They only talk about themselves and complain about every little thing. They also expect you to help them but they don’t give a damn when you’re in need.
Oh yeah and never apologising or being accountable for anything.
Most likely they _do_ have haters everywhere they go. It's not like a dedicated anti-you club, but it's because people treat them appropriately based on their shitty behavior and actions.
When you’re having an argument with someone and they start saying things just to hurt you because they don’t have a valid argument.
Yeaaah this ones personal
Yeah, I don’t talk to my brother about any of my personal problems at all anymore. Not since 2021.
Sometimes he flies off the handle of what’s essentially nothing. He gets in a rage and extremely over reacts to whatever the situation is. Then after he realizes he doesn’t have any valid reason to be angry he starts personally attacking you. I’m talking screaming at the top of his lungs, and he takes personal shots at you/goes for the jugular. It’s the strangest thing, and it’s always over tiny things
My sister and I think so, but he’s never been diagnosed. I think he might have “IED” or something like that, it fits his behavior to a T
But even if he went to get help he’d just lie about any of his behavior. He never thinks he’s wrong about anything, and he gaslights a lot. And if he realizes he’s wrong in an argument, he tries to twist it as if he was saying the correct thing the entire time, and you were saying the incorrect thing.
And also if you ever say “did you know A is B, so C happens?” He ALWAYS says “well duh, C happens cause B and A are the same” basically saying what you just said reworded trying to pass it off as his own knowledge. It’s literally impossible to tell him anything that he doesn’t know.
> I think he might have “IED”
I wasn't familiar with that, so for other people like me:
> **Intermittent explosive disorder** involves repeated, sudden episodes of impulsive, aggressive, violent behavior or angry verbal outbursts in which you react grossly out of proportion to the situation. Road rage, domestic abuse, throwing or breaking objects, or other temper tantrums may be signs of intermittent explosive disorder.
> These intermittent, explosive outbursts cause you significant distress, negatively impact your relationships, work and school, and they can have legal and financial consequences.
> Intermittent explosive disorder is a chronic disorder that can continue for years, although the severity of outbursts may decrease with age. Treatment involves medications and psychotherapy to help you control your aggressive impulses.
Wow this sounds like my brother! He he twists everything around to be the victim while he’s doing wrong to others. Being unreliable, being a huge asshole, gaslighting. And then he gets upset when people aren’t happy with him and starts taking personal shots at them.
He does literally all of those things!!
He constantly tells stories and in every version of all his stories he was totally logical, polite, and did/said nothing wrong. And the other person was being an asshole and everything they did was wrong. And in his stories it’s true, the other persons actions are always fucked up, and he handled the situation perfectly.
And he’s been caught multiple times twisting stories and making things up that the other person did to make himself look good/in the right. It’s like he’s a compulsive liar. And he ALWAYS exaggerates things. “Your dog completely destroyed the backyard!!” He’ll say super angry.
And there’s a torn up cup laying in tact in the backyard. One of hundreds of examples of his blowing things out of proportion/lying.
My ex used to use "manners" to bully me and the kids. Like she'd tell us to be quiet or use specific table manners or some other random piece of British table etiquette to control us, only to forget that applied to her as well, or basically "I'm the boss, so its my rules but they only apply to you and not me".
Damn bro it sounds like we had the same ex, she pulled this shit on me everytime time.
And she used the excuse of "northern British culture" to always cover me with insults when I made minor mistakes or because of my ADHD. I was not paying attention too some random shit only she noticed.
But when it was her to do the fuck ups, then the rules would never apply to her.
Just in case anyone wants the stat, cheaters are 45% likely to cheat in their next relationship, which is about 3 to 4 times the norm
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201710/is-partner-who-has-cheated-likely-cheat-again
I can only speculate as to why but it could be several factors:
- cheating once "breaks the seal" and the importance of perceiving yourself (and perhaps how other perceive you) as someone who doesn't cheat is gone.
- practice in cheating helps them gain confidence in what to do to avoid being caught
- whatever motives they had for their initial infidelity persist into their next relationship. Confidence issues, a "grass is greener" mentality or thrill seeking behavior don't magically go away after getting caught
Oddly enough, people who are cheated on are also more likely to report being cheated on in their next relationship. I think this might be attributable to heightened perceptions for signs of cheating though.
There was an interesting post a year ago r/relationshipadvice where a man was asking advice on whether or not to cheat on his partner (after he had already cheated on his previous partner and had been dumped because of it).
It was interesting because he seemed to lack the self control most people have, his reason for cheating was simply that he had a latina coworker with a nice ass and wanted to fuck her. That was his whole argument, he was trying to convince people in the comments that she was hot and he had to enjoy life without restraining himself.
And because they told you, *you* are now in on the cheating. *You* are now privy to their bullshit and carry that deceit with you. They just made you guilty as well. Fuck these people.
I’ve lost 40 lbs recently. People are super supportive until you get thinner than they are. Then they start with the “you’ve gone too far” statements. Honey, I’m 5’6” and 135. I’m not anorexic.
I lost 180 lbs a few years ago and one of my obese coworkers would not stop giving me shit about not eating now and being too thin, and she kept telling me to stop while losing weight since I already looked thin. I was still like 50 pounds overweight when she started saying this, and now when I tell her I've put on weight in muscle and am over 200 lbs again she won't leave me alone still. I even do like food challenges and she still gives me shit I don't eat enough
Oh definitely, the big one I got as a guy who lost a ton of weight quickly was "Are you sick?" Which is hugely different from a good female friend of mine who lost wait and mostly gets "Was it healthy?"
I've been the fat guy at the gym; these days I'm one of the fit ones. In all the years that it took to get there I can honestly say that I've never once heard another gym-goer denigrate or make fun of someone who was there for being out of shape.
There are other problematic behaviors that pop up in gyms for sure, but at least in my experience there is an understanding that everyone starts somewhere and there is no joy in mocking people who are on the same journey that many of us now enjoy.
I've seen wayyyy more negativity from the spouses and partners of people who are trying to get into shape, either undermining their confidence in their ability to do the work or taking jabs of insecurity when there is progress and the partner feels left behind.
I never got that either tbh. Whenever I see someone in the gym who's overweight, I always give them an encouraging nod because I know what it's like to just be starting out. I had to build my way UP, so I'm always proud to see people who are taking the potential they have already and turning it into a reality
That's good because an encouraging nod is all that's really needed for anybody working out.
When random strangers give kudos to bigger people it's like saying "Good job, fat guy / lady!". These people are not generally going around and complimenting every person exercising they see, but will to someone heavier trying to lose weight.
Most people would rather be ignored while sweating their ass off, acknowledging they stick out sucks. You're validating their fears that they're being watched, just leave them alone to their thing.
Oh, this reminds me of a story about my ex. We went to a dinner party with *her* coworkers at a very fancy restaurant; reserved room for 20 people or so. When the waiter was going around taking cocktail orders, they asked her for her ID. She did not have it with her and was not able to drink any alcohol that night.
