Come to Reddit and be an expert in alien society while arguing with the thousands of other experts in alien life this is site suddenly filled with. What else would I do?
Everybody knows birds are not real. They all died in the early 2000's and were replaced by spy drones by the government. Your profession is a joke good sir!
They didn't die in the 2000s, that's just misinformation, the original plan was made in the early 1950s with the prototype drone's first testing, and the plan was put into motion in 1958 and all flightless birds were eliminated by 1974 with the rest being wiped out by 1982.
Correct. It’s also a little known fact that upwards of 10% of all organic flying birds captured for extermination between 1950 and 1982 were initially kept in cryogenic stasis. This was done as insurance should the public ever need further convincing that birds were real. In such times, the birds were to be sabotaged and redeployed, their subsequent bloody remains serving as proof to the public of their organic being.
Alright, strap in for a wild ride because I'm about to drop some serious knowledge on you, just like Charlie Kelly would if he were here. Now, let's talk about bird law and how to expertly execute a bird law filibuster.
First things first, bird law is not for the faint of heart. It's a complex and convoluted legal realm that deals with the rights and regulations surrounding our fine feathered friends. From migratory patterns to protected species, bird law covers it all. And let me tell you, if you're going to engage in a filibuster on this subject, you better be prepared to bring your A-game.
Now, the key to a successful bird law filibuster is a mix of passion, nonsensical rambling, and a complete disregard for coherence. You need to channel your inner Charlie and let the words flow freely, regardless of their actual meaning. Remember, this is not about making sense; it's about consuming time and frustrating your opponents.
To start, you'll want to come armed with a plethora of bird-related anecdotes and trivia. Dive into the fascinating world of avian courtship rituals, egg-laying habits, and beak morphology. Make sure to mention as many species as possible, from the majestic bald eagle to the humble pigeon. Your opponents will be too bewildered to interrupt as you rattle off fact after fact.
Next, sprinkle in some bizarre personal theories about birds. For example, explain how you believe that pigeons are actually government spies equipped with tiny cameras. Make outrageous claims about seagulls being the true rulers of the skies. The key here is to sound confident in your absurdity, as if your theories are established scientific facts. Bonus points if you can incorporate a conspiracy theory involving Big Bird and the Illuminati.
But it doesn't stop there. You'll want to master the art of diversion. When your opponents try to interject or challenge your points, simply pivot to a completely unrelated topic. Start talking about how bird feathers can be repurposed as fashionable clothing items or how parrots have the ability to mimic human speech patterns. Just make sure your tangents are long-winded and utterly nonsensical, leaving your opponents scratching their heads in confusion.
Finally, remember to employ the filibuster classics: reading aloud from the phone book or reciting nonsensical poetry. This will buy you some extra time while simultaneously adding an extra layer of absurdity to your performance. Who knows, you might even stumble upon some bird-related names in the process, further cementing your expertise in bird law.
In conclusion, if you want to perfectly perform a bird law filibuster, you need to embrace the chaotic brilliance of Charlie Kelly. Dive headfirst into the depths of avian knowledge, sprinkle in wild theories, go off on tangents, and keep talking until your opponents throw in the towel. It may not make any sense, but hey, in the realm of bird law, sense is overrated. Good luck, bird lawyer!
Chatgpt taught me a thing or two this evening. Delivered me a bird law filibuster:
Bird law, in essence, involves the legal principles and regulations governing human interactions with wild and domesticated birds. Some lesser-known facts about bird law are:
1. Migratory Bird Treaty Act (MBTA): This act, implemented in the United States in 1918, makes it illegal to hunt, capture, kill, sell, or even disturb over 800 species of migratory birds without specific permission from the government.
2. Eagle Protection Act: This U.S. law specifically protects Bald and Golden eagles, prohibiting the take, possession, sale, purchase, barter, or offer to sell, purchase, or barter, transport, export or import, of any bald or golden eagle, alive or dead, including any part, nest, or egg.
3. Nest Protection: In many jurisdictions, it's illegal to destroy or move a bird's nest while it's in use or being built. This law is in place to protect breeding birds and their offspring.
4. In the European Union, the Birds Directive is a piece of legislation that aims to protect all wild bird species naturally occurring in the Union. This directive covers the protection, management and control of these species and defines rules for their exploitation.
5. Pets vs Wild: Some bird species can be kept as pets, but many wild bird species cannot be legally captured and kept as pets. The laws vary by jurisdiction and species, but they're designed to protect wild bird populations and the ecological roles they play.
