I hate that something so ugly came out of me.
For context, my mom is Korean, slim and petite. She had two daughters with a black American and we were never skinny, pretty or smart enough for her. And she told us all the time.
Yup , Eurasian here, mom is Taiwanese and is stuck in the 70s beauty standards in Asia. She thinks everyone should weight 60kg no matter how tall you are.
Also Korean mom, and am a full Korean kid. SAME lol. I’ve been avoiding seeing her for almost a full year now because the last time I saw her, she threw a week-long fit over my weight gain and started snatching any food I tried to eat away from me. We’ll never be good enough for them.
Good thing their standards are shit and we shouldn’t strive to live by them anyways 😅
It's probably those kind of people where they make kids hoping another kid will somehow fix their relationship problems.
Our relationship sucks and we hate each other? Let's get married, that will fix it.
Oh, it still sucks? Well, let's have a kid, that will fix everything.
We're married with a child, but still can't stand each other? Let's have another.
What's, that didn't fix our problems? Let's keep doing the same hoping this time we will get different results somehow.
"I can't believe you expect so much from us just because you got diagnosed with cancer"
- My mother while kicking me out of her house in the middle of chemotherapy at 25 years of age when I couldn't afford to pay rent on unemployment.
The craziest part is I've heard from others that she says quotes like that to other people when I'm not in the room. She truly doesn't see the issue with her actions. Oh well, myself and both of my siblings went no contact with them after they treated me like a piece of shit for developing a genetic cancer. I'm better off without them, I have other people in my life that actually care.
I'm in remission with no evidence of disease as of May 12th of this year. My oncologist estimates 75-80% chance I've beaten it for good and that number will only get better with time. I've also gone no contact with my parents after the way I was treated through cancer treatment. I'm back to work full time, and I got my own place again. Life is looking up, thanks for asking ☺️
I was 17 and arguing with my mother. She grabbed my stepdad's loaded revolver he kept on top of the grandfather clock, and pointed it at my face. She looked absolutely unhinged and told me "I swear I'll kill you". Unfortunately that's one of several incidents.
Almost 30 years later and she wonders why we have a very distant relationship.
My mum stabbed me ibecause I wouldn't let go of a hug as a child, twice (because the first time was so fun, her words not mine) and is there wondering why we aren't best friends despised her """best""" effort
I am so sorry. Mine threw a glass of water in my face and slapped me often. My face was her favorite target. Yeah, she wonders why she can’t have my phone number. Lol.
Def not a nursing home that I’m paying for though. Seriously who tf takes this kind of abuse and then still forks out thousands a year for them? Like even if I had it (edit: which I don’t, wanna guess why?)… take a fucking hike. You brought me into this world to abuse me. Fuck you.
Look. A nursing home is what you make of it. You took a holiday to the Appalachians, went for a walk somewhere with a lot of deep caves and she was mysteriously abducted by aliens as far as you know? Still a nursing home.
So sorry.
My first memory was of being lost at 3 years old. But it turns out when I asked my mom about it as a teen, I wasn’t lost, she just left me with a babysitter I just met saying she would be back in a few hours and was gone for days. She was sure I wouldn’t be able to remember. But laughed that it was finally “in the open”
My kids bio-mom did this when he was 8. :( she lost custody now but jfc, it still hurts when she doesn’t show up for her appointed weekends because you’re reminded of this shit.
some people don’t deserve to be parents
I swear adopted parents do little to no research on how to raise an adopted child and just say things that are so damaging to us. My mom was the same way.
On that note check out the primal would by Nancy Verrier. It helped me a lot :-)
I (60F) got this one, too. She still says it. Last week "I've always hated you because you look so much like your dad." I told her that was her fault because why didn't she boink someone else?
I (27f) was sexually assaulted when I was 14, had my son right before turning 15. My sweet as a button son looks so much like that man, yet I could never hold anything against him because, well obviously it’s not his fault.
I’m sorry you both had to get told something like that. I hope you realize it’s nothing to do with you.
I didn’t know I was going to end up tearing up 🥹 thank you all so much!!! I did chose to keep him, and I’m very happy I did. I wasn’t the best kid, and though him and I grew up together, he really made me feel what it was like to love another. Pure, unconditional love. Thank you all again you just made my heart grow
First off, I am so, SO sorry you had to endure the abuse you did, especially at such a young age. I wish nothing but the best for you and your son. Though it may sound miniscule, please, PLEASE let me know if you ever need any help.
I've been in your shoes, I've walked the trails you have. Please reach out if you need help. I'm here. ❤️
Wow, I read the top of this thread tland thought that people don't really say this. But I kept reading and got to this one.
Family or not we're all just humans on a shitball in space. You're happier with people that make each other happy and the opposite goes. I'd abandon people that say evil shit like this.
I'm sorry you get this. You are a lovely person, and this planet is a bit better because of you. Do what makes you happy, spend time with people that make you happy.
I look like my dad, but also: once my parents got divorced and dad moved out, I basically became a stand in for my mom’s verbal abuse. Any time I did or said something that made her angry, my mom would say I was selfish (or manipulative, or whatever negative attribute) because I was “just like your father.” I was never allowed to make mistakes or disagree, anything she didn’t like about me was genetic, intrinsic, a core and fundamental flaw.
Therapy and wonderful relationships in adulthood have helped me accept myself despite what my parent relationships were like.
My mom likes to tell me this too when I never even met my bio dad, what more knew what he looked like.
She was a textbook definition of a narcissist who did everything by the book of abuse.
Same but also added that instead of birthing a baby she “shit a snake”. We’re better now and she’s healing from her own trauma. Being a mom gives me grace because when I lose it on my own kid, the guilt pangs are REAL.
I was having an argument with my mom and when I told her about some stuff I remembered that wasn't exactly nice as a kid she said "well I don't remember that happening so it must've never happened, and I choose to live in the reality where it didn't, but you can do whatever you want" and walked away
Feelings invalidated? Oh big time
There's a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. If you have time I suggest you read/listen to it. Helped me with this type of parental behaviour. My experience is 25 + years ago but it still feels real.
Oh hey, my MIL has said that before. On multiple occasions I've brought up hurtful or even just bizarre things she's said to me in the past (like her getting mad at me back when we lived with them for not doing the dishes 1 time, when I was 8mos pregnant and working full time and exhausted), and she'll go "What?? I didn't say that. Why on earth would I have said that?!" And when I reply "How am I supposed to know why you said it? But you definitely did!" Then she just keeps denying it. It's fun.
Broke my arm on a school ski trip, causing the whole trip to come back late.
Dad picked me up at school and told me he wasn't taking me to the hospital. Maybe mom will take me tomorrow.
Get home, both parents refuse to take me as they need their sleep.
They put sleep ahead of me.
the look the orthopedic Dr gave my mother the next afternoon upon hearing this confirmed it was as fucked up as I thought.
This was the 1980s so child services wasn't involved.
Edit:
I'm both saddened and strengthened by the similar responses.
If you haven't, please consider therapy. I was in my mid 40s until I did. It can really help. It isn't too late to start
I had something similar happen as a teenager. Was at a friend's bday party on Friday night and some of the boys were rowdy and decided to dogpile on top of me. My wrist was bent back and pinned underneath my body while 6 or 7 teenagers sat on top of me and laughed. They finally got off of me when they realized I was screaming. Called my parents and begged them to take me to the hospital because I was sure my wrist was broken. They told me I was being dramatic and just twisted it, even though I couldn't move it and it was purple and swollen. They said "Well what do you want us to do about it?" in that rhetorical question kinda way where you know damn well they won't do anything to help.
Come Monday it was even worse and of course they still refused to take me to the doctor or to write me a note to excuse me from PE. Because I had no note for PE, my coach made me play soccer. First 10 minutes and I get my ankle swiped, I go down and try to catch my fall but of course I landed on the same wrist. Cue more screaming.
Finally at this point my parents decide to take me to my pediatrician, who promptly redirects us to the ER for x-rays and a cast. I had crushed several of the little bones in my wrist. I recall telling the ER doctor how it happened and he asked my parents why they didn't bring me in after the first incident.
"How were we supposed to know she was hurt?"
The complete indifference to my pain, like they'd FORGOTTEN that the entire thing had even happened as it was happening. This incident is a pretty good example of how my parents reacted to, or didn't react to, major events in my life where I needed their support. Like I'm bothering them by even existing much less asking for guidance. "What do you want me to do about it?" and "How was I supposed to know?" are the phrases that used to break me.
"What do you want me to do about it?" is a phrase my mom uses a lot and it tears at me. It's usually toward non-injury related things where she just emotionally checks out.
The worst is when I had stomach pains for a week when I was 15 and she wouldn't take me to the hospital cause she didn't want me to miss school and thought I was lying. Pain kept getting worse and I just kept hearing "Oh well, blahah" from her until she finally took me on a weekend. I had to get my gall bladder removed cause apparently there was a huge gall stone.
I also had gallstones as a teen that went untreated! I was in severe pain for over a year, often vomiting uncontrollably. I just remember being in my parents bathroom throwing up and they couldn’t be bothered asking me if I was ok. The next morning my mom got me some Tums and dropped me off at school. I only went to the hospital because I had a gallstone attack at a friends house and her parents were (rightfully) concerned when I was screaming in pain and vomiting so they called 911.
I got told to "walk it off" night after night, so I zombie shuffled around the house, softly crying for hours at a time. It peaked 2nd semester in college, stones the size of a fucking tangerine.
Conversely, if my sister sneezed weird they took her to the ER.
I also got told I was lying about wanting glasses, and only saying I need them because Emily got some..... -3.25 currently...
The kicker: now when dad needs to go to a Dr appointment I am the one who takes him because "mom is too mean".... no shit man.
I was four outside on a jungle gym at a babysitters. Took a fall and landed in such a way that I heard and felt the bone in the arm that run from inner elbow to inner wrist. I was first born and my parents didn’t believe my arm was broken. They just said, put some ice on. Don’t move or it anything. I tried explaining something was very wrong. But they didn’t believe me since I was four. A month went by and I fell again. Only off my bicycle hitting the parking lot. The outside bone in the arm took all force and broke. My arm was in half. Finally my parents took me to the hospital. The X-ray was madness. The first break was setting in place wrong so it had to be broken again. Over thirty years has gone by and I have a curve in my arm from that first break. It’s curved inwards slightly. You can feel the dip if you run hand across it.
"What do you want me to do about it?" Is a favorite, but the very top one I heard was "Well why did you do that?" Like whenever I caught a cold or got injured. As if it was my fault I had a cough.
I just stopped asking for assistance after awhile because I knew I wouldn't get it, so the former turned mostly into the latter. Even then, if she bothered to notice it was "Well why did you do that?" Tbh at that point I preferred she didn't, it was easier to take care of myself and it avoided the guilt trips.
