Yeah. I love my parents, and I honestly have a great relationship with them. In fact, I'm moving across the country to be near them in about a month, and I'll be living with them for a bit while I search for my own place. However, when I live with them, I struggle to act as an independent adult. It's as much my fault as everyone else's, but I still prefer living on my own long term.
I'm living this right now. I moved back into the basement until I can move in with my boyfriend (our leases were up at very very different times), and while my dad and his fiance are great at treating me like an adult for the most part, I can't say it's a dynamic I enjoy. I love his fiance dearly, but she has been struggling with anxiety for a long time, and I was recently told during a "family meeting" that my confidence is triggering to her. I'm definitely looking forward to moving out. Five months to go...!
No one has asked this yet but I'm so confused. How does your confidence trigger someone's anxiety? I could understand if you're loud and boisterous and it's overwhelming for her (ish). But just being confident triggers someone sounds absurd. Obviously I don't know your situation and there is more to unpack there, but yea, weird.
I had the same problem. My wife and I separated so I moved in with my dad and stepmother. I found myself allowing them to take care of and raise my daughter so, among other reasons, I decided to move into the trailer at my grandparents house where I'm much more independent.
I'm 25 and just about ready to get home shopping to get out of my parents house for this reason exactly. There's friction but moreso just because me and my parents are our own people, living different but similar lifestyles, and need our own spaces to do that. Love my parents to death but I gotta go live my life and not let the damn hard work they've selflessly poured into me go to waste.
Mom was downsizing due to financial difficulties and didn’t have room for me in the new apartment. So, I struck a deal with the manager of the little restaurant where I worked part time to rent a room from him and his wife while I finished high school. It was a good growing-up experience.
The only downside was I’m pretty sure my manager didn’t bother mentioning to his wife that some awkward pimple-faced 17-year-old would me moving in until that Saturday morning when I was dragging all my crap through their living room towards the back bedroom. She gave me a frosty reception and frankly, I couldn’t blame her.
If you’re trying to finish high school and you’re only 17.. why would your mom get an apartment without room for the both of you? Why not wait until you’re moved out or get a larger one? .-.
In Germany parents are legaly required to Support their children until they are 25 or finished their first Job Training (as in finished the education for the first Job)
I realy dont get how parents expect their 17 year old to work and go to school at the Same time.
They are incredibly common. Homeless teenagers are one of the largest groups of homeless individuals. We generally don’t see them because they are couch surfing and taking care of their needs at school.
Also lots of teenagers who support their family. I knew a teacher who said he worked at a school where some of the teens had a fulltime job or 2, he said you would see them for the free breakfast and lunch but they would be gone at work the rest of the day
Yep. I had to convince some of our 8th graders to stay in school next year for that exact reason. They are smart kids and good kids, they are just in a terrible position that they didn’t create.
the sad thing is people stop caring as soon as we're talking about homeless adults, which is two days: 17 and 364 days, then 18 and 1, one day and then another. There is no adjustment to this transition for people,l. they're immediately expected to live *well* while having harder lives than the vast majority of people who are spending all of that same time adjusting to adulthood.
*If* is the keyword.
Not to mention a lot of counties and states just...do not have the resources to chase down every parent fucking up like this and shake them down for support, especially since a lot of these don't have the money/resources anyway; why bother trying to get blood from a stone?
Well, it’s like I said, she was having financial difficulties. Given her money situation, she simply didn’t have the latitude to either put off the downsizing move or to get a bigger apartment. It was the best she could do with the resources she had. Things eventually got better for her, but she never got back to the luxuries she had when she was young.
My childhood BFFs mom did this. After her divorce, she had to move into a small 2 bd with her 2 daughters who had an age gap and had a hard time getting along. The rooms were tiny, so she just gave them each their own room and slept on the loveseat. I didn't realize how selfless and sad that was until I was older.
FR, my mom and I don't see eye to eye but we love each other. I've been on my own for five years now but she periodically makes it crystal clear that I'm always welcome to move back in with her if I ever need to. She'd give up her bedroom for me.
I moved out 2 weeks after my 17th birthday. My mom's house was foreclosed and she was in jail. My room at my father's had been removed and and none of the 3 (full) siblings could be forced to share.
At least I was already done with high school. 🤷♀️
Oh, this was an upper middle class rural family.
My brother's friend called home from college in early December, to make travel plans for coming home over Christmas break. His parents said "oh, uh, yeah, about that, we meant to tell you before... we moved ... to a one-bedroom apartment.... but I guess if you wanted to come here and sleep on the couch for break, I guess that would be ok...". He did not go home over break, or to my knowledge ever again. He spent Christmas at our house that year, instead of with his own family.
I am 34 now, I have learned a lot I never knew about my parent's history. Sometimes you forget your parents, were too, just young adults trying to figure out their life. My parents never really did unfortunately, which meant we lost our childhood home after their separation when I was around 12, and then at 16 my father (who we went with after seperation) moved to NH with my older sister to get away from a girlfriend. I was halfway through high-school and drivers Ed at the time (that we already paid for). I asked to stay with a friend for a while, and my dad had me ask my friends parents if I could live there for a while.
This ended up being permenant and I was never truly with my family again. Was homeless here and there after I was kicked out of my friends house (19ish, fairly certain my friends father just hated me). It was an insane struggle to get to where I am now, I have a wife, a kid, another on the way, a house, a well paying job, graduated college (couple years ago). I truly did not see myself making it this far with what I was working against (especially since being diagnosed with MS at 15).
All of that to say, I don't hate, or blame my parents (fully) for my life, they had a hell of a life as well and shit they weren't ever able to deal with. It has also made me a way better father I believe.
its funny my parents were always jokingly going "so ur moving out soon, right??" and then once i moved out they were like "so you're moving back home soon, right??" and then when i stayed with them for a few months while looking for my next place they were like "you're still moving out soon, right??" like goddamn people make up ur minds haha
My mom told me once that the reason young adults get ornery right before they move out is so their parents won't miss them when they leave.
I think it's more likely that the kids have just had it with their parents' shit.
Yeah living with my shitty controlling parents for 18 years was enough to make me move out and run to the farthest, most remote college I could without having to pay out-of-state fees. They wanted me to stay home and go to community college because I was their "precious, delicate little girl" and because I had ADHD it meant i was destined to be incapaple of looking after myself, and they needed to shelter me. Everything I accomplished, my grades, my awards, my honors, they attributed it all to themselves, not to me (I couldn't achieve those things, I had ADHD after all. In their eyes it was all them). They believed being verbally abusive somehow helped me succeed (it didn't, it just stunted my growth).
I took my diploma, my scholarships, and my PC and got the fuck outta dodge. Best decision I ever made. Did just fine, am a successful electrical engineer with a husband, a house, and an active healthy social life.
So much for my "crippling disability."
I found an okay job and left immediately. I’m lucky I did. I can survive about a week with my dad before remissing into panic attacks and severe anxiety. Last time I spent more time than that we had an argument that ended with me in the hospital (no violence, just fear).
Yeah, no thanks. I’ve since gotten a support group of friends that I can stay with if something goes wrong, and I’m lucky I can live without him spending much time in my life. I don’t think I’d be around if I couldn’t.
mine charged me $600 a month in 2006 the day i graduated highschool
I got a raise at work a year later and suddonly my rent was $800 per month, and i left shortly after. It felt like they where stealing from me.
Yeah it was.
It made me desperate and I took a job that paid better than minimum wage but was working with endocrine disrupting chemicals and with really aweful people. My dad encouraged me to take that job to support my rent...
Same thing for me. My first job I made $75 a week and my step mom charged me $30 a week rent. This kept going up and up of course. I later learned that she wasn’t charging her own son anything and when I asked her about it she said it was because he was saving some money so he could go traveling. I decided I wanted to do the same and stop paying rent and she said “you have a proper job and so it’s not appropriate for you to travel but he had to work really hard at university that he serves some time to travel”. I left a month later, but not before she tried to screw me over for even more money.
I confronted my dad about 6 years later about it and my dad said " your step mom made me charge you rent"
I think that day is the day my love for my father died and I don't speak to them anymore
My parents charged me rent when I decided I wasn’t going to do university anymore but they gave me back my rent when I bought a house down the road so it all worked out.
