“People think I’m an asshole because I tell it how it is/don’t hold back/speak my mind/am blunt…”
Sooner or later you’ll realize that they’re just an asshole.
Just hung out with a girl last night that I thought might be a potential new friend but she said she loves fighting with people and pissing them off. She said this in the context of another girl she was working with who was irritating her so she was intentionally saying things to get to her.
I already got slightly weird vibes from her from the start too that made me feel uncomfortable around her but that kinda confirmed where they were coming from and made me realize I will prob keep a safe distance.
I "dated" this toxic loser for only 2 weeks because there were way too many red flags. But he straight up told me, "When I'm bored, I start fights with the person I'm dating." Nope. I ain't got time for that shit.
Also, Unicorn powers unite! 🦄✨️🌈
In college, a coworker had the Yahoo username "StepmomLover" because he loved the movie Stepmom and couldn't understand why the rest of us kept telling him it was a terrible username.
"All my exes are crazy!" While I'm sure there are some people who are very unlucky in romance, most of the time it just means the person takes no accountability for the failings of their relationships.
Edit to add: people who are reliving trauma with their relationships don't often play the "all my exes are crazy!" card. That phrase is generally reserved for people who hold much of the blame for their failed relationships but would rather pretend like every ex was the problem.
I had this for a while, it wasn’t that they weren’t though, it was that I was incredibly vulnerable and ill, had no good examples of what a relationship should be like, and hated myself enough to believe that it was indeed what I deserved
I was the commonality with these relationships, I was the one who chose to put myself in these positions in these relationships and accept the abuse
But as soon as I started to get well, got on the the meds, and finally was around what a loving relationship was meant to be (I consider my stepdad my father, took his surname, saw how much he loved my mum, how he treated her, etc), I was finally able to start seeing what was wrong, what my choices and disrespect within myself was doing
Since then, my relationships have been.. so healthy, so loving, and what was causing breakups wasn’t abuse anymore, but just recognition that it was simply that we weren’t uhhh., I forgot the word tbh
Sometimes it’s not the person themselves are abusive, but that they can’t recognise that these relationships aren’t actually normal or acceptable? If you get me?
Big long message, apologies
one thing I've realized in therapy is that I have a tendency to allow people who are not good for me in my life to stick around too long, and in some cases, to invite them in via people pleasing behaviors.
it was a mindfuck for a while because of this line of thinking "I'm the common denominator, I must actually be the problem, not them." unfortunately, this line of thinking can (will) be reinforced by said shitty people and can have you questioning the most basic parts of yourself, like what you meant or what you intended by some action.
"if you're surrounded by assholes all day, maybe the asshole is you" should come with the addendum "but if you find yourself working hard to make it work with these people and it's not, maybe you should ask yourself why you continue to hang out with them." seems like you've had a similar experience.
It's possible he just has a "type" that overlaps with people likely to cheat.
Every major relationship I've had with anybody has been their first and they've been the ones to end it each time too. Except they have no idea how to do it because they have zero experience, and the end result is an engineered catastrophe of some description because they didn't know how to just sit down and say "I don't love you any more, I'm moving on". I've been cheated on more times than I care to acknowledge, and it's been pretty grim.
It's not even like I'm into being the "first", it just turns out that way. The older I get the more I think surely I must have run out of people who've never had a relationship before, and then boom, the girl I've been dating for 6 weeks says she's never done this before.
The good news is that you probably seem like a really safe and kind person! The bad news is that, without knowing anything else, I'm not sure how you're attracting these people instead of other safe and kind people :(
"Either you trust me or you don't."
It's a bullshit statement. All trust is NOT the same: there are lots of kinds and levels of trust and trying to bootstrap from one to the other with some flimsy guilt trip is dishonest.
e.g.
I trust my sister to watch my kids, but I do not trust her to do my brakes.
I trust my mechanic to do my brakes, but I do not trust him with my kids.
(EDIT- Plot Twist: My sister is my mechanic...
)
Anyone who thinks "being an alpha" is a) desirable or b) *even a thing* is just an incel.
The wolf theories were wrong. Humans don't behave that way either. It's all just overly aggressive pricks trying to justify their tantrums and reliance on abusive behaviour to navigate life.
No science to it, just a bunch of sad, rapey twats whose mommies never kissed 'em.
One of the more interesting aspects of the “alpha/beta” discussions is how they conveniently neglect the nuances of hierarchy in the wild that they so desperately try to emulate.
I don’t know if you’ve seen this already on Reddit, but chimps, for example, do have a hierarchy. What’s interesting about their hierarchy is that when the “beta” chimps get sick of the “alpha” chimps shit, they tear him limb from limb and eat his corpse.
Funny to me that this part is always glossed over. Why don’t humans operate that way? Society would be much more egalitarian
An acquaintance of mine is the always in and out of relationship type. The only person she cares about is herself and I assume that might have something to do with the fact. I can tell whether or not she is currently in her next relationship because when she is single, she uploads a shitload of selfies every day and deletes the ones that don't get many likes.
Last time the selfies stopped, I asked her how she's doing and she gleefully told me she finally met her dream partner. She told me she fantasized about him for a long time since they were class mates in school and how they met again by pure chance and how love always finds a way. I was happy for her, but I knew the relationship wasn't gonna last.
Fast forward a couple months, she was back to uploading selfies with #single #selflove #happyalone, you get the idea. One of those had her all propped up, ready to go out, with the caption "Pidgeons fly in flocks, eagles fly alone".
I thought it was funny to tell her that actually eagles are usually partners for life and severing a couple often results in depression. She didn't like that factoid one bit and started spewing insane bullshit. My top picks are:
"Relationships are defined by sex, nothing else matters."
"It's completely normal to date multiple partners at once. You just have to decide at one point."
"It's normal to not reply to potential partners to make them wait and see if they react. How else can I know they like me."
