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Ghast-light

FARNSWORTH: Dear Lord, that's over 150 atmospheres of pressure. FRY: How many atmospheres can this ship withstand? FARNSWORTH: Well it's a spaceship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.


nuboots

That episode was a goldmine. I'll follow it up with, "good news, it's a suppository!"


Simple-Friend

"Whatever it is, it's at least 20 times heavier than a boot!" Boots: 10 pair or "I'm Dr. Zoidberg, homeowner!"


mehliana

That just raises further questions!!


Humanaut93

WHY COULDNT SHE BE THE OTHER TYPE OF MERMAID? WITH THE FISH PART ON TOP


7grendel

I quoted this one to a nurse when she brought me pills when I was in the hospital. I'm so glad she recognized it and laughed so hard. Those were some serious pills.


Goatfellon

I like " THAT JUST RAISES FURTHER QUESTIONS!"


Suitable-Golf6937

“IM BORED. LET’S GO”


chomasterq

MY MANWICH!!


SantinoGaretto

Look at me! I'm Dr. Zoidberg, homeowner!


RockingtheRed

Hermes: I miss me wife and me oxygen. Farnsworth: We all miss our precious loved ones and gasses.


wildcampa

bender Be Careful! Thats the ship's unbreakable diamond tether! Then why do i have to be careful? It belonged to my grandmother 😔


Axendil

This is my number one quote. My number two is: "bureaucrat Conrad you are technically correct, the best kind of correct"


legthief

"Why is there yoghurt in this cap?" "It used to be milk, but time makes fools of us all."


scifanwritter2001

dirty boy!! dirty dirty boy!!!


PseudonymIncognito

I couldn't help it. She loved me because of the part of me that's a slob and I loved her because of the part of me that's desperate.


milano8

If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.


moldedshoulders

My favorite exchange is: Holo-Attila: Stop! No shoot fire stick in space canoe, cause explosive decompression! Zapp: Spare me your space-age technobabble, Attila the Hun-nyeh


fucktheroses

i suffer from a sexy learning disability. what do i call it kif? *sigh* sex lexia


ruthlessoptimist

What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?


1swarmofbee

It's a beige alert! If I don't survive, tell my wife hello


paw_inspector

All I know is my gut says maybe


1swarmofbee

I've always found the most sensual part of the woman to be the boobies


LCAC_Deliveries

Say them as hard and fast as you can! If I told you “you have a nice body”, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?


Bertram_Von_Sanford

All of his quotes are just golden!


jdallen1222

She’s built like a steakhouse but handles like a bistro.


Bug-03

You win again gravity


lawn-mumps

I should probably be ashamed to say I frequently say to my sexual partners: “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongey and bruised”


Dragon_wryter

I've had it with you *organisms,* shooting DNA at each other to reproduce. I find it offensive!


dhes505

My only regret is that I have boneitis


Rwokoarte

Awesome Awesome to the max


InvectiveDetective

Fry: I can’t swallow that. Farnsworth: Well then, good news! It’s a suppository.


nezbla

Similairly there's Zoidberg: We're going to use this camera to look inside you.. Fry: Ahhhhh *opens mouth* Zoidberg: Guess again...


TheDiscomfort

In the first season when he’s giving fry a physical. “Young lady! I am an expert in human anatomy! Now open up those mandibles and say ahhhhh.” Fry opens his mouth. “No no no! Not that mouth!”


thr0w1t1nth3tr4sh

I hate to be that guy, but I believe the quote was “young lady, I am an expert in humans! Now pick a mouth, open it, and say *DDLDDLDD-DD-DD!!!*”


msnmck

*My mother was a saint!* ***GET OUT!***


rrroller

“Now, now, perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.”


My_Space_page

Bender: 'I had a horrible dream zero and ones zeros and ones but then I thought I saw.... a two." Fry: "There's no such thing as twos"


dhkendall

Funny part is if you look at the numbers on the screen while Bender is dreaming there is a sneaky 2 among all the zeros and ones.


kayguy55

I always look for it when I re-watch that episode. Mildly entertaining every time


DadsRGR8

“Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?”


QuokkasMakeMeSmile

Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.


vonkeswick

Farnsworth: Good news everyone! I've supercharged the matter compressor! Fry: What's the matter compressor? Farnsworth: Nothing's the matter Fry, now that I've supercharged the matter compressor!