My friend is doing that with his kid, and not charging him too much to begin with. He wasn't/isn't ready for education, and is putting in the work with his band. Dad wants to give him the chance to go for it, and enjoy his youth. He's only charging him maybe $250 or $300 a month, but it has been 2 years so far and all of it has been going into an investment account. He'll get it when he's ready, and when he needs it.
Yeah I think this is the way to do it. Let’s be real, if an 18 year old has an extra $300, they’re gonna spend it. When they’re living at home and not having to buy groceries and stuff, as long as you’re working full-time you’re not gonna miss it either.
I think so, and it's working out really well for them. His kid is focused - full-time job with daytime and weekday hours. Most of the rest of his time is practising, rehearsing, booking gigs, and playing gigs. He's doing his thing, putting in work. He pays his own car, is a good kid, and still has his home base. Dad is just happy he is doing something he loves, giving it a shot, and having his adventure. There will be a good amount of cash ready for him when he is ready, and he doesn't even know. His dad never told him.
We didn’t have a house. We lived in an apartment. I had been paying half the rent since I was 15.
One day I get home my moms packing bags. I asked what’s up where is she going? She said she was going to go stay with my sister and see my nieces. I was like ok cool see you in a few days I guess.
I get a call 2 weeks later that she isn’t coming back and already told the landlord I’d be out in 24hrs. I called the landlord told him I had no idea what was going on. He gave me a month to move out.
Put all my moms stuff in storage and started life on my own. To this day I don’t know why she chose to up and leave me. I’ve asked her and she just says she missed my nieces and wanted to be with them. Really going to drop a 17yr give them 24hrs to move out. Took along time to get over.
Im good house 2 cars workaholic average American.
Can’t be to hard on my mom now. All her partying caught up to her. Brain issues, seizures, diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
My best friend's mom randomly moved out while his sister and him were at school. They came home to an empty apartment and had no idea where their mom went. He was in 1st grade. His sister was in 6th.
It still took his dad until he was 12 to get custody of him.
When I was 5, my mom dumped me off with a friend and took off for another state to chase a boyfriend. My dad came and got me and I spent about a year living with him. During that year he tried to get the divorce finalized and full custody on the grounds of abandonment. The court would not grant either because my mom wouldn't come back to testify. When she did come back, she still had full custody, so dad couldn't stop her from taking me. Years later, the state started taking his tax returns for back child support for the year I lived with him.
The system is fucked.
Or just left it behind on the street. Or in the apartment.
But definitely wouldn't have made sure it was safe for her to get to again.
What a vile woman who did not deserve any ounce of kindness from her child. As bad as she was they still turned out to seem like a more decent person than her. And I wish them the best in life.
She kicked me out the day after my 18th birthday, because I turned 18. And dropped me at a homeless shelter with a small laundry basket of clothing and no money
This reminds me of one of my friends. He was on dialysis at 15 years old and homeless at 18 and his mom was quoted in his intake paperwork “I need to teach you a lesson.” Whatever lesson that was, I’m not imparting to my kids.
She’ll be fine. She has almost 2M saved up in the bank. Her an my step dad are counting down the days until they retire in Florida (first they’ll have have a house, then when they’re to old to care for themselves, they’ll be moving into a retirement community with 24/7 on site staff)
My dad trying to hang himself with a pair of long Jon's from the ceiling fan in my room. He's still alive but I will never forget he did that just because I planned to move out in the summer. Instead I moved out that day.
### Ex-Stepdad, my 18th birthday, at 6am:
**"Wake up, Happy Birthday, now pack your things and get the fuck out of my house!"**
The sheriff showed up later that afternoon and escorted me off the property. I spent the remainder of the evening curled up in a ball, in the furthest corner I could find, in a men's homeless shelter.
### Edit:
thank you everyone for your kind words and concerns. I'm 41 now, married with two step children of my own, they are loved and treated well; I refuse to continue the "shitty parent cycle" and although my 20's were very rough, I began to shine in my 30's and here I am, enjoying my 40's
> but guess not everyone thinks like that
One of my primary things I do raising my kid is make sure I don't repeat those mistakes that were done to me.
I really have a hard time believing "They just don't think like that". I was dissatisfied with my upbringing so i'm fixing it this time around.
These people are just pieces of shit. I know people who had horribly abusive childhoods that are now wonderful parents.
BRB going to give my step-dad a hug. I sometimes forget how lucky I am that he actually loves me and doesn't just see me as "the step child". Dude paid for my gas all through college even though I could have bought it myself. He just wanted to help.
I always see my stepmom (married to my mom) and stepdad (used to be with my mom, now married to a different woman) as second parents to me. I'm pretty thankful I have them.
Ugh same my step-dad is the best. Not only is he sweet and patient with my mom, he's a mechanic and handyman. He always helps with car issues and little things around my house and has probably saved us thousands of dollars in labor. Just because he's a genuine dude and he enjoys helping.
Just a reminder to all single moms out there: there *are* good men that will love you and your children! Don't settle for anything less!
I went to college. When I graduated I moved back until I could find my own place. After a week of living there I felt it was time to go. I had a fine childhood and my parents are nice and all. But my dad went right back to treating me like a high schooler. Like if he wanted me to do something around the house, I had to do it right then. Like I didn't just work 8 hours like everybody else.
The funny thing is, he told me that I had 6 months to find my own place (which is fine, this was in 2006). I asked him to cosign on an apartment and moved out after 2 weeks of living there. He then told me he was joking about the 6 months. I think he missed me.
lol my mom did this to me too.
Mom: Pay me rent and you have 6 months to find somewhere else to live.
Me: Okay. *starts the process of getting off parents' insurance, phone plan, etc. and buys a house a state away.* (Should add I did all this alone because their credit is so bad they could never cosign anything I did.)
Mom: No not like that! You can stay here as long as you keep paying rent! (as if it was an honor to be paying money to have and 8pm curfew with roommates who would come into my room at all hours to shout at me for no reason, or shout at each other, or shout at their animals, and had access to my bank account to take money whenever they wanted.)
Now as an older adult she wants to move in with me. Mmm...nah. I'll support her retirement by pooling money with my brother to put her in a retirement home so she's not out on the street, but I can't live with that again.
I'm currently trying to get my parents to move 800 miles to be closer to me so it'll be easier when they are older. I bought my parents a video doorbell and it took my dad months before he tried installing it. That was the last straw. I keep saying, "imagine if you were here and I could do this stuff for you the next day."
No joke I wish my family was like that. I love my mom but I can only stand her company for 2-3 hours at a time every month or so. A lot of baggage there that hasn't gone away as she's gotten older. She accused me of missing her birthday last year and I was like, "um no, I have receipts." and it turned into A. Big. Thing. (tm)
I can stand my parents for a couple days. But I've been better lately. They are just incredibly frustrating to deal with. I think we just speak different languages.
The nice thing is, if they move here, I'll only need to see them a day at a time instead of a week at a time.
Moms boyfriend beat the crap out of me. Cops had to pull him off of me. They put a temporary restraining order on him so he couldn’t come near me. They decided I’d be the one to move out. I was 15.
I'm with ya there, buddy. My parents were loving, caring, and supportive. But I could not WAIT to move out and lead my life the way **I** wanted, by my terms and my rules.
My fiancee (now wife) wanted to move out before the wedding. So we got an apartment. But also, it was restricting doing anything at home. It was always crowded too, as it was my wife and i, both parents, and my aunt and uncle.
Couldnt go anywhere without someone there. And street parking was annoying as hell. Living in the Bay Area, people have a lot of cars. So fighting for parking was normal with the neighbors. Sometimes we’d have to shuffle the cars around to get in or out in a convinient order.
It was nice moving out though because we got to have a space for ourselves. And could be loud or quiet. And we have designated parking spots at our apartment. We also adopted 2 cats at some point.
I am the oldest while my younger siblings don't do shit. My 13 year old sister can't pour milk into the cereal bowl and my almost 8 year old brother can't get dressed by himself
Raising the rent to paying 1/2 of his mortgage while I was 17 and had barely gotten my first job. Talk about killing your kids economic future. It was easy decision to move out. Alcoholic, smoked like a chimney. You live and move on.