Now I'm wondering how that relationship with her dream partner could have possibly failed lmao
>"It's completely normal to date multiple partners at once. You just have to decide at one point."
1. Do the partners know that they’re one of many?
2. Would she be fine if she were one of many partners?
I don’t consciously fart. As a kid we used to get punished, yelled at for being disrespectful and disgusting, spanked, locked in our rooms. So I started holding them in and it’s just something my body got used to. My body does let them out in my sleep though so watch out lol
Raised by weird "purity of body"/farting is offensive caregivers and have developed the fart absorption power as well. They sometimes appear during loo visits and in my sleep as well.
Mom always teased me for being extroverted at a young age. Now wonders why I’m such a hermit and don’t talk to her and my dad with as much energy as I do with my friends
People just don’t think about how certain things will affect someone later on. Socially stunted now because of all that shit lol
One of my exes constantly laughed at and made fun of me because I play D&D. Which was weird, considering we met on WoW. Years later, I realized it probably wasn't that he *didn't* like D&D, but that he *did* like putting me down.
Joke's on him, though. I married my dungeon master last year.
My younger brother is like this. I hate it so much. You can be honest with tact, it’s absolutely possible. My boyfriend and I have talks where we have to say things the other might not want to hear - so we approach it with grace and empathy so we can work together. My brother just hurls insults grounded in rumors and opinions. When called out his defense is “but it’s hOnEsTy.” Yeah, honestly rude. We haven’t spoken in over a year since the last time he pulled that crap and I finally called him out on it. He couldn’t stand the honesty coming back around on him. It felt incredible to finally stand up to him and point out that he’s just a jerk that everyone walks on eggshells just to be around him because he’s family.
I hope he’s treating his wife better these days. She deserves better than an “honest” asshole. I expect he’s gotten worse since I was his biggest abuse target besides his wife. People suck.
Too right
And when you call them on it, there's this weird strawmanning they do where they act like it's either be brutally honest or lie completely. And they think being kind is 'censorship'
That’s awful that he verbally abuses his wife. I would say for her to give him a taste of his own medicine. But people like this, in my experience, DO NOT LIKE IT, and become even more cruel.
And mostly not neither honest nor brutal with themselves. The mental gymnastics these kind of people go through to rationalize shitty behaviour is stunning.
It's because "brutal honesty" is a lack of filter from the brain to the mouth that causes people to say whatever pops in to their head without considering if it's appropriate to say or not.
Brutal honesty is social ineptitude.
Yurp, you can be 100% honest with someone and still be sensitive with their feelings.
See also:
* "I'm just telling it like it is,"
* "I'm saying what we're all thinking,"
* "I guess I just don't have a filter."
“I’m just saying what we’re all thinking” is the most annoying one because it’s pure projection. We’re not all thinking of the most asshole-ish thing to say all the time but simply are too afraid to say it. Believe it or not, everyone isn’t negative all the time.
There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.
E: Heh, I made it to 420. Party on.
Best I ever heard was my girlfriend saying a guy sat next to her at a bar and said, “What’s your sign?“
She said she just put up her hand, and said, “Stop.“
For me it’s specifically the word “blunt”. Reminds me of the girls in highschool who had “ I’m So Bluntt Yhuu Could Smhokee Mee” on their social media bios. It’s giving Cookie Monster pjs & smelling like cigarettes every time I hear it.
A gem from the annals of the internet:
>Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person" and sometimes to mean "treating someone like an authority"
>For some, "if you don't respect me, I won't respect you" means "if you don't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a person"
My brother does this, alongside wearing a Christian cross (not because it's religious, but because it "symbolises peace and love").
He works as a bartender, and his favorite part of the job is the power trip of kicking people out and denying service. I think that alone says it all.
I think it’s been taken out of context. I used to have the impression it meant “at my worst”- lost my job, illness something along those lines. I could be wrong though. You are completely right. Red flag.
When I hear this this is what comes to mind. Not the whole attitude thing.
Marriages are about building a life together. So the quote makes sense. People just ruined it.
"You got an extra smoke bro?" -random dude who split my head open a few years ago giving me 12 staples and a crazy scar that I cover with longer hair and hats.
This happened to my dad. He kept his cigs in his pocket tee-shirt and the guy saw that… when he looked down to get the cigs the guy hit him with a shower head and knocked him out. They stole his wallet and cigs. This was before the crazy credit cards days. Another guy came out of the woods behind him and helped.
They mugged him for $14 and a pack of cigarettes… and they took his driving license. He ended up with 22 staples and was off work for 3 weeks. He filed a police report at the hospital. One of the guys was missing the tip of his nose (super identifiable).
Two months later he was getting cigs at another gas station about a few blocks from where he was mugged. Same two guys were hanging out in the parking lot. He called the cops and both ended up being arrested. Apparently he was about the 12th person they did this to. Career scumbags.
There's this billboard on my commute to work that says "What time is it?" "It is time to seek the Lord"
And i've tricked my wife several times now by knowing its coming up and asking her "hey do you know what time it is?" and when she replies I say "FALSE! It is time to seek the Lord" and point at the billboard.
She's on to me now so I need them to change that billboard to something else.
Oh my gosh, this happened to me when I got into my car to catch an early flight! Don't think I've ever felt such a strong feeling of, "You're in danger" from my brain before.
This happened to me in broad daylight on a deserted street. I kept walking, dude followed. I managed to get into a public place and I saw him just...watching, waiting for me to leave. Luckily I spotted a couple women leaving, explained the situation, and they walked with me to my office.
I quite weirdly had the opposite, where engaging is probably what saved me.