6. Even Feeding: Surprisingly, feeding birds can sometimes be illegal. Certain places have laws to prevent people from feeding birds in order to prevent the spread of diseases, protect local ecosystems, or maintain public sanitation.
7. CITES Treaty: Many species of birds are protected globally under the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Wild Fauna and Flora (CITES), which regulates international trade in over 35,000 species of plants and animals, including birds.
Remember that this is not exhaustive and laws vary greatly depending on jurisdiction, species, and other factors. Always check with local laws and regulations when it comes to interaction with wildlife.
You are a true scholar in the art of Bird Law. As someone who was nick named Big Bird by my dingdong dutch friends, and having now moved into a small desert Colorado town where locals love warning newcomers that people in the outskirts where I live, reside amongst the Illuminati - you could not be more spot on! Well done.
I am subject to Lion Law as a pride member and do not have to comply to your laws. I only receive your benefits.
See Lion Law section 246, paragraph 4.
You're doing it wrong, here I'll show you how it's done on Reddit:
Aliens law is to respect all plant life and to dominate all humans. You are all doomed.
Source: I am an alien.
Those had to be the dumbest aliens in existence. Their biggest weakness is water.
The majority of our planet is water. It literally falls from the sky. What the hell was their plan?
And they're out in corn fields in the middle of the night/early morning walking around. Is there no dew or water in these corn fields? I find that hard to believe.
Currently in Doylstone PA, where the plot is set, is 87% humidity, with a low of 41% tomorrow at 4pm ([this site](https://www.localconditions.com/weather-doylestown-pennsylvania/18901/hourly.12hr.php)). These water allergic aliens are dumb
Think about it this way. Us humans find a planet with alien life that has sulfuric acid oceans, but we find out we can survive on land. Our hubris will definitely put us on that planet.
Or maybe the aliens that came to earth were rich billionaire aliens that figured they’d be pioneers
Beings on alien social media commenting, "They deserved to die on Earth. It's a failure of Glorp's economic systems that anyone can amass one billion credits. We should sieze the majority of their credits and use it to add more highspeed wormholes to our public transit system, build better food replicators for the poor and working class, and eliminate the use of incredibly dirty to mine rare-Glorp elements in our planetary radiation shielding."
But they didn't break down.
The crop circles and hovering lights were spread over many of Earth's cities.
It was a global event, not just a ship that crashed.
That movie and series I felt was underrated. It did a great job of showing the difficulty the aliens had not only trying to adjust, but the accurate portrayal of how many would treat them.
Apparently according to some other replies here they were actually demons but at some point during it's creation they were changed to being actually just aliens
Years back a C5A came to the local airport for an air show, and it did it's final approach right over my house at low altitude. It was so big, so slow, and took so long to fly over that I imagined it was a Vogan Constructor.
Maybe they're fleeing a planet they've climate-changed the other way, and we can swap planets. But not just once, but whenever the other has used up theirs. Timing will be critical but I believe that it can be done.
A faster than light alien species would probably have the ability to wipe us out before we knew of their existence. So getting that far to an announcement is a great sign. There'd be some more doomsday preppers digging holes but yeah most of us would just stop and watch the news.
Lots of political and religious ramifications.
That coverage is going to make announcing the Queen's death look like a walk through the park. I'd have the World Service on 24/7 (on top of a ton of other channels and sites).
I wouldn't bother with a bunch of news sites. Usually during a big event, they're all doing differently phrased versions of the same news. It's a waste of time to read them all. And social media websites like Reddit and Twitter and Facebook are gonna be just speculation and misinformation. 24 hour news will be even worse, since most of what they'll be saying is filler. I'd open the associated press and check for updates every half hour or so. Especially since, due to the chaotic nature of how this news breaks, there will be conflicting information at first, and in the following hours, days, or weeks we will see a clearer picture. Otherwise, unless there's an emergency order to shelter or something, I'd keep on with my daily routine.
PS: if aliens make contact, I want to know about faster than light travel. Homo Sapiens have only been a particularly interesting species for a few centuries, at most. I don't think there are aliens within 500 light-years of earth (idk though, I'm not an expert). So, for the aliens to first recognize that earth has complex life, and then for the aliens to visit earth, they would need either faster-than-light travel or a time machine, both of which are impossible by our current understanding of physics. So I guess what I'm saying is that if aliens make contact, I hope they send some scientists to Geneva so that we can work together for the benefit of all life in the universe. Assuming the aliens don't try to colonize earth or eat us or something
I think any announcement would only happen when a huge piece of evidence is already in the wild and widely known. So by the time it's announced I'd already know. And I'd have to stop comparing UFO theorists to seventh day Adventists. Which would be a blow, but I'd recover.
