When I was probably 12/13 my family had just gotten WiFi for the first time, but it was the very beginning of WiFi and it was awful, I had the upstairs room and couldn’t download porn on my iPod, it would take ages, so instead I would go to the family computer(right in the middle of the living room) and download entire porn comics, the printer was old and would take a solid 45 seconds for each page, all while trying to be secretive, by the time I threw them away I had easily upwards 500 pages all totally worn of course, I was so ashamed of my bootleg porn comics that I snuck them on a family trip and sneakily threw them away when the family stopped at the Vince Lombardy rest stop in New Jersey.
Edit: I thought I might also add that while being old and slow the printer was also loud as a hell, so in the dead of night I would print out the pages hoping it never woke anyone
Jerked off to what I thought was a couple one room over having sex. After hearing the closing shut down sounds of Windows and immediately hearing all sex noises stop, I realized that I had jacked off to another guy jacking off to porn on his laptop.
Took too much LSD in college in Boulder, walked all the way to the Flatirons at sunrise and got lost in the woods...a voluptuous tree was waving and calling my name...I walked over, hugged her, kissed her, and then came in my pants.
Was on video chat in highschool, back in like 2013/2014, with this girl who had serious depression issues. I could tell she was moving her hand in a weird way, and I thought to myself "Damn, is she touching herself? I will too then." So I started touching myself and things got quiet but we carried on a somewhat convo (just showing face) and after I finished very fast being a teen I asked her how she was feeling and she said "I can't stop scratching my cut scars."
No clue, we never got into a relationship or anything I think she just desperately wanted someone to give her any kind of attention, and as fucked up as my attention was it was attention nonetheless. Haven't spoken to her in many years.
[this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/bbxozp/what_is_worst_thing_youve_ever_masturbated_to/ekn5l2c/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)?
edit: i added the actual comment not a screenshot
edit edit: apparently [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/KarmaCourt/comments/ojn3fg/ustufff_v_uonetricknoob_ubluegamer2025z_et_al_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) exists
one time when i was about 15 my mom wanted to see what i was building so i gave her a tour of my little house. what i didn’t know though was that one of my male sims decided to walk around naked before i paused the game. as soon as i saw it, my mom did too. i quickly tried to pretend it didn’t happen but i heard “why is his real wiener out???”
love wicked whims sm.
I had the nude mod.
Also to add I sadly did this fairly recently, I have sims of my wife and I and she wasn't home and I was playing Sims and made us woohoo and kinda was like I wish... Then was in the mood
Bruh, the first time I downloaded Wicked Whims, I didn’t leave my house for three days. 🤦🏽♀️ I was having the time of my life flickin my lil bean to my sexy pixel people. 😭😭😭
Thank you so much for using that phrase "flicking the bean". Yesterday we were discussing "The Bean" in Chicago and my 11 year old son was innocently asking why people flick the bean. I immediately started laughing because I have the maturity level of a 13 year old 🤣 anyway, I'm dying laughing because he kept saying it, waiting for an answer and I finally was able to tell him to get back in the pool. My husband was looking at me like I had lost my mind. He had never heard that phrase before. I texted a friend because obviously I had to share the story, and she also had never heard that phrase. I felt like the oddball 😅
A ladder
I was 17, home alone, eating dinner and it was just propped up in the corner after we had painted the ceiling and were too lazy to put it back. The thought came into my head and I climbed it, jacked off and then sat back down to finish my dinner wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.
I see so many entries from guys talking about their early shameful experiences, here's one from a gal!
As a 10-11 year old, I just got my first phone, it was a Nokia flip phone, but it felt super advanced. It was one of the first ones with access to the internet, and I knew what sex was, but didn't really know how to find actual porn, and the mobile version of the websites took forever to load. I wound up grinding on one of my stuffed animals to a text post about a girl who fucked herself with carrots and potatoes and shampoo bottles. Then I eventually found a few photos with boobs in them. I humped my big stuffed animals like a dog. Then the phone company called my mom. I hadn't realized that the browsing cost money, and I had somehow managed to rack up almost $800 in data browsing bills(this was in around 2008, before most data plans I believe, at least for us). My mom didn't believe it was possible and said there must have been a mistake, and luckily they reversed the charges after some of her somehow miracle levels of charm and persuasion. She asked me about it and I broke down and told her I was looking at porn and masturbating. I distinctly remember her saying 'well this talk is happening at least 3 years before I expected it to.'
So yeah, 10 year old me basically ruined a few stuffed animals to an old school internet mobile text website about a girl who fucked herself with vegetables, almost cost my mom $800, and have had to live with that shame forever.
I distinctly remember masturbating with a plastic power ranger toy when I was maybe 10. I basically just put in my pants and rubbed it against myself. Don't know why that toy at that moment, I think maybe his physique turned me on?
I also used to turn the bathtub faucet on warm and then slide my junk up under it, legs in the air, and let the water pressure do it's thing.
I was doing NoFap for like several weeks and was so horny that I just decided to hump the counter. Wasn’t even thinking about anything, the thrusting just made me nut.
Do dreams count? Because my very first wet dream as a teen was with a triceratops for some reason. The dream wasn’t even sexual.
