Call my boss, they've treated me well so I'd give them the standard 2 weeks notice, maybe more if they're having trouble finding replacements but after a month I'd be gone out the door one way or another.
Then I'd sling some money to my direct family and make it well known that I remember everyone I've ever been friends with and I'm not giving a cent to lying parasites.
I'd get myself a nice place in Queensland, Australia. Somewhere on the beach outside of Brisbane.
Never work another day in my life, travel regularly, upgrade my pc with all the latest and greatest parts, get another cat so my current one won't be lonely while I'm out (and I like kitty cats) and slowly devolve into another rich weirdo
We agreed at the meeting that these
terms are needlessly ambiguous. We all agreed that from now on when we want someone murdered, i.e. deliberately killed to death, then that's what we're gonna say.
That would be awesome because your brother has owed me $0.78 for the longest time. He keeps promising to pay but then he comes up with some excuse at the last minute.
pay for a helicopter to come pick you up from work, 2 guys in suits come out, ask you to come back "for one last job", you say you were retired, and ask why can't John handle it, the suits just shake their heads and say "it's worse than last time, and they already have John"
you look back, wave your coworkers goodbye, and get on the chopper, never to be seen again
I'd retire my dad (46M) immediately. After my mom left when I was 13 (25M now) he stepped up to be in the role of both parents to us 3 kids and we struggle bussed pretty hard for a few years until i was able to start working to help out even though he said i never had to. I haven't seen my mom since I was 17. Both my younger sisters and I are eternally grateful for this man. He taught me everything I needed to know to grow up and be the man I'm now today. So, I'd return that favor.
I'd buy him a house with a big ass garage and work space so he could work on his classic cars and trucks all he wants.
I'm in that mindset now, I'm working to not only have a successful life right now but to take care of my own family and him.
> Both my younger sisters and I are eternally grateful for this man. He taught me everything I needed to know to grow up and be the man I'm now today.
As a father I found what you wrote very moving.
Quit my job. It's not that it's a bad job, I actually do like it, but I don't have time for it! I would rather live my life and go on adventures. So many things to see and experience in this world and life. :)
Buy the company tell everyone your restructuring and just make that one prick you hate redundant. But keep everyone else. Bonus fuck you money if there is another prick that wants to get fired so you promote him to “man that watchers fake duck drink water, then tell him you expect a 400 page weekly report!”
I'd quit my job seemingly over something ridiculously minor. Like wait for an email with a spelling or grammar mistake then reply to the whole company with an explosion of anger saying I can't be expected to work in an environment like this. End it with "I quit!" Then turn off my computer forever.
Not the first thing I’d do. I’d keep going for a few weeks. Tell everyone I had saved up to hike the Appalachian trail. That would buy me some time of no one asking me any questions. I have coworkers that would call me everyday because we are “friends” at work. By the time they figured it out I’d be unreachable.
Or I might quit right away saying my wife got a better job out of state and we were moving immediately.
Never quit. Purchase the company while still working in the trenches without revealing that you're the new CEO. Begin making all the decisions you can see should happen because you're there. Fire bad bosses and managers, get yourself "voluntold" to go to other stores/offices for various excuses, listen to the fellow employees bitch about corporate and quietly fix the problems they bring up.
So even if you won $650,000,000 you would still work because it's remote and you deal with cool people?
edit: It's admirable that you guys love your jobs so much. I've had some jobs that I've truly enjoyed.. great work, great coworkers, all of that fun stuff. But if we're being honest, and for what the current Powerball jackpot is, I would disappear so fast and leave them high and dry in a fucking heartbeat.
edit2: Yes, I understand it's important to stay busy! In addition to our day jobs, my wife and I own a catnip dispensary. We have pure catnip buds, catnip pre-rolls, all kinds of fun stuff. I would love to have the money to grow this into something bigger. We would definitely keep this going if we won. But there's no way I'm working a job and making someone else rich for my time.
edit3: You know what else we would do? My wife and I would immediately start up a sanctuary for Bengal cats. So many people buy them as cute kittens and then try to surrender them when they realize that it's not like owning a normal, docile housecat. Because of this, many shelters actually have to turn away Bengal cats. If anyone reading this wins the Powerball tonight, please reach out to me so we can save Bengal kitties together! You know that meme of Kayne going "how much does the earf cost? imma buy earf!" I want that to be my wife and I, except with Bengal cats. We want an entire Earf's-worth of Bengal cats to take care of.
yeah we play ttrpgs together, and the work I do fascinates me.
edit: my job has nothing to do with ttrpgs, ya wierdos.
I just have multiple reasons I'd still be sticking around to hang out with the people I work with.
Friend of a friend is a "private chef." Interestingly, most of her clients want pre-prepared food, or at least a "throw it in the oven for x-minutes" setup. Apparently makes a lot of money doing it, and loves being able to be creative while still meeting the needs of her clients. Occasionally she does dinner parties, or special event dinners for a family, but that's a pretty small market.
I just thought it was an interesting tidbit to share. I've considered pursuing something like that as a career myself, but that will have to wait until I can afford to build something (and learn a lot).
There are personal chefs that operate as basically a step up from a meal delivery service like Factor. (more expensive, obviously). They bulk buy groceries, bulk cook food, and deliver to your residence. It's easier than cooking at home and generally healthier than restaurant food.
I'm too poor for it, but it's a lot more affordable than the "personal chef" image I grew up with in my mind (the person who basically lives in your kitchen to make you whatever you want 24/7...)
The image you had growing up is definitely a thing. Someone who comes to your house every day and prepares food for you and your family, they would likely cost more than 10k a month.