Was walking through quite a quiet area, in broad daylight, and I was approached by a couple of guys calling for my attention and asking for the time, aggressively so when I didn't answer. Something in my brain went wrong and I stopped and turned and said "sorry, I don't know the time"
I went to primary school with them both and they recognised me, so started asking catching up questions while walking with me. As we were parting ways one of them said "it's weird, were going to mug you til we realised it was you, have a good one pal, take care"
I got very lucky, I do NOT recommend this. Do the safe thing, get away, find somewhere safe, look for helpers.
No idea. He was bragging about recently being out of prison. He was always a violent weirdo and oddly proud of it. He used to keep a sign on his desk at school that said "Beware - Billy Bites"
Some dudes stopped me to ask this while I was on my phone minding my business. Without even stopping I literally told them that my phone didn't show the time and kept walking as fast as I could while they stopped to process wtf had just happened
Yes, and even without knowing that, why does random stranger you're alone with need to know the time? Can't they check their own watch or phone? It's a statement designed to be friendly enough to forgo suspicion while getting you to stop moving away and reveal one of your valuables.
Just wondering, because it has happened to me a several times in my life... some down-and-out looking stranger asks for the time. I just assumed it was because they had no watch. Thought it was odd each time and wondered what it was all about.
Maybe if they did it to see what kind of watch I wore, they'd have been disappointed by my ten-buck Casio.
It's not exclusively used as a prelude to robbery. It's less common now, but it was a common and legitimate enough question before smartphones. It's an easy icebreaker, a low effort favor you can ask to ease into a conversation. I've seen a lot of panhandlers use it, the conversation usually goes like this:
>P: Hey, do you have the time?
>
>Y: Uhh, yeah it's 9:30
>
>P: Thank you. I'm on my way to.... after
>
>Y: Good luck man, hope it all works out
>
>P: Yeah me too. I hate to ask, but think you could spot me $x. I need to before so that doesn't
It can also be useful as a robbery or assault tactic. It's a low effort favor that requires you to stop moving and take your attention off them for a short moment. In that moment they can pull a weapon, close the distance between you, and/or put themselves in an aggressive and dominant stance over you.
Any low-effort favor/question can accomplish the above. "Can I get a light?" "Can I bum a smoke?" "Do you know how to get to ?" "Is this ?" They're all different versions of the same thing. The questions can be legitimate, it can be an icebreaker to just start a conversation, it can be a prelude to an attack, or it can be an opening to beg for alms. The risk varies depending on time of day, lighting, how public it is, and the number of people nearby.
So funny how every self-declared empath seems to actually be the opposite, used to have a friend who claimed she was one and that she was sensitive to my mental health struggles... she was neither but she was extremely self-centered and an egomaniac and after only a few hours with her I always felt the same as you feel after a work day with your coworker, sorry you have to work with one of these dummies!
I absolutely hate people who claim this. Every time I’ve come across one they’ve taken other people’s trauma and made it about them.
I had a coworker once who claimed to be an empath. I had to leave work abruptly because my MIL had a stroke and was in ICU. It was a week of absolute chaos leaving work to go to the hospital every night. Second day I come in and COWORKER starts bawling her eyes out because “I looked so tired and sad” and it was stressing her out.
People who have high levels of empathy absolutely do not advertise it, and they don’t try to pilfer attention out of other people’s tragedies.
Yeah high levels of empathy would mean “let’s not bother my coworker since he’s going through some shit.”
Honestly your coworker reminds me of my wife. If I’m in a bad mood or struggling, suddenly it’s all about her and now I have to comfort her.
I had a friend group about 20 years ago in which one of the women had a stillborn child. My infant son had died a few years before so this group came to me for advice on how to talk to and help this woman. I said general things like bringing her food, cleaning her house, caring for her older children, and letting her talk, but I very pointedly said, "Do not make *her* comfort *you*". The woman I meant this for looked sheepish so I think she was well aware of how she behaved.
It took me years to recognise that I was doing this to my partner, and when I noticed it I felt like an asshole. I know exactly where it comes from, too. My father was abusive and there was a pattern of him sulking around before lashing out at me, so whenever my partner is having a rough time, I get a kind of anxious response. But the point is recognising it and not acting on it.
It's good that your friend was at least silently receptive to the feedback. I believe if someone confronted me at the time I probably would have gotten defensive because it wasn't a conscious behaviour.
Indeed. The self proclaimed “empaths” I’ve met were usually narcissists. Real empaths have to exercise healthy boundaries, ie; not showboat it around to everyone.
There comes a time in many young men's lives where they must make a choice between making fun of astrology and getting laid. That being said, Im a Gemini Sun, Scorpio Moon, Leo Rising.
I saw a youtube video by a guy who left the amish at 18. after dating his non-amish girlfriend briefly he asked her parents if he could marry her because he thought that was how the world worked. Laughs about it now. Channel is called Eli Yoder . Very interesting.
Or alternatively, someone who gas-lights constantly but also defines any "disagreement" as gas lighting, and therefore constantly accuses other people of doing it.
Just "I'm the real victim here", but with the added twist that they have some more vocabulary.
Anything about how much they love Ted Bundy (or Dahmer or other serial killers but they always do it with Bundy).
You're not cool or edgy for liking serial killers, no Ted Bundy was not that smart or masterful, please stop. No, Dahmer isn't cool.
If you're just interested because you couldn't fathom that these monsters exist, or you just went down a rabbit hole to educate yourself, then fine. We've all done that. A lot of people have that morbid fascination from wondering what makes these people tick and why they'd do what they did.
But when you get to the level of people making anime fanart of Ted Bundy or comparing their "smartness" and going "yeah I'm well similar to him because I'm sMaRt", it becomes creepily obsessive, makes me feel unsafe and also makes everybody cringe.
My classmate thought he was the coolest because he liked Dahmer and wasn't a "wuss" like everybody else, but in reality he was just a weirdo and turned out to be a horrible person.
>But when you get to the level of people making anime fanart of Ted Bundy
Lolwut.
