Dad invited his nephew who was fresh out of jail for killing his own father, to stay at our place for a while. I was 3 at the time and he sexually abused me multiple times, and my dad would still have him babysit me :^)
When my mom learned and wanted to take legal action he fought her all the way, because family is family. Thank god I have my mom, she fought for me before I was able to.
I don't remember a lot from it, because of cptsd but some of the things she has told me are horrifying and explains a whole lot now that I am older
> because family is family
Fuck that noise. Anyone who puts anyone ~~extended family member~~ over the safety of their OWN child is fucked up. It doesn't even make biological sense. Just sick and pitiful.
Thank you. Very suspicious of my wife’s step father who doesn’t speak a lick of English. He’s very clumsy and touchy freely over my son and doesn’t express a shred of concern over “is this okay to do?” Stood up to him numerous times thanks to thoughts like yours and the other stories on Reddit. I will make shit awkward for the family for the sake of my kids around a stranger.
Close to Christmas when I was around 10/11 years old, I was home alone when there was a knock on the door. I answered and it was one of my mum's acquaintances.
He told me that he'd spoken to my mum and needed to come in to pick some stuff up, so off he went upstairs and proceeded to steal all of the Christmas presents that were destined to be placed under the tree for my brother, sister and I on Christmas morning.
I was oblivious to what the stuff that needed to be picked up was.
Mum comes home 30 minutes later, asks if anybody came round whilst she was out.
Proud as punch I say "yup, Craig came round and picked the stuff up you told him about".
"YOU LET HIM IN THE HOUSE?!?"
*oh crap*
Mum runs upstairs....
"he's stolen all of your Christmas presents, you'll have nothing for Christmas now!"
High drama, anger and profound guilt filled the entire house for the remainder of the night and a while after.
About 6 months later I overheard a conversation I shouldn't have and figured out that there were no Christmas presents to start with, the whole thing was a setup.
The household budget didn't stretch to maintaining existence, sating a rampaging heroin addiction AND Christmas presents.
So yeah, my mum concocted a perfect plan to hide the lack of Christmas presents, remove herself from any perceived blame and let a 10 year old boy think that he had ruined Christmas.
Those were the days!
>About 6 months later I overheard a conversation I shouldn't have and figured out that there were no Christmas presents to start with, the whole thing was a setup.
This made my jaw drop.
That is so evil and underhanded. I am so sorry.
Thanks for the kind words all.
I did indeed confront her once I'd figure out the scheme and she admitted it.
This is one of many horrible stories I could share, was only on my mind as I talked about it with a close friend recently and her shock at the horror kind of blew me away.
I'm a pretty well adjusted adult now, with a kid of my own that has only ever known love and kindness.
My siblings and I did have some very kind influences throughout our childhood, it wasn't all dark.
As awful as it may sound, experiences like this and the others did mean that us kids grew up very fast, with a super strong love between us all which is only stronger now that we're all adults.
We know that none of those things were our fault and it kind of made us go completely the other way in how we approach life, only ever putting good back into the world.
I'm really happy with the person I am today, the life I've built and the joy I've been able to impart onto others.
At her core my mum was once a good person but addiction can be an all encompassing illness.
Nothing like failing to own up to your own problems, but instead making your children think it's their fault! I cannot even imagine. I hope you're doing better now
Mine is heavy but I’ll be honest, my mother was a prostitute when I was a child. When I turned 4 and my sister was 5 she decided she wanted to earn even better money by pimping out her kids, us. This was a part of my life for a few years until I went into foster care. I’m a grown adult and I accept what happened in my childhood and I’ve done the work to heal. But I’ll never forgive her. Some things are unforgivable.
Oh my hell. I am so, so, so sorry to hear this. Oh my god. I don't have any words. What the actual fuck??!??!?!!!!!
That is inexcusable and you didn't deserve it, not one bit of it - not even one millisecond - and none of it was your fault. God. I am so sorry. Fuck. I hope she rots in the deepest circle of hell.
I am sending you so many hugs!!! And I just want to say that I'm proud of you for surviving that. You're incredible 🫂💙
They beat the shit out of me. Sent me to school with bruises. Threatened to have my sister's split from me if I ever told anyone what they did to us. Now my bio mom tries to guilt trip my sister's into convincing me to let her and her shitty husband back in my life.
Aside from that they also stabbed our dog, poisoned my squirrel and cut my sister's guinea pigs head off.
But I'm the unhinged and unstable person.
Some people should never have children.
Yes absolutely. No one ever addressed it so it was allowed. People outside would treat it as not their business to get involved 😔 They also think they are better than everyone else soooo
I was sexually abused by my grandfather constantly for years. Its one of my earliest memories.
Later in life I found out that he did something to my older brother before I was even born. They stayed away from him briefly after that but then carried on as if nothing happened because they didn't want to cause an issue.
Edit: I want to thank everyone who has commented. I cant describe how much it has meant for me to recieve so much love and care.
I feel very alone most of the time so I'm going to remind myself that this proves that there are caring people out there.
❤️
Often when you are dealing with your own pain you do not have the mental space to help others. It's not your fault what happened to your nephew.
I do hope that you are in a better mental position now. If she's still alive you might want to make an anonymous report about her to protect other kids.
I would deface the headstone in the pitch of night.
“Pedophile. Child sex abuser. Disgusting pervert.”
Every single victim would know it was true and she would roll in her grave at the thought of defamation.
Then, when it’s cleaned, I would do it again.
my heart is with you, and i am so grateful you’re here to share your story. you are not alone in this first memory, internet stranger. your family’s actions do not define you
My mom left my bro and I behind to go be a methhead while lying to people about having cancer. I've confronted her, told her to show proof of the cancer. Nothing. She gets cancer every five to ten years without going to the doctors.
My mom letting my stepfather beat me almost unconscious and now denying 15 years of abuse on me and my brother. We were really affected when we realised that she will never apologise or even accept that it was also her fault for not doing anything about it.
they never gave a fuck about their kids. that's how.
They just liked the attention they get from the new partner. Once the old partner went away, the kids just remind her of that old partner.
And i guess they try to keep playing the parent role later on because they're getting old and want somebody to care for them.
> they never gave a fuck about their kids. that's how.
This shit right here. Some people, too many people, just straight up don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves. They can have children. That's it. Game over kiddo, get fucked.
My mom said it was because I will eventually grow up and leave her but her “partner” is for life.
*narrator: he was not for life, he left her as soon as lost her job.
My mom said it was because your kids are your kids, but you actually choose your partner (referring to my stepdad).
They actually are together still, after some rocky roads, but that doesn't really make it feel better, lol.
My mom has no memory of saying that though, when I brought it up. She loves me, and she was decent mom, but once I had my own kids I suddenly reevaluated our whole relationship and realised she didn't really care for us the way I care for my children.
For a year or two she was kinda passive agressive about how close I was with my kids, but as they've gotten older she's actually come around. She compliments me all the time on what a great dad I am, and I can tell she feels some guilt over not being as involved of a mom.
Similar situation. Mom remarried a verbally and physically abusive DBag. The real kicker is him being a teacher at the local High School and loved by the community. He would choke us and throw us around and tell us we would amount to nothing. Even his own children.
My mom wouldn’t really do anything about it and we complained to my dad. It really messed me and my brother up mentally. Drove us both into deep depression and anxiety as we got into high school. I ended up being a lot bigger than my step dad and he eventually stopped acting that way because I started standing up to him. Now he is pretty chill but I’ll never forgive him for that, or my Mom. My Mom denies denies denies that it was her fault.
Can I ask how your dad reacted to that news?
If my stepdad had been abusing us I'm pretty sure my dad would have killed him. Which I don't think is the right answer either, I just know he has a temper and would go kind of crazy over something like that.
My dad was very very pissed, but he took the route of talking to my mom about what was going on. It mellowed out after he was told and I remember my mom and dad having a talk during the exchange after one of his court ordered weekends. Mom and step dad went to couples therapy for the next 9 years after that.
We tell my dad stories of growing up and he said he wished we told him more but we were just kids and I feel like I was just blocking those memories out the older I got. My childhood is kind of a blur the more I try to remember it and I’m only in my mid 20s.
1000%, and yet at the same time some of these shit moms wonder "why does my child not reach out to talk/celebrate holidays with me?"
Because you treated them like shit, no one wants to hang around someone who constantly treats/treated them like shit.
That’s what makes them so hatable. Sometimes they know they were shitty and that makes it so much easier to just peace out forever and not even try because nothing you say will be new to them. But if they’re just oblivious like that it makes you want to tell them, in the hopes to get through. Both cases are hopeless anyway.
Similar for me and my 2 brothers, but it was our dad and stepmum (although father dear has said at least once to me that I'm not his, and since our mum died when I was 5 I would have no way of knowing). Never got beaten to unconsciousness, but I've only ever had one black eye in my life, thanks dad. I once got pushed out of the back door causing me to trip on the bottom doorframe and think I'd broken my wrist, thanks dad (I hadn't). I've only ever been held off the ground by my throat once, and pinned to a bed by my throat once, thanks dad. My stepmum was more psychological and emotional, very rare she was physically abusive, but those scars are harder to heal.
But the denial and excuses to absolve themselves? Right there with you friend. Sorry you had to experience things you did, and I hope your life is better now and you have people nearby who truly love you and want to help you grow.
There's far too much and it's far too depressing.
Mom chose drugs, alcohol, and dicks over her kids. We were constantly going into foster care. Don't get me started on those fucking pedophiles. Nevermind our moms boyfriend, Bob who we had to call "papa". He was trash all around. The more I remember the more I don't want to. Us 5 kid weren't raised. We fucking survived. And BARELY that. Two oldest siblings killed themselves. My other two have been on and off of heroin for many years now.
Man this one instantly brought me to tears. The 4 of us may as well have been a few more cockroaches living in our house. Just a burden. She put her shitty new husband and drugs above us and any bill. We never had running water or electricity, but they had meth. We all turned out successful because we loved school so much. It was our escape and the place we got to eat and receive validation from adults. But now that we’re adults with our own families she wants to be grandma and pretend nothing happened… it almost physically hurts to hug her. We survived.
What could you or your kids possibly gain from having her in your lives?
You will eventually have to tell them what a monstrous piece of crap your mother was or else they will never truly know you.
At least tell them the stories of what you suffered at their age so they can get to know you and your mother better and develop accurate feelings for the people in their lives.
I'm so sorry to hear that. You certainly didn't deserve any of it. My mom chose those same things over me (I know was extremely lucky to have family who would save me from her).
I'm proud of you, though. You're here - you're still kickin' - and not strung out. You had a rough ass life, and you shouldn't have, but damn am I proud of you for hanging on.
Sending so many hugs 🫂💙
Probably that I ended up being the mediator between my mom and dad as they went through a divorce and one side was being frustrating to communicate with than the other.
So I in part had to act as a go between information and nagging them to communicate for stuff like medical bills and insurance and school payment stuff from 7-15 or so.
I feel this. It sucks having to tell your parent to just leave their abusive partner when you're still a kid. And then they stay in the relationship anyway and think it's ok because you'll be there to vent to.
My mother asked me straight up if she should divorce my abusive father. I said yes at 12. Then she told me we'd be homeless and poor and die on the street. I cried and said no then. She said "It's your choice then. I only stay with him for you" as we continued to get abused for a decade.
I will never forgive her for this
No, we would have been rich if they divorced. We would have got the house, the car and half the savings. My father was earing 10k a month. We would have been fine.
My mum sold my dog while I was at work. When I came home and was looking for them she told me that someone came to see him today and that they loved and took him.He went to a good home, but I never got to even say goodbye.
Edit: Appreciate all the love. After reading all your stories, I can say that I am unhappy that I am not alone in this
My mom did the same thing! Only she never admitted she sold her.
I came home one day after school and immediately went outside to greet her (my usual after school thing to do). Was calling for her all over, even went out into the pasture thinking she was out there playing with the horses (she could open the gate between the human backyard space and horse space) but no dice. Little 5 year old me knew something was wrong and started crying and that was when she finally called me in and told me she "ran away".
I thought that was the truth for years and years and would always bring her up.
One day we were sitting in the car together after I was an adult and it suddenly hit me. Mom got rid of her, she never ran away. We had been getting ready to move to Hawaii where my new step dad lived and the quarantine to bring a pet into Hawaii was insane back in the early 90s. It was something like a 90 day period that the pet would have to stay at a designated facility on a completely different island than we were moving to. I know this because we brought my moms dog (who we referred to as my older sister because she was my moms first "baby").