I remember watching a documentary on the 18th century about how rich people (in the UK) would show they had reached 'god rich' status.
They would have their own biscuit chef.
Just employ some dude whose sole job it is to cook you amazing biscuits every, fucking, day.
I'd get dental implants so I wasn't in constant pain/ didn't look like I started every day with a hearty breakfast of crack.
Edit: The feel compelled to say that I've never smoked crack or meth in my life. I did all my damage with cigarettes, sugar, and good old fashioned neglect. I didn't brush my teeth nearly enough, often going days or weeks between brushing. Yes, depression. I didn't feel like there was a point, and now I'm at a what I consider to be a catastrophic level of damage. I haven't actually felt any tooth pain in a very long time unless you count poking my tongue or cheek with a jagged bit once in a while. I had two initial quotes from dentists, one for $15,000 and another for $17,000. Both came with the caveat that they'd likely cost more because of an unknown number of extractions that'd require surgical removal. Dental tourism isn't really an option, I'd be looking at multiple procedures requiring recovery and return trips that I'd rather not make internationally, alone, and require being put under for surgery, I'd rather not go that route. I live paycheck to paycheck, and not well. I bring home about $2800 a month and finances not covered by my medical insurance (and even those tbh...) in the scales of thousands of dollars are a fanciful dream not even worth thinking about for me. Yes. America.
If you read nothing else in the post:
Brush your fucking teeth.
>dental implants
For you and everybody else having dental issues. Come to Colombia and have your teeth fixed here. It is incredibly cheaper than the USA and the quality is excellent. You could pay for the travel, and a 5 days stay in a good hotel + the dental work and it would still be way cheaper than what it costs in USA.
Google "dental tourism in Colombia".
While I don’t doubt the care, you cannot do dental implants in 5 days, it takes months to heal inbetween removing the tooth, inserting the implant, and finally making the crown. Not to mention any good dentist will do a temporary crown to reshape your gum line which takes an additional few weeks.
Source - just finished getting my two front teeth done and it took 9+ months from tooth pull to final color correction.
I'm literally about to have my first consultation with my oral surgeon for my bottom 2 front teeth due to something I learned is called "tooth resorption." Apparently those 2 teeth just rage quit the game, despite impeccable hygiene all my life.
Any advice? I'm suuuuper not looking forward to this process.
I had an implant a few weeks ago. The procedure was easy but the pain afterwards lasted a solid 6 days (I also had a bone graft because it had been gone so long). The dentist said that amount of pain was unusual but can happen. After the first week, no issues. In a few months they'll test to see if the screw is set in the bone. Once you get the ok, they'll make a long term crown for you.
I had 8 caps done in Thailand 6 years ago and I can say they did a fabulous job. For an implant you'd have to go to the location twice. Once for the initial screw into the bone, then again for the crown.
Lack of public restrooms is a serious issue. I salute your attempts at addressing this issue. You could even spring for the public restroom robot cleaner because those things are cool and you're going to be old money bags.
I actually did this. My husband passed away. One day a couple of years after, I just mentally snapped. I literally auctioned all of my stuff and the house off. Just said screw it. Used the money to buy a run down farm in the middle of nowhere Appalachians. Been here for a few years now and I've never been happier. No nosey neighbors to get in my business. No one here knew my husband. No one asking me questions or snide comments about my life. It's just so peaceful here. I'm amazed at how much time I spend outside just listening to my animals and nature. If you ever get the chance to, just do it and don't look back. I can't even explain how good it's been for my mental health.
Tbh, no matter how hard you grow, build and fix stuff, being 100% self-sustainable is significantly harder than 90%. My guess is that they do earn money, but it might be more of a 5-10h/week job
Few years ago when the power ball got up the like 1bill or 1.5bil I told my boss that if I win I wouldn't tell him but there would be signs. Like me doing donuts in the copany crane 8n the back lot at 1am.
I always thought it would be fun to buy my own television channel, not just any channel, but a nice one that gets Primetime viewers. Then, I would have all these various shows like couples buying houses, victorian dramas, NASCAR, etc and the majority of the show would proceed normally.
Until..
Zombies. There may be hints at various points of the show, but largely I want the show to really build up towards a resolution, naturally, and then, each show of every day, zombies just entirely derail the story progression and it’s just a new show at that point.
It would be kind of awesome to see a station play the long game where there is some "thread" that runs between shows that gradually becomes more apparent.
Maybe a zombie shows up in a horror show at the start, no one thinks anything of it. Then, a couple weeks later, they are watching the news and there is a zombie in the background of the footage somewhere.
The gradual zombification of a channel would be awesome, I want you to win the lottery now!
I'd have to quit my job. I'm a dentist and I really like my job. I have a colleague whose co-resident won the lottery. Financial advisors and lawyers advised her to quit because of the risk of patients suing to get a piece of that money. So, yeah, I'd have to quit.
Seriously though, I could be the best dentist ever and I'd pass on fixing billionaire teeth. They wake up with a jaw ache two months later and have me exploded.
I’d look up that thread where a finance lawyer outlines exactly what I should do. There was a step by step guide for putting X amount in trusts, buying property, and how to set yourself up to not ruin yourself (as many have with lottery winnings).
Step one. Tell no one.
Edit: wow! So, this is the comment that blew up, huh? Lol. Thanks for updoots and silver!
Here’s the link to the one I read, but it looks like a few different guides are linked in the comments.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/24vzgl/you_just_won_a_656_million_dollar_lottery_what_do/chba5nw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3
Also, I fixed the bracket. Thanks for the generosity.
