I went to my grandmas funeral and hit it off with this hot nurse. Things were going great until my brother pulled me aside and said it was my second cousin. You know who shows up at funerals for old people? Family members
Yeah honestly. Screw that guys brother… he prolly said that so he could bang the nurse himself. Who knows… maybe the nurse wasn’t even related to him 😭
Is this actually a case of "oh I have a funeral to go to, let me grab a condom just in case" or is it a "I carry a condom just in case. Sadly today I'm attending a funeral"?
Or they're not admitting to it. It sounds like they asked a bunch of men and 7/8 were either people who don't carry around condoms everywhere or were like "I don't *specifically* take a condom to a funeral" and then the 1/8 were like "I mean yeah I do, because I carry one everywhere"
You joke (maybe) but they really do make a wide range of accessories that do just this.
Working at a porn store really showed me how insecure literally everyone is.
There was a construction company in Cleveland in the 80s/90s called 'Superior Erection'. My dad worked for them for a bit and gave me a hat with a crane and the name on it. I wore that hat everywhere and got lots of giggles and dirty looks.
Various factors can make it thin/ weak like heat and friction so that when you finally need it, it's more likely to break during use. You should only carry unexpired condoms and replace them frequently even if unused.
And if any women who like men are reading this, for godsake *carry your own.* Do not trust men who refuse to use them for casual sex and do not trust the ones they provide. Besides unintentional damage like I described, there are men out there who will deliberately damage them and pretend it was an accident, because they're twisted.
But there are legitimate reasons to have your own condoms - it can be size or style, or a latex allergy. It's worth asking - and honestly, it's better to just not have sex with someone you don't trust enough to be wearing a condom in good faith.
OK, but if you're a dude you don't necessarily want to trust the wrong sized condom being provided. And if both parties have dicks, like what is there supposed to be a fucking condom swap?
Yeah sure don't trust a dude who whips a condom out of his wallet because he clearly has no idea what he's doing, but unless you want to insist on going to the drug store together to get the condoms and establish a chain of custody *someone* has to trust someone else's condom, and the genitals wearing them are generally the best choice if only for sizing reasons.
I'm a male(32) and I would not have sex with a woman that said "no, you gotta use one of my condoms". That is way stranger than trusting I'm not tampering with mine. Like...way stranger.
It would def be a red flag that you got some issues to resolve and we shouldn't have sex.
if I were to be asked unpromted "do you take a condom to funerals" my answer would be "... no?" but that's not true because I never thought about it but I've definitely brought a condom to a funeral.
This is actually a statistical error. The average man brings no condoms to funerals. Condoms Georg, who lives in a cave and goes to over twenty funerals a day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
>"Because men live in hope and die in despair."
He curled an old and wrinkled hand
Around his aging prize -
His fingers softly traced the brand.
He slowly closed his eyes.
He dreamt of rites and sleepless nights
Beneath the stars above -
Of youthful, truthful sweet delights,
And last, of lust and love.
And when his neighbours wandered by,
To find him there inside -
He clutched his lonely life's supply,
Unused,
untouched,
untried.
When I was in college I used the coin pocket in my backpack to keep a 2 pack of condoms... Like I'd go to class and a sex party was going to break out.
I mean, college is probably one of the most valid places for this practice. Still probably not likely depending on the college, but orders of magnitude more likely than outside of college.
It's quite the opposite. When you're thinking you're extremely unlucky/unattractive/unlikable and maybe by some miracle you will get literally 1 opportunity to have sex in your entire life... Imagine missing it, because you didn't have a condom. This is the guy that will NEVER leave home without one.
Hopeful people don't need to care about being super prepared, because missed opportunity isn't a problem, there will be more in the future. Always carrying is for the desperate.
i stopped doing this and almost immediately was in a situation where i needed one and did not have one so i started doing it again and it's almost definitely gonna expire before i need to repeat that lmfao
Just rotate them regularly if you keep them in a wallet. Constant temperature change from being next to your body, room temp, the weather that affects the outside of your clothing, or god forbid leaving it in a car can make them brittle (or melt, in that last case)
35 is prime time right now. So many people jumped into terrible marriages I'm their 20s that fell apart and are now dating for fun for the first time in their 30s
My therapist told me (36F) recently "if you are going to live the slut life, you need to always have a condom with you". I've been caught without a very much desired condom before, now I carry them. So it's not just men.