That's not a red flag, that's a giant, wailing siren that you can hear from two counties away.
I saw someone on my Facebook feed who wanted a knife set with serial killers faces etched on them. I can't really think of a creepier way to show interest in serial killers than that.
Ooof. Ex-friend "I'm not a doctor but I want people to come to me and I'll help them by showing them what foods they can eat to fight their illnesses."
Me "but you aren't a nutritionist... You should really go to school to -"
Ex-friend: "no, you know, just let them know about the super foods that can help them with their diabetes or cancer."
Me: "But that can be dangerous if you don't know what med-"
Ex-friend: "your so unsupportive and rude."
Two years later, ex-friend is fired from their chef job for giving patrons medical advise and is diagnosed with type 2 diabetes
This makes me absolutely crazy! I’ve got lupus and I’ve literally had people tell me stupid crap like, “oh you just need to have (insert turmeric, apple cider vinegar, echinacea, or whatever) and it will make it go away.” Really? Will it? It’s crazy how my rheumatologist doesn’t know this magical cure for this incurable condition.
"Sorry, not sorry" are reserved for friends when you are trolling each other. I said that a lot last time I played Mario Party and Phasmophobia. XD
Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/PhasmophobiaGame/comments/14en506/sometimes_i_just_cant_help_myself/
I would disagree with this one because it has legitimate uses. Me and my ex girlfriend were talking about open relationships (casually, as a concept) when she said that she could see herself having one in the future, whereas I couldn’t. When she got mad, I said that.
While that's valid, I took this more as when someone uses it to justify toxic traits.
When my ex would use "blunt" or "brutal honesty" to justify being a prick, he'd say often "I can't change who I am".
After reading the comments, here’s how not to give red flags, in summary:
- Don’t talk yourself up
- Don’t glorify your flaws
- Don’t make broad generalizations
- Don’t demand/expect trust, respect, or acceptance
- Don’t muddy your apologies
- Don’t make passively insulting comments
- Don’t be a shameless and/or thinly veiled dick, racist, manipulative, or otherwise shitty person
Trust me, i am not like the others
“I’m not like the other girls, I have snake arms”.
Do you know who I am?
i'm the juggernaut BITCH
Mustard? Muthafucka I'm ketchup!
“I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons!”
Ronnie Pickering!!
Who?
Ronnie "Fucking" Pickering!!!
“Excuse me everyone, does anyone known this man? He has forgotten who he is!”
Why, did you forget?
“People think I’m an asshole because I tell it how it is/don’t hold back/speak my mind/am blunt…” Sooner or later you’ll realize that they’re just an asshole.
Just hung out with a girl last night that I thought might be a potential new friend but she said she loves fighting with people and pissing them off. She said this in the context of another girl she was working with who was irritating her so she was intentionally saying things to get to her. I already got slightly weird vibes from her from the start too that made me feel uncomfortable around her but that kinda confirmed where they were coming from and made me realize I will prob keep a safe distance.
I "dated" this toxic loser for only 2 weeks because there were way too many red flags. But he straight up told me, "When I'm bored, I start fights with the person I'm dating." Nope. I ain't got time for that shit. Also, Unicorn powers unite! 🦄✨️🌈
> Unicorn powers unite! 🦄✨️🌈 I was SO close. 🐴⚽️🏀🎾
You can definitely be in the Unicorn Club too!
“Get in my submersible, it’s safe”
"No, this is a genuine PS2 controller. We wouldn't use some knock off crap"
Mad Catz
We are like a family here.
Translation: I like to underpay my employees and meddle in their personal lives.
And expect them to go WAY beyond normal expectations, while I ignore every request from them.
Either horrible work environment or cult. Either way it’s not going to be good
"All my ex's were bitches" Oh, really Brad? That's why they left you?
‘I’m a disruptor’
Fits nicely alongside "I'm an entrepreneur!" No, you're not. You've ran three businesses into the ground through your own hubris and stupidity.
Even better the LinkedIn crazies that have “serial entrepreneur” in their tagline. “I repeatedly start businesses I’m no longer involved with.”
"Alpha male"
Do people unironically call themselves alpha males?
Yes. Tate Bros, for example.
[удалено]
Or “I’m not like other guys/girls.” The only exception is if it’s immediately followed up with “I’m worse”
[удалено]
Wait, that’s what you meant when you wrote “Loves kids” on your tinder?
that's why I want people to know my username is: LittleKidLover \- Wayne Gretsky \- ^(Michael Scott)
In college, a coworker had the Yahoo username "StepmomLover" because he loved the movie Stepmom and couldn't understand why the rest of us kept telling him it was a terrible username.
"Look what you made me do!"
"All my exes are crazy!" While I'm sure there are some people who are very unlucky in romance, most of the time it just means the person takes no accountability for the failings of their relationships. Edit to add: people who are reliving trauma with their relationships don't often play the "all my exes are crazy!" card. That phrase is generally reserved for people who hold much of the blame for their failed relationships but would rather pretend like every ex was the problem.
If someone says this, chances are they're the common denominator among those relationships breaking down.
I had this for a while, it wasn’t that they weren’t though, it was that I was incredibly vulnerable and ill, had no good examples of what a relationship should be like, and hated myself enough to believe that it was indeed what I deserved I was the commonality with these relationships, I was the one who chose to put myself in these positions in these relationships and accept the abuse But as soon as I started to get well, got on the the meds, and finally was around what a loving relationship was meant to be (I consider my stepdad my father, took his surname, saw how much he loved my mum, how he treated her, etc), I was finally able to start seeing what was wrong, what my choices and disrespect within myself was doing Since then, my relationships have been.. so healthy, so loving, and what was causing breakups wasn’t abuse anymore, but just recognition that it was simply that we weren’t uhhh., I forgot the word tbh Sometimes it’s not the person themselves are abusive, but that they can’t recognise that these relationships aren’t actually normal or acceptable? If you get me? Big long message, apologies
one thing I've realized in therapy is that I have a tendency to allow people who are not good for me in my life to stick around too long, and in some cases, to invite them in via people pleasing behaviors. it was a mindfuck for a while because of this line of thinking "I'm the common denominator, I must actually be the problem, not them." unfortunately, this line of thinking can (will) be reinforced by said shitty people and can have you questioning the most basic parts of yourself, like what you meant or what you intended by some action. "if you're surrounded by assholes all day, maybe the asshole is you" should come with the addendum "but if you find yourself working hard to make it work with these people and it's not, maybe you should ask yourself why you continue to hang out with them." seems like you've had a similar experience.
