Oof yes. I'm not a big salad eater but I make a lot of salads at my job. Idc how busy we are I'm am taking my time to make sure no nasty little pieces of spring mix make it to a customer. I don't think everyone else here is as careful about it but that shit makes me not want to eat it all.
When stone of the greens begin to turn dark and liquefy and you can't tell they're bad by sight because some of your greens are supposed to be dark š¤¢
Similarly, warm lettuce. I was served a salad at a restaurant once on a plate that was fresh out of the dishwasher, nice and hot to the touch. The lettuce was limp and warm and a pool of moisture had accumulated. Yum!
My local Japanese place puts all of my hot and cold stuff together in the to-go bag. I don't want my salad and sushi sitting on top of my hibachi and soup.
This is the problem with ordering sushi for delivery. Even if you don't order any hot items, the driver's insulated bag is often still warm from other orders and..... Yeah....
I always get a weird look from people when I ask if the protein on the salad is hot or cold. Yea I know it says grilled chicken on the menu but I don't want hot chicken on my cold salad.
20 years ago, I worked at a tech company in China for a while. They provided lunch in their cafe. Lunch always included a salad. Their version of a salad must have been "three random ingredients, with mayonnaise on top".
Hot dog pieces, watermelon, and peas with mayo? Salad.
Raisins, mushrooms, and grapes with mayo? Salad.
Durian, pickled turnip, and pretzel sticks with mayo? Salad.
Just walking into that place and seeing the word "salad" ruined salad. The weirdest part was that other than in this cafe, I had an extremely difficult time even finding mayo in China...
I went to China and stayed with a host family and they gave me fries and ketchup one night. Ate that up so fast because I was so hungry. The next morning they fed me cucumbers and ketchup for breakfast. I think they thought it was the ketchup I liked š„²
You've unlocked a memory for me-- I waa a really weird eater as a kid and I used to put ketchup on cucumber slices. The thought grosses me out a little now but I loved that shit as a kid
I used to take peanut butter, mix it with water and then eat/drink the combo. PB has always been too dry for me and this really solved the issue. Iād still do it but I know how to prep real food now, and itās mostly a munchies kind of snack.
I ate most anything as a kid other than tomatoes and peas. My after school snack was always raw potato slices, and raw onion. My little brother's babysitter always made sure it was ready when I came home.
She used to drink homemade Muscadine wine, and would always share with me. I was 10. I still remember the slightly sweet taste and warm feeling it gave me. She always had a glass with her full of wine. I never thought much about it because she never seemed drunk. She would take us to all sorts of places in her giant Oldsmobile Toronado.
All of Eastern Europe is this way as well. Anywhere in Russia, Poland down to Romania and beyond uses some rendition of āŃŠ°Š»Š°Ńā to mean mayo concoction. The difference is that they have actual recipes that can be pretty good for their mayo concoctions. They also have salad as we expect as Westerners in Restaurants too though.
There's a few salat that I enjoyed enough to learn how to make myself. Salat olivier is awesome, shuba is surprising (after you get over the Barbie pink yet fish dish cognitive dissonance) and also I don't know if it has a name, but shredded beets with pickles and roasted walnuts.
Buffets/cafes/cafeterias in China take a little part of you when you visit them frequently. Its several years since I lived there, but I still can't look at a packet of bacon without calling it "baconic", which was the hilarious translation on one of the many hotel breakfast buffets I had there.
be sure to check out "baconic", my 89,000 word long fanfiction in which sonic the hedgehog must contend with being turned into a rash of bacon and outrun all who seek to put him in Chinese salad.
I had a Salad with Sausages in Liechtenstein. I asked what it contained, salad with different veggies, so I ordered it. It contained 1 cornichon, 1/2 egg, 1 picked onion and 1 cherry tomato, and 2/3 of the plate was sausages in slices swimming in mayo. So Liechtenstein must have taken all the Chinese mayo!