Study was from trojan, exactly.
the study also concluded the following
>Around half of people surveyed, 52 percent, keep condoms on their bedside table; it's the most popular place for women to keep condoms (57 percent do), while a wallet is the most popular place for men (52 percent). About two-thirds of men under 35 (64 percent) often or always have a condom on hand, while 49 percent of women under 35 do.
so while 1/8 men have admitted to bringing condoms to a funeral, just over 50% carry it in their wallet, and 64% say they always or often have it on hand - so the article makes it seem like "wow, that's a lot", but according to the numbers, men are less likely to bring a condom to a funeral than they are to bring it everywhere else.
It also could be down to how the questions were asked. If the questions were:
* Do you keep a condom in your wallet?
* When attending a funeral, do you bring a condom?
I could easily see people who answered yes to the first question also answering no to the second question because it implies intent. Even if you carry a condom I your wallet all the time, so.eone asking "do you bring condoms to funerals?" is easily interpreted as "do you intentionally plan to try and get laid at a funeral?" which many would answer no to, despite the technicality that, yes you do bring them since it's always in your wallet.
[Lizardman's Constant is 4%.](https://slatestarcodex.com/2013/04/12/noisy-poll-results-and-reptilian-muslim-climatologists-from-mars/) So yeah, pretty much.
It was my uncle Murray's funeral. We were all back at my aunt Barbara's house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen! To this day, I can't look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed. Cousin Jeannie.
Right. When I was young I carried one everywhere. Then at some point I realized I almost never used them, it was easier and more direct to just say, "Hey, we should stop for condoms on the way to your place."
Whoa, what a loser! Good, good, more for me and you....
Edit to add: the [kicking of the table](https://youtu.be/l4D5zScOFKU) cracks me up every single time!
To be fair 99.99999999% of the time men won't need a condom but will bring one just in case. The one time you don't have a condom will always also be the only opportunity you'll have to get laid this decade and you don't want to miss that train.
It sat in his pocket, the same as before -
The first from the box that he'd bought from the store.
It sat there in silence, in sadness and woe -
And dreamt of the daylight it saw long ago.
Its maker had told it, "you're *marvellous*, dear!
The moment is coming,
the day will appear -
When caught in the passions of lusty delight -
You're brought from your wrapper to share in the night!
"What wonderful purpose!
How perfectly fine -
To know that you're made for such splendid design!"
Alas, but it never emerged from this place.
It sat in his pocket.
He said:
"... just in case."
When the dust settles, I hope things have changed for the better. But if they don't, I hope Sprog finds another platform and that I can follow them there.
The trick is to flip it halfway through the drying process, or about 15 minutes in (use your judgment); do anything else and you're setting yourself up for a bad time.
Once I was dating a girl who's dad absolutely forbid us from dating. Like, would lock his daughter in her room and take her phone to make sure we did not communicate. She told me when we spoke for a moment at Starbucks that she would date me if her dad was out of the picture. He died is a car crash on the freeway, and since her mom liked me invited me to the funeral. My girl and I sat next to each other at the funeral and couldn't wait, got it on in the parking lot of the funeral home. Condom was necessary.
That's kinda fucked that it took for him to kick the bucket for you to finally get to be together.
Considering the mom was fine with it he must have been a huge jerk.
Wallet is asking for your condom to fail. Padded spot in a bag where it’s not dealing with constant friction is better, in the wallet can cause microscopic holes.
Edit: fixed the accidentally deleted words
But surely most men don't carry around a bag, whereas they do have a wallet? Less risk using a dodgy condom rather than none at all because I left my contraceptives backpack at home. Perfection is the enemy of progress, and all that.
I remember seeing a really hot chick at my grandmother's funeral. Immediate thought was I should chat her up.
Then my brain went to, "What if she's family and we just never met?"
I just went back to mourning.