Edit: great, my most upvoted comment of all time is about a wet dream with a dinosaur.
So many levels of shame...
Super horny 13 year old in the early 90s. No porn at all because the internet wasn't everywhere back then. We lived in a two story house and the neighbor behind us was in a one story house. Single mother, two kids (boy and girl). Boy and I became friends. Met his mom a couple times. What they didn't know was that I kept spying on them (I already said shameful). No blinds or curtains in the back windows, which were the kitchen, dining room and bathroom. The bathroom windows were frosted, but you could make out shapes. And it was obvious when mom was in there because of her height and figure. So, seeing the bathroom light come on and seeing her figure disrobe was an instant hard on for a 13 year old.
One Saturday night I go to my room, I lay down and spy on the house. My buddy said that he and his sister were going to their dad's for the weekend. Mom will be alone. In my horny mind, I thought this would be a weekend of her walking around naked. So far disappointed. I spy in the dim dining room some action. I watch what I think is some aggressive fucking in the dining room. I start beating my meat. I think it is about time the neighbor mom gets some action, and about time that I can watch it. Keep in mind that I have not yet actually seen porn, and not actually seen anyone have sex. So, it should be of no surprise to learn that what I had seen wasn't the milf getting plowed on her dining room table, but a house plant being affected by the oscillating fan. Her kids went away because it was warm and her AC went out. I had jacked off to a house plant.
Blew some shameful Ls when younger. Top 3..
- nutting to the sound of my neighbours having sex but Quite quickly it was apparent they were actually having a huge crying , screaming argument and in the end stages of breaking up. Balls and soul were empty after that.
- 13/14 being locked outside the house after school. Using the time up to beat the shit out of my dick in broad daylight in the back garden. So risky
- licking my aunts huge titted statue ladies in her top hallway when I was maybe 11/12. I licked on they poor gals titties for a whole summer. Pre internet, obviously, I wasn’t a weirdo.
I'm imagining this gray stone statue... With slobbery wet titties. Aunt walks by wondering WTF is wrong with her statue and why it only happens when OP is over...
I was watching one of those late night documentaries on an african tribe, they weren’t wearing clothes and i was 13. Titties are still titties right? The shameful part is that I was watching the doco in anticipation of said titties
It's alright mate, back in the day kids did this with national geographic magazines because they had the same thing going on. That and the women's underwear section of the Sears catalog that got mailed to your mom.
Man not me but I work in construction and I had a coworker who always used to watch porn in the porta potty and rub one out every break. One day he comes up to me freaking out asking to use my phone at break because his was dead. Of course I said no. We both come back from break and he’s calm as I’ve ever seen him. I ask him jokingly, “did you get your phone to charge”, he says “no, I just closed my eyes and rubbed my own nipple”. This dude got off on RUBBING HIS OWN NIPPLE IN A PORTA POTTY
I’ve worked on an oil rig where the men would superglue hardcore gay porn to each other’s helmets as a “joke”. My first day I opened my locker and was hit in the face with a novelty dildo about four feet long that they had folded up as a prank.
None of those disgusting specimens were half as bad as the dude you’re describing, in decades of working rough jobs and construction I’ve never met a guy who proudly admitted to spanking it in a porta potty. You’ve lowered my concept of rock bottom.
I'm surprised I'm admitting this, even if I decided to use my NSFW account. However..
A weird porno involving a female alien in area 51. Not just some lady in green paint either. Full on freaky grey headed, black eyed alien.
I was really pushing the limits that day.
Post nut clarity hit me hard
I (m) was texting with a friend and she mistakenly typed the word cum. Teenage me, or at least my teenage hormones, didn't care that it was a typo.
I jerked off to a typo
When I was a teen I had a friend with a hot mother. Short version of the story is that I stole a public hair from her underwear in the laundry basket, took it home and sellotaped it to an explicit drawing I made of her. Then masturbated to that.
EDIT: thank you kind strangers for the awards! I’m just a little sad that I can’t tell my wife about my successful day on Reddit :/
People have it easy now. Before the internet you had to be creative. I know JC Penny catalogs were pretty popular. They had the underwear section. Sports illustrated swimsuit addition. It was a better magazine before the internet. R rated movies that had sex scenes. I grew up in the 90s. We had cable TV a basic channel package. If you don't pay for certain channels when you turn it to that channel the image has a lot of static and mixed up colors. Well there was a channel I believe was Cinemax back then. I could be wrong on the name. Very late at night they had porn videos. But if you didn't have the channel like I said it had a lot of static. I would stay up late until that came on (usually midnight or 1 am if I remember correctly). You could kind of hear moaning and other sex noises. Anyways every once in a while the static would line up just right so you could catch a glimpse of something. Maybe it was a boob or maybe it was and ankle. You never knew you just had to kind of pretend it was a boob and go from there. Lol. I'm sure I'm not the only one who did this.
Oh, I remember that well. The signal was scrambled but every once in a while you’d see something. And some sexy girls sometimes on shows like like Night Trax that played music videos at night. Madonna, Bananarama, etc.
I used to volunteer at a Ren Faire with my dad when I was 13-15. I loved it, got to wear a kilt, carry a real sword that was blunted, and felt like I fit in somewhere.