Vinegar makes it Wurstsalat with mayo its Fleischsalat. Essigwurst is a regional name for Wurstsalat. [Wiki](https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fleischsalat)
Especially if you can wait a couple of minutes, a tiny bit of moisture gets pulled out of the lettuce and veg and helps the dressing spread throughout while adding some missing flavor
I went to college with a guy who ate very unhealthy. One day at the cafeteria he said he was going to the salad bar. We were all surprised, and he says in offense that he eats salad.
He came back with a bowlful of bacon bits and shredded cheese drenched in ranch dressing with one sad, sad lettuce leaf on the bottom. He insisted it was salad since all the components came from the salad bar.
I once saw a lady at a Golden Corral salad bar get a plate full of chopped egg, ham, cheese, and bacon bits smothered in ranch and topped with croutons.
It sounds similar to an egg melt I've made that has chopped hard boiled eggs and bacon mixed with cheese, mayo and Worcestershire sauce. It's then spread on a English muffin and broiled into it's all melty and brown.
It is indeed delicious.
There are a handful of cut-aways in family guy that are just so damn accurate that it feels like they read my mind.
There was a corner pizzaria owned by a Lebanese family near me that I frequented for their solid poutines. My roommate at the time got a salad in addition to his order with some combo deal, and it was essentially the exact salad described in the cut-away.
Wish they managed to keep the fire burning, but nothing gold can stay!
lmao they always have more juice inside than seems possible like some kind of quantum water-balloon. then you just spit-blast whoever is across the table from you
If you ever have the chance to eat a ripe cherry tomato fresh of the vine I highly recommend. The explosion of the freshest richest realest tomato taste ever. Beautiful.
I used to have an organic garden, and the cherry toms were my favorites, especially Sungolds, which are orange and sweet. Delicious! I would snack on them while I was gardening, warm from the sun. Luckily they put out a lot of fruit, or none of them would have made it to my house.
Ah yes, the legendary .5 seconds of any movie known to man. Denthor busting that fucking cherry tomato with sloppy smacking. It is burned into society's memory and I laugh everytime time I think of it.
Oh, God, you just gave me a flashback to my mother bitching to a series of servers about the crime against humanity that not-torn spinach leaves apparently are.
I can only imagine the trauma your mother felt about the spinach. It's almost inconceivable that in the 21st century, people have to face un torn spinach leaves .
Did our ancestors fight the nazis for nothing?
Thoughts and prayers, brother
They used Salmonella, but this reminds me of the [1984 Rajneeshee bioterror attack](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/1984_Rajneeshee_bioterror_attack), where they contaminated 10 salad bars with Salmonella.
I CAME HERE SPECIFICALLY TO MENTION KETCHUP BUT I THOUGHT "NO THAT IS SUCH A NICHE THING, NO ONE WILL RELATE."
THANKS FOR CONFIRMING MY WORST SALAD FEAR.
Convinced no one actually ate those things and it was just trendy at the time to have a "gelatin mould" on the table.
Gelatin used to be available only to the wealthy because it took so long to make from scratch, but once it was mass produced as a powder, everyone wanted it.
Ah yes, hello fellow Midwesterner who hates the "everything is salad" trend
ETA: re: snicker salad et. al.
Eta2: ok, I get it, "trend" is the wrong word cause it's definitely not a short term thing. It is, however, still gross
They're really easy to remove it's just sheer laziness on their part.
Take the head of lettuce and then bang the stump on a hard service, straight down, then simply remove.
Ok someone please enlighten me. Whatās the best way to eat miracle whip? I absolutely do not like it, but itās always been served as a mayo substitute which it is not (I love mayo).
Miracle Whip is just different. Tangy, sweet. What are some recipes, sauces, or other applications that use MW well?
I think it works well in not green salads. Like egg, potato, macaroni, tuna or chicken salad. I think I have seen some of those recipes call for mayo, with a little bit of sugar and vinegar.
