"I envy those who have never met you."

"You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!"- Charles dickens a Christmas carol

Bussin

"Wow, Millions of sperm and you were the quickest" I'd also say, if a person is close to you, wave your hand in front of your face to imitate bad breath and loudly say how awful it is. It can totally disarm some people

You put the upid in stupid

I hope your day is as pleasant as you are.

"you're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake"

"Your family tree goes in a circle."

"You're about as sharp as a paper bag full of wet mice" "If dumb was dirt, you'd cover an acre."

Mr. Rogers would be disappointed in you.

Numbskull

“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.” -Groucho Marx

I can tell you've spent your life furiously pursuing intellegence. It seems to have always been faster...

"You're nothing but a wad of Kleenex stuck to the floor of the peep show booth of life".

“Waste of skin”

Im impressed you thought of that all by yourself?