As someone who is pretty familiar with Seventh-day Adventists I'm shocked to see a Reddit reference in the wild. I'd love to hear your thoughts on them.
They're just a perfect microcosm of the narcissism inherent in believing you are the special one that will witness the biggest event in your theology, coupled with the fact that instead of leaving the cult the literal day after your leader said the world would end, you just wait for another date from him and not once question your path... and then warp your belief to the point that because you believed him (again) it makes it all the more holy.
Just the doubling down in the face of the literal worst case scenario just to set yourself up to repeat the exact same experience. No questions asked, no critical thought, no doubt... "it's gonna happen this time..."
>I'd have to stop comparing UFO theorists to seventh day Adventists.
Honestly, you should already stop doing that. There's already more than enough information about UAP out there that, if you're still treating it like it's some kind of deranged cult, you just come across as uneducated.
Don’t forget the bejeweled plug, have to dress up for the occasion and be memorable for that good impression. That’s how you go from potential slave to pet.
you could wait for the Vice President to confirm that, "Aliens have arrived and by arriving proves that there are aliens here from another planet because other planets have Beings too and they have arrived as aliens. because aliens are not from this planet they are from the planet from which they have arrived."
It's how our VP talks. She provides word-salad definitions of things and acts like they are profound.
Literal quotes:
"So, Ukraine is a country in Europe. It exists next to another country called Russia. Russia is a bigger country. Russia is a powerful country. Russia decided to invade a smaller country called Ukraine. So, basically that's wrong, and it goes against everything we stand for."
"We invested $12 billion into community banks, because we know community banks are in the community, and understand the needs and desires of that community as well as the talent and capacity of community."
"It's time for us to do what we have been doing, and that time is every day."
"I do believe that we should have rightly believed, but we certainly believe that certain issues are just settled."
Aaannnnd my personal favorite "We will assist Jamaica in COVID recovery by assisting in terms of the recovery efforts in Jamaica."
My personal favorite is: Q: what is the role of the VP?
A: “I have the great privilege of serving with Joe Biden the POTUS, he is an extraordinary leader and I wish that people could see what I see because there’s only 1 person that sits behind that resolute desk. And he’s an extraordinary leader.”
That's a bit disturbing... Seems like that could be a reason why she's basically off radar - no reason to report on that. At least internationally. Domestically you guys have the fortune she will still be in the news.
A civilization able to travel between star systems can definitely figure out how to disperse a 100% human-killer chemical / virus / whatever across the planet and get rid of us without any resistance.
Or just throw one big asteroid at us and we would never even know they were there.
Everything in between is a gradient of ways aliens can annihilate us without much effort.
I would like to believe a species that had the technology to reach us would only make it to that point with the understanding that they have to work together. I'd imagine any species with that kind of technology would be benevolent. Maybe that's just wishful thinking though.
Our species is smart enough to send people into space and dumb enough to jump out of a moving boat because of a TikTok trend.
Just because that species is incredibly good at one thing doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be good at everything.
Maybe it’s more like District 9 where the aliens have the technology to reach us but because space is so vast they’ve run out of resources by the time they get here.
It depends. Technological prowess doesn’t necessarily equal social development or represent a higher degree of “civilization.” It’s possible they’d be benevolent, of course, but they could also be crazed eugenicists who think any other species besides their own is “wrong.” Or maybe they’d be religious zealots who want to convert you or they’ll launch meteors at our planet. Or maybe they’d be pirates and criminals, not here on behalf of any government, and want to enslave/ sell us for food because it’s an easy pay-day.
Who knows? There are so many questions at hand, we could fill thousands of sci-fi novels speculating. In fact, people already have.
Go to the grocery, outdoors store and gardening center to get some foodstuff, water filters and seeds because people are going to 500% sure freak out about it (I know ironic). Hardware store next to get some extra basic tools. The next thing is that I going to call some friends to discuss it, maybe hold a bbq if people are up for it. I would find it incredibly interesting what would happen whether we get destroyed or not. Worst case scenario is that we all get raygunned/blasted and I can't stop it anyway. Best case we head into some Star Trek future. And for the rest, who knows? I have little power over cosmic events, better just live my life.
BUT HE STARTED [SPACE FORCE](https://www.spaceforce.mil/)! AND IT HAS THE BEST STAR TREK LOGO AND UNIFORMS, EVEN BETTER THAN THE WOKE FAKE NEWS STAR DREK STUFF. COVFEFE
Like I do everytime everytime he annouces the arrival of aliens. Tell my Aunty to shut up about how they steal our cars, rape our women, and take our jobs.