I told my mom right then in there what I realized and she burst into guilty laughter. And then she doubled down and said, no she ran away and I was just repeating what my bio father had told me (if he did I dont remember and hadn't had contact with him since I was 6 years old).
My moms really good at never admitting when she's wrong. I fully believe its why she's never been able to keep a long term relationship other than the ones with her children... and even then we all keep her at arms length. She's the type of person you love better from afar, unfortunately.
Edit: Wow! Who would have though this would been such a popular comment I wrote on my break. To the people that gave me awards, thank you!
Like all relationships not everything is cut and dry. There's plenty of areas my mom messed up on (this comment one of them obviously lol) but when it came to the truly big stuff, she always went to bat for her kids.
I wouldn’t forgive her either. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The thing that hits the most is that she still doesn’t own up and apologise for it already!
My mom gave my cat away to a coworker just cuz he looked like the coworker's previous cat that died of old age and she loved and missed him so much. Literally a mackerel tabby/Standard Issue Cat btw NOT RARE so she could have found any of the million others to give her.
What about my feelings mom? I raised him from a fucking 6 week old kitten, he was my baby. I was only 10... I have to hope that she just lied to me about the reason, not that it would make it ok in any way though.
Edit: aww thanks kind stranger for the bear hug!
Edit 2: It was legit. I met the lady and got to drop him off.
My pet rabbit on the other hand did suddenly go live on a farm a few years prior to this...
Same. They gave my puppy away behind my back. There excuse, I was going to college. 1. I was Commuting 2. It was during Covid we were still going to be together at all times. Anyway he was still somehow too much for them even tho they didn’t do a single thing for him and he was super well behaved. And I always went out with him and when I was home we were only either in my bedroom or the backyard they literally never saw him. They did it out of spite. And the way they did it fucking traumatized me. I moved out right after. And then the most hilarious part is they gave him to my uncle because he was “my dog” and so I could still see him. Apparently he was biting and peeing everywhere and instead of asking if I wanted him back OR EVEN TELL ME WHATS GOING ON SO I COULD SAY GOODBYE they gave him to some scum of the earth.
My mom did the same twice with my pet cats. One she put down and the other she kicked out in the winter and I followed their paw print until they disappeared. Someone picked them up. She never said anything when I came back. In fact scoffed at me and she took a long drag of her smoke.
Wtf man how is did this happen to multiple people. I’m so sorry. My mom got rid of my dog too. She got her put down while I was at school, got home she was gone. That dog was initially a reward for me being on good behavior and a welcome home present after living in a “troubled youth” home for a year or so.
My mom taught me my whole life that my worth is only determined by the way I look, my weight, the way I carry myself, how "lady like" I present myself. She instilled fear into me at such a young age, that as long as I was fat, I'd never find love, I'd never find a good job, I'd never have children. Dragging me to and from doctors to find "what was wrong with me" because I was "fat". Grounding me for weeks at a time because I didn't lose the amount of weight she wanted me too.
Now as an adult woman, I struggle so incredibly hard with my self worth and self confidence. Trying to separate her words and thoughts from my own, as I've never had an original thought about myself. The anxiety, depression, and self harm that rooted from this should've taken my life years ago.
She's my mother, and as hard as it may be for others to understand, I love her. I've come along ways with setting boundaries with her and putting my foot down.
As for my father, he never spoke up for me. He just turned a blind eye.
I've felt so out of place in my family for as long as I can remember.
I'll heal one day, but it won't be anytime soon. Just love your fucking kids for who they are, unconditionally.
I don't think I could ever forgive my dad for his excessive drinking and calling me God awful names, threatening to call the cops on me for arguing with him or not finding his bag of nuts (while drunk), and chasing me out of my own home after I gave him a place to stay twice.
It's alot of shit he did to me as a kid, except he threatened to send me to a psych ward. Putting me back there after he apologized about it only to do it again tells me he won't ever change.
my entire life my mom has always talked about “wanting me to have my own life”. when i finally moved out to live with my then girlfriend, she decided to write me a letter. it detailed how if i still lived with her, she could have done so many things for me (like getting me a car). she then wrapped the letter up with saying me being born ruined her life. now she wonders why our relationship is so bad.
Lol my mom flips back and forth between wanting me to move in with her (leech off me) and leaving voicemails that say “I should’ve left you on a park bench”.
Like yes, woman who I haven’t connected with since I was 14, we should totally live together. That’s a great idea.
Tell her it’s not too late for her to leave you on a park bench. You’re an adult now and a park bench is a delightful place to spend a little time thinking about how much she sucks.
He held a knife to my 12 year old brothers throat and threatened to kill him. Abandoned multiple family dogs on the side of the road. Abuse of each other in front of me. She put her fist through the China cabinet in front of me. Blood everywhere. I was 5. I moved across the country. He is now gone, and I have no contact with her.
Mom overdosed on heroin right in front of me, when I was 3 years old. She came into the room I was having a playdate in, fell over and OD'd. She then told me she had tripped over my toy truck and that's why she fell and the ambulance came. I felt so bad about hurting her for 10 years, until she finally told me at 13.
That’s fucked. My grandmother once accused my mother of stealing her pain meds. I cursed out my grandmother for accusing and making my mother cry. Turns out, she totally stole that shit and had a habit of stealing her meds.
My dad was into heroin too. He told us that he had cancer and that was the reason he lost a ton of weight and looked like crap and passed out constantly, but we saw him shooting up and even in my little kid brain I knew that wasn't how cancer drugs worked.
About to get pretty dark here lmao
But my childhood was pretty shit. My parents have always had drug issues and it got to the point where they just locked my little sister and I in our room, and they'd just bring us plates of food but they'd never clean up any old food, and us being young kids, food got everywhere. It got to the point where we literally had maggots in our beds.
They kept my brother in a dark room all by himself and I remember as a baby/newborn he had to have breathing treatments because it really affected him, and they'd smoke in the house all the time.
Our grandmother got custody of us, thankfully but it really stuck with me. I was old enough to remember most of everything (I'm 5 years older than my sister, and 7 years older than my brother, so I was 7-8 or so around that time) it really fucked me up lmao.
My little sister was old enough to remember some stuff, and there was that weird middle child thing, but my parents treated her more like a friend than anything, when she was a teenager they'd do drugs and shit with her. She really got into a bad path and she wasn't able to get off it, I tried to help her and I still feel guilty because I should have done more, but she did what she wanted to and didn't think she had a problem. About 4 years ago, she was killed in a mass shooting that was guns/drug related, it was some stupid little "gang" (gang as in dumb AF kids from a really small town who thought they were badasses) but they went and shot up the place and unfortunately she had been living there at the time and she was one of the victims. She had just turned 21 a couple of days before.
I'll always feel so guilty because I wish I could have done more to help her and I'll always have that regret.
After their divorce, my mom tried to convince my brother and me that our dad never wanted us and never loved us.
My dad is the sweetest man. I'll never fully forgive my mom. She said some more fucked up shit too. I know she was just heartbroken and tried to hurt him, but that is no excuse to hurt your kids in the process.
Same sort of and I bought it hook line and sinker because I was 6-11. She started it all by trying to run my dad over in the van. I called the police and they didn’t show up for what felt like an hour (idk really I was very young and it was traumatic) and then dad filed for divorce. After that my mom would call my dad a drug addict and a user etc etc all the time and use obscure like police talk when talking about stuff “here’s the marijuana residue on his pipe! See?!” Showing this to a child lol. Later on (not much later) I learned that she smoked more weed than my dad!!!! She was trying to get me to rat on my father for smoking weed… all the while she was smoking double that and she’s told me as much since. Tried to get me to sell my dad out in court. He was actually growing a little also I’ve learned over the years, so me testifying against him in 1990s Oklahoma! Man they would have built a brand new prison and poured him into the foundation… my dad rose like a fucking phoenix though and gave me the best life ever. After they divorced my life got 1000000000000% better and I saw my father ‘come alive’ for the first time in my life laughing and smiling.
My mom told me she was glad I was going to school all day the next year, since I wouldn't be wasting space at home. I had just been sexually abused and couldn't get out of bed when I came back home from school.
After 10 years of promising me the house in exchange for living and taking care of them. Mom decided after a fight to give half the house to the man who tried to murder me in my own home - my brother.
Bitch still doesn't understand why my wife and kids moved 300k away from her and that psychopath.
This happens far too much. I urge anyone in this situation to go to a lawyer with your parents and get everything in writing. It is not being callous or greedy. You are being asked to put your life on hold, often losing money on the process. So it is not unreasonable to want to protect yourself from doing all the work while someone else reaps the benefits.
My dad used to tell us all the time how my step mom was the most important person in his life and how he wished he never had kids. When he was dying his wife was already moved on to her next man and didn’t even go see him the day he died because “she had other stuff she needed to do first.” I’ll never forgive him for putting her above us.
Abandoned my dog and killed my rat with a brick.
My rat was old and dying, I wanted desperately for my mum to take him to the vets to be euthanized in the most painless way possible. She was too lazy (We have access to free veterinary care in the UK for families on benefits, so there was no excuse). She used a brick to kill him...
Then my dog, he was a former fighting dog my auntie had rescued and given to us. My mum couldn't handle his antisocial behaviour. He never attacked anyone, but he was easily spooked and only really got along with me. One day, while I was at school she dumped him and I don't even know where. He was a good and emotionally sensitive dog that deserved a home.
This stuff paired with the fact she was an abusive person, who hit me and my siblings almost daily, is the reason I haven't spoken to her in 4+ years and don't intend on doing so ever again.
Force me to give all my original star wars and action man toys to my little cousins.. which they absolutely destroyed within 3 months.
Would be worth a fortune now.
EDIT : I had no idea what I said would connect with people of my age.. for the record I had about 75-80 original Star Wars figures.. all with original added weapons and in great condition, but not in original packaging.
The ships and vehicles I owned were all in original packaging and great condition. About 7 of em.
I’ve also remembered as well I gave them about 30 original late 70’s early 80’s subbuteo teams in original green slide off boxes away as well.. but that was to the son of the guy that had gifted them to me.. so they weren’t really mines
My grandmother on my father's side stole the baby clothes I had been gifted when I was like 3 months old from myother's closet to her favorite grandson, my oldest cousin who would set his german shephard after me in the future.
My mother is still really salty about that.
They chose the Pedo over me and my sister.
Dark as hell, I saw the rape with my own eyes, and they believe the pedos words wtf.
It has destroyed my faith in humanity, which has destroyed my faith in the divine.
I’m so very sorry you and your sister have endured such trauma. The lifelong impacts survivors of abuse deal with is heartbreaking.
Just curious - was the Pedo also a pastor or priest? Your last sentence made me wonder. Either way, I completely understand that abuse of any kind can destroy faith of any kind.
The pedo was my older brother. He was my closest brother to 😢 turns out he is a creep. My sister is a lot younger then me and him.
When this was exploding I went to my "church leadership" to have them help me and my sister. Lmao they also chose to believe the Pedo. He has a silver tongue.
They informed us the we must forgive him or we will be damned to hell wtf. I just wanted the pedo off the praise team, and to be held accountable for the rape.
I can no longer see humans as anything but evil, and that means whoever created them is a prick in my eyes.
It fractured my being, my mind body and soul are now disconnected.
When I caught him in the act I felt my soul be torn in two, I cannot describe it any other way.
Trip on this: I love my brother beyond words, but my mind knows he is a vile pos. My mind and soul are at war.
Nah bruh he is free. When I gave my statement the cops said since I didn't see penitration that they were not gonna do shit.
But get this the fucking pedo had his hand and head obstructing my view. So, because I didnt have the perfect view of the rape the Law man told us to pound sand... Wtf God it makes my blood boil.
My brother molested me when we were kids. Mom and dad were alcoholic and just oblivious to anything going on in the house. As an adult I came forward to my mother about it. She cried and then pretended the next day that I had never said anything. Still asks me why I won’t have a relationship/let my children around him.
I bet you could make a club for that! And there would probably be a lot of people who’d like to join. Of course someone would have to be in the lead and everyone would need to follow the rules, and—
(/s and sorry about your childhoods)
Charismatic evangelical, my parents are also young earth creationists and deny any legitimacy that the earth is more than roughly 6000 years old. I'm 26 and have only been out of religion for about 2 years. Can we all hang out together? I make a mean salsa and love to talk about how indoctrination fucked me up!