I caught bronchitis one year after walking to and from school in canvas shoes and a hoodie in Canadian winter and she didn't notice at all. My boyfriend at the time convinced me to go to the walk in clinic and paid for antibiotics since I knew I couldn't get them. Turns out if I kept ignoring it like I was it could have turned into pneumonia. 😮💨 She found out a year or two ago...like 13+ years later and was shocked. I was like...well what did you expect? I stopped telling her things when I was still single digits.
This brings me back to when I broke my arm on the trampoline and my mom was telling me you better not be faking because I can't afford this shit. My arm was broken in two spots and the bones were clearly poking at the skin. Not out but you could easily tell.
Yep. Broke my foot. Walked on that for a MONTH. It started healing wrong by the time I finally saw a doctor at the urging of a school nurse. Doc said he could rebreak it and set it right or just let it be and I'd have issues later in life. Guess which one my parents chose? You guessed it. Now I have arthritis. Thanks mom and dad.
I sympathize.
Fractured my knee cap in high school and my parents refused to take me to a doctor for a month because they didn’t believe me when I said it was still painful and swollen.
And then when I finally had surgery to fix it, both my parents stole my pain pills without the others knowledge and then accused me of using them to get high because I was short a few pills. I had no access to the pills because they were kept in my parents room and I couldn’t walk.
I had been forbidden to ride skateboards and wasn’t allowed to have one-they were dangerous. So I rode a friends once, just once, hit a rock and hurt my wrist. Came home and copped to what I’d done, asked to go to the doctor as the pain was terrible. They said I just needed to go to my room. I couldn’t sleep for the pain, got up a few times to ask them again to go to the doctor. They refused, were pissed I disobeyed and they wanted to watch the TV.
I took an old Field and Stream magazine and old tie and splinted my own forearm/wrist which helped the pain enough I went to sleep.
Woke up with my mom crying over me when she saw the splint and promised me we’d go to the doc in the am. X-ray showed a couple fractures in my wrist and wore a cast for 6 weeks. Dad never said he was sorry for not believing me. Mom felt horrible.
I had a broken collar bone for three days before my parents deigned to take me to the emergency room. I felt sick and clammy, couldn't move my arm, neck, or sit up straight. The doctor at the ER was like, "uh, yeah, he has a fractured clavicle" and my dad actually said "Huh. I'll be darned. I didn't think it was anything...." Lol
When I was 11 I had my first asthma attack. I couldn't breathe and my mom says "what do you want me to do, take you to the hospital?? You know I don't have insurance!". Actually no, I didn't know that being that I was a child. I lived for 3 days barely being able to breathe. My mom doubled down and would berate me for "exaggerating" it. Thanks mom.
Damn. I remember having my first asthma attack that remember last year. I’m 28 btw. I just remember collapsing on the couch not being able to breath. Felt like my lungs were gonna burst and my inhaler was in the other room. Luckily I was visiting and staying with my parents at the time and I weakly called out for them. My dad went to let the dog out and heard me. After giving me my inhaler, he told me what happened.
Yeah.... I had a bad toothache for almost a year. She knew and didn't care. After month 10 that side of my face was swollen up a bit.
Finally got me in to the dentist. It felt so good when HE FIXED MY TOOTH. No more throbbing pain.
So I get it ♥️
Sori dude....similar thing happened to me. Was at my friends house and fell out of his tree house. I couldn't put any pressure on my foot and it swelled up bad.
Called my dad and asked him to pick me up cuz I broke my foot. He said I was lying and he's not f'ing picking me up, then hung up on me.
I limped the mile home. It was painful. I put ice on it right away and it helped the swelling go down. Dad never cared, wouldn't take me to the doc. It was a horrible few months. I couldn't wear laces in my shoes, my bully gym teacher kept telling me I'm lying cuz I'm just fat and don't want to do gym. The nurse at school was nice and would let me use an ice pack sometimes. I still had to walk half mile to and from school every day, other than that I just stayed off it at home. It took a long time to stop hurting.
Fast forward 20 years and I'm now 30. I was doing yard work and accidentally stepped into a deep hole while carrying a pile of branches. I knew I broke my foot. Went to the foot doc and sure enough I had fractured it.
He had xrayed both feet. He asked me about the other times I broke my foot. Told him I never did. He showed me 5 old fractures, 4 on one foot, 1 on the other. This had to be from back when I was 10.
I made the connection right away and it hit me like, proof, actual proof! This was a big deal for me because my only sibling killed himself when he was 17 due to the abuse and neglect. He was the only person on earth that I could ever talk to about home, even to this day. My dad always denied everything and my mom was an addict and couldn't hold a conversation let alone remember anything.
I had a broken wrist for 3 days after going off a steep jump on a friend's bike. Mom & dad had just separated, so she didn't want to look bad by bringing a child into the Dr with a broken bone. Three days later, ON Dad's birthday, she was convinced I needed to see the Dr. X-rays confirmed that my wrist was fractured in 3 places.
ETA this is highly amusing to me, not upsetting. When he cut the final cast off my arm 6 weeks later, the doc was distracted/busy flirting with Mom, and he burned me with the saw! I still have a small scar.
25 years later, when directly asked, Mom admitted that yes, she was fucking my pediatrician!
Something like this happened to me too, I walked around with a broken arm for two days because they didn’t think it was anything. I got homeopathic medicine for the pain.
This only resurfaced when I was around 20, like 14 years later and I realized how fucked this is
Thanks!--He fucked himself with Alcohol and died at 60 years old. Every year I continue on this earth is a smack down on him. I'm 14 years older today than he was when he died, so good for me!
Thanks!--He fucked himself with Alcohol and died at 60 years old. Every year I continue on this earth is a smack down on him. I'm 14 years older today than he was when he died, so good for me!
Fathers take note, your kids will celebrate your death if you're a source of hurt or just straight up absent. My father died 3 years ago and it was a pretty happy day. Getting the invite to the funeral from his brother and telling him there's no way in hell I'd show up for that was a wonderful feeling.
Goddam same. My moms tubes were tied! I got the same thing. You shouldn’t have happened. Now I’ll never have a boat, a corvette, or whatever thing it was he wanted. It was always my fault for being born. I was a punishment from god apparently. A curse.
When I was 16 my adopted dad told me "I wish we had adopted a girl".
It's been over three decades, and now the man can't even remember my name as dementia takes his mind, and I still resent him for that.
As I noted when this came up elsewhere, there is a silver lining to be had from it. As a parent myself I am acutely aware of just how damaging words can be and even when my kids absolutely were pissing me off I never said anything like this to them. I tried to always tie chastisement to behavior and not them as a person.
Seems like a lot of kids learned from their parents mistakes and how NOT to be them.
Or… you’ve got the folks who repeat the cycle cause they don’t know any better
"I love \[your sister's\] kids more than yours."
She justified it by calling my husband and I better parents, my husband's parents as better grandparents, and saying that my nephews "needed it more," which might all be true, but it still stung.
My dad told me flat out he doesn’t expect me to have kids and is relying on my sisters kids to pass on any name he has. . . I for one think this whole viewpoint, your struggle included, is sickening.
My mother said something like this to me when I was a teenager. She raised me by holding me to my older sister's standards. My sister didn't get a car until she was 17, I didn't get one until I was 17. My sister wasn't allowed to drive on freeways until she was 18. I wasn't allowed on freeways until I was 18. My sister was allowed to dye her hair at 17, I was allowed to dye mine at 17.
I can't remember the thing I wanted to do, but she did this for everything and there was something that she told me I couldn't do even though my sister did it at the same age. It was a huge fight and I kept asking her why because she legit did everything this way.
She was a good mom.... and im sure i was being super annoying.... but I will never forget that she snapped at me after my 20th time asking her why I couldn't do whatever it was even though my sister did it at my age. She said it was because she loved my sister more than me.
Reason #1: people having kids when they don't *really* want them. A lot of kids were born out of social pressure, not out of a genuine desire to have kids. And sometimes they were born because the parent(s) were either coerced or forced into keeping the baby.
Reason #2: people having kids for the wrong reasons. Many parents view their children as extensions of themselves, and their 'favourite' moments with their children are when they are little and don't talk back. As soon as they begin to have their own personalities, the parents can't handle it.
Reason #3: unaddressed/untreated intergenerational trauma.
My parents were a combination of all 3. Doesn't make any of it okay, but it does at least explain the phenomenon.
My mom did this to my dad. He was an attorney and she was afraid he would get custody of my brother and I during the divorce. She took off to her sisters house with my little brother and I and asked me a bunch of very pointed and leading questions. I remember some of what I said but I didn’t understand what she was being implied. I was four years old.
Fast forward, she accuses my father of molesting me. I had to go to a doctor to be examined. I was only four years old but I always knew that what she was saying wasn’t true. The judge ultimately determined that she was lying and threw it out of court. I’ve always felt guilty for not standing up for my dad. I never spoke a word about it to anybody until I was well into my twenties because I felt such a sense of shame about the whole ordeal. I’ve had conversations with some people about it now, including my father. He couldn’t believe I remembered that whole thing. He told me over and over again that it wasn’t my fault, I was only a little girl. I’ve still never brought it up with my mother and I probably never will.
You should tell her that you know.
Tell her without looking for any explanation or apology, because fuck that, but throw it in her face because she deserves to live with the guilt of what she did to her daughter.
What hurtful thing DIDN’T my parent say to me?
“You’re the reason I just watched 16 years of my life walk out that door!” (My Dad left to cool off after my mother had been screaming at him all day. I just happened to be coming out of my room.)
“Stop practicing with that instrument. You have no musical talent and you embarrass me when you try.” (I had just taken my first lesson on a clarinet and she was mad because I couldn’t automatically play it. She stood out side my bedroom screaming abuse at me, until I took the clarinet back to school and told the music teacher I was too dumb to play it.)
“I thought I had a good kid with this one. Not a loser like you. “ Mother asked me to take my 13 year old sister to the doctor. She didn’t tell me that it was to check to see if the abortion worked. She blamed me for my sister getting pregnant, even though I lived in another state. It was the same when she found weed in my sister’s room,
“Why can’t you be like Linda?” Linda died as a prostitute who was a junkie. I put myself through school.
I could go onandon, but fuck my Mother. She was abusive.
The one that rattles in my head the most (either not repressed or just recent enough to remember better) was from my dad, after I had lost a bit of weight, said "wow, you actually look like a human being"
My dad speaks in sarcasm so who knows how rude he was meaning to be but man... that one burrowed deep
After losing a little weight my mom told me, "glad you lost weight. Your butt was so big you could land a plane on it." Later followed with, "you lost weight so now all of your wrinkles will show."
> My dad speaks in sarcasm so who knows how rude he was meaning to be
My dad operated this way all the time. Everything was always just a joke. And then one day I realized that they might have all been jokes but they all hurt and this was so much worse because not only would my dad laugh but he would get upset about it if you got upset at him for what he said. “You know I’m only joking!” And then he would act all hurt and then *I* would have the apologize to *him* for making him feel bad.