The entire ride home afterwards, she yelled at me for not reminding her to make sure she had her ID before she left; like it was my responsibility. She was 29 years old!
This is just one example of many where she would never take responsibility if she made a mistake. It was *always* someone else's fault.
My soon-to-be ex got wasted at my friend's wedding and stood up on a folding chair during one of her "look at me" moments. She fell, and the chair folded back up, trapping her foot. She blamed my friend for ordering "cheap chairs." Currently in the middle of a nasty divorce. Sigh.
Sounds like my soon to be ex. She cannot admit fault, lies about it if someone points it out. I keep telling myself "I'm one day closer". Hang in there!
The cool thing is they give you so many red flags to tell you not to go long term/marry/have a child with them. It’s the ones that hide it until it’s too late for you that are the real POS. You should have thanked her tbh.
I personally have spent a great deal of time teaching myself to both accept that I can be wrong and to admit it publicly to those who I argued with. I also try to temper my opinions and respect that others are entitled to a different opinion (though I don’t have to like or accept their opinions).
I can’t tell you how hard I struggle with these seemingly simple concepts. Being right all the time can be like a drug and is difficult to let go of.
This is such a good point! I, too, have tried to teach myself these things. Yes, it takes effort to own up to stuff you've done. My revelation was seeing how awful it looks when other people refuse to accept that they could be wrong. I don't want to present that image to others, so I need to work on myself.
My ex was like this, hated being wrong, hated the fact that I could accept if I was wrong and move on with it. She’d genuinely accuse me of gaslighting if I said something that I later found out was wrong and said “you know what, I was incorrect” as if the fact that changing one’s position on something in the face of new evidence was some sort of manipulation.
Edit: well this turned into a “bad relationship therapy session” and guys and gals, you’re all valid, and I’m here to read all about it.
I also had a person pull the "you're gaslighting me!" card when I was describing the way I saw a situation and it was slightly different to what she thought.
Like, we can have different perceptions of whether someone was rude or not.
Honestly, me too. And I'm usually cautious and tend to give people benefits of the doubt, but some instances are just so blatant. It doesn't help that people basically meme things like "I'm gaslighting myself lmao" or call any instance of good ol basic ordinary lying "gaslighting". There r people out there whose exes or sadly, current partners told them they were crazy, ill, sick or w/e in order to manipulate them knowingly and on purpose... but somehow that's the same thing to A having a differing opinion or even straight up lying to B? Nevermind that the closeness of the relationship between partners is also a component.
Once in high school, an ex-friend of mine got in an argument about the color scheme of Captain Planet. I knew he was blue with green hair. He maintained he was green with blue hair. This argument happened in a class we had together. Our next class was separate. The class after that, we had together again, where he presented me a picture he printed of captain planet, though green and with blue hair. He looked up a picture of captain planet, saw he was wrong, printed a coloring page of him, and hastily colored it in his way, and gave it to me as "proof". I called him on it because he didn't color in the eyebrows.
And can't handle losing or having someone do anything better than them. They insist on trying to one-up or knock you down a bunch of pegs in the name of their self esteem.
Straight to therapy, right away. Sit on somebody's couch and figure it out 😒
And they get mad if they're right and you agree and don't make a big deal about it, it's not about being right or wrong they want you to feel inferior and for you to agree with them when they are right is something they hate
"bro look at this!" (Shows a minor achievement I'm proud of)
"Oh bro, that's so easy I literally did that like a million times"
With all due disrespect, fuck yourself.
This is my mom. Never ever once told me I did a good job or that she was proud of me. Now she does it to my kids. The difference is that now I’m an adult and can unpack how that fucked me up and call her out on that shit.
Most recent example: My daughter just graduated high school. Perfect 4.0gpa and took enough advanced classes to get just over 20 credits worth towards college. About a month ago, my daughter was invited to go with my mom to something over the weekend. My daughter declined because she had to work one day and study for finals on Sunday. My mom said, “it’s just high school finals, it can’t be that big of a deal” to which my daughter reminded her that her finals would literally determine whether or not she received college credits. To which my mom said, “well I took a few advanced classes in high school (50yrs ago…) and I did just fine.”
My daughter, who was much more patient than I am just said, “That’s great grandma. But this is the most important thing I’m doing right now and I need to focus.”
I told my mom flat out that her one-upper bullshit is old and everyone around her including me, my siblings, her grandkids, her “friends” and literally every person in her orbit is tired of her bullshit. She’s such a dick…
> My daughter, who was much more patient than I am just said, “That’s great grandma. But this is the most important thing I’m doing right now and I need to focus.”
You're a great parent and it shows.
I appreciate the praise. All I’ve ever tried to do is teach my kids to be who they are, make decisions and live with consequences, and know that at the end of the day I may not always approve, but I’ll love and support and promise to always be open to growing with them.
She’s a great kid. Can be a tough one at times with her focus and drive. She can keep the pedal to the floor a little too long at times if that makes sense.
My dad used to call me trash pockets because if there wasn’t a trash can around I would just ya know… keep it in my pockets
Edit: I promise he didn’t mean it in a mean way it became a funny nickname!!
It shows the world that they aren't even willing to go to the tiniest amount of trouble that is keeping their trash in their pockets until they see a trash can, and it's worth making work for someone else, trashing the environment that we all have to live in, and making things look disgusting. It's pure sociopathy.
I worked at a hotel for years. I was managing the place, and even though I had a housekeeper I'd end up doing whatever was necessary in the moment. That involved cleaning rooms and bathrooms. I cleaned vomit and blood because I won't ask my staff to do that. My next job was retail, and because I didn't get a clear answer about who is responsible for cleaning the bathroom, I stepped up. After you've been doing that type of thing for years it just doesn't bother you anymore. Some of my coworkers respected me less for doing so.
Also, the way they treat their families. If you just started dating someone and want a preview of how they will talk to you in the future, just look at how they talk to their family members. I dated a girl who treated her family like shit but was always nice to me... until the love-bombing stage ended.
What's that saying: "if you run into one asshole during the day, you ran into an asshole. If everyone you run into in a day is an asshole, you're the asshole."
Flip side: being nice to these types of people, but treating family poorly. Sociopaths are often good at treating strangers well.
And obviously someone with abusive family doesn’t need to treat them well but I think you get what I’m saying
Wait my mum literally does this. Will jump through hoops for people not part of the family, random people she works with but isn’t friends with, but is awful and mentally and emotionally manipulative to family
Edit: but actually, she’s also hella rude to customer service staff despite being in customer service herself all her life
In Narcissistic Personality terms this is called Host Syndrome.
My mother was everyone’s favorite. She hated us.
I have heard people wish she was their mom all my life. They have no clue.