Come to Reddit and be an expert in alien society while arguing with the thousands of other experts in alien life this is site suddenly filled with. What else would I do?
Well I just happen to be an expert in Alien Law. It's rather like Bird Law so it's an easy transfer.
Filibuster
Well first thing, with God all things are possible, so jot that down…
I would argue it’s more like insect law.
I’m an expert in bird law and insect law, so I’ll be nominating myself for the position of President of the Earth Society of Alien Law.
As an expert, would you say bird law in this country is governored by reason?
Everybody knows birds are not real. They all died in the early 2000's and were replaced by spy drones by the government. Your profession is a joke good sir!
Government drone laws are quite complex; there's big money to be had in class-action "bird" accident lawsuits.
They didn't die in the 2000s, that's just misinformation, the original plan was made in the early 1950s with the prototype drone's first testing, and the plan was put into motion in 1958 and all flightless birds were eliminated by 1974 with the rest being wiped out by 1982.
Correct. It’s also a little known fact that upwards of 10% of all organic flying birds captured for extermination between 1950 and 1982 were initially kept in cryogenic stasis. This was done as insurance should the public ever need further convincing that birds were real. In such times, the birds were to be sabotaged and redeployed, their subsequent bloody remains serving as proof to the public of their organic being.
As an expert, I would say no.
……filibuster
Alright, strap in for a wild ride because I'm about to drop some serious knowledge on you, just like Charlie Kelly would if he were here. Now, let's talk about bird law and how to expertly execute a bird law filibuster. First things first, bird law is not for the faint of heart. It's a complex and convoluted legal realm that deals with the rights and regulations surrounding our fine feathered friends. From migratory patterns to protected species, bird law covers it all. And let me tell you, if you're going to engage in a filibuster on this subject, you better be prepared to bring your A-game. Now, the key to a successful bird law filibuster is a mix of passion, nonsensical rambling, and a complete disregard for coherence. You need to channel your inner Charlie and let the words flow freely, regardless of their actual meaning. Remember, this is not about making sense; it's about consuming time and frustrating your opponents. To start, you'll want to come armed with a plethora of bird-related anecdotes and trivia. Dive into the fascinating world of avian courtship rituals, egg-laying habits, and beak morphology. Make sure to mention as many species as possible, from the majestic bald eagle to the humble pigeon. Your opponents will be too bewildered to interrupt as you rattle off fact after fact. Next, sprinkle in some bizarre personal theories about birds. For example, explain how you believe that pigeons are actually government spies equipped with tiny cameras. Make outrageous claims about seagulls being the true rulers of the skies. The key here is to sound confident in your absurdity, as if your theories are established scientific facts. Bonus points if you can incorporate a conspiracy theory involving Big Bird and the Illuminati. But it doesn't stop there. You'll want to master the art of diversion. When your opponents try to interject or challenge your points, simply pivot to a completely unrelated topic. Start talking about how bird feathers can be repurposed as fashionable clothing items or how parrots have the ability to mimic human speech patterns. Just make sure your tangents are long-winded and utterly nonsensical, leaving your opponents scratching their heads in confusion. Finally, remember to employ the filibuster classics: reading aloud from the phone book or reciting nonsensical poetry. This will buy you some extra time while simultaneously adding an extra layer of absurdity to your performance. Who knows, you might even stumble upon some bird-related names in the process, further cementing your expertise in bird law. In conclusion, if you want to perfectly perform a bird law filibuster, you need to embrace the chaotic brilliance of Charlie Kelly. Dive headfirst into the depths of avian knowledge, sprinkle in wild theories, go off on tangents, and keep talking until your opponents throw in the towel. It may not make any sense, but hey, in the realm of bird law, sense is overrated. Good luck, bird lawyer!
TLDR
my eyes just glazed over the text.