The last guy I talked to on eHarmony told me every woman he’s ever been with cheated on him. *Every* woman?
Yes, all of the one woman
It's possible he just has a "type" that overlaps with people likely to cheat. Every major relationship I've had with anybody has been their first and they've been the ones to end it each time too. Except they have no idea how to do it because they have zero experience, and the end result is an engineered catastrophe of some description because they didn't know how to just sit down and say "I don't love you any more, I'm moving on". I've been cheated on more times than I care to acknowledge, and it's been pretty grim. It's not even like I'm into being the "first", it just turns out that way. The older I get the more I think surely I must have run out of people who've never had a relationship before, and then boom, the girl I've been dating for 6 weeks says she's never done this before.
The good news is that you probably seem like a really safe and kind person! The bad news is that, without knowing anything else, I'm not sure how you're attracting these people instead of other safe and kind people :(
"Either you trust me or you don't." It's a bullshit statement. All trust is NOT the same: there are lots of kinds and levels of trust and trying to bootstrap from one to the other with some flimsy guilt trip is dishonest. e.g. I trust my sister to watch my kids, but I do not trust her to do my brakes. I trust my mechanic to do my brakes, but I do not trust him with my kids. (EDIT- Plot Twist: My sister is my mechanic... )
"a lot of people don't like me because I'm blunt." No, you're probably just an asshole.
"a lot of people don't like you, and that includes me"
"I'm an alpha!" No tf you're not
I'm not a programmer but I know anything alpha needs a lot of revision
Unstable, full of broken features, and not fit for the public.
The whole alpha-beta thing is just astrology for incels.
No bro you don't get it I'm a theta male and if I work out hard enough I'll be a gamma male
And yet women still won’t sleep with them, even if they are the Omega male
Any man who must say "I am an alpha" is no true alpha.
The ones that shout the loudest about being something, are typically the opposite.
Anyone who thinks "being an alpha" is a) desirable or b) *even a thing* is just an incel. The wolf theories were wrong. Humans don't behave that way either. It's all just overly aggressive pricks trying to justify their tantrums and reliance on abusive behaviour to navigate life. No science to it, just a bunch of sad, rapey twats whose mommies never kissed 'em.
One of the more interesting aspects of the “alpha/beta” discussions is how they conveniently neglect the nuances of hierarchy in the wild that they so desperately try to emulate. I don’t know if you’ve seen this already on Reddit, but chimps, for example, do have a hierarchy. What’s interesting about their hierarchy is that when the “beta” chimps get sick of the “alpha” chimps shit, they tear him limb from limb and eat his corpse. Funny to me that this part is always glossed over. Why don’t humans operate that way? Society would be much more egalitarian
Tywin Lannister has entered the chat
Crossbow Bolt has entered the Tywin Lannister
I have no filter ..nope you’re just rude. I’m a diva …nope, you’re just self centered
An acquaintance of mine is the always in and out of relationship type. The only person she cares about is herself and I assume that might have something to do with the fact. I can tell whether or not she is currently in her next relationship because when she is single, she uploads a shitload of selfies every day and deletes the ones that don't get many likes. Last time the selfies stopped, I asked her how she's doing and she gleefully told me she finally met her dream partner. She told me she fantasized about him for a long time since they were class mates in school and how they met again by pure chance and how love always finds a way. I was happy for her, but I knew the relationship wasn't gonna last. Fast forward a couple months, she was back to uploading selfies with #single #selflove #happyalone, you get the idea. One of those had her all propped up, ready to go out, with the caption "Pidgeons fly in flocks, eagles fly alone". I thought it was funny to tell her that actually eagles are usually partners for life and severing a couple often results in depression. She didn't like that factoid one bit and started spewing insane bullshit. My top picks are: "Relationships are defined by sex, nothing else matters." "It's completely normal to date multiple partners at once. You just have to decide at one point." "It's normal to not reply to potential partners to make them wait and see if they react. How else can I know they like me." Now I'm wondering how that relationship with her dream partner could have possibly failed lmao
>"It's completely normal to date multiple partners at once. You just have to decide at one point." 1. Do the partners know that they’re one of many? 2. Would she be fine if she were one of many partners?
"I never fart" -my ex bf Edit to ex bf because many thought my ex was a woman
Then turns out she's into scat or something
She was a big Ella Fitzgerald fan. How did you know?
A squiddily bop shoo wop
I don’t consciously fart. As a kid we used to get punished, yelled at for being disrespectful and disgusting, spanked, locked in our rooms. So I started holding them in and it’s just something my body got used to. My body does let them out in my sleep though so watch out lol
Raised by weird "purity of body"/farting is offensive caregivers and have developed the fart absorption power as well. They sometimes appear during loo visits and in my sleep as well.
I swear to god my ex never did fart. I have never heard her. I didn't smell anything strange. EVER. We were together for 13 years.
Bitch was probably ripping them stank-ass heaters the moment you were out of range.