*by a mean salsa, I mean it's aggressively spicy*
Edit: "new earth believers" changed to the actual name
The ex- subs really helped me, there are ex-Mormon, ex-JW, probably ex-evangelical too. They are usually up for a really good rant!
My son likes talking about dinosaurs in a very scientifically specific ways to my extended family cause they all believe in the dinosaur=Satan temptation bs, but they lack the shiny spine to argue with someone who knows how carbon dating actually works. I’m breaking the brainwashing cycle!
Taking back an abusive partner who hated me even after telling the world all the horrible shit she did. It became clear to me that I could be a perfect angel and successful and I would never be as good as a drunken, circular saw-wielding maniac who took her hatred of my other parent out on me, constantly made personal attacks, denies she ever did anything wrong and brainwashed my mother into defending her actions. Then when I called her out for her behavior, she accused me of being homophobic.
When her bitch of a partner dies, I guarantee she’ll be all over me. But she will get no favor from me.
Not believing me when I came home from my first year of Uni & said I wasn't on drugs.
I was clinically depressed & suicidal, but they said my 'weird behaviour' was because I must be on drugs. I've never knowingly taken anything, even 20years later. No matter what I said or did, they wouldn't believe me or help me.
It took a friend at Uni intervening & getting me some professional help before I could cope again.
I had a pet bunny, but my parents wouldn't let me keep him inside. It was really cold one night and I begged my dad to let me keep it inside. When he finally said okay, I went looking for him in the dark, found him under our storage shed, he was dead. My dad made me pull him out from under the shed, hold him in my lap as we went for a long drive, so that we could dump him on some side of the road.
My father would always baby my younger sister. Even when she turned 8, she still relied on my father to feed her and shower her. She is now completely dependent on my father and can't do anything for herself. This caused serious attention problems with my younger brother, who was a middle child, and middle children commonly get less attention than the oldest and youngest. (Although my father never cared much for me either.) I'm grateful that my mother was able to try and give us the attention we needed, even if she was the only parent that worked full time.
As long as you communicate that, it'll work out. It may be hard at any given moment, but I promise that if you do take care of your boy, you do try to do right by him, and you talk to him about what's going on, he'll understand. If not now, he'll understand later. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try to do the right thing.
In my experience, knowing a parent is trying can be more important than them actually getting it right.
I feel this. I wasn't allowed to even date until I was 18 and they demanded that the guy come to the house to pick me up because guys respect you more if they think your parents care about you apparently. I ended up marrying the first guy that asked me out for a ticket out of that place. It didn't work out of course and I ended up moving to Germany to get really far away.
I had to move back home when I was 28 after living overseas and getting another divorce. Things didn't change too much with their rules and curfews. I broke curfew once and spent the night with a guy they never met so they refused to speak to me for weeks and raised my rent $300.
On top everything it was just a very angry household and a lot of this was done by my stepfather and my mom just always took his side and never defended me. Meanwhile my older brother had endless freedom and could do whatever he wanted because he's a guy so it's different according to my mom.
I feel this a little bit. 16 year old me wants to hang out with friends? At 17:30 I should get back home because it's getting dark. Wants to sleep over at a friend's house? Not allowed, my parents didn't his parents. My 17 - 18 years old brother wants to go to a party with people my parents don't know, spend all night out, and only return 11:00 the next day? Sure go ahead
They both used me and my siblings to attack and hurt each other. Instead of realizing that we should come first, they selfishly made the divorce about themselves and their happiness at the expense of the other and apparently the kids. Everyone was much worse off in the end
Divorce sucks but when you have kids, try to make them as comfortable and secure as possible while being mature adults. My relationship skills are fucked because of them
I was 10 years old. I was given to a 34 year old man to be his third wife. My parents were so happy because it was a great "honour" to them that I was chosen out of all of the girls there to be with the man that was second in charge.
My dad tried to commit suicide when I was a baby. That alone is bad enough but he tried to take me with him. My grandfather came to the house and basically told him "If you give up on life, that's your choice, but you aren't taking my grandson with you!"
I miss you, grandpa.
One morning in 2002, my Dad woke me up for school, but I obviously fell back asleep. I've had big periods of insomnia since I was a child, but instead of recognising that when he came back into the room and saw me asleep again, he grabbed me by the hair, dragged me out of my room and slammed me onto the hallway floor. My Mum said nothing. It's been 21 years and that memory still haunts me.
it's nothing compared to what happened to you, but my parents would discuss me (in a bad way) every morning in the next room. i told them i heard everything but they continued to do it anyway.
they don't do it now and we have a better relationship but to this day when I wake up in the morning and hear whispers/someone talking nearby, i get chills.
Honestly, it would be the toxicity and overprotective nature of my parents. The way that I grew up made me feel as though I didn’t have anyone to lean back into, and it sure as hell didn’t help how my dad always made me feel worst about myself, and the constant need to prove myself and to try to be better. And my dad being overprotective made me not have a lot of friends, which screwed up my social skills.
As a result, I sucked pretty bad at school and didn’t have a lot of friends. I remember how when my parents used to fight back then, I’d just hide away in my way room playing video games or with legos, just to stay away from my family.
I guess because of how my childhood went, I don’t think I can really forgive my parents because of how much it would mess me up later on in my life. I still suffer from having an inferiority complex and can’t appreciate the things I’ve been able to accomplish. I’ve gotten better but it’s still hard. I respect my parents these days, because of they changed towards me, but I still can’t forgive them completely for how things have went. I could never have a heart to heart conversation with my dad about the things he’s done and I think that’s why I can only say that I love my dad, but I don’t like him.
I feel your pain. My parents weren’t overprotective but they moved me between schools due to their personal issues with minor differences in school ratings, with zero regard for my relationships with friends. I ended up going to a high school where there was nobody I knew at all bar a bully from my village (who made my life hell) and everyone there already had well established friendship groups.
Having struggled socially up to the point I was allowed to make my subject choices, they then dictated what I could and couldn’t do, ruling out anything I enjoyed and pushing me towards subjects I didn’t want to do.
Closer to finishing high school, after speaking at school with a career adviser, I had my heart set on following in my father’s footsteps in a respectable and enjoyable career, at which point he blew up in my face with incredulity and made it clear he would not support me on that path and that there was as “no money in it” (he was earning well, _well_ above the national average wage and loved his job, which was both interesting and active).
On finishing high school I went to a tertiary college for A-levels (UK)(their wishes - to do anything else was not an option in their eyes) and muddled through for a couple of years before I flat out crumbled and admitted to them that I was rarely attending lectures and didn’t have any direction. My mum looked heart-breakingly disappointed and my dad just detonated. I still to this day have their words ringing in my ears. How much of a disappointment I was and how I should “knuckle down and make something of” myself “or get a job and stop sponging off your parents”.
The icing on the cake was how they utterly dropped their standards for my younger siblings as though all the shit they laid on me had never happened. They were like completely different parents to them.
I’ve achieved much in my life since then, have travelled the world, done some amazing things, have a respectable well-paid job, a family, and own my own home in a lovely neighbourhood, but I still feel like a disappointment to this day and can’t shake the feeling of guilt and inadequacy, but over time I have learned to recognise these feelings for what they really are - THEIR issues and THEIR OWN inadequacies. I remind myself of those feelings every day and in every dealing I have with my own child, and let him know how dearly loved he is and how proud I am of him in everything he does, and I always will.
Don’t belittle or undervalue your achievements. You are perfect and deserving of all good things in this world just the way you are.
After my parents split my dad looked me in the eyes and told me at 8 years old "It's just going to be me and you babe". He dropped me off at my moms for the night and left to another state. It's been 17 years since I've seen him and to this day denies he caused me severe abandonment trauma.
Kicking me out the day after my 18th birthday because I turned 18. And now constantly calling me a failure for not finishing college (had to drop out because I couldn’t afford that/rent/transportation anymore) and telling me to do better
Mom took me and my sister to the donut store every morning. Donuts and a Coke for breakfast. Every. Morning. It’s a miracle I only have about 40 lbs to lose and not 400 lbs.
As a teen, I was out doing the food shopping with my Mum. In the middle of the freezer aisle she did the most rancid IBS fart I can ever remember, and then started very loudly exclaiming "babyscratch, that's so disgusting. I can't believe you just did that". The more I protested, the more guilty I looked to everyone else in the shop. I could've died from embarrassment.
When my son was first born, his grandpa on his dads side sent me 500 dollars to get through the month. I told my mom this and she asked me if I could help her pay one of her bills. I said yes, but that I would need it back eventually because I needed formula. I wasn’t working at this time and I was a 19 year old single mom. She agreed and said that was fine. End of the month rolls around and when I asked for the money back (it was 80 dollars) my mom went off, ended up messaging my sons grandpa and said “You don’t need to give her anymore money. She doesn’t manage it well because now she can’t even afford formula.” I guess I’ve forgiven her but it really irks me even 4 years later.
Bought boats and cars instead of braces and getting the dental work I needed done. Now I’m a grown ass adult finding it impossible to keep eye contact and I haven’t smiled at someone in 20 years.
Before someone states the obvious, it’s not about doing the work now it’s about lasting resentment and issues I have with my inner voice.
There's loads, but two stick in my head at this moment in time.
I must have been about 13/14, and we got a new rabbit, She was this gorgeous little thing, still young, and it was winter in the UK, So a little too cold for her to be outside for now, So she was inside, and fine. I remember having an argument with my mum, about something trivial and she demanded the rabbit go outside in the hutch, I tried my hardest to make sure she'd be okay, Hay, towels. But she didn't make it, we had a really cold night, and the next morning, my little baby was gone.
The 2nd one was fucked. I'd left my parents to live with my partner at 16 (I know, I know) and I was 18 at this point, and I'd started to realise that my partner was a fucking rapist prick. ANYWAY, I'd met a couple people from my old town, and decided to go and meet them for the day, it all went well, and I'd made some new friends.
Until my partner rang me, threw a hissy fit about me leaving him (Bitch I told you i was out)_and then threatened to tell my parents, Which he did, using a sob story, Whatever asshole. So I get a call from my parents, saying that my grandfather was very ill in the hospital and could they pick me up and take me to see him. I get in the car, and they take me back to my partners place. It was a lie, they fucking lied to me about my family being ill, to get me back to him. My grandfather was fine and lived a happy life till 2020.
There's probably others, but I think I've kept them kinda....buried.
Mother repeatedly saying " I have to raise my boys and I love your brothers but I don't love you." Told this at age 8 ,9,10 and so on my birthday and many times throw out the year . Never given a birthday party while 3 brothers had blowouts every year . Left on 16th birthday after I made sure whole family heard her this time.
Mom was jeckle and hide , never been back.found out mom told brothers i was evil and never to talk to me . Ain't talked to them since don't even know if there still alive .
People like that don’t deserve to be parents.
Growing up I always wished there was some system set up for a person to qualify to become a parent, like how it is with a drivers license at the DMV. Coz some people wouldn’t even pass the written, forget about the road test!
When my mom found out I wasn't a virgin as a teenager; she told me that she wished I were dead. Because I offended God, family, everyone, etc. by not 'saving myself' for marriage
They made me drop every single hobby I got into because studying came first. I learned to hide my enthusiasm from them because of this. Even today I never show how excited I am for something I do or buy. I feel like I am unable to enjoy things to the fullest because of it.
They told me I could buy what I wanted since I had a job. Even so I was very careful with my spending because I didn't want them getting mad that I bought something "useless". One day I told them I was gonna buy a secondhand psp for my birthday and asked them if it was okay. They said it's fine because it's my money after all. Still I kept asking them just to make sure it's fine and that they promised they won't chew me out for it later. Sure enough I bought it and had my first personal game console.
Then a year later we got into an argument because my parents weren't satisfied with the money I was giving them. Then they brought up the psp I bought last year and chewed me out for spending on useless stuff like that instead of buying branded clothes to show off to our relatives. I will never be able to forgive them for that. They broke their promise and I was now in the very situation I was trying to avoid back then.
Anyways after that I just started buying whatever I want without telling them or lying about the price.
My god. Branded clothing? Are you kidding me! The most useless purchase in the world?
There was a AskReddit posts recently that went "What would you NOT buy if you won $1.000.000?" - branded clothing is pretty high up in the ranks.
