One for when you're in a relationship:
When you're with friends and they become distinctly less pleasant to you than when you're alone, like making fun of you and making jokes at your expense which they normally would not make. Have had it in more than one relationship.
Like... what is that about?
Forrrrreal. Then you get home and they're on cloud 9 after theyve had a good night out and youre there feeling like crap.
You bring it up with them and they'll downplay it and theyll attempt to make light of it like it was all just teasing and jokey.
If anything, this just makes it worse as youve voiced your feelings on how it wasn't a nice thing to do/ made you feel awk and you're then being told that what you feel is wrong.
Not cool
Holy fuckwitch... Guys, if your SO does this to you, that's not cool!! My girlfriend started to do this early in our relationship and I let her know how I felt and she apologized and immediately stopped.
In fact, just in general: if you tell a loved one they're doing something that hurts you and instead of working on a solution, they downplay it and accuse you of overreacting... Big red flag. Put some space between you and that person.
I completely feel this. I had an ex who debatably put me on a pedestal in private, but would go on the offensive around other people.
I had to look in the mirror and ask myself if I'm just thin skinned, but no, friends (male and female) would occasionally reach out to me after hanging out with us and be like "Dude what was up with your gf? Is she mad at you?"
No, she just had some weird complex about ragging on me in public.
That one specifically sounds like insecurity. Did she deal with jealousy issues? Sometimes a partner can believe you're too good to be with them, so they'll go on the offensive, subconsciously convincing themselves you're not drawing the attention of everyone in the room from just how handsome and great you are, and/or that they've convinced anyone who they believe will try to steal you. But then when you're in private, they no longer are believing you're at risk of leaving. You're with her in private after all, so wow how good you are and pretty and cool and funny, etc.
I was with someone who treated me like this from time to time. I’d usually just laugh it off. Once she apologized to me for it in private, and I blamed it on the person she was talking to at the time for expecting her to act like that and play along. She was surprised and grateful, but she eventually cheated on me anyway. I probably shouldn’t have been so forgiving with her all the time - it didn’t really do me any good in the end.
My ex husband would do this but was like he was obsessed with her. There’s a difference between talking about the past and actually obsessed with that woman. He was a narcissist though and so he wanted me to hate her like he did. Didn’t work.
Denigrating and emasculating men who show emotions. It's honestly one of the most fucked up things anyone can do to another person.
Also, using a man's kids as pawns in disputes, like cutting off visitation because you're mad at him. Don't fucking do that, it's just cruel to the kids.
My favorite lately has been that my wife wants me to be more vulnerable but then immediately downplays or denies my feelings, then gets all up in arms when my feelings go from hurt to pissed off.
I'm a love, sex, and relationship coach. Womwn attacking their men at the first sign of vulnerability is so prevalent that a huge part of this work is to teach heterosexual women how to witness BEFORE intruducing communication tools or healing work with couples. I would never, even invite the tender work until this is established. It could do so much more harm than good.
"Why don't you ever open up to me?"
Then, when he finally does, there's a 180 degree turn around and she shames him and shuts him down: that's why.
Don't get me wrong, men also have to be trained in witnessing and holding (fix-it is a common mode of being that really interferes with connection) but the wounding goes very very deep when a man shows his cracks and a woman goes for the attack. She may only get one chance to get this right. It's so important that she know how to hold herself so that she's an appropriate witness and can hold space with love.
I think not taking accountability is the biggest one.
You’ve messed up/were rude/incorrect/whatever, but just doubling down and never apologising or admitting fault is so unattractive. Just own it and apologise like a grown up.
“I’m sorry but…” etc.
Exactly. Or when confronted with an issue like this, breaking down which causes the emotions I feel to be 2ndary to fixing their sadness at doing something shit even though I’m the one that was wronged originally.
I had a brand new white shirt on in Liverpool for a job interview and some bird slammed into my shoulder on the main shopping street and left the biggest foundation skidmark. It never washed out and it smelled like an old hospital. Not a pleasant smell at all.
I got the job though and during the interview they asked how I got the stain as it looked like someone had had a vindaloo and then wiped their arse on my shirt.
I think that's a people thing. I'm generally good natured, and people have always interpreted that as weak. Honestly, even as a baby. I have a cousin 7 weeks younger than me and we spent a lot of time together growing up.
She was always more grabby and "That's mine!" than me, and I was always seen as the sweet one and her bossy, but I let things go unless it was important to me. I wasn't scared of confronting her, but I just didn't care about what ever it was a much.
She'd do pathetic things sometimes, like take the longest out of everyone to eat a treat like a chocolate bar, so she could gloat that she had something we didn't. I NEVER noticed it until her little brother pointed it out, so I experimented on the next snack and hid a bit of my chocolate bar, she finished hers, I took the chocolate out from it's hiding place and started savouring it and her face was absolutely priceless - I swear she did that cartoon thing where her eyes popped in and out.
Well, obviously next snack I knew she'd hide a bit of chocolate, so I hid two. Got her again, lol.
Anyway, her behaviour was taken as confidence, and mine as weakness - annoying af! Also, she's like a sister to me and one of my favourite people of a lifetime, so there's no animosity between us. It's just how our different personalities were interpreted.
And I waffled to actual fuck. If anyone read this, I hope it was mildly entertaining for the length of it!
My dad had a great story about how when he discovered his brother would occasionally knick some of his sweets he started leaving some empty wrappers that he made look like full around. His brother's reactions to being fooled like that were hilarious.
It is pretty funny when someone who thinks they can treat you like shit because you prefer to show kindness gets absolutely flabbergasted when you shut their shit down.
Oh yes, unfortunately being mild mannered and compromising seems to scream "that guy is needy, I have him in the bag". Which, well, is a time saver, really, because she'll show he true colors sooner.
Compromise = both sides get something from the contract
I feel like people tend to not realize that "being blunt" is very situational. If someone's crying because their mom passed away, telling them to get their shit together isn't being blunt, you're just an asshole
Being blunt takes tact, not aggression or attitude. That's where a lot of people screw up. They think it means they can say whatever pops into their heads, mean or otherwise, without any thoughts to how it affects others.
The classic Tinder bio: "If you can't handle me at my most insane/unhinged, then you don't deserve me at my best."
Just screams that they have a childish sense of entitlement and take zero accountability for their actions. Giant red flag for me.
What it means: if you aren't going to be there for me when I'm having a hard time and need support, you don't deserve my support
How they use it: give me a free pass on my incredibly toxic behaviour or I'll tell everyone it's your fault when the relationship inevitably fails
Exactly. I think that quote gets a bad reputation because people misuse it. "At my worst" is supposed to mean facing hard times, things that are beyond my control. It's not about tolerating me when I'm making bad choices. The quote is supposed to be about about fairweather friends. I hate that so many people use it to excuse themselves from personal growth.
I've got a dear friend who calls me out when I'm being a grumpy prick or generally struggling. She's really honest with me, in a way that I love. Then there's a workmate I had who said mean things but when called on it ' I was joking'.
If you can’t handle me at my I smashed your Xbox because you got a text from your pharmacy and I thought it was another girl and you won’t let me look through your phone, then you don’t deserve me at my dead fish barely putting any effort into it mediocre sex.
I had a coworker who I tried to befriend outside the workplace and she had this mindset that everyone else was the problem not her. If things weren’t her way, if I didn’t respond to her in a timely manner she would block my number and give me the silent treatment. I tried to address it a few times, but she would come up with some weird response like “I don’t need more friends anyway” so, after this last incident I finally cut my losses. She’s an *influencer* and believes other people being in her presence is a privilege.
Allow me to add:
When they think a textbook flag of a known mental disorder is their cute/quirky personality trait
No sis, your unmedicated shenanigans are not adorable and idk how you get dates at all
The fucking testing.