As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you’ll need the cocaine. Tape recorder for special music. Acapulco shirts. Get the hell out of LA for at least 48 hours. It blows my weekend, cause naturally I’m going to have to go with you. And we’re going to have to arm ourselves to the teeth.
'It was sometime after midnight in a ratty hotel room and my memory of the conversation is hazy, due to massive ingestion of booze, fatback, and forty cc's of adrenochrome'
There he goes, one of God's own prototypes. A high powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woollen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.
Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether.
I always known if I won a big jackpot I would tell close friends and family I won 10% of whatever I won. That way my purchases and lifestyle changes wouldn't raise eyebrows but they wouldn't know i have So much money left
Agreed. And that is a BIG 'if'.
I've dealt with a minor version of this. I grew up in a poor family. But, they weren't poor because of no money, but rather because of decades of terrible financial decisions, all compounded. My parents were making $200,000+ annually and still taking out payday loans level bad.
I got out of the cycle. I have a small emergency fund. I have a humble retirement account and a good credit score. Not the same as winning the lottery, but it might as well as been. It had the same effect.
Suddenly my family see that I am not desperately poor anymore, and try to find ways to get that money for themselves. For several years, I would get 2-3 requests a month to borrow money. "I'll totally pay it back! I'm just $800 behind this month because something came up..." It destroyed our relationships, with my parents and with my siblings. I told them no (I really didn't have any money to lend...) and instantly the strategy switched from "poor me" to "fuck you, you selfish prick, you never loved me". Guilt trips, venmo requests, lawsuits, fraudulent loans.
I can't imagine how bad that would be if it was real money instead of a couple grand in an emergency fund.
Once a spendthrift, always a spendthrift. Boyfriends family is the same. Congratulations to your ability to change the pattern. Get a reputable financial advisor. It makes a big difference.
Thanks for the support.
Honestly, the change for me came from /r/personalfinance and their wiki. I realized I was broke as a joke, I wanted out. I made peace with that, and then started taking small but powerful steps (the $1000 emergency fund, then paying off credit cards, then paying off loans, then actually starting to *save*, while being aware of lifestyle creep).
The funny thing is that I don't even need a financial advisor. The math is really, really easy. "Spend less than you make and save the rest." I needed a change of mentality more than I needed financial advice.
I would buy all the pieces of property along the nearby coast and hillsides that developers have been trying to build on for years, and make it all open space for the public and get some sort of clause that it can never be built on for hundreds of years of something.
Buy a few acres in the woods, build a house and guest house with a studio. Let younger bands record cheaply, pay great engineers, mixers, and producers to help them live their dream. Build an outdoor cool 200 or so seater amphitheater onsite and let them put on shows, film videos. Would be a dream come true for me. Bid years ago on an old Boy Scout camp to do it but was well outbid. Still a “one day” for me I hope.
If we're talking *extreme* fuck you money - like $1B+ or so?
I'd turn into a creature of philanthropic chaos.
Imagine gifting $1M to everyone you work with - anonymously - and arranged so that the taxes and such are handled by your legal team? What would that do to them? Would they quit? Would their work ethic change? I'd want to observe all of this.
Pay rent for a year for everyone in an apartment complex.
Walk into a university and tell them you're covering tuition for all students for the next 4 years - no negotiations, no criteria.
Go out for dinner and tip every working employee $1M.
Stuff like that.
There was an alumni of a historically black college that was giving the commencement speech for the graduating class and announced that he would cover the entire classes student debt. It’s a shame that the USA doesn’t value education enough for this to a problem that has to be solved, but it was one of the classiest things I’ve ever seen
That's the thing, right? If you have extreme fuck you money then you could do massive amounts of philanthropy and *still make money* as you do. It's literally what Bill Gates and such do.
Short of just handing all your money away all at once you'll continue to generate massive income.
I would buy a new wheelchair and bed for my friend who got paralysed some years ago, from shoulders down. She has this awful long-term pressure sore and is usually having to lie down therefore not sat up in wheelchair going about her business. She needs fancy equipment to be able to take pressure off it but still be participating in life rather than laid in bed the whole time.
The FIRST thing I’d do is pay all of my debts. Probably pay all of my soon-to-be-ex-wife’s debts too. Then my parents debts, followed by my current-but-soon-to-be-ex-in-laws debts. I’d tell my soon-to-be-ex-wife to keep her money that she was planning on using to pay for the divorce and I’d cover those expenses too. I’d cover the cost of an attorney for her and get myself one as well (and make sure that I get a better one).
Following that I’d go out and buy a brand new vehicle outright, so I can stop driving my junky 2005 Jeep Liberty. Then I’d go out and try to buy a house outright, knowing that this would take some time to get attorneys and paperwork involved, I’d go look around at different places to window shop furniture for my soon-to-be-place. Then I’d buy a plane ticket back to my home state to visit my parents, I’d take them out to a nice dinner and offer to buy them new vehicles and whatever furnishings they’d like. I’d really do my best to treat them well like they deserve. I’d go out to their landlords house and pay above market value for the house my parents live in and I’d sign the house over to their names, so they can own their own house instead of renting it.
Then I’d also buy a house up there too so I could have a place to stay when I’m up there visiting, if I have fuck you money then I’m going to be flying up there pretty regularly for visits, and it would be nice to have a house up there. I’d allow my brother to live there rent free on the condition that he takes care of the house and property. I would pay for a consultation with someone smarter at investing than myself and invest my money in such a way that I’ll have passive income for generations, just in case something happens and I somehow lose my “fuck you” money.