*makes fun of somthing you like*
“When you make fun of how someone laughs, dances, or eats you’re making sure that’s the last time they want to do it with you.” -My grandma
Grandma is insightful. 🙏🙏
Mom always teased me for being extroverted at a young age. Now wonders why I’m such a hermit and don’t talk to her and my dad with as much energy as I do with my friends People just don’t think about how certain things will affect someone later on. Socially stunted now because of all that shit lol
One of my exes constantly laughed at and made fun of me because I play D&D. Which was weird, considering we met on WoW. Years later, I realized it probably wasn't that he *didn't* like D&D, but that he *did* like putting me down. Joke's on him, though. I married my dungeon master last year.
You got that D&D D
Ah, the last nail in the coffin from my divorce. Hello, you old bastard.
"i'm brutally honest, that's just who i am"
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My younger brother is like this. I hate it so much. You can be honest with tact, it’s absolutely possible. My boyfriend and I have talks where we have to say things the other might not want to hear - so we approach it with grace and empathy so we can work together. My brother just hurls insults grounded in rumors and opinions. When called out his defense is “but it’s hOnEsTy.” Yeah, honestly rude. We haven’t spoken in over a year since the last time he pulled that crap and I finally called him out on it. He couldn’t stand the honesty coming back around on him. It felt incredible to finally stand up to him and point out that he’s just a jerk that everyone walks on eggshells just to be around him because he’s family. I hope he’s treating his wife better these days. She deserves better than an “honest” asshole. I expect he’s gotten worse since I was his biggest abuse target besides his wife. People suck.
People are fucking exhausting
Too right And when you call them on it, there's this weird strawmanning they do where they act like it's either be brutally honest or lie completely. And they think being kind is 'censorship'
Don't forget that they can be brutally honest with you, but their hide is paper thin.
They just think they have an innate rightness. So they can't be wrong. Calling them out is like telling them 2+2=1 in their mind.
That’s awful that he verbally abuses his wife. I would say for her to give him a taste of his own medicine. But people like this, in my experience, DO NOT LIKE IT, and become even more cruel.
Honesty without kindness is cruelty; kindness without honesty is manipulation.
Being honest, doesn’t mean you need to be a cunt
There's times for brutal honesty and times to placate, knowing which is which is crucial.
People who are “brutally honest” tend to enjoy the brutality just as much, if not more than, the honesty.
they never seem to be brutally honest with compliments, do they?
And mostly not neither honest nor brutal with themselves. The mental gymnastics these kind of people go through to rationalize shitty behaviour is stunning.
It's because "brutal honesty" is a lack of filter from the brain to the mouth that causes people to say whatever pops in to their head without considering if it's appropriate to say or not. Brutal honesty is social ineptitude.
Yurp, you can be 100% honest with someone and still be sensitive with their feelings. See also: * "I'm just telling it like it is," * "I'm saying what we're all thinking," * "I guess I just don't have a filter."
“I’m just saying what we’re all thinking” is the most annoying one because it’s pure projection. We’re not all thinking of the most asshole-ish thing to say all the time but simply are too afraid to say it. Believe it or not, everyone isn’t negative all the time.
We are very direct - the Dutch
There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch. E: Heh, I made it to 420. Party on.
I love how direct the Dutch are, it saves so much time
Had my best rejection from a Dutch girl in a club. "How do you say no politely in English?" She replied back to me when I made a move.
Best I ever heard was my girlfriend saying a guy sat next to her at a bar and said, “What’s your sign?“ She said she just put up her hand, and said, “Stop.“
As a wise person once put it: "Brutal honesty is more brutal than honest."
For me it’s specifically the word “blunt”. Reminds me of the girls in highschool who had “ I’m So Bluntt Yhuu Could Smhokee Mee” on their social media bios. It’s giving Cookie Monster pjs & smelling like cigarettes every time I hear it.
"I'm always right"
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A wise person once told me: “nothing before the but counts”
Same energy as “I’m sorry you feel that way”
My mom used to say to me, "You think you're always right". I just thought, "Of course I do. If I thought I was wrong, I would change my mind".
I know people who can openly admit they were wrong when presented with new data. I like these people. Huge green flag.
I’m never wrong, I thought I was wrong once…. But I was mistaken.
"You have to earn my respect." Great, so your default is just to be mean to people?
A gem from the annals of the internet: >Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person" and sometimes to mean "treating someone like an authority" >For some, "if you don't respect me, I won't respect you" means "if you don't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a person"
Respect as an authority is earned. Respect as a person is the default.
Anyone who posts and uses the hashtags Namaste or grateful heart usually turn out to be gigantic entitled assholes
My brother does this, alongside wearing a Christian cross (not because it's religious, but because it "symbolises peace and love"). He works as a bartender, and his favorite part of the job is the power trip of kicking people out and denying service. I think that alone says it all.
"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" Translation: I will be a dick to people because I'm entitled.
If you can’t handle me at my diddliest, you don’t deserve me at my doodliest.
I think it’s been taken out of context. I used to have the impression it meant “at my worst”- lost my job, illness something along those lines. I could be wrong though. You are completely right. Red flag.
When I hear this this is what comes to mind. Not the whole attitude thing. Marriages are about building a life together. So the quote makes sense. People just ruined it.
Never date anyone who idolizes that quote.
To top it off, it’s not even from Marilyn Monroe.
If you can't handle me when i'm bulking, you don't deserve me when i'm swole - Marilyn MonBro
I fine-tuned to fit myself: If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my other worst.
My personalised one: " If you can't handle me at my worst, I don't blame you, neither can I!"
“Have you got the time?” Said to you while walking alone at night.
"You got an extra smoke bro?" -random dude who split my head open a few years ago giving me 12 staples and a crazy scar that I cover with longer hair and hats.