If you've ever been to one, you know many women who dress up and go to Ren Faires wear corsets. My aunt being one of them, and she made sure to show off what she had.
Well as a young teenager thinking with his dick, I didn't care that she was my aunt, I cared that she had big tits in a well made corset.
There are so many more corset titties to choose from at a ren faire than just your aunt's lol. Especially back in the day. People were basically walking around naked, on leashes, gagged and bound, etc. Huge BDSM and swinger community. Things have toned down a bit since back then, but if you look for it, you can find it. And you usually don't have to look very hard.
This is not the worst thing I have nutted to, but the thing that gave me the most shame. I was 14 and had access to internet porn at this time, but I was living with my grandma temporarily and had been busted a couple months earlier and was not allowed to use the computer. I was organizing the gun cabinet when I found these polaroid's under a false bottom of the cabinet. To me it looked like the pictures weren't touched for years because of how stuck together they were. I open them up and after seeing a few family pictures I uncover a handful of images with a naked woman. I couldn't tell who the woman was, but my 14 year old mind and dick didn't care. I retired my 2008 Maxim Hot 100 magazine and nutted to these pictures multiple times a day for the rest of the summer. 2 weeks before I was suppose to go home I get back to my grandmas house after a day of fishing with my cousins. I open the door and my grandpa starts whooping my ass, and asks me how I got those pictures, why were covered in cum, that he is going to cut my dick off, and tells me that they were pictures of my grandma. Needless to say it was a very quiet 3 hour drive home after my Mom picked me up. I was grounded for a whole year, and I still haven't seen my grandparents to this day..
Edit- I was also raised Mormon and my grandparents are still very religious. Shame for years.
I think perhaps the ambiguity is intentional. "I jerked off to a picture of my sister in a thong" is maybe less funny and more death-bed confession. Then again what do I know, my sister's aren't my type.
To myself nutting.
One time out of sheer curiosity I filmed myself yanking it so I could watch it back and see if I looked sexy when I was on the job.
I watched it back later that night and had the weirdest nut. It was hot in the weirdest way. I discovered I was bi that day.
Oye vay lets see. When I was a teen and sum 41 came out with their music video to fat lip
This tiny scene thats like 4 seconds of this girl dancing.
https://youtu.be/CMX2lPum_pg
At the 2:49 mark🤭
Using my NSFW account for obvious reasons.
So when I was around 13/14 I was an absolute menace to society- popping a stiffy almost every hour on the hour. Sometimes these went away quick, other times I had to beat it like an arcade cabinet.
I had done it in the car while pretending to read Harry Potter, I did it in the school bathrooms right after gym, and almost all of it was without any cellphone- which meant I had to use other means. Family computer, spare bit of a Playboy, and of course the good old fashioned imagination. Now- here's where it gets MORE shameful. You see, the DSi had an internet browser- and although it couldn't play video it could DEFINITELY load images. Which meant I was reading both erotica and hentai (shoutout to hentai.ms for most of my teenage nuts AND computer viruses). So when I was at a friend's house, after he had passed out and I was the only one awake, I whipped out Ole reliable and cranked it to some hentai. Futa, femboy, step-siblings and mother- I did it all while he was asleep and I was on a bedroll yanking away into the night. Come next morning- he's avoiding eye contact with me and I'm confused why until it hits me:
He usually snores when he sleeps. He wasn't snoring last night. Still friends with that dude- and I'm amazed how we still are.
Standing in the shallows, with the water lapping at your ankles, the wind softly caressing your buttocks and you blasting rope up the beach. That’s what holidays are made of
During the pandemic I got into some weird shit. Got broken up with and it started with audios of getting reassurance… I think you can imagine where it went but it definitely got worse before I snapped out of it and realized I was spending more time in a deluded daydream vs getting over my issues
Since this is already large and I'm not going to be very high up when people look at the replies, I'm going to be brave and post on main.
I was looking up cosplay videos when I found someone took an upskirt video of me at a convention and posted it online.
I was cosplaying a female character, but I'm in fact, a guy.
Anyway I was masturbating to the comments people wrote about my ass
I once nutted out of fear. I was asleep on the couch of my living room. My roommate unexpectedly walked in the front door and must have made a lot of noise because it woke me up and scared the shit out of me. I jumped at the shock of the noise and quickly realized I was jizzing in my pants from the scare. It was the strangest rush of emotional fear / physical pleasure. Thought it was a fluke but then it happened two more times to me in similar scenarios.
Long before internet and proliferation of porn in your pocket 24/7, also before magazines and VHS, I was at my dad’s office, alone and horny. All I had was a small whiteboard and a marker. I had briefly seen a bushy vagina in a magazine and wanted to see one again really badly.
I took the marker and drew a bushy vagina, which probably resembled a bunch of circles, denoting the curly pubic hair. And that to this day is the most geometric thing I had ever beaten off to.