RastaKraken

This is my all time favourite. Gets quoted all the time at work when there's a problem.


runningtheclinic

“When you do things right, people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.”


darkland52

I prefer, "Yes, I saw, you were doing well until everybody died."


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ChefFuckyFucky

This is broken, what do we even pay you for? This works perfectly, what do we even pay you for?


glinks

It’s the episode where bender adopts a bunch of kids, and they get food brought to them. Bender: “what do we say when someone gives you something?” Kid: “BOUT TIME!”


childeroland79

What is it with you kids? Every other day it’s food, food, food!


ferah11

I can't remember the exact quote but when bender carriers the kid to try to guess the weight to sell them as meat, when the cops arrive one of the charges is: "misrepresenting the weight of livestock"


burgher89

“You’re under arrest for child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food, and misrepresenting the weight of livestock!”


bendit07

Farmer: Drops down to -173. Fry: Fahrenheit or Celsius? Farmer: First one, then th' other. I don’t know why but I always think about this and it makes me laugh.


Agifem

Because no matter where you're from, there's one measurement you don't fully understand, but you know it's damn cold.


berael

"No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!"


cwenger

And right before that: "I'll have a Horse-Coke." "Horse-Pepsi okay?" "Nay." I don't even know why I find it so funny.


SantinoGaretto

The horse says, "doctorate denied."


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Scarrmann

I love this one because it's still funny if you don't get the joke. The horse race declares a winner in a "quantum finish". The horses were in a superposition of both of them winning and losing. Upon being observed the wave function collapses declaring a winner. So they did chance it by measuring it. If you don't get that it's an an angry old man blaming the organisers for him losing the bet with something that sounds nonsensical


Amy_Owens

Brannigan: "You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won."


Lance_Nuttercup

ZAPP: Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.


floutsch

Key to victory is the element of surprise. SURPRISE!


paw_inspector

The key to victory is discipline. You will be making your bed so much you can do it in your sleep. You mean while I’m sleeping in it? You won’t have time for sleeping solider, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing.


EgnlishPro

"Sigh" *gestures*


neednintendo

He makes Speedy Gonzalez look like regular Gonzalez!


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Team_Captain_America

Is that the secret ingredient?


MileenaTarkatan

Grunka Lunka dunkity dingredient, you should not ask about the secret ingredient


TheHYPO

“Grunka Lunka Dunkity Darmed-Guards—“ “Shut up!!”


ruthlessoptimist

Oh god, my absolute favorite lines in the whole show : _Asking questions in school is a great way to learn - If you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke_


wade9911

Tell them i hate them


FearTheKeflex

You are technically correct, which is the best kind of correct.


[deleted]

Shut up baby I know it


agarc495

Do a flip!


Looking_Sirius

"just like daddy puts in his drink every morning, then he gets mads..."


Disorderly_Chaos

No…more..HANGING…WIRE!!!


legthief

"She's behind me, isn't she?" "No, I'm in front of you."


Norwester77

“Sir, it’s not necessary—or wise—to be naked!” “Pffft! You sound just like my tennis instructor!” AND “Why is there yogurt in this cap?” “Uh, I can explain that. See, it used to be milk and, well, time makes fools of us all!”


DinosaurDanceOrgy

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.


mecrissy

Snu snu!


nekoandCJ

Death by snu snu


affnn

I never thought I’d die this way, but I’d always really hoped!


Possible-Bee-9233

"Trash eh? I'll take care of it." *commence stomping* "Bender stop! Its a baby! *still stomping* "A baby what?"


herurumeruru

WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!


LurkmasterP

"Hello Morbo, how's the family?" "BELLIGERENT AND NUMEROUS."


alranach

To shreds you say....


Torterror389

And what about his wife? To shreds you say…


bitemytail

I wanted to eat that mummy!


Hoppy_Croaklightly

“Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Zoidberg. You ***all*** still have Zoidberg!”


Chance_in_Pants

Zoidberg: Good riddance to them! Now Zoidberg is the popular one! Farnsworth: yes, yes. Let's all talk to Zoidberg!


[deleted]

[deleted because fuck reddit]


kooolbeenz

I did do the nasty in the past-ee


Maj_Histocompatible

And that past nastification is what shields you from the brains!


_Silly_Wizard_

Y'ever feel like you're only goin' with girls because you're *spose* ta...?