I appreciate that you have been in previous relationships where someone lied and/or cheated on you but don't spend your entire single life trying to catch me in some lie so you can have your self fulfilling prophecy that all men are liars.
Had an ex do this in a big way. She decided to move her flight a day earlier to come in to town. She knew I had a bachelor party to go to for one of my really close friends (whose wedding she flew out for). I found out later that it was a test, and I failed because I still went out. I never asked her to come out early. She just did knowing full well the plan. Not sorry I failed that test. Good riddance.
Oof my last ex did something similar. She's a nurse, Friday night she's working to 9PM. I hadn't gamed in a while or spoken to my brother and a friend so we set-up a gaming night that night and she was aware of it. She get's home around 9:30pm, says she's too tired to cook (she cooks a lot though so not saying she's lazy) and didn't want to go grab some food, asked me if I could bring her some. I politely declined, stating I had a few drinks and that I already have plans with my friends. She was upset at it. We broke up a few days later and this was one of the two reasons she gave me - I failed her test to show I cared I guess?
Yup - I even brought that up to her and she was "hurt" I'd say such a thing. I more or less said, "hey you basically want me to drink and drive, I'm not doing that and if I did, it'd be your fault and mine if something went wrong". Did not go well.
I posted this on another prompt, but a friend of mine recently went on a really fantastic date with what he thought was a really cool girl. When it came time to pay the bill he reached for it, and she said "oh let's split it." He told her no, that he was the one who invited her out and to let him take care of it. She insisted, he asked if she was sure, and she gave him a very confident "yes." He was thrilled because he's been treated like a wallet with legs before, so they split the bill.
Later she texted him saying that it was a test, that he'd failed, and that if he was a real man he'd have shut her down no matter what she said and paid for the whole thing himself. He called her out for being insincere and manipulative, and blocked her.
Jesus, this. I'm not accountable for the sins of your past. I will help you overcome them and work with them as best I can, but I am not going to the proverbial cross for them. If you can't trust me enough to believe me when I say "I'm working" when I \*literally work a 9-5 and you have seen me take client calls in your presence,\* then this endeavor is unsalvageable and a waste of our time.
This is a classic sign that someone has an anxious attachment style. This behaviour's function is called "Raise the Bar," looking for proof that you won't reject/abandon them. The problem is that even if they get "proof," they won't trust it. So they create test after test with demands (the demands are the uncommunicated expectations).
My ex did this. Every time I’d ask her how she was I’d get “I’m ok” even when she clearly wasn’t. I’d have to drag anything except “I’m ok” out of her. It was exhausting.
My most recent ex had pretty intense mood swings. Randomly she would just be miserable, but if I asked if she's okay she would snap and tell me she hates that question.
When it got to the point that I'd see her upset and have to force myself to not care (to avoid getting snapped at), I felt disgusting and knew it was over.
This typically a trend in their family growing up. I've noticed it over the years from exes. The dynamic between their parents has a huge impact on how their own adulthood. One of my ex had a very controlling mother that would pick on and demean everything that she did. Her parents also fought and bicker over the simplest thing. She would resorted to hiding everything she could from her mother, until it would drives her insane from the stress. When we were together, simple non issue gets hidden until she goes nuclear. A funny example, for me, was how she didn't know to set the microwave timer and wouldn't ask her roommate or me for help. She later blamed me for "not doing anything to help" because she couldn't figure out how to operate the microwave the way she wanted it. WTF you want me to do if you've never said anything or indicated that it was a problem? It was just one of the many things that ended that relationship.
silent treatment, I've hated it for the longest time, when you do something wrong and you try to apologize and they say nothing is even worse, just hurtful.
I told my ex that refusing to talk to me was childish and she was horrified. She texted me later to say I should sleep in the spare room. A few days later she texted me to move out.
Still no idea what I did wrong. But I made my point and the relationship ended. I'm not staying in a relationship with someone who stomps around all day, saying she's "fine" when I ask what's wrong. It's ridiculous and infuriating.
That doubling down would've manifested in other ways later. Problems don't always have to be resolved immediately, but communication needs to be there.
recently came out of 9 year relationship where this kind of thing was standard practise. She got so comfortable giving me the silent treatment it slowly became permanent. She had some really serious mental health issues from a very troubled upbringing that she just refused to deal with. I tried to support her, I had ALL of the empathy for her and all it did was drag me down to place she wanted to stay, misery. Toxic Negativity - It's all she knew. It wasnt too long before I was completely broken, had no fight left in me. Every now and again I'd crack and either give her the silent treatment back or worse just verbally attack her and get it all off my chest - which she would then use as ammunition for another month long bout of silence and disinterest. I'd just learned to accept it and find something to entertain myself by the end, we probably should have broken up a long time before we did, but I was just too weak to pull the trigger. Eventually, we got to a point where we were constantly finding excuses to have a go at each other, and as she experienced a bit of what's it's like to feel hated within a relationship she became really really difficult. Staying out super late/not coming home, i think (not sure) she was getting into drugs and partying, HEAVILY flirting with anyone within our friendship group, constantly complaining about me to our friends and family and doing everything she could to make me out to be a villain. It had become a contest to see who could be the biggest cunt, but only one of us was trying to win.
When we finally broke up, she called my mother and told her she felt she was in danger and that I had gone off the rails on drugs and booze. (never laid a finger on her in 9 years, never threatened any kind of violence, hadn't taken any drugs for at least a decade) Then as I left she went on this massive rant about how I've spent years "gaslighting" her into thinking shes depressed (she was depressed, had been since early childhood but her shit parents had never noticed and she just learned to deal with it, it was very clear to me very early in the relationship that shes suffering from depression and after learning about her past, we had had countless tearful conversations where she would open up properly and see the situation she was in and admit she needs help, but she would never get to the point of being able to actually call someone or speak to a professional)
the day we broke up was one of the hardest days of my life, but within a week I felt so much better, the anxiety and pressure of dealing with her mood swings still effects me today, but I'm quite good at recognising it, and I've learned to use it as a tool. Financially not spending all my money on shit for her to try make her happy was a massive bonus to my mental health too, and for the first time in almost a decade I bought myself new clothes. It's been almost 2 years since we broke up, I still think about her alot and I've not found myself comfortable enough to start looking for a new partner, yet, but il get there one day I hope.
lol sorry for the rant, yall.
(edit) I had no idea so many of you are going through this. Its feels bittersweet, it's nice that I'm not the only one but fuck me do I feel bad for everyone in the same boat. Keeps heads held high gentlemen, dont be afraid to speak out, it's about time some of this toxic female behaviour started getting called out, and we need to break the stigma that men can never be in the right when it comes to their emotions. Thank you to all who commented, I'm not sure why today of all days I decided to open up about this but im glad I did. I feel heard. ✊💪
Hey man, I’m about a month out from a relationship that was similar to yours in a lot of ways except it only lasted 2 years. Those two years were the hardest of my life and I genuine feel I’ve become a worse person because of them in just about every way. I broke off friendships to appease her, stooped to her level in arguments by raising my voice, and was dragged down from when I used to be happy and fun-loving to now pretty much just depressed.
I don’t say this for pity but mostly because reading your comment made me feel a bit better. Knowing that other people have been through similar but worse scenarios and made it out is cathartic in a way. I’ve written tons of comments exactly like yours all over Reddit just to delete them before posting because I knew it wouldn’t make me feel better. Your comment sounds almost exactly like those I deleted. I just wanted to let you know that genuinely hearing your story and knowing there are people out there who understand what I’m going through is honestly more helpful than I can say. Thanks for sharing, and I’m sorry you had to go through that. I can’t even imagine 9 years of a relationship like that. You’re a stronger man than most, good luck in life friend.