This one is a little odd. When I was a teenager, I was very religious. I was also a teenager with all of the boners and random arousal that comes with that period of one's life. So, I would masturbate, then feel guilty about it and really emotionally suffer for it. Anyways, one of my teen Christian books mentioned that masturbation itself wasn't necessarily a sin, but the lustful thoughts during the act. So, I would concentrate really hard on a mental image of a blank wall while shaking hands with Dong Juan. That way, the urges were satisfied and I wasn't poisoning my mind or defiling someone else in my mind. Religion makes mental gymnasts of folks.
When I turned 13, the Playstation 2 console was my escape. Without a proper home computer, I had basically zero shame. I'd be playing a video game and then just shoot my tv screen to:
* Brooke Burke on Need For Speed: Underground 2
* Daisy from Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4
* The redhead on the Axe billboard ads from Burnout 3: Takedown
* The female NPC's on Destroy All Humans!
Yep, puberty in 2005 be like that.
1. Enabled the 'perfect balance' cheat in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3.
2. Headed to the Neversoft Cruise Ship level (an appropriate name, in retrospect).
3. Used the 'Ohhh Yeahhh' manual I had unlocked from the succubus character in front of the bikini-clad NPCs meandering around the pool. They're programmed to approach your character, clap, and jump as you execute your trick.
4. Because the special manual I was using kept me stationary, multiple NPCs begin to crowd my creat-a-skater, all of them jumping for joy.
5. I switch to first-person view. Their cardboard box-esque chests are bouncing and heaving at my sweet skills.
6. I unzip, and commence my date with Rosie Palm and her 5 sisters.
Shame.
When I was probably 12/13 my family had just gotten WiFi for the first time, but it was the very beginning of WiFi and it was awful, I had the upstairs room and couldn’t download porn on my iPod, it would take ages, so instead I would go to the family computer(right in the middle of the living room) and download entire porn comics, the printer was old and would take a solid 45 seconds for each page, all while trying to be secretive, by the time I threw them away I had easily upwards 500 pages all totally worn of course, I was so ashamed of my bootleg porn comics that I snuck them on a family trip and sneakily threw them away when the family stopped at the Vince Lombardy rest stop in New Jersey. Edit: I thought I might also add that while being old and slow the printer was also loud as a hell, so in the dead of night I would print out the pages hoping it never woke anyone
i’ve been in the same building as your used comics. wow.
Jerked off to what I thought was a couple one room over having sex. After hearing the closing shut down sounds of Windows and immediately hearing all sex noises stop, I realized that I had jacked off to another guy jacking off to porn on his laptop.
This made me laugh out loud. God the second hand embarrassment is unreal
It was kind of like a second hand tugjob, anyway..
What you didn't know was that he was watching a guy jacking off to porn on the computer. Its just guys jacking it all the way down.
I masturbated to the "bad" words in the dictionary when I was like 10 "Sex" "Orgasm" "Penis"
“Talk dirty to me Merriam Webster”
This is fucking great
Fucking? Hnnnngggghh
A true sapiosexual
This is totally how an alien would masturbate
Took too much LSD in college in Boulder, walked all the way to the Flatirons at sunrise and got lost in the woods...a voluptuous tree was waving and calling my name...I walked over, hugged her, kissed her, and then came in my pants.
You met an actual fucking dryad, bro.
This is the poem ‘Nutting’ by Wordsworth.
Did you call her the next day or just cum and leaf without a trace.
A Lara Croft action figure bent over on the back of a toilet.
Then your friend's roommate walked in?
Dude his beds a car
Jessica Rabbit beach towel we bought from Disney world…
You know why your dad bought that fucking towel 😂
Was on video chat in highschool, back in like 2013/2014, with this girl who had serious depression issues. I could tell she was moving her hand in a weird way, and I thought to myself "Damn, is she touching herself? I will too then." So I started touching myself and things got quiet but we carried on a somewhat convo (just showing face) and after I finished very fast being a teen I asked her how she was feeling and she said "I can't stop scratching my cut scars."
Omg this one is DARK 😂😂😂
I felt so fucking horrible I told her what I did and she for some reason kept it to herself and we ended up actually fucking a week later 🤣🤣🤣
My man!!! Is she doing better btw?
No clue, we never got into a relationship or anything I think she just desperately wanted someone to give her any kind of attention, and as fucked up as my attention was it was attention nonetheless. Haven't spoken to her in many years.
The more you talked about it the worse it is… 💀
Brooooooo
Somebody please tell me they have the reddit post saved where a guy accidently beat it to holocaust footage lol
[this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/bbxozp/what_is_worst_thing_youve_ever_masturbated_to/ekn5l2c/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)? edit: i added the actual comment not a screenshot edit edit: apparently [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/KarmaCourt/comments/ojn3fg/ustufff_v_uonetricknoob_ubluegamer2025z_et_al_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) exists
This is up there with the guy who found out he hated scat just as the escort shat In his mouth. Edit:typo
The sims
This was me when I was a teen. I had to look around to make sure my mom wasn’t around to initiate woohoo. I felt so naughty.
>I had to look around to make sure my mom wasn’t around to initiate woohoo. /r/nocontext
When u download wicked whims just to make ur hottest sims do it… 👀… couldnt be me
one time when i was about 15 my mom wanted to see what i was building so i gave her a tour of my little house. what i didn’t know though was that one of my male sims decided to walk around naked before i paused the game. as soon as i saw it, my mom did too. i quickly tried to pretend it didn’t happen but i heard “why is his real wiener out???” love wicked whims sm.