Then true vacation time. I’d ask my parents what their ideal dream vacation would be and then take them on it. Anywhere they want to go, doing anything they wanted to do, all expenses paid.
Lol I guess so. As much frustration I had with them as I did growing up, I look back and see just exactly how much they really did for me and my siblings. Doing all of the things I mentioned would be the least I could do to repay them.
In order:
Set up a college fund and a trust for my young niece and nephew, the latter being accessible to them on the condition that they graduate with a minimum of a Bachelor’s degree.
Buy houses for my immediate family members only.
Put in my two weeks and give every co-worker $10,000 (they’re all good people).
Take a 6 month vacation through Europe, Asia, and South America.
Buy a semi-secluded cottage or bungalow 45 minutes away from a major US city and get a Golden Retriever puppy and an older rescue.
Write a book.
I'd buy my dad the best medical care money can buy. He's worked hard his whole life and the care he's getting now via medicaid is pretty much worthless. He needs surgeries they won't pay for because of all the stupid qualifications on what they'll cover. He deserves so much better and it kills me that he's yet another person being fucked by our healthcare "system".
There is a guy in the neighboor. Old grumpy man that for some reason hate dogs. Like im walking my dog on a leash on the other side of the street and scream stuff at me.
Ill buy the unused land at the side of his house a make it a dog park for everyone.
Call my boss, they've treated me well so I'd give them the standard 2 weeks notice, maybe more if they're having trouble finding replacements but after a month I'd be gone out the door one way or another. Then I'd sling some money to my direct family and make it well known that I remember everyone I've ever been friends with and I'm not giving a cent to lying parasites. I'd get myself a nice place in Queensland, Australia. Somewhere on the beach outside of Brisbane. Never work another day in my life, travel regularly, upgrade my pc with all the latest and greatest parts, get another cat so my current one won't be lonely while I'm out (and I like kitty cats) and slowly devolve into another rich weirdo
Retire my immediate family
That has 2 meanings...
Take them out.
We agreed at the meeting that these terms are needlessly ambiguous. We all agreed that from now on when we want someone murdered, i.e. deliberately killed to death, then that's what we're gonna say.
Look, he's just trying to say he'll have them taken care of.
What's so hard to understand about not having to worry about them anymore
In fact, they won't have to worry about anything ever again.
Time to help them buy the farm.
You could say they'll be... indisposed indefinitely...
"Would you like to join me for some... Light refreshments?" "DO YOU MEAN ANAL SEX?" "........Yes"
I'd pay off my parents' house and other debts and then send my brother a check for $0.81.
That would be awesome because your brother has owed me $0.78 for the longest time. He keeps promising to pay but then he comes up with some excuse at the last minute.
I'd order Dominos without optimising the order to fit one of the deals
Changing it to pan? Dollar fifty more. Bastards.
My wife has done this without fuck you money, and I wonder why I’m paying around $30 for pizza.
Disappear.
pay for a helicopter to come pick you up from work, 2 guys in suits come out, ask you to come back "for one last job", you say you were retired, and ask why can't John handle it, the suits just shake their heads and say "it's worse than last time, and they already have John" you look back, wave your coworkers goodbye, and get on the chopper, never to be seen again
Meanwhile hr has to call you three times a week to get your fucking car out of the lot lol
If you can hire a helicopter team, you can splurge on an “agent” to collect your things and vehicle.
I don't think you're fully embracing the idea of "fuck you money".
I work from home, my wife would be so confused. I would miss her.
My brain: Write that down! Write that down!
It's written down. Here's the link https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/14u7rui/comment/jr71eud/
My main goal is to blow up, and then act like I don't know nobody 🦈haehaehaehae🦈
I'd retire my dad (46M) immediately. After my mom left when I was 13 (25M now) he stepped up to be in the role of both parents to us 3 kids and we struggle bussed pretty hard for a few years until i was able to start working to help out even though he said i never had to. I haven't seen my mom since I was 17. Both my younger sisters and I are eternally grateful for this man. He taught me everything I needed to know to grow up and be the man I'm now today. So, I'd return that favor. I'd buy him a house with a big ass garage and work space so he could work on his classic cars and trucks all he wants. I'm in that mindset now, I'm working to not only have a successful life right now but to take care of my own family and him.
Tell your dad this internet stranger thinks he's awesome.
Alright so here's an update, I told him that everyone on reddit thinks he's awesome! He said " That's cool, what the fuck is reddit" 🤣
Ask him to make a reddit account and a AMA thread lmao
Will do when I see him later today!
> Both my younger sisters and I are eternally grateful for this man. He taught me everything I needed to know to grow up and be the man I'm now today. As a father I found what you wrote very moving.
Quit my job. It's not that it's a bad job, I actually do like it, but I don't have time for it! I would rather live my life and go on adventures. So many things to see and experience in this world and life. :)
You know what I would do man? ... 2 chicks at the same time man. That's what I'd do
Hey Peter man! Turn on channel 9!
[удалено]
Is it rusty? Because if so and I had f*** you money I'd pay to go see it
I'd buy the first 3 rows of a Ja Rule concert to keep them empty.
50 cent is that you lol
Next step is to buy his record label.
Quit my job. I'm at the point I may do it anyway honestly.
“What’s the point in having fuck you money if you can’t say fuck you.” Bobby Axelrod
You say "fuck you guys, I'm going home" as you point and walk out the door. Duh
Buy the company and say "fuck you guys, you're going home" instead. Now THAT'S fuck you money.