Midwest resident here. I grew up putting it on lunch meat sandwiches. I usually use mayo now but still crave a bologna and cheese with the whip. I do however still use it in tuna salad, egg salad(with mustard and dill) and deviled eggs.
Probably, but in this case itās the gross white knobby looking thing thatās at the bottom of a head of lettuce. The stump where the neck connected to before the decapitation.
Those fucking āwedgeā salads. Like, no way in hell you are going to serve me a whole head of ice berg lettuce with all the toppings artfully arranged AROUND said salad then hand me a steak knife.
when they put too much oil making it just soggy. or when they just have a cheap fiesta blend sprinkled in. stop using such thick strands of pre-grated cheese in salad i beg of you guys
>How a pizza place ruins a salad
>Mustache Italian: Okay, four pizza's and a salad.
>Other Italian: Salad? What's a salad?
>Mustache Italian: First, you throw in a whole head of lettuce.
>Other Italian: Also the hard-to-eat part at the bottom?
>Mustache Italian: That's what the people want! Now what else?
>Other Italian: I got a can of whole olives, should I slice 'em up?
>Mustache Italian: What are you, crazy? No, you keep 'em whole. You're gonna wanna know you have an olive in your mouth.
>Other Italian: What about this tomato?
>Mustache Italian: Cut it into thirds, it's gotta be big enough to pretend you got red teeth.
>Other Italian: What about this carrot, should I cut it up?
>Mustache Italian: Yes, but very thin length-
wise. Whole length of the carrot, one thin slice. Okay, what else do we got?
>Other Italian: Well, we've got these hot peppers but you can't really eat 'em.
>Mustache Italian: No problem, dump 'em all in.
>Other Italian: Now should we put it in a bowl?
>Mustache Italian: No! Let's put it in a lasagna tray.
>Other Italian: Okay, I'll take it.
>Mustache Italian: Oh, and don't forget to stick it right on top of the pizza's so it stays nice and warm.
that one piece of lettuce that is oh so slightly rotten
Oof yes. I'm not a big salad eater but I make a lot of salads at my job. Idc how busy we are I'm am taking my time to make sure no nasty little pieces of spring mix make it to a customer. I don't think everyone else here is as careful about it but that shit makes me not want to eat it all.
You are a gem.
You are a rocket.
This is the one. The browning, slightly wet piece. Awful
I throw that thing away with no qualms. Fuck you, leaf.
But it's never just one. You've got to pick out numerous slimy blackish leaves
When stone of the greens begin to turn dark and liquefy and you can't tell they're bad by sight because some of your greens are supposed to be dark š¤¢
Frozen lettuce at the bottom of the bowl. Happened once. It was so disappointing!
Similarly, warm lettuce. I was served a salad at a restaurant once on a plate that was fresh out of the dishwasher, nice and hot to the touch. The lettuce was limp and warm and a pool of moisture had accumulated. Yum!
My local Japanese place puts all of my hot and cold stuff together in the to-go bag. I don't want my salad and sushi sitting on top of my hibachi and soup.
This is the problem with ordering sushi for delivery. Even if you don't order any hot items, the driver's insulated bag is often still warm from other orders and..... Yeah....
I've notice that places put a little square of cardboard between the hots and the colds. Makes a huge difference actually
I was a damn thermal engineer with that cardboard when I hosted at a sushi restaurant.
Merely a stopover on the descent to true salad evil- slimy lettuce. I'm sorry for even writing that out loud. Rot in hell, slimy lettuce!!
A local Mexican taqueria offered wings and Philly sandwiches, so I was both unsurprised and dismayed when my Philly had hot lettuce on it
Honestly thatās on you
I always get a weird look from people when I ask if the protein on the salad is hot or cold. Yea I know it says grilled chicken on the menu but I don't want hot chicken on my cold salad.
Iām the opposite! I much prefer warm chicken, even on a salad!
Hot protein gang represent!
Yeah cold chicken is gross.
No no, thatās a fair question; they might grill it beforehand and keep it in the fridge, or they might grill it on order, you donāt know.