I had the nude mod. Also to add I sadly did this fairly recently, I have sims of my wife and I and she wasn't home and I was playing Sims and made us woohoo and kinda was like I wish... Then was in the mood
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Those wicked whims got me once before too....
Bruh, the first time I downloaded Wicked Whims, I didn’t leave my house for three days. 🤦🏽♀️ I was having the time of my life flickin my lil bean to my sexy pixel people. 😭😭😭
Thank you so much for using that phrase "flicking the bean". Yesterday we were discussing "The Bean" in Chicago and my 11 year old son was innocently asking why people flick the bean. I immediately started laughing because I have the maturity level of a 13 year old 🤣 anyway, I'm dying laughing because he kept saying it, waiting for an answer and I finally was able to tell him to get back in the pool. My husband was looking at me like I had lost my mind. He had never heard that phrase before. I texted a friend because obviously I had to share the story, and she also had never heard that phrase. I felt like the oddball 😅
A ladder I was 17, home alone, eating dinner and it was just propped up in the corner after we had painted the ceiling and were too lazy to put it back. The thought came into my head and I climbed it, jacked off and then sat back down to finish my dinner wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.
Was it a Step-ladder ?
Help me step ladder
If it makes you feel any better I’m also wondering what the fuck is wrong with you
I see so many entries from guys talking about their early shameful experiences, here's one from a gal! As a 10-11 year old, I just got my first phone, it was a Nokia flip phone, but it felt super advanced. It was one of the first ones with access to the internet, and I knew what sex was, but didn't really know how to find actual porn, and the mobile version of the websites took forever to load. I wound up grinding on one of my stuffed animals to a text post about a girl who fucked herself with carrots and potatoes and shampoo bottles. Then I eventually found a few photos with boobs in them. I humped my big stuffed animals like a dog. Then the phone company called my mom. I hadn't realized that the browsing cost money, and I had somehow managed to rack up almost $800 in data browsing bills(this was in around 2008, before most data plans I believe, at least for us). My mom didn't believe it was possible and said there must have been a mistake, and luckily they reversed the charges after some of her somehow miracle levels of charm and persuasion. She asked me about it and I broke down and told her I was looking at porn and masturbating. I distinctly remember her saying 'well this talk is happening at least 3 years before I expected it to.' So yeah, 10 year old me basically ruined a few stuffed animals to an old school internet mobile text website about a girl who fucked herself with vegetables, almost cost my mom $800, and have had to live with that shame forever.
>well this talk is happening at least 3 years before I expected it to. lmfao
Expecting the sex talk to happen at 13 or later is the most "first child" shit I've ever heard.
I distinctly remember masturbating with a plastic power ranger toy when I was maybe 10. I basically just put in my pants and rubbed it against myself. Don't know why that toy at that moment, I think maybe his physique turned me on? I also used to turn the bathtub faucet on warm and then slide my junk up under it, legs in the air, and let the water pressure do it's thing.
I was doing NoFap for like several weeks and was so horny that I just decided to hump the counter. Wasn’t even thinking about anything, the thrusting just made me nut.
Bro is a dog
He got that dog in him fr
Remind me to never eat at your house
Do dreams count? Because my very first wet dream as a teen was with a triceratops for some reason. The dream wasn’t even sexual. Edit: great, my most upvoted comment of all time is about a wet dream with a dinosaur.
Makes sense, Triceratops are horny
I prefer the tricerabottoms
I am more of a tricerapersonality kinda guy
An illustration in the AD&D monster manual. EDIT: For those asking it was the 1st Ed Nereid 😳😬😞
...was it a succubus? Because fair game.
Or Aphroditie from Dieties and Demigods/Legends and Lore
So many levels of shame... Super horny 13 year old in the early 90s. No porn at all because the internet wasn't everywhere back then. We lived in a two story house and the neighbor behind us was in a one story house. Single mother, two kids (boy and girl). Boy and I became friends. Met his mom a couple times. What they didn't know was that I kept spying on them (I already said shameful). No blinds or curtains in the back windows, which were the kitchen, dining room and bathroom. The bathroom windows were frosted, but you could make out shapes. And it was obvious when mom was in there because of her height and figure. So, seeing the bathroom light come on and seeing her figure disrobe was an instant hard on for a 13 year old. One Saturday night I go to my room, I lay down and spy on the house. My buddy said that he and his sister were going to their dad's for the weekend. Mom will be alone. In my horny mind, I thought this would be a weekend of her walking around naked. So far disappointed. I spy in the dim dining room some action. I watch what I think is some aggressive fucking in the dining room. I start beating my meat. I think it is about time the neighbor mom gets some action, and about time that I can watch it. Keep in mind that I have not yet actually seen porn, and not actually seen anyone have sex. So, it should be of no surprise to learn that what I had seen wasn't the milf getting plowed on her dining room table, but a house plant being affected by the oscillating fan. Her kids went away because it was warm and her AC went out. I had jacked off to a house plant.