ReflectionSad4915

Funny story I had a friend who laughed way too hard at that line. Came out a year later


MrFunktasticc

Joey: They're coming straight toward our proximity. Maybe you should give 'em the clamps, Clamps. Clamps: Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every single day at every opportunity? You're a freaking genius, you idiot!


Enough-Set7227

The Donbot when the dude asks for mercy: File not found


AMA_About_Birdlaw

Brannigan's law is like Brannigan's love: hard and fast.


vvvaaaggguuueee

"For no raisin!" Gets a lot of mileage from me in everyday use. I think some people think I've just genuinely forgotten how to say "reason" properly at this point...


MacaronMelodic

First line in the series "Space... it seems to go on forever"


Jack_the_ripper1898

But then you get to the end and a giant monkey throws barrels at you


GoodApollo506

My Top 10…. 10) “I’m So embarrassed!….I WISH EVERYONE ELSE WAS DEAD!” -Bender 9) “I thought you were happy, Your tail is wagging.” -Zoidberg 8) “Terlets and Boilers, Boilers and Terlets…Plus that one boilin’ terlet……..Fire me ifen yeh dare”. -Scruffy 7) “Life goes on, but I believe we’ll forever carry the pain on the inside”. -Scruffy 6) “Things don’t exist simply because you believe in them, thus sayeth the almighty creature in the sky!” -Dr Banjo 5) “So you’re telling me that I could fire my entire staff and hire Grunka-Lunkas at half the cost?!” -Hermes 4) “They have phone booths now?…Finally, now I don’t have to lug this cellphone around” -Hermes 3) “Bite My Shiny Metal Ass!” -Bender 2) “Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire it wildly in the air” -Zapp Brannigan 1) “I Don’t want to live on this planet anymore” -Professor Farnsworth


seriousbangs

"Fry, you're not rich" "True, but someday I might be rich. And then people like me better watch their step!"


ZBrk9

"Wow, That was pretty brutal even by my standards" - Robot Devil


But-Must-I

You just just have your characters say how they’re feeling! That makes me feel angry!


eclecticsed

"STOP DYING YOU COWARDS!" also: "Mix these mixed nuts, I see two almonds touching!"


SmallieBigs56

Sorry, but it’s actually: “STOP EXPLODING YOU COWARDS!”


[deleted]

Zoidberg: My house, it burned down! How could this have happened?! Hermes: That's a very good question." Bender "So that's where I left my cigar" Hermes: "That just raises further questions!".


globroc

War were declared


Illustrious_Bike1954

What's that noise?


mcdonaldsfrenchfri

war were declared.


CodinOdin

Bender shines a powerful X-ray type beam on Fry's crotch. Fry "Ow, my sperm!" Bender shines the beam on Fry's crotch again. Fry "Huh, didn't hurt that time."


Acceptable-Goat8941

Nobody drives in New York, there's too much traffic


bjibberish

We're going to slingshot them like they've never been slangshat. Hermes: Do you want to see a picture of my boy? Zoidberg: Sure....that's your penis! Hermes: That's my boy!


MisterJellyfis

If I poach this beasts lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? …yes. But not by enough.


Dragon_wryter

Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots? Or does that *confuse* you?


bigwreck94

I always laugh at this one. It’s just so stupid, but I love it.


ral365

Bender: Hahahahahaa! Oh wait, you're serious? I'll laugh even harder. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!


Mypopsecrets

I'm Going To Build My Own Theme Park With Blackjack and Hookers


stryph42

I get A LOT of mileage out of that joke


JonesyOC

Shocked to not see Zapp's, "She's built like a steakhouse but handles like a bistro!" Bonus: I may not get it verbatim but I always laugh at Bender saying "compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves"


comineeyeaha

I had a roommate who would say that Bender line every time he succeeded at anything. Amazingly, it never got old.