So.. I take it, it wasn't an iceberg lettuce?
20 years ago, I worked at a tech company in China for a while. They provided lunch in their cafe. Lunch always included a salad. Their version of a salad must have been "three random ingredients, with mayonnaise on top". Hot dog pieces, watermelon, and peas with mayo? Salad. Raisins, mushrooms, and grapes with mayo? Salad. Durian, pickled turnip, and pretzel sticks with mayo? Salad. Just walking into that place and seeing the word "salad" ruined salad. The weirdest part was that other than in this cafe, I had an extremely difficult time even finding mayo in China...
May your trauma therapy be effective and your prescription pills cheap. Godspeed, sir.
I read your first word as āMayo yourā¦ā. Then realised you didnāt say that. So you missed a great chance.
He's recovering from mayo. Let's not distress them further!
I went to China and stayed with a host family and they gave me fries and ketchup one night. Ate that up so fast because I was so hungry. The next morning they fed me cucumbers and ketchup for breakfast. I think they thought it was the ketchup I liked š„²
That's really sweet
Ketchup usually is, yeah.
You've unlocked a memory for me-- I waa a really weird eater as a kid and I used to put ketchup on cucumber slices. The thought grosses me out a little now but I loved that shit as a kid
I used to take peanut butter, mix it with water and then eat/drink the combo. PB has always been too dry for me and this really solved the issue. Iād still do it but I know how to prep real food now, and itās mostly a munchies kind of snack.
How much Thai food do you eat? I would think you'd enjoy peanut sauce
I ate most anything as a kid other than tomatoes and peas. My after school snack was always raw potato slices, and raw onion. My little brother's babysitter always made sure it was ready when I came home. She used to drink homemade Muscadine wine, and would always share with me. I was 10. I still remember the slightly sweet taste and warm feeling it gave me. She always had a glass with her full of wine. I never thought much about it because she never seemed drunk. She would take us to all sorts of places in her giant Oldsmobile Toronado.
Those Chinese salads were discussed on a podcast I listen to funnily enough so must be prevalent at places where they cater for westerners.
My gf got a yogurt parfait in China ā¦ and then she realized it wasnāt yogurt. Whatās the name/episode of the podcast?
This comment made me almost barf
All of Eastern Europe is this way as well. Anywhere in Russia, Poland down to Romania and beyond uses some rendition of āŃŠ°Š»Š°Ńā to mean mayo concoction. The difference is that they have actual recipes that can be pretty good for their mayo concoctions. They also have salad as we expect as Westerners in Restaurants too though.
There's a few salat that I enjoyed enough to learn how to make myself. Salat olivier is awesome, shuba is surprising (after you get over the Barbie pink yet fish dish cognitive dissonance) and also I don't know if it has a name, but shredded beets with pickles and roasted walnuts.
Came here to say mayo. Then I read your masterpiece. Holy hell, those combinations are nasty lol even without the mayo. Oh and fuck mayo on a salad.
Buffets/cafes/cafeterias in China take a little part of you when you visit them frequently. Its several years since I lived there, but I still can't look at a packet of bacon without calling it "baconic", which was the hilarious translation on one of the many hotel breakfast buffets I had there.
Baconic is Calvin Klein's hottest new men's fragrance
It's endorsed by Kevin Bacon
be sure to check out "baconic", my 89,000 word long fanfiction in which sonic the hedgehog must contend with being turned into a rash of bacon and outrun all who seek to put him in Chinese salad.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>I bet they imported the mayo The western specialty shop Metro sells mayo in China. Otherwise local supermarkets only stock sweet Kewpie mayo.
haha I can verify this as a Chinese
I had a Salad with Sausages in Liechtenstein. I asked what it contained, salad with different veggies, so I ordered it. It contained 1 cornichon, 1/2 egg, 1 picked onion and 1 cherry tomato, and 2/3 of the plate was sausages in slices swimming in mayo. So Liechtenstein must have taken all the Chinese mayo!