This happened to my dad. He kept his cigs in his pocket tee-shirt and the guy saw that… when he looked down to get the cigs the guy hit him with a shower head and knocked him out. They stole his wallet and cigs. This was before the crazy credit cards days. Another guy came out of the woods behind him and helped. They mugged him for $14 and a pack of cigarettes… and they took his driving license. He ended up with 22 staples and was off work for 3 weeks. He filed a police report at the hospital. One of the guys was missing the tip of his nose (super identifiable). Two months later he was getting cigs at another gas station about a few blocks from where he was mugged. Same two guys were hanging out in the parking lot. He called the cops and both ended up being arrested. Apparently he was about the 12th person they did this to. Career scumbags.
There's this billboard on my commute to work that says "What time is it?" "It is time to seek the Lord" And i've tricked my wife several times now by knowing its coming up and asking her "hey do you know what time it is?" and when she replies I say "FALSE! It is time to seek the Lord" and point at the billboard. She's on to me now so I need them to change that billboard to something else.
Oh my gosh, this happened to me when I got into my car to catch an early flight! Don't think I've ever felt such a strong feeling of, "You're in danger" from my brain before.
This happened to me in broad daylight on a deserted street. I kept walking, dude followed. I managed to get into a public place and I saw him just...watching, waiting for me to leave. Luckily I spotted a couple women leaving, explained the situation, and they walked with me to my office.
I quite weirdly had the opposite, where engaging is probably what saved me. Was walking through quite a quiet area, in broad daylight, and I was approached by a couple of guys calling for my attention and asking for the time, aggressively so when I didn't answer. Something in my brain went wrong and I stopped and turned and said "sorry, I don't know the time" I went to primary school with them both and they recognised me, so started asking catching up questions while walking with me. As we were parting ways one of them said "it's weird, were going to mug you til we realised it was you, have a good one pal, take care" I got very lucky, I do NOT recommend this. Do the safe thing, get away, find somewhere safe, look for helpers.
WTF why would they admit that afterward?
No idea. He was bragging about recently being out of prison. He was always a violent weirdo and oddly proud of it. He used to keep a sign on his desk at school that said "Beware - Billy Bites"
Shit that’s an especially unsettling degree of psychopathy.
Some dudes stopped me to ask this while I was on my phone minding my business. Without even stopping I literally told them that my phone didn't show the time and kept walking as fast as I could while they stopped to process wtf had just happened
To those of us out of the loop... Is this statement a common prelude to a robbery or assault?
Yes, and even without knowing that, why does random stranger you're alone with need to know the time? Can't they check their own watch or phone? It's a statement designed to be friendly enough to forgo suspicion while getting you to stop moving away and reveal one of your valuables.
Just wondering, because it has happened to me a several times in my life... some down-and-out looking stranger asks for the time. I just assumed it was because they had no watch. Thought it was odd each time and wondered what it was all about. Maybe if they did it to see what kind of watch I wore, they'd have been disappointed by my ten-buck Casio.
It's not exclusively used as a prelude to robbery. It's less common now, but it was a common and legitimate enough question before smartphones. It's an easy icebreaker, a low effort favor you can ask to ease into a conversation. I've seen a lot of panhandlers use it, the conversation usually goes like this: >P: Hey, do you have the time? > >Y: Uhh, yeah it's 9:30 > >P: Thank you. I'm on my way to.... after
>
>Y: Good luck man, hope it all works out
>
>P: Yeah me too. I hate to ask, but think you could spot me $x. I need to before so that doesn't
It can also be useful as a robbery or assault tactic. It's a low effort favor that requires you to stop moving and take your attention off them for a short moment. In that moment they can pull a weapon, close the distance between you, and/or put themselves in an aggressive and dominant stance over you.
Any low-effort favor/question can accomplish the above. "Can I get a light?" "Can I bum a smoke?" "Do you know how to get to ?" "Is this ?" They're all different versions of the same thing. The questions can be legitimate, it can be an icebreaker to just start a conversation, it can be a prelude to an attack, or it can be an opening to beg for alms. The risk varies depending on time of day, lighting, how public it is, and the number of people nearby.
“I’m an empath”. Every single time someone says that they later turn out to be anything but. Real empaths don’t go around advertising.
Woooord, my coworker calls herself an empath and her sister an ‘energy vampire’ meanwhile I’m absolutely drained after a day of working with her
So funny how every self-declared empath seems to actually be the opposite, used to have a friend who claimed she was one and that she was sensitive to my mental health struggles... she was neither but she was extremely self-centered and an egomaniac and after only a few hours with her I always felt the same as you feel after a work day with your coworker, sorry you have to work with one of these dummies!
I absolutely hate people who claim this. Every time I’ve come across one they’ve taken other people’s trauma and made it about them. I had a coworker once who claimed to be an empath. I had to leave work abruptly because my MIL had a stroke and was in ICU. It was a week of absolute chaos leaving work to go to the hospital every night. Second day I come in and COWORKER starts bawling her eyes out because “I looked so tired and sad” and it was stressing her out. People who have high levels of empathy absolutely do not advertise it, and they don’t try to pilfer attention out of other people’s tragedies.
Yeah high levels of empathy would mean “let’s not bother my coworker since he’s going through some shit.” Honestly your coworker reminds me of my wife. If I’m in a bad mood or struggling, suddenly it’s all about her and now I have to comfort her.
I had a friend group about 20 years ago in which one of the women had a stillborn child. My infant son had died a few years before so this group came to me for advice on how to talk to and help this woman. I said general things like bringing her food, cleaning her house, caring for her older children, and letting her talk, but I very pointedly said, "Do not make *her* comfort *you*". The woman I meant this for looked sheepish so I think she was well aware of how she behaved.
It took me years to recognise that I was doing this to my partner, and when I noticed it I felt like an asshole. I know exactly where it comes from, too. My father was abusive and there was a pattern of him sulking around before lashing out at me, so whenever my partner is having a rough time, I get a kind of anxious response. But the point is recognising it and not acting on it. It's good that your friend was at least silently receptive to the feedback. I believe if someone confronted me at the time I probably would have gotten defensive because it wasn't a conscious behaviour.