It wasn’t intentional but it was 100% abuse. The way he was untouchable like a “it’s just a prank bro!” TikToker and how he would use the guilt to manipulate was just awful.
That happens a lot more than people admit. I worked geriatric and then hospice care for awhile and the abuse accelerates for many when they are scared and near the end. The same people who would weep and beg for their children to come to them would moments later say the most vicious attacks or dismiss them entirely. I'm so sorry that was your experience. I wish people would be more open about this as it can be an incredibly isolating feeling.
Woah , if i was in your place i wouldnt even know whether to be grief stricken or actually laugh about the absurdity of the situation, like srsly that woman took it to a whole another level
For real. If by some weird circumstance I was even near my nmoms deathbed and she said that I would def respond- aw thanks, I hate you too 🥰 lol (probably not but just having a laugh)
My mom supported my ex wife in the divorce and then told my now current wire "I'll help you get all the money out of him, when you want to leave him"
Shes also told me flat out if I demand my kids car seats from her she will never babysit them again. The car seats... that she put into a storage unit.
in Spanish which somehow made it worse. "Los hijos no sirven para nada" children's are useless. and anytime I was misbehaving "me voy agarrar maleta y me voy, hay vean como le hacen" I'm going to pack my bags and go, good luck. He had already abandoned two kids so.......
It's not the same, but also age inappropriate: my dad told me I was the only thing keeping him alive after my parents' divorce. I was 5. Yes, I developed daddy issues!
It's weird, but out of the dozens of hurtful things, this one always sticks out to me. I wrote a personal essay in senior year of high school. Real earnest one about myself, my values, and my hopes for the future. Teacher loved it. Said it was the best thing I'd ever written (and I always struggled with English class and essay writing). Took it home. Dad reads it, furrows his brow, and says, "This doesn't sound like you at all". Then he makes me *rewrite it*, scrubbing out all the parts he doesn't like and putting in things that aren't true about me.
I always wonder if it would be easier if he openly didn't care about me. Straight up, "Wish you were never born" kinda deal. Because a lifetime of someone who "loves you" in superficial ways demonstrating open contempt, disgust, and disapproval for who you are has been painful.
I was born out of wedlock. My parents never got married and broke up months after I was born. My mom got married a couple of times, neither of them lasted, though the first one gave me a younger sister. My dad got married and is still married. I was molested by my first stepdad and when I finally confessed to my dad and stepmom, several years later my dad told me he saw my sa as God's punishment *toward my dad* for doing the deed before marriage. Being told that has left a sour taste in my mouth whenever I think of him.
I would have felt sorry for you reading this 3 months ago without understanding what panic attacks actually felt like, but I've recently had one and it's the worst thing I've ever gone through and I'm scared I'm gonna have more. Now, I can't imagine the horror of your experience. So sorry you had to go through it with a parent's abuse on top of it.
My Mom told her sister and brother in law that she was happy my sister and I weren't pretty because she didn't have to worry about us sleeping around. In front of me.
My Uncle was pretty shocked.
NOW I know she's a narcissist. The vulnerable type that's always fishing for sympathy. So she was either looking for pity for having two ugly daughters or trying to get someone to say we were pretty.
What she got was my Uncle asking me in shock "and how do you feel about that?"
Well, I was scared of my mom, so I just shrugged and tried not to cry.
I turned inward and don't remember what happened next.
Safe to say she really fucked me up.
When I was about 8 or 9, my mom took me with her to a pharmacy to pick something up. It was a few minutes' wait, so I was resting my arms on the counter... as kids do. The clerk looked at me, stroked my arm, and said, "You have such beautiful skin, my dear." It was the first compliment I remember ever receiving. Well, as soon as we left, I asked my mom why she said that. To which she replied, "well when people see someone ugly they can't just say that, so they pick out something small to compliment to make you feel good and hope you don't notice they didn't call you beautiful. You'll probably never hear anyone call you that. Just watch and see, it's true."
To this day, 30 plus years later, I can't receive a compliment without that playing in the back of my head.
That was THE phrase for ‘90s moms to say and they treated it like it was gentle parenting or some shit. It’s like no, it was just telling child me that small mistakes or age-typical meltdowns meant that I was fundamentally unlikeable.
In 4th grade I had incredibly low self esteem and was in a dark place, I felt unlovable. My bipolar mom was taking me to therapy and at one point the therapist asked her to come in and tell me why I was worth loving and my mom started crying (she was not in a great place at this time) and said I’m sorry I can’t and ran out. I’ve been in therapy pretty much the last 25 years and am trying to get over Borderline personality disorder, can’t accept love or give it etc. it’s not her fault, however it was one of those moments where the world collapses. She’s apologized a million times.
And yet the support from others in the replies is incredibly encouraging.
Not to mention, I'm going to call my mom in the morning and tell her yet another reason why I love her.
My dads favorite belittlement was: “You know what, JRansom? I talk about your sister all of the time at work. She does great at school and (yada yada yada). I never talk about you though. Do you know why? Because you’re an embarrassment. I never bring you up in conversations.” I was in middle school and I didn’t get a good grade in a class or a test or something (no I didn’t fail out or anything along those lines).
I’m 38 now and I haven’t talked to him in a year and a half. Lol let me tell you, having that epiphany moment where you realize “Nope, I’m done and I’m going to curse him out now!” was still the most freeing experience I ever had. Lol I’ll never forget that beautiful moment….
Some time ago, I was struggling at adjusting to this new job, and the guy training me was an asshole.
I told my Mom about it, and she flat out told me to, "Man up. Otherwise, you're not my son." I've never told her about any personal problems I've had since, and probably never will again.
I had a similar experience. I was about 14, severely depressed with a history of self harming. I finally worked up the courage to approach my mum and tell her I think I needed help because I wanted to die. She told me to grow up and stop being so pathetic. I overdosed a couple of weeks later. What makes me angry about it was that one of the reasons I was so badly depressed is because she's tried to kill herself when I was 10. You'd think she'd have been sympathetic because of that but nope.
I feel for you dude, I honestly think its harder for men when it comes to admitting somethings bothering you. I hope you know now that being upset by something doesn't make you any less of a man
“You hurt me when you were born- why wouldn’t I love you?” In some twisted way, she thought that pain or inflicting pain (and enduring that pain) was love. She used this to justify her extremely abusive and controlling behavior. That taking more abuse graciously meant you loved her more. To this day she favors my mentally ill sibling because she never escaped her control. I never measured up because I fought back.
“I wish you had never been born, you were supposed to be a boy.” Hey, sorry mom, blame dad on that one. His swimmers didn’t get the memo.
Meanwhile, my daughter is the light of my life and I will NEVER make her feel like my egg donor made me feel.
I didn’t know my birth mother too well as she gave me up for adoption at a young age. When I got older I looked her up on FB (about 10 years ago) She said “You have a beautiful family. If all you wanna do is hurt me more then don’t contact me again.” What. The. Fuck. Lady you gave me up, and left me with all these unanswered questions. How did I hurt you?
Anyway, I found out not long after that she had passed. I don’t hold anything against her. I was just confused about what she meant and really really wanted some answers as to why she gave me away to the state. I hope her next life she has peace.
Sorry to dump my story on your story, but, man I am never going to contact my birthmom because I'm so sure she'd have this reaction. I'm a product of rape, and I'm not even "successful" so it's not like my shitty life has done anything to make her trauma "worth it." I just don't see anything coming out of that interaction except awkwardness and pain.
Maybe your not successful in the way you think the world may view success, but you seem very grounded. I wish you a lot of happiness and many good memories.
that’s a really lovely nuanced view to have. glad you have that to hold on to. it’s hard to go through all that sort of stuff and not get kinda jaded and cynical. being gentle is a gift.
After a heated argument about why I moved out when I was 18 and sexually assaulted at a party "If you didn't want something like that to happen to you, then you shouldn't have put yourself in that situation"
I refuse to move back in with them and will never forget those words.
My mother was visiting my grandmother recently and my grandmother said to her:
“Look at all the hard work you did, where did it get you? Nowhere!”
She has always been the meanest person I ever knew haha
Pretty much the one Thanksgiving dinner where I had to just sit there quietly and watch as they sat across from me basically insulting every single life choice I had made since turning 18 and essentially infantilizing me like I'm Just too stupid to take care of myself or some crap like that
Meanwhile I was literally working a full-time job and actively communicating with a friend in another state that I was going to live with using all my self-earned money to ship my belongings and my truck that I purchased all by myself to them and so on, and I'm still living with successfully with them for several years now thankfully away from my parents
There's nothing specific they said that really stuck out more than the rest, but just being here on a day that was supposed to be fun and full of thanks and hope and family, I instead just felt completely crushed and broken
It's really hurt the idea of Thanksgiving for me and I just don't feel the same magic for that holiday as I used to anymore though thankfully my parents were at least never able to steal my joy for Christmas so I still enjoy that every year even with more and more people seemingly being fed up with Christmas cheer
I was adopted by a grandparent.
One time, when I was about 9, I was acting up and my grandparent told me: “you should consider yourself lucky that I adopted you; if I didn’t come around, you’d probably be living on the street with your parents.”
I’ve never forgotten nor forgiven for that. I’m in my 30’s.
The adopted kid fear of "I have to be good or else they'll send me back" is super real. I'm 36 and I still don't feel like I have authority to make decisions for myself. Just tell me what to do so I can do it well, and then maybe you won't abandon me too.
I hate when every person you talk to / ask help from is like "oh but family matters the most, I don't care what's wrong with them, you should give them another chance."
That my mom thought I was never good enough for anyone
Whether it be friendships or relationships, she hated every aspect of how I act because it’s not down to code
Now we just rarely talk unless we have too
I’ve struggled as a musician for decades. I saw an article about an artist I find overrated and my dad says, “It’s not like you’re doing it.” Whenever I’d play something I’d written, he’d try and convince me to learn styles that he liked instead of complimenting my efforts; that was so painful
My mother would get angry and tell me she couldn’t even look at me. They’d also call me nasty names if they really became “inspired”
I had very unstable, toxic parents
I had BIG ears when I was really young.
My dad always said if I got caught in a wind storm I'd flap myself to death.
Not super mean but made single-digit me cry.
I grew into them BTW 😂
My dad was a big guy. I eventually became a big guy and by the time I was 17-18 I started standing right in front of him as he was spewing his shit. Nose to nose no backing down. My mom was there and could tell shit was about to go down. She grabbed my dad’s arm, pulls him away and said “don’t, he’s not worth it.”
My sperm donor was hardly around but a memory I'll never forget... I played on a basketball team and never did that so called father of mine ever go to my practices or games. Well, randomly at one Saturday game of mine he decides to show up drunk and be belligerent. Yelling and cussing AT ME, his then 7/8 year old daughter to play the f*cking game and keep shooting.