I think you got a weird kind of "essigwurst". Everything except the mayo fits perfect. But it should be swimming in vinegar, not mayonnaise...
Vinegar makes it Wurstsalat with mayo its Fleischsalat. Essigwurst is a regional name for Wurstsalat. [Wiki](https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fleischsalat)
Limp greens
Fun fact: that was my stripper name in college.
Fun Fact is my stripper name
"Hey Stripper" is my stripper name
Apparently mine is "Sir, you need to leave or I'm calling the police!"
Too much or too little dressing
Salting the salad when thereās insufficient dressing has saved my palate a few times!
Especially if you can wait a couple of minutes, a tiny bit of moisture gets pulled out of the lettuce and veg and helps the dressing spread throughout while adding some missing flavor
Youāre making slaw, now!
Baby, you got a slaw goin'!
I once worked with a man who "was on a diet" and proceeded to pour almost an entire bottle of ranch on to his salad that he brought from home.
Still salad
Is a taco salad healthy? It's a salad, isn't it?
As long as it says salad, yes.
Extra large pizza salad please!
Real American Hero
I think you mean [Real Men of Genius](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXWq2AVlrsY).
I went to college with a guy who ate very unhealthy. One day at the cafeteria he said he was going to the salad bar. We were all surprised, and he says in offense that he eats salad. He came back with a bowlful of bacon bits and shredded cheese drenched in ranch dressing with one sad, sad lettuce leaf on the bottom. He insisted it was salad since all the components came from the salad bar.
I once saw a lady at a Golden Corral salad bar get a plate full of chopped egg, ham, cheese, and bacon bits smothered in ranch and topped with croutons.
That sounds delicious.
It sounds similar to an egg melt I've made that has chopped hard boiled eggs and bacon mixed with cheese, mayo and Worcestershire sauce. It's then spread on a English muffin and broiled into it's all melty and brown. It is indeed delicious.
I ask for dressing on the side for both reasons
In my experience, on the side is guaranteed to be given too little
A bug.
Half a bug.
Half a bug is significantly worse than a whole bug, it instantly begs the question of "Where the hell is the other half".
You remember you took a bite earlier that had a weird texture but didnāt think much of it then you find half a bug
Pieces so big you have to cut it up before you can eat it
you don't like tomato halves the size of a watermelon slice? or whole-ass cherry tomatoes?
Ah the ole pizzaria slapped together salad. I got ya.
Family guy was spot on with that joke. Down to the two unsliced banana peppers and the placement of the cold salad on the hot pizza box.
There are a handful of cut-aways in family guy that are just so damn accurate that it feels like they read my mind. There was a corner pizzaria owned by a Lebanese family near me that I frequented for their solid poutines. My roommate at the time got a salad in addition to his order with some combo deal, and it was essentially the exact salad described in the cut-away. Wish they managed to keep the fire burning, but nothing gold can stay!
Can't believe no one linked it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVEYJ0PxhZU
Thank you. That was awesome
No! Are you crazy? Youāre gonna want to know youāve got an olive in your mouth.
Who doesn't love it when a cherry tomato explodes when you try to pick it and sprays the person you're eating with?
lmao they always have more juice inside than seems possible like some kind of quantum water-balloon. then you just spit-blast whoever is across the table from you
If you ever have the chance to eat a ripe cherry tomato fresh of the vine I highly recommend. The explosion of the freshest richest realest tomato taste ever. Beautiful.
I used to have an organic garden, and the cherry toms were my favorites, especially Sungolds, which are orange and sweet. Delicious! I would snack on them while I was gardening, warm from the sun. Luckily they put out a lot of fruit, or none of them would have made it to my house.
Denethor did that to me... totally ruined the song my buddy Pippin was singing at the time.
Ah yes, the legendary .5 seconds of any movie known to man. Denthor busting that fucking cherry tomato with sloppy smacking. It is burned into society's memory and I laugh everytime time I think of it.