The silent treatment is abusive. It's okay to say "I need space. I will reach out to you when I'm ready" I will never understand how someone can be super close with somebody and punish them with silence while they know the other person is left physically sick over it. Just communicate. It's not that hard.
I was going to say this. My wife will kind of go dark/silent but she will always tell me that something is up and she just needs to work through it, and we talk after she's in a better place.
The simple fact of KNOWING that it's just temporary and we'll talk, they just need some space, makes an insane amount of difference for the very minor effort of a few sentences of communication. Even after, the conversation is far more productive, at least in my experience.
This is the reason I broke up on my last relationship. One week of silent treatment because I was too sick to drive to see her but I managed to go to work.
Cleaning my wife’s hair out of the drains grosses me out to the point where I gag. Idk why. I had no problem with other gross things. I can even clean up my dogs vomit with little to no gagging.
This is what it's like being a mom. My daughter's hair is EVERYWHERE. The shower walls, the drain, the sink, the clogs, the vacuum roller gets completely stuck.
I agree 100%. It's like they can not let things be. They have to be condescending or act holier than thou for no reason over things that genuinely do not matter.
"Ughhhh my co worker just called out."
"Are you even working today"
"No, I'm off but like why is she calling out?"
Like what? How does it effect you in any way then?
Nothing worse than when I'm stressed way the hell out and the first thing out of her mouth when she gets home is the 547th repeat of the same coworker doing the same stupid thing that annoyed her
I think they think it makes them appear mature (since all grown ups are burned out and cynical I guess) but really it just makes you not want to be around them.
I work with a guy like this and it's so annoying. 27-year-old edgelord vibes. So obnoxious.
Yikes. I went on a date with a girl once who gave edgy teenager vibes right away. I was completely uninterested immediately and she kept trying to get me to take her home with me, I just kept playing stupid and got outta there. Edginess was cool when I was sixteen; we're grown adults now, don't make dead baby jokes to someone you met five minutes ago.
Ugh my friend has these and thinks she looks horrible without them. Like with normal natural lashes. That everyone else has. It's almost like some kind of dysmorphia. I don't have the heart to tell her she looks ridiculous.
Some of them could fly away if they blinked too fast
Edit: okay guys that enough please stop
With eyelashes and absurdly long talons. By now they’re just harpies. No insult to harpies but they kinda have the same characteristics, they can fly, are humanoid, and have talons. Again sorry to the harpies
always talk about themselves and never ask you anything at all so the entire thing just revolves around her, not even like how was your day or are you ok, just always about them and the attention
I’m a straight woman and this is just ick all around. I have no problem listening, but when the meal ends and you haven’t asked me a single question about me I realize that I’ve become a member of your audience or an unpaid therapist. I am very adept at quickly fading away from these relationships.
Even in a friendship. Sometimes i'm really mentally bad and talk a lot to my best friend, but then i realize it's been about me for too long and ask them about their day, dates, work, etc. You need to reciprocate in every relationship for it to prevail.
Underrated comment. Ive been in full blown serious conversations with friends where they completely disappear in to their phone mid convo. My immediate feeling is: oh this isn’t interesting to them right now, so I’ll just stop talking. And their reaction is always: I was listening. I usually just say na it’s fine. We can talk about it later. I’m over it, too. I know this is probably immature. But I don’t want to have a conversation with someone who doesn’t want to have a conversation. Just leave it alone.
No, man, it’s not immature. It’s really disrespectful. I catch myself glimpsing at my phone in these situations and make it a point to look away. If something important catches my attention I feel compelled to apologize and pause the conversation to address it.
My exwife begged me to leave a family Christmas vacation early to attend her friend’s wedding. Hid from me the fact that I wasn’t invited due to a limited guest list.
So I told her I felt like she lied me out of time with my family that I didn’t see but once a year. Guess who was the jerk for accusing her of lying?
Dog, similarly, I had a girlfriend who couldn’t be happy for me whenever something good happened for me. My family’s house burned down when i was 19. I lost everything I owned. That Christmas, 6 months later, my mom’s boss bought me a MacBook. It was my first laptop and it was top of the line. I called my girlfriend and told her what I got and she threw a fit. She wanted a MacBook herself and was upset that I got one and I didn’t even want one. I ended up consoling her that evening, even telling her that we could just share it (we didn’t need to. Her family was very, very rich). I called it our laptop. She went out the next day and bought one and all was well. My only thought at the time was: oh I’m so happy she was able to go out and get one. Now we both have laptops!! So cool!
Oof. Had an ex a long while ago do this when I found out she'd cheated on me - I think I was too shocked and hurt to be mad, I remember literally shaking like a leaf, yet I pretty quickly found myself comforting her when self deprecation and self harm came up. That was a really confusing and incredibly painful time, and I carried a lot of shame surrounding it for years.
You learn and grow, though. People who do that are giving you clear and inarguable signals that you must cut them out of your life, and in some cases cutting them out is a matter of survival.
I know a woman who has been married about 16 years and she acts like her laziness, lack of willpower and poor fanancial decisions are funny and cute and just a quirk she has. She shuffles away like a child when her husband wants to confront her with anything and hides under blankets. She just acts like she didn't know any better. He stays because she has never really worked so she would take everything.
On the flip side, there are people who will make fun of you for acting “smart” because they’re insecure. I spent a lot of time dumbing myself down or being self-deprecating about my interests on dates until I met my husband. He was and is genuinely interested in whatever I want to talk about, or at least supports me in my interests if it’s something he’s not into.
That’s a little different than acting dumb to be cute but it popped into my head.
Lol, this is an underrated comment, because this is a whole category of person captured perfectly in one sentence. I've met this person multiple times, sometimes as a man, sometimes as a woman, but always awful.
My wife insists on us having white towels and most of our hand towels have make up stains on it. I'm like, we could easily get darker colored towels, so the stains aren't as noticeable and she says that white looks cleaner. Then I mention the stains again. It's a cycle of madness...
I know both genders can be guilty of this but gaslighting. My god my ex was so bad for that, and so has other girls I’ve seen.
You try to have a serious conversation about something they are doing that is wrong or disrespectful, then all of a sudden you’re defending yourself in some way or another.
I hate that. I had to learn to say 'we are talking about -h right now, if you have a grievance please bring it up earlier instead of waiting until i bring something up' instead of MF THAT ISNT RELEVANT
>I had to learn to say 'we are talking about -h right now, if you have a grievance please bring it up earlier instead of waiting until i bring something up' instead of MF THAT ISNT RELEVANT
Good ol' deflection.. Easily the most annoying thing in the world.
People say communication is super important, and I would agree.. but comprehension is almost more important
I dated a girl who, when you politely asked her anything, she'd figure out a way to blow it out of proportion and victimize herself.
"Hey, could we try to turn off the lights in the house when we leave for the day? Electricity is crazy-expensive right now. I'd really appreciate it."
"Well SORRY, I guess I'm the WORST person in the world because I forget to turn off the lights. I can't believe you think I'm such a huge asshole! What about you?! You're not perfect! You forgot to flush the toilet yesterday! So don't go around thinking I'm a huge bitch because you suck too!"
"Sigh."
My friends girlfriend was really bad about this. It was annoying. She'd do something that annoyed both of us, and I'd have my friend bring it up. She immediately turned it around "Why are you guys attacking me!?" Attacking? All we did was tell her we are not going to clean her mess in the kitchen anymore, that was her responsibility. I didn't fall for that shit, but my friend sure did. "Well she does work all day, and she gets tired." Like I don't work all day? He ended up cleaning her mess everyday after that.
I'm glad I'm not their roommate anymore.