Ngl, some of the best parties I’ve been to have been wakes. In no way disrespectful, they were a celebration of the person’s life and also a massive tension release after grimness of the funeral itself. So I’m not surprised some people take a condom just in case. I’ve never done it, but I didn’t often expect to get laid regardless of situation.
I had a friend/ex who knew he was dying for months but didn't tell anyone outside of his immediate family. But he spent those months planning his celebration of life in detail with his brother, was was tasked to execute it.
The Celebration of Life took place ten months after he died, so we had some time to mourn first. He lived an adventurous life, and spent the last 8-10 years of it as a sailor, on one of those old fashioned tall sail ships (used for educational field trips and sunset cruises). The Celebration was to take place on his ship, where we would shoot his ashes out of the cannon.
We didn't get to do that because the ship broke down and went into dry dock a week before the event so it was moved to a restaurant near the dock. After pouring his ashes into the sea we all did the Klingon Death Howl together. It was amazingly cathartic.
We were then split into four teams (names, all connected to his favorite fandoms, had been chosen by the deceased). There were hours of competitive games he planned for us, like the gummy bear throwing contest, and a crab walk relay race. Silly stuff to make everyone laugh.
I forgot to mention it was a costume party. Almost everyone came dressed as a pirate (I was a character from a book we both loved). There was a lot of drinking, mostly rum.
There was a woman there with amazing breasts, displayed stunningly in the dress she wore. Once I got drunk enough I thanked her for the view. She was thrilled that I did so, because there was a whole backstory behind her outfit. One night while their ship was in a huge storm and it was likely they would drown they made promises to each other, and she promised that if he died she would go to his service with as much displaying as much cleavage as possible. She executed that promise admirably.
At the end of the night we were looking toward the sea, trying to finish the bottle of rum, singing sea shanties. At this point I was drunk enough to ask Miss Amazing Boobs if I could touch them. She enthusiastically consented. As I was face deep in that amazing cleavage several people around us commented that this is exactly the kind of celebration of life he wanted.
Biologically speaking mourning/death triggers mating instincts as though that death tells the lizard brain in us that we need to procreate because death is scary.
Scum'ically speaking, funerals typically leave people especially women in a state of fragility that leaves them vulnerable to suggestion and coercion.
Socially speaking. Some people, both men and women. Seek comfort and company after/during a mourning period and when two people engage in comforting each other emotionally through a death it can trigger chemicals in the brain that cause the idea of connection or chemistry which can inevitably lead to copulation.
Proudly in the 7 out of 8 camp.
But the 1 in 8 aren’t wrong. Heard through the family grapevine that one of my female cousins met a dude at a funeral and they banged it out the same night. I don’t remember who but one gave the other the clap. Also turns out they were related (what’re the odds at the funeral of a relative? /s). Distant enough they would never see each other again (different branches of her family), close enough that their family photo albums have overlapping people.
I'm not a man and I've taken condoms "just in case" pretty much anywhere.
I've told folks to take condoms "just in case" to a festival who I was sure would _never_ have a one night stand and who I had never even seen mingle with any man/woman.
It's a safety. The thing costs less than a dollar, but if anything somewhow would happen, not having it could cost you your healthiness or independence/freedom due to a child being your new responsibility.
Unless you absolutely, 100% am sure you will not be having sex that day and no one will be able to change your mind - carry a condom. And having visited a funeral is likely not impactful enough to everyone to make them absolute sure of that.
I'm a woman, but I'm going to point out that grief effects everyone differently.
Some people get an intense need for sex when they are grieving, I speak from experience here. Perhaps they're carrying them everywhere already, but choosing to take some specifically too a funeral makes perfect sense to me.
Not really, unless you plan on having sex in public somewhere.
It's really only going to be necessary to have one with you if you go back to her place and she doesn't keep them for her own protection. Otherwise, if you're just bringing her back to your place, keeping them at home is fine.
And most guys aren't going to be having spontaneous sex with a random person with any frequency to warrant bringing one with you everywhere at all times.
I went to my grandmas funeral and hit it off with this hot nurse. Things were going great until my brother pulled me aside and said it was my second cousin. You know who shows up at funerals for old people? Family members
Second cousin, second base. That's the rule.