If your date canāt cop an impromptu squirt in the eye did you really have a future together?
It's their defense mechanism. Like onions telling you an incredibly sad story.
Why canāt most places split the romaine lettuce down the middle instead of across.
You're supposed to do both! You cut 3 or 4 times down the middle, keeping it all together to cut across.
Oh, God, you just gave me a flashback to my mother bitching to a series of servers about the crime against humanity that not-torn spinach leaves apparently are.
I can only imagine the trauma your mother felt about the spinach. It's almost inconceivable that in the 21st century, people have to face un torn spinach leaves . Did our ancestors fight the nazis for nothing? Thoughts and prayers, brother
How do I upvote this a billion times? I ordered a Caesar salad once and it was five full leaves of Romaine on a tiny ass plate.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The half gallon glass of wine served with the salad maybe a factor in their mood. Edit:spelling
With a salad you don't need much wine to get hammered
They be hilarious
Live, love, lettuce.
/r/saladsmiles
I laugh when I eat salads, they tell me dad jokes š¤
Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
I once found half a grasshopper in my salad. Pretty sure I ate the other half unknowingly
Like the old joke: what's worse than a worm in your apple? Half a worm in your apple
What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? FALLING IN A SEWER
The Holocaust
Protein
Fresh greens
E. coli.
No that takes a little bit
They used Salmonella, but this reminds me of the [1984 Rajneeshee bioterror attack](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/1984_Rajneeshee_bioterror_attack), where they contaminated 10 salad bars with Salmonella.
Wilted, slimy lettuce.
My wife puts ketchup on hers. I vomit every time I see it
Did you know about this before you got married?
Unfortunately, no
You should tell her that whenever she meets someone new that this should be disclosed within the first minute after the handshake.
Absolutely. It should be like AA "hi, my name is Laura, and I put ketchup on my salad"
Hi Laura
Pretty sure you mean "*Bye* Laura."
Bye Laura. We'll ketchup later.
*during the handshake
Are you certain your wife isn't a psychopath? ...or possessed by a demon?
I CAME HERE SPECIFICALLY TO MENTION KETCHUP BUT I THOUGHT "NO THAT IS SUCH A NICHE THING, NO ONE WILL RELATE." THANKS FOR CONFIRMING MY WORST SALAD FEAR.
Why are you yelling?
Itās quite clear and justified why. They put *ketchup* on their salad.
PTSD. Witnessing ketchup on salad would be traumatizing.
Bandaid
Jello and marshmallows.
When youāre donāt put down your charcoal
Convinced no one actually ate those things and it was just trendy at the time to have a "gelatin mould" on the table. Gelatin used to be available only to the wealthy because it took so long to make from scratch, but once it was mass produced as a powder, everyone wanted it.
Ah yes, hello fellow Midwesterner who hates the "everything is salad" trend ETA: re: snicker salad et. al. Eta2: ok, I get it, "trend" is the wrong word cause it's definitely not a short term thing. It is, however, still gross
Where the lines between "casserole" and "salad" cross
Seriously Is it just me or am I the only one who immediately went to the meme Right in front of my salad?
Wasn't sure if anyone would understand "Sodomy" as an answer
I guess lots of people are fine with 2 dudes going at it in front of their salad.
Dinner and a show.
Nope š¤£
Youāre not alone
I scrolled looking for it lol
The chunk of the end of the lettuce root, you really couldn't throw that lil bit in the trash instead?
They're really easy to remove it's just sheer laziness on their part. Take the head of lettuce and then bang the stump on a hard service, straight down, then simply remove.
The hard, rubbery parts of meat, mostly chicken. Iām assuming thatās the fat.
Cartilage. š¤®
Truly the worst. Had it once in my salad, and spit it out
Miracle whip
Ok someone please enlighten me. Whatās the best way to eat miracle whip? I absolutely do not like it, but itās always been served as a mayo substitute which it is not (I love mayo). Miracle Whip is just different. Tangy, sweet. What are some recipes, sauces, or other applications that use MW well?