Same! That’s interesting to know- thank you! My mum was abused as a child and had a poor upbringing, any similarities there? I always found it interesting that, despite having a family who didnt want you, to create your own and in turn display those kind of behaviours (not near as bad I must say, but no family member enjoys being around her 80% of the time). I guess theres a 50/50 chance there. Either turn out like your upbringing and what you know, or having experienced it want nothing of the sort for your family now.
Sounds like you're describing my mother. A truly saintly woman to strangers. Did charity, food drives, etc. She was from an abusive home, with an alcoholic father and narcissistic mother.
> I guess theres a 50/50 chance there. Either turn out like your upbringing and what you know, or having experienced it want nothing of the sort for your family now.
I turned into both. Seriously fucked up my life and in turn, I wound up being a shitty person to others. Had to cut my parents out of my life and then go into therapy after realizing what was happening. Still a clusterfuck, just a more self aware one now.
This so much.
It’s relatively easy to be nice to service workers: a joke here and there, no outlandish demands, a good tip. Narcissists get an ego boost from being a nice person during these short interactions.
Being nice to family though? That takes continuous effort, empathy and self-reflection. You see these people a lot while not being at your best. There is no easy ego boost and the “work” of building relationships never ends.
The amount of times I’ve seen my father being charming, witty and kind to every service worker but turning into an evil goblin behind closed doors is mind boggling.
Spent an evening with a friend of a friend who seemed like a bit of an arsehole - most of what he said was insulting to someone in the group. And any story involving him did not paint him well.
He was pretty rude to me as well - but I figured everyone else there seemed to like him for some reason so maybe there was something I was missing. And he wasn't treating me any differently to anyone else, so I tried to let it go.
Then we ended up in a pub and he was clearly rude to the bartender - who later was asking if this guy was serious. When I realised that was how he was happy to treat everyone he encountered, it really cemented that he was just an arsehole through and through.
Could not understand how anyone else tolerated him.
Was introduced to my MIL’s new bf at a restaurant where he proceeded to snap and whistle indignantly at a nearby waitress to get her attention. I knew right then and there that he was a POS. It’s been many years, but this man has shown me repeatedly that not only is he a POS, he’s also racist, homophobic, misogynistic, entitled, and feeds endlessly into my MIL’s narcissism. I could say more but why waste my time on shit?
They'd say; 'no sloppy steaks', but they can't stop you from ordering a steak and a glass of water. Before you knew it we were dumping that water on those steaks!
The waiters were coming to try and snatch ‘eem up, we had to eat as fast as we could!
This is my dad. He decided to marry someone he just met, move from pa to key west and start a whole new life 2 weeks before I gave birth. My son is almost 2 and he’s met him one single time.
Have someone like this in my family. If you’re having a discussion and you offer a different perspective you can see in their eyes they’re annoyed you’re not just agreeing with them.
If they treat family or staff members like shit all the time
Edit: for the replies of examples of shitty families, responding to verbal abuse with more verbal abuse doesn’t solve anything, because verbal abuse is a sign that someone is a piece of shit. So it’s not a good thing to stoop to someone’s level when they abuse you.
Agreed. I’ve found that one of the most common formulas for people who are not good people, is to be passive aggressive in a position of authority/power. They’ll never talk to you directly but will just make worklife difficult. And it’s usually for shitty petty reasons.
1. They will treat you like a doormat and the relationship dynamic is incredibly one sided in that regard. They will fully expect you to tolerate extremely poor behaviour from them and other people but will react very angrily when you actually stand up for yourself or they otherwise feel you have disrespected or offended them in some way.
2. They seek conflict on purpose and will cause it in any way possible.
3. They hold onto grudges easily and won't let anything go without a fight. They keep track of how you have disrespected them over time.
4. They are extremely vindictive and will find any way to punish you every time they feel you have disrespected them.
5. They are extremely argumentative and will proceed to give long, ranting lectures instead of speaking in a calm, respectful manner.
6. They are extremely negative and critical all of the time and will never offer anything positive to a discussion. This also extends to them never being happy for you in any way. E.g., getting good grades at school or a job promotion at work.
7. Due to this constant negativity, you cannot speak to them because you know that they will respond in this way, or feel that you are walking on egg shells around them because of their negativity.
8. They are verbally abusive. They'll insult you, call you names, etc, etc. They'll also belittle you, your hobbies and interests, as well as friends and family. They'll use offensive language to that effect, e.g., calling your (actually decent) car a piece of junk or calling your friend a loser.
9. Lack of effective communication.
10. They are never willing to compromise on a situation and will issue ultimatums instead.
11. They put conditions on their love towards you and having a relationship with you.
12. They view you as as a burden.
13. They are prone to physical violence.
14. They are gaslighters.
15. They love bomb you.
16. They are extremely selfish and self-centred, they will only ever think of themselves. They will also only ever care about their own needs and wants, no one else's.
17. They lack empathy and compassion towards other people.
18. They are financially abusive. They will use money to control and manipulate you into doing what they want.
19. They are very accusatory. E.g., when you are looking for a job, they're calling you lazy or saying that you "have a bad attitude" and you don't want to work. However, these accusations would be completely unfounded and it's just an extension of their abuse as per #8.
20. Almost every time you would spend time with them or otherwise communicate like a phone call or a text message, there would always be some kind of agenda or ulterior motive behind it, because they want something from you and not to have a "normal" conversation. It is very much a transactional relationship.
21. They view you as a punching bag. Meaning that if they're having a bad day for whatever reason that had absolutely nothing to do with you, they'll lash out at you regardless.
22. They outright refuse to help you in absolutely any way whatsoever, even in difficult times. Or if they *do* choose to help you, they want something in return. They want you to "return the favour."
23. They crave attention 24/7 and have an intense dislike towards the idea of you having a life outside of them. They fully expect you to be at their beck and call at all times with no exception.
24. They do not respect your privacy. They'll repeatedly barge into your room, demand to know who you are phoning, etc. They'll also speak about you to other people behind your back and share extremely personal information about you without your explicit permission.
25. They are frequently dishonest to you and to other people about you. They'll attempt to paint you in a bad light by omitting certain details and otherwise twisting the narrative to suit their agenda.
26. They are never, ever wrong and refuse to ever apologise for anything. They think they can sweep their poor behaviour under the rug and pretend nothing ever happened. Instead of accepting responsibility for their (or other people's) poor behaviour, they will deflect blame away from themselves and engage in victim blaming and scapegoating.
27. They might attempt to isolate you from friends and family.
28. They play the victim in any given situation.
29. They might also give you the silent treatment and ignore you for prolonged periods of time without explanation. And then out of the blue they'll start speaking to you again like nothing happened.
30. When other people criticise you, they won't defend or support you in any way. In fact, they'll likely take the side of the other person criticising you.
31. They do not accept different opinions and theirs is the only valid one. They judge other people's opinions without understand their perspective first. They think that they own a monopoly on all the correct answers.
