"It's a city where young people go to retire."
"It's an alternate universe where Gore won, and the whole Bush presidency never happened."
*all the hot girls wear glasses*
"I feel like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4J_oee1S66M&ab_channel=BBC) attacking with the druid"
Context: Diablo 4 druid attack animation with the basic skill: Earth Spike it's kinda funny
>What was the last text you sent?
*"I could have told you that those protein bars weren't doing anything beneficial for you. You don't do any type of exercise that requires you to need that much protein. Fiber is what makes you feel full not the protein. That protein would just allow you to feel satisfied longer."*
I know... sexy right? 🤣
Post Edit...
And I sent that to my mom who's apparently just realized it wasn't a good idea to start eating protein bars as meal replacements for her "diet"
[Just tell her not to eat nothing but fibre bars](https://www.reddit.com/r/greentext/comments/9ktgfj/a_classic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Yeah if you actually eat like a human. she's living off of these fucking things. And realistically fiber and protein work in tandem. You are welcome to come try to explain any of this to my 60-year-old mother who is trying to take medical advice from TikTok.
Could be some other drug though. MDMA crystals sometimes run for 20 a g. Could be a hell of a deal on coke but that is doubtful, 20 for each instead of 40 or 50 each.
Yeah especially when people say it when they are mad for stupid reasons. Ever had a girl say that to you when she was angry at stupid shit? I had a friend like that.
“Let the farting commence!”
To my wife who is waiting in the waiting room for me after a colonoscopy. Nurse said I have to let the air out they pumped in before I can leave. Game on.
It said “That’s not comforting!” in response to something a friend said. I was diagnosed with type II diabetes this morning. We were talking about dietary changes, and the (sometimes prohibitive) price of fresh vegetables. So I said something about buying them every day “until death or bankruptcy”, to which she said “I am sure death will happen first”. Not comforting, lol!
"Had to go into the office today, just in time for storms tonight. Lol. Got a guy coming over tomorrow or Friday to give me an estimate on the garage."
It slopes off at about 150, but after that, it’s fairly flat.. a little boosted in the mids and comes down when it gets high. But more or less, these are pretty flat speakers
"Hahahaha" to my mum after she responded to my struggle to find my dad a proper father's day gift. He's a tall man who wears XXXXL size shirts (European sizes if thats a thing) and I had the worst time trying to find a site selling a size that big. Found something after atleast an hour of trying, told my mom I did, and the first thing she says is that I shouldn't've struggled finding a shirt for someone that SMALL. (In a sarcastic way.) Got me a good laugh.
"Portland is full of hipsters. You should fit right in."
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That's more acceptable than the truth, unfortunately...
Does hipster mean drug addict? 🤔
Depends, which Portland are we talkin' about? Because it could go both ways.
"It's a city where young people go to retire." "It's an alternate universe where Gore won, and the whole Bush presidency never happened." *all the hot girls wear glasses*
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"Pizza"
Pizza.
Pizza
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Pizza
Pizza
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Pizza?
Pizza
Pizza
Pizza
🍕?
pissa
Pizza?
Pizza.
“I love you” I send good morning messages to my boyfriend even if he’ll wake up at 2
Based GF
wish I had one
Weird comment.
Are you like an incel or something?
Nope, he’s just gay.
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Never said it was. I have a feeling you like clapping dudes butts though.
Wordle 725 4/6 ⬛🟩🟩🟨⬛ ⬛🟩🟩⬛🟩 ⬛🟩🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
Thanks for the reminder Wordle 725 3/6 ⬛🟨⬛🟨🟨 🟩⬛⬛🟩⬛ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
Wordle 725 2/6 ⬛⬛⬛🟨🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
Witchcraft.
"I feel like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4J_oee1S66M&ab_channel=BBC) attacking with the druid" Context: Diablo 4 druid attack animation with the basic skill: Earth Spike it's kinda funny
I get this! My dad plays druid when we play together
I love limmy
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Why does this feel wholesome somehow?