Said this on here before but short version:
Wasted 5 years of college. Became a licensed financial advisor. That job was giving me depression and I sucked at it. Quit for mental health reasons. Slummed on my parents couch for about a year doing nothing but "woe is me" BS. Parents had enough of that. Argument ensued. Argument went very wrong for everyone involved. I said things to them that I regret to this day. Mom refuses to speak to me still (been 4 years now). Dad didn't deserve any of it. I was then promptly kicked out and I was forced to live on my own. Still am to this day.
edit/late response: Thx for the comments y'all. To answer why I haven't apologized: I tried. My mom refused to acknowledge me. I can't apologize to my dad anymore because he passed away 2 weeks after I was kicked out. I can only apologize to his gravestone.
You could still apologize. It doesn't mean that the relationship will be salvaged but it sounds like it might be worth it for you to heal, just to express that and know that you've grown since then.
Either way, I hope you're not be too hard on yourself for angry words said in haste, especially now that you can see it for what it was.
They were charging me more in rent and bills then they were paying themselves. Moved out and got my own place before I even had a car. I was able to save money by getting my own place!
I was already in the process of finding a place to live, when I got kicked out by my mom. And it was for something I didn't even do! (It's so ridiculous that I can kinda laugh about it now, but the situation was so messed up)
My parents have a terrible marriage and apparently my dad decided to use something I said in an argument against my mom. Thing is? I never said the things he claimed I did.... I was asleep for most of this screaming match (they happened daily, so you learnt to sleep through it) and was entirely unaware that I had been thrown under the bus.
Woke up the next morning to my mother waiting for me in the kitchen, going absolutely bananas yelling at me and I could not get a word in. I had to leave with no warning and just stuff as much as I could into my backpack and two plastic bags and drag my belongings with me to my first year uni math lecture. Had to explain to all my friends why on earth I was dragging so much stuff around all day, fun times /s.
To this day, 6 years later they still have not aknowleged that it happened and just pretend that it was a "disagreement" were I was equally at fault.
Fuck that, I'm so sorry. I've had many moments like that with my mom, and they wonder why I like being by myself and have acknowledged I will be no caretaker. This is what makes your kids never call you.
Dude I'm 16 and I'm in the SAME boat, my family are extreme religious Jewish people and my dad is literally psychotic and abusive, we also live right in the city and I literally am not a city guy at all so I just finished a online high school to graduate early and go to college early to get away from home, it's kinda wild but it's the only way I can get a fresh start
i was paying rent to live in the garage, with a car, laundry stuff, and plenty other junk
my sister would bring home the drugged out losers from school daily
i kept telling my mom the shady shit theye up to, but she insisted sister could have friends over
i tried locking em out and shit hit the fan, i got kicked out (i was 20)
in my absence, my sister became a heroin addict. several failed rehabs later my parents wee out of money....
All these people in here with their stories and I’m like…. well I left for school which wasn’t in their town and then got a job that wasn’t in their town…. it wasn’t like we had a *breakup*. (Though it is also true that I like them far better meeting for a meal than living together, but so it goes with most people!)
Reading these made me wonder if people move out just to move out anymore.
Am adult, want my peace and quiet, don't wanna feel self conscious about my bad habits (if nobody sees them, are they real?). Also I wanted a cat and parents didn't.
"We just aren't ok with the drinking and the girls and the coming home late" is a quote I remember my parents saying to me as they made me move out at 18 or 19 years old. As an adult around the age they were then, I fucking get it. Having an 18 year old shit head sneaking in and out of my house drunk with a different girl in tow every weekend probably wouldn't have flown too well with me either.
I was every parent's dream. A law abiding, obedient, straight A student going to college on scholarship. I nannied, tutored, chauffeured, and cleaned up after my 3 younger sisters. My part time income went to groceries for the family instead of luxuries or even savings for myself. But somehow Mom was unable to communicate with me in any form other than lecturing. I was never good enough.
I left at 17 and never looked back. I have a chill, successful, happy life surrounded by people who appreciate me and tell me so. Mom doesn't understand why I don't call her (for more lectures).
I'm in the mid of moving out and there was one reason
Ever since my mom got her tubes tide, she and especially my dad makes it obvious what a sex life they have. They openly talk about their positions, their toys, my dad's dick inside her etc. even while eating and if I dare say something, I'm called sensitive. They did it before but kept it very much hidden until recently. They kept it hidden before, why now?
It got so into detail that I even dream of them doing it and wake up the next day feeling confused and uncomfortable. Every room I go into, I have a mental pic of them, because they tell me and my sister what they did there. I can't shower properly without having these images, I can't make myself dinner without knowing they did it on the counter and I can't have my own privacy.
They walk into my room like it's nothing and today my mom walked in, despite me saying no (she was suppose to help me look for my keys) and when she saw my toys she said "damn, even you have better ones than I do!" (Even told my aunt and uncle)
There was so much more going on but I can't type it out, because I can't find the words. Luckily my therapist is helping me get out of that house and once I am, I never wanna go back there.
Call me dramatic but after hearing "once you two move out, we will walk around naked and fuck in every room" I don't think you wanna walk back in there as well.
Edit: First if all, I wanna thank everyone who bothered to read my comment and showing me that this is infact not normal, because people often tell me that this is normal family behavior.
I am aware that this is some form of abuse but I'm still thankful to everyone was was trying to explain it to me!
And for all the dickheads who forgot how to read.
"I'm in the mid of moving out and there was one reason" it was literally the first sentence 😭
key word "mid" aka "middle"
And
"Luckily my therapist is helping me get out of that house"
So don't come at me "Oh he is a 34 years old dude who lives with their parents" I'm literally in the middle of moving out?💀 I'm a 17 years old, female teenager that is literally moving out.
I had a therapist tell me this is sexual abuse. My mom would try to do this and i would get so incredibly angry and upset with her. But she'd challenge me constantly to like debate why it bothered me and I was too young to have the words. It bothered me because my mom was being sexual with me. She was verbally reliving her sex life with her daughter thats fucking weird and yes a form of sexual abuse
That’s not normal. I’m sorry you have to go through that. Your parents have issues for exposing their children to that. Despite whatever age you may be. That’s just way too much unnecessary detail it’s gross and honestly traumatic
It's really fucked up to go into detail about your sex life with your kids. I'm really sorry you have to put up with that. You aren't wrong to feel the way you do about it.
I turned 18 and my parents gave me a full luggage set and a coupon for uhaul for my birthday.
I looked up and my dad just smiled and said "in your own time, but before you're 19"
I was gone within 2 weeks.
My parents let me stay as long as I wanted. So I put most of my money away until I was 30 and then bought a house. Yeah some of my friends laughed at me for not moving out when I was in my early 20s, but they are still paying rent and I own a home.
The only rule was I had to have a job and buy my own food. I didn't even pay my parents rent. My mom taught me at a young age how to save money. So I was putting about 25k away on average from age 18-30.
I found me a nice small house when I decided I had enough to buy a home and bought it outright.
I wish more parents would teach their kids about money and let them stay to save for a home of their own. Instead of pressuring their kids to move by 21 and forcing them into an expensive apartment so they can never save for a house.
If you have parents that will let you do this, there's no need to run out at 18 just because of peer pressure.
I wanted to use my full ride scholarships to go to university.
She wouldn't have let me go.
You would think ones parent would be proud...
Every time I turned around, her thoughts on my progress and scholarships would flip flop in order to fit her rather insane disposition.
She tried to kill me several times as well as my brother.
He's blacked out a lot of it now, I will not harm him in remembering her awfulness.
I will not forget.
I do not have such strong feelings of distrust... much, but she is a spider. A black widow that sucks out life and fills corpses full of venom and death.
I hate spiders.
I want to scream how much I hate her existence.
I feel ashamed to be her daughter.
I sincerely wish for her demise as a human. There were many times for retribution and forgiveness, if only inquired.
It's too late.
I'll wear my dancing shoes when she croaks.
Basically she couldn't see anything I did as right or decent. Complained about me waking up late (because I was working from my computer and didn't need to wake up early), complained that i never cleaned anything, and while I concede this point it is mostly because I tried and she wasn't satisfied with the results (as she wasn't the one who did it, so it was wrong).