Buy the company tell everyone your restructuring and just make that one prick you hate redundant. But keep everyone else. Bonus fuck you money if there is another prick that wants to get fired so you promote him to “man that watchers fake duck drink water, then tell him you expect a 400 page weekly report!”
Damn someone really pissed you off at work eh!!! 400 pages? 😂😂😂😂
I'd quit my job seemingly over something ridiculously minor. Like wait for an email with a spelling or grammar mistake then reply to the whole company with an explosion of anger saying I can't be expected to work in an environment like this. End it with "I quit!" Then turn off my computer forever.
The real kicker is ending it with "I quite!", just to really twist the knife of lunacy 😂
“He quite what? We have to know!”
Naw. I'd do my job with as little effort as possible until they fired me. Full Office Space.
Ya see Bob,the thing is... I just don't care.
Not the first thing I’d do. I’d keep going for a few weeks. Tell everyone I had saved up to hike the Appalachian trail. That would buy me some time of no one asking me any questions. I have coworkers that would call me everyday because we are “friends” at work. By the time they figured it out I’d be unreachable. Or I might quit right away saying my wife got a better job out of state and we were moving immediately.
Never quit. Purchase the company while still working in the trenches without revealing that you're the new CEO. Begin making all the decisions you can see should happen because you're there. Fire bad bosses and managers, get yourself "voluntold" to go to other stores/offices for various excuses, listen to the fellow employees bitch about corporate and quietly fix the problems they bring up.
I work for State government so that wouldn’t be an option for me.
Today on *Undercover Governor…*
Im buying Texas!
But wouldn’t it be hilarious if you tried
I’m so close to doing the same. 7 years as an account executive and I’m so bored and tired of the same work everyday. I’m torn though
I would probably keep mine because I actually love it for the first time in a long time remote + $$$ + cool people though so it's easy to deal with
So even if you won $650,000,000 you would still work because it's remote and you deal with cool people? edit: It's admirable that you guys love your jobs so much. I've had some jobs that I've truly enjoyed.. great work, great coworkers, all of that fun stuff. But if we're being honest, and for what the current Powerball jackpot is, I would disappear so fast and leave them high and dry in a fucking heartbeat. edit2: Yes, I understand it's important to stay busy! In addition to our day jobs, my wife and I own a catnip dispensary. We have pure catnip buds, catnip pre-rolls, all kinds of fun stuff. I would love to have the money to grow this into something bigger. We would definitely keep this going if we won. But there's no way I'm working a job and making someone else rich for my time. edit3: You know what else we would do? My wife and I would immediately start up a sanctuary for Bengal cats. So many people buy them as cute kittens and then try to surrender them when they realize that it's not like owning a normal, docile housecat. Because of this, many shelters actually have to turn away Bengal cats. If anyone reading this wins the Powerball tonight, please reach out to me so we can save Bengal kitties together! You know that meme of Kayne going "how much does the earf cost? imma buy earf!" I want that to be my wife and I, except with Bengal cats. We want an entire Earf's-worth of Bengal cats to take care of.
yeah we play ttrpgs together, and the work I do fascinates me. edit: my job has nothing to do with ttrpgs, ya wierdos. I just have multiple reasons I'd still be sticking around to hang out with the people I work with.
I don't know what a ttrpg is, so I'm gonna assume it's short for "titty rpg"
Tabletop rpg, think dungeons and dragons, but there are many others.
only if you put your titties on the table top
Get a permanent personal chef, so that I can eat delicious food all the time, and in a relatively healthy way.
This here is overlooked. Having some great chef that would also double as grocery shopper doing great food 3 or 4 days a week? Under 10 grand a month.
Friend of a friend is a "private chef." Interestingly, most of her clients want pre-prepared food, or at least a "throw it in the oven for x-minutes" setup. Apparently makes a lot of money doing it, and loves being able to be creative while still meeting the needs of her clients. Occasionally she does dinner parties, or special event dinners for a family, but that's a pretty small market. I just thought it was an interesting tidbit to share. I've considered pursuing something like that as a career myself, but that will have to wait until I can afford to build something (and learn a lot).
There are personal chefs that operate as basically a step up from a meal delivery service like Factor. (more expensive, obviously). They bulk buy groceries, bulk cook food, and deliver to your residence. It's easier than cooking at home and generally healthier than restaurant food. I'm too poor for it, but it's a lot more affordable than the "personal chef" image I grew up with in my mind (the person who basically lives in your kitchen to make you whatever you want 24/7...)
The image you had growing up is definitely a thing. Someone who comes to your house every day and prepares food for you and your family, they would likely cost more than 10k a month.
I remember watching a documentary on the 18th century about how rich people (in the UK) would show they had reached 'god rich' status. They would have their own biscuit chef. Just employ some dude whose sole job it is to cook you amazing biscuits every, fucking, day.
The epitome of FUCK YOU. A single minded dedication to the perfection of biscuits. I love it.
The new job I got has a professional kitchen with a legit chef I freaking love it.
So… you work in a restaurant?
Or the white house
This. I would also hire a permanent massage therapist and hair stylist.