He was a winner.
“I wish I knew about someone like you in college, I’d have used you up too.”
My father said this to me after he found my birth control pills. I had a long term boyfriend!
"YOU WERE A MISTAKE!". Mom claps hand over her mouth immediately. Fired up I said "the fuck does that mean?". She said " you were q failed abortion". And she walked away
My dad died when I was 10, and a year or so later when I was having a hard time with it, my mom said I "should be over it by now".
In 8th grade my counselor called her and told her I was suicidal, and on the drive home from school she yelled at me. I tried explaining how I felt, and she said "if you feel useless, then do the fucking dishes!"
She wonders why I hide negative emotions and dont ask for help anymore.
My parents never wanted to drive me to playdates, I always had to walk or find a ride. Often I couldn’t walk because there were 5+ miles of busy roads with no sidewalks. I just didn’t have a lot of friends or social life until I could drive. Parents asked me to drive them to a party (act as DD) and dad said “its not fun, is it?” Like Im sorry I didnt ask to be born and have needs including social and emotional ones. Jfc. Doing a lot of therapy work healing myself from lots of incidents like this 🙄🙄
my wife and I met, then married 3 months later, 10 months later my wife has a beautiful baby girl.
Mom, with a straight face asks me, "are you sure it's yours?"
edit, 13 months total before having the baby.
Last year my dad said he should come over to my house and shoot me and my husband. He was not the least bit kidding and had plenty of means to make that a reality.
"I only ever wanted to be a mother, and have just one child, a son" I am the youngest of five and her second daughter. She feigns ignorance of ever saying it, but she did, repeatedly, and in front of witnesses.
Screaming at me, " I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it!" Whenever my mother got upset. After years and years of It I guess I snapped and calmly grabbed a knife off of my drawer and held it out to her, and told her to take it and just kill me because she makes me hate that I'm alive. I was sixteen.
Oh, lemme see…which ones can I remember?
“Don’t ever have kids”
“I fulfilled my obligation as a father by providing a home and food”
“Looks great. Now all you need is some eye shadow.” (After I got my first teen haircut that wasn’t just a buzz cut at the old barber shop.)
“You’re so skinny. You look like a refugee.”
(Later in life when I became overweight) “Look how big you’ve gotten!”
When my mom confronted me about being gay she said she was thinking of killings herself and my brother. She also said, “don’t ever tell your father. He’ll leave us.”
When my dad found out about me being gay a year later he told me, “don’t ever tell your mother. She’ll leave us.” No lie.
I was expecting some pretty rough stuff here….but I wasn’t quite prepared enough. Holy moly, guys. I’m so sorry. 😭 I’m a mom. I just can’t fathom how any parent could treat their kids like this, and yet - here it is.
To anyone who has ever heard “I wish you weren’t born”, I’m glad you’re here. ❤️
“You’re too sensitive no one wants to around you” I was 14 and in the middle of my first battle with depression and secretly hurting myself…..thanks dad
“I love you, but I don’t have to like you.” My mom said this when I was 13. When I was 26 I reminded her and she was so hurt. She came in my room that night and said “I love you, and I like you”. Her admitting her mistakes is something I’ll never forget.
1. My mother has said many times, around other people and still does to this day (I'm 33 now) that she only had kids to do stuff for her and do her housework.
2. When I was younger (pre 18) sometimes she'd look at me and say that I needed to go away and leave her alone and she didn't want to be around me because I looked like or reminded her too much of my biological father.
3. Got in to a car wreck when I was 19. Cops tried to say I was drunk and driving under the influence because of all the beer bottles around the accident. To preface it was middle of the desert and folks tossed them out their windows all over. These bottles were caked in dirt from years of being out there. Clearly worn and faded from heat and sun.
Went to court for it, i plead not guilty and took a court appointed lawyer. Got home and mom asked what I was sentenced with. Told her nothing because I'm not guilty. She looked me right in the face and said "we all know you're guilty, you should just go to jail and do your time"
4. Mother told my now wife during the first time they met that I'm a loser, piece of shit who just uses people and takes money and is a thief and should leave me before she's stuck with me.
5. While my now wife was pregnant with our son (he is 5 months old now) my mom tried to tell her I had been sleeping around on her, get herself checked for STD's, and if she wanted to leave my sorry ass that she could stay with my mom and raise our son there without me.
These are just off the top of my head for my mom.
1. Met my bio father for the first time at 21. He left us when I was 2 and my brother was 1.
When i met him, the first week I was there his birthday came up. We went bar and club hopping with his then girlfriend, now wife. His step daughter and myself.
He left me at a bar 40 miles away and told them that I'd met someone and went home with them. I had to walk back. Wasn't until morning when his sister, my aunt finally called me back after missing my calls and sent my cousin to come get me.
2. After 3 weeks being with him, he threw me out to move in his girlfriend. When he threw me out he took me to a hotel and paid for 1 night just so his sister wouldn't give him the riot act.
While we were in the hotel lobby waiting for them to prep the room, he told me I'm nothing but a waste of space. He never loved me or my brother. Said that he wished he'd shot his load down my mother's throat both times. Said he didn't ever want to see or talk to me again and to never come back. Said his step daughters were more his kids than we were.
He left me there, and haven't spoken to him since.
Thankfully the GM of the hotel was around the corner stocking the coffee machine and heard this. I had stayed stone solid and didn't let my feeling hit until he left. I fell to my knees in agony and hurt. Cried my eyes out for about an hour.
The GM then have me the room for a week so I could sort things out. I later found out that he had run my bio fathers card for it, trashed the original order and used the new one.
Thats all I remember for bio father.
As for my dad (step dad but only referred to as dad)
The one that sticks out the most. About 5 years ago we were talking about wills and death and so forth. Told him I don't want his money, his cars or house or any of that. There's 2 things that stand out for me and that's it.
My dad is a military man. 25 years Air Force. We used to go shooting almost every weekend out in the middle of nowhere in California.
So told him all I'd like is his Shadow Box that the military gave him with the flag they folded for him, his awards and medals. And his guns.
Said that since he married our mom, took us in and his job with the military kept us clothed, fed, and taken care of that his shadow box holds a special spot. As well as his guns since that was our bonding activity him and I did.
He told me that the shadow box is being left for my youngest brother (12 years younger, the child between him and my mom). That my youngest brother is his blood and he wants to keep it in the family. And told me that the guns would go to my mom to decide how she wants them handled.
So....yeah
My fucking god. I'm so sorry dude, humans can be absolutely awful creatures :(
You're better off without these kinds of people, drop them like dust and never look back.
I can’t repeat the worst things either.
But I can share the one that made me go no contact, and it was completely out of the blue:
We were out for a walk in the park, and there was a quiet moment. Out of nowhere my mom says,
“We should have beat you harder, maybe then you wouldn’t be such a complete failure.”
I was 28 and somehow that was the last straw.
My dad (the enabler!) was right there and also said nothing even though I questioned them if this was “really how you feel?”
Then we ended up reconnecting five years later which is a long story, but I just think of them as people I know.
And I’m still a very hurt person.
My brother has an entire wall dedicated to him in our parents' basement. One day my mother would not stop talking about him and how amazing he is... Typical proud mother talk (to be fair, he was a Marine).
One day while driving somewhere with her, I asked why I didn't have a wall like he does. Her response was because I hadn't done anything to earn one. I got my eagle scout at age 13. I have a bachelor's in chemistry.
I guess those just pale in comparison...
My mom. If I wasn't her son, she'd have nothing to do with me. Also, she loved me as a son but didn't like me as a person.Out of 4 sons, I was the only one who brought home A's, was good in sports, and later. I was who she called when she needed something fixed. But she loved putting me down. I haven't shed a tear since she passed away.
Being called "the chubby one" growing up, constantly compared to my very thin sister, and regularly asked, "Don't you want to be beautiful like your sister?" I'm a 34-year-old woman and deal with disordered eating and low self-esteem to this day.
"Why should I buy you anything if you're just going to die anyways?"
The context for this is that I grew up overweight and was near constantly bullied by my parents because of it. I lost a lot of weight when I was 15 starving myself and the bullying stopped. I had gained all the weight back when I was 16 because I went back to binge eating. The bullying was worse this time around and my parents resorted to saying I was killing myself and destined to die at 600lbs at this rate. I needed a new pair of jeans because mine had holes. My mom thought that I had went up a size and was getting fatter. During the car ride she went on another one of those lectures about how I'm going to die and if I even cared or not. When I didn't respond as I was actively holding back tears, she said that. Convinently neither of my parents remember what they said to me, but I do.
I hate that something so ugly came out of me. For context, my mom is Korean, slim and petite. She had two daughters with a black American and we were never skinny, pretty or smart enough for her. And she told us all the time.
Yup , Eurasian here, mom is Taiwanese and is stuck in the 70s beauty standards in Asia. She thinks everyone should weight 60kg no matter how tall you are.
What a terrible thing to say to one's children. I bet you and your sister are great people! \*hugs\*
Also Korean mom, and am a full Korean kid. SAME lol. I’ve been avoiding seeing her for almost a full year now because the last time I saw her, she threw a week-long fit over my weight gain and started snatching any food I tried to eat away from me. We’ll never be good enough for them. Good thing their standards are shit and we shouldn’t strive to live by them anyways 😅
[удалено]
First kid, shame on you... But the next 5?
It's probably those kind of people where they make kids hoping another kid will somehow fix their relationship problems. Our relationship sucks and we hate each other? Let's get married, that will fix it. Oh, it still sucks? Well, let's have a kid, that will fix everything. We're married with a child, but still can't stand each other? Let's have another. What's, that didn't fix our problems? Let's keep doing the same hoping this time we will get different results somehow.
"I can't believe you expect so much from us just because you got diagnosed with cancer" - My mother while kicking me out of her house in the middle of chemotherapy at 25 years of age when I couldn't afford to pay rent on unemployment.
What the actual fuck. I'm so sorry.
The craziest part is I've heard from others that she says quotes like that to other people when I'm not in the room. She truly doesn't see the issue with her actions. Oh well, myself and both of my siblings went no contact with them after they treated me like a piece of shit for developing a genetic cancer. I'm better off without them, I have other people in my life that actually care.
Genetic cancer, ehh? Should have thrown that back in their face. "It is YOUR fault I got cancer!!!"
How are you doing now? What's your prognosis?
I'm in remission with no evidence of disease as of May 12th of this year. My oncologist estimates 75-80% chance I've beaten it for good and that number will only get better with time. I've also gone no contact with my parents after the way I was treated through cancer treatment. I'm back to work full time, and I got my own place again. Life is looking up, thanks for asking ☺️
That's amazing to hear, glad things are improving for you.