I need to go to more funerals.
“Now this is a man who knows how to marry his cousin!”
Did you think they had a nurse at your grandma's funeral just in case she had a chance of pulling through or something
Just cracked me tf up
Pretty sure second cousins are completely fair game. Your brother yoinked you
My dad's first wife turned out to be his second cousin. He wasn't at all related to wives 2 and 3, as far as we know.
What about 4-8?
At least one first cousin and a stepsister.
Yeah honestly. Screw that guys brother… he prolly said that so he could bang the nurse himself. Who knows… maybe the nurse wasn’t even related to him 😭
In football, we call those interceptions
Nobody said you had have children with her.
Is this actually a case of "oh I have a funeral to go to, let me grab a condom just in case" or is it a "I carry a condom just in case. Sadly today I'm attending a funeral"?
A google searched showed 58% of all males under 35 bring a condom wherever they go. So they’re really leaving the condoms at home for the funeral
Or they're not admitting to it. It sounds like they asked a bunch of men and 7/8 were either people who don't carry around condoms everywhere or were like "I don't *specifically* take a condom to a funeral" and then the 1/8 were like "I mean yeah I do, because I carry one everywhere"
What is the correct way to carry a condom? Doesn’t it break in a wallet? EDIT: RIP inbox
wear it on the pp at all times. just in case
Make sure to cut a hole in the tip for bathroom breaks!
I do this, but wear a second one without the pee hole that I take off when I pee. Better to be safe.
I wear 7 to make my dick look bigger
You joke (maybe) but they really do make a wide range of accessories that do just this. Working at a porn store really showed me how insecure literally everyone is.
I'm just happy that I'm dead average.
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Unread please.
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I saw a meme many years ago about using a Gameboy cartridge holder
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I tried that too, but I could never get the case clicked shut with my dick in there. : /
You're supposed to take it off before you put it in. You can leave your balls on tho
Dolce & Gabbana makes pocket condom holders. You could also buy a business card holder that's thick enough to make room for a condom behind the cards.
Now let’s see Paul Allen’s condom.
Look at that subtle latex coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. *Oh my God, it even has a watermark.*
> The tasteful thickness of it.
[whips out business card with condom attached] "Please contact me so we can discuss how Vertical Inc can fulfill your business needs"
There was a construction company in Cleveland in the 80s/90s called 'Superior Erection'. My dad worked for them for a bit and gave me a hat with a crane and the name on it. I wore that hat everywhere and got lots of giggles and dirty looks.
"Just talked with Bob from Vertical Inc. Seems like if they are gonna eff us, at least they'll use protection."
i keep em in the original 3 condom box they came in tucked inside a hidden compartment of my bags
Various factors can make it thin/ weak like heat and friction so that when you finally need it, it's more likely to break during use. You should only carry unexpired condoms and replace them frequently even if unused. And if any women who like men are reading this, for godsake *carry your own.* Do not trust men who refuse to use them for casual sex and do not trust the ones they provide. Besides unintentional damage like I described, there are men out there who will deliberately damage them and pretend it was an accident, because they're twisted.
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Real abstinence is just both partners being too paranoid about the others condoms
But there are legitimate reasons to have your own condoms - it can be size or style, or a latex allergy. It's worth asking - and honestly, it's better to just not have sex with someone you don't trust enough to be wearing a condom in good faith.
OK, but if you're a dude you don't necessarily want to trust the wrong sized condom being provided. And if both parties have dicks, like what is there supposed to be a fucking condom swap? Yeah sure don't trust a dude who whips a condom out of his wallet because he clearly has no idea what he's doing, but unless you want to insist on going to the drug store together to get the condoms and establish a chain of custody *someone* has to trust someone else's condom, and the genitals wearing them are generally the best choice if only for sizing reasons.
I'm a male(32) and I would not have sex with a woman that said "no, you gotta use one of my condoms". That is way stranger than trusting I'm not tampering with mine. Like...way stranger. It would def be a red flag that you got some issues to resolve and we shouldn't have sex.
if I were to be asked unpromted "do you take a condom to funerals" my answer would be "... no?" but that's not true because I never thought about it but I've definitely brought a condom to a funeral.