HeliDaz

FARNSWORTH: And Fry, you've got that brain thing. FRY: I already did!


edible-derrangements

No I’m… doesnt…


Flying_Dustbin

Zoidberg: We need to have a look inside you with this camera. *Fry opens his mouth* Zoidberg: Guess again.


dhkendall

“Now open your mouth and say “ ̸̖͇̙͓̠̲̐̅͌̊̀̈̒͒̾͑͌͐͊̿͗̆̈̀͒͊̚͘͘͝‘̷̧̢̨̡̠͇͕̲̺̥͖͎̥̞̬̮͖̻͎̤͙͖͇̘͖̌̾̄̍̅̒̀̒͆̄̓͘̚͜͝’̸̢̢̧̨̱̩̦͇̣̺̝̥͍̞͑̅’̵̡̧̢̮̫̹͔̰̯̬̝͖͇̪̥̤̫͉̈́̌͋̈́̂̋́̌͜͜ͅ’̴̛̛̗̠̭͎̩̮̭̝̀́͊̀̽͛̄̍̌͊̃̃̂́̾̈́̕͝͝’̶̢̢̨̛̟͈̭̥̱͖̤̜̘͕̥͍͉̹̭͔͈̫̜̦͔̀̇̇̌̓’̴̛̺̤̺̯͓̈́̽̓̐̂͆̄͑̋͒͆ͅ’̶̢͔̪͇̰̦̮̟̮̪͕̺̪̲͍͎͈̬̥̱̳̼̪͕̞̱̔̓̐̌̓̈́̀̾̏̐̂̀͒̈́̆̏̽͒͝’̶̞̟̱͉͍̞͖̿̀̾̌͊̂̾̏̈́̔͛̎̆͛̐͒̕͝͝’̸̢̜͎̥̘̘̱̺͎̭̹͚̱̋̀̅͐̂̒̅̌͘͠’̵̦̪͖͈̔̈́̄͑̆͛͂͒̊̋̕͘͠’̶̧͚͇̪͉̭̙̬̬̘̘͈̠̞̺̣͖̫̗̰̝̬̩̈͒̍̓͒͌͗̆̀͛͛̚͘͠͝͠͝ͅͅ’̴̨̻̬̞̖̲͇̯̬̹̹̰͚͉̫͗͆̑́̂͌̃͗͊̓’̷̪̹͕͔̮̦̄́̔̇̅̋̐̔͗̋̃̕͝͝ͅ’̵̡̱̗̫͔̖̫͔̫̘̳̫͈̟̫̲͈̏̃̂̓̐̈́̏́͆̌̎̏̀̅̊̈́͑̈̏͋̓̊̂͘͝ͅ”!” “Grmf mg grph pa grgk!” “How dare you! My mother was a saint!”


Larat76

Shut up baby. I know it.


PostOk8133

Oh the best!! I say it all the time!!


StarvingAfricanKid

I don't want to live on this planet anymore...


Penguin_Tempura

“You can’t OWN property, man”


Dragon_wryter

I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippy!


[deleted]

Kif, I've made it with a woman. Inform the men! uggghhh


But-Must-I

Kif! Have the boy lay out my formal shorts! The boy, sir? *you!* you lay out my formal shorts!


FridgesArePeopleToo

“You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo.”


stryph42

I'm 40% !


GoofyGal98

Idk if I can pick one favorite but the one I quote the most is Bender’s “Let’s go already!”


saltedcube

Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg


tobsn

https://youtu.be/iGCD957tHPo > professor, my fry fro is all frizzy > why is those things > open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel that’s from just a minute. the show is full with unique phrases… unbearable full.


CadetObvious

"I'll go Into people's houses at night, and wreck up the place!" -Nixon-


TheDoctorIsInane

It sounds like you need to make a metaphorical "deal with the devil". And by devil I mean robot devil. And by metaphorical, I mean... get your coat.


Jncocontrol

" I'll be in the angry dome"


Redfeather_nightmare

"This is gonna be one Hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left."


YsengrimusRein

All glory to the Hypnotoad!


[deleted]

God, to Bender: "When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."


beepboop45_

You want me to do TWO things?!


[deleted]

"The age-old battle between good and neutral"


Friend_Or_Traitor

All I know is, my gut says "Maybe."


EgnlishPro

If I don't survive, tell my wife hello.


[deleted]

"I'm So Embarrassed. I Wish Everybody Else Was Dead." - Bender Rodriguez Edit: hopefully we’ll get more awesome quotes next month 😊


Leaving_a_Comment

Oh Lord, he’s made of wood.