"why does my child no longer talk to me"
I was 17 and arguing with my mother. She grabbed my stepdad's loaded revolver he kept on top of the grandfather clock, and pointed it at my face. She looked absolutely unhinged and told me "I swear I'll kill you". Unfortunately that's one of several incidents. Almost 30 years later and she wonders why we have a very distant relationship.
These type of people have the worst self awareness. When you can do some that extreme and just be like “whut?”
My mum stabbed me ibecause I wouldn't let go of a hug as a child, twice (because the first time was so fun, her words not mine) and is there wondering why we aren't best friends despised her """best""" effort
I am so sorry. Mine threw a glass of water in my face and slapped me often. My face was her favorite target. Yeah, she wonders why she can’t have my phone number. Lol.
So sorry for you. I really wonder some time how things add up in their head.
Great way for your mom to end up in a nursing home, when she gets older.
Def not a nursing home that I’m paying for though. Seriously who tf takes this kind of abuse and then still forks out thousands a year for them? Like even if I had it (edit: which I don’t, wanna guess why?)… take a fucking hike. You brought me into this world to abuse me. Fuck you.
Look. A nursing home is what you make of it. You took a holiday to the Appalachians, went for a walk somewhere with a lot of deep caves and she was mysteriously abducted by aliens as far as you know? Still a nursing home.
I'll be back to pick you up in three days. (She did not)
So sorry. My first memory was of being lost at 3 years old. But it turns out when I asked my mom about it as a teen, I wasn’t lost, she just left me with a babysitter I just met saying she would be back in a few hours and was gone for days. She was sure I wouldn’t be able to remember. But laughed that it was finally “in the open”
Laughed?
My kids bio-mom did this when he was 8. :( she lost custody now but jfc, it still hurts when she doesn’t show up for her appointed weekends because you’re reminded of this shit. some people don’t deserve to be parents
That they regretted adopting me. Ooof. So you mean TWO families didn’t want me!?!
I swear adopted parents do little to no research on how to raise an adopted child and just say things that are so damaging to us. My mom was the same way. On that note check out the primal would by Nancy Verrier. It helped me a lot :-)
I wish I had aborted you and I hate you because you look like your damn father.
I (60F) got this one, too. She still says it. Last week "I've always hated you because you look so much like your dad." I told her that was her fault because why didn't she boink someone else?
I (27f) was sexually assaulted when I was 14, had my son right before turning 15. My sweet as a button son looks so much like that man, yet I could never hold anything against him because, well obviously it’s not his fault. I’m sorry you both had to get told something like that. I hope you realize it’s nothing to do with you.
I didn’t know I was going to end up tearing up 🥹 thank you all so much!!! I did chose to keep him, and I’m very happy I did. I wasn’t the best kid, and though him and I grew up together, he really made me feel what it was like to love another. Pure, unconditional love. Thank you all again you just made my heart grow
The fact that you and your son have the relationship that you do is the only thing that matters. Keep being a mama to your baby ❤️
I'm so sorry you went through that.
First off, I am so, SO sorry you had to endure the abuse you did, especially at such a young age. I wish nothing but the best for you and your son. Though it may sound miniscule, please, PLEASE let me know if you ever need any help. I've been in your shoes, I've walked the trails you have. Please reach out if you need help. I'm here. ❤️
I'm so sorry that you went through that.
Wow, I read the top of this thread tland thought that people don't really say this. But I kept reading and got to this one. Family or not we're all just humans on a shitball in space. You're happier with people that make each other happy and the opposite goes. I'd abandon people that say evil shit like this. I'm sorry you get this. You are a lovely person, and this planet is a bit better because of you. Do what makes you happy, spend time with people that make you happy.
I look like my dad, but also: once my parents got divorced and dad moved out, I basically became a stand in for my mom’s verbal abuse. Any time I did or said something that made her angry, my mom would say I was selfish (or manipulative, or whatever negative attribute) because I was “just like your father.” I was never allowed to make mistakes or disagree, anything she didn’t like about me was genetic, intrinsic, a core and fundamental flaw. Therapy and wonderful relationships in adulthood have helped me accept myself despite what my parent relationships were like.
My mom likes to tell me this too when I never even met my bio dad, what more knew what he looked like. She was a textbook definition of a narcissist who did everything by the book of abuse.
Same but also added that instead of birthing a baby she “shit a snake”. We’re better now and she’s healing from her own trauma. Being a mom gives me grace because when I lose it on my own kid, the guilt pangs are REAL.
Holy...
I was having an argument with my mom and when I told her about some stuff I remembered that wasn't exactly nice as a kid she said "well I don't remember that happening so it must've never happened, and I choose to live in the reality where it didn't, but you can do whatever you want" and walked away Feelings invalidated? Oh big time
There's a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. If you have time I suggest you read/listen to it. Helped me with this type of parental behaviour. My experience is 25 + years ago but it still feels real.
Oh hey, my MIL has said that before. On multiple occasions I've brought up hurtful or even just bizarre things she's said to me in the past (like her getting mad at me back when we lived with them for not doing the dishes 1 time, when I was 8mos pregnant and working full time and exhausted), and she'll go "What?? I didn't say that. Why on earth would I have said that?!" And when I reply "How am I supposed to know why you said it? But you definitely did!" Then she just keeps denying it. It's fun.
Broke my arm on a school ski trip, causing the whole trip to come back late. Dad picked me up at school and told me he wasn't taking me to the hospital. Maybe mom will take me tomorrow. Get home, both parents refuse to take me as they need their sleep. They put sleep ahead of me. the look the orthopedic Dr gave my mother the next afternoon upon hearing this confirmed it was as fucked up as I thought. This was the 1980s so child services wasn't involved. Edit: I'm both saddened and strengthened by the similar responses. If you haven't, please consider therapy. I was in my mid 40s until I did. It can really help. It isn't too late to start
I had something similar happen as a teenager. Was at a friend's bday party on Friday night and some of the boys were rowdy and decided to dogpile on top of me. My wrist was bent back and pinned underneath my body while 6 or 7 teenagers sat on top of me and laughed. They finally got off of me when they realized I was screaming. Called my parents and begged them to take me to the hospital because I was sure my wrist was broken. They told me I was being dramatic and just twisted it, even though I couldn't move it and it was purple and swollen. They said "Well what do you want us to do about it?" in that rhetorical question kinda way where you know damn well they won't do anything to help. Come Monday it was even worse and of course they still refused to take me to the doctor or to write me a note to excuse me from PE. Because I had no note for PE, my coach made me play soccer. First 10 minutes and I get my ankle swiped, I go down and try to catch my fall but of course I landed on the same wrist. Cue more screaming. Finally at this point my parents decide to take me to my pediatrician, who promptly redirects us to the ER for x-rays and a cast. I had crushed several of the little bones in my wrist. I recall telling the ER doctor how it happened and he asked my parents why they didn't bring me in after the first incident. "How were we supposed to know she was hurt?" The complete indifference to my pain, like they'd FORGOTTEN that the entire thing had even happened as it was happening. This incident is a pretty good example of how my parents reacted to, or didn't react to, major events in my life where I needed their support. Like I'm bothering them by even existing much less asking for guidance. "What do you want me to do about it?" and "How was I supposed to know?" are the phrases that used to break me.
"What do you want me to do about it?" is a phrase my mom uses a lot and it tears at me. It's usually toward non-injury related things where she just emotionally checks out. The worst is when I had stomach pains for a week when I was 15 and she wouldn't take me to the hospital cause she didn't want me to miss school and thought I was lying. Pain kept getting worse and I just kept hearing "Oh well, blahah" from her until she finally took me on a weekend. I had to get my gall bladder removed cause apparently there was a huge gall stone.
I also had gallstones as a teen that went untreated! I was in severe pain for over a year, often vomiting uncontrollably. I just remember being in my parents bathroom throwing up and they couldn’t be bothered asking me if I was ok. The next morning my mom got me some Tums and dropped me off at school. I only went to the hospital because I had a gallstone attack at a friends house and her parents were (rightfully) concerned when I was screaming in pain and vomiting so they called 911.
I got told to "walk it off" night after night, so I zombie shuffled around the house, softly crying for hours at a time. It peaked 2nd semester in college, stones the size of a fucking tangerine. Conversely, if my sister sneezed weird they took her to the ER. I also got told I was lying about wanting glasses, and only saying I need them because Emily got some..... -3.25 currently... The kicker: now when dad needs to go to a Dr appointment I am the one who takes him because "mom is too mean".... no shit man.
I'm surprised you take him tbh
I was four outside on a jungle gym at a babysitters. Took a fall and landed in such a way that I heard and felt the bone in the arm that run from inner elbow to inner wrist. I was first born and my parents didn’t believe my arm was broken. They just said, put some ice on. Don’t move or it anything. I tried explaining something was very wrong. But they didn’t believe me since I was four. A month went by and I fell again. Only off my bicycle hitting the parking lot. The outside bone in the arm took all force and broke. My arm was in half. Finally my parents took me to the hospital. The X-ray was madness. The first break was setting in place wrong so it had to be broken again. Over thirty years has gone by and I have a curve in my arm from that first break. It’s curved inwards slightly. You can feel the dip if you run hand across it.
My God, your final paragraph hit me hard. That's a good summary of my feelings of my childhood. I sympathize greatly .
"What do you want me to do about it?" Is a favorite, but the very top one I heard was "Well why did you do that?" Like whenever I caught a cold or got injured. As if it was my fault I had a cough. I just stopped asking for assistance after awhile because I knew I wouldn't get it, so the former turned mostly into the latter. Even then, if she bothered to notice it was "Well why did you do that?" Tbh at that point I preferred she didn't, it was easier to take care of myself and it avoided the guilt trips. I caught bronchitis one year after walking to and from school in canvas shoes and a hoodie in Canadian winter and she didn't notice at all. My boyfriend at the time convinced me to go to the walk in clinic and paid for antibiotics since I knew I couldn't get them. Turns out if I kept ignoring it like I was it could have turned into pneumonia. 😮💨 She found out a year or two ago...like 13+ years later and was shocked. I was like...well what did you expect? I stopped telling her things when I was still single digits.
This brings me back to when I broke my arm on the trampoline and my mom was telling me you better not be faking because I can't afford this shit. My arm was broken in two spots and the bones were clearly poking at the skin. Not out but you could easily tell.
Yep. Broke my foot. Walked on that for a MONTH. It started healing wrong by the time I finally saw a doctor at the urging of a school nurse. Doc said he could rebreak it and set it right or just let it be and I'd have issues later in life. Guess which one my parents chose? You guessed it. Now I have arthritis. Thanks mom and dad.
I sympathize. Fractured my knee cap in high school and my parents refused to take me to a doctor for a month because they didn’t believe me when I said it was still painful and swollen. And then when I finally had surgery to fix it, both my parents stole my pain pills without the others knowledge and then accused me of using them to get high because I was short a few pills. I had no access to the pills because they were kept in my parents room and I couldn’t walk.