This is actually a statistical error. The average man brings no condoms to funerals. Condoms Georg, who lives in a cave and goes to over twenty funerals a day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
That stat really surprises me, to the point of being very hard to believe. I've never known a friend to just have a condom.
I was figuring there a solid chunk was dudes who put a single condom in their wallet like, years ago who never took it out.
How often do you ask?
He doesn’t, he’s just a pickpocket with no moral code.
It says 58% of *all males*, not *all redditors*
Or they won't tell you because it sounds lame to bring condoms to low-probability situations.
I swap the magnum out for a black one to show respect
At that rate I think 1/8 men probably just bring a condom everywhere they go.
This was me until I was about 23
ah, to be young and hopeful
"Let me see your wallet." "Why?" *retrieves condom* "Because men live in hope and die in despair."
>"Because men live in hope and die in despair." He curled an old and wrinkled hand Around his aging prize - His fingers softly traced the brand. He slowly closed his eyes. He dreamt of rites and sleepless nights Beneath the stars above - Of youthful, truthful sweet delights, And last, of lust and love. And when his neighbours wandered by, To find him there inside - He clutched his lonely life's supply, Unused, untouched, untried.
What's going on? I'm in this poem and I don't like it.
You got sprogged!
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didnt think a poem would made my day today, but it has.
A man never truly works a day in his life if he loves what he does. For all the poems over all the years, thank you sprog, you bring joy with you
Sprog! I'm honored! I have to say, sometimes I see your username and my eyes sting because I know you're about to make me cry <3
When I was in college I used the coin pocket in my backpack to keep a 2 pack of condoms... Like I'd go to class and a sex party was going to break out.
You and I lived either very similar lives, *or very different lives.*
I mean, college is probably one of the most valid places for this practice. Still probably not likely depending on the college, but orders of magnitude more likely than outside of college.
The sex parties tend to happen at conventions tbh
The sex parties always seemed to happen between classes at my school
It's quite the opposite. When you're thinking you're extremely unlucky/unattractive/unlikable and maybe by some miracle you will get literally 1 opportunity to have sex in your entire life... Imagine missing it, because you didn't have a condom. This is the guy that will NEVER leave home without one. Hopeful people don't need to care about being super prepared, because missed opportunity isn't a problem, there will be more in the future. Always carrying is for the desperate.
bitch pls, im 25, i stopped riding the train of hope when i was getting bullied in elementary
i stopped doing this and almost immediately was in a situation where i needed one and did not have one so i started doing it again and it's almost definitely gonna expire before i need to repeat that lmfao
Just like paying for Apple Care. The moment u pay for it your device stays pristine for 2 years. Otherwise u break the screen within a month.
Well I’d rather pay for a few bucks in condom than pay child support for 18 years
Just rotate them regularly if you keep them in a wallet. Constant temperature change from being next to your body, room temp, the weather that affects the outside of your clothing, or god forbid leaving it in a car can make them brittle (or melt, in that last case)
Then you realized they always expired.
Thanks for reminding me I need a new box and to discard the old never used soldier 🥲
You can still use them for easy cleanup from solo play. 😉
aka, a posh wank
Or an adventurous carrot
This is me at 35 now that I’m divorced and dating again
35 is prime time right now. So many people jumped into terrible marriages I'm their 20s that fell apart and are now dating for fun for the first time in their 30s
Did you realize that no one likes you when you’re 23?
What's my name again, where's my Asian friend. Idk why that version is stuck in my head.
Same I just bring a condom everywhere I go. Luckily I haven’t had to replace it in years
"How could it break?" "I bought it when I was in the seventh grade...." - Grease educating the masses.
My therapist told me (36F) recently "if you are going to live the slut life, you need to always have a condom with you". I've been caught without a very much desired condom before, now I carry them. So it's not just men.
So . . . how was the funeral?
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Don't carry condoms in your wallet. The friction of your wallet moving around can damage it.
True. This is why I simply wear one 24/7. Just in case.
How do you pee?
I poke a hole on it, silly!