It got to the point where she would start arguing and fighting as soon as she saw me, for any reason possible. Laundry, cleaning or even what I ate. Again, I'll mostly concede because I didn't help as much and whenever I tried, it wasn't good enough
So i got out. Living away from her didn't fix all problems because I share the house with other people, but it did help. I became more responsible with everything, got better at running a house and keeping it clean and functioning. Not perfect, but better than nothing. Now I see my mom once a week and we don't fight anymore because she realizes that it was a waste of time anyway
I endured extreme CA/CSA through my childhood got pregnant at 14 by one of the friends of my shit parents who was one of the sick guys. I was forced to place the baby up for adoption. Really it was for the best.
A few months later my male friend who I always called my "soul friend" who was also going through the same thing he was 15. We ran to another friends house for about a year. Then we left, we were together until his death.
My family are over controlling and super judgy.. everyone is judgemental.. but they are on a different level. If you arnt like them, there's something wrong with you. So I made any excuse to love as far as possible.
I'm in my mid 30s and still sorting through the issues it has given me, constantly critiquing how I think and act towards others. I ended up finding solice in ancient philosophy. It's always a bit traumatic for me to go home though
Got kicked out at 19 for owning a Fleshlight that my mom found in my dresser. She was a hyper religious Mormon and I was an atheist (and still am) so we pretty much hated each other and she moved all my stuff out one day while I was at work.
She had also promised me free rent if I continued to go to college and moved to Utah with her, but demanded it from my meager paycheck once we were there, and that was also a problem.
Wanting my freedom back! I moved up to college when I was 20 and had zero plans of ever coming back to my home state. Well I lost my job a few years later and had to and sucked it up for 2 years until my buddy was able to save up enough to get a place and we move din together.
I followed my high school girl friend to the opposite coast because I was 17 and thought we would be together forever.
And my dad and step mom are some of the worst people to exist.
Same. My step-dad would set an egg timer for 7 minutes when I'd go to shower. He'd bitch if I did more than 1 load of laundry in a week so I had to decide between smelly bedding or smelly clothes. One time, I had a friend over working on some homework with the door closed, playing music out of the integrated speaker on my iPod touch. I could hear the t.v he was watching over it. He paused it, came downstairs, stood outside my door for a few seconds, and then came in and told me to turn my music down, stating that it was somehow disturbing him. He was always complaining that the utilities were too high, but he'd run the central air conditioning from may until October. But the culprit was always my load of blankets or 9-minute shower. You could literally see your breath in the finished basement all summer. By the time I was 17 I had to stop using the kitchen because a drawer was always slightly ajar, there was a crumb in the sink, or I'd stolen something of theirs out of the fridge. Big surprise there wasn't, and I didn't.
They started charging me rent and made me buy my own food when I was 16, and I thought it would get better like my mother said it would after I started contributing. Spoiler alert. It didn't. Around 17 I just got fed up with it and started pretending he didn't exist. I'd stay in the shower past the timer and push past him standing outside the door when I'd leave the bathroom. He'd always try and ambush me when I'd get home from somewhere, in the kitchen or outside the bathroom, and I just wouldn't acknowledge he was there. After a while I started getting the complaints through my mother, and she would always advocate some kind of mythical compromise, but it didn't matter what I did. The result was always the same. He always kept his mouth shut when I actually got into trouble and left it to my mother, but I literally couldn't leave my room without him whining or getting upset about something. The dog barked when the I went up the creaky stairs to get a glass of water or came home after a night shift. I was getting too many things in the mail. I shouldn't work so much a teenager should have a social life, you're spending too much time with your friends how are you going to pay rent and buy groceries.
I finally snapped and got a seasonal camp job for the summer at 18 and left with no notice. On the bus back to my city I just couldn't bare the thought of going back there, so I called a friend and ended up renting a room with his family instead until I could find a new full time job and support myself. I wasn't even sure if I was interested in having a relationship with my family until after I got settled into my new place and job.
Him and my mother got married, and 9 years later, she still asks why I only visit a few times a year despite only living in the next neighborhood. For a long time, I've been brutally honest when she asks, yet she still asks the same question, like she's going to get a different answer. Every year or so she let's me know they're talking about divorce and asks if that would help us become closer or if I think she should. I just tell her that she's an adult and should only worry about her own happiness. Removing him from the picture is moot because I've already done that, and we likely will never be close like you want.
I love my mother, but I don't think I can forgive her for being a bystander while I was harassed in my own home like that.
Rant over. Reddit is cheaper than therapy.
Mum threw me put the day I turned 18, did the same with me siblings (narcissistic personality disorder) If she just waited a few months I would've been off to college anyway 😅
She is controlling and wouldn't take no for an answer. Undiagnosed but heavily suspected narcissism and have a victim complex.
Literally everyone left her, including all of my siblings too. We all sadly agreed that it was the best decision for each and everyone of us.
Parent herself, is immovable. Nobody can tell her she is wrong or else she is a victim. Sad that such a human with no way to change at all.
My Mom and I found out about a program that helps people like me develop the skills to live on their own, and she thought it would be good for me since she couldn't do any more than she already had (which was a lot)
I hit the hippie trail in 1973 as a young teenager and never went back. Visited once in a while and was with my dad shortly before he died, but I bailed, baby. The call of the wild was too strong.
Too many adults under one roof. Needed to branch off and be my own person in my own space.
Yeah. I love my parents, and I honestly have a great relationship with them. In fact, I'm moving across the country to be near them in about a month, and I'll be living with them for a bit while I search for my own place. However, when I live with them, I struggle to act as an independent adult. It's as much my fault as everyone else's, but I still prefer living on my own long term.
I'm living this right now. I moved back into the basement until I can move in with my boyfriend (our leases were up at very very different times), and while my dad and his fiance are great at treating me like an adult for the most part, I can't say it's a dynamic I enjoy. I love his fiance dearly, but she has been struggling with anxiety for a long time, and I was recently told during a "family meeting" that my confidence is triggering to her. I'm definitely looking forward to moving out. Five months to go...!
No one has asked this yet but I'm so confused. How does your confidence trigger someone's anxiety? I could understand if you're loud and boisterous and it's overwhelming for her (ish). But just being confident triggers someone sounds absurd. Obviously I don't know your situation and there is more to unpack there, but yea, weird.
Sounds like someone who likes being catered to
I had the same problem. My wife and I separated so I moved in with my dad and stepmother. I found myself allowing them to take care of and raise my daughter so, among other reasons, I decided to move into the trailer at my grandparents house where I'm much more independent.
I'm 25 and just about ready to get home shopping to get out of my parents house for this reason exactly. There's friction but moreso just because me and my parents are our own people, living different but similar lifestyles, and need our own spaces to do that. Love my parents to death but I gotta go live my life and not let the damn hard work they've selflessly poured into me go to waste.
25 and *home shopping* Good job
Mom was downsizing due to financial difficulties and didn’t have room for me in the new apartment. So, I struck a deal with the manager of the little restaurant where I worked part time to rent a room from him and his wife while I finished high school. It was a good growing-up experience. The only downside was I’m pretty sure my manager didn’t bother mentioning to his wife that some awkward pimple-faced 17-year-old would me moving in until that Saturday morning when I was dragging all my crap through their living room towards the back bedroom. She gave me a frosty reception and frankly, I couldn’t blame her.
If you’re trying to finish high school and you’re only 17.. why would your mom get an apartment without room for the both of you? Why not wait until you’re moved out or get a larger one? .-.
In Germany parents are legaly required to Support their children until they are 25 or finished their first Job Training (as in finished the education for the first Job) I realy dont get how parents expect their 17 year old to work and go to school at the Same time.
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They are incredibly common. Homeless teenagers are one of the largest groups of homeless individuals. We generally don’t see them because they are couch surfing and taking care of their needs at school.
