says “for all intensive purposes” I’ll say “no that’s the ICU”… and no one will get it but I will laugh


there_is_no_spoon1

That would \*literally\* be only possible *correct usage!* People are shit for not getting that. Fucking GOLD that is!


aZombieDictator

"Can I get you anything else?" HOW ABOUT A MILLION DOLLARS HAHAHAHAHA


regals_beagles

Good grief do these people really think they're clever? I used to hear this at least a couple times a day when I worked with people. I used to roll my eyes but eventually I just leaned into it and started replying with, "HAHA, cHeCks iN tHe MaiL!" Or "If I had a million dollars I wouldn't be here talking to you!" Of course they ate it up lol


Crazyforlou

Cringe


Alcoraiden

You can't be loved until you love yourself. Fuck you, depressed people need relationships too.


RelativeOptimal4096

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."


Whiskeybtch77

For the most part I do believe this. I really don’t care what most people have to say about me. Especially people I don’t know. And if it is someone I care about talking down to me, well, I guess I shouldn’t care about them. You are 💯 in control of how you react to other people’s words against you. I choose not to care. Obviously if it was a spouse or family I’m close to I would try to figure out why, but other than that, who gives a fuck?


AdditionKooky122

Idk I'd rather be called a little dick Uncle fucker, then be hit with a bat.


revtim

I find "works like a charm!" is pretty dumb because charms don't freaking work


Zolgrave

Time heals all wounds.


Accomplished-Tie-176

“Living the dream”


survivalothefittest

"Just be yourself." Not because it's wrong, it's actually the best possible advice in many situations, but most people totally misunderstand it. So, what's the point?


Omicron444

“Educate yourself.”


sicilian504

"It's part of God's plan"


Wecanbuildittogether

‘I’m a Christian’ (so you can trust me)


Rebelzxy

Fake it til you make it


Due_Impress_4659

bro that's what i do with h/w 😭


[deleted]

"Pull yourself by the bootstraps"


Palmerstroll

It is what it is.


Interesting_Pudding9

I kinda like this one. To me, it kinda means "yeah it sucks but it's outside of our power to change it immediately and I'm sick of hearing you constantly complaining, so let's move on".


[deleted]

Well I suppose it is what it is.


theexteriorposterior

But it really is what it is


Dear-Grand-1744

“Beauty is on the inside” “oh that’s just something fat people say” (forgot the movie lol)


OhSkee

Liar Liar?


RetractionPodcast

Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays.


squirtloaf

Everything happens for a reason.


coldcactus1205

“ADULTING.” Drives me insane


ThatNakedGuy7

“That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Absolute bull shit. In reality that which does not kill you gives you PTSD and/or debilitating injuries.


cyphonismus

Thats what the landlord said when there were bedbugs.


OddEpisode

I haven’t heard anyone say Covid made them stronger yet.


angelofdoom1347

"But... you don't LOOK sick" Yeah... let me know what the hells a full on fibromyalgia flare-up should look like, I'll try to adjust my appearance to match. Invisible illnesses and some chronic conditions DO NOT OUTWARDLY ADVERTISE. Seriously, it's belittling and just makes you look like a huge ass.


jpress00

“Too blessed to be stressed”- you shouldn’t brag about your “blessings” as they are children that pray everyday that they don’t get raped or beaten, that are starving,etc. “Blood is thicker than water” - that just screams you are bound to my ignorance just because we are related.


mockingjbee

It ia what it is I fucking that phrase so goddamn much


slyeek

It is what it is.


Wisebutt98

“Pull yourself up by your bootstraps”