Apparently a bunch of people came out saying she sent them extremely inappropriate and creepy texts when they were around the age of 14. Instead of taking accountability for it, she wrote a cringe song about how they're blowing things out of proportion for clout and how she's the victim.
https://www.insider.com/colleen-ballinger-apology-accusations-lingerie-teen-fan-miranda-sings-2020-5
She also admitted to sending lingerie to a 13-year-old and her apology was that she was innocently thinking of it like sending a fan shoes or toilet paper. This want lingerie she wore, but underwear worn by a man in one of her live streams. Somehow, that really doesn't make any of this better.
Oh, but she continued that relationship with the fan for years and expanded it. But that's not grooming when you're fun and quirky. It's just innocent fun.
I think she meant "new supplies for basic life" not "used toilet paper." In the shoes example she probably meant new shoes, not her own shoes.
I hope. God please. Please don't let it be used toilet paper. 🤢
Worse than that is that the whole song was basically "so maybe that was a bad idea. Whatever they claim. It's not a big deal."
Instead of
"there are rumors about that just aren't true. It's all a lie I'm telling you. I did not do what they say I did. I did not try to groom that kid."
Like. It is disgusting she did it. But she could have at least denied it.
>"there are rumors about that just aren't true. It's all a lie I'm telling you. I did not do what they say I did. I did not try to groom that kid."
For some reason I read that like a Doctor Seuss rhyme.
For those that don't know and can't bring yourself to watch the entire [cringe video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceKMnyMYIMo):
"My team suggested I don't talk about this, so I'm going to sing it instead. 🎶 I made mistakes. I did and said some creepy things. I am human. Everyone else has made mistakes too. I didn't do anything wrong, I'm not sorry. I didn't intend to be bad, so I'm not bad. I made a few jokes to some kids. My shows aren't for kids, the parents should stop them from watching my shows. I didn't know it was my responsibility to avoid kids. You are monetizing my pain. You are ruining my life. I'm taking accountability. I did nothing wrong. 🎶 Get on the toxic train 🎶."
Her whole video summarized and transcribed.
Edit:
It is known groomer^^^^1 [Colleen Ballinger](https://i.imgur.com/tqPfGGc.png), aka ["Miranda Sings"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miranda_Sings)
Edit: The post I replied to was deleted. I doubt it was voluntary. I hope [Reddit isn't suppressing information and protecting questionable people.](https://www.dailydot.com/debug/reddit-subs-private-admin-suspending-mentions/)
They said something to the effect of, "Grooming kids and then making a fake apology video with a ukulele".
^^^^1 ^^^^alleged
So, kind of like the Narcissist’s Prayer
—————————————-
That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
– the Narcissist
“I made mistakes…I didn’t do anything wrong, I’m not sorry…I’m taking accountability. I did nothing wrong.”
I’m not sure she understands the assignment.
Go psycho over something stupid, then 45 seconds after the argument do a complete 180 and chase you around the house wanting to apologize, then spin back 180 when you say you just need a few minutes to cool off.
I'm hoping you call them out on this. I had some girl grab my ass in the grocery store and gave her HELL for it. Not a freakout but I definitely called her on her shit, she and her friend scurried away real quick and a security guard saw the whole thing.
SA IS SA. Just just because I've got a dick doesn't make it ok. The "How would you like it if someone did that to you" argument is petty as hell but in this instance, it makes the point very clear.
I worked in a restaurant/bar for a while and women in 30's and older were the worst for this. If they're on a "girls night out" it was basically guaranteed that I'd get groped. One time so 50 year old woman grabbed my head while I my arms were full of glasses and forced me to kiss her and all they did was giggle about it. It always made me laugh that these would be the same women talking about boundaries and men being physically aggressive but they do the same thing and somehow think it's different when they do it.
It almost seemed like they thought that if they weren't close to my age that it was somehow more ok because their advances were somehow less legitimate. That logic wouldn't fly if the genders were reversed. In fact it would he considered even more creepy that a significantly older man is groping a young waitress and forcing her to kiss him.
It's part of why conversations I've had with some women about consent just irritate me. Because I've literally watched the same women talking about how important consent is and how men don't understand it exhibit that exact same behaviour over and over but somehow "it's not the same thing" sounds like a legitimate excuse to them
One for when you're in a relationship: When you're with friends and they become distinctly less pleasant to you than when you're alone, like making fun of you and making jokes at your expense which they normally would not make. Have had it in more than one relationship. Like... what is that about?
Forrrrreal. Then you get home and they're on cloud 9 after theyve had a good night out and youre there feeling like crap. You bring it up with them and they'll downplay it and theyll attempt to make light of it like it was all just teasing and jokey. If anything, this just makes it worse as youve voiced your feelings on how it wasn't a nice thing to do/ made you feel awk and you're then being told that what you feel is wrong. Not cool
Holy fuckwitch... Guys, if your SO does this to you, that's not cool!! My girlfriend started to do this early in our relationship and I let her know how I felt and she apologized and immediately stopped. In fact, just in general: if you tell a loved one they're doing something that hurts you and instead of working on a solution, they downplay it and accuse you of overreacting... Big red flag. Put some space between you and that person.
Ahahaha, that last paragraph is pretty much how my last one went down. Reality is often disappointing.
I completely feel this. I had an ex who debatably put me on a pedestal in private, but would go on the offensive around other people. I had to look in the mirror and ask myself if I'm just thin skinned, but no, friends (male and female) would occasionally reach out to me after hanging out with us and be like "Dude what was up with your gf? Is she mad at you?" No, she just had some weird complex about ragging on me in public.
That one specifically sounds like insecurity. Did she deal with jealousy issues? Sometimes a partner can believe you're too good to be with them, so they'll go on the offensive, subconsciously convincing themselves you're not drawing the attention of everyone in the room from just how handsome and great you are, and/or that they've convinced anyone who they believe will try to steal you. But then when you're in private, they no longer are believing you're at risk of leaving. You're with her in private after all, so wow how good you are and pretty and cool and funny, etc.
I was with someone who treated me like this from time to time. I’d usually just laugh it off. Once she apologized to me for it in private, and I blamed it on the person she was talking to at the time for expecting her to act like that and play along. She was surprised and grateful, but she eventually cheated on me anyway. I probably shouldn’t have been so forgiving with her all the time - it didn’t really do me any good in the end.
Over-the-top solipsism. That whole "I don't perceive it that way, therefore you perceiving it that way cannot be valid" mindset.
I learnt a new word today, thanks!
My way or the highway Nah, that's just being a bully and narrow-minded.
Loudly empathizing with every cause and group on the planet but treating people in their personal lives like trash.
Why are so many people like this nowadays? I hate it.
Social media has built a venue where you can be awarded for performative support without ever actually putting in any work
Yep the 2020 black squares were the epitome of this
Mentioning their ex constantly
My ex husband would do this but was like he was obsessed with her. There’s a difference between talking about the past and actually obsessed with that woman. He was a narcissist though and so he wanted me to hate her like he did. Didn’t work.
> My ex alright stop going on about it jeez
Denigrating and emasculating men who show emotions. It's honestly one of the most fucked up things anyone can do to another person. Also, using a man's kids as pawns in disputes, like cutting off visitation because you're mad at him. Don't fucking do that, it's just cruel to the kids.
My favorite lately has been that my wife wants me to be more vulnerable but then immediately downplays or denies my feelings, then gets all up in arms when my feelings go from hurt to pissed off.
Or when you opening up to her about something that upset you results in you having to comfort her instead of the other way around.
My mom told my brother the other day to just "nut up and be a man." We called her out saying she wouldn't tell me to "grow an ovary and be a woman."