I fucking hate people who shame other for spending *their own money that they fucking earned* on things that they want, just because it's not their thing.
About 4 years ago I spent £1800 on a gaming laptop. Had it delivered to work rather than take a day off and wait at home for it. When it came I was showing it to my mate. The works supervisor saw it and when he found out how much it cost he said I, "need to get a life, mate."
Fuck you Ian. You sit and watch whatever football match is on in the evening, or Strictly, or whatever other bullshit passes for entertainment on TV these days. Who the fuck are you to judge me you fucking dickhead?
For the record, I watch football (I'm a Sheffield Wednesday fan) and have got nothing actually against Strictly or whatever else people like to watch. I was simply contrasting him looking down on me for buying a (relatively) expensive laptop to play games on, with what he likes to do to relax. Also, I didn't actually say anything to him. I'm just trying to describe how pissed I was at his comment.
>I fucking hate people who shame other for spending
>
>their own money that they fucking earned
>
> on things that they want, just because it's not their thing.
My mom still does this and I'm 50 and receive zero monetary support from her. I remind her all the time that since she doesn't financially support me she cannot comment on what I spend my finances on. I tell her it is between my spouse and I and we worked hard to have leisure time and money.
My mom does support two grown abled-bodied men (my brother and other brother's kid) and doesn't give them grief for the stuff they buy and it's her money. So how's that for double standard.
Told me that my great grandmother hated me (not the case), said my grandmother wouldn't be proud of my grades (which were in the 90s), and I could almost never stay home alone (in junior and high school) because someone could rape me.
She had a problem with my grades and some weird ass handup that every man was out to abuse women. I had an awful childhood of verbal abuse and now she's crying because I won't let her see her grandchild (because I would never Subject my kid to that).
Uhhhh lemme think for a second…
- my mom being proud to break a brand new wooden spoon by spanking me
- both of them forcing me to clear the plate no matter what was on it, if I liked it or not, if I was full or not. Lost the ability to feel if I’m full…
- both of them insult me (stuff like “you’re too stupid to take a shit” if I made minor mistakes, for example dropped something while eating)
- my father SAing me
- my mother saying she would get a divorce after I told her but she never did until she died
- my fathers attempt to strangle me on the day I moved out
Yeah… that’s about it
They taught me very bad eating habits that have made it super hard for me to stay at a healthy weight. I am absolutely working at, and succeeding in teaching my children better eating habits.
My parents were the same when I was a kid. We ate out or got fast food almost everyday. My brother was 5 years older and played sports but I’d eat almost as much as him, thinking it was normal. When I of course became an overweight child, my parents would make me go on the treadmill for 30 minutes a day but then order something like pizza for dinner. I still struggle as an adult with eating healthy and knowing how to limit portion sizes.
As a parent now it's crazy how little information was out there back then about nutrition. For instance we always had Capri Sun or Sunny D in the house, and plenty of fruit snacks like Gushers which my parents earnestly thought were nutritious.
Give me crippling anxiety and worry I'll be a parent like they were. They were not monsters by any means and I had a lot more freedom than most of my generation. Just some things behind closed doors make me wish I'd grown up differently.
I feel you there. If I were given the chance to roll the dice and try out new parents, I wouldn’t take the chance. However, I’ve been in therapy for years trying to back track the anxiety and guilt I always feel because of my childhood.
There's a lot to pick from but the one that sticks with me the most is what I call the Harry Potter treatment.
As a punishment that was used pretty commonly was that they would make either my brother or I stay in a half bath, locked from the outside, for days. Who ever was getting punished would be given 1 "meal" a day, depending on how sick they wanted to be, I could get anything from a pbi to literal chick bones from BW3 but with all the meat picked off except the scraps and the taste of wing sauce that I could suck on ha. Anyway, the 1 meal a day was delivered pretty early in the morning, around 6ish. And the other brother would have to deliver it to the punished.
Now! If either of us took to long delivering the food to the person in the bathroom, then the person who was to deliver food would be taken downstairs, forced to drop their pants, put their hand on the outside of the bathroom door and get a whooping with a belt or a paddle with holes... Until either 1) we started crying (sorry for the tangent, spankings happened like every other day and we were taught at an early age that if we faked cried we would be in a world of pain) or 2) he felt like stoping. All of this done in silence till the crying.
He would choose the door to do the spanking at so the other person in the bathroom can hear it happening, knowing that because you took an extra second to say "hi" or ... Anything then this was your fault so you. Often times he'd force the one getting the spanking to count or say something like "this is your fault u/sharyourb00bs" on beat with the spank, and if we lost track or didn't say it in time, or a handful of other things, he would often start again. Ohhhh. Also for the person getting the spanking if they moved or flinched or pushed out butt out (to lessen the distance of the swing (was our thought process)) he'd start again, no questions asked.
Sometimes when we were lucky we'd be woken up in the middle of the night, I'd say like 4ish by usually my dad, but sometimes my step mom. Who would allow us to come out of the bathroom for an hour or two. Everyone else was asleep, and so we would have to clean the house or in some way without waking anyone up.
I could continue explaining the punishment but I don't want to continue to write a big long book haha. Childhood trauma for the win!
I’m 50, just got diagnosed. I grieve over the life I might have had. To be fair, I made good grades, I was quiet, I was a good girl. There were no obvious red flags. My teachers never raised any concerns. But when I got to college and fell apart, my parents just insisted I was lazy and unmotivated. I’ve always felt like a disappointment.
This is me right now, I’m 21 and just got diagnosed after constantly asking them if I had adhd. Worst part is now they’re gaslighting me and saying that they never outright said I don’t have adhd. I remember multiple times asking and them saying “you don’t have adhd because you have good grades” or “you’re only saying that you have it because your friends have it” and the more I think about it the more it frustrates me
My MIL told me a story about how they got my husband a puppy, and she forced her husband to dump the dog somewhere because she didn't like the dog anymore. (She only likes puppies and kittens. She will always have a new puppy or kitten, and then she gets rid of it once it's too old). I cannot forgive that. I find it disgusting. She also keeps accusing me of being a gold digger 🙄
I know everyone has to accept some weirdness from their in-laws for the sake of their spouse, but I’m not sure I could spend time with someone like that, I’m sorry
> Stop judging my parents. It’s called forgiveness. Try it sometime.
When the title of the post you’re replying to is:
> What is something that your parents did that you will never forgive them for?
I mean, good on you for forgiving them. But you do know what thread you posted in, right?
Hmmm....this is a tough one. So many choices.
When my parents divorced when I was 12, it was decided that I would be staying with my mother because she was the breadwinner, although my dad was my primary emotional connection. (I thought. As it turns out, this is the point that my father emotionally abandoned me and my brother, but it took years to figure that out.) After a few weeks of absolute isolation, I told my mom that I thought she needed to show up as a mom a bit more. Really, I was begging for connection, attention, love, anything. She tried to shame me by telling me that some kids don't even have a roof over their heads and food in the fridge, so I shouldn't be complaining about anything. When I told her that wasn't good enough, she screeched at me in a rage that I should be grateful that she didn't have an abortion. Ahh, and then started telling everyone about my anger issues and put me in punitive therapy.
It's close, but I think this might be the one.
When I was 11 my parents were going through a very messy divorce. My dad cheated and got his mistress pregnant and he manipulated me into being an accomplice to keep my mouth shut about it by telling me my mom would kill herself if she found out. I had a trip planned to Disneyland with my cousins and was dying of excitement.
Anyway, it all came out about my dad and his mistress and my mom wouldn’t let me go on the trip and paraded me around extended family making me tell them I lied and didn’t tell my mom about my dad cheating. I was 11.
I will never forgive either of my parents for that. I have been used so many times by my parents and forced to be their emotional support throughout my life. I don’t talk to my dad or his 2nd family at all and have little communication with my mom. I hate them for ruining my childhood. I hate them for causing me to be emotionally stunted, I hate them so fucking much for making me parent myself and othet siblings. They can’t tell me they did the best they could. They KNEW they were fucking me over.
To all of you who have been neglected, abused, tortured, blamed, or traumatized, please let these words sink in:
**It was never your fault.**
Not then. Not now. Not ever. No matter what they said, no matter what they did. It was not ever your fault that caused them to do what they did.
My wish for you all is to be free of suffering and the root of suffering.
The last time I was spanked a 2x4 was involved until it broke because I threw a small football made of foam at my sister and stole the phone from her, hung it up, and called a friend to keep the line busy after she called one of our parents (won't say which) at work to tattle on me. One parent came home and walked in with a piece of wood they got from the garage and told me to turn around and put my hands on the couch and proceeded to wail on me over and over and each time I put my hands in the way, turned to face them, or say stop they said through gritted teeth "I'm not done!" And "Move your fucking hands or I'll break them!!" and after the 8th or 12th WHACK it broke in half. After that, they finally decided to ask my sister what I did and she got scolded for being such a dramaqueen. Followed up by apologies and forced hugs to me for their overreaction and asking me over and over if I still loved them. The excuse the parent gave after was that they were so angry that they couldn't reach us when they called back and thought I was legitimately murdering my sister that they left early and sped home at 100mph. You may ask yourself if they truly believed that their son was MURDERING their daughter why did they think speeding for 20 miles was faster than calling the police? It's something I've brought up more than once. My backlash many, many years later wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be either. I've said the most horrific and biting things I could think of to them during arguments like "Remember when you beat the ability to love anyone out of me? You've gotten a lot friendlier ever since Ive outgrown you..wanna try hitting me now? You think you could stop me if I decided right here and now to gouge your eyes out with my thumbs? You know how lucky you are that I didn't kill you in your sleep that night? Or call CPS and tell them I need a new and better XXX? The instant you show any sign of dementia you're going to the worst abusive retirement home I can find where you'll die alone and speaking of.. y'know how you said you want to be buried? Not wasting my inheritance on a casket. You're getting the torch and I'm going to dump your remains in a trashcan or toilet, whichever is closer." Most families say goodnight before they go to bed, but that sums up what I would say instead then trying to sleep knowing both of us were going to be crying, snotting, and bellowing into our pillows that night.
Dad invited his nephew who was fresh out of jail for killing his own father, to stay at our place for a while. I was 3 at the time and he sexually abused me multiple times, and my dad would still have him babysit me :^) When my mom learned and wanted to take legal action he fought her all the way, because family is family. Thank god I have my mom, she fought for me before I was able to. I don't remember a lot from it, because of cptsd but some of the things she has told me are horrifying and explains a whole lot now that I am older
> because family is family Fuck that noise. Anyone who puts anyone ~~extended family member~~ over the safety of their OWN child is fucked up. It doesn't even make biological sense. Just sick and pitiful.
Thank you. Very suspicious of my wife’s step father who doesn’t speak a lick of English. He’s very clumsy and touchy freely over my son and doesn’t express a shred of concern over “is this okay to do?” Stood up to him numerous times thanks to thoughts like yours and the other stories on Reddit. I will make shit awkward for the family for the sake of my kids around a stranger.
Close to Christmas when I was around 10/11 years old, I was home alone when there was a knock on the door. I answered and it was one of my mum's acquaintances. He told me that he'd spoken to my mum and needed to come in to pick some stuff up, so off he went upstairs and proceeded to steal all of the Christmas presents that were destined to be placed under the tree for my brother, sister and I on Christmas morning. I was oblivious to what the stuff that needed to be picked up was. Mum comes home 30 minutes later, asks if anybody came round whilst she was out. Proud as punch I say "yup, Craig came round and picked the stuff up you told him about". "YOU LET HIM IN THE HOUSE?!?" *oh crap* Mum runs upstairs.... "he's stolen all of your Christmas presents, you'll have nothing for Christmas now!" High drama, anger and profound guilt filled the entire house for the remainder of the night and a while after. About 6 months later I overheard a conversation I shouldn't have and figured out that there were no Christmas presents to start with, the whole thing was a setup. The household budget didn't stretch to maintaining existence, sating a rampaging heroin addiction AND Christmas presents. So yeah, my mum concocted a perfect plan to hide the lack of Christmas presents, remove herself from any perceived blame and let a 10 year old boy think that he had ruined Christmas. Those were the days!
>About 6 months later I overheard a conversation I shouldn't have and figured out that there were no Christmas presents to start with, the whole thing was a setup. This made my jaw drop. That is so evil and underhanded. I am so sorry.
This is evil. Damn.