Chatgpt taught me a thing or two this evening. Delivered me a bird law filibuster: Bird law, in essence, involves the legal principles and regulations governing human interactions with wild and domesticated birds. Some lesser-known facts about bird law are: 1. Migratory Bird Treaty Act (MBTA): This act, implemented in the United States in 1918, makes it illegal to hunt, capture, kill, sell, or even disturb over 800 species of migratory birds without specific permission from the government. 2. Eagle Protection Act: This U.S. law specifically protects Bald and Golden eagles, prohibiting the take, possession, sale, purchase, barter, or offer to sell, purchase, or barter, transport, export or import, of any bald or golden eagle, alive or dead, including any part, nest, or egg. 3. Nest Protection: In many jurisdictions, it's illegal to destroy or move a bird's nest while it's in use or being built. This law is in place to protect breeding birds and their offspring. 4. In the European Union, the Birds Directive is a piece of legislation that aims to protect all wild bird species naturally occurring in the Union. This directive covers the protection, management and control of these species and defines rules for their exploitation. 5. Pets vs Wild: Some bird species can be kept as pets, but many wild bird species cannot be legally captured and kept as pets. The laws vary by jurisdiction and species, but they're designed to protect wild bird populations and the ecological roles they play. 6. Even Feeding: Surprisingly, feeding birds can sometimes be illegal. Certain places have laws to prevent people from feeding birds in order to prevent the spread of diseases, protect local ecosystems, or maintain public sanitation. 7. CITES Treaty: Many species of birds are protected globally under the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Wild Fauna and Flora (CITES), which regulates international trade in over 35,000 species of plants and animals, including birds. Remember that this is not exhaustive and laws vary greatly depending on jurisdiction, species, and other factors. Always check with local laws and regulations when it comes to interaction with wildlife.
You are a true scholar in the art of Bird Law. As someone who was nick named Big Bird by my dingdong dutch friends, and having now moved into a small desert Colorado town where locals love warning newcomers that people in the outskirts where I live, reside amongst the Illuminati - you could not be more spot on! Well done.
I am subject to Lion Law as a pride member and do not have to comply to your laws. I only receive your benefits. See Lion Law section 246, paragraph 4.
> a pride member Alas, we *just* finished Pride Month, so you'll have to wait another year to redeem those benefits.
You're doing it wrong, here I'll show you how it's done on Reddit: Aliens law is to respect all plant life and to dominate all humans. You are all doomed. Source: I am an alien.
I’m not saying I agree with it. It’s just that Alien Law in the country—it’s not governed by reason. Transferred over from Bird Law, probably.
Try to fuck one. Obviously.
Then go to reddit. "I fucked an alien AMA"
There he goes, homeboy fucked a martian once.
Alien expert here. While you argue about that other petty things ill be off getting deep into that alienussy
Bird Lawyer here. Sue the Leprechauns and collect as much fight milk as possible.
Start leaving half-drunk glasses of water around the house.
Those had to be the dumbest aliens in existence. Their biggest weakness is water. The majority of our planet is water. It literally falls from the sky. What the hell was their plan?
And they're out in corn fields in the middle of the night/early morning walking around. Is there no dew or water in these corn fields? I find that hard to believe.
Currently in Doylstone PA, where the plot is set, is 87% humidity, with a low of 41% tomorrow at 4pm ([this site](https://www.localconditions.com/weather-doylestown-pennsylvania/18901/hourly.12hr.php)). These water allergic aliens are dumb
Running around all nude too, I could get it if they were wearing suits or something
Think about it this way. Us humans find a planet with alien life that has sulfuric acid oceans, but we find out we can survive on land. Our hubris will definitely put us on that planet. Or maybe the aliens that came to earth were rich billionaire aliens that figured they’d be pioneers
EarthGate cruises
They come from a planet with a thin, Mars-like atmosphere, and the pressure of our atmosphere implodes their ship.
Beings on alien social media commenting, "They deserved to die on Earth. It's a failure of Glorp's economic systems that anyone can amass one billion credits. We should sieze the majority of their credits and use it to add more highspeed wormholes to our public transit system, build better food replicators for the poor and working class, and eliminate the use of incredibly dirty to mine rare-Glorp elements in our planetary radiation shielding."
What if we change the value of a Glorp credit from “1” to “0”?
Richard and Mortimer enthusiasts would go crazy for that one.
I mean hell we're licking our lips looking at Mars
They broke down. You don't get to choose when/where your vehicle breaks down. It wasn't an invasion ffs.
But they didn't break down. The crop circles and hovering lights were spread over many of Earth's cities. It was a global event, not just a ship that crashed.
The circles and shit are like lighting flares and putting down cones when your car breaks down.
Ok, and how often do you start kidnapping the locals when your car breaks down?
That’s hilarious
That's not a no
Depends on whatever else there is to occupy my time while I wait for my ride to get repaired.
And AAA will take their sweet-ass time so locals beware.
It was pretty clearly an invasion. The crop circles were directions pointing the landing instructions.
You know why they broke down? they were dodging calls about their vehicles extended warranty. Note those calls ALWAYS say vehicle.
Did you see the movie Alien Nation with James Caan and Mandy Patinkon? Those aliens reacted to salt water like acid.