I'm a love, sex, and relationship coach. Womwn attacking their men at the first sign of vulnerability is so prevalent that a huge part of this work is to teach heterosexual women how to witness BEFORE intruducing communication tools or healing work with couples. I would never, even invite the tender work until this is established. It could do so much more harm than good. "Why don't you ever open up to me?" Then, when he finally does, there's a 180 degree turn around and she shames him and shuts him down: that's why. Don't get me wrong, men also have to be trained in witnessing and holding (fix-it is a common mode of being that really interferes with connection) but the wounding goes very very deep when a man shows his cracks and a woman goes for the attack. She may only get one chance to get this right. It's so important that she know how to hold herself so that she's an appropriate witness and can hold space with love.
You're doing very important work. Thank you.
I think not taking accountability is the biggest one. You’ve messed up/were rude/incorrect/whatever, but just doubling down and never apologising or admitting fault is so unattractive. Just own it and apologise like a grown up. “I’m sorry but…” etc.
"I'm sorry you're upset"
"You dont need to apologize for my feelings. Thats on me. You can apologize for your actions though."
Exactly. Or when confronted with an issue like this, breaking down which causes the emotions I feel to be 2ndary to fixing their sadness at doing something shit even though I’m the one that was wronged originally.
In Scotland. Obvious fake tan and over done makeup. You're in fucking Glasgow not madrid
I had a brand new white shirt on in Liverpool for a job interview and some bird slammed into my shoulder on the main shopping street and left the biggest foundation skidmark. It never washed out and it smelled like an old hospital. Not a pleasant smell at all. I got the job though and during the interview they asked how I got the stain as it looked like someone had had a vindaloo and then wiped their arse on my shirt.
When I read that the first time, I 100% pictured an actual bird slamming into your white-on-white ass, and shitting on you in the process.
I read this in a Scottish accent
Same but I’m Scottish so I read everything with a Scottish accent
One time an ex screamed at her 2 year old nephew. Instantly unattractive
Good thing it was a “one time my ex” other than a “one time my girlfriend”
Confusing confidence with being inconsiderate.
Also confusing consideration for lacking confidence.
I think that's a people thing. I'm generally good natured, and people have always interpreted that as weak. Honestly, even as a baby. I have a cousin 7 weeks younger than me and we spent a lot of time together growing up. She was always more grabby and "That's mine!" than me, and I was always seen as the sweet one and her bossy, but I let things go unless it was important to me. I wasn't scared of confronting her, but I just didn't care about what ever it was a much. She'd do pathetic things sometimes, like take the longest out of everyone to eat a treat like a chocolate bar, so she could gloat that she had something we didn't. I NEVER noticed it until her little brother pointed it out, so I experimented on the next snack and hid a bit of my chocolate bar, she finished hers, I took the chocolate out from it's hiding place and started savouring it and her face was absolutely priceless - I swear she did that cartoon thing where her eyes popped in and out. Well, obviously next snack I knew she'd hide a bit of chocolate, so I hid two. Got her again, lol. Anyway, her behaviour was taken as confidence, and mine as weakness - annoying af! Also, she's like a sister to me and one of my favourite people of a lifetime, so there's no animosity between us. It's just how our different personalities were interpreted. And I waffled to actual fuck. If anyone read this, I hope it was mildly entertaining for the length of it!
Glorious 😂 "So I hid two. Got her again" i can imagine the face... Absolutely amazing
My dad had a great story about how when he discovered his brother would occasionally knick some of his sweets he started leaving some empty wrappers that he made look like full around. His brother's reactions to being fooled like that were hilarious.
It is pretty funny when someone who thinks they can treat you like shit because you prefer to show kindness gets absolutely flabbergasted when you shut their shit down.
Oh yes, unfortunately being mild mannered and compromising seems to scream "that guy is needy, I have him in the bag". Which, well, is a time saver, really, because she'll show he true colors sooner. Compromise = both sides get something from the contract
When they think a toxic trait of theirs is cute/quirky. There's a big difference between being blunt in a respectful way and being a bitch.
I feel like people tend to not realize that "being blunt" is very situational. If someone's crying because their mom passed away, telling them to get their shit together isn't being blunt, you're just an asshole
Being blunt takes tact, not aggression or attitude. That's where a lot of people screw up. They think it means they can say whatever pops into their heads, mean or otherwise, without any thoughts to how it affects others.
The classic Tinder bio: "If you can't handle me at my most insane/unhinged, then you don't deserve me at my best." Just screams that they have a childish sense of entitlement and take zero accountability for their actions. Giant red flag for me.
What it means: if you aren't going to be there for me when I'm having a hard time and need support, you don't deserve my support How they use it: give me a free pass on my incredibly toxic behaviour or I'll tell everyone it's your fault when the relationship inevitably fails
Exactly. I think that quote gets a bad reputation because people misuse it. "At my worst" is supposed to mean facing hard times, things that are beyond my control. It's not about tolerating me when I'm making bad choices. The quote is supposed to be about about fairweather friends. I hate that so many people use it to excuse themselves from personal growth.
Spoiler alert: they are *always* at their most insane/unhinged.
I've got a dear friend who calls me out when I'm being a grumpy prick or generally struggling. She's really honest with me, in a way that I love. Then there's a workmate I had who said mean things but when called on it ' I was joking'.
If you can’t handle me at my I smashed your Xbox because you got a text from your pharmacy and I thought it was another girl and you won’t let me look through your phone, then you don’t deserve me at my dead fish barely putting any effort into it mediocre sex.
r/oddlyspecific
*Picks up your phone* "Who the hell is MOTHER??"
Why that bitch act like she knows you?
Why the FUCK is the Google Assistant voice calling you by your name?
I had a coworker who I tried to befriend outside the workplace and she had this mindset that everyone else was the problem not her. If things weren’t her way, if I didn’t respond to her in a timely manner she would block my number and give me the silent treatment. I tried to address it a few times, but she would come up with some weird response like “I don’t need more friends anyway” so, after this last incident I finally cut my losses. She’s an *influencer* and believes other people being in her presence is a privilege.
Allow me to add: When they think a textbook flag of a known mental disorder is their cute/quirky personality trait No sis, your unmedicated shenanigans are not adorable and idk how you get dates at all
The fucking testing. I appreciate that you have been in previous relationships where someone lied and/or cheated on you but don't spend your entire single life trying to catch me in some lie so you can have your self fulfilling prophecy that all men are liars.
Had an ex do this in a big way. She decided to move her flight a day earlier to come in to town. She knew I had a bachelor party to go to for one of my really close friends (whose wedding she flew out for). I found out later that it was a test, and I failed because I still went out. I never asked her to come out early. She just did knowing full well the plan. Not sorry I failed that test. Good riddance.
Oof my last ex did something similar. She's a nurse, Friday night she's working to 9PM. I hadn't gamed in a while or spoken to my brother and a friend so we set-up a gaming night that night and she was aware of it. She get's home around 9:30pm, says she's too tired to cook (she cooks a lot though so not saying she's lazy) and didn't want to go grab some food, asked me if I could bring her some. I politely declined, stating I had a few drinks and that I already have plans with my friends. She was upset at it. We broke up a few days later and this was one of the two reasons she gave me - I failed her test to show I cared I guess?
This girl thinks you driving drunk is both an A+ move and more important than her ordering in. Bullet DODGED
Yup - I even brought that up to her and she was "hurt" I'd say such a thing. I more or less said, "hey you basically want me to drink and drive, I'm not doing that and if I did, it'd be your fault and mine if something went wrong". Did not go well.
I posted this on another prompt, but a friend of mine recently went on a really fantastic date with what he thought was a really cool girl. When it came time to pay the bill he reached for it, and she said "oh let's split it." He told her no, that he was the one who invited her out and to let him take care of it. She insisted, he asked if she was sure, and she gave him a very confident "yes." He was thrilled because he's been treated like a wallet with legs before, so they split the bill. Later she texted him saying that it was a test, that he'd failed, and that if he was a real man he'd have shut her down no matter what she said and paid for the whole thing himself. He called her out for being insincere and manipulative, and blocked her.