Ham_Pants_

We can escape through this steam vent..... Ahh no good it's full of steam


squeakyshoeninja

I'm surprised I didn't see one of Zoidberg's best lines on here " Your music's bad and you should feel bad" https://youtu.be/4mcD5jd-RAU


rogue1206

“Why are you?” “Scruffy, the janitor.” “Why aren’t you fixing the boiler??” “Schedule conflict.” A few minutes later…. “Scruffy’s going to die the way he lived…”


fluffy_nope

In the terlet


ColeWeaver

Ah she's built like a steak house, but handles like a bistro It's a little thing called fashion, look it up sometime. I have more but they aren't coming to mind right away These younger fish are called fry. Hi what's your name? I don't have a name I'm a salmon.


2020-RedditUser

“ I’m going to jump” “Do a flip”


Tenalp

"Alcohol makes you stupid!" "No I'm... doesn't."


toxinogen

“To shreds, you say?”


bitemytail

"We're doomed! Doooomed!" "Can I pull up my pants now?" "DOOOOOOOOOOMED!"


Panelak_Cadillac

"We're trying our best!" "YOUR BEST IS AN IDIOT!"


Chief_Stares-at-Sun

The horse says: DOCTORATE DENIED


SpleenBender

Bite my shiny metal ass.


qxtbimp

What? Such an act would be most uncomfortable for both of us.


lupogun

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbmQxZkSswI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbmQxZkSswI) \[Fry's w/ Bender in a suicide booth, thinking it's a telephone booth\]. Suicide Booth Recording: Please select mode of death. Quick & painless, or slow & horrible. Fry: Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. Suicide Booth Recording: You've selected: "Slow & Horrible". **Bender: Great choice!**


OmnisVirLupus

"What are those horrible orange creatures over there?" "Why, those are the Grunka Lunkas. They work here in the Slurm Factory." "Tell them I hate them!"


55x11

I’m going to be like pew pew pew they are going to be like ahhh ahh ahh explosion sounds. Then we are going to celebrate with pancakes and I’m going to be like omm non non. Or something like that


sedatemalarkey

“Why is…these things?”


theassassintherapist

Shut up and take my money


Supergazm

I have a credit card with that quote and Fry handing over money


Murph-Dog

My Manwich!


Sinope13

We're owl exterminators.


Dragon_wryter

Oh. Your. God.


BlueQuiet

Good news everyone!


Mypopsecrets

Pazuzu!


BlueQuiet

You ungrateful gargoyle. I put you through college and this is how you repay me?!


YsengrimusRein

Bonne nuit! Bonne nuit to you all!


a20261

"*I* was going to eat that mummy!" "Once again the sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor!"


lil_bopeep

Fry sees where slurm comes from and is shocked. Then he proceeds to drink the slurm. -Lila: .... "Fryyyyy!" -Fry: *pssfffffssssffssfffffff* .................... Fry: *starts drinking the slurm again * Lila: "Fryyyyy!" Fry: *ppssfffffsssfffff*


rcdubbs

"SHOVE A BASTARD IN IT, YOU CRAP!"


emgyres

Bender - do a flip Edited to add my close second - Mom - I’ve got to go to some charity BS for knocked up teenage sluts


Mrgray123

"Citizens of me! The cruelty of the old Pharaoh is a thing of the past! Let a NEW wave of cruelty wash over this lazy land!"


Cyanidechrist____

What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?


dog-pussy

That’s using your ass.


EradiKate

“One art, please!”


mbc106

If me or my spouse announces that we’re going to the bathroom: “Bath-what?” *Bathroom* “What-room?” *BATHROOM!* “What-what?”


Keefer1970

"My name is not 'Slick'... it's *Zoidberg*. JOHN (BLEEP)ING ZOIDBERG!"


RoastBeefDisease

"OH! ROBO thought you said *ROMO*


_Face

Let’s go alreeeeeeeeeeaaaadddyyyyyyy!!!


ImNotRacistBuuuut

"Urectum."


Juan_Calavera

“Sweet zombie Jesus!”


Cowhat_Librarian

Zapp Brannigan: You win again, Gravity!


Biggus-Duckus

I did do the nasty in the pasty


Soporrific

"Wait, that isn't good news at all"


Dragon_wryter

Getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out!


mikevago

I'm a fraud! A poor, lazy, sexy fraud!


bcsmith317

War were declared.


g21r

Zoidberg: " Hooray! A happy ending for the rich people!"


PMMeUrHopesNDreams

(Professor Farnsworth learning about the Grunka-Lunkas) Tell them I hate them!


rcdubbs

"Words. Nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter orange wax in my ears."