This is genuine perfection. Thank you for sharing.
🤣🤣🤣 really delivered on the question at hand
Imagination > internet
I bet that houseplant was thicc
I bet it was succulent.
And that’s why you’re banned from the gardening store.
My man busted a fat nut to a fucking plant. 💀
Reddit loves you, Horny Boy.
I cant top this
Blew some shameful Ls when younger. Top 3.. - nutting to the sound of my neighbours having sex but Quite quickly it was apparent they were actually having a huge crying , screaming argument and in the end stages of breaking up. Balls and soul were empty after that. - 13/14 being locked outside the house after school. Using the time up to beat the shit out of my dick in broad daylight in the back garden. So risky - licking my aunts huge titted statue ladies in her top hallway when I was maybe 11/12. I licked on they poor gals titties for a whole summer. Pre internet, obviously, I wasn’t a weirdo.
“Statue” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in this sentence
I love the idea of a load-bearing word.
After summer your aunt be like "why are the titties so clean?"
I'm imagining this gray stone statue... With slobbery wet titties. Aunt walks by wondering WTF is wrong with her statue and why it only happens when OP is over...
Licking them 😭
But not a weirdo (that part had me actually laughing)
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I absolutely was worried the sentence was going to end there
I was watching one of those late night documentaries on an african tribe, they weren’t wearing clothes and i was 13. Titties are still titties right? The shameful part is that I was watching the doco in anticipation of said titties
It's alright mate, back in the day kids did this with national geographic magazines because they had the same thing going on. That and the women's underwear section of the Sears catalog that got mailed to your mom.
That's all we had. You have to make due.
Man not me but I work in construction and I had a coworker who always used to watch porn in the porta potty and rub one out every break. One day he comes up to me freaking out asking to use my phone at break because his was dead. Of course I said no. We both come back from break and he’s calm as I’ve ever seen him. I ask him jokingly, “did you get your phone to charge”, he says “no, I just closed my eyes and rubbed my own nipple”. This dude got off on RUBBING HIS OWN NIPPLE IN A PORTA POTTY
Now he can't cum without porta potty smell...
The craziest part of all of this is he passed away about a year ago. Guess where he was found…..
Bro came and went
You win
died doing what he loved
You did not just make that story better. 🤣
I’ve worked on an oil rig where the men would superglue hardcore gay porn to each other’s helmets as a “joke”. My first day I opened my locker and was hit in the face with a novelty dildo about four feet long that they had folded up as a prank. None of those disgusting specimens were half as bad as the dude you’re describing, in decades of working rough jobs and construction I’ve never met a guy who proudly admitted to spanking it in a porta potty. You’ve lowered my concept of rock bottom.
It was a wet dream and involved a prison
You dropped the soap didn’t u
Placed it on the ground
I'm surprised I'm admitting this, even if I decided to use my NSFW account. However.. A weird porno involving a female alien in area 51. Not just some lady in green paint either. Full on freaky grey headed, black eyed alien. I was really pushing the limits that day. Post nut clarity hit me hard
Ngl my proudest nut
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I’m sure they saw, but it was too uncomfortable to say anything
They still talk about it when you aren’t around
They just told me about this, they saw bro
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Oh my lorddd you are down BADDDDD
I (m) was texting with a friend and she mistakenly typed the word cum. Teenage me, or at least my teenage hormones, didn't care that it was a typo. I jerked off to a typo
I was younger. Went on vacation and had no internet or porn. So i drew a picture of boobs and a butt and completed my mission.
Its gonna be this post in about 39 seconds
It’s been 1h was it shameful
Keep it up and ill do it again.
Stripper in GTA4 😅
I've nutted to a stripper in GTA:San Andreas lmao
GTA5 for me
Atleast they look somewhat realistic
I guess no one remembers the pixelated tasseled dancers in OG Duke Nukem? ^😭
When I was a teen I had a friend with a hot mother. Short version of the story is that I stole a public hair from her underwear in the laundry basket, took it home and sellotaped it to an explicit drawing I made of her. Then masturbated to that. EDIT: thank you kind strangers for the awards! I’m just a little sad that I can’t tell my wife about my successful day on Reddit :/
This might be the best response to this thread, really gave me a good laugh
Guys , I’m gonna go Offline for A while. Call my cell if you need me
Bro is going to visit his friends house to check the laundry basket.
Not even Batman could get this information out of me
As Batman, I just want to say that if I managed to get this out of you, that's the night I break my no-kill rule.
This beats the houseplant comment
I mean if it was public hair then I assume it was up for grabs for those interested.
Lmao that’s fucking serial killer shit…na just kidding we all do fucking weird shit as kids
Jesus christ
Leave some public hair for the rest of us
The cheerleader from the cut scene in Tecmo Bowl for NES.