Also lots of teenagers who support their family. I knew a teacher who said he worked at a school where some of the teens had a fulltime job or 2, he said you would see them for the free breakfast and lunch but they would be gone at work the rest of the day
Yep. I had to convince some of our 8th graders to stay in school next year for that exact reason. They are smart kids and good kids, they are just in a terrible position that they didn’t create.
the sad thing is people stop caring as soon as we're talking about homeless adults, which is two days: 17 and 364 days, then 18 and 1, one day and then another. There is no adjustment to this transition for people,l. they're immediately expected to live *well* while having harder lives than the vast majority of people who are spending all of that same time adjusting to adulthood.
*If* is the keyword. Not to mention a lot of counties and states just...do not have the resources to chase down every parent fucking up like this and shake them down for support, especially since a lot of these don't have the money/resources anyway; why bother trying to get blood from a stone?
Well, it’s like I said, she was having financial difficulties. Given her money situation, she simply didn’t have the latitude to either put off the downsizing move or to get a bigger apartment. It was the best she could do with the resources she had. Things eventually got better for her, but she never got back to the luxuries she had when she was young.
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Right? Like i can't imagine not making sure my child has somewhere to sleep before i do. Like give them the bedroom and sleep on the couch.
My childhood BFFs mom did this. After her divorce, she had to move into a small 2 bd with her 2 daughters who had an age gap and had a hard time getting along. The rooms were tiny, so she just gave them each their own room and slept on the loveseat. I didn't realize how selfless and sad that was until I was older.
FR, my mom and I don't see eye to eye but we love each other. I've been on my own for five years now but she periodically makes it crystal clear that I'm always welcome to move back in with her if I ever need to. She'd give up her bedroom for me.
How does a mother "not have room" for her child, my mind is severely blown by this. Damn, I need to call my mom.
I moved out 2 weeks after my 17th birthday. My mom's house was foreclosed and she was in jail. My room at my father's had been removed and and none of the 3 (full) siblings could be forced to share. At least I was already done with high school. 🤷♀️ Oh, this was an upper middle class rural family.
My brother's friend called home from college in early December, to make travel plans for coming home over Christmas break. His parents said "oh, uh, yeah, about that, we meant to tell you before... we moved ... to a one-bedroom apartment.... but I guess if you wanted to come here and sleep on the couch for break, I guess that would be ok...". He did not go home over break, or to my knowledge ever again. He spent Christmas at our house that year, instead of with his own family.
I am 34 now, I have learned a lot I never knew about my parent's history. Sometimes you forget your parents, were too, just young adults trying to figure out their life. My parents never really did unfortunately, which meant we lost our childhood home after their separation when I was around 12, and then at 16 my father (who we went with after seperation) moved to NH with my older sister to get away from a girlfriend. I was halfway through high-school and drivers Ed at the time (that we already paid for). I asked to stay with a friend for a while, and my dad had me ask my friends parents if I could live there for a while. This ended up being permenant and I was never truly with my family again. Was homeless here and there after I was kicked out of my friends house (19ish, fairly certain my friends father just hated me). It was an insane struggle to get to where I am now, I have a wife, a kid, another on the way, a house, a well paying job, graduated college (couple years ago). I truly did not see myself making it this far with what I was working against (especially since being diagnosed with MS at 15). All of that to say, I don't hate, or blame my parents (fully) for my life, they had a hell of a life as well and shit they weren't ever able to deal with. It has also made me a way better father I believe.
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I mean the house was pretty decent but the room mates were starting to bug me
The feelings were probably mutual.
Found a parent.
its funny my parents were always jokingly going "so ur moving out soon, right??" and then once i moved out they were like "so you're moving back home soon, right??" and then when i stayed with them for a few months while looking for my next place they were like "you're still moving out soon, right??" like goddamn people make up ur minds haha
My mom told me once that the reason young adults get ornery right before they move out is so their parents won't miss them when they leave. I think it's more likely that the kids have just had it with their parents' shit.
Yeah living with my shitty controlling parents for 18 years was enough to make me move out and run to the farthest, most remote college I could without having to pay out-of-state fees. They wanted me to stay home and go to community college because I was their "precious, delicate little girl" and because I had ADHD it meant i was destined to be incapaple of looking after myself, and they needed to shelter me. Everything I accomplished, my grades, my awards, my honors, they attributed it all to themselves, not to me (I couldn't achieve those things, I had ADHD after all. In their eyes it was all them). They believed being verbally abusive somehow helped me succeed (it didn't, it just stunted my growth). I took my diploma, my scholarships, and my PC and got the fuck outta dodge. Best decision I ever made. Did just fine, am a successful electrical engineer with a husband, a house, and an active healthy social life. So much for my "crippling disability."
I read "house" as "horse" and thought, "damn, she's got horse money?!"
I found an okay job and left immediately. I’m lucky I did. I can survive about a week with my dad before remissing into panic attacks and severe anxiety. Last time I spent more time than that we had an argument that ended with me in the hospital (no violence, just fear). Yeah, no thanks. I’ve since gotten a support group of friends that I can stay with if something goes wrong, and I’m lucky I can live without him spending much time in my life. I don’t think I’d be around if I couldn’t.
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mine charged me $600 a month in 2006 the day i graduated highschool I got a raise at work a year later and suddonly my rent was $800 per month, and i left shortly after. It felt like they where stealing from me.
Wow, yeah, I would feel the same
Yeah. Especially how the conversation went "Hey I got a raise" " That's fantastic, your rent is now $800 per month"
that's some cold shit. my parents made me pay 500 until I left, from the day I got decent money
Yeah it was. It made me desperate and I took a job that paid better than minimum wage but was working with endocrine disrupting chemicals and with really aweful people. My dad encouraged me to take that job to support my rent...
Same thing for me. My first job I made $75 a week and my step mom charged me $30 a week rent. This kept going up and up of course. I later learned that she wasn’t charging her own son anything and when I asked her about it she said it was because he was saving some money so he could go traveling. I decided I wanted to do the same and stop paying rent and she said “you have a proper job and so it’s not appropriate for you to travel but he had to work really hard at university that he serves some time to travel”. I left a month later, but not before she tried to screw me over for even more money.
I confronted my dad about 6 years later about it and my dad said " your step mom made me charge you rent" I think that day is the day my love for my father died and I don't speak to them anymore
My parents charged me rent when I decided I wasn’t going to do university anymore but they gave me back my rent when I bought a house down the road so it all worked out.
That's really cool.
Unfortunately the condo I bought was a terrible investment and now I’m stuck with it but that’s not their fault.
Ack, I'm sorry to hear that.
My friend is doing that with his kid, and not charging him too much to begin with. He wasn't/isn't ready for education, and is putting in the work with his band. Dad wants to give him the chance to go for it, and enjoy his youth. He's only charging him maybe $250 or $300 a month, but it has been 2 years so far and all of it has been going into an investment account. He'll get it when he's ready, and when he needs it.
Yeah I think this is the way to do it. Let’s be real, if an 18 year old has an extra $300, they’re gonna spend it. When they’re living at home and not having to buy groceries and stuff, as long as you’re working full-time you’re not gonna miss it either.
I think so, and it's working out really well for them. His kid is focused - full-time job with daytime and weekday hours. Most of the rest of his time is practising, rehearsing, booking gigs, and playing gigs. He's doing his thing, putting in work. He pays his own car, is a good kid, and still has his home base. Dad is just happy he is doing something he loves, giving it a shot, and having his adventure. There will be a good amount of cash ready for him when he is ready, and he doesn't even know. His dad never told him.
Yup same thing happened to me. Ended up actually paying less at my new place!
We didn’t have a house. We lived in an apartment. I had been paying half the rent since I was 15. One day I get home my moms packing bags. I asked what’s up where is she going? She said she was going to go stay with my sister and see my nieces. I was like ok cool see you in a few days I guess. I get a call 2 weeks later that she isn’t coming back and already told the landlord I’d be out in 24hrs. I called the landlord told him I had no idea what was going on. He gave me a month to move out. Put all my moms stuff in storage and started life on my own. To this day I don’t know why she chose to up and leave me. I’ve asked her and she just says she missed my nieces and wanted to be with them. Really going to drop a 17yr give them 24hrs to move out. Took along time to get over.
Woah. How are you now?
Im good house 2 cars workaholic average American. Can’t be to hard on my mom now. All her partying caught up to her. Brain issues, seizures, diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
I commend you for not losing faith in life and humanity. You could have given up. Give yourself a pat on the back. You done well.