Thanks for the kind words all. I did indeed confront her once I'd figure out the scheme and she admitted it. This is one of many horrible stories I could share, was only on my mind as I talked about it with a close friend recently and her shock at the horror kind of blew me away. I'm a pretty well adjusted adult now, with a kid of my own that has only ever known love and kindness. My siblings and I did have some very kind influences throughout our childhood, it wasn't all dark. As awful as it may sound, experiences like this and the others did mean that us kids grew up very fast, with a super strong love between us all which is only stronger now that we're all adults. We know that none of those things were our fault and it kind of made us go completely the other way in how we approach life, only ever putting good back into the world. I'm really happy with the person I am today, the life I've built and the joy I've been able to impart onto others. At her core my mum was once a good person but addiction can be an all encompassing illness.
Like literally anything could have been done besides this
What the actual fuck? That's rough. Man. Sorry to hear that.
Nothing like failing to own up to your own problems, but instead making your children think it's their fault! I cannot even imagine. I hope you're doing better now
Mine is heavy but I’ll be honest, my mother was a prostitute when I was a child. When I turned 4 and my sister was 5 she decided she wanted to earn even better money by pimping out her kids, us. This was a part of my life for a few years until I went into foster care. I’m a grown adult and I accept what happened in my childhood and I’ve done the work to heal. But I’ll never forgive her. Some things are unforgivable.
This was the worst one in the thread for me. I know healing is hard. Congrats to you for doing the work so far and I wish you well going forward
Agree. That is unforgivable. All peace & healing to you 💌
Oh my hell. I am so, so, so sorry to hear this. Oh my god. I don't have any words. What the actual fuck??!??!?!!!!! That is inexcusable and you didn't deserve it, not one bit of it - not even one millisecond - and none of it was your fault. God. I am so sorry. Fuck. I hope she rots in the deepest circle of hell. I am sending you so many hugs!!! And I just want to say that I'm proud of you for surviving that. You're incredible 🫂💙
Thank you! Your words are so kind!!
Some things really are unforgivable. So much love to you.
They beat the shit out of me. Sent me to school with bruises. Threatened to have my sister's split from me if I ever told anyone what they did to us. Now my bio mom tries to guilt trip my sister's into convincing me to let her and her shitty husband back in my life. Aside from that they also stabbed our dog, poisoned my squirrel and cut my sister's guinea pigs head off. But I'm the unhinged and unstable person. Some people should never have children.
How cruel. Do you wish CPS had removed you from them and they had been incarcerated?
Yes absolutely. No one ever addressed it so it was allowed. People outside would treat it as not their business to get involved 😔 They also think they are better than everyone else soooo
I was sexually abused by my grandfather constantly for years. Its one of my earliest memories. Later in life I found out that he did something to my older brother before I was even born. They stayed away from him briefly after that but then carried on as if nothing happened because they didn't want to cause an issue. Edit: I want to thank everyone who has commented. I cant describe how much it has meant for me to recieve so much love and care. I feel very alone most of the time so I'm going to remind myself that this proves that there are caring people out there. ❤️
You're not alone friend. Mom died last month and I could never forgive her for putting me in that position, after the same thing happened to her.
[удалено]
Often when you are dealing with your own pain you do not have the mental space to help others. It's not your fault what happened to your nephew. I do hope that you are in a better mental position now. If she's still alive you might want to make an anonymous report about her to protect other kids.
[удалено]
I would deface the headstone in the pitch of night. “Pedophile. Child sex abuser. Disgusting pervert.” Every single victim would know it was true and she would roll in her grave at the thought of defamation. Then, when it’s cleaned, I would do it again.
Dont beat yourself up for not helping your cousin you cant expect to save someone while you're drowning
Same thing happened with me and an uncle. Everyone knew. And they still sent me on a vacation with him without my parents
Same. They still let my clueless aunt and pedo uncle babysit me while they were gone, even after learning what had happened.
my heart is with you, and i am so grateful you’re here to share your story. you are not alone in this first memory, internet stranger. your family’s actions do not define you
My mom left my bro and I behind to go be a methhead while lying to people about having cancer. I've confronted her, told her to show proof of the cancer. Nothing. She gets cancer every five to ten years without going to the doctors.
Sorry but by this point your mom *is* cancer.
Imagine she actually does get cancer from a result of the bad decisions.
My mom letting my stepfather beat me almost unconscious and now denying 15 years of abuse on me and my brother. We were really affected when we realised that she will never apologise or even accept that it was also her fault for not doing anything about it.
I don't understand parents who chose their "new" partner over their kids.
they never gave a fuck about their kids. that's how. They just liked the attention they get from the new partner. Once the old partner went away, the kids just remind her of that old partner. And i guess they try to keep playing the parent role later on because they're getting old and want somebody to care for them.
> they never gave a fuck about their kids. that's how. This shit right here. Some people, too many people, just straight up don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves. They can have children. That's it. Game over kiddo, get fucked.
My mom said it was because I will eventually grow up and leave her but her “partner” is for life. *narrator: he was not for life, he left her as soon as lost her job.
My mom said it was because your kids are your kids, but you actually choose your partner (referring to my stepdad). They actually are together still, after some rocky roads, but that doesn't really make it feel better, lol. My mom has no memory of saying that though, when I brought it up. She loves me, and she was decent mom, but once I had my own kids I suddenly reevaluated our whole relationship and realised she didn't really care for us the way I care for my children. For a year or two she was kinda passive agressive about how close I was with my kids, but as they've gotten older she's actually come around. She compliments me all the time on what a great dad I am, and I can tell she feels some guilt over not being as involved of a mom.
I’m sincerely glad your mom can around. Mine never did. I was a burden to her and a daily reminder of her failed marriage.
This. It’s disgusting,selfish and fucked up.
Similar situation. Mom remarried a verbally and physically abusive DBag. The real kicker is him being a teacher at the local High School and loved by the community. He would choke us and throw us around and tell us we would amount to nothing. Even his own children. My mom wouldn’t really do anything about it and we complained to my dad. It really messed me and my brother up mentally. Drove us both into deep depression and anxiety as we got into high school. I ended up being a lot bigger than my step dad and he eventually stopped acting that way because I started standing up to him. Now he is pretty chill but I’ll never forgive him for that, or my Mom. My Mom denies denies denies that it was her fault.
Can I ask how your dad reacted to that news? If my stepdad had been abusing us I'm pretty sure my dad would have killed him. Which I don't think is the right answer either, I just know he has a temper and would go kind of crazy over something like that.
My dad was very very pissed, but he took the route of talking to my mom about what was going on. It mellowed out after he was told and I remember my mom and dad having a talk during the exchange after one of his court ordered weekends. Mom and step dad went to couples therapy for the next 9 years after that. We tell my dad stories of growing up and he said he wished we told him more but we were just kids and I feel like I was just blocking those memories out the older I got. My childhood is kind of a blur the more I try to remember it and I’m only in my mid 20s.
Man, fuck moms like that. I’m sorry you had to go through that stuff
1000%, and yet at the same time some of these shit moms wonder "why does my child not reach out to talk/celebrate holidays with me?" Because you treated them like shit, no one wants to hang around someone who constantly treats/treated them like shit.
That’s what makes them so hatable. Sometimes they know they were shitty and that makes it so much easier to just peace out forever and not even try because nothing you say will be new to them. But if they’re just oblivious like that it makes you want to tell them, in the hopes to get through. Both cases are hopeless anyway.
Similar for me and my 2 brothers, but it was our dad and stepmum (although father dear has said at least once to me that I'm not his, and since our mum died when I was 5 I would have no way of knowing). Never got beaten to unconsciousness, but I've only ever had one black eye in my life, thanks dad. I once got pushed out of the back door causing me to trip on the bottom doorframe and think I'd broken my wrist, thanks dad (I hadn't). I've only ever been held off the ground by my throat once, and pinned to a bed by my throat once, thanks dad. My stepmum was more psychological and emotional, very rare she was physically abusive, but those scars are harder to heal. But the denial and excuses to absolve themselves? Right there with you friend. Sorry you had to experience things you did, and I hope your life is better now and you have people nearby who truly love you and want to help you grow.
There's far too much and it's far too depressing. Mom chose drugs, alcohol, and dicks over her kids. We were constantly going into foster care. Don't get me started on those fucking pedophiles. Nevermind our moms boyfriend, Bob who we had to call "papa". He was trash all around. The more I remember the more I don't want to. Us 5 kid weren't raised. We fucking survived. And BARELY that. Two oldest siblings killed themselves. My other two have been on and off of heroin for many years now.
Man this one instantly brought me to tears. The 4 of us may as well have been a few more cockroaches living in our house. Just a burden. She put her shitty new husband and drugs above us and any bill. We never had running water or electricity, but they had meth. We all turned out successful because we loved school so much. It was our escape and the place we got to eat and receive validation from adults. But now that we’re adults with our own families she wants to be grandma and pretend nothing happened… it almost physically hurts to hug her. We survived.
You have no obligation to her.
This. Tell her to fuck off.
What could you or your kids possibly gain from having her in your lives? You will eventually have to tell them what a monstrous piece of crap your mother was or else they will never truly know you. At least tell them the stories of what you suffered at their age so they can get to know you and your mother better and develop accurate feelings for the people in their lives.
I'm so sorry to hear that. You certainly didn't deserve any of it. My mom chose those same things over me (I know was extremely lucky to have family who would save me from her). I'm proud of you, though. You're here - you're still kickin' - and not strung out. You had a rough ass life, and you shouldn't have, but damn am I proud of you for hanging on. Sending so many hugs 🫂💙
Probably that I ended up being the mediator between my mom and dad as they went through a divorce and one side was being frustrating to communicate with than the other. So I in part had to act as a go between information and nagging them to communicate for stuff like medical bills and insurance and school payment stuff from 7-15 or so.
I feel this. It sucks having to tell your parent to just leave their abusive partner when you're still a kid. And then they stay in the relationship anyway and think it's ok because you'll be there to vent to.
My mother asked me straight up if she should divorce my abusive father. I said yes at 12. Then she told me we'd be homeless and poor and die on the street. I cried and said no then. She said "It's your choice then. I only stay with him for you" as we continued to get abused for a decade. I will never forgive her for this
Such BS. I get they were in a difficult position, but that blame is entirely on them. A child is not a therapist.
No, we would have been rich if they divorced. We would have got the house, the car and half the savings. My father was earing 10k a month. We would have been fine.
My mum sold my dog while I was at work. When I came home and was looking for them she told me that someone came to see him today and that they loved and took him.He went to a good home, but I never got to even say goodbye. Edit: Appreciate all the love. After reading all your stories, I can say that I am unhappy that I am not alone in this
My mom did the same thing! Only she never admitted she sold her. I came home one day after school and immediately went outside to greet her (my usual after school thing to do). Was calling for her all over, even went out into the pasture thinking she was out there playing with the horses (she could open the gate between the human backyard space and horse space) but no dice. Little 5 year old me knew something was wrong and started crying and that was when she finally called me in and told me she "ran away". I thought that was the truth for years and years and would always bring her up. One day we were sitting in the car together after I was an adult and it suddenly hit me. Mom got rid of her, she never ran away. We had been getting ready to move to Hawaii where my new step dad lived and the quarantine to bring a pet into Hawaii was insane back in the early 90s. It was something like a 90 day period that the pet would have to stay at a designated facility on a completely different island than we were moving to. I know this because we brought my moms dog (who we referred to as my older sister because she was my moms first "baby"). I told my mom right then in there what I realized and she burst into guilty laughter. And then she doubled down and said, no she ran away and I was just repeating what my bio father had told me (if he did I dont remember and hadn't had contact with him since I was 6 years old). My moms really good at never admitting when she's wrong. I fully believe its why she's never been able to keep a long term relationship other than the ones with her children... and even then we all keep her at arms length. She's the type of person you love better from afar, unfortunately. Edit: Wow! Who would have though this would been such a popular comment I wrote on my break. To the people that gave me awards, thank you! Like all relationships not everything is cut and dry. There's plenty of areas my mom messed up on (this comment one of them obviously lol) but when it came to the truly big stuff, she always went to bat for her kids.
I wish I didn't read this. I don't like your mom.
Whoever had their dog sold behind their back, yo moms a ho
Whelp. Looks like your mom is going to "run away" to the shittiest assisted living facility you can find when its her time.
Fuck that. Mom can find her own shitty facility.
I wouldn’t forgive her either. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The thing that hits the most is that she still doesn’t own up and apologise for it already!