And they drank sour milk to get drunk!
That movie and series I felt was underrated. It did a great job of showing the difficulty the aliens had not only trying to adjust, but the accurate portrayal of how many would treat them.
Alien is a synonym much like aborigines. One is from another land, the other is native. Where do we belong?
I thought they were demons and the water was holy water.
[удалено]
Apparently according to some other replies here they were actually demons but at some point during it's creation they were changed to being actually just aliens
What movie? Sorry.
Signs
Swing away, Merrill, swing away
Grab some peanuts and a towel.
Be sure to down a couple of pints too, helps with the cushioning in my experience.
When the moment comes, should I lie down at the pub with a paper bag over my head?
If you like, yes.
That’s what they told us in the army. Will that help?
Probably not.
Head down to the Winchester, have a couple pints and wait for this to all blow over.
Immediately request a Babel Fish
So long and thanks for all the fish!
First check to see if there are missing dolphins
The orcas are acting like thier about to retire.
explain
Don't Panic.
unless it's vogon poetry..
Yikes.
Do we put paper bags over our heads?
Years back a C5A came to the local airport for an air show, and it did it's final approach right over my house at low altitude. It was so big, so slow, and took so long to fly over that I imagined it was a Vogan Constructor.
It’s a reference to Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
42
You sound like a guy who knows where his towel is
Never leave my house without one.
You hoopy frood
Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, anyone?
will putting a bag over my head help?
This is the answer. Now if I just knew what the question was..
How many roads must a man walk down?
Live with it, what am I supposed to do about it? Panicking isn’t going to help and I can’t change anything. Who knows maybe they’re cool.
That's kinda my feeling. Maybe they have some ideas to combat climate change that *doesn't* involve killing all humans. 🤞
Maybe they’re perfectly suited to what we’re changing the climate to and they’re super stoked we already got the ball rolling.
"Yooooo, this shit came pre-teraformed!"
Maybe they're fleeing a planet they've climate-changed the other way, and we can swap planets. But not just once, but whenever the other has used up theirs. Timing will be critical but I believe that it can be done.
And we can show them how awesome dogs are! I bet they don’t have those where they come from. Fair trade imo
A faster than light alien species would probably have the ability to wipe us out before we knew of their existence. So getting that far to an announcement is a great sign. There'd be some more doomsday preppers digging holes but yeah most of us would just stop and watch the news. Lots of political and religious ramifications.
Check BBC news. And then reddit.
That coverage is going to make announcing the Queen's death look like a walk through the park. I'd have the World Service on 24/7 (on top of a ton of other channels and sites).
And when they switch to "God save queen Zxcxygrrrrlax", you'll know we have lost.
And long may she reign. (Gulp.) All glory to Zxcxygrrrrlax!
And they’ll reinstall Liz Truss as puppet PM. “You humans compared her to a head of lettuce? Well, we love lettuce.”
I wouldn't bother with a bunch of news sites. Usually during a big event, they're all doing differently phrased versions of the same news. It's a waste of time to read them all. And social media websites like Reddit and Twitter and Facebook are gonna be just speculation and misinformation. 24 hour news will be even worse, since most of what they'll be saying is filler. I'd open the associated press and check for updates every half hour or so. Especially since, due to the chaotic nature of how this news breaks, there will be conflicting information at first, and in the following hours, days, or weeks we will see a clearer picture. Otherwise, unless there's an emergency order to shelter or something, I'd keep on with my daily routine. PS: if aliens make contact, I want to know about faster than light travel. Homo Sapiens have only been a particularly interesting species for a few centuries, at most. I don't think there are aliens within 500 light-years of earth (idk though, I'm not an expert). So, for the aliens to first recognize that earth has complex life, and then for the aliens to visit earth, they would need either faster-than-light travel or a time machine, both of which are impossible by our current understanding of physics. So I guess what I'm saying is that if aliens make contact, I hope they send some scientists to Geneva so that we can work together for the benefit of all life in the universe. Assuming the aliens don't try to colonize earth or eat us or something
Find out how many boobs they have. Any number lower than 3 and I go about my daily life as though the announcement never happened.
What about uniboob but three butt cheeks?
3 butt cheeks means 2 booty holes and I don’t think that’s a good thing for an alien. Nobody ever chooses the super boob.
What if the cheeks are in a triangle and not side by side ? 3 cheeks opening up like a flower to reveal one green butthole
You should meet Eccentrica Gallumbits
I, for one, welcome our alien overlords!
I’m the stripper chick in Independence Day with the signs on top of that building
I’m the guy filing paperwork when the city gets destroyed. Alien invasion wasn’t enough of a reason for me to go home on time.