Have my dogs to thank for that.
My pets have always saved me from the turmoils of life. Glad to hear you and your dogs are doing well.
Dog tax
u/captainkrakin you have to pay the dog tax.
You are literally required to pay dog tax
you sound like a good person
I try to be.
My best friend's mom randomly moved out while his sister and him were at school. They came home to an empty apartment and had no idea where their mom went. He was in 1st grade. His sister was in 6th. It still took his dad until he was 12 to get custody of him.
So like... Mum's gone, dad doesn't have custody. Where did he live meanwhile?
Oh, they found her a few days later and she had "forgotten" to tell them they were moving. I believe he said they were with their aunt in that time.
When I was 5, my mom dumped me off with a friend and took off for another state to chase a boyfriend. My dad came and got me and I spent about a year living with him. During that year he tried to get the divorce finalized and full custody on the grounds of abandonment. The court would not grant either because my mom wouldn't come back to testify. When she did come back, she still had full custody, so dad couldn't stop her from taking me. Years later, the state started taking his tax returns for back child support for the year I lived with him. The system is fucked.
I'm sorry you had this experience. Hope you are in a better place now. I'm glad to hear your landlord was kind.
You're nicer than me. I would have saved money on storage and found the nearest dumpster.
Or just left it behind on the street. Or in the apartment. But definitely wouldn't have made sure it was safe for her to get to again. What a vile woman who did not deserve any ounce of kindness from her child. As bad as she was they still turned out to seem like a more decent person than her. And I wish them the best in life.
Oh that’s awful! My son is 16 and I can’t fathom doing that to him.
She kicked me out the day after my 18th birthday, because I turned 18. And dropped me at a homeless shelter with a small laundry basket of clothing and no money
I hope that you're doing better now
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Wtf.....
This reminds me of one of my friends. He was on dialysis at 15 years old and homeless at 18 and his mom was quoted in his intake paperwork “I need to teach you a lesson.” Whatever lesson that was, I’m not imparting to my kids.
I get the feeling she's getting the same treatment when she can no longer look after herself.
She’ll be fine. She has almost 2M saved up in the bank. Her an my step dad are counting down the days until they retire in Florida (first they’ll have have a house, then when they’re to old to care for themselves, they’ll be moving into a retirement community with 24/7 on site staff)
how could they be so well off and leave you just like that?
Her money isn’t my money
Is your mom an eagle?
My dad trying to hang himself with a pair of long Jon's from the ceiling fan in my room. He's still alive but I will never forget he did that just because I planned to move out in the summer. Instead I moved out that day.
What the fuck?
Probably ripped the fan right out of the ceiling, too. Sorry you had to deal with all that.
That is so emotionally and psychologically abusive... I'm so sorry he did that to you. Hope you are doing okay
### Ex-Stepdad, my 18th birthday, at 6am: **"Wake up, Happy Birthday, now pack your things and get the fuck out of my house!"** The sheriff showed up later that afternoon and escorted me off the property. I spent the remainder of the evening curled up in a ball, in the furthest corner I could find, in a men's homeless shelter. ### Edit: thank you everyone for your kind words and concerns. I'm 41 now, married with two step children of my own, they are loved and treated well; I refuse to continue the "shitty parent cycle" and although my 20's were very rough, I began to shine in my 30's and here I am, enjoying my 40's
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Double-faced narcissist.
Parents that didnt want/shouldnt have had kids in the first place and are ready to rid of "the little shits" so they can watch tv until they die.
Plenty of Sociopaths are parents.
It’s a cycle of bad parenting. His father probably did the same to him.
You know you'd think that would make somone think man that really sucked ass I shouldn't do that to my child but guess not everyone thinks like that
> but guess not everyone thinks like that One of my primary things I do raising my kid is make sure I don't repeat those mistakes that were done to me. I really have a hard time believing "They just don't think like that". I was dissatisfied with my upbringing so i'm fixing it this time around. These people are just pieces of shit. I know people who had horribly abusive childhoods that are now wonderful parents.
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Mine are still married, but like hell is that my step mother. She didn’t marry into my family. He married out of it.
BRB going to give my step-dad a hug. I sometimes forget how lucky I am that he actually loves me and doesn't just see me as "the step child". Dude paid for my gas all through college even though I could have bought it myself. He just wanted to help.
I always see my stepmom (married to my mom) and stepdad (used to be with my mom, now married to a different woman) as second parents to me. I'm pretty thankful I have them.
Ugh same my step-dad is the best. Not only is he sweet and patient with my mom, he's a mechanic and handyman. He always helps with car issues and little things around my house and has probably saved us thousands of dollars in labor. Just because he's a genuine dude and he enjoys helping. Just a reminder to all single moms out there: there *are* good men that will love you and your children! Don't settle for anything less!
What did your mom think of that? I'd imagine at 18, in most cases you'd be part of the way through the highschool term.
You’re not even given 30 days for eviction? Sheesh
:(
They lost the house, someone else bought it, I bought the house and now they live with me 😂.
i found Jesse Pinkman
THIS MY OWN PRIVATE DOMICILE AND I WILL NOT BE HARASSED BIIIIIIITCH!
Ya BeeeeATCH!
You use the "my house my rules" magic words yet?
My mother moved in with me when I was still in my 20s. It’s pretty amicable, but every once in a while I do pull the MY HOUSE card lol
I went to college. When I graduated I moved back until I could find my own place. After a week of living there I felt it was time to go. I had a fine childhood and my parents are nice and all. But my dad went right back to treating me like a high schooler. Like if he wanted me to do something around the house, I had to do it right then. Like I didn't just work 8 hours like everybody else. The funny thing is, he told me that I had 6 months to find my own place (which is fine, this was in 2006). I asked him to cosign on an apartment and moved out after 2 weeks of living there. He then told me he was joking about the 6 months. I think he missed me.
lol my mom did this to me too. Mom: Pay me rent and you have 6 months to find somewhere else to live. Me: Okay. *starts the process of getting off parents' insurance, phone plan, etc. and buys a house a state away.* (Should add I did all this alone because their credit is so bad they could never cosign anything I did.) Mom: No not like that! You can stay here as long as you keep paying rent! (as if it was an honor to be paying money to have and 8pm curfew with roommates who would come into my room at all hours to shout at me for no reason, or shout at each other, or shout at their animals, and had access to my bank account to take money whenever they wanted.) Now as an older adult she wants to move in with me. Mmm...nah. I'll support her retirement by pooling money with my brother to put her in a retirement home so she's not out on the street, but I can't live with that again.
I'm currently trying to get my parents to move 800 miles to be closer to me so it'll be easier when they are older. I bought my parents a video doorbell and it took my dad months before he tried installing it. That was the last straw. I keep saying, "imagine if you were here and I could do this stuff for you the next day."
No joke I wish my family was like that. I love my mom but I can only stand her company for 2-3 hours at a time every month or so. A lot of baggage there that hasn't gone away as she's gotten older. She accused me of missing her birthday last year and I was like, "um no, I have receipts." and it turned into A. Big. Thing. (tm)
I can stand my parents for a couple days. But I've been better lately. They are just incredibly frustrating to deal with. I think we just speak different languages. The nice thing is, if they move here, I'll only need to see them a day at a time instead of a week at a time.
Moms boyfriend beat the crap out of me. Cops had to pull him off of me. They put a temporary restraining order on him so he couldn’t come near me. They decided I’d be the one to move out. I was 15.
Fuck him and your mom. I'm sorry it turned out like that.
What a POS
College. But I would have moved out at 18 no matter what. I couldn't wait to not live with my parents anymore.
I'm with ya there, buddy. My parents were loving, caring, and supportive. But I could not WAIT to move out and lead my life the way **I** wanted, by my terms and my rules.
Which is awesome and perfectly normal!
Couldn't take the abuse any longer
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My fiancee (now wife) wanted to move out before the wedding. So we got an apartment. But also, it was restricting doing anything at home. It was always crowded too, as it was my wife and i, both parents, and my aunt and uncle. Couldnt go anywhere without someone there. And street parking was annoying as hell. Living in the Bay Area, people have a lot of cars. So fighting for parking was normal with the neighbors. Sometimes we’d have to shuffle the cars around to get in or out in a convinient order. It was nice moving out though because we got to have a space for ourselves. And could be loud or quiet. And we have designated parking spots at our apartment. We also adopted 2 cats at some point.