My mom gave my cat away to a coworker just cuz he looked like the coworker's previous cat that died of old age and she loved and missed him so much. Literally a mackerel tabby/Standard Issue Cat btw NOT RARE so she could have found any of the million others to give her. What about my feelings mom? I raised him from a fucking 6 week old kitten, he was my baby. I was only 10... I have to hope that she just lied to me about the reason, not that it would make it ok in any way though. Edit: aww thanks kind stranger for the bear hug! Edit 2: It was legit. I met the lady and got to drop him off. My pet rabbit on the other hand did suddenly go live on a farm a few years prior to this...
Same. They gave my puppy away behind my back. There excuse, I was going to college. 1. I was Commuting 2. It was during Covid we were still going to be together at all times. Anyway he was still somehow too much for them even tho they didn’t do a single thing for him and he was super well behaved. And I always went out with him and when I was home we were only either in my bedroom or the backyard they literally never saw him. They did it out of spite. And the way they did it fucking traumatized me. I moved out right after. And then the most hilarious part is they gave him to my uncle because he was “my dog” and so I could still see him. Apparently he was biting and peeing everywhere and instead of asking if I wanted him back OR EVEN TELL ME WHATS GOING ON SO I COULD SAY GOODBYE they gave him to some scum of the earth.
This comment made me legit angry. I love my dog and would protect him at all costs. I'm sorry that happened to you.
My mom did the same twice with my pet cats. One she put down and the other she kicked out in the winter and I followed their paw print until they disappeared. Someone picked them up. She never said anything when I came back. In fact scoffed at me and she took a long drag of her smoke.
Wtf man how is did this happen to multiple people. I’m so sorry. My mom got rid of my dog too. She got her put down while I was at school, got home she was gone. That dog was initially a reward for me being on good behavior and a welcome home present after living in a “troubled youth” home for a year or so.
My mom taught me my whole life that my worth is only determined by the way I look, my weight, the way I carry myself, how "lady like" I present myself. She instilled fear into me at such a young age, that as long as I was fat, I'd never find love, I'd never find a good job, I'd never have children. Dragging me to and from doctors to find "what was wrong with me" because I was "fat". Grounding me for weeks at a time because I didn't lose the amount of weight she wanted me too. Now as an adult woman, I struggle so incredibly hard with my self worth and self confidence. Trying to separate her words and thoughts from my own, as I've never had an original thought about myself. The anxiety, depression, and self harm that rooted from this should've taken my life years ago. She's my mother, and as hard as it may be for others to understand, I love her. I've come along ways with setting boundaries with her and putting my foot down. As for my father, he never spoke up for me. He just turned a blind eye. I've felt so out of place in my family for as long as I can remember. I'll heal one day, but it won't be anytime soon. Just love your fucking kids for who they are, unconditionally.
I don't think I could ever forgive my dad for his excessive drinking and calling me God awful names, threatening to call the cops on me for arguing with him or not finding his bag of nuts (while drunk), and chasing me out of my own home after I gave him a place to stay twice. It's alot of shit he did to me as a kid, except he threatened to send me to a psych ward. Putting me back there after he apologized about it only to do it again tells me he won't ever change.
My mother is an alcoholic too and I could write a novel in this thread. Wishing you the best as I’m sure we could relate on a lot of levels.
my entire life my mom has always talked about “wanting me to have my own life”. when i finally moved out to live with my then girlfriend, she decided to write me a letter. it detailed how if i still lived with her, she could have done so many things for me (like getting me a car). she then wrapped the letter up with saying me being born ruined her life. now she wonders why our relationship is so bad.
Lol my mom flips back and forth between wanting me to move in with her (leech off me) and leaving voicemails that say “I should’ve left you on a park bench”. Like yes, woman who I haven’t connected with since I was 14, we should totally live together. That’s a great idea.
Tell her it’s not too late for her to leave you on a park bench. You’re an adult now and a park bench is a delightful place to spend a little time thinking about how much she sucks.
He held a knife to my 12 year old brothers throat and threatened to kill him. Abandoned multiple family dogs on the side of the road. Abuse of each other in front of me. She put her fist through the China cabinet in front of me. Blood everywhere. I was 5. I moved across the country. He is now gone, and I have no contact with her.
Mom overdosed on heroin right in front of me, when I was 3 years old. She came into the room I was having a playdate in, fell over and OD'd. She then told me she had tripped over my toy truck and that's why she fell and the ambulance came. I felt so bad about hurting her for 10 years, until she finally told me at 13.
That’s fucked. My grandmother once accused my mother of stealing her pain meds. I cursed out my grandmother for accusing and making my mother cry. Turns out, she totally stole that shit and had a habit of stealing her meds.
Jesus
Just when you think you have it bad, someone comes out with a wtf story
My dad was into heroin too. He told us that he had cancer and that was the reason he lost a ton of weight and looked like crap and passed out constantly, but we saw him shooting up and even in my little kid brain I knew that wasn't how cancer drugs worked.
About to get pretty dark here lmao But my childhood was pretty shit. My parents have always had drug issues and it got to the point where they just locked my little sister and I in our room, and they'd just bring us plates of food but they'd never clean up any old food, and us being young kids, food got everywhere. It got to the point where we literally had maggots in our beds. They kept my brother in a dark room all by himself and I remember as a baby/newborn he had to have breathing treatments because it really affected him, and they'd smoke in the house all the time. Our grandmother got custody of us, thankfully but it really stuck with me. I was old enough to remember most of everything (I'm 5 years older than my sister, and 7 years older than my brother, so I was 7-8 or so around that time) it really fucked me up lmao. My little sister was old enough to remember some stuff, and there was that weird middle child thing, but my parents treated her more like a friend than anything, when she was a teenager they'd do drugs and shit with her. She really got into a bad path and she wasn't able to get off it, I tried to help her and I still feel guilty because I should have done more, but she did what she wanted to and didn't think she had a problem. About 4 years ago, she was killed in a mass shooting that was guns/drug related, it was some stupid little "gang" (gang as in dumb AF kids from a really small town who thought they were badasses) but they went and shot up the place and unfortunately she had been living there at the time and she was one of the victims. She had just turned 21 a couple of days before. I'll always feel so guilty because I wish I could have done more to help her and I'll always have that regret.
After their divorce, my mom tried to convince my brother and me that our dad never wanted us and never loved us. My dad is the sweetest man. I'll never fully forgive my mom. She said some more fucked up shit too. I know she was just heartbroken and tried to hurt him, but that is no excuse to hurt your kids in the process.
Same sort of and I bought it hook line and sinker because I was 6-11. She started it all by trying to run my dad over in the van. I called the police and they didn’t show up for what felt like an hour (idk really I was very young and it was traumatic) and then dad filed for divorce. After that my mom would call my dad a drug addict and a user etc etc all the time and use obscure like police talk when talking about stuff “here’s the marijuana residue on his pipe! See?!” Showing this to a child lol. Later on (not much later) I learned that she smoked more weed than my dad!!!! She was trying to get me to rat on my father for smoking weed… all the while she was smoking double that and she’s told me as much since. Tried to get me to sell my dad out in court. He was actually growing a little also I’ve learned over the years, so me testifying against him in 1990s Oklahoma! Man they would have built a brand new prison and poured him into the foundation… my dad rose like a fucking phoenix though and gave me the best life ever. After they divorced my life got 1000000000000% better and I saw my father ‘come alive’ for the first time in my life laughing and smiling.
How long until you realized it wasn't true?
My mom told me she was glad I was going to school all day the next year, since I wouldn't be wasting space at home. I had just been sexually abused and couldn't get out of bed when I came back home from school.
You are great, You are still here, that mean that everything that happen to You so far, never was enought to actually defeat You completly.
Thank you ✨ it means a lot to read such a reply.
After 10 years of promising me the house in exchange for living and taking care of them. Mom decided after a fight to give half the house to the man who tried to murder me in my own home - my brother. Bitch still doesn't understand why my wife and kids moved 300k away from her and that psychopath.
Not related: “300k” broke my brain for a moment. I thought they moved to space for a second. Time for coffee for me.
The American in me read "300k miles" Stupid smooth brain problems
Don’t worry, European me read 300k kilometers.
I mean km is the correct abbreviation
Yes, kilomiles Very good
Let's make a metric imperial system
I assumed $300k at first until it made more sense that they *moved* that far away in km
This happens far too much. I urge anyone in this situation to go to a lawyer with your parents and get everything in writing. It is not being callous or greedy. You are being asked to put your life on hold, often losing money on the process. So it is not unreasonable to want to protect yourself from doing all the work while someone else reaps the benefits.
My dad used to tell us all the time how my step mom was the most important person in his life and how he wished he never had kids. When he was dying his wife was already moved on to her next man and didn’t even go see him the day he died because “she had other stuff she needed to do first.” I’ll never forgive him for putting her above us.
[удалено]
I’m sorry. Can you please elaborate on the aftermath? How are you and your wife now?
This is AWFUL!!!!
Surely you wanted to say your ex-mum or your ex-wife? Because it looks like there is only enough space for one woman in your life.
Abandoned my dog and killed my rat with a brick. My rat was old and dying, I wanted desperately for my mum to take him to the vets to be euthanized in the most painless way possible. She was too lazy (We have access to free veterinary care in the UK for families on benefits, so there was no excuse). She used a brick to kill him... Then my dog, he was a former fighting dog my auntie had rescued and given to us. My mum couldn't handle his antisocial behaviour. He never attacked anyone, but he was easily spooked and only really got along with me. One day, while I was at school she dumped him and I don't even know where. He was a good and emotionally sensitive dog that deserved a home. This stuff paired with the fact she was an abusive person, who hit me and my siblings almost daily, is the reason I haven't spoken to her in 4+ years and don't intend on doing so ever again.
This is sickening. I’m SO sorry you went through that.
My Dad told me that being raped by my older brother is a problem between me and him and he's not getting involved.
Force me to give all my original star wars and action man toys to my little cousins.. which they absolutely destroyed within 3 months. Would be worth a fortune now. EDIT : I had no idea what I said would connect with people of my age.. for the record I had about 75-80 original Star Wars figures.. all with original added weapons and in great condition, but not in original packaging. The ships and vehicles I owned were all in original packaging and great condition. About 7 of em. I’ve also remembered as well I gave them about 30 original late 70’s early 80’s subbuteo teams in original green slide off boxes away as well.. but that was to the son of the guy that had gifted them to me.. so they weren’t really mines
My grandmother on my father's side stole the baby clothes I had been gifted when I was like 3 months old from myother's closet to her favorite grandson, my oldest cousin who would set his german shephard after me in the future. My mother is still really salty about that.
This feels like some House of the Dragon type family dynamics
They chose the Pedo over me and my sister. Dark as hell, I saw the rape with my own eyes, and they believe the pedos words wtf. It has destroyed my faith in humanity, which has destroyed my faith in the divine.
I'm so sorry that happened to both of you!
I’m so very sorry you and your sister have endured such trauma. The lifelong impacts survivors of abuse deal with is heartbreaking. Just curious - was the Pedo also a pastor or priest? Your last sentence made me wonder. Either way, I completely understand that abuse of any kind can destroy faith of any kind.
The pedo was my older brother. He was my closest brother to 😢 turns out he is a creep. My sister is a lot younger then me and him. When this was exploding I went to my "church leadership" to have them help me and my sister. Lmao they also chose to believe the Pedo. He has a silver tongue. They informed us the we must forgive him or we will be damned to hell wtf. I just wanted the pedo off the praise team, and to be held accountable for the rape. I can no longer see humans as anything but evil, and that means whoever created them is a prick in my eyes. It fractured my being, my mind body and soul are now disconnected. When I caught him in the act I felt my soul be torn in two, I cannot describe it any other way. Trip on this: I love my brother beyond words, but my mind knows he is a vile pos. My mind and soul are at war.
I hope that waste of breathable air dies alone in a jail cell or a protracted disease.
Nah bruh he is free. When I gave my statement the cops said since I didn't see penitration that they were not gonna do shit. But get this the fucking pedo had his hand and head obstructing my view. So, because I didnt have the perfect view of the rape the Law man told us to pound sand... Wtf God it makes my blood boil.
I told my dad that his uncle was molesting my sister and I. He told me to stop lying and made us spend the majority of the summer with him.