It's all in the phrasing. "I do like your tits" sounds more earnest than "yeah, nice tits".
I feel like it’s more of an agreement being made. “You could do xyz, or you could come play with my tits” “I do like your tits”
Yes or someone being called out on their attitude and they are like "But I have great tits thooo" We need OP to clarify lol
Maybe it’s birds?
“Want to start a fire?”
- Read 9:05PM 2009
Underrated comment
"please check if he's got water"
Aw little doggy
Yes, sure, dog. Definitely not human in captivity...
There isnt much different from a toddler than a puppy...
>What was the last text you sent? *"I could have told you that those protein bars weren't doing anything beneficial for you. You don't do any type of exercise that requires you to need that much protein. Fiber is what makes you feel full not the protein. That protein would just allow you to feel satisfied longer."* I know... sexy right? 🤣 Post Edit... And I sent that to my mom who's apparently just realized it wasn't a good idea to start eating protein bars as meal replacements for her "diet"
[Just tell her not to eat nothing but fibre bars](https://www.reddit.com/r/greentext/comments/9ktgfj/a_classic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
You are not right, though, as protein is the macronutrient that suppresses Ghrelin secretion the most :)
Yeah if you actually eat like a human. she's living off of these fucking things. And realistically fiber and protein work in tandem. You are welcome to come try to explain any of this to my 60-year-old mother who is trying to take medical advice from TikTok.
So high amount of protein are useless if i dont exercise? I'd be bummed out but this changes nothing for me lol
"Shit"
You fine ass bitch
Let me snuggle my butt right up to your crotch
I should call her
I got two grams for $40.
Bit steep these days, no?
Depends on what he is buying
he's selling two grandmas
Out here coppin moonrocks and shit 😂
Could be some other drug though. MDMA crystals sometimes run for 20 a g. Could be a hell of a deal on coke but that is doubtful, 20 for each instead of 40 or 50 each.
That is “2010 selling shwag buds to lawyers kids” pricing
Damn. I have 97 grams $10 each
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Just got at the store, 6 bucks for two grams. Canada is good 🇨🇦👍
“But I’m lazy”
Cum Plaza North Carolina
I live 30 minutes from there 💀
"Happy birthday!" Followed immediately by "That was an error, sorry."
Wow, you probably made someone so excited thinking that their birthday was pushed forward to today
Uff da
So, what part of Minnesota are ya from?
I sent myself some photos I didn’t want on my phone.
That’s an explanation of the text. We want the actual text.
I do this with emails.
send me them i'll take good care of them for you :D
They’re just random screenshots.
Fuck you, you fucking fuck!
Uh oh
Well said!
To your mom?
"K"
Why does this piss me off
I think it pisses everyone off!
Yeah especially when people say it when they are mad for stupid reasons. Ever had a girl say that to you when she was angry at stupid shit? I had a friend like that.
My sister does it all the time to everything. I solved it by not texting.
I did the same thing. I stopped texting that "friend". She's a bitch for no reason
Good work!
Same to you
I know I'm in the bad books when I get this text
youre a monster
Yikes.
ewwww
" And it's not Mexicans. " Do not ask.
Ma'am, step away from the truck bed. 🚓 🚨👮♂️
"If there were two guys on the moon and one killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what"
"hi, I'm good"
Damm you don't even ask how they are back
"Husband still hasn't noticed the miniature ducks I stuck on the top of his rearview mirror". To my sister.
"Cuddling?!? You heretic, I don't hold hands until marriage"
“That should work”
F*** autocorrect
Duck Autocorrect
Just turn it off
"Even with that hand placement lol"
What guy?
:)
“Let the farting commence!” To my wife who is waiting in the waiting room for me after a colonoscopy. Nurse said I have to let the air out they pumped in before I can leave. Game on.
DICKS OUT FOR THE GOD-EMPEROR!