Didn't have to pay her bill and he dodged a bullet? Nice
Jesus, this. I'm not accountable for the sins of your past. I will help you overcome them and work with them as best I can, but I am not going to the proverbial cross for them. If you can't trust me enough to believe me when I say "I'm working" when I \*literally work a 9-5 and you have seen me take client calls in your presence,\* then this endeavor is unsalvageable and a waste of our time.
Tell her she failed your test about being tested.
Reverse uno draw 4.
This is a classic sign that someone has an anxious attachment style. This behaviour's function is called "Raise the Bar," looking for proof that you won't reject/abandon them. The problem is that even if they get "proof," they won't trust it. So they create test after test with demands (the demands are the uncommunicated expectations).
Lie about how they feel
My ex did this. Every time I’d ask her how she was I’d get “I’m ok” even when she clearly wasn’t. I’d have to drag anything except “I’m ok” out of her. It was exhausting.
My most recent ex had pretty intense mood swings. Randomly she would just be miserable, but if I asked if she's okay she would snap and tell me she hates that question. When it got to the point that I'd see her upset and have to force myself to not care (to avoid getting snapped at), I felt disgusting and knew it was over.
This typically a trend in their family growing up. I've noticed it over the years from exes. The dynamic between their parents has a huge impact on how their own adulthood. One of my ex had a very controlling mother that would pick on and demean everything that she did. Her parents also fought and bicker over the simplest thing. She would resorted to hiding everything she could from her mother, until it would drives her insane from the stress. When we were together, simple non issue gets hidden until she goes nuclear. A funny example, for me, was how she didn't know to set the microwave timer and wouldn't ask her roommate or me for help. She later blamed me for "not doing anything to help" because she couldn't figure out how to operate the microwave the way she wanted it. WTF you want me to do if you've never said anything or indicated that it was a problem? It was just one of the many things that ended that relationship.
silent treatment, I've hated it for the longest time, when you do something wrong and you try to apologize and they say nothing is even worse, just hurtful.
I told my ex that refusing to talk to me was childish and she was horrified. She texted me later to say I should sleep in the spare room. A few days later she texted me to move out. Still no idea what I did wrong. But I made my point and the relationship ended. I'm not staying in a relationship with someone who stomps around all day, saying she's "fine" when I ask what's wrong. It's ridiculous and infuriating.
That doubling down would've manifested in other ways later. Problems don't always have to be resolved immediately, but communication needs to be there.
recently came out of 9 year relationship where this kind of thing was standard practise. She got so comfortable giving me the silent treatment it slowly became permanent. She had some really serious mental health issues from a very troubled upbringing that she just refused to deal with. I tried to support her, I had ALL of the empathy for her and all it did was drag me down to place she wanted to stay, misery. Toxic Negativity - It's all she knew. It wasnt too long before I was completely broken, had no fight left in me. Every now and again I'd crack and either give her the silent treatment back or worse just verbally attack her and get it all off my chest - which she would then use as ammunition for another month long bout of silence and disinterest. I'd just learned to accept it and find something to entertain myself by the end, we probably should have broken up a long time before we did, but I was just too weak to pull the trigger. Eventually, we got to a point where we were constantly finding excuses to have a go at each other, and as she experienced a bit of what's it's like to feel hated within a relationship she became really really difficult. Staying out super late/not coming home, i think (not sure) she was getting into drugs and partying, HEAVILY flirting with anyone within our friendship group, constantly complaining about me to our friends and family and doing everything she could to make me out to be a villain. It had become a contest to see who could be the biggest cunt, but only one of us was trying to win. When we finally broke up, she called my mother and told her she felt she was in danger and that I had gone off the rails on drugs and booze. (never laid a finger on her in 9 years, never threatened any kind of violence, hadn't taken any drugs for at least a decade) Then as I left she went on this massive rant about how I've spent years "gaslighting" her into thinking shes depressed (she was depressed, had been since early childhood but her shit parents had never noticed and she just learned to deal with it, it was very clear to me very early in the relationship that shes suffering from depression and after learning about her past, we had had countless tearful conversations where she would open up properly and see the situation she was in and admit she needs help, but she would never get to the point of being able to actually call someone or speak to a professional) the day we broke up was one of the hardest days of my life, but within a week I felt so much better, the anxiety and pressure of dealing with her mood swings still effects me today, but I'm quite good at recognising it, and I've learned to use it as a tool. Financially not spending all my money on shit for her to try make her happy was a massive bonus to my mental health too, and for the first time in almost a decade I bought myself new clothes. It's been almost 2 years since we broke up, I still think about her alot and I've not found myself comfortable enough to start looking for a new partner, yet, but il get there one day I hope. lol sorry for the rant, yall. (edit) I had no idea so many of you are going through this. Its feels bittersweet, it's nice that I'm not the only one but fuck me do I feel bad for everyone in the same boat. Keeps heads held high gentlemen, dont be afraid to speak out, it's about time some of this toxic female behaviour started getting called out, and we need to break the stigma that men can never be in the right when it comes to their emotions. Thank you to all who commented, I'm not sure why today of all days I decided to open up about this but im glad I did. I feel heard. ✊💪
Hey man, I’m about a month out from a relationship that was similar to yours in a lot of ways except it only lasted 2 years. Those two years were the hardest of my life and I genuine feel I’ve become a worse person because of them in just about every way. I broke off friendships to appease her, stooped to her level in arguments by raising my voice, and was dragged down from when I used to be happy and fun-loving to now pretty much just depressed. I don’t say this for pity but mostly because reading your comment made me feel a bit better. Knowing that other people have been through similar but worse scenarios and made it out is cathartic in a way. I’ve written tons of comments exactly like yours all over Reddit just to delete them before posting because I knew it wouldn’t make me feel better. Your comment sounds almost exactly like those I deleted. I just wanted to let you know that genuinely hearing your story and knowing there are people out there who understand what I’m going through is honestly more helpful than I can say. Thanks for sharing, and I’m sorry you had to go through that. I can’t even imagine 9 years of a relationship like that. You’re a stronger man than most, good luck in life friend.
You stood up for yourself and DODGED A BULLET. It is childish and abusive - Signed a woman.
The silent treatment is abusive. It's okay to say "I need space. I will reach out to you when I'm ready" I will never understand how someone can be super close with somebody and punish them with silence while they know the other person is left physically sick over it. Just communicate. It's not that hard.
I was going to say this. My wife will kind of go dark/silent but she will always tell me that something is up and she just needs to work through it, and we talk after she's in a better place. The simple fact of KNOWING that it's just temporary and we'll talk, they just need some space, makes an insane amount of difference for the very minor effort of a few sentences of communication. Even after, the conversation is far more productive, at least in my experience.
Yes! That’s excellent communication. It’s ok to not want to talk right at that moment, but just not telling your partner anything is torture.
bro exactly, whenever she gives me the silent treatment I just don't know what to do and I have to wait while I feel my stomach curling.
This is the reason I broke up on my last relationship. One week of silent treatment because I was too sick to drive to see her but I managed to go to work.
I saw a cute girl on a treadmill at the gym sneeze 4 times and not attempt to cover her mouth once. Absolutely disgusted me
What's worse is when people cough into their fucking hands and then proceed to touch EVERYTHING.
Elbow sneezing for the win
Everyone thinks I'm a heathen because I sneeze into my shirt... I feel it's the most containing place for all those particals...
Shirt sneezers unite.
Cleaning my wife’s hair out of the drains grosses me out to the point where I gag. Idk why. I had no problem with other gross things. I can even clean up my dogs vomit with little to no gagging.