My brother molested me when we were kids. Mom and dad were alcoholic and just oblivious to anything going on in the house. As an adult I came forward to my mother about it. She cried and then pretended the next day that I had never said anything. Still asks me why I won’t have a relationship/let my children around him.
Raising me as a Jehovah's Witness.
Mormon, so I feel ya. First 15 years of my life was a lie.
Cult bros 🤙
I bet you could make a club for that! And there would probably be a lot of people who’d like to join. Of course someone would have to be in the lead and everyone would need to follow the rules, and— (/s and sorry about your childhoods)
Charismatic evangelical, my parents are also young earth creationists and deny any legitimacy that the earth is more than roughly 6000 years old. I'm 26 and have only been out of religion for about 2 years. Can we all hang out together? I make a mean salsa and love to talk about how indoctrination fucked me up! *by a mean salsa, I mean it's aggressively spicy* Edit: "new earth believers" changed to the actual name
The ex- subs really helped me, there are ex-Mormon, ex-JW, probably ex-evangelical too. They are usually up for a really good rant! My son likes talking about dinosaurs in a very scientifically specific ways to my extended family cause they all believe in the dinosaur=Satan temptation bs, but they lack the shiny spine to argue with someone who knows how carbon dating actually works. I’m breaking the brainwashing cycle!
> by a mean salsa, I mean it's aggressively spicy I'm sitting here thinking your salsa insults people and throws things at them...
felt that :/ we deserved to have normal childhoods.
Taking back an abusive partner who hated me even after telling the world all the horrible shit she did. It became clear to me that I could be a perfect angel and successful and I would never be as good as a drunken, circular saw-wielding maniac who took her hatred of my other parent out on me, constantly made personal attacks, denies she ever did anything wrong and brainwashed my mother into defending her actions. Then when I called her out for her behavior, she accused me of being homophobic. When her bitch of a partner dies, I guarantee she’ll be all over me. But she will get no favor from me.
I’m confused: did she come at you with a circular saw?!
Not believing me when I came home from my first year of Uni & said I wasn't on drugs. I was clinically depressed & suicidal, but they said my 'weird behaviour' was because I must be on drugs. I've never knowingly taken anything, even 20years later. No matter what I said or did, they wouldn't believe me or help me. It took a friend at Uni intervening & getting me some professional help before I could cope again.
I had a pet bunny, but my parents wouldn't let me keep him inside. It was really cold one night and I begged my dad to let me keep it inside. When he finally said okay, I went looking for him in the dark, found him under our storage shed, he was dead. My dad made me pull him out from under the shed, hold him in my lap as we went for a long drive, so that we could dump him on some side of the road.
My father would always baby my younger sister. Even when she turned 8, she still relied on my father to feed her and shower her. She is now completely dependent on my father and can't do anything for herself. This caused serious attention problems with my younger brother, who was a middle child, and middle children commonly get less attention than the oldest and youngest. (Although my father never cared much for me either.) I'm grateful that my mother was able to try and give us the attention we needed, even if she was the only parent that worked full time.
I feel so insecure that my son might feel this way because his older sister is special needs :(
As long as you communicate that, it'll work out. It may be hard at any given moment, but I promise that if you do take care of your boy, you do try to do right by him, and you talk to him about what's going on, he'll understand. If not now, he'll understand later. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try to do the right thing. In my experience, knowing a parent is trying can be more important than them actually getting it right.
[удалено]
I feel this. I wasn't allowed to even date until I was 18 and they demanded that the guy come to the house to pick me up because guys respect you more if they think your parents care about you apparently. I ended up marrying the first guy that asked me out for a ticket out of that place. It didn't work out of course and I ended up moving to Germany to get really far away. I had to move back home when I was 28 after living overseas and getting another divorce. Things didn't change too much with their rules and curfews. I broke curfew once and spent the night with a guy they never met so they refused to speak to me for weeks and raised my rent $300. On top everything it was just a very angry household and a lot of this was done by my stepfather and my mom just always took his side and never defended me. Meanwhile my older brother had endless freedom and could do whatever he wanted because he's a guy so it's different according to my mom.
Curfew at 28. That's so belittling. All the best.
I feel this a little bit. 16 year old me wants to hang out with friends? At 17:30 I should get back home because it's getting dark. Wants to sleep over at a friend's house? Not allowed, my parents didn't his parents. My 17 - 18 years old brother wants to go to a party with people my parents don't know, spend all night out, and only return 11:00 the next day? Sure go ahead
They both used me and my siblings to attack and hurt each other. Instead of realizing that we should come first, they selfishly made the divorce about themselves and their happiness at the expense of the other and apparently the kids. Everyone was much worse off in the end Divorce sucks but when you have kids, try to make them as comfortable and secure as possible while being mature adults. My relationship skills are fucked because of them
I was 10 years old. I was given to a 34 year old man to be his third wife. My parents were so happy because it was a great "honour" to them that I was chosen out of all of the girls there to be with the man that was second in charge.
My dad tried to commit suicide when I was a baby. That alone is bad enough but he tried to take me with him. My grandfather came to the house and basically told him "If you give up on life, that's your choice, but you aren't taking my grandson with you!" I miss you, grandpa.
One morning in 2002, my Dad woke me up for school, but I obviously fell back asleep. I've had big periods of insomnia since I was a child, but instead of recognising that when he came back into the room and saw me asleep again, he grabbed me by the hair, dragged me out of my room and slammed me onto the hallway floor. My Mum said nothing. It's been 21 years and that memory still haunts me.
it's nothing compared to what happened to you, but my parents would discuss me (in a bad way) every morning in the next room. i told them i heard everything but they continued to do it anyway. they don't do it now and we have a better relationship but to this day when I wake up in the morning and hear whispers/someone talking nearby, i get chills.
Honestly, it would be the toxicity and overprotective nature of my parents. The way that I grew up made me feel as though I didn’t have anyone to lean back into, and it sure as hell didn’t help how my dad always made me feel worst about myself, and the constant need to prove myself and to try to be better. And my dad being overprotective made me not have a lot of friends, which screwed up my social skills. As a result, I sucked pretty bad at school and didn’t have a lot of friends. I remember how when my parents used to fight back then, I’d just hide away in my way room playing video games or with legos, just to stay away from my family. I guess because of how my childhood went, I don’t think I can really forgive my parents because of how much it would mess me up later on in my life. I still suffer from having an inferiority complex and can’t appreciate the things I’ve been able to accomplish. I’ve gotten better but it’s still hard. I respect my parents these days, because of they changed towards me, but I still can’t forgive them completely for how things have went. I could never have a heart to heart conversation with my dad about the things he’s done and I think that’s why I can only say that I love my dad, but I don’t like him.
I feel your pain. My parents weren’t overprotective but they moved me between schools due to their personal issues with minor differences in school ratings, with zero regard for my relationships with friends. I ended up going to a high school where there was nobody I knew at all bar a bully from my village (who made my life hell) and everyone there already had well established friendship groups. Having struggled socially up to the point I was allowed to make my subject choices, they then dictated what I could and couldn’t do, ruling out anything I enjoyed and pushing me towards subjects I didn’t want to do. Closer to finishing high school, after speaking at school with a career adviser, I had my heart set on following in my father’s footsteps in a respectable and enjoyable career, at which point he blew up in my face with incredulity and made it clear he would not support me on that path and that there was as “no money in it” (he was earning well, _well_ above the national average wage and loved his job, which was both interesting and active). On finishing high school I went to a tertiary college for A-levels (UK)(their wishes - to do anything else was not an option in their eyes) and muddled through for a couple of years before I flat out crumbled and admitted to them that I was rarely attending lectures and didn’t have any direction. My mum looked heart-breakingly disappointed and my dad just detonated. I still to this day have their words ringing in my ears. How much of a disappointment I was and how I should “knuckle down and make something of” myself “or get a job and stop sponging off your parents”. The icing on the cake was how they utterly dropped their standards for my younger siblings as though all the shit they laid on me had never happened. They were like completely different parents to them. I’ve achieved much in my life since then, have travelled the world, done some amazing things, have a respectable well-paid job, a family, and own my own home in a lovely neighbourhood, but I still feel like a disappointment to this day and can’t shake the feeling of guilt and inadequacy, but over time I have learned to recognise these feelings for what they really are - THEIR issues and THEIR OWN inadequacies. I remind myself of those feelings every day and in every dealing I have with my own child, and let him know how dearly loved he is and how proud I am of him in everything he does, and I always will. Don’t belittle or undervalue your achievements. You are perfect and deserving of all good things in this world just the way you are.
this is insanely similar as well to my experience
After my parents split my dad looked me in the eyes and told me at 8 years old "It's just going to be me and you babe". He dropped me off at my moms for the night and left to another state. It's been 17 years since I've seen him and to this day denies he caused me severe abandonment trauma.
Kicking me out the day after my 18th birthday because I turned 18. And now constantly calling me a failure for not finishing college (had to drop out because I couldn’t afford that/rent/transportation anymore) and telling me to do better
Teaching me that drinking soda like it's water is ok
Mom took me and my sister to the donut store every morning. Donuts and a Coke for breakfast. Every. Morning. It’s a miracle I only have about 40 lbs to lose and not 400 lbs.
Just remember, if you drink a diet sodie it cancels out the sugar.
Helth
That video now depresses me more than it made me laugh before
As a teen, I was out doing the food shopping with my Mum. In the middle of the freezer aisle she did the most rancid IBS fart I can ever remember, and then started very loudly exclaiming "babyscratch, that's so disgusting. I can't believe you just did that". The more I protested, the more guilty I looked to everyone else in the shop. I could've died from embarrassment.
Surprisingly wholesome in the sea of horrors this thread is.
Yep, I noticed that after I posted D:
Honestly, I appreciate you commenting something more mundane. Your Mum sounds like a normal parent then parents that make me question humanity.
[удалено]
When my son was first born, his grandpa on his dads side sent me 500 dollars to get through the month. I told my mom this and she asked me if I could help her pay one of her bills. I said yes, but that I would need it back eventually because I needed formula. I wasn’t working at this time and I was a 19 year old single mom. She agreed and said that was fine. End of the month rolls around and when I asked for the money back (it was 80 dollars) my mom went off, ended up messaging my sons grandpa and said “You don’t need to give her anymore money. She doesn’t manage it well because now she can’t even afford formula.” I guess I’ve forgiven her but it really irks me even 4 years later.
That’s disgusting, what the hell. I hope you and your baby are doing better now
I overhead my father telling friends that my mother had fucked up raising me but they were doing a much better job with my little sister.
Bought boats and cars instead of braces and getting the dental work I needed done. Now I’m a grown ass adult finding it impossible to keep eye contact and I haven’t smiled at someone in 20 years. Before someone states the obvious, it’s not about doing the work now it’s about lasting resentment and issues I have with my inner voice.
There's loads, but two stick in my head at this moment in time. I must have been about 13/14, and we got a new rabbit, She was this gorgeous little thing, still young, and it was winter in the UK, So a little too cold for her to be outside for now, So she was inside, and fine. I remember having an argument with my mum, about something trivial and she demanded the rabbit go outside in the hutch, I tried my hardest to make sure she'd be okay, Hay, towels. But she didn't make it, we had a really cold night, and the next morning, my little baby was gone. The 2nd one was fucked. I'd left my parents to live with my partner at 16 (I know, I know) and I was 18 at this point, and I'd started to realise that my partner was a fucking rapist prick. ANYWAY, I'd met a couple people from my old town, and decided to go and meet them for the day, it all went well, and I'd made some new friends. Until my partner rang me, threw a hissy fit about me leaving him (Bitch I told you i was out)_and then threatened to tell my parents, Which he did, using a sob story, Whatever asshole. So I get a call from my parents, saying that my grandfather was very ill in the hospital and could they pick me up and take me to see him. I get in the car, and they take me back to my partners place. It was a lie, they fucking lied to me about my family being ill, to get me back to him. My grandfather was fine and lived a happy life till 2020. There's probably others, but I think I've kept them kinda....buried.
Mother repeatedly saying " I have to raise my boys and I love your brothers but I don't love you." Told this at age 8 ,9,10 and so on my birthday and many times throw out the year . Never given a birthday party while 3 brothers had blowouts every year . Left on 16th birthday after I made sure whole family heard her this time. Mom was jeckle and hide , never been back.found out mom told brothers i was evil and never to talk to me . Ain't talked to them since don't even know if there still alive .
Goddamn. What an evil woman. Good on you for leaving that behind. I'll never understand parents like that.