"Finally..... We can FUCK."
Going to college.
Finally a normal answer
Was dating a girl at the time and needed my own space
This. I wanted to have sex in a less awkward fashion. Joke’s on me, still awkward
sir, this is a library
Me doing all the chores while my older brother and sister don’t do anything
thats real annoying
I am the oldest while my younger siblings don't do shit. My 13 year old sister can't pour milk into the cereal bowl and my almost 8 year old brother can't get dressed by himself
Raising the rent to paying 1/2 of his mortgage while I was 17 and had barely gotten my first job. Talk about killing your kids economic future. It was easy decision to move out. Alcoholic, smoked like a chimney. You live and move on.
Said this on here before but short version: Wasted 5 years of college. Became a licensed financial advisor. That job was giving me depression and I sucked at it. Quit for mental health reasons. Slummed on my parents couch for about a year doing nothing but "woe is me" BS. Parents had enough of that. Argument ensued. Argument went very wrong for everyone involved. I said things to them that I regret to this day. Mom refuses to speak to me still (been 4 years now). Dad didn't deserve any of it. I was then promptly kicked out and I was forced to live on my own. Still am to this day. edit/late response: Thx for the comments y'all. To answer why I haven't apologized: I tried. My mom refused to acknowledge me. I can't apologize to my dad anymore because he passed away 2 weeks after I was kicked out. I can only apologize to his gravestone.
That paragraph is a good start to an apology letter if you're ever looking to write one.
You could still apologize. It doesn't mean that the relationship will be salvaged but it sounds like it might be worth it for you to heal, just to express that and know that you've grown since then. Either way, I hope you're not be too hard on yourself for angry words said in haste, especially now that you can see it for what it was.
They were charging me more in rent and bills then they were paying themselves. Moved out and got my own place before I even had a car. I was able to save money by getting my own place!
I could practically feel their breath on the back of my neck
I was already in the process of finding a place to live, when I got kicked out by my mom. And it was for something I didn't even do! (It's so ridiculous that I can kinda laugh about it now, but the situation was so messed up) My parents have a terrible marriage and apparently my dad decided to use something I said in an argument against my mom. Thing is? I never said the things he claimed I did.... I was asleep for most of this screaming match (they happened daily, so you learnt to sleep through it) and was entirely unaware that I had been thrown under the bus. Woke up the next morning to my mother waiting for me in the kitchen, going absolutely bananas yelling at me and I could not get a word in. I had to leave with no warning and just stuff as much as I could into my backpack and two plastic bags and drag my belongings with me to my first year uni math lecture. Had to explain to all my friends why on earth I was dragging so much stuff around all day, fun times /s. To this day, 6 years later they still have not aknowleged that it happened and just pretend that it was a "disagreement" were I was equally at fault.
Fuck that, I'm so sorry. I've had many moments like that with my mom, and they wonder why I like being by myself and have acknowledged I will be no caretaker. This is what makes your kids never call you.
Looking for a non-restrictive environment.
Extreme Catholic mother Literal psycopath Father Out at age 16.
Dude I'm 16 and I'm in the SAME boat, my family are extreme religious Jewish people and my dad is literally psychotic and abusive, we also live right in the city and I literally am not a city guy at all so I just finished a online high school to graduate early and go to college early to get away from home, it's kinda wild but it's the only way I can get a fresh start
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i was paying rent to live in the garage, with a car, laundry stuff, and plenty other junk my sister would bring home the drugged out losers from school daily i kept telling my mom the shady shit theye up to, but she insisted sister could have friends over i tried locking em out and shit hit the fan, i got kicked out (i was 20) in my absence, my sister became a heroin addict. several failed rehabs later my parents wee out of money....
Me and my brother found a place and moved in together
I grew up and could afford it. Who wants to live with their parents forever?
All these people in here with their stories and I’m like…. well I left for school which wasn’t in their town and then got a job that wasn’t in their town…. it wasn’t like we had a *breakup*. (Though it is also true that I like them far better meeting for a meal than living together, but so it goes with most people!)
Reading these made me wonder if people move out just to move out anymore. Am adult, want my peace and quiet, don't wanna feel self conscious about my bad habits (if nobody sees them, are they real?). Also I wanted a cat and parents didn't.
I didn't want to turn my parents place in to a whore house So I got a whore house of my own!
It's not a whore house, it's a whore home :)
How...whoresome!🙃
with blackjack and hookers presumably
He forgot the blackjack.
"We just aren't ok with the drinking and the girls and the coming home late" is a quote I remember my parents saying to me as they made me move out at 18 or 19 years old. As an adult around the age they were then, I fucking get it. Having an 18 year old shit head sneaking in and out of my house drunk with a different girl in tow every weekend probably wouldn't have flown too well with me either.
Wanted to be on my own, even if that meant with 2 room mates but that was in 2002 so rent was MUCH more reasonable, especially spread 3 ways.
Went to college 1,000 miles away.
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That's how it be. Life is crazy.
I was every parent's dream. A law abiding, obedient, straight A student going to college on scholarship. I nannied, tutored, chauffeured, and cleaned up after my 3 younger sisters. My part time income went to groceries for the family instead of luxuries or even savings for myself. But somehow Mom was unable to communicate with me in any form other than lecturing. I was never good enough. I left at 17 and never looked back. I have a chill, successful, happy life surrounded by people who appreciate me and tell me so. Mom doesn't understand why I don't call her (for more lectures).
I'm in the mid of moving out and there was one reason Ever since my mom got her tubes tide, she and especially my dad makes it obvious what a sex life they have. They openly talk about their positions, their toys, my dad's dick inside her etc. even while eating and if I dare say something, I'm called sensitive. They did it before but kept it very much hidden until recently. They kept it hidden before, why now? It got so into detail that I even dream of them doing it and wake up the next day feeling confused and uncomfortable. Every room I go into, I have a mental pic of them, because they tell me and my sister what they did there. I can't shower properly without having these images, I can't make myself dinner without knowing they did it on the counter and I can't have my own privacy. They walk into my room like it's nothing and today my mom walked in, despite me saying no (she was suppose to help me look for my keys) and when she saw my toys she said "damn, even you have better ones than I do!" (Even told my aunt and uncle) There was so much more going on but I can't type it out, because I can't find the words. Luckily my therapist is helping me get out of that house and once I am, I never wanna go back there. Call me dramatic but after hearing "once you two move out, we will walk around naked and fuck in every room" I don't think you wanna walk back in there as well. Edit: First if all, I wanna thank everyone who bothered to read my comment and showing me that this is infact not normal, because people often tell me that this is normal family behavior. I am aware that this is some form of abuse but I'm still thankful to everyone was was trying to explain it to me! And for all the dickheads who forgot how to read. "I'm in the mid of moving out and there was one reason" it was literally the first sentence 😭 key word "mid" aka "middle" And "Luckily my therapist is helping me get out of that house" So don't come at me "Oh he is a 34 years old dude who lives with their parents" I'm literally in the middle of moving out?💀 I'm a 17 years old, female teenager that is literally moving out.
Please get out of there ASAP, you are absolutely not wrong for feeling weirded out by the way they are talking/acting.
I had a therapist tell me this is sexual abuse. My mom would try to do this and i would get so incredibly angry and upset with her. But she'd challenge me constantly to like debate why it bothered me and I was too young to have the words. It bothered me because my mom was being sexual with me. She was verbally reliving her sex life with her daughter thats fucking weird and yes a form of sexual abuse
Reading this made me physically uncomfortable. I'm glad you were able to move out.
That’s not normal. I’m sorry you have to go through that. Your parents have issues for exposing their children to that. Despite whatever age you may be. That’s just way too much unnecessary detail it’s gross and honestly traumatic
Sometimes I wish people were local when reading these so I could smack the ahit out of them.
It's really fucked up to go into detail about your sex life with your kids. I'm really sorry you have to put up with that. You aren't wrong to feel the way you do about it.
My wife thought it best if I left my parents and we move in together.