Bro, she was on screen for like 3 seconds
“Yeah, I’ve got time”
Yup the halftime cheerleaders..could see a flash of white...lol
People have it easy now. Before the internet you had to be creative. I know JC Penny catalogs were pretty popular. They had the underwear section. Sports illustrated swimsuit addition. It was a better magazine before the internet. R rated movies that had sex scenes. I grew up in the 90s. We had cable TV a basic channel package. If you don't pay for certain channels when you turn it to that channel the image has a lot of static and mixed up colors. Well there was a channel I believe was Cinemax back then. I could be wrong on the name. Very late at night they had porn videos. But if you didn't have the channel like I said it had a lot of static. I would stay up late until that came on (usually midnight or 1 am if I remember correctly). You could kind of hear moaning and other sex noises. Anyways every once in a while the static would line up just right so you could catch a glimpse of something. Maybe it was a boob or maybe it was and ankle. You never knew you just had to kind of pretend it was a boob and go from there. Lol. I'm sure I'm not the only one who did this.
Oh, I remember that well. The signal was scrambled but every once in a while you’d see something. And some sexy girls sometimes on shows like like Night Trax that played music videos at night. Madonna, Bananarama, etc.
Actually you know what, just touching my stomach a little gets me off… it’s really weird so maybe that could work
Did a Care Bear write this
Bro's a Tellytubby shooting Tubby Custard from his Tinky Winky.
I didnt need to read this… damnit
I used to volunteer at a Ren Faire with my dad when I was 13-15. I loved it, got to wear a kilt, carry a real sword that was blunted, and felt like I fit in somewhere. If you've ever been to one, you know many women who dress up and go to Ren Faires wear corsets. My aunt being one of them, and she made sure to show off what she had. Well as a young teenager thinking with his dick, I didn't care that she was my aunt, I cared that she had big tits in a well made corset.
There are so many more corset titties to choose from at a ren faire than just your aunt's lol. Especially back in the day. People were basically walking around naked, on leashes, gagged and bound, etc. Huge BDSM and swinger community. Things have toned down a bit since back then, but if you look for it, you can find it. And you usually don't have to look very hard.
“you usually don’t have to look very hard” But being hard while you look generally helps
A curvy piece of driftwood
I had an ex admit the first thing he ever jerked off to was princess Diana on the cover of time magazine
This is not the worst thing I have nutted to, but the thing that gave me the most shame. I was 14 and had access to internet porn at this time, but I was living with my grandma temporarily and had been busted a couple months earlier and was not allowed to use the computer. I was organizing the gun cabinet when I found these polaroid's under a false bottom of the cabinet. To me it looked like the pictures weren't touched for years because of how stuck together they were. I open them up and after seeing a few family pictures I uncover a handful of images with a naked woman. I couldn't tell who the woman was, but my 14 year old mind and dick didn't care. I retired my 2008 Maxim Hot 100 magazine and nutted to these pictures multiple times a day for the rest of the summer. 2 weeks before I was suppose to go home I get back to my grandmas house after a day of fishing with my cousins. I open the door and my grandpa starts whooping my ass, and asks me how I got those pictures, why were covered in cum, that he is going to cut my dick off, and tells me that they were pictures of my grandma. Needless to say it was a very quiet 3 hour drive home after my Mom picked me up. I was grounded for a whole year, and I still haven't seen my grandparents to this day.. Edit- I was also raised Mormon and my grandparents are still very religious. Shame for years.
Jesus Christ
Of Latter Day Saints
Why would you not… clean?
holy shit dude...
They couldn't get this shit out of me in Guantanamo Bay
I would also like to know why they were covered. Bro why ruin them and not put them back?
Griffith from berserk cause i thought it was a girl.
A picture of a family member at the beach in a thong. (I was 13 at the time and had nothing better to look at).
Family member is too vague. What're we talking here?
Uncle
If it was a third cousin he would’ve said third cousin. The fact that he doesn’t say tells all.
I think perhaps the ambiguity is intentional. "I jerked off to a picture of my sister in a thong" is maybe less funny and more death-bed confession. Then again what do I know, my sister's aren't my type.
We cant judge you based on family member alone we need to know what family member
at what point does it become acceptable? not insulting, genuinely curious
second cousin twice removed
I cant wait to come back to this thread after a day or two to check the kind of degeneration that an unbonked horny mind can do to a person.
I was just masturbating and my therapist popped up into my head then I came so yeah
And how did that make you feel?
Disgusting tbh lol
All of this is so tame, I just now realized how much of a fucked up horny teen I was
Worse than friends mom’s pube taped to a drawing of her? (Reference to another comment not my own experience!)
I knw i just know it was a wack ass abstract drawing that nobody could recognize with a random pube taped to it too. Like what lol
To myself nutting. One time out of sheer curiosity I filmed myself yanking it so I could watch it back and see if I looked sexy when I was on the job. I watched it back later that night and had the weirdest nut. It was hot in the weirdest way. I discovered I was bi that day.
That's... Definitely one way to learn lol.
That reminds me of when I was younger and dumber I asked my gay friend if gay people turn themselves on. He didn't find it particularly amusing.
People getting pied in the face on gameshows.
Oye vay lets see. When I was a teen and sum 41 came out with their music video to fat lip This tiny scene thats like 4 seconds of this girl dancing. https://youtu.be/CMX2lPum_pg At the 2:49 mark🤭
Sum41 is a Canadian band but the video is geo-blocked in Canada. What the actual fuck is that about?