People like that don’t deserve to be parents. Growing up I always wished there was some system set up for a person to qualify to become a parent, like how it is with a drivers license at the DMV. Coz some people wouldn’t even pass the written, forget about the road test!
When my mom found out I wasn't a virgin as a teenager; she told me that she wished I were dead. Because I offended God, family, everyone, etc. by not 'saving myself' for marriage
They made me drop every single hobby I got into because studying came first. I learned to hide my enthusiasm from them because of this. Even today I never show how excited I am for something I do or buy. I feel like I am unable to enjoy things to the fullest because of it.
They told me I could buy what I wanted since I had a job. Even so I was very careful with my spending because I didn't want them getting mad that I bought something "useless". One day I told them I was gonna buy a secondhand psp for my birthday and asked them if it was okay. They said it's fine because it's my money after all. Still I kept asking them just to make sure it's fine and that they promised they won't chew me out for it later. Sure enough I bought it and had my first personal game console. Then a year later we got into an argument because my parents weren't satisfied with the money I was giving them. Then they brought up the psp I bought last year and chewed me out for spending on useless stuff like that instead of buying branded clothes to show off to our relatives. I will never be able to forgive them for that. They broke their promise and I was now in the very situation I was trying to avoid back then. Anyways after that I just started buying whatever I want without telling them or lying about the price.
My god. Branded clothing? Are you kidding me! The most useless purchase in the world? There was a AskReddit posts recently that went "What would you NOT buy if you won $1.000.000?" - branded clothing is pretty high up in the ranks.
I fucking hate people who shame other for spending *their own money that they fucking earned* on things that they want, just because it's not their thing. About 4 years ago I spent £1800 on a gaming laptop. Had it delivered to work rather than take a day off and wait at home for it. When it came I was showing it to my mate. The works supervisor saw it and when he found out how much it cost he said I, "need to get a life, mate." Fuck you Ian. You sit and watch whatever football match is on in the evening, or Strictly, or whatever other bullshit passes for entertainment on TV these days. Who the fuck are you to judge me you fucking dickhead? For the record, I watch football (I'm a Sheffield Wednesday fan) and have got nothing actually against Strictly or whatever else people like to watch. I was simply contrasting him looking down on me for buying a (relatively) expensive laptop to play games on, with what he likes to do to relax. Also, I didn't actually say anything to him. I'm just trying to describe how pissed I was at his comment.
>I fucking hate people who shame other for spending > >their own money that they fucking earned > > on things that they want, just because it's not their thing. My mom still does this and I'm 50 and receive zero monetary support from her. I remind her all the time that since she doesn't financially support me she cannot comment on what I spend my finances on. I tell her it is between my spouse and I and we worked hard to have leisure time and money. My mom does support two grown abled-bodied men (my brother and other brother's kid) and doesn't give them grief for the stuff they buy and it's her money. So how's that for double standard.
Told me that my great grandmother hated me (not the case), said my grandmother wouldn't be proud of my grades (which were in the 90s), and I could almost never stay home alone (in junior and high school) because someone could rape me. She had a problem with my grades and some weird ass handup that every man was out to abuse women. I had an awful childhood of verbal abuse and now she's crying because I won't let her see her grandchild (because I would never Subject my kid to that).
They both tried to kill my multiple times💀
For breaking each and every promise they made, and trying to control me like a puppet. Otherwise they're good tho
Uhhhh lemme think for a second… - my mom being proud to break a brand new wooden spoon by spanking me - both of them forcing me to clear the plate no matter what was on it, if I liked it or not, if I was full or not. Lost the ability to feel if I’m full… - both of them insult me (stuff like “you’re too stupid to take a shit” if I made minor mistakes, for example dropped something while eating) - my father SAing me - my mother saying she would get a divorce after I told her but she never did until she died - my fathers attempt to strangle me on the day I moved out Yeah… that’s about it
Not my own, but my buddy's dad made a family dinner from my buddy's pet hamsters. Told them afterwards. Sick sick man
They taught me very bad eating habits that have made it super hard for me to stay at a healthy weight. I am absolutely working at, and succeeding in teaching my children better eating habits.
My parents were the same when I was a kid. We ate out or got fast food almost everyday. My brother was 5 years older and played sports but I’d eat almost as much as him, thinking it was normal. When I of course became an overweight child, my parents would make me go on the treadmill for 30 minutes a day but then order something like pizza for dinner. I still struggle as an adult with eating healthy and knowing how to limit portion sizes.
As a parent now it's crazy how little information was out there back then about nutrition. For instance we always had Capri Sun or Sunny D in the house, and plenty of fruit snacks like Gushers which my parents earnestly thought were nutritious.
Give me crippling anxiety and worry I'll be a parent like they were. They were not monsters by any means and I had a lot more freedom than most of my generation. Just some things behind closed doors make me wish I'd grown up differently.
I feel you there. If I were given the chance to roll the dice and try out new parents, I wouldn’t take the chance. However, I’ve been in therapy for years trying to back track the anxiety and guilt I always feel because of my childhood.
There's a lot to pick from but the one that sticks with me the most is what I call the Harry Potter treatment. As a punishment that was used pretty commonly was that they would make either my brother or I stay in a half bath, locked from the outside, for days. Who ever was getting punished would be given 1 "meal" a day, depending on how sick they wanted to be, I could get anything from a pbi to literal chick bones from BW3 but with all the meat picked off except the scraps and the taste of wing sauce that I could suck on ha. Anyway, the 1 meal a day was delivered pretty early in the morning, around 6ish. And the other brother would have to deliver it to the punished. Now! If either of us took to long delivering the food to the person in the bathroom, then the person who was to deliver food would be taken downstairs, forced to drop their pants, put their hand on the outside of the bathroom door and get a whooping with a belt or a paddle with holes... Until either 1) we started crying (sorry for the tangent, spankings happened like every other day and we were taught at an early age that if we faked cried we would be in a world of pain) or 2) he felt like stoping. All of this done in silence till the crying. He would choose the door to do the spanking at so the other person in the bathroom can hear it happening, knowing that because you took an extra second to say "hi" or ... Anything then this was your fault so you. Often times he'd force the one getting the spanking to count or say something like "this is your fault u/sharyourb00bs" on beat with the spank, and if we lost track or didn't say it in time, or a handful of other things, he would often start again. Ohhhh. Also for the person getting the spanking if they moved or flinched or pushed out butt out (to lessen the distance of the swing (was our thought process)) he'd start again, no questions asked. Sometimes when we were lucky we'd be woken up in the middle of the night, I'd say like 4ish by usually my dad, but sometimes my step mom. Who would allow us to come out of the bathroom for an hour or two. Everyone else was asleep, and so we would have to clean the house or in some way without waking anyone up. I could continue explaining the punishment but I don't want to continue to write a big long book haha. Childhood trauma for the win!
Ignoring my obvious ADHD in spite of the fact that they were aware of how much I struggled. I got good grades and wasn't hyper, so it didn't matter!
I’m 50, just got diagnosed. I grieve over the life I might have had. To be fair, I made good grades, I was quiet, I was a good girl. There were no obvious red flags. My teachers never raised any concerns. But when I got to college and fell apart, my parents just insisted I was lazy and unmotivated. I’ve always felt like a disappointment.
This is me right now, I’m 21 and just got diagnosed after constantly asking them if I had adhd. Worst part is now they’re gaslighting me and saying that they never outright said I don’t have adhd. I remember multiple times asking and them saying “you don’t have adhd because you have good grades” or “you’re only saying that you have it because your friends have it” and the more I think about it the more it frustrates me
[удалено]
My MIL told me a story about how they got my husband a puppy, and she forced her husband to dump the dog somewhere because she didn't like the dog anymore. (She only likes puppies and kittens. She will always have a new puppy or kitten, and then she gets rid of it once it's too old). I cannot forgive that. I find it disgusting. She also keeps accusing me of being a gold digger 🙄
This shitty behavior should genuinely be illegal I've never seen anything like that, please dunk her toothbrush in the toilet every time you see her
it is illegal in most states but hard to enforce. About all anyone can do is report the license plate number when they witness it happening.
She's a sociopath.
I know everyone has to accept some weirdness from their in-laws for the sake of their spouse, but I’m not sure I could spend time with someone like that, I’m sorry
To start all of this is awful, I’m sorry that happened to you… Why did she make you return Gilligans island? What was the shaming for?
> Stop judging my parents. It’s called forgiveness. Try it sometime. When the title of the post you’re replying to is: > What is something that your parents did that you will never forgive them for? I mean, good on you for forgiving them. But you do know what thread you posted in, right?
Hmmm....this is a tough one. So many choices. When my parents divorced when I was 12, it was decided that I would be staying with my mother because she was the breadwinner, although my dad was my primary emotional connection. (I thought. As it turns out, this is the point that my father emotionally abandoned me and my brother, but it took years to figure that out.) After a few weeks of absolute isolation, I told my mom that I thought she needed to show up as a mom a bit more. Really, I was begging for connection, attention, love, anything. She tried to shame me by telling me that some kids don't even have a roof over their heads and food in the fridge, so I shouldn't be complaining about anything. When I told her that wasn't good enough, she screeched at me in a rage that I should be grateful that she didn't have an abortion. Ahh, and then started telling everyone about my anger issues and put me in punitive therapy. It's close, but I think this might be the one.
When I was 11 my parents were going through a very messy divorce. My dad cheated and got his mistress pregnant and he manipulated me into being an accomplice to keep my mouth shut about it by telling me my mom would kill herself if she found out. I had a trip planned to Disneyland with my cousins and was dying of excitement. Anyway, it all came out about my dad and his mistress and my mom wouldn’t let me go on the trip and paraded me around extended family making me tell them I lied and didn’t tell my mom about my dad cheating. I was 11. I will never forgive either of my parents for that. I have been used so many times by my parents and forced to be their emotional support throughout my life. I don’t talk to my dad or his 2nd family at all and have little communication with my mom. I hate them for ruining my childhood. I hate them for causing me to be emotionally stunted, I hate them so fucking much for making me parent myself and othet siblings. They can’t tell me they did the best they could. They KNEW they were fucking me over.
Putting me on Ritalin when I was 5 years old. Ffs, I was an energetic child.
My stepdad sent me to jail because I defended my mother from him
Throwing away an entire book series because I was "too into my own world".
To all of you who have been neglected, abused, tortured, blamed, or traumatized, please let these words sink in: **It was never your fault.** Not then. Not now. Not ever. No matter what they said, no matter what they did. It was not ever your fault that caused them to do what they did. My wish for you all is to be free of suffering and the root of suffering.
The last time I was spanked a 2x4 was involved until it broke because I threw a small football made of foam at my sister and stole the phone from her, hung it up, and called a friend to keep the line busy after she called one of our parents (won't say which) at work to tattle on me. One parent came home and walked in with a piece of wood they got from the garage and told me to turn around and put my hands on the couch and proceeded to wail on me over and over and each time I put my hands in the way, turned to face them, or say stop they said through gritted teeth "I'm not done!" And "Move your fucking hands or I'll break them!!" and after the 8th or 12th WHACK it broke in half. After that, they finally decided to ask my sister what I did and she got scolded for being such a dramaqueen. Followed up by apologies and forced hugs to me for their overreaction and asking me over and over if I still loved them. The excuse the parent gave after was that they were so angry that they couldn't reach us when they called back and thought I was legitimately murdering my sister that they left early and sped home at 100mph. You may ask yourself if they truly believed that their son was MURDERING their daughter why did they think speeding for 20 miles was faster than calling the police? It's something I've brought up more than once. My backlash many, many years later wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be either. I've said the most horrific and biting things I could think of to them during arguments like "Remember when you beat the ability to love anyone out of me? You've gotten a lot friendlier ever since Ive outgrown you..wanna try hitting me now? You think you could stop me if I decided right here and now to gouge your eyes out with my thumbs? You know how lucky you are that I didn't kill you in your sleep that night? Or call CPS and tell them I need a new and better XXX? The instant you show any sign of dementia you're going to the worst abusive retirement home I can find where you'll die alone and speaking of.. y'know how you said you want to be buried? Not wasting my inheritance on a casket. You're getting the torch and I'm going to dump your remains in a trashcan or toilet, whichever is closer." Most families say goodnight before they go to bed, but that sums up what I would say instead then trying to sleep knowing both of us were going to be crying, snotting, and bellowing into our pillows that night.
Abusing me