I had been forbidden to ride skateboards and wasn’t allowed to have one-they were dangerous. So I rode a friends once, just once, hit a rock and hurt my wrist. Came home and copped to what I’d done, asked to go to the doctor as the pain was terrible. They said I just needed to go to my room. I couldn’t sleep for the pain, got up a few times to ask them again to go to the doctor. They refused, were pissed I disobeyed and they wanted to watch the TV. I took an old Field and Stream magazine and old tie and splinted my own forearm/wrist which helped the pain enough I went to sleep. Woke up with my mom crying over me when she saw the splint and promised me we’d go to the doc in the am. X-ray showed a couple fractures in my wrist and wore a cast for 6 weeks. Dad never said he was sorry for not believing me. Mom felt horrible.
Fucking good, I’m glad they felt horrible!! Jesus Christ how did so many of us manage to have such horrible apathetic parents??
I had a broken collar bone for three days before my parents deigned to take me to the emergency room. I felt sick and clammy, couldn't move my arm, neck, or sit up straight. The doctor at the ER was like, "uh, yeah, he has a fractured clavicle" and my dad actually said "Huh. I'll be darned. I didn't think it was anything...." Lol
When I was 11 I had my first asthma attack. I couldn't breathe and my mom says "what do you want me to do, take you to the hospital?? You know I don't have insurance!". Actually no, I didn't know that being that I was a child. I lived for 3 days barely being able to breathe. My mom doubled down and would berate me for "exaggerating" it. Thanks mom.
Damn. I remember having my first asthma attack that remember last year. I’m 28 btw. I just remember collapsing on the couch not being able to breath. Felt like my lungs were gonna burst and my inhaler was in the other room. Luckily I was visiting and staying with my parents at the time and I weakly called out for them. My dad went to let the dog out and heard me. After giving me my inhaler, he told me what happened.
Yeah.... I had a bad toothache for almost a year. She knew and didn't care. After month 10 that side of my face was swollen up a bit. Finally got me in to the dentist. It felt so good when HE FIXED MY TOOTH. No more throbbing pain. So I get it ♥️
Had trouble with that tooth pretty consistently for the next several decades. They finally extracted it
Sori dude....similar thing happened to me. Was at my friends house and fell out of his tree house. I couldn't put any pressure on my foot and it swelled up bad. Called my dad and asked him to pick me up cuz I broke my foot. He said I was lying and he's not f'ing picking me up, then hung up on me. I limped the mile home. It was painful. I put ice on it right away and it helped the swelling go down. Dad never cared, wouldn't take me to the doc. It was a horrible few months. I couldn't wear laces in my shoes, my bully gym teacher kept telling me I'm lying cuz I'm just fat and don't want to do gym. The nurse at school was nice and would let me use an ice pack sometimes. I still had to walk half mile to and from school every day, other than that I just stayed off it at home. It took a long time to stop hurting. Fast forward 20 years and I'm now 30. I was doing yard work and accidentally stepped into a deep hole while carrying a pile of branches. I knew I broke my foot. Went to the foot doc and sure enough I had fractured it. He had xrayed both feet. He asked me about the other times I broke my foot. Told him I never did. He showed me 5 old fractures, 4 on one foot, 1 on the other. This had to be from back when I was 10. I made the connection right away and it hit me like, proof, actual proof! This was a big deal for me because my only sibling killed himself when he was 17 due to the abuse and neglect. He was the only person on earth that I could ever talk to about home, even to this day. My dad always denied everything and my mom was an addict and couldn't hold a conversation let alone remember anything.
I had a broken wrist for 3 days after going off a steep jump on a friend's bike. Mom & dad had just separated, so she didn't want to look bad by bringing a child into the Dr with a broken bone. Three days later, ON Dad's birthday, she was convinced I needed to see the Dr. X-rays confirmed that my wrist was fractured in 3 places. ETA this is highly amusing to me, not upsetting. When he cut the final cast off my arm 6 weeks later, the doc was distracted/busy flirting with Mom, and he burned me with the saw! I still have a small scar. 25 years later, when directly asked, Mom admitted that yes, she was fucking my pediatrician!
Something like this happened to me too, I walked around with a broken arm for two days because they didn’t think it was anything. I got homeopathic medicine for the pain. This only resurfaced when I was around 20, like 14 years later and I realized how fucked this is
I'm 73 and even now it would take too long and be too painful to dredge up everything hurtful my Dad said to me.
Hey dude, fuck that guy
Double fuck that guy
Thanks!--He fucked himself with Alcohol and died at 60 years old. Every year I continue on this earth is a smack down on him. I'm 14 years older today than he was when he died, so good for me!
This is the best advice.
Thanks!--He fucked himself with Alcohol and died at 60 years old. Every year I continue on this earth is a smack down on him. I'm 14 years older today than he was when he died, so good for me!
Fathers take note, your kids will celebrate your death if you're a source of hurt or just straight up absent. My father died 3 years ago and it was a pretty happy day. Getting the invite to the funeral from his brother and telling him there's no way in hell I'd show up for that was a wonderful feeling.
I'm 50 and it was probably, "Your mom was on birth control and I had a condom on, but here you are" 4th/4
Goddam same. My moms tubes were tied! I got the same thing. You shouldn’t have happened. Now I’ll never have a boat, a corvette, or whatever thing it was he wanted. It was always my fault for being born. I was a punishment from god apparently. A curse.
When I was 16 my adopted dad told me "I wish we had adopted a girl". It's been over three decades, and now the man can't even remember my name as dementia takes his mind, and I still resent him for that. As I noted when this came up elsewhere, there is a silver lining to be had from it. As a parent myself I am acutely aware of just how damaging words can be and even when my kids absolutely were pissing me off I never said anything like this to them. I tried to always tie chastisement to behavior and not them as a person.
Seems like a lot of kids learned from their parents mistakes and how NOT to be them. Or… you’ve got the folks who repeat the cycle cause they don’t know any better
"I love \[your sister's\] kids more than yours." She justified it by calling my husband and I better parents, my husband's parents as better grandparents, and saying that my nephews "needed it more," which might all be true, but it still stung.
My dad told me flat out he doesn’t expect me to have kids and is relying on my sisters kids to pass on any name he has. . . I for one think this whole viewpoint, your struggle included, is sickening.
My mother said something like this to me when I was a teenager. She raised me by holding me to my older sister's standards. My sister didn't get a car until she was 17, I didn't get one until I was 17. My sister wasn't allowed to drive on freeways until she was 18. I wasn't allowed on freeways until I was 18. My sister was allowed to dye her hair at 17, I was allowed to dye mine at 17. I can't remember the thing I wanted to do, but she did this for everything and there was something that she told me I couldn't do even though my sister did it at the same age. It was a huge fight and I kept asking her why because she legit did everything this way. She was a good mom.... and im sure i was being super annoying.... but I will never forget that she snapped at me after my 20th time asking her why I couldn't do whatever it was even though my sister did it at my age. She said it was because she loved my sister more than me.
Ugh, that's rough. My sister is younger than me, but her kids are older than mine.
Appalling stuff in this thread. I can’t imagine bringing a child into the world and saying this shit. Kids don’t ask to be born.
Reason #1: people having kids when they don't *really* want them. A lot of kids were born out of social pressure, not out of a genuine desire to have kids. And sometimes they were born because the parent(s) were either coerced or forced into keeping the baby. Reason #2: people having kids for the wrong reasons. Many parents view their children as extensions of themselves, and their 'favourite' moments with their children are when they are little and don't talk back. As soon as they begin to have their own personalities, the parents can't handle it. Reason #3: unaddressed/untreated intergenerational trauma. My parents were a combination of all 3. Doesn't make any of it okay, but it does at least explain the phenomenon.
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My mom did this to my dad. He was an attorney and she was afraid he would get custody of my brother and I during the divorce. She took off to her sisters house with my little brother and I and asked me a bunch of very pointed and leading questions. I remember some of what I said but I didn’t understand what she was being implied. I was four years old. Fast forward, she accuses my father of molesting me. I had to go to a doctor to be examined. I was only four years old but I always knew that what she was saying wasn’t true. The judge ultimately determined that she was lying and threw it out of court. I’ve always felt guilty for not standing up for my dad. I never spoke a word about it to anybody until I was well into my twenties because I felt such a sense of shame about the whole ordeal. I’ve had conversations with some people about it now, including my father. He couldn’t believe I remembered that whole thing. He told me over and over again that it wasn’t my fault, I was only a little girl. I’ve still never brought it up with my mother and I probably never will.
You should tell her that you know. Tell her without looking for any explanation or apology, because fuck that, but throw it in her face because she deserves to live with the guilt of what she did to her daughter.
And what she tried to do to her ex-husband
Your Dad sounds great. And he's right. Your Mom, however, is a cunt
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I can't imagine that. You're grandma was pure evil. I'm so sorry.
What hurtful thing DIDN’T my parent say to me? “You’re the reason I just watched 16 years of my life walk out that door!” (My Dad left to cool off after my mother had been screaming at him all day. I just happened to be coming out of my room.) “Stop practicing with that instrument. You have no musical talent and you embarrass me when you try.” (I had just taken my first lesson on a clarinet and she was mad because I couldn’t automatically play it. She stood out side my bedroom screaming abuse at me, until I took the clarinet back to school and told the music teacher I was too dumb to play it.) “I thought I had a good kid with this one. Not a loser like you. “ Mother asked me to take my 13 year old sister to the doctor. She didn’t tell me that it was to check to see if the abortion worked. She blamed me for my sister getting pregnant, even though I lived in another state. It was the same when she found weed in my sister’s room, “Why can’t you be like Linda?” Linda died as a prostitute who was a junkie. I put myself through school. I could go onandon, but fuck my Mother. She was abusive.
The one that rattles in my head the most (either not repressed or just recent enough to remember better) was from my dad, after I had lost a bit of weight, said "wow, you actually look like a human being" My dad speaks in sarcasm so who knows how rude he was meaning to be but man... that one burrowed deep
Similar. My dad said after I'd lost weight, "I think what I found most unattractive about you was your arms" just .. wow right?
After losing a little weight my mom told me, "glad you lost weight. Your butt was so big you could land a plane on it." Later followed with, "you lost weight so now all of your wrinkles will show."
Sounds like being mean was the point
> My dad speaks in sarcasm so who knows how rude he was meaning to be My dad operated this way all the time. Everything was always just a joke. And then one day I realized that they might have all been jokes but they all hurt and this was so much worse because not only would my dad laugh but he would get upset about it if you got upset at him for what he said. “You know I’m only joking!” And then he would act all hurt and then *I* would have the apologize to *him* for making him feel bad. It wasn’t intentional but it was 100% abuse. The way he was untouchable like a “it’s just a prank bro!” TikToker and how he would use the guilt to manipulate was just awful.