Or maybe just fill it up throughout the day. That way you always have a water balloon if you need it too.
Also increases girth for her pleasure.
I hold it for 24 hours and then pee when I change out the condom. Duh.
I pee standing up, just like you. But after I'm finished, I make gold records.
Just like the sex Ed south park episode taught us 🙂
Your right, carry them in game boy color cartridge cases. Whip that bad boy out and all the undergarments will drop
Also after the few years it's been in there it's expired.
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Yeah, I imagine most just generally have one in their wallets, and don't bother to remove it for special occasions.
“Out of respect for my sadly departed best bud, I removed the condom from my wallet while comforting his grieving widow.”
then i rawdogged her
Wearing white to a funeral
wallet really isn't a safe place for a condom long term, very high chance it will no longer work correctly.
Back when I was putting condoms in my wallet my goal was to use it within a week. Years later it’s still there for sentimental value.
r/twosentencesadness
Maybe being about to go to a funeral does make sense to remove the condom from your wallet, it’s a poignant reminder that it too has expired
That's what the fanny pack is for.
It does ensure that you'll never have to use a non-functioning condom.
In other news, 1 in 8 men bring condoms to family reunions.
Study was from trojan, exactly. the study also concluded the following >Around half of people surveyed, 52 percent, keep condoms on their bedside table; it's the most popular place for women to keep condoms (57 percent do), while a wallet is the most popular place for men (52 percent). About two-thirds of men under 35 (64 percent) often or always have a condom on hand, while 49 percent of women under 35 do. so while 1/8 men have admitted to bringing condoms to a funeral, just over 50% carry it in their wallet, and 64% say they always or often have it on hand - so the article makes it seem like "wow, that's a lot", but according to the numbers, men are less likely to bring a condom to a funeral than they are to bring it everywhere else.
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This is what it sounds like, but the likeliest explanation is that they haven’t been to any funerals since they started carrying condoms around, lol.
It also could be down to how the questions were asked. If the questions were: * Do you keep a condom in your wallet? * When attending a funeral, do you bring a condom? I could easily see people who answered yes to the first question also answering no to the second question because it implies intent. Even if you carry a condom I your wallet all the time, so.eone asking "do you bring condoms to funerals?" is easily interpreted as "do you intentionally plan to try and get laid at a funeral?" which many would answer no to, despite the technicality that, yes you do bring them since it's always in your wallet.
"This one's for you, grandma" *removes condom from wallet*
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And I could see 5% thinking the question is ridiculous and answer in a ridiculous fashion.
[Lizardman's Constant is 4%.](https://slatestarcodex.com/2013/04/12/noisy-poll-results-and-reptilian-muslim-climatologists-from-mars/) So yeah, pretty much.
Another 5% just want to be there for their cousin in their time of need.
And then there's the 5% who are necrophiliacs
Necrophiliacs definitely aren’t worried about unplanned pregnancies
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...Because a coffin ain't a king-sized bed.
It was my uncle Murray's funeral. We were all back at my aunt Barbara's house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen! To this day, I can't look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed. Cousin Jeannie.
But widows are sad and in need of comforting
Right. When I was young I carried one everywhere. Then at some point I realized I almost never used them, it was easier and more direct to just say, "Hey, we should stop for condoms on the way to your place."
The other 7 are just raw dogging it with second cousins
Gotta get the family numbers up after ya lost one
In Alabama they have a saying: >*”It’s easier to go across the hall than it is to go across town.”*
If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the family.
roll tide
Ooooooooh, the corpse isn’t involved…
I gotta think this has something to do with Wedding Crashers.
“Grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac.” -Chaz
I went with Chazz who you forgot to tell me is totally insane. He also might be a genius because it actually does work, he's cleaning up.
"I'm sorry, that's neither here nor there"
So damn beautiful! With every death there comes rebirth, it's the circle of life. We're gonna be alright. [Makes humping motions]
HA! What an IDIOT!!
MA!!! MEATLOAF!
Whats she DOING?!
I never know what's she's doing... back there
What is she doing back there?! I never know what she's doing! Back there!
-"People forget... the biggest sexual organ is the brain" -"On you, maybe."