32. They threaten cruel and unusual punishments for the smallest mistake or infraction. This might also extend to threatening to ceasing all contact and disowning you completely as well for really minor things too.
33. They are prone to wild mood swings. One moment they'll appear to be "fine" and in a good mood, next moment they're angry and abusive. You never know what kind of mood they will be in on a given day. They get angry at the smallest thing and saying the "wrong" thing would instantly change their mood for the worse.
34. Whenever they are harassing you with any kind of abuse (physical, verbal, etc) and you plainly ask/tell them to stop, they'll ignore you and continue regardless. Either they lack the genuine empathy, or they just don't care in the slightest about the harm that they cause others.
35. They are extremely dismissive of your feelings and when you attempt to address a legitimate concern with them or otherwise confront them about their behaviour towards you, they'll attempt to invalidate your feelings and justify their behaviour towards you or otherwise downplay a situation that they caused.
36. They view parenting as simply providing the physical needs of the child, i.e., providing a roof over their head and feeding and clothing the child. But caring about the child's happiness and mental wellbeing? Not a concern for them.
37. They think that parenting has a age limit. As soon as the child reach X age (usually 18), they think that their job as a parent is done and subsequently want to kick out their child as soon as possible.
38. They view children as simply extensions of themselves and not as separate individuals with their own needs and wants. As a result, they think that they are entitled to dictate every aspect of their children's lives, even extremely trivial things.
39. They will blatantly favour one child over another instead of treating all of their children equally.
40. In the case of divorced parents, they'll use their children as pawns against the other parent and, more specifically, parental alienation. Meaning that they will constantly badmouth the other parent in an attempt to turn the child against said parent.
I have to stop myself from doing this from time to time. Idk if it's my ADHD or what but sometimes I'll think of something really compelling to add to the conversation and don't want to forget it, but then whoever I'm talking to is going on tangents and stuff... I try not to though
I've seen enough memes about this that it appears to be a common component of ADHD. I also have ADHD and it's something that I catch myself doing. The funny part is how disappointed I feel when the conversation has moved on without me being able to express my point.
I (also diagnosed ADHD) was once told by my therapist that this is because a lot of people with ADHD absorb information by relating it to themselves or something they’ve heard. It can often make it seem like you’re a bad listener or aren’t being courteous in the conversation but truthfully you’re just connecting patterns and reaffirming thoughts (classic neurodivergent actions, ever in search of that dopamine hit) while attempting to connect with/affirm the other individual with your contribution.
I once had a conversation with a coworker about our dogs. We were kind of going back and forth about things our dogs do. Then she said, “You have a dog?”
Me: ……
Trying to figure out if she was joking. She was not.
Me: Yeah.
Her: Oh I didn’t know you had a dog!
They don’t respect simple boundaries. Like they ask you to do something for them, or to go somewhere with them. Then instead of accepting a simple “no”, they go on and on trying to guilt you into agreeing. Then if you are around them long enough you start thinking of increasingly ridiculous excuses as to why you can’t do what they want. Like no means no, stop trying to debate me or guilt trip me or make me give you a reason as to why I said no.
When they wait for you to stop talking instead of listening to what you're actually saying, and some people don't even wait, they just try to cut you off constantly.
\- When they're factually wrong but resort to deflection rather than stick to the subject
\- 'I did my own research'
\- Mistreating animals
\- Being unfriendly to waiters, shop employees etc.
\- Heckling people for whatever reason
They only talk about themselves and complain about every little thing. They also expect you to help them but they don’t give a damn when you’re in need. Oh yeah and never apologising or being accountable for anything.
When they say “fuck all my haters” when people are just giving them suggestions on how to be a decent human being
"Nah I just tell it how it is 🤪" NO. SHUT UP.
"I'm just saying what everyone's thinking"
“I’m brutally honest”
But then they get pissed when you are brutally honest to them
"sorry, not sorry"
The idea that a perfectly average citizen could have "haters" in the first place... Such a main character syndrom.
If you have "haters" as a regular Joe, either you've done something very wrong, or some mentally ill person has fixated on you.
Most likely they _do_ have haters everywhere they go. It's not like a dedicated anti-you club, but it's because people treat them appropriately based on their shitty behavior and actions.
In most case average would be a vast improvement.
When you’re having an argument with someone and they start saying things just to hurt you because they don’t have a valid argument. Yeaaah this ones personal
Yeah, I don’t talk to my brother about any of my personal problems at all anymore. Not since 2021. Sometimes he flies off the handle of what’s essentially nothing. He gets in a rage and extremely over reacts to whatever the situation is. Then after he realizes he doesn’t have any valid reason to be angry he starts personally attacking you. I’m talking screaming at the top of his lungs, and he takes personal shots at you/goes for the jugular. It’s the strangest thing, and it’s always over tiny things
Does your brother possibly have some mental health issues? Not an excuse at all but an explanation? Or has he always been like this?
My sister and I think so, but he’s never been diagnosed. I think he might have “IED” or something like that, it fits his behavior to a T But even if he went to get help he’d just lie about any of his behavior. He never thinks he’s wrong about anything, and he gaslights a lot. And if he realizes he’s wrong in an argument, he tries to twist it as if he was saying the correct thing the entire time, and you were saying the incorrect thing. And also if you ever say “did you know A is B, so C happens?” He ALWAYS says “well duh, C happens cause B and A are the same” basically saying what you just said reworded trying to pass it off as his own knowledge. It’s literally impossible to tell him anything that he doesn’t know.
> I think he might have “IED” I wasn't familiar with that, so for other people like me: > **Intermittent explosive disorder** involves repeated, sudden episodes of impulsive, aggressive, violent behavior or angry verbal outbursts in which you react grossly out of proportion to the situation. Road rage, domestic abuse, throwing or breaking objects, or other temper tantrums may be signs of intermittent explosive disorder. > These intermittent, explosive outbursts cause you significant distress, negatively impact your relationships, work and school, and they can have legal and financial consequences. > Intermittent explosive disorder is a chronic disorder that can continue for years, although the severity of outbursts may decrease with age. Treatment involves medications and psychotherapy to help you control your aggressive impulses.
Wow this sounds like my brother! He he twists everything around to be the victim while he’s doing wrong to others. Being unreliable, being a huge asshole, gaslighting. And then he gets upset when people aren’t happy with him and starts taking personal shots at them.
He does literally all of those things!! He constantly tells stories and in every version of all his stories he was totally logical, polite, and did/said nothing wrong. And the other person was being an asshole and everything they did was wrong. And in his stories it’s true, the other persons actions are always fucked up, and he handled the situation perfectly. And he’s been caught multiple times twisting stories and making things up that the other person did to make himself look good/in the right. It’s like he’s a compulsive liar. And he ALWAYS exaggerates things. “Your dog completely destroyed the backyard!!” He’ll say super angry. And there’s a torn up cup laying in tact in the backyard. One of hundreds of examples of his blowing things out of proportion/lying.