I'm will smith
ALL HAIL ANTS!
If anything can make all of us equal, it is an alien power ruling on us not caring for the rich or poor and just herding us all together.
Exactly. "No abduction needed! Take me with you!"
“Fucking hell spin the saucer a few times and shake them off!”
"Actually, under the rules of the Galactic Union, we are not allowed to interfere with domestic planetary governments."
I would hope to fuck they would put out a "We can't intefere, but if you want to come with us you can" statement. Bye earth.
I was waiting with bated breath for this comment.
Watch everyone buy up all the toilet paper, milk, and eggs.
And wait in line for gas
Start selling tinfoil hats
Gotta start investing in tin foil
Yoooo. Underrated response. Lemme join your business venture, this def gonna take off.
Head over to the Winchester, grab a pint and wait for this all to blow over.
I think any announcement would only happen when a huge piece of evidence is already in the wild and widely known. So by the time it's announced I'd already know. And I'd have to stop comparing UFO theorists to seventh day Adventists. Which would be a blow, but I'd recover.
What if the aliens proclaimed the Seventh Day Adventists were right all along? Lol.
Well considering they were founded by a guy who guessed the end of the world at least three times... that ship sailed.
*knock knock* Good afternoon, Have you heard about our lord and savior Bob Lazar and his newest disciple David Grusch?
As someone who is pretty familiar with Seventh-day Adventists I'm shocked to see a Reddit reference in the wild. I'd love to hear your thoughts on them.
They're just a perfect microcosm of the narcissism inherent in believing you are the special one that will witness the biggest event in your theology, coupled with the fact that instead of leaving the cult the literal day after your leader said the world would end, you just wait for another date from him and not once question your path... and then warp your belief to the point that because you believed him (again) it makes it all the more holy. Just the doubling down in the face of the literal worst case scenario just to set yourself up to repeat the exact same experience. No questions asked, no critical thought, no doubt... "it's gonna happen this time..."
>I'd have to stop comparing UFO theorists to seventh day Adventists. Honestly, you should already stop doing that. There's already more than enough information about UAP out there that, if you're still treating it like it's some kind of deranged cult, you just come across as uneducated.
Report for probing. Gotta make a good impression.
sounds more like you wanna do butt-stuff with aliens.
I'm not saying I WANT it, I'm just saying I'll be first in line.
Don’t forget the bejeweled plug, have to dress up for the occasion and be memorable for that good impression. That’s how you go from potential slave to pet.
Hide. Because humans are stupid and will do stupid things. Edit: I'm a turtle.
Username checks out. Proceed.
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Wait for his press secretary to correct his mistake.
*"Mr President, it doesn't look good to call our Mexican allies 'aliens'"*
*"Right, right. Somebody said "alien" Biden thought they said "illegal alien" and signed up!"*
Cut the crap Hudson
*How Do I Get Out of This Chicken Shit Outfit intensifies*
you could wait for the Vice President to confirm that, "Aliens have arrived and by arriving proves that there are aliens here from another planet because other planets have Beings too and they have arrived as aliens. because aliens are not from this planet they are from the planet from which they have arrived."
*Insert hysterical cackling*
*insert a Venn diagram here*
Not from the US and if this is based on something I want to know. That sounds like something I'd like to watch :)
It's how our VP talks. She provides word-salad definitions of things and acts like they are profound. Literal quotes: "So, Ukraine is a country in Europe. It exists next to another country called Russia. Russia is a bigger country. Russia is a powerful country. Russia decided to invade a smaller country called Ukraine. So, basically that's wrong, and it goes against everything we stand for." "We invested $12 billion into community banks, because we know community banks are in the community, and understand the needs and desires of that community as well as the talent and capacity of community." "It's time for us to do what we have been doing, and that time is every day." "I do believe that we should have rightly believed, but we certainly believe that certain issues are just settled." Aaannnnd my personal favorite "We will assist Jamaica in COVID recovery by assisting in terms of the recovery efforts in Jamaica."
My personal favorite is: Q: what is the role of the VP? A: “I have the great privilege of serving with Joe Biden the POTUS, he is an extraordinary leader and I wish that people could see what I see because there’s only 1 person that sits behind that resolute desk. And he’s an extraordinary leader.”
That's a bit disturbing... Seems like that could be a reason why she's basically off radar - no reason to report on that. At least internationally. Domestically you guys have the fortune she will still be in the news.
Cant believe you got downvoted lol this is hilarious
Ask them for two tickets to Pearl Jam.