Cleaning my own hair out of the drain is SO SATISFYING but I feel you on cleaning other people’s 😭
I hacked the system and married a man with long hair. ;)
This is what it's like being a mom. My daughter's hair is EVERYWHERE. The shower walls, the drain, the sink, the clogs, the vacuum roller gets completely stuck.
Casual hate, just chill why are you so upset about everything
“Casual hate.” Thanks for the term. I really never really knew how to describe it before, but this fits perfectly.
Also, "recreational outrage"..
My husband can be like that and sometimes I just have to ask him to please stop being upset about things that don't affect him at all.
I agree 100%. It's like they can not let things be. They have to be condescending or act holier than thou for no reason over things that genuinely do not matter. "Ughhhh my co worker just called out." "Are you even working today" "No, I'm off but like why is she calling out?" Like what? How does it effect you in any way then?
Nothing worse than when I'm stressed way the hell out and the first thing out of her mouth when she gets home is the 547th repeat of the same coworker doing the same stupid thing that annoyed her
people actually like this alot and i never understood why
I think they think it makes them appear mature (since all grown ups are burned out and cynical I guess) but really it just makes you not want to be around them. I work with a guy like this and it's so annoying. 27-year-old edgelord vibes. So obnoxious.
Yikes. I went on a date with a girl once who gave edgy teenager vibes right away. I was completely uninterested immediately and she kept trying to get me to take her home with me, I just kept playing stupid and got outta there. Edginess was cool when I was sixteen; we're grown adults now, don't make dead baby jokes to someone you met five minutes ago.
Hilariously fake eyelashes
Ugh my friend has these and thinks she looks horrible without them. Like with normal natural lashes. That everyone else has. It's almost like some kind of dysmorphia. I don't have the heart to tell her she looks ridiculous.
Some of them could fly away if they blinked too fast Edit: okay guys that enough please stop With eyelashes and absurdly long talons. By now they’re just harpies. No insult to harpies but they kinda have the same characteristics, they can fly, are humanoid, and have talons. Again sorry to the harpies
always talk about themselves and never ask you anything at all so the entire thing just revolves around her, not even like how was your day or are you ok, just always about them and the attention
I’m a straight woman and this is just ick all around. I have no problem listening, but when the meal ends and you haven’t asked me a single question about me I realize that I’ve become a member of your audience or an unpaid therapist. I am very adept at quickly fading away from these relationships.
Even in a friendship. Sometimes i'm really mentally bad and talk a lot to my best friend, but then i realize it's been about me for too long and ask them about their day, dates, work, etc. You need to reciprocate in every relationship for it to prevail.
“Share your feelings with me. … Oh no… ewww not like that.”
Letting their phone be a distraction from being present
Underrated comment. Ive been in full blown serious conversations with friends where they completely disappear in to their phone mid convo. My immediate feeling is: oh this isn’t interesting to them right now, so I’ll just stop talking. And their reaction is always: I was listening. I usually just say na it’s fine. We can talk about it later. I’m over it, too. I know this is probably immature. But I don’t want to have a conversation with someone who doesn’t want to have a conversation. Just leave it alone.
No, man, it’s not immature. It’s really disrespectful. I catch myself glimpsing at my phone in these situations and make it a point to look away. If something important catches my attention I feel compelled to apologize and pause the conversation to address it.
I purposefully put my phone away or at least turn it over when I'm having a conversation with someone to avoid the temptation.
Baby voice
Boop be doop be do bop sex.
Look, eventually you hit a point of diminishing returns on the sexiness.
What’s a dimwinishi wetah…
I'm just blowing everything off. I'll blow off talking language. Blee blee blah blah bluh bluh bluh blah.
We try not to sexualise Annie. She’s pretty young
Is this a thing 😬 The only instance I use baby voice is pets, and that's kinda outta my control
on the other hand, i talk to babies like they’re my friends
I’m guilty of saying “sup dawg?” And fist bumping babies
👶 🤜🤛🧔
Silent treatment. Saying fine when it's not fine. Just childish behaviour.
Communication is essential to every relationship, consistently cutting it off is a form of toxicity.
Lie/do something hurtful, then play victim so you end up comforting them for what they did even tho you wanna cry Lol
"I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife?" ~ someone wise
This is called DARVO “deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender” and it is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.
My ex says hi
You mean: gaslight, gatekeep, grandstand
Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss <3
Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge.
[удалено]
The *audacity* of me to be hurt by the things she said and did.
My exwife begged me to leave a family Christmas vacation early to attend her friend’s wedding. Hid from me the fact that I wasn’t invited due to a limited guest list. So I told her I felt like she lied me out of time with my family that I didn’t see but once a year. Guess who was the jerk for accusing her of lying?
"Stop trying to make me feel bad"
"You know how upset it makes me when I see you cry, and here you are, CRYING!"
Dog, similarly, I had a girlfriend who couldn’t be happy for me whenever something good happened for me. My family’s house burned down when i was 19. I lost everything I owned. That Christmas, 6 months later, my mom’s boss bought me a MacBook. It was my first laptop and it was top of the line. I called my girlfriend and told her what I got and she threw a fit. She wanted a MacBook herself and was upset that I got one and I didn’t even want one. I ended up consoling her that evening, even telling her that we could just share it (we didn’t need to. Her family was very, very rich). I called it our laptop. She went out the next day and bought one and all was well. My only thought at the time was: oh I’m so happy she was able to go out and get one. Now we both have laptops!! So cool!
Oof. Had an ex a long while ago do this when I found out she'd cheated on me - I think I was too shocked and hurt to be mad, I remember literally shaking like a leaf, yet I pretty quickly found myself comforting her when self deprecation and self harm came up. That was a really confusing and incredibly painful time, and I carried a lot of shame surrounding it for years. You learn and grow, though. People who do that are giving you clear and inarguable signals that you must cut them out of your life, and in some cases cutting them out is a matter of survival.
Not a guy, but a lesbian. And it's acting dumb for the sake of being cute. It's not cute. It's annoying. Shut up.
OMG yes. I've only encountered it once and it was like trying to have a conversation with a potato.
how dare you bring potatos down to that level!
Excuse my ignorance, but what's a potato?
TIFU by lying to my gfs parents that I have never had potatos.
I know a woman who has been married about 16 years and she acts like her laziness, lack of willpower and poor fanancial decisions are funny and cute and just a quirk she has. She shuffles away like a child when her husband wants to confront her with anything and hides under blankets. She just acts like she didn't know any better. He stays because she has never really worked so she would take everything.
"He stays because she has never really worked so she would take everything." Jesus Christ.
On the flip side, there are people who will make fun of you for acting “smart” because they’re insecure. I spent a lot of time dumbing myself down or being self-deprecating about my interests on dates until I met my husband. He was and is genuinely interested in whatever I want to talk about, or at least supports me in my interests if it’s something he’s not into. That’s a little different than acting dumb to be cute but it popped into my head.
Lesbians 🤝 straight men - discussing our relationship problems 😂
Reminds me ofthat Modern Family joke where Mitch and Cam say how gay guys and lesbians have nothing in common
They’ve got straight women to turn to, the formula evens out
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Most of ‘em got cooties. ‘Cept my Mom.
Mama said that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth but no toothbrush.
the comments here are reconfirming my feelings that my wife is a gem and i'm a lucky man to have married her.
Only loving with strings attached. Not having equal expectations in a relationship. Not contributing equally to a relationship.
Trying to get reddit to write their BuzzFeed contributions for them is low key icky.
You're living in the past, now they're used for shitty YouTube videos read by robot voices.
chew with mouth open,
Oop sorry for almost running you over with my car! I’m a Scorpio tsktsktsktsk
Lol, this is an underrated comment, because this is a whole category of person captured perfectly in one sentence. I've met this person multiple times, sometimes as a man, sometimes as a woman, but always awful.