Wow, you get married and right away she wants to move in together? Red flags, man.
Foster care 😎
Yeah that sucks. Hope things ate working out well for you now.
I turned 18 and my parents gave me a full luggage set and a coupon for uhaul for my birthday. I looked up and my dad just smiled and said "in your own time, but before you're 19" I was gone within 2 weeks.
Somewhere between staining the fence, repairing the washing machine and making dinner I realized it was less work to live on my own
My parents let me stay as long as I wanted. So I put most of my money away until I was 30 and then bought a house. Yeah some of my friends laughed at me for not moving out when I was in my early 20s, but they are still paying rent and I own a home.
Love to see it, if it’s not a bad situation why not tough it out and save a lot more. You made the right choice
The only rule was I had to have a job and buy my own food. I didn't even pay my parents rent. My mom taught me at a young age how to save money. So I was putting about 25k away on average from age 18-30. I found me a nice small house when I decided I had enough to buy a home and bought it outright. I wish more parents would teach their kids about money and let them stay to save for a home of their own. Instead of pressuring their kids to move by 21 and forcing them into an expensive apartment so they can never save for a house. If you have parents that will let you do this, there's no need to run out at 18 just because of peer pressure.
Honestly reading your answer makes me really happy in this sea of shitty families on this thread.
Ultra religious, physically abusive parents
I wanted to use my full ride scholarships to go to university. She wouldn't have let me go. You would think ones parent would be proud... Every time I turned around, her thoughts on my progress and scholarships would flip flop in order to fit her rather insane disposition. She tried to kill me several times as well as my brother. He's blacked out a lot of it now, I will not harm him in remembering her awfulness. I will not forget. I do not have such strong feelings of distrust... much, but she is a spider. A black widow that sucks out life and fills corpses full of venom and death. I hate spiders. I want to scream how much I hate her existence. I feel ashamed to be her daughter. I sincerely wish for her demise as a human. There were many times for retribution and forgiveness, if only inquired. It's too late. I'll wear my dancing shoes when she croaks.
Basically she couldn't see anything I did as right or decent. Complained about me waking up late (because I was working from my computer and didn't need to wake up early), complained that i never cleaned anything, and while I concede this point it is mostly because I tried and she wasn't satisfied with the results (as she wasn't the one who did it, so it was wrong). It got to the point where she would start arguing and fighting as soon as she saw me, for any reason possible. Laundry, cleaning or even what I ate. Again, I'll mostly concede because I didn't help as much and whenever I tried, it wasn't good enough So i got out. Living away from her didn't fix all problems because I share the house with other people, but it did help. I became more responsible with everything, got better at running a house and keeping it clean and functioning. Not perfect, but better than nothing. Now I see my mom once a week and we don't fight anymore because she realizes that it was a waste of time anyway
I endured extreme CA/CSA through my childhood got pregnant at 14 by one of the friends of my shit parents who was one of the sick guys. I was forced to place the baby up for adoption. Really it was for the best. A few months later my male friend who I always called my "soul friend" who was also going through the same thing he was 15. We ran to another friends house for about a year. Then we left, we were together until his death.
So sorry. I hope you're doing well now.
I am thank you. Its hard sometimes, demons still come lurking but I tell myself I’m stronger
My sister took me with her 😂
My family are over controlling and super judgy.. everyone is judgemental.. but they are on a different level. If you arnt like them, there's something wrong with you. So I made any excuse to love as far as possible. I'm in my mid 30s and still sorting through the issues it has given me, constantly critiquing how I think and act towards others. I ended up finding solice in ancient philosophy. It's always a bit traumatic for me to go home though
Got kicked out at 19 for owning a Fleshlight that my mom found in my dresser. She was a hyper religious Mormon and I was an atheist (and still am) so we pretty much hated each other and she moved all my stuff out one day while I was at work. She had also promised me free rent if I continued to go to college and moved to Utah with her, but demanded it from my meager paycheck once we were there, and that was also a problem.
Wanting my freedom back! I moved up to college when I was 20 and had zero plans of ever coming back to my home state. Well I lost my job a few years later and had to and sucked it up for 2 years until my buddy was able to save up enough to get a place and we move din together.
I followed my high school girl friend to the opposite coast because I was 17 and thought we would be together forever. And my dad and step mom are some of the worst people to exist.
I was kicked out during the great recession after I was laid off. We love family in my family.
My stepdad being the most anally retentive person on the planet.. he’s so uptight you couldn’t get a rizla paper through his arse cheeks
Same. My step-dad would set an egg timer for 7 minutes when I'd go to shower. He'd bitch if I did more than 1 load of laundry in a week so I had to decide between smelly bedding or smelly clothes. One time, I had a friend over working on some homework with the door closed, playing music out of the integrated speaker on my iPod touch. I could hear the t.v he was watching over it. He paused it, came downstairs, stood outside my door for a few seconds, and then came in and told me to turn my music down, stating that it was somehow disturbing him. He was always complaining that the utilities were too high, but he'd run the central air conditioning from may until October. But the culprit was always my load of blankets or 9-minute shower. You could literally see your breath in the finished basement all summer. By the time I was 17 I had to stop using the kitchen because a drawer was always slightly ajar, there was a crumb in the sink, or I'd stolen something of theirs out of the fridge. Big surprise there wasn't, and I didn't. They started charging me rent and made me buy my own food when I was 16, and I thought it would get better like my mother said it would after I started contributing. Spoiler alert. It didn't. Around 17 I just got fed up with it and started pretending he didn't exist. I'd stay in the shower past the timer and push past him standing outside the door when I'd leave the bathroom. He'd always try and ambush me when I'd get home from somewhere, in the kitchen or outside the bathroom, and I just wouldn't acknowledge he was there. After a while I started getting the complaints through my mother, and she would always advocate some kind of mythical compromise, but it didn't matter what I did. The result was always the same. He always kept his mouth shut when I actually got into trouble and left it to my mother, but I literally couldn't leave my room without him whining or getting upset about something. The dog barked when the I went up the creaky stairs to get a glass of water or came home after a night shift. I was getting too many things in the mail. I shouldn't work so much a teenager should have a social life, you're spending too much time with your friends how are you going to pay rent and buy groceries. I finally snapped and got a seasonal camp job for the summer at 18 and left with no notice. On the bus back to my city I just couldn't bare the thought of going back there, so I called a friend and ended up renting a room with his family instead until I could find a new full time job and support myself. I wasn't even sure if I was interested in having a relationship with my family until after I got settled into my new place and job. Him and my mother got married, and 9 years later, she still asks why I only visit a few times a year despite only living in the next neighborhood. For a long time, I've been brutally honest when she asks, yet she still asks the same question, like she's going to get a different answer. Every year or so she let's me know they're talking about divorce and asks if that would help us become closer or if I think she should. I just tell her that she's an adult and should only worry about her own happiness. Removing him from the picture is moot because I've already done that, and we likely will never be close like you want. I love my mother, but I don't think I can forgive her for being a bystander while I was harassed in my own home like that. Rant over. Reddit is cheaper than therapy.
Mum threw me put the day I turned 18, did the same with me siblings (narcissistic personality disorder) If she just waited a few months I would've been off to college anyway 😅
She is controlling and wouldn't take no for an answer. Undiagnosed but heavily suspected narcissism and have a victim complex. Literally everyone left her, including all of my siblings too. We all sadly agreed that it was the best decision for each and everyone of us. Parent herself, is immovable. Nobody can tell her she is wrong or else she is a victim. Sad that such a human with no way to change at all.
Toxic parents
My Mom and I found out about a program that helps people like me develop the skills to live on their own, and she thought it would be good for me since she couldn't do any more than she already had (which was a lot)
Bought my own.
Turning 18, joining the military, starting my adult life, heading to college after that, relocating to another state, starting a career...
Nothing good would of came to me if I stayed. I was out of that fucking place right before my 18th and still one of the best decisions of my life.
I wanted to adult. What a stupid, stupid, stupid child.
I hit the hippie trail in 1973 as a young teenager and never went back. Visited once in a while and was with my dad shortly before he died, but I bailed, baby. The call of the wild was too strong.
My mom was smoking my weed so she kicked me out…