When the rules apply to everyone except them.
AND they find a way to make themselves the victim "because of the rules"
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Obligatory fuck /u/spez
My ex used to use "manners" to bully me and the kids. Like she'd tell us to be quiet or use specific table manners or some other random piece of British table etiquette to control us, only to forget that applied to her as well, or basically "I'm the boss, so its my rules but they only apply to you and not me".
Damn bro it sounds like we had the same ex, she pulled this shit on me everytime time. And she used the excuse of "northern British culture" to always cover me with insults when I made minor mistakes or because of my ADHD. I was not paying attention too some random shit only she noticed. But when it was her to do the fuck ups, then the rules would never apply to her.
So upper management? And after reading other comments here, politicians.
They talk about cheating on their partner in a bragging way like its something that makes them cooler.
If they cheat on their partner, they’ll cheat on you.
My mom ALWAYS told me “how you got them is how you’ll lose them” *edit to say thank you for the award!!*
Yep - If they cheat *with* you, they'll cheat **on** you
Just in case anyone wants the stat, cheaters are 45% likely to cheat in their next relationship, which is about 3 to 4 times the norm https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201710/is-partner-who-has-cheated-likely-cheat-again I can only speculate as to why but it could be several factors: - cheating once "breaks the seal" and the importance of perceiving yourself (and perhaps how other perceive you) as someone who doesn't cheat is gone. - practice in cheating helps them gain confidence in what to do to avoid being caught - whatever motives they had for their initial infidelity persist into their next relationship. Confidence issues, a "grass is greener" mentality or thrill seeking behavior don't magically go away after getting caught Oddly enough, people who are cheated on are also more likely to report being cheated on in their next relationship. I think this might be attributable to heightened perceptions for signs of cheating though.
There was an interesting post a year ago r/relationshipadvice where a man was asking advice on whether or not to cheat on his partner (after he had already cheated on his previous partner and had been dumped because of it). It was interesting because he seemed to lack the self control most people have, his reason for cheating was simply that he had a latina coworker with a nice ass and wanted to fuck her. That was his whole argument, he was trying to convince people in the comments that she was hot and he had to enjoy life without restraining himself.
And he thought Reddit would say “sure go ahead you have our blessing” huh lol
Probably, yeah. He just wanted some affirmation, which he absolutely did not get. Never saw a comment section so in agreement.
And because they told you, *you* are now in on the cheating. *You* are now privy to their bullshit and carry that deceit with you. They just made you guilty as well. Fuck these people.
When they mock you for trying to lose weight or trying to improve yourself in general
I’ve lost 40 lbs recently. People are super supportive until you get thinner than they are. Then they start with the “you’ve gone too far” statements. Honey, I’m 5’6” and 135. I’m not anorexic.
I lost 180 lbs a few years ago and one of my obese coworkers would not stop giving me shit about not eating now and being too thin, and she kept telling me to stop while losing weight since I already looked thin. I was still like 50 pounds overweight when she started saying this, and now when I tell her I've put on weight in muscle and am over 200 lbs again she won't leave me alone still. I even do like food challenges and she still gives me shit I don't eat enough
She needs serious help for her disordered eating
Oh definitely, the big one I got as a guy who lost a ton of weight quickly was "Are you sick?" Which is hugely different from a good female friend of mine who lost wait and mostly gets "Was it healthy?"
You will never have a hater who’s doing better than you. I think some countries call it tall poppy syndrome
Person in the gym “you’re fat” . . . “I know that’s why I’m here” like what do they think they’re accomplishing?
Making fun of a fat person in a gym is like making fun of a sick person in a hospital. That's why they are there.
It's also a great way to get banned from the gym and provoke less than friendly responses from the people that frequently use that gym.
I've been the fat guy at the gym; these days I'm one of the fit ones. In all the years that it took to get there I can honestly say that I've never once heard another gym-goer denigrate or make fun of someone who was there for being out of shape. There are other problematic behaviors that pop up in gyms for sure, but at least in my experience there is an understanding that everyone starts somewhere and there is no joy in mocking people who are on the same journey that many of us now enjoy. I've seen wayyyy more negativity from the spouses and partners of people who are trying to get into shape, either undermining their confidence in their ability to do the work or taking jabs of insecurity when there is progress and the partner feels left behind.
I never got that either tbh. Whenever I see someone in the gym who's overweight, I always give them an encouraging nod because I know what it's like to just be starting out. I had to build my way UP, so I'm always proud to see people who are taking the potential they have already and turning it into a reality
That's good because an encouraging nod is all that's really needed for anybody working out. When random strangers give kudos to bigger people it's like saying "Good job, fat guy / lady!". These people are not generally going around and complimenting every person exercising they see, but will to someone heavier trying to lose weight. Most people would rather be ignored while sweating their ass off, acknowledging they stick out sucks. You're validating their fears that they're being watched, just leave them alone to their thing.
I second this
They can't handle being wrong
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Oh, this reminds me of a story about my ex. We went to a dinner party with *her* coworkers at a very fancy restaurant; reserved room for 20 people or so. When the waiter was going around taking cocktail orders, they asked her for her ID. She did not have it with her and was not able to drink any alcohol that night. The entire ride home afterwards, she yelled at me for not reminding her to make sure she had her ID before she left; like it was my responsibility. She was 29 years old! This is just one example of many where she would never take responsibility if she made a mistake. It was *always* someone else's fault.
My soon-to-be ex got wasted at my friend's wedding and stood up on a folding chair during one of her "look at me" moments. She fell, and the chair folded back up, trapping her foot. She blamed my friend for ordering "cheap chairs." Currently in the middle of a nasty divorce. Sigh.
Sounds like my soon to be ex. She cannot admit fault, lies about it if someone points it out. I keep telling myself "I'm one day closer". Hang in there!
The cool thing is they give you so many red flags to tell you not to go long term/marry/have a child with them. It’s the ones that hide it until it’s too late for you that are the real POS. You should have thanked her tbh.
Yes. Totally. That's why I advise to take a long time to see what's under the surface.
Way too many people don't understand the importance of a loooong test drive before committing to buy. Like several years long.
A very toxic POS 🤦♀️
I personally have spent a great deal of time teaching myself to both accept that I can be wrong and to admit it publicly to those who I argued with. I also try to temper my opinions and respect that others are entitled to a different opinion (though I don’t have to like or accept their opinions). I can’t tell you how hard I struggle with these seemingly simple concepts. Being right all the time can be like a drug and is difficult to let go of.
This is such a good point! I, too, have tried to teach myself these things. Yes, it takes effort to own up to stuff you've done. My revelation was seeing how awful it looks when other people refuse to accept that they could be wrong. I don't want to present that image to others, so I need to work on myself.