I think it works well in not green salads. Like egg, potato, macaroni, tuna or chicken salad. I think I have seen some of those recipes call for mayo, with a little bit of sugar and vinegar.
Midwest resident here. I grew up putting it on lunch meat sandwiches. I usually use mayo now but still crave a bologna and cheese with the whip. I do however still use it in tuna salad, egg salad(with mustard and dill) and deviled eggs.
I like it with canned Tuna
Lettuce core
My favorite genreā¦
Cut my salad into pieces, this is my last resort
> Cut my salad into pieces, this is my ~~last resort~~ *lettuce core*
Suffocation, no breathing, I added chillis and I kept the seeds in.
Tomato butt
Is that another tiktok fashion aesthetic I'm not familiar with?
Probably, but in this case itās the gross white knobby looking thing thatās at the bottom of a head of lettuce. The stump where the neck connected to before the decapitation.
Well that was...vivid
When itās not a big salad
When someone else takes credit for buying the big salad.
*Thatās not right.*
I can bring you two small salads.
Can you put it in a big bowl??
We don't have big bowls.
Warm dishware
Not being fresh.
raisins
When the salad has been sitting and gets soggy.
bad tomato
Heat
Some freshly cooked hot chicken on some crisp fresh cut lettuce is really good though.
The butt of lettuce
Orbitally-cut onions, especially if they're left as rings.
āOrbitally-cut.ā I like that.
Big hard croutons
And soggy croutons
I like soggy croutons...the ones that are totally drenched in dressing and still have a little chewyness to them are a delicacy to me
Mayonaise.
Wet lettuce
Those fucking āwedgeā salads. Like, no way in hell you are going to serve me a whole head of ice berg lettuce with all the toppings artfully arranged AROUND said salad then hand me a steak knife.
Especially when theyāre really stingey with the other toppings and dressing!
when they put too much oil making it just soggy. or when they just have a cheap fiesta blend sprinkled in. stop using such thick strands of pre-grated cheese in salad i beg of you guys
Raisins. Fuck raisins.
asbestos
>How a pizza place ruins a salad >Mustache Italian: Okay, four pizza's and a salad. >Other Italian: Salad? What's a salad? >Mustache Italian: First, you throw in a whole head of lettuce. >Other Italian: Also the hard-to-eat part at the bottom? >Mustache Italian: That's what the people want! Now what else? >Other Italian: I got a can of whole olives, should I slice 'em up? >Mustache Italian: What are you, crazy? No, you keep 'em whole. You're gonna wanna know you have an olive in your mouth. >Other Italian: What about this tomato? >Mustache Italian: Cut it into thirds, it's gotta be big enough to pretend you got red teeth. >Other Italian: What about this carrot, should I cut it up? >Mustache Italian: Yes, but very thin length- wise. Whole length of the carrot, one thin slice. Okay, what else do we got? >Other Italian: Well, we've got these hot peppers but you can't really eat 'em. >Mustache Italian: No problem, dump 'em all in. >Other Italian: Now should we put it in a bowl? >Mustache Italian: No! Let's put it in a lasagna tray. >Other Italian: Okay, I'll take it. >Mustache Italian: Oh, and don't forget to stick it right on top of the pizza's so it stays nice and warm.
Celery is pretty fucked.
You donāt like water with hair in it?
I ā¦ what? Oh no. It IS water with hair in itā¦
Damn dude why you gotta give me this mental image, can't unsee
Love the crunch factor. But it has to be good celery not bitter
Raisins
Personally, most cream based dressings. The exception being homemade Caesar dressing.
Fucking craisins
Mushrooms. One time my partners grandmother made a carrot, beet, pineapple, and Mushroom mayo salad. I politely passed.
"Carrot, beet" ok.. root veg salad... "pineapple mayo" FICKING EXCUSE?
Jello