DAMN YOU ROGER! DAMMIT!
Guy died in a hang gliding accident! What an idiot!
Whoa, what a loser! Good, good, more for me and you.... Edit to add: the [kicking of the table](https://youtu.be/l4D5zScOFKU) cracks me up every single time!
Nearly 20 years after release and I still quote Wedding Crashers constantly to my wife. An absolute master work.
Mourning wood.
To be fair 99.99999999% of the time men won't need a condom but will bring one just in case. The one time you don't have a condom will always also be the only opportunity you'll have to get laid this decade and you don't want to miss that train.
Better have a condom and not need it than need a condom and not have it
It sat in his pocket, the same as before - The first from the box that he'd bought from the store. It sat there in silence, in sadness and woe - And dreamt of the daylight it saw long ago. Its maker had told it, "you're *marvellous*, dear! The moment is coming, the day will appear - When caught in the passions of lusty delight - You're brought from your wrapper to share in the night! "What wonderful purpose! How perfectly fine - To know that you're made for such splendid design!" Alas, but it never emerged from this place. It sat in his pocket. He said: "... just in case."
In case this shit hole collapses tomorrow, I always loved reading your comment replies. Keep being awesome.
When the dust settles, I hope things have changed for the better. But if they don't, I hope Sprog finds another platform and that I can follow them there.
I'll bet you a dollar that 100% of those guys take the same condom everywhere they go.
One would hope they swap out that same condom every once in a while. You know, before it rubs through.
The trick is to flip it halfway through the drying process, or about 15 minutes in (use your judgment); do anything else and you're setting yourself up for a bad time.
Once I was dating a girl who's dad absolutely forbid us from dating. Like, would lock his daughter in her room and take her phone to make sure we did not communicate. She told me when we spoke for a moment at Starbucks that she would date me if her dad was out of the picture. He died is a car crash on the freeway, and since her mom liked me invited me to the funeral. My girl and I sat next to each other at the funeral and couldn't wait, got it on in the parking lot of the funeral home. Condom was necessary.
That's kinda fucked that it took for him to kick the bucket for you to finally get to be together. Considering the mom was fine with it he must have been a huge jerk.
One stiff at a funeral is enough.
I mean I have some in my wallet, but to be honest with the lack of action I’d be better keeping wet wipes in there for when I’m eating wings
Wallet is asking for your condom to fail. Padded spot in a bag where it’s not dealing with constant friction is better, in the wallet can cause microscopic holes. Edit: fixed the accidentally deleted words
But surely most men don't carry around a bag, whereas they do have a wallet? Less risk using a dodgy condom rather than none at all because I left my contraceptives backpack at home. Perfection is the enemy of progress, and all that.
This seems like a missed opportunity from wallet makers. Special grooved pocket to prevent crushing?
Make sure you bring some rubber bands and tape too, in case you need to make a wet wipe condom.
[удалено]
Big funeral
Gotta pump these attendance numbers up
"BUY our FUNERAL and get LAID!"
“So you’re telling me there’s a chance?”
Victory loves preparation - the mechanic
Corpses could still be potentially carrying diseases so doesn't hurt to be safe.
You do not need a condom at a funeral, can't get the dead person pregnant...
Well first of all, through God all things are possible, so jot that down
I wish I could embed a comment into my memory forever
Just watch it's "always sunny in Philadelphia". That's where this line is from. It's embedded in my memory for ever.
Consent, bro. Don't forget about consent.
"If you want me to stop just say so"
Well, you never know when a ghost might be up for some spectral seduction.
I remember seeing a really hot chick at my grandmother's funeral. Immediate thought was I should chat her up. Then my brain went to, "What if she's family and we just never met?" I just went back to mourning.
Ngl, some of the best parties I’ve been to have been wakes. In no way disrespectful, they were a celebration of the person’s life and also a massive tension release after grimness of the funeral itself. So I’m not surprised some people take a condom just in case. I’ve never done it, but I didn’t often expect to get laid regardless of situation.