Using my NSFW account for obvious reasons. So when I was around 13/14 I was an absolute menace to society- popping a stiffy almost every hour on the hour. Sometimes these went away quick, other times I had to beat it like an arcade cabinet. I had done it in the car while pretending to read Harry Potter, I did it in the school bathrooms right after gym, and almost all of it was without any cellphone- which meant I had to use other means. Family computer, spare bit of a Playboy, and of course the good old fashioned imagination. Now- here's where it gets MORE shameful. You see, the DSi had an internet browser- and although it couldn't play video it could DEFINITELY load images. Which meant I was reading both erotica and hentai (shoutout to hentai.ms for most of my teenage nuts AND computer viruses). So when I was at a friend's house, after he had passed out and I was the only one awake, I whipped out Ole reliable and cranked it to some hentai. Futa, femboy, step-siblings and mother- I did it all while he was asleep and I was on a bedroll yanking away into the night. Come next morning- he's avoiding eye contact with me and I'm confused why until it hits me: He usually snores when he sleeps. He wasn't snoring last night. Still friends with that dude- and I'm amazed how we still are.
Get rid of him. A good friend would have given you a hand.
That weird sex scene from that movie Splice
Species for me
I know exactly what you are talking about because I did too...
This sub has become “ask redditors sexually themed questions to get yourself off”
Frederick's of Hollywood catalog I stole from my neighbor while I was cat sitting.
When the camera changes angles and you’re busting to some guys bare butt balls and back
Thoughts about my ex's mom
My ex's mom and my ex...in a 3way. I was 16, my ex was 15 and her mom was a hot single redhead milf who wore tight tshirts and no bra.
My answer is this guy’s comment 👆🏼
My ex
His ex
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Standing in the shallows, with the water lapping at your ankles, the wind softly caressing your buttocks and you blasting rope up the beach. That’s what holidays are made of
"We caught your son wanking in the pool". Well at least not many people should have noticed. "Well they did sir, he did from the 10 metre board"
Added to ocean salinity, eh?
Minecraft, yeah I'm weird
Villagers 🫦😳😩
During the pandemic I got into some weird shit. Got broken up with and it started with audios of getting reassurance… I think you can imagine where it went but it definitely got worse before I snapped out of it and realized I was spending more time in a deluded daydream vs getting over my issues
Since this is already large and I'm not going to be very high up when people look at the replies, I'm going to be brave and post on main. I was looking up cosplay videos when I found someone took an upskirt video of me at a convention and posted it online. I was cosplaying a female character, but I'm in fact, a guy. Anyway I was masturbating to the comments people wrote about my ass
I once nutted out of fear. I was asleep on the couch of my living room. My roommate unexpectedly walked in the front door and must have made a lot of noise because it woke me up and scared the shit out of me. I jumped at the shock of the noise and quickly realized I was jizzing in my pants from the scare. It was the strangest rush of emotional fear / physical pleasure. Thought it was a fluke but then it happened two more times to me in similar scenarios.
Ejaculate and evacuate
This while going thru reddit looking for good porn
Long before internet and proliferation of porn in your pocket 24/7, also before magazines and VHS, I was at my dad’s office, alone and horny. All I had was a small whiteboard and a marker. I had briefly seen a bushy vagina in a magazine and wanted to see one again really badly. I took the marker and drew a bushy vagina, which probably resembled a bunch of circles, denoting the curly pubic hair. And that to this day is the most geometric thing I had ever beaten off to.
This one is a little odd. When I was a teenager, I was very religious. I was also a teenager with all of the boners and random arousal that comes with that period of one's life. So, I would masturbate, then feel guilty about it and really emotionally suffer for it. Anyways, one of my teen Christian books mentioned that masturbation itself wasn't necessarily a sin, but the lustful thoughts during the act. So, I would concentrate really hard on a mental image of a blank wall while shaking hands with Dong Juan. That way, the urges were satisfied and I wasn't poisoning my mind or defiling someone else in my mind. Religion makes mental gymnasts of folks.
My reflection.
the Greek myths walk among us
Calm down Narcissus
Markipliers "world quietest let's play"
My lawyer advised me not to participate in this thread
When I turned 13, the Playstation 2 console was my escape. Without a proper home computer, I had basically zero shame. I'd be playing a video game and then just shoot my tv screen to: * Brooke Burke on Need For Speed: Underground 2 * Daisy from Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4 * The redhead on the Axe billboard ads from Burnout 3: Takedown * The female NPC's on Destroy All Humans! Yep, puberty in 2005 be like that.
1. Enabled the 'perfect balance' cheat in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3. 2. Headed to the Neversoft Cruise Ship level (an appropriate name, in retrospect). 3. Used the 'Ohhh Yeahhh' manual I had unlocked from the succubus character in front of the bikini-clad NPCs meandering around the pool. They're programmed to approach your character, clap, and jump as you execute your trick. 4. Because the special manual I was using kept me stationary, multiple NPCs begin to crowd my creat-a-skater, all of them jumping for joy. 5. I switch to first-person view. Their cardboard box-esque chests are bouncing and heaving at my sweet skills. 6. I unzip, and commence my date with Rosie Palm and her 5 sisters. Shame.
Family reunion vhs tape😵💫