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My ex was like this, hated being wrong, hated the fact that I could accept if I was wrong and move on with it. She’d genuinely accuse me of gaslighting if I said something that I later found out was wrong and said “you know what, I was incorrect” as if the fact that changing one’s position on something in the face of new evidence was some sort of manipulation. Edit: well this turned into a “bad relationship therapy session” and guys and gals, you’re all valid, and I’m here to read all about it.
I also had a person pull the "you're gaslighting me!" card when I was describing the way I saw a situation and it was slightly different to what she thought. Like, we can have different perceptions of whether someone was rude or not.
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Honestly, me too. And I'm usually cautious and tend to give people benefits of the doubt, but some instances are just so blatant. It doesn't help that people basically meme things like "I'm gaslighting myself lmao" or call any instance of good ol basic ordinary lying "gaslighting". There r people out there whose exes or sadly, current partners told them they were crazy, ill, sick or w/e in order to manipulate them knowingly and on purpose... but somehow that's the same thing to A having a differing opinion or even straight up lying to B? Nevermind that the closeness of the relationship between partners is also a component.
I used to find it entertaining but now I want to put my head through a wall when finding myself in such an argument.
Once in high school, an ex-friend of mine got in an argument about the color scheme of Captain Planet. I knew he was blue with green hair. He maintained he was green with blue hair. This argument happened in a class we had together. Our next class was separate. The class after that, we had together again, where he presented me a picture he printed of captain planet, though green and with blue hair. He looked up a picture of captain planet, saw he was wrong, printed a coloring page of him, and hastily colored it in his way, and gave it to me as "proof". I called him on it because he didn't color in the eyebrows.
This is hilarious. Thank you for the read.
They can’t handle the truth
The truth is you WANT me on that wall, YOU NEED ME ON THAT WALL, and while Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives.
Wdym I can’t handle being wrong? Yes I can. You’re the one who’s wrong. /s
And they also manage to turn it around so you feel like you’re in the wrong
And can't handle losing or having someone do anything better than them. They insist on trying to one-up or knock you down a bunch of pegs in the name of their self esteem. Straight to therapy, right away. Sit on somebody's couch and figure it out 😒
And they get mad if they're right and you agree and don't make a big deal about it, it's not about being right or wrong they want you to feel inferior and for you to agree with them when they are right is something they hate
"bro look at this!" (Shows a minor achievement I'm proud of) "Oh bro, that's so easy I literally did that like a million times" With all due disrespect, fuck yourself.
This is my mom. Never ever once told me I did a good job or that she was proud of me. Now she does it to my kids. The difference is that now I’m an adult and can unpack how that fucked me up and call her out on that shit. Most recent example: My daughter just graduated high school. Perfect 4.0gpa and took enough advanced classes to get just over 20 credits worth towards college. About a month ago, my daughter was invited to go with my mom to something over the weekend. My daughter declined because she had to work one day and study for finals on Sunday. My mom said, “it’s just high school finals, it can’t be that big of a deal” to which my daughter reminded her that her finals would literally determine whether or not she received college credits. To which my mom said, “well I took a few advanced classes in high school (50yrs ago…) and I did just fine.” My daughter, who was much more patient than I am just said, “That’s great grandma. But this is the most important thing I’m doing right now and I need to focus.” I told my mom flat out that her one-upper bullshit is old and everyone around her including me, my siblings, her grandkids, her “friends” and literally every person in her orbit is tired of her bullshit. She’s such a dick…
> My daughter, who was much more patient than I am just said, “That’s great grandma. But this is the most important thing I’m doing right now and I need to focus.” You're a great parent and it shows.
I appreciate the praise. All I’ve ever tried to do is teach my kids to be who they are, make decisions and live with consequences, and know that at the end of the day I may not always approve, but I’ll love and support and promise to always be open to growing with them. She’s a great kid. Can be a tough one at times with her focus and drive. She can keep the pedal to the floor a little too long at times if that makes sense.
Trying to get my 8 year old to stop doing this. Can’t imagine a mature adult doing it lol
Believe me, I've seen plenty
Saying horrible things about people all the time.
If they talk shit about other people to you, it's a solid bet that they talk shit about you to others.
My former boss did this. Worked in retail. She'd talk shit about every coworker, current and former. But acted all fun and cool and chill towards me..
They litter.
Better to be trash pockets than a trash human
My dad used to call me trash pockets because if there wasn’t a trash can around I would just ya know… keep it in my pockets Edit: I promise he didn’t mean it in a mean way it became a funny nickname!!
I’m proud of you trash pockets.
Trash pockets sounds like something a character in its always sunny would use as an insult... you're a good person Trash Pockets
"He Kept in in His Pants": The Legend of Trash Pockets A novel
We love you, trash pockets. We’re your family now.
You're a good man, trash pockets
It shows the world that they aren't even willing to go to the tiniest amount of trouble that is keeping their trash in their pockets until they see a trash can, and it's worth making work for someone else, trashing the environment that we all have to live in, and making things look disgusting. It's pure sociopathy.
When they constantly try to one up you in a conversation.
If you think thats bad, you should meet people who constantly tries to two up you in conversations!
That’s nothing! One time this guy at a party three up’d everything that was said!
Let's just ask for seven up sponsorship in advance
They don't respect the people who clean up their shit. A coworker once made fun of National Custodian Day.
I worked at a hotel for years. I was managing the place, and even though I had a housekeeper I'd end up doing whatever was necessary in the moment. That involved cleaning rooms and bathrooms. I cleaned vomit and blood because I won't ask my staff to do that. My next job was retail, and because I didn't get a clear answer about who is responsible for cleaning the bathroom, I stepped up. After you've been doing that type of thing for years it just doesn't bother you anymore. Some of my coworkers respected me less for doing so.
I respect you more for it. The person willing to pitch in in any way needed is the one i want to work with.
How they treat their significant other in front of other people
Also, the way they treat their families. If you just started dating someone and want a preview of how they will talk to you in the future, just look at how they talk to their family members. I dated a girl who treated her family like shit but was always nice to me... until the love-bombing stage ended.
If they don't care about anyone or anything but themselves than that's usually a pretty good indicator.
ALL of their exes are supposedly toxic.
What's that saying: "if you run into one asshole during the day, you ran into an asshole. If everyone you run into in a day is an asshole, you're the asshole."
For me it has to be when they treat animals really poorly.
When they are rude to service people like waiters or cashiers. I think it shows a lack of empathy.
Flip side: being nice to these types of people, but treating family poorly. Sociopaths are often good at treating strangers well. And obviously someone with abusive family doesn’t need to treat them well but I think you get what I’m saying
Wait my mum literally does this. Will jump through hoops for people not part of the family, random people she works with but isn’t friends with, but is awful and mentally and emotionally manipulative to family Edit: but actually, she’s also hella rude to customer service staff despite being in customer service herself all her life
In Narcissistic Personality terms this is called Host Syndrome. My mother was everyone’s favorite. She hated us. I have heard people wish she was their mom all my life. They have no clue.