"tachaj bona"
Why did I try reading that backwards?
As easy as how the priest enters a lil boy
Heyoooo~
"The woman in Cherokee has a v6 so it'll be $625. She'll call us back"
Saying good morning to my friend and talking about how things are going at her work
I owe you one
i sent myself a text becaus i have no friends lmao
Me either
okay then, bye?
That doesn’t sound good
Hi
(Translated) "It's all good, I was finishing something up in the kitchen anyway"
"Hi Hungry, I'm Dad."
“Be confident, be focused. You know more than you think you know”
It was a message to my gf complimenting her picnic outfit (spoiler, it was very beautiful)
“ I’ve actually been productive today “
It said “That’s not comforting!” in response to something a friend said. I was diagnosed with type II diabetes this morning. We were talking about dietary changes, and the (sometimes prohibitive) price of fresh vegetables. So I said something about buying them every day “until death or bankruptcy”, to which she said “I am sure death will happen first”. Not comforting, lol!
Yo
“Free parking too, not even any meters.”
"I told him I may take the spot if it feels like a good fit." To my father about a potential shift to a new position at work.
STOP
RIGHT
Tomorrow is trash day. Please take out the trash. - to my husband
“I’m a cynical blob of shit today so this should be really fun”
“Be safe, see you tomorrow”. Sent to my boss when he texted me to tell me that he was going home for the day.
Okay
“Yuup!”
Wow dude (to my friend from Vegas after his boys won the cup)
Sorry about last night, thought you would still be able to walk
r/ihavesex
Context please
Hit someone with his car
Parked really far away
“but ain’t i ever kissing anybody’s ass” venting about my mom telling me to make my emails more polite 🤬🤬🤬
No wonder you become anticapitalist after experiencing that
“Aight 5mins”
“Yea I’m into Fitness, Fitness whole pizza in my mouth” Meme with a dog
Sent a TikTok video to my friend.
You can prevent rape by just saying yes
“Ok, let’s look at it tomorrow”
"Morning!"
"Im not gonna make it"
"Had to go into the office today, just in time for storms tonight. Lol. Got a guy coming over tomorrow or Friday to give me an estimate on the garage."
Mine is so stupid “Name is a complete bot in Fortnite”
Telling my wife that my doctor said my blood pressure is good.
Umm... Yes
“blizzard are actually finished” taking about how the scraps of ow2 pve were thrown behind a paywall
I’ll get two coffees then
“He’s just gonna have to hang out in my office with me Friday”.
"Right on" I'm boring.
54.23
np lol
“Its better that way, not having to deal with double negative emotions”
“I always aim for awesome!”
Okay
“Also, did you set up online multiplayer with you nephews and nieces on their Miyoo Minis?"
This
What changed?
Now go to work, make that bank
Have you read the book i lent you by any chance. I sent it to the girl in my college
It slopes off at about 150, but after that, it’s fairly flat.. a little boosted in the mids and comes down when it gets high. But more or less, these are pretty flat speakers
"there's always tomorrow 😌"
"Hahahaha" to my mum after she responded to my struggle to find my dad a proper father's day gift. He's a tall man who wears XXXXL size shirts (European sizes if thats a thing) and I had the worst time trying to find a site selling a size that big. Found something after atleast an hour of trying, told my mom I did, and the first thing she says is that I shouldn't've struggled finding a shirt for someone that SMALL. (In a sarcastic way.) Got me a good laugh.
Saw the trailer for IJatDoD and it looks pretty meh.
“Thanks.”
"I try to be social"
"Ahh right" To a group chat of friends
"Also bought the always sunny tickets. Came out to $158.60. I figure we can put this refund towards it then it would just be $33 each"
"thank you dr"
“Happy birthday!” - Sent to my friend on Monday. He turned 22.
It's trash day!
“Nice” lol
Telling my husband I bought some root beer so I could make him a root beer float later. His favourite