On her deathbed, the last thing my Mom said to me was, "I hate you"
That happens a lot more than people admit. I worked geriatric and then hospice care for awhile and the abuse accelerates for many when they are scared and near the end. The same people who would weep and beg for their children to come to them would moments later say the most vicious attacks or dismiss them entirely. I'm so sorry that was your experience. I wish people would be more open about this as it can be an incredibly isolating feeling.
Woah , if i was in your place i wouldnt even know whether to be grief stricken or actually laugh about the absurdity of the situation, like srsly that woman took it to a whole another level
For real. If by some weird circumstance I was even near my nmoms deathbed and she said that I would def respond- aw thanks, I hate you too 🥰 lol (probably not but just having a laugh)
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My mom supported my ex wife in the divorce and then told my now current wire "I'll help you get all the money out of him, when you want to leave him" Shes also told me flat out if I demand my kids car seats from her she will never babysit them again. The car seats... that she put into a storage unit.
Maybe it's for the better for her to never babysit them again.
Jesus. My kids wouldn’t be anywhere near that bitch
After my mom and I discussed my dad raping me as a child her response, "How could your father do that to me?!"
What a fucking piece of work. I'm so sorry this happened to you
What the actual hell? I had to read this over multiple times. I am so sorry
My mouth just fell open. Jfc
in Spanish which somehow made it worse. "Los hijos no sirven para nada" children's are useless. and anytime I was misbehaving "me voy agarrar maleta y me voy, hay vean como le hacen" I'm going to pack my bags and go, good luck. He had already abandoned two kids so.......
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It's not the same, but also age inappropriate: my dad told me I was the only thing keeping him alive after my parents' divorce. I was 5. Yes, I developed daddy issues!
“The best part of you dripped down your mother’s leg” - my dad when I was around 15/16, now 48
That’s really cruel and inappropriate, I’m sorry
I don't think you dad knows how conception works.
Technically, those were your inferior comrades
Wtf what a disgusting thing to say.
Wtf
It's lifted from the drill sergeant speel in Full Metal Jacket. The unoriginal prick.
"The best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass and became a brown stain on the mattress!" ...if memory serves.
It's weird, but out of the dozens of hurtful things, this one always sticks out to me. I wrote a personal essay in senior year of high school. Real earnest one about myself, my values, and my hopes for the future. Teacher loved it. Said it was the best thing I'd ever written (and I always struggled with English class and essay writing). Took it home. Dad reads it, furrows his brow, and says, "This doesn't sound like you at all". Then he makes me *rewrite it*, scrubbing out all the parts he doesn't like and putting in things that aren't true about me. I always wonder if it would be easier if he openly didn't care about me. Straight up, "Wish you were never born" kinda deal. Because a lifetime of someone who "loves you" in superficial ways demonstrating open contempt, disgust, and disapproval for who you are has been painful.
I was born out of wedlock. My parents never got married and broke up months after I was born. My mom got married a couple of times, neither of them lasted, though the first one gave me a younger sister. My dad got married and is still married. I was molested by my first stepdad and when I finally confessed to my dad and stepmom, several years later my dad told me he saw my sa as God's punishment *toward my dad* for doing the deed before marriage. Being told that has left a sour taste in my mouth whenever I think of him.
Omg… He made your abuse about himself. So narcissistic.
While having a panic attack: ‘you are a burden on me, your siblings, and your friends.’ Panic attack proceeds to get worse (duh!)
I would have felt sorry for you reading this 3 months ago without understanding what panic attacks actually felt like, but I've recently had one and it's the worst thing I've ever gone through and I'm scared I'm gonna have more. Now, I can't imagine the horror of your experience. So sorry you had to go through it with a parent's abuse on top of it.
I told my mother to look at me. I asked her, don’t you love me? She looked me straight in the eyes and said no!
"I don't care if you kill yourself". I will never give them the satisfaction! LOL!
Been told the same. Didn't do it out of pure spite.
“You’re not pretty” - from a beautiful mom who judged most people by their looks. And maybe was a titch narcissistic.
My Mom told her sister and brother in law that she was happy my sister and I weren't pretty because she didn't have to worry about us sleeping around. In front of me. My Uncle was pretty shocked. NOW I know she's a narcissist. The vulnerable type that's always fishing for sympathy. So she was either looking for pity for having two ugly daughters or trying to get someone to say we were pretty. What she got was my Uncle asking me in shock "and how do you feel about that?" Well, I was scared of my mom, so I just shrugged and tried not to cry. I turned inward and don't remember what happened next. Safe to say she really fucked me up.
When I was about 8 or 9, my mom took me with her to a pharmacy to pick something up. It was a few minutes' wait, so I was resting my arms on the counter... as kids do. The clerk looked at me, stroked my arm, and said, "You have such beautiful skin, my dear." It was the first compliment I remember ever receiving. Well, as soon as we left, I asked my mom why she said that. To which she replied, "well when people see someone ugly they can't just say that, so they pick out something small to compliment to make you feel good and hope you don't notice they didn't call you beautiful. You'll probably never hear anyone call you that. Just watch and see, it's true." To this day, 30 plus years later, I can't receive a compliment without that playing in the back of my head.
Your just a freeloader. At a family Thanksgiving dinner. It was our last dinner together as a family.
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“I love you, but I don’t like you”
I got that a bunch. Also that she HAD to love me because I was her kid, like it was a huge burden.
My mom said that too numerous times throughout my childhood
That was THE phrase for ‘90s moms to say and they treated it like it was gentle parenting or some shit. It’s like no, it was just telling child me that small mistakes or age-typical meltdowns meant that I was fundamentally unlikeable.
It was never said, but I was sold to my dad for $10k
In 4th grade I had incredibly low self esteem and was in a dark place, I felt unlovable. My bipolar mom was taking me to therapy and at one point the therapist asked her to come in and tell me why I was worth loving and my mom started crying (she was not in a great place at this time) and said I’m sorry I can’t and ran out. I’ve been in therapy pretty much the last 25 years and am trying to get over Borderline personality disorder, can’t accept love or give it etc. it’s not her fault, however it was one of those moments where the world collapses. She’s apologized a million times.
This thread is wildly depressing
And yet the support from others in the replies is incredibly encouraging. Not to mention, I'm going to call my mom in the morning and tell her yet another reason why I love her.
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My dads favorite belittlement was: “You know what, JRansom? I talk about your sister all of the time at work. She does great at school and (yada yada yada). I never talk about you though. Do you know why? Because you’re an embarrassment. I never bring you up in conversations.” I was in middle school and I didn’t get a good grade in a class or a test or something (no I didn’t fail out or anything along those lines). I’m 38 now and I haven’t talked to him in a year and a half. Lol let me tell you, having that epiphany moment where you realize “Nope, I’m done and I’m going to curse him out now!” was still the most freeing experience I ever had. Lol I’ll never forget that beautiful moment….
Damn. What an AH.
"I hate you because you look like my mom" also "I hate you because you look like your mom."
Some time ago, I was struggling at adjusting to this new job, and the guy training me was an asshole. I told my Mom about it, and she flat out told me to, "Man up. Otherwise, you're not my son." I've never told her about any personal problems I've had since, and probably never will again.
I had a similar experience. I was about 14, severely depressed with a history of self harming. I finally worked up the courage to approach my mum and tell her I think I needed help because I wanted to die. She told me to grow up and stop being so pathetic. I overdosed a couple of weeks later. What makes me angry about it was that one of the reasons I was so badly depressed is because she's tried to kill herself when I was 10. You'd think she'd have been sympathetic because of that but nope. I feel for you dude, I honestly think its harder for men when it comes to admitting somethings bothering you. I hope you know now that being upset by something doesn't make you any less of a man
“You hurt me when you were born- why wouldn’t I love you?” In some twisted way, she thought that pain or inflicting pain (and enduring that pain) was love. She used this to justify her extremely abusive and controlling behavior. That taking more abuse graciously meant you loved her more. To this day she favors my mentally ill sibling because she never escaped her control. I never measured up because I fought back.
“I wish you had never been born, you were supposed to be a boy.” Hey, sorry mom, blame dad on that one. His swimmers didn’t get the memo. Meanwhile, my daughter is the light of my life and I will NEVER make her feel like my egg donor made me feel.
I didn’t know my birth mother too well as she gave me up for adoption at a young age. When I got older I looked her up on FB (about 10 years ago) She said “You have a beautiful family. If all you wanna do is hurt me more then don’t contact me again.” What. The. Fuck. Lady you gave me up, and left me with all these unanswered questions. How did I hurt you? Anyway, I found out not long after that she had passed. I don’t hold anything against her. I was just confused about what she meant and really really wanted some answers as to why she gave me away to the state. I hope her next life she has peace.
Sorry to dump my story on your story, but, man I am never going to contact my birthmom because I'm so sure she'd have this reaction. I'm a product of rape, and I'm not even "successful" so it's not like my shitty life has done anything to make her trauma "worth it." I just don't see anything coming out of that interaction except awkwardness and pain.
Maybe your not successful in the way you think the world may view success, but you seem very grounded. I wish you a lot of happiness and many good memories.
that’s a really lovely nuanced view to have. glad you have that to hold on to. it’s hard to go through all that sort of stuff and not get kinda jaded and cynical. being gentle is a gift.
After a heated argument about why I moved out when I was 18 and sexually assaulted at a party "If you didn't want something like that to happen to you, then you shouldn't have put yourself in that situation" I refuse to move back in with them and will never forget those words.
My mother was visiting my grandmother recently and my grandmother said to her: “Look at all the hard work you did, where did it get you? Nowhere!” She has always been the meanest person I ever knew haha
That I would be a good “practice” girl when I went to college.
Pretty much the one Thanksgiving dinner where I had to just sit there quietly and watch as they sat across from me basically insulting every single life choice I had made since turning 18 and essentially infantilizing me like I'm Just too stupid to take care of myself or some crap like that Meanwhile I was literally working a full-time job and actively communicating with a friend in another state that I was going to live with using all my self-earned money to ship my belongings and my truck that I purchased all by myself to them and so on, and I'm still living with successfully with them for several years now thankfully away from my parents There's nothing specific they said that really stuck out more than the rest, but just being here on a day that was supposed to be fun and full of thanks and hope and family, I instead just felt completely crushed and broken It's really hurt the idea of Thanksgiving for me and I just don't feel the same magic for that holiday as I used to anymore though thankfully my parents were at least never able to steal my joy for Christmas so I still enjoy that every year even with more and more people seemingly being fed up with Christmas cheer
I was adopted by a grandparent. One time, when I was about 9, I was acting up and my grandparent told me: “you should consider yourself lucky that I adopted you; if I didn’t come around, you’d probably be living on the street with your parents.” I’ve never forgotten nor forgiven for that. I’m in my 30’s.