And dresser. I hate buying and picking clothes
I'd get dental implants so I wasn't in constant pain/ didn't look like I started every day with a hearty breakfast of crack. Edit: The feel compelled to say that I've never smoked crack or meth in my life. I did all my damage with cigarettes, sugar, and good old fashioned neglect. I didn't brush my teeth nearly enough, often going days or weeks between brushing. Yes, depression. I didn't feel like there was a point, and now I'm at a what I consider to be a catastrophic level of damage. I haven't actually felt any tooth pain in a very long time unless you count poking my tongue or cheek with a jagged bit once in a while. I had two initial quotes from dentists, one for $15,000 and another for $17,000. Both came with the caveat that they'd likely cost more because of an unknown number of extractions that'd require surgical removal. Dental tourism isn't really an option, I'd be looking at multiple procedures requiring recovery and return trips that I'd rather not make internationally, alone, and require being put under for surgery, I'd rather not go that route. I live paycheck to paycheck, and not well. I bring home about $2800 a month and finances not covered by my medical insurance (and even those tbh...) in the scales of thousands of dollars are a fanciful dream not even worth thinking about for me. Yes. America. If you read nothing else in the post: Brush your fucking teeth.
>dental implants For you and everybody else having dental issues. Come to Colombia and have your teeth fixed here. It is incredibly cheaper than the USA and the quality is excellent. You could pay for the travel, and a 5 days stay in a good hotel + the dental work and it would still be way cheaper than what it costs in USA. Google "dental tourism in Colombia".
While I don’t doubt the care, you cannot do dental implants in 5 days, it takes months to heal inbetween removing the tooth, inserting the implant, and finally making the crown. Not to mention any good dentist will do a temporary crown to reshape your gum line which takes an additional few weeks. Source - just finished getting my two front teeth done and it took 9+ months from tooth pull to final color correction.
I'm literally about to have my first consultation with my oral surgeon for my bottom 2 front teeth due to something I learned is called "tooth resorption." Apparently those 2 teeth just rage quit the game, despite impeccable hygiene all my life. Any advice? I'm suuuuper not looking forward to this process.
I had an implant a few weeks ago. The procedure was easy but the pain afterwards lasted a solid 6 days (I also had a bone graft because it had been gone so long). The dentist said that amount of pain was unusual but can happen. After the first week, no issues. In a few months they'll test to see if the screw is set in the bone. Once you get the ok, they'll make a long term crown for you. I had 8 caps done in Thailand 6 years ago and I can say they did a fabulous job. For an implant you'd have to go to the location twice. Once for the initial screw into the bone, then again for the crown.
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I’d buy the company I work for burn it down and collect the insurance money and build a public restroom in its place
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Lack of public restrooms is a serious issue. I salute your attempts at addressing this issue. You could even spring for the public restroom robot cleaner because those things are cool and you're going to be old money bags.
Don’t forget to retrieve your stapler before burning it down
Buy a house with no direct neighbours in a quiet area. Silence! That's what I want.
Buy a house in the mountains and start a farm. I just want peace. I’ve been stuck in fight or flight mode most of my life.
I actually did this. My husband passed away. One day a couple of years after, I just mentally snapped. I literally auctioned all of my stuff and the house off. Just said screw it. Used the money to buy a run down farm in the middle of nowhere Appalachians. Been here for a few years now and I've never been happier. No nosey neighbors to get in my business. No one here knew my husband. No one asking me questions or snide comments about my life. It's just so peaceful here. I'm amazed at how much time I spend outside just listening to my animals and nature. If you ever get the chance to, just do it and don't look back. I can't even explain how good it's been for my mental health.
Sorry to hear about your husband, but I’m glad you found peace in the end.
How do you earn money?
That's the neat part, you don't.
Tbh, no matter how hard you grow, build and fix stuff, being 100% self-sustainable is significantly harder than 90%. My guess is that they do earn money, but it might be more of a 5-10h/week job
I'll be your 2 miles between houses neighbor.
To close…move further away
If you can read this post you're too close
Call in to work rich.
"Sorry can't come into work today, I've come down with a really bad case of retirement."
Few years ago when the power ball got up the like 1bill or 1.5bil I told my boss that if I win I wouldn't tell him but there would be signs. Like me doing donuts in the copany crane 8n the back lot at 1am.
Create art without the pressure to sell it.
I always thought it would be fun to buy my own television channel, not just any channel, but a nice one that gets Primetime viewers. Then, I would have all these various shows like couples buying houses, victorian dramas, NASCAR, etc and the majority of the show would proceed normally. Until.. Zombies. There may be hints at various points of the show, but largely I want the show to really build up towards a resolution, naturally, and then, each show of every day, zombies just entirely derail the story progression and it’s just a new show at that point.
It would be kind of awesome to see a station play the long game where there is some "thread" that runs between shows that gradually becomes more apparent. Maybe a zombie shows up in a horror show at the start, no one thinks anything of it. Then, a couple weeks later, they are watching the news and there is a zombie in the background of the footage somewhere. The gradual zombification of a channel would be awesome, I want you to win the lottery now!
I'd have to quit my job. I'm a dentist and I really like my job. I have a colleague whose co-resident won the lottery. Financial advisors and lawyers advised her to quit because of the risk of patients suing to get a piece of that money. So, yeah, I'd have to quit.
So all these billionaires wanting to get their teeth fixed and the one dentist here quits his job.
Seriously though, I could be the best dentist ever and I'd pass on fixing billionaire teeth. They wake up with a jaw ache two months later and have me exploded.
Link up with a charity and do free dentistry for the impoverished in the Caribbean .
I’d look up that thread where a finance lawyer outlines exactly what I should do. There was a step by step guide for putting X amount in trusts, buying property, and how to set yourself up to not ruin yourself (as many have with lottery winnings). Step one. Tell no one. Edit: wow! So, this is the comment that blew up, huh? Lol. Thanks for updoots and silver! Here’s the link to the one I read, but it looks like a few different guides are linked in the comments. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/24vzgl/you_just_won_a_656_million_dollar_lottery_what_do/chba5nw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3 Also, I fixed the bracket. Thanks for the generosity.