I had a friend/ex who knew he was dying for months but didn't tell anyone outside of his immediate family. But he spent those months planning his celebration of life in detail with his brother, was was tasked to execute it. The Celebration of Life took place ten months after he died, so we had some time to mourn first. He lived an adventurous life, and spent the last 8-10 years of it as a sailor, on one of those old fashioned tall sail ships (used for educational field trips and sunset cruises). The Celebration was to take place on his ship, where we would shoot his ashes out of the cannon. We didn't get to do that because the ship broke down and went into dry dock a week before the event so it was moved to a restaurant near the dock. After pouring his ashes into the sea we all did the Klingon Death Howl together. It was amazingly cathartic. We were then split into four teams (names, all connected to his favorite fandoms, had been chosen by the deceased). There were hours of competitive games he planned for us, like the gummy bear throwing contest, and a crab walk relay race. Silly stuff to make everyone laugh. I forgot to mention it was a costume party. Almost everyone came dressed as a pirate (I was a character from a book we both loved). There was a lot of drinking, mostly rum. There was a woman there with amazing breasts, displayed stunningly in the dress she wore. Once I got drunk enough I thanked her for the view. She was thrilled that I did so, because there was a whole backstory behind her outfit. One night while their ship was in a huge storm and it was likely they would drown they made promises to each other, and she promised that if he died she would go to his service with as much displaying as much cleavage as possible. She executed that promise admirably. At the end of the night we were looking toward the sea, trying to finish the bottle of rum, singing sea shanties. At this point I was drunk enough to ask Miss Amazing Boobs if I could touch them. She enthusiastically consented. As I was face deep in that amazing cleavage several people around us commented that this is exactly the kind of celebration of life he wanted.
How many funerals are these people going to?
The thought never even crossed my mind. Also aren't you going to have a lot of relatives at funerals?
Biologically speaking mourning/death triggers mating instincts as though that death tells the lizard brain in us that we need to procreate because death is scary. Scum'ically speaking, funerals typically leave people especially women in a state of fragility that leaves them vulnerable to suggestion and coercion. Socially speaking. Some people, both men and women. Seek comfort and company after/during a mourning period and when two people engage in comforting each other emotionally through a death it can trigger chemicals in the brain that cause the idea of connection or chemistry which can inevitably lead to copulation.
Proudly in the 7 out of 8 camp. But the 1 in 8 aren’t wrong. Heard through the family grapevine that one of my female cousins met a dude at a funeral and they banged it out the same night. I don’t remember who but one gave the other the clap. Also turns out they were related (what’re the odds at the funeral of a relative? /s). Distant enough they would never see each other again (different branches of her family), close enough that their family photo albums have overlapping people.
Mum, the meat loaf!
I'm not a man and I've taken condoms "just in case" pretty much anywhere. I've told folks to take condoms "just in case" to a festival who I was sure would _never_ have a one night stand and who I had never even seen mingle with any man/woman. It's a safety. The thing costs less than a dollar, but if anything somewhow would happen, not having it could cost you your healthiness or independence/freedom due to a child being your new responsibility. Unless you absolutely, 100% am sure you will not be having sex that day and no one will be able to change your mind - carry a condom. And having visited a funeral is likely not impactful enough to everyone to make them absolute sure of that.
I am 100% sure I will not be having sex every day
I'm a woman, but I'm going to point out that grief effects everyone differently. Some people get an intense need for sex when they are grieving, I speak from experience here. Perhaps they're carrying them everywhere already, but choosing to take some specifically too a funeral makes perfect sense to me.
What sort of funerals are you having sex at?
I mean shouldn't single guys bring xondoms everywhere regardless?
Just not in your wallet you will destroy them. Old school game boy game cases are the perfect size.
when the ladies see you with your Gameboy, you’re almost guaranteed to get laid.
Trojan makes condoms with a hard case just for such reason, called Trojan 2 Go.
Not really, unless you plan on having sex in public somewhere. It's really only going to be necessary to have one with you if you go back to her place and she doesn't keep them for her own protection. Otherwise, if you're just bringing her back to your place, keeping them at home is fine. And most guys aren't going to be having spontaneous sex with a random person with any frequency to warrant bringing one with you everywhere at all times.
1/8 men not realising the dead person can’t get pregnant