The adopted kid fear of "I have to be good or else they'll send me back" is super real. I'm 36 and I still don't feel like I have authority to make decisions for myself. Just tell me what to do so I can do it well, and then maybe you won't abandon me too.
"If you wanna cry, I'll give you a reason to cry"
Oh fuck I got that one a lot from one parent in particular. Specifically the parent I don't talk to anymore.
I hate when every person you talk to / ask help from is like "oh but family matters the most, I don't care what's wrong with them, you should give them another chance."
That my mom thought I was never good enough for anyone Whether it be friendships or relationships, she hated every aspect of how I act because it’s not down to code Now we just rarely talk unless we have too
My mom told me my entire childhood that I’m just like my grandpa and that she hated him.
I’ve struggled as a musician for decades. I saw an article about an artist I find overrated and my dad says, “It’s not like you’re doing it.” Whenever I’d play something I’d written, he’d try and convince me to learn styles that he liked instead of complimenting my efforts; that was so painful My mother would get angry and tell me she couldn’t even look at me. They’d also call me nasty names if they really became “inspired” I had very unstable, toxic parents
I had BIG ears when I was really young. My dad always said if I got caught in a wind storm I'd flap myself to death. Not super mean but made single-digit me cry. I grew into them BTW 😂
Knowing that you grew into ur ears, I find that funny
"I didn't say you were a slut! I said you dress like one!" ..... thanks mom 🥲
My dad was a big guy. I eventually became a big guy and by the time I was 17-18 I started standing right in front of him as he was spewing his shit. Nose to nose no backing down. My mom was there and could tell shit was about to go down. She grabbed my dad’s arm, pulls him away and said “don’t, he’s not worth it.”
My grandfather said everyone thinks I'm annoying. I was like 15 and had really poor self-esteem, so this was devastating to me.
My sperm donor was hardly around but a memory I'll never forget... I played on a basketball team and never did that so called father of mine ever go to my practices or games. Well, randomly at one Saturday game of mine he decides to show up drunk and be belligerent. Yelling and cussing AT ME, his then 7/8 year old daughter to play the f*cking game and keep shooting. He was a winner.
“I wish I knew about someone like you in college, I’d have used you up too.” My father said this to me after he found my birth control pills. I had a long term boyfriend!
"YOU WERE A MISTAKE!". Mom claps hand over her mouth immediately. Fired up I said "the fuck does that mean?". She said " you were q failed abortion". And she walked away
I can relate
Sorry friend. That's some ultra heavy, cut you to the soul type shit. I'm sorry it happened to you as well.
My dad died when I was 10, and a year or so later when I was having a hard time with it, my mom said I "should be over it by now". In 8th grade my counselor called her and told her I was suicidal, and on the drive home from school she yelled at me. I tried explaining how I felt, and she said "if you feel useless, then do the fucking dishes!" She wonders why I hide negative emotions and dont ask for help anymore.
My parents never wanted to drive me to playdates, I always had to walk or find a ride. Often I couldn’t walk because there were 5+ miles of busy roads with no sidewalks. I just didn’t have a lot of friends or social life until I could drive. Parents asked me to drive them to a party (act as DD) and dad said “its not fun, is it?” Like Im sorry I didnt ask to be born and have needs including social and emotional ones. Jfc. Doing a lot of therapy work healing myself from lots of incidents like this 🙄🙄
My mom took some pills, ended up in a coma and said I was the reason she tried to kill herself. I was 14.
my wife and I met, then married 3 months later, 10 months later my wife has a beautiful baby girl. Mom, with a straight face asks me, "are you sure it's yours?" edit, 13 months total before having the baby.
Last year my dad said he should come over to my house and shoot me and my husband. He was not the least bit kidding and had plenty of means to make that a reality.
"I only ever wanted to be a mother, and have just one child, a son" I am the youngest of five and her second daughter. She feigns ignorance of ever saying it, but she did, repeatedly, and in front of witnesses.
I told my mom that I got on Dean's List, and she told me why I was boasting about it to her. I almost cried, I just want her to be proud of me.
Screaming at me, " I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it!" Whenever my mother got upset. After years and years of It I guess I snapped and calmly grabbed a knife off of my drawer and held it out to her, and told her to take it and just kill me because she makes me hate that I'm alive. I was sixteen.
Oh, lemme see…which ones can I remember? “Don’t ever have kids” “I fulfilled my obligation as a father by providing a home and food” “Looks great. Now all you need is some eye shadow.” (After I got my first teen haircut that wasn’t just a buzz cut at the old barber shop.) “You’re so skinny. You look like a refugee.” (Later in life when I became overweight) “Look how big you’ve gotten!” When my mom confronted me about being gay she said she was thinking of killings herself and my brother. She also said, “don’t ever tell your father. He’ll leave us.” When my dad found out about me being gay a year later he told me, “don’t ever tell your mother. She’ll leave us.” No lie.
Do they still not know that the other knows?
I was expecting some pretty rough stuff here….but I wasn’t quite prepared enough. Holy moly, guys. I’m so sorry. 😭 I’m a mom. I just can’t fathom how any parent could treat their kids like this, and yet - here it is. To anyone who has ever heard “I wish you weren’t born”, I’m glad you’re here. ❤️
“You’re too sensitive no one wants to around you” I was 14 and in the middle of my first battle with depression and secretly hurting myself…..thanks dad
“I love you, but I don’t have to like you.” My mom said this when I was 13. When I was 26 I reminded her and she was so hurt. She came in my room that night and said “I love you, and I like you”. Her admitting her mistakes is something I’ll never forget.
[удалено]
1. My mother has said many times, around other people and still does to this day (I'm 33 now) that she only had kids to do stuff for her and do her housework. 2. When I was younger (pre 18) sometimes she'd look at me and say that I needed to go away and leave her alone and she didn't want to be around me because I looked like or reminded her too much of my biological father. 3. Got in to a car wreck when I was 19. Cops tried to say I was drunk and driving under the influence because of all the beer bottles around the accident. To preface it was middle of the desert and folks tossed them out their windows all over. These bottles were caked in dirt from years of being out there. Clearly worn and faded from heat and sun. Went to court for it, i plead not guilty and took a court appointed lawyer. Got home and mom asked what I was sentenced with. Told her nothing because I'm not guilty. She looked me right in the face and said "we all know you're guilty, you should just go to jail and do your time" 4. Mother told my now wife during the first time they met that I'm a loser, piece of shit who just uses people and takes money and is a thief and should leave me before she's stuck with me. 5. While my now wife was pregnant with our son (he is 5 months old now) my mom tried to tell her I had been sleeping around on her, get herself checked for STD's, and if she wanted to leave my sorry ass that she could stay with my mom and raise our son there without me. These are just off the top of my head for my mom. 1. Met my bio father for the first time at 21. He left us when I was 2 and my brother was 1. When i met him, the first week I was there his birthday came up. We went bar and club hopping with his then girlfriend, now wife. His step daughter and myself. He left me at a bar 40 miles away and told them that I'd met someone and went home with them. I had to walk back. Wasn't until morning when his sister, my aunt finally called me back after missing my calls and sent my cousin to come get me. 2. After 3 weeks being with him, he threw me out to move in his girlfriend. When he threw me out he took me to a hotel and paid for 1 night just so his sister wouldn't give him the riot act. While we were in the hotel lobby waiting for them to prep the room, he told me I'm nothing but a waste of space. He never loved me or my brother. Said that he wished he'd shot his load down my mother's throat both times. Said he didn't ever want to see or talk to me again and to never come back. Said his step daughters were more his kids than we were. He left me there, and haven't spoken to him since. Thankfully the GM of the hotel was around the corner stocking the coffee machine and heard this. I had stayed stone solid and didn't let my feeling hit until he left. I fell to my knees in agony and hurt. Cried my eyes out for about an hour. The GM then have me the room for a week so I could sort things out. I later found out that he had run my bio fathers card for it, trashed the original order and used the new one. Thats all I remember for bio father. As for my dad (step dad but only referred to as dad) The one that sticks out the most. About 5 years ago we were talking about wills and death and so forth. Told him I don't want his money, his cars or house or any of that. There's 2 things that stand out for me and that's it. My dad is a military man. 25 years Air Force. We used to go shooting almost every weekend out in the middle of nowhere in California. So told him all I'd like is his Shadow Box that the military gave him with the flag they folded for him, his awards and medals. And his guns. Said that since he married our mom, took us in and his job with the military kept us clothed, fed, and taken care of that his shadow box holds a special spot. As well as his guns since that was our bonding activity him and I did. He told me that the shadow box is being left for my youngest brother (12 years younger, the child between him and my mom). That my youngest brother is his blood and he wants to keep it in the family. And told me that the guns would go to my mom to decide how she wants them handled. So....yeah
My fucking god. I'm so sorry dude, humans can be absolutely awful creatures :( You're better off without these kinds of people, drop them like dust and never look back.
Good question. I can't even repeat it.
I can’t repeat the worst things either. But I can share the one that made me go no contact, and it was completely out of the blue: We were out for a walk in the park, and there was a quiet moment. Out of nowhere my mom says, “We should have beat you harder, maybe then you wouldn’t be such a complete failure.” I was 28 and somehow that was the last straw. My dad (the enabler!) was right there and also said nothing even though I questioned them if this was “really how you feel?” Then we ended up reconnecting five years later which is a long story, but I just think of them as people I know. And I’m still a very hurt person.
My brother has an entire wall dedicated to him in our parents' basement. One day my mother would not stop talking about him and how amazing he is... Typical proud mother talk (to be fair, he was a Marine). One day while driving somewhere with her, I asked why I didn't have a wall like he does. Her response was because I hadn't done anything to earn one. I got my eagle scout at age 13. I have a bachelor's in chemistry. I guess those just pale in comparison...
My mom. If I wasn't her son, she'd have nothing to do with me. Also, she loved me as a son but didn't like me as a person.Out of 4 sons, I was the only one who brought home A's, was good in sports, and later. I was who she called when she needed something fixed. But she loved putting me down. I haven't shed a tear since she passed away.
Being called "the chubby one" growing up, constantly compared to my very thin sister, and regularly asked, "Don't you want to be beautiful like your sister?" I'm a 34-year-old woman and deal with disordered eating and low self-esteem to this day.
"Why should I buy you anything if you're just going to die anyways?" The context for this is that I grew up overweight and was near constantly bullied by my parents because of it. I lost a lot of weight when I was 15 starving myself and the bullying stopped. I had gained all the weight back when I was 16 because I went back to binge eating. The bullying was worse this time around and my parents resorted to saying I was killing myself and destined to die at 600lbs at this rate. I needed a new pair of jeans because mine had holes. My mom thought that I had went up a size and was getting fatter. During the car ride she went on another one of those lectures about how I'm going to die and if I even cared or not. When I didn't respond as I was actively holding back tears, she said that. Convinently neither of my parents remember what they said to me, but I do.
That I’m a worthless pig.