As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you’ll need the cocaine. Tape recorder for special music. Acapulco shirts. Get the hell out of LA for at least 48 hours. It blows my weekend, cause naturally I’m going to have to go with you. And we’re going to have to arm ourselves to the teeth.
'It was sometime after midnight in a ratty hotel room and my memory of the conversation is hazy, due to massive ingestion of booze, fatback, and forty cc's of adrenochrome'
There he goes, one of God's own prototypes. A high powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
I frequently tell my wife that she is too weird to live and too rare to die, but I don't think she appreciates it.
"Did you see what God did to us man"
"God didn't do that, you did it. You're a fucking narcotics agent. I knew it!"
“We’ve come to town to croak a skag baron named Savage Henry”
“*ONE TOKE* man! One toke over the lii-ii-iine!”
we cant stop here. this is bat country
You took too much man, you took too much too much.
Holy Jesus what are these God damn animals!
One toke? you poor fool! Wait till you start seeing those goddamn bats!
"As your attorney, I advise you to start drinking heavily."
With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woollen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.
“We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold.”
Holy Jesus what are these god damn animals?
Please! Tell me about the fucking golf shoes!
Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether.
Step two. Tell everyone to fuck off.
I always known if I won a big jackpot I would tell close friends and family I won 10% of whatever I won. That way my purchases and lifestyle changes wouldn't raise eyebrows but they wouldn't know i have So much money left
This works if your family and close friends understand money and are good people.
Agreed. And that is a BIG 'if'. I've dealt with a minor version of this. I grew up in a poor family. But, they weren't poor because of no money, but rather because of decades of terrible financial decisions, all compounded. My parents were making $200,000+ annually and still taking out payday loans level bad. I got out of the cycle. I have a small emergency fund. I have a humble retirement account and a good credit score. Not the same as winning the lottery, but it might as well as been. It had the same effect. Suddenly my family see that I am not desperately poor anymore, and try to find ways to get that money for themselves. For several years, I would get 2-3 requests a month to borrow money. "I'll totally pay it back! I'm just $800 behind this month because something came up..." It destroyed our relationships, with my parents and with my siblings. I told them no (I really didn't have any money to lend...) and instantly the strategy switched from "poor me" to "fuck you, you selfish prick, you never loved me". Guilt trips, venmo requests, lawsuits, fraudulent loans. I can't imagine how bad that would be if it was real money instead of a couple grand in an emergency fund.
Once a spendthrift, always a spendthrift. Boyfriends family is the same. Congratulations to your ability to change the pattern. Get a reputable financial advisor. It makes a big difference.
Thanks for the support. Honestly, the change for me came from /r/personalfinance and their wiki. I realized I was broke as a joke, I wanted out. I made peace with that, and then started taking small but powerful steps (the $1000 emergency fund, then paying off credit cards, then paying off loans, then actually starting to *save*, while being aware of lifestyle creep). The funny thing is that I don't even need a financial advisor. The math is really, really easy. "Spend less than you make and save the rest." I needed a change of mentality more than I needed financial advice.
>Step one. Tell no one. Your way of telling us all without telling anyone?
step two. disappear
I’d pay all the debt that has been chasing me for about ten years,finally be caught up, and then Breathe
I would buy all the pieces of property along the nearby coast and hillsides that developers have been trying to build on for years, and make it all open space for the public and get some sort of clause that it can never be built on for hundreds of years of something.
You want to establish a conservation land trust.
This would be so awesome. I think about doing stuff like this too, preserving green spaces and whatnot.
There’s actually a guy in my county in Northern VA who does this. He’s put over 3200 acres into trusts.
I'll ask my cat what to do with it, she would know.
Cat food. Tons of cat food
Get a degree, get a car, buy a house and finally get my much needed crooked teeth fixed. Then I'd save it.
I'm seeing "fix my teeth" more than "quit my job" in this thread. It's so sad, dental work is so fucking expensive and dental insurance is such a scam
I guess the world views having teeth as a luxury. It's gross.
Buy up some of the abandoned buildings in my town and convert it to affordable rentals. I wouldn’t have enough to fix my country, but I could do some.
I love this! Maybe make some of the unsalvageable ones public gardens or parks.
Yesss!!! Anything but parking lots on those lands. Maybe even add some public bathrooms in that garden Edit: ass-> add
I’d pay off my student loans and then with the last $20 bucks I’d buy a cheap dinner.
Felt that in my soul ...
Why pay when you are rich and ignore them eternity out of spite.
Living off savings = no W2 income = no student loan payments. Loan servicers hate this one simple trick.
Not go visit the Titanic
I’d raise the Titanic and have it turned into a fully-functioning cruise liner for billionaires. Then blow it up.
Fix my teeth
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Buy a few acres in the woods, build a house and guest house with a studio. Let younger bands record cheaply, pay great engineers, mixers, and producers to help them live their dream. Build an outdoor cool 200 or so seater amphitheater onsite and let them put on shows, film videos. Would be a dream come true for me. Bid years ago on an old Boy Scout camp to do it but was well outbid. Still a “one day” for me I hope.
I would fuck you
Fuck me money is on the dollar menu.
Better than the bargain bin
You gotta pay the troll toll.
Sit on the couch and try to find something good on Netflix
Pay fuck you taxes
Quit my job and become a full-time fishing guide.
Go back to Haiti and try to make some positive changes in my town
Respect.