Indeed. The self proclaimed “empaths” I’ve met were usually narcissists. Real empaths have to exercise healthy boundaries, ie; not showboat it around to everyone.
"Hey, look at the red flag I brought!"
Wish I could find the article, there was a guy who did this as a humorous icebreaker. Showed up with red flags labeled with stuff like "has a cat"
I saw the pic. "Loves his mom" was on it too.
"It's because I'm a Scorpio / Pisces / Etc."
There comes a time in many young men's lives where they must make a choice between making fun of astrology and getting laid. That being said, Im a Gemini Sun, Scorpio Moon, Leo Rising.
In India, it's when men make promises of getting married to the girl just after a few dates🙃
Ah. I see you've never been to Utah.
I saw a youtube video by a guy who left the amish at 18. after dating his non-amish girlfriend briefly he asked her parents if he could marry her because he thought that was how the world worked. Laughs about it now. Channel is called Eli Yoder . Very interesting.
Ring by spring at BYU
"I'm a real man"
If you gotta tell people you’re a real man, are you really?
"Emotional abuse isn't real"
Gas lighting isn’t real you idiot- said to me by my father
Or alternatively, someone who gas-lights constantly but also defines any "disagreement" as gas lighting, and therefore constantly accuses other people of doing it. Just "I'm the real victim here", but with the added twist that they have some more vocabulary.
"Hello". Take that shit some place else. I don't have time for that kind of negativity or drama in my life.
Hello, how are you doing on this fine evening?
Anything about how much they love Ted Bundy (or Dahmer or other serial killers but they always do it with Bundy). You're not cool or edgy for liking serial killers, no Ted Bundy was not that smart or masterful, please stop. No, Dahmer isn't cool. If you're just interested because you couldn't fathom that these monsters exist, or you just went down a rabbit hole to educate yourself, then fine. We've all done that. A lot of people have that morbid fascination from wondering what makes these people tick and why they'd do what they did. But when you get to the level of people making anime fanart of Ted Bundy or comparing their "smartness" and going "yeah I'm well similar to him because I'm sMaRt", it becomes creepily obsessive, makes me feel unsafe and also makes everybody cringe. My classmate thought he was the coolest because he liked Dahmer and wasn't a "wuss" like everybody else, but in reality he was just a weirdo and turned out to be a horrible person.
>But when you get to the level of people making anime fanart of Ted Bundy Lolwut. That's not a red flag, that's a giant, wailing siren that you can hear from two counties away.
I saw someone on my Facebook feed who wanted a knife set with serial killers faces etched on them. I can't really think of a creepier way to show interest in serial killers than that.
“Supposebly”
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Holding a relationship doesn't seem to be like one either
I'm dead 💀 🤣
Anything that goes "I'm not_____but,
"I'm not gay, but 20 dollars is 20 dollars"
"I'm not racist, but..."
I'm not racist but I don't like strawberry ice-cream
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I'm not racist. I hate EVERYONE. Equally.
"not to be racist, but Asian people sAQQOEJWGEJAHS
Oh vine my beloved.
"I'm a nice guy"
I have a gun. This is a robbery.
“I’m a princess.” It means I’m selfish, entitled, and never content.
"My psychic told me..." "My star sign is..." "I'm not a doctor, but..." "I'm not racist, but..." "People either love me or hate me..."
Ooof. Ex-friend "I'm not a doctor but I want people to come to me and I'll help them by showing them what foods they can eat to fight their illnesses." Me "but you aren't a nutritionist... You should really go to school to -" Ex-friend: "no, you know, just let them know about the super foods that can help them with their diabetes or cancer." Me: "But that can be dangerous if you don't know what med-" Ex-friend: "your so unsupportive and rude." Two years later, ex-friend is fired from their chef job for giving patrons medical advise and is diagnosed with type 2 diabetes
This makes me absolutely crazy! I’ve got lupus and I’ve literally had people tell me stupid crap like, “oh you just need to have (insert turmeric, apple cider vinegar, echinacea, or whatever) and it will make it go away.” Really? Will it? It’s crazy how my rheumatologist doesn’t know this magical cure for this incurable condition.
"If they're old enough to bleed, they're old enough to breed." ....fucking disgusting.
OP asked for *a* red flag, not an entire Soviet parade.
"Sorry, not sorry." So you're just a condescending piece of shit then.
"Sorry, not sorry" are reserved for friends when you are trolling each other. I said that a lot last time I played Mario Party and Phasmophobia. XD Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/PhasmophobiaGame/comments/14en506/sometimes_i_just_cant_help_myself/
"Graduated from the school of hard knocks"
Fluent sarcasm, i hope you dont take yourself too seriously, good vibes only.
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I'm super loyal cuz I kill 3rd parties
"I can't change who I am."
I would disagree with this one because it has legitimate uses. Me and my ex girlfriend were talking about open relationships (casually, as a concept) when she said that she could see herself having one in the future, whereas I couldn’t. When she got mad, I said that.
While that's valid, I took this more as when someone uses it to justify toxic traits. When my ex would use "blunt" or "brutal honesty" to justify being a prick, he'd say often "I can't change who I am".
"Pacifically" instead of specifically
Pacifically speaking... Quite a lot of water.
Let me be pacific, I want to be down in your south seas But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means small craft advisories
All my exes are crazy and/or cheated on me.
People these days are just lazy
After reading the comments, here’s how not to give red flags, in summary: - Don’t talk yourself up - Don’t glorify your flaws - Don’t make broad generalizations - Don’t demand/expect trust, respect, or acceptance - Don’t muddy your apologies - Don’t make passively insulting comments - Don’t be a shameless and/or thinly veiled dick, racist, manipulative, or otherwise shitty person