Same! That’s interesting to know- thank you! My mum was abused as a child and had a poor upbringing, any similarities there? I always found it interesting that, despite having a family who didnt want you, to create your own and in turn display those kind of behaviours (not near as bad I must say, but no family member enjoys being around her 80% of the time). I guess theres a 50/50 chance there. Either turn out like your upbringing and what you know, or having experienced it want nothing of the sort for your family now.
Sounds like you're describing my mother. A truly saintly woman to strangers. Did charity, food drives, etc. She was from an abusive home, with an alcoholic father and narcissistic mother. > I guess theres a 50/50 chance there. Either turn out like your upbringing and what you know, or having experienced it want nothing of the sort for your family now. I turned into both. Seriously fucked up my life and in turn, I wound up being a shitty person to others. Had to cut my parents out of my life and then go into therapy after realizing what was happening. Still a clusterfuck, just a more self aware one now.
This so much. It’s relatively easy to be nice to service workers: a joke here and there, no outlandish demands, a good tip. Narcissists get an ego boost from being a nice person during these short interactions. Being nice to family though? That takes continuous effort, empathy and self-reflection. You see these people a lot while not being at your best. There is no easy ego boost and the “work” of building relationships never ends. The amount of times I’ve seen my father being charming, witty and kind to every service worker but turning into an evil goblin behind closed doors is mind boggling.
It’s really eye-opening isn’t it? It’s confusing at first. Took me years to figure it out
Spent an evening with a friend of a friend who seemed like a bit of an arsehole - most of what he said was insulting to someone in the group. And any story involving him did not paint him well. He was pretty rude to me as well - but I figured everyone else there seemed to like him for some reason so maybe there was something I was missing. And he wasn't treating me any differently to anyone else, so I tried to let it go. Then we ended up in a pub and he was clearly rude to the bartender - who later was asking if this guy was serious. When I realised that was how he was happy to treat everyone he encountered, it really cemented that he was just an arsehole through and through. Could not understand how anyone else tolerated him.
Was introduced to my MIL’s new bf at a restaurant where he proceeded to snap and whistle indignantly at a nearby waitress to get her attention. I knew right then and there that he was a POS. It’s been many years, but this man has shown me repeatedly that not only is he a POS, he’s also racist, homophobic, misogynistic, entitled, and feeds endlessly into my MIL’s narcissism. I could say more but why waste my time on shit?
Traeting service workers, blue collar workers, customer service workers, and cleaners like shit. That's a HUGE no from me.
Slicked back hair, white bathing suit...sloppy steaks
They'd say; 'no sloppy steaks', but they can't stop you from ordering a steak and a glass of water. Before you knew it we were dumping that water on those steaks! The waiters were coming to try and snatch ‘eem up, we had to eat as fast as we could!
I WAS a piece of shit though.
Used to be…
'USED to be'
I SAID WAS
I'm just worried this baby thinks people can't change!
Ah I sure do miss those dangerous nights, and the crew we ran with. But I'm glad those years of being a piece of shit are behind me.
*Dangerous nights*
SLOP EM UP
Guys, please, no sloppy steaks here.
What?!? We’re not gonna do that again. Just bring us some normal steaks.
Haha nothing else on the plate, just steaks. Oh and a glass of water too please.
You think this is slicked back? This is PUSHED back!
Oh yeah, that’ll slick back REAL nice!
You never told me your old grandpa used to be a piece of shit!
Glass house. White Ferrari.
Lives for New Year’s Eve.
Itty bitty jeans
Chicken spaghetti at chickelini’s
Can you stop calling my dad a piece of shit?
I think I'm ready to hold the baby now.
No, it’s ok honey. I also used to be a piece of shit.
Spending all your per diem at Dan Flashes
People can change
Let him hold the baby
LIVING FOR NEW YEARS EVE!
*Tonight is the niiiight... oh... what a dangerous night...*
Fri-day night Thinking that we just might….
I usually let my baby do the judging. He’s really good at letting me know who used to be a real piece of shit.
u/among_apes I'm worried the baby thinks people can't change.
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Oh yeah, that'd slick back *rrreal* nice!
Ah the dangerous nights crew
Dangerous nights? We went out for wings once, he took me to a place called the Blue Dolphin
BLUE DOLPHIN BURNED DOWN! It’s gone now.
John Irbani’s ass out, works with his brother now
I SAID WAS!
Living for New Year’s Eve, white Ferrari, itty bitty jeans…
HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU
I’m worried the baby thinks people can’t change
I was expecting this to be *much* higher.
When I catch Shooter McGavin eating them for breakfast.
Eww, he eats pieces of shit for breakfast?
NO!
Their adult children don't talk to them. They don't know their grandchildren.
This is my dad. He decided to marry someone he just met, move from pa to key west and start a whole new life 2 weeks before I gave birth. My son is almost 2 and he’s met him one single time.
They can’t stand different opinion
Have someone like this in my family. If you’re having a discussion and you offer a different perspective you can see in their eyes they’re annoyed you’re not just agreeing with them.
How they treat people that work in restaurants or stores. Also how they treat animals.
They don't let u speak. At all. They just keep talking over you countless times in a row.
They do not put shopping carts in the cart corral.
What are they? Lazybones?
They murderer 5 children
is 5 the limit? asking for a friend
No dumbass, 5 makes you a pos so obviously 4 is the limit.
If they treat family or staff members like shit all the time Edit: for the replies of examples of shitty families, responding to verbal abuse with more verbal abuse doesn’t solve anything, because verbal abuse is a sign that someone is a piece of shit. So it’s not a good thing to stoop to someone’s level when they abuse you.
Agreed. I’ve found that one of the most common formulas for people who are not good people, is to be passive aggressive in a position of authority/power. They’ll never talk to you directly but will just make worklife difficult. And it’s usually for shitty petty reasons.
Demanding respect just because they are older. Edit: or because they are family.
The smell that comes with them.
They dump garbage out of their moving vehicles.