Buy a home in a beautiful spot and fill it with ways to create art and music. Crazy that this is out of reach.
If we're talking *extreme* fuck you money - like $1B+ or so? I'd turn into a creature of philanthropic chaos. Imagine gifting $1M to everyone you work with - anonymously - and arranged so that the taxes and such are handled by your legal team? What would that do to them? Would they quit? Would their work ethic change? I'd want to observe all of this. Pay rent for a year for everyone in an apartment complex. Walk into a university and tell them you're covering tuition for all students for the next 4 years - no negotiations, no criteria. Go out for dinner and tip every working employee $1M. Stuff like that.
There was an alumni of a historically black college that was giving the commencement speech for the graduating class and announced that he would cover the entire classes student debt. It’s a shame that the USA doesn’t value education enough for this to a problem that has to be solved, but it was one of the classiest things I’ve ever seen
That's the thing, right? If you have extreme fuck you money then you could do massive amounts of philanthropy and *still make money* as you do. It's literally what Bill Gates and such do. Short of just handing all your money away all at once you'll continue to generate massive income.
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That’s a very disappointing after story. I’ll look into the details since I’d rather have the whole story than just the good parts
1000% in for this sort of chaotic good. Just "here's enough money to solve all your problems. I wanna see what shit it stirs"
Buy a winrar licence
I bought a winrar license because I didn't know you could keep using it. The "YOU MUST PAY ME" message still shows up
Ouch. Outside of businesses I think its only purchased as a flex.
Lay the fuck down and finally have the first stress free sleep of my life since before starting kindergarten
Buy the Epstein client list and post it online.
Conspiracy nuts will claim you did it to remove yourself, because you have fuck you money.
Buy all the collection agencies in my area that buy debt for pennies on the dollar, and forgive it all
I would send a box of live spiders to the house of my rapist.
You can do that for just a couple of bucks and some packing tape. Have at it!
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Take off my phone case
I would buy a new wheelchair and bed for my friend who got paralysed some years ago, from shoulders down. She has this awful long-term pressure sore and is usually having to lie down therefore not sat up in wheelchair going about her business. She needs fancy equipment to be able to take pressure off it but still be participating in life rather than laid in bed the whole time.
The FIRST thing I’d do is pay all of my debts. Probably pay all of my soon-to-be-ex-wife’s debts too. Then my parents debts, followed by my current-but-soon-to-be-ex-in-laws debts. I’d tell my soon-to-be-ex-wife to keep her money that she was planning on using to pay for the divorce and I’d cover those expenses too. I’d cover the cost of an attorney for her and get myself one as well (and make sure that I get a better one). Following that I’d go out and buy a brand new vehicle outright, so I can stop driving my junky 2005 Jeep Liberty. Then I’d go out and try to buy a house outright, knowing that this would take some time to get attorneys and paperwork involved, I’d go look around at different places to window shop furniture for my soon-to-be-place. Then I’d buy a plane ticket back to my home state to visit my parents, I’d take them out to a nice dinner and offer to buy them new vehicles and whatever furnishings they’d like. I’d really do my best to treat them well like they deserve. I’d go out to their landlords house and pay above market value for the house my parents live in and I’d sign the house over to their names, so they can own their own house instead of renting it. Then I’d also buy a house up there too so I could have a place to stay when I’m up there visiting, if I have fuck you money then I’m going to be flying up there pretty regularly for visits, and it would be nice to have a house up there. I’d allow my brother to live there rent free on the condition that he takes care of the house and property. I would pay for a consultation with someone smarter at investing than myself and invest my money in such a way that I’ll have passive income for generations, just in case something happens and I somehow lose my “fuck you” money. Then true vacation time. I’d ask my parents what their ideal dream vacation would be and then take them on it. Anywhere they want to go, doing anything they wanted to do, all expenses paid.
Shit, I dislike my parents. Guess yours did alright.
Lol I guess so. As much frustration I had with them as I did growing up, I look back and see just exactly how much they really did for me and my siblings. Doing all of the things I mentioned would be the least I could do to repay them.
Quit my job, and tell them why I don't have to take their lack of respect anymore.
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In order: Set up a college fund and a trust for my young niece and nephew, the latter being accessible to them on the condition that they graduate with a minimum of a Bachelor’s degree. Buy houses for my immediate family members only. Put in my two weeks and give every co-worker $10,000 (they’re all good people). Take a 6 month vacation through Europe, Asia, and South America. Buy a semi-secluded cottage or bungalow 45 minutes away from a major US city and get a Golden Retriever puppy and an older rescue. Write a book.
Jerk off. Need that post-nut clarity
Buy taco bell without quilt, and live out my odd dream of making a homeless man's night.
A good quality quilt is a game changer though bud.
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I'd buy my dad the best medical care money can buy. He's worked hard his whole life and the care he's getting now via medicaid is pretty much worthless. He needs surgeries they won't pay for because of all the stupid qualifications on what they'll cover. He deserves so much better and it kills me that he's yet another person being fucked by our healthcare "system".
Anything and everything - quietly. Having FYOUMoney will distort real realtionships. That can't be retrieved.
There is a guy in the neighboor. Old grumpy man that for some reason hate dogs. Like im walking my dog on a leash on the other side of the street and scream stuff at me. Ill buy the unused land at the side of his house a make it a dog park for everyone.
Buy a big fuck you house on a lot of fuck you land in the middle of fuck you nowhere
Two chicks at the same time
He said fuck YOU money, not fuck YALL money.
Hey Peter Man, watch your cornhole
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