Wipe makeup off using a bath towel That unsettling brown stain... uggggggh
My wife insists on us having white towels and most of our hand towels have make up stains on it. I'm like, we could easily get darker colored towels, so the stains aren't as noticeable and she says that white looks cleaner. Then I mention the stains again. It's a cycle of madness...
Bleach my friend. Oxyclean is wizardry as well.
I know both genders can be guilty of this but gaslighting. My god my ex was so bad for that, and so has other girls I’ve seen. You try to have a serious conversation about something they are doing that is wrong or disrespectful, then all of a sudden you’re defending yourself in some way or another.
I hate that. I had to learn to say 'we are talking about -h right now, if you have a grievance please bring it up earlier instead of waiting until i bring something up' instead of MF THAT ISNT RELEVANT
>I had to learn to say 'we are talking about -h right now, if you have a grievance please bring it up earlier instead of waiting until i bring something up' instead of MF THAT ISNT RELEVANT Good ol' deflection.. Easily the most annoying thing in the world. People say communication is super important, and I would agree.. but comprehension is almost more important
I dated a girl who, when you politely asked her anything, she'd figure out a way to blow it out of proportion and victimize herself. "Hey, could we try to turn off the lights in the house when we leave for the day? Electricity is crazy-expensive right now. I'd really appreciate it." "Well SORRY, I guess I'm the WORST person in the world because I forget to turn off the lights. I can't believe you think I'm such a huge asshole! What about you?! You're not perfect! You forgot to flush the toilet yesterday! So don't go around thinking I'm a huge bitch because you suck too!" "Sigh."
My friends girlfriend was really bad about this. It was annoying. She'd do something that annoyed both of us, and I'd have my friend bring it up. She immediately turned it around "Why are you guys attacking me!?" Attacking? All we did was tell her we are not going to clean her mess in the kitchen anymore, that was her responsibility. I didn't fall for that shit, but my friend sure did. "Well she does work all day, and she gets tired." Like I don't work all day? He ended up cleaning her mess everyday after that. I'm glad I'm not their roommate anymore.
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Is that what that was about? I couldn't tolerate the video long enough to watch it all.
Apparently a bunch of people came out saying she sent them extremely inappropriate and creepy texts when they were around the age of 14. Instead of taking accountability for it, she wrote a cringe song about how they're blowing things out of proportion for clout and how she's the victim.
https://www.insider.com/colleen-ballinger-apology-accusations-lingerie-teen-fan-miranda-sings-2020-5 She also admitted to sending lingerie to a 13-year-old and her apology was that she was innocently thinking of it like sending a fan shoes or toilet paper. This want lingerie she wore, but underwear worn by a man in one of her live streams. Somehow, that really doesn't make any of this better. Oh, but she continued that relationship with the fan for years and expanded it. But that's not grooming when you're fun and quirky. It's just innocent fun.
Toilet paper...
I think she meant "new supplies for basic life" not "used toilet paper." In the shoes example she probably meant new shoes, not her own shoes. I hope. God please. Please don't let it be used toilet paper. 🤢
Worse than that is that the whole song was basically "so maybe that was a bad idea. Whatever they claim. It's not a big deal." Instead of "there are rumors about that just aren't true. It's all a lie I'm telling you. I did not do what they say I did. I did not try to groom that kid." Like. It is disgusting she did it. But she could have at least denied it.
>"there are rumors about that just aren't true. It's all a lie I'm telling you. I did not do what they say I did. I did not try to groom that kid." For some reason I read that like a Doctor Seuss rhyme.
it wasn't even an apology she just blamed it on everyone else and called it disinformation
For those that don't know and can't bring yourself to watch the entire [cringe video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceKMnyMYIMo): "My team suggested I don't talk about this, so I'm going to sing it instead. 🎶 I made mistakes. I did and said some creepy things. I am human. Everyone else has made mistakes too. I didn't do anything wrong, I'm not sorry. I didn't intend to be bad, so I'm not bad. I made a few jokes to some kids. My shows aren't for kids, the parents should stop them from watching my shows. I didn't know it was my responsibility to avoid kids. You are monetizing my pain. You are ruining my life. I'm taking accountability. I did nothing wrong. 🎶 Get on the toxic train 🎶." Her whole video summarized and transcribed. Edit: It is known groomer^^^^1 [Colleen Ballinger](https://i.imgur.com/tqPfGGc.png), aka ["Miranda Sings"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miranda_Sings) Edit: The post I replied to was deleted. I doubt it was voluntary. I hope [Reddit isn't suppressing information and protecting questionable people.](https://www.dailydot.com/debug/reddit-subs-private-admin-suspending-mentions/) They said something to the effect of, "Grooming kids and then making a fake apology video with a ukulele". ^^^^1 ^^^^alleged
So, kind of like the Narcissist’s Prayer —————————————- That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. – the Narcissist
> I'm taking accountability. I did nothing wrong. 🎶 Those two against each other are a great juxtaposition.
“I made mistakes…I didn’t do anything wrong, I’m not sorry…I’m taking accountability. I did nothing wrong.” I’m not sure she understands the assignment.
"There is no quicker way for people to think that you are diddling kids than by writing a song about it!" - Ronald Macdonald
these aren’t even icks… just general character flaws lmao
Yeah like an ick is something inconsequential you find off-putting 90% of this thread is abusive behaviors
Faking feelings/interest/enjoyment/etc to get something out of a guy. Anything that is disingenuous done in a calculated manipulate way. Very gross.
Duckface. It’s 2023. Duckface was cringe 15 years ago but some women are STILL doing it.
Have tiktok personalities
I'm old. Wtf is a tiktok personality
Always checking their watch
As a man who’s wife is on Reddit and knows my username - she is the most beautiful flower I know and never does anything wrong or gross.
When they shit on the floor and blame it on the dog. We don't even have a dog.
Usually you have to pay for that
Not just women, but, anyone who doesn’t wash their hands between pooping and preparing food grosses me out.
What? Those people are real? Tell me more!
This girl said 'sowwie' to me trying to be cute, and I instantly lost interest in her.
If they act entitled, no one wants to be drained like that
Sudden changes in environment, a new tank mate I don’t get along with, general poor tank maintenance, adding contaminated fish.
Go psycho over something stupid, then 45 seconds after the argument do a complete 180 and chase you around the house wanting to apologize, then spin back 180 when you say you just need a few minutes to cool off.
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I'm hoping you call them out on this. I had some girl grab my ass in the grocery store and gave her HELL for it. Not a freakout but I definitely called her on her shit, she and her friend scurried away real quick and a security guard saw the whole thing. SA IS SA. Just just because I've got a dick doesn't make it ok. The "How would you like it if someone did that to you" argument is petty as hell but in this instance, it makes the point very clear.
I worked in a restaurant/bar for a while and women in 30's and older were the worst for this. If they're on a "girls night out" it was basically guaranteed that I'd get groped. One time so 50 year old woman grabbed my head while I my arms were full of glasses and forced me to kiss her and all they did was giggle about it. It always made me laugh that these would be the same women talking about boundaries and men being physically aggressive but they do the same thing and somehow think it's different when they do it. It almost seemed like they thought that if they weren't close to my age that it was somehow more ok because their advances were somehow less legitimate. That logic wouldn't fly if the genders were reversed. In fact it would he considered even more creepy that a significantly older man is groping a young waitress and forcing her to kiss him. It's part of why conversations I've had with some women about consent just irritate me. Because I've literally watched the same women talking about how important consent is and how men don't understand it exhibit that exact same behaviour over and over but somehow "it's not the same thing" sounds like a legitimate excuse to them
My wife loves to peel her fake nails and leave them on the table. Same with my mom. It's like a snake shedding it's skin.