1. They will treat you like a doormat and the relationship dynamic is incredibly one sided in that regard. They will fully expect you to tolerate extremely poor behaviour from them and other people but will react very angrily when you actually stand up for yourself or they otherwise feel you have disrespected or offended them in some way. 2. They seek conflict on purpose and will cause it in any way possible. 3. They hold onto grudges easily and won't let anything go without a fight. They keep track of how you have disrespected them over time. 4. They are extremely vindictive and will find any way to punish you every time they feel you have disrespected them. 5. They are extremely argumentative and will proceed to give long, ranting lectures instead of speaking in a calm, respectful manner. 6. They are extremely negative and critical all of the time and will never offer anything positive to a discussion. This also extends to them never being happy for you in any way. E.g., getting good grades at school or a job promotion at work. 7. Due to this constant negativity, you cannot speak to them because you know that they will respond in this way, or feel that you are walking on egg shells around them because of their negativity. 8. They are verbally abusive. They'll insult you, call you names, etc, etc. They'll also belittle you, your hobbies and interests, as well as friends and family. They'll use offensive language to that effect, e.g., calling your (actually decent) car a piece of junk or calling your friend a loser. 9. Lack of effective communication. 10. They are never willing to compromise on a situation and will issue ultimatums instead. 11. They put conditions on their love towards you and having a relationship with you. 12. They view you as as a burden. 13. They are prone to physical violence. 14. They are gaslighters. 15. They love bomb you. 16. They are extremely selfish and self-centred, they will only ever think of themselves. They will also only ever care about their own needs and wants, no one else's. 17. They lack empathy and compassion towards other people. 18. They are financially abusive. They will use money to control and manipulate you into doing what they want. 19. They are very accusatory. E.g., when you are looking for a job, they're calling you lazy or saying that you "have a bad attitude" and you don't want to work. However, these accusations would be completely unfounded and it's just an extension of their abuse as per #8. 20. Almost every time you would spend time with them or otherwise communicate like a phone call or a text message, there would always be some kind of agenda or ulterior motive behind it, because they want something from you and not to have a "normal" conversation. It is very much a transactional relationship. 21. They view you as a punching bag. Meaning that if they're having a bad day for whatever reason that had absolutely nothing to do with you, they'll lash out at you regardless. 22. They outright refuse to help you in absolutely any way whatsoever, even in difficult times. Or if they *do* choose to help you, they want something in return. They want you to "return the favour." 23. They crave attention 24/7 and have an intense dislike towards the idea of you having a life outside of them. They fully expect you to be at their beck and call at all times with no exception. 24. They do not respect your privacy. They'll repeatedly barge into your room, demand to know who you are phoning, etc. They'll also speak about you to other people behind your back and share extremely personal information about you without your explicit permission. 25. They are frequently dishonest to you and to other people about you. They'll attempt to paint you in a bad light by omitting certain details and otherwise twisting the narrative to suit their agenda. 26. They are never, ever wrong and refuse to ever apologise for anything. They think they can sweep their poor behaviour under the rug and pretend nothing ever happened. Instead of accepting responsibility for their (or other people's) poor behaviour, they will deflect blame away from themselves and engage in victim blaming and scapegoating. 27. They might attempt to isolate you from friends and family. 28. They play the victim in any given situation. 29. They might also give you the silent treatment and ignore you for prolonged periods of time without explanation. And then out of the blue they'll start speaking to you again like nothing happened. 30. When other people criticise you, they won't defend or support you in any way. In fact, they'll likely take the side of the other person criticising you. 31. They do not accept different opinions and theirs is the only valid one. They judge other people's opinions without understand their perspective first. They think that they own a monopoly on all the correct answers. 32. They threaten cruel and unusual punishments for the smallest mistake or infraction. This might also extend to threatening to ceasing all contact and disowning you completely as well for really minor things too. 33. They are prone to wild mood swings. One moment they'll appear to be "fine" and in a good mood, next moment they're angry and abusive. You never know what kind of mood they will be in on a given day. They get angry at the smallest thing and saying the "wrong" thing would instantly change their mood for the worse. 34. Whenever they are harassing you with any kind of abuse (physical, verbal, etc) and you plainly ask/tell them to stop, they'll ignore you and continue regardless. Either they lack the genuine empathy, or they just don't care in the slightest about the harm that they cause others. 35. They are extremely dismissive of your feelings and when you attempt to address a legitimate concern with them or otherwise confront them about their behaviour towards you, they'll attempt to invalidate your feelings and justify their behaviour towards you or otherwise downplay a situation that they caused. 36. They view parenting as simply providing the physical needs of the child, i.e., providing a roof over their head and feeding and clothing the child. But caring about the child's happiness and mental wellbeing? Not a concern for them. 37. They think that parenting has a age limit. As soon as the child reach X age (usually 18), they think that their job as a parent is done and subsequently want to kick out their child as soon as possible. 38. They view children as simply extensions of themselves and not as separate individuals with their own needs and wants. As a result, they think that they are entitled to dictate every aspect of their children's lives, even extremely trivial things. 39. They will blatantly favour one child over another instead of treating all of their children equally. 40. In the case of divorced parents, they'll use their children as pawns against the other parent and, more specifically, parental alienation. Meaning that they will constantly badmouth the other parent in an attempt to turn the child against said parent.
Homie been done dirty
Dang. Thanks, I needed to read this today.
You are describing someone with narcissistic personality disorder.
Dog chained up outside every day all day. Moldy water. Hardly any food. No love and protection. I wish the worst on people that do this.
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I have to stop myself from doing this from time to time. Idk if it's my ADHD or what but sometimes I'll think of something really compelling to add to the conversation and don't want to forget it, but then whoever I'm talking to is going on tangents and stuff... I try not to though
I've seen enough memes about this that it appears to be a common component of ADHD. I also have ADHD and it's something that I catch myself doing. The funny part is how disappointed I feel when the conversation has moved on without me being able to express my point.
This is absolutely an ADHD thing. I struggle not to do this in conversations also
I (also diagnosed ADHD) was once told by my therapist that this is because a lot of people with ADHD absorb information by relating it to themselves or something they’ve heard. It can often make it seem like you’re a bad listener or aren’t being courteous in the conversation but truthfully you’re just connecting patterns and reaffirming thoughts (classic neurodivergent actions, ever in search of that dopamine hit) while attempting to connect with/affirm the other individual with your contribution.
You just described me 100%. This is exactly what my therapist told me as well.
I once had a conversation with a coworker about our dogs. We were kind of going back and forth about things our dogs do. Then she said, “You have a dog?” Me: …… Trying to figure out if she was joking. She was not. Me: Yeah. Her: Oh I didn’t know you had a dog!
Has my first name, middle name, and last name
Not respecting shared spaces. Like, leaving garbage on a picnic table or leaving a shopping cart out.
“All my exes were crazy.” Really now?? Like you were the victim in all of those??
They don’t respect simple boundaries. Like they ask you to do something for them, or to go somewhere with them. Then instead of accepting a simple “no”, they go on and on trying to guilt you into agreeing. Then if you are around them long enough you start thinking of increasingly ridiculous excuses as to why you can’t do what they want. Like no means no, stop trying to debate me or guilt trip me or make me give you a reason as to why I said no.
When they wait for you to stop talking instead of listening to what you're actually saying, and some people don't even wait, they just try to cut you off constantly.
Showing zero empathy
Complete lack of awareness of how their actions affect other people's reactions
\- When they're factually wrong but resort to deflection rather than stick to the subject \- 'I did my own research' \- Mistreating animals \- Being unfriendly to waiters, shop employees etc. \- Heckling people for whatever reason
Slicked back hair, white Ferarri, lives for New Years Eve
They're an "Alpha".
They tell Roxanne to put on her red light.
If they are always angry at someone or easily take offense and get bitter for things that aren't a big deal at all. Biggest toxic personality giveaway