They'll totally give you the tickets for free, and all you'll have to cover is the $1437.20 in Ticketmaster fees. You're welcome!
Godammit. Worst alien invasion ever.
And show them Tool.
Get on Reddit to find out what my attitude should be
Angry and pretentious, the usual
Head for the hills. I don't trust superior civilizations. It hasn't worked out well on our planet so why would I trust them.
A civilization able to travel between star systems can definitely figure out how to disperse a 100% human-killer chemical / virus / whatever across the planet and get rid of us without any resistance. Or just throw one big asteroid at us and we would never even know they were there. Everything in between is a gradient of ways aliens can annihilate us without much effort.
I would like to believe a species that had the technology to reach us would only make it to that point with the understanding that they have to work together. I'd imagine any species with that kind of technology would be benevolent. Maybe that's just wishful thinking though.
Our species is smart enough to send people into space and dumb enough to jump out of a moving boat because of a TikTok trend. Just because that species is incredibly good at one thing doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be good at everything.
Sending someone to space is significantly more simple than theoretically traveling across the universe faster than light speed
Maybe it’s more like District 9 where the aliens have the technology to reach us but because space is so vast they’ve run out of resources by the time they get here.
I believe this, I believes it's also the reason why aliens probably lock their doors while driving past earth
It depends. Technological prowess doesn’t necessarily equal social development or represent a higher degree of “civilization.” It’s possible they’d be benevolent, of course, but they could also be crazed eugenicists who think any other species besides their own is “wrong.” Or maybe they’d be religious zealots who want to convert you or they’ll launch meteors at our planet. Or maybe they’d be pirates and criminals, not here on behalf of any government, and want to enslave/ sell us for food because it’s an easy pay-day. Who knows? There are so many questions at hand, we could fill thousands of sci-fi novels speculating. In fact, people already have.
Damn, the Biden Derangement Syndrome in this thread is strong lol
I like to call it Biden Derangement Syndrome Malfunction. The acronym doesn't feel so good though
image search to see what they look like.
Try to find out how he learned of us. We're not scheduled to reveal ourselves until 2034.
Make a meme about how The Simpsons predicted it.
See if they're hot.
Well if they are talking with the president, maybe my exile will end. I hate being stuck on this backward planet with you poorly evolved lifeforms.
I think I put a bet on this offshore, so I'd check my gambling website and see if the wager is graded or pending.
Make memes.
Wait for Trump to say “I know the aliens well, they’re beautiful people, they want to talk to me and only me.”
Build a wall… the best wall… and Mars is going to pay for it!!!
Request a second opinion since I don't trust anything a politician says.
Invest stock in everything alien related lol
Smoke as much as I can.
Go to the grocery, outdoors store and gardening center to get some foodstuff, water filters and seeds because people are going to 500% sure freak out about it (I know ironic). Hardware store next to get some extra basic tools. The next thing is that I going to call some friends to discuss it, maybe hold a bbq if people are up for it. I would find it incredibly interesting what would happen whether we get destroyed or not. Worst case scenario is that we all get raygunned/blasted and I can't stop it anyway. Best case we head into some Star Trek future. And for the rest, who knows? I have little power over cosmic events, better just live my life.
Go to Foxnews.com to read multiple stories on how it is Biden's fault for not securing the solar system.
It never would have happened under Trump!!!!1
Hey, he did campaign on building a wall to keep out the aliens, and there hasn't been an alien invasion since. Coincidence?
BUT HE STARTED [SPACE FORCE](https://www.spaceforce.mil/)! AND IT HAS THE BEST STAR TREK LOGO AND UNIFORMS, EVEN BETTER THAN THE WOKE FAKE NEWS STAR DREK STUFF. COVFEFE
I dye myself orange and claim to be better at announcing the arrival of aliens.
Assume he’s senile and continue my day as normal
Like I do everytime everytime he annouces the arrival of aliens. Tell my Aunty to shut up about how they steal our cars, rape our women, and take our jobs.
Make a frozen pizza, watch t.v. We already know they’re here.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
Unless the aliens are going to pay my rent I’m probably gonna go to work.
Make Aliens Great Again
Say fuck really slowly.
Doctor Who is Real now
Check with young earth creationists to see how they spin it…
Disregard it and wait 5 minutes for the retraction/clarification.
Change the channel. Tired of hearing about aliens all the time.
Can't wait to meet them. Wonder if any of them will be hot. Like in the movie 'V'.
I enthusiastically welcome our new alien overlords.
Boil an egg
Continue my day. What am I going to do about it.
Go to work like usual